


Oblivion

by PDX



Series: Oblivion [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 17:04:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 53
Words: 362,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4843406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PDX/pseuds/PDX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Present Time)<br/>All I see is chaos. The world that was filled with riches is burning to the ground. In front of me I see a women with black hair begging someone to stay alive. To my left I see doctors scrambling around, calling out all sorts of words making my head hurt more then it does. And finally, to my right, I see soldiers or some sort of authority trying to push a women who's face I can’t make out, out of the room. In the background, out far in the city, I see fire. Buildings falling but the only thing I hear is the desperate voice of the women fighting against the soldiers. </p><p>“Please, I have to be here! She needs me”<br/>“You can’t be in here”<br/>“Tobin!” </p><p>It’s the last thing I hear as the darkness consumes my pain.<br/>___________________________________________________________</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunion

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've had this story stuck in my head for a while. I finally decided to write about it and here I am. The plot is a little slow but worth it in my opinion. It is based off some one of my favorite movies and a game I recently discovered. Anyhow, I have a few chapters written out but have to read over them. I'll try to get the next chapter up by Wednesday but no promises.

Reunion

 

“Good evening miss, how was your day?” I hear Frost ask as I close the door of my quarter.

“Same as always Frost, yours?”

“Spent the day producing new programs for my system Miss” I set down my backpack by the door and walk down the small entry hall towards the center of the quarter. To the left is the living room, on the far right is the kitchen, my next destination.

“Tobin”

“Right, Tobin”

“You know I don’t like it when you call me miss”

“My apologies Tobin”

“No worries Frost” I reply as I close the refrigerator door with a fancy water bottle in my hand. I take the cap off and lean on the kitchen island as I take a gulp of the so called water. I can feel as it goes threw me and feel a bit more relaxed.

“I wonder what natural water tastes like, ever wonder that Frost? What water tastes like?”

“If I may be honest, I have not thought about it” I nod my head because in reality, Frost would never get the chance to taste water. Frost is my personal AI, artificial intelligence. To many people, he is just that but to me, he’s my friend. A companion, my right hand and very often my hero. He controls my quarter, or as the old world called it, apartment. Frost says it is more like a pent house but I prefer the word apartment as it doesn’t sound so fancy. He controls all my devices, systems, sources or just about everything actually.

“What do you think it would taste like?”

“I would like to imagine it tastes like nature. So pure, filled with freedom and coolness. But it would probably taste like nothing to the those that roam the world today”

“Nature, hmm” _Nature.._

“We can only imagine” I think out loud. Sighing, I walk towards the living room and jump on the couch, lifting my legs as I fall. I rest them on the coffee table and begin to toss the water bottle in the air as I look out the window wall. It stretches all around my apartment. It has a view from above the small town I live in but the view also reaches out to the main city a few miles away. It’s only five o’clock but the sun is falling making the city look slightly more appealing then normal. The lights dim and a small smile lays upon my face. Sinking into the couch, I begin to close my eyes for the first time in 18 hours.

“Tobin”

“Yeah?” I say with my eyes closed

“Your friend will be here soon, would you like me to...”

“No no no, I’m going to hit the shower. If she arrives before I finish, welcome her in.”

“Yes Tobin”

I make my way towards the stairs but pause before going on “And Frost, don’t embarrass us this time” I say with a small giggle before rushing up the stairs to my room and closing the door. As I make my way to my bathroom, the song “Drive” by Oh Wonder starts to play throughout the house. I mentally thank Frost and walk towards the bathroom. Sliding out of my sweats, I toss my shirt towards the laundry basket but blankly miss. I was never good at virtual basketball I say to myself. I begin to walk towards the shower making sure to close my eyes as I walk by the sink and mirror. My bathroom is extremely big in length. Coming in through the door, there are shelfs to the right and left, each stocked lightly with fresh towels, robes, shampoos, soaps, baskets and what not. The next section is the sink and mirror, or as Frost calls it, the prep room. In between the prep room and shower there is a small intersection. There used to be doors separating both the shower and prep room from the intersection but I enjoy some open space. On the right is a door to the private toilet and to the left there are a few steps that lead to my closet. I thought about closing up the wall to the closet because the closet has its own door leading to my room but Frost thought it was a good route in case of an emergency. At the end of the bathroom is the last section, or room. Whatever it is you want to call it, there are no doors therefore in my opinion they are considered sections. As I walk past the entry separating the prep room and shower, the lights turn on. The dark theme of the bathroom comes to light, a blue smart line running through the middle of the walls turns bright blue.

“Dim the lights” I say out loud. Instantly, the room is dimmed. My whole quarter is dark. And not dark as in black everything, but calm tones of black, grey, blue and occasionally white. The bathroom is probably the darkest of all colors in my scheme. The shower walls are made of large black and dark blue stones. The floor throughout the entire bath room is made of a clam grey tiles.

As I step into the shower, the water begins to erases the evidence of today events. I begin to maneuver around the shower with my eyes closed as I have done thousands out times. Proceeding to rinse my hair, I look up to the shower ceiling and let the water distracting me from my aching soul. Flashes of todays events have been drowning my thoughts, and now is the time to let it take over. _It is time to let it go._

I finish rinsing off and turn off the shower. Pushing the glass door open, I reach for a towel on the hanger near by and embrace my body. I close my eyes and let the water trickle down my body. The song Dazzle by Oh Wonder begins and I let every word sink in. Ironic how the lyrics define todays reality. Can I even consider this reality? I laugh at my own thoughts and focus on the humming of the smart line. After my breathing has evened out, I walk to my closet. The lights come on but I order them dimmed and once again a small smile falls upon my face. As I browse through my of clothes, I pick out a denim button up with short sleeves, white ripped jeans, and some fancy brown shoes. I finish changing and prepare myself to look in the mirror. Slowly, I walk to the prep room with my eyes closed and let out a shaky breath as I touch the counter.

_1…2….3…open_

What I see doesn’t scare me and I finally relax. I check my arms, ankles and face to make sure there is nothing on my visible skin that will get attention. Not too bad, guess I’ll have to check the rest later. I grab the blow drier and lightly dry my hair. As I pull my hair over my shoulder, I run my hand over the small black diamond on the back of my neck to make sure it’s still there. Content with what I feel, I walk out of the bathroom and into the hall. As I reach the top of the stair case I hear a familiar voice and a genuine smile falls upon my face for the first time in weeks. I rush down the stairs and am met with the sight of my best friend laughing at something Frost said.

“FROST! Call the police, there is a stranger in the house” I say as I approach the living room

“Finally! I don’t have to listen to any more oldies anymore” she says

“Oldies?! Oh Wonder is not old, they are classic. Better then the stuff that people from the city hear. Plus, Frost stopped playing it in the living room once you arrived I assume.”

“I did” Frost states

“He did, but I guess it is better than what they listen to in the city”

“You low-key miss my chill music”

“Yeah yeah, whatever, what are we going to eat! I’m only here for the food… and frost”

“Thank you” Frost inputs

“Welcome Frosty”

“Hey, you don’t get to call him that. Only I can, and actually, we are going grocery shopping since the fridge is empty”

“Firstly, I can call him Frosty if I want, right Frosty”

“Oh course”

“Secondly, when are you going to start ordering your groceries? Come on Frost! You should be modernizing her!”

“I tried, but Tobin insists on going out herself. You know how she is”

“True, but I mean, no one goes grocery shopping anymore”

“Look, you know I don’t like the whole fancy smanshy stuff. Plus, I’m never home. The food would just rot. And, it’s more exercise going to get it myself” I say

“Ugh, whatever lets get going. Not in that death vehicle of yours though, we better be taking the car”

“Whats wrong with my custom Ducati gt?! My motorcycle is way better then your fiancé’s fancy hover Audi”

“It’s not safe!”

“But it’s classic”

“Like 200 years old!”

“117 years, not 200, plus, it runs great, its custom made so way better then the ways they made them in the 21st century and its rad so hush”

“Whatever, we’re taking the Defender”

“You heard the princess Frost” I mock as I move towards the door.

“On it Tobin, it will be ready at the garage.”

“Thank you Frost, we will be back soon. I’ll be taking my watch and phone but won’t be connecting you to the defender if thats okay”

“That’s okay with me Tobin, go have fun, I’ll run analysis on todays day and have a report ready for tomorrow”

“Thank you, I’ll alert you via phone or watch if anything happens. Monitor the vehicle and a range of 500 feet, send anything that is spectacle to my phone, if emergent, to my...”

“...Watch. Got it Tobin, same as always” I pick up my backpack, and pull out my two watches. My work watch and my custom made watch.

“Which one”

“The one with the three buttons and...”

“...And the cool circular surface” I interrupt while looking up to meet soft green eyes.

“Yeah, that one”

“You could have said black one”

“They’re both black”

“You miss it don’t you?” She lets out a breath and I know I hit the nail on the head.

“I do, I miss it all actually. Look, the tan line of those huge black watches we wore. It’s nearly gone!” She squeals as she points at her left wrist.

“Haha isn’t that a shame…” We stay quiet for what feels like hours but is actually only seconds before I let out what I’ve been holding in.

“I missed you Allie” I say as I embrace her

“I missed you too Tobin” She responds sincerely. We hold each other for a little before letting go. She giggles ever so lightly and I look at her with a confused expression.

“It’s funny, I thought that everything would be like I imagined but I feel like, like…”

“...An outcast?”

“Kinda. I mean, its great but it’s not paradise”

“What, paradise turns out to be no paradise” I tease as she looks at me glowering

“Well, it is paradise but it doesn’t quite feel like it without you and the crew”

“I’m sorry” I interject

“It’s okay, lets enjoy ourselves before Jose picks me up later”

“Lets” I say as I grab her hand and phone and walk out the door.


	2. Buying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What are you buying?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like promised, here is the next chapter. I'll see if I can post by Friday but I'll probably won't be able to till Saturday.

Buying

As we reach the lobby, we are greeted by the lobbyist.

“Allie, it’s so good to see you!” Kendall exclaims. Kendall has been the lobbyist since I can last remember. The city tried replacing her with a hologram but everyone that owned a quarter in the building voted no, including me. So Kendall got to stay, that was four years ago.

“Awh, it’s good to see you too” Al replies as she embraces the girl. “I was going to say hi but you were on a break when I walked in”

“Haha well I’m glad I caught you, it’s been too long”

“Three weeks?”

“On to four almost”

“Gosh, I didn’t realize how hard it was to move from this place to the city”

“Paradise isn’t paradise?”

“Ha! That’s what I said!” I joke as I raise my hand for a high five.

“Not both of you! Believe it or not, there goes a lot into settling into a house in the city”

“Like what, choosing between granite floors or rare wood floors” I crack and Allie elbows me. Kendall just giggles at our bickering.

“OUCH”

“Not just that, everything is so high tech, like my goodness. I didn’t know what type of damn toilet to get. Can’t they all just use the classic do it yourself toilet” Allie huffs. I smile because the city hasn’t changed her. Even though it’s changed her look, it hasn’t changed the real her.

“Well, I’m sure that was hard. Come around more, Tobin sure misses living with you”

“I honestly only miss her cooking, Frost might miss her more then I” I crack out and receive another elbow.

“I will come around but I hope to see you at the wedding”

“You will!” Kendall says as she hugs Allie once more as we head to the complex garage under the building. We walk to my personal garage, as I click a button on my watch, it opens and there set is the black Land Rover Defender Allie loves so much. Allie walks into the passenger seat and I get into the drivers. She links her phone to the car and begins to play some Nicki Minaj.

“And you say my songs are old…” She just giggles and we are off. I turn into the road and proceed to Costco.

“Where are we going?”

“Costco”

“Ugh, we have to walk”

“Yep” I answer with a smile. Stores nowadays are more like a drive through. You get out your car, walk to the entrance, hop into an ATV like vehicle and drive around the store scanning barcodes of everything you want or need, drive to check out, hand over the device, pay, they hook a trailer to your ATV with everything you scanned and then you drive to your car. Or you can simply order everything from home and get it within an hour. Costco is one of the few stores that has actually stuck with the old fashion do it yourself modo. _Thank the heavens._

We arrive shortly after bickering about Allies new home in the capitol. A majority of the bickering involved me snickering and making remarks on how she’s going to miss life in little Kai. The capital, also known as Axiom, is not like where I live. It is considered paradise, by those who live there that is. Riches, modernization, luxuries, the whole shebang can be found there. Thankfully, I rarely have to visit Axiom. I do have to drive near Axioms perimeters daily, but like I said before, don’t have to go through Axiom.

“Bienvenue ma copine” I say as I open Allies door

“Hahaha you’ve been hanging around Laure too much”

“Eh, I get off as she comes in. And you know me, always sticking around”

“You’re hopeless. You can’t keep pushing your body so hard” Allie says. I remain quiet and begin to worry.

“I’ll never stop” I say with some sarcasm. Allie smiles and shakes her head.

“Come on, I don’t want my time back to go to waste” She leads us to the door, to my surprise, she shows her card to the entrance attendant before I can even pull it out of my wallet.

“And you were complaining about having to walk” I say as I brush past her to get a cart.

“I didn’t say I hate it, I hate the walking. Theres only one Costco in Axiom and lemme tell you, not as friendly as this one” She says while placing some bread into the cart.

“Like I said, paradise, isn’t so…”

“…Perfect, yeah yeah. Wait till you walk around. It is like they can smell anyone who was not born there. Fucking bitch at the coffee shop asked if I wanted my dang coffee to go. Who does she think she is. No ma’am, I actually want it delivered to my room upstairs. Damn.” Allie fumes as she continues putting random items in the cart.

“Slow down sharp shooter, I’m paying” I say as I halt the cart making Allie completely miss the basket.

“Sorry, I’m still getting used to it. I haven’t met all of Jose’s friends so I’ve been at home, just exploring and working on the final finishes. You have to come Tobin. I can’t always be the one making the drives out here” She says while leaning on a showcase of tv’s.

“Yes you can” I say as I begin to look through the cart, I point to a voucher for the new iPod and look at Allie.

“Like I said, too much time. I need my bestie” She shrugs and takes the ipod voucher from my hands. I huff knowing she's right. The drive is not what I mind, it’s only 20 minutes away, the people just don’t suit me.

“Okay okay, I’ll make trips out there. But can you please slow it down, we’re only a forth through the store and you’ve nearly filled the entire cart”

“Haha that’s okay, you’re buying” she says with a smirk and continues down the aisles of clothes. _If there is an outside force I don’t know of, please, please keep her from over doing it._

“Look at this Tobs” Allie yells across from me

“I’m standing right here Al, no need to yell” I say while rolling my eyes. _So loud…_

“What do you want me to…” My train of thoughts come to a halt as I look to walk Allies pointing at. There on the shelf are what I believe are called game consoles. Theres a small variety of them, one that is small and white, one that is green and black with three different generations and a slick black one with three different generations.

“Playstation 2, Slimline Limited Edition” Allie reads out a bit confused pointing at a small black rectangular console.

“Playstation? Why does it have the same logo as the lead gaming system Zero?”

“I don’t know, but look at this, they all have actual remotes” “All of them do” I point out a bit amused

“Do you think?” Allie looks at me with a bit of hope in her eyes

“I don’t know” I breath out a bit siked

“Hey you, can I ask you a question” Allie asks a store attendant near by

“Yeah, what can I do for you guys”

“We were wondering if these were authentic, like, actual game consoles from…” I ask

“…From the 20th century? They sure are, Zero, back then was known as Playstation. After the transition, a few of the workers from these three companies survived and decided to come together to build zero. Obviously, they could not stick to these types of consoles since the demand for newer technology was high. That’s when they built Zero now. The-”

“-live video game system” Allie joins in

“Exactly, each of the three companies has a representative who are a third CEO of Zero. From my understanding, Xbox’s representative sadly pasted away a week ago. So Zero, in his honor, launched some of the old consoles. Each console was redrawn, remade and refurbished exactly to the description of the actual workers. And only work with the actual games from back then.”

“Do you know where we could buy more games?” I ask

“Yeah, well for starters, each console comes with two games. The wii, by Nintendo comes with Mario and Mario Carts. From the research I’ve done, this console wasn’t too great but hit off well with kids younger than 10. Their Nintendo 64 was the biggest hit but Zero wasn’t sure people would dig it since its”

“Retro” Allie finishes eyeing me with a smile.

“Yep. The Xbox, biggest Rival of playstation back in the day. They came out with Xbox, their first console. This one comes with Grand theft Auto vice city and Halo. Xbox 360, second console, pretty cool if you ask me. And the Xbox One, the latest of them all before yeah. Both the Xbox 360 and one come with a Kinect, kinda like Zero live but not. Same idea but totally different outcomes. These come with Kinect sports and Grand Theft Auto Five.” The store attendant finishes. He comes to where Allie had been standing and picks up the play station two.

“Lastly, the Playstation, as you can tell Zero has this logo. I guess when the three combined, Xbox chose the name, Playstation the Logo and Nintendo the look of Zero. So the Playstation two is pretty rad, the graphics may not be as cool but they games are pretty darn great. It comes with Kingdom of Hearts. Ya’ll like disney?”

“The animation movies?” Allie asks a bit confused

“Those, Disney back then had different characters, and somehow they made a pretty badass game with them. It also comes with Grand Theft Auto San Andreas”

“So many GTA’s, what’s with them” I ask

“Heard of Liberty, the game? They’re based off of them.” I nod my head at the guy to assure him I am following.

“Anyhow, Playstation 3, the third console of playstation”

“Wait what happened to the original Playstation? Too Retro?” I look at Allie with a smirk

“What, games are pretty fun” She says with a shrug. I giggle and tell the guy to continue.

“Same as Nintendo, thought it was too odd. But Playstation 2 doesn’t disappoint. Playstation 3, comes with the move. Kinda like the Xbox Kinect. The games are Just Dance and GTA five, and a bonus of Call of Duty, Black Ops” He sets the Playstation 2 back in its place and walks to the playstation 4.

“This console, very high definition for their time. Pretty great graphics, accessories, the system almost perfect. Great buy. Comes with GTA 5, Assassins Creed and a bonus of Destiny. To answer you question, all these games can be played online with other players or alone. Only on Zero’s Exclusive network for the consoles. There are only two different games you can purchase for each console on the network or at Zero. I believe playstation and Xbox share the same two games” I nodd my head a little too excitedly. I open to mouth but Allie beats me to the question.

“So which one do you recommend” she rushes. The guy laughs and scratches his head.

“Huh, I bought the playstation four and it hasn’t disappointed. My neighbor bought the xbox and says it’s better but I don’t like it. It’s honestly about preference. Do you ladies like close and fitted grip or open and slim?” I look at Allie because I don’t know what to choose. I see her looking at her hands and immediately know what she’s comparing it to.

“Slim and open” I say while looking at her with a small smile

“Playstation, any of there consoles will fit you. Anything else I can help with?” He asks

“No, thank you, like really. What’s your name?” Allie speaks up a bit shaky

“Matt Calder” He says and offers his hand. I shake it firmly and smile.

“Tobin and this is Allie. Thanks for helping dude. Definitely will be giving you a good rating”

“Thanks, I’ll see you around” He says and walks away to help an older women with her cart.

“So which one should we take” I ask Allie

“All three” She says plainly.

“Whoa there, that’s a lot, choice one and I’ll choose another”

“Okay, I want the playstation 2 and 4” we look at each other and start laughing.

“This is why we are best friends, two great minds think alike” I place both consoles in the cart and make a mental note to only buy what I need for the rest of the trip.

“No more unnecessary things okay?” I say as serious as possible

“yeah yeah”

“Allie I’m serious”

“You’re literally rolling in money Tobin”

“Not like I want it”

“Can I have it?”

“No, now come on child. Let’s buy your diapers” I say with a giggle. Allie stares at me before elbowing in the ribs.

“Little ship” I say as I trip her and rush to the food section.

 

Allie and I approach the check out line. Our cart is full with random items. Clothes, electronics, food, utilities and who knows what else Allie put in the cart. I just shake my head knowing the bill is going to reach the five hundreds. _Not that I care of course_. We reach the cashier and the attendants begin scanning everything. I wait by the scanner, watching the numbers go up. Allie stands beside me pretending not to watch.

“$667 please” I scan my phone and the cashier thanks me and hands me my receipt.

“Thank you” We begin to walk towards the door when Allie bumps into someone coming in the wrong way.

“Im sorry” Allie genuinely says.

“Fuck off Fresa” The man says with venom in his words. I turn around a little bewildered that someone, from here, would say that, even to Allie.

“What’d you say?” Allie asks just as shocked

“You heard me Fresa, get lost. You ain’t from here” He says getting angrier by the second.

“I’m not Fresa dude, I said I was sorry. No need to get all hyped”

“Theres no need for you ether but here you are fresita” As the word leaves his mouth I step in.

“Look dude, she’s no Fresa. Been here just as long as you, she apologized, no need for you little insults.” I say with a bite.

“Everything okay here guys?” Matt, the guy that helped us with the consoles says

“Yeah, everythings fine” Allie says

“Shit ain’t fine, I’m tired of these jerks buying gold” The man says as he bumps Matt’s shoulder and walks away.

“I’m sorry about him, really, that’s Hector. My neighbor” He says with embarrassment

“No, I feel sorry. Kid needs to watch his temper, running his mouth is going to get him in trouble”

“Allie!” I exclaim “Not necessary! Damn! I’m sorry Matt. It’s all good, but really, he should watch it. For his sake and everyones, not everyone is trying to buy-”

“I know what you do, I respect you guys, I do. Hector’s brother did it too. He wanted to get to the top because he thought it would get him money, that’s what he was referring to as the gold. I’ve seen you around, I know about the donations. You’ve helped the community a lot. But Hector’s brother, he-” Matt pauses and looks down at his feet. He doesn’t have to speak to let me know what happened.

“I’m sorry Matt. Tell Hector we’re sorry, but that’s not the way to get money. Most of us do it to buy a life. Not to buy luxuries. There is no luxury in what we do.” I put my hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze.

“Hey, it’s cool. Just watch him, please. Most of us aren’t doing it for money or status but some are” Allie says with more calmness. Matt nodes and smiles.

“Thanks, I’ll watch over him.” I nod at him and we turn to leave. A small crowd gathered so Matt starts telling people to get moving. I grab Allie’s hand knowing we are the center of attention and rush us to the car. I hear whispering, all differing from offenses to blessings to questions. We reach the car and I tell Allie to get in the car. I begin putting everything in the back and see Allie leaning her head against the window. Fuck. My demeanor begins to fall. _This wasn’t the way we were supposed to spend the evening_. All I wanted to do was forget, relax a little, but I guess we ending up bringing more attention and stress onto ourselves by doing so. _Buying gold, ha, more like buying bronze._ I shake my head and finish loading the things. I shut the rear door and push the cart to it’s respected location. As I push the cart into it’s little cage, I feel eyes staring at me. I turn around in a whip only to see a little girl staring at me. Letting out the breath I was holding, I look at my watch, waiting for it to vibrate and tell me there is a threat nearby but nothing happens. I look up from my watch to see whom I presume is the mother of the young girl whispering in her hear. Not wanting a misunderstanding, I begin to walk past the small family when I feel a little someone on my leg. I look down and see the small little girl looking straight at me with an innocent smile.

“Hey there buddy, what’s your name?” I say as I kneel down to be eye level with the tiny human.

“I’m Alice, and that’s my mom”

“Hey there mom, I’m Tobin” I say with a giggle and wave

“I am mom, but please, call me Amanda” She smiles

“I just want to say thank you, for what you do.” Her words filled with nothing but innocence and sincerity hit me hard but her next few words take away all life left in me. “I want to be just like you when I grow up”. I choke back a scream and look to my feet.  _No, no you don’t. You should not be like me._ Not wanting to ruin the girls dreams and let her see the reality of my job, I hug her. She tightens the hug and snuggles her small head into the crook of my neck. I close my eyes and just let it happen. _Please, if there is anyone listening to my thoughts, if there is some type of god, please protect this little girl. Lead her away from this brutality. Lead her towards a future of peace and most of all,_ **_love._  **

I loosen my grip on Alice till she lets me go.

“Thank you Alice” I ruffle her hair a bit and she laughs

“Okay Ali, we gotta go before the movie starts”

“You heard your mom, go ahead” Alice runs to the side door and hops in to the car. Amanda begins to shut her trunk and I finally see that she has an actual car. Honda Pilot. That’s one I’ve never seen, nice model.

“Here, let me help with that” I grab the cart from Amanda and I finally get a good look at her. Blue eyes, dirty blonde, fit, somewhere around 24. We stare at each other for a second before I break eye contact and put the cart where it belongs. I walk back to Amanda’s car and see her leaning against it waiting. She spots me and stands straight.

“Thank you Tobin”

“No problem”

“No, I mean really, thank you. I know you guys get a lot of shit, but people only see what they want to see. They don’t see you for you really are” I sigh and nod because it’s true, people only see me as a monster who does nothing but get away with life. I mock death everyday while others die from simple things like starvation. I am no human to them.

“I have to go but just know, you aways have our support” A small smile forms on my face and I shake her hand. I begin to walk to my car and look at the time. Immediately, an idea pops into my head. I turn the circle and a small projector pops up. I click on a few names and wait for my watch to vibrate. _Delivered_.

I exhale and get into the car. Allie has some calm music playing that I’ve ever heard. I look at the small screen and read the title _Looking Too Closely, by Fink._ I nod yes unconsciously because, yes, Allie is looking at this too closely. I repeat the lyrics in my head as they leave the speaker, as if to convince myself that I too, am looking too close. 

_Put your arms around somebody else_

_And don’t punish yourself, punish yourself_

_The truth is like blood underneath your fingernails_

_You don’t wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself_

_By looking too closely_

_By looking too closely_

_No no no_ _no_

“This is probably the only thing I don’t miss” She speaks with some remorse. I have to look at her to really grasps what she means. Her eyes are closed so I assume she’s thinking about the incident. She doesn’t blame them though. Who could.We cheat reality, we destroy the laws of physics, we go and destroy all the ideals of a god. _We are lives foam of reminding everyone that you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain._ I say to myself and slightly laugh at my own thought.

“Don’t you dare quote that superhero of yours” Allie says while giving me a serious stare.

“But it perfectly fits”

“No. Stop. This isn’t a movie Tobin, its reality”

“It might as well be a movie” I say with frustration.

“Tobin”

“Can we just go home Allie? I don’t want the food to go bad” I look at her for approval and she just rolls her eyes and turns up the music. As I put the car in reverse, I barely hear her say

“Can’t even buy time”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What'd you think? Next chapter you get to meet the crew.


	3. Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One day at a time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, I want to apologize if the story is confusing. It's actually harder then I thought to write about the future. So please bare with me. Haha, with that being said, heres a bit more insight which I hopes starts adding up. You'll get to know about Tobin's job in about a chapter. 
> 
> *based off many movies and a game I recently discovered, didn't want to confuse you all with the name.

Baby Steps

“Frost, will you preheat the oven!” I shout as I carry in a box of food through the front door.

“On it. How was the trip?” Frost replies as I set the box on the kitchen island. I run my hand through my hair thinking of how to subtly say that it went terrible.

“Fantastic”

“Your vitals are fine, so it couldn’t have been that bad now could it?”

“My vitals? Since when have you been checking them?”

“You asked me to monitor anything from 500 feet away from you. That includes you” I open my mouth to say something but realize he’s right.

“Right. Forgot” I say as I fake a smile.

“Frost, could you help with the boxes!” Allie yells out with a huff. I turn and see her struggling to carry a box of clothes.

“Two weeks and you can’t even carry a box. Wimp” I tease as I take the box from her hands. She attempts to elbow me but I react quick enough to avoid the hit. She ends up hitting the edge of the island counter and cries out in pain.

“And your losing your reflexes” I smirk.

“I wish I could help, but theres only so much I can do without a body Al”

“Can you at least teach this girl some manners?”  

“Oh hush, you’ve been jabbing me all day”

“And I’m the wimp? You can’t even take an elbow”

“Whatever grandma, get your butt up of you’re making dinner”

* * *

“So you bought two twenty-first century consoles?” Frost asks a bit amused and fascinated. I laugh because he’s clearly excited. Although Frost was developed with no specific characteristics, likes or dislikes, views or opinions, he has developed an admiration for the generation before us. A true wonder he is.

“Yeah, this dork didn’t give me a choice” I say, eyeing Allie as I open the oven to check on the Pizzas.

“Well, we couldn’t just buy one. Theres two of us” She says while sipping on some wine.

“What does that have to do with anything? Oh and the pizzas are almost ready” I say as I set down the oven mitten. I pop up a small holographic peripheral on the table and turn the oven timer to 3 minutes. I lower the heat slightly to make sure it doesn’t burn. I slide out of the menu and pop up the camera screen and look at the garage on the hologram.

“You know I don’t like to share” I hear Allie in the background. I continue to look at all the cameras to make sure everything is fine. Without seeing anything suspicious, I close the hologram and grab a class from a cabinet. Pushing a button, it closes and I walk to the sink.

“Frost, could you brighten up the lights a little, I can barely see my wine glass”

“No” I quickly say before Frost has the chance to ask if it’s okay. “I don’t want to use too much light” I lie. I feel Allies eyes on my back as I hold my cup under the sink, and watch it fill up with the so called water. As the water over flows, I put the cup to my flips and take a gulp, feeling small stream of water moving down the side of my chin.

“Frost, a moment” Allie says gently, everything other than the lights and oven go dead and I know we’re alone. I barely hear Al’s foot steps but my senses are so over developed that I manage to follow her every move without looking.

“Tobin, look at me” She’s near the fridge, waiting for my next move, anticipating the moment I walk out of the kitchen. Knowing I won’t get away, I slowly turn to face her. Initially, I would have gone to the conclusion that she was ready to force it out of me, but instead, I see her leaning against the fridge just watching. I know what she’s looking for but to my surprise, she’s already found it.

“I may have moved out two weeks ago, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know you. The dimmed lights is new, but you’re not. You are the same Tobin.” _The same, ha, not even the slightest bit._ Allie shifts slightly and without force, I take a step back. Her eyebrows shoot up, but she relaxes and goes around the island to take a seat. “You’d sneak out of your room at night, when you thought I was asleep, you’d go to the balcony and stare at the sky. You’d watch over the street, then you’d lean against the railing, murmuring all the things you thought you were guilty of. Then, you’d stare at Axiom. You’d shake your head and take a seat in one of the chairs. Lastly, you’d stay up all night feeling the breeze of the wind, replaying every damn angle, view, headset and video possible. Taking note of every little mistake, noticing every thing you could have changed, making yourself more responsible that you actually are. I’d wake up and find you slim body passed out on the balcony” Allie shakes her head as she pauses, swirling the wine glass as she thinks. Her words filled with hatred, not towards me but towards my way of cooping “I’d go into my room, and wait by the door till you awoke and went to your room. You know, I was always there. Waiting for you. Waiting for you to come to me and let it out but you never did. And now, now you dim the lights and who knows what else Tobin.” I’m still in shock by her confession. _She knew._ She gets up and pulls out her phone, quickly moving through her options, she finds whatever she’s look for slides it over to me. The hologram before me shows a picture of me, months ago, on the balcony, passed out gripping my sweater.

“Tobin, a new body isn’t bad” she says simply, as if it were nothing.

“Speak for yourself Al” I spit. It rolls off my tongue harsher then I intend but it doesn’t matter. The door bell rings and everything comes to life. _Saved by the bell._

 

“Guests have arrived, would you like me to get the door Tobin”

“I got it Frost” Allie says and goes to the door.

“Always fucking up” I murmur as I watch Allie walk away. The oven timer rings, fueling my frustration. I feel my body going tense, I look at my hands and see they are slightly shaking. Out of rage, I clench my fists slam them against the counter. Slightly relieved. I put the oven mitten on and take out both pizzas, placing them on the stove to cool. A nudge my knee against a lower drawer which makes it pop open. I toss the mitten into it.

“Close the drawer, slightly light up the stove” I say out loud. The drawer starts to close and the stove light shines a bit brighter. The song “Bad Girls” start playing and know that the crew has arrived. _It’s gonna be a long night._  I rinse my hands and soon hear my name being called.

“OH SCOUTTTTTT , WHERE ARE YOU” Pinoe yells out from the entrance hall. I roll my eyes. _Not at home..._

“In here” I say, I hear a variety of foot steps and smile knowing everyone came.

“Damn, she already got you doing the dishes.” Syd says while Pinoe makes a swoosh noise.

“Don’t make me move you to the HQ” I threaten while drying my hands.

“Ha, you can’t afford to move me. I’m the star of the squad” Pinoe says with a great amount of confidence.

“Oh yeah?” I say while raising my eyebrow at her. She only smirks “You lead tomorrow” I say.

“What! No! Not Pinoe” Syd yells in disbelief

“Ha, Sucks to suck right Syd” The two begin to argue and I just laugh. Amy makes her way to me and I embrace her.

“Thanks for coming”

“Thanks for the invite. I didn’t want to make dinner”

“Of course”

“Heyyyyy” Lauren says as she hugs me.

“Well hello there stranger” I tease. She pinches my side and I gasp in pain. _What is it with women and hitting me._

“Ha ha, how you feeling” she asks quietly.

“Could be better” I respond while looking over to Allie.

“Did you guys fight?” Amy asks, why giving me a sympathetic look. My shoulders slump and I nod yes.

“She’s your best friend, well besides me and Amy but she knows you just as well. She was only trying to help I assume” She gives me a questioning look and I give her another nod.

“Well champ, do something about it” Remorseful, I let out a sigh.

“I will”

“So whats for dinner?” Becky speaks up as she snoops around the kitchen.

“Pizza” I say with a big smile. Everyone gathers around the island as I place the pizza’s on the island.

“Where are the plates?” Kristie asks

“They’re in the cabinet up over” I try nodding my head but I’m concentrating on not ruining the pizza’s beauty with my terrible cutting skills.

“I got it” Allie steps in and I’m grateful.

“Oh and get wineglasses” Syd says. _Wine?_   

“On it” Allie says

“Wait who brought wine?” I eye Pinoe but she just shrugs and points to Carli “No freaking way” I breath as I stare at her, perplexed that Carli was the one to bring it.

“Don’t give me that look, after today, everyone needed to let loose a bit”

“You heard her Kristie, gotta let loose” Pinoe says while wiggling her eyebrows and winking at Syd, which earns her a very unyielding punch. Kristie blushes at Pinoes remark and excuses herself to the bathroom.

“Oh leave the girl alone, we all know Becky is the one” Ashyln begins but is cut off by Becky’s cleaver remark.

“Speak for yourself Ash. You’re the only one not getting any” Everyone burst into laughter as Ashlyn shoves Becky.

“Nuh huh, Tobin isn’t either!” Ash tries to get out but Allie steps in before I blush.

“She getting fucked over by work. Always busting her ass to save out asses so leave her alone. Just women up Ash, you ain’t got no game” The rooms fills up with Ohhhh and pinoe yells out burn. I mouth a thank you to Allie and she gives me a genuine smile.

“Alright alright settle down children, I’m hungry” Lauren says to avoid an argument. Everyone grabs a plate and glass of wine and moves to the living room. The great thing about the living room is that it has a L shaped couch that faces out towards the city. This avoids having to look towards the kitchen or dinning table while relaxing. I seat next to Amy and grab the projector remote.

“Frost, the projector” Syd says.

“On it” He replies. The girls aren’t typically over but they know Frost. He occasionally helps the girls off the field doing all sorts of stuff. For example, once Syd was really drunk and I was half past cloud nine, Frost being my AI, got her home. I’m the only person known, or at least from my friends that has an AI. So they’ve all bonded with Frost, except Kristie whom isn’t exactly apart of the squad but once in a while joins us.

The projector comes down from its hidden compartment and shines on the corner glass wall. I push a button on the remote which makes the glass turn black.

“Oh my gosh Tobin, lets try out the consoles!” Allie yelps from across the living room.

“You too?!” Syd says defeated. Everyone looks a her a bit confused.

“Us what?” I ask

“Kristie bought some Xbox console about two days ago and has no stopped talking about it” I eye Kristie who just shrugs.

“We bought playstations”

“Can someone explain these consoles to me?” Carli buds in

“They are gaming systems from the 21 century. Authentic to the core, games included” Allie says while getting up to go to get the consoles.

“Some dude from Zero passed away so the company made some consoles from the past. From what I’ve heard, Zero is made from three major gaming company from the past who came together to form Zero when the transition happened. Xbox, Playstation and” Kristie explains but pauses trying to remember the other company.

“Nintendo” Frost speaks up.

“Thanks Frost”

“No Problem”

“So like, these things are remote controlled? No high tech, no advanced definition?” Ash asks with a mouth full of pizza

“Yep, except the PS4 which is high definition and wirelessly controlled. We bought PS2 too, but it has cabled remotes I think and retro definition”

“That’s sick dude!” Pinoe pipes in. Amy and Lauren agree while Becky just smirks.

“Why that face Beck?” Ash asks. Becky just laughs and stands.

“Look at us, Nerds at heart”

“You’re talking, not me. Not a Nerd” Syd wiggles her finger while proceeding to flip her hair.

“Not everyone enjoys the new. Some of us actually like to enjoy the past” Ash says with a giggle

“You are all so weird. Where’s Allie? She understands me. The city is great, you guys just haven't given it a chance.”

“What about me?” Allie asks while walking towards the center of the living room. She sets down the consoles and Kristie begins unboxing them.

“Tell them how the city isn’t bad. It’s actually great. Everything is high tech, very luxurious”

“And very expensive and snobby” Allie says with some annoyance

“Well yeah, everyone there is filthy rich but hey, in style”

“Being up to date on everything isn’t always great. Those people don’t know how to value anything, including their life. I would love to see one of them out on the field. That’ll do the trick. Instead we’re painted to be the bad guys” Carli spits.

“Carli’s got a point, the city glorifies what we do, but if one of their own were to ever think about joining they’d lose their marbles” Lauren speaks up. Everyone turns to face her, shocked to hear such thing from her. Lauren is usually very self kept, just like me, but always positive. She's the mother of the group, so it’s a surprise to hear her speak a bit harsh about people.

“Town people give us shit because of the city’s glorification. As if our job was rainbows and butterflies. Mother truckers don’t even spare a second to look at it from our eyes. The divide is wider then ever” Pinoe adds

“Don’t give Syd shit, she’s just trying to live. Just like the rest of us. She may live in the city and deal with the folks out there but we all know she wouldn’t think twice to step in front of a bolt. The city is fucked up just like the rest the of the world. Ya’ll talking about this division as if it were some geographical issue. Hell there may be a 20 minute separation but it’s not just Axiom and small towns, it’s us too. We are right in the middle, stitching this hell together. So you guys can either sit there and twist your panties, whining and growing the issue or do something about it. I’m tired of dealing with the bullshit just as much as you guys but we brought it upon ourselves. Athena for dang sakes” Kristie huffs. My eyes wide open as I see her start turning red. For someone being particularly new to the crew, her rant really stunned us all.

“Damn do you kiss your mother with those lips!”

“Athena!”

“Welcome to the club!” Kristie earns all types of encouragements, even from Lauren. I smile, knowing she can be trusted. I pat her back and she whispers sorry.

“Hey there, that was brave. We always bicker but never doubt our integrity or purpose. Athena” I say. The girls continue to talk about Kristie’s little speech as Allie and I get everything connected.

I plug in a wireless connector into the PS2 and toss the other connector to Pinoe who has lowered the projector. She plugs it in and Allie turns on the playstation. The projector rises and the screen comes to life. An opening sound startles everyone and the words Song Computer Entertainment pop up with some bluish cloud. A red, blue, green and pink dot circles around the cloud. We all stare at the screen tentatively, just soaking the moment in. The cloud disperses and we come to what I believe is the menu. It is simple, only two options, browse or system configuration. _How rad is this_ I think.

“I call dibs playing first!” Carli says. I toss her a remote, since it is not wireless she moves to the floor, a good 3 feet from the console which is placed on the glass coffee table. I get the other controller and no one dares ask for it. This is how is usually is. Carli and I in front, the rest, behind us. Watching out for us.

“Kingdom of Hearts or GTA San Andreas?” Kristie asks, I nod towards Carli who mouths GTA. Everyone gets comfortable as the game begins. Megan makes a dirty joke when a half naked girl pops up as the game loads. Thankfully, Amy shuts her up before she continues. When the game credits begin, everyone laughs at the song.

“The hell is this?” Carli exclaims

“R&B miss Lloyd” Frost answers. Syd begins moving her head to the beat and everyone continues to joke. Once the story begins everyone watches, occasionally making a joke or giggling.

“Carli, even your dude is a bad driver!” Becky jokes.

“What the heck, he wasn’t even driving. And for the record, I’m not a bad driver!”

“Right. Every damn car that you deploy never makes it back! I would know” Ash continues

“Shut your traps and watch the dang story” As the story comes to an end, Carl is left standing in an ally.

“What the hell do I do”

“Get on the bike, what else Carl’s” Lauren jokes. I hold back some tears because if looks could kill, Lauren would be dead. _Carli, Carl, Carl’s got it._ After kicking and punching the bike, Carli manages to get Carl on it. She begins to peddle but crashes into the fence.

“Can’t even drive a bike!”

“Shut up! This thing is harder then it looks. My damn dude is sagging, probably why he can’t ride the bike!” Everyone continues to bug Carli. A good hour goes by and the team has successfully gotten the hang of the controller. We unlock multiplayers with the help of Frost, whose over writes the system. We take turns causing all sorts of chaos. I lean against the couch and nuzzle into Allie. She wraps her arm around me and sips her wine.

“Hey Allie”

“Yeah Tobs”

“I’m sorry about before, that was atrocious on my part”

“It’s fine Tobin, really. You know, when Jose proposed, I panicked. I didn’t know what he thought about me, my body. I knew he loved me, my soul but what about my body. I cried for days because I knew I’d have to choose between the body I knew or a fresh start. After a long talk with Jose, he said it was entirely up to me. Deep down I knew he wanted me to just stick to the way I was, scars and all but I choose the new body because it was less perilous for me.” She pauses to take a sib of wine and redraws her arm to sit sideways to look at me. “But weeks later, I’d look down at this body and think it’s too perfect, just like the city. I missed my flaws, I missed the scars. Even if it was damaged. I knew that this was me, before I took the oath, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I had convinced myself that it wasn’t me. But now I realize that this is as real as I can be. And the glory of that is, I can took start a new artwork.” She softly lifts my chin and looks into my hazel eyes.

“This new body, the one you’re in, is perfect. You can mold it to be what you want it to be. You can embrace those scars or perfections like Ash does. You can color your skin to your desire. You can love and care for it like you did for the last clone you were in. Or you can avoid looking at it, you can let it destroy your mind like I did. Don’t think about the biology anymore, you know what they say, the more you know, the less you realize you know. Don’t overthink it. This is you. Not some robot, scars don’t prove you are human Tobs”

“Thank you” I whisper silently. She embraces me and I let out a few tears. Thankfully everyone is either too tipsy or engaged in the game to notice. Except Amy, whom gives me a thumps up.

“I’m not saying you should go in and stare at this clone, but don’t avoid it either. Baby steps” She whispers as she lets go. I wipe my face to try and cover the hints of tears but Allie nods towards the bathroom. I get up and go to the bathroom. As the door slides shut, I walk to the sink and splash water on my face. The coolness of the water relieves the heat of my body.

“Blood Pressure” I say.

“Normal. Your breathing is settling down as well” Frost says. I nod and push on a compartment which pops open. I grab a hair tie and push the compartment shut. I grab a towel from the rack and dry my face. Putting the towel back, I sit on the toilet and put my hair up. _Baby steps, just a glance._ Trying to motivate myself, I stand up and walk to the mirror with my eyes closed. Keen to get this done as fast as possible, I turn my head and look at the small black diamond shaped metal on the back of my neck.

I slowly bring my left hand up to my neck and attentively trace the smooth rim of the diamond. It is actually called a transcendent since it is what lets me move to a new body when I die but since it is made 50% of pure diamond, 25% Serendibite and 25% black Zircon, I call it black diamond. Its size is no bigger than plum which I like. Another neat thing about it is that it is custom made; the table, also known as the face of the diamond is cut clean, but the rim is about two millimeters in height and has a pattern of hexagons and pentagons. Everyone on the lower levels has a simple clear circle transcendent but those like me, have custom made diamond shaped transcendent’s. Many people have one made for different occasions, or for style, like Syd. The one she uses the most is a white diamond transcendent. Since she lives in the city, where white is the style, it looks good. But others like Ashlyn and Pinoe have Silver or a colorful designs. It just depends on the person really. Recently, I had an aqua blue crystal diamond made in honor of Kai, the city I live in. Frost did some researched and figured out that Kai means ocean in Hawaiian. I’ve never seen the ocean, since there is no ocean, but from pictures I’ve seen it’s beautiful.

After giving my diamond one last look, I walk out of the bathroom. Not daring to think of what the rest will say. I’ve never understood how people liked or at least didn’t care to show their transcendent. It only earns attention, criticism, insults and my least favorite, blessings. Like Pinoe who has short blonde hair, she couldn’t hide it even if she wanted to. But Syd, she loves to style it. Ash doesn’t really care, no one messes with her. Same with Carli and Amy but Becky, Lauren and Kristie? I just don’t understand but if they can do it, I can.  _Babysteps._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be Tuesday or Wednesday at the latest. I want to get ahead as much as I can, and I have homework. Comments, questions, feedback are welcomed.


	4. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little peace before the chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I have two chapters written out but they are really long. Like a good 10-16 pages on word so I was wondering if you'd all want me to split them in half to shorten them out or?

Calm

As I walk into the room, I realize no one noticed I was gone. Except Allie and Amy who turn to look at me. Amy gasps and Allie sips some wine.

“What are you” Becky asks as she turns around and finally spots me. She lets out a small no way and I giggle.

“No fucking way” Pinoe adds. Carli pauses Kingdom of Hearts and turns around to face me along with everyone else.

“Stop standing there like an idiot or come over here and let me look at that sucker” Lauren talks for everyone. I can’t stop the smile that forms on my face. With ease, I get to the couch and sit down as the crew huddles around me like a flock of birds. Each of the girls takes a turn tracing the surface of the transcendent which sends a wave of nerves to the shore of anxiety within me. Thankfully, Allie sits beside me, holding my hand with pride.

“That’s a sick design. I’ve seen it from afar but damn, this is legit”

“Thanks Ash”

“I agree, you’ve had that baby tucked tight. Every time I try to get a look at it, you move or you get shot”

“So that’s why I always get shot!” I say with realization.

“Hey, that’s what you get for not letting us see it!” Pinoe says to recover but I just shake my head.

“Well if you would have told me sooner, I would have let you see it so you’d watch my back” I laugh and Pinoe gives me a smack

“Nah man, its great. Really fits you, the design and all” She compliments and I give her a smile.

“Well I for one have seen it many times up close, congrats Tobs” Becky says as she ruffles my hair.

“That doesn’t count, you’ve seen everyones diamond doctor”

“Still not done seeing all of yours Syd” Becky answers and we all laugh. The girl has too many designs, it’s ridiculous.

“Whatever, gotta flaunt it for the ungrateful city folks. But really, I like it Tobin. Really styles you”

“Thanks Syd, that really means a lot coming from you” She laughs and we fist pump.

“Toast to Tobin, for, well, doing what she should have done since day one. We’ve all got your back. Ain’t no one messing with you Scout!” Carli interrupts while holding up a glass of wine. Everyone grabs there glass and raises it.

“Thanks you guys, really” We all say cheers and clink our glasses together. Everyone empties there glass except I whom can’t due to my work position.

 

_2 hours later_

 

“Alright kids, I have to get going or else I’m going to get no sleep before work” Syd yawns. I look at my watch and realize it’s 2am.  _Oh shoot_

“Could you give me a ride home, you live closer to Mahina then all these dorks” Amy asks while rolling her eyes in a joking way.

“Sure thing hot mama!” Both girls go around giving everyone a hug. They both yell out there goodbyes to Frost who responds and gives me notice when they have reached Syd’s car. Carli and Lauren are the next to head out, Carli claiming she needed to take an ice bath before going to bed or she’d be sore. Becky, being our doctor shook her head asking her why she didn’t just get an injection. They bickered for a good 3 minutes before Lauren pulled Carli away. Next to go was Kristie, then Becky. That left Allie, Ash and Pinoe.

“This game is actually more depressing than my life” Ash says as she ends up dying in Kingdom of Hearts.

“It’s a kids game Ash!” Allie jokes

“Shit too deep”

“That’s what she said” Pinoe says with a creepy stalker face. _Gross…_

“Ew, dude, cut it out” Ash says while throwing a pillow at Pinoe. Pinoe being on the field, has some quick reflexes moving to the side. The pillow hits a glass of wine, making it spill on the floor. Both Ash and Pinow begin arguing over who’s fault it is, expecting me to be mad. Instead, I go over, pick up the glass and start cleaning when they notice I didn’t care.

“Shit Tobin, let me get that” Pinoe is the first to say as she grabs a towel and begins drying off the floor.

“Thank godness it didn’t get on the carpet” Ash says while taking the towel from Pinoe. Both of them end up fighting over who gets to clean and I just roll my eyes. _Always bickering_. I walk over to Allie who is on the couch, looking at her phone.

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah, Jose’s a few minutes away”

“Cool cool”

“Yo, where do I put this towel?”

“Toss it in the washer, Frost will get it going”

We spend the next 10 minutes cleaning everything up and putting away the consoles. As I begin to wash the glasses of wine when Allie’s phone begins to ring.

“Jose’s here”

“Okay, let me dry my hands and I’ll walk you down. Grab the box from Costco with your things”

“We’re heading out too” Pinoe says as she puts the plates away

“You need a ride home Ash?” I ask eyeing the girl.

“I’m just going to crash at Pinoe’s tonight”

“Alright lets go” I toss a small towel I used to dry my hands on the kitchen island and start to walk to the door. We reach the lobby door, Ash holds it open and we walk out. Jose stands by his black hover car and Allie sets the box down and goes to greet him. Pinoe, Ash and I stand by. Jose turns to look at us and gives us a tight smile. We approach the couple slowly, leaving a good three feet between each other.

“Tobin, Megan, Ashyln” Jose greets with a nod.

“Aye”

“Hey”

“Hi”

“So are you guys still” Jose doesn’t even finish his question when Megan answers with a blunt yes. The poor guy just stands there awkwardly not knowing what to do. We stand in silence just watching him get more and more uncomfortable. I look at Ash and begin to laugh. Even Allie joins.

“What’s funny?” Jose asks with a hint of fear.

“Your face babe” Allie barely answers

“You’re so gullable dude, gotta relax man” Ash explains

“Of course we’re not mad bro. We were just playing” Pinoe enlightens, Jose responds with an ‘oh’ and begins to turn red.

“Come on dude” I say as I give him a hug and the other two do as well.

“Well, I’m getting tired, lets go Meg” Ash says. We hug once again and watch as Ash and Pinoe walk away. Pinoe lives two blocks away so I don’t worry too much about them walking out this late. Ashlyn lives in a really small town, about 5 minutes away in car but spends a lot of time here with Pinoe so it’s not unusual to see Ash spending the night. When Allie roomed with me, Ash and Pinoe were over just about ever weekend but since Allie moved out, the house is empty.

“We’ll I’ll wait in the car. It was good seeing you Tobin” Jose says, I hug the guy and he takes the box, placing it in the trunk and getting in the car.

“This was fun” Allie begins

“It was, the girls missed you ya know”

“It was good to see them, I didn’t realize how much I missed them ” I lean on the car and look to the sky. The stars are brighter than ever, illuminating the darkness of the world. Bringing out the hidden souls like mine.

“This is beautiful” Allie breathes as she leans against the car as well.

“I know, it’s so magical. Could you imagine if we could touch them” I ask in awe

“They would burn your hand”

“Way to kill the moment dude” Allie smiles and I stare at her in completely happiness. Even though she no longer lives the life she loved, she lives her life with the person she loves in complete happiness. Happier then ever. She looks at me realizing that I am staring.

“Why are you staring?”

“I just was admiring your strength. Your happiness in sorts”

“My happiness?”

“Yeah, I mean you no longer have a safety net. You no longer have, well, freedom but you’re happier then ever. It’s amazing, I’m so happy for you. Really, I can’t wait for the wedding” I say with sentiment of admiration.

“Hey now, don’t get all sentimental on me”

“I’m not!”

“Rightttt… but to answer you, I am happy, but never doubt my happiness before. I loved it and yes I miss my old life but we all have to get on with life some time. And yeah, it is scary, when I had my transcendent removed, I freaked out on the inside but it’s life. I don’t want to live forever, but I do want to enjoy it, because you never know.” I nod because I do know. Although my transcendent keeps me alive, such as, it transcends me, my memories, my knowledge, my everything, to a clone of me if I die, it could fail someday if I’m not careful.

“Well, I have to go” Allie says, I hug her tight because I’m not sure when I’ll get to see my bestfriend again.

“I love you Tobs"

“I love you too Al. I’ll have Frost send you all the times I get out. You two can arrange when you come over”

“You’re hopeless” Allie says as she smacks me

“And you’re abusive” I say with a laugh

“Ha ha but really, you have to come over next or else I’ll have my dad pick you up”

“No no no, not again, you’re dads great but there is only so much I want to know about the so called fishing” Allie laughs and I open the door for Allie. She begins to get in when she stops and asks Jose for something.

“Close your eyes” I do as told as she places something in my hand and tells me to open my eyes. In my hands is a black hat and I immediately smile, but what makes me choke back some tears is the letters on it PDX.

“Oh my gosh, this is so rad, where’d?”

“I found a little antique shop in Axiom and they had a small hat section and I found this. Its brand new and everything. Only one they had or knew of. Cool huh?” She says with a smile “Jose helped find it too”

“Wow, thanks you guys! This is the best gift ever” I say as I let my hair loose and put the hat on. Jose yells out a welcome and I look at Allie for an explanation.

“I was going to send it to you in a cute box asking you to be my maid of honor but after what you did today, I couldn’t wait longer, so I had Jose bring it. I’m so proud of you Tobs, and I know how much you love PDX. You’ve researched the city so much and I wish I could build a time machine and take you back in time to visit it but ya know me. I’m not that smart. So I hope this does it, it’s the only thing from Portland that survived the transition” Allie rambles, I hug her unexpected full of emotions.

“I love it, thank you so much! It’s perfect”

“So what do you say, maid of honor?”

“I, yes! Hell yes!” She laughs and we let go. Allie gets in the car and I thank Jose once again for helping Allie find the hat. Shutting her door, I watch them drive off. I walk back into the building and head upstairs to my quarter.

“Frost, did everyone make it home?” I ask closing the door

“Everyone made it home, Allie and Jose are still on the way. Nice hat” Frost answers

“Good good and I know! Its from Portland Frost! Can you believe it, it even says so on the tag, they had tags back then” I exclaim excitedly while laying on the couch.

“I’m glad you liked it, Allie told me about it a few weeks ago”

“So you knew about it”

“She had me scan it and make sure it was authentic. Only wanted to give you the real deal”

“Awe man, thanks Frost. This is amazing”

“I’m glad you liked it Tobin”

“Hey Frost, could you describe Portland to me” I ask with a yawn.

“Sure thing” I get comfortable and close my eyes as Frost begins.

“The rich nature, culture and community of Portland made it a one and only city in the world. It was known for it uniqueness and openness to everything. Located not far from the great Mt.Hood and the cold depths of the Pacific” Frost goes on, describing a city I’ve come to love. A city I’ll never see, but nonetheless a city that makes me dream as I fall asleep in peace for the first time in weeks.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post by Sunday, or Saturday, maybe Friday. I don't know. 
> 
> THE NWSL FINAL IS TOMORROW. Tune into FS1 to watch it!   
> Who do you think will win?! I was going to go but I had an opportunity to volunteer so I'll be streaming the game. Natural PTFC born fan but I will be cheering on for FCKC (not that my cascade rival Seattle has anything to do with it). But really, I just want Lauren to retire with another title. Such an incredible athlete and human.


	5. Time... (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of another day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after editing this chapter, I realized it wasn't too long but I decided to cut it in half. I apologize again for the confusion. 
> 
> Don't worry too much about battle names,levels, positions (like scout or assault) and regions just yet. Just know that in Tobin's world, there are four regions; Telios, Huros, Kanatos and Kardia (Where Tobin is from). These four regions all have something the other regions needs like water, nature, intelligence, rare metals and so on.
> 
> Italics are Tobin's thoughts. Just wanted to clear that out incase that confused people before.

Time…

The sound of my alarm rings though my ears making my head throb. _Definitely going to propose new hours at the next meeting. Action needs to be taken, I can’t go on like this._

“Frost turn it off” I say as I rub my eyes. “Finally! I was beginning to get worried” I keep my eyes closes as I reach for my glasses but fall off the couch. _Right, I’m in the living room._ I begin to stretch my muscles, relaxing as every inch of my body begins to wake.

“What do you mean finally? What time is it?” I ask as I crack my back.

 

“I’ve been trying to wake you, but you wouldn’t bulge. I was contemplating whether or not to get the mean old lady down the hall.”

I stop and shake my head. _She not mean, she’s just alone_

“The time” I ask once again.

“5:40” He finally answers. _5:40._ I repeat in my head letting it sink in as I stretch my arms. _Oh my gosh, 5:40!_  

“I’m late! Why didn’t you wake me up sooner Frost!” I say as I hop on my feet and dash to my room

“Like I said, you didn’t bulge” _No no no_ _, I’m going to be late for my first time._  I continue to panic as I reach my room. 

“You should have gotten the neighbor” I say as I get to the bathroom and toss my clothes into the laundry basket. I rush to the closet and grab some long black sock and rush to my sweats. Putting on some black slim sweats, I grab a custom body heat shirt that I use for work and throw on a black tshirt.

“Yeah but she would have thrown ice water on you” Frost says as I get out of the bathroom and begin to brush my teeth.

“So what, it would have gotten me up” I spit out the paste and rinse my mouth. I clean off the remaining water off my face and rush out of my room.

“Get my bike ready” I say as I grab my bag from the front door and check to see that my normal necessities are in there. I go to the kitchen and grab some snacks Allie insisted on buying and grab a water bottle.

“Frost where are the”

“In the cabinet next to the fridge, right in the center” He answers. I open the door to the cabinet and see my labeled chemical packets all in order.  _Thank you Allie_ I say as I grab the ones listed under todays date. I never organize my supplements so she probably did it last night.

“Phone?”

“Fully charged, in your bag already. And Tobin?” Frost says as I put on my back pack.

“Yeah Frost”

“Your shoes and sweater” He says as I open the door. I look down and realize I never put them on.

“Right, I need those. Time” I say as I rush to the my room once again and grab black athletic shoes and grab a black crew neck. Running down the stairs, I jump the last few steps to save some time.

“5:55”

“Oh good, you know what to do Frost” I say as I close the front down and descend down to the garage.

“Morning Tobs” Kendal greats as I get to the lobby

“Morning Kendal!” I say as I step out of the elevator and open the door to the garage.

“Good Luck!” She shouts and I thank her. I run to my bike and smirk at her beauty. All black everything. Except some small details that are red but only visible up close. I grab my phone out of my backpack and slip it in my pocket as I put on my black wind breaker no bothering to zip it. I get on my bike and grab my phone, putting it in its slot causing my baby to wake up.  _Morning Shadow._ I put on my helmet and buckle the front Sternum strap. I press a button on my bike turning on my smart helmet. 

“Ready to go Tobin?” I hear frost voice through the speakers in my helmet. I smirk and nod my head.

“Everything is locked, traffic isn’t too bad, route is set to avoid any delays” I watch as the screen of my helmet darkens and a map pops up showing me the fastest route to Citadel.

“Good, put it on the lower right, rear view on the left. And hit it Frost” I say. Frost moves things according to my orders and soon I can see through my helmets screen. The smooth, chilling and lively melody of the song Follow the Sun comes on and I start my journey. As the main garage door opens, the beauty before my eyes surprises me. The sun rise has caused the sky all around to illuminate in beautiful shades of yellow orange and a faint of purple.  _It’s going to be a good day._ As I start to get to the high way, I lower my upper body so that I ride with the wind, rather then move against it. Swerving around cars and really enjoying the ride I begin to notice the difference in cars. The closer you get to the city, the fancier the cars. Some people honk at me as I move past them and others just slow down to get a look at my bike. It is rare to see a motorcycle on the street. Modern bikes don’t have wheels and are too safe for my liking. And the worst part, they’re all white. Only rich wannabe’s from the city get them, but they are no match for Shadow. Every honk fuels my my ego, as I speed up swerving more and more cars. Coming closer the highway split, I look at Axiom.  _Ugh, gross._ I think as I make a right towards the exit leading East of the great city. As I change from the far left lane towards the right lane, I look ahead to see a cop pull over someone from Axiom.  _That’s rare_. I only smirk and speed past it. Looking to the lower left of my screen, the person who was pulled over points at me yelling something at the cop. He just shrugs and begins to put handcuffs on the guy. _What an Idiot_. As the highway leads my east of Axiom, I look at the bottom of my screen, watching Axiom becoming smaller and smaller. The city itself isn’t bad, it has so much potential, the people there though, they are a whole different story. 

After murmuring some harsh thoughts about Axiom, the designated exit towards Citadel begins to come into sight. I slow down and enter the exit, stopping behind a car. Traffic, really? Normally, I would wait like a good fellow, but as a leader I must arrive before everyone else so I move to the outside left of the exit lane and begin moving past all the cars waiting to get pasted the front gates and into the 3 mile long road leading to the head quarters. As I approach the first gate, I beat a car and go right through. I hear a lot of honks but to security just waves at me.

“Tell Mark I’m sorry, can’t be late!” I say as I speed up.

“Sent it”

As I reach the second gate I easily pass through. Within half a mile of the second gate, the road splits in many directions, all heading to different sections of the head quarters. My sector is right ahead. From a distance, the center from the city seems like the heart of the head quarters but going a mile straight is a third high security gate. Which is where I am headed to. Only the people who work within the field can enter through this gate and let me tell you, it’s only a few hundred. As I near the gate, a small scanner scans me from far to make sure I’m not a threat.As it realizes who I am, the gates open. I slow down and stop, pushing a button on my bike to clear the darkness of my helmets screen.

“Morning Tobin, how’s it going?” The guard named Axel greats.

“I’m good Axe, how’s everything this morning? Your wife?” I ask as he sips his coffee.

“The usual, nothing exciting has happened. And she’s great, she loved the CD you sent her. She want’s to have you and the crew over for dinner soon.” He says as he looks at his screen which begins beeping.

“What are you talking about Axe, everyday is exciting!” I say with some enthusiasm. I’ve knowing Axe for eight years now. One of my favorite guards who’s actually laid back and friendly. He was actually the man who introduced Allie to Jose at a dinner at his house once. I watch as he laughs and shakes his head.

“Haha its good to have souls like you Tobin, I gotta get this call though. Don’t want to be fired” He says as he rolls his eyes and tosses me a pack of gum. I smile and nod my head. My helmets screen darkness on the outside and I look to see a car coming in. I wave at Axel and pass through the gate heading towards the parking lot. I head for my designated parking space and see Syd’s classic white Audi already in her spot two parking spaces away. _Ugh how’d she beat me_.I park my bike in the space labeled with a metallic black and gold sign with the letters _Scout TH_.

“Little late aren’t we” Syd yells out. I turn to see her opening her trunk and grabbing her bag. She still has her music on, blasting what I believe is the song “Bitch better have my money”.

“Traffic” I say as I take off my helmet. I slide my bag to one side reach for my PDX hat. Once I get it out, I put my backpack back on and put on my hat on. After grabbing my phone, I walk towards Syds car and lean against it.

“Rightttt” Syd says as she closes the trunk of her car. She sets it down by my feet and begins to braid her pony tail.

“You know Syd, you claim to love the city but you have a classic car. I mean, why not a white hover audi?” I ask jokingly

“Oh shut it Tobs” She says as she flips her hair. I just laugh because Syd is too stubborn to admit she likes all the classic things like the rest of the crew. As I help Syd with her braid, a rare sports car comes near.

“Who’s that?” I say as I nod my head towards the unknown vehicle. The parking lot has set parking spaces, me and my crew all have the parking spaces right in front of the entrance of the Head Quarters, and every row behind us is a level below us. I know every car in the first five rows, but this car is not a car I’ve ever seen.

“Dont know but they have a nice ass car. Wonder what it is” She asks as she finishes her hair and picks up her bag.

“Lamborghini Aventador. Very rare, expensive and fast” Frost answers from my helmets speakers. I laugh because of course Frost scanned the car.

“Oh hey Frost, didn’t know you were listening” Syd says a bit surprised. I bite my cheeks because it’s not safe to have Frost talk out in public, any less here at work. Frost is a one and only AI, not only highly intelligent but very sophisticated and updated. His level of access and speed is far beyond what I have at work and if I don’t keep him safe, his use could land in the hands of these people. Here in Head Quarters, you are never alone. Cameras everywhere, always watching and listening to those that work in Citadel, making such there is no scums seeking information. Which sucks, but Citadel is full of a variety of people, all with different purposes. Luckily, a vast majority of field workers that work here in my sector hate Axiom so we are free to express out thoughts and feelings without restriction. But not Frost, he must keep quiet and only communicate through my watch.

“Good morning Syd, Good Luck, I’ll be monitoring and keeping up with Lauren.” Frost dismisses his self as the black Lambo stops behind Syds car and begins to reverse in the space next to the left of my bike.

“No fucking way” Syd murmurs under her breathe. My mouth hangs open as the door opens and a very tired Becky gets out.

“No way in earth is that your car” Syd speaks in disbelief. I just smirk cause it looks like Syd no longer has the nicest car of the team.

“It’s not” Becky says as she grabs her bag from the back of the car and closes the door “Morning Scout” Becky nods to me and offers me some coffee. I shake my head and nod towards my water bottle.

“Oh right. Make sure to drink those before eating” Becky says

“Who’s is it then?!” Syd asks taking a walk around the luxurious car.

“I’ll get on it now” I say as I grab my water bottle and take out the packets of chemicals.

“My car broke down so the insurance gave me this one” She says with a shrug and sees me struggling to open the packets. She takes it from my hands and begins preparing my monthly solution. I murmur a thanks and she gives me a gentle smile.

“You know, you should just get the monthly vaccine, it’s not too bad. And its better than drinking this solution twice a month”

“If the vaccine isn’t too bad, you’d take it” I say as I raise an eyebrow at her.

“You’re right” She finishes mixing all the chemicals and hands me the water bottle. A flash blinds me and I turn and see Syd taking a selfie.

“What?” She asks “My insurance would never give me a car like this” Becky and I laugh.

“Ew I still have to drink mine” Syd says as she stares at my bottle.

“Ugh, me too” Carli says as she gets out of her classic Audi next to Syd’s car. She already has her custom bag on and walks towards us holding her solution with disgust. She eyes Becky’s car and looks at everyone. We all nod at Becky who explains her situation. A few minutes later, Pinoe’s yellow Mercedes G63 comes into sight. Blasting some sexual song, while Ashlyn’s head sticking out the window. Pinoe parks her car to the right of my bike and the two knuckle head come towards us, each with their bottle in hand.

“Sweet ride Beck, keep it up and I might say yes” Pinoe winks at Becky who just tells the child to chill out. We wait for Amy and Lauren who arrive right in the next few minutes. We move out of the way to let Amy park her car between Becky’s and mine and Lauren.

“Sup gals” Amy says smoothly, Lauren greets us all with a hug.

“Nothing much, ya’ll ready?” I ask as I hold my water bottle out. Everyone lets out a few groans before chugging down the bottle of solution we have to drink twice a month. It contains chemicals that keep our stamina, pain resistant, strength and other things to an advanced level. Our bodies are put to the test each day, so scientist had to make something for us to keep us in great shape. Sadly, the solution tastes like death. After letting out a few coughs and curse words we walk into the building together. As we walk through the doors, a projector scans us and checks us in. People walk around the open floor, all headed to different places, with different purposes but all working towards one thing, victory. The girls head to the squads designated part of the entry building upstairs. I look around the main floor as the escalator takes us to the second floor. There are holograms everywhere, telling people about todays mission, out goals, our morals. Some people sit and mingle, others sit in the designated silence corner, sleeping, reading, relaxing or resting from their long shift. I hop over the small little curb and follow the girls to the right into a hall leading to private elevator. Pinoe pushes the fourth floor button once everyone is on board and we arrive shortly. As I step out of the elevator, Lauren nudges me to look at the open floor. As we walk across the squads meeting and control room and reach the center of our floor which has a view of the first and second floors below us. It has reflective mirrors so that people on the outside can’t see us. Theres a small living room atmosphere where we relax during our break to the right. Down the hall are the squad rooms. Where we can change or go hang out. Each room is equipped with pretty much everything you need, a bathroom, closet, small bed, computer and so on. We all head to our rooms and change into our dropsuits. I sit on my bed and letting out a sigh, I begin to get out of my clothes and toss them on top of my bag. I grab a black drop suit from my closet and slip into the high tech suit.

Since it is a Scout uniform, it is not very heavy which allows me to move fast, hide well, move well and reduce sound. But it also makes it easy for those with heavy or assault drop suits to target me. Scouts are the most advanced and threatening soldiers out there. Scouts are usually the leaders of each special squad. In my case, I am the leader of the squad. Carli falls second, but she doesn’t mind since I just imply she is the squad leader as well. In my sector, or in this part of the worlds region, my squad is the best of the best. Our kill rate is the highest, and our death rate well below 5%. My squad is known by all four regions. We are apart of the Kardia. Meaning Heart, we rule technology and intelligence. But to the three other regions we are known as Akardos, which means heartless. The name comes mostly because of Axiom, the richest and most powerful city of the world. Our kill rate doesn’t help, so we just accept our given nickname by the others.

As I finished zipping up my high tech suit up to my neck, I buckle a strap that wraps around my waste. I walk over to my desk and open a hologram allowing me to elect 3 molecules I can activate. Molecules allow we to further advance my suit like adding armor, repair units, increasing my monitor of enemies and so on. I add some armor and a repair unit, and tag a few others. I then go on to choose 4 other substances that increase my physical abilities. After electing everything I want, I close the hologram and go to my desk and grab my gloves. I connect them to my suit to ensure they connect well. It is important that no skin is showing on the field, or I could die while transcending into a new body. As I hear the click of my gloves and suit, I walk to my closet and open up my helmet draw. Inside lay 5 different helmets. All of which are black. I grab one and toss it on the bed but end up missing terribly.

“Ughh” I say out loud. Instead of picking up my helmet, I put my hair up in my signature bun. Satisfied with the way it feels, I grab my helmet and inspect it. Noticing no major issue, I put it on and finish zipping the suit to my helmet.

“Alrightly, let’s see if we’re ready” I click a button on my arm and my suit merges shut. All the straps and zipper have merged into the suit reassuring that no part of me is visible except my diamond.

“Good” I whisper with a small smile. I do a few stretches and nod in approval. I look at the small clock on the screen of my helmet. _6:45am_. I turn off my suit and take off my helmet and gloves. Looking back at my room, I close the door and head across the floor to the squads meeting room. The glass wall that faces the hall allows me to see only Lauren is in the meeting room. Ready in her ‘command’ uniform.

“Always the first one”

“Gotta be the first one” I say as I place my helmet and gloves on my seat. I walk over to where Lauren is standing and lean my head on her shoulder.

“Stats?” I nodd my head and she pops up my stats.

“New body so, new records to break champ” She points at my deaths which is zero. Kills, 9. She directs my eyes to a prototype of my suit.

“Look at this” She says as she points at the red region on the prototype, my head.

“Apparently everyone aims at your head” She says with a laugh.

“Good thing I always elects extra amor” I say as I tap my head.

“Well look at this, you end up doing 3 times the amount of damage then the amount of damage you receive. Plus, I’d aim at your head too Scout, you’re the leader and not just the leader but the best on the field”

“After me that is” Carli says as she the door closes behind her. I giggle and she just gives me a cheeky smile. She’s wearing her typical black suit with red decals but a simple black helmet instead of her classic custom 10 helmet.

“Time for a change?” I raise my eye brow at her and she just shrugs.

“If Pinoe is scouting, I don’t want to take any chances. I have a record to break.” She lets out very serious. I burst out laughing because she has a point. Pinoe runs all over the battle field, and Carli’s job is usually to keep up with the Scout. Knowing Pinoe, she will get Carli killed more then Carli would like. “Well, I didn’t think of that” I say out honestly. I had already made the team aware that Pinoe would be leading today during last nights get together. But I never thought of what I’d do.  _I guess I could help Carli out and help her break one of my record_.

“Well, lets see how many kills you have to top this women” Lauren brings up both our profiles. “Carli, you haven’t died in 239 batttles, you’ve killed 2,990 in those battles, average kills per battle 10, and head shots 490 so far. Tobin, you didn’t die in 273 battles, you killed 4,013 in those battles, average kill per battle 17 and head shots 639” She finishes.

“So which record are you trying to break Lloyd” I say with a smirk

“Head shots”

“Ha, no way you’re beating mine” Amy says proudly as she makes her way to the corner where we’re standing. Carli rolls her eyes and lets out a duh.

“What are your stats” I ask Amy

“I dunno dude, Lauren”

“Haven’t died in 130 battles, 1,288 kills, average kill per battle is 16, total head shots 882”

“No fucking way” Ash says. We all turn and watch her set down her helmet and gloves.

“She’s a sniper, no shit she’s going to have the best head shot score” Carli states

“She has a point, Amy doesn’t have to shoot at someone while they shoot at her” Becky adds.

“How come we never hear the door opening?” Carli asks, I shrug but also wonder why.

“They finally fixed the door hinge” Lauren says. Everyone lets out an oh.

“Well Carli, good luck on trying to beat Tobin’s record” Amy says as she pats Carli’s shoulder and goes to a desk with a hologram and begins to select molecules.

“A little faith in me won’t hurt” I just laugh at Carli’s remark and walk to my seat. The large meeting table’s surface is actually a screen which allows me to see everything on todays schedule. I maneuver through all the things and find what I’m looking for. The possibilities of us winning our battles. Although Lauren and the Scout [which is me or Carli] are the only ones allowed to look at who we fight, I always wait and hear our schedule with the squad. But today, Megan will be our scout so I want to make sure it goes as smooth as possible.

“99%, not too shabby” Syd says over my should. I look up to her a bit surprised to see she is even standing behind me.

“Could be 100%”

“Could be 98%” She says as she takes a seat beside me. I nod because she has a point. Satisfied, I lean in my chair and watch Syd pull up her profile and begin selecting molecules.

“Why don’t ya’ll pick them in your room?” I ask out loud not really expecting an answer. Carli sits besides and lets out a for real.

“Because we need your advice” Press says as she takes a seat across from me.

“Nice of you to finally join us” Becky chimes in while hoping into the seat besides Christen.

“Sorry, I had promised to go and ya’ll know me.” Press replied a little guilty.

“It’s okay, Allie sends a hey and expects you at the wedding” I fill in before anyone else can take a jab at Press. Every week she visits a small town about 3 hours away to help teach kids. It’s very kind of her, often one of us joins in for the hell of it. I guess she went out yesterday and planned on staying there over night which explains why she didn’t make it to our small get together last night.

I look around and see that almost everyone is here. Carli and Amy look through some old stats to my left, Syd continues to prep her suit to my right. Ashlyn and Becky are ordering some equipment while Lauren helps Press choose some molecules. The door opens and in walks Pinoe who takes a seat next to Ash. Carli and Amy take a seat and the rest follow suit. The room grows quiet as everyone waits for Pinoe to speak.

“Yo Tobs, lets get started” Pinoe says as she twirls in her seat

“Actually, if I do recall, I named you Scout for the day” Pinoe is taken by surprise that I was serious because she stops to look around the room. Carli throws her head back in annoyance and Syd rolls her eyes. “Now, you better get this thing rolling or we’re going to be late”

“Right right, um Lauren?” Pinoe stutters. Lauren just lets out half a laugh half a sigh. She dims the lights and presses a button that darkness the glass wall that faces the hall. Within seconds, the meeting room goes dark and clicks shut. The only visible things in the room from my eyes are the holograms on the meeting room table and the sight of my hands in the dark.

“All right, today we have 16 battles” She starts off straight forward. I hear Pinow gulp and I giggle. _Not too bad_. “You all know they only give me the first five battles so the first two are against Telios, level 5 and some level 3. Third is against Huros, level 4 and level 5. Fourth is against Kanatos level 5 and the fifth battle is against Kanatos level 4 and Katos.”

“Of course they’d throw in Katos” Press remarks once Lauren pauses.

“Go on” Pinoe says shaky.

“First two are Dominance, Third one is Aquire, Fourth is Dominance and the last is”

“Ambush?” I question with a bit of hiss.

“Correct” No one needs to see my face to know that I am fuming. I hear Carli lean foward and I immediately know she is cursing the coordinators. _Mother Truckers_.

“Anything you want to see from the fields?” Lauren questions Pinoe.

“No that’s all” She says. The lights come on and the room goes back to normal.

“Alright, Lauren, connect me to everyone. Feed surroundings within 100 ft and so on” Pinoe says as she stands up. Carli snickers and then curses out in pain when Lauren elbows her. We follow Ash out of the meeting room and out to our Helipad. As Press pushes to door open, a whiff of wind knocks out my thoughts. Our designated squad hover craft is black, its armor metallic with our logo imprinted in a a shade of dark gold. _Athena_.

As I walk closer to the hover craft the closer I look at our logo. It’s a triangle with a small pulse read going through the middle. The pulse represents Kardia, my sector. The triangle represents us, the squad Athena. I get one last look at it before reaching for Amy’s hand and propping myself upon our craft. “Thanks” I murmur as I walk to my seat and buckle in. As the squad get’s settled in, the ship takes off and begins its short ride to the largest part of Citadel, Polemos. As we begin to descend, we put our gloves and helmets on and turn them on. I watch as everyones line of energy lights up in gold and smirk to myself.  _Bathing in gold_.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait, I'll update part 2 today or tomorrow morning.
> 
> So I'll explain Citadel a little, it is where Tobin works. It acts like a city but it is of limits to the public. Within Citadel, there are different sectors. Depending on your job, you have a designated sector. The gals work both in head quarters on down time (when they are not on call) and at polemos is a sector in Citadel where they go when on call. Hope that helps. You don't need to know the layout. 
> 
> Wish I could map out this vision but I can't draw. lol.


	6. Time...(Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, sorry for the late update. Cousins came over this weekend and didn't give me time to do anything. 
> 
> Levels are explained in this chapter. Next chapter is the fun stuff but for those wondering, we won't meet Alex and her squad(kelley, Hope, Abby and so on) for another two chapters. The encounter will be interesting... :)

Time... (Part 2)

When the pilot tells us it’s okay to get out, we jump off the aircraft. Lauren helps me down and I walk besides her. I look around the building and see the usual. Two securities in front of the squad, two behind us, all cameras on us, watching everything and anything that moves. Ensuring our safety. As we reach the door of the ginormous building that stretches 3 miles in length and 1.5 in width, the security unlocks the door and we walk in.

“Athena, welcome” A butler type of guy greets. We all say our hellos and walk to the ledge of the our private entrance that over looks the entire floor. Carli pulls my arm and we begin to walk by the work station of every level. Levels are more like ranks. Everyone starts out at level 1 and the highest level is the Elite Squad but very few make it. 

The first we come across are Level 1 or as we call them, Novas. New ones. They are fresh off the boat, high on the adrenaline but the most dangerous. Not in the aspect as they are sharp shooters but in the way that they are reckless which ends up getting them killed, for good. They watch us like celebrities, like some heroes. I feel shivers just thinking about what is to come of them. Carli, whom has a high tendency of making comments, gives them a stern look. The Novas scramble around, finding something to do to avoid being called out.

We continue to walk and finally reach level two, the tyros. Or what they are mostly known to the upper levels as, trainees. They are no better than Novas but are slightly more alert and welcoming to learn. Compared to the Novas, only a few are lurking around. A few actually look up and give us tight smiles while others nod in form of respect. Ashlyn is the one to break the silence as she corrects a boy whom is messing with a air craft motor. The guy tries to undermine Ash but only earns him a roast by his squad leader. I nod to the leader for his input and catch up to Syd.

As we reach level 3, everyone softens a little but keeps a professional, strict and intimidating demeanor. The Mezzos. Level 3 is the make or break point, which is what earns them the nickname Mezzos. If you are a breaker, level 3 is where you will probably stay, in occasion you may be recruit to level 4 for some missions but level 3 will be your home. But recently, we’ve let people go since level 3 was getting too big. If you aren’t a breaker, chances are good that you’ll make it to level 4. But every year only 20 pass on. Everyone in the section is doing something. When I first made it on the Elite Squad, I could never weed out who would go on and who would stay in level 3, but now, I can tell just by the way they hold a pencil. Some look up and nod and continue to work. Others, pause and ask for some help. Lucky, everyone needs Ashlyn’s help so I continue to walk.

The contestants. Level 4 soldiers are a little more of what we are used to seeing on the battle field. They aren’t pros but they have some perks. Some are actually good contenders while others are smarties. We call them contestants because this is the level they learn to really compete. They learn ambition, pride, but the best of all they learn to fight. Both on and off the field. They are contestants because they go on the field and try to prove they have what it takes to go on to level 5. Which is hard considering only 10 people pass every year. But never mind that, level 4 is not a bad place to be. It is the largest group of all 6. And not for the reason you think, it is because they face the worst. They face the elite squads in some battles and Novas in others, and in my opinion, I’m not sure which is worst. Level 4 needs to have the largest crowd because they usually end up losing soldiers at a faster rate then novas. We’ve learned to be genuine towards them but not let their chances of survival get to us. We stop and look around, just watching and slightly interacting with them. Nothing big, just trying to give them a some motivation.

“ESA Leroux, could I get your opinion on something?” A boy around his early seventeens asks. Though no one can see through our helmets, they see our engraving on the side of our helmets that are currently highlighted in gold lights. We are not required to wear our helmets or hide our fast but it helps us avoid uncomfortable glances. I suppress a small laugh because no one every calls us by our technical names. ESA stands for Elite Squad and the letter following designates your position or role. Syd happens to be an assassin or as we like to call it, assault. The makers or the battles did a sample and found out that assault rolls better with kids than assassin.  _I wonder why that is._  In total, you can be assault, commander, heavy, logistic or scout. 

“Sure” She pauses and waits for a name. I look at the initials on the suit by his neck, SL.

“Stephan Leno” He answers. I nod my head and he walks us over to his station.

“Assualt?” I question as we reach his work desk.

“Yeah, I was wondering what you would recommend. See her, my Rifle has the potential I want but”

“It’s consistence is not what you would like it to be” Syd finishes for him. The boy can only smile and nod yes. Syd begins to look through his equipment looking for a specific tool which helps change a setting of his weapon. As she rummages through the various bins and drawyers, she drops a small bolt which rolls away. Oh syd, always a mess. Before I could reach for it, another soldier picks it up and tosses it to Stephan. I tell Syd to hurry and begin to walk to level 5.

Factors, is what we call them. Level 5 troops are what we are most comfortable around. Everyone in the squad clears there helmets screen, allowing the group to see our faces. Pinoe hollers out some nonsense while Ash goes to great a friend. Krisite and Syd find each other in the mix and I spot Laure.

“Hey there Scout” She says as she hugs me

“Not the Scout today” I smirk and watch Laure face go from worry to a playful smirk

“You’re going to get killed”

“Maybe” I shrug. We make our visit with the factors short since we only have 3 minutes before work starts. We hustle to our section and greets the other Elite Squad, Akhilles. Made of up Males.

“Morning Champ” I am greeted by Theo.

“Morning Speedy” I reply while I grab some coffee the boys have made. Everyone expects us to be working hard at our stations but truth be so, we get it done at home. There is three couches, a coffee table, three work spaces, some spare parts but everything is clean and pretty empty compared to the other levels. I sit besides Becky who is also sipping some coffee as she listens to a conversation between the two squads.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we had an elite squad with both sexes?” Pinoe asks

“Wouldn’t that be dangerous though? We both bring two very different things to the field, together, who knows what would happen” Howard replies

“What do you think Commanders” Ash questions while looking at Lauren and then at Henry. Lauren shrugs and Henry only lets out a shaky breath. There are only two elite teams, one male and one female. Each made up of 8 soldiers and one commander. We stick together and work together unlike levels 1-4 whom are just thrown into the battle field at random in numbers. Some form squads while waiting to deploy which is fine but no one is well organized. Factors, all have great friend ships and always form squads or work together which allows us to select or vote who comes in to participate with us in missions but they lack some skills and communication which defers them from us. We continue to talk about this idea until the morning alarm begins to sound.

“Let the business begin ladies and gentlemen” Henry lets out and we all sigh. Our fun time is over and it is time for business.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sort I know but I'm trying to edit the next chapter, I will definitely be splitting it in half so yeah. Tomorrow or Tuesday will be the next update but I'm trying to update tomorrow. 
> 
> I have a question, so a few of you have been telling me you're confused and I can see what you mean because it is confusing but I was wondering if theres a mutual place/thing that is confusing or is it the story overall? The summary of the story? Hints would be great :)


	7. ... For Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Work time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to write because I have never been in combat. So bare with it. I edited both parts briefly but they are both being uploaded today. I had been studying for two test the past week, both tests combined took me 40 minutes. Great feeling. Anyhow, one more chapter (after part 2) till we meet Alex :)

...For Business

I stand besides Amy whom turns to look at me. Although we don’t make eye contact because of our helmets, I feel her nerves. The elite squads stand in a straight line looking up to the gigantic screen in the middle of the building. Every soldier in the building is facing the screen, waiting to hear details about todays battles.

“Ladies and gentlemen, protectors of Kardia, guardians of the heart, today we go on as the number one region in the universe.” A loud cheer erupts through the building but the squads stay silent. “Today, we face not one or two but all three regions in difficult battles. It will be hard, it will be tiresome, it will be painful, but it will be a sacrifice we make for the safety of our home.” The president of Kardia, not the president of the region but of Kardia Forces, Sir Sepp Blatter pauses. “Go out there today, and show the world why we are the leaders of the free world. Leaders of future and leaders of forever” Sepp’s morning speech ends and he salute us, we, the squads remain still. Not a single one of us salute back, that man is our destruction, our worst enemy. Next up, the representative of the 5 Kardia battle makers comes into sight.

“Agents of the heart, agents of the world, agents of destruction, today we go on doing what we have to do, fighting for life. Today, as you may know, is not in our hands. We lost more battles than we won yesterday, but don’t concern yourself with the numbers. Instead, hold dear the souls we lost, as today is a day we avenge those who’ve we lost. Let Kanatos rule the surroundings but let the heart of life work its course” Mister Morgan starts off. The lower levels wait in silence and both the squads let out a small remembrance. Although none of the squad members are missing, we feel for the families who’ve lost someone they love. I look to Sir Morgan who stays silent for a few seconds before he is urged on by the makers. “Today, levels 1,2 and 3 have 230 clones per battle. Level 4, you have 200. Level 5, you have 170. Lastly, Elite Squads, you have 130 clones. I know we are cutting it close but after last night, we are short. The conditions are rather cold for the first few battles.” There are a few groans through the level and I giggle at Theos remark about the battle makers of Kanatos. “But don’t let the coolness be a weakness. Seek out its advantage. In the central command of each levels section, the makers have given each level and squad a hint and advantage. Use it to your intelligence and lastly, be not what they fear but what they hope to be. Good luck agents, we stand behind you” Representative Morgan salutes us and everyone salutes him back. The Athena squad hold hands and so do Akhilles and we rise our hands together. As the screen goes dark, we let go and things begin to move. Leaders of the lower levels begin to call out names, selecting people who will deploy to different battles. The nerve racking thing about lower levels is that your thrown into battle with 30 people from your level. And you typically never end up with a similar face in a battle.

“Yo Tobin, come on” Lauren says as we walk to her command station up front of our section. She takes a seat and logs in. The Squad circles around her 180 degrees computer screen and we look at the layout that Kanatos have chosen for our first battle.

“Pinoe, I’ll send you the map. Only you can have it before the battle, the rest of you will get only a simple layout of buildings and a good 10 feet detailed radius of where you at all times. But since you are Elite, you don’t get a detailed map. Only an overlook, but instead of 10 feet, as Scout, you get 25 feet.”

“No fucking way?! I thought Tobin had the whole deal” She says in horror while looking towards me.

“Nope”

“Alright, the station is ready to deploy in 5 minutes. You will deploy with 10 Mezzos and 11 contestants. Good luck, you’ll all be connected to Pinoe. She’ll give further instructions.” Lauren says as she pays homage to our work. Pinoe heads down the hall in front of Lauren’s command station and into the large squad weapons area just for us.

“So, whatcha going for?” Syd asks as I pick up my rail rifle.

“The typical, some vehicle grenades since I will be on the floor with you. Probably some links, and some Elite Knifes” I says as I examine my gun.

“Sharp, I like it” She says as she grabs her assault rifle.

“Ya’ll ready to go or what?” Becky says as she lockers her medical belt into place and grabs her dropsuits backpack. We open a door the leads to our designated deploy unit and watch as the agents who are deploying with us scan there clocks. People have tried sneaking into our battles before, I don’t fully understand why anyone would want to do that but it has happened. Therefore, security requires a check in and out from our deploy unit. I nod towards Pinoe who seems lost in thought and she follows my lead into the deploy unit.

“I never understand why we don’t just fly over there. Like, it would only takes us 3 minutes in our hover craft” I say as I check my belt to make sure its in place.

“I guess this saves time” Press answers as she gets into a deploy sector besides me.

“Alright ladies, let’s get going” I hear Pinoe through my Helmet. We all back into the metal wall of our individual deploy sector and on the count of three, connect out diamonds to a receptor. I close my eyes and grab onto the metal railing of the divider as my body fades and vanishes into thin air. People always ask what it feels like, what you see, they want to know details. But theres none to tell. I know I’ve transcended to the Kardia Command Terminal [In other words, the big ship above the battle field] because there is no longer a metal bar between my fist. I open my eyes and look at the metal floor below me . As my eyes adjust to the now displaying map and all sorts of information I feel a hand on me.

“You never get used to it” Pinoe replies as more of a fact than question.

“Nope” Looking at Megan, she seems a bit overwhelmed. I don’t have to see her face to notice. Her voice gives me just the slightest hint. Something about working at Kardia boosts your senses and it is not the chemicals we drink, but the things we go through. On the field, we don’t communicate face to face, physically or any less out loud. The only form of communication is through a head set with a big distance in between each other. We can’t see each others demeanors or expressions, but as Scout and Leader, I hear everyones voice in the squad. And theres something about that drives me insane. When times get tough, when peoples life is in danger, when it could be the last breath you take, people show you who they really are. And sometimes, it is the most heartbreaking thing. You come to learn how to take information from them just by their voice. Like if they are lying, if they’re scared, if they’re happy, sad, nervous, just about anything feeling is recognizable if you listen. And the way Megan voice was high pitched towards the end let me know that she is indeed nervous. I nod for her to follow and walk to a near window looking down to the battle field. She stands a foot away, just admiring the field.

“It’s not as hard as it looks you know?”

“You make it look so easy” She answers honestly

“I make it look easy because I’ve been doing it for so long”

“It’s not even that” Megan turns her back to the window and leans against it. She crosses her arms and I know she contemplating telling me. I do the same as her and break her train of thought.

“It’s the pressure, the responsibility you hold.” I finish for her.

“I always thought it was simple, because that’s the way you made it look but as Lauren feeds me all the information” I nod because it’s true. There is so much that a Scout does, that it can be overwhelming.

“Well, for starters. Most of the information she feeds is useless. And not in the sense that she’s doing her job wrong but it is required you have the information. It is useless because we are always sharp. Everyone apart of Athena has the drill nailed down. So you can ignore what is on the top right, but don’t throw it out. There is always possibilities. And about hearing all our voices, you can control that with you control panel on your arm. Just keep in mind, we can only connect to one person at a time but you have control to connecting to everyone at once. But lastly, giving orders. Honestly, you don’t have to command too much but you do have the responsibility to go forth. And that is scary but know this, you have 8 badasses looking out for your ass.” She unfolds her hands and looks in my direction.

“And most importantly Pinoe, you will learn things that are a bit heart throbbing, you will have to make decisions that are life changing but that is the sacrifice you make to keep us alive. And don’t doubt that we wouldn’t do that for you.” I give her a small hug and she lets out a breath she was holding.

“Thanks bro, I needed that”

“I know” I say with a smile. The minute warning alarm goes off and Pinoe and I head towards the drop.

“Ash as soon as you land, get a craft and find a high place to link. If not, get down and help bust enemy vehicles and units. Amy, get to high ground and do what you do. Press, Hack all units that are neutral. If Ash is on the ground, follow suit and see if you can hack their things, do it. Squid!”

“Syd! Damn it” Syd yells in annoyance

“Whatever, perimeter”

“I know what to do Pinoe” Syd interrupts. We all giggle and continue to look at Pinoe for orders.

“Becky, ya know what do. Carli, Tobs, save my ass will you?” I nod my head and Carli lets out “As always”

“Alright Bitches, Athena!” The squad yells it out in response and circles the drop. It is an opening in the KCT allowing us to jump down thousands of feet to the battle field when the alarm goes off. We all look down and wait.

“Let the best region win” A voice says through the KCT’s intercom. Athena members are the first to jump out of the ship. As the ground starts coming into sight, I push a button on my suit, enabling its resistance and taking the force of my landing. I look up and begin to look at my surroundings but realize I am not the Scout. Searching for Pinoe, I find her running with Carli on her tail towards some stairs. _Must be running to the main component._ I begin to run after the two, weapon in hand, ready to shoot if needed. The point of a dominance battle is to hack a main component established somewhere in the limits of the field. A perimeter of about 8-10 miles in length and 10-15 in wight is the average battle field size, but every battle field is different. Some have buildings, streets, mountains, sad or dirt, nothing fancy or green but rustic and ready for destruction.

“Component is about 40 feet ahead, at the center of the field” Pinoe says as I get to the stair case

“Oh course it is, the most dangerous place in the field. Kanatos hate us, at least it is not inside a stupid building” Carli spits

“Ask Amy if she’s gotten to high ground, see if she can protect us while we maneuver through whatever is at the top of the stair case” I tell Pinoe

“I will, you guys go around, there has to be more then one stair case. Start moving in” I look to Carli and she goes past me. I start moving in the other direction. From what I can tell, there are differents building all around, the biggest is the one where the component is located at.

“Press, can we get inside the buildings” I say as I connect to her helmet

“Nope. As expected. Well played by the makers” She responds

“Of course they want us our in the open, snipers are going to have a good one. ” _Of course Kanatos would do this shit. It’s fucking cold and theres snow making us more visible._

“Amy is on high ground. She says there are drop boxes on the platform which can be used to protect yourself from snipers, some energy units as well but otherwise, the component is hooked to the wall and in the open. There is a roof where the component is, can you see it on the map” Pinoe says as I hide behind the side of a building. Looking to my screen, I can see what she is talking about.

“Yeah, got it, also building are just covers no inside”

“Fucking A” Pinoe responds “Alright, get to the platform, find a way” I look at the platform and see it levels to the ground a good 20 feet ahead. With caution, I start to run to it. I hop on the platform and see on the map that there is two open entry ways to the side where the component is located. As I begin to make my way to the second entry, I see a red. In other words, an enemy. I hide behind a truck that is placed a good 10 feet in front of the middle entry, giving protection from people that could be on top of the building in front. _Alright, this is it._ I look at my radar and see them getting closer. _They must know I’m here_. Everyone’s suit is equipped with a radar, which allows you to see who is near but the thing is that it does not show the details like the truck I am hiding behind. It only tells shows you someone is near. The radar does that on purpose, for years, soldiers have been asking for detailed radars and maps but never get one. It’s the point of the battle. Not even scouts get detailed maps. Before I get the chance to stun the enemy they fall to the ground. I look at my radar and don’t see anyone in sight.

“You’re welcome” A voice calls out. It is not someone from the squad but someone from level 4 because I hear it, not from my helmet but for real. I look around and see someone walking my way.

“Thanks” I whisper

“No probs, so the components here eh” I nod and lift a finger to my helmet letting the boy to remain silent. We start to walk through the entry and I see my screen flash in red. Enemy is hacking component. It continues to flash in red for two seconds before it returns to normal. _Enemy Hack failed_. I point to the far wall of the entry and the boy quickly goes to it. We hunch down and begin to walk towards the platform. I kneel on my knee and stick my head out in the open and a bullet misses my head by inches. _Always my dam head_. I retrieve to the wall across from me and aim my gun to the other side of the platform.

“Amy, sniper to to left of the component, missed my head. Can you see them?” I say as I connect to Amy

“Let me see. Where are you?”

“The middle entry to the platform”

“Where I don’t. Wait, gotcha, I see the sniper. I can hold him off for a good minute”

“That’s all I need” I point to the towards the area of the component and point to the boy.

“Where are you going?”

“Theres a level above, going to set up a link” On the count of three we rush separate ways. I hide behind drop boxes and whatever else I can as I search for a ladder.

“Amy do you see a Ladder?”

“Give me a second” As I wait, my screen flashes blue, _We are hacking component_. I mentally thank the kid and hear a few gun shots a good 15 feet away.

“Amy!”

“Sorry, the sniper is taken care of. Umm, theres a ladder at the edge of the separation” I continue to run down the platform and see what she’s talking about. My gun latches to my back and I begin to rush up the ladder. As I jump on the level I hear footsteps coming up. _Fuck, theres nothing up here_. I lay down a foot away from the edge of the roof and point my gun at the ladders end. As a head comes into sight I realize it’s Carli. She looks at me and she giggles.

“You couldn’t tell me it was you?!” I say as she helps me up.

“You couldn’t look at your radar?” She replies as she looks over the edge. I drop a transcendent link at the corner of the far side and return to Carli.

“This is no mans land, see any place we can man down the component from?”

“Nope, but my bets are on the platform. There are plenty of energy units and boxes to hide behind. Got remote explosives?” Carli asks as she continues to look around

“I do” Syd says as she hops onto the roof.

“Done with the perimeter so quickly?”

“It’s not that big, mountains on each side by the CT’s, buildings, no entrance, no place to run” Syd replies as she cracks her neck.

“Well, lets get down, I don’t want to be here when the” Carli doesn’t finish as a hover craft begins to fire at us. We go flying into the edge of the roof. As I adjust to the impact, I see my suit hasn’t suffered a lot of damage. I begin to maneuver through my suits control panel on my right arm and click on a molecule that begins to repair the damage.

“Ash! Where the fuck are you!” I say and wait for Ashlyn to reply. I hide behind the edge of the roof as the driver of the hover craft continues to shoot at the roof.

“Almost there!”

“Fuck this, we gotta get off” Carli yells over the sound of the hover craft.

“Bitch is ruining my mood” Syd says as she pulls a vehicle grenade out of her backpack “On the count of-“

“Three!” Calri yells as she gets up and sprint to the other side of the roof. _Fucking Carli_. I barely get time to think about the outcomes before Syd throws the grenade and things go into overdrive. Pulling syd, we sprint to the other side and jump. In real life, a jump like this would probably break your legs but since we refute all laws of life, we suffer mere cuts. Our suits are built to protect us, although hits as such do wear out armor, it could be way worse. The explosion sends me flying farther then my normal jump would. The scraps of the hover craft grace my suit. I land on my shoulder as Syd lands on my legs.

 

“Before you jump off a building, please consult it with us” I say to Carli through our connection line.

“CARLI YOU MOTHER FUCKER IF I BRUSE MY SHOULDER I WILL KILL YOU” Syd yells out not even bothering to connect with Carli. I push her off my legs and I sit up. _Where’s Carli_ , I think as I look around. The hover crafts scraps begin to fade and vanish into thin air.

“Syd, get up. Now!” I hush as I get on my feet.

“What is it” She says as she grunts

“We have to get moving before people come check if anyone survived” I say while continuing my search. Looking at my radar, I see she’s no where near. _What the fuck?_ As I help Syd up, my screen flashes red.

“Fuck” Syd says through our communication link

“Lets go” I begin to circle the separation of the platform and begin to make my way to the component which is being hacked.

“Alright syd, I’ll go straight through the boxes and maze of sorts, you try and get around to the other side”

“Got it” She walks a few feet away before I disconnect from her line. I hear gun shots near, which means the real combat has started. I press my back to a box and press a button on the right side of my helmet enabling a shield hardener. Soaking in some silence, I begin to run straight to the component. Lucky, the combat is down of the platform making it rather easy to get to the component. As I get to it, the metal podium that holds a red hologram is clear of enemies. I kneel beside it and begin to hack it using my control panel on my right arm. As the bar begins to fill, a bullet graces the metal podium causing me to stop the hacking. _You’re shitting me_. I start the hack again as bullets continue to come in my direction.

“Yo, don’t move. Four coming from the your left, three from the right. Syd on the stair case waiting for them to approach on the right. Set up a remote explosion” Amy says. When the hack is finished, the hologram turns blue and my screen flashes the word Success.

“Where are they now?” I ask but before she can answer, Syd’s explosion goes off. Rushing to my right, I aim my gun directly at the person shooting at Syd whom is trying her best to reload her gun as she jumps around. The person falls to the ground and their body disappears quicker than my suit can bring up their profile.

_Telios, Level 5_

_Mark H._

_4 kills, 2 deaths_

His battle profile reads across my screen. Usually, when you die, you have an option to call your teams medic who comes and revives you. But just like the boys profile, when you _die_ you see who killed you. And usually, when it’s a squad member who is responsible, you just opt to regenerate in a new clone in a nearby link and not get your medic killed. Syd finishes reloading her gun as I turn to hide form the three enemies coming my way.

“4 enemies headed to the staircase to your right, 2 others joined the pack of 3. I’ll try to get the ones aiming for the stair case. The rest is on you” Amy says and I nod. Although she doesn’t see, she knows I heard. I hook my gun to my back and grab my Elite Knifes. I grab the handle and push a button on the end of the handle which makes a line through the middle of the knifes illuminate in red.

“Becky” I say as I connect to her line while silently make my way to the group of three on the platform.

“Yeah?” She responds quicker then I anticipated

“Will you head to the component? Might need you” I say as my radar begins to read the enemies. They are walking down the platform, gunning anything that moves. _Smart_. I think.

“Tobin asking for help, what?” Becky questions and I know she’s holding in a laugh

“It’s for Syd” I reply with an eye roll. One of the enemies is approximately 4 feet away. I presume behind the energy unit I’m hiding behind, they must be trying to find me. I move a little to the edge of the unit and see their foot. _Smart decision to inspect the platform, stupid decision to split up._ I carefully grab a grenade and drop it towards their foot. They run the other direction clearly falling into my trap. With my thump on the knifes power button, I run behind them and aim for their neck. The boy falls and his body fades. Though knifes typically cut, Elite knifes shock a body and disrupt a suits energy circuit causing your suits shield and armor to weaken by every jab you take in. And when your shield and armor run out, you die. Elite Knifes are the most expensive weapon and usually only affordable to level 5 agents and squads. Knifes on the battle field are what I like to call shameless weapons. Though they are fair game, people who use them have no mercy. Not in the way as they stab you to death [although that is what they sort of do] but as in the way they sneak up on you and catch you off guard. The knifes themselves don’t leave scars unless you die, then, in that case, you find a gash of the last jab that killed you. But otherwise, they are pretty interesting. But like I said, shameless weapon.

As I make my way to two enemies who are in the entry way, I sneak up to one and again, aim for their neck. The other guy begins to shoot at me and my shields percentage begins to fall. Letting go of the girl, I go to jab the person shooting me but end up knocking their weapon out of their hands. Typically, this never happens since your gloves are equipped with magnetic technology that link to your weapon unless turned off or you’re holding it wrong. _Must be a level 3_. The person just stands there, although I can’t see their face, I can tell they are waiting for my strike. But it never comes; instead, I walk backwards and run after the others.

My radar beams telling me four enemies are closing in on me, and I switch from knifes to gun, getting ready to face them. One throws a grenade and I have no choose but to jump off the platform. Landing on my feet, I run across the dirt street and feel bullets hit me. Though they don’t go through me, they sting. People think that we don’t hurt, but little do they know, every bullet leaves a bruise. I barely reach a truck before someone shoots a missile. My body flys to the ground knocking someone over. _Please be from Kardia, pleaseeeeeee._

“Mind getting off?” Becky says, I open my eyes and see its our squads medic.

“Sorry, someone thought it would be fun to bring out a missile launcher.” I apologize as I get up and check my vitals. 30% shield 40% armor.

“I got you” Becky says as she pulls out her recharger unit and aims for my suit. My suits vitals begin to recharge and I thank her.

“Four are coming our way we should” I don’t get to finish my sentence as a heavy vehicle misses Becky and I. I drop to the ground and begin to crawl to the side of a building not too far. Becky opts to get up and run and I follow suit. We run up some stairs near by to a platform and shield away from the tank shooting at us.

“We’re 40 minutes in, only 30 to go if they don’t hack in” Becky says as she huffs. I give her a nod still trying to catch my breath.

“ASH! You better get that or I will” I yell through my microphone.

“Look up” She says. Becky and I look up and see our squad hover craft in the air readjusting to the vehicles angle and begins shooting. As it fly’s over us, I see Carli and Press working the side machine guns aiming at people around us. _So that’s where Carli went_. Press drops from the hover craft and makes her way to us.

“Nice of you to join us!” I yell as chaos starts to break loose. Some enemies hacked into missile units nearby, and begin to aim at Ash.

“Couldn’t let you guys have all the fun now could I?” She teases as she begins to descend to the ground. I follow as Becky connects her repair unit to the both of us.

“Okay, my radar reads 8 reds and 5 on our team” I verify with the two.

“Yep, 4 now” Press says as she points at someone from our team laying on the ground. Becky runs towards them and I do too. As we reach the person, Becky says its an agent from level 4. She revives the boy and he thanks her. _Enemy hacking component_ our screens flash and we all dart for the platform. Press shoots off some soldiers waiting by the stair case as I run up first. Making sure it’s clear, the rest follow suit. _Shouldn’t Pinoe be doing this?!_ The boy and Becky are sent to walk towards the component by the wall and Press and I by the edge. A guy catches Press by surprise but I manage to aim at his head in time.

“Keep your head up” I joke and Press just elbows me

“OUCH! What is it with women and elbowing people?!” I ask and she hushes me. A group of 6 come up the front stair case of the platform so we get behind a small metal wall.

“They found us” She says as she throws her head back. Her helmet hits the metal making a big noise and I bit my tongue. _Now they found us_. I hear foot steps and my radar reads 13 reds and 7 agents in a proximity of 10 feet. I look at Christen and we count to three. She throws a smoke grenade and we begin to fire. Bullets and missiles fire through the snowy ait, everything is a blur but we continue. I hit two in the head but take a lot of damage. Dropping to the ground to avoid any more damage, I crawl around trying to get away to let my suit recharge but to my disadvantage, I run into more reds. _Definitely pushing for a bigger radar_ I curse. To my surprise, these reds are pretty good, killing two agents before they could fire. I lean against the box and wait for them to close in but they never do. I get up and standing there is Pinoe.

“Took you long enough” I say out of breath.

“Sorry, there was a small battle a block away”

“No invite?”

“Eh, thought you were having fun here” She says as she reaches for my hand. I grab it and hop up.

“Lets go regain control” She says, we rush through the boxes but Pinoe falls to the ground all of a sudden. I drop behind a unit nearby to avoid being hit. I expect Pinoe’s body to lye still but instead she rolls in pain. _Stinger_. I grab the blondes leg and begin to pull her body towards me but a bullet hits my hand making me jump backwards a little.

“Agh!” I uttur towards the sky. _I thought Amy got rid of the sniper_. Knowing I won’t resist the pain to my arms, I turn my body so my legs face Pinoe. Clenching my jaw, I bare for the pain and wrap my legs around Pinoe’s fragile body and begin to move backwards. Bullets hit my legs but what I don’t expect is a stinger hitting me in my thigh. Letting out a sharp cry, I manage to get Pinoe behind the energy unit. She continues tossing around as I grab my knife and quickly press its energy button. I scrape off the stinger from my thigh and roll Pinoe over so I can remove the darn electrotech weapon from her shoulder.

“FUCK YOU!” Pinoe yells as she slams her hand against the box beside her “I’m so done being Scout, you can have your spot back” She growls as she rubs her shoulder. I begin to laugh as I hold my thigh.

“You’re in for a long one Pinoe” I say as I get a smoke bomb from her bag.

“Yeah, I thought we were fighting level 3 and 5, not savages. Damn, those stingers. Why are they even legal?!”

“Makers thought they’d be a good distraction” I say as I connect to Amy.

“Distraction?! Not like ten people shooting at you is distracting enough” She continues to rant.

“Wait till you experience the simple knifes and their best friend spike” I joke but also subtle warn her. Pinoes silence says it all.

“Amy, snipers. Get them, focus on them. Someone has a stinger, get them first if you can” I say and disconnect “Pinoe, get your ass up. You’re still the Scout. We can’t switch till the sixth battle” I lie. She doesn’t notice my lie and gets up. I wait till she composes herself and she looks my way.

“Fuck fine. Okay, let me connect with everyone” I wait till she does and she lets out a breath.

“Alright bitches, not as simple as I thought. I want to get this battle done and I know you all do too. No more playing nice, turn on your elite monitor and get the fuck to work!” Pinoe fumes. She looks at me and we both press our squad button which causes our suits turn metal black except for the Athena logo that shines gold. When things get rough, elite suits have a molecule with alters sense even more. I smirk and know its on now that my potential has risen. Pinoe throws a couple of smoke bombs and things get interesting. Someone begins to rehack the component so I head back to where the bullets fly while Pinoe goes to protect the hacker. As I reach the location of chaos, things are going as expected. Everyone is on the platform. Reds run through the middle entry as we hold them off from both sides. I see Ash down on the platform as well. _That’s rare_. I look at the top of my screen and see we still have 87 clones left.

“A little help” Syd calls out for me as she sees a heavy vehicle approaching the platform. I quickly follow her down the stairs, shooting a girl in front of the stairs case and Syd takes out the guy at the bottom.

“Get on top of the truck over there, I’ll distract the tank while you come up with a way to destroy it” She yells as she takes off in the direction of the death machine. I do as she says and struggle to get on the tall construction truck. Some bullets hit the window of the vehicle startling me but not stopping me. I get on top of it and lay down. _My first vehicle kill and I don’t even have something to destroy it with._ I tap my fingers on the hood of the truck trying to come up with a plan. A missile flies through the air and hits a few boxes up the road. I look in the direction and spot some stable gas tanks and missiles behind the boxes. _Bingo_. It is rare when you find stable missiles and tanks, they are very hidden and only placed in a few battles.

“Syd, get the tank to the building in the corner. I found a way but you’re going to have to be quick” I edge out a bit shaky. Though the tanks and missiles are stable, a perfect shot can get them to explode within a millisecond.

“Quick is my middle name” She responds with as much confident as possible. I swallow hard and jump off the truck. I know Syd’s mind is pacing and she is doubting her ability, so I have to challenge her. As the Scout, you not only know your agents feelings but you know them. You know how to work them, and that is what I do.

“Prove it” I say. Although I know the girl is more then capable of out running the tank and getting out of proximity of the explosion, she needs motivation. I see her get the tanks attention and I sprint towards the building in front. Grabbing onto a railing, I use my strengths to hop from a windows edge to the roof. I grunt in pain as I feel my shoulders muscles pull. _Freaking Carli and her drastic measures_. With all the strength left in my legs, I push myself up and fall onto the roof. I rush ocer to the corner of the roof and realize its edge might not be tall enough to block the scraps of the tank that go flying. _No time now._ I lay down and position myself, I look into the scope of my gun and aim it on a missiles tip. _It has to be perfect or it won’t work_. I’ve heard the boys talk about setting off stable weapons, but I’ve never done it myself because of it’s dangers. Many people fail, and some die from being too close. Syd body comes to sight and the tank on her tail. _Alright Syd, you can do it you badass mother fucker_. I lean into my gun and stablize my breath. Syd’s body flys in front of my view and I let a second go by before I pull the trigger.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Terrible?   
> Cliff hanger, haha the next chapter will be uploaded in about an three hours. It sucks that I have to write the story on word and copy and paste and edit on here. :(


	8. ...For Business (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle one, done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next part. Kinda short but not. Next chapter will be updated on Saturday, maybe, if I get another chapter written that it will be posted on Saturday.

...For Business (Part 2)

The tank is right in front of the missiles when the explode, ripping it into millions of pieces. Pieces that explode in all directions, including mine. I don’t have time to duck as the boys weren’t kidding when they said the suckers exploded within a second. When I open my eyes, the edge of the roof no longer exists and my screen flashes in red telling me my suit is under 10%. Instead of worrying, I begin to laugh. _Goodness, what have I come to_. I begin to stir when I hear bullets flying my way. I try to move but my body aches. I close my eyes and brace for the final hit but it never comes. Instead, I feel someone turn me on my side.

“You know, you never ask for help” Becky jokes. I hear her ruffle through her backpack and instantly know what she’s going for “This is going to…”

“Hurt, I know” I feel an immense pressure on the back of my neck and then a sharp pain shoots through my spine as Becky inserts a needle through my diamond. I yell out with force as I grip my gun, trying my best not to move. Becky murmurs soothing words and holds me still but I the pain cancels out my surroundings. I clench my jaw to try and stop from yelling any louder but it doesn’t work. As my body begins to respond, I feel Becky retrieve the revive injector from my neck. I grasp for air, letting the injection spread through my body and do its job.

“Sorry” Becky says while guilt like aways. The thing about revive injections is that they are painful. If you are dead, they hurt once your senses come back, but if you are alive and below 10%, they hurt from the moment they make contact with you nerves until the needle comes out.

“Not your fault ” I giggle to myself as I lay for a second. It’s only my third time getting the revive injection and I am glad. Becky helps me sit up and I realize Syd is covering for us.

“Glad to see you’re okay” I say with sincerity. Syd turns and clears her screen.

“I can say the same” She responds with a bright smile. Her helmet darkens again and I get on my feet.

“Only a good 10 minutes left” Becky says as she puts her backpack on. I stretch and jump a little to get my body going again.

“Why the fuck is it so cold” I say as the wind makes me shiver. When your suit drops under 10%, things stop working, just like my heating system. The only thing keeping me warm is the thermal shirt I wore to work.

“Because Kanatos thought it’d be fun to throw everyone off” Syd sasses as she walks to the ladder

“Like always” I respond and follow. We slowly make out way back to the platform and proceed with precaution. The girls go before me as I watch from behind.

“Yo Tobs, you good?” Carli asks, a hint of concern can be heard but Carli Lloyd is not one to show much emotion.

“Better than you” I respond

“Than get your ass up here, it’s getting heavy” She interjects and I laugh. _Yup, that’s as close as she’ll get to showing some sympathy._ At the top of the stair case I see Reds on the roof which makes me realize what Carli was talking about. I point Syd to the entry and Becky to the Mezzo’s who seem to be struggling.

“Pinoe, you hear me?” I ask as I maneuver through the maze of the platform to the safety of a wall.

“Always, what’s up?” She asks as I hear her background. _Must be on the other side of the platform._

“How many clones do they have?”

“23” I nod to myself because this is where Pinoe has to make a life choice. She can either end the game within the next two minutes, or run the clock to avoid killing 30 people.

“Megan, it is up to you. I stand behind your choice” I say with more seriousness than before. I look at my feet and wait for a response.

“Run the clock” She finally breathes out. I mentally cheer as it is never easy being responsible for the deaths of people.

“Connect to everyone, let them know” I say as I quickly get to my feet and run towards the direction of the gun fire. Running the clock means we do the best we can to play out the time that is left to win the battle, we have dominated the enemy 90% to 20%, and only 10% is left. But in this situation, the enemy only has 23 clones left. If we kill 23 more people, the opposing team will have no more clones to regenerate into and lose the battle. But not only do they lose the battle, they lose their team on the field as well. And that’s a lot of weight to carry, I would know.

As I make it to the zone of bullets, I begin to pull back mezzos and point them towards the component, some follow, while others look at me confused but do as told. Press and Ashlyn take the front line and scare off the reds as Carli and I direct agents around. Pinoe and Syd are at the component keep guard. Becky has taken out her gun and helped keep front as well.

“How we doing out there?” Pinoe asks. I aim at a kid up top who has settled on getting Ash killed

“Just dealing with some stubborn ones, you guys?”

“Same, they aren’t backing away” She replies with a little panic

“Never do Pinoe” I say, we are at 95% and I pray that the damn system hurrys up.

“Ash!” I yell through the commotion. Her machine gun is rather loud so I don’t expect a response.

“I’m in the middle of something!” She says as she aims for the kid above us.

“Yeah, I know, I’m trying to help!” I say as I shoot someone aiming for Ashlyn on the far side of the roof.

“Whats your plan?”

“You got any gun powder?” I say with a bit of sarcasm. She laughs at my reference.

“Some, think it’ll do the trick?”

“I think it will”

“Can you get here?” She asks as she continues to fire. I stand up and look down the platform, theres a large amount of gas that I can barely see but it’s nothing I haven’t dealt with before. I carefully move towards the wall to get out of sight of those above us and begin my way to Ash.

“Toss it over to me” Ash grabs a small missile from her belt and tosses it to me. I grab my knife and begin to open it carefully. The funny story with these unique missile is that they can be easily modified to create a firework show. One time, Ash was picking me up form a roof and someone threw a modified missile onto the hover craft. Ash and I expected to go down but instead, we were startled by the sparks and fumes coming out it. We thought it was some wicked type of distraction that would explode once the show was over but when we figured out it was harmless, we laughed it off and opted to find a way to make one. I carefully remove the detonation string and throw it on the ground. All set, I put the cap back on and cut a few small holes into it.

“Ready” I ask and Ash nods in my direction. Turning my Elite Knife on, I quickly rasp it on one of the holes creating a spark. I feel it beginning to heat up so I throw it onto the rooftop. Seconds later, I hear sparks flying and people fleeing. The bullets stop and so do I. _99% we’re going to make it_. As the firework stops my weapon disables and my screen flashes in gold. _Kardia Victory_. Ash comes my way and high fives me. We clear our screens and I see Press’s questioning face.

“What was that?”

“Just a little trick” Ash answers, Pinoe and the rest of Kardia make their way to us and we celebrate a good win.

“You just had to go out with a bang” Amy says as she hugs me.

“Couldn’t let Pinoe do all the exciting stuff” I say as I nudge the blonde.

“Of course” Amy walks over to the rest of the squad giving them a hug. Our squad hover craft arrives and we begin to board. As I sit in my seat, the door closes and I remove my helmet.

“Miss, someone is on line 1” A security pilot says. I give them a thumps up as I buckle up and put on a headset.

“This is Tobin speaking” I say with authority

“Scout Tobin, It’s Michael” The representative of Kardia’s Makers says.

“Sir Morgan, what can I do for you?”

“Please call me Michael, I just wanted to congratulate you and the squad on the victory. I had the pleasure to watch it with the makers and president.”

“Thank you sir, I hope we didn’t disappoint” I say with some speculation. _How dare they broadcast our battle to them._

“You had us on our toes” He responds naively.

“Wanted to give you all a show” I respond with more irritation then before.

“Well you sure did, again congrats. We’re not watching anymore but for my first battle, this didn’t disappoint” I know I should not feel violated by the fact that Sir Morgan and the Makers watched our battle, but I do. It rubs me in the wrong way. To them, it is glory but if only they knew its not show. Our helmets are equipped with small cameras that record and broad cast live feed to Lauren, but knowing that the board was with Lauren during the battle enrages me. _How dare they mock our work._ _How dare they watch such cruelty and call it heroism_. I clench my fists to relieve some anger and remind myself that the only people who replay the videos of battles are me and Frost.

“Thank you Sir, if that’s all, I must get going” I say more smoothly

“Oh yes, I won’t keep you longer. Good job!” He says goodbye and hangs up, I shove the headset back into its compartment and kick the floor.

“Let me guess, they were watching” Syd says with an eye roll. I just let out a frustrated groan and she just curses the system. Pinoe comes and sits besides me and buckles in.

“Buckle up, we’re taking off” Ash’s voice says through the speaker. We all buckle up and look out the windows as we rise above the battle field. The platform begins to shrink and within seconds, it’s no longer visible.

“Good job Pinoe” I say as I lay back into my seat and let my body rest for the next few minutes before we reach the next battle zone.

“Good job? I think I’m a true contestant for your spot bro” She jokes.

“Four more to go, make it through them and you can have my spot” I say as I drift off. The last thing I hear is a no way from the small girl. _That’s what I thought._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already writing the encounter between Tobin and Alex... ;)


	9. Challenge of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's never goes away, the feeling of being a killer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is random, but has anyone listened to Selena Gomez's new album...It's pretty rad. Been listening to it while writing. 
> 
> Anyhow, Here is an update, kinda long but I didn't want to split it in two. I'll put another update by Tuesday or maybe even tonight. Who knows :)

Challenge of the Past

“May I share the couch?” I hear Christen say as she nudges my body. I sit up a little and pull my knees to my chest creating some space for the tan girl “Thanks” She whispers. She stretches her legs on the couch and I decide to do so as well. I open my eyes slightly and see her resting her eyes as too. We are currently waiting for the minute alarm to go off for our fifth battle. The last four battles went as expected, with victories, except the third battle ended up being longer then necessary. It is now somewhere around 2pm but we have a 15 minute break before we continue.

“Move over” Amy says as she begins to push me towards the middle of the couch.

“Rude” I say as I move myself.

“Yeah yeah, stop wasting time” She manages to get her whole body on the couch and I find myself half laying on Press and half on ARod.

“Thanks for leaving space” Carli says as she comes into the quite room of the KCT.

“Not you too” I say with a whimper.

“On no, I don’t want the couch, I was going to lay on the comfy floor. This room is like a giant pillow” She exclaims in complete sincerity “I mean, this carpet is literally a cloud. I could sink right through”

“I second that, where do they get such material” Syd inquires as the glass sliding doors close behind her.

“You would love it, mostly since it’s white” Carli responds. It’s true, the entire room is crispy creams of white. The room was designed to give you a comfy sensation. It’s the quiet room because its sound proof from the chaos outside.

“Touche” Syd responds and sits in an individual chair across from us. The room goes silent and I can feel Press let out a long sigh. Just a quick power nap. As I begin to drift the darn alarm goes off. Syd is the first to throw a fit.

“They do this shit on purpose, I fucking swear, every time I begin to fall asleep they pull the alarm!” She rants as she rubs her eyes.

“Oh shut up Syd, you’re not the only one trying to get sleep” Ash says as she gets up. When’d she come in? We all make our way out the quiet room and grab our helmets and gloves from our hangers.

“Yo, you have Lauren on the line” Becky tells me as she walks by, I give her a thanks and quickly slide on my helmet and gloves.

“What’s up” I say as I walk to the drop.

“Why are you letting her do this?” Lauren asks and I hear a bit of concern

“I got a plan” I say as I darken my helmets screen.

“Oh shit” She lets out realizing I had Pinoe covered.

“I know we can change Scout any time, even during the battle, but I need Pinoe to realize she’s a great leader. After what happened, she’s been a little off. I just want her to see she’s not who she think she is.” I say.

“And I’m the mom of the squad” Lauren jokes. I laugh and tell her to wish us luck as we disconnect.

“Alright bitches, we going to show Katos who they are messing with. Dark from the start. Ya’ll heard me? We’re sticking together this time” Pinoe pumps. We all laugh at her horrible motivational speech and prepare to jump as the last seconds tick by. We let the factors in our group drop before us. After every agent has dropped, we jump into the fog. Once on the floor, Pinoe takes the front while Carli and I follow right behind.

“Okay, since this is an ambush, my map is useless. We want to get to high ground” She says as we look around. All we see is piles of what I believe is snow. Of course, the snow is an advantage to Kanatos since their region faces winter for a good 5 months. We on the other hand, only experience winter for a good two weeks. Another disadvantage is that our suits are black and gold either.

“Look, theres a city over there” Press points out to the west of us.

“If only we could use the hover craft to get there” Pinoe says. For ambushes, we are not allowed any type of vehicle since they can easily kill more than one person at a time

“How far do you think it is Syd” I ask. Since Syd is the fastest on the quad, she always runs perimeters. The girl may be a fashionista but she’s more intelligent than you would imagine.

“A good mile in distance. Ambushes have the largest arena. Must be a good 13 by 7” She says as she begins to run in the direction of the city.

“Bloody hell” Ash curses and Becky laughs. I only offer to help Ash out since she has the heaviest suit of the squad. Her machine gun included. As the city comes into sight, a level 5 agent and I set down Ash’s weapon and take a second to compose ourselves. The majority of factors followed behind us realizing we were the best chance they had. Kanatos is the second leading region in the world, behind Kardia that is. Their special squad, Katos, is our unspoken rival. Dangerous fellows but no competition for us or the boys but that doesn’t stop them from being a pain in the ass.

“Alright factors, I can’t connect to all of you at once, so you’re going to have to be silent mother fuckers and follow orders” Pinoe says as we near an entrance to a building. After counting twice, we realized there were 23 of us, meaning 7 agents ran off on their own.

“Okay, I want 2 groups of 6 and two groups of 4. Tobin, Carli, you’re with me, us three. Syd and Ash, take four agents. Press take four, Amy and Becky take the rest. We will lead, I want Syd, your group the last behind us. My map shows and Lauren tells me, that only buildings without a door are accessible. So don’t stay close to an entrance” Everyone nods in understand and Pinoe looks me and Carli.

“Well, here does nothing” We enter a building without a sound. Checking every room for an enemy link or any sort of sign but discover none. There is a staircase leading to the roof so Carli pulls out her scope and check out higher roofs to ensure no snipers are awaiting.

“No sign of an enemy” She says as she attaches her gun to her back. Pinoe moves onto the roof first and stands there until she says it safe to come up. I look around and admire the elaborate city the makers created for this battle. There are bridges connecting one roof to another. Streets and building are modernized with metals and minerals that can withhold any sort of damage. Lights, windows without glass, doors, signs, the whole deal. 

“A replica of an actual city” Carli says as she eyes the street a bit confused.

“Why would they do that” Becky asks as she takes a look around.

“I don’t know but something about it ticks me wrong” Pinoe quaked with clear suspicion. I can’t help but kneel on the ground and look at the detailed city. Never in all my life had I seen a battle field like this one. All battle fields are modern looking but each have an abandon feeling to them. Dirt roads, snow, industrial like buildings but never actual city. _This is just odd_.

“Lets get this over with. I don’t want to spend the next two hours here” Syd hisses

“I second that” a contestant says while a hint of nerve. We begin to move to another roof that leads to some stairs up higher. Press sets up a link on the bottom of the stair case and Ashlyn pulls out a scanner.

“No signal of enemies” She yells out and we continue our route upward. At the top of the stair case, there is a long open hall that looks down the street. _This just gets more odd_. Pinoe stops and points to a thin bridge crossing to the building cross. Except this bridge has no railing. I shrug my shoulders letting Pinoe know that I actually don’t know what to do. I’ve never been in a situation where a battle takes place in a city.

“I want everyone to stay here while the three of us cross and check out this building” Pinoe whispers. She walks to the edge of the hall and taps on the bridge to make sure it wont fall. _Somethings not right_. Taking a few steps, she makes it to the middle and Carli proceeds behind her. Once they reach the other side, I step onto the bridge and my boots make a decent amount of noise. As I reach the middle, I stop and tap my foot.

“What are you doing” Carli sneers

“Hush” I say calmly as I do it again.

“Stop it, you’re going to”

“Shut up” I interrupt with more demand. I close my eyes and turn off the power of my suit which causes people to gasp. Once again, I tap my foot and I hear it. _An echo_. Realizing what the makers wanted I turn on my suit and rush to the side where Pinoe and Carli stand bewildered.

“What the fuck was that all about” Carli demands. I point to my helmet and connect to Carli.

“The city, it’s not a coincidence. The small energy of our weapons and suits don’t let you ear it but every step we take makes a small echo. Kanatos must have developed high frequency readers…”

“…to locate our location” Carli breaths

“Exactly, they need the city so that our frequencies bounce off the walls”

“How is that even allowed, last meeting we were told we could only use scanners of up to 10 feet that could scan through walls but they have frequency readers. That’s some bullshit, those little shits found a way to kill our dark mode” As it slips Carli’s mouth, it hits me. I disconnect from Carli.

“We have to split up” I tell Pinoe whom seems a little lost.

“This is an ambush Tobin, we can’t split up”

“Just trust me on this, we are causing a lot of frequency together, you can hear our echo in the emptiness of the city” I explain “But what happens when you have frequency coming in a every angle” I ask. Pinoe must understand as she nods her head.

We spend the next five minutes designating teams and roles. After thinking it all through, everyone set out on their course. Currently, I am heading down a stair case to some underground tunnels. Carli sets up some explosives up above and Pinoe is on the look out. I hide beside the wall next to the entrance and look at my radar. Nothing near, so I go under and am surprised to see a lighted hallway. _Alright lets get this done_. I walk over to the end of the hall and begin to set up controlled explosives. As I click on 2 minutes, I notice a very faint glimmer in the corner by some pipes. _What’s that_ I ask myself as I get up and begin to walk over to it.

“Tobin! The clock is ticking, 40 seconds!” Carli shouts down the hallway. With no time to investigate, I grab my gun from the floor and book it to the stairs. Looking back down the hallway one last time, I make my way up and run to the edge of the roof. Pinoe and Carli are across the street, I look down at my watch, 15 seconds. With no time to run around, I jump form the first floor onto the street and running past Pinoe and Carli. We make it to a small building two streets down before an explosion goes off causing flames to rise. I count to 30 before a second explosion goes off.

“Okay, lets get moving. Up 5 streets, in about two minutes, Press’s groups explosions should go off” We begin to run there with good pace. As we go towards the hiding of Press’s group, two explosions go off. We find the group of five and they follow us to the next location. Every 2 to 3 minutes, an explosion goes off in a different area of the city. Making it hard for Kanatos to use there new equipment to trace us. As we reach the last location, the groups run to designated buildings on the street and prepare for combat. Carli, Pinoe and I stay on the street, hidden behind cars. _If they followed the frequency of the explosions, they should be here in 2 minutes_. That is enough time for everyone to get in position and avoid making noise. As we all wait, I begin to loosen the grip of my gun. Opening and closing my hand around the handle, I hear shouting in the distance and know they are getting close. I grab my elite knifes and turn them on, I drag them against the car, causing loud screeches. The voices get louder and Carli takes the signal to prepare the explosives timer. _1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9…boom_

Three explosives go off creating a barrier on the street. Amy begins taking out enemies as she’s propped up on a roof four stories above. Ash and Syd’s group come out of a building near by and start shooting over the obvious line of combat. Press’s group selected this street because there are industrial cars on our side, making it easy to hide, as opposed to Kanatos who don’t. A bullet hits my head and I duck onto the floor. _The fuck_ , I look at my screen and realize the bullet made a big impact on my shield. Although our helmets are made to resist all types of hits, a good sniper with a good gun can _kill_ you with one shot.

“Amy, sniper somewhere”

“Gotcha, he’s on a roof a street down, third floor, open window” Amy responds. I hear a shot and a small yes before she tells me its taken care of. I get up and rush to Carli who’s hiding behind a car reloading.

“Scoot over” I yell, she moves to another tire.

“Alright, what’d Pinoe say”

“Katos is in the mix somewhere, they aren’t wearing their special drop suits though” Carli lets me know. _What pussies._

“Alright, let Amy know to be on the look out and tell her to tell her two little snipes that this is their chance to score big” I say as I rush over to the building Ash is in front of. Bullets caress my suit, each doing little damage. Ash and her squad are mandating the line, covering themselves with the entrance of buildings and cars.

“ASH!” I yell over her loud machine gun

“What! I’m in the middle of something!” She yells back as she continues to aim for someone.

“KATOS IS BEING CHEAP AND USING REGULAR SUITS TO HIDE” I yell back, she momentarily stops and curses.

“Little fuckers eh” She says with as much annoyance as I am currently feeling. I nod my head and she weighs her options “Okay, lets give them a reason not to hide” She responds, I immediately know she’s smirking and I silently laugh to myself. _Here comes the shark._

“Pinoe, Ash is in. Let’s have a little fun, shadow style” I say as place my gun on my back and pull out my knifes again. Pinoe tells me to take control of the street as she begins to scout the buildings the enemies have taken in with two groups. I point to Syd, Ash and Press and we ready ourselves. The thing about Elite Squads is that we have courage. We’ve been though the dirt, we’ve lost people, we been crushed, we are the living dead to some but most importantly, we are brave. Instead of hiding during an Ambush, we look for the enemy and go at it up close, no 500 meters in distance. Elite Squads are usually the ones at the center of an ambush, broadcasting our abilities, letting our speed and spree scare off the enemy. Though there are rivalries between regions, the Elite Squads have greater rivalries with other squads. Athena’s biggest rival happens to be Katos. If Katos sees us on the ground, at the center, they will come and try to dominate the stage. Which is exactly what we need since they were trying to take us as fools.

“Who’s ready for some good’ol revenge” Syd hollers out as she shoots her gun at the street. I shake my head because Syd is still bitter. The last time we fought an Elite Squad was about four months ago, and it happened to be against Katos. It is rare to have two elite squads in a battle, it usually only happens once or twice a year, except every four years during a big Elite Competition. But even more rare than this, is getting killed 8 times by an elite squad like Syd experienced four months ago.

“Well Syd, for once I’m going to have to say I” Press says proudly and eagerly

“Same as Press” I add in. _I’m tired of Kanatos makers and their cold ass fields._

“Well then ladies, lets get the control back to Kardia makers” Ash yells out and goes out onto the street. Syd throws a couple of dark heavy smoke bombs and our suits immediately change color to match the smoke. There is a reason why we wear black and gold, it came from the nickname the lower levels assigned to us, shadows. Primarily because of Carli and I, whom are dead silent. Soon enough, Syd and Pinoe came up with a heavy smoke bomb, so dense it required special screen helmets which were later designed by Carli and I with the help of Ash. The name shadow fit even more at that moment, and now it is a technique we use rarely but it is only allowed to be used by our squad since we invented it. Each squad has a special technique but none as slick as ours.

My screen changes color, making it easy to see anything that is 10 feet in front of me. I hear gunshots all around me, primarily from the reds on the street, firing in every direction since they can’t see. Walking down the street towards the line of battle, I find two reds hiding. They don’t see me, which I use to my advantage. Quickly, I get rid of them and continue forth with my assignment. I spot someone running, but before I reach them they fall. _Nice shot Amy_. I see Syd ahead, targeting two people who have spotted her. Switch my knifes for my gun, I take one out and Syd gets the other. We stay close, maneuvering down the street, emptying it of enemies.

The dark black cloud has nearly vanished when I sense a red behind me. Just in time, I grab a knife and jab them. They bounce back on their feet and I smirk. _Katos huh?_ They switch their gun for their knifes which light up in red. _Definitely Katos_. We begin an intense fight, although it is not legal to punch or ‘fight’ someone, rules don’t really apply to squads. Why? Because unlike everyone else, we fight not harsh but fairly, and our motive is different.

They go in for a jab to my ribs but I block it in time to sneak a jab at their rib cage. I barely miss, hitting the edge of there gun which knocks my knife to the ground. The person stands still and waits for me to pick it up. As I go fling it up to my hands using my foot, someone shoots at me and I turn my head. Idiot, don’t you know you’re not supposed to interrupt squad members. I look towards the Katos member and they throw a grenade towards their own agent whom takes the warning and goes. We continue blocking and taking hits until I trip them. As they fall, I get a glimpse of the initials on their helmet.

_Assault, CS._

_Of course_ , I think as they get up. They do a move that I’ve seen the boys practice often and I know exactly what they’re aiming for, my head. I turn my body to the left and use the opportunity to bring my right arm around their body. With a perfected swing, I nudge my blade into their upper back. Their body goes limb and I know that its over. I close my eyes and hold my breath as I lay them on the ground, trying my best not to let their head hit the floor. I open my eyes and let out an apology as I go on.

The first person I run into is Syd, whom is in her own little fight with a squad member. I continue to run and find Ashlyn trying to hold off three squad members.

“About time, Syd decided to get into a fight and Press went to hunt down Becky” Ash exaggerates as I kneel beside her.

“You? Needing back up? Since when?” I joke as I grab my gun and tuck my knifes away.

“Oh shut up and help me. Their scout is hiding behind the parking pay post, two across the street using the entry as a shield. Before you stick your head out…” I don’t wait for blonde to finish as I stick my head over the car. Bullets fly my way and I duck down.

“Idiot, you didn’t let me finish. They got two squad members on the second floor and I think two more farther down the road with snipes, so Amy won’t get them”

“Why didn’t you tell me that first” I tease as I grab my scope from my belt.

“Fuck you, you didn’t listen” She replies with annoyance

“Thanks Ash, but I’m not interested” I leave her with that as I adapt my scope to my rail gun and run across the street to a truck.

“Amy! I need you to come down, two snipes the road, tell you little ones to back down the road and find a roof” I yells through our connection

“On my way, do I need to get Becky or should I get Carli?” She asks as I hear her flying down the stairs.

“Eh, Carli” We finish at that and I lay on the floor under the truck. Amy comes near and she spots me.

“Carli’s going to meet Ash, what are we doing?” She whispers as I look through my guns scope.

“You’re going to get the snipers, while I get the two hiding in the entryway. Carli and Ash will do the rest” She begins to set up her gun and I get out from under the truck. I run towards a car up front and bullets fly my way, luckily Amy scared off the shooter.

“Pinoe, you say the word”

“Wait for an explosive in the building across from you, they’ll run the other way. Some reds are trying to go around so I’m headed there with the rest of us, in about 7 minutes, we’ll be surround so try to get a few links set up and lower the clones as much as possible” I look at my screen and see we still have 98 clones left. _The other team must have about 70, if we knock a good 20 we should be good to take on the heat_. I watch the building up front, occasionally sticking my head out and shooting towards the snipes.

A good three minutes go by and there still is no explosion. Carli is getting irritated of wasting ammo and I’m getting annoyed waiting.

“Get out of there, they set us up. Only Katos squad is on that street, they sent everyone the other way!” Press’s voice rings through my ears.

 _No flipping way_ I breath as it hits me. It’s four against eight, with two snipes up top who have little to no experience at this level.

“Carli, we got a problem” I say knowing exactly what she’s going to say

“We have to fight off Katos again” She laughs at the irony. I stay silent and await her choice.

“Fuck it, if we get them, we will be able to run the other way and help the rest before they transcend, I’ll send Ash after their medic” She explains

“Okay, I’ll have Amy move and send the two little ones to the others” Carli agrees and I do a double check of the street above. I wait till Carli says go, as soon as she does, Ash tosses regular grenades down the street and I stand up. Aiming at the top floor, I hit a squad member straight in the head and smirk. _One down, seven to go_. I continue to shoot towards the other shooter but he moves away from the window. Carli runs to my side, also holding the gun up to her face, shooting at everything that moves. The snipes have ran into a building near by and I hear Carli let out the word pussies. Amy catches up, ditching her sniper rifle for her assault gun. As we get close to where Kato’s Scout was hiding, we realize they ran into an ally.

“I’ll get her, you go get the three across the street. Amy, you go get those snipes” We take off, each with the hope to only face one red at a time. As I get to the entrance, I find an enemy link and shoot it. I check my radar but notice that no one is on the level so I proceed to the stairs. I turn off my suits energy and listen. Hearing footsteps, I turn it back on and silently walk up the stairs. I toss a nearby rock at the top of the stairs which sets off two small explosions, I turn my faces as the smoke fills the stair case. _You’re going to have to be smarter than that_. As I walk to the top, I find another link and shoot it. Bullets clink against the wall beside me, I press my back to the wall and stop to think about it. I hear a click and suppress a laugh. _You’re up against Athena and you don’t even check to see if you’ve got enough ammo._ I bring my gun to my face and charge in the direction of the shots, the squad member tackles me and I know exactly who it is. _Andrade_. She’s not that bad, except she lets her emotions run wild when she’s up against Kardia. Her small figure lands on me and she brings out her simple knifes. _You got to be kidding._ Aiming for my head, I roll around and reach for my gun but she kicks it away.

“The best you got” She chimes as she clears her screen which shows a bloody nose.

“I’m not sure you could handle the best” I answer as I crack my knuckles. I’m not cocky nor this aggressive but this girl asks for it. She gets up and gets ready, sighing, I grab my knifes. Lady lets out a laugh and I roll my eyes. As soon as I put my gun away, she’s swiping my way missing by inches. I arch my eyebrow a bit surprised she hasn’t realized who she’s tempting. Andrade try’s to jab my side again but I catch her arm in time to turn her over. She slams our body’s against the wall and I groan at the girls force. _What happened to fighting fair_. Getting tired of the girl, I let go and push her forward. She reacts quick and turns to face me, doing all sorts of fancy movements to distract me, but truth be told, I already know them. As she does the typical move of distraction, I take her distraction as an advantage and put an end to the fight. The smaller girls body nearly hits the floor before I catch her, setting her down I let out a small amount of advice knowing her conscious can hear me. I walk away without looking back and proceed upstairs to eliminate the rest of the enemies.

Once I have cleared the building, I reach the roof top knowing there is only one Kato left. I slowly approach the door to the roof and take precaution. No explosive goes off as I toss a rock so I carefully proceed.

“Carli, I have one to go, should be done within a minute” I whisper into my microphone. Although only I can hear it, I lowkey feel as if everyone can hear me.

“Do you want us to wait, or head over” Carli asks, before I can answer, a spike digs into my back and I drop to the floor in shock. As the venom of the small gadget begins it course through my body, I try to warn Carli. But as luck would have it, I can’t form any words. I look around, for the source of the spike and there standing on the edge of the roof is someone from Katos who’s back is turned to me. _Oh come on, just kill me_. My thoughts yell as I feel my body heating up and going weak by every second that goes by. I would move, but the more you move, the faster the venom spreads and the higher level of pain you experience. A spike is a small metal ball, when it hits something, it attaches on like a lech and injects a small amount of deadly venom into your body. It only disables movement in the part of the body that is hits which allows people to keep fighting if they are only hit once. But, the more you move the faster it kills you.

 

I look at my screen before making a drastic decision. 57 clones, 38% suit armor and shield. With all the strength I have left, I manage to get up. The agonizing pain rising steadily, my forehead sweats and my vision blurs but I can’t let the individual go.

“Why is it that every time I get hit by a spike, I am left to die” I barely get out as my breathing begins to fail. The person turns around and sits on the edge.

“Maybe because you don’t deserve a quick death” They explain with repugnant voice. Something about the way they say _you_ dismays me.

“Who’s to say what I deserve” I continue as I lean against a metal bar near me. My balance is slowing vanishing, so I grip the bar to hold myself up.

“The people you’ve killed” They answer. I wasn’t expecting such a blunt answer; actually, I don’t know what I expected at all but definitely not that answer. _The people I’ve killed?_

“We all kill here, there’s no” I stop as I take in some air and try to keep my breathing steady “specifics on who dies. I don’t choose who I kill. You are no better than I” I finish. I hear voices going though my helmet but I don’t bother replying, it would give me off.

“You don’t get it. This, what I’m doing to you, is not killing you” They shake their head obviously frustrated with me.

“Right, and I’m not hurting” I reply with annoyance.

“March 27” They yell at me with clear hurt and it hits me stone cold like a thousands stingers and spikes “Now you get it! You fucking heartless son of bitch” They charge at me with full force and I don’t have the time or strength to move. Our bodies tumble across the roof top and as soon as we stop rolling, they get on top of me and begin to beat me. I know that I should react but my mind has left my body. Now more than ever do I wish to die. My eyes begin to shut, my body no longer responds and my mind only repeats the word sorry. When I regain conscious, I am in the KCT. My head spins and my eyes try to adjust to the light of my room.

“Close your eyes, I’ll tell you when to open them” Beckys smoothing voice says as she grabs my hand.

“What happened” I ask a bit confused.

“Well, miss, you tried to stall while we arrived” She laughs at my stupid idea and I crack a smile

“Luckily, Carli arrived in time to handle the situation. You on the other hand, were just about to go out. Carli had a boast needle on her and immediately gave it to you. Although it did not eliminate the venom, it gave me enough time to hustle over. When I arrived, the battle was over. Victory for Kardia, but as you know, spikes and singers are the only things that don’t stop when the battle ends. Ash got the craft and we rushed over here with you and Pinoe. The girl got a glimpse of a spike. But not like the one you got hit with, check this baby out” I open my eyes and can see clear now. Becky holds a clear box with the stinger that was in my back. The thing that catches my eye is the red gleamer by the spikes of the metal ball. “What is” I try to speak but the driness of my throat makes it hard. Becky helps me get some water down and I thank her.

“What is” I try to speak but the dryness of my throat makes it hard. Becky helps me get some water down and I thank her.

“To answer your question, it’s their new update of their original spike. Which, to your disadvantage, happened to be tested on you” She gives me a warm smile but I can tell theres more.

“And”

“Well, lets say they didn’t tell anyone except their makers that they were going to test them out. Which is why you are currently not in battle” Beck quickly averts her attention to my vitals and it slowly comes to me. _I’m not in battle_. I begin to push myself up but my right shoulder gives out and I cry out in pain.

“Don’t move” Becky quickly injects something into my body and I slowly relax.

“Why can’t I feel my shoulder Becky” I let out as soon as I can bare the pain. Becky turn her back to me and begins to ruffle around the room. In search for something. As soon as she finds it, she comes and sits beside me.

“First, you have to put this on” She holds up a sling and I just nod no “Then you’re not deploying in the next battle” Weighing my options, I let her put the sling on and she breaks a smirk.

“Good to know you still got that bite, cause you’re gonna need it”

“What do you mean”

“Well, heres the spike I got our of Pinoe’s left leg. As you know, these only temporarily disable the region where it hit while its in your body or until you die. But this little guy wasn’t tested enough and its side effects don’t ware off when its taken out. I’m not sure if its effects stop if you die but you miss didn’t die therefore I don’t know. All I know is that your effects haven’t worn out and that Kanatos is in huge trouble” I let it sink in. _I deserved it._

“I’m going to give you an injection through your diamond, it’s going”

“to hurt” I finish

“yep, but it’ll numb your shoulder so you won’t fell the pain . I don’t understand why you’re still feeling the pain since the venom disappeared when I took out the spike but any less here we go” I put so that Becky can get to my diamond and I grip the bed sheets. As she pulls out the needle, I grasp for air and she rubs my back. She proceeds to help me up and helps me put on my boots.

“Keep the sling on until we deploy”

“We”

“Yes we, I’m not in the battle either, how else would I have been here” I look at her with some much confusion and she just laughs.

“Desperate measures call for drastic choices” She says as she walks towards the door. I follow her to the small command room of the KCT and see Lauren out in battle on a screen.

“No way” I say as I reach the live feed desk.

“Yeah way, she took my spot and we called in Kristie” Becky says as she hands me a headset. I log into the computer and look through the squad head cams. I read through the battle information and everything my eyes catch on. Becky pushes a button and connects us to everyone.

“The experimental has awaken” Becky lets everyone know.

“Bout time, keep sleeping on the job and I will have to step in” Carli jokes and I tell her she is welcome to have it.

“Not if it involves being the experiment, no sir. Pinoe?”

“Leave me out of this, you’re taking your spot back as for the next battle” Pinoe quickly says as she finds a place to hide.

“Please take your spot back, Pinoe got me killed twice already” Syd says.

“Gladly” I say with a small smile. I disconnect from the girls and command them through the battle. After 30 minutes of combat, the girls come back victorious. Pinoe is the first to arrive and comes to see me.

“If simple knifes are anything like a spike, I don’t ever want to meet them” Pinoe says as she hugs me.

“Ehh, I’d take them over a spike” I laugh. The rest of the crew arrives and come to hug me.

“How’s the shoulder” Lauren asks as she takes my seat.

“Numb and sore” I say as I hand her the headset. She nods and gives me a few a good nudge.

“Well, make sure to bring this up in the next meeting. It’s not fair and not deserved at all” I look down at the floor and Lauren immediately takes notice of my silence.

“Tobin, don’t you dare let her words get to you. It could have been your death. And Allies if I remind you. Everyone knows the cost that we pay, but don’t let her anger be the burden that brings you down” She whispers.

“I am responsible for the death of eight people Lauren, how do I not deserve this” I barely get out as I choke a sob that erupts from the pit of my soul.

“You are the reason why Allie, Carli and Becky are alive today. You are the reason why Kardia keeps on fighting. You are the reason why any of us have hope to change the future. March 27 was not the day you killed eight people, March 27 was the day you changed the world. That battle, against Kanatos, was expected Tobs. We all know what we put on the line going into a battle. It was you life along with 29 others or eight. You can’t let it bare you down. It was four years ago. And I’m not saying those lives don’t matter, but it’s going to be us someday.”

“Why does it feel like it happened just yesterday. Why did it have to be me? Why do I see their face whenever I hear Mr. Morgan give out a small speech for those who’ve we lost? Why do I feel like I lost more than I saved Lauren? Why?!” I cry to her. She embraces my figure and I let the tears pour out. Lauren murmurs things into my ear but all I can hear is the echo of victory that told me I was guilty of murder that day. As we part, I grab my helmet and put it on. I take the sling off and look at Lauren one last time before proceeding to the drop. Letting my mind go numb as I drop to the floor for the next battle.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats that. Next chapter is all sorts of feelings. It involves some Alex :)


	10. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coping with who you are can be hard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A line through the page means a skipped forward an hour or two. Don't focus on time. 
> 
> So here is this chapter, I've already written out the next three chapters but I am still debating if I like where I'm taking Tobin's love life. So until I decided, I won't update but I will try to decide in the next few hours. So check back later to see if I posted. 
> 
> Also, warning, Tobin's love life is about to start. And that means, lots of try and fails, so don't be mad is you don't like her 'thing' with someone. It will only be temporary.

Coping

“Goodness, I’m so glad we’re done” Pinoe exaggerates as we walk to the deploy room.

“Quit whining, it was only 19 hours” Ashlyn responds

“It could have been 32 hours” Carli laughs and we all look at her. She raises her hands in the air as if we were pointing guns at her “I’m kidding”

“Let’s not give the makers any ideas shall we. Lets just hope they don’t need us for the next 12 hours” Lauren yaps as she proceeds to her individual unit.

“Gosh, we get a whole 17 hours right? I mean, this shift is our normal type of shift but we just finished an 18 hour shift and 20 battles just a day ago” Syd questions

“We actually get an 18 hour break” I say as I close my eyes and wait.

“Who wants to hit the club, we haven’t had a break this long in two weeks”

“I’m in, I could use away time” Ash tells Syd, Pinoe is the next to join and surprisingly so is Lauren.

“Hell yes! Anyone else? Press? Becky?” Syd asks around the room

“I would love to but actually, I was thinking of just relaxing. Maybe playing tennis or something”

“Can I join you” I ask Press. She turns to me surprised, I’m not typically one to join group events or go out, but I could use the distraction.

“Sure, anyone else up for some tennis”

“I’m in, I have to monitor Tobin and make sure she’s fine” I feel Becky’s eyes on me. 

“Carli, Amy, Kristie?” Pinoe says. Carli tells the group she has to continue practicing and we all groan at her dedication. I break out in a laugh because I should be doing the same.

“Thanks but I just want to spend some time with my kiddo” Amy says apologetically.

“I got to get back to level 5, sorry guys. We run on different schedules” Kristie says with some disappointment in her voice.

“Well, thank you for helping out today. We needed someone to step in since Pinoe and I got pretty banged up” I say with all sincerity.

“No problem, always glad to work under you guys. I value what you teach me, really. An honor” We all hold our breaths as we transcend back to Polemos. Once I feel the metal bar between my hands, I open my eyes and walk with the squad to the weapon room. We check in our guns and proceed to meet the guys. The first I see is Tim who is chatting with Rimando.

“Heard you took a beating” Tim jokes as he checks out my shoulder.

“Heard you shot Theo on accident” I joke and he laughs.

“Well, depends, did he say he thought it was on accident” I begin to laugh and Rimando soon joins in. A hint of jealousy hits me. Athena is known to be better than Akhilles; therefore, we are required to be more professional and be the best of the best. We get little to no room for error, if someone on the squad would have accidentally shot one of our own, we would have been had a talk with Sepp.

“Nah but really, this was illegal, you need to bring this up to the board” Tim says

“I second that, the makers will do something about it” Rimando adds

“I will, are you not coming” I ask Tim. Howard is the scout for the boys. Everyone finds it funny that Tim is the scout since he is well built and rocks out a heavy suit. You can find him flying a hover craft most of the time like Rimando and Ash.

“Family dinner that I can’t miss, I talked to Mr. Morgan about it earlier”

“Agh, got it” We part ways and I make my way over to a couch. Becky and Press come over and sit besides me.

“So, do you guys want to get some rest at my place and than go out for tennis in about 5 hours” I ask the girls.

“Sounds good to me. Mind if we stop by my place to get some clothes?”

“Nope, we can do that” I reply to Becky and Press agrees. We stay on the couch for a few minutes before we get up.

“So, it’s 2:40 am, we don’t fly back to head quarters for another 20 minutes right” Press asks as she gets up.

“Yep”

“Okay, I’m going to ask Lauren something about my suit” I nod my head and half lay on the couch.

“So do you want me to go with you to the meeting with the board at 3 pm or would you like me to send you results and what not”

“It’s going to be at Mr. Morgan’s house. His wife is sick and he arranged it at home so that he could be with his wife if she needed him” I reply as I roll my eyes thinking of the meeting.

“How sweet of him” Becky answers with some sarcasm. Mr. Morgan is not intolerable nor like Sepp Blatter, but he supports the cause of my job, he supports the whole shabang for the purpose of wealth. And that still doesn’t suit me.

“yeah, just give me what it is you want them to see and I’ll wear the sling if that helps. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable” I say with some motherhood. Meetings with the board, or what we call them, the makers, gets a little intense. All Scouts of Elite squads and board members of each region are present and lets just say, things get a bit heated.

“Words don’t make me uncomfortable Tobs”

“I was talking about the suits we have to wear” I joke as I stand up and stretch. Becky laughs.

“Do Scouts really have a meeting uniform” Elite Squads have designated uniforms, we have to wear them to fancy events or meetings. Thankfully, there are only two, one for special/fancy occasions and one for funerals. A third one is given to only Scouts for meetings, so people don’t really think there are such uniforms.

“Yeah, and let me tell you, they aren’t exactly my favorite color”

“You in a white uniform, I’d pay to see that”

“It’s not entirely white but it still represents Axiom” I pretend to gag as I wave to Becky that I’m heading over to Level 5. As I maneuver through the agents resting, I find Laure asleep on a chair. _What a newbie_ , I push my leg on the chairs lever which causes the chair to sink and Laure to leap out of her chair.

“What the fuck Tobin” I continue to laugh as she pushes me gently.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it, you were so vulnerable and it was just perfectly set up” I laugh off. She just shakes her head and sits once again “You’re going into battle soon, you shouldn’t be sleeping”

“Shouldn’t you be wearing a sling” She asks changing the subject.

“Wow, news spreads quick”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it news since it was more like a rumor. I found out it was you when Kristie got called up and Lauren wasn’t at her command center” I nod my head because really, news spreads quick.

“I still can’t believe Lauren went into combat”

“I heard she’s beast out there”

“Gotta do what you gotta do to survive” I say with a shrug. Laure gives me a tight smile and we stay silent. It’s not an awkward silence, more like a comfortable silence. When her watch begins to beep, I let out a long sigh knowing my peace is over.

“Hmm well I gotta get to work and you have to go rest”

“Actually, I will be playing tennis today” I say with some enthusiasm, Laure stops and takes a long look at me as if something were wrong.

“You, going out, what. Where can I get one of those spikes” She half jokes. I bite my tongue knowing she is referring to me. Laure is constantly inviting me out but I am always working.

“Press offered and I wanted to clear my head” I say a bit shaky. Press and Laure aren’t the best of friends and I still don’t understand why, so I always try to refrain from mentioning the name of one another. Laure just nods and I know I annoyed her.

“I’ll make it up to you, if the meeting with the board goes well, I’ll pick you up”

“I have work” She states and it stings a little.

“Okay what about tomorrow” I say a bit deflated. She giggles and I give her a confused face.

“You’re a little naive for your position. I’ll catch you later Tobs” She hugs me gently and rushes off to the weapon room. I head to the squad hover craft with Syd whom finished a long talk with Kristie.

“So, how’s Laure” I take a long look at Syd who just stares back at me “What”

“Laure”

“Yeah, you were just with her” She states as if it wasn’t a coincidence

“I was, I went to see her. Just like you see Kristie every day” I emphasize the name Kristie so that Syd doesn’t get wild ideas.

“I didn’t mean it like that” She tries to cover up but I just shake my head. We switch to the topic of to her new prey, Dom Dwyer. When we reach head quarters, everyone disappears to their room. Not stopping for a second in fear that if we stay longer, we’ll get called back in. Once I finish getting changed into the clothing I wore here, I walk out to the living area and wait for the team. As each one of the girls of the squad comes out, they huddle around me.

“Okay listen up. It’s been a long day, full of surprises and victories but in the end worth it. Kardia holds power over battles once again. Let’s hope Kanatos enjoyed their one day of control because they won’t be seeing another one for the next few years. I know you’re all tired, I am too but these next 17 hours are critical. Don’t go out there and get hurt, if anything happens, call Frost immediately. He will alert Becky, Carli and I. Stay in secure areas, hydrate and eat well. We haven’t had a break longer than 10 hours for almost three weeks, so make sure to get at least an hour of exercise. But most importantly, enjoy this time. If something happens during the meeting, which I pray nothing happens, I’ll alert you immediately. Athena on three, one two” Carli yells out Athena before I get to three and we all stare at her, she just laughs and shrugs. We arrive at the parking lot shortly and we stand in front of our cars for a little.

“Yo Pinoe” I call out as the girl walks to her car. She stops and gives me a nod, letting me go on.

“I just want to say good job today, Scouting is hard but you made good choices and took the heat well. I’m proud of you” I say trying to cut my speech short. She laughs and I stare at her.

“You have no way with words”

“Eh, it’s why I keep quite”

“I’ve realized, but thanks, it means a lot. You’re job is hard, you don’t need to worry about me taking it” I smile and we hug. I go back to the small group and after a few goodbyes, I get on my bike with Becky and Press trailing.

* * *

After showering and getting an hour of sleep, I wake up and throw on some workout clothes. I tiptoe around the house till I reach the balcony. As the small warm breeze meets my body, I sigh and stretch. I pull my hoodie up and do a few warm up stretches. Once my body feels loose, I walk over to the far right part of the balcony. I press a button which opens up a glass wall leading to a small treadmill room. The treadmill is a giant circle, kind of like a hamster ball, without the sides. I step onto the treadmill and the glass wall closes. Putting my headphones on, I begin a small pace. The tempo of the music makes my body quake with energy. Waking up a lost part within me. Minutes later, my body streams with heat. Sweat drips down my face but I continue running. Letting my body detox from the previous hours but most importantly letting my mind rewind and accept that I can’t go back in time.

I look up to Axiom which is gleaming by the sunrise. Colors painted all through the sky, making me want to freeze the moment. The door leading to the kitchen opens and Becky walks in with some coffee. I slow down but keep a steady jog. She goes over to a hologram and pulls up my vitals, examining them.

“You never stop do you” she asks as she closes the hologram and goes over to the wall looking out towards Axiom” I shake my head no and pick up my pace. She whispers something but I can’t quite hear it over my music. All of a sudden, the treadmill speeds up and I find myself sprinting. I’m struggling to keep up, as I’ve been running for a good hour now but I can’t stop now. I unzip my sweater and toss it to the side. Becky gives Frost another order, and the treadmill slows down to a decent jog. Becky continues giving orders and changing intervals until she gets the desired vitals. She tosses me a towel and nods to the balcony. I take a moment to rest, as my chest expands and shrinks, I feel every part of my body relieved. My fingers tingle, my heart beats, my blood rushing, my mind still. _Peace_. Once I can breath normally, I grab my sweater from the ground and go out onto the balcony. To my surprise, Press is awake doing some yoga. She has set up a mat for me and Becky is no where in sight.

“She went for a swim” Press says with her eyes closed. My eyes widen in surprise. As if Press can see my face, she tells me to sit and join her. _Becky’s orders_ I say to myself with a small smile. I do as Press does and find myself getting more and more lost. Not as in, I have no clue what she’s doing, but lost in the moment. Lost in the feeling of relaxation.

“Breakfast is ready” Frost says as we finish up. I let out a long soothing breath and Press giggles. I open my eyes and look at her for an explanation. She just smiles and shakes her head, avoiding eye contact.

“Please don’t tell me my breath stinks” She laughs and my smile brightens

“No it’s not that”

“Than what is it” I ask when I stand up and pull her up.

“You just look relaxed and, alive” She says with a small glance down and back at me. A small genuine small creeps on my face and I can’t help but look at her.

“Alive” I question with a hint of curiosity. She walks towards the edge of the balcony and leans forward, giving me a small wave over. I leave a distance between us and wait for her to talk.

“Don’t get offended, I don’t mean this with no bad intention but after our battle with Katos, you’ve been subdued. You don’t have to tell me why, but up until this morning I could sense it. But moments ago, I saw peace, relaxation, life within you, trying to break through”

“I won’t deny my emotions but I can tell you that this workout Becky planned was a welcomed cathartic release. The yoga helped me let go of a pain that was recently rediscovered” I reply in honesty. Press turns to watch me and I feel myself comfortable under her stare. I look at her and crack a smile. Taking her hand, I lead us inside for breakfast.

* * *

 

“I didn’t know you were good at tennis” Press lets out as we sit on a bench by our court. I let out a shaky laugh and Becky eyes me.

“I didn’t know I was either” I half laugh. The closets I’ve come to playing tennis is virtual, never in person.

“Well, if I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you were a pro at this” Becky jokes. I shrug off her complement and look at my watch.

“Almost time to go” Press questions and I nod my head.

“The meeting is in an hour, sorry guys” I say with some sadness. My morning with Becky and Press has been a good one. Deep down, it makes me regret turning down invitations to hang out but it is the way it is.

“Don’t be, it was great of you to join. Otherwise, I’d be getting my ass beat” Press winks and Becky laughs. I just give Press a stern look and she laughs. We finish our match, Press wins. I say goodbye to the girls and head for the locker room of the place to change. As I finish buttoning my white shirt to my neck, I grab my black blazer and put it on. My suit is black and white with gold details. The pants are white and fitted, black simple boots that go to my knees, a crisp white button up and a black blazer. As I look in the mirror, I shake my head. _Straight outta Axiom_. I laugh at myself and look at what I can do to look less like them. My shirt is a wrap collared shirt so I unbutton the wrap and let it hang loose, I also decide to let my hair hang free. I finally get finished and walk out. People stare, realizing my _status_ so I quickly grab my shades from my bag and put them on. Getting on my bike, I begin my small journey to the Morgan’s house.

As I pull up to the Morgan’s entry, I stop by the small operator to enter the code of the gate. When the gates open, I drive in with my motorcycle. It’s about a 200 meter drive into the property before the Morgan’s modern house comes into sights. I park my bike a good distance away form the front door. As I take off my helmet, I take the chance to look around. The Morgan’s are pretty rich, considering Mr.Morgan is the representative of the makers of Kardia. Living in Axiom is expensive but owning such property such as his is even more expensive. I shake the thoughts of disgust out of my head and set my helmet down along with my backpack. I take a good look at my suit to make sure its as professional as possible. I pull my shirt sleeve from under my blazer and button the blazer up. Grabbing my sling and a few files from my bag, I walk to the front door of the enormous house and knock. I avoid ringing the bell just in case Mrs. Morgan is resting. The door opens and I walk in. A hologram scans me and verifies my name.

“Would you like me to take your coat” The system asks. Unlike Frost, this A.I is not advance, it is for Axiom but no where near to Frost’s level. I politely turn down Bree and wait for Sir. Morgan.

“Agh there you are” Mr. Morgan’s voice rings from down the hall way. I look in his direction and he wears a clean white shirt with some black slacks.

“Evening Sir Morgan” I say as I reach for a hand shake, he takes it and shakes his head.

“Please, call me Michael”

“Sir, with all due respect, I must respect you during work hours”

“Nonsense, Call me Michael” Before I can say his name, her voice rings through the hall and my smile immediately deflates. _Great_.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laure and Press... who else? ;)


	11. Aggravation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes, it takes the wrong person to teach you the right things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well first of all, my apologies for updating so late. I had a bunch of tests this week, but I have the day off today. 
> 
> To the anon with the latest comment, you made me smile. So I have decided to stick to the way I had originally planned Tobin's love life. But as the summary says, it sometimes takes the wrong people to show you the right things. So bare through the beginning. 
> 
> Alex and Tobin aren't exactly fond of each other. More of that in chapters to come!

Aggravation

“The rest of the board members haven’t arrived so lets go to my office” Mr. Morgan says as he nods down the hall.

“I hope I’m not interrupting, I wanted to be a bit early” I say with some seriousness

“No, not at all, you’re always welcome here. Anytime your in the area feel free to drop on by”

“Thank you sir” I reply as we get to the main common area of the house, the monster appears and I try to put on the best smile I can.

“Dad there you are! I’ve been looking all over for you”

“Yes Alex, I’m in the middle of something dear” He says with some impatience

“It’s okay Michael, I can wait in the office” I interrupt, eyeing the smaller girl. Michaels watch begins to beep making me look back at him.

“Sorry Tobin, my wife needs me. Alex, since you are already here, could you show Tobin to my office please. I’ll be there shortly. I apologize for making you drive all the way out here” Michael replies with guilt. I give him a small smile and remind him that it is okay.

“Like I said, it was no hassle”

“Good, I wouldn’t want to have the Scout of Athena on my bad side” He jokes and I cringe “Alex” He eyes his daughter and walks away.

“But Dad! I need to talk to you” She yells but he just waves her off. Once Mr.Morgan is out of the way, I feel her blue eyes staring straight at me.

“Heath”

“Morgan”

We say while making eye contact. She rolls her eyes which makes me shake my head. _So immature_.

“You look like a girl for once”

“And you look innocent for once” I rebuttal taking in her attire. She’s wearing knee ripped jeans, a _white_ lose blouse, and some light brown boots. Her hair is up in a neat bun for once and her jewelry compliment the outfit. If I didn’t dislike the girl, I would tell her she looks beautiful but, she’s Alex Morgan. There is no beauty in her.

“At least I have a boyfriend” She says as if we were in high school. I can’t help a laugh that escapes my lips.

“Boy toy eh? That’s new, for your type I mean” I begin to walk away from the flamboyant girl.

“Fuck off Tobin”

“I’m not desperate like you Alex” I call out turning into a hall I believe will lead me to Mr.Morgan’s office. I can hear Alex making fits from afar and I smirk. Not paying to where I’m walking, I bump into someone knocking them to the floor. Realizing who it is, I being to apologize.

“I am so sorry Miss Morgan, I wasn’t watching where I was walking please ” I’m interrupted by the laugh of the middle Morgan, _Jeri_.

“You’re really cute when you’re embarrassed” She laughs, I give her my hand with a small blush and she takes it. As she smoothes out her shirt, I pick up a book she was holding.

“Here, your book mark fell out of its place” I say as I rub the back of my neck. Her smile only widens and I can’t help but look into her crisp grey blue eyes. _Wow, what a real beauty_. Unlike her sister Alex, Jeri is pretty great. We aren’t best of friends but we aren’t strangers either. In occasion, I bump into her Kai which would be weird if it were Alex but it’s not. It’s Jeri, she’s the middle child, kind of forgotten, like me. But instead of seeking attention, she seeks quiet, adventures and most of all, she seeks herself.

“What brings you around, I didn’t know you where here” She asks with curiosity

“I, yeah, your father organized the board meeting at your house since your mother is sick. I was on the way to his office”

“Alex” She questions while raising an eyebrow. Her tacit question makes me smirk.

“Yup”

“Well, it’s not this way, this is the way to the library, here follow me” She leads me through a maze of hallways until we reach small dark hall way towards the back of the house.

“Down the hall to left” She chimes

“I would have never found it” I think out loud. Jeri’s giggle makes me blush, her eyes reading my face making me a little anxious.

“You should wear your hair down more often, its exquisite” She beamed

“Thank you” I reply. Her next action is quite shocking but welcoming. She wraps her arms around my waist and I warp my arms around her neck. The gesture is only ten-seconds but it’s enough to prepare me for the next two hours.

“Say bye before you leave” She smiles and walks away. I stand there a little dazzled at Jeri’s sweet gesture but compose myself. As I walk down the hall, I look at the pictures of Morgan’s family. The hall is a bit dull from the rest of the house. It’s a dark blue, a window wall down the hall that has it’s blinds closed. The hall seems to be empty, never touched, like a soul has never walked down it. I stop in front of a picture that captures my eye. It is of one of the three girls, sitting on the roof of some house looking out into the sunset. I can’t see the face of the girl but it’s beautiful. I smile at the beauty of the scene and carry on. As I open the door of the office, my eyes widen. The office is more like a small studio. A small set of stairs lead upstairs to what I believe is a small library. I stand in the middle taking in the sight of the not so modern room. _This is interesting_. The door opens and in walks Michael.

“Please, take a seat” The older man instructs, I wait until he sits before taking a seat.

“What do you think of my office” He asks with curiosity like his middle daughter

“It’s” I pause trying to find the right word “Rustic. I like it” I answer honestly.

“Jeri helped design it, along with one of her sisters”

“Agh, well, it’s beautiful” he smiles at my complement

“A sling” He eyes my the things I’m holding. My face and body goes a bit tense and I remind myself that this is not a visit. This is work. Sitting straight, I give Morgan the files Becky prepared.

“Yes, Katos did some experimenting last night during battle” I speak out as he reads the files, his eyes widening at the results.

“Why, this is prohibited, I am glad you brought this up”

“I wasn’t going to but ESL Sauerbrunn would not take a no for answer”

"Well, I'm glad she made you. This was a violation of the law" He pauses and than continues "The scans are very intriguing, I can only imagine how that would have felt" He finishes with sadness. It's a side I've never see of him. A modest side, as if he feels for me in reality. I can only give him a shrug in fear that I'll say something ridiculous.

"We will definitely bring this up, I'm assuming ESL Sauerbrunn asked you to wear the sling during the meeting" he questions

"Yes sir"

"It is to your comfort, I would advise you wear it now since the scan shows some tears in the muscles" I nod and do as told. We make small talk about work, Michael asks some personal questions but I do my best to defer from the question.

"Michael, the board members are here" a voice speaks through the intercom.

"Thank you, let's get going Tobin" he stands up and walks us to the upstairs of his office. He walks towards a hall I didn't notice before. It leads to the second floor of the house. _How big is this place_. I think. We reach an elevator and I have to hold in some curses threatening to leave. Michael extends his arm, letting me step in first. We descend a good 3 floors down and reach a hallway. He scans his watch and the metal doors open leading to a very modern meeting room. It sort of looks like the elite squads meeting room.

Five board members stand up as I walk in. I salut them out of professionalism, not because I want to. I walk around to a seat a good distance away from everyone. Everyone waits for me to sit first before they take a sit, even Sepp does. Morgan sits at the head of the meeting desk, all other five members sit around him.

"I want to personally thank each and every single one of you for agreeing to meet here. My wife is sick and I wanted to be here if she needed me"

"no problem"

"Good, we have a few minutes before we start, is there anything we need to discuss"

"Yes, Tobin, where's Carli" Zack, a director and coordinator of battle from Kardia asks right off the bat. Though he is no president, he sure likes to grill Tim and I during meetings.

"She had a task to complete" I lie. In reality, I gave Carli the day off. Not only does she deserve it but I didn't want her making remarks at other regions when we hit the topic of my shoulder.

"Got it, Tim had a family commitment, am I right" Zack continues

"Yes sir"

"We can proceed" the man finishes. He writes something on his holograms screen and I my hands curl into a fist. _Pathetic_.

"Alright, let's get started" Micheal presses a few buttons and our seats shift to face three screens that come down. The room does dark and I immediately regret the seat I choose. It happens to be the closest to the screens. _Ugh_. A small clock on the center of the screens begins a count down. I straighten my posture and put on the best face I can as the cameras adjust to us in the room. I hear the door seal and I begin to feel trapped.

_3...2...1..._

"Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen of the world" Michael begins.

"I want to thank you all once again for agreeing to holding the meeting a bit earlier. I am in dept. Anyhow, let's get started shall we" Michael finishes and Sepp gets up from his seat and begins to address important manners. I don't really listen as I zone out and look at the three screens, examining the surroundings visible. Next, I examine the scouts. Some are paying attention, while others are on their phone. I am brought back to the discussion when Zack stands from his chair obviously frustrated at something a Telios representative has said.

"Zack, take a seat" Sepp orders and I'm thankful. He makes us look like savages.

"You're on his side!? Do you not understand what he is suggesting. That we get ride of one of the two organizers" he yells out at Sepp. I raise my eyebrow at the man because it takes guts to yell at the president of Kardia's military. _Please, continue doing it, it’s the only entertaining thing so far._ It kind of makes me smile, on the inside that is. Before I can step in Sepp agrees. I can't say I'm surprised because the man always does things that make no sense. To others at least. _He must have something up his shoulder._

"If we comply to your wishes Telios, of organizing battles with your region, we ask for a 10% rise in water and wood" Sepp smirks and I roll my eyes. Well, there it is. I have to hand it to the old man, he sure knows how to get what he wants. We look at the left screen waiting for the president to speak.

"Agreed" Zack makes a fit and Sepp excuses him from the room. _Finally, something good_.

"Now that we have settled issues upon board members, Scouts, it is your turn to have the floor" Unlike before, everyone is on the alert. No scout's mind roams the deeps of boredom or curses the world we know today.

"We will begin with Telios"

"We suggest a mutual deployment center for vehicles for all regions in a battle" Immediately Kanatos are the first to disagree and I am fully confident that if Ash were here, she would as well.

"I have to agree with Katos" Everyone turns to me. As I am never the one to vocalize my thoughts, usually Calri, Tim and I huddle and talk but never am I the speaker. Even if I am the scout of Athena and the most honored and recognized scout of all four regions.

"A mutual deploy center would waste time. Someone could easily target Heavy suits rushing to the center. How would we protect them" I ask. I turn to see Sepp impressed with my question.

"That would be the point of the center ESS Heath" a Telios maker says

"So the point is to kill heavy suits and pretty much make it impossible to get a vehicle" ESA Sasic elaborates with an eye roll.

"What if we had heavy suits deploy first, give them, a three minute head start. " Huros suggest

"Our deal is that Kanatos and Kardia are always the first to get their ships and vehicles deployed"

"Than why don't other regions get a minute head start instead" A board member of Huros suggests, I am the first to disagree.

“That is repugnant, what is our advantage in this"

"I agree with ESS Heath, the principals would be broken. All regions deploy from their KCT at the same time. No objection” A maker from Kanatos says

"Why don't you guys just send over some of you more developed systems to Telios in exchange for 15% of pure substances” A scout from the Huros men squad asks. I stop and think about it, I look over to Sepp and Mark who is in charge of technology for our department. He types something into his hologram and it appears in front of me.

_**Ash won’t be happy about it.** _

I weigh the options and it is true, Ash won’t be happy, but I don’t want Telios on my bad side. They are a calm region. I quickly type back and send. 

_I know but 15% is a lot, it could really help._

**_Okay, but we will have to meet up with the squad immediately after_ **

_That is fine, you, Ash and Tim can agree on the development, I will send it through. But lower the percent to 13, they aren’t rivals._

**_I agree_ **

I look at Mark and nod.

“We have come to an agreement, we will send a system for all KCT’s for a 13% rise in water, the wood can keep kept at 10%” Mark says smoothly. He is one of the good Makers, though he does support the cause and does live off the wealth of our sweat, he does his best to repay those who suffer. And for that, I don’t hate him. Telios obviously surprised at our agreement and rearrangement of the 15% are a bit speechless. A scout agrees not giving the rest time to think. No one stops the scout realizing it is beneficial to both.

“Is that all you guys have to discuss” Michael asks, Telios says thats it for them and we move on to Huros. They ask for a system of development for medicines which I grant without thinking. Mark just smiles as Sepp just eyes me funny. I ask for a 5% rise in materials such as valuable rocks and metals. I also ask for the materials for their systems and they agree, which earns me a smirk from Sepp. _Freaking creep_. We move on to Kanatos and I draw myself into the meeting even more. Before Michael can even address them, Sasic demands a change of hours and every single Scout agrees instantly except Huros. “We have been over this, we can’t change work hours. Our daylight zones are different” the president from Huros army says and I groan.

“So we have to go to work during the night so you guys can get sleep? Cynical a bit?” I say, Sasic and Mittag laugh at my remark.

“ESS Heath, as the leader of Athena, you should take in count the region Huros acquires. They don’t have enough energy to sustain their head quarters through the night. Until regions decide to supply materials to create such technologies than please refrain from demanding things” Their mens scout says. Guilt hits me immediately and I remain silent as an argument heats up between Huros and Kanatos. I get up and grab a class of water at a table in the back of the meeting room and walk to my seat. As soon as I sit I am called out. _What now._

“ESS Heath, what is your take” Sepp asks. I look at my hologram and read over the proposition.

_Allow Kanatos Elite Squads to change their current special skill to a technology._

“No” I dictate. _No way in hell will they get to use frequency scanners._

“What! Come on Heath, you guys are the techsavs here, I’m sure you could develop some weapon against in two months” Sasic argues

“If I may recall, you guys violated a regalement. No region is to use a scanner that scans more than 10 feet not even elite squads or against elite squads and now you want to make it your squads special skill” I challenge. I hear all sorts of comments as I bring the information to light.

“Is that true Kanatos? Was there a use of an equipment subjected to a field with Elite Squads without informing it to the board prior to use?” Michael requests with some anger. The Kanatos president is bewildered and I laugh at the scenario. _Not even the President knew, what irony._

“Well was there” Kanatos presidents demands from his makers. His technology maker nods and the man erupts.

“You realize what you guys did! You have penalized not just the squads but all of the levels. This is bizarre, on who's authority was this even done under” Sasic bows her head and whispers someones name. I can’t make it out but the president demands a meeting with them as soon as the board meeting is over.

“I apologize with all sincerity for the actions of the board members and squads from Kanatos. This is not what we stand for and I will make sure it gets punished. Is there a discipline anyone wants to suggest”

“Get rid of the technology and they don’t have to be punished” I suggest. Mark on the other hand doesn’t agree.

“Give us the technology and no punishment”

“What, no, Mark, it’s a law”

“Regalement, not a law”

“What’s the difference” I hiss

“A big one”

“Why doesn’t Kanatos take a look at the weapon, modify it and give it to Telios” Huros Scout suggest. I stop and think about it.

“Okay, I think thats a good start” I say as I point to Huros screen. Mark looks at me and looks at Jasper. He specializes in communications between regions. Jaspers just stares back confused.

“You know about sounds idiot, what do you think. Can we modify the technology to give frequency range for a good 15 feet to display surroundings not people” Jasper realizing he does specialize in communications and studied physics for three years says it possible. We all look at Sepp and he just lets us decide.

“Okay, yeah, I agree” Mark finally says.

“Kanatos and Telios, no punishment to Elite Squads or the dude in charge of technology if all frequency scanners are handed over” Kanatos president agrees immediately and I let out a breath I was holding.

“Okay, now that Kanatos is done, ESS Heath, what are your propositions” Sepp asks. Everyone turns to me waiting to hear what the prodigy of the era has to say.

“Alright, I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’m wearing a sling, a certain squad member that shall not be named, _(because I don’t know who it was)_ shot me with an illegal electrotechnology” Every President looks at their scouts with anger. It doesn’t take more than 10 seconds before Kanatos President speaks up.

“Don’t fucking tell me you guys were behind this too” I nod at the Kanatos President

“Don’t be a fucking pussy Heath, it didn’t kill you” Katos Male squad leader says

“Watch your language” Michael threatens

“Oh really” I upload the data Becky gave me and I hear gasps from Telios and Huros Scouts. Kanatos President remains silent, in shock of what his elite soldiers did.

“That’s some bullshit” Sasic says

“Bullshit?! Bullshit is the fact that you fail to admit that one of your squad members intentionally used a weapon not tested before to hurt me. Try fucking winning a battle with ripped muscles in the freezing cold. Stop with the antics” I snapped

“You’re from Kardia for goodness sake, who long could the effects have lasted” Mittag asks with some curiosity

“9 hours until she could regain feeling in her shoulder. The pain was there though, her muscles in the shoulder were torn, 8 stitches, and the effects had her passed out for a whole battle” Michael speaks

Mittag is taken aback by the results and pulls them up on her personal hologram. Her eyes widen as she continues reading.

“Kanatos, this weapon use is not just violating a regulation but a law. This is to be punished, no exception” Telios president speaks.

“I agree with Telios, this could have killed ESS Heath. A violation of the law, most definitely punished but the technology could be modified” Huros Squad member remarks

“I want to technology destroyed. No damn exception, spikes and stingers are as hard as they get, this technology is not to be modified” I command. Marks eyes widen with the salient anger in my voice.

“If we talk about technologies, I want your heavy smoke bombs gone” Huros Sqaut says

“No way, we dealt with the board about it. Everyone agreed it was safe to use”

“It’s unfair”

“How”

“Stop, this is not our turn” Huros’s president interrupts his Scout

“No modification will be made, the tech will be destroyed personally and I will seek punishment for the person responsible” Kanatos president reported with disappointment.

“Since a law was violated, we must follow protocols. Do we agree presidents” Michael asks, everyone agrees and he reads off the protocols that follow a violation.

“Individual punishment as assigned by president, restriction on weaponry for level or squad whom violated the law, no use of any new technology for a month by any region”

“What no” every scout interrupts. We all get hushed as Michael goes on.

“No elite squad skills for two weeks”

“No no no, I don’t abide with this what so ever” I half yell

“ESS Heath, sit down or be removed from the room” Huros president says. I do as told bitterly. Sepp tells the man to worry about his own Scouts.

“Only stingers and simple knifes can be used as select weapons until we ensure that all spikes are the ones we have made available to all regions elite squads. ESS Heath is to be monitored for a week by her squads medic and lastly, all regions are to be monitored for an undisclosed amount of time. Any speculation, violation or an event that is found to be odd will result in an immediate disclose of head quarters” Michael finishes. I bite my tongue to stop from voicing all thoughts. As the presidents finger print the agreement I look at my watch. _The girls will not be happy._

“That is all for today ladies and gentlemen, the next meeting will be in a month to discuss new technology propositions and to hear the apology and update from Katos’s squad” Sepp finishes. Every says there farewells and log off. As the room comes back to life, I stand up and wait for a final say from anyone.

“Well that went better than I thought” Sepp jokes. _It only went well for you because you’re a few millions richer_.

“If that is all gentlemen, I must gather my squad” I hiss.

“That is all Tobin, I’ll lead you to the kitchen” Michael says. We walk to the elevator in silence.

“I would invite you to stay for dinner but I can sense the urgency to gather your squad. So, I insist you come over to dinner this weekend” Michael says sweetly. As much as I want to say no, I can’t

“It would be my honor, tell your wife that I send my best wishes. If she needs any help, a run to the store or someone to clean for her, I am more than willing to help” I say. Michael thanks me and walks back to the meeting room. As soon as he enters the elevator I pull out my phone and dial Frost as I walk to the front door.

“Hey, we need” I stop mid sentence as I hear my name being called. I back track a few steps a bit astonished at who’s voice it is.

“Allie” I question as I spot Allie sitting at the dinning room table with no one other than Alex herself. Allie stands up and comes to hug me.

“Hey, what are you doing here and why are you wearing a sling” She asks just as shocked as I am

“Meeting with the board, Mr.Morgan’s wife is sick so he rearranged to have the meeting here. The sling is a long story” I say while ignoring the stare of a certain brunette

“Oh wow, Katos huh, them and their stupid members. I’m taking the meeting didn’t go well”

“Yep. So what brings you here” I say changing the subject not wanting Alex to hear.

“I was invited to dinner” Allie responds. I raise my eyebrows a bit shocked and hurt that Allie is dinning with the Morgan’s “Plus, they’re Jose’s friends” She adds and I roll my eyes because this will soon be Allie’s second hang out place.

“Gotcha, well I got to go” I say holding my phone up.

“Tell Frost I said hi” She says as she goes back to where she was sitting.

“I will, I love you” I say

“I love you too, I’ll see you soon” I give her a honest smile and get back on the phone.

“Frost, like I was saying” I eye Alex whom is pretending to ignore my conversation. No caring about saying goodbye to her, I turn on my heals and proceed to the front door.

I unbutton my blazer and run a hand through my hair. _Why are all the odds against me?_ I take a moment to compose myself and walk through the front door. As the door opens I see a car that I recognize. _Where have I seen that car?_ I walk down the pathway to the front of the house, as I reach my motorcycle it finally clicks. _The guy who was pulled over the by cop on my way to work. When the guy gets out of the car,_ I snicker. He looks straight at me and realizes who I am.

“YOU” He says as he walks in my direction a bit too aggressively for my liking.

“Me” I half laugh as I pick up my helmet.

“What are you doing here” he demands

“What does it look like” I ask as I roll my eyes. Servando is one of Jose’s friends. I don’t understand why they are friends since Jose is a sweet guy and Servando is a pain in the ass, who thinks he is king of the world.

“Don’t bother with her” The squirrel says before he can reply. Serv just rolls his eyes and walks to the front door murmuring unkindly things. _Idiot_. I turn to look at the smaller girl.

“Squirrel”

“Heath” She says seriously. I’m the first to laugh at her nickname choice and she frowns.

“Finding a nickname for you is hard” She tries to defend but I continue to laugh.

“Heath is not a nickname, you gotta keep trying”

“Shut up and hug me you dork” She says and I do so. Kelley happens to be the witches best friend but she also happens to be a pretty rad person. Her boisterous personality is contagious but also annoying, it suits her though. We met at one of Pinoe’s party after getting knocked into a pool. Since then, we’ve been friends.

“So why are you visiting the witch” I say as I get on my bike.

“She’s not a witch and I’m here every other day” Kelley says. I shake my head, _of course_ , Kelley smacks my shoulder and I whimper.

“Fuck kelley, I have 8 stitches” I cry out as I feel some blood slip through my cut.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know”

“It’s okay, I took off my sling when I got to the front door” I take long breathes trying to steady my breathing. The agonizing pain hasn’t worn off yet and I’m sure Becky will call as soon as she checks my vitals.

“I’m so sorry, oh my gosh” Kelley continues to apologies until I reassure her it’s okay.

“I’m made of iron, I’m okay”

“If you were made of iron you wouldn’t need stitches dummy”

“You’re right” Kelley’s phone rings and she looks at me apologetically. I nod for her to go and she kisses my forehead. I laugh at her gesture and watch her walk away.

“I thought I told you to say bye before you left” Jeri’s voice startles me and I turn to see her.

“I, yeah, sorry, the meeting didn’t go to well” I say with a sad smile.

“I’m so sorry Tobin”

“It’s okay, it’s my fault for letting my hopes up” I confess.

“Hey, don’t apologize for having hope” Jeri moves closer and places a had on my shoulder causing me to flinch.

“Sorry, it’s not you, I was hurt during combat and the medication is wearing off. Kelley dealt with my small outburst of pain just a minute ago”

“Hurt” Jeri questions a bit surprised. I don’t blame her for it though. Axiom doesn’t broadcast the realities of my job, just victories and things that will fit well with the people.

“Um, yeah, a new technology didn’t work the way it was supposed to” I half lie. Jeri’s face goes tense and then returns back to its peaceful demeanor.

“I’m sorry Tobin, I hope the board did something about it”

“They did” I say a bit harsher than I intended too “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. The board did what they had to do, some of the things were things that I didn’t exactly agree to”

“Agh, well I hope things work out” Jeri says

“Me too” I look at her and feel slightly more relaxed.

“Well, I bet you have to get to work, I’ll leave you to it than” She says as she smiles goodbye.

“Do you, maybe want to join me? You know, for the experience” I stutter. She chuckles and I begin to blush

“You mean hang out with you” She clarifies and I can only nod, a bit embarrassed with myself.

“Yeah, I’d like that. I’ve always wanted to ride a motorcycle too”

“Well hop on” As she walks back I realize her outfit is a bit thin. She’s wearing black skinny jeans, a blue and black flannel and some sneakers. I take off my blazer and give it to her. She accepts it and gets on the bike, I give her my helmet after reassuring her I’ve ridden without it may times.

“You might want to hang on” I say as I begin to move, she loosely wraps her eyes around me, scared she’ll hurt my shoulder even more. As soon as we hit the highway her grip tightens and I laugh.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, I promise to update tonight. I give you my word. 
> 
> So, what'd you think? Ready for the ride? :)


	12. Odd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's always odd at first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's this chapter, I'm going to try to bust out two chapters this weekend to make sure I can update by Tuesday. No promises though.

Odd

"I still can't believe we have to give them a more developed system" Ash rants as she searches through some files.

"Quit whining, Telios is the one with least technological resources and they are friendly" I reply as I look over her shoulder

"What the hell does the Tech Maker do with the money" Ash states more than questions. I only keep quite, not daring to open that door.

"Let's just find a model that is beneficial to the both"

"What about this one" Mark says as he brings up a model made a good six years ago. I eye Jeri across the building, laughing at some remark Pinoe said. Returning my attention to the hologram of the model, I begin to move it around as Ash reads out its capabilities

"30 seconds for deployment, a 10 second delay for those who want to deploy after the first one" she continues to read out its capabilities but I my mind focuses across the building. The gals and I saved up money to buy an old boxing gym. We kept the ring and fixed everything up in the inside. There is now a kitchen, living room, work out/gym section, work area, a small command center and some stairs that lead to an open second floor where there is a bed and library. It's nothing too fancy but it is perfect. Another benefit is the secrecy of it, no one except the squad and close friends know about the place.

"Yo are you even listening" Ash asks as she tosses a pen my way. I catch it in time to stop it from hitting me in the face.

"Yes, 60 second deployment, 20 second delay"

"What was the last thing I said"

"This is the one" I state to defer from my lack of attention. Mark only laughs and Ash groans.

"Can you just pay attention for 10 minutes and stop gawking over Miss Hottie with a body over there" I roll my eyes at Ash's remark

"Only you could say that"

"I'm only saying what you're thinking"

"Alright Miss mind reader, you got my attention, use it wisely” I joke.

“Okay its kind of a sucky model but better than the one they have now. I was thinking we could maybe redesign it, to match their regions personality and give it more meaning. Maybe tinker with the settings and get it to 50 seconds and 15 delay” She says and I have to hand it to her, I like it. I look over a mark who has rolled up his sleeves and unbuttoned a few buttons near his neck.

“Mark, what do you think” I say folding my shirt sleeves up and walking over to a drawer near by. He looks at me and I raise my eyebrows. Running his hand through his hair and taking a long breathe, he says he agrees.

“Well than, what are we waiting for” I state as I pull out the blueprints of the model. Ash scans the blueprint as Mark clears off the work table. I go to the back to pull out some materials we have. I drop a box of junk on the work table gaining attention of everyone in the building. _Whoops._

“Pull up the model here” I tell Frost whom I have temporary connect to the work table.

“If I may suggest, we could bend some wood for the exterior” Frost suggest and Mark immediately agrees. The two go on about ideas while Ash comes over and shows me some of her ideas. We get caught up working until I realize almost everyone has gathered around to watch.

“I think its ready Tobin” Frost says, some of the girls are startled to hear Frost’s voice knowing how protective and unwilling I am to connect him in public.

“Sorry ladies, I didn’t mean to scare you. Tobin connected me when we began to work” He clarifies and people let out hi's except Jeri who’s more confused than before.

“Miss Morgan, I am Frost, Tobin’s personal AI and in occasion the girls AI” Frost continues as he scanned Jeri.

“Wait, I didn’t know there were such things, I thought there where only house hold AI’s whom had many restrictions” Jeri asks

“Frost is a one and only. Completely developed by Tobin. She created him a few years back, when she told me, I was astounded by his capability, but as you may know technology with his potential is in sorts too special for people today. Therefore, I told Tobin to do as she asked and hide it from the public” Mark explains.

“So why she keep it hidden from you? Not to stick to the stereotype but aren’t makers a bit” Jeri doesn’t finish her sentence out of respect.

“Yes, I should and could have but Mark is not like the rest of the board. He’s on our side per say”

“Well, I’m glad this isn’t on the market, your intelligence is astonishing Frost” Jeri compliments. Frost tries to be modest but the whole group tells him she’s right.

“Alright” I say turning to the squad “We have finished blueprinting Telios upgrade, we want to know what you think” I pull up the hologram and everyone puts in their two cents. We vote by a raise of hands and everyone agrees to it.

“Perfect, Mark, Frost will upload the blueprint to your phone. Present it to Sepp right away, tell him the whole squad agreed. I’ll send an email and signature along with Carli”

“Do we need to worry about Tim”

“No, I’ll have Frost alert him as soon as his dinner finishes”

“Alright, I’ll get to it, I have to get going, I’ll see you guys tomorrow” Mark says as he gathers his things and leaves.I begin to clean up with Ash when Becky comes over.

“Come here speed racer” Becky says pulling me away. She sits me down on a chair and tells me to stay put. She comes back with a medical kit and I groan.

“You need to slow down, did you even realize your white shirt is stained in red”

“Becky, if I would have noticed, I would have changed”

“Whatever, I have to monitor you for a week so better start doing what I say or else I’m not signing you off” She threatens with the best of intent

“Yes Ma’m” Becky calls over Amy whom is followed by Pinoe and Carli.

“Can you help her get her shirt off as I prepare my things” Becky asks and my eyes widen.

“What are you going to do” I say not letting Amy remove my shirt

“Tobin, your wound is definitely open, I have to clean it out and restitch it. Now stop being a puss in front of Miss Morgan and take your shirt off” I was caught up with Becky that I didn’t realize Jeri was standing behind Amy.

“Fine” I murmur and let Amy help me slide my shirt off. Pinoe tosses my shirt into a specific bag Becky gave her. Becky personally has to clean the shirt since my blood is not registered in any database. When you become a scout, your records are removed from databases in case of a breach.

“Shit” Becky murmurs as she takes off the bandages off my wound. By Carli’s amused face, I can tell what Becky is going to say is not good.

“So, we need to get you on a flat surface. Pinoe, can you get a cloth to put on a table, Amy can you get some warm water and Carli can you find a lighter” Becky orders as she begins to gather her stuff.

“What can I do” Jeri asks. Becky is as surprised at the question but she doesn’t tell the girl to stand by.

“Could you get Press and move the stubborn girl to the table over there” Becky points. Jeri nods and calls over Press. They each grab my arm and force me to the table Becky was taking about.

“Why is Becky making it seem like she’s going to amputate my arm”

“Well, she might as well” Press jokes and I turn to look at her.

“I’m kidding, you’re stitches didn’t hold in place so she needs to clean the wound and resow it”

“What a terrible doctor”

As I lay down on the stomach, Amy begins to run her hand through my hair, calming my nerves. She pulls a chair and sits, continuing to play with my hair. I am grateful for such a best friend as her. Amy has been a savior to me, she is like my older sister, always protecting me subconsciously like now.

“Okay, Press, Jeri, not that I don’t like you guys but Tobin is going to be nude from her waist up and the girl gets really uncomfortable, so I’m going to ask you guys to go to some other part of the building until I finish” Becky says with a giggle. I bury my face into the clean towel Pinoe found to avoid anyone seeing my blush.

“That’s okay, call us over if you need us” Press says and they walk away. As soon as they are out of ears range I turn my face to look at Becky.

“You just had to tell them”

“What, it’s true. I can call them back if you want” Becky stands and begins to call everyone over but I punch her in the thigh which makes her start laughing.

“Amy, get the child out of her sports bra while I hold a towel for privacy” I sit up and Amy closes her eyes. She helps me out of my bra and I lay back down.

“You can open your eyes now” I say. Carli walks on over with a lighter and laughs at the scene.

“Did she make you guys close your eyes”

“Shut it” I demand and Carli continues to joke around. Becky covers most of my back with a towel. She warns me it’s going to hurt since she doesn’t have anesthetics and again, I tell her I know. Carli hands the tools Becky asks for as Amy covers my eyes and runs her hands through my hair keeping me calm. Every once in a while I let out a gasp or groan but nothing close to my curses of agony as Becky disinfects the wounds. Ash has to come over to hold my shoulder that twitches in pain.

“I thought we were pasted the era of stitches and disinfectants, isn’t there a spray” I ask while heaving.

“Yes, but you are as stubborn as they come and won’t stay still for more than 12 hours, therefore we have to use stitches” Becky says as she puts the needle through my skin. I bite my tongue and bare through the next ten minutes. As soon as Becky is done, she cleans my back with warm water and soap. Carli hands me clothes I left here a while back and Amy helps me get changed upstairs.

 

“She pretty” Amy says bringing my attention away from the group downstairs.

“Who” I ask obviously out of it.

“Miss Morgan Dummy” I turn around so Amy can adjust my shirt since I can’t lift my arms.

“Jeri” I ask. Amy giggles and I give her a face of confusion.

“You’re as naive as they get” I pout because Tobin Heath is not naive. _I would have gotten killed by now if I was, right?_

“You’re constantly taking glances at the brunette”

“No I’m not”

“Don’t tell me you’ve been taking glances at Pinoe” I laugh because I’ve been caught.

“I’m just worried she won’t like you guys”

“So you admit you like her” I open my mouth but don’t say a thing. _I don’t even know what I want for lunch, how am I supposed to know if I like someone._

“I don’t like her”

“And I don’t have a son” Amy teases

“Hey now, if you don’t want him I’ll take him”

“Tobin, you need someone to share your life with” Amy says with sympathy. I sit on the bed and burying my head in my hands. Amy sits beside me and wraps and arm around my waist.

“It’s not that I don’t want to Amy. It’s just that I can’t. I’m terrified of giving someone my heart, of sharing my thoughts and responsibilities, of losing someone because of who I am” I finally breathe.

“And that’s okay Tobin, but it is better to give your heart willingly than to have your heart broken unintentionally” I take in her advice and let it sink in.

“But I don’t know what my heart wants”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to know, just let it be. You’ll know who is meant for you when you realize the difference between want and need” Amy stands up and toss me my sling. After putting it on, we walk down to the large dinner table. It’s a vintage wooden table, that fits a good 12 people and I am now thankful that we choose this table because the family is getting big. A little mimi Amy bathes her in kisses as soon as she is spotted. I smile at the scene.

“Auntie Tobs” little Ryan cries as he sees me, I kneel down and hug the tender boy

“Auntie Tobs hurt” He pouts and I giggle.

“Yes, but Auntie Becky made me feel better” I ruffle my nephews blonde hair. The boy faces Becky and runs to her in thanks. I walk around the table trying to spot an open seat, Ash scouts over and I wiggle in between her and Lauren.

“What’s for dinner” I ask Lauren whom just arrived with Ryan and food.

“Chinese and Arab food” She grins and I high five her with my good arm. I clink my fork against the cup before me the gather everyones attention around the table. As the room goes silent, I take it upon myself to talk.

“Ladies and little gent, I am sorry to have ruined your plans for the last 7 hours. As you may know, the meeting went a little wild and I had to call you all here to warn you. Primarily a situation that implicated with Ash’s job but nonetheless, we can work around it. There are still somethings that will complicate our battles, for one, we are not to use our squads skill for the next two weeks” Syd lets out a groan and I continue “We are not to use or create any next technology for the next month” Once the word month slips from my tongue Carli throws a fit.

“Sit down, I’m not done. I will monitored for a week by Becky and must follow her medical orders to be signed off the caution list. What happened yesterday violated not just a regulation but a law and board members are displeased with the actions. They will be on alert for the smallest of things starting today for the next two to four weeks. We are all to be sharp starting tonight. No errors, no mistakes, no accidents, at all, if anything funny does happen, we will all be subjected to a week of shut down” Everyone remains silent except Ryan whom is playing with his toys. Their thoughts and worries getting to them.

“So, if anything, I mean anything on or off the field happens, you must tell me immediately. The regions will also be on alert but as you know, there are some soldiers whom don’t want the best for us. So I don’t care how silly it sounds or what time of the day it is, I will answer and help. You have my back, now and always. You hear me? We are a family and no one messes with family” The girls say Athena and Frost begins to play music. Bowls of food are passed around the table and the fun begins. I am lost in the delight of the food that I don’t realize a certain pair of eyes on me

“Can I help you” I say as I look up to Syd whom is sitting in front of me.

“Since when do you hang out with Miss Morgan number two over there” She asks. I look over to Jeri who’s sitting besides Amy and Becky entertained by little Ryan.

“Since two hours ago, why” I say

“Odd” My forehead scrunches as I just stare at Syd clueless

“What is odd? You hang out with her witch sister every other day, now that is odd” I say as I clean my face with a napkin.

“Yeah but you aren’t exactly the type to hang out with them”

“Jeri isn’t really like _them_ ” I defend and Syd raises her eyebrows. I turn my head while Syd shoots Ash a look.

“Don’t ask me, I didn’t know either. The girl came out of no where”

“She came from her house actually” I grin. Lauren laughs at my horrible smart ass comment and Syd fails at suppressing a smile.

“Okay, duh, but I mean, no one here is exactly fond of the Morgan’s” Ash clarifies

“Speak for yourself, they are eye candy” Pinoe says as she stuffs her mouth full with rice

“Gross” I say with all intent

“Okay, eye candy yes, but not like I would go over to their house or invite them to our secret spot” Ash says elbowing me.

“Why do you guys keep elbowing me! Is there some game going on within the squad on who elbows me the most” I beg. Everyone around me stares at Ash and I just stare at them in disbelief. _You’ve got to be kidding me_. They begin to laugh and I grow irritated “Well?”

“No, of course we don’t have a secret game going on” Lauren says. As one of Lauren’s besties, I can’t read her so I go to the only person who can’t lie. _Carli_. I get up and walk over to her.

“Scoot Press” As Press moves, I eye the girls I left behind whom all seem to have grown nervous.

“So Carli, as Scout of the squad and rightful ruler of you job is there”

“No, I am not apart of the teams little game” She straight off says. I quirk a eyebrow at the girls and they stare down Ash.

“Thanks bro” I get up and go back to the girls “You guys are unbelievable”

“You have to admit, it took a month before you noticed”

“Well my bad, I was starting to think you were all some violent people”

“Haha I didn’t want to be apart of it but Amy dragged me into it” Lauren confesses.

“It was Pinoe’s idea” Ash confesses next, Pinoe starts talking with her mouth full and we all shut her up. The girls continue bickering until I volunteer to do the dishes. As I get up, Press volunteers to do the same. When we finish up, I thank Press for her help.

“You didn’t have to wash the dishes with me”

“I know, but I wanted to”

“Well thank you Chris”

“Anything for you Tobs” She leaves me at that and I stare at the girl as she walks back to the group. _What an odd day_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will be meeting some more USWNT players in next few chapters, Ali will be introduced in about four so thats that.


	13. Just Go With It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short little chapter. Already finishing up the next two, maybe I'll post by Wednesday, or today. Who knows haha, also want to say that it is Alex/Tobin end game. But I wanted to spicy up Tobin's love life before Alex.

Just go with it

We pull up to the Morgan’s gate around 10 pm. The sun has gone down and a row of lights illuminate the entrance and drive. If I didn’t hate Axiom as much as I do, I would consider it beautiful but it only yells corrupt to me. Becky pushes the code into the gate and the doors opens. We had to take Becky’s temporary sports car since I am not allowed to remove my sling for another 4 hours.

“Park a little farther from the door” I say as Becky arrives in front of the house. She nods and proceeds a farther down. I open the door and help Jeri out of the car. I shut the door and quickly tell Becky I’ll be back through the window.

“Bye Becky, it was nice meeting you” Jeri yells out. We walk in silence to the front door. I stop at the steps and Jeri does the same.

“They’re not going to care what you’re wearing” She smirks and I stand there a little amazed that she read my thoughts. I look at my attire and chuckle. _Only I would sport some fitted black slacks, knee boots and a loose tee._

“Carli really didn’t try finding a shirt that matched my outfit” I laugh, she only shakes her head and grabs my hand. We walk to the door and it opens. Jeri begins to laugh at the scene while I just look away. In front of us stand the witch and her boy toy in a heated session of tongue hockey.

“Come on, I want to show you something” Jeri says tugging on my arm and pulling me away from the awkward scene. _Just go with it_. I hear Amy in my head. Not wanting to be rude, I let her pull me around hallways and doors until we reach her room. As she opens the door, I expect it to be white. Even if she is adventurous and down to earth, she is still from Axiom. To my lovely surprise, it’s a light grey. The room itself feels like a home, it is not cluttered with things but is designed with modern and vintage things.

“Close your eyes” She says and I do with a small bit of worry. _Why would she ask me to close my eyes_? She grabs my hand that rests in its sling and slips something onto my finger. _A ring_?

“You can open your eyes now” She says and I do. Theres a thin black ring that has a unique pattern that looks a lot like my diamond. _My diamond_.

“I’m, wow, I’m speechless” I say a bit amazed and confused. Jeri takes notice and begins to explain.

“When you were laying down on the table, I caught a glimpse of you transcendent and immediately thought of this. It matches its design” I hide my face a little, feeling a little vulnerable that see saw my diamond.

“Thank you Jeri, but I can’t accept this” I begin to take the ring off but she hold my hand in place. I look into her eyes and something about them tell me I don’t have a choice.

“I want you to have it, consider it as a token for today” She says brightly. I smile at her word choice and nod.

“Thank you, it’s beautiful” I breath

“I’m glad you liked it” She says genuinely. I get caught up in the sensation of Jeri’s hand on mine that I don’t see her reading my face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare or make you feel uncomfortable by mentioning your diamond”

“I, no it wasn’t that. Thank you, once again for this” I wiggle my fingers and watch the ring shine in a variety of places as the lights hit it.

“I should be thanking you, for today. It was nice getting out and well, getting to know a little more about you and the things you do” I giggle at her reference. People don’t really know how agents live. They just assume that we live like them, but obviously, that is not true. But everyone knows what the Morgan’s do. She’s like a celebrity in a way.

“Well, I hope the girls didn’t scare you off, they can be a little drastic”

“Huh, I was advised otherwise”

“It was Pinoe wasn’t it” I ask seriously which Jeri finds funny.

“I promised not to tell” She marvels and I just stand there with a pout.

“Nope, now come on, Becky must think we kidnapped you” We walk to the front of the door and there waiting is Mr. Morgan and the witch.

 

“Agh, Tobin, I thought I heard another voice”

“Sir Morga-Michael” I stutter. Jeri goes to her father who kisses her head. I watch in awe, a bit of envy rises within but I contain my emotions.

“So you guys went out” Alex asks pretending not to care

“Tobin introduced me to some family” Jeri answers sending me a smile. I mentally make a note to talk to Jeri about the elite squads and refraining from telling anyone about it. Her father would not like her hanging with us.

“Oh cool” Alex obviously irritated responds

“Did she” Michael responds

“Well, it was more like some friends”

“All that matters is that you had fun”

“Well Michael, Jeri, Alex, I must get going. A friend drove us here as ESL Sauerbunn ordered me to keep the sling on and I don’t want to keep them waiting any longer” I lie. The truth is, Alex is giving me her bitch stare and I don’t know how much longer I can withhold my ego. But Michael doesn’t need to know that. He is naive to the obvious tension and dislike in the room.

“Agh well, I look forward to having you for dinner” He says. Jeri’s face scrunches in confusion while Alex’s eyes nearly pop out. _What a bitch._

“Dinner” She asks

“Yes, I invited Tobin to join us for dinner this weekend” Michael replies a bit confused why his youngest daughter would disagree

“But you won’t let Serv”

“Alex”

“No dad”

“Alex, stop” Michael demands and Alex does as told. She glares at me and rushes down the hall.

“Tobin, please excuse my daughter”

“Sir, it is fine” I say “I must get going, thank you for allowing your daughter to meet my friends”

“I didn’t exactly give her permission” He responds. I swallow hard. _Fuck, hopefully Jeri won’t tell him she met the squad_.

“Dad, you don’t I’m gone half the time” Jeri smiles and her father laughs.

“Right, but you happen to be the most responsible so I trust you. Now I’ll leave you two here. Goodnight Tobin” He says with a handshake. _More like good morning_ , I think. When Mr. Morgan is out of sight I let out a breath.

“Hey Jeri, could you not tell your father about the squad, he might not approve”

“My dad wouldn’t care”

“Please” I plead, Jeri notices my desperations and nods okay. I begin to open the door when she pulls me into an awkward hug. Not awkward in the sense that I didn’t like it but awkward because of my shoulder.

“You don’t hug people much” She jokes and I slightly blush. I say goodbye and rush to Becky’s car.

“If I find any hickies on you, I will tell the whole squad” She threatens and I just look at her in horror.

“You’re as prude as they get” I would take offense but she has a point. We arrive at my house shortly and lay on the couch.

“What’s the point of a room if you sleep on the couch” She asks as she sets down her bag of things for the week by the hall.

“The couch is so much better” I say. Becky just lets out a groan and I turn to see her struggling to get comfortable. I kick my boots off and get comfortable.

“They said monitor not guard, I can give you the recording of the meeting if you want” I say.

“No I believe you, but like you said, the couch is so much better”

“You too huh” I inquire quietly.

“We’re not made out of steel Tobin” Although Becky says it truthfully, it hurts. I have always looked up to the squad. They are strong and joyful. Never letting a small mistake phase them for too long unlike me. It is something I both envy and admire of them, but often, it makes me forget that they hurt too.

“You can’t stop us from hurting outside of the field Tobs. You give your life day and night for us, from the moment we reach citadel to the moment we leave its perimeters. You have dedicated your entire life to keeping us alive, and that is something we could never repay, so if the price of your actions is having spend a week with you or having to sleep on the couch to make sure you’re okay, than so be it. Don’t make it harder on us or yourself to accept that we will never be okay again. We can only build ourselves up from here and hope that we never lose one another” I remain silent trying not let myself fall in the state of despair again.

“You saved my life Tobin and that is something I will never forget” She finally says. I seal my eyes shut as the memories stream into my the overflowing ocean of thoughts. Becky waits for an answer but it never comes.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for dinner?


	14. Interesting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Little things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, so sorry for taking a while to update. I faced some minor personal problems these last few days which didn't allow me to update but I'm back. I'll be posting two chapters today to make up for my absence. This isn't the dinner scene yet but next chapter will be. 
> 
> Don't pay attention to details, everything will be sorted out soon :)

Interesting

"Ugh you've got to be kidding" I groan as I sit up and turn off the alarm.

"Becky, it's time for work" I mumble as I toss a pillow at her.

"It's too early" I look at my watch and it's true. It's 1am. Realizing Becky isn't going to get up, I force myself off the couch and head straight for the kitchen.

"You know, you could have me turn on the coffee machine every morning" Frost says as I enter the kitchen and grab a pot.

"I know but you already do a lot"

"I have the ability to"

"And I have the ability to make coffee" I joke as I set the pot with water on the stove.

"That is true" I giggle and walk over to a small room downstairs. I toss my uniform into the laundry basket and put on some workout clothes I stash down here. After stretching out my arm a little, I put the sling back on. Even if I hate to admit it, the darn thing helps. I walk back to the kitchen and turn the stove off. I make some straight black coffee for the two of us.

"Coffee" Becky mumbles as she walks into the kitchen. I have to laugh at the medic, she's usually a morning person.

"You aren't a morning person after all"

"I'm not a morning person when we get 3 hours of sleep"

"Touché" I say. We drink our coffee in silence, soaking in the last few minutes of calmness before the chaos begins.

 

We pull up to head quarters forty minutes later.

 

"Morning" I murmur as I get out of the car. I look at everyone half asleep. It's only two in the morning and our shift starts at three. We walk to our designated floor. Everyone takes a few minutes longer to change than usual. As everyone finishes changing, I gather some snacks bars made for the elite squads deploying during a night shift.

"Agh yes" Pinoe says as she comes in holding her head. If I didn't know better, the girl would look hung over. "Why aren't these available at the store" She says as she grabs two from the table.

"Because they work magic"

“That is exactly why they should sell them"

"No, that is exactly why they shouldn't"

"Why you gotta kill my hopes? Coffee has nothing on these things, its like a revival with every bite" Pinoe says. I shrug my holders and pat her back.

"You'll survive”

"With these gems I will" she opens another bar and sits on her chair propping her feet on it. Carli pushes her legs off it and eyes me. I twirl my finger beside my face and Carli rolls her eyes.

"How many of these are allowed per day?"

"For a squad, 18"

"Per person" Carli continues

"Per person, it is recommended one but two is the max"

"Pinoe, give back the one in your pocket" Pinoe groans and hands Carli the bar. The rest of the girls file in and begin to snack on the magical bars. As the squad meeting begins, my mind wonders, thinking about this week and its peculiarity. For starters, having Becky at the house has been both a nightmare and blessing. She cooks, and well, keeps me company, except she’s always yapping at me for doing stuff with my arm. Not that Becky's a bad room mate, she's only looking out for me. But I need my own space. In the end, Becky's not the only one holding a tight grip on me. Syd is constantly asking me questions about everything. If I've talked to Laure, if I'm going to help out Press, if I'm going to invite Jeri over. She's just about asked how many times I use the restroom.

Luckily, the squad has another long break after this shift. Mr.Morgan went to the board and proposed an advancement on our 40 hour break. Somehow it was granted. A whole month ahead of time. Probably a bribe, but the man went to extremes to make sure I would attended dinner tomorrow night.

"Alright ladies, let's get to work" I say.

 

 

The first few battles go as planned but this battle against Huros is a bit more difficult than planned.

 

 

"So what do you want us to do" Syd asks in the corner of the room. Pinoe taps her foot against one of the stairs while Carli eyes the door. We were forced to split up in two groups and I slightly begin to regret making the choice.

"Carli, tell ash to get a hover craft and meet us on the roof. All of you are going to head to component 2, one is being protected and I'm sure if they see all of you at component 2, they'll leave the third component unattended"

"Oh man, she's about to dominate" Pinoe says sticking out her hand. I pull her up and we begin to move to the roof of the building.

Once on the top, Syd begins to set up a few lights that Ash will be able to see. The makers decided to change up the time and weather. All battle have been time zones during sunset and the weather is rather nice.

The squad hover craft comes into sight. I move towards the edge of the roof like the rest of the girls and wait for Ash to land. Press and Pinoe get on board as I walk to the back with Carli. As I scan my watch over a small reader, a competent opens. I pull out a small motorcycle that is folded nicely to save space. Once I pop the front wheel in its place, Carli does the same with the back wheel.

"Did you upgrade it" Carli eyes the bike as bit confused

"I didn't like the white color of it so I had Mark give it a small touch of me" I hear Carli giggle. The bike used to be all white but now it's metallic black and goal with a few exceptions of white.

"I like it" I only nod and wait for her to say what's on her mind.

"Be careful, the third component is far away. We don't know how many people will be guarding it. And knowing you, you won't call back up"

"Well, that's why I take the bike”

“And if something happens to the bike”

“You worry too much”

“You don’t worry enough” I laugh at her comment because it’s true. I always split up from the squad during Aquire battles. They are very similar to dominance battles but instead of a single component, there are multiple.

“I have you to worry, now go on, we’re losing”

“Have you realized that ever time you use that machine, you’re somewhat higher up than the time before”

“What do you mean”

“You’re deploying your motorcycle on a roof” Carli states. I shrug and hop onto the bike. Carli begins to get onto the hover craft when she turns around to say one last thing.

“Don’t disconnect for too long” I raise my hand to my head and salute her.

“Whatever you say Scout” With that, I turn the dirt bike on and descend down the stairs of the building. I can hear the hover craft in the distance, as I reach the street, I can no longer see or hear the hover craft.

“Lauren”

“Yeah”

“Turn off my cameras but let the recording run, I will manually disconnect from the squad ” I say

“Be safe” She warns, the small green light on my watch turns red and I know I’m alone, not physically but mentally at least. I look at the map and see that the third component is a good 8 miles to the East. Breathing in deeply, I maneuver through my watches setting and activate my personal settings. Within seconds, my helmet rings with smooth melodies. I begin to drive through the dirt roads of an abandoned town trying to find a way out. Once I finally find the exit, I begin to drive towards the third component. The small rustic town soon vanishes behind me and I feel more and more alone. _Finally_. I take the opportunity to try some tricks on the bike, the battle field is a bunch of dry hills, nothing but dirt and dust. And since no one is watching, I have the liberty to do what I want. In occasion, I fall but it only makes me laugh.

As I’m in a mile radius of the third component, I see it in the open. There are a few deploy and equipment units around, some turrents but little to nothing to cover yourself with. I slow down and stop besides a truck. I pull out my gun to check for snipers but spot nothing. _Theres no way they just left it unprotected_. I put my gun back and decide to take a ride around the perimeter _. What is it that you’re hiding Huros_. As I’m nearly done checking the place out, I see a glimmer in the distance near a turret. As I begin to drive to it the large automatic turret begins to shoot at me. I serve off the road and down a steep hill, knowing that I can’t press the brakes, I shove my feet into the dirt to try and slow my pace. Unfortunately, my job doesn’t defy the law of motion. My body slams straight into the bikes handles as my front wheel hits a large rocks. My body tumbles down the rest of the hill and eventually comes to a stop.

“If only Becky where here, she’d kill me herself” I say as I sit up. My bike lays a few feet away from me, still in tact but probably damaged. As I check that it’s still good to go, I begin hacking the deploy unit which will allow people from Kanatos to transcend here if they wish to. I than hack the equipment unit and proceed to so the same with the component. Once I finish, I begin to walk to my bike. I get hit in the arm and notice someone up ahead. Not wanting to face the rest to come alone, I hop onto my bike and drive off. A mile away, I set up a link in a nitch and drive back to the third component that has be re-hacked.

I drive uphill and set myself up to aim at those below me. Within minutes, I clear out the reds and head back down to take control of the component. I spend the last few minutes of the battle exploring the battle field. Every few minutes I hear a small explosion go off. _Oh Huros, always naive_. I giggle a little at my actions. Only I would set up a good 30 explosives surrounding the component to allow me to wonder off.

When I come to a stop up on a high mountain, I get off my bike and sit on the edge. Just 10 feet behind me is where the battle field ends. The red transparent wall circles around the whole field, trapping us in like mice in a cage. I chuck a rock in its direction and in rolls through, when it comes to a halt, the rock begins to melt from the heat on the other side. I stare at it until it no long holds in shape. The temptation gets the best of me, I walk up to the wall and run my hand in front of the wall. The heat that radiates off of it is astounding. I _f only I could go through_. Before I can even think about pushing my hand through the wall, the victory alarm rings and my power dies. Without much option, I get on my bike and make my way to the squad. _If only there was a way to escape this prison._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dinner soon :)


	15. Details

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why be so detailed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, there is a reason why Tobin is so detailed and why the story is like that as well. Everything will begin to tie in within the next few chapters, so you honestly don't have to pay attention to them since I'll be making sure to explain their significance when the time is right. Anyhow, enjoyyyyy

Details

“Hey Syd, wait up” I say as I grab my bag and rush after Syd. She stops at her car and shoots me a nod.

“What are you doing tomorrow” I ask a bit nervously.

“Whoa there Tobs, I love you but I’m not interested, I mean not that you’re not hot but I’m not exactly into you” I mentally slap myself in the face because Syd would be the one to think I was asking her on a date.

“No you idiot” I exclaim

“Oh shoot, then why do you need me” I eye the parking lot to make sure no one can hear.

“I… I was invited to dinner at the Morgan’s tomorrow” I mutter. Syd slams her door shut which causes people around to look in our direction. I give them stern looks and they continue their ways.

“Holy shit! You know how hard it is to get invited to”

“Quite down Syd, people are going to hear”

“They should hear, you know how rare it is for someone to be allowed over for dinner on weekends” Syd states as if I would no.

“Whats the big deal, it’s just dinner” I shrug not really making sense as to why the girl is freaking out.

“Look Tobs, you’re so out of date when it comes to people” She rolls her eyes and I scrunch my nose.

“Sir Morgan doesn’t allow just anyone to come to dinner on the weekends”

“So you haven’t” I say a little bewildered that Syd, a good friend of the witch, has not been over to dinner on a weekend.

“I wish, I’ve been to dinners but never on a weekend”

“Okay, so will you help me out with an outfit” I ask shyly.

“What type of dinner did he say”

“Not too formal” I inquire. Syd wraps an arm around my neck and looks at me.

“My friend, you are in the right hands. Master Leroux is going to help you get ready. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be radiating” I only swallow a lump in my throat and hope for the best.

* * *

 

As I enter my apartment, I instantly smile. Some slick house music plays and my body immediately moves to the beat.

“Dinners ready”

“Hmmm what’d you make” I ask as I drop my bag by the coach and pull up my sleeves.

“Nothing too fancy, some chicken fettuccine, parmesan tortellini bites and some cookies from mom” Allie says as she plates the food. My eyes widen, _not fancy my ass._

“Smells wonderful” I help bring the plates to the dinning table and wait for Allie before sitting.

“Bon apetite”

“Thank you” I say as I begin to grub on the delicious food.

“No problem, Frost told me about having to route all your destinations for your auto pilot since Becky wants you resting your shoulder so I thought I’d save him some time and come over here”

“Becky’s over exaggerating” I sip some water and lean back into my chair.

“No, I think she’s under doing it” I roll my eyes playfully and Allie pokes my side.

“I found out about the little game the squad had going” I laugh and Allie cracks up. She explains how it all came down and I just frown in embarrassment.

“Hey so, you being friend of the witch and all” I start off

“Witch, why do you call her that” Allie snickers

“Well she’s a bitch for starters. And secondly, you can’t deny she is a witch, I didn’t even say her name and you knew who I was talking about”

“I mean, she’s not exactly my favorite person on this planet but she deserves a try”

“Never try to teach a pig to sing, you’ll waste your time and you’ll annoy the pig. Mark Twain” I quote with a shrug.

“It is wiser to find out than to suppose, Mark Twain as well” my eyebrows rinse in surprise.

“Well you finally did some reading” I smirk

“I gotta lot of time”

“Okay, back to the witch, since you two are like besties now”

“If I’m besties with a witch, than what are you and Jeri” Allie catches me off guard. She raises an eyebrow and I curse Syd under my breath. 

“Jeri and I are just friends”

“Friends, okay, knowing you, that’s all you’ll ever be, with anyone”

“Hey”

“Speaking from experience” She shrugs

“What experience”

“Laure, Press, you know” I suppress a rush of emotions that I’m not quite familiar with and face Allie in disbelief. She is taken back by my silence.

“Oh come on, you can’t possibly be that sucked in to work to notice that they have feelings for you” Her brow creases and I can feel myself growing defensive as I cross my arms.

“So now it’s wrong of me to work my ass off to try to do something right” I sneer while narrowing my eyes on Allie. She gets up from the table, a tight smile on her face.

“You’re always so concerned on whats right and whats wrong. This is exactly why you won’t acknowledge that there are people out there that have feelings for you. Because you don’t deem it right. News flash Tobin, the world doesn’t revolve around what you find is right or wrong. You’re so caught up in this world of misery that you don’t even give it a chance to show you it’s wonders. You judge Alex for her closed off mind and self centered personality but you don’t fall short from her” Allie pauses and I can see her debating whether or not to finish.

“When we met, you were this girl of hope, a girl that was open to everything, this vibe that over powered all those around you, someone born in the wrong generation, a gift of the past to those of the future. But now, you’re the girl no one can touch, a fragile vase, a reminder of how fucked up this world is. Of how the makers have power over everything, even the past, including you” With that, Allie leaves. I sit there in silence letting her words sink in. I don’t know how long I stare out the window until Frost begins to worry.

“Is it true, have I turned into the Makers puppet” I whisper.

“Miss Long was only speaking out of frustration, once you both calm down, you can clear things out” Frost may be artificial intelligence, but my mind reads him better than he thinks.

“You believe it too”

“Tobin, it is not good for you to be thinking about this” He quakes, it’s all I need for confirmation

“Not good for me, how subtle of you”

“Tobin”

“No, don’t try to backtrack, I am fragile”

“Tobin”

“Just spill it already” I snap

“You pay attention to the details, as if the smallest mistake will ruin all you’ve worked for. You subconsciously tell yourself that if you don’t do it, it won’t get done. You have turned into a work machine, thinking that if you sacrificed your life to help those who have it worse, that maybe, you’d be tricking the makers, that you’d be good. But you slowly became part of the cause, you let it change you Tobin. There is no right or wrong, there is no good and bad, there is only change. That is where Allie is wrong. Right and wrong is defined by an individuals way of thinking, good and bad is morally defined in a generation but change is brought upon you for a reason. So the real question is, why did you change, what is life trying to teach you” Frost disconnects from the room to give me time to process. I get up from the table and begin to clean up, making sure to save the left overs the way Allie taught me. Once I finish, I grab a water bottle from the fridge and to out to the balcony. I stay there, just thinking, that maybe theres more to come, maybe life is preparing me for something hidden in the details.

* * *

I pace around the living room waiting for Syd to arrive. My nerves rise by the minute, imagining what type of outfit Syd has picked out for me. When the bell rings, I rush to the door. Syd’s face is a bit flustered as she pushes me to the side and lets herself in.

“So, I know how you hate white but I couldn’t avoid it completely” She says as she goes through the shopping bags. _Oh no, she’s going to make me wear an all white outfit._

“But, I worked some magic and found this” She lays out black skinny jeans, a silky white half sleeve shirt that turns grey towards the bottom and a black cardigan that is of a neat fabric. She even bought grey athletic shoes that match the shirt. I stand there a bit surprised and in awe of what Syd did.

“What do you think” She says as she smirks

“Wow, this is better than I thought it would be, where’d you get the idea”

“I saw the ring you were wearing, now lets get started, I only have two hours to get you ready”

“Two hours” I question

“Oh yes, there is a lot to do” My eyes widen as she pushes me to the bathroom. _Oh no_.

* * *

I park the defender and get out of the car. Syd got Becky’s approval for a sling-less night and I thank her. I leave the cardigan in the car seeing that the sun is still up and the wind is warm. I have to hand it to Syd, she did a good job. Picked out beautiful peal earrings, natural make up, my hair lays upon my shoulders in natural curls and my accessories, including the ring Jeri gave me, top the outfit. Matching the confidence of my outfit, I walk to the door.

“Tobin, come in” Wanda, one of Morgan’s maid greets. I hug the women I’ve know for years.

“How are you” I ask

“Good, and you”

“Just about the same” She tries to take the wine bottle from my hands but I tell her its fine. Seeing that I won’t give in, she leads me to the kitchen. A smooth slow song plays as Mrs Morgan orders some cooks to add more salt to a dish.

“Mrs.Morgan, Miss Heath has arrived” Wanda says in a voice that makes me cringe. Mrs. Morgan turns around and gently smiles.

“Wanda, the wine”

“Mrs. Morgan, I wanted to personally hand it to you and your husband for inviting me to dinner, it’s an honor” I say before Wanda can say a thing

“Call me Pamela Tobin and thank you” She grabs the wine and looks it over, I’m not sure if her eyes widen in surprise or disgust either way, it doesn’t matter as another Morgan’s voice greets me.

“Is that Miss Heath in skin and bones” Jennifer says, I turn around and greet the oldest Morgan.

“Jennifer” I say as I stretch my hand out to her.

“Tobin, so good to finally see you” She says as she pushes aside my hand and hugs me gently.

“It’s nice to see you too Jennifer, I apologize for not being able to make it to you’r wedding, I hope you liked your gift”

“Nonsense, your gift was more than over the top. Plus, I know your job demands a lot. Speak of the devil, here comes my husband” I turn around and Jeni rushes her husband over.

“Tobin”

“Hey” We shake hands and catch up in the living room as Pamela finishes up in the kitchen.

“Tobin you made it” Michaels voice rings. I turn around to see the host in a loose suit.

“Sir”

“Agh, this isn’t work Tobin” Jennifer giggles at my professionalism and I blush slightly.

“Right, Michael, you might have to correct me throughout the dinner” I joke as I shake his hand.

“I’m sure a few Morgan’s will be doing that tonight, but please, come sit” He walks to some leather chairs and pours some whiskey.

“Tobin”

“I will have to politely turn you down Michael, whiskey is a bit strong for me” He smiles at my honest and continues fixing his drink. Jennifer's husband eyes me and I suddenly feel out of place. _Why didn’t he offer Jeni’s husband whiskey?_

“No sling I see”

“I’ve been wearing it in between breaks and off the clock so ESL Sauerbrunn thought it was okay to allow my muscle to stretch”

“That is good, lets put work aside for the night. You look divine tonight by the way”

“Thank you sir, your wife and daughters are nothing short than I”

“Well, what can I say, they got it from me” He jokes. I giggle awkwardly since I am not used to such friendliness coming from my boss.

“That they do”

“I want to thank you for the wine, my wife’s guilty love” He admits

“I should be thanking you, for inviting me, it’s an honor, really” I reply

“It’s a greater honor to have the scout of Athena here, don’t sell yourself short Tobin” I only nod my head. We continue to chat about random things, mostly me complementing him on something. Wanda calls us to the table right when things were getting personal. We walk to the dinning table that has been elegantly set. Pamela walks in and Michael pulls her chair our.

“Tobin” Jeri’s smooth voice rings as she comes into the dinning area. I look at Jeri with wide eyes, she wears a creamy dress that isn’t elegant or typical, simply perfect. _Wow_.

“Jeri” I breath out as we hug.

“You look beautiful”

“And you look beautifuller” She giggles at my horrible complement and I mimic her smile. I follow her to her chair and pull it out for her.

“Thank you”

“Hmmm heemm” I sit beside Jeri and wait like the rest.

“Where is Alex” Pamela asks

“She’ll be down in a sec” Wanda says. I’m engaged in a talk with Jennifer and her husband about their honeymoon when she walks in. Even the song that plays in the background compliments her outfit. _She looks stunning_. If her eyes weren’t staring into mine, I am more than sure that I would be gawking. Alex is wearing an elegant short black dress that shows of her beautiful figure. She breaks eye contact to look at her father. I drink some water to suppress some sudden fluster.

“Sorry father, I was caught up on the project” She says, my eyes perk at her soft voice, as I’ve never heard her speak so gently before.

“It is okay darling, take a sit” Jennifer’s husband pulls her chair out and she sits besides Jennifer on the other side. Pamela calls in the cook and dinner is served. All the plates are named words that I don’t dare pronounce in fear of getting it wrong.

“Pamela, the food is incomparable” I complement

“Why thank you Tobin”

“I second that mother, you really out did yourself today” Jennifer says

“I couldn’t disappoint Tobin now could I”

“I’m sure you make the best soup in all Axiom” I continue. Pamela blushes and I feel relieved.

“So Tobin, do you know how to cook” Jennifer asks

“Not too much, I can make fire pit pizza, elephant ears and home made bread but nothing as delicious as this” I blush. Jennifer’s eyes widen at the mention of home made break and Alex rolls her eyes.

“I’ve never been able to make bread out of scratch, I’m sure yours is delightful” Pamela says

“Thank you, I’ll have to drop some by”

“Do you have any hobbies” Jen’s husband asks next. I turn to him a bit in shock to see him actually contribute to the conversation.

“Nothing out of the ordinary. I like to do just about anything really. Back at home there is a variety of things to do”

“Where do you live” Alex asks, my eyes shoot to hers and then to Michaels.

“I don’t live too far from here” I answer a bit nervously. Michael steps in, thankfully.

“She isn’t allowed to give that kind of detail dear” Alex smiles tightens and I sigh, _this is more like the Alex I know_.

“Do you play any instruments” Jeri now asks. I turn to look at the girl besides me that sports a delightful smile.

“Not really, I have a love for the piano and guitar though”

“Hmm, piano, a girl of good taste” Pamela says

“Yeah, it’s a classic, your music is very elegant”

“Thank you”

“Any sports” Alex asks

“I’m not exactly keen to the sports at the moment, but I recently discovered my like for tennis”

“Oh tennis, Alex plays some tennis” Michael says “You guys should play some time”

“You guys should” Jennifer adds on. Knowing Jennifer, she is only doing to tick off her sister.

“We should” Alex says simply with a non enthusiastic voice. _She drowns the life out of every word_. I just smile and continue eating. The Morgan’s continue asking questions that I manage to half answer. In every occasion Alex tries to get more details but Michael shuts her down. It is not until Alex asks a specific question that my vulnerability becomes known.

“What about your parents” Not even the make up helps hide the obvious dismay. Everyones eyes are on me and I can’t mutter a single word.

“They…they’ve never…I” Words don’t form into sentences as my heart races. _This can’t be happening._

“Alex, that is enough” Michael says. Although the conversation moves on from the topic of my life, my mind doesn’t return to my body. Jennifer is the one to notice and steps in once Alex calls me the master of being vague. When Michael dismisses dinner, I escape to the bathroom.

“Tobin wait” I turn around and find Jennifer’s Husband standing a few feet away “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Alex is just, Alex” I only nod before entering the bathroom. Once I compose myself, I search for Wanda since I am not exactly sure where I’m supposed to be.

“They are gathering by the fire pit”

“Fire pit” I ask a bit confused that there is such thing.

“Funny, I know, the fire isn’t real, it’s just a simulation, kind of. They used to have them in the past with real fire” I let Wanda lead me to the enormous patio where the family has arranged to meet. Since no one is in sight, I walk to the edge of the patio and look at the backyard, or more like land. The green grass immediately captures my attention as it is rare to be grown in Axiom or Kardia for that matter. My eyes wonder to the pool and fire pit and lastly to the view of the sunset.

 

“Beautiful isn’t it” Michael asks as he approaches me. I look at him a bit startled not realizing there was company.

“Breath taking actually” He smiles at my words and stands besides me. I hold my hands behind my back, and stand up straight.

“Tobin, about earlier”

“It’s okay”

“No it is not, Alex should know better”

“She didn’t know sir”

“Still, I would like to apologize. Even if I am the representative of the makers, I don’t have access to such information. I should have prepared them better”

“Like I said, she didn’t know”

“That doesn’t make it any less significant, Alex can be a little hard headed. She doesn’t exactly think before she says like the rest of us” I sigh and turn to look at him.

“It’s not that sir, she simply caught me off guard if I’m being honest”

“You don’t have to share personal information, it is not my wish to make you uncomfortable”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to answer, I didn’t really have one to begin with”

“You don’t have to”

“It’s fine, really” He nods and I continue.

“When I was young, I was raised in a small town pretty far away from here. I don’t remember where but it doesn’t really matter anymore. Every year I moved around to a new orphanage, as you know, people aren’t allowed to adopt, so I was raised by strangers. It wasn’t until I ended up in a permanent orphanage in Kai at the age of six when it finally hit me, that I had no parents. Ironically, it happened the same day I met Allie. We were on a field trip at the career museum, I accidentally ran into Allie and fell backwards, landing wrong and breaking my arm. Allie’s mother took me to nurse there and stayed with me the whole time. Never before had I ever had an adult care for me to the extent Allie’s mother did that day. The doctor said I was very strong, that I should look into working at citadel when I got older. And now I’m here. Allie’s family became my family, but the feeling of being loved and loving never came. I love Allie’s family and I am forever grateful to had have them but theres that emptiness in me. I long to know what happened to my parents, but sadly theres no answer. And maybe it’s for the better” I finish with a slight ache in my voice. My hands shake from the flashbacks of that day, the face of Allie when she found out my arm was broken, the way the doctor tenderly advised me on my career but most of all the look in Allie’s mother’s eyes when the doctor told her I didn’t have parents. It was a look I’ll never forget. It was a look of disappointment. _Of true heart ache_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hate to disappoint, no Talex just yet or smooching of any sorts. I'll have more interaction between the two strictly in the next chapter, not what you hope for though. They'll get there eventually!!


	16. Reminder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was wondering if ya'll want an Alex POV? If you do, then I'll have to write it. If not than I can update the next chapter. Things will pick up from the next chapter. :)

Reminder

The bonfire goes smoother than the dinner. A huge contribution to that is my interest in the so called fire pit. Never before I had seen or heard of such thing. Another contribution to the comfortable moment is that Alex has kept more to herself. I find myself sitting next to Pamela as Michael sat by his two youngest daughters.

“So Tobin, if I may ask, why did you choose this career” Pamela’s voice isn’t enthusiastic, but it’s not coincidence that she is asking me such question. I sit up a little and turn to face the her.

“Well, partially because I was advised to do so. Growing up, many people pointed out my unique characteristics. I didn’t have someone to really guide me so I was easily influenced by people’s opinions. Then, as you know, at the age of 13, we are to choose our careers. Prior to decision day, we got a visit from an Elite Squad member. They came in, gave a brief speech and my teacher pointed me out. I looked at my best friend and she shrugged. I took the test and ended up with the highest score. Even the Scout was impressed. I was partially sold at that moment, but when I was reunited with my best friend, I knew it was for me. She was getting bullied by some, preps” I pause momentarily to make sure she didn’t get offended, realizing that she didn’t quite catch the offense, I continue “And I knew right then and there that I would do anything to protect anyone” I finish not wanting to really give off why I joined. The real reason why I joined was to protect and give back to all the people who are victims of this job. To help all those cheated and mistreated by the makers. But something tells me that my reasoning would not fit well with her morals.

“Wow, you’re very brave” She says enthusiastically “You make Axiom very proud” I only smile and sit back. Not wanting to give off my true intentions.

“One last question” Pamela perks, I nod for her to continue “Why not live in Axiom” My eyes shoot up in surprise. This is a question I can’t answer without saying something wrong, so I answer honestly.

“I wouldn’t fit in well”

“Don’t be so modest, Axiom would suit you well”

“It’s not Axiom I don’t fit in with” I finally breath, Pamela finally catches on and lets out an Oh. Knowing I’ve offended her, I excuse myself to get my cardigan from the car. Walking through the house, I hear Alex talking with her sisters. I stop by the corner and wait for them to finish.

“You need to apologize” Jeri says

“Oh come on, how was I supposed to know. She kills people for a living, how can she not handle simple questions”

“She doesn’t exactly kill people” Jennifer says

“It doesn’t matter what she does or doesn’t, she is the Scout of Athena for sakes. Father strictly said to treat her kindly”

“So you expect us to do so, come on Jeri, we’re not kids anymore! We’ve never gotten along”

“She has a point Jeri, people like us aren’t exactly fitted for people like her. I’m not saying she doesn’t deserve some respect but we shouldn’t have to act like she’s a queen” My heart sinks as the three girls remain silent. Not wanting to hear more, I walk to the kitchen for a glass of water.

“You could have called me” Wanda says

“You’ve already done more than I could repay you”

“I don’t seek an award Tobin, I took care of you and the rest because I wanted to” I smile at the older women and give her a hug.

“I wish I could repay you for everything you’ve done”

“You’ve done more than repay me Tobin” I let go of Wanda and sigh.

“I’ll never stop”

“I know, and that scares me” She says honestly. I leave Wanda in the kitchen and proceed to the front door to get my cardigan. I should just leave, I don’t belong here. Slamming the door shut, I return to the front door and find Jeri waiting. _Not now._

“There you are, I was beginning to think you left without saying bye” _I wish._

“I wouldn’t do such thing”

“I would hope so” She gives me a big smile but after hearing her conversation with her sister, I only doubt her actions. We walk back in silence, and join the family outside. The night continues with small conversations, I participate when it is right but keep mostly quiet. As the family interacts and talks, the more I realize that Frost has a point. And so does Allie. Maybe I have changed, maybe I have difted from the path I was following, maybe I am becoming part of the cause. _Am I just a reminder?_

The night ends and I help clean up. Pamela tried telling me to allow Wanda to do it which only made me want to help her more. As I put away the dishes, Michael comes in.

“My wife and I are going to head to bed now, again, thank you for coming over and having dinner with my family. It is an honor to have you here”

“Thank you for inviting me”

“You are more than welcome to hang out with the girls for the rest of the night”

“Thank you sir but I’m going to have to leave soon, I have some things that need resolving”

“Well, you are more than welcome here anytime” I shake his hand and he walks away. Once alone, I finish putting away the dishes and walk out of the kitchen. The hall lights are dimmed, which give the vibe of relaxation. I find Jennifer and her husband in the living room and see it as an opportunity to say goodbye to the two.

“So soon”

“Sorry, like you said, my work demands a lot”

“Hmm well, keep in touch” I smile and let the couple be. Walking to the stairs, I try my best to recall where Jeri’s room is. I come to a door that looks like hers and knock. The small sound echo's off the walls and down the hall but I get no response.

“Her room is upstairs” A maid says, I give her my thanks and continue up the stairs. _How embarrassing_. As I reach Jeri’s door, I let out a long sigh. The conversation between the three sisters left me a little baffled and anxious to say the least. _If they all treat me with respect because it is asked of them, then what does Jeri really feel for me?_ My thoughts are interrupted by the smile on Jeri’s face.

“Hey there, I was just on my way down” She says as closes her door.

“Actually, I came here to say goodnight”

“You’re leaving” Her voice sounds defeated but I ignore it

“I have something I need to do, I’m sorry”

“You don’t have to apologize, I was just hoping we could hang out. Last time I was chased away from you but your squad” I giggle at the memory.

“I’m sorry about that, they’re a little noisy”

“They’re quite a bunch, it must be fun working with them”

“Well, if you consider babysitting a group of teenagers fun, than I guess so” I laugh

“Hmm, it could be worse” Silence consumes me as she looks at me deeply, as to emphasis that things could be by all means, worse. Not knowing what to do, I intertwine our hands and begin to slow dance to the song that plays throughout the house. Her body matches my pace and I smile. We swirl and twirl, just getting the feel of it but soon enough I mess up and step on her.

“I’m so sorry” I plead completely flustered. She brings a finger to my lips and shakes her head.

“You apologize too much”

“It’s the right thing to do”

“Miss Heath, has no one ever told you that every experience holds a blessing”

“A blessing? Me stepping on your foot is not a blessing, it’s an embarrassment if anything”

“You’re a dork you know” I hold a hand on my heart and she laughs “Come on, I’ll walk you to the door” In a much better mood than before, we walk down.

“Goodnight Jeri” I say as I hug the tender girl. She sighs into the hug which makes me tighten my grip on her.

“Goodnight Tobin” Something about the way Jeri says my name makes think she acts the way she does because she means it. I smile and walk out the door with a grin. As I reach my car, I hear a voice behind me. Turning around, I see her in her black dress. The moon light illuminates against her face, adding a new level of beauty to her. _Wow, she’s absolutely divine._

“Yes” I mumble while still trying to process my thoughts as she comes closer.

“Look, I just wanted to come and apologize for what I asked earlier. I know it was wrong but”

“You don’t have to apologize, I get it” I interrupt as I realize where she’s going.

“Get what”

“I get it, people like me aren’t fitted for people like you. We don’t mesh and you’re right, I should be able to handle such questions” She stands there in silence, taking in the words I throw her way.

“You were listening”

“Listening, pff, you were practically yelling it to the world Alex”

“Look, I just came to apologize”

“Well you already did so can I go or are you going to call me a killer again”

“I don’t understand why my father worships the ground you walk on. It is filled with hatred and repulsion for the world.”

“Yeah well, if you knew anything about the world other than yourself you’d see the rubbish we live in”

“You’re such a bitch”

“Takes one to know one” 

“Gosh, you’re so fucking ridiculous! I don’t know how anyone tolerates you. My father and Jeri might be too naive to see it, but I know your intentions are not the ones your job demands. But boy do you play the part well”

“Play a part, you think this is a game for me?!” I fume

“It might as well be” She says so effortlessly. My mouth hangs open as the last few waves of her words reopen the wound of my past. Alex and I have always bickered about everything but nothing as deep as this. I close my mouth and tilt my head to the sky not barring the anger that boils. Unclenching my fist, I turn to Alex and shake my head.

“I don’t know where you go this idea that my job is somehow a game, that I somehow enjoy this life. But that’s just sick, even for you” I open the drivers door but stop to look at Alex whom stands still. Just seconds ago my mind thought of her as an angel but now, she's just another poignant reminder of the world today. 

“And for the record, you’re right. I didn’t join the cause to support it. I did it to protect the people that I love, I did it to help the people that have suffered because of Axiom, but most of all, I did it in hopes that I could save a life. That maybe, one day, I could save myself” I slam the door shut and drive away, feeling tears run down my face reminding me of my failure.

* * *

I wined up in front of Allie’s house at four in the morning. My hands shake as I knock on the door. I laugh at the soft knock and hug myself as I wait for the door to open. Lost in my thoughts, I see Allie standing there.

“Hey” I whisper

“Please don’t tell me your pregnant”

“Shoot, is it obvious” I smile. She giggles and then sighs “Actually, I came to drop off some left overs” I bounce on my heels as Allie looks at the bag in my hands.

“You want me to believe that you came all the way from home at four in the morning to drop off left overs” She leans against the door frame and I half smile. “Okay, this is something you would do but, I want to know if this visit also has to do with a certain dinner last night”

“She told you”

“Nope, but you just did” Allie extends her arms and I rush to them. She rubs my back as I begin to cry again.

“Come on, lets get you some wine”

* * *

“So let me get this straight, she accused you of being a killer and then she went on to say that you were just a play piece”

“More so or less” I say as I lay on the ground of Allies living room. The lights are dimmed, the food is warm and the wine is nearly gone. Allie leans against the couch with a blanket as my body spawns across the floor.

“Wow, that’s odd” Allie wonders.

“Is it” I ask

“I mean, she’s not like that with me”

“Because you live in Axiom and if I may, you don’t work for her father anymore”

“How do you explain Syd than” I stay silent “That’s what I thought”

“Why me though, what have I done to the girl” I wiggle around until I’m facing my best friend. She sets her glass of wine down and takes a deep breath.

“I don’t know, I’m surprised you don’t know either. You’re the queen of details” She tests the water lightly and I join her.

“Well, I can’t always focus on them”

“Hmm, that’s true but if you weren’t so concerned on getting things right than you wouldn’t have remembered how to store the left overs like I taught you”

“Haha okay, it took you like three lectures to finally get through”

“I’m happy it finally did, these tastes like they were straight out of the over” We laugh at our lame apologies and continue to joke around. Allie shows me around the house to get a feel for it and to be honest, it is a neat house. Halfway through the tour, my watch begins to flash red. My senses leave my body and I go into shadow mode as soon as I read the alert. Allie doesn’t need to ask what is happening as she has experienced an alert herself. I run out of the house and onto my bike without saying goodbye.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex POV? Yeah, nah? haha


	17. Alert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little insight on the secrets of Kardia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Majority ruled no, so heres this. Ali is coming in next chapter and things will pretty much fall apart for Tobin there. Lots of Talex, Tobin/Press, Tobin/Laure, Tobin/Kelley and other friendships/interactions to come from now on. She'll need someone to hold on to during the catastrophic events to come. 
> 
> Any hide how I'll introduce Ali in to the story? Feel free to guess, maybe I'll let the winner decided an important part of the story I can't decide on. 
> 
> Haha, Grace, you're too kind. I'm much a fan of many fics out there, I don't think mine fall anywhere near some stories. Some of them are on a total different level, great writers everywhere. I've still got a lot to work on but your sweetness was very humbling. Thank you!

Alert

As I reach head quarters, my hands begin to sweat. I run through the front door and go straight to the elevator. When the door opens, Tim stands there with just as much worry on his face. The squad sits in the meeting room and I shoot them a wave as Tim and I take off to the hover craft that’ll take us to the high security building a good hour away.

I try to ease my nerves but my leg continues to bounce. As we land, Tim and I straighten our poster and put on the best face we could muster. It is rare to get a red alert, and it is even more rare to get sent to Kardia’s secret area. We stop at the entrance to sign in and verify that we are who we are.

“Name”

“ESS Timothy Matthew Howard”

“ESS Tobin Powell Heath”

“Serial”

“AKUS1”

“ATUS17”

“Remove your helmets and gloves, place them in your designated locker” We do as told and follow an agent until we reach a door.

“Go in, sit in your designated seat and open the folders with your name on it” The man opens the door and lets us in. He locks the door behind him and I break the silence.

“This can’t be good”

“Not at all” I sit in my spot and open the folder at the same time as Tim.

_Alert level 3, Confidential Information_

_If you are reading this, you are one of the limited people who have access to the full report of the Alert. Before we begin, it is required that you scan your finger hand on the scanner to the right of you. Doing so will mean that you accept and will abide the following rules._

_1\. No copies or information will leave the building_

_2\. You vow to keep the information released to you today confidential and to yourself forever_

_3\. You will alert your squad with limited amount of information on the happening_

_If you do not agree with these rules, you may leave without explanation. Failure to follow these three simple rules after agreeing to them will result in immediate arrest and regional punishment._

I scan my right hand at the same time as Tim does and the door opens. Another agent leads us to an elevator and we get in. We descend a good nine floors and the doors open. 

“Go straight down the hall”

“Thats all” Tim asks. The man remains silent and Tim just sighs. We walk to the doors and open them.

“Agh, there you are” Sepp says as he sees us.

“Mind telling us why we had to vow our lives away for this” Tim asks. I stand behind he knowing he is just as uncomfortable as I am.

“Please, take a seat” A voice says behind me, I turn around to see the Huros president with his two scouts.

“Sir” I say as I salute him along with Tim. It is rare to have any president transcend from any region into another but even more rare to bring their scouts.

“Please, sit” I follow Tim and sit behind him.

“We are here on a level three alert. As you know, there are five red alerts, one being the worst and five being the modest”

“So that’s what they stand for” The guy scout from Huros says

“Yes, now we brought you all here because of the discovery of an unknown” He lets in sink in for a few minutes before going on.

“When you pledged to be Scout, your responsibilities and rights were read to you. The third one being that you’d be aware of everything going on within your regions forces. This is what we meant by that. An unknown was discovered today for the tenth time in history, a male around the age of our beloved Athena Scout. He was discovered by a Huro’s agent as he was headed to a second component. Kardia special forces were immediately contacted and handled the situation without speculation or attention. As you may have heard while in lower levels, this is something rare which is why it is an alert. We do not know where these unknowns come from that is why we are situated here and why you were asked to sign off your life”

“So you’re telling us that someone, who no one knows, showed up in a battle field without an explanation” The girl from Huros asks

“Yes”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, an Unknown is actually what you mean. An unknown, as in no transcendent, no trace” I say

“Yes”

“How do we know that they aren’t from a region, we aren’t given transcendence until we take out first level pledge”

Sepp pulls up a hologram and shows us a list researches.

_No match found in all four regions. 12 tries._

“Wow, so people weren’t kidding that this has happened before” Tim says

“Nope, we don’t like to correct the rumors though, it helps create doubt which helps us hide what really goes on”

“Is he alive, I mean, did he show up without a suit or what” The guy from Huros says. I look for his name on his suit. _Thomas_.

“Good questions, the lights please” The lights turn off and the recording from the boy who discovered the unknown begins to play. We watch as he discovers the Unknown’s body, how he calls for immediate help and takes his helmet off to give to the Unknown. Within seconds, the special forces arrive. They take the boy away and the Unknown is hooked up to some machines and taken away as well. The video ends and the lights come back on.

“Firstly, why did the boy take off his helmet and secondly, if no one is supposed to know details except us, where does that leave the boy” Thomas asks

“The unknown was unconscious as you saw, the boy gave him his helmet to supply air to the Unknowns lungs and yes, we are aware. There are technologies unknown to agents, one being a unique memory tool”

“So we have proof that Unknowns are indeed human and we have short term memory erasers” Tim asks

“A little and Yes”

“Is the man still alive” I ask next. Sepp and the other president eye each other and nod.

“Can he talk”

“Yes”

“What is his name”

“He doesn’t remember”

“What do you mean he doesn’t remember”

“Like I said before, we don’t know much about unknowns. This has only happened nine other times”

“Are the other nine still alive” I quiver a bit scared of the answer.

“Only two, three died a few hours after their discovery, two passed away during exams and one committed suicide”

“Suicide” The girl in front of me asks.

“Yes, it was actually the ninth person found. They remembered quite a bit”

“Like what” I ask

“An ocean, forests, cars, books, things from the past” Sepp says.

“Do we have any idea where they come from”

“Not at all, we just say that they come from the subterranean since one remembered the past” Huros president says.

“The undergrounds” I whisper as I recall a time when I was in level 2. Rumors of an unknown being discovered spread like fire, no one really knew if they were true but I heard a level 5 say they were from the undergrounds. _So it was true_.

“Yes, the slang word is undergrounds”

“Earlier you said exams, what did you mean” Tim asks for all four of us. Sepp stands up and waves us to follow. We walk down a series of halls to a door.

“We need you to put these on” Sepp says as agents hand us helmets and gloves.

“We will communicate through the helmets, they will not be able to hear you but we ask that you don’t try to interact with them. It is not a zoo” Once everyone is covered, Sepp opens the door.

As soon as I step through the doors, my soul leaves my body. In cells that are more like giant glass cubes are two Unknowns. Each confined to their own room, a bed and toilet. Nothing else. Their slender bodies show visible pain and scars from the exams they are put through. I walk up to the glass on my right and look into the eyes of the frail man. He must be around the age of 47.

“They can’t see through the glass” Sepp says as he stands in the middle of the hall.

I touch the glass and look at the man. He eyes wonder around the room, paranoid of what lies outside of them. My heart tugs in every direction as I scan his body, marks of needles and bruises cover his once tan skin. His body quivers, from pain or from the cold, I don’t know. All I see is a dead soul in a body.  _This is mortifying_.  

I move away from the man and walk over to the women whom must be 34. Her delicate body lays on her bed facing the wall. Her body spasms from whatever exam she just finished going through. The visible scars on her body show that she isn’t exactly cooperative. I walk to the other end of the hall and wait for the rest to follow. We remain silent as we head to another place, where the new Unknown is being held. We walk into a room where the man lays unconscious. He is hooked up to some machines and pumps that make him look more like an experiment than human.

“What are they doing to him” Thomas asks

“One is for breathing, one is for feeding, the other one is keeping his kidney going and one is running a test”

“Test for what”

“We want to know if he is compatible for a transcendent”

“Why”

“His body is failing, if his brain is like ours, we can try to input a transcendent” I walk out of the room not wanting to hear more. I hear foot steps beside me and I know I am not the only one against this.

“Tobin wait” I stop and turn to look at Tim and the other two. They all share the same look of disgust and aversion towards the world and to themselves.

“Theres no going back now” Nita says

“Theres no going forward either” I whisper.

We wait for the presidents to come to us and go back to the meeting room. They finish updating us on all the details before taking us back to head quarters. The whole way there, my mind replays the pictures of the unknowns, the way they were so lifeless, so clueless, so lost.

Tim and I walk hand in hand to Athena’s level, before I walk in, he stops me.

“I know you feel as shitty and guilty as I do, but there is nothing we can do now. We signed contracts, we took a pledge and now we have to face the consequences. If they are capable of doing that to them, they are capable of doing worse to us or to the people we love. We’re already on alert because of what Kanatos did to you so warn the girls. I’m surprised they didn’t shut everyone down with this, but nonetheless, the slightest mistake will get us all shut down for two weeks. So we have to be perfect, no matter what, for the next month or so, okay” I nod and he ruffs my hair. The walk to the squad meeting room seems like my death walk but I somehow manage. Carli immediately stands up and begins to express her anger but I shut her down before she can even get to the third word.

“Listen up, the world you once knew, or thought you knew, is no longer there. This morning during a battle between Kardia and Huros lead to a rare situation. An Unknown was discovered”

“Wait, they-”

“Don’t ask questions and do not repeat what I say. An Unknown was found halfway through the battle, which lead to a tie and compromise between both regions. The discovery has put the presidents and makers on extreme alert. Forget about what Kanatos did to me, this sent the board into hawk mood. Anything, I mean anything for real will result in an immediately shut down of ALL forces for two weeks without trade or communication. You all know how that went last time, so this is not a warning, this is an alert that any fucking mistake or odd situation will compromise everything. The Unknown is in critical condition and will be treated but that is all the I am allowed to say. Any sort of talk or slightest mention of this to anyone not in the squad will result in immediate punishment by the board. Questions not pertaining to the subject”

“Yes, so rumors have sparked, are we not allowed to take part in conversations that deal with this alert”

“You may take part in conversations but you are not to confirm or turn down the rumors, let them be”

“Why”

“Any other questions” I watch over the girls who remain silent. Only once have I addressed them with such command so they know this is not a joke.

“You’re all dismissed” I say, the girls all file out of the level silently, not knowing what just happened and not knowing what to do. As soon everyone leaves, I slam my fist against the table. The rage within me fuels more than ever before. I walk out of the room and go to the elevator, as I reach the main floor someone grabs my arms.

“Don’t fucking” I stop mid sentence realizing it’s Laure “Sorry, I thought you were one of the girls”

“Is everything okay” she asks full of worry.

“Yeah, I just had a meeting with the girls about Kanatos and what not” I lie.

“You sound agitated”

“Well, lets just say things went downhill”

“I’m sorry”

“It’s not your fault”

“I know, but I’ve never seen you this worked up”

“I had dinner with the Morgan’s last night so I’m still a bit heated over that” Her face says it all.

“Yikes, now that sounds like a nightmare” She laughs and I barely smile.

“I really have to go Laure, but you are more than welcome to come over after your shift” I say as I give her a quick hug.

“I.. yeah, okay” She says. I force a smile and being to walk away. Her eyes stuck on my body as I rush to the sanctuary of my quarter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess's, comments, whatever you want to say, I'm all ears. 
> 
>  
> 
> Not pertaining to the story... Timbers on to the playoffs, List of protected plays are to be named tomorrow, Alex will be leaving the thorns officially tomorrow (True heart ache, I know she wants to be with her husband but as a portland native and thorns fan, I'm kinda hurt. I'm sad Kyle is leaving too. Meet her a couple of times, such a sweet and fun girl. But, at least Tobin remains.)


	18. Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well well well, I just finished writing this and I just had to post it. It's short but hey, it got my blood going. 
> 
> Tell me what you think!

Please

The bell rings bringing me out of my thoughts. I stretch my arms out and rub my eyes. I look at my watch and see it’s only 7am. _Must be Laure_. I groggily walk to the door and open it. My eyes widen at the women before me.

“Are you going to let me in or”

“I.. yeah sorry” I move over and let the older women walk in. She leads herself to the kitchen and I slowly walk behind her. We sit at the kitchen island and I wait for her to explain.

“So, I heard an unknown was found and came here to verify if that was true or not”

“Why would I know such thing” I ask as I go to the fridge. If anyone in this world knows me better than Allie, it is the captain. Though she no longer works for Kardia, she is as important to Kardia as I am.

“Because you’re Athena’s current Scout and Kardia’s most precious gem” I turn around and offer her a drink. She takes a bottle from my hand and I lean against the counter.

“Just because I’m the scout doesn’t mean I have access to such information, if there even was such information. And I’m not Kardia’s most treasured agent, I’m pretty sure that was you” I say with a shrug.

“I’m an ancient fossil Tobs, what could Kardia possibly cherish”

“Just because you no longer work for the forces doesn’t mean you’re not significant”

“Quit the distraction Heath, yes or no was an unknown discovered” I look at the captain who sits impatiently before me. _Why is this so important to her?_ I continue to look at her, trying to find an angel as to why Christie would want to know such thing.

“Why do you care about this, like you implied earlier, you no longer work for Kardia” She sighs deeply and I begin to stand up straight, anticipating her answer. _Come on Rampone, let it out already._

“I just have to know” My arms fling up in frustration.

“You want me, a scout, to tell you, if I had anything to tell you, something that could jeopardize not only my life but yours, about an event that happened, if it happened, not more than 8 hours ago” I ask. She looks at me as it were the obvious thing to do.

“No” I say as I begin to walk to the door. Christie follows behind me.

“Tobin I just need an answer okay, isn’t me, standing here, at 7am enough of an explanation” I look at her weighing my options. _Risk telling Christie, get caught, tortured, have her killed for my inability to keep my act together. Nope, not happening._

“As the greatest captain and mentor alive, I never thought you’d be one to fall for such rumors” I say lightly not trying to piss off the women whom got me here.

“And I thought you’d know better, guess we’re both over our heads. You know where to find me if you have a change of heart” With that being said, she gives me a small hug and walks right out the door. _Not going to let anyone else die because of me_

 

Two weeks have gone by and things seem to be the getting worse. Michael has been inviting me over non-stop but after what happened with Alex, I am in no mood to go back. Allie visits me frequently, we bicker, we laugh, make up and talk about her wedding. She’s been more indulgent since the alert, she knows something is wrong but doesn’t ask. Laure has been coming over, a part of me swells up at the sound of her voice but with my knowledge on the unknown, I’ve been pushing her away. Carli has been on my ass trying to get details out of me only vexing me. I hate yelling and rising my voice but I’ll do whatever it takes to keep the girls alive. Press has been my form of relief lately, she doesn’t drill me with questions or statements which I thank. But something about the beautiful women comfort. And lastly, Tim, he’s kept me grounded. Rumors have sparked that we are in a relationship but the squad members are quick to bust any questions brought my way. I don’t exactly care about the rumors though, all I care about is making it through the next two months. But as I get notified of every detail pertaining to the unknowns and their experiments on them, the harder it gets.

I wind up in the bathroom before the last battle. Today has gone pretty well in terms of perfection and quality, 10 victories and counting but as my luck would have it, my mind has begun to shut down. This morning, Tim and I were made aware of the ‘good’ news pertaining to the unknowns. For one, the most recent unknown, number 10, has begun to respond to his treatment. In other words, his body isn’t rejecting the transcendent. As soon as I read the words off the crisp white piece of paper, my stomach threw back my breakfast. We also learned that the man I saw with lifeless eyes tried committing suicide but was unsuccessful. Tim was the first of both to curse the world at that news. A few other details were shared pertaining to tests but nothing as major as those. Tim and I have developed a sort of code. He’ll read a file one day, and I’ll do it the next day. We’ll share the major details and keep the minor details to ourselves. Although it seems stupid, it helps us carry the burden.

“Yo lets go” Syd says outside of the bathroom. I inhale deeply knowing this is the last time I’ll get a moment to rewind for the next two hours. Throwing some water on my face, I put my helmet back on and open the door. We walk to the drop in silence and the girls gather around.

“Three components, you know Kanatos, they are pretty good at these things. I want you in the air Ash, Carli get a vehicle but please don’t reck it, Syd theres no need for a perimeter run since we’ll be on the move so I want you and Pinoe rushing to component 2 with Carli. Becky, I want you with Amy and Kristie hacking the nearest component and lastly, Press will you come with me. We’ll be scouting up to the third component” Everyone nods. We jump instantly as the alarm sounds not wanting to waste time. I immediately get my motorcycle from the hover craft and salut Ash, Press gets her quad and we’re off.

“Let’s head to the East, see if we can get to high ground and set up a link” I say through my connection with Press, she shoots me a thumbs up and we begin our journey to the third component. Lauren said this battleground was the biggest she’d see in a while and she wasn’t kidding. It takes us 20 minutes to reach a good mile radius from the third component. I stop my bike at the top of the hill and Press catches us a few minutes later.

“Thanks for setting up the link” She jokes as she opens her bag. I’m laying on the ground trying to get a view of the third component and didn’t bother getting out the things needed for the link.

“Welcome” I mumble.

“See anything” She asks trying to make small talk.

“I see a good amount of guards, a few slack offs and oh, theres some explosives laid out”

“Sounds like they knew you were coming”

“A party just for me, do you think they’ll be mad I brought a date without telling them” I say without thinking.

“Want to find out” She asks softly. I get up and smile. Although she can’t see me, her look in my direction confirms that she too is smiling.

“Would be rude if we didn’t show up” She laughs gives me a small nudge. I’m tempted to fiddle around but I’m reminded of my whereabouts when Lauren tells me to get back to work. We head to the third component in full speed. A few bombs set off a little early causing me to go flying.

“Awh come on” I yell out “You’ll couldn’t wait till I rod over them” I get up and grab my bike in anger.

“You okay” Christens sweet voice asks

“More or less. Can you get to the third component” I ask as I maneuver through the streets of the small modern town.

 

“It’s towards the upper left of the city right”

 

 

“Yeah, I’m going to clear the surroundings, its best to proceed on foot” 

“Got it” I drive into an alley and get off my bike. Pressing a few buttons on my suits keypad, the motorcycle begins to vanish. I wait until it’s complete gone to proceed.

“Lauren”

“Yeah Tobs”

“Are the buildings accessible” I ask proceeding to a door with precaution

“Yeah, my map shows that a majority of the building are open, only a few have doors but Tobin”

“Yeah”

“Some parts of the building don’t have cameras so I can’t exactly help you”

“That’s okay, connect to Press and Carli, they’ll need you more” I say. Lauren wishes me luck and disconnects.

“Alright, lets get this shit done” I whisper to myself as I open a door. The room is mildly lit which is good and bad. Switching from regular vision to night vision, I turn on the flash light on my gun and proceed through the building. I find an enemy link on the second floor and quickly shoot it. To my dislike, I hear footsteps coming up the stairs so I quickly rush over to the other side of the room. I turn off my flash light and let the darkness of the room hide me. Silently igniting my knifes, I take out the red and rest their petite body on the ground.

“Sorry bud, but I have people to protect” I mutter as I proceed down the steps in utter determination. I proceed through each building, making the darkness my ally and catching ground quickly. As I round a couple stairs, I set off a few bombs that seriously damage my suit. _Well at least I’m alone_ I think. Looking around the small room, I see a small wall separation in the corner. I kneel behind the small wall and begin to navigate through the setting on my control panel.

“Press, how’s everything going” I ask as I click on some molecules

“I’ve cleared way, I’m near the component, I should be hacking it in about two minutes”

“Okay good, I’ve nearly cleared out all the buildings” I say as I look towards the status of the battle.

_60% Kardia, 40% Kanatos_

_Components 1 and 2 in Kardia’s position_

_Component 3 under Kanatos_

_About 60 minutes remaining_

“Hmm, wouldn’t have expected anything else” She says. I can practically hear her smile.

“Good, get to the third component, I’ll try to be there as soon as possible, the sun is down, use it to your advantage” I say rather deflated. _Nothing will stop me from getting through this battle successfully,_ I ponder as I finish up selecting molecules. Disconnecting from Press, I stand up and grip my gun, refocusing my attention to my mission. Letting my suit repair some more damage, I wait.

_40% Shield and Armor_

My screen reads, _it’ll have to do_. I turn on my night vision and opt to continue without my flash light to minimize my location. Rushing up the stairs, I reach the roof top of the building. I run across to a small bridge that connects it to another building and quickly inspect the other roof for links. Finishing up my quick search, I silently open the door to the building. The darkness of the staircase makes me inhale deep. _Alright, how bad can it be_. Shaking off some nerves, I step inside the building, bringing my right foot back to stop the door from slamming shut. As the light that cracks through the door vanishes, I begin to descend the stairs in silence. My pulse beats through my skin as I round each corner of the stairs. I’ve battled in the darkness before but never in pitch black. As I reach the last flight of stairs, I grip my gun harder. When my foot finally reaches the floor I exhale deeply.

“Talk about scary” I say out loud as I take in a gulp of air.

“Where” A voice behind me whimpers. My gun falls to the ground as my body goes into shock. I turn around and fall backwards as I see her body there on the ground. My mouth hangs open as my mind screams run. _An unknown_. My heart begins to beat hard causing a wave of pain and realization.

“Oh shit” I spring into action as images of the Unknowns in captivity flash through my mind. My hands shake while I kneel by the slender body.

“Hey, can you hear me” I say as I pull the girls body into mine and turn her face to mine. _It’s no one I recognizes…Well no shit Tobin, she’s an UNKNOWN!_ I mentally slap myself and nervously check the girls pulse. _Come on, come on, please be alive!_ I think as I struggle to find a pulse _. No no no._  I begin a small procedure we learned as contenders in case of an emergency. I position the girls neck in between my leds and press my fingers to a specific part of her neck. _Please work_ , I beg as I do the preform the small trick. Her body reacts and she begins to cough. I _t fucking works, oh my gosh it actually works_ I celebrate to myself. The girl continues to cough and it hits me, _Oxygen_. She mumbles some words that I can’t quite make out.

“What” I don’t finish the sentence as I hear gun shots hit the front door of the building. Real panic sets in and my eyes nearly pop out. Having no choice, I attach my gun to my back and pick the girl up. Looking at her face once more, I begin rushing up the stairs.

“Ash! Ash” I yell through my connection. Looking down into the girls hazel eyes, a feeling I’ve never felt before kicks in, desperation.

“What’s up Scout” She replies cooly. All my muscles ache as I push the limits of my recent recovered body.

“I need you to get to the roof top, now” I barely manage to get out. My heart rate is all over the place making me take short breaths.

“I’m in the middle of something”

“NOW ASH” I yell out, I disconnect from Ash and connect to Lauren.

“I need you to replace me and Ash” I say as smoothly as possible.

“Why, are you hurt” Lauren asks a bit confused

“It’s important Lauren” I say as I stop walking up the stairs. I toss the girl in my arms slightly to readjust my grip.

“Tobin, I need a reason to put it in the records” She says. I immediately groan realizing the difficulty and crime I am committing.

“I feel sick and nauseous” I half life. Truth be told, I do feel sick but not in the sense of throwing up but the thought of getting caught makes me sick. 

“Okay, I will replace you immediately, I’ll meet you here at the KCT”

“I’m going to have Ash take me straight to head quarters in the hover craft, I don’t think it word be ideal to transcend and it’s the last battle anyway ” I say more confident. Lauren buys it and I nearly faint. As I reach the door I wait for Ash to land. When she does, I push the door open and barely manage to get to the door of the hover craft. As Ash begins to open the door for me, I’m quick to turn off her suits power.

“OH MY FUCKING” She panics as she sees the Unknown in my arms. 

“Help me get her in” I yell

“Tobin! What are you doing this is fucking illegal oh my gosh you’re going to get killed for this” She says as she takes the girl into the hover craft, I shut the door and rush Ash and the girl to the back of the hover craft.

“Set her down here” I say as I put up some arm rest. Ash gently but tentatively sets the girl down. Once she is out of Ash’s arms, Ash grips my shoulders.

“What on earths hell is this Tobin" 

"Get us out of here”

“Tobin”

“NOW” I yell at her as I push her towards the front. Knowing I won’t explain, she quickly goes to the pilots seat. As the hover craft pillars begin moving, I rush to the small medical compartments. Grabbing everything I need, I rush to the girls side. I remove my helmet and place it on the girl realizing she needs the oxygen more than I. I begin to slowly rise the girls long sleeve making sure she is still unconscious. Unlike the other Unknown that was discovered, the girl is wearing a black and grey sweater hoodie that is worn out and some sweat like pants.

“This is going to hurt” I say more to myself than to the girl as I inject some chemicals that I would expect to work on her. Her body flinches like I would expected it to but what I didn’t expect was my name on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	19. Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I had this chapter written out but I didn't like it but I went back and edited a bit. I don't want to give too much away but hey, you'll be getting Talex, and practically the whole US squad in the chapter following the next. :)

Name

I wait until Kendal leaves the building to shut down the power, Ash and I quickly move through the building in utter silence. Not wanting to come into contact with anyone, we rush up the stairs. Ash mutters 123 over and over again to keep a steady rhythm.

“Check if anyone is outside my door” I tell Ash, she hands the girl over and goes to the door. She nods my way and I rush through the door. Handing the unconscious girl to back to Ash, I work some magic on my watch and turn off all the power within my sanctuary, including Frost’s own generator. _Sorry Frost._ I hold the door open for Ash and she hurries in. As soon as I close my door, I turn the power back on except for my apartments.

“Where do I set her down” Ash asks

“Follow me, theres a small guest room this way” I lead Ash to the small guest room down the hall. Ash lays the girl down on the bed and stands there with wide eyes.

“Go into the kitchen under the sink, theres a medical kit and other stuff in there” I say as I walk to the bathroom attached to the room. Ash stands still, running her eyes over the girl.

“Now Ash” I hiss with impatience. Ash finally goes to retrieve the things I asked for. I walk to the bathroom and wash my hands making sure to wash up to my elbows like I’ve watched Becky do before. Satisfied with the redness of my skin, I walk back to the room and begin to place anything that’ll give away the whereabouts or information about me in a laundry basket.

“Heres everything I found” Ash says as she comes in.

“Thank you, now take this basket to the other guest room, the one I normally let you guys use and put the items into the corresponding boxes in the closet” Ash’s shoulders slump but she doesn’t argue. I go to the box she brought in and look over the different things I have. I sigh heavily letting my mind replay the last forty minutes. Ash and I nearly got caught twice, when exiting the building and while leaving the main gate. Thankfully, some person behind me was very frustrated with the traffic and so the guard let us out of Citadel. My eyes wonder to the girl whom remains unconscious, I gave her with some medicines that’ll slowed down her heart rate and lowered her need for oxygen. I also gave her a heavy dose of anesthetics. _How bad would it be trying to sneak someone out of the world highest security place while they’re conscious?_ I shake my head and put some gloves on, walking over to the girl with a few tubes, needles and chemicals, I set the things down on the bed stand. I tuck the girl into bed better than Ash did and push her hoodie sleeve up. Tracing my finger over her veins making sure I didn’t hurt her earlier, I grab a bottle of chemicals. I measure out a small amount, less than I would take at least, just to be safe. My heart beats as I bring the needle to her arm, as I’m about to insert the needle into her when Ash busts into the room.

“What are you doing” She asks curiously

“Gosh dang it Ash, you nearly killed me” I say as I tilt my head towards her.

“Sorry, I finished doing what you asked”

“Okay wait for me in the living room” Ash sighs and I prep to inject the girl. I roll my eyes sensing Ash is still by the door.

“Okay you can help” I give in, Ash helps prep the next two injections and test tubes. Once we’re done gathering everything I need, I have Ash seal the tubes containing small samples of blood into a small metal kit and send her to the kitchen.

“I’m just going to modify the rooms system”

“I’ll be in the living room” Once Ash leaves, I walk over to the small control panel by the wall and scan my watch over the scanner. The panel unlocks and I begin to modify the settings.

_Room Temp: Warm_

_Water Access: Enabled for Facet and Shower Head_

_Bathtube: Disabled_

_Compartments:Disabled_

_Bathroom Compartments: Enabled, only top row_

After reviewing the settings and making sure the girl won’t have access to anything that could hurt her, I open the face of the panel and press on the edge of a chip. As it pops out, I pull it out and put it in my pocket. _Done_. Looking back at the girl, the door closes and I lock it.

“Come on, follow me” I say to Ash. We walk up the stairs and into a work office I hardly use.

“Stay out here as I run some test” I say, Ash nods and sits by the door. I keep it open so that she doesn’t feel so out of it. Turning on a small machine, I carefully put a few drops into designated compartments and allow the machine to do its job. I lean on the desk and run my hand through my hair taking a moment for my mind to adjust.

“Hey Tobs” Ash’s fragile voice says

“Yeah Ash”

“We’re not hallucinating right” I have to suppress a laugh at her comment.

“No Ash, we’re not”

“Okay, so we managed to get an unknown out of citadel without getting caught”

“Yeah Ash, we did”

“Oh”

“Ash”

“Yeah”

“Thank you” I whisper

“Don’t, I would do anything for you” I smile lightly and remain silent, watching the machine draw blood from the test tube and onto test plates.

“Come on” I say as I set the machines settings to erase once the results come in.

I walk to my room and open a compartment, I put the remaining test tube kit in it and lock it. We proceed downstairs and sit in the kitchen.

“I’m going to turn the power back on, Frost will immediately check every part of the quarter, he will notice I disconnected him from the guest room. You are not to tell him why, I trust Frost with my life but if he every fell into the wrong hands, we would be discovered” I say shaky

“Okay what about your office”

“I cleared the memory twice, plus, I never signed into the machines database” She nods and I pull up a hologram. Pressing a button, my entire quarter springs to life. Within seconds, Frost voices speaks.

“My power was shut off, why” He asks with a hint of hurt

“I didn’t want to be caught coming in” I answer

“Is there a reason I can’t access the special guest room”

“I removed your chip”

“Is something going on Tobin, your shift was supposed to end just three minutes ago but you left early because you were sick. Are you sick Tobin” Frost intelligence makes me cringe.

“A little”

“Your vitals along with Ashlyn’s seem normal, your heart rates are a bit elevated”

“That’s correct Frost”

“Tobin”

“Yes Frost”

“You’d tell me if you were in danger right” I open my mouth to respond yes but if theres anyone I can’t lie to, its Frost.

“I’m sorry Frost, I trust you with my entire life but this is something that is beyond our reach, if it gets out, my life would end but it’s not my life that matters, its Ash’s” I confess, Ash swallows hard and Frost remains silent for a few seconds.

“I understand” He finally says

“Thank you Frost”

We spend the rest of the evening in silence, just waiting for the Unknown to awake. It finally hits midnight and I force Ash home. Not because I don’t want her here but it would be suspicious of her to stay over night.

I sit on the couch with my eyes wide open, just playing scenarios in my head, of what would happen if I were to get caught. How Kardia would kill me, how they would torture Ash, how they’d discover Frost, how the unknown would be tested until death, how Allie could be dragged into this. My mind keeps going all through the night until the alarm on my watch goes off. I stare at it as if it were just mimicking my state. Just waiting for me to run.

“Tobin” Frost says smoothly.

“I know” I say as I turn it off. I stand up and straighten my hoodie. Standing outside the door, I take a moment to gather myself. _Don’t get involved, just get answers._

 

 

I unlock the door and it opens. My eyes are focused on the ground, when the door closes, I look up and see her half sitting on the bed. She managed to change into the clothes I left for her. She traces her fingers over the bandaid I put on her earlier. She finally looks up, acknowledging my presence and I freeze.

“I didn’t poison you” I quickly inquire

“I know you didn’t”

“Do you remember anything” I begin as I look into her eyes, something about the way see looks at me makes me uncomfortable. It’s the look you give someone you think you’ve seen but don’t quite remember.

“More or less”

“What do you mean”

“I remember hearing your voice”

“Do you know where you are”

“Some place safe”

“Do you trust me” 

“Why wouldn’t I” I breath in deep and remain silent “Why’d you take blood” She asks

“I needed to run some small tests”

“Did you get the results you expected”

“Do you feel sick”

“You didn’t answer my question”

“I know, but I need to know do you feel sick”

“I have a headache, I feel nauseous, I’m starving and it’s a little hard to breath” I nod and move towards the far right wall and bring up a small hologram. Her eyes widen and then focus on what I’m doing.

“You’re vitals are a little elevated” I say closing the hologram “Are you allergic to something”

“No” I walk over to a compartment with opens at my command. Grabbing some gloves, I walk over to the bed.

“Let me replace the bandage on your arm and examine your head”

“Are you a doctor” I suppress a giggle and begin to examine her. Her eyes remain on me as I conduct a basic look over. Everything is fine but something in her eyes is different, something I have never seen.

 

“What’s wrong” She asks noticing my concern.

“I don’t know”

“You’re a doctor and you don’t know” She laughs

“I’m not a doctor” I say as I stand up with my brows scrunched in thought.

“I’m going to get you some food, stay here” I say as I toss the gloves in the trash

“Where would I go” She giggles again. I don’t answer as I walk out of the room and to the kitchen.

“What are you looking for” Frost asks

“Food”

“There is pizza in the fridge, canned soup in the bottom drawers, some bread you made and I believe we have some pasta” I scratch my head while trying to think of what to feed the girl.

“Do we have anything natural, like you know, without”

“The soup, it’s the only meal on earth with natural ingredients, is it what makes it so expensive” I cook the soup and cut a few slices of home made bread. Once the meal is ready, I take it back to the room. As the door opens, the girl tries to sit up.

“Can you stand” I ask as I set the tray down on a small desk in the corner

“I don’t know, I can try” She moves to the edge of the bed but her arms shake as she pushes off of them.

“Don’t” I quickly say before she can try “Lay back down” She does as told. I go to the hologram again and gasp at her vitals. _They have worsen._

“Somethings wrong, I can sense it” She says. I remain silent just trying to process my options. _There has to be something I can do_. “You can tell me” she says with so much honesty.

“Why are you so calm” I ask catching up to her words

“Because I know you” She breathes. I turn to look at her but I shake my head. _That’s impossible._

“So you remember” I raise my eyebrow as she decides on whether to tell me or not.

“Yes, I mean not everything but I do” She finally whispers.

“No” I respond in denial.

“I know this seems crazy but I do, the moment I heard your voice, it’s incomparable”

“There is no way that is possible, you can not know me”

“Tobin please”

“Don’t” I interrupt terrified by the sound of my name. _Feels so wonted_.

“I can’t be mistaking you for someone else, you’re just like her” She scoots closer in my direction but I take a step back.

“Like who”

“Like my friend” She says with reminiscence. As her words echo off the walls, I stare at her. _I don’t know you._

“I’m sorry, but I don’t know who you are” I grab the tray of food and set it in her lap avoiding eye contact. She examines my face but I quickly step back before she can fully get a glimpse.

“The other girl, in the airplane”

“It’s not an airplane” I say

“Whatever it is, her voice, it sounded familiar” She says as she tries lifting the spoon of soup to her mouth. Her body has weaken significantly and I can already start to she her pain.

“Let me help you” I move a chair to the side of the bed and take the spoon from her hand without making eye contact. She stares at me in deep thought, as if she remembered something, but I don’t ask. As the bowl empties, her vitals rise slightly. 

“Does your head still hurt”

“A little, the soup helped a lot. Did you make it”

“I… no, soup isn’t exactly the easiest thing to make nowadays” I answer without thinking.

“What do you mean”

“Nothing, forget I said that. About your head, it might have been your fall or whatever, I’m going to give you an injection to return help with your breathing. Your body needs rest” I say as I grab a prepared injection. She watches as I inject the clear liquid into her. I hand her a small remote and show her the buttons for bathroom and emergency.

“I’m going to let you rest” I say as I begin to walk to the door with the tray of food.

“I know your trying to figure out what is wrong with me”

“That’s not, no”

“I’m not done. I can assure you that I am not delusional, I know you. I know that voice, the tone of skin, those eyes, they’re so similar. ” She says as she spaces off into her own world “But I give you my word, that this isn’t just a bump.Your Tobin Heath, I know that for sure,. What I’m not sure about is if you’re my Tobin Heath” She finishes and I nod my head. I go to open the door but stop.

“Do you remember your name” I ask finally gathering the courage to do so.

“Alexandra Krieger, Ali for short” Without saying anything else, I walk out and head straight to the balcony for air.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try my best to post twice this weekend, I'm not sure since I have to study for a test coming up.


	20. Questions and Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small chapter, going to start on the next one soon. Dinner with the uswnt, Laure, Jeri, Alex, Allie... going to be interestinggggggg. 
> 
> But anyhow, your comments on the last chapter really made me smile and laugh. You'll are the best!

Questions and Answers

“The first transcendent try went rough, apparently John had a saver head ache afterwards and gruesome side affects” Tim says as I stare at the ground. He continues updating me on details but I only listen out for medicine names.

“You okay” He says as he sets the file down.

“Yeah, I’m just a little tired”

“I heard you left a battle ahead of time a few days ago. Are you feeling better” He asks

“A little” I answer looking at him. He takes a long look and shakes his head.

“It’s getting to you” He states more than questions.

“I just don’t know what to do anymore” I respond both about Ali and the Unknowns. The last four days have been tiring. Ali has gotten worse, her body is weakening by the minute, her head ache has grown too immense for her. I’ve nearly run out of medications for strength and sedation. She’s spent a majority of her time unconscious, her body has started rejecting food and every minute she’s awake, she’s cringing. _I don’t know how much longer I can keep her alive._

“Neither do I. I think of them, day and night. I can’t sleep at night, and when I do, I see them. There, just begging to die” Tim confesses. I gulp at the thought of Ali landing in the hands of Kardia.

“Do you think its possible, that they could ever recognize someone” I ask shaky.

“I always heard rumors about Unknowns, and now that I know they exists, it’s hard to believe anything is impossible” I nod my head and we continue the meeting. I walk to Athena’s level after in thought until Ash grabs my hand.

“Anything new” She whispers

“No” She gives me a sad smile and we walk to the elevator together. Ash has come over everyday, but I force her home every night. Not because I don’t trust her but because I’m scared Ali will identify her if she sees her. She’s mentioned Ash before, but vaguely rememberers her face. The least I need now is Ali confirming her suspicions. We go our own ways as the door opens.

“Hey Press, where’s Becky” I ask the tan girl who sits in the meeting room reading a book

“She’s in her room I believe”

“Thanks” I say as I walk away. The door opens and closes as I walk in.

“Tobin” She says looking up from her hologram.

“Hey, I have some questions”

“About” She says raising an eyebrow

“Pertaining to the body” I say as I take a seat on her bed.

“Okay, shoot”

“If a human’s body is weakening, and regular meds aren’t working, what do you take” I ask bluntly

“Why are you asking me this” She says narrowing her eyes on me.

“I just want to know”

“Does this have to do with the” She doesn’t say it but I nod because it’s true. This does pertain to an Unknown, just not a known Unknown.

“I…okay, um theres a chemical in the revival injections that attack the body’s central nervous system. Like a reboot to your senses. It’s also what causes the immense pain but it does the trick. The chemical is not for sale or manufactured in Kardia, I believe Telios has the chemical. I do know that we have a lower concentration here in citadel that will do the trick for a week alone”

“What about head aches” I ask. Becky lets out a breath.

“This ones hard, it depends. I don’t know what Unknowns are, I just know they’re alive. Their brains might be different than ours so I would probably try a dose of modified anesthetic or morphine. But to be honest, I don’t know” she says

“Describe a normal human eye” I say. Becky gives me a weird look but answers anyway.

“Our eyes are quite unique, I wouldn’t know how to describe it”

“Is it normal to see such clearness in them”

“I’m not following” She says

“Forget it, thank you for answering my questions”

“You’re welcome” I begin to walk to the door but stop.

“Becky, you know”

“I know Tobin, I won’t tell anyone” She says, I smile and walk out the door.

 

 

As I walk to my car after a long day of work, I feel a presence behind me.

“Sir Morgan” I say with as much enthusiasm as possible

“Tobin, I was looking for you” He says warmly

“Is there something you need sir” I ask trying to get straight to the point.

“Yes actually, it has to do with Allie”

“Allie, is she okay” I ask worriedly

“Yes, yeah she’s okay, sorry I didn’t mean to startle you, she’s okay” My body relaxes

“What about her then”

“My wife and I want to have a surprise dinner for her and Jose, to celebrate their wedding. I know it’s still four weeks away but we want to do it before her agenda gets chaotic”

“Thats kind of you guys”

“Thank you, it was the girls idea. Anyway, I was wondering if you’d help us invite the guests. You’re her best friend and know her better than anyone else. We can make enough room for as many people needed, the squad is invited as well”

“When would the dinner be”

“This weekend” I ponder it and answer yes.

“I’ll get you the list of people by tomorrow” I say

“Thank you Tobin”

We part ways and I continue to my car. I listen to the glass bottles clink in my bag which puts some ease to my nerves.

 

When I get home, I walk to my room and get into the shower. It’s been a long week and I need a small moment to breath. The cool water kisses my skin making me hum in relief. Allowing the sound of the water drown out my thoughts, I close my eyes and begin thinking of my feelings. Getting carried away, I turn off the shower and dry myself off. I walk to the closet and change into sweats and a long sleeve. I let my hair down and proceed down stairs.

“Frost, anything new” I ask as I drink some water. Frost has discovered that there is indeed someone in the guest room. He hasn’t asked about it though, but he’s suggested things for them. I put him in charge of alerting me if they awake while I’m gone.

“No, the vitals are the same. I ran the blood test that you asked, no match found in all four regions” He says. I felt bad not allowing Frost into the bubble so I took the chance and had him run some blood tests since my failed. Luckily, nothing was found.

“Okay thanks Frost” I walk to Ali’s room with the bottles of medicine in my hand. Her body lies still as the small breathing machine beeps next to her. Sighing, I walk over to her and start preparing her new meds.

“If only you could remember everything” I say as I pull out the last needle from her delicate arm. I remove my gloves and walk over to a hologram. Her vitals are still the same. _Of course they are, I just injected the new meds._

Taking one last look at the still body, I walk to the living room.

“Hey Frost”

“Yeah Tobin”

“Can you write every name I list in an email to Sir Morgan” I ask as I sit down.

“I sure can”

“Okay, so Allie’s parents, the entire squad, Laure, Axe and his wife, Kendal, Sinead, Kristie, Rampone, Kelley, Hope”

“Wambach”

“Yeah, her wife too, Mana as well”

“What about Menges and Betos”

“Them too, you can add whoever you think fits”

“Okay we have 23 people so far”

“That’s good enough, send it”

After finishing up some things from work, I begin to eat dinner.

“Tobin” Frost says as I take a drink of coffee.

“Yeah”

“I think you should go see them. I don’t know much about them but when you’re around, their heart rate is slightly less rapid” I soak in Frost words and nod. Cleaning up after myself, I walk to Ali’s room. She sleeps more peacefully and her vitals look slightly better. _Thank you Becky._ I sit on the chair and just watch her until my eyes seal shut.

 

“Tobin” I hear a faint whisper, I groggily look up to see Ali clenching her stomach. I rush to her side and hold her hair back as she vomits her breakfast. Once she’s done, I move her to the small sofa in the room.

“Stay here, I’m going to clean up” I say as I cover her body with a fresh blanket. I dispose of the sheets properly and by properly I mean burn them. No trace of Ali can escape my apartment so I’ve opted to just get rid of things. Once I finish, I find Ali sound sleep.

 _A small price to pay_. I say to myself, I sit by Ali in case she wakes up again but she doesn’t. About three hours pass by before I wake up. Stretching my arms, I look at Ali who’s still asleep. Her body stirs and I rush to her side.

“How are you feeling” I ask as she rubs her eyes

“Slightly better, my head doesn’t hurt as much and I feel like I have more energy” She says with a yawn. I go over to her medical hologram and see that her vitals are nearing normal.

“That’s a good sign, your vitals are getting better”

“What’d you give me”

“I’m not exactly sure but it’s working”

“Thank you” She says unexpectedly

“I didn’t want you hair to get in the way” I say with a shrug

“Not for that silly, for taking care of me. I know you still haven’t discovered what you’re looking for and I still don’t remember much but you could have ran away and something tells me I wouldn’t be alive if you did” I look at Ali whom looks as serious as her tone of voice

“Don’t thank me yet, you’re still not out of the woods” She giggles and I look at her confused.

“Always so modest” I don’t quite get her comment but I don’t ask for clarification.

“Let’s move you to the bed” I say as I go to pick her up.

“No wait, I want to try walking”

“I… okay, let me help you up at least” Once Ali is standing I let her go. She takes a deep breath and takes a step forward without falling. As she slowly reaches the bed, I nearly faint. _She’s going to be okay._

“Hey Tobin”

“Yeah”

“Can I ask you something” She says with the slightest hint of fear

“Sure”

“Do you think I’ll ever recover my memory”

I stare at her in complete shock. All this time I’ve been so worried about the outcomes of my actions that I never once considered her and what she felt. _She must be terrified._

“I don’t have an answer for you” I whisper sadly. She just nods and lays down. A sudden sadness fills me as I imagine her loneliness along with the other three unknowns. “Ali” I say a bit oddly. It’s the first time I’ve allowed myself to actually say her name. She looks at me with less sadness. “Nothings impossible, trust me” I say and leave her to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween, be safe and responsible!


	21. Jealousy (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title says it all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for not updating sooner. I've been busy with school and family stuff but here is the next update! Whoa!!! This dinner is going to be long so I decided to split it up in 2 parts, maybe 3 if I decided to really get into Talex. Not sure yet but yeah. But there is Wambach, Captain America, JJ, Kling and other characters to pop up during the dinner! :)

Jealousy (Part 1)

As I button the crisp white shirt to the top, I hum to the beat of the song that plays throughout the closet. Looking into the mirror, I have to hand it to Ash, she did a good job picking the squads attire. During the vote of the squads attire, there was a tie. So Ash had an idea to customize our formal suits for those who wanted to wear them and formal custom dresses for the ones that didn’t. Being the Scout, I choose the suit. I grab the black blazer and put it on _. Oh wow, I look pretty good_. Laughing at my own thoughts, I take it off and walk to the dresser. I pick up some diamond earrings and brush my hair side to put them on. Finishing the last couple of details, I walk out of my room and down stairs.

“You look like the female version of James bond, without the bow though” Frost says as I enter the kitchen. Setting down my blazer on a chair I walk to the stove.

“Well, that’s good right” I ask as I prepare Ali’s dinner

“Definitely, the gold details on the blazer are exquisite, Ash really did well” Frost continues

“That she did” I say as I finish pouring the soup into the bowl “I’ll be right back” I say as I walk to Ali’s room with her food.

She pauses the movie she’s watching and looks over at the tray of food.

“Soup” She says happily.

“Yeah, I finally got the chance to stop by and get some” I say as I set the tray by her bed.

“Thank you”

“No problem” I reply as I check her vitals

“So, is it date night or”

“No, I’m actually heading to a dinner”

“Could have fooled me” She jokes.

“Yeah yeah, we have to wear suits” I say as I close the hologram “But enough of me, your vitals are getting better. You can do just about everything on your own now. I still don’t want you getting out of the bed unless you need to use the restroom though”

“I know, why would I leave the bed though? I have an endless supply of movies and soup”

“Good point, now lets give you your meds and I’ll leave you to it” I say. Leaning towards her, I carefully do our routinely injections and pull away. She holds a deep stare and I scrunch my eyebrows at her.

“Sorry, I’ve just, you in a suit, it’s new” She shrugs her shoulders to imply its nothing

“This is my first time using an actual suit it was Ashhhtons idea” I gulp at my slip up. _Fuck fuck fuck!_

“Well, tell him he has a good taste” she says without much interest

“I’ll tell him” I say with a small giggle “If you need anything, just type it into your control like I showed you” I say as I walk to the door

“I know Tobin, you don’t have to worry, go have fun”

“Oh and if you feel sick, please”

“Tobin go” She commands and I shake my head.

“Okay, goodnight” I say. Walking out, I grab my blazer and head to the door.

“Frost, if they need anything, please tell me as soon as possible, I’ll have my watch on so you can reach me there” I say as I open the door

“I will Tobin, enjoy the night and tell Allie I said hi” Nodding, I go down the stairs where Carli and Tim wait with Kendall.

“There you are” Tim says as he sees me.

“Well look at you” I say as I hug the guy. He sports a suit similar to mine but with his own squads unique touch.

“Took you long enough Heath” Carli greets

“Oh shut it, I was finishing something from work” I hug kendal and smack Carli

“We could have waited in the living room” Carli says

“Yeah yeah, well I’m here now, lets go” I say. Tim gets into his own car while Carli and Kendall come with me. Though the dinner doesn’t start for another two hours, we wanted to get there early to help out. Throughout the ride, Carli goes on and on about how she could be working out while Kendall pushes her buttons.

“You two better behave” I say as we reach the front gate. Entering the code of the gate, we enter.

“Alright we’re here” I say as I open the door for Kendall

“Thank you”

“Can’t they flaunt their money some other way, like I dunno with clothes. Why such a big house” Carli says as she comes around.

“Carli, lets keep it together. It’s Allie’s night tonight” Tim says as he offers his elbow. I nod towards the two other girls and he smiles. We walk to the front door in complete discomfort but stop momentarily at the door.

“Alright, it’s a formal dinner so best manners” I say before knocking. The door opens immediately.

“Come in, let me take your coats” Wanda greets, we hand them over and we begin to walk to the living room. As we arrive, I stand a bit confused.

“I thought the dinner didn’t start for another two hours” Carli says as she looks around the room of about 30 people.

“Me too” I reply a bit in shock

“People of Axiom like to arrive early for drinks” Kendall says, we all turn to look at her for further explanation.

“Why would you want to get drunk before dinner” Tim whispers

“Agh Tobin,Tim, Carli and guest, we were wondering when you’d arrive” I turn around to see an old looking gruel surrounded by four other men. Their breaths reek whiskey, their eyes wonder without restriction and their demeanors impetuous. I stare down Carli who looks like she’s about to throw a bitch fit.

“Sir, with all due respect, that is no way to talk to Kardia’s most dedicated workers” Tim says before Carli can open her mouth.

“Pardon me, but we’re all big sponsors of the cause” He says clearly flaunting his money.

“If you’re a devoted and compromised supporter of the cause, I would assume you support the morals that Athena, Akhilles and pretty much all of Kardia forces have upheld for the last 40 years, am I right” Kendall says smoothly. I grin from ear to ear at her smart ass comment. _She’s good_. Carli shares the same look as Tim’s mouth hangs slightly open. The men’s stand up straight and offer an apology quickly.

“Would you excuse us” I interrupt as my eyes catch a certain brunette. Pushing the men aside, I walk towards the angel, my three friends following.

“Do you ever not look good” I say as I twirl Jeri. She giggles at my gesture while those around us look at me weirdly.

“I try not to”

“I don’t think you really have to try, it’s in your genes” I joke

“Don’t sell your self short Tobin” She says with a smile. I just shrug my shoulders.

“So Jeri, this is Kendall, a good friend” I introduce, they shake hands and I continue.

“This is Carli, the biggest pain in the ass” I joke, Carli and Jeri share a friendly look. People are only centimeters away so we have to play this off as the first time they’ve met.

“Scout Lloyd, pleasure to meet you” She offers her hand which Carli shakes firmly

“Pleasure is mine”

“This is my beloved friend and Scout of Akhilles, Tim”

“Honor to meet you” He says with a small bow as he’s been taught.

“Why, it’s an honor to meet you too. My father talks about you none stop, says your a historical Scout” She says as with admirable smile.

“Your father is a kind man, I’ll be unlucky if I land near this girl’s tombstone” Tim says nodding in my direction. I blush slightly as the attention has come to me.

“Hey, you’re an incredible Scout”

“Incredible but forgettable, you on the other hand are unforgettable, simply classic” Tim replies

“I agree with Scout Howard” Michael says. I turn around along with Carli and Tim.

“Sir Michael” Tim greets

“Tell me, why is it that every agent in every elite squad neglect my wish to be called Michael” He asks Kendall.

“They’re robots” She jokes which earns a giggle from the man.

“That they are, I’m glad you finally made it. Hope you found parking” He says with some guilt

“Found it with ease” Carli jokes

“Sorry, I invited a few family friends who invited other friends and well, here we are”

“Its fine, the more guest, the funner the night” Tim inquires. We continue chatting and soon enough the group of six turns to ten and then 15. Everyone gathered around shares stories, I nearly forget I’m hanging out with Axiom guests as someone asks about the rumors of the Unknowns.

“Sir, we are at a dinner party to celebrate the wedding of my best friend, could we not distract from that” I say with all seriousness. We move on from the topic but my annoyance doesn’t. I excuse myself from the crowd and head to the kitchen for a glass of water.

“Hey, wait up” Tim says. He offers his elbow which I take this time “So tell me, do they have a certain fork for certain foods” I laugh at his ridiculous joke.

“Well, if you know which knife to use, you should be able to get away with using any type of fork” I tease as we approach a group. Tim and I both plaster some fake smiles and continue walking to the kitchen.

“Knifes? There is more than one”

“You’re in for a long night Timmy” I say as we reach the kitchen. Walking around the cooks and chef, I grab two cups of water. Handing the glass to Tim, I lean against the counter and watch Tim’s reaction. He nearly gages at the taste of Axiom’s water.

“Oh gosh what is in this” He whispers as he sets the glass down and wipes his face.

“I don’t want to know” I say as I take a small sip.

“No wonder they drink before dinner, shit tastes like… shit”

“Come on, let’s go before you insult the chef” I say pulling Tim away. We walk back to living room in comfortable silence. As we near the living room, we are halted by a very tipsy Servando.

“If it isn’t the century’s couple” He mocks. We turn to face the decent dressed boy.

“Hmm, jealous much” Tim marvels with a grin.

“It’s okay enano, we’d be jealous too” I can’t help but laugh at Tim’s comment.

“I’m 5’ 10’’ for your information and it’s Servando idiot”

“Don’t care enano”

“Call me that again and I’ll punch you”

“If you can even reach” Tim challenges while stepping forward.

“Anytime Bro” Servando replies not stepping down. I would intervene but the scene before me is too good. _A Tim fight is no fight to miss._ They stare into each others eyes with hate until Tim breaks into a grin.

“What a joke” He says as he straightens out his suit. He grabs my hand and we begin to walk away.

“At least I’m not overlooked by my girl” Tim’s hand goes tense and I know Serv did it.

“I’ll love to see you try” Tim says with calmness and we walk away. Carli eyes Tim curiously and easily realizes he’s in no mood to be here.

“What happened” She whispers

“Servando”

“Ugh, the idiot is here”

“He mentioned my status over Tim”

“No” I only grit my teeth and Carli lets out a breath.

“No what” Laure says, I turn around to find the girl wearing a beautiful white dress with black details that shows off her every perfection. I standing there stunned as Carli elbows me.

“She asked me for an autograph her but I said no” Carli fills in

“What no, you asked for mine” I try to recover

“You two never stop bickering do you” She says as she goes around hugging everyone. When she finally gets to me, I inhale her vanilla scent.

“Hey” I whisper flustered.

“Hey Toby” She says as her lips brush my cheek. My face reddens as I look at the ground avoid eye contact with everyone else. Laure is introduced to Michael whom steals her from us to introduce her to others in the room.

“The party has arrived” Carli says as she eyes the hall. I look in the direction she pointed out and see the rest of the squad, including some of the guys.

“We have arrived peasants” Pinoe says as she greets the squad. Everyone laughs at her ridiculousness and share genuine happiness to be together.

“What took you guys so long” I ask Lauren

“The boys took long to get dressed” She jokes and I eye Syd. Looking to Becky she nods.

“Oh goodness, well I’m glad you’re on time”

“It looks like we’re late, theres about 50 people here” I shrug my shoulders and continue to greet the squad.

“Hey Tobin” Press’s relaxing voice says as her eyes meet mine.

“Hey Chris” She hugs he tightly which I find funny

“You look wonderful”

“And you look stunning” I complement back as I take a look at the custom dresses some of the girls are wearing. Each and every one of them have a unique design but all share the same flow of black and gold.

“Thank you” She replies with a blush.

“So, when are the love birds arriving” Syd asks as she hold Dom’s hand. I eye Kristie whom holds the hand of a guy herself. _When’d that happen?_ I make a mental note to ask Pinoe when I get the chance.

“They should be here in about 20 minutes” Michael says approaching us with Jeri, Jen, Laure and his wife.

“Oh wow, we should probably get ready” I say a bit nervous to have Laure, Press and Jeri in one place. I begin to walk away but Tim grabs my arm and holds me still. _Ugh._

“I would like to introduce me family to you guys. This is my wife Pamela, my oldest daughter Jen and my second oldest daughter Jeri” He says, the boys do a good job with their bows while the girls each greet the family with respect.

“Michael, if I may, I thought you had three daughters” Dom asks. My eyes nearly roll out of my head at his question.

“Ah, yes I do. Alex will be here shortly, she’s actually the one getting Allie and Jose”

“Wonder why that is” I mutter under my breath, Tim hears and giggles which causes everyone to eye us. “Sorry, I was thinking of a time with my siblings and I tried surprising my parents for dinner” My eyes stare at Tim and his ability to recover from a mistake so quickly. _I can only imagine how good he is on the field._

“Let’s hope ours goes different” Jen says with a smile. The group quickly falls into a comfortable talk about life in general but I stay quiet, just staring at the three gorgeous girls in the group. I don’t know why I worry. They all chat happily. It’s odd but, good. Amy catches me staring but remains silent. Her smile says it all. _Let it be_. And I do.

“They’re here” Some at the door yells. The room goes quiet and the lights die.

“Lets move towards the middle front” Michael says. We push through the people until we’re almost to the front. We stand still, as if the slightest step would give us away. The front door opens and closes sending a mass of nerves through me. Voices come closer and I hold my breath. I can make up a figure and then two.

“Why is it so dark in here” Allie’s confused voice echoes off the walls. An honest smile falls upon my face and I can only think of what Allie will think. The lights come on as soon as they reach the living room, small paper stars fall from the ceiling and everyone yells out congrats. I stand there memorized. Not but the scene but by the eyes looking straight into mine. _Damn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what'd you think? What do you want to see happen? The title is pretty much self explanatory on what the dinner is going to be like. Haha but I'd like to hear your guy's ideas. Maybe I'll slip them in. :) 
> 
> Posting by Friday, praying that I will.


	22. Jealousy (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowwowow, I love you guys. Your comments aways make me smile!   
> I am so sorry for taking almost two weeks to update. I had a few tests to stress out about then I had surgery about a week ago so I've been all sort of out of it. I've had Part 2 done for two weeks but I was in all sorts of pain and sleep so please forgive me. I hope you're not too mad but if you are, you have three chapters to get over the madness.

Jealousy (Part 2)

I’m not sure what it, but something within me keeps me still. As if time stood still and I was in no hurry to leave. My heart beats differently. Not in the same way it does when I look into the eyes of other certain brunettes, no. This time, my heart beat is slower but intense. I can’t quite think and she doesn’t quite react. We’re both in a trance of something. My eyes finally leave hers as Serv comes into the picture. I move past the crowd and straight into Allie’s arms.

“Oh my gosh you knew” She laughs

“Of course I did, what maid of honor would I be if I wasn’t involved in your surprise dinner”

“Thank you” She says giving me one last squeeze.

“Thank you Tobin, this is, incredible” Jose gets out as he picks some of the paper stars off the ground.

“Come here” I say opening my arms to my soon to be brother in law “Thank you” I whisper as I let him go

“What, no, I should be thanking you”

“For making her happy, that smile she wears, it wasn’t always like that but than you came along and made it permanent. You complete her. Just like she completes you” I say as I look at Jose whom looks at Allie with pure love and adoration.

“I love her with every cell in my body. She’s my world, my life, my love. I would do anything to see her smile….But you can’t give me all the credit, you’ve protected her since she just a kid. Without me, she’d be okay but without you, she’d be lost. So thank you as well, for taking care of her until I came along” Jose smiles as he finishes

“Where would we be without her” I mumble as I lean against his shoulder watching Allie talk with her parents and the Morgan’s.

“Dead” He jokes. I feel a arm go around my waist. I turn around to see Kelley grinning.

“Hands off squirrel” I say as I roll my eyes. Jose goes to his friends and I turn my full attention to the overly excited girl next to me.

“You know you like it” She winks

“Oh gosh, stop before I throw up” She playfully moves closer to me and I begin to laugh.

“So where’s your guard” I tease

“For the last time, she’s not my guard, she’s my girlfriend” Kelley squeals

“Your girl, whatever, where’s she at”

“Over there with Abby, Rampone and others” She says pointing towards the left. I finally spot Kelley’s intimidating girlfriend Hope. She waves at me and I muster a smile.

“Come on” She says as she begins to drag me to the group.

“Kelley, no I have to be with Allie” I lie trying to escape going to the group of intimidating women.

“Shut up, she’s with Alex, don’t think you want to be near her” Kelley says, I roll my eyes and let the smaller girl take me to the group.

“Well well well, Tobin, about time we run in” Abby says first.

“Sorry you guys, I didn’t see you guys when I came in” I respond honestly. Lying to Wambach never goes well, any less when she’s with Carli’s good friend Hope.

“You’re a busy one” Julie says. I smile at the blonde whom I’ve seen a couple of times.

“Yeah, its nice at times” I respond

“I don’t suppose you came alone, did you” Sarah asks

“I, no, well yes, kind of. I came with Carli, Kendall and Tim”

“Tim” Rampone asks a bit surprised

“Yeah, he’s a good friend of Allie and Jose”

“Hmm, interesting”

“I like the suit, it’s fresh” Kling says from the back of the group. _Oh wow, didn’t see you._

“Thanks, Ash designed them. The whole squad is wearing either a suit or dress. You can spot them easily if you look for black and gold” I giggle

“Hard to miss” Hope says plainly. My giggle dies off and I begin to get uncomfortable.

“There you are you little fucker” Pinoe says as she walks to us. She hugs Abby while Carli walks over to Hope.

“Since when do you wear suits” Hope asks Carli

“Scout you idiot”

“Oh right, sorry” She says

“So I’m not trying to be rude but who are some of you, I’ve met some of you but like some of you I don’t know” HAO says

“My bad, I’ll give a brief over view. This right here is Laure, assault and a great call up, Kristie, as you guys might now, also a call up, Christen is on the squad, assault and I think you guys know just about everyone else but I’ll review them just in case. Lauren, Athena’s commander, Amy, our sniper, Becky our doc, logistic, Ashlyn, Heavy, Syd, assault, Megan, assault, Carli, scout and assault, Tim, Akhilles scout, Rimando, heavy, Theo, Jermaine, Fabian and lastly me, Tobin, Scout” I finish in one breath.

“Nice to meet you all, I’m Abby, CEO of World Techs, Hope, COO of WT, Rampone, wife of our sales manager, HAO, developer, Julie also known as JJ, developer, Kling is a developer and manager, Kelley, hopes girlfriend, umm, Morgan aka Moe, our newest agent and developer, my wife Sarah and that’s about it” Abby finishes. Everyone mingles as I stand by. I’ve never been on to mingle with this group, I usually hang with the squad and that’s about it. Abby and her company work with Kardia forces and are good friends of the Morgan’s so, I’m forced to interact with them.

“Ladies and Gentlemen” Michael calls out from the front “Thank you for being apart of this wonderful surprise for our beloved friends Allie and Jose. Lets give them one last cheer before heading to the table shall we” He finishes. The room erupts in claps and congrats. It begins to die down as we’re lead to the dining hall. I find myself to be one of the last people in the room as I let others go in before me.

“Always so selfless” Rampone says as she walks by. I tip my head as a kind gesture and let the last few go. My eyes widen as I reach the dinning room. The tables are organized in a specific form to make a giant U shape. As I walk closer, I see that every table has a designated name. _You have got to be kidding me._

“Over here Miss Heath” A waiter says. He walks me towards the middle of the U where I see Allie seated by Jose and their parents. Servando sits near Jose as he is one of his groomsmen while I sit about four seats away from Allie. Everyone else is scattered around the room in hope of bring both families together. “Here’s you seat Miss Heath” The man’s voice rings, he pulls out the chair for me.

“Thank you” I say as I sit and let him push in the chair. Looking up, my eyes stare into the deep orbs of Hope. Beside her sits a man that was apart of the group that insulted us when we came in. To her left is another one of Jose’s groomsmen. To my right sits yet another man whom looks at me with the oddest grin.

“Here is your seat Miss Harris” I look up excitedly to Ash as she sits down. She thanks the man and turns to me with a stare of annoyance.

“Who’s idea was it to scatter everyone around” She mutters as she eyes the people around us.

“Probably Michael’s after what happened last dinner” I whisper as I look around.

“Was it that bad” She asks as she puts her elbows on the table. I jab her side which makes her leap.

“Well, if you take a look at where the youngest is” I say not trying to give away much since Hope is sitting in front of us. Though I don’t know the women well, something tells me Kelley will drill after the dinner.

“Why is she all the way over there” Ash whispers. Alex sits in the far corner on the other side, which would be the farthest point away from me. _Wonder why that is…_ What does catch my attention is that Tim is seated next to her.

“Don’t know” I say as I eye the man that keeps staring at me.

“Look who Pinoe’s sitting by” I look for Pinoe’s white hair and spot her next to Kling.

“Oh man, look at Kristie” I say. She’s seated near Abby and Rampone. _Poor girl_.

“Uh oh, look at Laure” Ash says as she looks down at her hands.

“Fuck” I whisper realizing Laure was seated right next to Kelley “Oh gosh look at Amy” I say. Ash begins to laugh at the chance of that.

“Well, at least Press got a good seat” She says. Looking out for the girl, I find her near JJ. We continue to point people out until Hope in evident ease dropping gets to me.

“Anyone know when the dinner will be served” I ask her.

“About now” Hope says as the waiters begin to walk in with trays of plates. I only offer a smile not really knowing what to say to the girl. She sits sit, like a rock, just watching. The waiters come around placing plates of food before us. Everyone digs in as I just poke around. I watch from the corner of my eye how Press and JJ seem to be having fun. _A little too much fun_ , I think as I take a sip of the wine. Hope eyes me and I scrunch my eyebrows.

“Is there something on my face” I ask unsure, the serious girl just nods no. _Alrighty_.

“She doesn’t talk much does she” The man besides me whispers too close for my liking.

“Nope” I say as I scout closer to Ash.

“What’re you doing”

“The man besides me creeps me the fuck out”

“So ladies, are you doing anything after dinner” The man besides Hope asks

“We’re”

“going to be with Allie and Jose” I finish for Ash who was about to say some nonsense. Hope grins and I roll my eyes.

“What about you Hope” I say next, her face says it all. _How the tables have turned_.

“Me…ugh… I’ll be with my girlfriend” Hope finally says

“Oh, taken I see, you miss Heath? I’ve heard rumors about Mister Howard and you, are they true? Will Kardia finally be getting its deserved couple of the century” The man besides Ash asks, I nearly choke.

“I’m in a serious relationship with my job sir, would you like me to defer from that”

“Oh heavens no, but you must be interested in someone”

“Maybe, my good pal Ash here is quite single though. I was hoping Miss Solo would introduce her to someone tonight” I joke as I hand my plate to the waiter. Ash is quick to excuse herself to the bathroom before any of the men can ask any questions. Hope and I both break out into fits of laughter.

“I’ve never seen her run that fast in my life” I say as I finally calm down.

“Her face, she looked so mortified. Gosh” Hope grabs her stomach “I don’t think she’ll ever forgive you” I lean into my chair more relaxed and at ease that I got Hope to crack her tough act.

“She’s got no other choice. I’m the boss” I joke

“That you are”

“We’ve never really formally met, outside of work that is, I’m Tobin Heath, but please, call me Tobin” Hope’s face softens and a small smile forms

“Hope Solo” She says extending her hand. I shake it firmly “So do you guys always joke around like that”

“Ehh, not always. The crew always teases her since she’s practically the only one without a love life”

“So it is true, you and Tim”

“Goodness no, I adore the guy but he’s more like my brother. We may be attached to the hip but not for the reasons you think. The crew has just accepted that I’m in a committed relationship with my job and won’t find someone” I enlighten lightly.

“Really”

“Why do you sound surprised”

“Your eyes tell otherwise”

“What”

“Eyes, they say more than you think” I continue to stare at her in confusion “Just look at people in the eyes more often”

“That’s kind of hard when you wear a helmet 140 hours a week” I joke with an eye roll.

“You’re not wearing one now”

“Alright, lets do this, for the rest of the night, I’ll look into peoples eyes, not as much as you do though. I’m not that intimidating”

“I’m not intimidating” Hope interrupts

“I’m not done. I’ll do that if you listen to the tone of voice of the people you talk to”

“Why the tone”

“You’ll learn more from it than you will from their actual words” Hope sits back and grins.

“Alright Tobin, you’re on”

We continue to talk about random things, just getting to know each other. Half way through dinner, Ash finally returns. I formally introduce her to Hope and to my surprise, we all hit it off well. Things roll smoothly until I see Tim whispering into Alex’s ear. I don’t know what it is but apart of me grows angry. _What the fuck Tim!_ As Alex laughs at whatever he said, my eyes advert to Press who is now sitting next to JJ. _When’d that happen?!_ I continue to examine the room growing even more mad than before.

“Yo are you okay” Ash asks as I begin to bounce my foot.

“More or less” I mutter as I suddenly find my fork to be interesting.

“So Scout Heath, how’d you and Allie come to meet” The man besides Ash speaks up.

“Umm, we met on a field trip when we were little”

“Field trip for what”

“School” I answer annoyed. Hope’s right eyebrow shoots up and I have to suppress my pride “We went on the required field trip, nothing special, I ran into her and yeah pretty much hit it off since then”

“Those where my favorite” He responds. I nearly throw my head back in annoyance, Hope just giggles and Ash just sits there confused.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the rest room” Pushing my chair back, I stand up and walk towards the exit of the gigantic room but am halted by a waiter.

“Scout, Allie’s mother would like to speak to you” I turn around and find Barbara looking at me. Sighing, I turn around and walk towards her.

“Just because you’re Kardia’s angel doesn’t mean you don’t come talk to me miss” She says as I’m in hears range

“I’m sorry mum, I was seated pretty far and couldn’t really leave Ash to be eaten alive by Solo over there” I say nodding my head towards the pair. Barbara rolls her eyes at my joke.

“Or more like you didn’t want to be near Servando” James giggles and I break a smile.

“The guy’s a jerk”

“Tobin” Barbara says as she smacks my side.

“What! It’s trueee” I whine to the women who slightly filled the role of a mother for me.

“Maybe but you can’t dislike him for being a jerk, he didn’t really have people to raise him differently”

“I know” I sigh.

“Now go on, take a seat besides Allie” I do as told, a waiter grabs a chair and I sit next to my best friend.

“Mother finally got to you” She laughs

“Yeah”

“Hmmm either you don’t want to be next to me or somethings up” I check our surrounds and see that everyone is too distracted to listen.

“I.. I don’t know… everything in the room is bothering me”

“I’m excluding Jose and I from that equation haha but let me guess, does it have to do with the seating arrangements”

“Yeah” Allie begins to laugh at my response and I give her a death glare.

“Okay okay, calm down… you should have seen your face” She laughs again

“Alllll”

“Okay I’ll stop, does it have to do with the fact that Miss comfort is whispering into the ear of a really attractive blonde” Allie says. I immediately looked towards Christen. I jab into Allie’s side when I realize she was lying.

“Meanie”

“That’s what you get for lying”

“And that’s what you get for being jealous” Allie whispers the last word. It sends all sorts of shivers through my body. _Jealous? Me, of Christen? No._ Allie takes in my silence and continues.

“No? Hmm okay, what about the your break buddy, Kelley sure must be telling her a lot about you” My skin tickles just imagine all the things Kelley must be feeding her. _Oh gosh_.

“Or maybe it’s Amy and”

“Okay stop” I finally say.

“You hoe” Allie jokes and I find her to be more annoying than ever at the moment.

“I’m not a hoe”

“I’m missing someone ain’t I” I freeze and pray that she doesn’t push further.

“Hmm who else could possibly have my best friend wrapped around their finger” Her eyes wonder the room, focused on finding the other one. _If there even was another one._ Instead of following her stare, I focus of her eyes. Watching as they eliminate people from the possibilities. She skins over the table I was hoping she wonder. As she progresses from table to table, she stops and goes back. When she begins to laugh everyone turns to look at us, including Jose who asks whats so funny.

“Tobin was just telling me she was scared of Solo over there” Jose smiles and shakes his head and continues his conversation with his groomsmen.

“Tim really” She continues to laugh. I begin to laugh as well but not for the same reason.

“I can’t believe you too think we have a thing”

“What, you guys are always together and hey, he’s not a bad option” She shrugs her shoulders.

“Gosh no, Tim’s like my brother”

“Okay so maybe you are jealous over those three girls but its kind of your fault for leading every single one of them on”

“I haven’t lead them on”

“Oh really, because I’ve heard a lot about you and Jeri together, Syd is no stop talk about you and Laure and you always seem to be playing tennis with Press”

“So what, I can’t hang out with girls” I ask annoyed

“Chill out hot stuff or I’ll have Carli will set up an ice bath for you. Damn”

“Sorry, I just…” I stop talking not really knowing what to say. I make eye contact with Serv who seems to have finally realized I’m within the bubble.

“Hey, look at me, it’s okay to be jealous, its normal. But you have to keep it subtle and not let it impulse your decisions until you figure your feelings out” I nod at her and differ her from the conversation when Serv switches seats to get closer.

“So Tobin, where’s your boyfriend”

“Where’s yours” I say as I think inhumanly scenarios in my head.

“Ha ha, the Scout has jokes”

“What do you want Serv” I demand wanting to get over this conversation as soon as possible.

“I need you to do something for me, in return, I’ll leave muscle boy alone” Rolling my eyes, I cross my arms and let him continue.

“I need you to get my girlfriend mad” He says. _What the hell,why?_   I look at him bewildered.

“Why do you need me to get her mad. What could you possible get out of that” I ask. He looks both ways and signals me to lean forward. Not really having an option I do, as he does too.

“Something about you gets her heated”

“Heated” I repeat not really catching on

“She gets really feisty, if you know what I mean” He whispers ever so disgustingly. I get up and rush out of the room not wanting to know more about Alex’s and Serv’s sex life. _Fucking disgusting._

For the rest of dinner, Serv shoots me nods and winks. I nearly barf when bites his lip at me.

“What the fuck is Serv doing” Hope asks following my eye sight

“Being a douche” I respond

“You really don’t like him do you”

“Not at all”

“None of us do actually” Ash says besides me

“Why, I mean he’s kind of annoying and boyish”

“And disgusting” I add. Hope only nods

“Okay yeah he’s not exactly a people person… but he can be sweet and nice when he wants to be”

“Which is never”

“Haha okay, maybe I see your point”

“Finally” We continue talking about the dude until Michael grabs a microphone.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go on.. Theres another chapter ;)


	23. Jealousy (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still mad? Read on...

Jealousy (part 3)

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed the dinner. I want to take a small moment to congratulate the couple whom have brought us here today. Allie and Jose, I’ve know you both for a while now. I meet you both individually and thought you were wonderful people but it never came across my mind that you’d both end up together”

“Wonder why” Ash whispers and I laugh

“And being one of the most perfect couples ever” He finishes. Awe’s erupt throughout the room and Hope giggles at my expression. When I give her a glare she just shrugs.

“Now, I would like to hand the microphone over to Allie’s best friend and maid of honor Scout Tobin Heath whom also helped organized this dinner” Everyone claps and cheers, they turn to look at me as I slowly get up.

“This way” the waiter says. I slowly make my way to the center of the room and take the mic from Michael whom goes to sit by his wife.

“Umm good evening everyone, I didn’t know I was supposed to prepare a speech” People giggle and I take that as a good sign.

“Well first of all, I want to thank you all for coming out and celebrating the engagement of my best friend and future brother in law” I pause to try and gather my thoughts “Allie, Jose, you’re both incredible people with unique personalities. Both of you have vibrant and free souls that have complemented each other immensely, its quiet admiring and a bit envious if I’m being serious” I joke “but beyond that, you’re both what I like to define as the definition of love. What you two have is rare and pure. It’s what has made you guys who you are, before, you both were living but you weren’t alive. Not until you met at least. When Jose came along, even the slightest mention of him brought Allie to life. Her voice would squeal, her eyes would shine, her smile would illuminate the world… I remember this one time, the power went out during a storm. Me being the unorganized one couldn’t find a flash light. I woke Allie up as she somehow seems to sleep through it all. I mentioned Jose and bam. No need for a flash light anymore” Everyone giggles including Hope who shoots me a thumbs up “You all must think I’m joking but really, test it out yourself” I shoot Allie a look whom is red as a tomato, while Jose smiles kindly at her “I think that was the first sign that Allie was in love, I picked up some other hints along the way but the day I knew my sister had fallen in love with that boy over there was the day I found her sound asleep on the couch. Her hands clinging to her sweater when he was away for a month on a business trip. I knew in that moment, that I no longer needed to watch over my best friend. She had found her person, and I couldn’t be happier that it’s you Jose. I love you both and can’t wait to see what life has in store for you both. Before I go, I do have one small suggestion, I think Tobin Batista makes a cute name for a boy or girl” With that, I hand the microphone to Jose’s best man. Everyone laughs at my suggestion as I walk over to Allie and Jose. They engulf me in a hug which I happily accept.

“I love you both” I say as we let go

“I knew I was right in knocking you over that day” Allie jokes

“Agh yes, you have finally admitted that you’re the one who ran into me”

“Don’t flatter yourself, I wasn't watching where I was going”

“Tobin Batista eh” Jose laughs and I do as well

“Aye, it’s a slick name”

“We’ll think about it when we get there” Allie says with a smile. The couple sit down and I walk to my seat.

“Nearly made me cry man” Ash jokes and I shake my head at her

“Good speech Tobin” Hope says next

“Not sure if thats sarcasm or not… but thank you”

“No seriously, it went past your words and into your voice. You could hear the sincerity” She says honestly

“Well your eyes don’t contradict your words, so thank you” I giggle and Hope smiles. The dinner comes to an end and we are scattered around the house. Some go to the living room to talk, others stay in the dinning room to sit more relaxed, while others, or more like just me, go outside for air. As I come close to the edge of the enormous patio, I see a figure leaning against the railing. _Guess I’m not the only one who needs air…oh wait, is that Alex?_ As her figure starts to clear out with the small distance in between us I start dreading my decision to come outside. _Maybe if I quietly walk away she won’t realize I’m here._

“You don’t have to leave” Her raspy voice fills the air as I had turned around to walk away.

“It’s your house, you don’t have to leave” I say as I begin to walk away

“My fathers house” She mumbles without emotion. _Her fathers house?_

“What do you mean” I ask turning around to face the girl who’s back is to me

“It’s nothing”

“It can’t be nothing” I say softly as I walk towards the railing. I make sure I’m at least three feet away.

“Alright it’s a statement alright. Happy now” She asks. Normally I would have left by now, but after what Hope said, I force myself to stay put until I get a glimpse of her eyes.

“Not really, no” I answer. Her shoulders relax telling me my response took her by surprise.

“You’re not happy” She asks a bit confused

“Getting you to admitting its something doesn’t make me happy. It just makes me wonder”

“Why wonder when we’re not friends”

“We’re acquaintances though”

“Merely”

“Better than nothing right” I respond with double meaning. I look over and see a faint smile on her face as she caught on to what I meant.

“You have a way with words, I’ll give you that”

“Hmm, I’ve been told other wise”

“No really, you do. That speech inside, for Allie and Jose, it was…” She pauses trying to find the word. I tilt my head waiting. _It was…_ “unadulterated, impeccable, sublime really… why are you shaking your head no”

“I just felt like it was too much you know”

“It was perfect, you can even ask Tim” The mention of Tim boggles me in sorts. _Tim? Tim…TIM!_

“Its fine, I’ll take your word for it” I respond. We fall into an odd silence. I can hear her breathing and I’m sure she can hear mine. _This is really awkward_. Not wanting to be in silence anymore, I say the first thing that comes to mind.

“Can I look at your eyes” Once I repeat the question in my head I realize it was utterly stupid to speak. _Fuck, now she’s going to think I’m a fucking creep. Oh gosh. Leave._

“Run that by me one more time” She asks with the slightest hint of a laugh. _Too late._

“I… your eyes, can I see them, I mean I can see them I’m blind but I’ve never actually”

“You’re rambling”

“Sorry, I guess what I’m trying to say is if I can look into them? Hope and I made a deal, my part of the deal was to look into the eyes of those who I talk to. So yeah…But I probably sound like a total freak right now and you probably don’t want to hear me anymore, so, I’ll just leave you to it” I breath and begin to back trace towards to door.

“Tobin, wait” She says. The way she says my name makes my body stop. Just like the way it did when she walked into the living room with Allie and Jose. Neither one of us moves. In her part, I think it’s because she wasn’t expecting me to stop and in my part, I wasn’t expecting her to ask me to stop. I contemplate my options, but none of them seem right.

“You…”

“ALEX” Someone interrupts, we both turn to see Pamela, her mother, calling her inside.

“I…sorry, I should probably go” She says a bit deflated.

“Yeah” I say with a wave. She walks by and stops momentarily in front of me, but before she can say anything else, her mother calls her once more and she rushes inside. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._ I repeat to myself until someone interrupts my thoughts.

“Either you’re claustrophobic or you simply don’t want to be here”

“Jeri… I’m not claustrophobic, I don’t think I am at least. You’d have to lock me in a small room to test that theory out… but I do want to be here, it’s my best friends pre-engagement dinner”

“So why aren’t you inside”

“I don’t want to be with them if anything, I mean, they talk to me for me you know” Jeri giggles at my answer and walks to my side. She leans against the railing as well.

“Wait, so let me get this straight, you don’t want to be inside because the people inside treat you for who you are” She rewinds with a soft laugh

“Yes”

“Isn’t that like the opposite of what everyone else wants”

“Well, if you put it that way, yes. I just don’t want them treating me as Kardia’s guardian, like if I’m somehow better than everyone else”

“Hmm, so you want the lustful old men and pocket full gruel’s to treat you the way they treat everyone else” I open my mouth to reply but suddenly I can’t say a word “That’s what I thought”

“I guess I just don’t like acting for them”

“Acting eh”

“I mean, if I were to ever be me, they’d treat me differently, without respect, like if I wasn’t worthy of living”

“You know the what the pro to this is”

“What” I ask turning my body to face her.

“It makes it so much more special to meet the real you…” She pauses and looks down at her hands contemplating whether or not to say the rest of the words on her mind. My eyes scan her, taking in her every detail, trying to figure out what it is Jeri wants to convey “…Its makes it so much easier to do this” Her lips press against mine before I even have time to process what she said. My body doesn’t move but my mind does. It goes into over drive, taking in every part of her body, like her hand that lightly holds onto my blazer. Nothing really makes sense, except her lips that seem to portray every word that has been built up within her. As I finally catch up to my thoughts, it ends and I’m left there standing.

“I’ll see you inside” Her gentle voice whispers. I don’t bother calling after her as my mind still hasn’t made up its mind. _What in the world…_

After a few minutes of pacing back and forth, I get the courage to go inside. I reach the door and swing it open oblivious to the person standing in the way. The door hits whom ever was behind it.

“Fu…Laure” I quiver as I help her up “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were behind it”

“It’s a glass door Toby” She laughs while rubbing her forehead.

“I’m so sorry, here lets get you some ice” I say grabbing her hand and pulling her to the kitchen “Stay right here, I’ll get the ice” I pull out a chair for Laure and rush to the ice machine. Stealing a bag from one of the chiefs workers, I get ice and hurry back to Laure.

“Lean your head back a little” I say, I run my fingers over the small bump on Laure’s front and feel a guilty consumer my thoughts. _I’m so stupid._

“You’re not stupid” Laure inquires. My eyes widen.

“How’d”

“Your eyes, they went from anxious to guilty”

“My eyes eh” I grin as I place the ice bag on Laure’s bump, she inhales deeply as the coldness of the bag meets her skin. “Sorry”

“You never stop apologizing do you” I look at Laure with a smile. Allowing myself to look into her eyes, I find myself once again distracted like before. Only this time, I’m the one leaning in. We’re centimeter apart when the bag of ice slips from my hand and the moment goes to waste.

“Sorry, again” I say with embarrassment. My cheeks burn with heat and I can sense Laure’s eyes on me.

“Tobin, what”

“are you doing” Becky’s voice interrupts. I look up startled by her voice and find her, Christie and JJ standing there with confusion written on their faces. _Greattttt._

“I hit Laure with the door” I confess as I pick up the bag of melted ice from the floor.

“It’s a glass door Tobin” Amy says with a giggle

“That’s what she said” I reply while nodding towards Laure and JJ begins to laugh “Not like that” I say as I bring my hands to my face. _Can tonight get any worse?_

“Here, let me take a look. Tobin may look like she knows what she’s doing but not always” Becky switches spots with me. I stand next to Christie whom stares at me.

“You hit her with a glass door” She asks

“Yeah” She shakes her head and I shrug “Wasn’t looking where I was going” I answer because it’s true. I was lost in thought and opened the door without actually looking up.

“Hmm, intersting” She says

“Well Tobin, you didn’t kill her” Becky’s voice enlightens

“But” I ask

“But you did give her a bruise, and a concussion” She says. I smack my forehead and JJ giggles.

“How bad is it” Christie asks

“Well, Laure’s a good agent, always taking her chem’s and keeping herself up to shape I don’t think it’s too bad. When was the last time you had your diamond checked” Becky asks

“About four months ago” She answers

“Mmm, four months to far too long. You're talking so that’s good. Can you guys be quiet for a sec” Beck asks. We all do as told. “Yep, definitely a concussion. Your diamond, it hums quietly, it only does that when you suffer some brain damage off the field. It’s trying to repair but can’t do it without some tools. Does your head hurt and do you feel hot”

“I do have a slight head ache and hot towards my neck” Becky nods and stands up.

“She indeed has some damage so I’ll need to take her to Citadel or somewhere with the things I need within the next 5 hours. Since you’re talking I think you’ll be fine. I have some medication in the car, JJ will you go get it, it’s in the passengers compartment”

“Yeah I’ll be right back”

“Laure do you want to stay a bit longer or go now”

“It’s not too bad at the moment, can we stay a bit longer”

“Yeah, but I’ll need you to hang near me for the rest of the time, I don’t want you fainting” I begin to walk with Christie when Becky calls after me.

“Tobs”

“yeah”

“Stay away from doors okay” She jokes and I laugh. I shoot Laure a sad smile and continue with Christie. She leads us to the living room which I’m thankful. I find Hope standing next to Ash and quickly walk over to them.

“There you are, we were beginning to think you left”

“Wish I did” I whisper as I eye the people around us

“What do you mean” Hope asks

“Looking people in the eye got me in trouble” I mutter

“What, how” Hope quickly ask

“For one, I hit Laure with a door” Ash begins to laugh and I smack her in the stomach “Keep it down”

“You hit Laure with a door”

“Yeah, it was an accident. Anyhow, looking people in the eye is too intense” I say with a shiver thinking about the way Laure and Jeri looked at me.

“Or many it’s too intimate” Hope grins. I roll my eyes.

“How’s the tone of voice working” I ask changing the subject

“Good actually, I haven’t hit someone with a door yet”

“Touhce”

“But no, you were right, you do get a lot of information from it. I now realize why you remain silent” Hope says genuinely. We change subject and go on to talking about Hope. I get to know the girl a bit more and find myself relaxed her. _She’s not so bad after all_. Soon Kelley joins us and I find myself watching the two. When Kelley first told me she was dating Solo, I laughed because really, their could not be people more opposite than them two. But watching them now, I can’t find a better fit for them both. Hope is a serious one on the outside but on the inside, she’s calm. Kelley, she’s not serious on the outside, on the inside she’s a cookie and well, Hope’s joy. Throughout the rest of the night, I watch other couples, like Abby and Sarah, Amy and her husband, even Michael and Pamela. _Maybe love isn’t so bad._ My eyes soon find Servando and a disgust takes over my body. I follow his sight that lead none other to Alex who stands very annoyed by her mother. _Wonder why that is?_

“Hey Tobin, we’re going to get going now” Becky says.

“Where’s Laure” I ask

“With Allie and Jose”

“I’ll walk you guys to the car”

“We’re heading out too” Amy and Lauren say. We all walk to Allie and Jose who are saying their goodbyes to Laure and a few others.

“You too” Allie asks 

“No silly, I’m going to walk them out” I giggle. I follow the group out of the door and help Laure into the Becky’s car.

“I’m so sorry that I hit you with the door”

“For the hundredth time, it’s okay” She says. I lean in and softly kiss her head.

“I’ll call you when I’m out of here to check up on you” I say as I close the door. Laure waves and I stand there watching the car drive away.

“Did you really hit her with a door” Christen ask from behind. I turn around and shake my head yes.

“Ouch”

“It was an accident, I was coming inside and I wasn’t looking up and next thing I knew she was on the floor”

“Lucky it wasn’t anyone we don’t know” She says trying to make me feel less guilty

“That would have been a disaster”

“Exactly, Laure’s a tough cookie, she’s in good hands too” I nod my head and feel Christens eyes on me.

“You’re very out of it”

“It’s been a long night”

“Well why don’t we have it short” She half jokes and I look up to meet her eyes

“Short, how? I can’t just leave my best friends engagement dinner”

“Not like that you dork. Shorten it in the sense of time”

“I don’t purpose you have a time machine, cause if you do, Allie will be very disappointed” I joke and Press’s smile grows.

“Not necessarily, but time flies by when you’re having fun” Something about the way her eyes light up makes me comply to her plan. We spend the rest of the night pulling off small pranks on the squad. Kelley soon catches on and joins in. The best one yet was getting Carli to scream. Kelley somehow found a dead insect and put it besides Carli’s drink. _The girl is forever traumatized._

“Who should be our next victim” Christen asks as we huddle by the snack table. The look on Kelley’s face gives me the shivers

“Spill it squirrel” I say as I take a sip of wine

“Alex” I begin to choke on the wine and Kelley begins to smack my back.

“Sto”

“What” Kelley asks as she continues to hit me

“Stop” I nearly yell out. Coughing some more, I finally compose myself enough to say no.

“But why not, you don’t even like her” Kelley whines

“Just because we have strong dislikes for each other, doesn’t mean I want to prank the daughter of one of my bosses” I say shaking my head

“Oh come on, you guys practically hate each other. Since when did you start taking in count that she is the daughter of one of many bosses you have” _Since we made eye contact with her._

“Look, the relationship I have with your best friend is my own deal. But I won’t let that get my fired”

“Christen, come onnnnnn tell her to say yes” Kelley shakes Christen while she laughs.

“I’m sorry Kelley but Tobin’s a stubborn one. And I agree, playing a prank on your best friend might not be ideal. She’s not exactly fond of us, can you imagine what’d she do if she found out we were behind it, we can handle Carli but Alex, she’s not exactly a person to play by the rules” Christen says and I relax.

“You guys talk like if she were the devil” Neither one of us speak and Kelley grows frustrated “You guys are the worst! Both of you, including Alex and everyone else, you all fucking suck! I don’t understand why theres still a hate between Axiom and the rest of the world, we get along just fine. Why can’t you guys get along with Alex and her family. Gosh damn it”

“Kelley stop” I threaten

“No Tobin, I’m fucking tired of the same shit over and over again. Every time you come over, I have to hear all the crap Alex says about you and I can only imagine what you tell your squad. It’s ridiculous, you guys claim that we’re fucking spoiled and narrow minded but you don’t take a look at yourself. You guys are apart of the reason this damn sector is divided, it’s not just our fault. Like why can’t you guys get over yourself and have fun, get to know us a little before you judge”

“KELLEY” Hope yells, I turn to see Hope standing besides the rest of the group who came to find us. Everyone shares an uncomfortable look. The group has segregated without knowing as the squad stands to he right and the rest to the left. Each prepared to intervene if something breaks out. _But it won’t_.

“What the fuck is going on” Abby asks with her intimidating voice

“Just a disagreement” I say through my teeth.

“Tobin” Hope says with some guilt

“It’s nothing Hope, really” I say as I push through the group. I walk to the front door both angered and saddened by Kelley’s words. _Get over ourselves, yes because we’re the ones who spend enormous amounts of money on fucking cars, parties, companies… We’re the ones who put others down, we’re the ones who fucking make sure the past haunts us forever._ As I reach for the door, someone tugs on my arm.

“You don’t have to worry about Tim anymore, I’ll leave him alone” He says with a grin

“What” I ask as he begins to walk out the door

“Whatever you did to Alex, it worked” With that he shoots me a wink and rushes to a car. _What I did to Alex? What the fuck did I do to her? I haven’t talked to her for the rest of the night…What?_

“Tobin” Press’s delicate voice whispers

“Chris” I turn around to see her near tears.

“Hey, no” I say as I engulf her in a hug

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have suggested pranks, I’ve ruined the night” She softly cries. _No…_

“Hey now, don’t say that, we know Kelley, she’s not one to bite her tongue” She shakes her head against my neck and I pull myself apart from her slightly.

“Look at me” I whisper as I hold her place my arms on her face “Come on Chris” She slowly looks up and I wipe her eyes.

“It’s not your fault, really. No ones actually, Kelley’s tired like the rest of us okay” I see Christens lip tremble and know she’s about to cry again. I do the only thing that I can think of to stop her. To my surprise, she meets me half way. Its like I would have imagined, relaxing, slow, steady. I’m the one that breaks the kiss as I pull her into a hug.

“Not your fault okay” I say as I rub her back. She nods against my chest and I relax.

“I’m sorry for ruining your blazer” She says as she begins to pull away. I look down and find a well sized spot of tears on it.

“We’ll at least you didn’t hit me with a door” I joke and she slightly giggles

“Laure may not be my favorite but poor girl, she looked so out of it”

“I know, gosh what a night” I say with a small smile. Christen shakes her head with a small but genuine smile.

“You’re one of a kind” She says as I hold my elbow out. I walk her to the bathroom and wait for her. I should be freaked out, that I took the first step in kissing her. But I’m not, in a way, I feel relieved, as if she we’re a remedy for my chaos.

“Ready to go” She says as she comes out looking as beautiful as always.

“Yeah” We walk to the living room and meet Allie.

“I’m going to talk to Allie alone if thats okay” I ask Press as we near the couple.

“You don’t have to ask me for permission” She giggles and I blush. _Right_.

“Hey Josssseeeeee” I say with a very high pitched voice. His faces says it all.

“You can take her, only for an hour though” He rolls his eyes with a smile and I grab Allie’s hand and rush us the other way.

“Where are we going” She says as we round a few corners and open a few doors

“Just hold on” I say as I finally find the library

“Okay we’re here” I walk in and as soon as the door closes I begin speaking “I kissed Christen and nearly kissed Laure, Kelley freaked the fuck out on me, I became friends with Hope fucking Solo”

“Tobin”

“Alex and I actually talked civilly for once, Servando traumatized me, I hit Laure with a door”

“TOB”

“AND Jeri might or might have no kissed me and”

“TOBIN!” Allie yells. I stay silent as her mind replies the last few words.

“Back track everything you just said but in order. With breaks” Allie says. I sigh and take a seat on a nearby chair. Burying my head in my hands I begin to tell the story.

“Okay, after we talked at dinner, Serv came up to me and told me some gross information I much rather not repeat. Anyhow, after diner I went outside to get away. I ran into Alex there and was going to leave when she told me to stay. We talked”

“Wait you talk, like no yelling or insults”

“Yeah, I guess, it was more like a small talk”

“This is progress!”

“Don’t get your hopes up, I’m not done”

“Continue”

“So we were talking and during a small pause I became uncomfortable. And then I remembered my deal with Hope”

“Oh no”

“Oh yes. So the deal was I had to look people in the eye while”

“Wait she got you to do that! To hell Tobs you won’t even look at me in the eyes”

“Allllie” I huss “Stop interrupting, okay so I was to look people in the eye while we talk and so I asked Alex if I could look into her eyes but we were interrupted by her mom whom I think say us and thought we were arguing. She left and that was that. Jeri came outside and well, to shorten it for you, kissed me. She went inside and I stayed outside a bit longer to try to clear up my thoughts. When I finally decided to come inside I hit Laure with a door and yes I know it’s a glass door. Anyhow, while I was taking care of her head, I let my eyes roam to hers and I began to lean in to kiss her before I dropped the ice bag ruining the moment. Then, after taking Laure to the car with Becky, I found Press who decided to prank the squad and it was going well until Kelley suggested we prank Alex and apart of me didn’t want to do it. So Kelley freaked the fuck out. She said all sorts of things I don’t want to repeat. So I left the room and ran into Serv who said something about Alex which again, too gross to repeat. And I was confused because I i’d done nothing to Alex so I don’t understand why she was mad. And Then Press came to find me, she was nearly in tears because she thought it was her fault that O’hara freaked out so I tried cheering her up. And there was this moment where we locked eyes and I kissed her to stop from looking into her eyes and now I’m here” I finally finish. 

“Wow, you’ve had more fun than I have today” She laughs and I stare at her blankly “Okay, not a good time to joke but seriously, that’s funny”

“Allll you’re not helping”

“Okay well first, I fucking told you so. I could see the jealousy radiating from your body. But honestly… you a hoe” I give her a death stare and she raises her hands

“Anyhow, you have to let go of this fear of looking into eyes. I look into your eyes and don’t have an urge to kiss you. So, what’s the deal with eyes” I sigh knowing she’s not going to let it go.

“I avoid eye contact with people I know because I fear they’ll see through me. I fear they’ll see how broken I am, how torn I am on the inside” I whisper. Allie doesn’t say anything as this is new to her. “And about the kissing, I guess I really leaned into Laure because I felt sorry and Chris, I wanted her to stop crying. I didn’t actually reciprocate Jeri’s kiss as she took me by surprise”

“And Alex”

“What about her”

“You said she was mad at you”

“That’s what Servando implied. I don’t know why though, we talked normally”

“Any hints”

“She was super annoyed and mad when I was inside but I don’t know why”

“That’s interesting, I’ll see if I can get anything out of her tomorrow as of now, I want you to go home. It’s been a really long day and I think you’ve had enough for today” Allie says as she holds out a hand.

“But I can’t just leave Al”

“My party my rules, lets go say goodbye to Michael and Jose” I don’t argue and let Allie take me to them. Jose is a little saddened but understanding. Michael puts up a fight though.

“Come on Tobin, you can spend the night, I’ll have Wanda set up a room”

“No its fine Michael, really”

“Allow one of my daughters to drive you than”

“It’s really late, I wouldn’t allow them to drive out that far”

“Okay okay, I give up I’ll walk you to the door” I nod and begin to walk to the door with him.

“Thank you for hosting this for Allie, it must have been a lot of work”

“It was but like I said, the girls planned it”

“Oh gosh, I forgot to thank them”

“I’ll pass it onto them”

“Thank you, again for this and for walking me out”

“Anything for you Scout” He opens the door of my car and shuts it. I watch him walk away and when he’s out of sit I let my body fall onto the steering wheel.

“We good to go” Tim voice says. I scream in shock

“Holy shit Tim” I say as I hold a hand on my heart. He presses a button the rises the seat and he rubs his eyes.

“Sorry, I came in here to take a nap and wait. I let Kendall take my car” I nod not able to speak yet.

“Want me to drive” I nod again and we change seats.

“Alright, lets get the party on the road”

“Let’s not” I say

“I agree” He turns the car on and I let myself sink into the seat and fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still mad?... Theres more to come ;)


	24. Ash...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still Mad? Hopefully not! haha

Ash…

I wake up and feel the chaos of last night heavy on my chest. _Why me?_ I ask as I push myself out of bed. I slowly walk over to the closet and get undressed. I throw on some sweats and a long sleeve that covers my diamond and put my hair up.

“Morning Tobin” Frost’s voice says

“Morning” I mutter as I throw water on my face.

“Tim made you breakfast”

“I’ll be down” I say as I clean my face with a towel and grab some slides. I walk out of my room and down the stairs. The smell of avocado fries fills the entire floor.

“Where’d you get avocado” I ask as I come into the kitchen.

“There’s a market close by that I know”

“Must have cost a fortune” I say as I grab the cup of coffee he has prepared and bring it to my face. _Hmmm just what I need._ I hum in approval realizing he has made it to my liking.

“Ten dollars aint' bad for one” He laughs as he throw something on the stove.

“How’d you get them for ten each?! The lowest I can bargain is 20” I ask amused

“I know the guy… plus I bought like 10 avocados so I got a bonus discount” He smiles, I move to the side and see he’s cooking some french toast and scrabbled eggs with bacon and ham.

“You really out did it” I say with a head shake.

“The eggs weren’t too bad and you have bread so that helped. Did you make it”

“Yeah”

“Well thats one talent you don’t ever see” He says as he hands me a small bowl of oatmeal.

“I mixed in your chemicals”

“Wait you can do that” I ask as I grab the spoon

“Don’t know, I’ve done it for a year now and every time we get checked, my levels are normal so…” I take a bit and nearly gasp at the goodness of it. After I wipe the bowl clean Tim laughs.

“Wow, that tasted so great considering how terrible the chems taste with water” I say.

“I know, here, lets eat breakfast” He says as he sets a plate down in front of me. I close my eyes and breath in deeply. The smell makes my mouth water and I hear Tim giggle besides me. We eat in silence until I say whats on my mind.

“Sometimes, I wish I had this” I confess as I take the last bite of the french toast

“What exactly is this” He says as he wipes his mouth

“Something to wake up to”

“Breakfast” He asks not really following

“No silly, not breakfast but someone. For years, I’ve always looked beyond my personal life. When Allie moved out, it didn’t really hit me. She’d wake up and made breakfast or vice versa. And when it started hitting me, Becky moved in due to my injury but since then, I guess I forgot” I put my fork down and stare at the ground.

“So, what’s changed” I hear him loud and clear but the question just seems to bounce around in my head.

“I…” I stop not really knowing how to say it. I look up and meet Tim’s eyes but for once, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable or intimate, if anything, it feels like he understands.

“I know” He says with a warm smile. _He knows what?_

“Wait, you too” I asked confused. He giggles at my obliviousness.

“We’re humans after all” He laughs

“Kardia would lose its marbles” I say as I lean into the chair and stare at the ceiling.

“Who would have know right” I only smile and think about it. _Tim has a special someone, how did I not know…like for real. How in the world did I NOT know?_

“Describe them in three words”

“Beautiful, bright and…memorizing”

“Do they know how you feel about them”

“I’m in the same situation as you Tobs”

“We’re a lost cause Timmy”

“At least we’re lost together Sis” He says and I smile. We spend the rest of the morning talking until he gets a call from his mother.

“Thank you for the breakfast, it was delicious” I say as we walk to the door

“And thank you for the talk, its good to get it off my chest” He says

“Well, I would say the same but somehow you found out” I giggle as I open the door

“Eyes everywhere” He says. I wave him goodbye and shut the door.

“Frost”

“Yes Tobin”

“Is she awake yet”

“Not yet”

“Mhmm k” I say as I walk to the kitchen. I prepare a dish for Ali for when she wakes and make sure to clean up.

“Tobin”

“Yeah Frost” I say as I rubs wash the dishes

“Maybe she should eat out here for a change” I can hear the sincerity and hope in his voice and stop. The water continues to run and my still hands “I know you wish to keep her out of my reach for the safety of others and I understand now. But I don’t want to be the one that condemns her to a room forever”

“Frost”

“Let me finish. Every since you told me that indeed it is a women, I think of you, being trapped in a room. I can’t imagine what she thinks when you’re not here but it’s not good. So I think he, getting some time out here will give her less”

“Frost”

“I’m not done”

“Frost I think thats a great idea” I finally say with a smile

“Really”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it too and I think it’s a good idea. She can walk, not upstairs yet so I don’t have to worry about that. As for you, you can program your scanners and system to shift to basic or completely off when her door opens”

“I can lock all doors if I don’t sense her in her room”

“Good, I can use scanners to open rooms when needed, you can shift to sensors only, communication through watch, I do need you awake on the outside though. Also, she can’t know where she is so all windows need to tint black, lock every door that leads outside”

“Is that all”

“Yeah” I breath. Frost begins to program his network as I finish up.

“She’s awake” He says. I stand up from my desk and walk downstairs.

“Alright frost, lets give this a try, is your program ready”

“Yes, sensors and vitals only when her door is open. When her door is shut, back to the normal”

“Good, here goes nothing” I say as I open the door

“Tobin” She says with a smile. 

“Hey, good morning” I say as I walk to her vitals. _Normal, good._

“How was the fancy dinner” She asks as I inject some medications into her IV.

“It was a roller coaster”

“Why’s that”

“Not my kind of people”

“Mhmm those are the worst”

“Exactly, anyhow, I have a sort of surprise for you” I breath. He eyes look at me hopeful.

“A surprise”

“Kinda” I say.

“What is it” She asks

“I need you to close you eyes and stand up”

“You’re not going to push me off a cliff are you” She giggles as she does what is asked.

“Would your Tobin do such thing” I ask out of curiosity. She ponders the question and my eyes widen. _Oh gosh._

“Well good” I say “Now give me your hands” I say. She extends them with her eyes closed. Taking the girls hands in mine, I give them a squeeze for reassurance which she returns. Slowly, we begin to walk out the door. Her hands tighten when she feels a different floor below her but she keeps her eyes shut. We reach the living room and I center her in the middle. She’ll be able to take in the whole floor since it’s a pent house like Frost says.

“Alright, I’m going to let go of one of your hands and hold the other. I don’t want you to fall, you could get hurt” I say, she nods and I breath in deeply. _This is it._

“Open your eyes” I can’t see her reaction since I’ve focused my attention to the sound of my heart but I suppose its good. She arms wrap around my body completely taking me by surprise. I know I shouldn’t be interacting with her like this but I can’t help myself. Embracing her as well she lets out a few words I can’t quite hear.

“Here I’ll give you a small tour” I say as I let go.

“Yayyyy” She says with a giddy voice

“Okay so that way, down that hall is your room. Go straight down, turn left, continue going until you find a door that is open. Your bedroom door as you know slides open and will remain open when your out here”

“So does that mean all other doors are locked” I feel a hard tug in my chest but breathe out yes. I expect a saddened face but she just shrugs with understanding.

“Okay, obviously this is the main floor. Living room right in front, if you look back you can see the stairs to the upstairs. I don’t want you going up them though. You’re recovering but we still need to work on your motor skills so please stay down here. Follow me” I say, we walk a few steps to the dinning room table.

“You are welcome to eat here or in your room, I don’t mind you eating in the living room but just try not to drop anything. But, if you don’t want to eat at the table you are welcome to eat in the kitchen” I say.

“Wow I knew you were a simple girl but your place has little to no character” She jokes

“What do you mean”

“You have like no pictures or bright colors” I shrug my shoulders and nod towards the kitchen. As she sees the plate she lets a big squeeze

“Oh my gosh french toast”

“Yes, french toast and avocado fries, I can make some eggs and bacon for you if you’d like, I’m not that good at it but I can try” I say with a small laugh

“Bacon…oh gosh yes please” She says as she takes a seat in on of the high chairs by the island. I roll up my sleeves and open the fridge. I take out two eggs and the remaining bacon Tim left behind. The guy wouldn't take it, saying that I deserved to be treated with a good meal after last night. I prepare the pan and get ready to cook when I realize I don’t know how Ali likes her eggs.

“How do you want them” I ask.

“Scrambled, with milk if you have any” She says with a mouth full of french toast. It makes me smile seeing her so alive.

“I don’t know if I have milk” I say with a small frown. _Milk…what the hell is milk._

“That’s okay” I begin cooking the eggs the way I say Tim do it and I’m surprised to see that the stove hasn’t lit up in flames. As I see that the eggs are ready, I grab a plate and put them on there along with the bacon. I place the plate next to her and begin to clean up.

“Wow this is really good, did you make this” She asks

“No, I can’t cook if I’m being honest” I hear her hum as she finishes her bacon.

“Well tell the cook they did a good job” I nod and dry my hands. I walk over to the island and pull up a small hologram.

“Are those everywhere” She asks trying to see what I’m doing. I darken the back of the hologram and look up.

“Sorta” I check her vitals and see that they are normal.

“They are pretty cool, never seen one before”

“Yeah” I ask as I look through my work schedule.

“I don’t remember them at least, I remember computers though” She say and my eyebrows scrunch.

“Like table computers or like moveable ones” I ask finally closing the hologram. She giggles at what I said and I look up confused. She sets down her glass of water and cleans her lips with a napkin.

“Your terminology is pretty silly. It’s called a desktop computer and laptop or tablets”

“Agh okay” I say realizing what she’s referring to

“Do you have any computers”

“Yes and no, they’re computers but for work”

“So let me get this straight, you have all this technology but don’t use it for purposes like social media or games” When I hear the word game, I get an idea.

“If you’re finished, I’d like to show you something” I lead her to the living room and tell her to sit.

“I’m going to grab something, I’ll be back” I say with a smile. I run into the room where we stored the PS2 and PS4. Rushing back to the living room I find Ali laying down.

“I’m back” I say, she props herself up. She gets a grin and I look at her.

“What”

“Do you have assasins creed” She asks.

“Yeah why”

“Of course you do, Broon would be so proud” She says to herself. _Broon?_

“Broon” I ask as I set up the ps4.

“I can’t remember her name but she’s a friend. I remember her and you playing this game. The memories is vague”

“Well now you and I can play it” I say as I sit and grab the remote. Dimming the lights I bring out the projector. Ali’s lets out a whoa but nothing more. We take turns with the missions until my watch sounds.

“Oh shoot, I have to go but um what size of clothes do you wear” I ask

“Go where? and small or medium, pretty much your size” I nod

“Its kind of confidential and okay, I’m going to grab a sweater and shoes and I’ll be down okay” I say. Ali nods with her eyes focused on the game. I begin to head up the stairs and remember something. Rushing into the kitchen, I leave some snacks and juice on the counter.

“If you get hungry before I get back, you can grab snacks and juice from the kitchen” I say as I walk by the girl who’s very into the game. Running up the stairs, I rush into my room and call out frost.

“Yes Tobin” He says as I slide some shoes on

“I’m going to head out to visit Laure and go to the store I need you to monitor her while I’m away”

“Okay, do you still want me to monitor outside”

“No, once I leave, lock it down, also program the remote to lights, on and off and thats about it” I say and go to the bathroom. Making sure I look okay, I go to a specific drawer and open it. I reach in and grab my PDX hat and black ring. _Good to go_. I let my hair down and put the hat on backwards. Sliding the ring on, I go to the door. Looking back once more, I walk out and head for the stairs. I rush down the stairs with breeze and stop at the edge of the living room.

“Alright, I’m about to go, do you need anything” I ask as I watch the assassin climb up a wall.

“No I’m good thank you” She says as she looks up. I see her eyes focus on me and within a second, they blur. Like if she were living a flashback. I stand there thinking of what she could possibly be going through her head.

“Ali what” I am cut off by the sound of the front door opening. My body reacts fast enough to get to the door and push her out, but not quick enough as I hear Ali’s incredulity voice say her name as the door closes behind me. _Ashlyn._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this wasn't edited so if you catch errors, I'm sorry haha next update by Saturday, promise!
> 
> But what do you think eh ;) Tobin, Alex, Ash, Ali, Kelley, Press, Laure, Jeri so much drama to come people!


	25. March 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can't thank you guys enough. For those who asked, I'm getting better one day at a time. I'm pretty much back on my daily routine. With that being said, thanks for all the awesome comments. They're very appreciated. I was scared that you guys were never going to understand the story (you still might not) but you've stuck with it and I can't express how much that motivates me to get it finished.
> 
> So of you guys are taking guesses as of what is to come which I love. Creative minds, about one person was close to guessing to whats going to happen. Keep trying :)
> 
> Anyhow, I know I said I'd update this weekend but I had already started the next chapter so I went ahead and finished it. So now you get TWO chapters! YAYYY

March 27

Ash’s body hits the hall wall and I can only hold her still as she yells crude words at me. She fights against me and though she is stronger, I hold her still.

“Ash if you don’t calm down I’m not going to let you go”

“You expect me to fucking clam down?! After I heard her say my name? No, you’re going to fucking get off me and open the damn door before I beat the shit out of you” She continues but I ignore her. After another three minutes of yelling I let her go and begin to rush away.

“Where the fuck are you going?!”

I don’t reply and keep going. She chases after me but I manage to close the elevator doors. As I reach the lobby I turn my head and see she still hasn’t arrived down here.

“Hey Ken, when Ash comes down and runs after me. Lock her out” I say as I rush past her.

“I, okay” She yells out confused. I book it to the car and begin to exit the garage. As I turn into the street, Ash’s body slams into the back of my defender. I stop momentarily to assure she’s not hurt but drive away as she begins to get up. I watch her disappear in the rear view mirror. _I’m sorry Ash, but It’s for the best that you don’t get involved._

* * *

 

As I press a button on my watch, the garage door opens. I park in my designated space and close my eyes preparing myself to see the women inside. Realizing theres no way out, I get out of the car and grab a box and few bags from the trunk and proceed to the lobby. I set a bag behind the desk that has a small note and gift for Kendall. I can only imagine what Ash could have yelled at her through the glass door.

I take the elevator not wanting to waste more time than I already have. Reaching my door, I stare at it. Imagining what Ali could be thinking about it. _It’s for the best_. I tell myself as I scan my watch and hear the door click open. I push it open slowly and walk in. The lights are dimmed, the tv is off, and no soul sits comfortably on the couch anymore. Breathing in deeply, I walk to the kitchen and see the snacks haven't been touched but the juice is gone. Putting the food and utilities away, I prepare some food for Ali in silence.

“Tobin”

“Yeah”

“I’m sorry”

“For what”

“For not telling you about Ash, I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to let guest in”

“Not your fault Frost, I forgot to tell you to never let anyone in when she was out”

“Again I’m sorry”

“Not your fault” The oven beeps and I take out Ali’s plate. Placing it on a tray, I move the tray into the box of items and pick it up. The walk to Ali’s room feels too slow, once I’ve reached her room, I close my eyes.

“Okay frost, open it” I say, as it slides open, I look up and see her tired body asleep on the couch. Her hands hugging her body, her face buried into a pillow and her heart on the floor. I set the box down on her drawer and walk over to her. Careful not to wake her up, I pick her up. My eyes meet her tears and I feel a sort of guilt. _I’m sorry_. Tucking her into bed, I stand beside her bed for a little, watching her. Both wanting and not wanting her to wake up. I take her tray of food and set it besides her bed and leave the box on the drawer from her to organize when she awakes. I grab a small piece of paper and write a small note.

_In the living room. TH._

I set it by her food and walk out. I let my body fall onto the couch and let my heart sulk to the floor. The silence in my quarter shouldn’t scare me but for once, it does. I get up and go to my room. Feeling the warmth of the floor below, I walk into the bathroom and go to my hidden drawer. Opening it, I take my hat and ring off and put them back in their spots. I grab a small black box and open it. Inside lie 4 small medals, made specifically for my suits. Under the four medals is a hidden compartment where a fifth medal lies. I put it out and hold it in my hand. The medal itself is made of gold, but a fourth of the medal is made of glass that is engraved with names. The rest of the medal has the number 17 on it and other designs representing Kardia. I trace my thump over the names.

“Tobin, your heart rate is picking up” Frost says. I nod and put the medal back in its place.

“Have you sent flowers” I ask as I close the compartment.

“Yes and each family has gotten their share as well”

“Good” I go back down stairs and wait. It feels like eternity but it’s only hours before I feel her eyes. I stand up and turn to face her.

“Thank you for the food” She whispers

“It’s no problem” I reply with some nerves.

“I’m…I, you” She pauses to try and recollect her thoughts. Her voice is fragile but strong, I can’t see her eyes yet as she looks down at the ground “You’re the one who found me” She finally asks. I close my eyes and breath out yes.

“You were on the ground going in and out of conscious”

“Why were you scared”

“I was startled”

“You were scared”

“Not for my life” I confess. She looks up and I finally see the state she’s in “I was scared for yours” My voice slightly cracks as images of the unknowns in the glass cells flash before my eyes.

“Why am I here” I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. My reaction confirms her worries and she takes a step back.

“No, that’s not”

“I’m not from here am I” She asks ever so quietly. I swallow the lump in my throat and brace for her reaction

“No” She body begins to shake and I take a few steps towards her but she lifts her hands up.

“How can I trust you, how do I not know this is a set up, that you’re just someone dressed up to look like, like my friend” Her voice cracks and for a second I feel the worlds weight on me but I remind myself that I’m not the victim. She is.

“If I wanted you dead, I could have walked away. Left you in the hands of those…who aren’t keen to the idea of you…but I didn’t. I risked my life and the life of one of my closest friends to get you here. And I fucked up in doing so, Ash should have never found out and you should have never seen her but you did and I apologize for that. I apologize for keeping you out of the loop but it’s something I had, need to do in order to keep you alive. I could give you my word but I know that it means little to you now, but I swear on my life that I am not here to hurt you. I could not live with myself if another life was taken away because of me” My voice cracks again but I hold it together “And as for your friend, I don’t know. But I’ve seen the way you look at me. I know you’ve had flashbacks and some times have trouble deciphering whether it’s me or her but this is me. This is my body and theres no other way to prove it than this” I turn around and pull down the back of my shirt so that it reveals my diamond.

“What, what is that” Ali’s stutters both terrified and sickened

“It’s what keeps me alive…on the battle field” I whisper as I turn around. My eyes sting as I look into her.

“So it was a gun in you hand, when I first saw you, you were in a black and gold suit”

 

“Yes, it was a gun, but not the type that you think. It doesn’t kill raw flesh and yes, we have to wear suits to protect our bodies and activate our diamonds”

“Does Ash have one too” I let out a long breathe and finally say yes.

“She’s apart of my squad”

“Earlier you said you could not live with yourself if another life was taken because of you, have you…” She doesn’t finish in fear that I’ll prove that indeed I am not her friend. A single tear rolls down my face as I think back to that day. _March 27. The day I became my own monster and Kardia’s hero. The day eight lives were ripped away from this earth because of me._

“Yes” I cry in shame. The pain and disgust fills me within milliseconds and I find myself shaking uncontrollably. The burden drives me to the floor as I repeat sorry over and over again. Ali’s arms wrap around my body but I push myself away from her.

“No, I deserve this pain. I deserve every bit of pain and hurt as there are eight families still mourning the loss of their sons and daughters. Eight kids that had no opportunity what so ever. I should be the one in your place, I should be the one Kardia hates, not you. It should be me not them, I should be burred six feet under ground” I slam my fist against the ground but don’t feel a thing “Everyone tells me I did what I had to, that I am a hero but all I see in the mirror is a villain. A monster” I bury my head into my hands and let my tears run free. I can feel my diamond release a small dose of medicine and immediately grow mad as I can’t even drown in my own reality. As the heaviness of my eyeslids begins to win, I see Ali’s torn demeanor. The last thing I see is her wrapping her hands around me as I fall into a state of darkness.

* * *

My head throbs as I struggle to open my eyes. The beeping of my alarm awoke me of my heavy sleep. After I suffered a traumatic state the weeks after March 27, Frost had Becky alter my diamond so that if I ever got close to that state again, the diamond would release a small dose of medicine into my blood to relieve pain and put me into a heavy sleep. I curse the damn idea but also thank it. As my vision begins to clear, I find myself laying on the floor with some pillows and blanket.

“Frost” I whimper as I try to get up.

“Here let me help you” Ali’s soft voice says as she rushes to my side

“Why are you helping me” I ask as I push myself up. My hand throbs and I remember that I slammed it against the floor. _Becky’s going to kill me._

“I’ve never seen you so…broken” She whispers the last word with hurt. As if my feelings mattered to her. “And it’s not like I can exactly leave” She jokes to try and lift the tension in the room.

“I’m sorry”

“No I am, I asked something personal and well, now we’re here” She sits on the table and sighs.

“Thank you for taking care of me, it must have scared you that I went out but its part of my treatment”

“I’m not going to lie, I thought you were dying. I think it was needed though, we were both deep in our heads”

“Ali” I say as I search for her eyes

“Yeah Tobin”

“I really don’t mean harm. I know what I said yesterday and it must be freaking you out but”

“You don’t have to tell me”

“Yes I do, I owe you it”

“If anyone owes anyone anything, it’s me. As for what you said, I believe you. Call me crazy but I can feel the sincerity of your words. And maybe it’s just me generalizing you with the Tobin I know but after seeing the same look of worry and stress I saw in your eyes when you gave me your helmet, I know you don’t mean to hurt me”

“I wish I could promise you that things will be okay but I can’t. This, you, it’s not new but it’s not exactly known either. I know you have questions, but there are some I can’t answer for your safety. We’re both going to have to make sacrifices and it’s a lot to ask from you but my backs to the wall”

“I’ve been thinking a lot and I just want to say that it was wrong of me to assume that you were pretending to help me. You saved my life and I am forever grateful. I’ll do whatever I can to help you find what you are looking for”

“I’m not exactly sure what to look for. I see you every day and can’t find a difference from you and me. Yes theres something in the back of my neck but only people like me, who work for the forces, have them. You look just like anyone else and it’s hard to wrap my head around you”

“Trust me, it’s the same” I give her a small smile.

“I know theres much to go over but I have to get to work but before I go I need to tell you what happened” Ali nods and takes a seat. I close my eyes and let out a long breath.

“The reason I have a diamond in my neck to keep me alive during a battle. If I die, my body transcends into a clone of me. Everything does, my mind, my memories, I transcend into a new body and so does everyone else on the field if they die. There are advantages to transcendence's as we can go on and fight without much fear that we’ll die for real but there’s always a possibility. Every battle is different, who we fight, the type of fight and where we fight. In an ambush, you are safe to die as many times as it is possible but in a dominance or acquire battle, there is a small risk that an entire side or a select few could be killed. We were going into an acquire battle against Kanatos, the squad and I thought it was going to be easy. In and out was the plan. It was against levels 3,4 and a few level 5. It was going well, we were winning. Everything seemed normal to me as I ensured the platform when a group of level 3 from Kardia went out in a trap. We were down to 38 clones, and every side has 30 agents in a battle. The other side was down to 34. I remember looking into the clock and knowing someones family’s going to get a visit from their region’s contractor…I just didn’t know it would be eight families” Tears start rolling down my face as I look at my watch, picturing the exact time that was left “There was still an hour on the clock and we had gone through 90% of our clones. There was an hour on the clock but I left like I was running out of time. My screen began to flash and I watched as our clones went down to 32 and Kanatos went down to 31. It no longer mattered who was winning the battle, it no longer mattered that we were the better side, all that mattered was our lives. I knew, that no matter what I did, we would end up winning. Kardia has never lost a duel of oblivion in all history. When I was training to become a scout, a great women said I would go down in history. I was so honored as she was once Kardia’s most admired and honored scout, but now, I feel as it was a curse. With no time to spare, I commanded my squad to gather the other agents and force them back. I needed to save as many lives as possible, the squad would follow my orders not to kill anyone, only scare them off if they needed to while they gathered the others but, the others were terrified. They didn’t know what was going on, they only knew their lives were in danger” I pause to wipe my face and see Ali in tears. “They went through 13 clones in four minutes, Kanatos went through 19. We were down to 17 and Kanatos was down to 12. As I was running to the group, bullets began flying my way. I was about half a mile away from them but I could see them in the distance. They were moving towards the KCT but weren’t going to make it. Kanatos had set them up. My squad included. I began to yell through my line to get back and that’s when I saw it. Up on a roof there were what I counted 6 agents from Kanatos setting up a torrent ready to end the lives of my squad and agents. That instant, I felt my heart beat out of my chest. I could hear the fear in the voices of my squad. It’s something I’ll never forget. It made my heart ache and my mind race. I looked at my screen and saw they had 8 clones left. Six on the roof, two up ahead. It was enough to end the battle with no one killed…or so I thought. I grabbed three normal explosives and tied them together. I looked at my hands that were shaking uncontrollably and closed my eyes, just listening to all the voices talking. I had to save them. I shot both the agents on the street and booked it for the squad. As I approached the building with Kanatos agents on the roof, an alert of 10 clones flashed before my eyes and I knew there was no going back. I threw the explosives and I began to run for my life but it wasn’t enough. The consequences for my actions were just about to begin as my body went flying forward. My body flew straight into a cement road blocking, the impact was bad enough to crack my screen but not bad enough to disable my suit. I lied paralyzed on the ground as all 14 names flashed before my eyes, as the victory alarm rang louder than ever…I lied there, unable to move, as the faces of the eight I killed flashed before my eyes. I watched as all Kanatos agents fell to the ground, their mouths dry, their hearts heavy. People began running my way but I couldn’t move or talk. Everyone yelled things at me but I had lost my ability to respond. The last thing I saw was the lifeless body’s being covered in Kanatos royal red blankets as my eyes sealed shut” As I finish, I see my hands shaking reminding me of the moments before my world changed. Ali’s body wraps around mine and I let her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> March 27. Big day for Tobin. I didn't want to be too descriptive because I didn't want you guys to be an emotional wreck before the actual train wreck of the story. LOL and I'm not good at being sad in writing. Yet...
> 
> Comments always welcome, love to know what you'll think! 
> 
> Read on, theres another chapter. Awesome right?


	26. Threaten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Getting closer and closer every chapter...

Threaten

I grab my bag and walk towards the squad whom wait for me be the door. They follow me as I walk straight past them in silence and continue up to our floor. Everyone heads to their room except Harris who grabs my arm. I turn around and pin her against the wall.

“Not here, not now” I say with annoyance. I let her go and walk into my room. I change quickly and walk to the meeting room with my helmet and gloves.

“Where’s Becky” I ask Lauren who’s sitting at the table examining something.

“Still changing, come look at this” She says. I walk over and look at the hologram. The energy levels of Citadel are low. _That’s weird._

“Check with the boys and see if their diagrams show the same thing. I have to go, I’m taking Becky with me. Forward me what I’m allowed to have and feed Carli too” I say as I open the door and head to Becky’s room.

“You look like your on a mission” Christen’s soothing voice says as she walks out her door.

“Always” I smile.

“If you’re looking for Becky she just went to the Heli to look for you”

“Thank you” I smile. As I walk past her I stop and give her a small kiss on the head. I rush to the Heli pad in hopes I don’t run into anyone else. Thankfully I don’t. As I push the door open, I see the Hover craft ready to take off. I rush to the door which Tim opens and I hop in.

“Took you long enough”

“Sorry” I take a seat by Becky and buckle in.

“Ready to go when you are Scout” The pilot says

“Let’s get going” I reply. We sit in silence as we arrive at Polemos. The door opens and Tim steps out, He helps Becky out as I jump out.

“Helmets and Gloves” I say as I put mine on. We walk behind the security as they lead us in the building. Instead of walking to the elite squad section we walk to an elevator that’ll lead us to a meeting room.

“Ahh Tobin, Tim, Becky” Michael says as we walk into the room

“Sir”

“Please take a seat. I’ll get the others” Michael says he walks out and we wait.

“Why exactly am I here” Becky ask

“Oh I need you for something”

“So I don’t need to be here”

“Actually you do” Mark say as he enters the room. We all sand up and wait for the board members to sit. Michael waves goodbye and walks out.

“Wait, why isn’t he staying”

“He’s the board representative, not apart of the board and its decision making” Sepp says

“Got it” Becky says as she sulks into her seat.

“Okay so as I’m sure both our scouts are aware, we are low on power. That is correct, we are low on power. Last night, we experienced a small system breach in which some information was stolen but nothing on scouts or levels 5,4 and 3. Some information on levels 2 and 1 but nothing we are concerned about. In the breach, they managed to get into the energy sector and release a good amount. We have arranged more than half of your battles to be surrounded around energy”

“I’m sorry to interrupt but why weren’t we made aware of the Breach” Tim asks

“We didn’t want to take action until we found what they wanted”

 

 

 

“What did they want”

“ESL Sauerbrunn, I’m going to disable you hearing for the next ten minutes” Mark says and Becky nods it’s okay. Once Becky can no longer hear, Sepp speaks.

“They were trying to get hack into our highest security quarter”

“What”

“As you heard Scout, someone, somehow, within Kardia forces is trying to get into the sector. But don’t be alarmed, they couldn’t even get past the first set of codes. We shut down the hacker, sadly, we fried their systems to the point where we couldn’t find out who it was”

“How do we know our information is safe, how can I ensure the lives of our squads are safe” I ask

“You don’t have to worry about that, it would take an intelligence beyond the ones you and I to get into the Elite squads sector. It is separate from everything else.” Mark says with a small side node implying that not even Frost could hack it.

“So are we not going to do anything about the breach” Tim asks

“At the moment, no. We are going to wait and see if they attempt it again which might take them about a year or so”

“What if next time they do get past the first set of codes? Are they trying to gather information on the Unknowns”

“There is more than one a set of codes, and the Unknowns are just a mere portion of the picture” Sepp answers. The way he says it makes me cringe.

“So the energy, while we battle for more, how are we going to preserve the amount we have” I ask. Sepp nods towards Becky and Mark enables her hearing again.

“This is why I asked you to bring Becky. Your squads have been trained to the highest level known, with and without energy”

“Are you saying” Tim says leaving the rest of the sentence up for discussion.

“What we were saying, Becky as Athena’s medic, and specialist in the squads health, if we arranged for the squads to battle without energy until their suit reached below 15%, how bad would injuries be”

“I…well, um taking in account the physical fitness of a human body that can run 26 miles with the correct training and fuel and finish the last 2 miles of a marathon with literally just their heart and mind, I would say there is possibility that it is possible that injuries were be moderate. We are no marathon runners but our bodies are above an average human and can with last and out smart the opponents”

 

“So what are you saying”

“I’m saying that it would come down to time and mind” She breathes with honesty.

“Around how long would the squads last in your mind” Mark asks

“90 minutes of complete exhaustion, including injuries, but like the marathon, we could keep fighting with the correct mind set”

“About how much longer”

“About 30 minutes give or take” The room goes silent.

“2 hours than”

“Yes” I watch as Mark soaks in the information trying to figure out a plan and Sepp tries to gather his options.

“Would you be able to handle the entire squad? The suit itself will protect an agent but not anywhere near an active suit would”

“If everyone carries two small revive needles, I think I could manage”

“Sepp” Mark eyes the president

“How would the suits work without power” Sepp asks

“They would work for small protection. Of course, nothing can go through you but the bruising and breaking of bones would be big. The helmets and guns can be programmed to work at all times, they don’t use a lot of energy. The suits would turn on as your health reached 15%”

“Scouts, questions” I look at Tim in shock as to what was being asked of us “Okay good, the first 10 battles will be fought with energy, the remaining 13 without, or well, I shouldn’t say without. With limited energy. The battles will be arranged to last 2 and a half hours at most. That is all scouts” Sepp and the board members walk out and we remain seated.

“Well, it could be worse right” Becky says with some sarcasm. We get up and walk to the Elite section to break the news to everyone.

“They’re playing it kind of close today” Carli says with a roll eye

“Well, we are the best of the best. A majority of the 13 battles are ambushes, 9 I believe, so we aren’t in much danger” Amy tries.

“Yes but that is 4 dominance battles, they aren’t exactly a walk through the park” Syd says

“They aren’t a swim through the ocean either, they’re against levels 3 at highest” Lauren adds

“Stop it okay! This is not what we need. We will continue our perfect streak at we have been for the last two weeks. All four regions are under high pressure, this is just another small bump, it’s only for this shift, so women up a little damn. There are worse things in the world than running and fighting without protection. If I may remind you, Athena was the goddess of wisdom, war and crafts. She was creative but wise, smart but humble, she stood up with courage and integrity and kneeled down with unpretentiousness and meekness. There is a reason why we honor her name. So stop thinking about what can go wrong and start thinking about the things that can go right” I get up and walk to the weapon room determined to get the job done. Everyone flows suit with a bit more integrity.

 

Things go well as we progress through every battle with ease and confidence, but those who know me know well doesn’t cut it.

“Ash has been a bit slow today” Carli whispers as we walk to the drop off.

“Tell me about it, it’s earned us a lower average” I grit my teeth as I watch her stand by Pinoe and Syd, her demeanor intimidating yet unfocused.

“Either you talk to her or I will. Our average can’t fall under 9.7 and you know it”

“I’ll handle it” I walk around the drop to where Pinoe and Syd stand.

“Ash, a minute” I say, Pinoe eyes Ash and looks to Syd who already began to walk away. Once Pinoe is out of ears range, I grill Ash.

“Either you get your act together or you’re out, we’re on the verge of dropping to a 9.4 and that’s not happening on my watch. Athena has never been ranked lower than 9.7 so if we drop below 9.7 because of your inability to concentrate, you’ll be removed. You hear me” Ash slowly shakes her head and I roll my eyes. The drop alarm goes off before I have time to ask her what the hell has gotten into her.

 

 

* * *

“I thought you talked to Ash” Carli yells as we hide behind a large cement block as people shoot at us.

“I did, why” I say before I throw an explosive back at the group of reds.

“Doesn’t seem like it”

“What’s that supposed to mean”

“She’s 4 minutes late” Carli yells as she runs across the street. _Four minutes late?!_

“Lauren” I yell as I run the opposite way to a building.

“Yeah”

“Where the fuck is Ash” I jump onto a lander and begin to climb it.

“Mhmm oh shit” I hear Lauren say. The background noise alarms me.

“What’s going on” I ask as I get on the roof and run to the edge. I set my gun up and aim at the reds from before.

“She’s just now departing with your request”

“Just now?! I ordered it 5 minutes ago” I yell in disbelief.

“I know, maybe she got caught up with some reds”

“Well whatever it is, tell her to get her ass going. Thess fools are better than I thought and Carli needs to go get Pinoe and Syd who are stuck”

“I will Scout” I roll my eyes and begin to shoot at the reds who are targeting Carli on the other side of the street. I take out the last red when Ash’s hover craft finally reaches us. She descends slowly and deploy’s Carli’s side by side ATV and my UTV.

“About time” Carli yells

“Go get Pinoe and Syd. I’ll go get Press and Amy” I yell, she runs to her vechile and takes off leaving a cloud of dirt behind.

“Ash” I yell as I get on my quad

“Yeah”

“Remember what I said, go get Becky” I disconnect and begin to drive up hill where Amy set up her post. I scan an enemy ATV up ahead and zoom past them in hopes they won’t try to chase me. They do. I find myself taking sharp turns every street in hopes they crash or stop but they don’t.

“Ash, I need you to take out the ATV that’s following me” I say as I take a turn onto a small ramp.

“Where are you”

“Towards the North end, be quick” I say, I see the ATV catching up and groan. _Come on Ash._

They fire towards me with one hand and I cruse getting this vehicle. It has a heavy gun installed in the back for someone to fire. But theres only one me. Some bullets grace my arm and I let out a small cry.

“Shit fucking hurts dude” I yell at the person who can most likely not hear me. I continue to drive around trying to avoid getting hit but a girl can only do some much. As I drive out of the small town perimeters, I find another enemy ATV. _Just my luck._

“Tobin where the fuck are you” Amy asks

“Trying to get rid of two trailing ATV’s” I respond as I take a dirt road with a lot of bumps.

“Why don’t you have Ash take them out”

“I asked her to do so but the girl is on something” I say as I round a building. I hear Amy shifting her position.

“Take a left on the next street, hard right and than another right and go back the same way you came” She says

“Thanks” I follow her orders and hear one of the ATV’s crash. I stick a fist out the vehicle and hear Amy laugh

“Don’t thank me yet, you still have one trailing you”

“Can’t you shoot them”

“If you bring them my way yes”

“Lead the way” Amy gives me direction towards her. Things go well until she yells hard left unexpectedly. As I turn, an armed unit fires sending me over the small hill. I grip the side bars as the UTV and I begin to roll down the hill. Amy yells all sort of directions but all I can do is push my legs against the floor and hold on tight. My head rattle arounds and hits the steering wheel hard as the UTV comes to a hard stop. I feel blood drip down my forehead and can't see well.

“Tobin are you okay” Amy’s desperate voices says as I try to stop my head from spinning. My body begins to feel warm but the throbbing of my head doesn’t allow me to really concentrate.

“Tobin get out of the UTV now” Amy’s voice screeches through the head set. I finally see that the UTV is in flames. I grab my gun and get out of the UTV as best as I can. As I turn to run, bullets fly my way sending me diving behind some bin. I raise my hand to my head to wipe the blood away but end up touching my helmet. _Right, helmet. Forgot._ I shake my head and get back up.

“Reds are coming your way, I’m going to see if I can set off the UTV but you’re going to have to get out of there, I can’t see past the damn unit in front of you”

“Where the hell do I go, there could be reds all over this stupid maze” I say as I reload my gun

“Don’t know but you’re going to have to go now” I take a deep breath and book it. Bullets fly everywhere as I run through the maze of boxes and units. _This wouldn’t be happening is Ash would have taken out the stupid ATV’s_. I keep running around trying to find a way out until I find the road again. Once out of the maze, I hear a few expositions and see Ash has finally arrived.

“Becky is getting ready to drop from the hover craft , she told me to tell you to meet her on the roof . Carli and the other two are on their way to the last component, theres 40 minutes on the clock but if they hack it, we should win in about 10”

“Thanks Amy” I run my ass to across the street firing at two reds who tried catching me off guard. _Now is not the moment to try and kill the scout._ As I climb up the roof, a bullet hits me right on my almost recovered shoulder. I let go of the ladder and fall to ground hard.

“Can’t I get a fucking break” I yell out in frustration. I grab my gun and look for the shooter. I see them running and chase after them.

“Where the hell are you going Heath” Becky yells as I run past her. I hear her chasing after me but I don’t stop. My screen flashes _Hacking component C_ as I jump over some boxes and tackle the red.

“I didn’t know it was you, I’m so fucking sorry” the boy cries. His screen clears up and I can see him near tears.

“For sakes kid, damn” I slam my gun on the floor and get off the boy who looks at me in terror. Shooting someone from your own region is highly penalized “Don’t shoot at someone if you can’t see them well enough or read them on your scanner” I breath out as I lean against the building. He only nods and continues to stare. “You’re lucky you didn’t shoot Carli or someone else on the squad, they would have ripped your head off. Now get out of here, I won’t tell your sector scout” I say calmly. He gets up and on his feet and offers another apology.

“Just be careful kid, you’re lucky I’m not a dictator scout” He cracks a small smile and runs back the way he came from. I close my eyes and take a moment to compose myself.

“Tobin” Becky’s voice startles me. I look up to her and she gasps “Your head is bleeding”

“Yeah, I know. I tried whipping the blood away but I realized we had helmets on”

“What the hell happened” She asks as she kneels besides me and starts examining my helmet.

“Well, I was driving a UTV when a unit fired and set me over a small hill. I think I whipped out momentarily until Amy started yelling at me to get out of the UTV which was in flames”

“Your diamond is buzzing, you have a concussion” She says as she scans it

“How bad”

“Pretty bad” I begin to laugh at the situation.

“What’s so funny”

“This”

“I don’t get it”

“It’s just funny that we work for the forces that have about all technology unimaginable but here we are, the most prestigious squad, fighting without power”

“I can see the irony. Your suits held up though, your at 40%”

“Yeah and a hell lot of bruises”

“Yeah sorry, Ash was going super slow and we ran into some trouble”

“That girl, hold on a sec” She nods and begins to repair my suit.

“Lauren”

“Yeah scout”

“Tell Krisitie to suit up”

“Suit up and come here or wait”

“Just prepare her in case I need her”

“Alright” I disconnect from her and Becky helps me up. We rush to Carli who’s waiting near by. I jump in the passengers seat while Becky jumps in the back.

“What the hell happened to you”

“Life” I answer. Carli laughs and we drive off the finish off the battle. They following battles don’t go any better and that includes Ash's state.

* * *

“Where the fuck is Ash” Syd yells as we run up from stairs trying to get away from a tank.

“I don’t fucking know but she’s pissing me off” I shove Syd behind a unit as the tank fires. It misses by a foot.

“Thanks”

“Don’t mention it, lets go before it gets us” We run over a bridge to another building “Watch the stairs, I’ll cover the edge” I say, I quickly reload and set up my gun to shoot any reds to try to get near the component. We hold up for a good ten minutes until Syd’s suit drops below 15%. Her suit immediately turns on and I rush over to her.

“You know what this means” I say with as much motivation as ever

“No no no, hell fucking no, I’m not using a revive needle” She says as she moves for cover.

“Come on Syd, don’t be difficult”

“I’m going to wait for Becky”

“Fine” I groan as I get back to guarding the component.

“Tobin”

“Yeah”

“We have a problem”

“What” I ask turning to see Syd who’s walking my way.

“My molecules aren’t working”

“What do you mean they’re not working, didn’t you reset them this morning” When Syd doesn’t reply I nearly lose it.

“SYDDDDD” I yell

“Sorry I totally forgot”

“We have to get you to Becky now” I look at the clock and see 15 minutes and 43 clones.

“Ash, get here now”

“I’m taking a tank out”

 

“NOW ASH” I yell and disconnect. I connect to Becky and ask for her location.

“No where near you”

“Fuck”

“What’s going on”

“Syd didn’t reset her molecules this morning”

“Fuck”

“Yeah, she won’t let me inject a revive needle and she won’t make it by foot so I ordered Ash here, we should be there 5 minutes top, get your things ready” Ash’s hover craft comes into sight and she begins to descend a good 4 feet from the roof. I open the door and help Syd in.

“Lets go”

“Let me grab my gun” I yell as I rush to the edge of the roof. The tank that Ash was talking about followed her and shot in our direction missing the craft by inches. Ash rises quickly while I run to the other side of the roof.

“Remember what Carli did that one battle” I ask as I connect my gun to my back

“What battle”

“Where she jumped off the ledge and into the hover craft”

“Yeah what about it” I roll my eyes as Ash’s inability to connect the dots.

“Just bring the hover craft a foot or two below the roofs edge on the side, have Syd open the door and your count. Once I get near the ledge, rise” I say as I walk back to the edge and estimate the reload time of the tank.

“Droping in three……two..one” Ash’s terrible counting sends me running towards the edge. As my feet leave the ground, Ash pulls up too quickly making me miss the door completely. I manage to grab onto the foot ledge as Ash tries to stead the hover craft under fire.

“SYD” I yell as my body dangles in thin air. Bullets tease my body making me doubt my strength to hold on.

“The doors jammed” She says in panic. I can hear her rattling the door but it doesn’t budge. The sudden elevation of the hover craft makes me grip onto the metal bar even harder. I grit my teeth and close my eyes feeling my stomach clashes with waves of nausea. _Don’t look down, don’t look down, don’t… oh my gosh why’d I look down?!_ As I look at the battle field below me, I begin to feel light headed.

“Ash I can’t hold any longer, I need you to” She descends quickly sending another storm of terror through my body as the joint of the movements causes my hands to slip. My thin body falls through the air quickly. Faster than I had estimated. I close my eyes and tense my body waiting for impact. As my body lands on rustic storage container, I hear Syd scream through my head set.

“TOBIN, Tobin what the fuck were you thinking” It’s now Lauren’s voice I hear.

“What was Ash thinking” I muttur as I let my body sink into the hard metal I have indented.

“Are you okay, you fell from 50 feet” _Am I okay…What fucking question is that?_

“Well, I can’t feel my body” I start “But I can see stars”

“This isn’t time to joke”

“I know, I think my suit thought I was falling from the drop and activated impact landing at last minute taking in most of the impact” I answer honestly.

“It did, it activated 4 seconds before you hit the container…Wow, the replay is both terrifying and badass as fuck, like this is one for the books, really. The sickest” She says.

“Lauren” I interrupt

“Yeah”

“Get Kristie” I demand as I begin to push myself up. _I’m going to be one sore mother fucker tomorrow_. I crack my back and take a deep breath before jumping of the container. I grab my gun and being to reload when the victory alarm rings, illuminating my helmet in gold. My gun’s power goes out and I let out a silent of course. I walk my ass towards the KCT in anger where I find the squad gathered by the hover crafts ready to take us back. As soon as Becky sees me, she rushes to my side.

“Tobin I”

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ASH” I yell pushing Becky aside. Everyone watches as I spot Ash and grab her still body, slamming her against the hover craft.

“Tobin… I’m so sorry, my head wasn’t in the game-”

“No shit Ash, get your things and go” I fume as I let her go with a shove

“Tobin” Her pleading voice tries

“No Ashlyn, your delays and distraction have cost us enough. I won’t let it go any further, you’ll be working off the field from now on, am I clear” I snap. Her head falls and she nods. Everyone watches as she walks to a designated craft that’ll take her back to Polemos.

“If anyone feels like they can’t handle the last three battles, feel free to follow Ash. I won’t tolerate any more fucking errors. Understood” Everyone nods, including some mezzos and contenders standing around

“Alright now lets get going, we aren’t here to make friends” I hiss as I get into a hover craft.

The remaining three battles go smooth and we find ourselves back at Citadel. I hurry to drop off my stuff in the weapon room and make my way to Lauren’s command center.

“Rating” I ask not bothering to make small talk

“9.8, your fall actually increased the rating and the last three battles did as well” She says, I nod my head and look at the stats. Theres a giant peak in performance in the last three battles. I straighten my suit up and clear my screen so that Lauren can see me.

“Where is she”

“Well, I had initially put her in charge of monitoring performance stats and other stats on the battles but she wasn’t really paying attention”

“Okay so where”

“Wait Im not done yet” I let out a long sigh and wait for her to continue “She was watching the monitors, that I won’t deny but it was like her mind was else where. She’d be focused and than all of a sudden she’d just space out. I guess that’s way she was reacting so slow. I’m not excusing her behaviors, don’t get me wrong, her mistakes could have cost the squad, and you, a lot. In the replay, you can see her vitals fall and when you told her you couldn’t hang on, they sky rocketed, she panicked and thought she was late to hear you so she immediately descended. But again, she should know how serious this was”

“I feel bad about being so aggressive, in my part, I should have asked what was going on but she could have talked to you and had someone fill in. At first, I could tolerate it since she was just working at a slower rate. I thought it was her body giving out. I mean, fighting without power is exhausting but then Carli and others started questioning. I told her to get her act together but than she committed mistakes. I was scared shitless as I fell through the air”

“What’d you think, when you fell” I stop for a moment to think about it before answering.

“Nothing honestly, I guess it all happened to fast. I felt light headed and than losing hold of the ledge, I was terrified, in the back of my mind I knew a fall from that height could kill me. I wasn’t expecting the impact landing to set off until I heard Syd scream…But I don’t want to talk about it, it gives me the shivers. I’ll see the replay later when I’m ready. As of now, I think its best if everyone goes home and rests. Our bodies took a lot of damage. I know Pinoe got in nasty knife fight, so have everyone stop by Becky as soon as they finish up in the weapon room. Have Tim’s medic take a lot at the girls too so Beck’s doesn’t get all the work. Also, tell Syd to bring her suit and helmet to Ash, she’ll need to have it reprogram. And lastly, take Ash off the squad list. She’ll be manning the base with you until it is safe for her on the field”

“Got it, I sent her back to the Elite section to do paper work”

“Thanks” I say, I walk up some stairs to the main area and walk straight to the Elite section where I find Ash all by her self on a table filling out paper work.

“Ash, may we speak” I say as I walk to the table she’s at. She quickly springs out of her chair and I direct us to a small meeting room.

“Look Ash, I’m sorry for yelling at you”

“You were only”

“Let me finish. It was wrong of me to do that, I may be Athena’s scout but you are my friend before anything else. I shouldn’t have slammed you against the hover craft, that was harsh and humiliating of my part and I apologize. With that being said, you really scared me out there. At first I thought it was just your body reacting to the intensity of the day but than you started committing small errors which than turned into big mistakes. I should have taken you out of the field earlier but I told myself you’d get it together. That was my mistake and I can’t let it slide, both for your safety and the squads” I pause to look at Ash who’s no longer wearing her suit, instead she wears her squad uniform. Her deamor is both upsetting but understanding. I breathe out slowly before giving Ash the news “I’m sorry Ash but you’re going to be removed from duty until I feel it is safe enough for you and the squad. I can’t let your mind threaten the life of others. Mine, I don’t care but Syd was on the hover craft, if you would have lost control, she wouldn’t have made it” I swallow hard thinking of what could have happened. Ash’s eyes tear up thinking about it and I have to look away.

“I’m sorry I failed you and the squad. I just…her eyes keep popping into my mind. The way she said my name so hopefully and in disbelief. Its like she knew me” I close my eyes and bite my lip trying the best way to let Ash down. I look down at my feet and let the words run free.

“You didn’t fail the squad Ash, I did. I failed to ensure the safety of them but most importantly, I failed to notice your struggle. If I can’t notice how distraught my friend is, how am I supposed to care for someone I don’t know, any less an entire region” I walk to the door but stop “I know you have questions and I can only imagine how you felt in that moment, but you’re going to have to live with the memory. Your life is more important to me than your temporary confusion” With that, I open the door and walk out, leaving not only my friend but my feelings behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'l be trying my best to post 3 chapters this thanksgiving break but no promises yet. Next update Friday, max. If I get half of it done tonight, I'll post it Wednesday night (pacific time).   
> Comments welcome!!!


	27. Tennis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving and had a good dinner with your families! I'm so thankful for all you who read my story. Means a lot! 
> 
> Anyhow, someone wanted Talex so I deferred from my layout and wrote two chapters focused on Talex primarily. It's why I took forever to update but nonetheless the chapters actually ended up working better with what I had originally planned so thanks to whoever suggested talex. I think you'll be pleased with the progress in discovering why Alex dislikes Tobin and their rooted competitiveness against each other. Big news in the next chapter but important details in this one. 
> 
> Also to the person (your username is MXC or something arounds those lines) wow, I'm so thankful that you serve. It is admirable what you do. I'm not in the military or anything around those lines. I did want to enlist during my first two years of high school but my family (parents and siblings) need me at home for personal reasons. Something about the military, mostly the navy, is intriguing to me.

Tennis

“Tobin” I hear my name being called as I sit on Becky’s examine table.

“Sir” I say as I push off the table to stand but Becky pushes me back.

“Oh sorry, didn’t mean to intrude. I’ll wait outside” Michael says, the door closes and becky begins to wrap my body in bandages. I whine every once in a while from the pressure and coldness of her hands.

“Alright you can put your shirt back on” I look down at my stomach which is wrapped with bandages to allow my back to heal. As I try to put my shirt on I realize that I’m going to need assisting.

“Can you help” I ask a bit shyly. Becky comes over and helps me slide on my lose grey tee.

“Alright, put you hair up, I have to clean your hair cut and top it off with medicine” She says, I do as told and close my eyes. I expect the soap to sting but I don’t feel a thing. As the soapy water drips down my face, I have the urge to touch the cut on my head but Becky smacks my hand away.

“You’re going to get it infected”

“Mhmm” I say, she finishes up the cleaning and begins to stitch it together. I watch her eyes as they focus on the task. As she gets close to finishing, her eyes begin to lose intensity.

“Okay, head’s done, back and abs are good, you do have a few big bruises on your arms and two big ones on you legs. Apply this on the bruises every 5 hours, it’ll help your skin repair. Also, your concussion. It’s not as bad as when your helmet cracked that one time but it is something we have to monitor.Here are meds for the pain”

“It’s worse than Laure’s” I state not really questioning it by the way Becky said it

“By two levels, hers is minor. Yours is more like, watch how fast you move it and don’t get hit again. Stay away from high light and what not” I nod understanding what she wants

“So can I work out”

“You sound like Carli, I tell ya’ll something and you guys ignore it”

“So that means…”

“You can work out, just don’t get hurt”

“Thanks” I say. I grab my tennis shoes and put them on. I fix the bottom of my sweats and grab my black zip up sweater with the Athena logo in gold right on my heart.

“You always wear black” Becky says as she cleans up. I look down at my outfit and find myself wearing black skinny sweats, black tennis shoes, a grey short sleeve shirt and a black sweater.

“Gotta match my diamond” I joke. I open the door and find Michael waiting.

“Tobin, glad to see you up and walking”

“It’s going to take more than a little fall to get rid of me” I say with a small smile

“Good to hear”

“So what can I do for you sir”

“I came her for two things, firstly, Sepp thought you guys would need an extend on your break so we extended it to 36 hours. You bodies were really put on the line and he felt that you would need a little more to recover” My eyes widen, the old man never extends our breaks, any less a whole 24 hours. He won’t even take in our health in most occasions.

“Wow, I don’t know what to say”

“You earned it, really”

“Thank you”

“No don’t thank me, you and the squads put out an incredible performance, it is the least we could do” _He’s not kidding when he says least._

“So what is the other thing you wanted to speak to me about”

“Agh yes, well I’m not sure if Becky would comply but I wanted to invite you to play tennis with me. Alex would come but you are free to invite anyone you want. We could get a doubles game going, maybe even a singles if a couple of people come” _Ugh, Tennis, Alex, Michael…_

“So what do you say” He interrupts my thoughts.

“Let me ask Becky if she’d join me, she wants to monitor my vitals for the next week”

“That’s understandable, we’ll be at Tlight tomorrow around 8 in the morning if you do come”

“Alright, well thank you for inviting me, I’ll see you soon” I say, he smiles and walks in the opposite direction as I. _Tennis…at 8am…tomorrow?!_ I walk back to the Elite section and find half the boys sleeping on their shift break while others mingle with some of the girls.

“I got news” I say, everyone immediately turns expecting some bad news which causes me to laugh.

“You guys immediately jump to bad conclusions… goodness no, they extended our squad break to 34 hours. Boys, you too when you’re done with your shift” Everyone gasps in both surprise and confusion.

“What bit Sepp”

“Don’t know, don’t care” Everyone spreads the news. The tension of the day lessens and everyone seems more relived on the way out.

“Hey Press, can I talk to you” I say as I grab her hand before she leaves for the elevator.

“Yeah lets go to the living area” We walk there hand in hand.

“So, whats up” “I know this is late and you might already have plans to go help out tomorrow but I was wondering if you’d join me tomorrow at Tlight to play tennis with Michael”

“Michael, as in board representative, Michael Morgan” I nod while biting my lip.

“Umm, yeah okay, tennis”

“So yes”

“Yeah”

“Awesome! Be there at 8 am” I say as I begin to walk away.

“Okay” I wave goodbye and rush to my car. The ride home isn’t as long as it usual. I reach my door and stop for a second. Opening the door slowly, I see that Ali’s in her room.

“Hey Frost” I say as I walk up to my room.

“Tobin, how’s your back”

“Surviving, I won't feel it until tomorrow”

“It was a dangerous fall, I’m glad you’re okay”

“Me too” I breath as I enter the shower. Frost plays music from my chill out playlist and I take the opportunity to relax. I do small stretches as the water eases away some of the pain to avoid as much soreness as possible. I hear Frost disconnect, so I finish up and get out of the shower. After bandaging up my ribs and cleaning my cut, I make my way downstairs.

“Hey, you hungry” I ask as I find Ali playing GTA.

“A little”

“How far are you on that thing” I ask as I walk to the kitchen

“I don’t know, I’ve unlocked a new island” She yells out. _Impressive._

“Hey, I left something in my backpack, in the side zipper, can you grab it for me” I say with a smirk. I hear Ali walk towards the door as I open the fridge and pull out some avocados Tim left. I hear Ali squeal in happiness and run to the kitchen.

“Oh my gosh, thank you so much” She says as she tackles me in a hug. I whine at the contact which causes her to let go of me.

“Oh my gosh you’re hurt, I’m so sorry I didn’t see the bandage on your head”

“Yeah my ribs too”

“I thought you said you couldn't get hurt”

“I said that I wouldn't die, doesn’t that mean I can’t get hurt. Today went a little different than normal which resulted in some injuries but hey, at least I’m not dead”

“What was different” She asks as I start putting dinner together.

“I’m gonna have to say CAT to that one” She shrugs her shoulders and focuses on the ipad I got her. The things are rare and high expensive but with the help of Tim, I was able to get it for $800 at the black market and almost new.

“Wow I remember when these things first came out” She says as she pulls up some games I downloaded. I had to tweak the device itself to get rid of the internet or anything possible that could give away information. Its pretty simple but it’ll do for her.

“Do you” I say as I put the rolls into the oven.

“Yeah, they were the new invention of the century. We only had laptops but than this company introduced these to the world and bam. Everyone had an Ipad” She says as she plays a game.

“Really, they seem a little heavy” I say as I wash my hands

“Only because you have those light screens everywhere”

“Light what”

“Light screens, you know those things you pull up to check my vitals” _Holograms._ I laugh at her description.

“Agh yeah, light screens” I say with a smile.

“You know, while you were gone, I ran out of juice so I went to the sink to get water. Long story short, it was not good at all, very concentrated”

“Concentrated” I ask as I stare at her

“Yeah, you know, like very strong chemicals. Usually, well in most areas it doesn’t taste like that. It’s more fresh. In my opinion Oregon has the best tasting water” She says as it were nothing. _Chemicals? Fresh? Oregon? As in PDX?_

“Fresh, what do you mean fresh”

“You know, mountain water”

“Oh right, so Oregon, as in Portland” _Mountain water…the hell is mountain water?_

“Portland” She asks confused. _Right, you don’t remember much._

“Wrong thing, sorry”

“Its cool"

"but about the water. It’s been like that since I last remember. Just stick to the juice and you’ll be fine. I don’t exactly know what your body tolerates yet”

“Tobin”

“Mhhmm” I hum as I get the rolls from the oven.

“Why don’t you just take me to a doctor” I set the rolls down and take my oven mitten off. My back faces Ali and I know she’s waiting for an answer.

“Its not that I don’t want to take you to a doctor, it’s just that no doctor would keep their mouths shut. I mean theres one person I could go to but I have a feeling that wouldn’t go well”

“What do you mean” I let out a long sigh and know theres no other way to put it.

“I fear you’ll recognize them” I whisper. Instead of growing mad or upset I turn around to see Ali completely fine.

“I understand, you don’t have to feel bad. I know theres a lot of variables in my recovery and safety and I accept that”

“Thanks Ali”

“No problem, now bring those rolls over here, they smell delicious” We spend the rest of the evening taking turns on GTA and finishing the last of the avocado egg rolls I made.

“Hey Tobin, can I ask you something” Ali says as I crash the car into a building.

“Sure” I say not really paying attention. Ali and I discovered how to get five stars on GTA and to say it’s not addicting is a lie.

 

“This may be personal, but I was wondering, who’s Frost” The question startles me a little. Enough to distract me and have CJ get caught. I pause the game and turn to look at Ali who is starting to think she made a mistake in asking.

“Frost is, my second best friend. He’s taken care of me and the entire squad since forever now. Honestly, he’s my rock” I say with a smile

“Oh gosh, I thought he was your boyfriend”

“My what, no, gosh no, me and dating, no, I don’t date. My job is enough of a commitment. If anything, Frost is off the charts, and not for the reason you may think” I laugh

“You’re not dating someone” She asks as if it were impossible to believe.

“No, why” I ask a little confused

“Like never before” I slowly shake my head no. I see her close her eyes and think but she ends up just shaking her head.

“I, for some reason, feel like you were dating someone. Maybe it’s just me thinking about Tobs but” _She called me Tobs… well not me but other Tobin…If there even is another Tobs._

“But what”

“I don’t know, it just seems odd that you’re not dating someone. Like, I don’t know how to explain it but it’s just weird” I frown not really getting what she means but I don’t push it. As Ali falls asleep on the couch, I grab a blanket and place it over her. _Sweet dreams Ali._ I walk to my office upstairs and sit in the chair. I bring my feet up to the glass desk and lean into the chair. My head rests on the top chair as I look up to the ceiling.

“Is something wrong Tobin” Frost voice says

“No” I reply with some sincerity

“Then what is it”

“I don’t know, I just. Every day I spend with her, I feel like the less I know myself”

“What do you mean” I shake my head with a small smile. _If only I could tell you._

“I’m just talking crazy”

“We all have to lose our minds someday” He jokes and I giggle. I sigh heavily and close my eyes.

“Goodnight Frost”

“Goodnight Tobin” And with that I fall asleep.

* * *

“Its time to get up Tobin”

“Five more minutes”

“I’ll go get the mean lady down the hall”

“Okay I’m up” I say as I open my eyes. I crack my head feeling the consequences of my decision to fall asleep in the office. As I go to stand up, my body aches.

“Oh gosh, Becky was right” I cringe as I hold in my breath and get up. I go straight down stairs to grab the ointment and medicines Becky prescribed me. As I struggle to kneel down I hear Ali laughing.

“What’s so funny” I ask as I finally grab my medication and ointment

“You” She says as she continues to laugh.

“Glad my pain is a joy for you” I say as I grab a cup of water and drown two pills.

“It’s not that, it just reminds me of snowboarding. People walk funny the day after their first try” She smiles. _Snowboarding? Snow? Boarding? What._

“Snowboarding” I question as I begin to apply the ointment on my arms.

“Wow, look at those suckers and yeah snowboarding, you know snow on a mountain and a board, skiing too” She says as it were the most obvious thing in the world again. My mouth hangs open as I stare at her. I begin to shake my head yes.

“Oh yeah, snowboarding, gotcha” I lie. _I know of hover boards but hovering on snow? Why would anyone do that?_ “And yeah I know, these aren’t too bad compared to my back” I say about my bruises.

“Oh gosh, it looks like some beat you” _Nope, Ash simply dropped me from 50 feet, no biggie._

“Firstly, no one can beat me up and secondly, I’ve had worse” Her eyes nearly pop out of her head and I stare at her.

“You’ve had worse?! How does your body last, damn. And wow, you’re a bit cocky”

“Well yeah, I work in the forces, theres bruising every once in a while. I’ve had my shoulder nearly ripped off” I say as I remember the pain of the stinger “Cocky… what an odd word”

“I don’t even want to know how” She laughs nervously. I simply shrug “Cocky, as in you're very”

“I know what it means Ali” I laugh “We just don’t use those words anymore”

“Anymore” she asks

“Umm.. yeah you know, new slang has originated” I say with a subtle slap to the face. Before Ali has the chance to ask furthur my alarm go off. _Shoot it’s 7!_

“Shoot sorry, I have to get going but theres left overs from yesterday in the oven. It should still be warm since I had it on “Steady Warmth” over night. Also, I got you two jugs of juice. I should be home for dinner” I yell out as I run upstairs. The medicine has kicked in quick, allowing me to move without restrictions. Rushing into my closet I begin to realize I don’t have much athletic clothes, any less tennis clothes. _Fuck._ I grab some spandex and black shorts. _Okay athletic shirt or tank top, tank top… it’s tennis._ I grab a red tech fit tank and black sports bra and put them on. _I should probably grab a shirt just in case the place is cold_. I throw a matching shirt into my Athena gym bag and grab a dry fit half zip sweater that’s black with a gold athena logo and slip it on. “Now I just need socks, tennis shoes and sweats” I grab some of the new dry fit sweats I bought and of course, their black. I rush to my socks and slip on some that rise up mid calf. _Okay shoes… what shoes should I pick?_ I stare at my mini, or I should say, big collection of shoes. I opt for some white, black and gold tennis shoes Pinoe gave me a while back. _Good to go._ I grab my gym bang and swing it around my shoulder.

“Alright, I’m about go head out, is there anything you need” I ask Ali’s who’s on her ipad.

“More juice and avocados, and fruit please” She says

“I’ll do my best” I say as I grab my backpack as well.

“Thank you” She yells as I open the door. I rush down the stairs and run to my bike.

“Hey Shadow” I say with a smirk. I adjust my backpack and gym bag and begin my journey to Axiom. Surprisingly, the drive isn’t jammed with traffic. I make it to Tlight in 15 minutes. As I turn into the private driveway to the tennis gym, I find a variety of luxurious cars. I spot Press and Becky standing besides Becky’s Lambo.

“Still haven’t got your car back” I ask as I take my helmet off.

“Nope, but I’m not complaining either” She smiles and I laugh

“Did you clean your stitches” She asks examining the cut on my head

“Yes mom” I say and she laughs

“Damn right I’m your mom, you’re a savage child my dear” She jokes as she puts mack the bandage on my forehead.

“Morning Chris” I say with a smile.

“Morning Tobs”

“So are we ready to go” I say with a enthusiastic smile.

“Lets do this” We check in at the front and proceed to the store inside.

“Okay, you guys pick what you want, it’s on me” I say as I begin to walk away before they can say no. Heading to the lockers, I slide my card and put my backpack inside. I close it and walk back to the store to get a racket and some balls. As I walk threw the aisles of rackets I find a light weight black and grey racket.

“Hey that ones neat” Becky says as she sees me

“Yeah, I think this ones the one” I say

“I think it is too, I like this one” She says as she goes for a blue racket. As she messes around with it, she comes to a stop and nods.

“This is the one”

“I think so” We walk back to the clothing section where we find Christen with a racket and shoes.

“Oh we need tennis balls” I say

“We order them at the check out”

“Got it, Becky do you need tennis shoes, like actual ones”

“Ehh I’m fine, I do need a sweater though, I’ll be right back”

“Wow, sweet racket” Press says as she examines it

“Thanks, its perfect”

“It really is, the material, weight, length wow”

“Yours is pretty cool too”

“Okay got it” Becky says, we proceed to the check out. As the total comes up, Press nearly faints.

“$580 please” The clerk says with some annoyance. I pull my phone out of my pocket and scan it over the machine.

“Oh wow, you’re from the forces” The girl behind the register says, her demeanor making an 180 turn.

“Yeah”

“Well here are your things, I’ll give you the balls for free” She says with a weird high pitched voice. I hear Becky giggle and I turn to see Press staring at the girl weird.

“Thank you, thats very kind of you” I say as I hand each girl her things.

“No problem Tobin, if you ever need anything, make sure to come find me”

“Thanks, I will” I smile and begin to walk out with the girls.

“Manners” Press murmurs as we go to the lockers.

“What”

“Nothing” She says as she walks to her locker.

“Okay, whats her deal” I ask Becky who’s locker is right next to mine.

“Oh just girl probs” she says

“I don’t get it”

“You never do Tobs” She laughs and closes her locker. I grab my water and racket and wait with Becky. Once Christen joins us we walk to the courts. The man in front of the door gives us bracelets that mark our speed and what not on the court.

“Have a good match” He says warmly. I hold the door open for the girls and let myself through.

“Why’d you guys stop” I ask as I bum into them. My eyes widen at the people before me. Everyone is either dressed in some very expensive athletic clothes or is a pro.

“Oh gosh, lets go before they realize we were here” Becky whispers

“Agh Tobin, you made it. Right on time” Michaels voice says, we turn to see him in atheltic clothes and racket.

“Sure did, I brought Becky and Christen along”

“Great, the more the better. It’s good to see you girls, have you guys played tennis before”

“I have, Becky has played with Tobin and I before”

“I’m picking up a good match from you guys. Go get warmed up, I’ll be over once I finish this match” He says. He switches side with his opponent and we rush behind the thin glass wall the separates ever court.

“Look Tobs, its your favorite person” Becky jokes as we see Alex and her friends up head on a court

“Not my favorite person Becks” I say through gritted teeth. As we walk past the group, I feel them examining us. Judging everything. We reach an empty court that happens to be only one court away from Alex’s.

 

“Why don’t they have black glass or curtains in between courts like regular courts” I ask as I put down my water.

“Oh they do, watch” Press says as she taps on the glass wall. A  menu pops up with a variety of options, one being the color of the glass. _Why does Axiom have to ruin everything_.

“You can even change the temp on your court, wow” Beck says as she looks over the menu.

“Oh yeah, have you guys every played tennis at night”

“Nope”

“You’re missing out” She says as presses a button and walks to a side of the court. A ball machine on the wall begins to feed her balls.

“Come on, lets warm up” Becky says. We all take turns serving and returning. In occasion we practice slicing the ball and lobs.

“Oh gosh its hot” I say as we take a break. I remove my sweats and hear Christen gasp. I look down at the bruise on my inner right calf and outter left thigh. The one on my calf is the about the size of an avocado and the one om my thigh is about three size of my hand.

“Haven’t you been putting on the ointment I gave you”

“I did this morning”

“You never learn do you”

“Nope”

“It looks like someone beat you up with something” Press says as she continues to stare

“Not going to lie, it makes you look kind of badass” Becky says

“I am a badass now lets get going, here comes Michael”

“Ladies, I hope you’re all warmed up”

“We are”

“Good good, so I wanted to see if you wanted to do doubles or singles” I look at the girls who both shrug.

“We’ll do whatever you guys want”

“Singles it is” He says, he walks over to the wall and brings up a bracket, all our names appear and he pushes the button that says singles. The computer picks our opponent and court. Once everything is set, I watch as the walls in between each court light up with our names on our side and the score in the middle.

“We’ll be doing add ons if that’s okay”

“Fine by us”

“Okay good, I’ll go talk to the girls. They wanted a prize so we set $1000 dollars for the winner along with a membership to Tlights year round. If you guys want to throw anything in, you’re welcome to”

“What do you guys want to contribute” I ask

“I’ll put in a new racket of their choice” Becky says

“Designer tennis shoes” Press adds

“Anything from you Tobin” Michael asks, I take a second to think.

“Two designer outfits to match the racket and shoes and $800” I say.

“Great, I’ll tell the girls. May the best one win” He says.

“$800?! That’s a lot of money, what where you thinking” Christen say as soon as Michael’s gone

“She wasn’t”

“I’m betting my odds, in other words, I think you’ll win” I say with a shrug

“Me?! I’m good but not that good. If anything you’re the super star”

“What, no I’m not. Becky’s pretty good too”

“Hey, I’m not the one who bet $800”

“Okay, shut it, here they come. We better get going” I say as Alex and two girls walk towards us. I grab my sweats and water and say my fair wells to the girls.

My first opponent is good at forehands from distance so I aim every ball deep down the gutter towards her back hand which earns me my first win.

“Good game” I say as I shake the hand of the girl.

“Good game, sweet shots by the way”

“Thanks, your slices had me on my feet” She smiles and walks the opposite way. I go up to the wall and touch it. The menu pops up and I see the Becky and Chris made it past the first round. _And so did Alex and Michael. What a shocker._ I walk to the next court for round two. This time I’m up against a guy around my age.

“Hey, I’m Sebastian”

“Tobin” I say as we shake hands

“Tobin, as in Tobin Heath”

“Yep, that’s me” I say with a fake smile. I wait for his remark on what an honor it is to play against me or some snarky remark but instead I get a genuine response.

“I appreciate what you do for us, really, but if working for the cause, caused you those bruises, it isn’t worth it” I look at him both startled and impressed.

“We don’t usually get bruises, it was just a bad day and hey, I’ve been told I look like a badass”

“That you do” He cracks a smile and walks to his bench. The match goes rather hard as every time one of us gets ahead, the other one gets the following match evening out the score.

“6-6” I say as we switch sides “We can play add ons and end now, or go to who ever gets to 8, although I have a feeling we’d end up 8-8”

“Whatever you want to do, we have a little crowd” I say nodding to Becky, Michael, Alex and some strangers sitting in the benches on the other side watching.

“Lets give em what they want” He says. The match comes to an end at 8-6, me being victorious.

“Good game Tobin” He says as he extends his hand

“Oh come on, you could have easily feed me dead balls and slices during both of the last two” I say as I take his hand.

 

“Hmmm maybe, maybe not, you’ll never know” He jokes as we walk to grab out stuff

“Lame”

“I honestly just didn’t want to go against Michael” He winks at me and I roll my eyes. As I look at the bracket I see that Becky lost while Press is onto the semi-final against Alex.

“So I have to play Michael in the semi-final”

“Oh yeah, the guys good for his age. I’ll give you tips during your small breaks if you want”

“Thats allowed” I ask as I take a gulp of water.

“Now it is” I wipe the sweat from my forehead with my sweater while Sebastian laughs.

“Whats funny”

“You, you know that’s why they hand out towels. So you don’t have to get your clothes dirty”

“I’m going to wash it anyway”

“Thats true” We walk to the next court where I’ll be playing Michael.

“Sorry about your loss” I say as I sit besides Becky on my bench.

“No you’re not” She laughs and I grin.

“Nope”

“How are you feeling, you haven’t been hit have you”

“I’m starting to feel the soreness and pain again, and I have not been hit… yet”

“Tobin” She says as she smacks my arm

“Hey carful! That arm is going to win us a championship” I joke and Sebastian laughs

“Right, I’m going to get you some medicine. Theres a pharmacy nearby, I could get it in less than 20 minutes. You be careful” She says as she gets up and leaves “

Yes mom” I call out and scoot over so Sebastian can sit. We spend the next few minutes talking about Michael's form and techniques. I have to hand it to the guy, he knows his tennis.

“Alright here he comes. Remember short slices and”

“Back hand dead balls” He smiles wide

“Correct, his back hand slice is good so it you give him a dead ball it’ll just hit the net. Be careful with his posture, it can be deceiving” I nod as I take a sip of water. I toss it to Sebastian and walk to the net.

“Agh Tobin, this will be fun”

“Michael, I hope so” We shake hands and take our spots. After spinning a racket, Michael choose to not serve first. I look over to the court besides us and see Alex and Press have already begun. _Holy shit they look like their trying to kill each other_. I shake my head and serve the ball. Michael fools me and sends me in the opposite direction of the ball. _I’m in for a long match_.

“Good set, you fought hard but if you’re going to win the next on you have to watch his arm, not his stance” Sebastian says as I grab a towel Becky holds out. I put it over my face and take a seat.

“He just too good” I lean back on the bench as Becky rewraps my wrist. During the eighth set, Michael sent a deep ball towards my backhand gutter. Me, being as optimist as I am, went for it and ended up bending my wrist pretty bad.

“I didn’t just get you medicine and freaking snacks for you to lose Miss” Becky says

“I know but he’s good. Like super good”

“To succeed in life, you need two things; ignorance and confidence” Sebastian quotes. I take the towel off my face and stare at him

“Mark Twain”

“Yes, and although the sounds stupid, it has some relevance. You won’t win if you don’t have confidence that you will, now come on. We got to win you a set” And that I do. My feet practically run to the bench in both happiness and hope as I beat Michael 6-4.

“You killed it out there” Sebastian say with a high five. I grab the towel and once again cover my face.

“My hands are shaking” I say as I take a bite out of an energy bar

“And with good reason” I hear Christens voice and lift the towel to see her.

“Chris, how’d your match go”

“Ehh, she called a few of my balls out when they were line but I didn’t want to look like a bitch asking if she was sure” She shrugs and sits by Becky

“You did great, rarely anyone makes it to a third set against her” Sebastian compliments

“I’ve heard the same about Michael. I also heard you’re killing it”

“Trying to” I say as I cover my face.

“Well, you have an entire fan base rooting for you” Becky says

“Fan base, what are you talking about” I ask as I remove the towel completely. She points to the court in front and I see a good sum of 40 people watching our match. Some sit on the left side, whom I believe root for Michael and others sit towards my side.

“Is that Jeri” Christen asks as she tries to get a good view

“Yeah, she always comes to watch her dad play”

“Oh great” I mutter as I begin to get nervous. Not only are two of my closets friends watching but now Jeri is watching and Alex is making her way to her fathers bench.

“Alright champ, now is not the time to panic. Look, Alex is making her way to her fathers bench, which means she's going to be giving him pointers”

“How’s that supposed to help me not panic”

“She only does that when she’s nervous” Becky says and I give her a death glare

“You’re a scout yet your afraid of a tennis match…who would have know. Anyhow, Jeri’s good at tennis too so she’ll probably go over to him as well. But use that to your advantage. If you can fool Alex now, you’ll have the final pre-won” I nod as I see my break has ended

“Last thing, don’t, by any darn reason play dead balls or fancy tricks I taught you. Just slice and dice all you can, let him make the mistakes”

“Why not”

“Alex will know how to hit you next round if you show her your strengths, and no eye contact. She can read eyes like a book” I frown and walk to my spot. Closing my eyes, I breath in deeply. As I twirl the ball in my hand, I imagine silence. And like that, I get an ace. The games seem to get longer and longer as the sixth game comes to an end. 2-4 the score board reads. My sluggish walk says it all as I grab the towel and sit.

“You’re focusing on his arm which is great but you’re not focusing enough on your arm and swing”

“Why is tennis so hard” I breath with utter exhaustion.

“Just is, now come on, lets get three sets in a row and I can guarantee a win”

“Ugh, can I just lose, I rather go through training again than finish” I groan

“Alright, you have to stop being a hot mess or I’ll get Carli and Allie” Becky threatens

“Fine fine” I say as I grab a chemical drink Becky prepared. “Alright, lets get to it, follow through on your swing and watch his arm” With that, I get on the court and resume the match. We are down to what could be the last game of the third set.

“What did I tell you, three games in a row and you’d win”

“I haven’t won yet”

“But you will” Becky offers the towel but I pause her to take off my sweater.

“Finally, I thought you were trying to lose some weight with that thing on”

“Well, I was trying to cover these but its hot in here”

“You’re hot”

“Thanks Becky” I wink and she simply rolls her eyes.

“Nasty bruises, wow. They do make you look badass though but nonetheless back to the match. Be tricky. If you can pull off small tricks, you’ll win the match like that” I nod and walk on to the court. My mind set on winning. I watch tentatively as Michael bounces the ball and prepares to serve. _Be tricky_. He sends the ball short and fast. I open my arm wide but slow down my swing so the ball falls short. Michael gets to the ball in time to aim in close and near the gutter. _Love-Fifteen_. I anticipate the next serve to be long but its not. I reach the ball in time to get it in the service box but Michael goes a good job lobbing it over me with some top spin. Swinging my arm out and over the ball, I slam it towards the base line buts it hits the net, it tips back onto my side. _Love-Thirty_. Shaking my head, I get into my stance, swaying a little as I wait for his serve. As it hits the net, I mutter a let. Michael serves again and this time, I’m able to curve the ball, Michael commits the error and send the ball straight into the net. _Fifteen-thirty_. The next serve is less strong which enables a smooth return with some spin. We rally for a good three minutes until I’m able to sneak in subtle dead ball that Michael mistakes as a normal top spin ball. _Thirty all._ Michael lets out a grunt as he serves the ball fast, missing the service box by just an inch. I move back a little to make him think I’m planning on a long ball for the second serve. He notices and sends it short, I’m there to return in close into the service box, I retrieve back, anticipating his lob. As I aim for the ball, I see him inhe corner of my eye, standing in no mans land. _Got you_. I hit the ball hard towards his feet, he jumps to the side trying to create space for the swing but fails. _Forty -Thirty_. One more point. I tell myself as I twirl my racket. I get into my stance and close my eyes not wanting to see anyones face. Tuning out every whisper and mutter, I focus on the sound of the ball. Justing letting the echo run through me. He tosses the ball him the air and swings. I look to my left, where he is and without thinking twice about it, swing. We both watch as the ball goes in the opposite direction as I hoped it would, landing right into the corner where the service line and singles line meet. Everyones silent as the dead ball barely bounces on the edge of the line and rolls backwards into the feet of Alex. My three super fans cheer in utter happiness as I stand there still. _I just beat Michael Morgan in a tennis match_. I feel the arms of my small crew wrap around me.

“You fucking did it, oh my gosh”

“That last hit, what a beauty”

“I knew you could do it” I shake my head finally catching up with my mind.

“I…wow, I have to go shake his hand” I push them aside and walk towards him

“Michael” I breath

“Tobin, what a game” He says with a genuine smile. I extend my hand and he shakes it.

“Good game”

“Very good game, you’re a natural. You know I’ve never played such a match in my life”

“Well, it’s thanks to you really, you had me by the throat”

“I may be good but your performance was spectacular. Pure class and beauty. I do have to say, I’m rarely beaten but that last ball, simply perfect” He says with such honesty. I can’t help the smile that glows on my face.

“I don’t know what to say, thank you sir”

“You’re welcome, now you should probably get something to eat before you play this girl” He says eyeing his youngest daughter.

“I will” I begin to walk away when a hand grabs my arm

“Hey” Jeri’s jubilant voice says

“Hey Jeri”

“What a match that was, you were incredible”

“Thanks, but your father was impeccable too. Don’t give me all the credit” I reply “

He was but if I’m being honest, I was rooting for you”

“I don’t know whether to thank you or tell you that you shouldn’t have” I smile

“How about a treat for the champion”

“I still haven’t won though, I have to go up against your sister”

“Hmm, your missing out” She says with a smirk. _Missing out on what?_

“What exactly am I missing out on” I ask as I stare into her calm blue eyes.

“Come with me and find out” She says in a voice that sends a wave of curiosity through me.

“Jeri lets go” Alex hollers. I look past Jeri and see her standing with her bag over her shoulder. Her stance wide and her arms crossed. Her lips pressed tight and her eyes squinty. I can practically see her eyes rolling.

“I think its best I stay with my mini fan base before the match” Jeri frowns at my answer

“Suit yourself Miss Heath” She teases and hugs me.

“Ew I’m all sweaty”

“Yes because you’re the only human that sweats” She jokes and lets go. I playfully roll my eyes with a smile. She walks to her witch sister and I walk to my mini fan base.

* * *

“Do you remember what I said”

“Yes Sebastian, for the last time, yes. Goodness, I’ve only known you for roughly four hours and you’re already starting to sound like Becky”

“Hey now, give your mother some respect”

“I just want you to beat Alex”

“Why do you want me to beat her so bad”

“For bragging rights”

“Is it really that important” Press inquires. Sebastian turns around to look at Press with a glare.

“My goodness, you guys don’t know how she boils my blood during tennis. If YOU beat her… imagine what that’ll do to her. She’ll go insane. I would have to ultimate weapon against her”

“So you’re using me”

“Don’t think of it that way, think of it more as an opportunity to show her up”

“Alright bud, calm down” I smile with an eye roll

“Well, I think the queen is waiting” Becky says eye the net. I grab my racket and toss my towel to Sebastian. As I walk towards Alex, her eyes undress my skin. Taking in every bruise and feature visible.

“Alex” I say as I stand in front of her, I don’t bother offering my hand.

“What’d you do, fall down that stairs” She says with her snarky grin.

“No actually, I was doing big girl stuff. You know, the kind of stuff you can’t do” She exasperates a laugh with an eye roll which causes my eyebrows to brow in anger.

“Big girl stuff eh, that’s a little above your league don’t you think”

“You wouldn’t last a minute on the field Morgan” I say with the slightest hint of dominance. Alex’s posture immediately changes. _Got you where I want you_.

“Is that a challenge”

“Quit bluffing Alex, we both know your pretty hair couldn’t last a battle”

“You’re on Heath, winner takes all. If you win, I’ll go into battle with you” I stare at her waiting for her to begin to laugh but she doesn’t. Hey eyes have never looked so serious before. _Theres no way she’s being serious._

“What do you get if I lose”

“If I win…I get to command your squad for a battle and…you stay away from Jeri”

“No, fuck that”

“What, scared you’ll lose Toby” She says with a malicious voice.

“You’re on Patty” I extend my hand and she takes it. Walking back to my side, I feel the anger and dislike radiating through my body. I meet Becky’s eye that stare at me with worry and fear. Shaking my head, I breath in deeply. _Let the games begin._

“Are you sure that was out”

“Yes, I’m sure that was out” I exasperate as I hand the balls over to Alex. We’re tied at 6-6 for the second set. Alex took the first set after a long tie breaker. Every add in turned into an add out as the tiebreaker itself lasted 15 minutes. Alex winning with a cheap shot.

“Whatever” I roll my eyes as I walk to my side preparing for Alex’s serves. I started picking up Alex’s weakness’s half way through the second set. Her first serves are always fast, so I simply place my racket at an angel, letting the force of the ball do its job. 7-6. I walk over to Alex who tosses the balls at my quite forcibly. I’m about to make a funny remark when I see Michael staring at me. _Better keep it together. You may not like her but her dads your boss_. I ace my way through the fourth game to win the second set. My mini crew holler wildly as I walk to them.

“Alright you animals, it’s tennis not bot boxing” I say playfully as I sit down.

“Damn you’re on fire! What has gotten into you” Becky asks as she gives me another energy bar

“Simply the best motivation out there”

“What is that”

“Seeing your enemy distraught” I say as I cover my face. Truth be told, I’m pissed. Pissed that Alex dared belittling me. _A self made women who worships her own creator…what a waste. I refuse to be apart of her kingdom_.

“Alright Champ, get out there” I sigh heavily and get up with only one thought. _Beat Alex Morgan_. And that I do. I take the set 7-5 with a clean back hand to hers. She hit it with the intent of a dead ball but it hits nothing but net. I clench my fists and yell out in relief and frustration not caring what people will think. Picking up my racket, I walk towards Alex with the biggest grin ever.

“Catch you on the flip side” Her flushed face and slightly visible ache should have stopped me from saying it in such a way that makes me sound like a bitch but it doesn’t. My body’s pumping with adrenaline and energy, my minds racing and I’m not really thinking.

“Good game” She whispers as she gives me the match balls without looking. Her body passes by quickly, she picks up her bag and begins to walk to the exit. I watch as Michael stops her, murmurs something and lets her go.

“You fucking did it” Sebastian engulfs me in a hug which I accept.

“Thank you Sebast, I couldn’t have done it with your pointers. You too Chris”

“What about me” Becky says as she fakes a glare

“You too Mom” We share the moment of happiness when I hear Michael’s voice

“Sir”

“That was quite a match you put on”

“I couldn’t have done it without my small team over there, and your daughter as well” I say as I rub the back of my neck

“Alex, she is a girl with talent but lacks true motivation. Unlike you Tobin”

“Sir, if I may”

“It is okay Tobin, you don’t have to respond. All my daughters have been excelling well in what they do, but it has been endless hours of work from both their mother and I. Alex…she’s still a work in progress. I am happy with her work against you but it was clear who would win. Like I said, motivation. Mind over matter. But anyhow, incredible performance and mind set. Always admiring things from you, but anyhow, Jeir had to leave. She asked me to give you this” I take the envelope from his hand.

“I, thank you Michael”

“No problem, I’ll see you soon” I nod and watch him walk away.

“What’d he give you” Becky asks as I open the envelope

“It’s from Jeri” I say as I take an invitation out

“Jeri” Christens voice asks as I read where I’ve been invited to

“Where’d we get invited to” Sebastian says as he puts his elbow on my shoulder.

“To a night club, for a party”

“You got invited to a night club, what”

“We got invited, it’s direct to me and the squad” I say as I stare wide eyed.

“It’s about to get crazy” Sebastian says as a joke. _Oh, it is._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I'm actually super tired and my laptop is at 36%. It took me an hour to post this chapter (copying and pasting and editing is too much) so I will post the next chapter around 3 pacific time (around 7 for those on the East Coast) tomorrow. 100% guaranteed. 
> 
> Oh and if you were wondering CAT in the story does not mean cat... I don't like cats... lol it stands for Can't Answer That. You'll be hear that a lot in future chapters...
> 
> Comments always welcomed! Oh and RCTID!! Western conference champions and what a goal from Melano...Onto the MLS Cup!


	28. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why Alex hates Tobin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is, why Alex hates Tobin. We will be getting an Alex POV chapter in the next 4 updates...it'll be a sad few updates from here as the main plot takes place. Brace yourself for some tough scenes. Until then, talex will a little subtle but nonetheless in the story throughout some scenes.

You

“Tell me why I have to wear this again” I say as I look in the mirror.

“Because one, we’re going to a club and two, you look hot”

“I like the tee, its simple and loose but if I bend forward you can see them. The leather jacket is pretty great, its black and yeah…but this white skirt…it’s higher than my knees for sakes” I say as I look at the girls through the mirror

“Quit it Tobs, you look hot. And hey, you should be glad we found shoes to match the shirt” Amy says

“She’s right, you do look hot” Christen says and I give her a small smile.

“Okay whatever, you guys won’t let me go in jeans so lets get going” Pinoe hollers as we exit Amy’s house. I get into my blacked out GT and wait for Amy. As soon as everyones in a car I lead the way. Right after I told Press and Becky about the invitation, they told the girls. And of course, they (by they I mean Syd and Pinoe) would not let us turn down the invitation. Saying it was the party of the month.

“Is it too late to turn the car around” I joke as we begin to enter Axiom perimeters

“Yes and relax, these parties are pretty good. Alcohol, music, dancing, _girls_ ”

“Whats that supposed to mean and watch it, I got your husband on speed dial” Amy begins to laugh and I do too.

“You need a night out and what kind of best friend who I be if I didn’t force you to do crazy stuff with me. Plus, Becky gave you a heavy ass dose of drugs so you can’t use the excuse of pain”

“But my bruises”

“They make you look badass, only the people with balls or the hots for you will come to you”

“I don’t want people with balls and/or the hots to talk to me at all”

“Oh hush, heres the entrance to the club” I look up to see a line of fancy cars waiting by the gate to get in.

“The hell, do we have to wait to get in”

“I don’t know” I say as I make my way to the front the line besides all the hover cars waiting.

“What are you doing”

“Trying to find a way to the back of the line”

“Here go up to the gate and see what they say” I do as Amy says and stop at the gate. Theres a knock on my window and I roll it down.

“Scout Tobin, do you have your invitation”

“I…yeah it’s in my purses. Give me a second” I say as I unbuckle my seat beat to reach over the seat.

“That won’t be necessary, you’re on the list. Which cars are coming with you”

“Umm, the Audi R8 is the last one of my squad. If it has wheels and looks like a sport car, it’s with me”

“Nice cars, got it. You’re free to go through” I nod and he smiles. He yells some commands to his crew who open the gate to the club. People in line begin to honk and I look at Amy who only shrugs. As we drive through, I see the security guard from earlier shut the gate as soon as Syd drives through.

As we begin to reach the parking lot of the club, I hear the music bumping. _Another reason why I didn’t want to come._ I watch as people look at our cars as we drive up to the doors.

“Do I park or do they park it” I ask Amy

“They park it”

“Do any of them know how to drive class sports cars”

“We’ll find out” The boy valet opens my door. He offers his hand which I take.

“Thank you”

“You’re welcome” He says, I hand him my car but stop him right before he gets in.

“Please be careful, I rarely use this car but its special to me. Please and thank you” I say gently as I know his job isn’t fun.

“No worries Miss Heath, my uncle has a classic, I’ll treat it with the same care as his. Including your friends cars”

“Thank you” He smiles and yells at two guys whom I presume are his close friends and tells them to focus on our cars. Something about the HP section of the parking lot. I watch as his drives away and the rest of the girls pull up.

“Alright, we all good” I ask as Syd and Pinoe get out of her Audi.

“Yeah, but Tobs before you get us going, put on your best serious face”

“What” I ask Pinoe who looks at Syd for help.

“Just do what she says” Syd says with a deep breath. I nod and begin up the entry stairs. As soon as my head is visible, the flashes begin. Paparazzi are huddled on both sides of the door, snapping shots of everyone coming in. At least until I am seen. Everyones calling my name, asking questions, taking pictures. Its over whelming but I do as Pinoe says and put on a straight face. As I reach the door, I hold it open for the girls.

“Merry fucking Christmas to them” Pinoe half yells

“What”

“They’re going to rip you apart with those pictures, and by rip you part, they’re going to worship you”

“You’re going to be the talk of the week”

“I don’t want to be the talk of the week though” I say as the girls begin to walk towards all the commotion.

“Welcome to Paradise” Syd says with a grin as the whole club comes into sight. My eyes widen both in horror and surprise.

“What the” I let out as I scan my eyes around the building. The clubs centered at the middle, down a large flight of stairs. To the left theres lounges and the right, a bar. The place is dark but modern. Lights illuminate the place, making it more exotic.

“Where do we go” I ask the girls. Pinoe points to the bar and grabs Ash.

“Miss Heath, this way” A guy in a black suit says. I look at him confused and he points to the lounge area.

I shrug and follow him along with the girls. We walk past the lounge as everyone stares at us. I do my best not to glare but fail. He leads us to an elevator. As the elevator rises, I look at Syd whose grinning form ear to ear.

“Spit it”

“You’re in for a hell of a night” Once the door opens, we are met with a glass hall way the over looks the entire club. _Whoa, didn’t notice this hallway earlier._ As the large private area comes into sight, I see what Syd was grinning about. Theres a giant VIP area thats practically a club within a club. _How is this even possible._ The place is even more luxurious than the club downstairs. The place is lit with lights and I see a stair case the I presume leads down to the bar downstairs towards the left.

“This way” The guy says. We all follow as he leads us to a lounge area that is slightly elevated and disclosed from the VIP club.

“Wow” I breath as I see the view.

“Told you” Syd says as she walks by to greet whoever is sitting down. I turn to see a few people I recognize and some I don’t.

“You made it” Jeri’s voice says, I turn around to look at her. She’s wearing black heels that combine with her black mini shorts made of a fancy material with a white design that go along with her white v-neck blouse. Her hair put up into a gorgeous bun. The entire outfit is a bit open but limited in the perfect areas.

“It was a 9 to 1 vote” Christen say as she walks by. Her tone of voice not exactly thrilled.

“Hmm let me guess, you were the one”

“I’m not exactly the type of person that enjoys these things”

“Neither am I but its fun with the right people. Come on, you have to go greet everyone Scout” She winks and I laugh.

“Out of respect” I make my way through the group and am surprised to see Abby and her group here, Including Rampone.

“Well if it isn’t Tobin Heath herself, I thought the pictures online were fake but wow, look at you” Abby says

“I couldn’t let you and your buddies have all the attention now could I”

“Now I won’t get any attention” She says with a smile. _Is she being sarcastic?_

“Sorry, it wasn’t exactly my decision to come”

“Don’t be, it’s nice seeing you get out” I smile and look up to Jeri who’s shaking her head to the beat.

“Hey Abby, where’s Hope” I ask not seeing her anywhere.

“Kelley forced her to dance” She says pointing towards the center of the dance floor. I squint my eyes trying to find her. A flash blinds me as I finally spot her.

“What was that for” I ask Amy

“For memories” I roll my eyes. Scanning my eyes again, I find Kling and Moe. I continue looking through the crowd and find Kelley all over Hope. _Is PDA not an issue to people?_ I let out a small giggle as I find Allie and Jose. The last people I find are Alex and Servando. _Ugh._

“Tobin”

“Yeah” I reply turning to meet Abby’s eyes

“I want to apologize for what happened that other night, it was completely”

“I don’t want to talk about it” I say without much expression.

“Look, I know it’s not my place but I just want to clear the air” Abby says loudly. When I first met her, I thought she was deaf but now I know it’s just how she talks. Christens head whips at Abby’s mention of what happened.

“The airs clean between you and I, what happened is strictly between Kel and I. But can you please keep your voice down. Chris is very emotional on the topic” I whisper the last part and Abby nods. Smiling at Press, I take a sit besides Carli, while Jeri sits on the arm of my chair.

“So, like do you guys just sit here and watch or what” I ask not really knowing what to do. Jeri begins to laugh and Carli just shakes her head at me.

“Is this really your first club experience” Jeri giggles

“Oh this is her first everything” Carli says as she brings her feet up to the ottoman.

“You’re saying, Carli Lloyd, the Carli Lloyd has been clubbing before you” Julie says. I nod at the blonde who takes a seat in front of me. Christen takes a seat besides her. Her eyes on me.

“Tonights the night Tobin will get wasted as well” Pinoe says as she comes into sight. Behind her are three waiters with trays of shots and other alcoholic drinks. I wiggle my finger no as Pinoe grabs a shot and brings it my way.

“Aye, I’ll take that” Becky says as she takes the glass from Pinoes hand.

“No Beckkkyyy come on! Tobin can’t leave the club sobber” Pinoe whines as some of the others do as well.

“Oh yes she can, the girl is on meds. She does need a drink but if you really eant a drunk Tobs we need to wait a week from now”

“Thank you Mom” Christen laughs at my reference while everyone just stares confused.

“Inside joke” Everyone defers from the conversation to other things. I watch everyone interact but most of my attention focused on Christen and Jeri. Julie and Christen have seem to have gotten close since they met, sharing inside jokes and smiles. At times, we catch each others eyes causing us both to blush but nothing enough to send an impulse of urge, only relaxation. Jeri on the other hand, gives me the jitters. Every so often, she leans into me and at others shares a look that I rarely see. But again, it’s nothing impulsive.

“No way” I hear Allie’s voice, I get up and hug my best friend.

“What, when, why” Allie whispers into my ear.

“Long story” I say as I let go.

“No shit, but wow, your outfit” She takes my hand and spins me which causes some of the people to holler. I begin to blush and Allie laughs.

“Thanks, the squad picked it out” I say as I lead her to the group

“I just want to say, you all did a great job dressing my sister tonight, she looks hot” Allie tells the group while she takes a seat with Jose

“I take full credit” Syd says as she pulls Kristie to a seat

“Full credit of what” Kelley’s asks as she reaches the lounge. The air immediately grows tenses and I take it upon myself to clear it up.

“Full credit of my attire” I say as I turn around to meet her eyes. She’s both shocked and nervous so I hug her.

“Relax, I’m not going to murder you” I whisper into her ear.

“You should” She mutters as her arms wrap around me.

“If I did, who would be my squirrel” I give her a gentle squeeze and let go.

“Can we talk about it later though” She asks and I nod.

“Sup Hippie” I joke and Hope rolls her eyes with a smile

“Not much Tubs, didn’t know you were coming. Would have brought my bitch face” We begin to laugh and share a hug. The group goes back to the comfortable interactions while I take my seat besides Jeri.

“Hey Jer, wheres Al” Allie asks as she grabs a water bottle. Jeri gets up and looks towards the dance floor but doesn’t spot her.

“She probably went to mack out with Serv” Kelley jokes but Jeri doesn’t laugh. _Whats that all about?_

“I’ll be back” She says as she gets up and leaves. I look at Allie and she mouths something around the lines _Tell you later_. I nod and avert my attention to the music. Though it’s a little too fast and EDM styled, I find it rather good. Axiom kids listen to very upbeat crap that no one likes but this surpasses my expectations. I find myself shaking my head to the beat until a song I know comes on. _No fucking way._ Before I can open my mouth, Allie begins singing it.

“Automatic supersonic hypnotic funky fresh, work my body so melodic, this beat flows right through my chest, everybody ma and pappi came to party, grab somebody, work your body, work your body, Let me see you 1,2 step” She sings as she makes her way to me. I throw my head back knowing where this is going. She grabs my hand and tries pulling me up but I shake my head no while blushing. Everyone begins cheering for me to get up and with a look into Allie’s eyes I do.

“Outrageous so contagious make you crave it, so retarded, top charted, ever since the day I started, strut my stuff, and yes I flaunt it, goodies make the boys jump on it” I spot and point to the group as they yell out Jump on it “No I can't control myself, Now let me do my 1,2 step” I dance with Allie as the bridge comes close. I grab her hands and bring her body to mine.

 

“It don't matter to me, we can dance slow, whichever way the beats drop, Our bodies will go” Swirling Allie, I stop her and continue our dance. Singing the song in my best voice. “So swing it over here, Mr. DJ and we will, we will rock you up It don't matter to me, we can dance slow. Whichever way the beats drop, our bodies will go, so swing it over here, Mr. DJ, and we will, we will rock you, lets shake” Everyone jumps on their feet to join the last minute of the song. I forget about everything and just move to the beat. As the song comes to an end, the crowd on the dance floor breaks out in cheers. The group begins to clap and complement me. I blush hard as I take a seat.

“Where that fuck did that come out” Hope cheers

“Seriously, that was slick dude” HAO continues

“I agree” Jeri says as I turn to see her with Alex and Serv. I have to do a double take as I’ve never see someone look so hot and beautiful at once. Alex sports a black skirt that is well over her knees and a knit lace shirt that also happens to be black. The outfit shows off the correct amount of skin, in all the right areas, including her torso. Her heels also black, even her earrings. The brunettes hair styled to one side getting a clear view of her neck. _Wow, so she look dazzeling…wait what_. I shake my head as I met Serv’s stupid grin. _Ugh gross, he’s thinking about that._ My body shivers thinking about the thing Serv told me.

“It’s nothing big you guys” I say turning back to the group. Serv and Alex take a seat beside Jeri.

“You guys haven’t seen anything. This girl can sing, dance and fucking rap. Mhh and thats not all she can do” Allie says with a wink. I slunk in my chair with embarrassment as everyone laughs.

“Lets hear it, pick a song” Abby says as she toss’s me a cube. I open the hologram and begin to look through the song. A majority I don’t know. _Oh come on, nothings good._

“Why do all these songs sucks” I whisper to myself but Carli catches me and laughs.

“Just pick a song, I’m sure everyone will be drunk enough to not remember tomorrow”

“Everyone but you”

“Yeah but I won’t use it against you, unless you pull some dumbshit on me. Then I will”

“Got it” I giggle and click the first song that I see. Tossing the small cube to Carli, I get up and grab Syd’s hand not bothering to ask.

“What are you” I stop her with a move. She smirks as the song comes on. Skin by Rihanna. The beat starts slow and so do we. Its like the air no longer exists,as we move freely with no restrictions. Everyone watches tentatively, trying their best not to miss a single step we take. Syd’s body presses to mine and things hit off at that point. As I mimic her every move, matching her pace and beat, everything seems to blur as I only focus on getting this right. Once the song comes to an end, people all around cheer.

“Care to explain your incredible dancing skills” Jeri asks with a smile.

“Allie over their, always had a like for music I hate so I guess I was forced to learn how to dance to them” I say with a shrug, remembering all the nights I found Allie dancing alone in the dark to some random song.

“Well, thanks for the show but I have to head out” Rampone says

“So early” Alex asks and I realize it’s the first time I’ve heard her talk tonight.

“I have kids and while I like spending time with you ladies and gents, this is a little past my age” She jokes and everyone giggles. She says her goodbyes and heads out. Everyone continues where they left off. until Jeri gets up to use the restroom.

“You don’t drink” I turn to see Serv now sitting in the chair, Alex not in sight.

“Not really” I respond “I can’t anyways”

“Why not”

“Umm… by choice and I’m currently on medications so” He nods

“I know it’s not my place to ask but what happened to you? The bruises I mean” I look down at my legs and frown. Not at his question but at the state of the bruises. _The ointment isn’t helping._

“We tested out a new form of technique, wasn’t too efficient” I say as I open my water bottle and take a sip. Allie eyes us and I send her a small shrug.

“Oh well, I hope they don’t make you use that technique anymore”

“Thanks” I say a bit confused. He smiles and gets up

“I’m going to get a drink, shots a nice but not my kind of drink. Do you want anything, juice, coffee”

“Can I get some juice, please”

“Sure thing, I’ll be back” He says and walks away.

“What was that all about” Allie asks as she takes the seat Serv was occupying moments ago.

“I don’t know, he was just started talking to me”

“Was it weird”

“The conversation itself wasn’t, it was odd talking to him. We’re usually down each others throats”

“Hmm, that’s interesting. He does that though, believe it or not the guys nice at times”

“I don’t know” I reply as I look over the group

“So Kristie” My face falls knowing that Allie must be a bit hurt by the news

“Allie, don’t do that”

“It would have been me, if I wouldn’t have quit” She whispers. Allie was on the verge of becoming a permanent Elite Squad member before she quit. A girl can only wait so long. If she would have waited two months though, she would be with me, by my side, battling for what we deem is right. Apart of me wishes she wouldn’t have quit but another part of me is relieved. I couldn’t protect Allie when she was in level 5. Everyday, I’d go into battle, praying that she’d be there waiting when I got back. It is why I always called her up when I had the opportunity.

“You didn’t quit Al, you did what you needed to do. We all have to quit someday”

“I know but, I would have made it. If I would have just been patient”

“Don’t, okay, the only reason Kristie is on the squad is because of something Ash did. And who knows, maybe it would have never occurred if you were still serving”

“Heres your drink” Servando says breaking up the conversation.

“Thank you” I say taking the glass from his hands

“Its strawberry raspberry, I had them make a new jug. Just to be safe” He says

“Thanks Servando”

“No problem” Allie begins to get up but Serv tells her to stay.

“You two catch up, I’ll go talk to Jose” I smile at him and he walks towards Jose.

“What did he mean by just to be safe” I ask as I take a sip of the juice

“Though we’re like the higher class of the high class itself, there are people that don’t like us or people that want to take advantage of us. We usually don’t ever have a problem here since we know the owner of the club and it’s the second highest exclusive club in Axiom. But you’re Athena’s scout. We can’t take any chances”

“People don’t like me” I asked a bit amused

“Well, they don’t like other people here…you, I think they’d try to drug you up with a different intention rather than murder” I finally get her implication and shiver.

“That’s so fucking gross…gosh why’d you tell me”

“You asked” I hear cheers in the background and turn to look at the dance floor.

“It’s about to start” Pinoe yells. She gets up along with others and rushes to the dance floor where a circle has been made in the middle.

“What’s going on”

“They’re going to compete”

“Compete, like with dancing” Allie nods yes. We stand up and walk to the edge of the lounges stair case. About three people take the floor and begin to dance.

“So how do they win” I ask as I turn to see Allie.

“You’ll see” She smirks and turns her attention to the dance floor. I squint my eyes and see that its Hope, Kelley and Julie on the dance floor. _No way._ I watch as they do all sorts of stuff, taking all the attention from the crowd. After a minute, three new people jump into the circle. _Is that… is that Syd, Pinoe and Ash?_ I look at Allie with wide eyes. She grins.

“Not going to lie, your squad holds up its name” I watch them completely destroy Hope, Kelley and Julie. That is until the Morgan’s step onto the floor.

“Come on, you need in” Allie grabs my hand and leads me to the front of the circle where the three Morgan sisters dance… _wow they’re good_. I catch eyes with Jeri whom smirks. I watch Jen whom for the oldest, keeps up with her two sisters. But out of the three, Alex seems to be the best. She’s even dancing with her eyes closed. With a push from someone behind me, the lights flash on me. Alex opens her eyes to meet mine. _Fuck_. A new song begins and the three sisters back track. _I know this song…it’s…Habits by Tove Lo but with the beat altered_. I let the beat sink in before I begin to dance. Doing anything I can think of. As I begin to run out of ideas, Syd jumps in to my right and Press to my left, sparking my imagination. Before the song ends, Alex jumps to the center forcing me back. She begins to dance by her self, taking the breath out of me.

“What’s going on” I ask Syd who’s beside me watching

“She’s challenging you” She yells since the music is loud

“Me?! Why the fuck would se challenge me”

“Because you got moves, now get out there” She says as she shoves me forward. I stop right in front of Alex who looks at me with eyes I’ve never see. She does a few moves as I stand there watching. The new songs begins and it’s one I actually like. _Taking body Gryffin remix_. I smirk and before Alex can walk away, I grab her hand and pull her towards me. _You can’t just challenge me and walk away_. She’s taken by surprise as her eyes search mine.

“Not so fast Lex” I whisper into her ear. Removing my leather jacket, I move around her as she stands completely still. Just waiting for me to do something, so I do, I twirl her around and stop her so she’s in front of me. She takes a step forward and I do as well. I let her lead until I find a moment to spin her around. Taking ahold of her by the waist and hand, I slow down the pace. Trying new things and by the sounds of the crowd it’s going well. We continue dominating each other, each time more physical, more personal, more close. At one point, she’s right in front of me, just roaming my body. And I let her. When the song comes to an end, her eyes are still closed, my breath is on hers. We’re both in a different state than before. I open my mouth to say her name but the bodies that surround us in milliseconds prevent me from saying anything. She finally opens her eyes and I see straight into her. The same look she had when she lost the match.

“Alex” I yell over the crowd as she pushes through it. Before I can grab her hand, I’m being lifted into the air.

“Tobin Tobin Tobin” The crowd chants over and over again as my body flies over the crowd. I try to get down but the more I move the worse it feels. I seal my eyes shut and clench my fist as the last image of the hover craft flashes over and over in my mind with every toss in the air. _No._ The feeling of being falling ticks my skin, making my heart race and I can’t help the small fear that creeps into my mind. _No, no, no, no…_

“SERV” I yell at the top of my lungs as his face comes into sight. He turns immediately and sees my panic and fear. Pushing through the crowd, he gets to me.

“Let her go” He yells with authority, he pushes a guy and he grabs me.

“Lets get you out of here” He pushes us out of the crowd and towards the restrooms “You’re shivering”

“Tobin! Tobin are you okay” Allies worried face comes into sight, Jose, Ash, Becky, Carli and Abby behind her. She kneels before me and hugs me.

“I felt, I felt like I was falling again and again and I just” I try getting out.

“Go get the small kit from my car” I hear Becky order to someone. I hear their hurried footsteps rush away.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know that would freak you out” Allie says. I shake my head no against her.

“I’m going to get her some water” Serv says

“Can you get some ice, make sure it’s clean” Becky says

“I’ll get it” Jose says

“What can I do to help” Abby says

“Can you find us a room”

“Yeah this way” Allie pulls me into her and we walk to a private room.

“I got the kit” Ash says

“I got the water”

“I got the ice”

“I just came here to check on you” Carli says

“Okay, thank you, I’m going to need you guys to clear the room” Becky says

“Including you Allie” She lets me go and walks out of the room

“Serv, you too” Becky says

“It’s okay, he can stay. He’s the one that got me” Becky nods and Servando closes the door.

“Serv bring the ice and water” He does as told.

“Here, run a piece of ice on your forearm, it’ll distract you from the memories” I grab a piece of ice and begin running it over my wrist.

“What happened”

“I was on the floor trying to get to Alex and the next thing I knew I was being thrown in the air. I don’t know what came over me but I began to panic as I felt like I was falling from the hover craft all over again. They wouldn’t stop so I closed my eyes but they threw me side ways at one point and that’s when I opened my eyes and saw Serv. I couldn’t take it anymore and screamed”

“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier”

“I was fine earlier during the check up”

“Your heart rate is high. Your vitals show that you were about to go into shock. Good thing you screamed and thank goodness you were there Servando. I have some pain medication and some of your PT meds, I’ll give you a small dose to ease your nerves but we’re going to have to deal with that panic and fear tomorrow morning”

“Okay” I say as Becky pushes my hair to a side and I watch Servando’s reaction as Becky inserts the needle into my diamond. I giggle as he cringes.

“We’re good, stay here while I go put this in my car” She says as she cleans up.

“Here, drink some water” Servando says as Becky leaves the room.

“Thanks”

“Don’t mention it”

“No really, thank you for your generosity today and for saving me from the crowd”

“I know you must be asking why I’ve been so nice towards you, truth be told, I don’t find you to be that bad. After seeing your bruises, I guess I just really took your job into consideration. You put your life on the line for mine”

“Not literally”

“I know but still, in a way you’re doing it for me. And I know we aren’t friends but I appreciate that. What you do, and I know you and Alex got way more beef than we do but she does too. On the down low she gets mad when I’m a dick to you”

“She does” I ask confused.

“Yeah but that’s another story. Look Becky’s going to be back any minute, want to get out and find Alex? I know you have something to say to her after whatever fight you two had at Allie’s dinner”

“I… yeah” I say getting up.

“Here lets go this way so that they don’t see you” He says leading me to the other door of the room.

“Thanks Serv” I say with a bit of shock. He smiles gentle and hurries me. I look both ways of the hall before walking out of the room. _Where would I go if I wanted to be alone? Not the bathroom, not a bar, not the lounge, the entrance hallway?_

“She’s probably in that one private hallway” I say as I begin to go back the way I came in, walking past the guards, Serv stops.

“Aren’t you coming”

“I have a feeling you two need to work something out” I nod and continue my way. As I reach the hallway above the main club, I see her looking over the club. I slowly walk to her, trying to buy myself some time.

“Alex” I say softly

“Go away” She says as she wipes her face. Her voice filled with pain.

“Not until you tell me why you left”

“Why would I want to be near you”

“Cut the crap Alex” I snap. If theres anyone in the world that can get me to break with a sentence, it’s Alex.

“What crap Tobin, this is you and me. I don’t know what you expect from me, I fucking congrats”

“You’re eyes tell a different story” She lets out a breath as she shakes her head “Look at me and tell me I’m not right” I hiss. As she turns around, my structure falls. Her tired eyes filled with pain and hate stare right at me. Never has anything been so crystal clear. _She hates me._

“That’s the problem Tobin, you’re always right. You’re always the one who wins. Always the one my father talks about. Its like you’re his daughter and not me. Everyday it’s Tobin this, Tobin that, why aren’t you more like Tobin, Tobin Tobin Tobin” The way she says my name makes my hope fall.

“What does your father have to do with anything” I exasperate not getting what she’s trying to say

“You don’t get it do you” She breathes with annoyance as she grips the handrail.

“What’s there to get Alex?! You’re father had nothing to do with you and I”

 

“It’s you Tobin! It’s always fucking you! That’s the problem!” She yells with so much distress and dejection. “You know what my father said after the match. If you’re going to lose, at least lose with dignity. Not even a single, word about my effort…It’s funny,really, that fact that I’m the one who get the shitty end of the stick. You don’t even like my father. You don’t even have to try to get his attention! Your perfect…so fucking perfect” She whispers as she closes her eyes. “I used to spend hours trying to do the slightest thing to make my father proud but you, he’d come in every day from work and go on and on about the littlest things you did. I got so tired of trying, I just stopped trying overall. Only then did I get his attention. Not even my own mother talks to me the way she talks to you. But that’s okay, it’s all okay. You’re Tobin, Kardia’s Hero and I’m Alex. The Morgan disappointment” The way she says Kardia’s Hero makes me tear up thinking if she only knew who I really was, maybe she’d be happy. But it is not what makes me hurt on the inside. It’s her voice that hits me hard. It’s filled with so much hurt, pain but most of all hate that has built up over the years. But even though it is hate that strengthens her voice, it is not the hate that is directed towards someone else. But the type of hate that is directed towards yourself. _The hate that I know._

“Alex, I” She defers her sight from mine and focuses on the floor, not bothering to wipe away the fresh stream of tears.

“You know that worse part Tobin? It’s that fact that even though I hate you with every cell in my body, I hate myself even more…You’re so much better than me. So much better at everything. It’s the reason why it’s so hard to hate you, it’s the reason why Jeri likes you, why everyone does. You’re the daughter I would have never been” She whispers as she turns to run the other direction. I spring after her but she’s too fast.

“Alex stop” I yell as she runs for the front door. As I round the corner, I land into someones arms.

“Where do you think you’re going” Becky says as she pushes me back

“Let me go Becky, I have to get to Alex”

“Tobin stop”

“ALEX”

“Theres paparazzi in front of the club, if you run after Alex it’ll only make things worse” She hisses as she continues pushing me back

“Where’d she go” Servando’s voice says as he reaches us

“Out the front door”

“Serv!” I yell before he opens the front door

“I’m sorry” He smiles weakly with a nod and rushes out the door.

“Come on, Carli’s waiting at the back”

“Becky”

“Yeah”

“Did you hear what she said” My voice breaks remembering her eyes so broken.

“Most of it”

“I wish she knew me, the real me”

“Why”

“Because then it wouldn’t hurt as much” I say as a few tears roll down my face. After all these years, I thought Alex was out to make my life impossible, but as it turns out, I’m the one who has made her life impossible. _She may have stolen the light out of my days but I the took the light from her life. I broke Alex Morgan...without even knowing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well... what do you think? Will Alex ever get to meet the new Tobin?
> 
> Hint: (I'm giving you this just so your hope for Talex doesn't diminish) Their hate for themselves will be what brings them together. 
> 
> Questions, comments, opinions, random chats always welcome haha, next update by Friday tops.


	29. Pain That Is Felt With The Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are three types of pains that can break an individual. The first is a pain that is felt with the heart. 
> 
> Disclaimer: This chapter deals with some tough subjects. Be warned. If you think it could deal with something you've been through, skip to chapter notes at the end where I've summarized the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter summary is pretty much the overall summary of the plot. It's going to get really tough from here on so please, if you think any of the chapters may affect you personally, skip to the end when I write disclaimer. I care about you guys and don't want any of you to feel victimized. 
> 
> With that being said, the story will have a happy ending.... or will it ;) Haha the plot will unravel in the next 5 or 6 chapters. Then there will be a Talex transformation as the problems get sorta resolved. So if these chapters get hard, just remember, theres light at the end of the tunnel.

Pain that’s felt with the Heart

As I pull myself up, I hear the gym door open and slam shut. _Becky_. I hold my grip on the bar for a few seconds and slowly let my body down. Closing my eyes, I count to three and let my body fall 10 feet down onto a mat.

“How’s it going” Becky asks as she lends me a hand.

“Still have to close my eyes, the panic feeling subdues after 2 seconds after I let go” I respond as I wipe my forehead with my shirt. She slaps a tablet against my bare stomach making me slouch forward. I grab the tablet in time before it falls to the concrete group.

“Read it” Becky says as she walks over to a jump box and sits on it.

“Nope” I say as I toss it her way and walk over to the long trampoline we have built into the ground. Removing my shoes, I jump onto the trampoline and begin finding a rhythm.

“You still haven’t read a single tabloid have you” I nod my head no as I close my eyes and try a front flip. It’s been almost a week since the incident at the club but the press is still hooked on my appearance. And Alex’s run form the club.

“What’s there to read? It’s just a bunch of lies and rumors they speculate” I reply as I get up

“Yeah but they’re lies and rumors that affect you and Athena” I roll my eyes as I begin to jump again

“If Michael or Sepp haven’t done anything about it, than it’s nothing to worry about. The press aren’t chasing after you for details are they” I ask before attempting a back flip

“Careful, I assigned you specific tasks, not back flips. And no, but some people from the club have leaked pictures”

“So what”

“That’s not all they’ve leaked” She say as I’m about to try another front flip. I stop and wait for her to say it.

“They’ve leaked a video of you winning against Alex” I throw my head back in frustration.

“I thought Allie said it was a private club”

“It is a private club. Just not private when it comes to you. People want to know what your up to”

“Why don’t they just ask me than” I say as I put my shoes back on and move to the rock climbing wall.

“You never answer”

“Right” I put on a harness but Becky stops me.

“Have you even been following my schedule of therapy” She ask as she takes the harness away.

“A little”

“Tobin” She yells in frustration. Ever since my panic attack, Becky has had me doing all sorts of therapeutic exercises for two hours before work. Not only do they help with my anxiety with heights now but they have been helping my back and body recover.

“Sorry”

“No! Goodness, you’re a child. A child you hear! It took my three hours to set up this gym just for you! The girls have been going to level 5’s gym for the week and you’re in here playing around” She rants and I start to feel guilty. Every level above 4 gets assigned a gym. Athena’s gym happens to be in its own building and the most luxurious.

“I’m sorry” I interrupt with a sigh

“Look, I wouldn’t care but you’re still having to close your eyes when you let yourself fall 10 feet, onto a mat. You said you would follow directions and you didn’t. I don’t want to force you to alter your”

“No Becky please” I beg as she threatens to alter my diamonds code. Its like genetic engineering which is permanent.

“Okay then, lets get to work, back to the pull up bar. I want you to keep your eyes open when you let go. If you need to close them as you fall that’s fine” She says as she hustles me to the ladder. We spend the next hour doing therapeutic exercises that involve me falling and facing my fear of heights.

“That wasn’t too bad was it” She asks as I breath in heavily. As a challenge, she moved the pull up bar to 15 feet and had me do 10 pull ups before letting go.

“Speak for yourself, my arms are going to fall off” I breath and she laughs.

“Well, I can’t help with that but at least you can keep your eyes open when you fall and your heart rate doesn’t spike when you look down at the ground. Your heart rate does spike as you let go but as you said the feeling last for a max of 4 seconds”

“I have to hand it to you, it doesn’t scare me as much. The feeling just, it gets my gut”

“You fell from quite a height. I don’t expect you to over come the fear completely but you need to be able to do it if you ever hand to during a battle” She says as she sits me down on her examine table.

“I know”

“How’s your back”

“Better with the exercises. It’s only sore in the mornings if I wake on my back”

“You’re mattress is really stiff. Sleep on a couch or blankets so your back can mold to its figure and heal” She says as she looks at the bruising of my back.

“I feel like I’ll sink to the floor”

“I know but your backs going to take longer if you don’t. It’s healed up well but I can tell it still hurts when you touch your abdominals and back” I sigh knowing she caught my lie.

“Or you could let yourself die during battle so you’d regenerate in a new one”

“No thank you”

“Than you know what to do” She says as she finishes. I put my shirt back on and wait for Becky to get her stuff. We walk to the level in silence. As we walk out the elevator, I am met by the eyes of my team. By the looks on their faces, it’s nothing good.

“What is it” I demand

“Carli” Ash mumbles

“Carli what Ash” I say as I walk towards her. Becky grabs my arm in time to stop me.

“Carli’s in the hospital, it doesn’t look good” Tim’s voice says from behind. I whip around and find him with a few of the guys whom all look at the floor.

“Becky” I turn and she has the same face as I have plastered on mine. Fear, shock, terror.

“Lets go, theres a heli waiting to take us to the hospital” Tim says. Everyone walks to the two hover crafts awaiting for us. No one dares to say a thing. Ten minutes later, we arrive on the roof of the hospital located in Axiom. I rush out the door and into the building.

“Tobin wait” Becky yells but nothing stops me.

“Where is she” I demand as I reach the intensive care unit.

“This way” Michael says. I turn to see him in a chair. He leads me to the far end of the hall and in front of a door. I look through the side mirror and see Carli in the bed. Her eyes closed, her body fragile, covered in bruises and stitches. I grab the door handle and begin to push it open when Michael sets his hand on my shoulder.

“You should wait until Becky gets here” He nods sympathetic.

“What happened to her”

“I can answer that” A doctor says, I follow him into a private room at the end of the hall. He sits on a desk while I stand and stare out the class windows.

“First, you should know that we are doing everything possible to get her back on her feet”

“But” I say as I cross my arms and stare towards the sun that is just now rising.

“But we need the help of Becky, she knows Carli in and out, she knows the kinks to her transcendence”

“We will transport Carli to Citadel and keep her in Becky’s private lab until needed” “That would have to include us”

“That is fine, we can arrange for you and your team to be taken to Citadel as well but I do have to warn you, you’ll be living there for as long it requires for her to recover”

“I have no problem with that” I sigh heavily as I wait for the news “Carli was in a car accident on the highway last night, or I should say early morning on her way to work. A car stuck her side and another one slammed into her rear end sending her into straight into the high way barrier” He pauses to allow me to soak in the news “The thing is, the way the car turned out and the injuries Carli suffered, it doesn’t look like it was an accident” I turn my head and stare at the doctor.

“So what are you saying” He looks me in the eyes and sighs.

“What I’m saying is that theres no possible way Carli could have lost control of the car she was driving. It is also not probable an accident that early on the high way could have caused the immense damage it did. It is, to me and my team, what seems to have been a planned attack on Carli” As soon as she says it my fist clench. “The police are investigating it but have yet to release the footage, there are marks on her body that show they tried to take her out of the car after she crashed. I’m not sure if they were trying to help her or kidnap her but the bruises don’t lie. As for her state, Carli’s transcendent held up but my records show it shouldn’t have ”

“They used something on Carli” I finish for him

“Exactly, that is why we need Becky. Like I said before, we don’t have footage or physical evidence that support our hypothesis but by the readings of Carli’s transcendence, it is nothing I’ve ever seen before. She should have gone into an instant comma at the least but she’s awake. We have sedated her so she doesn’t feel the pain. Luckily, nothing is broken but that doesn’t mean she’s out of the woods. Her transcendence is buzzing like crazy which is both a good and bad sign”

“How exactly”

“It is good because we know it’s repairing most damage caused to her head but bad because we don’t the the extent of the damage. A diamond, at the most, buzzes very quietly”

“With a minor concussion”

“Yes but you can plainly hear Carli’s from anywhere in the room”

“Which means”

“We have to prepare for the worst. Memory loss, mental set back, physical set backs, she may never be the same” I choke back a cry as he lists the possibilities “I’m sorry Tobin, Carli’s state is unknown but we do know a few thing at the moment. Firstly, she lost a lot of blood on the scene and here, we have gathered everything we have with her blood and set it aside for Becky to dispose of but our first priority on the moment is to get her more blood. I know Citadel is private about any person within a squad so we contacted Michael as soon as we were able to identify her. It’s why it took a few hours for you to find out”

“I’ll take care of the blood”

“Thank you, secondly, Carli suffered a great laceration to her left side. Missed her ribs but did get one of her kidneys. I know the strict requirements it takes to be on the squad, if we can’t find a kidney within the next 24 hours, it is possible Carli will have to retire. She had minor lacerations in other parts of her body but nothing as serious as her head and kidney. There is one last thing, I need you to sit” I look at him with teary eyes and he breaths in heavily, I take a seat and wait. “Carli lost her child”

“What”

“Carli was two weeks pregnant. I suppose she did not know herself since the baby had just embedded. I’m sorry Tobin, there was nothing we could do to save them” I begin to cry as I he apologies over and over again. _No…No! Carli and Brian had been trying for have a child for a year now, no…_

“As Athena’s scout, you command what happens from here. What goes to the press, what medical treatment she undergoes, who we tell and so on. I’ll give you a minute but then we have to get to work. Time is of the essences” He walk out the door and I push the table to the floor letting out all the anger and pain I feel. _They will pay, they will all pay._ Putting the table back in its place, I straight out my shirt and open the door.

“This way” The doctor says. The squad all stand outside the door along with Tim and a few of the boys. Michael with them. The doctor turns to me and I open my mouth to give them the news but nothing comes out. Not a single word or sound. I bite my lips as I feel the emotions rising again. Sucking in all the will I have left, I look at them.

“Carli, Carli’s in bad shape” My voice breaks. Shaking my head, I stare at my hands that shake uncontrollably. Closing my eyes, I continue “I know you must all be wondering how she is, and to be honest, we don’t know yet. As of now, we know that we are going to need at least four donors from the squads to donate the necessary amount of blood to cover for the amount she lost and for future surgeries. As for her state, Carli’s going to need us there. That is why I will be having Carli, Doctor Emmett and his team transported to Citadel where Becky and the medics will take care of Carli for as long as she needs. She will be guarded 24 hours a day and I will require at volunteer from the squads to be with Becky and the team every day when we’re not on the field. Volunteers will alternate every five hours. There are questions but very little answers. It pains me to say this but this incident was no incident at all. As Athena’s Scout, I, ESS Heath declare this incident to be Athena’s class 1 priority and hereby remove ESL Saurebrunn and ESS Lloyd from duties for the time necessary” Everyone stares with shock as I swallow the pain and let the anger consume me. “Carli’s life was threatened this morning. When I became the scout of Athena, I pledged to protect you on and off the field and I have failed her. Carli is laying on that bed not knowing what is going on and it is our duty as humans and as friends to do everything in our power to help bring justice to those who put her there and to help her get better. The Carli we know would not rest until we were 105% so we will not rest until Carli’s 110%. Got it” Everyones nods “Good, I need the four volunteers to be ready within the next hour. Tim ask your squad and see if anyones willing to donate. We will get the transport going once Carli gets new blood. Becky, I need you and the doctor to examine Carli before anyone goes in. As for the rest of you, if you want someone to substitute you today, please tell me and I will ”

“We have given the squads the day off” Michael interrupts “Oh, okay, well then, I want you all in your professional suits at all hours outside of work hours. I want you to be with at least another one of us at all hours too. If you find it easier to house with someone for the next two weeks, that is fine. If you decide to go to your house, send me an alter or to my invoice telling me you made it. I want each and every one of you to wear your work watches, that includeds your squad Tim”

“On it”

“Thank you, any questions” No one says anything

“Doctor, a word” He nods and we walk to the corner of the hall and I look back at the squad whom stare in our direction “I want to be the one to ease the news of the, the baby to Brian and Carli. I don’t want anyone other than you, your team and I to know”

“Got it, when Becky examines her body though, what should I do”

“Tell her she is allowed to examine everything except her laceration, my orders”

“Got it, I will keep you updated”

“Great, have Becky connect your computer or phone to my network” He walks to Becky and leads her to the room. I take the moment to readjust my emotions and walk back to the group.

“Tobin, may we speak”

“Michael”

“I want to express my condolences for what’s going on. Carli is one of the greatest agents we have and we will to everything possible to bring justice to her”

“Thank you sir, and about that. I want all the police reports, evidence and anything related to this incident. Can you give me that power” He breathes in deeply and I know I’m not going to like what he’s going to say.

“I can try my best but theres restrictions. The police have their own branch. If I get a letter from Sepp and a signature from you and Tim, I could probably get the police to give me records, evidence and the vehicle Carli was driving for at least 4 hours for you to examine”

“Do it, do what ever it takes to get everything. I don’t care if I have resign my post, I will not rest until I find who did this”

“I know, I made a call to Citadel and am having your uniforms delivered within the next 20 minutes. I’ll be on my way to talk to Sepp. He was upset with the news. I need a report on Carli’s status so he can decide whether to give the squads two days off” Closing my eyes, I give him a small update.

“She’s not in a coma but the doctor suggested we keep her under. Her head and stomach suffered the biggest damage and her blood loss is immense. Her diamonds readings are unexplainable”

“What do you mean”

“What I mean is that this was no accident at all, Carli was targeted and I fear that they will target someone else on the squad” Michaels demeanor immediately stiffens.

“Tobin, if that happens to be true, Sepp will have the squads removed from duty and transported to a safe house until the issue is resolved”

“No” I practically yell. Everyone turns to look and I shake them off “No, you can’t let Sepp do that. If who ever did this realize we’re out of the game, they may clear their trace”

“So you want to use the squads as bait”

“They targeted Carli for a reason, and while the doctors and police haven’t figured it out yet, it’s clear they targeted Carli because of her role. She’s a scout but she isn’t as protected as I am”

“Tobin, I can’t let you do that”

“I’m not asking. I want Citadels special agents on every single person on the squads. Including Kristie, Laure and especially Tim, I also want this level cleared. No one that is not from my squad, Tim’s squad, Brain, Hope or the medical staff is allowed anywhere near Carli”

“Tobin”

“No Michael, I failed Carli. It is my fault she is lying in that bed unconscious. It is my responsibility to find the bastards that did this to her”

 

“I will have the special agents assigned to each squad member, they will follow at a distance of 100 meters ever hour they aren’t in citadel. I’m assuming that doesn’t including you. The floor will be cleared once uniforms arrive. I need to know who will fill in for Becky and Carli while she recovers though” “I will give you that information by the next 4 hours”

“Tobin”

“Yes sir”

“Be careful” I nod and watch him leave for the elevator. Walking back to the girls, I grab Ash by the arm and pull her away.

“When our suits arrive, I want you to bring Hope and Brian here”

“Will she be okay”

“She’s a fighter but I need something else from you”

“What”

“I need you to run by my house and drop off some food. You are to leave two gallons of juice, a loaf of bread, avocados and raspberries. I will let Frost know you are on the way, he will make sure she is in her room. You are not to try anything, anything Ash” I whisper as I stare into her eyes.

“Okay”

“Thank you”

“ESS Heath, squad uniforms are here” An agent calls. I nod and gesture the squad to follow. Everyone grabs their professional uniforms from the racks and head for the bathrooms. As I button the white vest, I turn my head and get a good look at my diamond. I grab my black and gold neck strap jacket and put it on. The buttons take a while but as I finish, I look down at my suit to make sure it’s correctly fitted. Walking out of the bathroom, I find some of the girls going in to visit Carli who’s still unconscious.

“Tobin” I turn around to find Tim with the doctor.

“Yes”

“The media is going insane, we would like to address them now before Brian and Hope arrive”

“I was thinking the same thing. Tim have your guys watch the elevators and door while we are gone”

“I’ll let them know” As he walks off I take the opportunity to go over what we will tell the press.

“Ready to go” Tim says as he walks back. We take the elevator down to the lobby and walk through the entrance that is guarded with special agents.

“Why are they here”

“They were ordered here”

“By who”

“Me” Tim nods and we reach the door.

“A podium has been set for you and the doctor, Tim stand to Tobin’s left. Doctor Emmett, stand to Tobin’s right. When Tobin sets in front of the Podium, you’ll see two of our snipers on the roof get up and point at the crowd. Do not be alarmed. They are with us. Got it” A special agent says. We all nod and they hold the door open. As we walk out in from of the hospital, the flashes blind me. It’s going to be a long interview. After beating around the bush and nearly ripping three reporters apart, we finish the interview and back track into the building.

“ESS Heath, Brian and Hope have not yet arrived. Would you like us to get food for the squads” A special agent asks.

“Yeah, take orders from everyone and get food as soon as possible. Do you know if Michael has talked to the police yet”

“He is finishing his meeting with Sepp”

“What about blood donations”

“ESR Press, ESA Pinoe, ESH Armando are currently under procedure”

“What about the fourth donor”

“That would be me, I should head up”

“Tim”

“I want to do it. They’ll just have to be extra precautional with my blood but I know Carli would be the first to volunteer if that were me” I give him a warm smile and watch him head for the elevator.

“I’ll be in charge of Tim and gathering his blood if that makes you more comfortable”

“It does, have Tim’s special agents go with you” I say and he nods. Once Emmett is out of sight, I turn the leader of the special agent units.

“I have to make a quick run, I want you to make sure this place is sealed tight. Only Ash, Brian, Hope, Sepp and Michael are allowed into Carli’s level until I get back. Monitor who comes in and out of the hospital in general just to be safe”

“Would you like one of my agents to go with you”

“No but could you help me sneak out”

“Right this way” As he leads me through a variety of halls, we reach a private elevator. Descending a few floors, the door opens to a private underground garage. “

You are welcome to take an agents car” I hop into a normal looking hover craft to not draw any attention and proceed out the back. Once three miles clear from the hospital, I pull over and park the car in an ally.

“Frost” I say into my phone

“Yes Tobin”

“I need you to hack into Axioms Police system and copy everything you can from an incident that took place on the highway this morning”

“Is this why Ashlyn was just here”

“Yes, but Frost, I need you to be untraceable” He remains silent for a few seconds.

“I’ll do what I can, you know Axiom keeps their files well locked”

“Thank you, how is she”

“She is going well, she’s been in her room on the ipad. She was trying to come out when Ash was by but as you said, I waited until she was gone to open the door” Sighing, I finish up the conversation and start the car. The closer I get to the destination, the more my hands sweat. _You have to do it, it’s the only way she’ll be safe_. Pulling up to the house, I get out of the car and slowly make my way to do the front door. I stand in front of it for minutes, fighting the urge to run. _She won’t be safe unless she’s by your side._ As I begin to convince myself, I ring the bell. _Theres no going back._

“Tobin, what a delight” Jose says as he opens the door. I smile at my soon to be brother in law.

“Hey Jose, how’s it going”

“Good, great actually, come in, Al’s in the kitchen” I give him a small hug and lead myself in. The smell of cookies fills my torn heart with some relief.

“Who was it” Al asks without looking up

“Just some nut job” I reply. Allie looks up and meets my eyes with happiness.

“Tobbbbbbbbbyyyyyy” She squeals as she rush to me.

“Hey Al”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming” She asks as she goes to the sink to wash her hands.

“No TV Thursday… forgot” I say to myself. _Duh_.

“Yeah, why? More rumors about the club incident” She asks

“I’m going to let you two chat” Jose says sensing the despair within my voice

“No Jose, stay” He turns to Allie who nods.

“Whats going on” Allie asks now sensing the distortion coming from me

“Why are you wearing you professional suit”

“Carli, Carli” I take a deep breath feeling the sadness fill me again “Carli was in an accident” I whisper just enough for both to hear.

“Oh my gosh” Jose’s the first to react while Allie stands still. Unlike Jose, Allie can already tell the gravity of the situation, she knows I’m not here by coincidence “Is she going to be okay”

“Only time will tell” I respond while staring into Allie’s emotional eyes.

“I’ll do it” she finally says. In that instant my heart falls, the same way it did years ago when Allie enlisted with me.

“Allie, you don’t have to”

“But I want to”

“Want to what” I finally turn to see Jose and his clueless expression.

“She wants to fill in for Carli until she’s back to Athena’s expectations” Joses face falls and I feel the guilt I had tamed just moments ago resurface.

“It’s my choice”

“It’s his too Allie, you’re about to get married in less than three weeks, he is part of you now. You can’t just make a choice this big without consulting it with him. I’ll be in the living room” I finish before walking away.

My knee bounces up and down as I stare at the pictures Allie has hung up. Some are of us, others of her and Jose, her parents, even the witch has a picture. _I shouldn’t even be calling her that_. I hear their footsteps and stand up straight.

“After talking it through, we have decided to go fourth” Jose speaks without a doubt. My eyes widen as I had hoped he would persuade Allie not to. Apart of my wants to be happy but another part of me wants to cry. “It’s only temporarily and we both know Carli would step right in if anything happened to any one of us as well”

“She would” I murmur

“When do we start”

“Once Michael figures out our schedule…They gave us the day off”

“Got it”

“Allie, before you alter you schedule to fit the work schedule there are some things we need to go over”

“Want to go to the hospital” I nodd and Jose kisses Allie before we go. I stop at the door and hold it open for Allie.

“I’ll be there in a second, here are the keys” I toss them towards Allie and she walks out the door “Jose”

“Tobin, its fine”

“I don’t mean to steal her but she’s the only person I can trust to take command on the field with me. She has the guts and strength needed”

“Trust me, I know”

“I’ll take care of her”

“I know you will Tobin, you always do” He smiles and I close the door. Allie plays with the controls of the special agents car as we arrive at the hospital. As soon as we go inside, all the guns point at Allie.

“She’s apart of the squad now” I say as everyone lowers their guns. I nod towards the leader and he nods back. We head for the elevator and Allie eyes me.

“Why are they here”

“To protect us” I say as the door opens.

“Tobin” I turn to see Michael already back “Allie, what are you doing here”

“She’s apart of the squad now”

“Have you decided who will fill in for Becky”

“Laure will be alternating with Becky when we fight against elite squads or level 5’s”

“Sounds good”

“Allie, uniforms are in the room over there, grab one your side and change into it” Once Allie’s gone, I turn y full attention to Michael “How’d the meeting go? Did the police grant me access to everything”

“Yes and no, they granted you access for 4 hours with everything. It would be just you in the room with everything but you can not copy or take anything from them”

“What do you mean I can’t, isn’t there a way we can force them. What about Carli’s blood, they can’t have that”

“I tried but their president is stingy. They would only hand everything over if we granted them access to seeing Carli. Her blood has been removed from everything by the special agents. We sent them as soon as we were notified.”

“No way! How do we know they didn’t hide anything”

“That’s what I thought. And using Carli’s last examine by Becky, we knew how much blood was in her body, we accounted for every blood cell. When do you want to schedule to see everything? ”

“Good and as soon as possible. The earlier the better, I don’t want them tampering with evidence”

“You can go right now” I’m about to say yes when the elevator door opens. Every one stops as Brian, Hope and Ash step out. Brian’s sad eyes stare into mine and I have to look away. Hope on the other hand seems torn and distraught. _As she weren’t in reality._

 

“I want you to tell the police I’m the my way now, to run my four hours starting now”

“But you’ll waste time”

“That’s fine, make sure no one touches any evidence. When Allie’s out of the room, get her updated on everything” I leave Michael and walk to the two closest people to Carli.

“Brian” I say with sympathy

“How is she”

“She’s fighting” I say as I get a good look at his state. _He’s going to break when I give him the news._ “Let’s go to a more private area, thank you Ash” The two follow me to a room down the hall. I hold the door open for them and grab a glimpse of Press doing some small exercises with Syd and Amy at the end of the hall. _We’re going to need a lot of strength to get through this one._ Once Brian and Hope are seated, I close the door and walk over to the window. _  
_

“First of all, I want to apologize to you both for the happened. Carli’s life along with everyone else working for the force is my responsibility”

“It is not your fault Tobin. No one could have stopped this” Brian tries but I cut him sort. “By the end of this, you’ll understand where I’m coming from” He swallows hard and I turn to face them

“Carli as you may know, was hit by two cars on the highway this morning. It was quite early, Carli usually gets to Citadel around 4 to work out. When she didn’t arrive, the guards at the gate knew something was wrong. I don’t know the details on who found her, but I will have that to you within the next five hours” I pause to take a breath but don’t give myself too much room to feel. “She was brought here where she went into surgery. Carli suffered a great deal of wounds…”

“She’ll be the same right” Hope finally speaks. I look up and see the pain she’s in. I don’t know Hope.

“The laceration to her body weren’t enough to kill her” _Except her child_ “But the injuries to her head could have. We are studying Carli’s vitals and transcendence readings which are both good and bad. The good news is that Carli’s alive, the bad news is we don’t know how she’s alive”

“What does that mean”

“A transcendence can take in damage outside of a battle but not as much as she did. We know her transcendance is working hard to repair the damage done to her head which is a good sign. It’s working. The bad sign is that her diamond is loud. When an agent gets hit in the head or gets a concussion, if you’re quite enough, you can hear it buzzing. Carli’s diamond is not subtle what so ever. Which means one of two things, Carli suffered a great deal or the device is trying hard to repair something that, that can’t be repaired”

“You’re from Kardia for heaven’s sake, you guys have the most advanced technology out there! How can you possibly not fix her” Hope snaps. I turn to look at her. “We get most of our technology from your company. We alter it and yes we have equipment that is unimaginable, but it is unsafe to use on…us” I say as I think of all the technology the special units have. _The ones they use on the unknowns._

“So is her transcendence doing all the work, what are the possible treatments, outcomes” Brian asks softly.

“The pain Carli was in was excruciating. The doctors had to put her out as they don’t poses the things we have. We will be transporting Carli, Doctor Emmett and his team to Citadel where she will remain until she is back 110%”

“So she’ll be okay” Hope finally says more hopeful. Shaking my head I look at the two.

“I don’t know yet”

“What the hell do you know” Hope yells and the door opens. Tim eyes the room for any sort of threat.

“Its fine” I say and he closes the door “I know this is hard Hope but I need you to calm down. As I was saying, since she’s not awake we can’t address the damage. The machine here work and are capable of telling us what is going on but by law, only Becky and Citadel professional doctors are allowed to examine elite squad agents after they have arrived at the scene”

“So why haven’t they done that yet”

“This situation is unique. Firstly because Carli is a scout. Though I know many people don’t view her as a scout, only as my right hand, on my contract, I listed Carli as a Scout if I were to pass away. It is why she does everything I do, board meetings and all”

“To prepare her” Hope whispers to herself

“Yes. Her being a scout implements a bunch of more laws when it comes to health, one being that only I can authorize what happens to her. And though the book says that, I am willing to hand that power over to you Brian. You are her husband, not I” I stare at the man as he takes in a deep breath.

“She may be my wife but she was you friend before mine. I trust that you’ll do everything in your power to do what is needed”

“If that’s what you wish, I have already gotten four volunteers to donate blood. I can’t say who they are for their safety but it was our first priority as she lost quite an amount. As soon as she gets a least a bag, we will be transporting everyone to Citadel. Hope, I can grant you access to her but only behind glass once in Citadel. Brian, you can be with her if you wish but I ask that you give the doctors room while they work. I will open some perimeters such as the gym and what not if you stay by her side”

“Thank you”

“I know you want to know details. So I’ll tell you what we know as of now. Before I tell you though, you are not to tell anyone, any less Carli if she awakes. I am responsible for her being here, I shall be the one to tell her” I pause to make sure they understand. Swallowing back the pain, I begin. “Firstly, she suffered minor lacerations throughout the body, nothing that could prevent her from walking or standing. At least that we know of. No broken bones. Just a few bruised ribs”

“So her body’s safe”

“No so fast” I exhale “A part of the car went through her body, missing the bigger organs…except one of her kidneys. A human can easily live without a kidney but, Carli will be officially removed from the elite squad if we can’t find a donor” I say. Brian’s eyes go from hopeful to hopeless.

“Can’t we pay someone to donate?!”

“It’s not that easy Hope”

“Why not, can’t you pay them a million dollars or somethings, ES squads are rolling in money” I bite my tungle and give her a firm nod.

“I can do it” Brian whispers

“Brian”

“No really, I can. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do anything. My kidney’s are perfect”

“We don’t even know if you’re a possible donor”

“Can we test if I am, please Tobin” I sigh knowing the man would change his mind.

“Are you sure you want to do this”

“I would do anything for her”

“I’ll arrange for you to be tested as soon as we’re done here”

“Can we see her now”

“Theres one last thing I must tell you. It’s something that needs to be kept within this room until I tell Carli” I take in a deep breath as it were my last and look down at the floor. _Theres no escape Tobin, just say it._ “Carli, Carli was…” I grit my teeth as the emotions I have suppressed up until now begin to show. “Carli was two weeks pregnant. I’m sorry Brian…the baby didn’t survive” I say as my throat closes and the tears fall. Hope, the one who was all over the place, begins to shake uncontrollably while Brian don’t move. He doesn’t react at all. It’s not moments later until he finally whispers something.

“Can I see her” I only nod not trusting my voice. As soon as we step out of the room, eyes avert to the ground and the silence because immense. Opening the door for Brian, Becky and Doctor Emmett quickly exit the room. I shut the door slowly, as to not awake Carli. Before the door closes completely, I catch a glimpse of Brian by Carli’s side. He whispers something into her ear and then falls apart making my heart sink into the worn out ground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too hard? Tell me what you thought, predictions and so on!!! 
> 
> Summary: Tobin recovers from her fear of heights slowly with the help of Becky. Mostly through exercises such as dropping 10 feet to the floor onto a mat. As Becky and Tobin go to get the day started, they get the news that Carli's been in a car accident. She's in critical conditions as she lost a large amount of blood and a baby she didn't know she was carrying. Carli's body suffered no broken bones by a pure luck but did get one of her kidneys damaged. When Tobin asks for details, Michael tells Tobin they will need to fight for them as the police won't hand any evidence over. Ash goes to Tobin's to drop off food for Ali on Tobin's request and picks up Hope and Brian as Tobin goes to see Allie. Tobin is stuck between wanting and not wanting Allie on the squad (since Becky and Carli are removed from the squad untill Carli recovers completely) but decides it's the only way she can protect Allie. Why? Well turns out Carli's accident wasn't an accident. They targeted her, that is why Tobin requested everyone on the squad have special agents assigned to them(without them knowing)to protect them in case who ever hurt Carli decided to strike again. Along with this, Tobin want's to be the bait to set up whoever did this. As the chapter comes to an end, Tobin wins the right to the evidence from Carli's accident for four hours. Before she can go examine it, Ash arrives with Hope and Brian at the hospital. Hope acts very weird, snapping at Tobin in random occasions and even insulting her. Brian is very distraught but very cooperative and even agrees that Tobin should hold power over what happens to Carli (Tobin will have Carli transported to Citadel with Doctor Emmett and his team along with Becky where they will stay until she recovers). At the end, Tobin tells Brian about the loss of their child. Hope breaks down while Brian remains still and asks to see Carli(who's been put under deep sleep). The chapter ends with Brian whispering something into Carli's ear and breaking down as Tobin closes the door.


	30. Vs.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evidence and surgeries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, gives some important details that will later be useful...also wrote this to allow some time to pass in the story. Next chapter: Pain that is felt in the Bones. Going to be a tough chapter to write but I will start it as soon as I finish uploading this on.
> 
> It's finals week so please be patient haha

Vs. 

“You’ve wasted three hours ESS Heath”

“I know” I say through gritted teeth as I sign a packet that says I won’t break any of the rules the police have established. Tossing the pen onto the clipboard, I hustle the guard.

“I’ve wasted three hours, can’t you walk faster”

“That’s your fault, not mine. And watch it, I can have you arrested”

“Hmmm…wonder how Axiom would react to their favorite Scout being arrested for hurrying a guard to the evidence of the crash of her right hand whom is also a scout after she was late to viewing it because she was breaking the news to the husband of her right hand? A riot would be the least they would do, maybe they’d fill a lawsuit, fire you from your job, maybe eliminate the police branch in general and hand the power over to Kardia…wouldn’t want that would you” I say with an eye roll. The guards eyes burn the scanner as he opens the door. _That’s right you little fucker. I have the power, not you._

“You have forty minutes and not a second more”

“Thank you” I say with the sweetest voice I can muster. The guard murmurs a curse and closes the metal door. I check for cameras and microphones quickly but don’t find a single thing. _All to my self._ I set my clock to count down from 35. I pull out my glasses that I put in my pocket and slide them on. Checking the door, I press a button on my clock and my glasses display a menu on the glass. As I had predicted, the police took my phone, a pen I had with me, my car keys and pretty much anything that could possible copy the evidence. _Everything except my clock_. After punching a guy and Michael threatening to sue Axiom’s police station, I was allowed to keep my watch with the excuse that one, I’m Athena’s agent, I need to have a form of connection with Citadel at all times in case something happens and two, that’d I’d punch someone else if I wasn’t allowed to go in with it. After a police man checked my watch for cameras, _Idiot didn’t even know how to turn it on_ , he said it was fine. My glasses weren’t an issue whatsoever. _Fucking idiots._

“Lets get to work” I grab the plastic curtains that block the view of the car. Taking in a deep breath, I pull them open. _Oh my…._ My jaw drops to the floor that’s been covered by plastic to ensure the evidence doesn’t get contaminated. T _he doctor was right…there is no way Carli should have survived._ Letting go of the curtains, I press a button on my clock and a light illuminates from my glasses and begins to scan the car. I begin to slowly walk around the car, making sure to get every inch of the of it. _Have to make sure they didn’t tamper with any evidence._ I check for blood but don’t find any. _Spotless, like Michael said it would be_. As I finish scanning the car, I take a moment to breath. Looking at my clock, I see I still have 25 minutes. Better get on to all the paper work and videos. I grab a stool and drag it to the metal desks with boxes that say Confidential RED. Taking the lid of the closet one to me, I press a button on my clock and begin to scan every paper, front and back, as fast as possible. As I get through the first four boxes I realize I’m going to need more time. Shooting Michael an alert from my watch, I pick up the pace. My fingers are filled with paper cuts by the time I finish with the tenth box. _Only 7 minutes left._ I don’t bother putting the papers back in place, I rush over to the computers and realize it’s going to take me at least five minutes to manipulate the computers without trace to get copies of every video. I begin my hacking the way Mark and Frost taught me when my clock buzzes. 

_Buying you 10._

I silently thank him as I continue my illegal breach. With the last push of a button, the files upload to my private network within 30 seconds.

“Thank you Frost and Mark for the nerd talk” I say out loud as I close the program to how it was. I clean the keyboard the way Captain America taught me when I was younger so the police can’t trace my fingerprints. Walking back to the metal desks, I begin to put the papers back into their corresponding boxes when I see two box’s lying on the ground across the room. Setting down the papers in my hand, I walk to the boxes and kneel before them. Taking the lid off one of them, I see random items like parts of a car, some tin cans that are labels samples of oil or dirt, and other things but there is one thing that does catch my eye. It's a small burnt up piece of paper. Or at least what’s left of it, which is the corner. It’s white in the corner with a deep navy blue line running on the top. As I reach to press scan on my clock, the heavy metal door opens and the snobby police calls my name.

“Alright Heath, time is up” I curse under my breath and close the box. Scanning my eyes over the label of the other box, I make a mental note of the ID's go the boxes. _101203511-13_. Closing the box, I get up and walk to the guard.

“I hope you used your time wisely” The guard says as he closes the door

“Better than you” I murmur as I speed walk past him. Reaching the lobby, Michael quickly stands up from a couch.

“What’d you find”

“101203511 through 13” I repeat to myself as I walk past him shooting a nod towards the door. He quickly follows suit as I get into the car. Pulling out my phone of the bag they kept it in, I quickly type the ID into my notes.

“What was”

“I need you to file a law suit”

“Against who” Michaels eyes widen

“The police, I got just about every piece of evidence but I missed two boxes at the end. They had…random things in them. Well at least one, I didn’t get to the other one”

“So what you want me to fight for them”

“Well at least get me 10 minutes with them. They were placed away from the other evidence”

“Maybe they’re not important”

“Or maybe they didn’t belong to Carli’s vehicle” Michael squints his eyes and thinks about it.

“I’ll see what I can do”

“If you can’t, I know another way”

“Which is”

“Its best if I don’t tell you” Michael expression says it all as he realizes it’s something illegal.

“Um, okay. Did you watch the video”

“Not yet, I couldn’t bare to waste time and I wasn’t prepared” He nods and orders to driver to go. When we arrive to Citadel, we immediately go to the surgery room.

“How’s it going” I ask Brian who sits in the wait room.

“I don’t know yet. Hope went out about an hour ago. Carli’s in the prep room getting ready for the transplant”

“Are you hungry? We brought a bunch of food”

“No thank you” He says as she stares at his ring.

“It’s going to be a long procedure, you should get something into your stomach”

“I feel like I’ll puke it if I do”

“I feel you” I say as I take a seat close to him, I leave at least one chair in between us for personal space. Letting out a sigh, I bury my head into my hands.

“You don’t have to be strong for us” I spread my fingers to allow my eyes to look out of my small niche and turn my head every so slight to catch his stare. “You may be the scout, but that doesn’t mean you have to take in the beating. You know, when you told me what happened, I didn’t get mad. Yeah you may be the scout but you’re only human Tobin. Theres one of you and nine of them… Carli’s alive, she’s in one piece, that’s all I can ask for. Don’t blame this on yourself. Blame it on the people who targeted her, blame it on those who want to inflict harm towards those who only try to tame it. You’re not the cause Tobin. Remember that” I take a deep breath and let his words sink in. His stomach growls and I left out a muffled giggle.

“Sounds like your stomach is hungry”

“Maybe a little”

“Come on, theres soup and other delicious foods” He gets up and follows me to the private squad lunch room. The squads are all gathered around a few tables they moved around, eating and sharing stories of Carli.

“Go on, they don’t bite. I’m going to see how the procedure is going” I smile and he does too.

The walk to the surgery room fells longer than usual. As I reach the view room, I walk in and see Becky staring through the glass. Attentive to every move.

“How’s it going” I ask as I stand next to her and watch Doctor Emmett and his team work on Hope.

“Good, they’ve moved everything out of the way and will be ready to start cutting in the next few minutes” I nod not really knowing what she meant but moved and cut but I don’t ask for clarification.

“Will they be storing her kindey until Carli is prepped or”

“Carli is already prepped, we didn’t want to take chances and wait. Hope’s compatible by 80% so that leaves a 20% gap”

“Do we have back up”

“Yeah, Brian. It should be him, not Hope” She says a bit angrily. I bite my lip. When Brian went to get tested and verified for the surgery, Hope cornered me and demanded to be the donor. I’ve never see someone so determined before. The look in her eyes expressed so much need that I didn’t argue. _She may have insulted me, but she is Carli’s best friend._

“What was Brian’s compatibility”

“90”

“Becky” I begin but she shakes her head

“I know, I just. It hurts Tobin. Every time I touch her, she body shakes. It’s in pain… I keep running scenarios through my head of the her state when she wakes and it scares me. She’s one of the strongest people I know and seeing her so fragile, it’s heartbreaking” I hug Becky who lets a few tears run free. _I know Beck, I know._

* * *

I watch Carli’s entire surgery from start to finish. Becky, Doctor Emmett and his team did an incredible job. Walking by Carl’s side all the way to Becky’s lab, I hold her hand. _You’re going to be okay Carl’s, I know you will be._ As the nurses lock the bed in place, I grab a chair and pull it up to her. “I don’t know if you can hear me, you probably can’t, but I just want to say I’m sorry…I really am. I would do anything to switch places with you. Within a heart beat. I would do anything to hear that snarky voice of yours challenging me, telling me you’d break my record, telling me I’m the slowest slow poke you’ve ever seen” I giggle as I wipe some tears that roll down my face “You’d be mad that I’m crying right now ‘Women up Heath’” I mimic with another laugh. “Carli Lloyd, Kardia’s badass” I say as my smile starts to vanish “I love you bud. With all my heart and I promise I won’t rest until I find who did this, you hear me. You taught me that, to never stop. ‘Can’t stop won’t stop’” I whisper as I give her hand a gentle kiss. Standing up, I give my right hand a good look over and walk out of the room. _Never stop Tobs. Never._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Carli's going to be okay, well at least that's what I have planned now. But Hope eh? No drunk Hope in the future, sorry haha 
> 
> Predictions to what'll happen in "Pain that is felt in the Bones"?


	31. Pain that is Felt in the Bones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a pain that is felt in the bones. A pain that is so immense, evening being hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Officially done with finals! YAYYAYYAYYA. Anyhow, this is a tough chapter. I didn't want too detailed but at the same time it's hard no to be detailed. Emotional chapter.

Pain that is Felt in the Bones

As my boots clink against the metal, I walk to Elite Squad section and greet the guys whom are on their break.

“Slacking on the job” I smack Theo whom flips over on the couch.

“He was hit by an ATV” Tim responds for him

“No way”

“Yeah, Ramando was chasing a guy on the ATV and Theo ran across the street without looking”

“Ouch” I say as I walk with Tim to the coffee station. Pouring myself a big cup, I breath in the sweet smell.

“I don’t understand how you guys like coffee, its bitter”

“Its heaven” Pinoe says as she also grabs a big cup

“If there even was a heaven” Tim says as he takes a drink of juice. I nod my head in agreement. Pinoe just shrugs. It is rare the person who is religious here in Kardia, or any part of the world actually. Our world is so advanced, so contradicting of physics and the laws of the god that it is almost impossible to believe there is one.

“Have you guys ever thought of it, a god” Pinoe asks

“No…no god that is good would select certain individuals to live and die over and over again for a living, No god would let despair run free through the towns of the weak. No god would create a world such as ours, a world of hatred, power and deception. And if there was one, than he is no god” Tim and Pinoe nod in agreement. We stand in silence, sipping on our drinks until Becky arrives.

“Sorry I’m late, I was ensuring everything was”

“It’s okay Becky, how’s Carli”

“She’s good, her vitals are improving. Also, I talked to Doctor Emmett and he agrees that we should keep her out until her lacerations recover 100%. I already got his signature so we should be good to go with her plan of recovery”

“Very good and Hope”

“Hope's stitching is recovering well, it’s only been a week so we want to give her another week here until we are 100% sure it won’t infect. We also want to ensure her other kidney can handle all the work and meds she’ll be on”

“That’s fine, but she does know visiting hours right. Carli’s body needs rest”

“She does”

“Good, we should get going. We have nine battles to go” Setting down my cup of coffee, I walk over to Laure who sits at a desk with Ash discussing something about her suit.

“Hey Laure, Becky’s here. You can go to your sector now or hang here with the two knuckle heads”

“I’ll probably stick around for a while and get going”

“Alright, I’ll see you around” I give her a hug and escort the girls to the weapon room but stop at Lauren’s command desk.

“What brings you here”

“Is there any way I can be connected to you and Allie at all times”

“I’m sorry Tobs but I can’t” Some worry begins to set in and Lauren pipes in “I could have Ash command Allie during that battle. That way I can sort keep an eye on her and tell you whats going on when she’s not by your side”

“That would be great, thank you”

The first five of the nine battles again Katos go well. Everyone manages to do their jobs precisely and quickly. It helps that they were all dominance battles too. The last four are all acquire battles which set off my nerves again.

“So what’s the plan” Press’s voice says from behind. I turn around in my chair and run a hand through my hair.

“Honestly… I don’t know” I breath as I stand up and walk around the various holograms inspecting everything for the hundredth time.

“Allie’s a tough cookie, she can handle the last few battles”

“It’s not Allie I’m worried about”

“Then what are you worried about”

“Katos and the battles, they are all acquire. All the stuff we’ve been doing up until now will not matter. They’re smart, quick”

“And arrogant”

“Put that aside, they are hurt”

“What do you mean”

“The last time we were in an acquire battle with Katos was March 27” I whisper as I look out to the clouds that block the battle field.

“Is that why you’ve been so antsy today”

“Partially, my minds just on over load. I haven’t rested well” _Partially due to the fact that Ali came down with a cold and it’s beating her hard._ “and I’ve spent most of my time going through evidence”

“You need rest”

“I need a plan. Katos is coming for blood, forget everything else. I have trust in you guys, I just don’t trust them. I don’t trust their intentions”

“Look, everyones on top shape. They know what’s on the line. As for Allie, Ash is commanding her”

“That’s the thing, Ash still isn’t reacting fast enough”

“Why don’t you switch Lauren and Ash” I stare at her with a rather blank face “Okay, maybe not but come on, we’ve beat them the last five battles. We can beat them the last four” Press walks over to me and takes my face in her hands. “I know you’re worried, I understand that but sometimes, theres nothing you can do about it. Focus on the mission, not on them” The warning alarm sounds and I close my eyes. Christen runs her thumb over my cheek making me smile. Opening my eyes, I catch her staring at me with a different look.

“Come on, lets go kick some ass” We rush to the drop and quickly gather the squad. Taking in a deep breath, I begin.

“We have dominated and showed our strength and devotion these past five battles. Carli would be so proud… But these last four battles…they wont be like the rest. Katos in specific won’t be the same. You all know what today marks. You all know what these last four battles means to them. You know they are coming for us with no mercy, in specific they are coming for me…so let them. Let them use their energy, let them use their strength, let them be the ones to strike first. It is always darkest before the dawn…Now, I know you may be asking what is the plan and to be honest, I don’t have one. All I will ask from you is three things. Your heads, be smart and wise. Your patience, it’s going to be a long four battles so I need you guys to be patient, no matter how hard it gets. And lastly, I ask for remembrance, for those whom we lost, on our side and theres. We clear” Everyone nods “Good, I want Pinoe scouting with Syd, Allie stick with me” The drop alarm sounds and we jump out. It is clear from the beginning that Katos are looking for revenge as the first three battles are played out to the last minute, Kardia being victorious in all three by just 5%.

“Fuck” Pinoe whispers as we round the corner of a building

“What is it”

“They have a troop of like 8 guarding the whole platform”

“Move” I say as I yank Pinoe backwards. Sticking my head out into the street enough to get a look at platform A, I see what she’s talking about.

“Amy, is there some way around Platform A”

“Let me look” I slowly walk backwards and wait for Amy to scope platform A. The only platform we don’t have control over.

“There seems to be a stair case on the other side but it’s risky. It’s right in front of the hill side and I know for sure there are two snipes. Son of a guns are hiding well but not well enough”

“Can you clear it long enough for us to get on the platform”

“How many are with you”

“Pinoe, Krisitie, Allie and I”

“I think I can cover” I nod and assemble the girls “Pinoe, clear the two by the front stair case. While Pinoe does that, Kristie, run to the other side and start clearling from there. Work your way to the middle, eliminate ever damn link you find. Allie, wait here for about a minute and check if anyone comes out of these buildings. If they do, tell me and I’ll handle it. If no one comes out, head for the platform and begin hacking. Got it”

“Yes Scout”

“We’re ready Amy” I count off to three and we all split in our directions. Bullets fly by me for a second before Pinoe takes out the shooters. I run past the side of the platform and wait for Amy’s go. As I hear her, I book it to the stair case. Shots come at me one by one as the snipes find it hard to shoot at me while Amy shoots at them. When I reach the top of the large platform, I rise my gun and begin to make my way to the front. The heavy shoes of a red in the distance force me to hide behind a small box. As they come near, I kneel in such position that I can shoot but protect as much as my body possible. Right as the red steps onto the platform, I pull the trigger.

“Nice shot” I jump forward as a wave of fear and anger rush through my body.

“Fuck Kristie, you scared me”

“Sorry, the platform is clear”

“Why isn’t Allie hacking the component” I ask a bit confused. _If the platform is clear, why isn’t she up here hacking…oh gosh._ Running past Krisitie I rush to the component.

“Start hacking” I yell back at Kristie. I begin to jump over boxes finding that I lose speed as I move around them.“Where is she” I yell through my connection with Lauren as I practically jump off the top of the stair case. I hear Lauren cover the microphone as she turns to ask Ash. Reaching the building we were hiding behind I find that she isn’t there.

“Sixth building to your left…theres lots of reds” _Fuck_.

“I need you down here Pinoe” I gulp as I reload my gun. _Why does she never listen why I say to no engage in battle…Allie Allie Allie._ As I finish reloading, Pinoe comes into sight.

“What’s going on”

“Allie”

“The girl has some balls”

“Don’t encourage it” I say as I rush to the building Lauren was talking about. Without really thinking it through, I bust the door open setting off some small explosives. The jerk backwards is small but my weight isn’t.

“Fuck, what have you been eating” Pinoes raspy voice questions as I get off of her

“Sorry, I didn’t really think it through”

“I can tell” I help her up and we enter the building. Immediately in the first floor we find two squad members and three reds. Pinoe hides behind a metal wall as I stand behind the door way.

“Looks like Allie found their niche”

“We’re going to need help. Theres 25 on the clock but we’re down to 38”

“I’ll call in Syd and Press” I nod and open fire towards the reds on the other side of the hall. In accident, I hit one square in the no no zone. Ooops.

“It’s a little too bright in here don’t you think” Pinoe says

“A little” I press a button on my suits and all the lights die. The clock counts down from 40 as Pinoe and I kill our power and rely on our night vision to take out the five reds without a sound. As the lights come on, I gasp.

“Pinoe” I stamper out as she looks down at her left side. Blood slowly drips out of a small hole in her suit.

“Fuck”

“Becky, Becky I need you here” I calmly say

“I’m like 10 miles out” “

Hijack a vehicle, punch a bitch, do whatever it takes, just get here. Pinoe’s bleeding” I cut the line and pick Pinoe up.

“I can walk”

“And I can hold you now shut up while I find a place to put you” As I walk back the way we came in, I hear the voices of some reds. _Maybe not_.

“We aren’t going to make it anywhere if you carry me” Pinoe says as I begin to go up the stairs. I don’t even respond as I continue. She groans as I toss her lightly to get a better grip.

“Sorry”

“It’s okay” She half lies. I clench my teeth and quietly walk into the farthest room down the hall. _It’s empty_. Setting Pinoe down, I reconnect to Lauren.

“Where’s Allie”

“In the building you're in I believe”

“You believe” I nearly yell

“Sorry, Ash is a little slow”

“For fucking sake” I hiss

“Just tell Ash to command Allie back here” I take off my backpack and begin to go through my things. _Explosive, link, another link, a strap, revive needle, A STRAP_. I grab the strap and immediately get an idea. As I take my helmet off, I count to three.

“Tobin, Tobin what are you doing” Pinoe’s terrified voice echos through the room as I kill the power off my suit and begin to unzip it.“Tobin stop, you’re going to get yourself killed” She tries but I don’t listen. Once the top of the suit is off I take off my body heat shirt. I quickly get back into my suit and put my helmet back on.

“YOU FUCKING IDIOT ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED” Lauren fumes. Rolling my eyes, I turn off my connection with her and move to Pinoe.

“You’re not going to hear the end of it when we get back”

“Well, firstly, I can’t let you bleed out. Secondly, you won’t be able to transcend if I don’t close the hole” I fold the length the shirt up until it’s about the same width of the long sleeve. Slowly, Pinoe sits up and I wrap the shirt around her waist tightly. Grabbing the strap, I tie it around her waist as well for support.

“Is it too tight”

“No, it’s good. Thanks” Helping Megan up, she tests her ability to move. She only winces when she turns her waist.

“Do you think you can make it”

“You took your suit off risking your body not only to the chemicals out here but to someone coming in and killing you. Yes I can make it. Lets go dumbass” She says with both a shaky but joking voice. I force Pinoe to stand by the stair case as I clear the third and last floor of the building. Reaching the roof door, I prepare myself for what’s behind the door. Slamming it open, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding in.

“Tobin” Becky’s uneven voice says. Immediately the nerves come back.

“What is it”

“We have a problem”

“On my way”

“It’s on your way Tobin” I rush to the roof as Pinoe struggles to keep up. Looking over the roof, my screen flashes in red. _Enemy hacking component A_. But that’s not what makes things go slow, it’s the three tanks coming down the street.

“Where are you”

“About 4 miles out” I gulp as I look at the status of the battle.

“Fuck” I whisper with fear.

“What”

“We only have 23 clones left and 10 on the clock”

“Okay, okay. We’re okay, if everyone sticks with at least another one, we can hold them off. They will not try to engage in battle if their numbers are low…will they”

“They have 25 clones Beck…Lauren’s trying to reach me. Just get here”

“You need to leave the building, now Tobin”

“Why” “NOW” As she yells as the tanks fire. My senses go into over drive as I push Pinoe to the floor and cover her body with mine. Not wasting a second, I pick Pinoe up and rush down the stairs. As I reach the bottom floor, I let her down.

“Thanks Lauren” I say with a dry voice.

“You should be okay now, Becky is about a mile away. Ash where’s, Ash?” I hear Lauren get out of her chair and move. I zone her out as I exit the building and take a look towards component A. My radar reads two Kardia agents behind a stack of missiles that were placed in a V formation towards the bottom of the stair case. I spot Allie standing next to the stair case. She’s safe. I look down at the road and see the Tanks still, two agents moving their way towards the missiles. Taking a look at the status bar, I see that we have 3 clones left with a minute on the clock. It doesn’t take Lauren’s screeching voice or Syd’s running figure in the corner of my eye to connect the dots. My feet dig into the dirt leaving a cloud of dust as I run like never before. My muscles ache as I stretch them beyond normal, my breath shortens by the seconf and panic pumps through my veins and into my bones as I yell Allie’s name. She turns and backs up to the missiles as she tries to spot my voice.

I watch it in slow as the reds reach the missiles, as Syd jumps onto the tanks to try and avert the attention, as the tanks fire seconds before I can reach them, before I can reach Allie. I watch it all happen, as it were coordinated to happen right before my eyes. My thin body flies through the air like a piece of paper, my eyes stay open as I anticipate the hit but it never comes. The ache in my heart doesn’t either. Instead, a pain so strong, a pain beyond the heart, settles in my bones. A pain so intense and powerful that even the battle field itself can’t stand the burden. The force field walls collapse, as does everything else. Darkness consumes everything. Not a soul capable of being because for once, not even the world we live in could bare the tragedy, for once, more was lost than won. Everything stops, including my thinking and breathing as the world takes a moment to soak in the happening and as faith decides our future.

At one point, I regain my senses and sight but can’t see or feel. I begin to push myself up but am immediately held back by something. My head throbs so I bring my hand up to remove my helmet. As soon as I make contact with it, I retrieve my shaking hand. The power of my suit weakly turns on and I find that I’m laying on a medical bed. Doubt settles in the pit of my stomach as I unlatch the strap around my body and push myself up. As I remove my cracked helmet and see the beaten state it is in, I let it go. It rolls on the cold floor as images play through my head. My dry lips quiver as I open the door and find Michael, Becky, Tim and Sepp standing outside the door. Their heartbroken eyes look up confirming my worst fears. I turn and run towards Lauren’s command center. No one reacts fast enough as I grab Ash with shaking hands and throw her across the room. I charge right after her with hate as her despairing eyes stare into mine. Before I can lay my hands on her, my body falls, only this time, it falls forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What. Do. You. Feel. About. That?!?! Crazy! I know! Comment, just do it


	32. Words (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I was not expecting such a big reaction to the last chapter! Goodness, it gives me such motivation to keep writing when I hear that some of you are touched by the death of a character. 
> 
> One comment made me giggle though (don't get mad at me for pointing you out). Someone said they weren't fond of Allie in RL but were keen to her in the story. I feel you. I've met Allie in RL and she's pretty great. Very genuine and nice, she even tried holding a conversation with my father in spanish which I found to be very sweet. On the field she can be a little frustrating but I guess I don't really judge her since she plays for my hometown. lol, but I'm so happy you liked her in the story! I'm sorry I had to write her off...I promise you I'll make it up later in the story
> 
> Anyhow, this first part was moderate to write. I'm nearly finished with part 2 (which is really hard to write, I keep catching the feels) so tune in later today to catch that. I took a few days off to be with my family and friends as I hardly had time to really bond with this last term. But don't be scared, I'm back to writing on the daily now. I want to finish the story before 40/45 chapters, 50 is the max (It's been a long story) so start checking in regularly. As for the end of the story, I have it set but I don't know whether I was to write a follow up story or just end it at the end...I guess I can have a vote once the ending is near

Words

The cold surface of the floor gives some ease to my hate. My weak body knocks over empty bottles as I rise from the floor that was my niche for the night. _Why doesn't it stop?_ I seal my eyes shut as the events from last night unravel in my mind.

* * *

“Tobin, now is not the time” Frost pleads with emotions. How he feels emotions, I don’t know, all I know now is that I have to see it again. _Just one more time._  

“Open the door Frost” I hiss as I try to open the secret compartment of my hidden command room.

“No”

“Open the door Frost” I say a bit harsher.

“I will alert Becky if you dare to go in” He threatens. 

“Don’t test me”

“I will do whatever it takes to forbid you from falling”

“Just open the damn door” I demand

“No”

“Why won’t you fucking let me see it!” I yell out as I punch the wall hard. My emotions grow wild and I do the only thing I can think of.

“What are you doing”

“The only thing I can do” Walking briskly to my room, I push a cabinet in the closet aside and start pulling on the control panel.

“Tobin, don’t do this”

“You leave me no choice Frost” I fume as I finally get the darn panel off.

“There is a choice Tobin, it’s the choice of moving forward”

“Moving forward Frost!? How the hell am I supposed to move forward, how am I supposed to let go of her Frost?! How! How do you want me to let go of the fact that she thought I could save her” My voice breaks and I hold my hand still above the scanner of Frost’s power “How am I supposed move forward when all that I care about is in the past” I whisper as I push my hand to the scanner. The power source of the apartment, including Frost's shuts down and the apartment falls silent. Putting everything back, I walk to the empty hall and stare at the wall. No one except Frost knows theres a secret control room in my quarter. Taking a second look at the wall, I walk to the kitchen and grab all the alcohol I can find. Sitting next to the wall, I open a beer and drown the sorrow.

* * *

 

I block out the voices in my head and look towards the wall that remains shut. Closing my eyes, I pop the secret scanner out of its place and open the heavy door. As the door slowly complies, I grab the three bottles that remain unopened and walk inside. I let my body fall into the chair as it hurts to stand. Once the door has closed, a small hologram pops up on the glass desk asking for the scan of my diamond and ID. I toss my hair up and expose my neck to the hologram on the back wall and retrieve to the desk to type in my ID. Once I'm verified, the room comes to life. I grab a bottle and drink it down to the last drop. Wiping my mouth dry, my tired eyes look at the screen and I press play.

I torture myself for hours as I replay ever video and angle till my eyes can no longer cry. My hands numbed cold as they have been clamped shut the whole time. With every review, the mistakes become salient with a first glance. The weight of my chest is so heavy that I let my body fall forward onto the desk. My profound cries of pain muffle out the remaining videos. 

 _It's all my fault_. I repeat over and over again. Reaching for another beer I realize theres no more. The anger arises again and I throw the empty glass against the wall. The sound of the glass breaking fuels my anger and I continue to throw the bottles until every part of the room is covered in small pieces of glass that cut into every exposed part of my skin. At one point, I grip the bottle so hard it breaks on my hand. Only then do I realize what I'm doing. 

I look at my shaking hands with sorrow as the blood drips through my grip, my heaving chest aching. The pain that radiates from my cuts forces me to sit. As the tears of sorry make their way down my face and onto my palms, I catch the sound of the ongoing video and look up. It's the view of March 27 from Allie's helmet. My attention immediately averts to the screen. _Where did this video come from?_ I think as I wipe my face with the top of my hands. I rotate the angle to see Allies face. Looking at the clock on the corner of the video I realize it's a video about two minutes before the chaos unfolded on March 27. 

**_"So what do you think"_ **

**_"I think that's, amazing. Yes I'm 100% on board with it"_ **

**_"Thank you Carli, you don't know how much this means to me and how much it'll mean to her" Allie pauses and shoots at someone while Carli throws a grenade somewhere._ **

**_"You're a good best friend, it gives me ease to know she'll will always have you" the word always makes my lips quiver but it's not what makes me break. It's Allies follow statement._ **

**_"I just hope that I never have to be without her. My only hope is that if anything happens, it happens to me. Because a world without my sister, is not a world I want to be in"_ ** the pain in my bones that had I had suppressed returns, but I continue to watch the video. I watch as Carli and Allie react to the news. Never had I ever seen this video. I suppose Frost blocked it out every time I was in here but since I killed the power, there's nothing restricting me from seeing it. 

As the video goes black, I reach to turn it off but stop as the video continues. It's Allies panicked voice along with Becky’s,I presume they’re running… towards me. Becky's cursing and Allies silently praying. Like actually praying. Hearing her pray sparks a new emotion within me. An emotion of aversion. Not towards Allie but towards God. _How could you kill her, how could you kill one of your children!?  How dare you take away a soul as beautiful as hers, a soul that beloved in you!?_ The video finally cuts as they find me spawned on the gravel floor. I turn the power off and let out a heavy breath. My chest rises and falls rapidly as I find myself growing angry all over again. I'm about to slam my fist against the desk until I hear footsteps down the hall. _Ali._ I get up from the chair and close my eyes for second.  Stepping out into the hall and ensuring the door behind me closes, I begin to pick up the empty bottles. I feel her eyes on me and I turn to look at her. Immediately, the protective and knight side of me sets in as Ali's eyes hold a look of sadness I've seen in few eyes. I rush to her side and embrace the smaller girl. And though it is me that is comforting the girl, it is I that relaxes into the hug. And for a mere second, the haunting pain I have felt for the last five days disappears. 

Once she’s done crying, I walk us to the kitchen. I tell her to wait as I rush back to the small hallway and gather the bottles. Running back into the kitchen, I dispose of them.

"Tobin, your hands" Ali gasps as I look at them. _Oh wow_.

"I, yeah, I forgot about that. Can you grab the medical kit under the skin" my dry voice coughs out. She quickly grabs it and follows me to the dinning room table. She reaches for a cloth to wipe the blood but I stop her. 

"Not that I don't want you help but I can't let you touch my blood. It's quite rare" I try joking as I take the cloth and begin to clean the cuts. 

"You've been drinking"

"And you've been crying" I reply softly. Opening a gel package from the kit, I place it on the wounds. The stinging of the gel makes my jaw clench but at least I know that it's working. 

"I, I had a bad dream... I don't know if it was a dream actually. But I think I know how I got here" I glimpse at her and she continues. "I don't exactly know but I just, I was running on the street. From what? From where? I don't know but I was listening to music and I was running. As I stopped to take a break by the edge of the road. I heard waves crashing" At the mention of waves, I put my hair up and look at her.

“Waves, like the ocean” I ask with the smallest hope

“Exactly, and then, I was falling. It wasn’t like that sensation you have during sleep when you feel like you are falling, no, I felt it, I saw it. It was dark, I heard a lot of noises, noises of gun fire. My head throbbed and I tried standing up but it ended…and now I can’t get the feeling out of my head, out of my system” She’s shaking without even realizing it. As I finish wrapping my hands in gauze, I take one of her hands in mine and lead her to a guest room I use more as a storage room.

“So this is actually another room” She thinks out loud.

“Let me grab something” I say as I search through a box. When I find the thing I was looking for, I wallk over to Ali who sits on the bed. I trace the rim of the worn out navy blue box and I hand it to her. “I’m sorry to hear about your dream or flashback but theres nothing I can do about it. I wish I could but I’m no super hero. So I want you to have this. I found it when I was little, it’s what kept me grounded through all the hard times. Maybe it’ll do the same for you” Ali is hesitant to take the box but eventually does. She gasps as she traces the small necklace down to the little diamond anchor on it.

“Tobin, I can’t”

“It’s yours now, no take backs” I laugh and she lightly smiles “Here, I’ll help you put it on”

“Your hands are practically falling apart” She giggles

“I put medication on them, they’ll heal up within the next hour”

“Fine” As I put the necklace on her, I can’t help but stare at the back of her next. I’m so used to seeing people with a diamond that for a second, I thought of her as abnormal.

“There” I say as I let my hands fall on my lap. She turns to greet me with a big hug.

“Thank you, it’s beautiful”

“Something beautiful for someone beautiful, it’s an appropriate fit” She slightly blushes at my comment and I giggle

“Sorry”

“Don’t be, its good to see you smile. It’s been a while” I let out a sigh and nod. “Tobs, I just want you to know you can always come to me…I know I don’t know much but for the last four days you’ve been crying yourself to sleep. You haven’t eaten, you’ve been overly drinking, you won’t even say my name…we may be in a pent house but I can hear the your heart dying, I can see your bone breaking with every step you take, I can sense it Tobs, I can sense your vulnerable soul ” She says with furrowed brows and sympathy. Every word that slips her mouths hits me in all the wrong places as I come undone before her. My aching body quakes as I a cry erupts from the bit of my stomach.

“She’s gone, Allie’s gone” I barely manage to get out as the feeling of guilt fills my lungs.

“Allie” She whispers to herself in disbelief. “Oh my gosh” She wraps her arms around me the same way she has every time I cry.

“It’s my fault, I didn’t protect her”

“No, don’t say that, don’t torture yourself with that”

“But it’s true! If I wouldn’t have left her side, she would still be here. They all would be here” I whisper as I think of the four agents killed along with Allie, two from Kanatos and two from Kardia.

“Don’t, you have to stop. You’re only hurting yourself more” Ali begs, I bury my head into her sweater as she tries to sooth the pain.

“It should have been me”

“And what if it was you” Ali exclaims pulling me away from her “What if it was you? What if you were in Allie’s place? What would she be doing right now Tobin, what would everyone here be doing? What would happen then Tobin?! Tell me, because from the looks of your life, your squad depend on you, the world depends on you! I depend on you. Don’t you see it Tobin, there was nothing you could do. And I’m sorry, I’m really sorry you lost your best friend but you can’t spend the rest of your life killing your heart with those thoughts. She wouldn’t want that”

“She would have gotten married in two weeks, two fucking weeks” I sob “But that’s not what hurts the most…What hurts the most is that…it’s that it was my fault she was there in the first place. My right hand Lloyd was in an accident, and I needed to protect Allie from the people who hurt Carli. The only way to do that was get her on the squad…Now you see why I’m dying inside! Why my bones ache with every step I take, because the weight of my decision holds me grounded. Forcing me to remember it day and night. Forcing me to remember that I will never win. It’s a cruel way of reminding me that I’m never going to be able to save anyone, including myself. I’m no hero Al, I’m no hero at all” With that, I continue crying into her arms. It’s a while before the heaviness of my eyes start to get the best of me. I’m half way into sleep when I hear Ali’s words of hope.

“You’re not a hero but you’re not a villain either, you’re a knight…A fallen knight whom is consumed by the darkness of the world. A darkness that you have adapted since you were young. A dark knight trying to restore hope back into the abyss of the forgotten. That’s what you are Tobs and nothing less" 

* * *

I button the black shirt to my neck and close my eyes as I think of the last time I wore this suit. Shaking my head, I tuck the shirt under my skinny slacks and pull up my pants zipper. Walking to the ottoman, I sit down and grab my black booties and slip them on. I fix the skinny slacks into the boots. Standing up, I grab the black blazer that goes with the suit. Unlike the other elite squad suits, this suit is entirely black, the Athena logo and decals included. Putting the blazer on, I button the two buttons the aline more towards my right side and play with the two buttons to the left side. _It's a shame that the best looking suit is made for the worst occasion._ I ponder as I hum to the mellow song that plays. I grab a thin bracelet made of pure gold with my Initials and rank. _ESS TH_ reads the simple decal. My thump traces over the initials as I put it on my right wrist next to my watch. 

Breathing in deep, I open two small boxes with two different bracelets, initials and ranks. The first one I grab is in a black box with a bronze Athena logo on it. Inside is a dark bronze bracelet which represents the level 4 fallen agent. _CAA SL._ Stephan Leno, the guy Syd stopped to help on our way to the ES section a while back. Opening the bracelet, I put it on my left wrist and clip it shut. Shutting its designated box, I move to the next box. 

This box has a Silver Athena logo on it. I grab the dark silver bracelet which represents the fallen level 5 agent. _FAH MC_ , Max Chandler. I saw him a few times while I walked by his sector. He was called upon the men's ES a couple of times. Tim will surly be giving an Akhilles token to the family as well. Taking the bracelet, I put it on my left wrist along with the first one.Closing the box, I take a deep breath. Unlike the first two, this box is entirely black, when you open it, the Athena logo glimmers in gold for a second before turning black again. Inside is a rare diamond bracelet. It's entirely black, cut by hand to perfection. The initials are not engraved like the other two either. The initials _ESA AL_ are engraved into the diamond bracelet in gold. The gold rim of the bracelet adds to its beauty. _What a gem_. I slowly bring the bracelet to my left had and clip it shut. The weight of bracelet tugs on my heart, not just metaphorically, but physically. We wear the bracelets on our left wrist for a reason. Our left arms are directly connected to our hearts, just like these three agents. They’re connect to me, to my heart, _forever_. I close the box and stack all three. The urge to throw them across the room is strong, but my hands are too weak. The wounds on my skin have healed but the damage inside hasn’t.

I leave the boxes on the cabinet and walk down to the bathroom. Walking over to the secret compartment, I open it and retrieve a black box from the back. I open it and remove the top four medals, placing them on their designated area below the Athena logo on the blazer, just below my heart. Gritting my teeth, I flip to the hidden compartment in the box and grab the fifth medal. The medal I received after March 27. Without looking, I put the medal on and close the box. I shut the compartment and go to the closet. Grabbing a box that was sent from Citadel, I cut through the tape.

Everyone on the squad must be doing the same thing as I right now. As I finally finish cutting through the tape, I throw the pathetic letter of condolence written by Sepp and the instructions to the side and reach through the foam balls for the box that contains the three medals we are to place on each casket today. Unlike my squad, my box has seven medals. Three are designed to look like the bracelets of the agents, a second one to represent Athena and a third rare one for Allie. It is only obtainable if on an elite squad and even than, the medal itself is hard to obtain. The qualifications are high but Allie was able to meet the qualifications. The qualification is to sacrifice yourself for one of your own. The reason it’s taken six days for the funerals to take place is because of an on going investigation that was needed to determine whether Allie sacrificed herself for the two Kardia agents or not. After replaying every angle we could get our hands on (which were very limited due to the way the unstable missile were set up) and examining the zone of death, it was clear that Allie indeed threw herself onto the agents. Her actions did not only qualified her for the honorary medal of life but for three other rare medals that will be given to her family at the funeral. In the end, Allie’s actions were of no use as the explosion was so catastrophic that even their suits could not withhold the damage. Their bodies were never found, not even a single drop of blood survived the explosion.

I take the the seven medals and place them above the Athena logo on my suit. Once they are all placed, I close the box and put it aside the three bracelet boxes I am to take to the funerals. I close my eyes as I walk by the mirror. Reaching inside the suit’s bag, I grab the long black wool coat that stretches to my knees that I am to use. I set it aside as I close the bag and hang it towards the back of my closet. Grabbing the four small boxes, I drape the coat on my right arm and turn the lights off. As I walk towards the stairs I stop momentarily by what used to be Allie’s room when she lived here. I have yet to go in as I can’t bare to see anything that reminds me of her yet. Without realizing, I see that my fist rests on the door, as if I were to knock. _Like I used to do at night to make sure she was asleep._ The memories cloud my brain as I remember all the times we shared here. _Its time_. I tell myself. Walking down the stairs, I walk into the kitchen were Ali sits.

“Wow, you look breath taking” She breaths as I set my coat and boxes on a chair.

“It’s a shame, that we have to wear these to such tragic events” I think as I pull out the med kit and apply my daily does of medicine to my hands.

“It is” She whispers “You’re hands are getting better though. The roughness of them is nearly gone”

“They are, they’re healing”

“One day at a time” She says with double meaning. I smile weakly at her as I put the med kit way and walk towards a locked compartment. I scan my hand and it opens. Grabbing a prepaid needle, I close the compartment and walk towards Ali who takes it. Turning my back to face her, she pushes my hair aside and counts to three before injecting the medication into my diamond.

“What’s this one do”

“Slows down my heart rate and stops me from…collapsing for the next few hours”

“Oh” She says awkwardly

“Everyone on the squad has to take it. Rules.”

“So pretty much it blocks the emotions”

“Yep”

“That’s fucked up” She whispers well under her breath but I’m a scout. I can hear everything, even the slightest step across the apartment in the kitchen at night awakes me.

“They don’t want to make it harder than it already is” I sort of explain as I throw the needle into a small garbage that lights up in flames and turns off once the needle has disintegrated.

“But its part of mourning. It’s the whole part of funerals, to mourn and to say goodbye. In a sense, they aren’t allowing you to let go”

“Maybe that’s what they want, for us to never let go”

“That’s wrong don’t you think? To not be allowed to feel”

“Its better not to feel”

“What do you mean”

“They invited this medication because of me. After March 27, I lost it. I drank everyday until I wiped out, I couldn’t look at anyone in the eyes”

“You still don’t”

“That’s not the point. As a scout, I have to lead my squad, I have to lead the entire forces. I have to be strong for them. They need me composed, not on the ground. Becky made this medication and implanted it into my diamond so that it’d release it every time I started losing my grip on reality. Like that one time I went out, when I was telling you about March 27. This is the same thing, just in a smaller dose and it doesn’t put me to sleep. My diamonds run out of the medication so I have to use this”

“How do you know it’s going to work”

“We’ve used it once before”

“But this isn’t just another day Tobs, this is”

“I know what day it is” _December 13, six days after December 7. The day my best friend died_.

“I’m just worried about you”

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine” I lie “But about what you said yesterday during dinner. About going to the funeral, there are too many people…people that I can’t trust. Not just that but your lungs are still not clear of the cold. It’s December, I would be lying if I didn’t tell you it was freezing outside. With that being said, when, when I, when this” I pause to try to unravel my thoughts “When I can make sure your body will react well to the environment, we can go see her, together” Ali’s gentle but warm smile says everything I need to know.

“I would love that”

“She would too” I mumble as I look at my clock. _7am._ “I have to get going, the first funeral is at 9 but I have to stop by Citadel to see Carli. Theres left overs in the oven and two gallons of juice. I don’t know when I’ll be home” I say as I put my coat on. She walks up to me and fixes my hair to my side, the way Allie liked it.

“Please, for the sake of me and Allie, don’t do anything reckless when your medication wears off” I hug the girl I’ve come to call a friend.

“I’ll do my best” She half smiles and watches me leave. I slip my left hand into the coats pocket and hold the boxes in my right hand. Taking the stairs, I reach the lobby where not a single soul roams. Kendall, along with the sweet lady down the hall will be at the funeral. Along with many others. Walking to my car in silence, I go for the Ford GT as I can’t yet see the defender as it was Ali’s favorite car. The motorcycle is out of the picture as my clock reads rain and snow. Opening the door, I place the boxes on the passenger seat and get in.

The drive to Citadel seems long when it only takes me 20 minutes to arrive. As I come to the second gate, I see Axel isn’t there.

“ID”

“ESS Tobin Powell Heath, ATUS17”

“Personal verified, you may proceed Scout”

“Asshole” I murmur as I drive forward. _No shit I’m Tobin_. I park in my spot and walk towards the building. Descending down a few floors, I reach Becky’s lab where she, Brian, Doctor Emmett and his team remain. The special agents guarding the elevators notify the doctor that I am here.

“Tobin, I didn’t know you were coming” Brian says as he stands up from the seat outside the lab.

“Sorry, I wanted to make a spot before heading” I don’t finish the sentence as he must know to what I am referring to.

“Don’t be, I’m glad to see you” He says referring to my disappearance for the last week.

“How’s she doing” I ask as I look through the glass

“Better, her bodies responding to the treatment”

“That’s a relief”

“It is, Doctor Emmett finished up with her just about an hour ago and Becky headed somewhere to change. I was just on my way to the gym for a morning work out. You two should be alone” He says

“Thank you”

“No worries, I’ll see you later” He gives me a gentle hug and walks to the elevator. Opening the door slowly, I walk in.

“Hey Carl’s” I whisper as if I were to wake the sleeping beauty. Grabbing a chair, I bring it to her bed. The lights are all off except for a small light outside her glass room. We had to modify the lab to create a little space for Carli. The glass cancels out most of the noise from the rest of the lab which is great. I look at her now recovered face and giggle.

“The moment you get back on the field, you’re going to get yourself ki” I stop as I can’t even say the word _Killed_ “Well, you’re going to do anything possible to transcend into a new body. The docs did what they could but you won’t like the scar on the side of you face” I half smile and let out a small breath.

“I’m sorry, for not visiting you this last week…if it were me in your place, you’d never skip a day. It’s just that…I’m hurt too Carl’s. I’m hurt and I don’t know how to stop hurting. It’s not a pain that can be sedated with medications or alcohol, even that doesn’t work” I confess with pain as I look at my scarred hands “It’s a pain in my bones, a pain that not even they can hold. The human bone is five times as strong as concrete, it can withhold a load of 19 thousand lbs but it can hold this burden Carl’s, I don’t know what to do anymore” My voice cracks “I wish more than anything you were awake. You’d take my place on the squad and I’d, I’d…I just want you to back Carl’s. I need you more than ever” I whisper as I silently cry into my hands. It takes me less than a minute to recover as the medication kicks in. Wiping my face dry, I take Carli’s hand in mine. “I promise, that I won’t give up until you wake up…but when that day comes, I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to hold on. You’ll throw a fit, insult me, maybe even punch me, but I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep adding names to my list. I vowed to never let someone die on my watch again and it happened Carl’s, it fucking happened” I stand up from the chair and look towards the lab. Breathing in deeply, I turn back and look at Carli.

“I’m going to keep my promise and find the people who did this. But I’m also going to keep a promise I made with Allie when we listed... I’m sorry Carl’s but I owe it to her. I’ll tell the board I won’t compete in the games this upcoming year. And when you recovery, we can talk retirement. Theres no reason to fight anymore. Theres no one left to protect” I begin to walk towards the exit oh her small glass room but stop. “Allie and you were planning something, for someone, I presume it was for me on the day of March 27. She was asking for your help and you said yes and you also said you were grateful to have her look out for me but she went on and said she never wanted to be a day without me…I guess, I guess. I guess she got what she had hoped for. Sweet dreams Scout” I glance at her relaxed state and walk towards the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I wrote Allie off but it was necessary... Allie's death is really what makes Alex and Tobin see a different side of each other. Allie subtly knitted them together and we'll see how in future chapters. For now, just take a few breaths and prepare for some tears, some heart ache and some subtle Talex. Chapter 35 will be from Alex's POV and we should really start getting a lot of interaction between the two from there.


	33. Words (Part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, what a morning...saw some Abby Wambach videos when I woke up, brought me to tears. She's a little rusty now but she's was the person I admired growing up. Sad to see her go but I'm gracious to have been able to see her play at her peak. A new generation begins...Press, Horan, JJ, Carli... lots to come for the USWNT. 
> 
> ANYHOW. Heres this chapter. I think it's kinda clear who'll I'm talking about at the end of this chapter...if ya don't know, I gave it away in my notes from yesterdays chapter. 
> 
> The Talex journey will begin from here, no kiss kiss talex yet, but ALOT of interaction from here on out. I guess I'll spare you some pain and give you a small hint of whats yet to come. Read the chapter and see the hint in the notes at the end. ;)

Words (Part 2)

As I park my car by the curve, I see Syd standing by a tree. Opening the door, I grab the first bracelet box and slide it into my pocket and grab my Scout cap. Closing the door, I walk into the green grass and towards Syd who wipes her face. 

"Late again" She tries to joke. I smile softly as I look to the area that's been cleared for the first funeral. _We're the first to arrive._  

"Guess so" I reply. 

"It's beautiful here" she says as she looks around. I hum in agreement. Kardia buries every agent in a private location away from the city. It's about 7 acres at the least. Every acre is designated to a level. And though I would oppose to the idea of organizing the fallen with their levels, the forces have done an incredible job to make the scene of each level a representation of their work. It's not like in the forces at all were the high levels get the better side, everything here is equal. The treatment of the tombs, the grass is actually green in every direction (Kardia has a hard time growing anything) there are healthy trees, breathless views, there's peace here. And for someone who's seen so much brutality and blood within Kardia, it's the only thing I like about the forces. Their respect for the fallen. 

"If only we lived in such harmony" I whisper as the warm breeze pushes the fallen leaves down the road. She only nods her head.

“Syd" I turn to look at the distraught soul.

"Yes Tobin" 

"I know why you're here-“ 

"I'm here early because I took a taxi" she interrupts. I slowly shake my head no. 

"Don't lie to me Syd" I say with some pain. Not towards her but towards myself as I should have assured Syd that it wasn’t her fault.

“I could have stopped it" She trembles

"That's not true, I watched the tapes Syd" 

"I could have ran faster, I could have gotten in front of the tanks in time"

"And what Syd! What would you have done in front of three tanks? Shoot at them, sacrifice yourself for a moment" 

"That moment could have saved their lives" 

"No Syd, if anyone could have saved them, it would be me. I put them there in the first place. Not you" I hold Syd who cries softly against me. Cars begin to arrive and it's no surprise that it's the squad. They park farther down the street to allow family members of Stephan to park closer.  "It wasn't your fault okay" I say as I hold Syd's face in my hands. She nods and cleans up as the girls walk in our direction. Taking my Scout cap, I put it on and stick my hands into my coat. I walk towards the girls who stand by my car. Each in their identical suits. The medals are different but nonetheless we all look the same. Some of the girls like Ash and Pinoe wear black hats or reflective glasses to hide their red dry eyes. 

"Scout" Becky says with some awkwardness. Sepp gave the squads two weeks off both for recovery and grief. It’s been about a week since I’ve seen or spoke to any of them.

“How’s everyone doing” I ask trying to lessen the tension.

“We’re hanging on, you” Lauren answers for the girls. Some look towards the trees, others at the ground, some even look to be zoned out. I don’t judge them as I can’t even stand to look up from the ground.

“I’m, I’m alive”

“Tobin” I turn around and find Tim and his entire squad.

“Tim, I didn’t know you were coming”

“We weren’t going to leave you guys alone, it may only be required for us to be here for the next two but we’re family. Family sticks together. Through everything” I nod my head as I look amongst the guys. They’re just about in the same shape as my squad. Some of them were close to Max, I feel a tug in my heart as I meet eyes with Rimando. He was, from Akhilles, the closest to Max. Looking down at the ground, we make our way to Syd. No one talks or really lives as the family of Stephan begin to arrive. It’s not a lot of people, 20 at the max but nonetheless, their sorrow is as big as 50 people. The ceremony begins and some of the guys from Stephan’s level bring in the empty coffin. It’s completely silent as they set down the coffin that lies close on the elevating table. The leader of Level 4 gives a small but warm speech about Stephan. I stand next to Syd whom is the one who seems to be taking it the hardest. I hold her hand as the members of the family go up to say their goodbyes and make way for others. As the friends of Stephan finish, the level 4 leader introduces us.

I bite my teeth as some of the members of the family look at us with disgust. Tim's squad is the first to go up. Each member places a flower on the coffin and stand to the side. As Megan goes up, she removes a bronze medal from her blazer and places it on the coffin. With every jam into the coffin, my hand jumps. I let go of Syd's hand and watch her go up to the coffin. Her hands shake as she removes her medal. Tim steps in and helps her as she weakly places the medal into his coffin. As she walks by Stephan's mother, the older women stands and stops Syd. Everyone stops breathing as they expect for something to break out; but instead, the women takes her into a hug. The kind act is enough for me to move forward. 

My legs feel heavy as I look at the grass. Once I'm standing in front of the coffin, I remove a medal and place it amongst the ones set by the squad. I grab the honorary medal Stephan received and place it on the center of the coffin. Taking I moment, I express my apologies and walk to Stephan's parents who sits in the front row. I kneel before his mother and close my eyes. Reaching into my left pocket, I pull out the small bracelets box and hand it to his father. Breathing in deeply, I bring my left hand to hers and hold it in place. 

"I'm extremely sorry for your loss Mrs. Leno, there's nothing I can say or do to make this up to you and your husband but I want you to know that our hearts are heavy. We mourn the loss of not only your son but of one of our family members. I want you to have this bracelet which represents your son. I have worn it this morning on my left wrist as it is directly connected to my heart" I pause as I unclip the bracelet with my right hand and bring it to her left hand "And I want you to wear it as a remembrance that he will always be with you, both in your heart and mine" I clip the bracelet shut and stand. The mother of the boy I fairly knew gives me a blessing with I accept with modesty. Walking to the squad, the special agents play a small tribute to Stephan and he soul is peacefully put to rest. Syd and I are the last to leave his tomb and thankfully, no one pulls us away. It’s not until Tim says its time for Max’s funeral that we leave. Syd gets into the passenger seat of my car and we drive to level 5’s acre. I park a little farther from the location to allow the family members to get better access. As we walk towards the already gathered members, the special agents begin to escort us to the front but I stop.

“No, no no no, we are going to sit in the back. Tim and his squad knew him better than any of us. I walk them to sit in the fourth and fifth row, allow the members to sit closest to the front” I say without allowing the special agent to argue. The squad follows me to the back. I sit in the far right corner, the seat on the edge. Only now, it’s Krisite that sits next to Syd and Becky who sits next to me. Most of the Akhilles members take a seat, except Tim, Rimando and Theo who are notably absent. As the special agents stand, the entire men’s squad does too. As Tim and the level 5 leader hold the front of the coffin, I see Rimando in the middle. His pained and heart broken expression forces me to look away. As the boys take their seats, the ceremony begins. I zone out as I hear sniffles throughout the crowd. My attention is brought back when Becky nudges my side. I watch Tim go up to the coffin and jam three medals into it. He than walks up to Max’s father and kneels before him. I watch him swallow hard as he retrieves a small box from his pocket and place it into the fathers hands. He than says a few words before removing a pin from his suit and placing it on the fathers suit. The man thanks him and Tim stands and walks to his squad. It is now my squad that gets up and moves towards the coffin one by one. Doing what I did with Stephan’s medal, I turn and walk to Max’s father whom’s broken eyes make my stomach flip. I begin to kneel before him but he stops me. Hold my hand, he pulls me up so that we’re both standing.

“A women should never kneel before a man, only before god” I open my mouth to respond but soon realize that I have nothing to say. The emotions I feel towards god are blocked by the medication. I nod and take his left hand in mine.

“Mr.Chandler” I begin as my voice quivers “With all that’s left of my heart, I want to express my deepest condolences for the loss of your son. Life blessed me with the luck of meeting the impeccable son you raised. He will be missed not just by you but by the souls he touched. I want you to have this bracelet that I have worn on my left wrist as remembrance of his lively soul that touched many hearts such as mine” I unclip the silver bracelet and bring it to his still wrist “And wear it as a small token of the beautiful soul he was” Max’s father wipes away a tear from my face that I had not realized had escaped.

“Thank you” He whispers and he lightly kisses my head. I walk to the squad and Tim immediately links our hands. As the ceremony comes to an end, I take the opportunity to escape momentarily. Walking to my car, I remove my cap and run a hand through my hair.

“Always so beautiful” Laure’s soft voice says from behind. I turn around quick both startled and surprised to see her. I place my cap back on and hug her tightly.

“I hate this suit”

“I don’t blame you” She says as we let go “It’s a shame that they use these for such events” I only nod not really in the state to talk about it.

“Tobin, I just want to say”

“Don’t, please don’t. I’m not ready” I beg as she’s about to express her condolence. She nods understandingly.

“We’re going to head over…” Tim’s gentle voice says as he walks besides Theo. I look at my watch and realize it’s already 11:20. _Forty minutes to go._

“I’ll grab Syd”

“Actually, she said she’d catch a ride with Megan” I turn to look at Laure who nods me to go. Walking to my car, I open the door and sit. It takes me about a minute to turn on the car before I begin the journey to the Elite Squad section. It’s about a whole 2 acres away from the rest, up on a hill. As I begin to arrive, I see that people have already arrived. Unlike the first two funerals, the street is nearly filled with cars. I begin to park down the street when theres a tap on the window.

“Theres parking reserved for you and the squad up front” The leader of the special agents says. I nod and roll up my window. Slowly, I begin to drive through the crowd of people crossing the street. I see what the agent was talking about. Parking across the street from the section, I grab some shades from the middle compartment and put them on. Grabbing the last box on the passengers seat, I slide it into my left coats pocket and open the door. As if we were out hunting, everyone falls silent. The sea of people that have arrived early stand towards the street. They part in the middle as I walk through them, my eyes locked on the ground. As I make it to the area where we will be seated, I realize I’m the only on here. By Michael’s request, Allie’s tomb is placed nearly as the top of the hill. As I reach the top, I take my glasses off and look out towards the city. _You would love this view_. I begin to reminisces on our times together and begin to lose it.

“I’m so sorry Allie, I’m so fucking sorry” I cry into my hands as I try to keep still “I’m sorry for all the shit I put you through, for the arguments for the yelling for everything I ever did to you that wasn’t right. I didn’t deserve a best friend like you…god, what am I supposed to do without you Al?! How can I live when the only thing I loved unconditionally is gone…I miss you so much Al, so much” I continue to cry and apologize until my diamond releases another dose of medication. At that point, I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to see Tim. His jaw tight and his eyes averted. We walk to the closed off area and I stop by Allie’s Tomb which is covered in a black blanket with a black Athena logo. You can see Axiom from her tomb. My quarter is on the other side of the city. _Axiom always between us_. Shoving my hands into my coats pockets, I feel the eyes of everyone on me. The glasses do their part as no one can see through them. _No one can see through me_. Tim’s elbow interlocks with mine as he guides us to the front rows where the squads will sit.

In comparison to the first two funerals, this one will be the longest and hardest. Even Sepp is in attendance with his wife. I play with the diamond bracelet, tracing every centimeter of it, memorizing what’s left of my sister. _You would love this bracelet…_ A hand lightly touches my shoulder sending up to my feet along with Tim. _Axel_. I hug the man tight as he rubs my back.

“Hey there kiddo” He whispers without sympathy which I thank silently.

“It’s a beautiful day don’t you think” His wife chips in a we let go. _A beautiful day to bury my life_. I only nod as I embrace the women I’ve come to love. They leave to take a seat and I begin to sit, that is until I catch a glimpse of Alex in the corner of my eye. She’s wearing a beautiful black long sleeve dress that is and a long wool coat that is draped over her shoulders. Her hair is pulled back to one side, showing a view of her beautiful gold earrings while the other side hangs loose. _Wow, she looks as beautiful as the ocean but as broken as my heart._ Her eyes are nearly visible but her state is clearly viewable. It is clear at first glance that she is well into the depths of despair as many of us are. She turns and I quickly take my seat. Unbuttoning my coat, I bring my elbows to my knees and rest my chin on my palm. I listen to the silent whispers about me. About how I’ve completely lost my sense of life, on how I’ve given up, on how they believe I’m going to break out in rage. None are close to the truth but I don’t bother correcting anyone.

“Tobin” Hope’s weak voice says, my eyebrows brow as I stand up. I search her eyes as she simply stares at the glasses

“How are you”

“She’s breathing, thank you for asking” Ash’s voice says from behind. I slightly turn my head to see the entire squad standing around in a form of protection. Even the guys stand and watch.

“I just want you to know”

“Hope, I think its best that you give us some time” It’s now Lauren that responds. Hope looks at me in desperation but I take a seat. She sighs as she walks away. I hear someone sit in the seat next to me and turn to see Captain America in her Black Scout uniform only it’s slightly different than mine since it’s older. She takes my hand in hers and begins to trace the wounds on them, I expect her to yell at me but instead, she just gives my hand a squeeze.

“The boys and I are going to head over”

“I’m going to”

“It’s okay, we can do it”

“She was my sister” I whisper and Tim doesn’t argue. Christie stands up too and I eye her.

“I’m going to be the one who carries the flag” I nod as both Syd and Ash stand, along with Rimando and Theo. Truth be told, only Carli, Becky and I should be the ones carrying the coffin in representation of Athena but we had to make some alterations as Carli is absent(with permission) and Becky is monitoring our vitals. Ash and Syd where the first to volunteer, everyone knew why they were the first, as they felt guilt for the deaths. We take off our coats and begin to walk down the aisle when Brain stops us.

“I’m going too”

“Brain” I whisper

“I’m going in Carli’s place, that’s what she would want” I sigh and look at Ash and Syd. Telepathically they decide. It’s Ash that comes with. As we continue down the aisle I realize the amount of people that have come. _More than 150_. They all wear black for once. As we make it to the car that carries the coffin I stop. Allie’s parents along with Jose stand with the leader of the special agents discussing something. The leader notices that I’m staring and begins leading the three to their seats. I hear the doors of the back open and quickly to my attention back to the coffin.

I pull the coffin out of the car and we all latch to our designated handle. I stand on the right side up front, Brian behind me and Ash in the back. Tim stands to my left, Theo in the middle and Rimando in the back. Christie tugs her cap forward a little to block her eyes from the crowd. She grabs the flag and we wait for the agents to begin the ceremony. We hear the first set of gun shots and lift the coffin to shoulder height. The second set of gun shots is heard and we lift the coffin up above our shoulders. The third gun shot, we set the coffin on our shoulders. With the four, we begin to walk up the hill to where everyone stands. For an empty coffin, the thing weighs heavy. _Maybe it’s just the heaviness of my heart._ With every step I take a new memory flashes through my eyes. _The time we got suspended from school, the time Allie forced me to learn how to swim, the time we played in the rain as it hardly ever rains in Kardia, the day I ran into Allie…_ I fight through the tears as we come into sight. The fifth shot is heard right as we walk into the aisle of people. Everyone stands silent as we walk past them. Christie sets the pole with our flag into its stand and begins lowering it form the pole as we set the coffin down on the lowering device. As Christie unhooks the flag, she hands it over me and moves to the side. I bite my tongue as I take the flag from Christie’s hands and place it on Allie’s coffin gentle.

“I love you” I whisper just enough for the front row to hear. Taking a step back, the final shots are heard. I walk to my seat in utter heart ache but force the emotions down as I sit. Christie quickly takes my right hand and I feel Tim’s protective side from my seat as people stare. The ceremony continues with a few speeches that I zone out. I focus all my attention on the bracelet and breathing steadily. Christie squeezes my hand and I finally zone back in from my darkness. The squad stands and removes their coats. One by one they walk up to the podium where Sepp places a medal onto their suit and Michael hands them a small box. I wait for everyone to head before taking a look at Tim whom slowly nods. Letting out an obvious breath, I remove my glasses and place them on the chair. Directing my eyes to the ground, I move into the aisle and down to the front. With five steps, I’m standing in front of Sepp. Instead of placing the medal on me, he simply hands it to me. I don’t look up nor does he bother to get my attention. Moving to Michael, he softly places the box in my extended hand. As I begin to walk towards the squad who stand to the side in formation, he stops me. I don’t look up, I just listen.

“It’ll be over soon” He whispers. I move to the squad and stand besides Becky.

“Aside from the united medal, there are nine honorary medals to be handed out to three individuals that in the time of pressure, took actions that we not asked of them. We would like to call fourth Elite Squad Assault Sydney Leroux and Elite Squad Scout Tobin Heath whom for their brave and humble actions, were able to make differences in the outcome” Sepp says. I hand my medal and box to Becky as I step forward. I can see Syd’s feet in the corner of my eye and her hands that tremble just enough for me to notice. We turn at the same time and walk up the podium. Syd walks up first and stops before Sepp who places a medal around her neck with a red ribbon. _The honorary medal of courage._ She shakes Sepps hand and lazily walks to Michael who pins a rare medal onto her suit. _The honorary medal of value and principal._ Syd walks to the side of Michael and waits for me. I walk to Sepp and let him place the black and gold honorary medal of wisdom around my neck for my actions after Pinoe was shot. He than hands me a light red neck medal for my stupidity. Or as Axiom likes to call it, the honorary medal of leadership. I than walk to Michael who hands me a medal for my suit. _The honorary medal of intention._ I stand by Syd and stare down at the two medals in my hands. Sepp thanks us for our _heroic_ actions and dismiss us. Allie’s father gets up and receives all four medals Allie was awarded for her actions, including the honorary medal of life. I don’t look up from my hands as I prepare myself for what comes next. Tim’s squad is the first to go up and implant their medals into Allie’s empty coffin. I watch as Ash’s feet are the first to move. Every jab into the coffin is a jab to my heart. I stand there, both heart broken and numb, unable to express the mess inside me. _Ali was right. This is wrong_. I gulp as Christie leaves my side and goes to place a medal of her own on the coffin. Letting out an obvious breath, I make eye contact with Tim who bites his lower lip in pain. My slow feet finally arrive before my best friend, or at least what’s left of her…which is nothing.

“Hey Al” I whisper as I place my left hand on the coffin. My right hand lightly shakes as I remove the first medal from my blazer and put it on the coffin. “One” I reach for the second one and place it on the coffin with a better force “Two” As I reach for the third one, I feel a sudden pain in body that stocks me still. As the pain and medication battle it out, I grab the medal and place it on the middle of the coffin. My hand lays on the medal for a second as I don’t have the strength to move. I watch in the corner of my eye as Tim steps forward and Chrisitie grabs his arm to stop him. Closing my eyes, I kiss the coffin long and softly. The cold of the coffin makes my lips quiver, as I retrieve back, it begins to rain lightly. I remove the flag that Christie placed and hand it to Becky who stand next to me now. I take the white flag she holds with a gold athena gold and cover the coffin.

“Goodbye my sweet Al” I watch Becky clench her jaw and Lauren look away. Taking the now folded black flag, I wipe the small streak of tears from my face and walk to Allie’s parents. I begin to kneel but Barbara begins to stand. Nodding my head no as I stare at their feet, she slowly sits down. The rain has gotten heavier over the course of the last minute. I let the rain combine with my tears as I bring the flag in between Allie’s parents, my eyes still on the ground.

“I’ve spent hours trying to find the right words to express what she meant to me and the squad…but I’ve come to realize that there are no words to express the her beauty and the pain that we feel for the loss of your daughter Mr and Mrs Long. She was and will forever be apart of us” I give the flag to James and slightly turn so I’m kneeling before Barbara more. I look at my left wrist as I connect it with hers. My cap blocks their eyes which gives me the ability to continue.

“It’s hard to describe someone who you love when all you knew about life what taught to you by them. In honor of my best friend and sister, I wrote a small piece of literature” I pause a second to clear my voice and continue “Let the beauty of your tears, ruin that path of your fears. Let the beauty of your insecurities, mend all those obscurities. Let the beauty of anger, fuel your ambition. Let the beauty of imperfection, give your strength and direction to obtain complexion in order to create your own perfection…That’s what she would want. And as much as it hurts to wake, as much as it pains me to see, to breathe, it’s what I promised to be. I want you to know that she meant more than just a member of Athena…she was apart of our family. One of our own. Allie…” My voice breaks as I finally allow myself to say her name in public “Allie was and will always be our sister, in my heart, in their hearts” My shaking hand struggles to remove the bracelet from my left wrist. As I finally unclip it, apart of me inside breaks making me bite my cheeks. _Not now…please not now._ Once it is set on Barbara’s wrist, I let the tears run free “And in yours” I close the bracelet and feel apart of me fall. As if a whole chunk of my soul was gone. Looking up to see Barbara’s torn apart soul, I stand up and let go of her hand. I look up to the sky that is now filled with white clouds and whisper my last goodbye. The special agents play the closing song as I walk to my seat and grab my coat. Putting my coat back on, I sit and stare at the ground. Reliving every moment I had with my best friend until I’m the last one sitting.

“Tobin” Jeri’s deranged voice whispers. I look up obviously to my empty surroundings and see her broken heart. Not trusting my voice, I stand.

“I just wanted to say that I loved your poem”

“Thank you” My low raspy voice answers. She seems startled by my reply as I assume she wasn’t expecting one. White soft snow begins to fall from the sky, lightening the darkness of my soul. I open my left hand and let the snow flakes fall onto my wounds, easing away not only the pain of the scars but of my heart and bones.“For you” I ponder to myself lightly as I watch the grass grow white.

“Huh”

“The snow, she loved it”

“It’s rare”

“Just like her” I think as I continue to let it fall on my hands.

“It’s a gift from her” Jeri says with a slight hint of a smile

“It’s a gift for her” I correct as I let the snow fall to the ground.

“From who” Jeri asks as she steps closer to me.

“From earth” I say as I look to Allie’s tomb that’s now covered in snow. Directing my sight to the tomb, Jeri follows. I run my hand over the tomb that’s covered in snow.

_Allie Long_

_ES Athena Assault_

_August 13 2156 - December 7th 2180_

The tomb stone reads, I go to move some snow form the top which has a quote engraved into it.

_Angels It’s so dark right now, I can’t see any light around me._

_That’s because the light is coming from you. You can’t see it but everyone else can._

_-Lang Leau_

I read out loud. Jeri hums in agreement of the quote. I kneel down and remove the snow from the right side of the tomb.

_Darling, you have a dreamer’s heart,_

_you mustn’t let the clouds eclipse your light…_

_A-Jade._

I smile recalling the time Allie introduced me to that quote. As I go to reveal the last quote, I hear my name being called. Standing up, I down the hill towards Christen. A few of the girls stand next to her including JJ and Kling.

“I guess its time for me to go” The middle Morgan says. I follow her sight to her fathers car where Michael opens the door for her mother. Alex stands next to the car waiting for Servando, whom is talking to Jose.

“Wheres Jen” I ask

“She left with her husband to get something for the reception” I nod and she her staring at the ground.

“Hey Jeri” I whisper whiling looking up to meet her eyes. Her reaction is quite what I expected it to be, heartbroken.

“Tobin” She whispers so gentle that my spin tingles.

“Could you tell you father I need to speak with him…soon. Please and thank you”

“Anything for you” She replies, leaving my mouth agar… _Christen has said that to me before_ …I think.

“I’ll walk you to your car” I say offering my elbow.

“Such a gentlewomen…but I think” She takes a few steps up to me making me a little nervous “Its best if I walk there alone” She looks down at my lips making me close my eyes expecting a kiss. Instead, she softly kisses my temple and grabs my glasses and slides them on. “Thank you though” I nod and watch her walk down the hill in the opposite direction as I.

* * *

As I knock on the door, I think of the first time I came here. I was six, Allie invited me to go over to her house after I had broken my hand. The door opens and I let out a breath of relief as it’s a stranger that opens the door.

“May I take your coat” I nod and hand it to him. Walking towards the living room of the enormous house, I find people gathered around. Talking, snacking, sitting, I don’t make my presence known as I walk around the room and out the back door. I see that no one is outside so I walk to the edge of the balcony. Resting my elbows on the railing, I close my eyes thinking to a time Allie and I have a sleep over in her back yard.The memory makes me laugh as I remember her wussing out at the last minute. Continuing my reminiscing, I begin to regain my emotions. The back yard suddenly becomes too much for me to handle. I rush inside and through the crowd trying to find a room. As I find the hall I’m looking for, I walk to the end of it and open the door. _The piano/library room_. Allie and I hardly came in here, if anything, it was I take came in here to practice playing piano on my free time. Slowly, I walk to the piano, letting my fingers trace the cover all the way down to the stool. Pulling it out from underneath, I remove my scout cap and glasses, placing them by the window. I slowly lift the cover of the keys and run my hand over a few to check no one can hear. As no one comes running in, I crack my fingers and rest my poor hands on the keys. I close my eyes and begin to play what I feel inside.

The song starts slow and low, as my hands move without restriction and my mind unravels. Everything inside starts to die as I prepare myself to accept.

“Always in a rush

Never stay on the phone long enough

Why am I so self-important?

Said I'd see you soon

But that was, oh, maybe a year ago

Didn’t know time was of the essence” I start with a raspy voice

“So many questions

But I'm talking to myself

I know that you can't hear me any more

Not anymore

So much to tell you

And most of all goodbye

But I know that you can't hear me any more

It's so loud inside my head

With words that I should have said

And as I drown in my regrets

I can't take back the words I never said, I never said

I can't take back the words I never said” I continue to play as the tears of pain roll down my worn out face

“Always talking shit

Took your advice and did the opposite

Just being young and stupid

I haven't been all that you could've hoped for

But if you'd held on a little longer

You'd have had more reasons to be proud

So many questions

But I'm talking to myself

I know that you can't hear me any more

Not anymore

So much to tell you

And most of all goodbye

But I know that you can't hear me any more

It's so loud inside my head

With words that I should have said

And as I drown in my regrets

I can't take back the words I never said” The flow of my hands as the song starts to reach it’s core has gotten quick, sharper along with my voice that for once, speaks everything I hold inside. The final verse is up next and I sing the lyrics with every last life left in me.

“The longer I stand here

The louder the silence

I know that you're gone but sometimes I swear that I hear

Your voice when the wind blows

So I talk to the shadows

Hoping you might be listening 'cos I want you to know

It's so loud inside my head

With words that I should have said

And as I drown in my regrets

I can't take back the words I never said

I never said

I can't take back the words I never said

Never said

I can't take back the words I never said” As the song ends, the warm vibe of the room has died down, becoming the room of sorrow. Becoming the room of my depression.

“I miss you so much” I say as I bring my hands to my face and let it all out. As I let my heart fall, as I let my body die and as I let an unknown observer into the depths of my darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hint: Ali will meet Alex...on accident... ;D Exciting right? 
> 
> Alex POV next chapter! 
> 
> Anyhow, tell me what you thought, what you think Alex will be like, tell me anything really. Haha next update is (well I'm shooting for) Friday. Or maybe tomorrow, depends on how emotional I'll be with Abby retiring.


	34. Realize

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's been a shitty four days. Firstly, my mother took my laptop in accident on her trip to visit some cousins this weekend so I had no way to post this chapter since half was on my phone and half on my computer. Then, I swear, everyone was mad at me for no given reason...I thought someone was going to bite my head off. Anyhow, thankfully everyone stopped PMSing and I got my computer back. I'm on the verge of finishing the next chapter and starting the following one. I want to update on christmas and after so that's what I'll aim for. 
> 
> Anyhow, this is a chapter that I like for a few reasons. Firstly, it has a lot of famous quotes. It's the first Alex POV and well, it's a shift in the story. Also, theres a hint about something that dealing with Carli in the beginning of the chapter. Theres so much to come, I wish I could just tell you what happens...ugh well I hope you all like it!

Realize

The slow song that plays from my speaker causes me to go in and out of reality. As my fingers run over every hanger, I feel a shiver in my body. 

"This is my hello

This is my goodness

There's really no way to reach me

There's really no way to reach me 

There's really no way to reach me

Cause I'm already gone

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again" 

The soft knock on my door makes me lower my wrist, which sends a message to my speaker to tune down. 

"Alex" my fathers gentile voice asks 

"Yeah" I reply coming close to the door

"We're leaving in three" 

"Okay" 

"Alex"

"Yeah"

"Never mind" he sighs and I do as well. I hear his footsteps as he walks away. Pressing a button on my watch, the music stops. It's time. Walking back into my closet, I go straight for my black coat and walk to my bathroom. Looking in the mirror to check my state, I realize that there's no hiding it. I'm torn. The make up hides the swollen bags under my eyes but it doesn't hide the pain in my eyes. Grabbing my earnings, I slip them on and a do a double take. I drape the black coat over my long sleeve dress and walk out of the bathroom. Grabbing my wallet and phone, I sigh deeply. 

As I reach the bottom of the stair case and find Servando in a completely black suit similar to my fathers and Jens husband. Jeri wears a simple black dress and make up while Jeri wears skinny black slacks with a black sweater tucked in, along with a black coat. As we make eye contact it is clear that it's going to be a rough day. 

"We should get going" My mom says breaking the heavy silence. We all nod and slowly walk to the car. Servando, along with my sister Jen and my brother in law are driving in separate cars. 

"You sure you don't want to ride with me" Serv asks softly as he opens the door. 

"I'll be fine" 

"Okay baby" he goes to kiss my lips but I turn slightly so that his lips meet my temple. I give him the best smile I can muster before getting into my fathers awaiting black Maserati Gran Turismo. Serv closes the door and I wave him goodbye before closing the widow. I take my shades from my side compartment and slide them on. Jeri slips into the seat besides me and let's out a small curse about the car. 

"It's a classic and father had to remove the wheels" 

"We live in Axiom" I inquire as I buckle up and lean my head on the window. 

"I know, I just, it's already fancy" I shrug my shoulders and glance at mom and dad as they get in. 

"We're ready to go" Dad orders the driver with his authoritative voice. I close my eyes and block out the voices of my family as we drive to my friends funeral. 

"Father" Jeris polite voice brings me out of my crushing thoughts. 

"Yes dear"

"Have you talked with Mark about what we proposed" I catch Jeri's quick glance to me and I avert my sight to dad. Although he can't see my eyes, he knows I'm listening. 

"I did" Jeri doesn't push further as she knows my fathers limits. A few minutes pass by before he speaks up "Mark will see what he can do" I suppress a small smile that threatens to show at the news. Jeri closes her eyes momentarily before biting her lips together and looking out the window. It pains me to see my older sisters in so much pain, especially Jeri whom of the three is more individualized and held together. The news was a blow to the stomach for everyone in the family, including my father whom only seems to worry about the scouts. 

Jeri left the house the instant we found out, while Jen left to console Allies parents. I on the other hand, went straight for my room. To say I cried was an understatement. In that moment I felt so much hatred for the cause. A hate I never really knew before. While the feeling has vanished, the thought stays in the back of my head. 

"We're here sir" the driver says. My father gets out to open the door for Jeri while the driver gets my mothers door. I being the farthest away from the men, open the door myself. 

"I got it" A delicate voice says. I look up to see Jose. His black suit matches his dull eyes. I take his hand and step out of the car. 

"I got it bro" Servando's hustled voice says as he comes into sight. 

"Thank you" I whisper to Jose who only nods. 

"Jose, I didn't know you were here already" my fathers surprised voice inquires as he makes his way around the car with Jeri. 

"Just got here sir"

"Hey" Jeri's tentative yet soft voice greets. They hug for a second as we wait for Jen. Serv tries to grab my hand but I stop him before he can.

"My coat" I whisper. 

"Why don't you just put it on" he asks with a low enough voice for only us to hear. I want to reply with honesty but fear he'll dislike my answer. 

"I don't want to distract people during the funeral if I decide to take it off" I lie as I look at the ground. Truth is, the coat is a barrier between me and the world. Having the coat draped over my shoulders allows me to hide my wallet and hands, the ring, forming a small little bubble of privacy and comfort. 

“Okay” He kisses me head and I look away. I spot Hope and Kelley, along with Abby and Christie coming our way. 

“Lets move onto the grass” My fathers strong voice says, I follow my parents and lean into Jeri as we move away from the car. Once we are standing at the edge of the street, I feel a pair of arms around me. 

“Kel” I whimper as she hugs me from behind

“Hey” She says as she waves at my family. 

“Hey there kiddo” Abby says as she gives me a gentle hug

“Hi” 

“How are you holding up” Christie asks with mild sympathy. I look at her attire and realize it’s a Scout uniform. In particular, it’s her black uniform, the one they were when giving bad news or funerals.

“We’re holding up” Jeri replies. I stare at Hope whom looks a little uneven. Both physically and mentally. _What’s with her…_  

“Why are you staring at my girl” I shake my head and look at Kelley

“Why does she look in pain”

“We’re at a funeral”

“Yes, I know but like physically in pain”

“She’s been like that since you know” She whispers and I nod.

“Right. I forgot. With everything that’s happened”

“It’s okay Al, you lost your best friend” Kelley replies. I look at her a bit shocked that she didn’t say second best friend as Kelley is my best friend. Tears form in my eyes and I have to look away. Kelley hugs me and I let the tears slip onto her dress. I pull away once I’ve gotten over the emotions. 

“Here she comes” JJ whispers. I turn around and am met by a crushing view. _Tobin._ I clench my jaw and suppress the tears. _How is she still walking?_ I ask myself as I really take look a look at her state. She’s lost weight, it’s quite noticeable. In my calculations, she lost about 13 lbs in a week. 

“She’s not eating” Christie says more to herself than to anyone else. It’s true as her suit is a little more loose than normal. Her frame is usually toned and slender, or in other words, fit, but now she looks a little like a walking stick in the suit. _Even then, she still looks breath taking._ Her hair is down in a way I’m never seen, no make up, reflective shades, her black suit that is quite appealing and elegant. Everything about the way her attire looks is astounding but her vibe, it’s daunting. Her colorless skin, her stiff walk, her gaze unknown. I can practically hear the hearts of people breaking with every step she takes. 

“She’s standing on the line of giving up and seeing how much more she can take” Christie says as everyone begins to move so that she can walk by. 

“That’s the problem with being the strong one, no one offers you a hand” Jeri’s sad voice adds as Tobin is within 5 feet. She begins to walk towards Tobin when my father stops her. 

“There is a voice that doesn’t use words Jer, just listen” She nods and retrieves by his side as Serv comes to mine. 

“She looks so out of it” 

“She’s always had that about her, that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, of a heart that feels things far too much and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world” I respond as I watch her walk right by us without a single glance or breath. _The look of tiredness and numbness._

We stay standing and small talking as more of the squads begin to arrive. My father walks to Tim immediately as I go to Syd. Without a warning, I engulf her into a hug. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one comforting you” She says with a small smile

“She was on the squad with you”

“Yes but she was one of your closest friends. You and Tob-“ She cuts herself off thinking I’ll get annoyed if she mentions her name. Tobin and I haven’t seen each other since, well, since the club incident. Everyone thinks, or well believes, what the tabloids said about the incident that night. None of the rumors were true and the ones that rimmed the truth blew it out of proportion. 

“I know, I just, I don’t want to feel today. I don’t want to think, I don’t want to see, I don’t want to be” 

“Neither does she” Syd says eyeing up the hill where Tobin now kneels on the cold ground. 

“She looks so different” I whisper with pain 

“She came back different. A new demeanor, a new vibe, a new identity, it’s the damage that matures you, not the years”

“She’s felt too quick…” 

“…But never learned to forget. She could have been cured, if she would have forgotten” Syd ponders. I assume she’s talking about a tragic event that happened a few years back. People think being the daughter of one of the board members grants you access to such information, it doesn’t. I don’t know what happened and I don’t really want to know, as it was the day Tobin became Axioms greatest Scout. But at the same time, it was the day Tobin and all the people that work for the forces changed. A new era began, an era of perfection and protection, an era of complete devotion and revulsion, a era of a lost person. _An era of Tobin._

“Syd, I don’t want to intrude, but we must get seated” My mothers soft voice says. Syd only nods okay and we begin to walk up the hill. The squads, in sepcific, Athena, will sit in the front rows on the right side. We are escorted to the left side, around the fourth row. As I sit down, I feel her broken eyes on me. Turning my head, I catch the corner of her eyes and feel my heart sink into the grass. _She’s gone._

“Take a seat Al” Jen’s voice whispers. I’m hesitant to sit but do so as I remove my eyes from Tobin who now sits with her head in her hands. As we sit and wait, I cringe with every rumor that spreads like fire. 

“I heard that the casket is empty”

“I heard that she died in a fire”

“I heard Tobin tried committing suicide” 

“I heard she gave her life up for the squad” 

“I heard that the battle field went dead when she died. I also heard she it’s Tobin’s fault” 

The rumors get worse, as people say they heard Allie was shot to death while other say horrifying things about Tobin.

"Don't listen to them, they're only a shiver looking for a spine to run up" Jeri's annoyed yet soft voice says to me as I turn away from people in front of us. They turn their heads to look at us with disgust. 

"Well, don't just sit there looking like envelopes without an address" 

“Jer" I try

"No, its darn time they stop" 

"Girls" My father interrupts. The color drains from the faces of the people sitting in front of us as they realize we're the daughters of Mr. Morgan. 

"Sorry father" Jeri replies 

"We didn't know they were your daughters Sir. We express our deepest condolences to you and your family" 

"Bunch of delusions of adequacy" I murmur. My fathers stare makes me slump into my seat. They turn around as the first gun shots are heard. I hold Jen's hand as we stand up and wait for the coffin to arrive. My hand shakes as Jen tries claiming me down. It is not until I see the coffin that I freeze. Not of shock but of ache. I can only see Tim at first but then Tobin comes into sight. In that split moment, something within me snaps. My heart, my pride, my soul? I don't exactly know what it is but I watch as the women my father took in as his own daughter falls apart inside. She battles her monsters in her head as she walks to what is to be our best friends bed. 

I would be lying if I said Tobin wasn't beautiful. The girl has a body, but she's not the kind of beautiful people don’t really notice at first. She's the kind of beauty you fall in keen with as you watch her from afar, unlike me. But today, she redefines beauty with the simply act of being, breathing, beating. Her beauty is far beyond the depths of features and I only now realize it as she falls apart within. 

When they have set the coffin on the lowering machine, Tobin covers Allies coffin with a black flag. We all watch as she whispers something only the front row can hear. Whatever it was, it caused the tension to escalate. The ceremony continues but I don't listen to a single word as I'm too focused on her. It is not until my father gets up that I remove my eyes. He walks to the podium with Sepp and begins handing out medals. Things go smooth until she gets up. Removing her coat and glasses, she stares at the ground. Her cap makes it hard for anyone to see her eyes. Unlike the other members, Sepp simply hands the medal to Tobin.

"Why'd she do that" Jens husband asks. We all shrug and continue watching. Sepp than presents two medals to Syd. Only a few people know what they stand for, all we know is that they are honorary medals for their courageous acts. 

I make a mental note to thank Syd for whatever she did. Only earth knows if I'd have the courage to step fourth and do something out of self impulsion. Tobin is up next. She lets Sepp place the first medal around her neck but takes the second on in her hand. _Again?_ I turn to look at Jeri who knows slightly more about this than me, but she simply shrugs. We both turn to Jen but she shrugs as well. Tobin's slow footsteps move to my father. His sight never leaves her face as she takes the medal in her hand unlike Syd. She walks over to Syd with her sight still down and waits to be dismissed. We all hold in our breath as Sepp and my father walk to James. 

Leaning into Jeri to try and get a better view, I see a beautiful wooden box with the Athena logo on it in my fathers hands. James stands and Sepp takes the box from my father, opening it to reveal four honorary medals. My mother gasps causing Jer, Jen and I to turn. She shakes us off leaving us dumbfounded. 

James accepts the metals and sits. Soon after it is time for the squads to pin a specific medal onto the coffin. Every pin and every thump sends a storm of emotions through my body, making me feel light headed and heavy all at once. The sadness that radiates from my sisters adds to the threatening tears. Christie goes up unexpectedly and pins a medal from her uniform onto the coffin earning a big awe from the crowd. Everyone's eyes, including mine, lay upon her. Slowly, she walks to the coffin and places a hand on it. The slight struggle to remove a medal makes some averts their eyes but not mine. When she finally gets it off, she places it on the coffin and moves on. When she gets to the third, she pauses, as if stuck. I watch Christie stop Tim from going up. That should have been a clue to look away but I watch with my bare soul as she kisses the coffin ever so lightly. Jen lets out a long shaky breath as she looks away. Jeri closes her eyes and bites her cheeks as Tobin grabs the white flag and puts it on Allies coffin. 

I clench my eyes shut and let out a breath I was holding but inhale sharp as I see Tobin kneel before Allies parents. 

I look toward Jeri in panic but realize she shares the same look. All the tears, pain and memories I had blocked come crashing into the raging sea in my heart as Tobin's lost voice rehearses a poem she wrote for Allie. I silent cry along with the rain as I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. As I look at Tobin, I see it again. The beauty I failed to see before. _How she's walked all these years with the world on her shoulders and made it look like wings, I'll never know_. I continue to cry both our of heart ache and realization. Once the funeral ends and my best friend lies 6 feet under neath, I escape from my family and find a small private area where I put myself together. 

"Al, are you okay" Servs gentle voice asks. I don't turn around as I stare out towards Axiom. Closing my eyes, I inhale the smell of peace and find the courage to say it.

"I'll be okay...someday...just not today" I answer with all that's left in me. As I open my eyes, I see small delicate snow caressing the green grass. The smallest wave of peace stills the storm in my heart for just a second, causing me to smile lightly. "For you" I whisper as I reach my right hand out of my small niche to catch the beauty of life. 

"What was that" Serv asks stepping close. 

"The snow, it's a small light" _A small goodbye_. I reply without much thought as I continue to watch the beautiful snow fall.

"A light for what"

"My forest of life" 

"How so"

"My forest is dark, the trees are sad and all the butterflies have broken wings. But the snow, it brings some beauty into it"

"It's a gift from her"

"It's a gift for her" I correct as I kneel down to put the snow where it wishes to be, with her. 

"From who"

"From earth...She loved the snow"

"It's so rare"

"Like her..." I say as I stand up more at ease than before. _A gift from earth for you my love._  

"Al, I just want"

"I know Serv, I know, I just...wish I didn't" I stop him before telling me he's sorry about my loss. He sighs and walks over to me until he's only a foot away. 

"You know you don't have to be alone"

"I know" _but I wish I was._  

“C'mon, your fathers waiting" we walk to my fathers car side by side. Serv spots Jose and rushes to say goodbye. I stand by the car playing with the ring, just staring at it. My heart strings pull every time I take a glance at it. _I should have said no_ , out of respect to my fallen friend whom was going to get married in less than two weeks but I didn't have the courage to do it. My father wasn't pleased nor upset. He simply just took it as another daily news while my mother was excited. Servando comes from a rich family who indeed contributes grand amounts to the cause, which is partially the only reason my father tolerates him but aside from that, he tolerates him for his status in Axiom. We got engaged a day before she passed away but have yet to tell anyone as I can't bring myself to do so. _It feels wrong._ I ponder as I stare at the big diamond. 

"Here comes Jeri" Servando's voice interrupts my thoughts. I look up and follow his sight up the hill. Jeri is walking out way as Tobin walks the other way. I hear the door open and wait for Jeri to get in first. 

"I'll see you at the reception" Serv says before kissing my lips and closing the door. I don't reply as I am both confused and shaken. 

The car ride home is quite. Jeri stares out the window, my father at his watch, my mother at me and I at the ring. It's funny really, how we're tainted to be the perfect family when we're far from it. I sigh and lean against the window watching the snow falling. Soon enough, the darkness consumes my mind and I rest for the first time in a week. 

"Alex, wake up" Jeri's voice says. I groggily open my eyes and see we've arrived home. 

"Oh shoot, did I fall asleep" I ask as I rub my eyes. Jeri's small giggle makes my head turn. The flash on her phone blinds me. 

"Noooo" I whine as I chase her into the house. Tackling her onto the couch, her infectious laugh gets the best of me. 

"Jeri, Alex! What have I told you" my mothers voice fumes as she walks into the living room. We both look up and apologize at the same time.

"Sawwwwwieee mumm" 

"You girls are going to drive me nuts" she jokes as she walks towards the kitchen "nuts" she yell back to emphasize our constant banter and disappears. We share a look and begin to laugh again. 

"If only she knew she was already nuts" I breath as I lean into Jerbear placing my head right above her heart. 

"Mhmm, now that would be something" Jeri responds as she leans her head against mine. We both sigh at the same time and look out the window. 

"Hey Jerbear"

"Yeah Axie" 

"I miss her" I confess openly with closed eyes. To avoid crying I focus on her heart beat. 

"I know you do, I miss her too, we all do... You want to hear a quote I read in a book I just picked up" I nod in response as she begins to run her hand through my hair. "The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live...don't let your courage die Axie. Don't stop fighting. I know what she meant to you, I know how much she helped you with your insecurities and worries but just because she's gone doesn't mean your future is too. You don't have to be okay, not today not tomorrow not ever again if that's what you need. But if there's one thing you do have to be, it's courageous. You have to. For her. It's what she'd want. That's all she'd want, for you to continue being courageous. Don't let it die, don't let her last work of art die" she kisses my head softly and gets up from the couch "I have to talk to dad about something. You go on and rest, I'll wake you up when we leave" she smiles genuinely and walks away. With Jeri's wise words, I close my eyes with more ease and begin to dream of a perfect world...

"Axie, Axie wake up" Jeri's worried voice trembles. My eyes shoot open as my heart beats out of my chest. 

"I had, I was having a night mare" I say as I hide my face in my hands. Jeri sits besides me and removes my hands from my face. 

"Wanna tell me about it" 

"Not really" I mumble as my eyes begin to water.

"They say if you don't share your dreams, they'll come true" I sigh knowing she doesn't want me carrying all the ache.

"I, I dreamt of her dying in front of me. Multiple times. Every time I got to her it was too late, I couldn't save her Jeri. I couldn't do anything but watch" I cry as she wraps her arms around me like she always had when I was little. 

"If Tobin couldn't save her, no one could Axie" she whispers as she rubs my back and lets me dry my sea of sorrow. Soon enough, I calm down and walk with her to the car. My father doesn't ask and I don't tell. We arrive at the house id only been to once. 

I let out a breath as I realize how little I knew about Allie. She knew me but I barely knew her. I think as Serv opens the door. He kiss my check and I fake a smile. We walk to the door with my parents and wait for it to open. 

"The gathering is towards the family room. Down the hall to your right. May I take your coats" the butler greets. Serv removes his coat and then takes hands. We lightly hold hands as we follow the way to the family room. My heart tumps loud enough for me to hear as we arrive. I see we're not the first to arrive hug surely not the last. I spot Jen and quickly let go of Servando to see her. 

"Jenjen" I whisper as I hug her from behind as she seats on a chair

"Axie" She quickly stands and hugs me.

"Alex"

"Hey" I say hugging my brother in love.

"Want anything to drink"

"Some water please" I reply and he leaves. Taking his chair I sit and let out a breath I was holding.

"You've been crying" she points out as she interlocks our hands. I look at the ground no wanting to face others yet. 

"I had a night mare"

"You got sleep" she says with some relief. Jens been checking in on me regularly throughout the week. She knows the darkness that has consumed me. 

"I wouldn't call it sleep" Jeri chips in as she sits on my lap. 

"Well, it's something"

"Better than nothing" I respond as I think of Tobin. Tobin. I look up and like magic, I catch a glimpse of her before she slips to the back. 

"That is true" Jeri says causing me to break my gaze. We sit and watch as people talk and reminisce on the times they shared with Allie until I feel a state I can no longer ignore. I stand up and my sister shoot me thumps up. With my heart heavy and my legs numb. I make my way around and to the same grey blue eyes she had. 

"My eyes are up here dear" she says as I reach her. Biting my cheeks, I look up to meet her gaze. I'm surprised they aren't filled with sorrow but aren't clear either. They're simply, okay. 

"Hey" I whisper as if to not break the harmony that fills the room. 

"Tell me, have you been ignoring me because of fear or heartbreak" she asks hinting at the ring and bags under my eyes. I suppress a giggle thinking of Allie asking me the same thing.

"A little of both" I respond 

"She wouldn't be mad you know, neither would I"

"But it's still fresh" I try but she doesn't bite.

"Life happens dear. You can't just pause and wait for it to pass over so you can continue living" 

"I wish I could"

"You would be living by time not be experiences then"

"We live by time" I respond without much thought

"You have much to learn dear, you'll know it someday"

"Know what" I ask as she takes a drink of water

"Know that we humans, form our life's around time as to, in a sense, fool ourselves to thinking there's always a tomorrow. But someday you'll see that time is only of the essence when your missing something" I stand still as she excuses herself to the kitchen where they ask for her. _Time? Time is a necessity. Right? We need it to live. Yes._ I think as I continue to decifer  her words. Walking back to Jer and Jen, I see Jose sitting by my sisters and immediately begin to feel that ache in my heart. His blank gaze, his slow breathing and his closed demeanor sends me running.

I find myself lost in the house. It's not quite the size of my fathers but every hall leads to another, leaving me in the emptiness of my abyss. As I round a corner, I hear the slow melodies of a piano playing. Walking slowly in the direction of the music, a soft yet pained voice begins to sing ever so lightly. As I come closer I'm finally able to assign the voice to the person. Tobin. 

I stick my head through the door just enough to get a glimpse of what is left of the agent. Her eyes are closed, her hands are under a curse, her mind is open but her heart is broken. Closing my eyes, I bring a hand to my mouth to muffle down the pain and lean against the hall wall. Her shattered voice sings with so much emotion sending waves of despair into my lungs of misery. The song comes to an end, my eyes aren't a dry but my heart is still in tack. That is until her pure soul speaks openly.

"I miss you so much" her voice cracks and I hear it. I hear the silent cry that hits my core harder than anything if ever experience before. The damage doesn't just stop at my heart but continues to my bones. Infecting and inflicting a despair far beyond repair. As I sink to the ground, everything becomes clear. Tobin was never unbreakable, not because she was made of steal, but because she was already _broken_.

"I miss you too" I whisper before letting her darkness become mine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOSH I DONT KNOW IF ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN UPDATED THEIR WAY OF POSTING CHAPTERS BUT I CAN LITERALLY NOW COPY AND PASTE MY WORK ONTO HERE AND UPDATE WITH A CLICK OF A BUTTON!!! This is a game changer people!!!!! :D
> 
> Alex's personality is very...smart. Wise in some ways, naive in others. In this chapter you can really see the shift in Alex and the ways Allie linked Tobs and Alex in some subtle ways. More to come in following chapters!!! 
> 
> Comments to what'll happen now that Alex got an insight to what Tobin's going through? 
> 
> haha ya'll should see me every time I post a chapter. I do hourly check ups to see what ya'll think 


	35. Get Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo so I had originally written one long chapter but I didn't know how to not confuse you guys with the lay out so I just decided to cut the chapter in two. This one has an Tobin POV and Alex POV. The first one is Tobin and then it's Alex. The line in the middle should be enough to alert you of the switch in POV's. 
> 
> Anyhow, such great responses from Alex's POV! It is why I threw in another Alex POV in this chapter. Didn't mean to make you cry but it was kind of necessary as I had mentioned before the Allie is the biggest reason why Tobin and Alex come together. She's knit them together without even knowing it. Like the way they both said Allie was rare like snow...
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter! I find it in may way entertaining ;)

Get up

For the fifth day in a row, I wake up with sweat dripping from my forehead and an accelerated heart beat. It's a little past one in the morning when I jump up off the couch ready to attack. As I realize I'm in my living room, I fall to the floor, letting my body catch a break from its terror. 

"When will it stop" I beg as I struggle to breath. The tightness of my chest is grand but not as intense as my mind that struggles to relax after the night terror. It takes about ten minutes to fully recover from the terror before I can move. Making my way to the kitchen, I go straight to the fridge. Grabbing my drug, I begin to chug down the only remedy I've found to work. Alcohol. The numbness of my body is what has allowed me to rest, and by rest I mean black out. 

I’m well past hung over, I'm permanently over the edge. _Way past the grasp of reality_. As I drink another bottle, I hear a knock on the door. Immediately my agent instincts kick in. Pressing my hand to a secret scanner on the side of the kitchen island. I pull out a small gun and shut the compartment. Groggily, I walk to the dining area where I kneel on the step of the floor and point the gun at the door. My sight is blurry from the effects of the alcohol making me struggle to see. Pressing a button on my clock, I hear the front door click open. Blinking a few times, I see a frozen Alex standing at the door with a hand on her heart.

"It's just you" I say to myself still out of conscious. Tossing the gun to the floor, I begin to rise onto my feet. 

"It's only me!? What where you expecting!? Someone from Huros?! Telios?! Kanatos!?" Alex's horrified and relieved voice fumes. 

"My security system is out" I reply as I walk towards her. Every step I take seems to awake the real me, or at least the me she knows. 

"So you point the gun at whoever comes in?! You can't just answer the door without a gun like normal people do" she asks

"You're the first one to come here, and no I can't. How the hell did you find out where I live" I ask changing the subject as to why I opened the door with a gun. Truth is, I still haven't turned Frost on. When I will, I still don't know. Zoning back into reality, I see she's processing something in her mind so I clear my throat to restore her attention. 

"I sorta had Kelley implant a chip into Kendall's phone and followed her. Then she breached into the building system and yeah" she responds as she looks at the floor with guilt.

"You what" I ask in disbelief. _Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I'm such an idiot_. I forgot I had connected the buildings system to Frost. _I didn't turn on the back up security system_. "That's against the law Alex, against Kardia laws, against every damn"

"I know I know and I promise I won't ever do it again. Please don't tell my father" she begs with a voice I've never heard before.

"Why are you here Alex" I ask as I stand up straight, more sober than ever. 

"I came to give you this" she says as she pulls out my glasses and scout cap from her bag. I take my things from her hands a little lost in the process. Looking at the glasses, flash backs of the funeral pour into my mind forcing me to close my eyes. As I rub a thumb over the Athena logo on my cap, it comes to me instantly. _The piano room_. Opening my eyes, I find that she looks everywhere except at me. _She heard_. Apart of me feels violated, as if she stained the only pure part of me. But at the same time I feel relieved that someone knows the depths I'm in. Still, I grow defensive. 

"Where's boytoy" I ask looking out the hall. I don't really listen for her answer as I'm surprised the guy isn't with her.

"fiancé and he's good" 

"Whatever" I respond not really aware of what she said. She takes a quick glance at me trying to figure out if I'm mad or not but I simply begin to walk away. 

"Close the door and wait here" I say as I begin to walk up the stairs. She calls my name but I don't turn back as I make my way to my room. I walk to my closet and place my cap where it belongs and toss the glasses into a small bin. Walking down the steps and into the bathroom, I go to use the restroom. As I pass by the mirror, my eyes pop out of their socket as I take a look at myself for the first time in a week. I sport a loose worn out vneck, loose sweats and one sock with a hole in it. My hairs all over the place and the bags under my eyes are as black as my soul. _Goodness, I'm homeless_. I say as I walk to the closet and begin to change out of my alcohol smelling outfit. Grabbing a fresh sports bra, I toss it on and grab a blue and white flannel buttoning up to more than half way. I grab some black skinny jeans and slip on some fresh white socks. Going back to the bathroom, I throw my hair up in a loose bun. As I stare at the mirror, I see there's not hope for the bags under my eyes. Grabbing my normal glasses, I put them on and let out a long sigh. I turn off the lights and walk to the office. I unlock the door and grab the vanilla folder that lays neatly in the center of the glass desk. I eye it twice to make sure its ready. _Well, this is it._  I close the door and begin to walk down the U shaped stairs. 

"I need you to give this" I stop mid sentence as my eyes fall on Ali. _Fuck_.

"A...I didn't know you were awake" I say catching myself before I said her name. 

"I didn't know we were having guests" she replies eyeing Alex who looks a little in between lost and cryptic as fuck. Rushing down the last few steps, I grab the gun off the floor with ease and walk to the kitchen. Placing it back in its place, I walk back to the two girls who stand there waiting. 

"Just a quick stop" I say as I turn to look at Alex whom won't stop eyeing Ali.

"Awh well it was nice meeting you Alex" Ali says with a genuine happiness which makes me grit my teeth. 

"Yeah, it was" she responds unenthusiastically

"Will you get our places set up so I can make breakfast after I escort Alex out" I turn to Ali whom eyes me.

"Yep, I'll see you around" Ali says as she walks to the kitchen. I lead Alex to the door and walk out of my quarter with her. Closing the door, I turn to Alex.

"I need you to give this to your father" I say handing the folder to Alex but not letting it go entirely 

"Okay"

"Alex" I say as she looks at the folder instead of me. When she finally looks up, I see the sadness in full. _If only those rainy eyes went back their normal ocean blue..._ Shaking my head I look at her more seriously.  "This is for your fathers eyes only"

"Okay, got it" she says as she tugs on the folder.

"Promise you won't open it"

"We're not kids Tobin" she says with a huff

"I need to know I can trust you" I respond. She opens her mouth but doesn't say a word. The way she stands still makes me aware that I've hurt her feelings. Normally I would apologize, but right now, I don't care. Alex and I aren't friends. What she saw doesn't change us. She hates me and well, I hate myself. 

"I promise" she finally breathes breathless. 

"Thank you" I say as I let go of the folder and begin to open the door but stop and turn to look at Alex who's half way down the hall. "Alex" She turns but stares at the floor. I feel the smallest hint of guilt down in my stomach and decide to lay it upon her smoothly. "Thank you for bringing my stuff here...I appreciate it. That being said, you can't come back here. For your safety and mine. Tell Kelley to tell Hope to destroy the computer she used to hack into the building. Once I get the system up running, it'll do a self check and I don't think Abby would be too happy to see her company under investigation by Kardia SA" 

"I will" she says. I nod more to myself than to her and begin to walk inside when she calls my name. Sticking my head out the door, I look at her and she looks at me. 

"I just want to say"

"Please don't" I interrupt 

"No, not...that. I just want to say she's really pretty" She breaks eye contact as she says the words she's and pretty. I look at her more confused than before. _She's? Who is she referring to...?_

"Who" I ask not really following 

"Adaline" _Who the hell is Adaline?_ I think as I shoot her the biggest mug shot ever. As she only stares at me, I link it together. _Ali_. My cheeks begin to grow red as I suppress a laugh. Ali has become like a friend/family member that I don't really view in the sense of looks.

"Umm, yeah, she is...I mean I'll tell her you said that" I say as I mentally slap myself. She nods and heads for the elevator and I for the kitchen.

"She's hot" Is the first thing that comes out of Ali's mouth as I approach the kitchen. 

"She's hot!? That's all you can say after you met someone you weren't supposed to meet" I huff as I roll my selves up and grab some eggs and bread.

"Did you see her! She's banging” I nearly gag as Ali seems very enticed by the girl. 

"Not really" I respond as I start putting breakfast together

"What do you mean not really! She was literally standing like right there" Ali points to the middle of the room.

"I know where she was standing...I just didn't really look at her" I respond as I think of it. _What was she even wearing?_ I ask myself as I put the eggs and toast on the plates Ali set up. 

"She was wearing a grey shirt with an opened back, skinny jeans rolled up to her ankle. Light brown booties, hair down..cmon how did you not see her" Ali says as she takes a piece of toast out of my hands.

"Hey! That was mine! And I thought she was wearing a pea coat on top"

"She was...but a girl knows her shirt when she sees it" 

"Whatever. She said _Adaline_ was really pretty" looking up to Ali, I see her smirking. "ooooohhhh no, don't you think I'm going to"

"Come it, you have to admit"

"No"

"Tubs"

"Ew, never say that again" I say as I shiver thinking of the last person who called me that. _Hope_. 

"I will if"

"Okay okay, it was clever of you to change your name" I respond as I lookup. Ali fist pumps the air as she gets up and spins around like a lunatic. Once seated I stare at her.

"What was that for"

"I was hoping it would get you to smile" I simply continue to stare but feel my lips curving upward causing Ali to let out a small yes.  

"Okay okay, quit it. I need you to tell me what you said to her" I say as I hand Ali her plate.

"I told her you thought she was hot" I give Ali a death glare. 

"Geez. Lighten up a bit...I accidentally called her Alex and she flipped. Not actually but you know.. So she asked how I knew her name and I sorta, kinda told her you talk a lot about her"

"You what" I interrupt

"I panicked and just said the first thing I could think of"

"Way to go, out of all people her...her" I groan as I lightly place my head on the counter.

"I thought you too were" she stops mid sentence and I look up to her with the wildest of eyes. 

"Please don't tell me your Tobin is best friends with her" I cry out in horror. Ali shifts in her seat and I nearly bawl.

"No! No! Not best friends! Just, something around those lines" Ali says before I can throw a fit. I squint my eyes at her to make sure she's not lying. Sighing I dig into breakfast and shake off the heaviness of my head that aches from the restless nights. 

"What else"

"I told her she's pretty"

"And"

"Nothing"

"Nothing... You guys said nothing for a whole five minutes" Ali shrugs and I roll my eyes not pushing it. 

"Okay so she asked about you. Why you pointed a gun at her and well, she seemed kind of worried"

"Alex? Worried? About me? That's a good one" I murmur as I turn to wash my empty plate.

"Whys that so surprising" she asks as she walks around the island to place her plate in the sink.

"Alex and I aren't friends"

"Doesn't look like your enemies either"

"She hates me" I finally breath as I dry my hands. Ali takes a moment to let it sink in. I begin to walk away, oblivious to her small "Only because you want her to"

* * *

 

"Who is it- oh it's you" my eyes nearly roll out on my head as I push past her.

"Yeah it's me Hippie" _Gosh she sounds like Tobin._

 _"_ Ugh you too...Tobin always calls me that" A groan erupts from the pit of my soul. _Agh_. I look at Hope with such a snare that my right eye twitches. 

"Where's Kel" I demand

"In the kitchen, grab some ice while you're there" Hope walks away while sticking the middle finger up at me. 

"Hop-Al! Didn't know you were coming"

"Your girl has quite an attitude" I remark as I grab a glass of juice. 

"She told you to grab ice" Kelley says looking up from her recipe book.

"Yep" she begins to laugh which only causes me to get even more mad. 

"It's not funny"

"Yes it is"

"No it's not" I say as I toss a rolled up napkin at her.

"Okay okay Truce" she responds as she wipes away some fake tears. "So what's got you so worked up" 

"Tobin" I murmur as I drink from the glass in my hand.

"You went to see her" Kelley asked with so much surprise. 

"I told you I was going to" 

"I didn't think you would" she confesses and I sigh.

"Why would I ask you to have Hope hack into Kendall's phone if I wasn't going to do it" I ask a bit annoyed at my best friends faith in me.

"Well" Kelley says as she widens her eyes momentarily as to imply I wussy out a lot.

"What's that supposed to mean" I ask crossing my arms

"Nothing"

"For fucks sake Kel, just say it"

"Well shit Al. This is why I don't really say much when it comes to Tobin. One day you hate her, the next you’re standing up for her, then the following day you're back to hating her and then warming up to her, it's confusing as hell. Like you can't just keep doing that shit. You either hate her or not. Which one is it" A frustrated Kelley asks. I stand there dumbfounded. Unable to respond. _Do I hate her...still?_

"See what I mean. I never know where you stand with the girl" she finishes. Silence begins to set in when she asked the question on her mind. "What happened" 

"What didn't happen" I reply as I pour myself a drink. Shooting her a look, she nods and I fix her up a drink too.

"So, now that we have some alcohol, what happened"

"Well first of all, she pointed a gun at me" 

"Holy shit so it is true" Kelley says with such amusement that I frown.

"You're not even worried that I could have been shot!? And what's true" 

"Tobin wouldn't hurt a fly and people say the girl is always in alert, in and out of work. Work mode" she takes a gulp of the drink and I just stare at her completely shocked... _I wouldn't call say she was on work mode..._

"She works for the forces... She is capable of hurting a fly. And I don't think that's exactly why she was on alert"

"Yeah but she wouldn't shoot her bosses daughter, and what do you mean" the way Kelley says bosses daughter makes me cringe just a tiny bit. 

"Well last time we talked, I told her I hated her and practically blamed my failure on her so she had the perfect chance to get me out of the way" I say with some remorse. Taking a drink, I continue "and she said her security system was out. That's probably why Hope found it so easy to hack into the buildings system. That reminds me. She told me to tell you to tell Hope to destroy the computer and everything else she used to hack into the building. She'll be getting the system up running some time soon and it does a self check and when it realizes it was breached, it'll probably send us to prison" 

"Well yeah but I don't think she would have shot you even if you asked her to... But that really explains the security system, it was too easy. Hope said something downloaded onto her computer but doesn't have the tools and knowledge to decode it. Shouldn't be useful anyways" 

"You make her sound like the nicest person on earth"

"Well, I mean, the girl has a death list which includes her best friend. If anything, I think she would want to be the one in front of the gun, not behind it. Think about it. What'd she do when she saw you"

"She tossed the gun to the ground" _tossed it a few feet away actually_. 

"See. The girl ain't out to get anyone but herself" Kelley says a bit saddened.

"Yeah" I murmur as I look at my ring and think of the night I got an insight to Tobin's mind.

"So...how was she" Kelley asks a bit afraid. I let out a deep breath as I think of the women I didn't recognize. 

"She's, she's breathing" I answer 

"She's not coming back is she" Kelley asks referring to Kardia, the forces, life in general and well, to her usual self. I shake my head no.

"I didn't recognize her... The girl that stole my fathers heart was, was like me...but so much worse. Her breath reeked alcohol, her shape pained, her voice strong but her eyes... Her beautiful brown eyes were dark. I saw nothing in them. No strength, no fear, no hope, nothing. It was as if she could fall off the surface of the earth and not care. There was one thing, if anything, that she'd leave behind but honestly. I think she's resigning. She gave me a folder to give to my father" I say as I stare at cup filled with alcohol thinking of how broken Kardia's Hero is.

"Alcohol? Tobin never drinks...if anything she advices the squads not to drink... Are you sure she was drunk. And a folder? Where'd you put it" Kelley says while standing up.

"She was hung over...well past the stage of hung over actually. It seems like she's been at it for days. There were some bottles on the counter. And no Kelley, I promised her not to open it"

"So you sneaked around, did you find a place? What the hell Alex, you promised not to open it" she asks with some annoyance

"Well, only for like a minute before I was interrupted and yeah Kelley, I did"

“Interrupted? And whatever, it doesn't really matter anyway. We're opening it" Kelley says walking to the front door.

"Kelley wait" I yell after her, as she pulls the door open but I push it shut.

"What the hell Alex"

"Where not opening it"

"Why not"

"I was interrupted by a women" I finally breath. Kelley stops wrestling against me and closes the door.

"A women? As in an actual fully breasted, attractive women" Kelley describes making me slightly mad. 

"Yes, a women" I respond through gritted teeth. Kelley begins to walk towards the living room leaving me standing.

"Where are you going"

"HOPE" Kelley yells at the top of her lungs. I hear the upstairs family room open and Hopes footsteps down the stairs and into the living room.

"Yeah" she says as she jumps onto the couch. Kelley stands on the other side by the coffee table and I behind the couch.

"Tobin's got a girlfriend" Kelley smirks

"Whoa whoa whoa, I never said they were dating" I inquire

"I knew she was gay" Hope says with a fist pump 

"She's not gay" I say turning to Hope

"Yeah she is" Kelley buts in

"You don't know that"

"You don't know that she isn't" Kelley looks at Hope who only mirrors the same look as Kelley.

"No. 100% No"

"Was she attractive" Hope asks changing the subject slightly. I groan on the inside as I nod yes.

"What's her name" Kelley asks already walking up the stairs 

"Adaline" I huff out as I hop over the couch and bury my head into a pillow. 

"She's hot" Hope says. I move the pillow from my face and give her a WTF look "what" Hope asks "Adaline is a hot name, which only means she's hot" 

"Just because her names hot, doesn't mean she's hot"

"Describe her"

"Why does it matter"

"Well it won't since we're"

"I said no Kell" I turn to look at the anxious girl with a computer in hand.

"If I tell you what she looks like will you guys stop" they share a look for a minute before nodding yes. Breathing in deep, I begin.

"Well, she's about Kelley's height. White, dark brown hair, almost looks black. It was up in a messy bun but like, it's a cute messy bun. She was wearing black sweats and a Black and grey shirt I've seen Tobin wear before. She had these gorgeous hazel eyes that I've never seen before. They were, different. Beautiful but different. And her voice, it had a hint of an accent almost...but her personality. She had this vibe that made you feel known, loved, almost like if she'd known me for years" I say as I drift off. As I look back at the two knuckle heads, I see them sharing a look.

"Kardia's Hero, hiding in the closet" 

"Quit it"

"You can't say it's not fishy Al"

"Okay it is but still"

"So she caught you red handed" Kelley asks

"She caught me off guard actually, I had snooped the stair case and dining room and was walking to the kitchen when she said my name"

"Wait she said your name" Hope asks sitting up

"Yeah, I turned around and bam, this women I've never seen is standing by the living room"

"How the hell did she know your name"

"She said Tobin's told her about me" I shrug 

"Still, how do you point out someone you've only heard about"

"Well I'm not exactly unknown... People know me, they know my name. I'm in tabloids every week"

I say with more logic now that I've thought about it. 

"She's also dating Kardia's hero who is close to your dad...makes sense" Hope says now relaxing back into the seat. 

"They're not dating"

"Why do you keep saying that" Kel interrupts 

"Because" I fume as I stand up. 

"Someone's jealous"

"Oh shut it Hippie. It's just ridiculous that you guys want to use Adaline as"

"Think about it Alex. Just, take a second and think about it. She would be perfect" Hope says seriously. I take a moment to think it over and don't decide against it. 

"I'll look into it, just, one time. But I won't go to her quarter. I did what you guys asked so this is my second condition. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go give my father a folder. Hope, destroy the computer. Last condition" I walk out the door with more on my mind rather than less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... What'd you think? A jealous Alex? Hmmm read the next chapter!


	36. And Take A Step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much in this chapter. Details from earlier chapters will finally have their spotlight from here on out. I think some of you will start picking up whats to come soon in the next chapter or so.
> 
> In this chapter we get a glimpse at what Tobin's becoming...Don't worry she'll become that chill Tobin we know as the story comes to an end. We also get a glimpse at how wise Tobin is.
> 
> We also get to meet a character we had meet in one of the first few chapters so that's exciting. :)

And Take A Step

"Seriously" Ali's voice startles me as I look up from the kitchen handle. I see her holding four glass bottles in her hands and I groan. "You're going to kill yourself" she says as she places them in the already full glass bin. 

"That would be ideal" I murmur as I get up to walk to the living room. 

"For who Tobin?! For yourself" Ali yells. I stop dead in my tracks and slowly turn around to face her. 

"That's right. I said it. For two weeks you've been swimming in a lake of misery. All you do is drink, you go somewhere for hours and come back dry, with this look of such ache that haunts me. You’re letting yourself die Tobin. And not just mentally, you've lost about 15 lbs, your body is literally disintegrating by the second. And I know Allie was supposed to get married tomorrow. I found the invitation in your hand last night but if you can't pull yourself together, we're both going to end up dead " 

"Well, we'd be saving Kardia more trouble" I reply without thinking. The pain the fills Ali's eyes makes my stomach swirl, threatening my throat to push out all the toxic fluids in my organs. She leaves the kitchen immediately and I groan in stupidity. _Great Tobin, just great_. As I walk upstairs, I stop by Allies room and just look at it. _If only you were here_. Continuing my way to my room, I go into the closet and move the rug. Placing my hand on a specific board, I pop it up off the ground and reach in to grab a small wooden box. Sitting in the corner of the closet, I trace the outside of the box. The simple yet rustic decays of the box are the reason why I bought it a long ago. 

Opening it, I begin to look though the small variety of stuff in it, ranging from rings, necklaces, pictures, small rocks and so on. Everything in the box represents a specific time of my life. When I find the ring I'm looking for, I close the box and place it beside me on the ground. 

 _New Jersey 1988_ reads the coin ring. It's the only thing I've had since birth. Turning the ring around, I take in every detail and the tears begin to come down hot. It doesn't stop as I go through the entire box until all that's left is a vulnerable soul and pencil. 

Placing the box back in its place, I go to the shower and begin to wash off the smell of alcohol. Rubbing down every inch off my body, I begin to feel that it's not enough. That I'm still dirty. I scrub harder until every drop of soapy water stings my skin. Only then do I feel clean. 

Stepping onto the warm stone floor, I wrap my body in a towel and let the drops of water slip to the floor. I grab a bra and underwear and put them on. Wrapping my hair in a towel, I walk to the prep room and close my eyes. Letting a few minutes pass by, I undo the knot of the towel and open my eyes. 

I would be lying if I didn't say that the reflection of the my body scares me. My ribs are becoming visible, my toned body is slowly losing shape, the gigantic wound of my shoulder looks worse than it is. The scar on my forehead is now more visible than before. I turn around and take in every cringing scar on my body and stop once I'm facing the mirror again. 

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I walk to the closet and begin to get dressed. I grab black skinny jeans that are purposely ripped around my knees. I then move to the sweaters and grab a black one. Slipping my feet into black athletic shoes, I walk to the coats and grab a grey white long wool coat and put it on. Walking to the bathroom, I grab a pair of grey reflective shades and slide them on. 

As I open a small drawer, the rows of jewelry, mainly black, grey or sparkling diamonds, I think of Allie. On how many of these she bought for me. Running my hand over the black ear rings, I pick a small pair of diamond earrings I got from Jose and Allie two Christmas's ago and put them on. Shutting the drawer, I put my hair in a more organized bun and lift the collar of the wool coat to semi cover my diamond. Liking what I see, I leave the prep room and proceed down stairs. 

I go straight for the fridge and take out a jug of juice for Ali and begin to put her lunch into the oven for her to eat when she decides to come out. As I close the oven, there are hurried knocks at the door. My heart beat slows down and my senses immediately kick in. Grabbing the gun from the secret compartment, I slip it into my coats pocket and manually lock Ali's door. Walking to the door, I slip my hand into my pocket with the gun and hold it steady as I slowly open the door. 

In storms a bewildered Becky and heads straight to the living room.

"Come in" I whisper with some annoyance as I close the door and walk in the direction of Becky's location. I place the gun on a dining room chair and turn to face Beck

"Why are you holding a gun" 

"Security system is down. Why are you here" I ask with a calm voice.

"Why are you dressed up" she asks now fully taking me in. 

"I was...wait why are you asking the questions"

"For someone who's vanished off the surface of the earth, you look quite well" She says as she takes a few steps in my direction. I don't know how to take her statement _. In offense, anger or simply let it be? Does she not think I'm hurting?_

"If you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will soon gaze into you" I respond without much feeling attached. 

"So all is lost"

"There was nothing left to lose"

"What about us, what about the squad?! Are we not worth"

"Don't you dare, don't you fucking dare compare her to us" I interrupt with rage "You more than anyone on the squad knows what she did. The squad may protect me but if it wasn't for her, you would have nothing worth protecting. So don't come in here trying to make yourself the victim. I was the accuser, I was responsible for her life. I'm responsible for your life, for the entire squads. Why do you think I haven't returned huh? Do you think I enjoy being surrounded by walls, do you think that a shower and clean set of clothes means I'm well? No Becky. No. Your eyes see only what they wish to see...So please, don't come here thinking you can manhandle my emotions and convince me to participate in the games" 

Becky stands still as she realizes she over stepped. I simply stare at her emotionless.

”Tobin I'm sorry"

"I don't need your apology Becky, I just need you to understand" 

"And I will, if you just let us help"

"Why are you here Becky" I ask changing to subject. Her demeanor shifts immediately as she puts on her mask. I see the women I know on the field. The one that doesn't cry when treating a patient, the one that holds it together when we fall to pieces, the women that's healed me a million times. 

"Her parents want a tour of Citadel" she says with the same voice she uses to tell me it's going to hurt. Even though it's gentle, it's not enough to avoid the pain. My chest tightens and suddenly, I wish she were injecting a revive needle into my diamond instead of giving me this news. I _would take a thousand revive needles over this_. "We tried to offer a tour by one of us. But they said no. Tim went to them personally to offer the tour...they want you to show them" 

“Why” I ask more to myself than to Becky as I pull out a chair from the dining room table and sit down in shock. 

“I don’t know. But we can’t turn them down. It was their only request” 

“When” I ask as I stare at the black glass wall behind Becky whom now sits across form me at the table.

“Whenever your ready” I shake my head knowing that those were Barbara’s exact words. 

“What’d you tell them”

“That it would take a while…maybe even forever”

“Forever can sometimes be a second” I reply as I think of Alice in Wonderland. 

“Huh”

“A book she gifted me, Alice in Wonderland…it’s a quote” I reply as I stare at my hands in completely numb. 

“Tobin”

“Mhmm” 

“It’s never going to be the same…will it” She asks. Her voice so raw, so unhopeful makes me lift my eyes from my cold hands. It is rare to hear Becky so lost. Only once did I hear emotion in her voice, on the field that is. It was the day Allie past away. After I was sedated after attacking Ashlyn. She was taking my back to the room where I was to rest until I could be brought home. I was very disoriented, but the drugs weren’t enough to stop me from hearing her voice so pained. She simply said I didn’t deserve this. 

“It was never the same Becks” I reply referring to March 27. 

“Do you wish it was” She asks looking up to meet my eyes. Her question catches me off guard as I think back to the time when it was only Carli, Becky, Allie and I on the ES from our current group. Thinks were different. Things were…good. 

“Yes” I answer with tears in my eyes. She nods as she looks away. The obvious tremble of her bottom lips confirms my suspiciousness that she is realizing the depths I’m in. 

“I should get going” she says standing from the dining room table. 

“I’m going to Citadel…” I say as she walks to the door. She stops and waits for me to continue. “…To see Carli. It’s why I cleaned up” She nods and walks out the door leaving me all alone. I unlock Ali’s door and grab my keys and watch, leaving the past behind as I close the door of my quarter. 

* * *

 

Making my way towards Citadel’s first gate, I see news reporters everywhere. They’ve been waiting, _for two weeks._ I think as I drive right past them and into Citadel. As I park the car, I look up to see some people staring, trying to get a glimpse of whats left. Getting out, I stick my hands in my coats pockets and walk up the steps. Everyones eye chew me up like gum as I walk through the doors and straight into the elevator. The special agents direct their sights to the ground and avoid any communication when possible as I make my way to Becky’s lab. I find doctor Emmett talking to some nurses, as soon as they spot me, they rush away leaving me in the hall with Dr. Emmett. 

“A postcard would have done” He says with some happiness. I find it quite genuine as I realize he’s happy to see I’m still holding on. 

“Yes, well, she’s worth more than a piece of paper. How is she”

“Recovering, quite well actually. She’s off the breathing tube now. Just got it taken out a few days ago”

“And her brain” I ask as I look through the glass window and see Brain asleep on a chair next to Carli. His looks restless, which makes me feel like theres something Emmett is not letting on.

“I..Carli’s brain, it’s fighting” His hesitation is enough of an answer to confirm my fears. 

“How much does she not remember” I ask as I turn to look back at him. 

“I don’t know yet. Our, well, Becky’s machines show a great amount of damage. Specifically to her frontal lobe but like I’ve mentioned to Brian and Becky, we can never be sure until we wake her up” 

“Not yet” I say without a second thought

“We’re going to have to wake her someday” 

“Someday is not today” 

“Any idea when”

“When I find that bastards that put her here”

“How’s that going by the way” 

“Well, Mister Morgan got me two minutes with a few boxes I missed last evidence session. I’m headed their after this visit”

“And the videos”

“Useless”

“Can you see what happened”

“You were right. It was no accident and the police know it. The videos, they hit her from behind. Harder than intended to. I presume they were trying to scare her while a car on the side would force her to pull over. But the driver from behind speed up to quick, causing her to lose control. The car on the side was already in motion as they hit her on the side, sending her straight into the barrier”

“Did you see what they used” 

“Not that far” I say emphasizing every word. His quick glance to the chair on the side of us lets me know that he understood what I meant. “Follow me” I say as I lead us to someplace I know is microphone proof. As the wind blows past us and hover crafts land and go, his expression makes me smile, on the inside. 

“I thought you were going to lead me to a room” He yells over the loud noise

“You’re never alone in any room here in Citadel” I reply 

“How do you know they aren’t listening now” 

“They’re trying to” I reply as I spot at least three agents passing by as heavy agents. 

“Trying”

“Don’t look, two by the door, one taking a large amount of time by the lockers. For someone who’s been here long, I know for a fact it doesn’t take three minutes to remove gloves and a helmet” 

“Are you sure they can’t hear us”

“They’re trying to use their helmets webcam and microphone, idiots don’t know power is cut off once you reach Citadel. Along with that, only true ES agents know how to tinker with their senses to improve a specific one when needed”

“So you’re telling me, you, Agent Tobin Heath, that you have discovered a way to alter one of you five senses when needed” 

“Seven senses actually” I yell back as I look through the reflection of his glasses to see that one of the agents is moving on. “How do you think I command my squad. Through sight? No sir. I listen. How do you think I spotted those three agents from the 20 sum out here…and you’re wrong sir, I didn’t alter them. They simply evolved, it’s what happens when one of your senses become useless. Why do the blind hear better, why is it that I don’t smell the gore of this place unlike you, who’s struggling to block out the reeking oil. Its simple science doc” 

“And what if they record the conversation” He asks

“The hover crafts drown out of voices, even if they were able to clear out enough of the background to get our voices, it would take them about 2 years. Kardia doesn’t have two years. They only have now. It’s why we are the leading region in the world. We don’t think about tomorrow, we think about now”

“So you have the tapes” He yells realizing we only have now. It’s now or never to get the ball rolling. 

“Yes”

“What else do you have”

“Everything” I yell as I fake a stretch to catch a glimpse of the agent by the locker room that tries using his phone. 

“Except those few boxes you talked about”

“They won’t be useful to you” I yell as I point to a hover craft. “Don’t mind my motions, simply look. You’re understanding glance on our subject will go well with the excuse of our presence out here. The things in those boxes don’t belong to Carli, I think they’re things from the other cars” 

“So they’ll be useful to you” He yells as I do a few other motions with my hands and I nod. 

“In finding them yes”

“When will you finish watching the videos”

“Tonight”

“What do you know so far”

“The police are covering up people, for money I presume”

“Why would they show you the videos if they know you’d find out”

“Because if I ever found out they find the simplest evidence, such as a gram of dirt, the power of the evidence would fall into my hands”

“But you have the evidence. Not legally but you have it” 

“Oh but I took you for a smarter one” I yell as crack my knuckles and give him a few seconds to figure it out. 

“You don’t have the details…” He yells out as his mind things deeper, as it begins to think the way I do.

“And”

“You have a picture but no paint, no stains, not a single brush”

“Bingo” 

“I have the paper work but anyone in the station could have written that for the police that arrived at the scene. My scanner, it scanned the picture, the bullshit they wrote, but I couldn’t get finger prints off every single paper, I didn’t have time, I had the scanner running on the papers as I used my watch to hack into the computers. The fuckery they wrote, it’s a perfect script for the perfect getaway. Worth a throne of lies, I’ll give them that”

“And the car” 

“Bloodless as the special agents arrived and cleared the scene. ES protocol, her blood is useless to us anyways, I need finger prints, foot steps, movements not words” 

“Have you tried analyzing the scene…after dark. I presume you have the tools but don’t see them” I turn my head slightly to meet his eyes. _Now you’re talking._

“Go on”

“You said the special agents removed Carli’s blood from the scene, so I’m assuming they removed anything Carli wise, including her car’s oil if it spilled” I nod for him to continue “So the scene should be Carli clean. Meaning you should be able to use a chemical to brighten stains from the other cars in UV lights” 

“And scan the marks that we covered with the Police mediocre substances”

“Exactly”

“They were hover cars though”

“Hover cars leak small amounts of waste fluids. You said they re-ended Carli’s car which should have caused the car to leak some oil or some other by product”

“How am I supposed to get the scene when I can’t even drive home without someone recognizing me”

“They recognize you because you give them something to recognize” 

“Lets go back. Our story, I was explaining a possible reason why Carli’s head scans read such damage. The ride from the hospital here. Got it” I hurry out as we start to reach the door.

“Got what” He asks in confusion

“ESS Heath” An agent stops me before I open the door. I turn to face him, making sure to lower my head enough to see over my shades. 

“Yes, agent” I look for his name and find it “Anthony”

“Is there something I can help you with” His voice doesn’t sound helpful and the way his lips say the word something ticks my skin. 

“No” I say opening door. Feeling a hand on my arm, I grip the handle with so much strength that a wound on my hand that had just recovered reopens. I let go of the handle and turn my hand over to look at the blood. 

“Don’t you ever lay a fucking finger on me again. If I ever see you close my sector, even a fucking 10 yards away from the squads elevator or private section, I will personally teach you a lesson you hear me” I say as I grip the boys collar with one hand and pin him against the wall. 

“You have no power over me” 

“Agent Parks” Mister Morgan’s strong voice roars. I let go of the boy and take a cloth the special agents leader holds out for me. 

“We’ll get the blood off the handle, you guys go down” I nod and catch Michaels eyes on the way in. He doesn’t say a word and neither do I. As we reach Becky’s lab, the doctor rushes to get a needle and string to stitch up the wound. I sit outside of Carli’s room and wait for the doctor to come back. He places some funny glasses on and begins stitching the wound. 

“You’re not going to ask” 

“I am no wonder and you’re no open book. After years of working in the medical field, I’ve found its best not to know but I’ve come to see that the less you seek, the more you discover” 

“And what have you discovered” 

“That Kardia is not the place you guys make it out to be” 

“And when did you discover that”  

“Just today actually” 

“Well Dr.Emmett, I wish you could unsee those things. There are good people here”

“Theres one sitting before me” I crack a sad smile and continue

“But theres some that just want the fame and money”

“There are always rotten apples” He says as he finishes stitching and puts some lotion over the wound. I stare at him and he explains that it’ll speed up the healing. Looking at my clock, I realize its time to get going. 

“Do you want me to tell Brian you stopped by”

“No, he’ll find out once the news gets out that I left my house, attacked an agent and went to the police station” 

“You have to love the tabloids” He jokes. I leave him with a list of things I want done and head to the car. As I approach my car, I feel a presence behind me and turn quicker than they can explain. I let go of Pinoe’s arm that I twisted behind her back and she groans. 

“Fucks sake Pinoe, don’t sneak up to me like that” She rubs her arm and I quickly apologize “I’m so sorry. I didn’t” 

“Chill, I’m not here to sue you”

“Right”

“Where you off too”

“Police station”

“Son of a gun sued you”

“No no no, nothing like that, it has to do with Carls” I whisper the last part as I see people eavesdropping

“Why are you here” I ask a bit confused. The squads were given two weeks off and I was given an extra two, I didn’t argue nor comply with it as it was decided by Sepp. 

“Morgan’s been having us training” 

“Training? So they’re making you wait” I ask a bit shocked “I was assuming Morgan would assign Lauren or you as temporary scout since Carli, Becky and I are out”

“Nope. We’re out here doing our hours, with training, studies, mentoring and what not… they covering it up as a service for her” I open my mouth to reply but the guilt I feel doesn’t allow me to. 

“I didn’t know”

“We asked them not to tell”

"Pinoe I"

"Don't Tobs. You don't owe us anything. Some of the girls are getting tired but we're in no rush to return. We just want you to be okay" I shake my head no. _I'll never be okay_. 

"It's not fair to you guys"

"As it is not fair of us to ask you to come back. Look, I understand your decision not to participate in the games but some of the girls think it's showing Kanatos weakness. You can't make the world happy. Just do you until you can tolerate this dump"

"Thank Pea"

"No probs, I just wanted you to know that. I should get going though, Captain is here" following Pinoes gaze, I see Captain America get out of her car. _Wait.. What_.

"What is she doing here"

"She's our trainer"

"Where's Dawn" I ask but Pinoe shrugs. 

"Dawns been our train for years now why bring Christie back" Pinoe runs off to get ready as I get into my car. 

 _Somethings not right_. As I leave Citadel, the mysterious feeling sticks to me. When I arrive to the police station, I park in front and put on my people mask and get out the car. All the cameras turn in my direction and start snapping pictures, saying and asking things that should offend me but don’t. I don't feel anymore. As I near the top step, I see a photographer just watching, not a single finger on their camera. I walk to the women with beautiful blonde brown hair. As I stare into her beautiful dark blue eyes, I can't help but think of the Morgan sisters. 

"Tobin, are you here because of the agent you attack at Kardia earlier today" the man besides her asks with urgency as people begin to push. Offering my elbow to the women, I lead her up to the top of the stairs and into the station. 

"Trying to distract the press Miss Heath" the women voice soft yet strong says more than questions. I blush as she has found out what I was doing.

"We're" I whisper, her eyes show surprise at my response "was it too obvious"

"To them, no. They'll eat up anything. They're starving"

"We shouldn't let them starve" I reply with sarcasm which earns a smile from the women. I look up ahead and see Michael standing by the receptionist. Removing my glasses, I look up to meet the eyes of the women. She looks at me with such gentleness and normally, that would normally cause me to look away. But she's a stranger, and so am I. 

"You're not going to ask"

"Somethings are meant to be kept unanswered" 

"I'm Tobin" I say offering my hand

"Amanda" she says with a hint of a smile. As I really get a look of her, it comes to me. _I've seen this women... Somewhere...where..._

"Outside of Costco" she answers as if she read my thoughts. _Alice_. 

"You're little Alice's mom" 

"That's me"

"You're a reporter" I say with a slight turn of head

"Sorta. Just more like a photographer"

"Who would have known"

"Right" I stare at her for a few minutes, contemplating whether I should do it or not. 

"I have to go but...where can I find you" 

"Where ever you go, I go" she giggles and I almost laugh. _Cheeky_. Shaking her hand, I go to Michael.

"Sir" 

"C'mon, I'll take you to the room" we walk to an elevator and step in. The silence is tense making me feel like I let the man down. After Alex's confession, it's hard not to notice his attachment to me. 

Since my withdrawal from the games that take place every four years Michaels been...absent. I can only imagine what he felt when Alex handed him the folder. How he felt when he delivered the news to the board and public.

"Michael" I say before the door opens.

"Yes Tobin"

"I just want to express my"

"Heath" a cop interrupts. I turn to see the man I punched a few weeks back when I first came to see the evidence.

"Patrick, how's the nose" I snicker as we walk towards the evidence room. 

"Better than your life" I turn around with my fist ready when Michaels arm grabs mine weakly.

"You've done enough damage today" the way his voice sounds so disappointment makes me lower my arm in guilt. The cop laughs which makes me angrily sign the paper work and head for the room.

"Two minutes" a new cop says as he taps on his clock. I nod and walk in. The metal door closes and I find that once again, I'm alone, only this time there are only two boxes. Hurriedly I go through the box I didn't get to. _Just a bunch of car parts, and random things. Nothing useful._

Looking at the clock, I realize there's less than a minute left. Scanning my eyes throw the box, I don't notice anything grand that could give the group away. _Dammit_. The door opens and I close the box and walk to the door. 

"Find what you were looking for" the cop asks with a smirk.

"Sure did, thank you sir" I reply with the nicest voice I can portray. His smirk falls and my hate lessens in happiness. I find Michael who stands up and walks me to the front.

"Anything useful"

"Bunch of random things. Nothing I can really use. I'm sorry for making you waste your time"

"It's my duty" he says. It stings a little he would have normally said it was his pleasure "I must go back to Citadel to sign off some papers" I nod and begin to watch him go before I stop him.

"Michael wait. Look I know I let you down and that there's been a lot of speculation around my withdrawal from the games but I'm not retiring"

"Yet" he replies without much emotion.

"I'm not immortal. The last time I was in the field with all four regions, was with her. It just doesn't...its hard enough to have to breath without her. Being here isn't easy. Living is becoming tiring, things aren't going to pass by. This isn't something that runs by the clock. I can't lead us to victory if I can't lead myself out the door" 

"They're asking for a leader, I'm asking for a symbol"

"What is a symbol to an established squad? Simply a mock"

"I wasn't referring to them Miss Heath, I was referring to the public" Everything about his statement angers me. The formality, the honesty, the indignity...but in the end it is not anger that fills me but deception. Walking out the door, I head straight for the car. That is until a small boy, around the age of six stops me.

"What can I get for you" I ask kneeling down to his height.

"Is it true, you're not representing our region" I press my lips tight and nod yes. He stares at the shades with sadness. 

"Can I ask you something" 

"Go ahead"

"Do you miss Miss Long" my head drops along with my walls. The sound of my heart vanishes as I kneel there in defeat. 

"Every second of every day"

"It's okay then. It's okay for you to quit" I force a sad smile as I remove my glasses to meet the boys eyes. He gasps at the sight but doesn't leave. 

"Would you believe me if I told you I already have" he simply shrugs "go on, your parents are probably worried about " I ruffle his hair and put my glasses back on. Straight to my car I go, not bothering to look at press whom chase after Amanda and the boy. _Step 1, done_. 

* * *

 

Walking in through the door, I see that Ali left a plate with food out on the dining room table for me. I feel bad as I have forced us to switch roles. She's the care taking, I'm the patient. _You should apologize_. I hear Allie in my ear and sigh. Removing my coat and placing it by the door, I roll up my sweaters sleeves and walk to the table. There's a lighter by the candles with a small note 

 **Powers out yet again. Eat up**. 

Flicking the lighter on, I light up the candles and pour myself some juice. I see the control on the table and disable the locks on it. Making sure Ali's in her room, I clear the glass wall so that the breathtaking view out from the balcony is visible. I begin to pick around the lasagna not feeling hunger and end up playing music. For what feels like hours, I fight the urge to drink. But the need to feel numb is stronger than me. Walking to the kitchen, I run my hand over the scanner and feel somethings wrong. Kneeling to the ground, I see the scanner was popped out of its place and all the wires cut. Popping open the door, I see that all the alcohol is gone. Including the wine Carli had brought over recently. 

"Looking for this" Ali's rough voice questions. Looking to my right, I see the glass has turned black which should have altered me that she was coming my way. Standing up, I see her standing by the hall with a bottle of wine.

"Please don't tell me you drank that" I say as she meets me half way, at the dining room table. 

"Why, is it... _toxic_ " I only bite my tongue as to not lose it "What music is this" she asks as she takes a seat on the other side of the table.

"It was hers" I answer as I sit too.

"Oh well...it's different"

"You don't like it and neither do I" pressing a button, the very modern upbeat song changes and Africa, I come by Florian Ostertag comes on.

"I know this song"

"It's a classic, one of our friends CP showed it to us" 

"CP" she asks but I don't answer. 

"Your hand, you were drinking" she accuses me.

"I tore a wound open on accident"

"Glad to see it wasn't because of alcohol" she pushes

"Yes well, I was sober"

"We're you" she asks tilting her head unamused 

"Yes, some guy simply crossed the line"

"Agh, so now you're out to hurt" I sit there and take it like a forgotten champ. I let the words cut into me like knifes but I let them wound my pride as I having nothing to numb my body. All the alcohol is in her possession and she looks in no direction of a compromise. 

"I was simply reminding him who he was talking to"

"So you're superior to him"

"I am superior to all who threaten my squad"

"Superior physically possibly, mentally..."

"I didn't hit him, I griped the door handle tight enough to injury myself"

"Agh, so inflicting self harm upon yourself" My fist ball up but I sit still, my eyes on the remote. _Don't be a smart ass_ Allie's voice echos in my ear again. I cringe in pain as I can practically hear her next to me. 

"I didn't do it on purpose"

"Of course, why would you want to feel pain in the first place right? It's not like you deserve it" Her sharp words continue lacerating my body as I feel my body begin to shiver.

"Tobin" 

"Yeah" I whimper

"You can open your eyes" they shoot open in fear as I hadn't even realized they were sealed. Ali kneels before me with a cloth she uses to wipe the sweat off my face. As she goes to remove the cloth from my face, I hold her hand still. 

"I'm sorry" I silently cry.

"You don't owe me an apology"

"I'm hurting you" 

"Hey now" she says removing the cloth and placing it aside "Do you see bruises on my wrist" she ask and I nod no "Do you see me trying to escape" I nod no again "You're not hurting me Tobin, if anything, you're hurting your self. I may not be a doctor but this" she grabs my hand and brings it to my lap "This is hurting, your body is shaking, you seal your eyes but you don't realizing your sealing your feelings too. It hurts but alcohol isn't going to numb the pain forever. Tell me, what are you going to do when your body becomes tolerant"

"I don't know"

"You're going to have to fall someday...but not this way. If you're going to reach rock bottom let it be for something that's worth it. Alcohol is not worth it" she stands up and takes the bottle and drains it. 

"Drink this. It'll help your head ache and shivers" I look up to see a half full glass of wine "We need you to not rely on the alcohol but if I remove it completely you're going to go into shock and I'm not equipped enough to deal with the withdrawals. You were at it for two weeks, so we're going to have to lessen the amount until you can go a few days without head aches and chills" I nod and take the glass. Taking a small sip, my shivering stops and Ali smiles sadly at me. Swallowing hard, I stare into Ali's eyes. 

"Follow me" I get up and lead us to the kitchen. Scanning my hand over the glass wall, the door to the wheel room, also known as the work out room, opens. Ali's eyes widen in happiness as she scans her eyes on the weights, wheel (treadmill), mats and boxes. 

"I reviewed your vitals today and thought it was time to let you rebuild yourself" 

"Oh my gosh this is amazing" 

"But that's not all" I say as she walks around the room. 

"What else could you possible give me"

"The gift of fresh air" her jaw drops to the ground as she takes a moment to think it through. 

"I get to meet her"

"You get to meet her" Ali hugs me tight with such love that for once, I feel okay.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...What'd you think? I know some of you must be on the edge of your seat so I'll give you a small clue of the next chapter... An Alex POV, partially, not completely her POV but she'll also be taking a step...in the direction of Tobin. 
> 
> Amanda eh? Do you think she's another love life contestant or simply a piece in the puzzle? 
> 
> Comment Below!


	37. Hidden Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a good new years and shared it with the ones you love. I finished this chapter yesterday but didn't get the chance to upload it. I'm already a fourth through the next and want to update by Sunday so count on it by then. 
> 
> Cata your comment made me laugh and cringe at the same time. I wrote a long chapter to speed up the process and get to Talex. Alex and Tobs will be a thing by chapter 43 maybe 41 if I write longer chapters. I know I've been making you guys wait but what is about to happen will knock your socks off and make up for the lack of Talex. Trust me, you'll love it. 
> 
> For the person asking what game, its Dust 514. I play it on playstation. A cousin of mine downloaded it onto my ps3 about a year ago and I ended up liking it. It's free if you want to try it out.

Hidden Secrets

**(Tobin POV)**

Getting out of the taxi, I go to the parking garage and change into the clothes I have set aside in my private garage. Tossing the black clothes I came in with in my back pack, I take a look at my fresh outfit. Some torn up blue jeans, black tee, black booties, a brown coat. I let my hair down in its natural state and grab the hat Allie had gotten for me. Tracing the letter PDX, I breath out is sadness. Putting it on backwards. I uncover the defender and just look at. Remembering all the adventures we took in it. I run my hand from the hood to the drivers handle and open it. I drive it to the lobby entrance and leave it there. 

"Hey Ken" I say as I walk to the elevator. 

"Tobin, it's good to see you" she says cheery. I press the elevator button knowing it's not going to work. 

"Powers out" she says. _I know_. 

"Huh, guess I need the exercise" 

"No you don't" Kendal mumbles as I reach the stair case

"Excuse me" 

"Tell me when you get home" she covers up. 

"I will, aren't you due for a break"

"In about five minutes"

"Alright, I'll see you around" rushing up the stairs to my level, I walk to the door and unlock it. Making sure Ali's not in sight, I make a run for my room. I empty the dirty clothes into a black bag and grab the plastic bag with chemicals and set it by the door to take it out. Next, I move to the bathroom and check out my distraught figure. I decide against make up and open the jewelry drawer. Grabbing a loose necklace I stole from Al, I put it on and move to the door. Checking my clock, I see I have two minutes before Kendall goes out for break. 

Grabbing the back with chemicals, I silently make my way to the kitchen and begin disposing of the evidence. As I toss the last bottle into the trash fire, I hear footsteps. 

"Hey, you look great" I say as I wash my hands.

"Thanks, I like what you picked out" 

Before leaving the city to go do what I needed to, I stopped by the store to buy Ali more formal clothes to take her to meet Allie today. I picked some leggings, boots, a white long sleeved blouse, a scarf and a warm coat since its December. 

"Good" I start packing some lunch into my backpack as Ali pours some wine into a glass.

"Actually, can you put that into a bottle. We're going to run late in we don't leave in the next minute" I lie as I zip the bag.

"Yeah, where are you water bottles" I toss her a metal water bottle which she opens and fills half way with wine. She throws it back at me and I place it in the side pocket. Making sure I have everything Ali would need in case of an emergency or allergic reaction I grab the bag and sling it on.

"Ready"

"Yeah" I look at my clock and see we have less than about a minute. 

"Okay, I hate to do this to you" I start out as I hold up a blind fold.

"It's okay, really" Once I'm done tying the blind fold on her, I rush us out the door. 

"I'm going to pick you up" I say as I already start lifting the girl into my arms.

"I don't think this is a good idea"

"I'm a Scout, I won't drop you" I reply as I begin to descend down the stairs. About 1/4 of the way in, I start to feel the heaviness. Its not that she gained weight, but my body that has weakened immensely these last few weeks. I race against time to reach the lobby before Kendall leaves. Once I reach the door to the lobby, I set Ali down and stretch. 

"Shit" I murmur as I struggle to breath

"Is something wrong" Ali's panicked voice asks

"No" I say as I hold my chest "Simply winded" I get out. She begins to giggle and I simply shake my head. Looking out the small window of the door, I watch Kendall get out and walk back into her small office. Without warning, I take Ali's hand and run to the garage. I open the door and help Ali in and hurry to the drivers side. Once I buckle Ali, I move the car away from the lobby and wait for Kendall to get into her car. She begins to exit the garage and I follow her. The tinted windows of the Defender are to great advantage as no one can see Ali or I. When the garage begins to open, I watch my clock like a hawk and time the following to perfection. As Kendall brings to pull to the street, I see a car waiting as the owner on the right. Found you. As Kendal turns into the right lane, I turn the opposite way and use Kendall's car to block mine as I quickly turn left into another street. I park by the side walk and turn off the car. I wait a minute to see if anyone follows. As no one does, I turn the car back on and grab something from my back pack. Setting it on Ali's lap, I pull into the street and lead the way. 

"You can remove the blind fold now"

"What's this" Ali asks as I pull into the highway. 

"It's for you" she opens the small box and gasps. 

"You didnt" I give her a small smile as I proceed onto the highway. 

"I want you to have a token to take back" I say with a shrug. She takes out the custom earrings, necklace and black glasses and begins admiring them. "I had them made a while back but never got to picking them up until yesterday" 

"The city never knew your name. Forever, TH" she reads out loud the quote on the inside frame of the shades. 

"Like it" I ask as I take a glance in her direction.

"Like it?! These are incredible, this must have cost you a fortune. The diamond earrings, the necklace, the glasses. All hand crafted to perfection and all made for each other. And black" she giggles

"Couldn't give you something white now could I"

"The white blouse surprised me a little but I figured you did it since its in style. These are perfect, thank you" 

"White is kind of the thing around here. But you're welcome" she puts on the shades and earrings first and then moves onto the necklace. As she leans forward, I catch a glimpse of the Anchor neck I have to her a while back. 

"I love them both" she says as she catches me staring. I simply smile and watch her reactions through out the ride. She stares out the roads taking in everything, grasping onto the world she doesn't know. 

"Hey, do you want to grab my bottle" I ask as I feel a headache coming. She doesn't argue as she opens the top and I take a sip. 

"Isn't illegal to drive..." She doesn't say the word after the incident we had last night. 

"Intoxicated" I say for her and she nods.

"Well, our alcohol does give you side effects but it doesn't alter our motor skills or reaction time. It does numb out certain things like our thought process and interferes with our neuron signals with emotions and time" 

"So it's the perfect substance to freeze reality"

"Yep. Well at least for ES agents. People without diamonds have more effects than us. We aren't told not to drink but it's advices not to, as our substance is insoluble. I mean it is but it takes a long time and we work long hours so we can't freeze time or emotions or thoughts. We have to be 100% "

"You guys are very advanced in technology" she says as I hand back the bottle. 

"Desperate times come for desperate measures" I reason as I take an exit towards our destination.

"What do you mean" 

"We're here" I say as I pull up to the gate and stick my hand out of the car to scan my phone. She looks in awe at the grass and trees as we drive through the drive roads towards the ES section. 

I park the car right in front of the section and hear the door click open. The reality of what we're doing and where we are begins to set in. My heart feels heavy and the shaking begins. The drivers door opens and Ali meets my gaze. 

"Tell me about her" She says as she grabs the backpack from the passenger seat. Giving me the bottle, I take another sip of my drug and let it set in to answer. 

"She's...she was tall" I say not really knowing what to say. Ali gives me this look of "you don't say" which earns a frown from me. 

"Haha I know she's tall silly, I meant more about her, like personality wise. What was she like, that kind of stuff"

"Oh..gotcha, she was the opposite of me. She was everything I wasn't. Outgoing, gorgeous, ambitious yet modest" I stop as I think of all she was. Ali takes my hand unexpectedly and pulls me out of the car. 

"You trust me right"

"A little more than others" 

"I'll take that as a yes" she puts on the backpack and walks us into the grass. 

"What was her favorite color" 

"Red"

"Favorite season"

"What do you mean season"

"You know, spring, summer, fall and winter" I simply look at her in confusion.

"We don't have seasons. Our weather is mainly dry. Never rains, rare is it when it snows. We go by holidays. Christmas, thanksgiving"

"Fourth of July"

"We don't celebrate that anymore" I say a bit awkwardly.

"What do you mean"

"CAT" _Can't answer that_. 

"Mhmm, so you guys don't have seasons. How does fashion change"

"Well, winter is for the cold, so I guess this would be winter since its freezing out and it's Christmas Eve. And pretty much anything that is white is in style. Specific shirt, shoes and what not change when someone from Kardia or someone from Axiom wears something new" 

"It's Christmas Eve" Ali asks shocked

"Yeah..." I whisper as we come closer to Allies tomb stone.

"It would have been a beautiful day for her wedding" Ali says.

"Yeah" I breath as we finally make it to her tomb. 

"Wow. This is worth a million words" Ali gazes out far beyond the perimeters of Axiom. "She gets to wake up to this and falls asleep to this" 

"Beautiful" I say as I look out at what is my world. 

"I wish I could take this view with me"

As she continues to stare at the scene, I snap a shot of her on my phone and save it for later. 

"I want you to meet Allie, my best friend and sister" I say as Ali lets go of my hand. She kneels before the tomb and takes a flower that lays near by. Kissinger gently, she places it on the tomb. 

"Nice to finally meet you, I'm Ali krieger, a..."  

"Good friend I found" I finish for her. Ali smiles and I match it. 

"She's not kidding when she says found" Ali jokes and I giggle. Sitting down, I grab the backpack from Ali and begin to set up a small area for us to eat. 

"Wait, are we even allowed to eat here"

"Rules are meant to be broken, right Alo" I say as I toss her a sandwich. 

"Rebellious I see, you two must have given the world a head ache" 

"Only mama Long" I hum as I take a small bite out of the sandwich. Grabbing my bottle from the bag, I stare at it. 

"You wanna know something Allie. Toby here has been a little rough since you've been gone. I think you should pull her ear when she sleeps" I stare at Ali in horror

"Don't listen to her, I've just been a little off key"

"No, trust me. She completely lost tune, but it's okay. Maybe that's why I'm here. To be your eyes and ears until life says so" Ali continues to talk to Allie as if she were really here. I stare in comfort as the air grows warm and my heart beats normal for once.

"But at last, I want to thank you, for everything you've done for this knuckle head. She's kind of hard headed but your love and bond with her created an incredible human.  You saved her life and I thank you for that as well. She saved my life and I know by the look in her eyes recently that if it wasn't for you, this angel wouldn't be sitting here" Once Ali finishes, I let out a few tears. I catch Ali watching in awe and ask why.

"You, you just look so you here"

"Allie does that to people. She turned my horrid world upside down and shined some light in places I never knew existed. For as long as I can remember, she always sought out my worries and turned them into her worries, making sure I never once went to sleep with something on my mind. I used to think she did it to protect me, but now I realize she did it because she loved me. She didn't care to go to bed with a thousand problems on her mind. As long as I went to bed happy, she was happy. Allie wasn't just my best friend, she was my sister. Now, more than ever do I wish I could tell her how much I love her" I begin to cry as I can't stop the emotions. "I miss you so much Allie. I feel the ache in my bones every morning, I can feel that I'm losing you and I can't let you go. I don't want to let you go Al" Ali watches but doesn't interfere. Instead, she gets up and walks a few feet away to give me privacy. 

"The other night, when I got into a fight with Ali. I heard you, I felt your presence and dear god I wanted nothing more than to reach out and hold you" I cry. The tears flow in silence and as I begin to clam down, I look at her name on the tomb. 

"I would give everything, my life, my heart, my soul to hold you for just one second. Just one. A second can last an eternity, I learned that the hard way. The second you were hit, when the world came down, I felt it. I felt forever in that moment. I love you Al” I get up and begin to put our left overs and things into the backpack. 

“Wow, these are some beautiful quotes” Ali says, I look over to her as she kneels down, reading the quotes.

“Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places” 

I don’t at which part I stop listening as all these images and words beginning flashing before my eyes. _Secrets, hidden, unlikely places, battle field, glimmers, Allie, Kardia…_

“Tobin, Tobs are you okay” Ali’s hand on my shoulder startles me. I look up to her with a face of realization. _Ali, unknowns, they…oh my god._  

“We have to go” I say as I grab Ali’s hand and backpack and book it to the car. 

“Whats the hurry” 

“No time to explain” As we reach a car I notice a car parked farther down the road. _Theres no time to worry._ Ali gets into the car and I speed home. She doesn’t ask and I don’t tell as I let my mind continue its course of discovery. Once we are inside my quarter, I restore the apartments power and turn to Ali. 

“You said you were falling” 

“Falling? What are you talking about”

“During one of your dreams, you said you were running and then falling, am I right”

“I…yes, but what does this have to do with anything? Look, you’re shaking. You need to lye down” She responds as she tries pushing me to the couch. Getting out of her grasp I turn to her again. 

“Theres more of you” I confess as my mind shows pictures of the unknowns and all the papers I read about them.

“What” Ali asks not really following. I swallow hard as I prepare for the worst. 

“You’re not the only one”

“Not the only what Tob-” She doesn’t need me to clarify as I see her confusion turn into realization and worry. 

“Oh my god” She gasps as she brings her hand up to her mouth. 

“I need to know what else you remember” I say as I move towards her

“You lied to me” She back tracks

“I never lied to you, I simply couldn’t risk you knowing”

“Where are they”

“I don’t know” I respond as I try to make a logical explantion for where they are. Where _she_ is. 

“What do you mean you don’t know”

“I mean I do know where they are I just don’t know how to get there” I say for both the unknowns and her world.

“What do you mean” 

“When you read that quotes on Allie’s tomb, I saw things. Not just in my mind but before my eyes. I felt it, theres something wrong. Theres always been something wrong about this, about Unknowns. I should have believed you when you told me about the dream, it should have been a clear alert that” I stop in my words as I begin to grow angry and sad. All the emotions start hitting me like knifes as I stare at Ali. 

“That what” Ali asks afraid

“That…” I gulp as I look at her with tears in my eyes “That we’re not real” A single drop rolls down my face as Ali stands there frozen. 

“How are you not real? You’re flesh and bones, you have a heart”

“Then how do you explain this Ali. How do you explain me? You said my name when I first say you. You knew me, you know everything about me. Don’t you dare lie now. I see it in your eyes, you damn fucking eyes. Every time I do something new, you go into this phase and you stare at me with this look that scares me. Its as if you were looking at me, the me you know…” I go off as I continue searching for an answer. 

“Are you saying”

“I’m saying that this doesn’t make sense. Every time I try to scan your blood, nothing appears. You’re untraceable. It’s why we call you an Unknown. Theres three others locked up in Kardia’s most secret location. I’ve been there, blindfolded. People have tried” 

“Tried what”

“Those mother fuckers” I say as I begin to see the connection. 

“Why are they locked up and not me” Ali asks. Deep down she knows the truth but needs me to confirm it. With a single glance of heartache, I watch her heart break. 

“I’m sorry Ali, I can’t save them…I saw you and I panicked. Out of fear, out of knowledge, out of despair. All my life I had heard about unknowns, but the government had it made so skeptical that I never took it for true until one was discovered. They took Tim and I to see them and…goodness. When I found you, the only thing I knew in that moment was that I couldn’t let them take you. I have seen it, up close, what they do to them. What they’re doing to them, I couldn’t. I had to know what they wanted out of you”

“You used me” She breaths

“I didn’t use you, if I would have wanted to, I would have used you for bait for information. But I never did. I couldn’t. My job may be gruesome, my heart and soul may be as dark as the night but I would never sentence someone to death for the sake of information. Theres a difference between heartless and stupid”

“So which one are you” I only inhale deeply as I think about it. 

“Either one works. I’m heartless for killing innocent people and stupid for bringing you into this mess” I begin to walk to the door when Ali asks where I’m going. 

“Know someone named Abby”

“Rings a bell”

“Thought so” Opening the door I go straight to the car leaving a very distraught Ali behind. 

* * *

**(Alex POV)**

“This is stupid Kel. I don’t know why you guys need me to do this” I breath into the phone as I sit outside Tobin’s building waiting for something to happen. 

“We just need you to”

“Why couldn’t you come with me”

“Because I got work and you don’t”

“She’s not going to leave her house”

“You don’t know that”

“The girl is as drunk as you on a Tuesday night and as broken as Hope” 

“Thanks”

“Sorry it’s just stupid for me to be out here when I have plans to see Allie in an hour”

“Yes well, she’s not going anywhere” I’m about to hang up the phone on Kelley when I see Kendall drive out of the garage. 

“You’re going to pay for that comment and what was the color of Tobin’s car”

“Is she leaving” Kelley’s anxious voice begs

“I don’t know, it was a black defender who exited right after Ken”

“Her cars black, follow her” 

“I thought it was yellow”

“No! That’s Pinoe’s car, Tobs is black”

“Kel, I think it’s the wrong person” 

“Just follow them for a little” 

“They’re headed the way I’m going so just for a few minutes”

“Yessssssss! I love you so much” 

“Yeah yeah, I’ll talk to you later” I reply as I hang up and start following the black defender. _Where are you going?_ I think as I pump to some music that plays lowly. As they begin to exit in the same direction I’m going, I can’t help but feel Kelley was right. When the black defender arrives at the gate, I gulp. 

“Well, I guess it is you” Once the car is inside, I wait a few minutes before entering. Driving to the Elite Squad section, I park a good yards behind Tobin. The same anger when I meet Adaline consumes me as they walk hand in hand towards Allie. 

“Couldn’t they be more obvious” I think as I sit and watch them talk. Tobin begins pulling something out of her backpack and tosses it to Ali.

“Wait…is that food” I say as I scrunch my eyes to see better “Sandwiches? Really” I continue to watch them as Ali gets up and gives Tobin some space. Turning away, I focus on my phone until I catch a glimpse of them in the corner of my eyes. 

“Fuck” I begin to hide when I remember my windows are tinted. _I’m so stupid_ I think as I watch Tobin practically drag Adaline to the car. When Tobin looks in my direction, I duck fast hitting my head on the steering wheel. _Again?!_ Rubbing my head, I watch Tobin toss the backpack into the back of the car. Her body is skinny than a few days ago when I saw her, making me frown. The look on her face is of fear which makes my heart tug in ways I’ve never felt before.She get into the car and leaves in a hurry. Speed dialing Kelley the phone rings but no answer. 

“Come on Kelley, answer” Again the phone rings but no answer. _Fuck._ As I sit there and think, nothing comes to mind on to what could have caused the sudden hurry. My phone rings bring me back to my situation. I answer without looking knowing it’s Kelley. 

“What happened”

“She came to see Allie”

“Oh…well, it is the day she was going to get married”

“Yeah but that’s not all”

“Was she with Miss Hottie”

“Adaline and yes”

“Hmmm told you they were dating”

“We don’t know that” I nearly yell into the phone. _Ugh._ “Thats not what I was getting to”

“Sorry”

“She left” 

“Okay? What’d you expect her to do, make love to Adaline there”

“Fucking sake Kelley if you don’t fucking stop I will”

“Okay okay chill, it’s just funny seeing you all worked up over this”

“Shut it”

“Okay”

“She left in a weird fashioned way. In a hurry, her hands were shaking, she wore this look of fear… Adaline looked as confused as me” I say thinking of it now. 

“What do you think happened”

“I don’t know” I whisper

“Well, I guess this ends our deal”

“Wait” I stop Kelley before she hangs up

“What are you planning”

“I can get to her”

“I thought you said she told you not to go back to her house”

“Yes I know but not that. I have to go Kel, I’ll call you when I get the chance” Turning my car on, I head to the place I watched Tobin fall to pieces. _Its time to set that tennis deal into motion._

* * *

 

**(Tobin POV)**

I slam the door of my car and rush to the entrance of World Techs. As I walk through the big main lobby, I  go straight for the receptionist. 

“Do you have an appointment” The women asks in annoyance without looking up form her seat. Clearing my throat, she looks up immediately changes her approach. 

“I’ll get Abby” She says with as much smoothness as possible. I nod and stand by the desk waiting for her to leave my sight before placing a small microphone under the edge of the desk. A few minutes pass by before the women comes back. 

“Abby will be down in a moment”

“Where is she” I ask not very happy with the waiting

“Upstairs in the techroom, Miss Heath please will you” I stop listening as I swing the stair door open and rush up to the tech room. _You don’t simply tell someone to wait when you’re hiding something._ As I reach for the door, it swings open. A very clam Abby and a very hostile JJ walk out. 

“Send the data to Hope” JJ nods and half smiles at me before disappearing. 

“Tobin, it’s so good to see you. Lets go to my office” She greets. When we arrive at her office, I find HAO along with Kelley by the door. 

“Tobin” Kelley breathes very shocked. I can practically watch her heart stop while HAO stares in fear. 

“Right this way” Abby says as she opens the door. She gives the two souls orders and closes the door. 

“I don’t suppose you’re here for an update” 

“Theres a phone for that” 

“So what gives me the honor of having you here in live flesh. You’ve been through a lot, I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that you caught me by surprise” She asks offering me a drink. I turn it down and remain seated as she goes around the desk to take a seat. 

“I came to get computer reports” Abby’s eyes subtly avert to a folder on her desk and it’s enough to know I’m on the right road. 

“Computer reports” She asks playing the sneaky role she has. 

“Yes”

“Why would Kardia forces need them” She ask leaning into her chair, her curious face on.

“We’ve been having some code issues with the information your company’s been sending. We want to rule your computers out and focus on our importing system if it’s the case” 

“Shouldn’t Mark be here, I mean he is the board member of Technology” She asks lifting an eyebrow. 

“Mark as I, and Tim, have all the right to those archives” 

“I know, but I am finding it rather hard to see why you’re here”

“I came here in good will, I don’t have a single need to be here dealing with this nonsense. Mark will set forth a warrant for the all archives and data you company has. Good day Mrs.Wambach” I lie as I grab my scout hat and begin exiting the room. 

“Wait” Her frustrated voice says. I hide the smirk and turn around, lifting my head every so more, Abby calls someone “JJ, bring the computer archives for the last three months” 

“The whole year” 

“Rampone’s husband isn’t here today, I can’t sign off a whole years worth of archives without all three owners” I sigh knowing she’s right. Theres a knock on the door and I open the door. In walks JJ along with Hope whom stares at me with this look that rubs me wrong. 

“Tobin, I didn’t know you were here” 

“Tobin is here for computer archives. Says somethings wrong with the computer codes” 

“Agh” Hope says sharing a look with Abby. Taking the folder from JJ, Hope hands it to me. 

“Thank you” 

“Yeah” I begin to walk out the door. Everyone follows me down to the lobby when I turn. 

“Almost forgot, I wanted to tell you that Carli’s recovering well” I say as I turn around and look at them. They all share this look of relief with causes me to frow my brows. 

“Can you give this to Brian for me” Hope says grabbing a piece of paper and writing something down on it. I take the note and flip open the folder. Sliding the paper inside, I begin to close the folder but stop. _Was that…_ Opening the folder again, I move Hope’s note to the side and see it. The paper with all the data has the same blue line on the top of the paper like the small piece of paper I found in one of the evidence boxes. _It can’t be._

“Is there something wrong” Abby asks. Letting go of the folder I grab Hope and throw her against the counter.

“You were there” I husk with hatred “Thats why you begged me to let you give a kidney instead of Brian wasn’t it? It’s why you looked so pained when you arrived at the hospital? It’s why you chewed me like a piece of meat while I delivered the news and broke down like a baby when I told you she has lost it…Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me I’m wrong fucking wrong Hope, I dare you” I say as I grab her neck. Abby punches me and throws me aside as Hope coughs. Kelley runs to her side and everyone stares wide eyed. They watch as I stand with a different soul. They watch as I come down to their level of hell. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Abby tries but I see past her. Nothing could be more clear than this. 

“Don’t you dare cover her Abby. I saw the tapes. I went to the scene last night and could not recover a single fucking drop of oil or magnetic indent from your cars. How could I? When it was done by the worlds leading technology institute” I spit as blood comes out of my nose and mouth. 

“You can’t just come in here and demand things, assault the vice president and accuse us of murder” Abby yells. _Murder? I never said murder._

“Murder? I never said the word murder” I whisper catching Abby. 

“Yes you did”

“Don’t take me for an idiot Abby. I may be broken, I may be as dead as your soul but I know what I said. You were in this. You’re the one to hit her form behind” I laugh at how fucked up the situation is. Wiping some of the blood away, I continue “Both your tall figures should have given it away. I sat in my quarter for hours trying to find who was rich enough to pay Axiom police to keep quiet… At one point I thought the forces themselves set out to get Carli. But for what purpose. Carli doesn’t know anything. So tell me Abby, why” 

“Get out before I call the police”

“Oh don’t worry, special agents are on the way to clean up my blood. Not that it would be useful to you as I fear that you aren’t looking for my blood but for something else. Tell me, who else orchestrated this play? I mean, everyone in here is guilty obviously the entire company but who else…let me think? Rampone? Alex? Your rich buddies”

“Out Tobin” Abby yells and Hope begins to get up. 

“Alex” I say in realization

“She didn’t have anything to do with this”

“…This? As in the actual car incident? I know, she’s too noticeable for such mission. Perhaps she…oh you guys are good. You guys set up Alex and sent her to my quarter with a small microchip” I crack up “Oh but that’s not the best part is it? Rampone is working in Kardia right now getting info. Oh gosh dang it, let me shake you hand Abby. Let me tell you, that you have my respect. After pulling off such a play, you deserve an oscar, all of you do. Especially you Hope” I say losing the laughter and getting dark serious with sarcasm “Especially you” I grab her by the collar and bring her face to mine. Kelley goes to remove me but retrieves her hand with just a glance. “You take a single step in Citadel’s direction and I will come after you. You simply glance at Citadel, I will make sure WT burns to the ground. You ever mention her name and I will let her know who is responsible. You hear me” I threaten with all that left of my heart. Hope nods slowly and I shove her away. 

“Look at what you’ve become, a” Kelley says and I turn to her. I take a step in her direction and she takes a step back.

“Say it Kelley. I’ve become what? A monster? Me out of all people in this room? You’re fucking pathetic. Monsters don’t become monsters, they are made” I say as I grab my scout hat that fell off and begin to walk to the door. 

“What are you going to do” Hope coughs

“I’m not going to unmask you if that’s what you’re asking”

“We’re not wearing a mask” Kling says a bit naively 

“Tell me, would you have done anything if you knew people would find out? Of course not. WT is your mask. A mask gives you the power to become who you really are without being brought down, or in your case, brought to justice”

“Why don’t you remove your mask then” Kelley asks and I turn to look at her

“Agh but I’m not wearing one. The sad truth is that my mask died” 

“No Tobin, only you did” Abby says

“Yes well, theres more tragic stories to tell” I finish and walk out the door. 

“Tobin” Someone yells. I look up and see the special agent leader running my way

“We had a disagreement, theres some blood inside. Don’t investigate them” I say taking a towel. He nods and gives his crew orders. 

“Yeah, we read you blood levels about two minutes after whatever happened and came here rushing”

“It’s okay. Just a broken noise and bused lip. I’ve had worse”

“Don't doubt it” He responds. I watch Becky get out of the back of a special squad car and run to me. 

“Tobin, what the hell happened” She breaths

“Just a little disagreement”

“Come on, lets get you to Citadel”

“Zane” I yell as we’re by my car. The special agent leader turns to look at me. 

“No investigation” He nods and I get into the car. 

When we arrive to Citadel, Becky straighten my nose and stitches the cut on my lip. No one asks what happened as they can sense the hate and madness radiating from my veins. Even doctor Emmett remains quite as I give new orders on Carli’s visiting schedule and regimen. 

“Is Zane back” I ask one of the Special agents.

“He’ll be here in about two minutes”

“Good, Becky I need you to get call Allie’s parents. Their tour will take place immediately” 

“Miss Heath, Zane has arrived”

“Tell him I’ll meet him upstairs” As I push myself off Becky’s exam table, I walk to Carli’s room. Dr. Emmett follows and waits. 

“What’d you find” He whispers as I stare through the class at Carli. _She’s going to be heart broken._

“I know who did it” Emmett lets out a shaky breath and I seal my eyes shut as the emotions start to take. I can feel the shaking coming and remember that it’s been at least four hours since I’ve last had something to drink.

“Who” I shake my head and bring to count to ten in my head to try an avoid the small attack from happening. 

“Tobin” Zane’s voice calls from the elevator. I turn to meet his eyes and then look at Emmett.

“They used a device to kick start her heart and diamond, I don’t know what medicine the device put into her diamond but it worked and I can only be thankful for that” I whisper into his ear before rushing to the elevator. 

“They told me you needed me”

“Yes I need you to schedule an appointment with Michael immediately”

“He’s out of town for three weeks”

“Fuck, I forgot about the game preparations” 

“Yes, why did you need him”

“I’m taking command of the squad as of now”

“Becky needs to sign off your health, mentally and physically” 

“You’re going to sign me off in her place” 

“ES Heath”

“I need to get back out there” I say. He stares into my brown orbs and sees the need and desperation in my soul and nods okay. 

“Would you like me to personally pick up her parents”

“Yes”

“Theres something else”

“What is it”

“The youngest daughter of Michael is here, Miss Morgan” At the mention of Alex my ears perk. _Has she come to apologize for the microchip or for something else?_

“Send her up the the ES level. I suppose the squad is with Rampone training”

“Yes they won’t be done for another 2 hours”

“Good, don’t tell anyone I’m back yet. Have Becky remain on the DL. You guys didn’t tell Rampone why you took her did you”

“No I’ll make sure Becky doesn’t say anything. I’ll sign off the papers and send Miss Morgan you way” Nodding, I head up to the ES level to change into my suit. Once I am done, I exit my room and head to the meeting room where I suppose Alex is waiting. When she glances up she gasps. 

“Crazy how much people change in a matter of days”

“I’m not following” She says. I walk around her to the control and kill the power of the room to ensure we’re alone. 

“Just a few days ago you were at my apartment and now you’re here. And if I recall the last time we were together for more than 30 minutes things went down hill. If I’ll correct with my calculations we have been together these last two times for about 20. So whatever it is, I would speed it up” She sits there hurt and dumbfounded by my urgency and impatience. I block out the guilt as there is no time to waste.

“I just came here to do part of my deal we had”

“What an odd timing” I say as I don’t understand where she’s coming form. _I just discovered she was apart of Carli’s accident and here she is. What are they trying to get?_

“What do you mean, did something else happened” She asks. I almost laugh until I meet her eyes and see the actual confusion. 

“I…no, nothing” I shake my head as it is clear Alex is unaware of the happening “Look about the deal we had, you don’t have to do it”

“I already made arrangements” 

“Alex, if your father”

“My father isn’t here”

“Okay say we go ahead with it, you come with me, you’d have a scar on the back of your neck for about a month” 

“That’s okay, dads gone for three weeks, I told mom I was going on a trip with friends in two, and my weddings not for another month and a half” 

“Wedding” 

“Yeah, I told you last week” 

“Right” _She did?_

“So” I stand there and look at the girl. It couldn’t hurt. _My plan is already in motion, she would be of no hazard…_

“Okay” I breath

“Sweet, when do I start”

“I have a tour to give, you can come along. It’ll be an excuse for why you’re here and why you’ll be here tomorrow. You are to tell no one why you are really here, the squad will know but that’s it”

“Okay” She says. I turn the power back on and feel my clock vibrate. 

“Lets go” I say as I walk to the door. Walking to the elevator we remain quiet. I play with my hands as the shacking continues. My head throbs but I keep strong. When the elevator doors open, we walk to the entrance. 

“Where are we going” 

“Tobin” Barbara’s soothing voice says. I meet her eyes for the first time since Allie’s surprise dinner and feel the wind knocked out of my stomach. She hugs me tight as does James. 

“Alex, I didn’t know you were here”

“She was Al’s good friend, I thought she’d want to see where she worked too” I answer. Alex’s gives me a face of relief as James and Barbara buy it. 

“What happened to you” James asks getting a good look at the stitches and scars.

“Something in training. Come on, I’ll introduce you to a good agent I know” We walk to where Zane stand with a few of his crew. 

“Zane, I want you to meet Mr and Mrs Long, Miss Morgan” 

“Pleasure if mine” He says

“Zane is an agent I have been working with closely recently. He’s becoming my right hand while Carli remains in recovery”

“How is she by the way”

“Bettering” 

“Good”

“Zane would you care to join” 

“No Miss” We walk up the elite squad level where Alex and I just were. 

“This is the first place we come to. The meeting room as you can see is to our left. We come here after we’ve changed to hear about battle information and so on. To our right are the restrooms, nothing fancy” I joke as we continue to the living area. I put my hands behind my back as the shaking doesn’t stop. “This is usually the place we all come to lay down when it’s been a long day. Squads usually get 15 minutes breaks in between battles but they call range for long periods of times. Shifts as you all know are very rough so sometimes we stay here and wait for our next shift” We walk towards the rooms of every agent. 

“This hall leads to a series of rooms, each ESA has their own room”

“Where’s Al’s” Alex asks and I turn to her. 

“Fifth door on the left”

“Can we” James asks and I don’t have it in my heart to say no. I walk them to it and manually unlock it with my clock. Barbara and Alex walk in but James waits. I’m hesitant to walk in but have no choice. The smell of Allie swells up my heart and I stand there. 

“Wow, its like a mini house” 

“Yeah…” I breath as I take in her room. Walking over to the mirror, I see Allie had a picture of us when we were little. Taking it off the mirror, I stare at it. 

“So, is this where you guys come to change”

“Pretty much, we live in here when we want to deal over a hard day by ourselves” I respond putting the picture back where it belongs. I can sense everyones want to leave the room so I take us to the helipad. 

“We have a private Helipad for many reasons. Mainly to get around citadel in a fast fashion as you know we like to be precise and on time” I say as I open the door and Zane takes them to the awaiting hover craft. 

“On your seat there are headphones and seatbelt, please put them on” I say as we are all inside. Everyone does as told and I give a thumps up to the driver. We go to a few different areas of Citadel and I show them around. Mostly wasting time. When I see that the two hours are almost up, I order us to Polemos. 

“Let me help you” I tell Alex as we land. She moves her hand and lets me undo her seatbelt that got jammed into the under part of the seat. As I invade her personal space, I get a whiff of her scent and almost hum in approval. Once I get the beat out, I unclip it and back up slowly. We stare at each other for a second before I nod towards the door. Zane leads us to the door and signs off the access of the three guest. 

“Before we enter, I have to tell you that what you see and hear here has to remain here” Everyone nods and Zane opens the door. Alex slightly coughs at the smell of metal and oil which earns a giggle from James. We walk to the edge of the balcony and over look the entire place. 

“This is where all the action slightly happens. We come here at the start and finish of every shift. Sometimes it’s where we come where we have a break longer than 30 minutes” I begin to walk down the stairs and everyone follows. The eyes and mouths of agents drop as they see me walking by. I list every section and introduce the leaders to the group. When we arrive to level 5, Jodie drops her drink. 

“See you still got butterfingers”

“I see your alive” she breaths as she hugs me.

“I would like you guys to meet Agent Taylor, a good friend and agent. She’s worked with the squad before, she was a great friend of Al” I say. The four talk for a little as the rest of level 5 agents begin to arrive and meet the three visitors. Once they’ve meet everyone, we walk to the Elite Squad section. All the girls and guys are spawned around the couches and floor resting. 

“Alright guys, its time”

“For lineup” I interrupt Rampone who was about to give orders. Everyone looks up with surprise except Becky who slightly looks relieved to not be under Rampones command anymore. They are quick to jump on their feet and line up in order. 

“I didn’t know you were coming by” Rampone walks over

“Scout Heath is to be back in order as of today” Zane steps in. Rampone backs up and I walk to the front of the line. 

“Agent Boulleau, Assualt. First name, Laure” Laure brings her hand down from her stance and shakes hands with the three. I continue down the row until I’m the last one. 

“Scout Heath, First name, Tobin” I say saluting the three. 

“I’m Scout Howard, Tim. My squad” Tim points out, they all salut. 

“Wow, so organized” James says

“Thank you” 

“So what were you guys doing” Alex asks

“They were on a break. We’ve been training for the last week” Christie answers

“So you haven’t been working”

“Orders to remain on duty but off field were established to let us recovery both physically and mentally. We have been doing a series of things, volunteering, mentoring, training, paper work, fixing. Theres away something to do around here” Tim answers before Christie can say anything. 

“Wow, sounds very active” 

“Always” 

“Tim, would your squad show Mr.Long a bit of the projects you’re working on” Tim nods and leads James to their work area. 

“Becky”

“Yes Scout”

“Will you take Mrs. Long and show her a bit of the work we had going” Becky nods and leads Barbara away. 

“Alex” Christie eyes Alex suspiciously 

“You are free to wonder around the section. Don’t touch anything that looks too…detailed. I’ll call you back when I need to” 

“Now that we’re alone care to enlighten me on the situation” 

“Scout Heath is back” Zane answers

“I can see but there is no way Becky signed off on that” 

“The terms of the restoration are not to be disclosed”

“Look Christie, I appreciate you filling in but we are not needed of your services anymore” I say with as much calmness as I can muster. The look she gives me nearly makes me want to punch her for everything she’s done but I remain still. 

“I thought you were better than this” Say whispers as she walks past me. 

"Than what Rampone" I say unable to hold my tongue.

"Forget it"

"Or I could let it burn inside, let it drive me to success" I say remembering what she told me all those years ago. She shakes her head and turns to leave.

"I want Dawn back immediately" 

"I'll go make a phone call" I stand and watch the squads show Barbara and James a little of what we do outside of the field. The girls look so intrigued in what they're explains and it gives me a little happiness to see they love what they do off the field.

"So this is what you do" I turn to look at Alex and nod. 

"Only a portion of what I do. You'll see the rest tomorrow" 

"I always thought this would be different"

"Did you picture guns and blood everywhere" Alex blushes and nods yes. "It's a common mistake. Don't take it personal. Everyone assumes its simple. That we come here, grab a gun and shoot. It's not like that"

"At all. They don't show any of these things in the promos"

"Those are actually set ups"

"Even the ones you're in"

"Yep. A real battle is so different that what you expect"

"The things you learn" we watch in silence and the question starts to grow heavy on my shoulders. 

"Why are you here Alex" I ask with a sigh

"Like I said"

"I know what you said and quite frankly it just doesn't piece together"

"A lot of things don't"

"Look, I've already had enough to deal with today to have to go home with you on my mind" I breath with tiredness. Alex's face falls and I realize that didn't sound right. "Sorry, that didn't sound right. I just don't want to have to worry more than I need to"

"It's okay, I understood you. But I mean it, I really do want to get the deal out of the way. And I wanted to experience a little of what she dealt with" at the mention of Allie, I keep quiet. 

"Dawn will be here tomorrow" Zane says 

"Good, I'll give the squads a few more minutes than call it a day. I think Christie over did it" 

"I'll tell the board" 

"Can I ask you something" 

"I don't see why not"

"What happened to you" I giggle out of nowhere as I find it funny that she yet doesn't know.

"You don't check your phone much do you? I thought you were always on it"

"Um, they took my phone as soon as I got here" _Oh_.

"Oh right, I forgot about that. If you don't mind me asking, when did you get here"

"About 20 minutes before they told me you arrived" _She really doesn't know_. 

"Oh wow. Um, I don't know what to tell you" 

"You don't have to answer" 

"You're going to find out anyways"

"I'm assuming by my phone" she jokes and I give her a small smile. 

"Yeah"

"I'm not always on it you know"

"Sorry, my misjudgment"

"It's okay" I let the squads be for a few minutes than call them in. 

"I hope you guys enjoyed the tour. Theres not much interesting here but we do what we can to make things fun. Squads, you are dismissed. We will be on clock starting at 7 sharp" I wait for everyone to leave before escorting the three guests to the front.

"Thank you Tobs" Barbara hugs me

"No prob" Zane walks them to the car and I stand by Alex who waits. 

"I don't mean to be more of a bother"

"No offense Alex, but you really got to think differently than that. A bother is like an itch on your back that you can't reach. You I can touch, so never assume that you are a bother"

"Okay, I just want to say that I really misjudged what you do"

"You know you don't have to apologize for what you said months ago" 

"I know but I want to"

"Apology accepted"

"Miss Morgan, your car is ready" Zane says 

"Well, thank you" Alex says offering her hand. I take it and give it a firm shake. My first thought when our hands meet is how I've never actually shaken her hand. My second thought is that she has a gentle touch. _I was expecting a rough grip_. 

"I'll see you tomorrow" I reply as we let go. Zane walks Alex out the doors when I remember that I forgot to tell her to wear athletic clothes. As I rush out of the building, I see Zane close the door of the car… _That’s the same car parked behind me earlier today…_ _the same car I saw while visiting Allie._

"Is something wrong" Zane asks meeting me at the top of the stair case.

"Nothings wrong" I reply through gritted teeth. _Nothing's wrong at all_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh uh. I wanna know what you felt about that turn of event. Yikes. Comment below, feelings, frustrations, random comments, what you expect...go on :)


	38. Glimmer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Sunday! Wow! I've spent the whole day playing in the snow. If you don't live here in OR, you should know that it snowed here for real. Not rain/snow but actual snow...for like the first time in years! My friends and I took out our snow boards and made a giant hill on our drive way and spent the day epically failing at doing tricks.  
> Should have invited Becky to join, she's been in Portland for a while, I hope I run into her sometime. 
> 
> Anyhow, wow such great feed back! So here's this chapter. I'm so excited to post it for many reasons. The first, it's the first chapter I've written completely on my phone and the first time I've posted from my phone. Secondly, it's my favorite part in the story because it's the beginning of Talex! Thirdly because the stories coming together. 
> 
> A few of you are confused on why Hope/Abby/Abby's company tried killing Carli. Firstly, they didn't try to kill Carli, they tried kidnapping her but Abby hit Carli's car too hard which sent Carli into a cement brick on the side of the road. And secondly, we'll find out why later haha :)

* * *

Glimmer

As I finish writing the last of four letters, I fold it neatly and place it in an envelope. I make sure Ali's asleep before packing my bag with a few items I'll need. Looking at my room one last time, I walk down stairs making sure everything's locked on the way.  
I stop by Allies old room and find the will to open the door. Taking a small glance, I shut the door hurriedly and lock it. Once I'm downstairs, I prep the security settings of the apartment and set a card on the table where Ali will find it.   
When everything is done, I check my clock and see it's 4am meaning I have enough time to catch a nap before I have to go. Walking out to the balcony, I lay down on a chair and fall asleep under the stairs for what could be the last time.   
My alarm wakes me up at 5:30 sharp and I'm up to see the sunrise. Bringing my phone up, I snap a shot and save it. _Well, this is it_ I think as I go inside and walk to Ali's room. As I carefully open the door, I see that she's asleep. Kneeling by her bed, I move a few hairs out of the way and get a good look at her.   
"I have to go Ali. I know you're going to panic a little when you awake but you'll get through it. You come this far, I know you'll survive... After reviewing the videos, I feel like she's alive, not just inside here" I say as I point to my heart. "But somewhere Ali. I have to find her before its too late" Giving Ali a gentle kiss on her head, I exit the room and grab the backpack I prepared. I go to my motorcycle and begin my journey to Citadel.   
When I see I'm the first to arrive, I go hide the envelopes where I know they won't be found, that is until I want them to be. As I walk back to my room, I find Alex patiently waiting by the elevator.   
"You're here early"   
"You said 7 sharp but I didn't know how long it would take to get he diamond implanted so I thought I'd come early" I nod as I take a glance at her outfit. Sweats, a hoodie, athletic shoes, some hint of make up, shades and an athletic bag. Her hair is down in what I believe is its natural form.   
"You wouldn't happen to have a long sleeve in the bag" I ask and she bites her bottom lip.  
"I have a new ones upstairs" I unlock the private elevator and take us upstairs.   
"I don't exactly have a suit for you as we are going about this pretty quick so I'll let you use one of mine. Again it'll be new"  
"Thank you"  
"I do have to warn you, you'll be the target" I watch her physically gulp and I raise an eyebrow at her. _Not so tough after all..._  
"Why"  
"They'll confuse you for me" I say while opening the door to my small room. When we're inside, I feel the rooms proximity for the first time. _Too small_. I think as I avoid eye contact with Alex and go to the closet. Grabbing a new suit, I set it on the bed along with boots, gloves and a helmet that I've used only once. I take a new thermo long sleeve shirt and turn to look at Alex's lower body to determine if her sweats are thin and warm enough. She visibly shifts which causes me to smirk on the inside. I set out a new pair of sweats and grab my things and move to the door.   
"If you have spandex, I'd use that. Sports bra and if you have weak wrist, there's prewrap and tape in the closet. All black...I don't really like colors. You can change here, I'll change in the rest room" I say as I walk to the door. She doesn't argue which lessens the tension I hold within.   
After I'm done changing, I walk back to my room and knock.   
"You can come in" Opening the door, I see Alex in one of my suits which is a bit odd to me. She wears pink prewrap which I find adorable with the black suit. I toss my clothes into my backpack and set it by the door.   
"Can you help me" I turn around and find Alex biting her lip while staring at the floor.  
"With"  
"The zipper" she asks. I nod and have her turn around so I can zip the suit up to her neck.   
"How does the suit feel"  
"Comfortable"   
"Good, we have to get you to the lab so we can get your temporary transcendent in" She nods and I go to my closet to grab my helmet and gloves. Nodding towards hers, she grabs it.   
"Actually, will you put the helmet and gloves on. I don't want recordings of you around the building" I say awkwardly. She does as told and I lead her down a few levels to a different lab than where Carli is. As we walk down the hall, I find Zane and a few of his men.   
"New suit" I ask looking at his more modern attire.  
"New day" nodding, I open the door for Alex and we walk in.   
"I was beginning to think you were late" Becky's voice chips in.   
"Always so hopeful" I say as I point to the exam table. Alex sits on it and removes her helmet and gloves.   
"Do you need us" I ask as I look at Zane and nod towards the glass practice room.   
"No, go on. It'll take 10 minutes" I nod and put on my gloves and helmet. Walking to the glass training room, I open the door and the power of my suit turns on. The gold illuminates the Athena logo and I smile.   
"What do you want to work on"   
"I don't know, you're the doc"   
"Have her work on hand on combat" Becky yells. Zane clicks some things on the control panel and hologram people begin running at me. Though they're just holograms, they can actually grab ahold of me. I fight off three and feel weak. Zane notices and darkens the glass room. The walls turn black and I'm left in the dark. People outside the room can see me and I know they're expecting nothing but dominance. Switching my suit to dark mode, I react quick enough to avoid a hologram from behind. The more holograms I beat, the more the intensity rises. At one point, I grab a holograms gun and begin doing what I know best, fight. Not with ammo but with fear. I continue to fight off the holograms and scare them by pointing the gun at them, until three come straight at me. I slide under one and grab it's leg making it fall. Jumping onto my feet, I throw a punch at the one in front and trip them as they fall back. The third one stands behind me and I pivot to the right and turn left. Grabbing him by the neck, I throw him onto the ground and hold the gun to his chin. Everything stops in that moment as I can feel Zane's intense eyes, I can hear Becky's heart beat and I can almost see Alex holding her breath. The hologram stays still, anticipating the shot that never comes. I drop the gun and rise to my feet. My lungs grasp for air as my heart beats out of my chest. The lights come on and the holograms disintegrate into thin air.  
I open the door and walk out. No one says a word except Becky's eyes that search for mine. Removing my helmet, I nod that it's okay and go to sit on a different exam table.   
There's a thing the forces never tell you when you sign your life over to them. It's the simply concept of forgetting.   
"Forgetting is just forgetting except when it's not. Then they call it down thing else" I whisper to myself as I wait for Becky.   
"What do they call it" Alex wondering voice ponders. I look up to see she standing before me.  
"Denial"   
"Where's that from"  
"A book...may I take a look at it" I ask Alex who turns. I see the small little clear circle with a hole in the middle. As I begin to bring my hand up to touch it, I stop and bring my hand down.   
"It'll be invisible to everyone and will only work for the next 30 hours. It should fall off by itself" Becky says. I nod and hold still as Becky prepares a medication that will be injected into my diamond.   
"This is"  
"Going to hurt" I finish as I grab onto the edge of the table and bite hard. Cringing slightly, I manage to get through it without a single groan.  
"Well, we have to get going" I say before anyone can comment on my pain. We reach the elite squad level and walk immediately to the meeting room that is full of Squad members.   
"Lauren, start us off"  
"Whoa whoa whoa, aren't you going to explain why Miss Hottie is here" Pinoe interrupts   
"She is here for the seldom purpose to learn. Her presence here is unknown and I would like it to stay that way. Got it" Everyone nods and we take a seat. Lauren takes us through the first few battles and then we're off. Making sure Alex's suit works to perfection we walk to the hover craft.   
As we arrive at Polemos, Alex has the same problem with the seatbelt which earns a laugh from Ash.   
"Help the girl" I tell Ash who lets out a sigh and walks over to help. We walk straight to our section as I have other plans set in mind for today.   
"Who's in your suit" Tim whispers as we reach our section.  
"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you" I reply as the girls grab a quick bite.  
"Do tell"   
"Let's just say they aren't exactly my friend" Tim takes a moment before he begins to crack up.  
"Now you have to babysit her"  
"Yes well, it was part of a bet. You on the other hand have to take care of two squads soon" I respond. Tim thinks I imply the games but my reference is now.  
"Not another month and a half"   
"We have to get going, take care" I say as I hug Tim. He doesn't ask why I hug him which I mentally thank. I begin to walk away when he stops me.  
"You know I'll always take care of them" I nod and walk the weapon room.   
"Morgan, can you run"   
"A little"  
"She's lying, she can run as fast as me" Syd inquires.   
"Get her geared" Syd nods and pull Alex while I go to place anything from the weapon room I'll need. As I'm ready to go, Becky comes over.  
"Does she being here change anything"  
"No, she'll be watched by the group. I don't think she'll use up all the clones although I feel like she'll transcend a couple of times"   
"Don't doubt it"  
"Let's go" I hustle the squad to the transport room and get us started off quick.   
"Alright, today is our first day back and they know we're all a bit out of the norm. Don't by any chance get into a a physical fight with anyone other than a squad member. They're going to play extra dirty. They'll throw every spitting thing they know about what happened at you. But you have to remember, we're protectors not avengers. We have a new one today, she is to be guided by everyone but shall be expected to fulfill orders. First up, I want Pinoe and Syd. I feel as she'll be more useful covering ground than battling. Understood?"  
"Yes Scout"  
"Chris you'll be hacking with Becky. Amy, high ground if possible if not cover with Laure. Kristie, I want you with me"  
"Got it" The drop alarm rings and we all walk to the drop. As we wait to jump, I see Alex breathing deeply. Connecting to her, I begin to talk some common sense.  
"You're panicking"   
"What, no I'm not"   
"I'm standing across from you. It's as clear as water"  
"Maybe a little"  
"Good, get rid of the lying. Secondly, quit looking down, you're going to make your heart explode" Alex's eye widen which causes me to laugh.  
"So naive, okay"  
"Excuse me"  
"Will you stop interrupting? I only have 30 seconds to explain everything you need to know or you'll fall to you death" she gulps and I smile. _Why shouldn't I have a little fun before I go_?   
"First of all, you see the beeping red light on the top right of your screen? That's your BPM, it's probably over the roof and if you don't calm down, your diamond will inject some medicine and its not always fun. Secondly, the bar on the right is you suits status. I'm sure Syd taught you how to activate molecules when needed"  
"She did"  
"Good, you have a map on the lower part. Do not by any chance shoot anyone with a blue triangle above them. They're on our team. You are more than welcome to shoot someone with a red triangle"  
"We're running out of time" she says as she looks at the clock that reads 10 seconds.  
"Just pay attention. No hand to hand combat with anyone. Ever. Only with elite squads but even then I do not want you near them. Secondly if someone have knifes"  
"Knifes" she yells  
"Aghh I'm right in front of you" I wince as my ears readjust.   
"Sorry" the alarm rings and everyone jumps, including me.  
"Just jump" I yell. She's hesitant but does so. As we fall she begins to swing her arms and I mentally slap myself. _She's going to get killed._ I drop to her and hold her still.   
"Count to 5 and press that circle button on your right sleeve" I let her go and fall by myself. She pushes the button as do I. We land and she breathes hard.   
"Oh come on, that was the best part"  
"Why are you giving me a hard time"  
"Dunno, quick tips. Keep you finger off the trigger, darken your screen by maneuvering through the settings on your control panel. Third down to the right to darken it. To connect to someone the second to the left on the panel, oh and don't talk to the Reds. Ever. Just through your connection with the squad and openly with our team" I begin to run away when she calls my name.   
"Krisitie, your location"   
"About a mile from component A"   
"I'll head there and snoop around to set links and get rid of reds" I call for my dirt bike and wait. As I do, I take a look around the battle field. It's big with dry mountains. Buildings scatters around but plains everywhere too. The hover craft drops down and I run to pull out my bike. Popping out both wheels, I begin to drive to component A.   
Although I have a personal mission, I am still the Scout and carry the responsibility of my team. Clearing out the area, I go down the the component to pick up Kristie.   
"Did you set up a link"  
"Yes, it's hidden about 100 meters from here"  
"Alright, get on we have to go to component 3" As I drive us through the hills and bumps, I turn into a small town to set up a link in case the one Kristie set up gets shoot.   
"Stop here" I stop by the edge of a building and let her get off.   
"I'm going to snoop out the place" she gives me a thumps up and I begin to explore the town, searching for an sign of a glimmer. Turning to the right, I speed up and make a sharp left. Someone jumps onto the road causing me to slide onto the ground with the bike.   
"Gosh damnit Alex" I yell out as she offers her hand.   
"Sorry! This map is confusing and I didn't know who you were and" she doesn't finish her sentence as I push her. She lands on her side behind some boxes.   
"What the hell was"   
"Shut up" I say as I quickly grab my bike and hide it. Running across the street, I force the building door across Alex open and kneel by the door.   
"What the fuck"  
"Shut the hell up will you" I whisper into the connection. She remains quiet and I focus on the footsteps.   
There's a few gun shots and Alex's breathing picks up.   
"Close your eyes" I whisper   
"Why"  
"Just do it"   
"Okay" I get up and make my way to the gun fire. As I round a corner I see an open door and start walking to it. I stop by the door and wait for Kristie who's running this way. She spots me and stand on the other side of the entrance. I'm the first to go in and see it's empty. Kristie proceeds up the stairs with me on her tail. She holds up to fingers and I prepare to fire if necessary.   
"Ready, set...go" Kristie jumps into the hall and shoots a red while I take out the other.   
"Come on, there's no time to check for enemy links" Running back to Alex, I find her where I left her.  
"You can open your eyes now" I say. Kristie offers her a hand while I go get my bike.   
"Where are Pinoe and Syd" I ask Alex  
"They were surrounded by reds and Pinoe told me to run"   
"Your bike can't hold three people" Krisitie says.  
"Take Alex to the third component, I'll run"  
"That's at least 3 miles away" Kristie argues.   
"I'll stop by the second and find the knuckle heads"  
"Are you sure? I can run if that's"  
"It's an order Kristie" She nods and takes the bike. Alex jumps on and I count to three. Kristie and Alex go left and I run right. As I run past each building my eyes search for anything. _Come on, you have to be here somewhere_. Not finding a single clue, I begin to run out of the city. I run with anger pumping in my veins. Anger towards Kardia, towards Axiom, towards Hope and Abby's stupid company for putting Carli in a hospital bed, towards Alex, towards myself. The list goes on through my head until I see an enemy vehicle approaching and drop to the ground. Throwing dirt on my suit, I lie still with my finger read to fire. The car zooms past me and I get up. Booking it to the second component, I see what Alex was talking about.   
"Pinoe, where are you" I ask as I run toward the component which is on the side of a platform.  
"On the roof across from you" I look up and spot Pinoe and Syd hiding. Rushing over to the side of the small building, Syd extends her arms over the edge. I run straight at the wall and push off of it to grab her hand.  
"What are you doing up here" I ask as I get over the edge and duck.  
"They are in control of all the turrets in the area and have a great deal of ammo"   
"And you're hiding because" I ask not really taking ammunition as an excuse.  
"Amy's taking them out one by one. She told us to stay put" I let out a small Oh and they tell me to shut up.  
"One last question, why the hell did you leave Morgan alone" I hiss under my breath  
"The heat was coming in extra hot, she would have transcended in less than a minute"  
"Plus, the girl runs fast. She was in no range of them after she booked it"   
"Hang on, Krisities trying to connect" Allowing the connection, Kristie's frighten voice tells me Miss Pink Prewrap got knocked off the bike and is in the process of transcending. I let my head drop to the gravel roof in a thump and groan.  
"That's okay, I wasn't really expecting her to keep a clean sheet. I'm taking care of a few things with the two knuckle heads, try to connect with her when she's back on the field. We'll be over there as soon as we're done"   
"What happened"  
"Morgan's out" I reply as I grab my scope from my bag and begin to put it onto my gun.  
"What are you doing"  
"I'm going to help Amy clear out the area. You guys can stay here and hide or help me" I begin to crawl to the edge and the two follow.   
"I'll take the middle of the street, you guys take the side walks"   
"Tobs, that's dangerous"   
"I'm not asking you, now let's go" holding my gun up, I order Syd to the right and Pinoe to the left. We begin moving down the street, clearing links and reds.   
"What are you doing out in the middle of the street" Amy says shooting an agent I didn't see up on the roof, their body begins to fall effortlessly as I run to them in time to catch them. By catch I mean block the connection to the ground as their body knocks me down. Looking at them, I see I stopped the fall.  
"Will you be a little more careful next time" I breath with some tiredness. I get up and drag the agent to the wall, I lean them up against it to allow them to transcend.  
"Sorry" Amy apologizes   
"How many more reds are their on the roof"  
"3 and 4 coming your way. That should be the last of them" We all work together to get the victory. As the day goes on, I find myself stuck with Alex more often. Along with that, she keeps getting shot. I also find myself growing frustrated as every battle goes by and I'm unable to find a glimmer.   
"You're tense" Christen states as she comes into the control room.   
"I'm just a little rusty"  
"No, you're tense" she says as she lays her hand son my shoulders. The door opens and I look back to see Laure.   
"I'm sorry, I didn't know"  
"You weren't interrupting anything. What's up" I say as I stand  
"It's fine, it can wait" Laure begins to backtrack but I stop her  
"You can tell me anything. Chris won't mind, will you" I ask eyeing her, she shakes her head no with a small smile  
"See" Laure still looks at Christen as if she didn't believe her but decided to go for it anyways.  
"Is everything okay? You've been a little intense these last few matches and I won't even mention Alex who's getting the shitty end of the stick"   
"See, I'm not the only one who's noticed" Christen leaps as she walks over to Laure with a new demeanor. I look at Christen with a WTF expression but she shakes it off as she drapes an arm over Laure's shoulders.   
"Nothing's wrong" I half lie as I walk past them and out to the commons. Not watching where I'm walking, I bump into someone.  
"Shit sorry"   
"It's okay" She raspy voice replies "I was actually looking for you"  
"Look, nows not a good time" I begin to walk away   
"It's never a good time" she rumbles. I turn around quicker than she expected.   
"What's that supposed to mean"  
"Nothing, forget it" she turns to walk away but I grab her arm  
"No, tell me now" she pulls her arm away briskly   
"I don't know what your problem is but you have no right to treat me like shit. All day you've been tossing me around like dirt. I was just going to ask if everything was fine but obviously it's not so"  
"I know about the microchip Alex" I mumble infuriated. Her expression changes from madness to frightened in a split second.   
"How'd" she breaths as she looks at me with wide eyes  
"It took some time to find it. Under the stair case, smart place" the drop alarm rings and I walk to the drop without waiting to hear her explanation.   
"Alright listen up, I want Syd with Miss Morgan running a perimeter. Pinoe you're with Kristie. Everyone else do what you've been doing" No one asks or questions their responsibilities so I keep quite until the alarm rings. I'm the first to jump and first to run. I begin to empty buildings, looking for just one thing. Of course I do my part and set Links, Hijack components and so on, but my mind only focuses on one thing only. _This is my last chance_. As I get to the roof top of a building, I start to take in the environment. Unlike the previous battle fields, this zone is big, centered around a large tower about two miles away. I hear a footsteps coming up the stairs and turn. As I see who it is I groan.  
"Gosh dang it you almost gave me a heart attack" I half yell at Alex who looks breathless "where's Syd"  
"Here" I look to the side and see Syd with a link in her hand.  
"You're done with the perimeter check" I ask as she kneels to hide the link  
"Yeah, we're trapped in a big dome"   
"Okay, well I've clear this whole street, let's get to the component" I begin to run with the two trailing. I hear gun fire and halt us. The heavy breathing coming from Alex makes me turn around.  
"We've literally only ran a mile"  
"Yeah well, I'm a sprinter. Not a distance runner" her raspy voice replies as she coughs a little. I feel a ting of worry so I take her arm.  
"What the hell are you" Maneuvering through her settings, I click on a button that releases a bit of energy and electrons into her body.   
"You can thank me later" I say as I point Syd across the street and I hold my gun up.   
"Syd, it's a bit bright don't you think" I yell making sure it's clear to everyone down the street who they're up against.  
"If only there was a way to bring down the sun and oh wait" She tossed three bottles of heavy black fog and we're off. I grab Alex's hand who throws a punch unknowingly at me.   
"Shhh, just trust me" I whisper and turn on her black vision. The Reds hide as Syd begins taking them out. The gun fire is heavy and in every direction. I lead Alex to the middle of the street and tell her to stand still and shoot if she sees a red.  
"You can't just leave me here, I'll be meat on a stick"  
"Do you trust me" I wait for her voice that trembles.  
"A little"  
"That's all I need" Clicking my gun onto my back, I pull out my knifes and get to work. Kneeling by the stranded bins, I wait for the agents in hiding to aim at Alex before taking them out. Something about taking out an agent who's not pointing at one of my agents digs into my skin forming a permanent scar. As I move with agility and intensity I take out 14 agents before the cloud vanishes and were clear.   
"Is that everyone" I ask Syd who replies yes. We walk toward Alex who stands there like a ticking clock   
"So" I ask as I help her change back to regular vision.  
"That was...perplexing but energizing"   
"Yes well we" I don't finish my sentence as Alex falls to the ground. I stare at Syd whom stares at me.  
"Oh come on, all that and she's gets shot once we're done"   
"Don't look at me, you were the one protecting her"  
"You were the one who said we were clear" We hear someone jump down onto the street and we both turn to see the boy who shot Alex. He looks terrified and begins to run down the street.  
"After you" I say  
"No after you"  
"I said that first" We hear a gun shot and the boy falls about 300 meters away.  
"There" Becky says. Syd and I share a look and Becky shrugs.   
"Should I" Becky asks eyeing Alex's body.  
"Maybe we should just let her transcend" Syd says biting her lip.  
"Go for it" I smirk. Becky kneels by Alex's still body and pulls out a revive needle.  
"Sorry Miss Morgan but this is going to hurt... A lot" she sticks the needle into Alex temporary transcendent and the girl springs to life.   
"AWHHHDH THE FUCK DID YOU DO" She rumbles around the ground holding her neck.   
"If you don't breath you're going to die again" I say as I hold the girl still with my arms.   
"GET OFF OF ME YOU FUCKING AGHHAH IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP" not finding another way to hold the girl still, I get on top of her and pin her body down.   
"Just let it the transcendent do what it needs to. Breath in and out. Come on, I thought you were stronger than that" I challenge knowing exactly how to push her buttons.   
"Fuck off"  
"Suit yourself" I begin to get off but she stops  
"Wait, fine just make it stop" She fumes through gritted teeth.  
"That's more like it. Just breath, focus on something other then the pain. I don't care what it is but just focus on it. The faster you let it be the faster it'll go by"  
"But it fucking hurts" I clear her helmet to allow me to see her face. Her eyes are sealed tight so I take the opportunity to distract her.  
"Oh fuck, your nose" Her eyes shoot open and she screams in pain when the medicine takes the opportunity to kick in. I hold her while she slightly shakes as the last of the side effects wear off.   
"Well, I'm glad Tobin taught us the trick to Revive needles during orientation" Syd breathes as she watches in slight horror.   
"Yes well, it's better to learn the hard way" I whisper as I rub Alex's back to help her calm down a bit.   
"I'm going to stand and carry you okay" I tell Alex who only nods. We walk to Becky's four person Quad and I place Alex in the back.   
"I'll drive, you make sure her vitals are good" Becky nods and I hop into the drivers seat. Syd gets into the passenger and Becky with Alex. I adjust the rear view mirror to focus on Alex who sits a little paralyzed. The drive takes about three minutes with bumps of course.  
"Syd, go find the others" I yell as I get out of the car.  
"They're hacking the second component"   
"I'll head there next, you stay with her" I tell Becky.   
"My names Alex"  
"Right, I'll guard the second component. Call me over if you need me"   
"Go go" Becky pushes me as Syd grabs Alex and leads them into a building. Turning 180 degrees, I head back in the direction from where we came from. Upon arriving, I recall Becky's car and retake component 2. It only takes a few minutes as it was felt unguarded.   
"Found you" Jumping at the sound of Alex's voice I groan in frustration.   
"What the hell are you doing here!? Where's Becky" I ask looking around got my medic  
"Back at component 3"  
"You left them" I breath in disbelief. _Wow, she must be faster than I thought._   
"Yeah"  
"And why would you do that" I ask as I set up some explosives.  
"I wanted to come and find you"  
"Duct" I say as I shoot at someone that tried sneaking up.  
"Thanks"  
"Don't mention it" At the corner of my eye I see a large metal structure that reaches a good height of 30 levels. _It's worth a shot._ I begin to run in that direction of the structure with Alex following. Along the way we encounter reds which are no match. I stop in an ally since Miss Pink Prewrap can't run any longer.  
"Where...are we even" she swallow hard "going to"   
"Look, you need to go back from where you came from" I say as I look down the street to make sure no ones coming.  
"Why"  
"Because, I have things to do"  
"Like what"  
"Suit yourself" I begin to run again in hopes she won't follow but the girl is as stubborn as a me. As I get to the structure, I find a stair that leads up to the top.   
"Why did you come find me" I yell. Might as well ask.   
"I want to apologize"   
"Isn't it a little too late for that" I ask as I grab every step of the ladder with more strength.   
"It's only late if you want it to be" I stop momentarily but continue climbing up.   
"Why'd you do it" I look down and see we're only half way there  
"I didn't have a choice"  
"There's always a choice" I reply a bit too harsh.   
"They weren't going to give me your location unless I did a favor for them"  
"You could have given the things to your father"  
"I" She takes a moment to process her thoughts before picking up where she left off "I just wanted to make sure you were okay"   
My body cringes both out of anger and awe.   
"Why did they need to implant a chip in my quarter. They do know I can have they arrested and jailed"  
"I don't really know. It was more Hope than Kelley that wanted it done" I nod to myself as I reach the top of the structure. _Must be linked to Carli._  
"I accept your apology, you can go back to the squad now"  
"I'm not leaving" I begin to walk over the metal bars and look down. _My gosh, bad idea._ The same panic that filled me when I feel from the hover craft hits me but I suck through it as I won't allow myself to show weakness in front of Alex.   
"We're clear targets for snipers"  
"So what, let them hit me"  
"You're going to get shot" I hear the bullet caress my helmet and hit Alex right in the head.   
"Again" I finish as she falls. "I tried to warn you" I murmur into her helmet as I drag her body towards the middle so she won't fall down. A few bullets hit my suit and I see that they're clearly high class bullets as half my suit armor is gone. Jumping onto another bar of metal, I slip and fall into a niche of the structure.  
"Fuck" I groan as I hit my head. Blinking a few times, I begin to stand up when I see it. A glimmer in the corner of the niche.   
"I found it" I whisper to myself. Looking at the clock I see there's 3 minutes left. We're way ahead in the battle with no possible way to lose this last battle so I quickly connect to Lauren.   
"Hey, what's up"  
"I'm going solo"  
"What, Tobin we're just about to finish up"  
"Fill my spot"   
"Tobin no"  
"Oh, by the way, your shoes untied"   
"What, no they're" I hear her find the three letters I taped under her command tabel "Tobin what's"  
"I love you" with that I disconnect my suits power and walk over to the glimmer.   
"It took me the whole day to find you" Reaching my hand towards it I see there's no time to waste. I grape my backpack tight and jump straight at it. "For Allie" I whisper with eyes closed.  
I don't know what I expected as I go straight through the glimmer. My body falls and I feel my heart beating out of my chest as my mind replays the same feeling of terror I felt the day I fell from the hover craft. I try to open my eyes by I twirl while falling causing me to slowly lose conscious. As I begin to go in and out of conscious, the heaviness of my decision starts to weigh down my lungs. While my mind starts listing all horrible outcomes, my heart starts to slow down. This is it. Without fighting, I let the darkness that surrounds me take over until I'm nothing but a glimmer in the dark.

 

My eyes lazily open and I see green. A bunch of greens. The more I fight to get a better view, the more my head throbs. _Come on Tobs, get up._ I push up against the dirt. _Dirt_? Opening my eyes again, I see that I'm on the ground. A little red light flicks on and off on the top of my helmet. _Where am I_? As I begin to push up, an ache in my right arms makes me fall in pain.   
"Aahh mother of...toast" I shrink in pain. My body begins to tremble from the lack of alcohol in my system and I know that I'm in serious trouble without my suit working. As I slowly remove my helmet, I grasp for air as I feel it hot. Heaving, I count to ten and pull it off.   
"Gahhhh fuck" I hold my hand in between my thighs as I continue to curse. As my breathing begins to settle, I can hear it. _Water_?   
"Come on, come on" I try to hype myself but it's hopeless. Every movement sends a ripple of chaos into the orbs of my body. Throwing my head back, I hit the ground harder than intended and I begin to go out again. Only this time, I hear it. Waves. _And... Is that my voice_? I don't have any energy or strength to get up and search for the source of the voice as my eyelids close for what I believe is the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOO!?!??!?? I know you're all on the edge of your seat pissed at me for leaving you hanging so I have a little surprise for you. I saw someone do this and I thought I'd try it too.  
>  To make up for my cliff hanger, I will be taking questions for the next 48 hours possibly 72. There are only two rules: you can't ask what will happen next (story wise BUT you can ask about characters or relationships and those kind of things) . The second rule, be fun! Your questions don't have to be about the story if you don't want it to, I'm an open book. Talk soccer, me, you whatever your heart desires. When I post next (hopefully Thursday) I'll ask some questions in the bottom notes for you guys to answer, I'll include my answers (along with the question) so you guys can see. Anyways, ask away! Also, don't forget to tell me what you thought!


	39. Tobin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schools been canceled for the last two days so I had the chance to write this...I'm so excited for you guys to read it...You're going to be mind blown...but first read my responses to some of the questions ya'll asked! You guys still have another 48 hours to ask questions and with this update...I know you'll have a ton of questions for me to answer about this chapter. Haha hop over to the at the end notes to check out some questions I have for you guys :)
> 
> To be clear for when you get there... Tobs/Lex/Alo are to other ones. The clones in sorts.

**Did Hope and Abby purposefully try to kill Carli?**

Collateral damage is one way to put it haha, Hope/Abby and the others involved tried kidnapping Carli but something went wrong and they nearly killed her. Abby’s company is a high technology company that helps make weapons for the forces but they are (under Tobin’s suspicions) the ones that tried hacking into Kardia’s most secret software. Crazy right? Why do you think they wanted to hack into Kardia and kidnap Carli? Thats the question…which will slightly be answered next chapter :)

**Is the glimmer like a transporting device? And what does it have to do with Allie?**

Yes and No. I myself haven’t really figured out what it is. A Time machine, transporting device? I don’t know but I like your idea of a transporting device. Might have to use that to explain it.  
Allie… Allie Allie…Read the chapter below to find out ;)

 **Kitkat**  
Your comment made me laugh and smile, Tobin bravely did jump through some type of portal. To where? You’ll find out below :)

 **Goose1713**  
Hahahaha you are so right my friend. This is the moment you are talking about. Hell will break loose :)

**What made you start writing fan fiction?**

Good question, I love to write. I know thats a genuine answer but I do. I write a lot of poems, lyrics, short stories, long stories, you name it. I have another totally different Talex story that I wrote but never uploaded. It’s about a fourth of the way done. Many stories/ideas that come to my mind never make it to my notes because I feel like people won’t like it. Evidently, I have a list of ideas on my phone, every time I get an idea for a story, I write a title for it. That way, if I ever get the time or courage to write about it, with just a single word, I know which idea it came from. Oblivion is one of my ultimate stories and like I have mentioned, the game Dust 514 really got my attention. Eventually after playing the game for a few weeks, I got an idea to write about it. I had the few few chapters written out but never thought I would actually post it. Then, after the world cup I told myself, if the USWNT can win the WC, than I can post a darn story and here I am, 40 chapters later :)

  
 **How exactly will Talex progress from here?**  
Very good question. I don’t want to say too much since there is Talex in this chapter…welp. There it is. Gosh, I’m seriously trying to find a way to answer this without giving it away to everyone. If you really want to know, I can inbox you, or you can inbox me and I’ll tell you. Just know that they will be together at the end. They’ll first be in denial about their feelings but eventually we have to hit the third type of pain (which we haven’t got to. The first was pain felt with the heart, the second was pain that was felt in the bones and the third…is going to be sad but very needed for the two stubborn ones to unite. There’s a clue…they’ll both feel the third pain) Haha, thats about as much I can say on here :)

**How long have you been a soccer fan?**

Since I can last remember. I grew up watching Liga MX and La Liga with my dad and immediately fell in love. My first Timbers game was when I was seven, back then they weren’t in MLS and there was a baseball field at Providence Park (it’s not a baseball stadium btw). I remember the atmosphere, its crazy that the Timbers army existed even back then. We sat behind the benches (or I guess they were dig outs) and I just fell in awe of the Timbers army. I think in that moment, as I sat with my family and neighbors I knew I would come to always hold it close. We ended up losing to the Rhinos 2-1…but I’ll never forget how I felt. I’m not a Timbers season ticket holder, but I have had the pleasure to go to 9 home games and I watch every game. BUT I am a season ticket holder for the Thorns :)

**Do you have any favorite player(s)?**

Mens or Womens? For the mens, my ultimate idol has and always will be Theirry Henry. The way he plays so cleanly, his shots, his passing game. A phenomenal player. Aside from him, I love Ronaldo (Original Ronaldo, not CR7…haha I do have a dog named Ronaldo but he was named him after original Ronaldo. CR7 is an incredible player, I won’t take that from him. I respect the guy. Very generous), I’m a fan of Garath Bale, but I am not a RM fan. I’m not a Barca fan either. Crazy right? I watch el Clasico but feel like both clubs flaunt a little too much. I’m also a fan of Ozil and well everyone on the German team, the USMNT is a little…I won’t say it. I like Tim and Rimando, Brooks is great. And Nagbe. Haha pretty much anyone from Arsenal, Timbers, PSG (ESPECIALLY ZLATAN, love the guy), Bayern M…

For the womens…I used to idolize Alex but then a few of my friends started working at Providence Park and I got the chance to meet her a couple of times and I wasn’t really astounded by her… I won’t talk her down as she was USWNT star. I wish her well at Orlando. But right now my favorite player for the women’s game has to be Tobin. She’s profound and essential for the USWNT and she plays on both flanks. I’m a right flank, and I love to do snarky tricks so I guess I favor her over everyone else. Other favorites are Press, ARod, Becky, Kling, JJ, Sasic, Dali, Henry, Mittag, Kerr, Farrelly… So many haha

**Are you a foodie? I read an article that listed Portland as the #1 restaurant city in the US**

I love food, so yes. Haha I think it might be food carts/restaurants because lemme tell you, theres one in every direction. Theres enough food carts to try a new one every day!!! CRAZY… but good. Always good. A lot of the food is made with local grown ingredients which I 100% enjoy and Tillamook is down the street…kidding its kind of a ways from me but hey, local cheese is legit. But yeah, I love food but don’t get me wrong, theres plenty of trail to run and hike on to keep me fit. If you ever come to PDX, hit me up and I’ll take you to some of my favorites

* * *

 

Tobin

As I groggily open my eyes, I see it’s around noon. My body aches in places I wouldn’t think were possibly but I don’t bother asking myself why. Sitting up, I see my helmet in the same place I had tossed it earlier. Reaching to grab it, my hand begins to sting. I remove my gloves and see that my right balm is covered in oozing blisters from taking my helmet off when it was hot. The gruesome smell of burnt skin makes me gag. My reflexes aren’t strong and I hurl all thats left in my stomach into a bush near by. 

“That explains the green” I whisper as I clean my mouth with some water I backed in my backpack. Taking out some medicine I brought with me, I smooth it into the blisters and feel relief. 

“How long have I been out” I grab my phone and see I have no service. _Duh._ Opening the clock I see my calendar is messed up but the time sticks to Axiom time since I manually put it in instead of having the regular setting. _8:34pm, Kardia time…Before I jumped through, it was 6:40pm and if I’m right, the sun sets around 6, so I’ve been out, one, two, three days. Holy shit._ I jump to my feet and change into the clothes I packed. Leaving on my thermal long sleeve, I grab a a black tee and sweats. I decide for a grey hoodie instead of a black one and put on black athletic shoes. Throwing my suit into my backpack, I hook my helmet to the backpack and grab my PDX hat. I let my hair lose from its bun and put my hat on and then drape my hoodie over it. 

I begin to clean the sight I somehow landed in and make sure my clock is tucked under my sleeve. As I begin to make my way towards what sounds like waves, I hear voices. I look to my right and see a group of people coming my way. 

“Shit shit” I turn around and begin to walk the opposite direction. Swinging my arms side to side to move bushes and tree branches out of my way, I come across a dirt trail. I see some people going down and decide to go uphill to avoid being seen in public. _Where am I? Huros? Telios? Telios has an ocean. I must be in Telios._ Thats the only reasonable explanation I can come up with. As I continue following the trail I come to what is a parking lot. People in bathing suits and bags make their ways towards the trail but that is not what makes me gasp. It’s the cars they drive. _They’re actual cars, not hover cars but cars. Telios is very naturalistic, so that shouldn't surprise me, right?_

I walk past everyone in a hurry and continue up the road to where ever it leads. Eventually I come to a road the leads in both directions. 

“Where do I go? Left where nothings right? Or right where nothings left?” I ponder. As I stand there stuck on where to go, a car zooms past me to my left. _Left it is._ I take turns running and walking both trying to make the most of sunlight and my body. Cars pass by rarely making me assume I’m taking the back roads. Eventually, five hours to be exact, I come across a small town. 

“Maybe I can find some food and a place to rest” I tell myself as I walk towards the town thats about a mile away. As I come closer to the place, I cover my helmet better in case someone recognizes the big Athena logo with a plastic bag I find on the floor. 

“So much for being the best green region…polluting the streets with garbage” I mutter under my breath as I come to what seems like a local foods market. Walking in, I go to grab something I know my body will handle well, avocados and bread. As I go to the women behind the cashier, I realize I don’t have Telios currency. 

“Next” The sweet women calls. Embarrassed, I walk up to her. 

“Just bread and an avocado” She asks

“Actually, I might have to leave them. I don’t know have money, all I have are these earrings my best friend gave me for my birthday” She looks at me from toe to head and takes a minute. I know she sees how beat I am, I probably look as sick as I feel. I expect her to throw me out but instead she places the bread and avocado in a bag and hands it to me

“It’s on the house” I feel tears in my eyes and begin to give them back. 

“You need them more than the shelfs. Grab another avocado, a bag of cheese sticks from the ridge and some water” 

“I give you my word that I’ll come back and pay you when I get the money” 

“You don’t have to”

“It’s my pleasure, really”

“Well, if you say so my sweet child, go on before I make you take another loaf of bread” Without a thought, I reach over the counter and hug the women. She smiles which makes me feel slightly better. I go to the fridge and grab the cheese she was talking about. 

“Wow, we’d kill back in Axiom to have some cheese” I whisper as I put it in the bag and grab a bottle of water and another avocado. Walking out of the market, I walk towards a park down the street and sit on a bench that lies lonely. Taking out a small chuck of the loaf of bread, I ration out the food I have in my backpack along with the one the women gave me to make sure it lasts until I can find a way to get home. Grabbing half a cheese stick, I put it on the bread and eat it. The cheese is quite delicious making me hum in approval but the bread isn’t a mere portion as mine is but I don’t judge it as Telios are the poorest region of them all. I see a family coming and begin to pack up. Putting my hoodie back on, I continue into the town, people stare making me rush into an empty street. As I lean against the wall, I catch something in the corner of my eye. 

“Is that” I mumble as I begin to walk in the direction of the blonde hair. Making it onto the street, I can’t find the blonde hair anywhere. _My minds playing tricks on me._ Walking back to the empty street I was in, I look both ways and take out my water bottle with a bit of alcohol and take a sip. My vitals immediately level off as my watch beeps twice alerting me that I’m okay for the next few hours. Putting away my bottle, I pull up my sweats and check out the cuts on them. The cream Becky gave me for my shins long ago is working well. Sighing, I begin to search for a place to stay.

After roaming the town for a good thirty minutes, I find a place in the woods. Taking a thin thermal blanket from my back pack, I lay on the ground using my backpack as a pillow. Within minutes, I fall asleep to the sound of the wind. _Tomorrow, I start hunting for a way back home._

* * *

My alarm wakes me up and I see it’s 4:30 am Kardia time. _Fifth day here_. I’m shivering like crazy as I see that the wind pulled my blanket away. Quickly grabbing it before it gets too far, I wrap it around me and pull out the piece of bread and avocado. I also mix my horrible chemical mixture that I packed and blend it with the water bottle the women at the market gave me. Plugging my nose, I chug down the substance and nearly barf it. 

“God this water” I cough as I hit my chest to keep the chemicals down. Turning the bottle around, I read the name. _Aquafine? More like Aquagross._ Throwing the plastic bottle into my backpack, I begin to pack after I finish eating breakfast and begin my way back down to the town. _I need to find a map._ Crossing my arms, I aim my sight towards the ground and begin to walk through the body of people. There are bumps and shoving a few times but I never once say a thing. 

Finding the abandoned street I found yesterday, I take a seat against the wall and take a moment to rest. My body is not to the shape it was before Allie passed away and the hits I woke up with are becoming unbarring.

“Come on, we have to get home in less than three weeks” I talk to myself, standing up, I stretch for a few moments before heading back on the road. As I begin to walk towards the market from yesterday, I bump into someone that hits my shoulder hard, in specific the one that was spiked. 

“Watch it bum” The dude yells. I turn around unable to contain the rage ready to punch the guy when I see her. _It can’t be. Allie?_ I don’t even glance at the guy as I walk towards the blonde in fear that I’m just hallucinating. Her long strides make it a little hard for me to catch up as I push through the crowd. I begin to lose sight of her and feel the pain of deception knock the remaining part of my heart when I don’t see her anymore. The tears start to well up making me bite my lips together.

“Tobin” My body freezes as I hear her voice. _It can’t be._ I turn around and see her standing by a store with a cup of coffee in hand. Without a thought, I hug her. I hug her like no tomorrow, as if she’ll vanish in thin air like the way we transcend when I let go.  

“Not that I don’t love you but what are you doing here” She giggles. _What does she mean what am I doing here? Trying to find her ass!_

“What do you mean what am I doing here” I ask as I slowly begin to let go, making sure not a single part of her body vanishes. 

“Okay, you’re looking at me funny. Shouldn’t you be with Alex? The Lunch” She asks very confused at why I won’t let go oh her sides. 

“Lunch? Alex? What are you” I don’t finish my sentence as Alex grabs my hand

“There you are” She yelps as she begins to pull me away

“Alex, what are you doing here” I ask confused as hell. _And where the hell did you get clothes and make up?_

“I came to get you for our lunch date. Come on, we’re going to be late” She pulls me through the town. 

“What lunch date” I ask half way as I try pulling my hand away. 

“You forgot?! How could you forget Tobin” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about Alex”

“We’ve had this lunch date with my parents planned for a month now, I can’t believe you forgot” She trembles. The way she says it makes me feel guilt even if I don’t know what she’s talking about. 

“I’m sorry, I just really don’t know what you’re talking about” 

“Why are you covered in dirt” 

“Tobin” I look up in time to see Allie, only this time, it’s she that hugs me. 

“Allie” I breathe in uncertainty “But I just” 

“Alex” 

“Tobin” 

“Allie” Alex’s voice marvels as a pair of arms wrap around us. Opening my eyes I see it’s Alex, only she’s not wearing clean clothes. 

“Can someone fucking explain what the hell on earth is going on” I let go of Allie at the sound of another Alex voice. As I finally get a view of the group I remain speechless. In front of me, stands…me. _A clone of me? I don't really know._

“Oh my” We both breathe at the same time. 

“Where’d”

“How” We both ask as we stare at each other. 

“My hat” She says as she looks at it

“Allie gave it to me when she asked me to be her maid of honor” I respond as if she were to take it. 

“I have the same one” 

“Have you taken a look at yourself, you’re both the same” Allie, the one I just hugged says.

“I…” 

“I must be going crazy” I mumble to myself 

“If you’re going crazy, so am I” Alex, the one that dragged me here replies

“You’re me” Alex, the one who looks as beat up as me states. We all take a few minutes staring at each other, as if it were impossible. 

“May I” I ask as I extend my arm to, myself. 

“Whats mine is yours right” She jokes and I crack a smile. 

“Holy shit, she’s just like you” Allie, my Allie, chimes. We touch hands and its like an electrical wave goes through us both making us withdraw our hands immediately. Taking a glance at her, we go for it again; this time, theres no shock. 

“You’re real” She whispers in disbelief 

“Whats you is me” I reply. I turn to see both Allie’s and Alex’s share a handshake. They all feel the same shock the first time but the second is shock free.

“That explains the dirt” Alex, the one who found me, clears to herself. 

“That explains the clothes” I giggle 

“This explains the small reunion between Allie and Alex” Other me rejoices. I turn to look at Alex and Allie who smile at me. 

“While Tobin, other Tobin” Alex says nodding towards the other me “Was pulling me away for some lunch, Allie found me and we shared a moment while she stared at us like lunatics” Alex laughs thinking of it. 

“I hate to break this, whatever this is but we have to get to our lunch date with your parents babe” Other me says. I begin to cough hard as Alex, the one I know, nearly barfs. 

“Are you okay” Tobin says as she smacks my back 

“Fine” I choke out. The face on my Allie says it all. 

“Did we say something wrong” Other Alex asks concerned

“Are you guys” Alex begins

“Are we” Other Tobin asks not really following. Alex and I share a look and I gulp. 

“Are you guys…dat…dati”

“She wants to know if you two are doing it” My Allie laughs. Other Tobin and Alex both blush hard causing both Allie’s to break out in a fit of laughter. 

“I think I’m going to be sick”

“I’m with you” 

“You guys aren’t together” 

“I’m engaged”

“And I’m married…to my job” 

“Engaged? To who” Other me asks clearly not happy. _Whoa…chill…she’s not your Alex._

“Servando Carrasco” 

“SERV” Other Alex half yells. I stare in utter silence as I can’t wrap my head around this. I myself don’t even makes sense at this point. 

“I’m sorry but this is pure comedy” Other Allie jokes. 

“Wait you know Serv” I ask

“Yeah, Alex and him were”

“Alright can we not” Other me interrupts. 

“Look, Allie, take them to our place. Tobs and I really need to get to lunch or my parents will flip. Give them what they need to feel comfortable and don’t let anyone in. We’ll be over as soon as its over” Other Alex says “I…We’ll see you guys soon” She says with a warm smile making me smile. Other Tobin and Alex rush away as other Allie hauls us to her car and drives us to what I presume is a beach house. 

“Welcome to the Talex casa” Allie says as we reach the living room. 

“Talex” My Allie asks a bit confused

“Agh yes, um, the fans named Alex and Tobin Talex. They don’t know they’re officially together but they ship them and the team liked it so we named their vacation house Talex casa” 

“This is golden” My Allie jokes and I groan

“By the looks of it, you’ll need a fresher. Theres two guest rooms down that way” Other Allie explains as she points to our right “And another one to the left” 

“I’m sorry but what’s a refresher” I ask a little muddled

“This is going to sound so offensive but a shower. It looks like you’ve been through playing rolling in the mud. At least you and Alex. Allie you look more stable” 

“I like you already” Allie says as she high fives other Allie

“I, no offense taken, I’ll take the room on the”

“I call dibs on the left” Allie hurries out of our sights leaving Alex and I no option. 

“I’ll set clean clothes on the beds, you guys can meet back here for lunch” 

“Thank you for your hospitality” 

“No prob” Alex and I walk to the guest rooms on the right in silence. 

“Which one do you want” I ask as we stand in front of two doors. 

“You choose”

“I told you to first”

“Okay, um, left” She begins to open the door and I nearly stop her until I hear a sound down the hall and hurry into my temporary room. 

I take the longest 30 minute shower in my life as I have to read the labels of every shampoo and soap in the bathroom to figure out which is safe to use. Needless to say, all the chemicals are bad. When I step out of the shower, I see that other Allie left clean clothes for me. I do take the new pair of socks and undies but reuse my black sweats and black tee shirt. I fold my dirty clothes neatly and put them in my backpack. Searching for a place to put my backpack and helmet, I find an empty drawer and slide them in. Grabbing my hat, I let my hair down not wanting to show my diamond and put my hat on. I grab my clock and walk out to the living room where Allie told us to meet. 

“Breakfast is ready, I hope you guys like eggs and bacon” She smiles 

“Thank you, I’ll wait for Allie and Alex” I say as she walks me to the kitchen. I stand with my hands behind my back, taking in the beautiful rustic house. Sensing Allie’s sight, I raise an eyebrow at her. 

“Sorry you just look a lot like Tobin”

“Well, I am Tobin”

“In skin and bones, yes but theres something different about you” Immediately my diamond comes into mind and I begin to process an escape route. 

“You’re way more structured” I let out a breath and take a look at her “You’re very polite. I mean Tobs is polite but she’d start eating breakfast without the besties. And the way you looked at me, I felt the love. That’s weird to say as I know you’re not my Tobin but I can tell you love her a lot”

“She’s everything to me, she saved my life when we were little”

“And you saved mine” Allie says wrapping her arm around me

“We haven’t formally met, I’m, Tobin” I giggle a little at how odd this is. 

“Allie” 

“I’m Allie”

“Pleasure to meet you twin” We chat a little until Alex arrives. 

“This is weird” I say a fourth way into my meal that won’t settle in my stomach. 

“Well, we’ll figure it all out when Talex gets here” Theres a knock on the door that shakes the three of us except for other Allie. 

“You guys stay here, I’ll go scurry off the girls” We hear her footsteps and then theres a few voices at the door. Theres mumbling and some questioning but at the end, whoever came, leaves. 

“Sorry about that” 

“It’s okay” 

“I have a quick question, are these my other me’s clothes” Alex ask other Allie. 

“Yeah, I figured we were all the same size so I went home to grab some clothes for you and went upstairs to grab some clothes from Alex and Tobin” 

“Wow, we really are identical” 

“So you guys all live here” 

“Well, not exactly, this is just our vacation home. Or, more like Talex’s, my house is two doors down, and two other girls from our team also have houses here. The whole team came down here a while go but haven’t left for a few reasons” Allie says the last part with a whisper. I want to ask but the front door opens and I jump to my feet. 

“Hey, we’re safe here” My Allie says, I feel other Allie and Alex’s eyes on me and I breathe in deep. 

“Sorry we took so long, we got caught up with some press” Tobin says as she helps removes Alex’s coat. They walk towards us and we all stand. 

“Has Allie been treating you nice” Tobin jokes and both Allie’s look at little thrown off. 

“We should really find new names” 

“You guys can keep the original names, it’s you home”

“Nonsense, you’re our guests” Other Alex says 

“I agree, you can help Tobin and I’ll go by Tobs”

“Gosh I hate that nickname”

“Me too” She exclaims

“Okay, theres no time to be picky” Other Alex says

“You keep Allie, you guys can call me Alo” Other Allie says

“I’m cool with that”

“Alright that leaves you two” I say eyeing both Alex’s

“You keep Alex and you guys can just call me Lex” Other Alex says, Alex agrees and we all feel a little more comfortable. 

“Are you guys done eating” Tobs asks and we nod. Our plates are half full but under the circumstances we’re in, it’s only reasonable that we’re not hungry. We all gather around the living room and sit awkward for what feels like hours but is only minutes. 

“Okay, I just want to ask something, you guys know Tobs but how do you not know Tobin” Allie asks looking at me like a leader

“How do you guys not know Lex” Tobs ask while admiring Lex like a superstar. 

“How do you guys not know Tobin and Alex” Alo says emphasizing both names

“How do you guys not know Tobin _and_ Alex” Allie turns emphasizing the and. 

“Well, what are you Tobin”

“She’s the most famous person in our home town” Alex answers

“Thats odd, Lex is the most famous out of us all here” Tobs inquires 

“What about Talex” Allie asks

“What about you two” Alo asks eyeing us both

“Our relationship is not near the one you two have” I answer. 

“We’re getting a little ahead, where are you guys from” Tobs asks. I glance at Alex whom just stares at me and Allie who nods for me to say it. 

“We’re from Kardia” I whisper as I expect them to flip but instead they don’t. 

“Wheres that” Alo asks a little dumbfounded. 

“You guys don’t know where Axiom is” I ask as I begin to stand up 

“Sorry bud, no, is it a small town? In the rurals” I begin to shake my head not making sense of this. 

“Where are we” I ask Tobs whom is the only one I can read because she’s me. 

“On the coast of Oregon, why” I trip backwards as my mind races a thousand miles per hour. 

“Oh god” Allie gasps as everyone stares at us weirdly. 

“No, no this can’t be” I say as I start to get up

“What can’t be” Alex asks silently. I turn to look at Tobs with wide eyes. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I dare ask the question that would only explain everything I’ve doubted. 

“Do, do you guys know an Alexandra Kriger” At the mention of Ali, Lex and Tobin freeze. I see tears in the eyes of them as they nod yes. 

“She came with us with the trip but…” Alo begins

“But what” I ask needing to hear the answer. My clock beats altering me of my elevated vitals but I stand still, begging for an answer. 

“She came with us for our annual team vacation. One night she went out for a run but never came back. We’ve searched for months now but…we’re starting to lose hope. The last she was seen was” 

“By the coast” I finish for Tobs who looks at me mortified. All of them do. 

“How do you” Alo asks 

“Adaline, I mean Ali, I know where she is” I whisper as I bring my hand to my mouth. My world, the one I fought to protect, slowly begins to fall apart in my head as my fears come reality. _We’re not real._

“Take me to her” Tobs gets up and starts walking to me. Out of all the thousands people that have charged at me, not one has made my knees go weak. That is until now, we’re an angered me grabs me. 

“I can’t”

“What the hell do you mean you can’t. You said you’re from Axiom, so take us there” 

“I can’t” I whisper 

“Let her go” Lex begs

“Not until she tells us where Ali is”

“We can’t take you there” Alex now caught up quivers 

“What do you mean you can’t” Alo asks 

“We’re not from here” I choke as Tobin’s grip tightens 

“If you don’t start making sense right now” 

“You’ll what, kill me” I try to swallow but her grip around my neck is slowly making me lose conscious

“We’re not from this era” I whisper as Alo pushes Tobs off of me. 

“What do she mean” Alo asks Allie and Alex. Lex tries comforting me but I slowly push her away as I push my hair to the side. Lex gasps loudly causing everyone to turn. 

“This is what I mean” I cough as I start to put my hair up. Removing my tee shirt everyone remains silent as they take in every scar on my body. Taking in who I really am. “You guys” I stop to swallow “Are from the past” 

“The past, what are you talking about” 

“We’re from a world, this world or what I believe is a fake world. Where there are four regions that were established after a transition”

“What transition”

“A transition from this world” I look at Allie whom has her sight focused on the ground. Alex looks at me as she doesn’t know the truth behind our world “Long ago, our ancestors, which would be your children, created a huge mess for humanity. The environment, earth as you guys call it, began to die. A grand apocalypse of diseases hit humanity wiping out 99% of the world population. The earth became toxic, humanity wouldn’t have survived without the transition. The remaining humans, some of the most brilliant, gathered to rebuild society. Its unknown how but they did. It is said our world is built on top of earth, as for when we find unknowns, we’d say they came from the unground, which would be earth. It was meant as a joke, since it was a reasonable explanation. But now I see the truth and sickness of it now” 

“They’re real” Alex asks referring to unknowns

“Ali is living proof of it, Adaline as you know her” 

“How do we know you’re not confusing her with your Ali”

“We don’t have an Ali, at least I don’t think so. I scanned your Ali’s blood but didn’t find a single match”

“Did you ever try searching her picture” Allie asks and I nod no. 

“How do we know you’re telling the truth” I stand there finding a little difficult to support my claim until it comes to me. Running into my guest room, I hop into my suit and helmet and walk to the living room. Everyone except Allie and Alex stare with mouth open. Setting down my gun and helmet, I grab my phone from my backpack. Scrolling through the pictures, I find it. 

“Does this look familiar” I had the phone to Tobs who begins to cry as she sees Ali. 

“It’s the picture I took of Ali when we went to visit your tomb” I explain to Allie and Alex 

“So, you guys aren’t together” Alex asks a bit embarrassed

“What”

“Nothing, we’ll talk about it later” 

“You took me for dead” Allie breathes 

“The explosion was huge, the cameras were wiped out. No bodies were recovered”

“The two agents I was with”

“Are they”

“I don’t know, I pushed them into the corner and the next thing I knew we were falling”

“Where’d you find Ali, in your world” Tobs asks while handing the phone to Alex who turns it around taking in the advancement of it. 

“During work. I found her in the dark, it’s a long story” I answer feeling the shaking coming. Grabbing my bag, I quickly open my bottle of alcohol and gulp the remaining of it. I feel Allie’s eyes on it and know that she has figured out what I’ve gone through. Wiping a drip of it off my chin, I turn back to Tobs. 

“I need to know how you found her”

“Look, I need to get us back home. It’s the only way Ali will be safe” 

“What do you mean” Lex looks up from the phone. 

“Someone tried kidnapping one of my…friends. For information, I never knew what they wanted but now it all makes sense”

“No” Alex says in denial as she starts piecing it together. 

“I’m sorry Alex but they lied to you” 

“Theres no way they would do that to Carli”

“What about me” We all turn around mortified to see Carli along with Ashlyn and Hope there. The anger that radiates through my body almost sends me towards Hope but seeing Carli standing, even if she’s not the one I know, keeps me grounded. 

“What are you guys doing here” Tobs reacts eventually. She begins to rush over to the three spectators but I stop her. 

“Get the rest of you group” I breath as I come to realize we won’t get back without everyones help. Tobs searches my eyes for something, a single glimpse of doubt, but doesn’t find it. She nods Alo to go and get the others and soon, I’m left standing before everyone I know from back at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions:  
> What the hell happened to the story fighting for life? That story was one of my favorites. Hunt down the author and please make them finish it. 
> 
> What's your favorite NWSL team and overseas team? Favorite Mens team? 
> 
> If you were stranded on an island with only two women's soccer players who would they be and why?
> 
> Who do you think will with the NWSL and Olympics next year? 
> 
> And lastly, whats your favorite food? 
> 
> Remember, you have 48 hours to ask more questions and yes they can be on this chapter
> 
> SOOOOOOOO?! What did I tell you! I told you I'd make it up to you for killing off Allie...now you have two! And you officially have a Talex pair that is in love and one that will fall in love :) Go on, ask away and tell me what you thought


	40. Tears, Fears and A Spark of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TOBIN= Tobin from now (Like real life Tobin)  
> HEATH=Tobin from Axiom   
> ALEX= Alex, the one that left PTFC for Orlando  
> LEX= Alex from Axiom (The one Heath will fall in love with in a few chapters)  
> ALLIE=The one who plays for PTFC (Now Allie)  
> LONG=The Allie you guys all like! (From Axiom)
> 
> I recommend reading the chapter twice to ensure that you get who is who. I had to switch the names because nicknames like Tobs and Al got confusing. In the beginning of the chapter, our wonderful life time JJ will go over the names... For next chapter, I might bold the names of a trio(preferable the trio from Axiom) to help with the dialogue. 
> 
> And yes, Alex did follow Tobin. PLEASE READ CHAPTER NOTES AT THE END! I clarified and pointed out some things you might have not caught in the chapter!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where to begin, it's be a longggggg three weeks! Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you guys! Schools been kicking my butt big time but I've been writing this chapter in bits. Finally got it to where I want it so now I'm posting. I'm going to work my ass off the get the next chapter up by Sunday. Count on it. But for now, I hope this chapter takes you a long time to read because it took a long time to write haha
> 
> Someone asked where on the Oregon Coast this would take place at...Good question! I love our west coast shoreline but there are areas that I have fallen in love with. For starters, Pacific City, Florence, Lincoln City and Newport are all beaches I love. Newport is more of a place to visit friends as I have a few over there but if I were to pick a beach, it would be impossible. I would probably name the town in which they were in the last chapter Pacific City. On the beach (this chapter) probably a mesh of beaches like Osward,Lincoln and Florence. Seaside is a little too popular but a good place to go. 
> 
> I do speak another language, hablo espanol et francis :) 
> 
> Have I met Tobin? Oh goodness yes. About three times. She's signed my phone and signed a gift for my little bro, she's very relaxed and genuine. Beautiful smile and yes, her calfs are perfect haha

Tears, Fears and A Spark of Love

 

 

 

“Is someone going to fucking explain how these three nut jobs cloned themselves" Abby asks as she sits impatiently next to Captain America and Carli.

"I don't know how you guys did it but sign me up for it" Pinoe jokes 

"We didn't do anything" Tobs begins

"So why is there another you” Carli ask pointing to me

"I have a name” I inquire

"Which happens to be" Carli responds

"Tobin" 

"You guys couldn't pick another name" 

“Well sorry that our names and bodies happen to be identical, we did for the sake of not confusing ourselves more, find nicknames for each other though” I reply

"So if you're Tobin,” Becky begins very entertained pointing at Tobs “then who are you”

"I'm also Tobin, that's Alex and Allie we come from Kardia" 

"Kardia? Where the hell is that"

"I don't exactly know where here, in this world” I mumble

"Hold on, so you're telling me your from another galaxy" 

"I'm not entirely sure" 

"What do you know" Carli asks a little annoyed that we aren't getting anywhere.

"I know where Ali is" All the whispering around the room stops and I turn to face Ash who’s stared at me with lifeless eyes since she’s walked in. Only now, she stares with pain. A pain I don’t know and wish to never know. _The pain that breaks your soul._

“Where” She whispers just enough so I can hear

"She back at my quarter. Do not be alarmed, its locked inside out. No one will be able to get in for another two weeks"

"What do you mean she's locked in your quarter” Hope asks

"Look, it's a long story and there's really no time to explain. We have to get back to Kardia before those two weeks are up"

"How are we supposed to trust you" Abby asks.

"She's me" Tobs steps in

"No shit" Carli states

"She has proof that Ali's alive" Lex says as she hands my phone to the group. As it makes its way to Ash, her eyes light up with the smallest speck of hope. When the phone touches her hands, I see the immediate change. Her lungs breath in for the first time in months, her eyes clear and suddenly, I feel a bit relieved. 

"This could be photoshopped" Pinoe inquires 

"Syd, put the gun down" I half yell as the girl pokes at it. 

"What do you need help with" Ash speaks once again

"Do any of you know quantum mechanics" 

"We're doomed" Kling groans

"Press might be able to help" Kelley volunteers 

"You went to Stanford too"

"Yeah but I was only there for my soccer scholarship" 

"Do you trust her Tobin" Abby asks. Both Tobs and I turn to look at Abby making me groan. 

"We're going to have to find different names. This isn't going to work out if we keep confusing who is who"

"Why do you guys go by first and last names" Becky inquires, I give it a thought and don’t see how we could get confused. 

“I’ll go by Heath, everyone back in Kardia refers to me as Heath anyways” 

"They address you as Scout Heath" Allie corrects me 

"Scout? What are you, in the Girl Scouts" Carli smirks

"Yeah...something like that" I mumble

"Okay just so I don't get this wrong. Tobin, from New Jersey, the one that plays on our soccer team, is to be referred to as Tobin. New Tobin, the one from...where'd you say you were from" JJ asks 

"Kardia"

"New Tobin from Kardia will be referred to Heath. Alex, from Cali, will remain Alex and New Alex will be Morgan"

"So what, am I supposed to be Brian" Morgan asks 

"This is so fucking confusing" Abby crys 

"Okay no, New Alex stays Lex" Tobin states

"Okay, let me start over again. Tobin, the one we know is Tobin. New Tobin from Kardia is Heath. Superstar Alex is Alex. New Alex from Kardia is Lex. Allie the one we know is Allie, new Allie from Kardia is Long. Am I good" JJ says in one breath. 

"Yes" I say looking over to Tobin who nods yes.

"Okay now that we settled that, Heath, how exactly are we going to help you" 

"Well, firstly, who was the last person to see Ali"

"That would be me" Kelley says

"Where'd you see her" I ask turning my full attention to the squirrel.

"We were camping on the beach and it was a little past 8. Half of us were asleep but I had to go pee. I woke up and went to the restroom. When I was walking back, she was getting ready to go on a small run on the trails. I told her if she wanted me to go with her in case of an emergency but she said she had her tracker. I stopped to watch her go and then went to bed" 

"A tracker" I ask a bit confused 

"You know, like a gps, it's like an app on your phone and if you don't come back it'll help police figure out where you last were" Tobin explains for me

"Does anyone know where that tracker went"

"The police have it"

"Fuck. Does anyone know where it led"

"Ali's brother knows" Ash answers

"Can we get him on the phone"

"I'll dial him right now" Ash goes to make the call but Abby stops her.

"Hold on just one second. Look, its pretty clear that we're not delusional and there's something going on here but even if we find where she was last seen. How are we supposed to transport you to another galaxy or where ever your from" 

"Abby, there's really no time to ponder if they are time travelers or from another world. They've been here for a week, well at least Heath and Lex, they only have two weeks left before Heath's plan she had set if she didn't make it back sets in" Alex steps in. Just like in Kardia, I see the strong sister connection both Abby and Alex share. 

"Okay, but I'm just going to assume your from another world. Time traveling just seems too hard to understand" Abby finishes

"That's fine by me" Ash exits the door to make a call and we all wait. 

"So, is there another me" Becky asks very intrigued

"Haha yes and she's very much like you" I giggle 

"Really"

"Oh yeah, she's my doctor. Or well, our Doctor" I say as I point to my best friend

"Is it odd, seeing another you" 

"Honestly, I've seen much weirder stuff"

"Can I ask you something"

"I don't see why not" 

"Why are you here" 

"I came looking for Allie, of well Long to not confuse you with the names" 

"I'm not following" 

"Haha okay um, Allie was in a big accident of sorts. We all back at home thought she was dead, including me. Ali and I went to visit Al's tomb back at Kardia and well I guess I had an epiphany and set out on this crazy hunt to find some glimmer, or like Abby says, some portal to send me to wherever Ali came from. Lex isn't supposed to be here, I actually haven't had the chance to ask her how she got here but evidently we’re both here" 

"Did you ever think you'd find Long” I breathe in hard as I take a look at her as she interacts with both Alex's. 

"I never thought I would but I felt it. I felt like I would" 

"That makes sense" the front door opens and we all turn to look at Ash. 

“He sent me a photo of the gps map”

"Thank you, thank you, thank you" I cheer as I go over to her.

"You'll get her back, right" Her voice so desperate breaks making my lips tremble as I think of the moment Ali laid eyes on my Ashyln back in Kardia. Sucking in the sudden heart break, I respond.

"I'll do everything I can"

"Thank you” She replies genuinely with clouded eyes.  

“Lex, over here” I say as I move to the kitchen. Tossing the phone in my hand, I get a good look at it. At how huge and heavy it is. _It’s an apple product…these are rare back at home._  

“What do you need from me” 

“Hold on, Ashlyn, do you mind if I dismantle your phone” I say while turning to look at the girl. She nods no and I immediately begin to take the iphone apart. I remove the screen and unnecessary things until I reach the drive. Attaching a small cord from my clock to the drive, I breath in deeply. Pressing a button on my watch I wait for the hologram to appear but it doesn’t. 

“Theres too much light” Long says. Tobin closes the blinds and Allie flicks off the light. Everyone gasps as the hologram comes into sight. 

“No way” Becky says as she comes to the table

“How is that”

“I understand the amusement but I really need you guys to back up a little” I interrupt as everyone begins to crowd the table making me feel too enclosed. “Lex, you’re a runner, how long would it take you to run this” I asks highlighting Ali’s track in red. 

“Not to belittle your idea but Alex runs way faster than Ali” Syd inquires 

“The won’t matter” 

“20 minutes tops” 

“Do you guys do sports” I ask the group which begins to laugh. 

“We play soccer” I stare at them confusingly earning me a lot of mugged glances. 

“How the hell do you not know what soccer is” A very offended Carli asks

“Look, theres no time to get worked up, do you guys do any sorts of running tests” 

“Ali runs 100 meters in 13 seconds” Ashlyn responds and I slightly cringe. 

“Okay, so if I’m doing the math right, 13 in comparison to 10 and thats about 3 miles so…13 by…28 minutes” 

“28 minutes what” Abby asks

“It’s how long it would have taken Ali to get here”

“And why is that important” 

“For time. Kelley you said you saw Ali around 8, do you have a more specific time”

“Kelley got into the tent at 8:46” Hope inquires

“8:46 minus…ugh…come on” I struggle to get out as I do all sorts of calculations in my head. Long notices my struggle and requests paper. Soon enough after doing all sorts of equations and inferences, I get an exact time.

“9:11” I mutter as I drop the pencil “What time is it now” 

“3:43” Tobin answers

“We have to get to the beach you were at” I say turning to Ash whom I’m worried about the most

“We can’t” Alex says and I turn to look at her for an explanation. 

“What do you mean you can’t”

“The police are consistently visiting us, we can’t just leave” Pinoe explains as she pokes my side “Just making sure you’re real” I nod a bit amused at her inability to get past my figure. 

“What if we leave around five” Tobin asks looking at me 

“It doesn’t matter when we leave as long as we get there” 

“Only a hand full of us can go at five, the rest can come around eight when the beach is cleared” Alex thinks out loud

“How long do you need to be there” Becky asks. I breath in deeply knowing no one is going to like my answer. 

“Until I can find a way back” Everyone’s hearts drop and I know I’m asking for too much. Before I can express my apologies, Ash’s voices gives out orders. 

“We set camp and take shifts. Tobin, Heath, Alex, Lex, Allie, Long and I will head to the beach at five. The rest can come at eight. We’ll all take turns coming home and talking with media” No one objects both in fear that Ash will rage and because no one really has the heart to say no. 

“Becky will you join us at five” I ask and she nods yes. 

“Okay, we set off at five. We’ll begin packing immediately” Tobin says, everyone begins to shuffle out of the house with foggy minds and hopeful hearts as I stare at the hologram. Allie’s hand on my shoulder startles me nearly sending me to the ground. 

“Oh wow, I didn’t know I had that effect on you” She states as I give her an apologetic glance. 

“Sorry, I’m just a little on the edge” 

“It’s fine…so you think we can get back” 

“We have to get back” I reply as I close the hologram and put my watch back on my wrist. As I begin to put Ash’s phone back together, I feel her eyes on me. 

“I’ll start packing” Allie says kissing my head and leaving me with Ash. 

“Here’s your phone” I say handing it back in one piece 

“Don’t you need it” 

“I saved the gps image on my clock thank you for getting it for me” 

“I should be the one thank you” 

“I haven’t done anything” 

“Yet” 

“Look Ashlyn” 

“You don’t have to call me by my full name, we know each other, kinda” 

“Sorry. I’m Tobin by the way. Call me Heath” I smile as I offer my hand. Ash shakes it firmly which makes a good impression. 

“Ashlyn, call me Ash” 

“Look, I don’t want to destroy your hopes” 

“I rather you be honest. Everyone’s been sugar coating the news for me lately” I nod in understanding 

“I bet…I just want you to know that I’ll do everything in my power to get Ali back to you…she’s a wonderful human” 

“You are too”

“Well” I say through gritted teeth “That’s debatable”

“I’ve only known you for about an hour, and if your identical to Tobin, well, then you’re nothing but wonderful”

“I don’t know”

“You can’t accept a simple compliment” 

“I’ve never been one to receive compliments on my personality” I confess as I stare at my feet “But thank you” 

“Before I head to pack, can I ask you something” 

“You may always”

“How is she” She asks as she takes a look at my physical vitals. I slightly giggle making her look at me oddly. 

“Sorry, I, this, me…Sorry, I’m in no shape. I’ve sorta let myself go which is why I look like a skeleton and like I fought a beast. Ali’s in good shape. Just last a few days ago, I began to let Ali use my training room. It took a while for her vitals to recover to normal, well, Kardia normal. She got sick for a good month with the cold. Her immune system wasn’t ready for our seasons as you guys call it but she’s getting better. Her athleticism really helped her hold on” 

“Thank you, Ill get going now” She says with a bit more ease. As she begins to walk away pained and confused, I stop her. 

“Wait. I just want to say that I can relate to what you’re going through. Losing Allie, or Long as you guys call her was like losing myself. I woke up day and night wishing it was me that was dead. I went to sleep intoxicated and torn. I left responsible for her death and I still do even if I know she’s alive. But if it makes you feel any better, you helped me save her. It’s true, theres another Ashlyn Harris, she my friend. She’s on my team actually. When I found Ali, she’s the one I called. She put her life on the line to help me save Ali and I’m forever grateful. She’s the only person that knows Ali’s back in my quarter and she will receive a letter with specific orders if I don’t get back in two weeks”

“She’ll take care of her” Ash asks a bit hurt and relieved all at once. 

“Yes” 

“Thank you, for sharing that. It gives me a little more ease to know another me will be there if I can’t” The way Ash says it breaks a part of my soul as it introduces me to of the world of love and the power it holds. I’ve never been in love and the only person I’ve loved is Allie, my squad and my adoptive parents. Losing Allie was like losing my mind and body but losing someone you’re in love with…that is something I can only glance at from afar. _**That is something I wish to never experience**. _

“You’re welcome” I silently reply with teary eyes. She nods and heads out the door and I to my room. Packing up my limited amount of things into my backpack, I walk to the living room. I hear noise in the kitchen and head there. 

“Alex” I ask a bit confused not knowing if it’s Alex or Lex. 

“Heath” Alex’s sweet voice replies making me laugh a little. She turns to give me a small smirk. 

“Sorry, it’s just that, when Lex says Heath, it has more of a bite to it” 

“Heath” Alex says mimicking Lex making me laugh 

“Just like that” I say as I wipe a few tears from laughing 

“I only use that on Tobin when she won’t comply to what I want, which is usually what is more beneficial to both of us” 

“Ah, you’re as stubborn as Lex” Alex giggles making me smile

“I’ll let that pass this time but next time” She doesn’t finish her sentence, letting me contemplate on what would happen. 

“You’ll kidnap me”

“And I’ll feed you to the sharks” She jokes. I raise my hands in the air in surrender causing her to laugh. 

“How’d you know it was me and not Tobin” 

“You’re more serious, structured in a way” 

“Hm…That’s what Allie said” 

“You need to c _hill out_ like Tobin tells me when we’re arguing” She does quotation marks around the words chill out to emphasize Tobin’s choice of words.

“Well, that does sound better or would you rather her tell you to calm down” Alex groans making me giggle even more

“You’re just like her, thinking wise” She smiles

“Than she’s a smart women” I say a bit cocky which earns me a playful eye roll from Alex. We continue to bicker and get to know each other until Allie comes in. 

“Where are twin me, Tobin and Lex” She asks as she grab a snack from the fridge

“I’m here” Tobin says and I turn around to see her with two backpacks

“We’re done too” 

“Good, now that we’re all here we can grab a snack” 

“Actually, I’m not hungry but I do have something for you” I say referring to my bestfriend. Pulling out one of the chemical packets I brought I hand it to my sister who’s eyes go from disgust to thankful. 

“You really thought of everything” She says as she takes it form me. 

“Yeah well, I didn’t know how long it would be until I got home so I made sure I had everything I would need”

“Not to be noisy but what is that” Allie asks 

“It’s something we have to drink back at home to keep our bodies to a certain level”

“So like vitamins” Tobin asks as she takes a bite of what I believe is an apple

“Something like that” I responded not ready to tell them everything about who we are and what we do. Everyone watches as Allie drinks the gross solution but grows fully energized. 

“My vitals should be good” 

“What do you mean should be, where’s your watch” 

“It died and I don’t really know how to recharge it here” I walk over to her and begin to put my watch on her. Once it scans her wrist and approves her password, it scans her levels and vitals which are above average but below where she should be. 

“Becky’s going to get a crack when the system scans the data” I laugh 

“Am I the only ones that’s confused” Tobin whispers in the background 

“People like Heath and Long wear specialized clocks that read their vitals every couple of minutes. The data that is collected and revised every Friday or something like that” Lex enlightens the group

“Actually, it receives the information on Thursdays but she’s pretty spot on” I say turning back to the group. They nod without questions or asking for further explanation. Allie’s phone rings and she picks it up immediately. 

“Hey babe” She waves us off as she walks outside and onto the balcony. I stare at my best friend as her heart visibly swells and breaks at the sound of Jose’s voice. _If only you knew how broken he is without you._

“Al” I begin but she nods no and goes to hide in the bathroom. The same feeling of sadness that chipped apart of my soul when I met Ash's eyes begins to well up in my stomach as I begin to think of what Allie’s feeling. I pull a dinning room chair and sit, baring my face into my healing palms.

“I’m going to check if Ash is ready” Tobin says “Want to join” I nod no and hear a couple of feet shift. The front door opens and closes in the background and I let out a shaky breath. 

“It’s either contrition or guilt that is not yours to feel” I look up to see Alex standing by the kitchen island. 

“Lex went with Tobin” I ask a bit confused to see she would want to spend time with another me. 

“The room was running out of space” It takes me a moment to catch the phrase. _They sense my anxiety._

“It’s been a rough few weeks” I reply as an excuse for my confounding feelings. 

“I would have never guessed” Apart of me ignites in flames with her response as I picture the Alex I know (Lex) saying it and not this new, benevolent Alex I’ve come to like. But at the same time, I feel inviolable. **_She_** makes me feel like it’s okay to be me _._  

“I’ve never been a girl of many words” 

“You’ve always been phlegmatic”

“You know me so well”

“Of course I do, you’re my other half” She says without thought. It takes her about three seconds to realize what she said and begins to back track. “I mean, I’m Tobin’s other half…you’re her clone, twin or what” I smile at her rambling that I find rather cute and innocent. 

“I understood what you meant” I interrupt with a smile. She blushes hard making me giggle a little. 

“That’s embarrassing” She confesses as she walks to the table. 

“Is it” I ask as I look up to meet her soft gaze. My mind screams no but my heart beat increases as every second goes by. The front door opens, making me break eye contact and meet my other me’s eyes. An unnerving guilt settles into the pit of my stomach and I stand from the chair. 

“Are we ready to go” She asks eyes us

“Yeah, just waiting for All-I mean Long” 

“I’m here” I turn to see my best friend a little more composed but still hurt. 

“Alright, Ash will you help them load their belongings into the car and I’ll help Alex finish gathering the food” Ash nods and I take the bags from my two companions and walk to the car with Ash. Alex seems a little out of it as she stands and stares at the grass as if it were the most interesting thing in the world. 

“You can put them right here” Ash says and I turn to see that she’s opened the truck of the large black jeep. My eyes widen at the sight of the car. 

“Wow, what a car” I say as I roam the limited view of the inside. 

“It’s Tobin’s” Ash says as she helps me organize the belongings of Lex, Long and I. 

“She has good taste” I murmur as I start loading Tobin and Alex’s things that take up for most of the space. 

“Where do I put this” Becky asks, I turn and take her bag and place it in a knitted spot in the corner. 

“I still can’t wrap my head around you three but I have to say, we could use two Tobin’s on the field” She inquires as she leans against the car. 

“I don’t think I would be of much use, I don’t know a thing about soccer” 

“Nonsense, you’re Tobin. You’re the worlds more notorious skill player in the world, on the women side at least” 

“Jill wouldn’t start two Tobs, hell she won’t even start me” Ash states. I glance at the women and see she holds a slight dislike for the women named Jill. 

“Yes well, a girl can dream” 

“This is the last of it” We all turn to see Tobin and Alex with two coolers and blankets. Even Lex who was spacing out turns.

“You guys start getting in, I’ll load these” I say as I take the coolers from them and walk to the back of the car. 

“I’ll help” Allie says and it takes me a moment to remember that she’s not my best friend, only a mere clone of her. 

“Thanks” We load the coolers into the trunk and close the door. She walks to the right of the car and I to the left. Opening the door, I see Tobin in the drivers seat, Alex in the passenger, Becky, Long, Lex and Ash smushed in the middle. That leaves Allie and I to the back two seats. I close the door and hop through the back rear window to the last row of seats. Once I’m buckled in, Tobin backs out of the drive way and begins the journey to what could be another journey. I slouch into my seat and watch as the beach house vanishes into the past.

* * *

 

About an hour into the car ride, I start to feel a little home sick. _But what home?_ I think as I look at the clone of my best friend whom sits in front of me with closed eyes. Sighing, I dig my hand into my right pocket and pull out the small ring. Glancing at the girls to my left, I see they’re all resting. Adjusting my poster so I’m out of Tobin’s sight, I trace the letters on the ring. _New Jersey. New Jersey…where could that be? Tobin said we’re by the Oregon coast. Hmm, Oregon, Portland, how I’d love to see that city._ As I twirl the ring in between my fingers, I have the slightest desire to put it on but don’t. I never have actually put it on, why? I just can’t bring myself to. I continue to take in the features of the ring like I have a million times until I hear my name. Putting the ring into my pocket, I sit up and look at my best friend. 

“Look” She whispers with a bright smile. I turn in the direction she’s pointing and feel myself fall in love. 

The sunset orange that outlines the depths of blue in the sky takes away my breath. I feel the ocean waves take my worries with them as they kiss the shore briefly and head back home. _Home._ I inhale the scent of fresh salt water, intoxicating my lungs with beauty and feeling the smell of nature heal the wounds on my body. I feel renewed in ways I can’t explain and as I turn to look at my sister with so much emotion, I see that she too is a bit renewed. 

I sit and watch with loving eyes as trees blur past me and the car. My heads practically hanging out the window as Tobin speeds down the hill filled with steep turns and narrow roads. The wind kisses my skin with gentleness, letting my locks loose and eyes dry. I take in every single branch, bird and sound as we continue our way onto the beach. It’s about 40 minutes later when Tobin turns into a hidden dirt road. The roads very rock and it continues for another 25 minutes until she reaches an actual road. It looks familiar in a way but I shake my head as she turns into yet another bumpy road. I turn and watch Ash as she cringes with every bump. _We’re getting close._ I make brief eye contact with Lex whom has this look of deep thought but I don’t get to ask why as my head meets the rim of the window. 

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry bro” Tobin pleads from the front as she stops the car. My eyes take a moment to adjust and then I see my best friend and Lex kneeling over the seat. 

“Becky’s going to murder you when we get back” 

“Why” I ask I try to sit up. Becky holds a phone in front of me and I stare at the camera and see blood dripping from my head. _It just had to be the same spot that had healed…_

“It had just healed” I groan as I toss my head back too quick. My mind goes blank as I hear everyone rush to my side. 

“Oh fuck I think she’s out” 

“She’ll wake up in a second”

“How do you know” 

“Nice job Tobs, you killed our only hope”

“Her diamond is buzzing”

“Her what is what” 

“I” Is all I mange to get out as the throbbing of my head and the stinging of my diamond control my senses. 

“See, I told you she’d wake up” 

“Water” I choke out. I feel the rim of a cup on my lips and I take a small sip. Everyone keeps bickering as someone focuses on me. As my senses start to come back, I’m surprised to see Lex attending to me. 

“She’s awake” Becky inquires

“I was awake the whole time” I correct as I stare at Lex. 

“I’m so sorry” Tobin pleads

“Its cool. I’ve had worse” 

“She’s not lying” Lex adds and I giggle making her slightly smile. 

“Could you hand me my backpack” I ask Allie whom reaches over the seat to grab it. I take out some medication I brought and start putting it on until I see everyone staring. 

“It’s just some medication” They nod but don’t go back to their seats. I roll my eyes and put it on, I take a gauze and cover it. Once I’m done, everyone goes back to their seats and we continue our way. I feel Lex’s eyes on me along with Alex’s. I ignore the rapid beating of my heart and focus on the trees. 

“We’re here” Tobin says, I nearly jump out of my seat but feel Allie’s hand on my wrist. 

“Slow down there Heath, you’re going to knock yourself out” I roll my eyes and hop out. I feel the cushion of sand below my feet and without a second thought, remove my shoes and socks. 

“Its sand” I whisper amused as it were the coolest thing in the world. 

“Theres sand at work Heath” I squint my eyes at my Long who laughs in return. 

“Yes but it’s not real sand” I say as I grab some and let it fall between my fingers. 

“I’m going to drive the car onto the beach to drop off all our stuff, want to walk or ride” 

“I’ll walk” 

“Me too” I turn to see Allie volunteer. Everyone else gets back into the car and they drive off. 

“Lead the way” I say and Allie giggles

“Very polite” 

“It’s a habit” 

“I can tell” 

“Hmm” The rocks dig into the bottom of my feet but don’t feel a thing as the peaceful sensation I feel in the moment is stronger than everything hurting. 

“So tell me, is this your first time on a beach” 

“Is it obvious” I blush

“A little” She jokes 

“Theres not a beach back at home”

“How is there not a beach” 

“I mean there is but it’s really far away, like a four day drive, I don’t have the time to drive out” 

“You don’t get vacation” She laughs but I slightly shrink “No way” I try to speed up but she catches up

“What are you, president of Axiom” 

“Umm” I stamper out. Allie’s about to push the limit until someone grabs me. 

“Oh my gosh no, no” I half yell as I begin to laugh. Long carries me to the edge of the water and almost throws me in. 

“Put your feet in” 

“How, I’m up here” 

“Right” She puts me down and I take a moment to take in the water. The waves crash into each other with harmony and come up to shore in a calm matter. I hold Long’s hand as I walk into the freezing water. 

“Oh fuck its cold” I shiver and she laughs

“Well, it’s December” 

“Right” We take a few minutes splashing around in the water and simply soaking in what ever we can until Lex comes up. 

“Shouldn’t we help set up camp” She asks a bit unsure of what to do 

“We probably should” Allie, as I can freely call her that now that it’s just us the three our us, says. 

“But the water” I whisper as I look out towards the sun that’s only a fourth visible now. 

“It’s not going anywhere” Allie replies

“But we are” Alex says well below ears range. Allie doesn’t pick it up but I do. In a sense, it makes me wonder if she too has fallen in love with the past. We walk to the other five that have begun to set camp by the rocks. 

“Here, let me help” I say as I jog over to Tobin thats struggling to set up a large thing. _What is this…_ I hold onto the top bar she’s struggling to keep up and wait for her to latch it to another bar. 

“Thanks” She says as she finally gets the bars to intersect properly. I let go and stretch my arms, feeling my muscles stretch in good and bad ways. 

“No prob, what is this thing” I ask as I clap some sand off my hands. 

“It’s a tent” She says as she rubs the back of her neck “Or well, it will be” I laugh a little at her quirkiness and feel a bit odd as I ask myself if I’m like that too. _I’ll have to ask Allie when we get some sister time…_

“I’ll finish it up, go help the others find whatever they’re looking for” I say as I nod towards the others searching around the beach. 

“Really” 

“Yeah”

“I wouldn’t want you to do all the work” 

“Its cool, I build things all the time” She takes my answer and waves a farewell as she rushes to go help the others. The darn tent looks to be very simple but I soon come to see why Tobin was struggling. _Couldn’t they label these darn fucking bars…and what the fuck is this slip for?_

“This shit is harder than fighting with Katos” I curse as I try figuring out how the tent actually goes onto the bars. 

“I don’t know much but I would think fighting against any man would be hard” Alex’s voice makes my spin tickle and my blood thicken. 

“You heard” I ask embarrassed as I let go of the tent and watch it fall to the ground “Darn thing” I exhale 

“I heard more or less” She smiles as she goes to where the tent has fallen and begins to put it on. I watch in amazement as the tent complies with her in ways it didn’t with me. _Wow…she’s gor…whoa, chill Tobs._

“Could you hold this while I get the other end” I realize I’m spacing but barely catch what she said

“Ugh” She nods towards the other side of the large tent “Oh, yeah” I begin to walk there but she stops me

“No dummy, hold this end” She chuckles. I blush and walk towards her 

“Sorry” 

“You’re fine” She smiles and walks to the other end and though I know she didn’t mean it the way I wanted her to, I feel my heart jump. Once she ties the other end of the tent, I do the same to the end I’m holding. She begins to walk around the now half built tent and I take the opportunity to have a little fun. I use my Scout instincts to listen carefully to every step she takes, making sure to synchronize our steps so that she has trouble finding me. As I walk the other way, I connect the tent to the bars in the way they are on the other end. I can practically hear her confusion and eagerness to find me as she finds every bar connected to it’s corresponding hook on the tent. 

“Heath, where are you” She whispers. I zip one end of the tent and slip inside. She hears and begins to walk to the entrance. With my fast skills, I hook all the rooms walls to the tents bar up top. She walks inside as I hook the last wall to the bar in the back. The sunset illuminates through the walls of the large enclosure and take the opportunity to hide behind the shadows as she walks towards the back. 

“Heath” Her anxious voice asks. She walks right in front of me and stops. Looking both ways she sighs and begins to walk back but I grab her hand. 

“Holy shit Tobin! I mean Heath, gahhh” I giggle as she rolls her eyes at me a bit flustered

“Its Heath, Tobin Heath” I joke and she punches my stomach. 

“Uph” I hold my stomach in actual pain and hold my breath to try to lessen it. 

“Not cool Heath, you could have given…are you okay” Her solemn voice quickly turns desperate as she sees me holding my stomach in the dimness we’re in. 

“Yeah just give me a second” I gasp as I kneel on the ground. _What’s happening?!_ I panic inside as her punch was merely a tenth of my full force. 

“I’m so sorry” She begs as she comes to my level. “I’ll go get Long, maybe she can” She begins to walk away but I grab her hand.

“NO” I half yell in terror. She looks at me a little startled so I let go of her hand apologetically. “No” I repeat more smoothly as the pain starts to lessen “I don’t want her to protect me more than she already has” I half confess and lie as my sight drops to the ground in realization of what I’ve said. 

“What do you mean” She asks. I cringe inside as I think of how absurd I’m being trying to buy some time with a girl that is off limits. Seeing no other way to get around it now, I begin to stand again. 

“Allie, Long as you know her, has protected me since I was about six. My parents were never in the picture and”

“Wait…you’re saying you don’t have” She asks. My ears perk as her voice trembles and her sight goes elsewhere. 

“Parents” I finish for her. She doesn’t respond and I take that as a yes. “They left when I was born. When I was an innocent child I thought maybe they died, I thought that could have been why they didn’t leave me a note. But I soon realized, that that wasn’t the case. They left me. They left their daughter to die in the cold in a small town. I was found by an older couple about 3 days after I was born and raised in the dry impecunious part of the my region. A can of unsalted and raw soup and a loaf of bread per week. Bread is a luxury from where I’m from, thankfully, the family that took me in knew how to bake and got us through my first few years off carbs. For me, I thought I was the most blessed child. I had food and a family but I soon found out that I was naive. The world had much worse in mind for me. The man feel ill and died of cold trying to keep me and his wife warm. I was five. The town I’m from, which was a thorn in the side for Axiom, ended taking me and the women to another poverty-stricken town. We shared a well suited house with five other families. I remained in the room for a six months as the women fought to keep me safe from the other men in the house that knew not a speck of respect. She ended up passing away from sadness. The government tried taking me to yet another pauperized town with the families in the house but I ran away. I ended up finding a family that was in the same situation as me. They put me in school but I would skip to bake bread for a shop to raise money to go back to the town where the couples house was. Oddly enough, I planned on running away the day I met Allie. That day…was the day I knew my parents weren’t dead. Allie family became mine and since then, Allie’s spent her whole life trying to protect me from the darkness. She let herself fall into the darkness thinking she’d block it from me” I stop to let it sink in before finishing up the point “Allie’s here because of me. If she would have never taken the role of my armor, she would have never slipped out of my hands…I won’t let her make my pain her pain anymore” 

“Heath, Alex” Becky calls from close range. I walk past Alex with nothing else on my mind and outside. 

“Yeah” 

“We’re done setting up, the rest of the group will be here in a few. We’re getting ready to eat if you want to join” I look back towards the entrance of the tent and see that Alex is still inside. I sigh nodding yes and follow Becky towards the camping area. My eyes widen as a fire pit has been made in the middle of a big circle. The girls managed to pull two logs around the pit and lay out the things we’ll need for the next weeks. 

“Whoa” I walk straight to the fire in awe as I think of the last time I’d seen a fire pit. _It so happens to be the day I went to eat dinner with the Morgans._ I feel the warmth of the fire against my legs and find the urge to touch it. As I bring my hand towards the fire, Allie’s voice startles me. 

“I wouldn’t touch that” I retrieve my hand and walk to a log and sit on it. 

“You aren’t going to eat” I nod no and she shrugs okay. The rest of the group comes around the fire except Tobin and Alex who are well absent. 

“You aren’t going to eat Heath” Becky asks as she tosses a water bottle at Ash. 

“No, I’m not hungry” 

“You’ve barely eaten today” 

“You’ve already began to eat without us” Abby’s fake pained voiced asks. I turn to see three vehicles with the rest of the group. I curl my fist in anger and have to remind myself she's not the Abby I know.  _It's not her, she didn't hurt Carli, it wasn't her._

“You okay” My best friend asks. I give her a tight smile and she nods okay. 

“I’m going to grab a bottle from my backpack” I get up and walk to the car we came in. Opening the trunk, I grab my backpack and dig my hand into the bottom of it trying to find my water bottle. 

“What’cha looking for Heath” I’m startled by Allie’s voice, cracking my tense neck I turn to look at her. 

“My water bottle, weren’t you with the group”

“Came to get my blanket” 

“Here, I’ll move my bag” I set it on the ground and begin to take things out. 

“You packed everything” I turn my gaze up to her momentarily and continue. 

“I didn’t know where I’d end up so I had to make sure I had everything” I feel the bottle and grab it. I empty some fresh water into in and grab a chemical bag and toss it in. I feel Allie’s presence still and hurry to put everything back into the bag. Tossing it into the car, we walk to the camp fire in silence. I find my seat taken and end up having to sit by Becky. I shake my chemical solution and start taking sips in hopes it’ll relieve the pain my body is feeling. The pain subdues for minutes and comes back making me slightly more panicked than I already am so I begin to focus on the group. Examining them and comparing them to the group back at Kardia. 

“Do you got beef with her” Becky’s low voice asks. I look at her confused and she shoots over closer. 

“Carli, do you have beef with her” 

“Beef” I ask a bit confused why’d I’d have meat with Carli. She chuckles and begins explaining the metaphor.

“Do you have a problem with her? You’ve had your eyes on her the whole night” I bow my head in embarrassment that I’ve been caught. 

“No, I don’t have an issue with her” 

“Hmmm, want a beer” She asks holding up a glass bottle with yellowish liquid. _Co-corona?_

I take a moment to think about it. The shaking is control at the moment and my head doesn’t hurt but it will soon, that I know. _But I don’t know what it’s made of._

“It’s your favorite, just try it” She says pushing it closer to me 

“It’s Tobin’s favorite”

“Yeah, but you’re her and she’s you” 

“Ehhh…not really. But thank you” I take the bottle and toss it around in my hands. 

“Welcome and I don’t think it’ll do you wrong. You can dulute it if you need to” 

“Oh this” I say holding up my water bottle. I giggle a little at the irony. Usually it is Becky that tells me to drink my chem solution in one drink instead of sips but here I am, sitting next to another Becky drinking it in sips with some alcoholic beverage in my hand. “Becky back at home wouldn’t be too fond of me drinking my _vitamins_ with alcohol” 

“Vitamins”

“It’s actually a chemical substance so I’m not actually sure if its safe to drink with alcohol” 

“Got it” 

“But thank you, I’ll save it for later” She nods and we continue to sit in silence until she asks if its Hope. 

“You really like to ask questions”

“I just really want to know” I smile at the girl as it’s true, Becky’s subtle but good with secrets. 

“I like your honesty” 

“And I like your existence” She says with a genuine happiness. 

“Why is that” 

“I don’t know, I just think it’s kinda cool to know theres more to each of us, that theres more to this world. And I mean, I have a clone out there somewhere” I laugh a little too hard at her response causing a few people to look in our direction 

“Okay miss diva, simmer down” I joke as I extend my hand to her “Tobin, but call me Heath” 

“Becky Sauerbrunn, call me Becky” 

“At home, I call you Beck or Becks” I confess 

“Much cooler I’d say” 

“Much cooler than my nickname, I see you guys call Tobin Tobs” 

“Oh yeah” She smirks and I groan 

“So did I guess right” 

“I don’t know, what do you think” I say testing her ability. It’s wrong as I know she’s not the Becky I trained for years with but if she’s anything like her, she’ll discovery it with a glance. 

“I think you got some beef with a large sum of our team. Primarily Abby, Hope and Captain whom you keep glancing to in rapid occasions. I think you don’t have beef with Carli but its like you haven’t seen her in a long time and you just watch her for moments making sure she’s okay and then theres Syd whom you look at with some sad eyes but then theres Ash. Theres mixed emotions there” She pauses to take a drink and I take a deep breath. Popping off the cap of the bottle she handed me, I take a gulp of the fatty alcohol. I shrug at the taste as it’s filled with carbs but find it to be quite okay. _Might as well try this thing._ “I’m not sure if it’s sadness or guilt but you don’t really glance to her and then theres Press whom you look at in peace. But I guess we all do since she brings that out of people. But Kelley, you look at her with hurt. I wouldn’t exactly know if thats right though as you looked pain but that’s what I think” 

“Well, I” 

“I’m not done” I hold silent trying to think of who she missed. The rest of the team isn’t really outstanding, though some had to do with Carli’s state, I don’t hold them as responsible as I do hold Abby, Hope and the rest. “The last person, and I’m totally throwing this out because I honesty can’t figure it out but, Alex, you look at her with sadness. And not the same sadness that you look at Syd with, but the kind of sadness you feel. You also look at her like who she is, a star…Its complex but then theres Lex, your vibe towards her is confusing, as it seems like theres dislike and possible hate there. I’d say you’re confused yourself as you still haven’t gotten the chance to talk to her and you don’t even take a second to turn and catch her gaze when she looks over at us” I quickly turn and see Lex in a conversation with our Allie. 

“But I could be wrong” Becky giggles as I turn to give her an eye roll. 

“Firstly, your alcohol sucks”

“Its beer”

“Your beer sucks but it has a weird taste that I can’t seem to let go of. Secondly, you’re a dick. Thirdly, wow, you're just like Beck” She laughs earning more stares. 

“What are you two laughing about” Carli asks a bit interested 

“Heath here was telling me about a time she played Tennis with a few people” Becky says saving us from Carli but not from Lex who’s eyes drop to the sand. _Shoot, she must think I was telling Becky about the time I beat her._

“I was telling her about a tourney between Press, Becky and I” I inquire to try to get Lex to look up. _Wait, why do I even care if she feels bad, if the shoe fits…._ When Lex doesn’t look up I do start to feel bad. _Okay so maybe the shoe doesn’t fit but come on, she’s tormented you your whole life!_

“What happened” Abby asks. _She may have tormented your whole life but you took her spot in her family._

“I lost to an elder… But that doesn’t matter. Lex is one of the best tennis players in Axiom” Everyone turns to praise Lex whom blushes hard at the attention. “Matter of fact, Lex has the best top spin and forehand I’ve ever seen. She won an elite championship at the age of nine and earned a spot on the Oro Elite at the age of thirteen. Although she didn’t win the cup, she brought grand pride to Axiom. She did go on to win elite championships when she was 15,17 and 18. I think women’s tennis really hit off because of her” I say with great sincerity. She looks my way in surprise that I would know such facts about her and I simply shrug. 

“Well, toast to Lex, for influencing women’s sports in another world, future or wherever your from” Rampone says, everyone holds out their drinks and say toast before drinking. 

“So Heath, what do you do” Allie asks and I nearly spit the Corona in my mouth. 

“Excuse me” 

“What’s your occupation” 

“Um, I don’t really know what to call it” 

“A doctor, teacher, officer”

“I’m an agent” _of chaos._  

“Special forces eh” Carli asks impressed. I feel Lex and Long’s eyes on me and I know they’re praying they don’t push it further. 

“Wouldn’t be special anymore if I told you now would it” 

“Smart, I like it” I lightly smile at Carli’s response and turn towards my worried companions and give them a nod. 

“What about you two” 

“I’m retired” 

“And I’m not really employed. I just help put with some companies and businesses with details and representation” Lex replies after my sis

“WAIT WHAT” Syd yells making everyone roll their eyes “You’re retired?! How, you’re like 26” 

“Um” Allie blushes “My old job brought in good money and I was born into wealth so I didn’t really need to continue working. And I felt like I wasn’t begin fair to my fiancé as my job demanded extensive hours” 

“YOU’RE ENGAGED?!” Now it’s Allie whom yells

“Lex is engaged too” I cut in saving my best friend from a painful talk. I send Lex an apologetic smile and she returns it. I turn to look at the group who stares at us both oddly. _What the hell…oh no, they must have though that I meant…_

“Oh gosh no, I, we’re not engaged. I didn’t mean to imply that she was engaged to me…yeah no sorry guys” I ramble trying to clear their heads from the impossible thoughts they’re thinking. 

“I’m engaged, just not to Heath” The tension rises significantly and I feel rather responsible as I could have just let everyone ask my best friend of her fiancé that thinks she's dead. _Great…just great…Try saving my best friend and now I’ve thrown Alex and I into a black hole._ Someone phone begins to ring and we all turn to look at Tobin. 

“This is important” She waves at the group and heads towards the cars. Everyone ends up in their own conversations and I exhale. Laying down on the sand, I tilt my head so I’m looking at the waves upside down. I hear someone lay down and turn to see Kelley. Taking a second to remind myself it’s not the Kelley I know, I ask her why she’s here. 

“I just want to know what my other me is like” _A total back stabber who lied to my face._

“She’s energetic” My voices very monotone and Kelley senses it. 

“I’m not always smart” She says in a form of apology. 

“You didn’t do anything” 

“But she did, and she’s I, therefore, I am her” 

“Very philosophical” I joke and she laughs 

“I’m actually not that smart, I went to Stanford but for a scholarship” 

“We’re all smart in our own way”

“Eh, I’ve never been book smart”

“Don’t mold yourself to a lie” 

“And you said I’m philosophical” I giggle and see her smartness. _Smartness in people._

“So what do you want to know” I say giving into her vibe. I spend a good twenty minutes telling her about how nuts Kelley is, of course, there are times I choke up as I think of how much it hurts to have a friend betray you. Hope calls her to bed and I find it funny the two opposites are together in both reality’s. 

“My women calls, I must go. I shall see you tomorrow morning” 

“Night Kel” I say making her smile. 

“Goodnight Tobs” I watch her go in some peace and comfort. Even if Kelley back in Axiom trespassed a line, she’s still someone I hold dearly. _That’s what hurts, not being able to hate her even after what she did._

“Want to go with me to the car” I sit up to see my best friend shivering and nod yes. We walk to the car hand in hand, the silence isn’t tense but it’s not clear either. 

“So you thought I was dead” I don’t stop the whimper that escapes my lips as we finally reach the car. One of the things I most value and hate about Allie is that she tackles the big points first. She knows how much I hate talks but I’ve come to realize that she does too. The only reason she tackles the big points first is because they’re the ones haunting her. Another thing I come to love about Allie is that she won’t bring up subjects or happenings that don’t phase her. For example, I once brutally yelled at her for taking the blame at school for something I did. We never talked about it until I brought it up; and when I did, she simply said ‘what about it’ like it was nothing. 

“Yes” I whisper with heartache as I think of all of the nights I thought she was dead. 

“And Jose” My heart thumps once again in heart ache. 

“Al” I beg not wanting to say it. She only looks at me with tiredness and I nod yes. 

“When was the funeral held” 

“About six days after…you would have liked it”

“Liked my own funeral” 

“Liked the way it was laid out” 

“Hmm.. come sit” She says as she moves some of the bags aside. I don’t argue and take a seat next to her. 

“You relied on alcohol to surpass the days” She states more than asks. I don’t have to glance or say a word for her to know the answer. “How bad was it” Instead of telling her, I place my left hand on hers and let her traces the wounds. I don’t expect her to yell at me as Allie has never done so but I do expect her to grow mad. I start to feel her tears on my palm and I turn to see her silently crying.

“I never thought I’d see you again” Her voice breaks and my lips quiver as I fight to hold it together. “I saw you but I couldn’t hear you. My headset and map were fuzzy and I turned to look at the two others and then I heard the click of the tanks…I threw myself onto the boys and it all went black. I felt like I was falling. It felt like I fell for days. When I finally woke up, all I could think was you. On how you so desperately called out for me to run. I pictured your small frame flying through the air as the bombs hit. I thought I had lost you. That in some twisted way I had survived and not you” I have to turn away as she confesses this terror she’s held on to for a month now. “I couldn’t move for what felt like weeks but were just hours. I stared at the sky and its abnormality thinking that I was in a coma. Hours passed and I watched the light turn to dark and I knew then that I wasn’t in some coma. I began to fight against the pain and when I could finally stood, I ran. I ran until the wind blew right through me. I eventually found the town we were in and spent the last week there”

“What about food” 

“I always pack some protein bars in my bag, I’ve rationed it out and traded some berries I found in the woods for bread and water” 

“But it hasn’t been enough, you’ve lost half your weight” 

“That’s a bit hypocritical coming from you” She doesn’t say in it a way that would offend me but rather in a way to make me equally as important as her. 

“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for Ali” I say in total honesty. I watch her fight the thought of me committing an act of such tragedy until I stare into her eyes. 

“Never, you hear me, ever think like that again Tobin” I can see the anger and desperation in her eyes. 

“I didn’t think it Al, I was willing to do it. I had lost everything, everything! I woke up day and night in dry sweat. I felt this” I say pointing at my heart in tears “I felt it die with the battlefield the moment the bombs hit the missiles. Everything went dark, the walls went out and there was silence. You know what scared me the most in that moment Al? I didn’t hear my heart in the silence, I didn’t hear a single soul, all I heard was the sound of my bones breaking. The pain didn’t come though. It never did. That is until I met Becky’s eye. The emotions her eyes held sent me back to March 27. I attacked Ash and had to be sedated because the medicine wasn’t strong enough to wipe me out. Nothing was. I relied on large amounts of alcohol to keep me still as I couldn’t leave Ali. She had been through so much, I couldn’t leave her. Not after what they did to Carli. It wasn’t until Ali broke into my drawer and drained all the alcohol that I felt connected to you. As I bitched at her, I heard you, I heard you voice telling me to pick myself up and apologize. I saw your intensity in her and knew, that somehow, you left a little bit of you in her”

“She’s been with you for months now” The way she says the statement confuses me. _Is it betrayal, hurt or surprise?_

“And she’ll be there forever if we don’t get back” 

“Why didn’t you tell me” 

“For your safety” I sigh knowing she’s going to flip. 

“You don’t have to protect me Tobs”

“But I owe you that and so much more” 

“We’re not going there” She huffs knowing exactly what this’ll lead to. 

“Why not Al, you beat around the bush every time I bring it up. Why is it so hard for you to” She gets up and grabs her blanket in annoyance. _I’m not going to step down this time._

“Just stop” 

“No” 

“I’m not dealing with this” She turns around and begins to walk away which forces me to tell her that I know. 

“I know you believe in god” Her breathing stops and her body stands still. I give her a moment to piece the puzzle together as I watch her tentatively. _March 27, the plan with Carli, rushing over to me, praying, having Frost block the recordings…_ As the seconds go by, I begin to feel her vulnerability. I take it in my hands to make her feel more secure as she does when I don’t want to open up. “I know that he’s the reason why it’s so hard for you to accept my gratitude. I know that you hide your faith because of me. I know that you had a deal with Frost to hide the recordings of March 27. But I could careless about that. Want to know why? Why I don’t care that you hid such a big part of you from me” She doesn’t turn around but I can see her body shake silently which signals me that she’s breaking down her walls. “Because you’re my best friend Allie…My gratitude is not out of obligation but out of thankfulness. I could never repay what you’ve given me but I can thank you, in actions, in protection, in love and in friendship. And I know that god practices generosity but Allie, you can’t continue giving your life for me. You have to let me give too. I hid Ali from you in fear that someone would try to hurt you. People have tried hacking into Kardia, Abby and Hope tried kidnapping their best friend and nearly killed her. Could you imagine what they would done if they found out you knew something? They would have killed you” I explain as I get up off the truck. Slowly walking over to Allie, I stop few feet away. “You can’t keep protecting me and expect me not to protect you too…I’m not six anymore Al, I’ve grown up. Every time somethings wrong, you look at me with those same torn eyes I first saw when we met. You look at me like a small puppy, like a newborn who’s eyes will be damaged if even the slightest light hits them. And lord, you can’t keep doing that. You can’t keep sheltering me from the wind, my flame is going to burn out someday and I need you to accept that. I need you to accept that I’m broken and that you nor anyone else may be capable of fixing that…now will you turn around and look at me for who I am? For who I am now and not the little girl you bumped into back in that museum” I whisper as the soft wind dies down. She slowly turns around and I smile through the tears as she looks at me with pride and respect and not protectiveness. We wrap our arms around each other tightly and share a moment of instantaneous solace. 

“I love you, so much” She whispers with raw emotions 

“I love you too” We begin to let go and I wipe her tears away with my sweater. “Promise me you won’t hide your god from me. He’s part of you and when I choose you as my sister, I choose all of you and if that includes him then so be it” 

“I won’t” she giggles and I smile. I grab her blanket that fell to the floor and shut the truck of the jeep. 

“Come on, they’re going to think we ran away or slipped off the surface of the earth” 

“Don’t jinx it” 

“I don’t think theres anything that could surprise us from here on out” 

“Hmmm…I think you’re really underestimating life” 

“We’ll see” 

“You’ll see” I raise an eyebrow at her and she just shrugs. I don’t ask for clarification as I grab her hand and walk us to fire pit. Upon arriving, Abby shoots us a side glance that doesn’t fit me right. I clench my jaw as we walk by reminding myself that she, not the Abby I know, has not inflicted harm Carli. Allie takes a seat on the log while I opt to sit on the sand, leaning my back against her legs. 

“It’s been a crazy day, I’m going to call Sarah and head to bed” Abby inquires quite loudly. 

“I’m with you” Pinoe says standing up from the ground “Night losers” The two short haired women walk towards the tent up a few yards while I turn my attention towards the beach where Tobin and Alex play in the water. I sigh to myself as I watch them interact with enchantment. _They make love look simple…if only it were._

“Their great together…ironically” Allie states. Instead of responding, I nod. I watch as Tobin grabs Alex by the hips and brings her up on her shoulders. She begins to spin in circles until Alex falls into the sea of amity, pulling Tobin with her. A part of my chest tightens, forcing me to look away and focus on the flames of the never-ending pit of heat. 

“They’re engaged you know” The enmity between displeasure and comfort that enflames within my mind and heart by Allies newly inquired information leaves me to one ideal, I’m catching feelings. 

“Thats…great” I stamper out as I realize I’ve let a few seconds pass by unused. 

“If you think about it, without attaching reality to this, she’s technically with you. But if you do attach reality, Alex is Tobin. But not you. She’s with her Tobin; in other words, she’s taken” 

“What are you trying to get at” I snap getting a little irritated by her ongoing abstract on the two lovebirds. Allie stares at me for a few seconds, before brushing it off and moving on from the subject. 

“Nothing, forget I said anything” I roll my eyes and lean back against the log, only this time, instead of watching the heartwarming brunette, I close my eyes and focus on the sounds surrounding me. 

* * *

 

“I don’t recon you’re planning an elusive escape” My eyes shoot open and I find Tobin standing before me. 

“Shoot, did I fall asleep” I reply while stretching my arms out. _Uhh, I can already feel a knot in my shoulder._

“Yeah but you’re not the only one” I look besides her and find Becky along with Amy asleep on the ground with two blankets. _Adorable._

“Here” Tobin says as she offers her hand, I take it and jump to my feet, brushing off the sand from my sweats. 

“I’m going to wake them” 

“What, no. They look so…peaceful”

“How else are they going to get to the tent” Tobin asks as she stands by the two blondes. 

“Hold this” I say giving Tobin my water bottle. Kneeling besides Amy, I breath in deep and slip my arms around her. She stirs slightly but doesn’t wake. _You’ve always been a heavy sleeper._

“What are you doing, you’re going to break your spin” Tobin hushes as I begin to walk to the tent with the girl in my arms. 

“Don’t worry, I’m insured” I joke as I begin uphill

“I hope your insurance covers injuries in the 21 century and surgery” 

“It could cover that and 3 million more” I half joke as I reach the tent. Propping Amy up a slightly more to get a better grasp, I push the tent door aside and walk in. “Which one’s her room” I hiss at Tobin who stands there gawking at me like a superhero “Tobbiiinnnnn” 

“Shit, sorry, ugh, try the third on the left” I move to the left side and see Lauren sound asleep. _Of course these two would room together._ I smile to myself as I set Amy down. She grabs her blanket and murmurs a thanks. 

“No probs” I close the door and silently exit the ginormous tent. 

“You HAVE to tell me how you did that! You’re practically…” Tobin’s voice dies off and I laugh

“Skin and bones” I ask

“Yeah…” 

“Lots of protein and bench work” I fabricate as I begin to walk to the camp fire to get Becky. I take a glance at Tobin who flecks her biceps to see how much more work she has to do. _Oh come on, I can’t possibly be like that._

“Dude, what are you doing” 

“I’m checking how much work I’ll have to do to be as strong as you” I weakly smack myself in the face making Tobin laugh. 

“Come on, lets get Becky” 

After I set Becky in the room with Rampone, I walk out of the tent and stretch my muscles that slightly shake. _Oph, I’m in a serious need of a work out._

“I’m going to head to bed, are you coming” 

“I’m going to stretch a little than go to bed”

“Don’t wonder off too far” My best friend says while shooting me serious glance. 

“I won’t, goodnight ma copine” I kiss her head and she does the same. Instead of walking to the campfire, I walk to Tobin’s jeep to get my backpack. Unlocking the truck, I pull the door and grab my things. Putting on my backpack on and grabbing my gun, I walk to the campfire. I see the everyones gone and decide to let myself be. Picking a seat with the view of the ocean under the moonlight, I pull out my hidden journal. I take a picture that is taped on the last page and hold it in my hands as if it were a newborn. 

“Man, you guys would not believe this” I smile at the picture of the couple that first found me. Sophia and Jamison reads some cursive letters in the bottom right corner. I breath in deep as I imagine Sophia’s bright smile and Jame’s glossy eyes. _How I miss you guys…_ I tuck the picture back in its place and pull out my phone. Setting my bag in front of me, I place the phone on it so that it faces me. Pressing a button on my clock, a small little light flashes in the corner letting me know it’s recording. 

“I…Ugh…I should have prepared an intro” I say out loud as if Ali were sitting before me. “Well, as you may not know, I’m alive. It’s quite hard for me to wrap my head around it so I don’t expect you to receive me with arms wide open if I return” I half joke with a smile as I look at the camera and then at the fire. Sighing deeply, I begin to talk about what I think she’ll want to hear. 

“So, before I get into all the hard stuff, theres something funny I want to tell you…Alex is here…I don’t know how she got here yet but I’ll ask her when I get the chance…As you can see, I’m at the beach. I don’t know if you can tell by the video, here, I’ll move the camera” Picking up the phone, I turn it so that Ali can see a bit of home. Putting the camera back in front of me, I lean against the log and smile weakly. 

“It’s a beautiful place…Frost may have underestimated this places beauty” I say as I imagine his voice describing Portland to me. “I guess I’ll get to it now. I found them Al, I found your team” I say with wide eyes and a cheerful voice “I guess I should say they found me but it doesn’t really matter who found who because I found her Ali… I found my best friend” I repeat with tears in my eyes “I still haven’t processed it all yet as it seems all too good to be true but I’m hoping this is isn’t some illusion… I hope that this all turns out okay. I thought coming here would solve so many problems but I feel so empty handed. My body aches still Al and I don’t know why…” I wipe away a few salty tears that have rolled down my cheek. “Enough about me though, I want to tell you some good news…Ash, Ash is here too. It’s a long story and I wish I could share it all but I have to make my battery life last the next few weeks but I promise to have Ash write you a letter explaining it as I think she can put the reunion in a better perspective than I” 

“Tobin” I jerk to the side at the sound of Alex’s voice. 

“Holy crap Alex” 

“Oh, Heath, sorry, you guys look so similar from behind” Alex laughs and I roll my eyes. _Girls going to either kill me physically or emotionally, damn._ “Who were you talking to” 

“Oh, um, I’m…” I grab the phone and point it at Alex. “So, I guess theres a surprise guest, Adaline, met Alex” 

“I…what” Alex says staring both at me and the phone with furrowed brows. 

“Say hi to Adaline” I smile and she narrows her eyes at me. I see a hint of dislike which earns a laugh from me when she waves at the camera. “She’s kind of gullible, you never mentioned that” I joke and Alex’s face says it all 

“What the hell Heath, I’m not gullible and who’s Adaline” She demands with crossed arms 

“Adaline is Ali, she changed her name when she met Lex a few days ago” I explain with a giggle. Alex’s face softens and she begins to apologize at the camera. 

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry Ali! I didn’t know it was you! I miss you and can’t wait to have you back. Heath here thinks she knows a way to get you back home” 

“I’m working on it” 

“She has some low confidence don’t you agree Al” 

“Lets not go there…” I reply with seriousness “Well, its getting late and I want to do a few stretches and clean some wounds, I’ll keep more recordings for you to watch. This is T.H signing out from the Oregon Coast. Hope you’re not bing eating those avocados and breaking my scanners” I joke as I think of what Ali could be doing “Sweet dreams Kriegs” I genuinely smile into the camera and then turn it off. I put it back into my back pack along with my journal and pull out my small med kit. Alex takes a seat next to me and watches. I would normally feel very uncomfortable under Lex’s gaze but it’s Alex. _Not Lex._ I remove the small amount of bandages, creams and medicine from the tin can and place them on my backpack. 

“I’ll be right back” 

“Where are you going”

“To wash up. Salt water is good for wounds” 

“You’re going into freezing water at 10pm” I glance at her and then at the water before answering yeah 

“Are you nuts, you’ll get hyperthermia”

“Hyper what what” 

“You’ll freeze” 

“I think that’s a little over exaggerated” 

“The waters at least 10 degrees, just wait until tomorrow” She argues.

“I’ll take my chances” I say with a shrug and begin to walk to the water 

“Heath!” She yells after me but I don’t stop walking “There could be a shark”

“I've always wanted to swim with sharks” I murmur as I begin to reach the water. 

“Heath please just wait” I turn to find her with desperate eyes and feel a bit obligated to comply. 

“How about we make a deal, you can watch out for sharks while I take a quick dip up to my neck” 

“Umm…no”

“I’m not going to bed without a wash”

“You showered this morning” 

“Look, you can stand there and continue arguing your point or just let me get this over with” I watch her think her options before finally letting out a fine. 

“Great, now will you…turn around” My cheeks blush red and I begin to feel a bit childish. 

“How am I supposed to look at for sharks with my back turned” 

“I dunno, if I start yelling that should be a sign to get help” I joke and see Alex’s disaproving look “Okay, not a time for jokes. Just let me get undressed and I’ll tell you when you can turn around” Alex sighs and does as told. I remove my sweater and shirt and feel the cool breeze against my bare skin. 

“Ohhhh” I whimper as I continue to remove my sweats. Once I’m left in my spandex and sports bra, I grab the tin can and begin to make my way into the icy water. 

“Okay you can turn around” I yell back as I’m covered from the waist down. As I continue to walk into the ocean, I feel Alex’s eyes rapidly taking in every centimeter of my damaged skin. When the water reaches my bra, I take the tin can and scoup up some water. 

“Here goes nothing” I slowly pour the salt water onto my forehead feeling a gentle sting where my cut is.  Finding that the water helps reduce the pain, I begin to pour it on my head making sure not to get my diamond wet. Once I’m covered from head to toe, I turn my head to yell at Alex who immediately averts her eyes elsewhere. 

“I’m getting out now” I watch her turn around and I begin to walk out. As I take steps with precaution, I feel something very unsatisfying grace my leg. 

“What the” I wave my hand through the water as to scare the animal. 

“What’s taking you so long” 

“Nothing” I reply as I continue walking towards the beach. Within a few feet from where I was standing, I feel another unwelcomed touch and decide to look into it. Making sure Alex isn’t watching, I bring my face to sea level. _What the hell…what is…oh god._ I begin to splash my arms in the water trying to get the little guy off my leg but end up slipping on a rock underneath. I grasp some air in time as my head meets the water, sending an awful throb to my neck along with unbarring stings to my right calf. The wave starts to drag me and the jelly fish out, away from shore, forcing me into what I call Scout mode. I let the wave pull me out for a minute before using all my strength to swim horizontal of shore. The jelly fish continue kissing my skin with all their legs as if they'll never have the chance to do so again. As I finally surface, I take a gulp of air and turn to see Alex's panicked stare. 

“Tobin oh my gosh are you okay” She cries as I reach shore. I bend down to look at my body that is covered in little white marks. 

“It was just a jelly-” Alex’s strong arms and legs wrap around me unexpectedly, nearly sending us back into the swamping sea of Jelly Fish. _Damn she’s strong._ I think as I feel her weight on me. 

 “You’re okay” She murmurs into my neck 

“It was just a Jelly fish” I shiver out as I feel the cool air on my soaked body.

“Jelly Fish are poisonous” 

“Well, even if it were bad, theres another Tobin alive, so, it’d be okay” I say without thinking. She brings her face to mine and I can see she’s not too happy with my statement. 

“That’s not funny”

“Sorry” 

“You scared me” I furrow my eyebrows in confusion as to why she would be scared that I was in little danger. 

“Hey now” I say trying to get her to look at me. Her body begins to shake subtly and I realize she’s soaked in water too “You’re shaking” 

“That’s okay” 

“Come on, lets get you to the fire” Sucking in the aching of my shoulders from the intense swimming, I walk over to my clothes and kneel down to grab them. Once I’m standing again, I walk us to the fire. 

“Here, take my sweater”

“No, you have to use it, you were in the water” 

“You were practically in it too. Just take it, I’ll set your sweater to dry and when its good to go, you can give my sweater back” 

“Fine” As she takes off of her sweater and shirt, I take the opportunity to put my thermal long sleeve on and change into my sweats. I walk to the fire and place Alex’s wet clothes next to it and put my medical supplies by the fire to begin the processes of healing. 

“Thank you”

“No prob” I reply as I put some medication on my forehead and calf primarily. Silence fills the night as I go through all the small wounds on my body, making sure they each get their treatment. 

“Can I ask you something”

“I don’t see why not” I reply as I begin to pull my sweats up to examine the jelly fish stings to check if the ointment has begun it's job. 

“Whats the purpose of the thing on your neck” I let out a shaky breath as I was expecting a question about my wounds and not my diamond. 

“Umm” I mumble while trying to come up with an answer

“I shouldn’t have asked” She begins to backtrack and I shake my head. 

“You have every right to ask, it’s just hard to put into words what it does” 

“Oh, okay, well you don’t have to answer”

“It’s okay Alex, really…it’s called a transcendent. Or for those like Lex, a diamond. It’s me, in a way” 

“What do you mean” 

“Without it, I wouldn’t be able to do what I do” 

“So you wouldn’t be an agent” 

“Yes” 

“And why do you need it” 

“Agh…it’s, a demanding job that requires a source of security” 

“I’m not following” I sigh knowing theres really no way to put it than in the inhumanly way. 

“It’s…its a…its a transmitter that transcends me to different places and things” 

“So like a transporter” She asks grasping the concept a little more.

“Yeah, something like that” I say not wanting to perish her idea. 

“So why does Lex have a clear one while you and Long have unique diamond ones” I let out a shaky breath as the subject starts to get a little dense. 

“I don’t want to be rude but it’s still a sore spot” I confess with a guilty glance at her

“No, it’s okay, I completely understand” 

“Thank you” I smile sadly as I finish off my leg and pack everything up. 

“I have one last question and it might be a lot so I completely understand if you don’t want to answer but I just”

“It’s okay Alex, just ask” 

“The scars, are they worth it” She asks as I stand there naked before her compassionate eyes in utter vulnerability as I think of all the people I’ve lost. Of everything I’ve been though. I think of Sophia and James, my squad and all of the families I’ve helped but even if the numbers lean towards yes, the names on my chest over weigh the multitude of people I’ve helped. 

In particular, I think of Alex, who’s life I took without realizing. I think of her confession and raw eyes that pierced into mine that night at the club. _Is the pain worth it if I can’t save everyone?_ _Is it worth it Tobin?_ Instead of answering the question, I walk away. I walk away not like the person I am today, but as the little girl I was with my head down low, my heart on my sleeve and my tears on the ground.  _It's not worth it but if I don't do it, who will?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WWOWOOWOWOWOWOWW! Insane right? I know...So yes, Alex DID Follow Tobin. We'll see why next chapter. 
> 
> Also, I really hope after you read it twice (if you didn't, I recommend you do) that you see what is going on and I really hope your on the edge of your seat pissed and super excited because YES Heath (Tobin from Axiom) IS falling for Alex(Modern day Alex) AND YES Lex(Alex from Axiom) IS falling for Tobin(modern day Tobin)! CRAZY STUFF but it'll work out in the end. Haha I hope you guys are enjoying all the Talex because theres so much more Talex to come!


	41. Finding Love, Mud and a Lot of Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that you'll like this chapter...I dunno...maybe it's because theres Heath/Lex time...Opps. Just gave that away haha go on and read. A guest comment caught on to what I'm trying to do. Heath is falling for Alex while Lex is falling for Tobin but don't be fooled, their emotions for the others ones will be what ends up making them fall for each other. That and some Allie match making stuff. Good things to come my friends...or well, for the next two chapters because it's back to Axiom and yes, lots of drama for the plot to be solved.
> 
> Next Update: Friday...Hopefully. I have to finish some college application essays :(

Finding Love, Mud and a Lot of Issues

“Tobin” Lex’s voice jolts me awake. My clock beeps loudly altering me of my accelerated heart beat. 

“Alex, what, what time is it” I ask while blocking the sun out of my eyes and sitting up. 

“Theres no time for that, come on” She yanks me off the ground and runs towards the tent 

“Whats the hurry” 

“It’s Allie, I mean, Long, our best friend” She whispers with fear. The look in her eyes matches the same distortion they held at the funeral. _No…dear god no…._ Without further explanation I book it to the tent. Pushing the door aside, I see Carli and Becky standing in the hall of the tent while Abby kneels by a door with her head down. When everyone sees me, they avert their eyesight elsewhere making my heart beat that much more. As I push the door of my best friends room open, I see Amy and Lauren on their knees besides my best friend whom looks in no shape to talk. 

“Al” I whisper as Amy removes a cloth from her head. Allie tries moving towards my voice but Lauren stops her “Don’t it’s okay, I’m right here” I say taking her hand in mine. 

“Where” She chokes out. Amy moves a straw with some water to her lips and I watch as she struggles to drink it. 

“Right here, I’m right here” 

“It hurts Tobs” I can see Amy cringe at the sound of Allie’s voice and I glance at Lauren who also looks just as pained. 

“I know it does baby girl but you gotta hold it together okay” I beg as I feel her forehead boiling. She begins to cough causing Lauren to jump away slightly. I nod towards the door and she exits. I bring Allie onto my lap and rub her back to give her some comfort. 

“I’m cold” _But you’re boiling._

“Amy will get you a blanket okay” I say while waving my index finger no at Amy. Amy stays put and rinses the wet cloth in a bucket before bring it back to her head. As I rock Allie side to side, I begin to feel her heart beat lessening. 

“Becky, Becky get my backpack” I yell as I lay Allie down. Becky rushes to Tobin’s truck as I take my watch off and place it on Allie’s wrist. 

“It’s really cold here” Allie mumbles as I stare intensely at the clock’s face that is taking too long to gather her vitals.  

“I know, I know just wait, we’ll get you something warm” I reply as the circle on the watch begins to light up in gold. _Come on, come on…._  

“I got it” Becky inquires with rapid breathing. I don’t look up as I stare at the numbers who mock my every action. 

“No, no I won’t let you take her, you won’t take her from me” I say to myself as I grab my bag and pour everything out. Taking the revive needle, I pop off the cap and move Allie onto her side. As I move the needle to her neck, Allie’s hand grabs my wrist. 

“Come on Allie, I have to get it in your”

“It’s okay Tobs, it’s okay” I turn to look at her weak blue eyes that show no sign of fear. 

“No Allie, no you can’t”

“Save Ali and remember, I love you” She says with a small smile. I watch her eyes go in and out of focus and can’t bare to look away. As her grip on my hand drops, the faint beep from my real clock jolts me awake from the nightmare.

 My head slams against to roof of the car and I groan in distress. _It was just a dream, it was just, a, dream._ My body subtly shakes as I reach for the door handle. Pushing the door of the Jeep open, I bring my legs around so that I’m sitting on the edge of the seat. I let the wind graze my face and wipe away the tears that begin to fall freely. 

Once my breathing returns to normal, I get out of the car and grab my gun. _It’s 4:38, just in time for sunrise._ I walk to the ocean barefoot and take a good look at the pool of mystery before me. 

“I’m going to miss this” Letting the view soak in just a little more, I begin to stretch. _If theres a possibility that we’re going to make it home, we’re going to have to be top notch._ Going through all the stretches and techniques, I begin to train. I spend 30 minutes running sprints on the beach until my calf visibly burn. I then go onto going small exercises like pushups and curl ups. At some point, I toss my sweats on the side and simply go on with only spandex. 

“Left, right, left, right, left, right” I mumble to myself as I practice my combat skills. Every punch I throw feels a little stronger than the previous one, every step feels more settled, every movement feels more confident. I continue to master my body until I begin to feel alive. 

“I thought I was the only one up before sunrise” I drop my fist to my side at the sound of Carli’s voice.

“You taught me that” I reply as I wipe the sweat from my forehead and reach for my sweats. 

“Carli must keep you in good shape” She says with an odd smile as she says her own name in reference to her clone back at home. 

“Becky’s our doctor, Christie is…or was, our trainer. Now we’re trained by Dawn but if anyones taught me persistence, it was Carl” I respond as I struggle to jump into my sweats. 

 “You call her Carl” Carli asks a bit giggly 

“Yep, she calls me Toby so it’s only suiting” I smile softly thinking about the day we official gave each other nicknames. 

“It’s only fair I guess” 

“I know you like to work out alone so if you want me to go, just ask” I say as I pick up my gun. 

“Actually, I was thinking if you could show me some of those moves you were doing” 

“Sure, which ones do you want to learn” 

“What kinds are there” I smile as her curiosity and interest. 

“Well, theres leg movements, arm movements, upper body, lower body, blocks, fakes” 

“Fakes” she says as I list the options. 

“Okay cool, we can do that but if it’s not much too ask, can you remove your shoes. It’s less painful if you step on someone without them” She nods and removes her shoes placing them on the log. 

“So before we begin, have you ever fought someone”

“Like fist to fist” 

“Yeah”

“No… I’ve practiced boxing though” 

“Ummm, okay so let me teach you some basics. Boxing is a start but you aren’t going to hug your opponent in the middle of a real fight” I laugh

“Right, right, so what do I do” 

“Lets see what you know and go on from there. I’ll be your target for now” 

“So do I just, hit you” She asks a bit worried making me to laugh. _Goodness, Carl would have punched me by now._

“That’s the point, to hit your target. Oh and you don’t have to worry about injuring me” 

“Injure you-” Before she can finish her statement, I slip my leg behind her foot and pull it back causing her to trip. Before she hits the ground in a thump, I grab her waist and let her fall slowly. 

“Lesson one, no distractions”

“That wasn’t fair”

“Why not” I ask offering her my hand which she doesn’t take. _Carl would have taken it, even if she’s butthurt._

“Because I wasn’t ready”

“Let me ask you something, does the sun rise on your permission” 

“No”

“Then don’t ever expect someone to wait for you” I get back in to stance and see Carli a little agitated. _We aren’t going to get anywhere if she’s not open to losing._ I begin to push her buttons, provoking her dominate side to come out. 

“What the hell Heath”

“Focus” I say as I fake a punch to her right side and thump her head with my right hand. She runs as me and I let her tackle me. As we hit the sand, she goes to punch me but I flip us. 

“You’re going to have to be smarter. It’s not about strength, that’s lessen two” I say getting up. Again, I offer her my hand but she doesn’t take it. “Suit yourself” I begin to backtrack a little, anticipating her jump at my ankles. She fails at tripping me so I decide to push her closer to her edge. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a little predictable” 

“Has anyone told you your an asshole” She groans as she gets up 

“Yeah, by Carli” I laugh knowing exactly what I’m doing to her. We go through a series of unsuccessful tackles by her part until she finally catches me off guard. 

“Now that’s the spirit” I grin at her as she shoots a smile at me. Jumping onto my feet, I do a series of swings catching her a little off guard but not once do I actually hit her. “Lessen three,tranquility and composure. Go on and hit me” 

“But you’re not threatening me” 

“Correct but say I was a red” I respond while picking up my gun and pointing it at her. Her eyes widen in alarm and the panic becomes visible as her tan color drains. Though I know the gun is useless, I point it at her as if it were working. _Come on Carli, think about it. A right side fake with a left grab or left fake with a right shove._ She goes for option one which I personally knew was coming. Letting her successfully complete the move, I go on to tell her the gun is useless. “Good choice, timing is a little delayed but it’ll pick up with composure. The gun is dysfunctional but I needed you to feel the pressure in order to understand the tranquility that comes with composure” Instead of replying, she takes a moment to compose herself. 

“I wasn’t expecting that” She confesses with some fickleness

“I know, I wasn’t expecting you to. But now you see why it’s important to remain composed. An enemy could pull anything out at any moment. Your reaction was needs to be tranquil in order to react in the appropriate manner at the appropriate time. Hence why they go together” 

“Makes sense” 

“Good, now lets see what you’ve learned so far” We challenge each other as the sun rises in the background. The time passes us like the air, unnoticed. 

“Finally found another early bird” My best friends voice rings. I let go of Carli’s foot and begin to walk over to her. That is until Carli slide tackles me. 

“Ugh, what the hell” I say as I spit the sand out of my mouth. _Note to self: Sand tastes gross._

“No distractions, lesson one” Carli jokes and I let out a well deserved chuckle. I look up to see her offering her hand and I take it. 

“Well, can’t say that you’re wrong” I say. 

“Thanks for the lessons” Carli says with a firm hand shake 

“Anytime” She nods at Ali and heads to the showers. 

“It’s weird, seeing her walking” Long states and I nod in agreement. 

“When I saw her this morning, I nearly confused her for Carl. They’re so similar but so”

“Different” She finishes. 

“Thinking wise, yes” 

“Physically they’re identical” 

“Breakfast is nearly ready” Tobin states as she walks our way. 

“I’m going to get a shower in and gather some stuff. You two go on” 

“You sure” 

“Yeah” Tobin and Long head to the camp as I head in the opposite direction. As I reach the showers, I take a few minutes to inspect the covered area. Finding that theres nothing dangerous around, I head into the bathroom and begin to shower. The cold water feels perfect against my boiling skin. Every stroke over my right calf and head send a current of discomfort through my recovering body causing me to whimper slightly. 

“Tobin” Someone outside the door yells. 

“Fuck” I curse as my right calf begins to cramp and soap drips down my face.

“Heath, is that you” 

“Agh shit” With my eyes closed, I hop on one leg to the knob and start patting the wall trying to find it “Where the hell” Without realization, I slip on the bar of soap and fall on my bare ass. 

“Are you okay, what’s going on” Instead of reply, I begin to laugh at how ridiculous the situation I’m in is. The person outside continues calling for me but I shake them off as I get up and turn the shower off. I put on my under clothes and tie a towel around my slender figure. 

“Yessss Alll- Lex” I correct as I open the door and see Lex standing outside. 

“Are you okay, I thought I heard”

“Yeah, fine, just a bit sore from sleeping uncomfortable” I lie to get myself out of the embarrassing story. 

“Oh, well, I just came to tell you that breakfast is ready and everyones waiting” 

“Oh, okay, lets go” I say as I begin to walk out. As Lex doesn’t follow, I turn around to see why. In my surprise, she’s giggling.

“What’s so funny” I ask confused. She looks me down from head to toe and I realize I’m still in a towel. 

“Oh right, I’ll change” I blush uncomfortably and embarrassed

“What no, it’s the perfect attire” She jokes, or so I think as her clear lightening blue eyes don’t leave my body. The embarrassed smile on my face starts rising upward into a smirk. 

“Clearly” I reply with a husked voice. Now it’s Lex’s turn to blush and I burst out in laughter. 

“I’m..just gonna, yeah” She stammers as she rushes past me glowing red. _Who knew Amorgs had wondering eyes._ I walk back into the restroom and change into a clean white V-neck and black jeans. I opts for my black boots that surprisingly go with my outfit. I put my hair up in my signature bun and then slide on the black ring Jeri gave me. _Clean, fresh and ready to get to work._ I toss everything into my backpack and proceed to the camp. As I come into sight, some people stare making me a little self aware but nonetheless, I handle it well as many stare when I walk around Axiom. 

“Whats for breakfast” I ask as I come near my best friend.

“Hot damn, well aren’t you a walking lady boner” Pinoe says as soon as I sit down. My confidence goes flying out the window as I blush hard. 

“Umm, thanks” I choke out in awkwardness. _Walking lady boner? Where does she get these words from?_

“No thank you, for blessing my eyes” She continues. Allie across the table begins to laugh and Syd smacks Pinoe. 

“Quit, you’re making the girl uncomfortable. But for real Heath, hot damn” Syd says genuinely 

“Thanks” 

“Tobs, you need to step up your game, your clones winning” Pinoe yells over at Tobin whom sits behind me. 

“Alright people, you’re going to make her never want to come back” Carli says as she moves from the other table to ours. I move my backpack to let her sit. “Ignore Pinoe, she’s a bit…”

“Vocal” Allie inquires 

“Hell yeah I’ve vocal. Don’t tell me ya’ll don’t get jealous hearing-”

“Alright Pornstar, shut the hell up and let us eat” Ash says with a small smile in my direction. Pinoe goes from paper white to blood red in a matter of seconds as everyone laughs. 

“I was going to say grating but yes, she’s vocal both on and off the field” Carli says

“Its cool, every time Megs back at home see one of the Morgan sisters, her filter clogs up” I say with fake wide eyes. 

“Morgan sisters” Kelley asks. I turn around to see her with a plate in hand. 

“Find another seat” Carli says without moving. 

“Who said I was going to steal your seat. Heath, Move over” I do so with much confusion and before I can stop the smaller girl, she sits in my lap “I figured you wouldn’t finish a whole plate of food and this is my second, so we can share” She says with a smile. 

“Umm, thanks but”

“So what were you saying about the Morgan sisters” She interrupts. I look at Allie for advice but she simply shrugs. _Guess I’m stuck with the girl until Hope loses her shit._

“Uhh, the Morgan sisters are Jen, Jeri and Lex” I say not really sure what to explain 

“Yes I know, but what about them”

“Oh I was just telling Carli that Megs back at home always gawks over them” 

“Why do you guys call them the Morgan sisters? Aren’t ya’ll friends” 

“Hey do you guys know Portland” Long interrupts before I have to answer. 

“Ugh…yes” Hope says with an eye roll. I turn to see the tall women whom stands behind me and Kel. _You’re as jealous as Hope back at Axiom…_

“Why the annoyed tone of voice” 

“Ignore Hope, she’s just hurt that Portland has some of the best futbol clubs in the world” Kling says from down the table

“Futbol” I question as I take a bite of bread with avocado 

“It’s another word for soccer, it was widely known as futbol before american football stole the name” Christen explains 

“Got it” 

“Portland is not soccer city USA” 

“Oh hush Hope, they have won the NWSL title and MLS title and they haven’t even been in the pro league for 10 years” Kelley says with a genuine demeanor towards Hope

“Yeah, when was the last time Seattle won a NWSL title” Amy says with a smirk. A set of _Oh’s_ errupt from the table causing Hope to grow mad. I glance at Allie who laughs and Pinoe whom slightly giggles. 

“Let me explain. Hope here plays for Seattle, she loves Seattle everything. Portland and Seattle have this deep rooted dislike for each other. To Hope's and many others dislike, Portland has made a name for themselves. I’m not a fan of their control over the game but I have to hand it to them, they are smart and good. Portland won the NWSL championship their first year, the Timbers won the MLS championship just last season and Portland is well on there way of winning another title; that is, if KCFC doesn’t lose their marbles with the team rebuild” Carli explains 

“We’ll get it together” Amy says with an eye roll 

“So let me get this right, Portland is like the underdog that just happened to uprise too early for peoples liking, that’s why people don’t like them” I ask not really getting whats to dislike. 

“Sorta, they have this owner who’s wealthy beyond our sight and pretty much flaunts the club daily” 

“With all the right to, every club flaunts their achievements” Christen inquires 

“Christen has a point, Portland kind of has the right to flaunt their power. I’m not saying it’s right but they do have bragging rights. Their fan base is quite the charm though. Everyone here would be lying if they said they wouldn’t want to play in front of the Portland crowd every game” 

“I’m still lost” I say even more confused why people dislike Portland. 

“It’s their money and power we don’t like” Hope says as she scouts Allie aside and sits right in front of me. 

“Look, every club like Portland has haters. Theres Barca, Madrid, Bayern Munich, all big clubs are a target for criticism for their control over the game. But as a player, you have to like those teams. They make soccer intense and interesting both on and off the field. Aren’t I right Hope” Carli says with a stare 

“Yeah..whatever” 

“Hey Kel, not that you’re not fun to be with but my legs are sort starting to hurt” I confess under my breath as the group moves on from soccer to other things. 

“Oh yeah, here” She gets up and I do too. 

“Thanks for the breakfast but I’m going to start setting up some things I’ll need” I excuse myself from the group and head for Tobin’s car. 

“Can I help” I turn around to see Ash following me

“Um, yeah that’d be nice” 

“So what do you have planned so far” 

“Finding the location where Ali was last seen according to the map. Find a way to power my suit and gun. Find a way to cause a glimmer or transporting thing to activate” 

“So what can I be useful for” 

“Know anything about mechanics” 

“Not a single thing” 

“I bet you do, you just don’t realize you do” I say as I reach the car. Opening the truck, I grab my backpack and gun. Opening my backpack, I take out my dirty clothes and toss them into a separate bag to create some space. 

“No, I really don’t know much about mechanics” 

“Do you guys have any sort of metal wire” I ask as I zip up my backpack. 

“Like copper wire” 

“Yeah” 

“I believe we have some at home”  

“We’re going to need it. Where’s the nearest hardware store” I ask as I shut the trunk. 

“About two hours south, why” 

“We might need to make a trip there” I say as I begin to walk to the campfire. 

“Okay, what else”

“Do you have boots” I ask while glancing at Ash’s sandals 

“Yeah, do you need them” 

“No, but you will” She rushes to her car to grab them as I reach the campfire. 

“Becky, just who I was looking for” I say as I  drop my back and gun. 

“What a coincidence, I was looking for you too” 

“Great, do you like to walk for long periods of time” 

“Yes and do you need help”

“Good and yes, you, Lex and I will be walking. Ash, Long and Carli will be going to the store. Hope, Abby, Christie and Lauren will go back into town. The rest will have small jobs around here”

“I got my boots” Ash says and I turn to see her. 

“Good, I was just telling Becky that you, Long and Carli will be heading to the store. When you come back I need you to come with me on the trails” 

“What do you need from the store” 

“I have a few things in mind but I need Long to go with you as she’ll add to the list. I’ll need tools, preferably some without cords. If you have tools at home, Abby and the others can bring them on their way back” 

“Okay, what else” 

“Go get the group while I see what I have” Ash and Becky leave and I use the privacy to take out my Elite Knifes. As I pull them out, I run a cloth over the blades to clean them off and grape them in my hands. 

“Alright, lets see if you do hold your own power” Counting to five, I presses on the knifes activate button and they light up in gold. 

“YES OH MY YES” I yell as I take swings at the air. Every swooshing sound of the knifes is music to my ears. “Lets see what we can do” Holding them up, my hands shake slightly but my grip remains firm. Doing a quick movement, I manage to slice an edge of the log off. Relief fills my lungs as I turn off the knifes and place them in my backpack. I take the armor vest part of my suit and put it on. Tightening the straps, I bend down to tighten my boots. 

“Someone go get the fire extinguisher cause Heath is on fire” Pinoe hollers and I immediately stand. 

“Cut the girl some slack” Carli says. I wait for everyone to sit before giving orders. 

“Abby, Hope, Christie and Lauren, you guys will be heading back into town. I need you guys to gather all the tools you have and bring them back. Ash, Carli and Long, I need you guys to go to the store. Ash already has a list, but Long, add anything you think will be useful. Syd, Pinoe and Amy I need you guys to get more fire wood. The rest can stay back here and relax until further notice. Lastly, Becky, Lex and I will be on the trails. I need a few of the ones that remain on camp to ensures no once goes on the tails” 

“I’ll do it” Kelley says 

“I’ll join too” Christen joins and I smile. 

“Lex and Becky, we leave in 10” Everyone begins to head away to their stations except Abby. 

“Can I help you with something” I ask as I pick up my backpack. 

“Why are you sending the four leaders out” She asks a bit too aggressive for my liking

“I just choose at random” 

“Stop bullshitting Heath” 

“Look Abby, believe whatever you want. If you’re not happy with your job, switch with someone else” I say while clipping my backpack and hanging my gun on the back. 

“I want to go on the trails” 

“No” 

“I’m not asking” 

“And I’m not letting you” I say as I begin to walk away. 

“We’re not done” She says as she grabs my wrist. In that instant, I snap. _You just had to be exactly like Abby._

“Don’t you ever fucking” 

“I think its best if you leave” Alex steps in before I can finish my sentence. Abby looks angrily at me and then at Alex before storming off. I kick the sand in frustration as Alex watches quietly. 

“Goshdamnit” I curse as I take a moment to let my anger out. 

“I’m taking it that you and Abby don’t have a good connection back at Axiom” Alex’s gentle voice states 

“We don’t have a connection what’s so ever” I reply as I feel myself calming down with the sound of the brunettes voice. 

“Why’s that” 

“Its best that you don’t know” I reply with some gentleness as I don’t want to taint the Abby I know onto the Abby she knows. 

“Can I least know if you have it in your heart to forgive her someday” she asks. I avoid making the mistake of looking into her eyes and focus on my hands. 

“If Carl forgives her, then I will” With that, I walk past her and to Becky that waits with Lex by the tent. I feel Alex’s eyes on my back but don’t turn around as I close myself from the world and focus on one thing, getting us back to Axiom. 

“Heres, the map, Becky will lead, I’ll time you. We’ll probably differ from the trail a little as Ali is a very adventurous girl” I say handing the map to Lex and going uphill. Becky and Lex rush to my side and we begin our journey. The trail starts out in good shape but the trail starts getting more narrow. 

“I think we’re supposed to turn right here” Becky says a bit confused. I look over her shoulder to see the map and see that she’s right. Lex jumps over the bush as Becky goes around it. I opt to jump over and we continue through the rocky hill. 

“Ouch” Becky leaps, I catch up to her and see her kneeling down holding her left thigh. 

“Let me see” I say removing her hand. Some blood drips from her sweats and it’s quite clear that she's injured and the cut will start swelling in a few minutes. I take some of my medication and begin to apply it on her. 

“I’m not sure if it’ll work on you but I hope it does” I say putting the medication back in my backpack and tying a cloth around her thigh. 

“Thank you” 

“No problem, now lets keep going” I say as I take the lead. Becky slows us down a little with her thigh injury but not too much. It’s about 10 minutes later when Becky begins to groan. 

“Okay, up you go” I say as I pick Becky up and continue walking. Lex’s eyes widen but I shrug them off as I continue to follow the map. Becky doesn’t say a word as she can sense my want for silence. We continue for a few minutes until the map stops. 

“This can’t be it” I say to myself as I set Becky down and grab the map. 

“Well this is where it leads to”

“No, somethings wrong” I reply as I glance at the map and at the location “This isn’t the place” 

“What do you mean this isn’t the place”

“Ali wasn’t covered in rocks when I found her, she had dirt” I say as I kneel on the ground and run my hand over the surface that is indeed a solid rock. 

“So you’re saying the map is wrong”

“Yes” I hiss in frustration 

“How about we take a break and rest for a little. Becky could use it and you seem like you need a little alone time” Lex says with a soft voice. Instead of snapping at her like I normally would, I nod and put my backpack down. I toss a granola bar at the two girls and wonder out into the forest. I memorize every step I take to ensure I can make it back. 

“Why did I ever think this would be easy” I say as I push some tree branches out of the way. Kicking the dirt, I cover my eyes with my hands and practice some of the techniques Press has taught me to relax. 

_I'm Tobin, Scout of Athena, guardian of the innocent, protector of my squad. The clouds are grey, the sky is  blue. My world is a little dark but the sun will rise when the day is renewed._ Uncovering my eyes I exhale deeply and begin to search. I push around the bushes, climb a few trees, I even scrap my knee against a branch. 

"Heath" Lex's voice calls out

"Be down in a sec" I yell back as I unhook a branch that got too close to my vest. 

"What do you mean be down" Instead of responding, I jump and land right in front of her causing her to fall backwards. Using my skills, I catch her in my arms. We stare into each other's eyes for seconds until Becky clears her throat. 

"Thank you, for preventing my fall"

"Don't mention it" 

"So what are we going to do"

"You and Lex are going to head back to camp. I'm going to keep looking" 

"I'm not leaving"

"Look, your thighs obviously hurting"

"You could get lost out here"

"43 steps south, 26 east, 58 north, 39 south. Back at the trail, left to go to camp" I reply at the top of my head. Becky lets out a wow and Lex looks at me amazed. "I'll be okay, you guys go on" 

"How do we find you" Lex's asks. 

"Just breath" I reply and she nods knowing that I can hear just about everything. They begin their journey back to camp as I set out into the woods. 

I half walk, run around not really sure if there's anything for me to find. The time passes as I search through the beauty of life in silence and self pressure. Looking at my watch, I see it's nearing two o'clock. 

"I guess it's a good time to snack" I say out loud. Finding a nice bolder, I drop my bag on the ground and unbuckle my armor vest. I pull out a power bar and begin to snack on it. As I stare at the ground, I find myself feeling the way I felt as I searched for a glimmer within the battlefield, hopeless. I crack my neck and fingers and pull out a bottle with corona as I feel the headache coming. Taking a sip, I bring the bottle down and listen. 

"Over here" I yell as I recognize Lex's footsteps. She pushes through bushes and branches until she reaches me. 

"I was a good 100 meters away" 

"You can see just about anything if you listen" I say packing up. I catch her staring at me, in particular my upper body that is visible due to the sweat soaked white V-neck I’m wearing under the vest that has practically become see through. 

"Eyes up here Lex" I say with a smirk. I buckle my vest, eliminating the sight she stared at. 

"I..sorry, your black sports bra really stood out" She explains embarrassed. I put my backpack on and walk towards her.

"I didn’t ask for an explanation and not to embarrass you anymore but your zippers down" she turns tomato red as she realizes I checked her out too. "Come on women, we still have lots to do"

Every once in a while, Lex gets hit in the face with a branch for not looking up and other times, she gets poked by thorns. It's rude to say that it's enjoyable, watching nature push her buttons, but I would be lying if I didn't say it was comical. That is until she's had enough. 

"Oh my fucking goodness, if I get smacked in the face one more time" 

"You're going to beat a tree...chill Lex. Maybe if you stopped looking at your feet, you'd see more" I say not really knowing the effect it would have on her. She remains silent the next few hours until I'm the one that loses my shit. 

"You've got to be kidding" I exhale as we reach the edge of the cliff. Throwing my bag on the ground, I pick up a small rock and chuck it out towards the ocean. It remains in the air for a few seconds and then begins to fall to it’s new home. Exhaling deeply, I sit on the edge of the cliff and close my eyes. _How easy would it be to just jump._ I think as hot tears stroll down my face. 

"It's beautiful don't you think" Lex's admirable voice says as she takes a seat a few feet to the right of me. 

“Yeah” I reply as my voice slightly breaks with sadness. Glancing to my left, I wipe my eyes and focus on the waves as they crash into a big rock a few yards away from shore. 

“So this is why you were so stressed that day, you were trying to find a portal” Lex asks and I nod as I hug my knees. 

“After you told me to leave and I got shot, I was still conscious. I watched as you jumped towards something and never reappeared. I transcended to the nearest link and booked it back to the metal structure. There were 30 seconds on the clock when I finally reached the top of the structure. I sprinted to where you had jumped and without thinking, I did so myself…I fell, I fell for a long time. I guess, for the first time in my life, I was scared as I couldn't see anything but darkness. When I woke up, my body hurt, I hurled a couple of times and felt completely immobile. When I could finally move I got up and began searching for you but I only found a road. I followed it and found the town. I spent a couple of days there and was actually thinking of coming back to where I woke up but on my way out of the town, I saw Tobin. I was so confused because she was dressed normal and then I as I walked her way, I saw Long. At first, I thought it was my senses playing a sick joke on me but when we met eyes and I knew it was her. Only she has those soothing eyes. And when we found you, the livid dream I thought I was living became reality” Lex says as she stares at my figure. I let her words soak in as I watch the sunset paint the sky in colors, illuminating everything the light touches. As Lex’s eyes leave my body mere seconds, I allow myself to turn and glance at her in her utter complexion. 

The sudden rush of morphine and confusion that saturates my mind and body as I lay eyes on her, sends a cold shiver of ice through my storm of emotions. Disarming my weapons of hostility, leaving me vulnerable to the women that I’ve never been fond of. It’s not just the way that the soft orange light reflects off her ocean eyes mirroring the sight before her that makes me feel at sea, but also the fact that she’s imperfectly perfect in the moment. It’s the way her hair isn’t up laying upon her shoulders straight but instead in waves, it’s the way she’s not wearing an outfit that’s made to make her look good but an outfit thats made to make her feel good, it’s the way nature has left a mark all over her imperfect outfit but most of all, it’s the way that in that moment, she’s simply Alex. Without the surname Morgan attached. It’s all the features I would like in the person upon the person I most dislike. _She’s, she’s beautiful, so fucking beautiful._

As if she read my mind, she turns to meet my sight making the world stop, as the two most imperfect set of eyes meet for what feels like the first time, everything from her breath to mine, goes silent. And in that moment, I feel it inside. I feel that same tug I felt when I meet Ash’s eyes after confessing Ali’s existence, I feel that powerful emotion Allie felt when she heard Jose’s name through the phone, I feel, for the first time, _love_. The moment ends too soon for either one of us to process what was happening as loud voices are heard not too far away. 

I spring to my feet, grabbing her hand and my bag and begin to run. When I begin to feel like we’re safe, I slow down and let her catch her breath. 

“Here, this’ll help” I say with huffed breathing. She takes my water bottle and plugs her nose before taking a gulp of my chemical solution. As my breathing starts to even out, I begin to feel a little more composed. 

“Thank you” She says handing me the empty bottle. 

“Don’t mention it” I say putting the bottle back into my backpack. As I look around, all the composure I had gained in the last few seconds leaves my body, including my heart that drops to the pit of my stomach. 

“Tobin, Tobin whats wrong” Lex’s worried voice asks. I stare at the ground without breathing. Its like if life deemed me to be having too little to worry about that it threw this at me. 

“I know this place” I whisper as I close my eyes and relive the moment I woke up. All the pain, the throbbing of every bone, the noises, the sky…it all comes to me.

“Oh my” Lex gasps realizing what I’m saying. I take in the location from the dirt to the sounds, clicking every piece of Ali’s story to my time here. 

“This is where she last was” I say as I turn to Lex whom takes in the place

“How do you know” 

“I was here too” I reply as I take a sample of the dirt into a plastic bag and take out my phone. Snapping some pictures I stand and let it all begin to settle in my mind. 

“Do you need a moment” Lex asks 

“No, no let’s go” I whisper not wanting to be here anymore. She nods and we gather everything I’ll need and go. The journey to camp is long and silent as we both find ourselves lost in our own worlds. When the camp starts to come in sight, I glance at Lex who in turn, glances at me. 

“I’m going to the beach” 

“Do you want me to join” 

“Go get rest, it’s been a long day” I say with a sigh. She nods and heads towards camp as I walk straight to the campfire. Setting my bag by the log, I walk to the edge of the water and remove my boots and socks. I sit on the sand with my knees tucked into my chest and let the water kiss my toes. 

“I found the place, now what do you want me to do” I whisper up towards the sky not understanding what the lord or world itself may want. When I don’t get an answer, I set my head down and close my eyes. 

“It’s calming right, the way the water heals all on the inside” Tobin’s honest voice remarks as she sits besides me. I nod yes without looking up. 

“Lex said you guys found the place, you’re one step closer now” Tobin tries but I only hum yes “I don’t know if this’ll help but every time I’m confused or lost, I put my faith in hands of the lord” 

“Yes well, it seems like the Lord wants me to be lost” I murmur as I turn my head to my right to glance at the water. 

“He’s only trying to get you to believe” 

“I appreciate the advice but faith died along with your era. I’ve witnessed demons in the depths of light, I’ve seen so many innocent people die because of the barbaric side of humanity. I’ve lived and died so many times that waking up here, just seems like another one of those times. So excuse me if I don’t rely on a man who spurs darkness upon my world” Tobin remains silent for minutes and I begin to feel a bit remorseful for disrespecting her faith but as my clone, she should not expect me to lie. 

“Our world isn’t perfect either” 

“It’s not about perfect” I sigh as I grab some sand and bring it before me “Your world is the sand in my hands, my world, is the sand below us. The ocean water is life in general. Everything you guys do now, sets us up for the future” I explain as I slowly begin to spread my fingers so the sand starts to slip through my the gaps in between “Everything you do and don’t today, like for example, forgetting to water the grass, causes us to make up for it in my world. We spent years trying to make of what was left..but with the little you guys left” I continue as I clap my hands together so that all the sand falls to the ground into a pile “We didn’t have the required things to survive the consequence of your actions” The water comes up the sand pile and washes it away into the sea “Forcing us to transition because of the wipe out. You see, it’s not about perfection, it’s about caring” 

“But we do care” 

“No, you care. The world in general…that’s a different story” 

“But god didn’t bring upon that wipe out” 

“But he didn’t stop it either”

“We all have to go someday” I swallow a sarcastic laugh that threatened to leave my mouth. 

“No one innocent should have to pay for the actions of someone else” 

“You’re holding the wrong person responsible” 

“Am I? Is it wrong for me to pin God responsible upon a world he created and destroyed? Is it wrong for me to hold him responsible for the cruel world he left me and millions of others to root in? He forgot about us” 

“Because you guys forgot him” 

“I may have, but Allie surely hasn’t” 

“So there are believers” 

“Few, yes, but many have given up”

“Thats, sad” 

“Yes well, theres sadder things to mourn” 

“Like” 

“It was a rhetorical statement” 

“I know but you make your world to be so bad, I thought there might be more than deaths and poverty”

“You don’t get it do you. It’s not just poverty and death, it demons and darkness. It’s survive vs starve. Its fight or die. Theres no free will, theres simply you vs nature” 

“I’m not following” 

“We die to live” I sum with frustration. As Tobin simply stares in confusion, I shake my head in frustration “Allie, Syd, Pinoe, Ashlyn, Amy, Kristie, Becky, Christen, Lauren, Carli and I have all died before. We’ve all felt what its like to leave our skin and come back, and let me tell you, it’s not pleasant. We’ve all been revived on the battle field and endured the gruesome pain that comes with it. I’ve had…” I choke as I’m about to confess who I really am “I’ve had to kill innocent lives to protect my region. I’m a murderer Tobin don’t you see! I, nor any of the girls back there, should have to kill someone fighting to survive to survive ourselves. It’s not about god or poverty, it’s about caring! If I didn’t care, who would be out there protecting them? Who would’ve come all this way to end up stuck in the past?Who Tobin?!” Getting up, I grab my bag and walk to the car. I grab some clean clothes from the car and head to the showers. 

“Heath” Abby’s strong voice calls me from behind. _Ugh, now is not the time._

“Yes Abby” 

“Can we talk” 

“Can it wait” I ask as I open the metal door to the bathroom 

“I would prefer it be now” 

“It can wait” I walk into the bathroom without another word and hear Abby huff in annoyance. When her footsteps faint in the distance, I remove my clothes and step under the hot stream of water. As the warmth of the water and steam start to relieve some of the stress from my body, I lean my head against the wall and just stand there. Letting time pass as if it were endless. After minutes of standing still, I turn off the shower and grab my towel. 

“Ouch” I whimper as I dry my right calf. Reaching for the things I brought with me, I realize I forgot my medicine and sweats. “Oh you have to be kidding” I groan as I look around

“No no no, come on” I say as I smack my head. _Ugh, how am I supposed to get out of this one?_ I begin to get dresses with the clothes I did bring and opt to wrap a towel around my waist and book it to the car. _It’s the beach, I’m sure everyone’s been seen in a towel before._

I slowly open the door and stick my head out. When I see no one in sight, I begin to run…into Alex that is. 

“Owwww” 

“Oh my gosh I’m so so sorry Alex” I exclaim as I get up to help her up. She rubs her head and begins to giggle when she looks up at me. I look down and see that my towel fell leaving my legs very exposed to Alex. _NOOOOOO!_ I quickly grab my towel and rewrap it around my waist. 

“That was very embarrassing” I confess as she finally takes my hand. 

“Nothing I haven’t already seen” She says with a wink. My cheeks flourish red and she begins to laugh again. 

“It’s okay Heath, I don’t kiss and tell. Although I am a little worried about your right calf” She says as she steps forwarding making me step backwards. 

“I forgot to apply medication during the search and well, I forgot to bring it with me” 

“And you forgot your pants” Alex says teasingly. I groan making Alex giggle. 

“Its good enough that you saw my upper body nude, now my lower body, what else is left” I squeal sheepishly. 

“Hmm…well you had a sports bra on yesterday and you’re wearing black panties under that towel so I’d say theres still lots to see” I begin to cough at her detailed statement earning yet another one of her gorgeous giggles. “You’re so adorable when your embarrassed. C’mon, lets get you some pants” She says as she grabs my hand and leads us to the car. As we reach the Jeep, I open the trunk and grab the worn out blue jeans that go with the black tank I’m wearing. When Alex’s eyes remain on me, I turn to meet her gaze. 

“What” 

“How are you going to put medicine on your stings with jeans on” 

“I don’t know, I’ll find a way” 

“No, come on, sit right here and I’ll help you” I stare at her as if she were delusional because for one, I’m not Tobin. She shouldn’t be here curing me. “Don’t give me that look Miss” She says with a stern face making me sigh. Knowing I don’t have the will to say no to her, I seat myself in the trunk and bring my legs up. I lay my towel on my thighs and she playfully rolls her eyes. 

“Where’s you medicine” 

“Right here” I say as I toss her the metal tin. I watch her as she gently opens the tin can and takes some ointment and brings to my calf. The slight whimper that escapes my lips makes her jolt but I shoot her a small smile. She applies the medicine with such care that I find myself feeling a little too comfortable. _She’s off limits Heath_ I ponder to myself as I force my eyes elsewhere. She ends up messaging my whole calf that on the short run, actually helps. After I zip up my zipper, I begin to put on my black athletic shoes. 

“That’s a cool ring” Alex says as she zooms in on my black ring. _Oh…this is going to be awkward._

“Yeah, I, ugh, I got it from a friend. She knows I like black and its sort of unique but simple” I explain as I look at the sand not wanting to give too much away. When I do meet her sight, I see her waiting for more information. 

“It’s a token”

“For what” I die internally realizing she not going to back down until I give her a name. 

“Just a day we spent”

“Sounds fun” She responds with that beautiful voice I’ve come used to. I cringe a little as she crosses her arms. 

“You don’t sound too flattered” I inquire as I finishing tying my right shoe. It’s now Alex who blush and I who giggles. Grabbing my armor vest and bag, I shut the trunk. 

“I’m, no, it’s perfectly okay for you to be receiving rings from other girls. Totally okay. Why wouldn’t it be okay” She rambles on making me smile at her cuteness. 

“Oh good, then you won’t mind helping me pick out a ring for Christen” I joke as I see Christen coming our way. Alex’s eyes go from embarrassment to fire all in a second. Before she can respond, Press interrupts her. 

“Hey, we’re getting ready for dinner” She smiles causing Alex to look away and making me smile even wider. 

“Thank you for letting us know, Alex here was just helping me with something, we’ll be there soon” I smile at Christen. She matches my smile and goes back to camp while I break out in fits of laughter. 

“Asshole” Alex sneers as she goes to smack me. 

“Oh come on, you should have seen your face” I giggle causing her to break into a small smile. 

“Yeah yeah, lets go before I feed you to the sharks and tell everyone you ran away” I shake my head and follow the girl to camp. 

“How was the search” Long asks me as I take a seat next to her 

“It was a little too personal” I confess as I grab some fruit not feeling too well for food. 

“Lex came back a little, overwhelmed” 

“Tell me about it, where’s Becky” 

“She’s in the tent resting, why” 

“I’m going to go check up on her and rest. I don’t want to deal with Abby” I whisper as I feel some eyes on me. 

“I’ll be there when I’m done” I nod and take my small plate of food to the tent. 

“Hey Becky” I hiss not really knowing if anyone is resting or sleeping. 

“Fourth room on the right” She whispers back. I proceed there and see her door unzipped. 

“Hey there, how’s your thigh”

“Healed” She says with amusement while removing white buds from her ears. I hear soft music echoing through them making me realize their headphones. 

“Really, let me see” I set down the food of plate and see her cut completely closed. 

“Just bruising, it’s a little sore but wow, that medicine words wonders” 

“For you yes, it’s not as effective on us as we’ve become tolerant” I reply as I take a sat in the corner and start to play with my food. 

“This is probably going to sound odd but damn, your arm muscles” I giggle at Becky’s admiration. 

“Your arms aren’t bad themselves” 

“Thanks” She jokes with confidence. We spend some time talking about random things like muscles and education but I soon find myself falling asleep. 

“You’re welcome to sleep here. I usually sleep alone but your companionship is welcomed” 

“Thanks Beck but I don’t want to be of a bother” 

“You’re not, it would be a bother if you snored but I’m taking it that you don’t” 

“I don’t”

“Oh good, I’m going to take a shower and grab a snack. You get some rest, you hiked all day” 

“Thank you” 

“No need, your welcome to listen to music from my ipod if it’ll help you fall asleep” 

“I will, Night Becky” 

“Goodnight Tobin” She gets up and leaves the tent and I’m left alone in the tent. Taking a blanket from the ground, I fold it to make a pillow and lay down. I grab Becky’s ipod and clean the ear buds before putting them on. _Who uses these kinds of headphones anymore…_ Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I press play and focus on the light that transcends through the tent’s walls, illuminating the shadows of the trees from outside making a beautiful pattern on the walls. 

A sweet melody plays through the headphones instantly making me smile. _She has good taste_ I think as the song The Scientist by Coldplay begins to express my emotions. 

“You don’t how lovely you are” I sing quietly as the song begins. The beginning of the song goes on and I wait for my favorite minute of the song. Closing my eyes, I brace for my part to come. 

“Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said it would be this hard 

Oh take me back to the start” 

 

“I was just guessing 

At numbers and figures

Pulling the puzzle apart 

Questions of science

Science and progress

Do not speak as loud as my heart” I sing with so much emotion. For the last day and 10 hours, I’ve been through a whirl pool, just trying to understand why I’m here, how its even possible that I’m here. My body starts to weigh heavy on the ground and I feel myself starting to recognize that it’s all real. That I am really in another place, far from Axiom, far away from it’s darkness. I let myself get lost in the song until it ends and goes on to yet another soothing song. _Fire-Scene by S.Crey._ The night goes on and the songs continue to unravel the knots in my mind and I soon find myself falling asleep to the sincerity of my being. _I’m Tobin and maybe it’s I that is dark._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What'd you think? Will Tobin find god? What does Abby want to talk about? Questions, questions, questions...comments?


	42. Fire Burns Brighter In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. It's been a miserable two weeks...crazy enough, I wrote a chapter that I think you'll all love. It's long so if you're in class reading...you might want to save it x)   
> Anyhow, I can't believe the end is almost near! Wow! I'll have a voting at the end of next chapter to see if you guys want me to write a follow up on this story or maybe write a different story? who knows. So, now go on and read. I am so excited to read your comments at the end...you'll be very happy. 
> 
> Next update, Friday!

Fire Burns Brighter In The Dark

As I begin to wake up, I find blonde hair on my chest. Turning to my left, I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion as I find my best friend besides me. _Becky must have let her sleep in here._ Without waking her up, I make my way out of the tent. 

“I should have changed into sweats” I yawn as I begin to walk to camp to grab a beer. When I reach our picnic area, I walk to the cooler and grab a corona. Popping the cap off, I take a small drink and sit at the table. Finding myself to be a little groggy, I lay my head down and focus on my heart beat. 

“You can’t sleep either” I lift my head and find Lex standing with a blanket wrapped around her. 

“I ugh, I think I over slept” She nods in understanding and goes to the cooler to grab a beer. 

“I’m going to watch the sunrise, want to come” I turn to look at her a bit confused but find no hesitation in her eyes. _Those blue ocean eyes…_ Instead of responding, I stand up and follow her to the beach. We find a large rock which we climb to have a better view when the sun rises. She sits crisscross to my left while I opt to hug my knees. The cool morning wind lingers on my nude arms sending small shivers through my body. 

“Want to share” Lex’s raspy voices asks. I turn to look at her extended hand and then her eyes that are still a bit clouded with tiredness. 

“Sure” I respond as I scout over so I’m under the blanket with her. Our bodies don’t touch but the warmth is eminent. We remain silent, just watching the world we hardly know before us. Letting out hearts and thoughts have a break from the reality we’re in and just enjoy. Soon enough, Lex begins to laugh unexpectedly making me turn to look at her a bit concerned.  

“Whats funny” I question 

“This” She laughs still unable to control the laughter. It takes her a few minutes to settle down before she can actually explain her laughter. “This, you and me, here, in some other world, sitting besides each other waiting for the sunset” She giggles “It’s just, if someone would have told me a week ago, that I would be sitting at the beach with you, waiting for the sun to rise with a beer in hand today, I would have thought them to be mad. But here we are” 

“Maybe we’re mad” 

“All the best people are” Lex replies. My heart flutters as she quotes Alice in Wonderland. _She’s, she’s read past literature?_

“Would you go back to yesterday” I ask as a subtle test to see if she really has read the book. 

“I can’t go back to yesterday because I was a different person then” She quotes with a bright smile. The way she quotes the classic literature makes something inside my swell. As we look into each others worlds, the same ecstasy that ruled my body yesterday takes control of me. I stare into her eyes that glow clear blue from the sunrise shining in them and feel myself wanting to admire them for hours. The rays of the morning brighten her every imperfection making me fall in awe as she stares at me. 

“Oh my gosh, look Tobin, the sun” Lex beams as she turns and points towards the sun. Instead of looking, I keep my eyes trained on her. Never had I ever caught a glimpse of this vibrant yet soft side of Alex before. The curiosity and adoration I feel for this newly discovered identity keeps me focused on her. 

“It’s beautiful” Lex sighs in pure adoration as she stares into the beauty of nature. 

“Breath taking” I murmur with my eyes on her figure. _Simply breath taking._ When she turns to meet my gaze, theres a click within us both. As if something within us was fixed. _All my life I longed for something unnamed and here, here she is…_ When my eyes begin to move towards her lips, the world starts caving in. Before virtually can become reality, the yelling of my name snaps us both out of trance. 

“Heath” I turn and find Ash coming our way. 

“Over here” I yell as I begin to get up. Lex looks in the other direction with distress as to what could have been while I find my scout mode kicking in “Back to reality” I murmur as I begin to walk over the edge of the rock. 

“You aren’t seriously going to jump off the rock are you” Lex’s nervous voice asks from behind 

“Why, is it a bad idea” I reply as I stick my head over the edge and look down. _Oh gosh, I think I’m going to be sick._

“Very” 

“Mhmm, in that case” I take a leap of faith and feel all sorts of emotions run through my body as I fall. My arms swing out as I glide through the air. Fear, terror, ecstasy, adrenaline it’s all an empowering sensation a I land and roll onto my back. I spring onto my feet like a warrior with my head high and breath heavy. _Oh my gosh, I did it, I fucking did it!_ I fist pump the air as if I had won the quarterly games in happiness. 

“What in the world, are you nuts” 

“Maybe” I breath with a wide smile. 

“Adrenalina junky” 

“You wouldn’t even know” Lex breathes a little mad as she comes up to us. 

“Okay, I’m not that wild. It’s just a major break through for me. I was in a situation where I fell from a grand height and have been a little antsy with heights since then” 

“I would’ve never guessed” Ash replies in honesty. Lex looks at me with furrowed brows as she tries to recall if I ever showed weakness. 

“Good. Now shall we head to camp now” I ask as I begin to walk back. Ash and Lex trail me as I lead us back to breakfast. 

“Heath” Abby’s the first to stand as I arrive. 

“Let me grab a sweater” I say as I cross my arms and keep walking.

“Why it’s not even that cold” 

“Look at them babes Heath carries around” Pinoe woos with a wink making me roll my eyes. 

“Thats why” I say pointing at the blonde toddler. The group laughs and I continue up to the tent. 

“Heath, I was just” 

“Can you hold that thought” I ask Tobin as I walk into the tent leaving her confused. Going straight for Long’s room, I find one of her sweaters and start putting it on as I walk back outside. 

“Alright, I’m back. What were you meaning to tell me” I ask Tobin as I exit the tent 

“We sorta…got a problem” She says with some fear. 

“Okay, whats the problem” I ask as I finish fixing the sleeves of the sweater. 

“We have to go to Portland” Abby answers plainly. I look up from my wrist immediately at the mention of Portland. 

“I’m sorry but what do you mean we” 

“The team, everyone, it’s what I’ve been meaning to tell you” 

“Okay, so go” I shrug as I begin to walk away. Someone grabs my arm and I turn around quicker than Tobin can let go. She turns to look at Abby for help but she only backs away. 

“Don’t look at me, the girl has all the attitude you lack” Abby tells Tobin

“Don’t grab me from behind okay? My defense mechanisms are far beyond what you would imagine” I say lightly

“Sorry, I just, we really need to figure this out” Tobin begs

“What’s there to figure out? You guys need to head out for a day, I’ll stay here” 

“We can’t do that” Abby replies making me scrunch my eyebrows in dislike. 

“What do you mean we can’t” 

“What she’s trying to say is that you have to come with us” 

“I got that, but for how long” As Tobin and Abby share a look I turn to look away with my jaw clenched

“How long”

“A week” Abby responds as if it were no big deal

“Are you out of your mind?! You want me to leave when I’m working my ass trying to find some fucking way to open a portal with literally nothing” I snap at the Abby

“Calm down Heath” Tobin says with wide eyes as she grabs my arms and puts some distance between Abby and I. 

“Don’t” I fume as I push off Tobin and walk in circles. 

“Heath will you just listen” 

“Ali is trapped in my quarter back at Axiom and if I don’t get back she’s going to be in danger so you listen Abby, you’re going to do whatever you need to do to cut that week in half and you’re going to make sure I have everything necessary to continue my research” I don’t even wait for an answer as I storm off the towards the cars. 

“You’re going to light something on fire with those eyes” I groan at the sounds of my best friends voice as I know she’s here to calm me down “Slow down will you” Taking in a deep breath, I slow down and let her catch up. 

“They want us to leave for a week” I explain as we reach the cars. 

“And go where” 

“Portland” I answer as I grab some coil and a few metal bars. 

“You don’t sound happy about going to your dream town” 

“I would be, if it were under different circumstances” I respond as I begin to walk to the beach with tools in hand. 

“There may not be other circumstances” 

“Why do you always make me feel bad when I’m mad” I sigh as I drop the things on the ground 

“Because you’re stubborn” 

“Geeze, thanks” 

“But its good, at times” 

“Only you would say that”

“Because I’m your best friend. Now I’m going to get you something to eat, you stay here” She says as she ruffles my hair causing me to roll my eyes. 

“It’s not like I’m going to leave” 

“You might once you see who’s coming” I immediately turn and am filled with irritation as I see I’m fallen for her joke. 

“I’ll be back Miss grumpy” she kisses my head and I let out a sigh. I begin to wrap the coil around the tip of the metal bar as I begin to brainstorm a way to transform energy. 

“I got you some fruit and half a sandwich” 

“Thank you” 

“What do you need help with” 

“If you don’t mind, I want to be the one to handle the mechanical side of the mission. Can you gather our things” I ask with softness. 

“Yeah, I’ll come see how you’re doing when I’m done” She leaves me to my thoughts as I begin to build things I feel will be useful. About three hours go by before someone interrupts. 

“Are they that scared of me” I ask as I hear Ash’s footsteps 

“What do you mean” 

“They sent you to come tell me we’re leaving, I’m guessing it was Abby” 

“How’d you know” 

“It’s what people do back at Axiom. They always think I’m lash out on them. Usually Becky and Tim volunteer to tell me bad news” I say as I clean my hands and stand up. 

“Oh, I didn’t know” 

“It’s okay, I wouldn’t hurt you anymore than I have” I reply without thinking. Ashlyn furrowed brows make me cringe internally and I mentally slap myself “Fuck” 

“You’ve…hurt me” 

“I..uhh, I’ve…I threw you when I found out that Long was dead, or well when we thought she was dead. It’s the only time I’ve laid my hands on Ash without reason. I guess in that moment I blamed her for Allie’s death. It was wrong and I apologized in the letter I wrote. It wasn’t her fault Al was in the spot she was, I wasn’t thinking, I completely forgot my spot and overstepped the boundary as her leader” 

“You don’t have to apologize. I understand what you felt” 

“It was wrong” 

“Nobody’s perfect”

“Oh but everyone is” 

“You’re very optimistic about others…” 

“Except for myself” I ask as I begin to pick up the things I brought. 

“Yeah” 

“After what I’ve been through, I rather focus my energy on others than myself. There’s much more hope in them than in myself” With that, I nod towards a stack of bars and Ash quickly goes to pick them up. 

We walk to Ashlyn’s truck where I set down the bars. 

“A few of the girls went to throw our trash away, they’ll be back. Tobin, Heath, Alex, Lex, Allie, Long, Becky will go on Tobin’s car the rest the way we came” Abby says to the group that stands around. 

“Actually, I was wondering if you would like to drive” Ash turns to me 

“Your truck” I ask a bit amused 

“Yeah, Syd said she wouldn’t mind switching cars. We have to stop for gas at least twice so if anyone gets sick of their crew, we can rotate” 

“Umm..yeah okay, let me grab my things” No one argues with the arrangements so I go to Tobin’s jeep to grab my gun and bag. 

“You’re switching cars” I look up to meet Alex’s eyes

“Yeah, um, Ash wanted me to drive with her” I reply as I hang my backpack over a shoulder. 

“Oh, okay” Her voice sounds a bit deflated before I can ask if it’s okay with her for me to switch cars, Tobin appears. 

“Are we good to go” 

“um, yeah, Heath is going to drive with Ash” 

“You are” 

“Yep, I better get going” I say shooting a glance at Alex who looks elsewhere “I’ll follow you” Tobin nods and I walk to the black truck. 

“Alright Captain, this is our crew” Ash jokes making me laugh. I look at the four others joining us. _JJ, Kelley, Kling, Morgan, this is good._ We load up in the truck, I in the drivers seat, Ash besides me, JJ, Kel, Morgan and Kling in the back. I look to my left and find Ash handing me some cord. 

“What’s that” 

“An aux cord”

“And what do I do with it” Kelley begins to laugh at my question and I turn to look at her. 

“It means you get to DJ” 

“Oh, um, but I don’t have anything to play music from” 

“No worries, use my Spotify account. You can search by name or genre” I look at the phone and back at Ash 

“No thank you, I rather not embarrass myself and I hardly know music from this era” 

“Come on cap, your crew needs some jam. Plus, its car rules, driver gets to DJ”  I sigh knowing I won’t get away with a no so I take Klings phone and plug the aux cord into it. 

“And we won’t judge” JJ says with a bright smiling. Something about the girl makes me feel like its true. 

“Thanks” She nods and I search for a song. _Hopefully it exists by now. The wolves and the Ravens by Rogue Valley._ I click on what I believe is the song I’m looking for and the chill melody begins to fill the air with a calm vibe. 

“Here we go” As the drive begins, I find myself being thankful. Being in a car with strangers is quite relaxing as I don’t have to worry about anyones feelings, including mine. Every so often I look in the rear view mirror and find the girls enjoying my music. Especially Kelley whom has a head nod going on, making me smile. _Maybe this trip won’t be so bad._

“Oh I love this song” Ash squeals as the song _Work Song_ by Hozier comes on. 

"Boys workin' on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I could barely eat

There's nothing sweeter than my baby” Kelley sings first 

“I'd never want once from the cherry tree

'Cause my baby's sweet as can be

She give me toothaches just from kissin' me” Ash finishes

“When, my, time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her” Everyone sings together in harmony. 

“That's when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin' in her room but an empty crib” I sing making Ash smirk 

“And I was burnin' up a fever

I didn't care much how long I lived

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did” Kling finishes. The song continues in the same pattern, making the distance between us and the beach feel less heavy on my chest. About two hours pass when I see Tobin’s right rear tail light light up. 

“Ugh, the funs over” Kling murmurs 

“What do you mean” 

“Either someone has to pee, wants food or wants to rotate…and for the info I’m not rotating” Kling exclaims

“I don’t want to either” 

“Neither do I”

“I’m not leaving this seat” 

“Look, if they want to rotate, I’ll do it” Ash says 

“What no, this is your car” 

“You’re my friend, I trust you with it” 

“You sure” I ask a bit unsure 

“Hundred percent, thanks for the chill vibes, they’re very you” She smiles and I do too. Tobin pulls into a parking space and I pull up next to her. Once Abby’s parked, Pinoe darts inside the market with Syd behind her. 

“Food and Potte break” Morgan laughs causing every else to do so as well. 

“Are they like that back at Axiom” JJ asks 

“Umm…think of them as that but 5 times worse” I joke and they all laugh. JJ’s door opens causing us to stop laughing. 

“What's funny” Tobin asks a bit startled 

“Syd and Pinoe” I answer causing Tobin to giggle. 

“Yeah, they’re a handful. Even when we separate them on long rides, they both have to pee at the same time” 

“So what’d you want” Kelley says skipping to what we all don’t want to hear. 

“Um so, theres a slight change to the plan. Some people are coming to town so we have to head to Abby’s. Ash, Heath, Lex, Long and Becky will stay there for a little. If you want to let anyone know you’re going to be in town for a little, gear them to my place or Becky’s” Tobin explains. The air becomes dense, only this time, I don’t feel it. 

“Who’s coming to town” I ask 

“No one important” Morgan says a bit too fast for Tobin’s liking. 

“Yeah also, Lex can’t get rest in our car with Syd bumping music and it’s the same situation in Abby’s car so I was wondering if one of you would”

“NO” Kelley yells causing everyone but Tobin to laugh 

“I’ll trade with her” Ash says grabbing her bag 

“Really” Tobin asks in disbelief 

“Yeah, Heath can manage the ship” 

“Okay, I guess that settles it” They walk to Tobin’s jeep and I find Kelley trying to jump over the seat. 

“What the hell are you doing squirrel” 

“Trying to get into the passenger seat before Lex” 

“Why”

“Because” The passenger door opens and a very confused Lex looks at us. 

“Ugh, see what you did Heath” 

“What I did?! You’re the one trying to jump over the seat” 

“No I wasn” JJ yanks Kelley back interrupting her sentence, causing everyone to burst into laughter. My heart swells at the sound of Lex’s laugh. _Even her laugh is gorgeous._  

“Welcome to the ship Lex, Heath is out captain and we are her crew” Kling says with a strong voice. Lex looks at me and I simply shrug my shoulders. “You will never feel as relaxed or calm in your life than with Heath as DJ…you have been warned” I burst out in laughter at Kling and Lex giggles. 

“Crew man Lex at your orders Captain” Lex jokes and I blush. Theres a knock on my window and I turn to see Pinoe and Syd all up in our business. 

“What can I help you with” 

“I bought a single use camera and was wondering if I could take your picture” Pinoe asks taking a camera out of the plastic bag

“What for” 

“So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas, now stand still” The flash blinds me causing me to groan out in embarrassment. Everyone giggles as Pinoe runs off and I’m left red. 

“She’s never going to leave you alone, you know that right” Syd asks

“Yeah, I know” 

“I brought you guys some snacks, just don’t give them to the squirrel, she’ll devour them before you even get a bite” 

“Thanks Syd” I take the bag and hand it to Lex. Once everyone is settled into their spots, we wait for Tobin to lead us. 

“Alright Heath, hit it” Morgan says, I grab Klings phone and press play. The song _Resolution_ by Matt Corby begins to play and I can’t feel the smile that forms. 

“I’m going to raise the volume a little, if thats okay” I turn to Lex. Apart of me feels like theres a need to ask since she’s tired but another part of me wants to make sure she the song doesn’t bother her.

“That’s fine” I smile and raise the volume slightly. As we begin on the road again, and the song continues, I see Lex enjoying it. _Oh good, she likes it._ The three or so minutes of the song turns into hours as we all jam to the chill music. At one point, I catch Lex staring at me. Instead of turning away, she smiles causing me to smile in return. 

“Oh my gosh, yes, yes, yes, yes, I didn’t think your music could get any better” JJ exclaims as she reaches over the seat to turn up the volume. 

“The lights go out and I can't be saved

Tides that I tried to swim against

Have brought me down upon my knees

Oh I beg, I beg and plead, singing” JJ sings with a wide smile 

“Come out of things unsaid

Shoot an apple off my head and a

Trouble that can't be named

A tiger's waiting to be tamed, singing” Kelley joins in 

“You are

You are”

“Confusion never stops

Closing walls and ticking clocks

Gonna come back and take you home

I could not stop that you now know, singing” Kling sings. I prepare myself to finish the verse. Without glancing at the crew, I sing with raw emotion for the first time. 

“Come out upon my seas

Cursed missed opportunities

Am I a part of the cure?

Or am I part of the disease? Singing” I watch the trees blur in the distance as the crazy good drummer begins shows off his incredible talent with the band. 

“You are, you are, you are

You are, you are, you are” I turn to meet Lex’s gaze and find her eyes on me. Watching my every move. 

“And nothing else compares

Oh nothing else compares

And nothing else compares

You are

You are 

Home, home where I wanted to go

Home, home where I wanted to go

Home, home where I wanted to go

Home, home where I wanted to go” We all sing except for Lex who doesn’t know the song. She claps in utter admiration at how well we have synchronized our voices on the ride. 

“Wow, that’s, incredible” 

“Thank you, thank you, I take all the credit” JJ says causing us to laugh. The drive continues for another two hours before the city starts to come in sight. Ironically, as if Spotify knew, the song Home by Phillip Phillips begins to play. JJ and Kling roll their windows down and stick their heads out. Everything around me slows down as the buildings ahead start to come into better sight. _Wow._  I breath as I turn into a ramp that begins to lead us into the city. _It’s even better than Frost described it._ I look at every building, tree and person in utter amazement. 

“Look” Lex exclaims while pointing to a really tall structure

“It’s the tram, it takes you from OHSU down to the river” Kling explains

“Whoa” As we progress through the city, I find myself falling more in love with the city. We begin uphill towards some enormous houses. Once we’re passed a private entry, we pass by a good 20 houses before we start pulling into the drive way of a very modern rustic house. 

“What a house” Lex murmurs as we come to a stop. I unbuckle my seat belt and get out of the car. 

“How was it” Ash asks from behind

“It was…good” I reply with some happiness 

“Come on, Abby’s about to introduce you to her dogs” As we walk to the front with the group, I hear her talking about her dog causing me to giggle. 

“The girl loves her dogs” 

“Wait till you see their room” I stop which causes Alex to pump into me “Sorry” 

“It’s okay” she says as she brushes past me. _What is her deal?_

After Abby shows us every room, and I mean every room of her luxurious house, I finally get the chance to escape to the balcony that has a grand view of the city. I hear the glass door open slightly and then close. 

“We’re going to be leaving in 5 minutes, Abby ordered pizza for you guys” 

“Give her my thanks” 

“I will” I hear the brunettes footsteps as they walk to the door. 

“Alex”

“Mhh” She stops but doesn’t turn. I move my sight from the ball that lays on the grass down below and then at Alex’s hair. 

“Never mind” 

“Okay” She opens the door and I begin to walk down the stairs. As I reach the grass, I kneel to pick up the ball. 

“Futbol, how hard can it be” I toss the ball in the air with my hands and watch as it falls to the ground and bounces back up to my waist. I do it again and watch the ball with more detail. 

“That works…if you want to play volleyball” Alex inquires. I look up to see her by the railing “Don’t move” She instructs making me furrow my brows. _Where would I go?_ She runs down the stairs and walks towards the ball. She kicks it at me a little too fast causing me to stop it with my hands. 

“Are you trying to kill me” I ask as I toss the ball at her

“Stop being a wussy and stop it with you feet” 

“How am I supposed to stop it with my feet with you kicked it at my waist” 

“Move your legs” She exclaims before kicking it straight at my waist again. I let out a grunt as she kicks it a bit harder than last time. As it bounces off my thigh, theres a sting that makes me gasp. 

“What’s your problem” I hiss as I rub my thigh 

“Sorry” 

“No don’t, don’t do what Lex does. Don’t apologize when you finally see the pain” I snap as I begin to walk towards the house. Alex doesn’t stop me which doesn’t bother me because for once, I was the fool. _I was a fool to think she was different than Lex._ I open the glass door and feel everyones eyes on me, instead of lifting my sight from the ground I walk straight to the bathroom. I remain enclosed until I’m sure everyones left. 

“They’ll be back in about two hours” Long says as I enter the kitchen. I find her and Lex eating the pizza that has arrived. 

“Cool, I’m going to work somethings in the garage” 

“Take a slice” 

“Yes mom” I reply to my best friend as I grab a plate and slice of cheese. I walk to the garage and set the plate on a bench. 

“Alright, lets get to work” I spend an hour sketching out a blue print the way Mark and Ash taught me. The lines, corners, colts all drawn to perfection. As my middle finger begins to hurt, I let go of the pencil and look at the pizza I came in with. _Cold._ I grab the slice and take a big bite out of it. Everything about the most perfect food tastes unperfect when I’m unsettled emotionally. _Great, now pizza’s ruined._ I place the pizza back on the plate and crack open the corona I brought with me. As the fatty liquid makes it’s way to my stomach, I set the bottle down and remove my black sweater. Pulling up my sleeves, I grab a some metal bars and begin to build what I imagine will help us get to Axiom. 

“Do you ever take a break” Lex voice rings causing me to look up. Setting the drill down on the ground, I take a step back to wipe some sweat. 

“Nope” 

“It’s looking good” 

“Still have a long way to go” I reply with frustration. 

“Do you need help” 

“I need welding tools, or a really advanced printing machine” 

“I see…well I just came to tell you that the girls are back” 

“Thanks” 

“No problem” She leaves me to my thoughts and I use the small pause in work to finish the Corona. 

“Want another one” 

“No thank you” I reply to Alex who leans against the door frame. 

“Heath, about earlier” 

“You don’t have to apology”

“But I feel bad” 

“Lets just forget it ever happened” I say without much emotion. Tossing the glass bottle in a recycling bin, I start to pick up the tools that are laid out all around the garage. 

“Is that what you and Lex do, simply ignore things” She asks making me stop. 

“If you want to take down the elephant in the room, go for it. But I’m just going to leave it as it is” I continue to pick up everything as Alex just watches me. Once I’m finished, I grab the slice of pizza I barely touched and make my way to the door. 

“So you really aren’t going to talk about it” 

“Nope”

“So when you get back to Axiom, you’re just going to pretend like this never happened? That Lex was never here” 

“She wasn’t supposed to be here in the first place”

“But she is okay Heath, she’s here” 

“Don’t you think I know that Alex? I know she’s here, I know this isn’t some illusion but you’re hoping for a magical solution in a world where magic doesn’t exist” 

“The problem between you both can’t be that big” 

“Look, it’s not about the size, its about depth”

“When you look at me, do you see her” 

“No” 

“Don’t lie” 

“I’m not okay, since the moment we met eyes, I knew they were different. They were clear like spring water and unclouded from dislike. For once, I found comfort in the eyes that always pierced into my image” 

“So why can’t you just look at her the way you look at me” I sigh profoundly as I shake my head no “Why not”

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“You can’t even answer that one question for me”

“Because she’s not you Alex” With that, I walk past her and head for my room. 

“Heath wait, just wait” Alex begs as I open my door “Can we talk, without you running away” I make the mistake of looking into her eyes which results us both sitting on the roof of luxurious house. 

“How long have you felt this” 

“I think since the moment we were in the kitchen back at the beach house” 

“So for a few days now” 

“Yeah” 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier” 

“Because theres nothing to tell” 

“I’m your soul mate though”

“No, you’re Tobin’s soul mate and Lex is getting married in a few weeks” I reply with a knot in my throat. 

“I almost did that, marrying Servando I mean” 

“What stopped you”

“Tobin’s confession” I nod with my lips pressed tight and keep my eyes on the sun set “Maybe that can work for you” 

“In another world, Lex looks at me with eyes that cut, a voice that fills my ears with venom and actions that wound my heart. She’s nothing like you. Theres no hope for her and I, just like theres no possibility for you and I” It hurts to say it out loud but at the same time, the wind takes the pain and fills my shelves with some relief. 

“I wish you wouldn’t say that” 

“Say what” 

“You and I” 

“Why”

“It’s just, it’s hard hearing it from you. I mean, you’re practically Tobin. Your hair, your voice, you choice of words everything but your eyes are the same. It’s all just a big whirl of emotions hearing you confess these feelings…I’m sorry, I probably sound ridiculous”

“Not, it’s okay. I’m sorry for comparing you to Lex earlier today. That was very disrespect of my part” Alex begins to chuckle making me turn to look at her. 

“Sorry, it’s just, you’re so respectful. Don’t get me wrong, Tobin is respectable but you’re just to another level. You’re very aware and keen to people and their beings” 

“I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t” 

“It’s, it’s beautiful, that you care so much about people” 

“It comes with a big price” 

“I know you don’t believe in god but I can to read you a verse if that would be fine by you” I look at Alex and nod okay. We go back inside and walk to her room. 

“Wait for me in the living room, Tobs is sleeping” I nod okay and walk to the empty living room. I take a seat on the couch and close my eyes. _What am I doing…?_

“Boo” Alex whispers into my eyes startling me. 

“Goodness” I breath as I scoot over for her to sit. She holds the Bible in her hands and opens it searching for a specific page. 

“Agh here” She says handing me the small brown Bible. I take a look at all the highlighted areas and notes on the page that seem to overrule the small writing. 

“Is this yours” I ask as I scan my eyes over the small little comments on the margin. She takes a seat besides me so her legs lay on my lap and her eyes can look at me as I read. 

“No, it’s Tobin’s. I believe in god but my relationship with him is under no circumstances to the level between him and Tobin” My eyes widen in surprise to know that my clone has such a meaningful relationship with a man whom I won’t even dare turn my eyes to. 

“Wow, that’s something” 

“It’s the third reason why I love her. She’s so devoted to him, it’s beautiful. You should hear her pray sometime, only if your comfortable” 

“I’ll think about it, so what verse do you want me to read” 

“2 Corinthians 4:18” I scan my eyes over the mall numbers until I find it. 

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal…That’s a good verse” I say while turning to look at Alex. I find her staring at me and can’t help the jump my heart does. 

“Now read Matthew 6:34” I carefully flip the pages until I come to the verse “Therefore do no worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” 

“Doesn’t it give you chills” 

“Try Hebrews 11:1” Both Alex and I turn to look at Lauren whom walks into the living room with a cup of something warm. She glances at Alex’s legs but simply smiles before taking a seat in front of us. 

“Okay, let me find it…Here it is. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do no see” 

“Mmm love it” Lauren hums as she takes a sip of her drink

“They are inspiring words” I comment as I close the Bible. 

“They’re much more than that, they are words of hope”

“I guess that depends on the reader, no” I ask Lauren who seems more of a believer than Alex 

“It depends on perspective” 

“That too” 

“I’m taking it that you aren’t that faithful” Lauren asks taking another sip

“Sadly, we don’t have the luxury to leave our lives up to faith” I respond more of an inquiry than an offense. 

“Oh but god doesn’t want that, he just wants some faith” 

“Look, I already hurt Tobin’s feelings while talking about this. I really don’t want to hurt yours” I say in defeat. 

“No believer is ever defeated, only shook yes, but never hurt” 

“Still, it’s a sore spot” 

“I respect that” 

“Thank you” We spend the rest of the night talking about random things like their practice and Portland until we all fall asleep as we are. 

**_____________________________________________________________________________**

I’m the first to wake when I hear noise in the kitchen. 

“It’s just me” Tobin whispers. I look up with groggy vision to see her in sweats and a tee with coffee in hand. 

“What time is it” I ask as I stretch my arms 

“About 6:30” 

“Oh wow, I overslept” I yawn as I carefully move Alex’s legs and cover her with a blanket nearby. 

“Is that my Bible” 

“Yeah, Alex and Lauren showed me a couple of verses last night” I say handing it to Tobin whom takes it. 

“That’s, nice to hear…do you want some coffee”

“No thank you, I was actually meaning to talk to you about something”

“Whats up”

“Is there anywhere I can get access to a 3D printer” 

“Oh, those are pretty new…um, I think theres a shop downtown with some” 

“How much are they” I ask a bit uneasy about having them spend money. 

“A good few hundred, even thousands” She says with the biggest smile she can muster. 

“Yeah no, I’m going to rule that out”

“Look, we seriously do not care about wasting money. Everyone in this house, including you, is willing to do anything to get Ali back. So if you need it, just ask. Don’t worry about money. Ali is worth so much more” 

“Thank you” The morning goes on as I continue to get as much done before I leave with one of the girls to go buy a 3D printer. 

“Okay I’m done” Alex says as she puts her hair up in a ponytail. 

“Let me just close this” I say reaching for a red handle. As I close the pipe, I get up and walk to the door. 

“Okay remind me again, I’m Tobin Heath, play for the Portland Thorns on the….”

“Flank”

“That’s what I was missing, okay, we’re buying a 3D model for a team mate…is that all I have to remember”

“Yeah, oh and the public doesn’t know about Tobin and I so just, FYI on the lingering glances” I blush hard as she points out my gawking. 

“Right” 

“Okay, we’re good to go, you drive” I catch the keys she throws at me and we make our way to the front of the house. 

“Can you guys grab some food and stuff, Sarah isn’t in town and I haven’t run to the store”

“Anything you want in specific”

“Local food” 

“Sounds good” I open the door for Alex and help her get in to her car. 

“Thank you”

“Don’t mention it” I close her door and rush to the drivers side. 

“Do you want to DJ or do you want to” 

“You can” I answer as I start the car. She grins at me as she connects her phone to the stereo. 

“Be prepared to be blown away” 

“We’ll see about that” I challenge as I begin to back out. As the song Habits (Stay High) Oliver Nelson remix comes on I smirk. Once we arrive, I open Alex’s door and lock the car. 

“The store is about a block down” 

“I’ll follow you” I say not really sure what block she’s referring to. 

“So, what do you like to do for fun” 

“Me? Fun…you’re asking the wrong person” I joke causing Alex to roll her eyes 

“No really, you have to like something” 

“Um, well, I don’t do much. Like I’ve said, I’ve devoted to my job. I like to help others, I’m basically a business person outside of work” 

“Really? Because from what I’ve heard…you can play a few instruments” _Allie…_

“Goodness, how much has she told you about me”

“Oh nothing, just about you hitting Laure with a door” I blush hard at the memory. 

“That was an accident! I really wasn’t thinking and it was just….gosh”

“What were you even thinking, a glass door” 

“Yeah, I know” 

“Well you can explain it later, we’re here” I look up to see what I believe is the entrance to the mall. 

“Here, let me get that” I stop a women with kids trying to push in a stroller by herself. 

“Thank you dear” 

“No problem” I turn to meet Alex’s eyes that show something new. 

“Very polite Miss Heath” 

“Always” I say as she walks through. We pass by stores filled with different merchandise and valuables but none that spark my attention. 

“Over here” Alex says as she grabs my arm. 

“Geeze, whats the hurry” 

“We have to find a nice one”

“It’s not about looks”

“Says the girl who can’t keep her eyes certain people” Before I can respond, the man at the door asks if we need help. 

“No thank you sir” 

“Tell me if you need anything”

“We will” I smile at the man and continue in. Alex heads down one sector and I to the other. I go by every 3D printer one by one as Alex rushes past every single printer. As I catch a more modern model, Alex calls to my attention. 

“This one” 

“Which one” I ask as I walk around the barrier in between and look at the she wants. _You’ve got to be kidding._

“No, theres no way”

“But Tobyyyyy” She whines with a cute voice and puppy eyes. 

“Nope, not happening”

“But I thought you said you needed two”

“And I do but Alex that’s not”

“Pweeezzzzz Tobyyyyy” 

“Lex, don’t do that”

“Why not” She asks with a raspy voice making my insides turn. _God oh god._

“This is a good model, it comes in other colors if you don’t like this color” A salesman says as he walks up to us. 

“That’s nice but it’s not as potent as I would like it to be” I reply as I give Alex a stare.

“Good, we’ll take a pink one” _And there she goes._

“Alex, no”

“Good choice” The salesman says making me turn to look at him with wide eyes “Is there another one you want to look at” Sighing, I nod yes and begin to lead us to the other side of the store.

“I always get what I want” Alex whispers well below the man’s ear range

“Only cause you beg my dear” I smirk causing Alex to stop in her tracks.

“Agh, this is a good one. Although I have to say it doesn’t come in pink”

“That’s fine, I just have two questions, is it wireless and how is its precision” 

“It’s not wireless but it is 100% precise. The accuracy is phenomenal and it’s why it’s rating is the highest”

“Good, we’ll take it this one and the other one my good friend here choose” 

“I’ll bring those to the front for you” 

“Thanks” I say genuinely and turn to look at Alex whom looks a me like prey causing me to laugh “I’m not a piece of meat Alex” 

“Shut it Heath” 

“I surrender my queen” I joke as I begin to kneel causing Alex to break her flat smile. We walk to the clerk whom sports a wide grin. 

“Alright, you’re total is $4,218” 

“Not as bad as I thought it would be” 

After purchasing the 3D printers, Alex takes me around the mall so that I could, in her words, get the whole experience. In reality, she just wanted to look at a pair of shoes she had been meaning to buy earlier. 

“Alright Heath, now we have to, Heath” Alex calls for me as I stare inside a jewelry store “Please don’t tell me you were serious about that ring for Press because”

“No it’s not that, come on” I say grabbing her hand and walking us inside. 

“Welcome, is there something I can do for you” 

“Um yeah, I was wondering if I could sell these, I saw your sign outside” I say as I dig into my pocket to pull out a pair of earrings. 

“You sure can, bring them over here and I’ll see how much we can offer” I walk over to the women who stand behind the glass case and hand her the diamond earrings. Alex stands behind me with a confused look. 

“Oh wow, these, goodness if it’s not too personal, how’d they land in your hands” the women asks a bit astounded by the quality of the earrings. 

“Umm, I got them as a present a while ago. I hardly wear them though” 

“Oh my gosh, they’re beautiful Tobin” Alex says talking a look at them over my shoulder. 

“You think so”

“I, yes, they’re absolutely gorgeous. Are you sure you want to sell them” 

“You’re friends right, these may be worth a lot but a presents a present” I take a moment to look at the women and Alex whom both share a look of hope. 

“I guess I’ll keep them then” 

“Good choice my dear” The women says handing them back to me. 

“I do have this though” I say taking out a bracelet that I rarely use. 

“Wow, this is astounding material. Very good shape, I can offer 8k max” 

“That works for me, thank you” I say offering my hand. The women is a little taken back but shakes my hand. She places the money in an envelope and hands it to me. 

“Thank you” 

“You’re welcome dear, have a good day”

“You too” I say as I place the envelope in my pocket. 

When we’re finally in the confinment of the car, I pull out the envelope of money and hand it to Alex. 

“I’m not going to accept it” 

“Please Alex, the whole team has used so much money already, it’s the least I owe you for hospitality and tools” 

“8k is way too much” 

“Okay then give a thousand to the owner of the shop down at the beach. She gave me food and water”

“Heath”

“Please Alex, it would really make me feel better” I implore. Alex eyes scan mine and she sighs. 

“I will accept it on one condition” 

“I’ll do anything” 

“I’m accepting an award tomorrow evening, Tobin can’t go for personal reasons so will you be my plus one” 

“I…do I have to go up with you to accept the award”

“No”

“Deal” I say while extending my hand. Alex takes it with gentleness which makes me smile. The rest of the trip downtown is everything I would have imagined it to be. Every so often someone asks to take a picture with us which odds me out but Alex is a natural at handling the situations. After showing me some places and picking up groceries, we head back to Abby’s. 

“Oh shit, I have 4 missed calls”

“From”

“Tobin and Allie” 

“Call them back” 

“I am, hold on” She puts the phone on speaker but to our luck, no one answers. 

“They said they were going to you house didn’t they” I ask a bit worried about the missed calls. 

“Yeah, Tobin wanted to show Lex and Long her house” 

“Wait, so you guys don’t live together” I ask a bit confused. 

“I, well, its sort of complicated” 

“I can do complicated” I rejoice with a gentle smile which makes Alex smile. 

“Okay, so I used to play for Portland but we both had our difference. I asked for a trade which I was hoping would land me in the east cost, maybe New Jersey since that’s where Tobin’s family is”

“Wait, Tobin’s from New Jersey” I interrupt. _The ring, it says New Jersey._

“Yeah, Basking Ridge to be exact, why” 

“I…nothing, go on” 

“Um, okay, so I thought I would get traded there and be close to her family and she’d come to NJ for the holidays but I guess I sorta left that route and went with what I thought would be better. I got a call from the commissioner offering me to join a new team in Orlando which was a surprise. After meeting up with the representatives, I said yes. Before I could tell Tobin about it, it was out to the press. She was so upset and I told her I had talked to Portland about trading her which really did it for her. We had a huge argument and she confessed she wouldn’t leave Portland, regardless if I left or not. It hurt to hear her say that but I guess I deserved it since I never asked her for her opinion. Things were really bad afterwards, I really hurt her Heath. Then camp came, the annual beach trip in which Ali disappeared…Tobin came back to me as if nothing happened…It’s been six months and I know, just by the look in your eyes as I tell you that I really messed up but I can’t do anything about it now. The contract is signed and she’s not going to leave Portland for me” Alex voice breaks. I turn to look at her as she wipes away some tears.

“Alex, please don’t cry” 

“That’s not even the hard part… Our engagement is off” 

“What”

“She called it off the day we argued but neither of us could bring it upon ourselves to tell the team” I stop the car immediately after she confesses the status of their relationship and reach over the seat to pull the torn brunette into my arms. I rub her back as she soft cry against me. _No, no Tobin can’t let this angel slip out of her hands._

“It’s been six month” She mumbles against me

“Six months is better than no hope” 

“I just, sometimes I feel like she jumped back into the relationship because of what happened to Ali. We were all torn apart and she, being protective, didn’t want to see me unhappy anymore” 

“No, no look at me Alex’ I desperately say as I take her face in my hands “That women, that clone of mine, she can be stupid for calling off the engagement, but if Ive learned anything since I’ve been here, it’s that she’s crazy in love with you. Okay? The love you two share is visible from a mile away. Anyone, even someone as restricted as me can see the connection between you both. Don’t ever doubt love if no one else does” I say with mixed emotions. It hurts to finally confess to myself that Alex and I will never be but the look of hope in Alex’s eyes are more rewarding than a relationship with her would ever be. I wipe away her tears and she softly smiles. 

“Thank you” 

“There’s nothing to thank, come on, lets go check out where those knuckles head went” She laughs at me stupid joke and leads the way. 

“It’s right here” 

“Got it” I pull into the drive way of a cute small house with a big front yard. 

“Who’s car is that” I ask as I open her door. 

“I’m not sure, maybe its”

“Alex” A women’s voice calls making us turn. 

“Oh fuck” Alex murmurs 

“What is it” I ask a bit confused. She turns around with panicked eyes causing me to grow a bit panicked myself. 

“I don’t have time to explain and it kills me to ask you this but by all means block out the emotional roller coast you’re about to experience” She shuts the door and grabs my hand. 

“Oh how I’ve missed you both” The older women exclaims as she hugs us. I awkwardly accept the hug and let go when the women does “Allie told me you went to the store” 

“We sure did Mrs. Heath” _Did she say Mrs.Heath? As in…_

“How many times do we have to go over this Alex, call me Cindy” _…My mom?_

“Sorry Cindy” 

“It’s okay my dear, how about we go inside” 

“You go on while Tobin and I take some things inside” 

“Alright dear, I’ll tell Jeff you’re here” Alex smiles at the women while I stand there numb. 

“Heath listen, I know the last thing you want to do is walk into that house but if we don’t go in there”

“Tobin has parents” I breath with hurt and betrayal that my parents left me in another world but opt to stay with Tobin here. 

“She also has siblings” 

“Siblings” I ask with tears in my eyes 

“No, please don’t do that” Alex begs as she wipes the tears from my eyes. 

“I…can’t do it Alex” I cry as I begin to feel like the lonely six year old Allie found. 

“I know, I know you want to leave but we can’t just leave Cindy and Jeff without explanation. Just let me handle the talking and I promise I’ll get you to Abby’s in 15. Can you do that for me” Alex tries as I stare into her beautiful ocean eyes. My plus begins to drop and I feel my diamond release some medicine into my system. 

“I’m going to go inside before they think we ran off. Grab a bag when you are ready” Alex whispers before kissing my head. Her lingering lips do some effect but not enough as I watch her walk to the door frozen. 

I wipe my face as I feel my emotions subdue and grab a bag from the car. My footsteps are small but my heart is heavy as I walk to the door _._ Slowly, I turn the knob of the door and push it open. The first thing that hits me is the decor of the place. Its simple and elegant with a touch of rust. _The way I would like it._ I close the door and hear some chuckling in the kitchen which alter me that they’re there. Not wanting to waste more time then I already have, I walk towards their voices. As I round the corner, my eyes meet the eyes of a man with similar brown eyes. 

“Tobin, sweaty, there you are” His voice rejoices with softness. As he walks my way, I slowly take a step back. No one but Alex and Allie see it. He takes the brown bag from my arms and gives me a side hug. 

“How’ve you been” 

“Umm…good” I reply without much feeling. The medication has really kicked in and nothing in the sense of life really makes sense in the moment. Although I can’t feel, by the look on Alex’s face, I don’t sound good at all. 

“Are you sure, you look a little distorted, is something going on” 

“I think she might be coming down with a cold. She took a swim in the ocean while we were down there” Allie interrupts. 

“Now why would you do that Toby, you know how cold the water is” Cindy asks 

“She just loves the water” Alex inquires with a small smile

“Sorry, it’s just been a while since I was out there” I confess with double meaning. The room fills up with some tension as Tobin’s parents interoperate the situation with Ali’s situation. 

“How’s that going” Jeff asks with some sadness

“It’s a little slow but nonetheless going” 

“How’s Ash”

“She’s better” 

“Will you put the things away while I get your mom settled in the guest room” Alex asks as she walks over to Cindy

“Yeah, will you help Al” I ask turning to Allie 

“Yep, is there anything else in the car” 

“Just Abby’s groceries” I reply. As Alex and Cindy begin to walk away, Alex’s phone rings. She looks at the caller ID and by the looks of it, either Tobin or Abby is calling. 

“Um, this is really important, can you show Cindy to the guest room Allie” 

“Sure thing” Alex jumps outside as Allie takes Cindy leaving me alone in the kitchen with Jeff. 

“So how are things between you and Alex” Jeff asks. My whole body freezes as I reach for the refrigerators door handle. 

“Things are good” 

“Are they? I don’t want to over step but you both came in with red eyes…is something going”

“Look…I really don’t want to talk about this right now” 

“So something is happening”

“No, nothings happening, we’re both a little tired from the drive back” 

“You sounded desperate when we talked on the phone, your mother and I thought something might have happened so we came over as soon as you asked us to” _Wait…Tobin asked you guys to come here? Is that why we have to stay at Abby’s?_

“Tobin, are you listening” Jeff asks a bit concerned 

“I…yeah, sorry, no I just”

“She’s just a little home sick” Alex answers for me. I turn to see her closing the sliding door and walk over to me. 

“Awh well why didn’t you say so, I would have brought your siblings with us” 

“I don’t know” 

“You know we love you and will always go where you want us to” Jeff says as he hugs me. I accept the hug in total discomfort as I imagine James hugging me and not Tobin’s father whom could be a clone of my father. 

“Cindy’s getting settled into the guest room now” Allie states. Jeff lets go of me and I immediately rush over to Allie. 

“Thank you Al”

“No problem” 

“Would you like us to drive you to Abby’s” Alex asks sensing my discomfort. 

“Yeah, if that wouldn’t be too much to ask” 

“Not at all” I respond too quickly. 

“Okay well, we’re going to have to run a few errands if you don’t mind”

“That’s fine, we’ll make dinner”

“Thank you, make yourselves at home” Alex smiles at Jeff who in turn smiles at me

“We will” With that, the three of us walk to the car in very dense silence. I hand the keys to Alex and opt to sit in the back. The drive is silent and long as no one speaks or moves. When Alex pulls into Abby’s drive way, I’m the first one out. I open the trunk and grab the 3D printers and a bag. 

“Heath wait” Alex calls for me but I don’t stop as I head for the door. To my disadvantage, Tobin and Lex come out. 

“Heath I can explain” 

“Did you know about this” I ask Lex with hard eyes. She looks into my eyes and I can see the immediate pity she feels. 

“No” She whispers. Her voice filled with sympathy wounds my pride making me stand up straight. 

“Good” 

“Heath can we talk” Tobin asks as I walk past her. 

“Theres nothing to talk about” I reply. No one stops me as I head for the garage and do what I do best. Avoid the situation. I spend the rest of the evening sipping on Corona and upgrading the 3D printers, focusing all my attention towards getting Ali back. Every so often my best friend comes to check on me but doesn’t mention a word on the situation, she only leans by the door and watches as the demons inside my head play in the darkness of the room. It’s about 10 o’clock when Lex comes into the garage and forces me to stop. 

“You need to get sleep” 

“I’m not tired”

“You drank six bottles of beer already”

“Why do you care” I snap with anger. _How dare she come in here and point out how much I drank?_

“Look, I just want to help”

“I don’t need your help” 

“Why are you always an asshole to the people who try to help you”

“You’re only trying to help me because you feel sorry for me” 

“That’s not true”

“Oh come on Lex. You could bare stand the sight of me a week ago and now you’re here trying to make amends with me. I don’t need your pity”

“It’s not pity, its sympathy” 

“Don’t you fucking dare say its sympathy! You don’t know a thing about not having parents, you don’t know what it feels like to not have a mother tell you how much she loves you or a father who tells you their proud of you! You don’t know a damn thing about being left behind” I yell, letting out all the anger I have built inside. The look in her eyes hits me hard as they show not anger but hurt. 

“I may not know what its like not having a mother but I do know what its like not having a father” Her voice cracks causing me to look away in regret. _Agh fuck._ She rushes out of the garage leaving me sober and ashamed for what I’ve said. I toss the screw driver onto the tool bench and burry my face into my palms. 

“You really did it this time” My shoulders drop at the sound of Long’s voice. 

“I know” 

“You know, this happens every time you hold it in”

“I know” 

“You know how much she hurts over the situation with her”

“I know Allie! For fucks sake I know okay” I fume feeling her words cut into my already punctured heart. 

“If you know then why aren’t you making it right” 

“Because, I can’t make this right” I cry as I feel things settling in my mind. 

“So you’re not even going to try”

“Whats the point, she’s not going to listen to me” I ask as I wipe the tears from my face. Long’s lets out a sarcastic chuckle and walks over to me. 

“She’s just as stubborn as you are, isn’t she…Look, I know you’re going through a lot right now but I think talking with Lex will help you feel a little less overwhelmed” 

“How”

“It’s not my place to tell her story” I look at my best friend with some confusion and she simply gives me a sad smile “Go on, I’ll clean up in here” I sigh and get off the bench chair and head inside the house. 

“Lex” I call out but don’t receive an answer. I make my way towards the kitchen and find Abby eating a muffin. 

“She’s outside” 

“Thanks” I murmur as I head for the glass door. The warm breeze nips at my skin as I step out onto the balcony. 

“Lex” I whisper as I look around. _Where is she?_ As I look over the yard, I see her sitting at the edge of the yard that overlooks the city. _There._

As I reach the brunette, something inside me makes me feel like somethings about to happen. Maybe it’s the alcohol sending mixed signals to my brain or the emotional roller coaster I’m riding that’s causing me to feel like things will never be the same from here on out…whatever it is, it was right. As I find Lex silently crying, my knees go weak. I sit besides her in utter shame to have been the one to cause those tears. 

“Alex, I”

“You don’t”

“Please just let me get it all out before talking…I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry and I don’t know how else to put it. I’m sorry for darkening your skies and removing the sun from your garden. I’m sorry for ignoring your being and for taking a swing at your emotions. I’m sorry for all the dreams I’ve crushed and for all the tears I’ve caused, your eyes may be from the sea but they shouldn’t drain because of me. I want to sincerely apologize for what I said inside…It was wrong. I was, I’m in pain and I just” My voice breaks causing me to look down at my tear soaked shirt “I just don’t know how to function anymore. I slowly became insane with long intervals of horrid sanity and I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m so sorry, Im so fucking sorry for all the things I’ve done to you. You don’t deserve to be treated like anything less than a queen” I finish before silently crying into my palms. My body shakes with emotions that range from years back to today. Each and every new wave of feelings piles onto the previous one mounting a hill of reality that comes undone when Lex wraps her arms around me. 

“I’m so sorry Lex” I cry into her shoulders as I feel the weight of everything I’ve done to her on my chest. 

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay Tobin” She whispers into my ear with so much gentleness. She continues to hold me until I finally fall asleep in her arms. I don’t know when she takes me to bed, or by all means who takes me to bed but when I rise, I’m in a room I don’t recognize. _How’d I get here?_ I look down at my body a little shocked at the change of clothes. _When did I change into these?_ I look around for an answer and find a note with the name Heath on it. I grab the neatly folded piece of paper and read the beautiful writing. 

 

_Heath,_

_For starters, I wasn’t the one to change you, it was Long. We both didn’t deem your jeans comfortable enough. Also, I applied some medication to your calf and head since they looked a bit daunting…please don’t get mad. I swear I sticked my hand into your bag with closed eyes. Cross my heart. Anyhow, I slept on the floor as you can probably tell. I’ll pick it up once I get back from a workout with a few of the girls. Feel free to stay in bed or go to your room, its up to you. Talk when I get back._

  * _Lex_



_P.S. If you use the shower, turn the knob right and not left…I learned the hard way._

_P.S.S I almost forgot, good morning!_

 

I let out a giggle at the last two comments thinking of Lex as she wrote this. _What a knuckle head…_ Shaking my head, I stretch my arms out and decide to clean up for the girl. I roll up her blankets spawned across the floor and neatly stack them on the ottoman in the corner of the room. The bed is quick to make and I even toss some of her clothes lying around into the laundry basket. As I begin to head to the door, I dare to do something. Rushing into the closet, I flicker the lights on and quickly scan my eyes over the limited items she has to choose from. I grab a loose white shirt, skinny blue jeans along with some light grey shoes with a swoosh on them. Neatly folding the clothes, I make sure to roll up the bottom of the jeans and place them towards the end of the bed. I take the note she left me and fold it so I can write on it. 

 

_Lex,_

_Left not right, got it… Hope your work out went well. As you can tell, I’m not good with orders. Sorry not sorry. I took the liberty to go into the closet and choose an outfit for you as well. Promise I didn’t go throw your things, although I may or may have not dropped a spike in there…I guess we’ll find out if you come looking for me with a torch. Well, its up to you if you want to wear the outfit or not. Talk when you get back._

_-Heath_

_P.S. Good Morning!_

 

I close the note and place it on top of the clothes. Looking around to make sure everything is in its place, I walk out the door and to my room. Taking Lex’s advice, I turn the shower knob left and not right. Warm water soothes my skin as I twirl around trying to warm my whole body. For once, I don’t think of a single thing as I shower. I simply shower. _Do people ever really shower? Like, just shower and nothing else?_ I shrug my shoulders and step out of the shower feeling a little more at peace. 

I take my underwear and bra and slip them on. Next are my black ripped jeans and black tee. I top the outfit will my PDX hat and athletic shoes. When I look in the mirror, I nearly scream in horror. 

“Of my gosh how am I going to get rid of these” I whine as I poke the bags under my eyes. 

“Where the hell am I going to get make up…The the hell IS makeup anyways” I cry out in annoyance. As I stare at myself, I get an idea. 

I run back into Lex’s room and find a small box with make up. I take what I think I’ll need and grab the note. 

_P.S.S I stole some make up_

Putting the note back, I rush to the bathroom and begin experimenting with the tubes. After 20 minutes of messing up, I finally get the desired look. _Natural._ I clean up the messy bathroom and grab the makeup and put it back where it belongs. 

“Tobin” Press asks as I close Lex’s door 

“Close, Heath” 

“Oh yikes sorry, you both look alike from behind” 

“I get that” 

“So what are you up to”

“I’m heading down to get a snack, you” 

“Same” 

“Well then, shall we” I say offering my elbow. Christen laughs giving me that peace Christen back at Axiom gives me. She hangs her hand on my elbow and we walk down to the kitchen. 

“Did it hurt” Pinoe asks as we reach the kitchen

“What” 

“When you fell from heaven” 

“Did you just call me Satan” I joke causing Pinoe to turn red. Everyone laughs at my rebuttal making me smile with delight. 

“Damn Pinoe, she just murdered you” 

“Nice one” Christen says while turning to me. 

“Thanks” We continue to mess with Pinoe as breakfast continues between Lauren, Amy, Pinoe, Christen and I. Everyone pauses when the front door opens and in walks Tobin and Alex. 

“Ohhh, I think I needa…call Syd” Pinoe says quickly escaping the kitchen. Amy awkwardly gets up and leaves, leaving Lauren, Chris and I in the kitchen. 

“Morning” Christen greets the couple. 

“Morning, we didn’t mean to interrupt breakfast” 

“We were just finishing” I say as I pick up my plate and throw it in the washer. 

“So you wouldn’t mind giving us a minute” Tobin asks. I turn my head enough to look at Christen who immediately picks up my pleading glance. 

“Actually, Heath and I were going to get some coffee” 

“Oh, okay” Alex says. I follow Christen out the door while avoid looking up. 

“Where you going” I hear Abby’s demanding voice as we close the front door. Behind Abby are Lex, Long, Becky, Carli, Kelley and Hope, all a bit soaked in sweat. 

“We were just escaping the situation inside” I confess with some uncomfortableness. 

“They’re here” 

“Um yeah” I respond as I walk to my best friend and give her a hug. 

“I’ll handle the situation” Kelley says as she begins to walk to the door. 

“I think its better if they handle it” Abby inquires but Kelley don’t listen. Hope weirdly follows after Kelley and Abby sighs. 

“Well, I guess we’ll have to wait” Christen says as she leans against a car. 

“I have an idea” Carli enlightens the group as she goes to grab something from the car. When she closes the door, she drops three soccer balls on the ground “Alright listen up, you trio have it in you to play soccer, we just have to click things together. Heres some motivation, you three won a championship while playing for Portland” 

“We all played together” I ask a bit amused 

“You did before Alex got traded. Allie and Tobin still play in Portland” 

“Right” I say remembering what Alex told me in the car. 

“Okay listen up, Abby you go with Lex, Long you’re with me, Heath with Becky. Christen, you are the ref” 

“Heath doesn’t play my position” 

“She doesn’t need to be taught anything, the girl is creative enough” 

“You have a point” Becky replies as she walks over to me and places her elbow on my shoulder. 

“Alright, three minutes of advice and technique then we’ll let the three scrimmage” 

“Three minutes?! I can’t teach Lex here perfect header technique in three minutes” Abby whines

“I can’t teach Long here to score a hat trick in three so chill out” Carli responds with an eye roll. As Carli and Abby get right to it, Becky just stands besides me and watches. 

“You aren’t going to teach me anything”

“You got it in you”

“Umm no Becky, I don’t” 

“Just relax. Be you” 

“How am I supposed to relax when I don’t know a thing about soccer”

“Look, its simple, when the ball gets to your feet, dance around it. Distract the player from the ball” 

“What do you mean dance around it? Like, the hell” 

“Alright finish it up” 

“What the hell Lloyd it hasn’t even been three minutes” Abby says with a bitch face

“Scared of losing Wambach”

“Bring it Lloyd”

“Lets go me” Becky inquires making me laugh while everyone else stares confused “You guys left me out” She shrugs. 

“Alright, Heath vs Long” 

“Okay just remember what I said, dance around the ball” Becky says as she pushes me onto the grass. 

“We’re going to do golden ball scrimmage, whoever loses walks off and the person on the side line comes on. When you guys get the hang of it, we’ll make teams” 

“Okay but what do we do with the ball” Long asks as she starts around the front yard. 

“Score a goal”

“But where is the goal” 

“Jesus, Lord, be creative you guys” Becky exclaims. I look at my best friend whom in turn just looks at me. We both shrug and walk to the opposite sides of the ball. Carli blows a whistle and things take off. Long gets the ball first and runs me over as she kicks the ball towards to trees. 

“GOOOALLLLLL” Christen yells. I look at Becky whom simply tells me to get up. I walk off to the drive way and watch Lex come on. When Carli blows the whistle, Lex gets to the ball first but struggles to get past Long. Before Long can shoot, Lex gathers the ball and scores. 

“GOOOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOAL GOALLLL” Christen yells making me turn to look at her “What…it’s the way the Latino’s yell during a match. I do have to say, it makes some games ten times better” 

“I second that” Becky says. 

“Okay, we’ll any advice” 

“Dance around the ball, and oh, shield” 

“That’s no help” I murmur as I take my spot. The whistle blows and again, Long gets the ball first. Before she shoots, I try sliding from behind and manage to poke the ball out of her stretch. Sadly, I poke it into my own goal. 

“Well, that’s a start” Becky says as I reach the side line. We continue to practice until Carli calls teams. 

“I think you each get the point now. Teams. Heath, Lex, Long and Becky. Abby, Christen and I on the other. You guys start” Carli says tossing the ball my way. I bring it down magically causing Becky to grin. 

“Atta girl” 

“Whenever your ready Heath” Abby says. I center the ball in the middle of the yard and look at Lex. 

“Ready”

“As I’ll ever be” I pass the ball to her and things start off. We manage to hold possession for a few minutes before Carli intercepts and passes to Christen who scores. The same happens the next round, and the round after that, and the round after that. To say the least, we get drilled. I extend my arm to Becky whom takes it. 

“Time to get it together. Be aggressive” She cheers as we huddle

“Carli’s really good at interceptions so try forming a triangle around her but make sure to stay moving. Always pass a little ahead”

“Christen is good with the ball at her feet so pressure her” I say as I wipe some sweat. 

“Abby isn’t too fast so lean on her side” 

“Ready” I ask as we share out ideas 

“Lets go” The fifteen round goes better and Lex manages to tally a goal for us. 

“15-1” Carli yells 

“Yeah yeah” I say as I pass the ball to Lex, she crosses to Long whom in turn passes back to Becky. We continue to play around Carli and Christen until I deside to take Becky’s advice. I receive the ball from Becky and  quickly cross my left leg over the ball before tapping it ahead with my right foot. Carli slips and I make a run for it. I pass to Long whom passes it back when Christen attempts a tackle. I receive the ball and see Lex making a diagonal run. Our eyes meet and something inside clicks. She fakes the run and gets to the middle of the field in time to receive the ball. Lex quickly passes it to Long whom cross it to me. I pull the ball back as I see Carli in the corner of my eye. She slips on again causing Becky to join the attack. She receives the ball and switches the field. I remain wide open and receive a cross from Long. I see Lex up top but also feel Christen coming after me. As the ball leaves my foot, Christen slide tackles me. I watch as Lex jumps higher than Abby and scores what I deem to be the best goal. I immediately run over to her elastic. I slide and elope her in a hug as Long and Becky come pile up on us. 

“Oh my gosh that was amazing” Becky exclaims like a proud mother. 

“Whats going on” Syd asks as we start getting up

“Oh nothing, these three just happened to score a world class goal on three world class players” Becky smirks as she ruffles my hair

“It wasn’t that fancy” Abby says 

“It was good, I’ll give them that” Carli says as we reach the group of girls outside the door. 

“You’re bleeding” Alex exclaims as she points at my leg. 

“What…oh my gosh” I gasp as I look down at my jeans. 

“Oh dude, that’s a lot of blood” Hope says as she looks away

“Come on” Alex says as she grabs my hand and pulls me inside. She sits me down on the kitchen table as she goes to grab the medical kit. I take the opportunity to remove my shoes and try to roll up my jeans to see whats causing the bleeding. 

“Here, I’ll help with that” Tobin’s voice rings. I look up to see her with scissors. 

“What are you doing” 

“Cutting the jeans”

“But they’ll be ruined”

“Theres millions of jeans waiting on shelves to be bought. I’ll be fine without this” She smiles and I nod okay. She slowly cuts the jeans up to my knee and places the red soaked blades on the counter. 

“I’m going to try cleaning some of the blood off if that’s okay” 

“Go for it” Tobin grabs a cloth and soaks it in warm water before bringing it over to me. She holds her breath as she slowly begins to clean the dry blood. As she wipes around the cut, I see her hand shaking. 

“You won’t hurt me”

“I know but that doesn’t mean I want you to feel pain”

“It’s okay, really”

“Okay” She sighs. As she slowly cleans over the cut, I bite my lip and take a close look at the size. 

“Oh wow, that’s huge” Alex voice inquires as she sets the medical kit on the counter

“It’s the size of a tangerine Alex” I state with a giggle

“That’s huge”  

“It’s really not”

“Oh it is” 

“You guys don’t really see injuries do you” I ask as I lean back onto my palms and let Alex wrap my calf. 

“Not really, our medical team is on top of those things” 

“That’s, good” 

“Well, the cut should close on it’s on. Although I’m no doctor so you should watch out for an infection” 

“Thanks” I say as I take Tobin’s hand and hop off the counter “I guess I could go get changed” 

“Yeah” Alex awkwardly says as the tension that was minor inflates. I turn around and escape to my designated room. After jumping into another pair of jeans, I swing the door open and am surprised to see Alex pacing in front of my door. I clear my throat which causes her to stop and look at me. 

“Can I help you”

“I um, well, I” She stutters while trying to form words

“Go on, I won’t bite” I say which causes her to relax physically. 

“Okay, um so I just came to say that after what happened yesterday, you don’t have to come to accept the award with”

“Hold on, I don’t want to sound rude but why wouldn’t I go with you”

“Because your upset with me”

“What, no, I’m not upset with you. You didn’t know Tobin’s parents were home. I mean you might have known they were coming but you wouldn’t have taken me there if you knew they were there”

“But you’re upset”

“Yes but not with you”

“So you’re coming with me tonight”

“A deals a deal”

“Thank you” 

“Don’t mention it”

“I have to go get my hair done but Syd wants to take you somewhere”

“Where”

“I don’t know, just prepare for anything” 

“I-okay. I’ll pick you up at 5”

“Sounds good….wait shouldn’t I be the one to pick” I put my hand on Alex’s lips to silence her.

“Your hair appointment” She nods and rushes down the stairs. _What a women…_  

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Remind me again why I’m wearing a dress” I whine as I look in the mirror. 

“Because Tobin wears dresses and not suits”

“Well sorry, people in Axiom much more fashioned than simple dress”

“Well we’re in America, not hush while I take a picture” I don’t even get to open my mouth as Syd’s flash blinds me. 

“Awesome, now here is the GPS, it’ll give you orders and”

“Get me to Alex’s house”

“Yep, you guys should be back by 11”

“Okay, well, thank you”

“Anytime Heath” I smile at Syd and grab my black ring. Walking down the stairs, I turn into the kitchen to grab a last minute drink. 

“Wow” Lex’s voice breaths. I turn around to find the brunette wearing the outfit I picked out. My smile glows wide as I take in her perfection. 

“You look sharp yourself” I compliment which causes her to blush. 

“I thought it was a neat detail to pick white”

“Haha well, I might hate the color but it looks good on some individuals” 

“Thank you” 

“You’re welcome” I smile as I listen to the music that plays in the background “Classic 40’s” I state more to myself than to Lex asI take her hand and begin to slow dance. 

“Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling as it goes 

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand, 

Take my whole life too

For I can’t help falling in love with you

For I can’t help falling in love with you” I whisper as I song comes to an end. We stop with our eyes interlocked and hearts on our chests. The space between us starts to feel like miles. I find myself leans in as she does two. Before anything can happen, I hear someone clear their throat. We immediately part and I grab the keys off the counter. 

“I, I gottta go” I quickly get out before rushing past Abby and Lex. 

The drive to Alex’s apartment is not long which I thank as I want something to distract me from my thoughts. I rush to the door to wait for Alex. 

“I don’t think I blame Pinoe anymore” Alex’s says as she comes outside. I look up to see her wearing a beautiful dark blue violet dress with her hair up in an elegant bun. 

“I guess I can say the same about Pinoe back at Axiom” I compliment as I open the door for her. 

“Thank you Heath”

“My pleasure Madam” I say as I closer the door. Her giggle makes me blush as I rush to the drivers side. 

“Where to my lady”

“We will first be doing some pictures downtown till around 6:30” 

“Sounds good” 

We spend an hour simply standing in front of cameras and taking pictures. When Alex said some pictures, I took it for 3 or 4, not 50. Usually, I manage to somehow get out of the pictures or do small gestures that point the attention to Alex. Every so often, I catch her very relaxed. As if pictures were a habit of nature. 

“Alright Miss Morgan, I think thats it” A man says as I stand and people watch. 

“Awesome, well thank you for having us”. 

“It was a pleasure to have you. You’re a great star on and off the field” 

“Awh thanks, you’re very kind” 

“Haha it’s not just me being professional. You’ve a women with many perfections” I turn at the man whom seems to be a little to close to Alex for my liking. 

“Of stop”

“Well, I think its time to get to the interviews, will you” The man says offering his elbow to Alex. I stand besides her ready to punch the guy if he tries a move but to my surprise, Alex turns him down. 

“Thank you but I’m going to stick with my plus on here” 

“I see, well if you want a dance, you know where to find me” The man says before walking off. I roll my eyes to the point of no return. 

“Oh is that jealousy I hint”

“More like nausia” I rejoice causing Alex to laugh. 

“Come on, we still have so much more to go” 

 

When Alex’s name gets called, I stand and applaud like a proud best friend. She stands and immediately turn to me. 

“People said you were good at soccer, not a badass” I joke into her ear as we hug. 

“Shhhh it’s a secret” 

We pull away and I watch her walk up to the podium to receive her award. 

“I, thank you, thank you so much. I want to begin by dedicating this to my team. Not just the USWNT but to Portland and the Thorns. I’ve been here for three years and have never not been in awe of the spirt and love the community hold for women’s soccer. Choosing to leave was a tough decision for me…I find myself in tears at time as I think of the morning rain at 6 am, the burning sunshine at 3 and the snow at sunset” People around the crowd, including I, begin to giggle at her joke “But most off all, I think of what I’m leaving behind” Alex pauses to wipe some tears away causing ‘awww’’s to erupt from the crowd “I just want all the fans, the community, my team mates and my best friend to know that I’m sorry” 

I let out a shaky breath knowing exactly who Alex is apologizing to. A few turn to look at me as I clear the knot in my throat “I’m sorry and I wish I could take you all with me but purple doesn’t fit the rose city…Rose City has, and will forever hold the key to my heart. With that being said, I want to hand down this award to my US soccer team mate and friend Ali Krieger…She couldn’t join us today but I know she will soon…This award belongs to her. She had the best season of her life and with all due respect, simply killed it out there and it would be a shame of me to take this from her… This is for you Ali” Alex finishes as she kisses the trophy and lifts it up. Everyone jumps to their feet to cheer on Alex and what she has done not just for Rose City but for Ali. I myself join the crowd and cheer on as Alex hands the trophy back to the announcer and walks my way. I greet her with the proudest smile and hold her tight. 

“I’m so proud of you” 

“Thank you” We take our seats and enjoy the rest of the night before finally heading home. 

“Abby just texted me and said she wants to talk” 

“So she wants me to take you home with me…to her house I mean”

“If that’s not a bother”

“Not at all” I reply. I open her door when we arrive to Abby’s and walk with her to the door. 

“Well, either theres a mod of angry girls inside or they're pulling my leg”

“We won’t know until we go inside” I say as I reach for the door knob. 

“No wait, can we just…this is going to sound weird but can we just stand here. For one minute and take it all in” 

“Um, sure” I let go off the handle and breath in. Alex looks at me with a sad smile which causes me to raise an eyebrow. 

“Sorry, it’s just. Is it bad that I’m rooting for Lex and you” 

“What”

“You’re wearing the ring the girl gave you” 

“That girl has a name”

“Which is” 

“Look, Alex, I much rather not touch that subject tonight. It’s been enough of a whirl for you and I these past 24 hours. Lets just go in there and face whatever the team brings to the table”

When we walk through the door, the whole team cheers in delight. 

"What's going on"

"Oh nothing, just that Miss Alex Morgan"

"The Alex Morgan"

"Rejected an award"

"In front of millions of love audience"

"For Ali" Ash says with a bright smile. 

"It was the right thing to do" Alex says genuinely 

"Well, We're all proud of you" The team come and hug Alex as I escape to get out of the dress. When I come back, the team is all mingling while drinking a bit. 

"What happened to the dress" Lauren asks as I reach the kitchen 

"Unlike you guys, I'm not much of a dress person" 

"Makes sense" I nod in agreement and search for my best friend.

"Are you looking for Long" I turn around to face Tobin and nod yes.

"She went to the rest room" 

"Oh, thanks for letting me know" 

"Listen, can we talk"

"Tobin, I don't really"

"It doesn't have to do with my parents, I promise" I stare into her hazel eyes and see the slightest hint of desperation. 

"Okay" I breathe. I follow her out to the balcony and lean my back against the railing as she looking out towards the city. "So what is it you want to talk about" 

"I need your advice"

"On"

"Alex" Oh geeze...

"Please don't ask me to make life choices for you because" 

"No no...nothing like that, I just, I need your take on her. You guys have been hanging out a lot and"

"Look, I really don't know what she's told you but I can guarantee nothing has or will happen between us, she loves you" 

"Really Heath? You think she does? After all the shit I've given her? I know you know about our engagement"

"Yes I do know and you want my honest opinion... You're an asshole, but don't worry, I am too" 

"How's that supposed to make me feel better"

"It's not Tobin...I can't make you feel better. Only you can make yourself feel less miserable" I explain "Look, it was wrong for Alex to try and negotiate your contract with Portland but it was also wrong of you to call off the engagement"

"I know it was wrong but I was just so hurt. She never mentioned Orlando and then she tells me she can get Portland to sell me? I'm not another one of her possessions. I'm human and old enough to make my own choices"

"So that's what hurt you, that she, in a way, had control over you"

"Over my career"

"I feel you"

"Do you"

"I used to feel the same way with Lex. I used to think she could convince her father to fire me"

"So her father is your boss"

"Was, well sorta still is, if anything, I hold Lex's life in my hands"

"How so"

"I took her place without realizing"

"Oh no" Tobin breathes 

"I know"

"What are you going to do about it"

"I've never done anything. The man just idolizes me"

"So you're famous"

"For the wrong reasons"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be" I reply as I turn to look out at the city. 

"The moment I saw you waiting for Alex with a proud smile after she rejected the award, I knew I had messed up. I knew in that moment that I never wanted to miss another moment in her life. I never want another person to tell her how beautiful she is, or how ridiculously amazing she is at something. I never want someone other than myself to hold her when she cries, or when she sleeps. I know that I don't want anyone in my place" 

"Look, that's a beautiful speech and all, but you're telling the wrong person" 

"Do you think she'll accept"

"Dear lord will you forgive me following words... You dipshit you've wasted six months! It's time to fucking put on your big girl panties and get her back" I yell with a smile. 

"Okay so what do I"

"Oh my goodness, you're like a child" I breathe with a playful eye roll. I grab her by the hand and pull her inside. 

"ALEXXXXXXX" I yell at the top of my lungs. 

"Heath no, I can't do this in front of the whole team"

"Too late...Ali's not here so technically it's now the whole team" 

"What's going on" Abby says as everyone gathers around the living room. 

"Look Abby, nows not the time to ask questions. Nows the time to get Alex"

"Here she is" Allie says as she pushes Alex forward. 

"Heath, what's going on"

"Look, Tobin here" I start to explain but see Tobin still standing "DUDE! Get on one knee" I hiss causing Tobin  to jump into action. A few gasps are heard as a few cameras are pulled out.

"Alex, it's been six months since I called off the engagement. It's been six months since we've officially had a tittle. Six long miserable months of hiding our feelings for the sake of the situation and I can't let it go another day. I know I hurt you, and I know it was wrong to make such a big decision in a time of anger and I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry for all the time it's taken me to realize that I can't live without you...Alexandra Patricia Morgan, will you forgive me and agree to marry me" As Tobin pulls out a ring from her pocket, I nearly lose my shit. OH MY FUCKING GOSH SHES BEEN CARRYING THE RING WITH HER. 

"I" Alex mutters in utter shock. As she meets my eyes, I smile and nod towards Tobin. "Yes, I, yes, oh my gosh" Alex finally answers. Tobin scared eyes burn bright as she hears Alex's answer. As she slides the ring onto Alex's finger, everyone cheers in happiness and confusion. As I move to the side, I catch Lex's eyes whom show just as much peace and happiness as my eyes.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Mrs and soon to be Mrs Heath" I say as the two share a kiss. The team gather around the two to take pictures as I move to the side to grab a drink. 

"An agent, peace keeper and now a match maker" Becky jokes 

"They belong together"

"We didn't know they were apart"

"I didn't find out till yesterday"

"Wow, they're good at hiding it"

"Well, I guess Tobin called off the wedding but when Ali disappeared, Tobin jumped back into a relationship for the sake of Alex's happiness"

"Tobin always careless"

"Is it bad to say that I'm happy Ali disappeared" 

"I could say the same about Allie" Becky and I share a look and begin to laugh. A pair of arms hug me from behind and I smile. 

"I used to think I had seen it all from you" My best friend says as she stands besides me.

"I'm full of surprises"

"That you are" Lex says genuinely 

"I still can't believe they weren't together, all this time"

"And it would have still been like that if it wasn't for you" Alex says as she joins the group with Tobin. She reaches out to hug me and I accept the hug in peace. 

"Thank you, thank you so much" She whispers into my ear. Her raspy voice would normally give me goose bumps but this time, it gives me happiness.  

"There's nothing to thank" I say while letting go. 

"Alex is right, without you and Lex, we would still be apart" Tobin says with thankfulness 

"And we would still be out of the loop" Pinoe joins in

"Cheers to Heath, Lex and Long. For everything they've done and are doing. I think I speak for everyone when I say that you have left a mark on us all" Abby says with a glass of wine in hand. Everyone raises their glass and holds a toast to us. 

"And to the newly engaged couple" Long throws in. 

We spend the next few hours enjoying the last of our time together before some start heading to bed. 

“I’m heading up now” 

“I’m going to be outside then be up” 

“Okay goodnight” Long says as she kisses my head like usual. I head outside to the balcony and lean against the railing as I look out to the beautiful city. The lights in the distance look like stars in a sea of clouds. _I’m going to miss this place…_  

“Is this where you always escape to” Lex’s soft voice asks as she leans against the railing. 

“Yeah, this view is phenomenal” 

“I wish there was a very like this at home” 

“There is” 

“Where”

“From my quarter, every morning, when the sun rises, it paints a beautiful shade of pink orange on Axiom” 

“Your windows are black though” Lex states confused causing me to let out a laugh. 

“They are when they are set on that setting” 

“Gotcha” She breathes. 

“Lex”

“Yeah Heath” 

“You know I was serious about last night. I really am sorry”

“And I am too”

“Have you ever thought of whats going to happen when we get back”

“Not really”

“Neither have I”

“The past is so much more intriguing” 

“Why is that” I smile as I turn to look at her

“Well, for starters, I got sucked into some portal and now I’m here…in some wonderland I would have never dreamed of. Everything here is different. The water, the food, the environment, you and I…everything’s simply wrong but so right”

“I feel you”

“But you what the best part of all this has been”

“What”

“Meeting the real you. The one whom doesn’t hold a tight smile or frame. The one whom wears their heart on their sleeve and not an act. The one whom never meant to hurt me” 

“She’s great isn’t she” 

“Well don’t be self conceded now” Alex smiles. 

“Wait, I thought you were talking about Tobin”

“You’re such a dork” 

“How was I supposed to know you were talking about me”

“I literally said the word you” 

“Yeah but I thought you were describing Tobin”

“Now why would I be describing her” 

“Because she’s everything I’m not” 

“You’re everything she is and more” 

“You think so” I ask as I meet her eyes that shine like a flash light. 

“I know so” She smiles. We stare into each others galaxies as the world spins around us, leaving no air between us. As I glance down at her lips, all the things I felt for Alex suddenly make sense. It was never Alex I was falling for. It was Lex. _It’s you I’ve always longed for._ As I look up to meet her burning eyes, I know theres no going back. I catch her lips with mine in a swift of emotions and soon we’re both on fire. As I bring my hands to her rosy cheeks, we part from each other to only come back with more heat. We slowly break apart but keep our heads together. I wrap my arms around her in fear she’s disappear with the wind if I let go. 

“Tell me we’re not dreaming” 

“I would but I don’t know myself” I answer as I feel her heart beat with mine. 

“Then show me the impossible” She whispers with just the slightest hint of desire…and I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally. Heath and Lex are together!   
> Comment your reaction below! :)


	43. Pain that Breaks the Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last of three pains. The heart, the bones and the soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can not put into words how humbled and grateful I am for all those who read this story. You're comments from last chapter really made me smile. Thank you so much for reading and sticking with my complicated story haha. We're nearing the end my friends but don't be sad yet! Now is your chance to vote. 
> 
> Shall I make a sequel to this story? Yes or no? Comment and tell me what you want and think :) 
> 
> Anyhow, go on and read. We're back at Axiom and yes, we will finally get to the part I describe in the story summary haha

Pain That Breaks The Soul

Her head rests on my chest and my arm on her back. I watch her head rise and fall with my breathing and find comfort in her peaceful sleeping. As I trace circles on her back, she begins to stir. I never thought I would see anything more beautiful in life until I catch her morning eyes. They're like swirls of crystal blue water mixed with navy in swirls. She pats my body to make sure it's real before laying back down. Her nose brushes against my neck causing me to giggle. 

"What's funny"

"Nothing, just your nose" 

"This" She asks burying her head deeper into the crook of my neck causing me to squirm in giggles. 

"Yeah" I breath as she finally stops. We both sigh at the same time causing me to smile. 

"We didn't have sex did we" Lex asks if it were no nothing

"No, you fell asleep when we got upstairs" 

"Hey, it's not my fault your kisses suck the air out of me" 

"Guess I better learn CPR then"

"You're such a dork" Lex giggles causing me to smile. We fall into a comfortable silence until she breaks it with good reason. 

"I feel like I've known you my whole life but, I feel like I don't know you...you get me"

"Nope"

"Okay, so I know you. I know who you are and the real you but I don't know a thing about you"

"I'm a simple person"

"That's not going to quit it"

"So then what do you want to know"

"Who's the first person you've kissed" I begin to laugh at her question but as I think of the answer begins to die. Oh gosh, this won't be good. 

"What"

"Nothing, it's just, embarrassing to talk about"

"Why, was it a failure"

"No, nothing like that, it's just that the person... Gosh this is gonna be weird"

"Come on, I won't judge" I weigh my options in my head but decide on telling the truth. 

"My first kiss was the night of Allies dinner party...it was, oh gosh this is so awkward" I groan as I cover my eyes with my right hand. I hear Lex begin to laugh which makes me scrunch my eyebrows. 

"Why are you laughing"

"Because...how funny..is it...that MY sister was the first person to kiss you" Lex says in between laughing 

"How's that funny?! It's embarrassing"

"That's exactly why it's funny"

"Wait how did you know it was Jeri" I ask now catching up with her words 

"I sorta might have seen that happen" 

"Wait, is that why you were mad the rest of the night" I ask with a smirk 

"Hey now, let's not pin this on me"

"So either you were jealous or a creeper for watching" 

"What no, I'm no creeper"

"Then there's no denying you were jealous"

"Annoyed would be the better word" 

"Hahaha Alex Morgan? Annoyed of me kissing on her sister, who would have" Lex's lips interrupt my sentence in a fierce hurry. She quickly tops me with force causing me to gasp at the sudden show of lust. 

"Who's the better kisser" Lex asks as she explores my neck.

"Umm, no, I'm not answering that" I shiver as she begins to suck on a crook between my jawline and neck "fuck" 

"Did you like it"

"Lex" I whimper as she slowly bites my collet bone 

"Yes"

"Fuck we need to stop"

"Why" She asks with fake innocence. "Because"

"Why" she repeats with a raspy voice that sends waves of ecstasy through my body and straight to my core. I close my eyes and bite my lip to try and slow down my beating heart but Lex has other plans. She slowly grinds against me causing me clench my eyes tighter. Gosh this is harder then camp. When she thrust her lips forward, I let out a silent curse. I can practically see Lex's smirk through my closed eyes. I expect more of her teasing but instead, her lips meet mine with gentleness and nothing more. 

"I won't rush you" She whispers as she lays her body on mine so her head rests on my heart. I let out a shaky breath I was holding in. 

"Thank you"

"Mhmm hmm" 

"I've never done it before" I confess as my insides begin to settle down.

"I know" 

"You do"

"Your heart was pounding of your chest" 

"I...that's embarrassing, I'm so sorry" 

"I didn't mean it in a bad way, I find it kinda cute" Lex says as she sits up to face me.

"You do"

"Of course, Kardia's badass saving herself, how is that not cute"

"I'm not saving myself, I'm just not comfortable with.."

"Intimacy" 

"Yeah that"

"And that's okay, it'll happen when it does" 

"I know... Come on, let's go eat before the team wakes" 

"Mmmk" Lex smiles.

We enjoy a small breakfast in silence until Carli and Hope come down. Hopes repulsing eyes liger too long for my liking causing me to stand and wash my plate. 

"We're going to go for a quick run, want to join" Carli asks as she reach besides me for a clean water bottle. 

"No thank you, I'm going to finish up the 3D printers" 

"Suit yourself, Lex" 

"Thanks but I'm going to stick around and bug Heath" 

"Alright, come on Hope" Once they leave, Lex and I head to the garage to finish up the printers in silence. Every so often she asks questions which I answer with honesty. 

"So your parents, they're"

"Nonexistent"

"I wish I would have known, I'm so sorry for mentioning it at the dinner. I swear I didn't know"

"I know you didn't, very few know" 

"Does the squad know"

"Yes, so does Tim and of course Long. Oh and Mark" 

"Mark, the guy that's part of the"

"Board, yep"

"So you guys are friends"

"Yes but you can't tell people. He's apart of us" 

"Like a cult" Lex giggles. I playfully roll my eyes before retrieving my hand from inside the printer. I put the front glass back on and smile. 

"It's done" 

"They are"

"Yeah"

"Why do you need them"

"To make this" I walk over to a part of the garage and move some baskets. I reach under a cabinet to grab rolled up blue prints. I spread them on the work beach and explain the machinery I'm going to build. 

"What's going on" Ash voice rings as she opens the garage door.

"Come over here, this is what will get us home" 

"Yikes, looks very complex"

"Yeah it does. All I need now is a source of energy" 

"You can't create energy"

"You don't know a lot of physics do you"

"Nope"

"Well energy can't be created or destroyed, only transformed. Back at Axiom we've managed to create energy but it's very unstable and pretty much lethal"   

"You guys sound very smart"

"Ehh"

"Don't listen to Heath, her entire squad is full of nerds" 

“Okay, we may be above average but still, I don’t know where I’m going to get energy at the beach” 

“Running on a treadmill” 

“Do you have a treadmill” 

“Nope”

“Okay, so that’s off the chart”

“The wind”

“Not strong enough” 

“What about waves” Lex asks a bit unsure. _Waves? Waves…waves, potential energy,…wave lengths…amplitude, disturbance, kinetic energy, hydro power, hydroelectricity, clean energy._

“Oh my gosh…Lex, you’re a genius” I mumble as I grab a pencil and piece of paper. I begin to scramble some algorithms while outlining the basic concept of energy conversion. 

“What the hell” 

“Shhh” I hiss towards the two as I write out multiple ways to convert wave energy into electricity. Telios is mainly the region that deals with this kind of technology but from the advancement in Axiom, we are usually the ones to develop the technology. 

“I got it”

“Explain the gibberish” Ash says while pointing at the paper

“Okay, waves carry energy. They’re in a way, messengers. When a wave strikes a rock or shore, they are hitting it with force that indeed has potential energy. If I can create one of these three technologies, I’ll be able to power the main device to disrupt the frequency of our world and open the portal. The portal in which Ali must have fallen through must have been powered by the wind and energy from the waves along with energy from our battle fields. That week, we had a few issues with energy, I guess the portal was what was causing some of the problems” 

“So what are you saying” Lex asks a bit hopeful

“I’m saying we can make it back” Lex’s eyes begin to tear up while Ash begins to break down. She kneels on the ground and covers her face with her hand as she cries tears of happiness. 

“We’re going to get her back Ash, Ali is coming home” I say as I hold her tight.

“I’m going to get the others” Lex says as she rushes out the door. I let Ash go so she can compose herself while I move things out of the way to create more space. 

“What’s going on” Becky asks for everyone. I let out a long breathe and give them the news. 

“After doing some brainstorming, with the help of Ash and Lex, I was able to outline three possible machines that will allow us to get back to Axiom” 

“So what are you saying” Christie asks hopeful

“What I’m saying is that Lex, Long and I will be able to make it back before the two weeks are back”

“Wait, so, you’re saying Ali will be back soon” Christen asks with so much excitement I think the girl might explode. 

“Yes, Ali will be back soon” I smile. The gals erupt in tears and cheers. Hugging each other and spreading words of thanks. The first person to grab me is Abby. Her tight embrace gives me the shivers but I soon relax and hug her back. 

“Thank you, so much”

“Theres nothing to thank” I shrug as we let go

“Abby’s right, you’re doing everything you can to get Ali back” Captain Rampone inquires 

“She’s my friend, I would do this and so much more” 

“Thank you, from the bottom of my heart and all of the team, organization and fans who will be so happy when she arrives” 

“I think she will be too” 

“Yo, get in” Pinoe yells. I look up to see her holding a pole with her phone at the end of it.

“Come on, its for a picture” Abby says. I join in and Pinoe counts to three. 

“1…2…5…4….8”

“Come on just take the damn” Syd exclaims as Pinoe snaps the photos. We all laugh while Syd chases down Pinoe for the phone. 

“Those knuckle heads” I giggle shaking my head 

“I’m going to miss them” Lex breathes 

“I’m going to miss the food” Long says as she gives me a side hug

“Well, hopefully you guys can visit” 

“It’s a little more complicated getting here then it is leaving”

“I’ll take that as a maybe” Ash smiles 

“Alright, everyone head home and pack your bags, we leave in an hour and a half” Abby yells. 

I head straight to my room and begin to pack. As I finish up, I hear a faint knock at my door. 

“Come in” I yell as I grab some folded clothes off the bed and neatly place them in my backpack. A strong pair of arms wrap around me and I smile. Lex’s lips meet the crook of my shoulder and neck sending waves of energy through me. As she brushes her fingers under the rim of my shirt I pull forward, falling onto the bed with her on top. Her gasp makes me smirk as I begin to explore her neck. Every kiss is new, filled with new flavors and sounds that leave me wanting more. When she tries to take control, I flip us over so that I’m on top. Before she can try to make a move, I carefully bite her collarbone like she had done yesterday. The small faint whimper that escapes her mouth sends me into a state I’ve never been to before. _Oh fuck, that was hot._ I do it again only with more force earning yet another curse that has a little more of a breathless sound to it. Continuing my naive seeking, Lex’s hip bulk forward into my core as I suck on a specific part of her neck. 

“Fuck, babe” She breathes out as her eyes shoot open. She places her hands in between us, creating some space. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry” I immediately apologize while sitting up. 

“No, don’t” she breathes “Just give me a moment” She says with an uneven raspy voice. I watch her breathe in deep and let out the air slowly. Once her heart rate is back to normal, she grabs my hand and pulls me onto the bed so that we’re laying on our sides, staring into each others eyes. 

“I’m so sorry Lex, I didn’t mean to hurt you” I whisper with tears in my eyes 

“No, no, you didn’t hurt me” She quickly says as she kisses me softly.

“But you”

“Shhh” she says putting her index finger on my lips “You didn’t do anything wrong…if anything you did everything right” 

“I did” I ask confused

“You’re so innocent” She giggles. I continue to give her a confused look causing her to laugh a little more loudly “Let’s just say you got me a bit worked up” 

“I…what”

“My goodness Heath, don’t you ever get excited”

“What do you mean”

“Physically”

“I’m not following” 

“Aroused, turned on, worked up, you know” 

“I…” Blush hard as it hits me. _Isn’t that human nature?…wait did she just say I turn her on?_ She smirks as she sees my train of thoughts displayed on my face. 

“Mhmm, sounds like you’re in for a life experience” Lex whispers with a low husky voice. Before I can relax, she tops me and begins to kiss my neck. Her lips muffle my voice and take control of me both mentally and physically “Everyone has a different spot” She whispers as she explore my left side “It takes a little of time to find for those who don’t know what they’re looking for” She goes on as she lips a hand under my shirt. She begins to traces doodles on my right abdominal like a blush, slowly working me up. _Fuck._ “But” she says inching closer to my jaw line “For someone like me…its like a rose in a meadow of lilies” She sucks hard on the spot where my jawline and neck meet causing me to bulk my hips and gasp out in surprise. 

“Fuck” I whimper as she continue to work the spot. My body reacts in ways I have never experienced. As my hips bulk forward again, Lex kisses my lips and sits up. I’m left on the bed feeling deceived and frustrated. _Why’d she stop?!_

“Lex” I groan as I keep my eyes shut. 

“Yes” she teases with a high pitched voice 

“Why’d you stop”

“Because a worked up Heath seems fun” 

“What part of this is fun” I ask sitting up

“Every part” She says look at me in a lustful way. 

“How do I get rid of this feeling” I ask as I pace around the room not liking the way the feeling isn’t leaving 

“There are lots of ways to get rid of it”

“Like”

“Wait it out, ride it out or you can have sex”

“I’m so dead” I groan as I curse my human body. _Why you gotta get all worked up right now!_

“I’ll leave you to it” She says as she begins to walk to the door. The impulse of my body and what it’s feeling makes me grab her and pin her to the wall. Her sexy gasp only adds to the burning fire making me both groan and smirk. I kiss her lips with nothing but want and begin to work her body. 

“Fuck, okay” She breaths as I find her spot again “Okay okay Tobin” She begs. The way her voice burns my name ignites my body.

“Say it again” I murmur as I find another spot that makes her loose her breath

“Tobin” She breathes causing me suck in hard. The cry that escapes her lips pushes me off my edge. Lex notices in time to help me rid out the feelings that burst from my body and soul. Slowly taking me to the bed, she lays me down and lays next to me as I start to fall from the cloud I’m on. 

“Should have listened when I tried” she giggles as she begins to remove my jeans. I would normally panic but my body and mind are still not on the level of conscious she is on. She walks over to my bag and pulls out my clothes in search for fresh clothes. Once I’m back to her conscious level, I find her right besides me. 

“Did we just have sex” 

“You just had sex, I had the shitty end of the stick” She jokes as she helps me sit up. 

“Theres no such thing as one sided sex”

“Actually there is, it’s called rape baby, but you don’t have to worry about that. I wanted it too but your body just couldn’t wait”

“So then”

“You pretty much orgasmed to my voice” She giggles with softness. 

“Sorry” I blush hard in embarrassment, 

“It’s okay, I would prefer I be with you instead of you trying to figure out what to do with yourself” She smiles as she walks me to the shower

“I’m not sure what you mean” 

“It means, I’m happy I got to be there when it happened. Now go shower” She says with a kiss. I smile at her gentleness and hold onto her hand before she lets go. 

“I’m glad it was you” I whisper with honesty and one last kiss. 

* * *

 

When I head to the car, everyone loading up. 

“Captain Heath” Kling says with a salute causing me to laugh. 

“Kling, you don’t have to do that”

“I sure do, what are we listening to today”

“Not sure yet, I’ll have to see” 

“Well, I hope it’s more of that chill vibe” JJ says as she places her elbow on my shoulder. 

“I second that” Kelley says as she gets into the car. 

“Alright, I think we’re all set” Tobin says and I nod. I jump into the drivers seat and grab Klings phone. _Chocolate by 1975._ I click play and let the lyrics sink into my body as we head back towards the beach. The small Portland gets in the rear view mirror, the more the sadness grows. 

“Oh my gosh, I have an idea” Kling says unexpectedly. 

“What is it” 

“Lets ditch the highway and take the back roads” 

“Um what” Ash asks turning around so she can look at Kling. 

“Look, we all know that once Heath leaves, the chances of her coming back are slim. So, lets make the most of it” Kling says as she looks around the car. Kelley smiles yes and JJ agrees. 

“Heath, what do you say”

“I…I don’t think it’s a good idea”

“Well, it’s 4 against 5, turn right”

“When”

“NOW” Ash says tugging the steering wheel towards her. Theres a few honks and yelling as we quickly serve towards an exit. I stare at Ash with wide eyes and she simply laughs. 

“Goodness, you are a mad driver”

“Sometimes”

“Always” JJ jokes 

“Alright, everyone give me your phones” Kelley says “Everyone but Kling since the music is playing from her phone” 

“Why do you need our phones” JJ asks as her phone begins to ring. 

“It’s Becky”

“That’s why” Kelley exclaims “Now hand’em over” Everyone except I, since I don’t have a working phone, reluctantly hands their phones to Kelley, whom in turn puts them in a bag and hides them under the seat. 

“Now lets show Heath some fun” 

After stoping by to taste some Tillamook cheese, drive some buggies and even sand boarding, we arrive at the beach. 

“Okay, lets go over our story just to make sure no one gets it wrong” I say as I turn into the hidden dirt road. 

“I felt like puking” Ash starts off

“So we had to pull over” I say next

“When you rushed out of the car, you accidentally ended up puking on your phone” JJ continues

“My phone died and Klings phone died” Kelley goes on 

“We had to stop by a gas station to buy a map so we could find our way back” I giggle as it was actually bought so I could have a piece of Oregon with me back at Axiom. 

“The reason we’re filled with sand is because Heath felt like exploring as we tried finding a map and not because we were sand boarding” JJ laughs 

“And we have cheese because who doesn’t fucking love cheese” Kelley finishes

“Sounds about right” 

“I mean, they can’t get mad…can they” I shrug as I pull into the parking area where Tobin and Abby’s cars are parked. 

“Umm…I think they can” Kling whispers as we see Hope, Tobin, Becky and my best friend stands by the cars with arms crossed. 

“Turn the car, Turn the car” Kelley begs at the sight of a very pissed Hope 

“I can’t just do that now, we’re all gonna stick it out. No wussing out, we didn’t just ditch them for nothing” I speak with authority. Everyone nods and we get out of the car. 

“Where the hell where you” Hope fumes as Kelley stands behind me. 

“Whoa, relax, theres no need to get worked up” I say with a clam voice. 

“You guys left us without explanation” Abby steps in

“Ash wasn’t feeling good so we had to pull over. Kelley and Klings phones were dead and Ash couldn’t make it to the gas station and puked. We had to stop there and clean, no phone and apparently you’re not allowed to exchanged dollars for quarters without buying something. JJ’s phone hasn’t been working and I think you know that” I explain. 

“If you guys want to take a whiff of the smell in the truck, go ahead, be my guest” JJ adds 

“No thank you” Long says as she comes over to hug me “Jerk” She whispers into my ear causing me to giggle. 

“Okay, fine, only because Ash was sick but next time you pull a stunt like that, you’re running lines” Abby says before walking off. We all let out a breath and grab our things. 

“Yo Kling, thanks” I shout as she heads towards the food area with Kelley 

“For what” 

“For your ideas” I smile and she shoots me a thumps up. I walk with Ash and my bestfriend to the beach. 

“Aren’t you going to eat”

“I had some cheese”

“She had a bulk of it” Ash jokes 

“Okay, well, you’re eating dinner with us, no exceptions” Long says before walking off 

“Yeah mom” I murmur as she’s out of ears range

“What” Becky voice rings. I look up to see her and Lex coming our way with beer.  

“You guys sure make one hell of a story” Becky laughs as she gives me a bottle. 

“What story” I ask popping off the cap and taking a sip. 

“I smelt the car, fresh as can be” 

“Because we cleaned” 

“So what about Kelley and Klings phone”

“What about them”

“Kelley has a car changer”

“That was in Hope’s bag” 

“And what about the map”

“We needed to get back”

“Wow, you guys really took the time to figure this out. Good job” Becky cheers as she sits by the fire

“At least we brought you guys cheese” Ash says while playing with a screw driver. 

“Which Kelley ate” Lex inquires

“No fucking way”

“All of it”

“That squirrel” I smile as I finish nailing two metal pieces together. 

“I find it so interesting how you guys call her that too”

“Our Kelley’s a bit more wild” Lex says and I nod

“wouldn’t doubt it” 

“So whatcha making”

“I’m putting in the instructing so that these baby’s can start building the pieces for the machines I’ll need” 

“How long will that that”

“Theres about 60 pieces per machine, so like three hours”

“Wow, that’s fast”

“I had to update their systems. Still a bit outdated but we gotta make with what we have” 

“Very true, so why don’t you put the tools down and relax a little” Becky asks. I take a glance at Lex whom eyes the spot next to her. 

“That’s gold” Carli says while laughing. We’ve all about 4 bottles into the night, or at least the gals, as I sit back and watch in happiness. I feel Lex’s fingers tracing the ring on my finger and I internally cringe. 

“I can take it off if you want”

“No, no, its fine” She smiles while leaning against my shoulder. We continue to enjoy time with the gals but soon enough, everyone starts heading to bed. I stay back by the fire, simply taking in its heat. 

"Aren't you going to sleep" Lex asks as she sits besides me again after moving to talk with Syd and Tobin.

"I'm not tired" I shrug as I invite her to lay her head on my lap. Her tired eyes show thankfulness as she complies. I begin to run my hand through her hair and hear her let out a long sigh. 

"You're so gentle" Lex yawns

"Would you prefer I pull your hair" I joke.

"Haha that's not what I meant. It's just, your strong hands touch me with such care. As if I were to break"

"You could"

"But I won't" She restates as she flips over so she's facing me and not the fire.

"Who's to say that it couldn't happen"

"I just want to make sure you're not doing it because you think I'll break"

"It's not that, I just. All my life, you've been everything. The regions most beautiful women, the daughter of Michael Morgan. You're royalty and royalty deserves the best care. Not"

"You're royal too"

"Let me finish" I giggle as I put a finger on her lips "You shouldn't be handled as a Friday night. Instead, you should be handled as a Monday morning. With motivation, dedication and with love. My hands, my lips, my eyes...they don't seek territory, they seek refurbishment. Your body, it's not mine. It's yours and I won't violate that" 

"I" Lex ponders as she stands

"What is it" I ask sensing the shakiness of Lex. 

"Nothing, just forget that just happened"

"Lex, has someone"

"Come on, let's go to bed" She says while grabbing my hand and tugging me towards the tent. I feel the urgency and turn her so she's facing me.

"Lex, Lex, you have tears in your eyes" I say as I take ahold of her face with gentleness. 

"I just" As her mind goes though a flash back, the tears start to roll down her beautiful skin. 

"No, baby, don't cry" I whisper with pain as I embrace her. Her clear sea eyes that are normally filled with nothing but crystal blue are now filled with grey making my heart ache. Her body shakes against mine making me clench my jaw in pain. 

"You want to know something" I ask not really expecting a response from Lex "The day of the funeral. When I was taking a seat, I caught a glimpse of you. I don't know why, but in that moment, even with all the pain and sorrow in your lungs and heart, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world. I thought, how could she be so broken but so fucking breathing taking all at once" I inquire as I rub Lex's back "and I guess, I guess now I know how. Every time you cry, every time you show your real emotions, I see this side of you, the side that shows vulnerability and doesn't fear doing so. And that in itself is the most beautiful thing in the world" 

"You're so corny" Lex murmurs against my shoulder 

"But it worked" I smile as she pulls away to wipe her tears "let me do that for you" I say as I carefully kiss the wet streaks of tears away. Once I'm done she leans her head against mine and simply lets the world spin around us. 

"Let's head to bed, there's much to do tomorrow" I say as I take her hand and walk us to the tent. Lex gives my temple a kiss before walking to her room with Syd while I go to my room with Allie. 

* * *

 

"Not again" I groan as the knot that holds our prototype to the oceans ground starts to untie.

"I don't understand why this keeps happening" Becky says as she tosses the rope onto the sand. Ash helps me carry the heavy machine back onto shore. 

"It's the strength of the waves, we must have underestimated them" Ash inquires as we set the machine down. I let my body slump next to the prototype and let my head fall. _Why isn't it working._

"Maybe you guys just need a break. You've been at it for two days" Alex voice rings. Ash covers me with a towel and heads off to grab food while Becky runs off to make a call. 

"I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I've checked the calculations four times and made sure every single bolt and wire was properly connected" I hiss as I grab a broken sea shell and toss it towards the water. 

"Have you thought of the possibility that maybe you're not doing something wrong, maybe it's just not meant to be today" 

"We only have two days felt. I don't have time to let things sort themselves" 

"I'm just saying, maybe if you took a break"

"I'll go nuts if I just sit around"

"Well then, why don't you go out"

"We're already out" 

"I'm mean, get out of here, just for a little"

"And go where"

"There's a small town about 30 minutes south"

"Are you asking me to skip town with you" I giggle catching on to her intentions. 

"Maybe"

"Is Tobin okay with its you leaving"

"She went into town this morning"

"Oh, she's apart of the town group today"

"Sorta, she went to church with Amy..."

"And"

"Lex and Long"

"Oh" I whisper a little shocked.

"So what do you say, want to get out for a little" I stare back at the machine that lies dead besides me and think why not.  _Couldn’t hurt to forget this shitty situation for a little._

Alex drives us to the small town and we wonder around. It's a beautiful little place and I find myself liking the area. 

"I think this is the place the man was talking about" Alex says opening the door to a small restaurant. 

"Welcome, table for two" The waiter asks as we come in.

"Yes please"

"Right this way" He leads us towards a table towards the back of the old, honey restaurant. 

"Can I start you off with drinks"

"Water please"

"Me too"

"Two waters coming up" He smiles while handing us menus and walking off. I scan my eyes over the long names and complicated words trying to decipher what they mean.

"See anything you like"

"I don't know what half this stuff means" 

"Neither do I"

"Why don't we just ask them to surprise us" 

"You think that's a good idea" 

"Got a better idea"

"Nope"

"Well" I ask raising an eyebrow at her. 

"Why not" 

We tell the waiter to surprise us and engage into a conversation as we wait. The food is just like the man said it would be, delicious. As I reach over to steal some of Alex's fries, I catch a glimpse of some wondering eyes. _Oh no_. 

"Hey, those are mine" Alex says moving her plate with a laugh. I playfully roll my eyes and retrieve my hand. 

"Alex" I murmur with a smile even though I'm a bit worried inside.

"Yeah" she asks while bringing a bite of food to her mouth.

"Don't be weird about this but remove your ring without raising suspicion" I calmly order as I take a bite of my food. 

"Why" she asks a little confused 

"Don't look but there's a man disguised as a civilian taking pictures"

"Fuck" she murmurs. 

"Pretend I'm telling you a hilarious joke and rise the napkin besides you up to your mouth. Remove the ring and leave it in the napkin" Alex does as told flawlessly. After she sets the napkin down. We finish up our meals and head out.

"I'll pay, you go on to the car" I say as we walk to the door. She complies to my words and quickly leaves the building. I stand by the entrance waiting for the waiter to get back with my receipt. 

”Miss Heath" A man voice greets. I slowly turn around to see the man with a camera tucked under his shoulder. 

"Do I know you" I ask a bit annoyed

"No, let me introduce myself, I’m”

“Here’s your receipt, thank you for coming in”

“Thanks for the food, it was delicious. Tell the cook so for me” I smile at the young teen and he nods. I turn to the man and offer half a smile before heading out the door. 

“May I have a word” The same guys from inside the restaurant yells out as I’m halfway to the car. 

“Look sir, I really have to get going” 

“I think its of an interest that we talk” 

“You have a minute” I say feeling a little intrigued by his demeanor. About 32, brown hair, great beard, tan skin and blue eyes, well dressed.

“Do you have nightmares” 

“Excuse me” 

“Nightmares, of work” The ways he says the word, work, touches something in me.

“I, what are you getting to” I ask on alter. Everything around me starts to catch up to me, and I feel my protective Scout side kick in. 

“Never mind, good day guardian” He whispers as he starts to walk away. _…Guardian? Guardian of the Heart, how does he know that?!_ I go to grab his hand but he turns in time to grab mine. 

“It is you” 

“Who are you” I ask as I take me hand. 

“I’m not going to hurt you” 

“How do you know I’m a guardian”

“You’re as structure and smart as I was” My head shifts up towards his neck area but I don’t find a diamond. 

“Oh, my transcendence, ours weren’t so fancy as yours. I could hear it buzzing, well under the radar, great technology I do have to say” 

“Who are you” I ask taking a step in his direction. 

“Isaac Bale” He says extending his hand. _Isaac Bale…why does that sound…_

“You’re…you’re Axiom’s most prestige hero” I gasp as I remember learning about his contributions to our region and his death when I was only thirteen. 

“I’m sure that prestige hero is standing before me” He smiles while glancing at his hand that still remains in the air. I quickly shake it firmly. 

“You’re not dead” 

“Nope”

“How” I ask a bit confused at how Axiom’s most treasured hero is standing before me in skin and bones. 

“Is there some place we can go, theres ears all around the place”

“I…yes, but it’s a ways away from here”

“That’s fine” I lead him to the car and watch Alex’s eyes widen as we get into the car. 

“I didn’t know we were going to be”

“You don’t have to worry about me Mrs. Morgan, I’m a friend” Isaac quickly interrupts. Alex looks at me and I nod that it’s okay. 

“Can I use your phone” 

“Sure” Alex says with a shrug. I quickly find Tobin’s number and dial. 

“Hey Babe, whats up”

“Hey babe, alls good” I respond causing Tobin to laugh. 

“Bro, sorry, what’s up”

“I need you and the others of your group to head back”

“Is something wrong”

“I think, something might be right” I state with some confidence. I look at Isaac through the rear view mirror and see him slightly smile. _I think things will be just right._ I hang up the phone and sit in silence as we make our way back to camp. When we arrive, I take Isaac to the picnic tables and let him talk. 

“I remember the day I saw you” 

“Me” I ask with furrowed brows 

“You were about 13, in training, in specific, with Christie Rampone’s group” 

“Many people have gone through her program”

“Correction, only Elites go through her program”

“There were about 40 kids in the program while I was there”

“But how many actually made it phase two with Pia”

“Four”

“And how many ending up on the squad”

“One” I say with some sadness and embarrassment. 

“I knew, when I meet your eyes behind the glass, that my legacy, my contributions, my sacrifices were never going to match yours” 

“How” 

“You’re different” He says as he looks more carefully. 

“I’m no different then you” I say with great respect

“But you are”

“How”

“Your eyes, they’re filled with insanity. They have this power of drive, sacrifice, power and protection…that’s what makes us different. That and the fact that I wore my tragedies as amor and not shackles”

“How do you know about”

“I don’t know. But by the way you picked up your Scout instinct quicker then I would have back at the restaurant lets me know that you my friend, have been carrying around a tragedy that is not yours to feel”

“It’s eight” I whisper as I look towards the seat besides me

“Excuse me”

“Eight tragedies, including two recent ones”

“And tell me, how many knifes and stingers have lacerated your body. How many nightmares do you have before the alarm rings, how many spitting thoughts of unspeakable acts do you have during the break. Tell me Tobin, what’s your worst fear” He asks with venom as he stares into me with nothing but clear intention. I glance down at my hand and back at him. By the soft look in his eyes, I can tell he already knows my answer. “You fear you’ll death will be meaningless. You fear your death will be the breakdown of the communities you have built up. You fear your death is the death”

“Don’t” I say through gritted teeth 

“You fear, that your death, means the death of the people you love” I let the tears fall as he goes on “You let your mind go sane with those eight tragedies without realizing the tragedies you endure. You’re madness, your past, it will go to waste if you don’t rise above them. Don’t, lose that insanity. It’s the only thing the defers you from the others” Isaac says as he stands up. 

“They’re here” Alex says, Isaac waves her off and he waits for me. We walk to greet the returners and the first to see us is my bestfriend. Her eyes widen in shock as she lets the shopping bag slip onto the ground. 

“What are you doing” Lex asks as she turns to see me and Isaac. Her reaction is similar to Long’s, except a little more in disbelief. 

“You all look just the same” He smiles as he goes to hug Lex. Now it’s my turn to look in disbelief. 

“How, but you” Lex asks a bit uneasy

“It’s a long story”

“Anyone care to explain” Tobin exclaims as she watches along side Amy. 

“I’m Isaac Bale, a comrade of Tobin and Allie’s, and Alex’s uncle”

“Wait what” I ask totally blindsided by the fresh news

“Well, we’re not actually related but I got to see this little one grow. With frequent meetings at the Morgan’s and so on, I became family to them” 

“I…wow” 

“And I’m taking it you also got sucked through a portal” Amy asks 

“Yes”

“How long have you been here” 

“Well I got sucked into the portal when Tobin was about to turn 14. So if I’m right, was about nine years ago” 

“You’ve been here nine years” Alex exclaims

“Yes”

“Why didn’t you try to get back”

“Unlike modern days, your species wasn’t very advanced. I couldn’t do anything” 

“What about your health” I ask 

“I’m still alive” 

“Do you know Sepp” Long asks 

“He’s still alive” Isaac’s response causes both Long and I to let out sarcastic laughs. 

“More alive then ever I would say”

“I’m taking it that things have worsen” 

“If it weren’t for Tobin, things would be in ruins” Long says with a genuine meaning. Isaac nods and starts to walk towards Tobin’s car to grab the remaining bags. 

“How close are you to getting back” 

“I’ve made two prototypes and figured out how to disrupt the frequency of the battle fields. I can force a portal open when the squads are out but something’s not working right. Every time we go into the water to transform energy, the machine doesn’t run or gets washed out” 

“I’ll take a look”

“Thanks. By the way, call me Heath, Allie is Long and Alex is Lex. We don’t want to get confused with the names”

“Got it” 

“Have you found your clone” Amy asks as we walk to the food area

“Nope, I guess he wasn’t cool enough to be a soccer player” He shrugs causing Amy to laugh. 

“You watch our games” 

“It’s hard not to when all your squad members are famous soccer players in this world” 

“Right”

“I’m sorry about your team mate, she was a good player” Isaac says with some sadness as we reach the tables. 

“She’s back in Axiom” 

“What” 

“She’s, an unknown. I found her during a battle” 

“You’re saying, they” Isaac says while glancing at the others “Can get there”

“Yes but it’s not good. Their bodies are weak, Ali couldn’t walk for weeks. I had her under heavy doses and at one point had to rely on liquid IV’s to get her through. It’s not good, and thats not all” I whisper the last part so no one hears 

“How many do they have” He asks referring to Axiom and the number of Unknowns they keep captive. 

“The last time I was there, three” 

“Does Michael know” Isaac whispers so Lex can’t hear. 

“I don’t know, he wasn’t there when Tim and I got the tour”

“So who do you know that for sure does know” 

“My squad has the suspicions but they don’t know. Tim and I, the other regions, Sepp, a few of the board members. But I fear someone else may know or may be onto it”

“Why do you think that” I look around to make sure that nor Carli, Hope or Abby are around before telling him. 

“Theres been a series of cyber attacks. Someone, or a group of someone has been trying to get into Citadel’s high security system. To our advantage and disadvantage, the computers the hackers use get fried. We can’t trace them but”

“but you already got a lead”

“They attacked my right hand, Carli”

“Carli, Carli Lloyd I’m guessing”

“Yes”

“Wow, your team must be stacked”

“I…yeah” I smile taking the compliment 

“So who’s they” 

“World Tech”

“Isn’t that run by” Isaac says trying to put the things together in his head “You don’t think” 

“That’s exactly what I think. Why else would Christie come at my door after the rumors spread that we had found an unknown”

“Wait, are you talking about Ali, Christie knows she’s alive” Isaac asks worried

“No, no, sorry, before I found Ali, there was another unknown found. They called Tim and I, code red. We were forced to sign this contract”

“That basically put your life and the life’s of the ones you love on the line”

“Exactly, they’ve been watching us since like hawks. All our battles, our movements, it’s all on record. Citadel has the whole Unknown’s deal well under their control. It’s basically a myth to people. After I got back from the high security visit, I got a visit from Christie demanding I tell her what I knew. I didn’t know whether to trust her or not so I called her out of her position. I asked her how she could have once been Athena’s great leader and pull a stupid stunt like that. She wasn’t very happy with me. After that, we had a few breaches, they’ve been giving me and Tim unwanted updates on the unknowns. I guess Christie thought that Carli knew since she’s my right hand”

“So she used her husbands power to try to kidnap Carli”

“They nearly killed her” I whisper with hate 

“Theres something else isn’t there” He asks while sitting down. 

“Carli lost the child she was carrying” I have to turn away to wipe the tears that fall and watch as Isaac’s head falls.

“World Tech is run by the Wambach’s, that mean’s Abby must be the CEO now…Abby, Hope, all of them are part of this” He states as he starts to piece the puzzle together. 

“It was Abby and Hope who were out of the mission. Something went wrong, Abby hit Carli’s car too hard…she would have died if they hadn’t have used some sort of device to kickstart her diamond” 

“Do they know you know”

“I went to gather their computer files. At first, Abby wouldn’t had them over. I threatened to use my power so they gave in. I only got three months worth of paperwork since I didn’t actually have a warrant. On the way out, Hope handed me a note she wanted me to give to Brian…It matched the design of a piece of paper I found in the evidence box’s. I lost it then and there, I jump straight at her and threaten their lives” 

“How’d you play that off, if Citadel is watching you, they probably sent out their special agents”

“Actually I requested them as soon as I got the news Carli was in the hospital. Everyone was signed two agents, I didn’t get assigned one but Zane has been watching over me. He’s not like them”

“How do you know”

“He’s never asked me anything” 

“Could be a new strategy” 

“No, no I don’t think so. He would have run to Michael and told him Lex was going into battle with me” 

“She went into battle without her father knowing” Isaac asks a bit protectively

“Yes, she wouldn’t take no as an answer”

“Stubborn as always” He cracks a smile 

“Yeah”

“So when you get back, how are you going to bring Ali back”

“I don’t know yet. Getting here is easier then getting back. Sneaking Ali out of Citadel was much of a challenge. With the games coming up, I fear it’ll be months before I even get the chance to make a plan” 

“The games…I forgot about those” 

“I’m not participating this year”

“Yikes, how’d the board members take that”

“To say the least, bad” 

“You have a lot to figure out before you head back”

“We leave in two days”

“What happens in two days”

“Before I started on my journey to find Allie”

“Wait what, back track” 

“Carli’s state was really bad. I had to make a choice, coma or pain. We put her under and she’s been like that since the accident. Ash was discharged from her position, and Becky was assigned Carli’s doctor. I had to call up three agents. Allie had retired by the time this all happened, I couldn’t protect her with all eyes on me, and Christie daring to kidnap Carli….I couldn’t just let her be. I put her on the squad and assigned her two special agents. During a battle, Allie and two other agents were trapped in between a stack of missiles…they were unstable. Everything collapsed, the power, the walls, everything in Citadel went dead when the tanks hit the missiles. We thought we had lost Allie. The other two were killed…When I took Ali to visit Allie’s tomb, I read a quote on it that sparked some memories. I had always seen these glimmers in random places but always got interrupted before I could get to them. I wrote four letters with specific orders telling Lauren, Carli, Ash and Tim everything they needed to do. If I don’t get there by Thurdays 9pm sharp, they’ll read those letters” 

“I’m…for once, I am utterly speechless” 

“The worse case scenario is that they read those letters, we arrive and we get caught and well…the rest is history” He lets out a shaky breath before standing up. 

“Alright, we’ll, theres no time to spare” 

We spend 3 hours taking apart the machines and putting them back, making sure everything is done correctly. As we stand back and look at the machines, he nods to himself. 

“It’s the shitty metal” He says as he picks up a spare piece from the ground. 

“How do you know”

“Have you tried connecting the hydroelectric machine to the actual disruptor”

“We can’t do that, if it works, and we open a portal, we don’t know what battle or where we’re jumping into” 

“How do you know when to jump then”

“I’ve been keeping Axiom time. I left a note for Lauren telling her to follow specific work hours. I know exactly what time, all we need is to get this machine transforming energy and it’ll work”

“Okay, we’re going to need to add another protective layer and possibly drill it down to the ocean ground”

“Okay” I say as I start to get out the blueprints. By the time we’re done, its well around 7pm.  

“So what are you going to do about Ali. I don’t know yet, we can figure it out when we’re there” 

“That’s not going to happen”

“What do you mean”

“All of us, there…” I quirk my head to the side to meet his eyes that give me the indication that he’s not coming. 

“You can’t just stay here”

“Who can’t stay here” Lex ask as she joins with Long. _Horrible timing._

“Lex” I begin but Isaac waves a hand at me. 

“I can’t go back with you guys”

“What do you mean you can’t, of course you can, Baby tell him he can come” Lex desperately demands. My bestfriend’s eyebrows immediately shoot up at the word baby while Isaac cringes as the desperation. 

“I’m sorry Lex but”

“No, no don’t do that, you can’t serious think of leaving him here”

“He’s not the only one staying” My sight immediately turns to Long. _No, no!_

“No, Al, don’t you fucking dare” 

“Think about it, if I or Isaac come back, we’re going to be putting everyone in danger…The games are right around the corner and the spot light on you and the squad are going to triple”

“No” I interrupt with visible hurt 

“I’m sorry Toby but, I can’t go. Not until Ali is back” 

“Allie, don’t do that” I beg as I step towards her but she shakes her head no. I break down in tears and feel her arms wrap around me. 

“I came all this way just to lose you again” I cry as I feel the sudden heart ache I felt at her funeral

“No, Toby don’t do that, look at me, look at me” She commands as she grabs my face 

“I’m safe here, I’m safer here then I would ever be in Axiom…You have to go back, you and Lex have to go back. You have to go finish what you started and if that means taking down the system, then so be it” 

“That could take months, years”

“Then so be it, I can wait”

“Allie please” I beg one last time but she just shakes her head no while letting me cry. I eventually fall asleep in her arms out of disappointment and find myself more stressed then ever. When I do wake, I go to the beach and stare out at the sun that’s just starting to poke out. 

“I need you to do two things for me” Isaac’s voice reports as he takes a seat besides me

“Which are”

“I need you to give this to someone” He says while pulling out a letter from his jacket. I reach to take it but he stops me “you are to give this to her only when this is all done. After you have taken everything down and assured your safety and the squads, you have the authority to give it to her” 

“I will”

“You understand what you’re going into right” 

“What choice do I have” 

“Theres always a choice” 

“I was never given one as a child” 

“Then you know what to do” He says while handing me the letter. I take it and tuck it in my pocket. 

“So, what’s the plan” 

“The games. It’s the only shot I have to take down everything”

“And by everything, you mean everything” 

“Citadel, the regions, Axiom, the control, it all has to go”

“And once who ever is behind our world finds out what your up to, what then” 

“It doesn’t stop there. The people don’t just deserve better lives, they deserve to have their faith restored” 

“And how are you going to award them that” 

“There’s only one way, through sacrifice” 

“You do understand that that includes mental, physical AND emotional sacrifices” He asks with a little sadness. I pick up on his double meaning and nod. 

“She has Servando”

“The son of the rich dude that’s friends with Michael”

“Yes”

“Excuse my language but he sounds like a douche” I softly giggle at his remark causing him to crack a smirk.

“I..he can be…but after getting to know him, he’s not all that bad”

“So, are you going to let her go because you’re starting to feel bad for engaging in an affair while she engaged with a man you have suddenly found out to be decent or are you letting her go for her safety”

“A little bit of both” 

“Have you talked to her yet”

“I think, we were both aware of the situation” I breathe out with some hurt. 

“I’m sorry to hear that” 

“It’s okay, it’s not the first time I’ve lost someone I love” I remark before standing up and heading back to the tent. The rest of the day is spent picking up our things and getting the hydroelectric machine in the water. As night comes of our last day, I walk to the tent to gather the things I have set out and hear my best friend coming. 

“I thought you would be asleep by now” 

“I just had to get a few things ready” I say as I start to pile up the small packages in the corner. 

“Mhmm…”

“Do you want me to join you for bed”

“No, it’s okay. Go out and enjoy the fun” I say genuinely. Long kisses my head goodnight and leaves. I settle onto the ground and close my eyes. Unlike the other nights, I simply can’t seem to hold still. I hear footsteps and open my eyes in time to meet Lex’s. Without saying a word, she lays down next to me. I take her silence as it is and try to close my eyes but again, the darkness doesn’t come. I glance at Lex whom seems to be having the same problem and find it upsetting that she can’t sleep either. As if my body had power over itself, I grab Lex by the waist and pull her so I’m spooning her. I cover us with the blanket and bury my face into the crook of her neck. Within seconds we’re both dreaming of the things that will never be. 

* * *

 

The first thing I breathe when I wake is the scent of Lex. Her soft rose vanilla aroma makes me a bit dizzy but not enough to impulse my desire. _Don’t make this harder on yourself._ I look at her as I begin to get up and find that I simply can’t resist. I kiss her lips with so must gentleness that I begin to think I didn’t kiss her at all. Before I can get up, she takes me by surprise. Our lips dance together as if there were no tomorrow. The passion that radiates from our hearts blocks our brain telling us both to stop. 

“I love you” Lex whispers ever so lightly causing me to freeze. Everything in the moment makes me break. My heart, my bones, my soul, all collapse. I stare into Lex’s eyes and know that I will never be the same. _We will never be the same._

“I love you too” I whisper right before capturing her lips for the last time. Our hearts both pound hard as we walk away from each other to finish getting ready to leave. The first thing I do to stop from crying is run. I run for a few miles until I find a rock on the beach and sit. I watch the sun rise and find beauty in everything. From the sluggish washed up seaweed to the tears on my faces. 

“I just have to believe” I whisper as I look up to the man upstairs. Once I arrive at camp, I immediately change into my suit and begin my hunt to give people specific things. 

“What’s this” Tobin ask as I hand her a small package. 

“It’s a small present”

“Geeze, I didn’t know we had to get each other gifts” She says embarrassed

“It’s for you and Alex, consider it an early honeymoon present” 

“Thanks bro” She says as she embraces me tightly

“No prob” 

“Wait here” She rushes into the tent to grab something and comes back with her bible. 

“Here, I want you to have this” 

“But it’s your bible”

“I have a feeling you’ll cherish it more then I will” I take the bible in gratitude.

“I, thank you” I smile as I trace the fragile edge of the pages

“Don’t mention it” I go on to give Allie, Carli, Isaac and Long gifts before finally getting to Ash. 

“Thanks man” she says as she hugs me

“No prob”

“I have something for you…and Ali if that cool”

“Sure, my bags pretty big” 

“Awesome, well, here, I know you like the ocean and while I was in town this morning I saw this and knew it was for you” She says while handing me a small shark tooth necklace. I giggle a little at the shark tooth knowing it’s her favorite animal. 

“This is neat, thanks dude” I say as I give her a hug 

“Don’t mention it, I have a letter for Ali and her ipod. I figured she’d want something to listen to”

“I’ll make sure to give her these” 

“Thanks”

“Heath” Isaac yells and I turn to see him standing in his suit. 

“Well, I guess its time”  Ash says. We walk to the camp fire where everyone is seated and I let out a shaky breath. 

“On behalf of the team, we want to give you guys our word that we will protect Allie and Isaac. Although I have a feeling they will most likely protect us” Abby jokes “It’s been a good two weeks and I don’t want to make it seem like we’ll never see each other again. That being said, we got you guys your own USWNT jerseys and a small photo book for both of you” Abby says handing me and Lex a small wrapped present. 

“Thank you, all of you, for everything. I give you my word that I’ll work hard to get Ali back to you before Christmas” 

“Anything else” Abby asks her team. It doesn’t surprise me when Pinoe raises her hand. 

“Yes Pinoe”

“Go kick some ass” She says causing me to blush thinking she was going to say some flirty remark, Isaac, Lex, Long and I walk to the location where Ali disappeared. For safety reasons, only the four of us could come up since we have suits and they don’t. 

“Before we go any further, put your helmets on” Everyone does as told and I lead us. As we make it to the place of transcendence, Isaac and I make sure everything connected and ready. 

“Are we good” I ask Ash through a walkie talkie 

“Yeah, just tell me when” 

“Isaac” 

“Ready”

“Long”

“Ready”

“Lex”

“Ready” I nod and give Ash the signal to turn on the hydroelectric machine that is drilled a good 200 feet out into the ocean’s floor. We all stand back and wait for the energy to travel a good 3 miles through copper coil all the way up to the location. I stare at my watch as the time starts to tick. Right at 30 seconds, the interrupter turns on and by miracle, our suits do too. _Right on time._

“My god” Isaac breaths as his suit lights up for the first time in years 

“It worked” Long breathes 

“We can’t be so sure” I say as I go to push the button that will interrupt a battles frequency and force open a portal. As I push the button, the power gives out and my worst fear comes reality. 

“What happened” Lex asks 

“The power the battles uses is too strong” I respond as I remove the front of the machine. _Come on, come on….it can’t just end here._ I think as I try to come up with something to hold the power steady enough to get Lex and I though. _What has self power…gun, no, suit no, knife, no…knife? My knife!_ I quickly teach into my bag and pull out my knifes. _Come on….please work._ I pray as I turn on the machine again. 

“What are you doing”

“Shhhh”

“You’re going to use the electric energy from the ocean to add more power to the knifes” Isaac smirks

“Lets hope it works” I grab two of the inside wires of the machine and attach them to the knifes that are on” 

“Stand back” I order as I get ready to press the button. 

“Ash”

“The machine turned off”

“I know, turn it on on my count of three” 

“Okay, I’m ready” I glance at Lex and although I can’t see her face, I know see she’s on her nerves. 

“1…2…3” Both Ash and I press the turn on buttons. The disruption of the battle field sends us all the ground. 

“Is everyone okay” I ask as clean off the glass of my helmet that’s covered in dirt.

“Yeah”

“Yes”

“Lex” I ask as I don’t hear her voice. 

“I’m okay” She coughs, I read her suit not too far from me and see she landed on a rock. 

“Fuck”

“It’s okay, I can stand” 

“I can hear the pain in your voice”

“The portal Tobin, its energy is decreasing” Isaac inquires as she reads the energy levels

“There’s no time to discuss my pain, go”

“Not leaving without you too” I pick Lex up and walk towards the portal. 

“Tobin, you guys have to go now”

“Theres a package under Tobin’s driver seat, follow the instructions” I command as I let out a breath before jumping. 

The fall is unlike the one that got us here. Its fast, its dark and not very pleasant. As the gravities between worlds changes, the jolt makes me lose grip on Lex, forcing me to open my eyes. I see the battle field and just like the moment when I feel from the hovercraft, my body goes into shock. My body flies through the air towards the ground at rapid speed as Alex’s frantic voice tries to get my attention. 

“Tobin, Tobin come on, wake up” She begs. The spinning of my head and stomach makes me very light headed and I know I’ll face death if I don’t deploy my impact setting. 

“FROST” I yell as I feel my body giving out.

“You should feel the pain right about now” His smooth voice greets. The medicine that rushes into my body from my diamond wakes up every cell in me and for the first time I can say that I welcome the pain. As the distance between me and the ground starts to lessen, I brace for impact. I let out a scream as I let yet again, land on top of a metal container. 

“Welcome back Tobin” Frost happiness lets me know that we made it back in time. 

“Don’t let anyone know yet” 

“I won’t, I’ll see you when you get home” He disconnects and I quickly get up. My back cracks in all sorts of way causing me to whimper. _Becky will deal with that later._ I jump off the bin and rush towards Alex’s suits signal. 

“Alex, where are you”

“In between battle” She yells as I hear her running from gun fire. I check the stats on the battle and see that we are in a squad battle but not with my squad. _Awh fuck, we just had to interrupt a Kanatos vs Kardia battle._ I groan as I run towards Alex’s direction. 

Bullets hug my suit as I run past streets and towards Alex. A Kanatos agent jumps in front of me as I run and I simply push him out of the way.

“Sorry” I apologize as I continue. When I find Alex’s location, I grab her hand. 

“Ready”

“For” I don’t even explain as I press the transcend button. When I open my eyes, we’re in a level 3 deploy room. 

“Scout Heath” An agent greets confused 

“Technical issue, sorry to disrupt your battle” I say as I pull Alex. I rush us to the squads section where I don’t see Lauren at her desk. 

“Stay here” I say as I rush to her desk and look under it. When I don’t see the letters tapped under the table I curse. Rushing back to Alex, I grab her hand and run to the head quarters. When we reach the squad level I order Alex to change. 

“Keep the suit, put it in the duffle bag you came with” 

“Okay”

“When you’re done changing, wait by the elevator” I order before running into the squads meeting room. I open Lauren’s profile open and see that the squad didn’t sign in today. Closing the hologram, I run to the bathroom and change back into clean clothes. When I reach the hall, Alex is waiting. Without a word, we walk into the elevator and begin to descend down to the lobby. Before the doors open, I hold the do not open button and turn to Alex. 

“Go home and live. Don’t act like”

“You can’t ask me to pretend”

“I’m not asking you to. I’m ordering you to. I will have Syd notify you if anything happens”

“Tobin”

“It’s time” I say letting go of the button and allowing the doors to open. I toss my motorcycle helmet in my hand as we walk to the doors. As if life were against us, Michael gets out of a car that had just arrived. 

“Alex, what are you doing here” He ask as the driver keeps the door open. 

“I”

“She came to invite me to her wedding” I step in with the best voice I can muster. Alex’s eyes linger on my face but I don’t turn to meet them. _In another world, those sea blue eyes longed for me…but this isn’t another world. This is my reality._

“She did” Michael asks surprised

“Yes but I kindly turned down as my attention solely focused on bring pride to Kardia once again” 

“Are you saying you’re going to participate in the games” Michael asks with a hint of hope 

“That is correct sir. After a few days away, I realize I made a mistake. I understand I must talk to the board members of all regions to get permission to enter the games since the teams are already set”

“I can have the scheduled immediately if you would like”

“They earlier the better”

“I’ll do that now”

“Thank you sir”

“No, thank you. Kardia will be proud to have you leading us once again” 

“Well, I’m going to head home now” Alex tells her father

“Okay sweetie, I’ll be there by eight” He says as he kisses Alex’s forehead. 

“Tobin” The way her voice says my name isn’t the same. I know I’m the one that changed that but it still hurts to watch her walk away. Michael heads inside and I start to walk to my bike as Alex gets into the car waiting for her. Nothing more do I want to turn and stop her from leaving but I can’t. My mind, heart and soul know that I can’t. And so I don’t. I get on my bike and leave but not without watching her car disappear in the past. _In another world, we’re together, and that’s enough for me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes...I know, I cried. Sorry but Tobin and Alex need to be apart for a little before we finally get that happy ending! 
> 
> Don't forget to vote! 
> 
> Should I make a sequel out of this story? comment below :)


	44. Letting Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many comments last chapter! loved them :)
> 
> I worked my ass off to bring you this long chapter! I actually reviewed it too...so I hope theres little to no mistakes haha. I'm going to try my best to bring you the next chapter by Sunday so look out for that... 
> 
> The results of the voting were pretty much 100% yes sequel. I gave it a lot of thought and decided hell, why not. I already have an idea what the plot for the following story will be and have two ideas for other stories. Haven't decided if I want to write two stories at once but it's a possibility. 
> 
> And last but not least, the next chapter is the build up to what the story summary is talking about! I can't believe it's almost done...

Letting Go

As I reach the door of my quarter, I take a deep breath. Slowly unlocking the door, I walk in and drop my bag by the door. 

“I thought this moment would feel better” I murmur as I reach into my bag and take out some things. Walking into Ali’s room, I find her asleep her small couch. I set the things I brought for her on her night stand and walk over her. Kneeling besides the couch, I remove some hair from her face and don’t see bags under her eyes. _You’re okay_  I think asI softly kiss the top of her head before heading to the shower. I toss all my dirty clothes into a basket and organize my belongings. 

“The shower is ready” Frost voice inquires. I place my shoes in their corresponding spot before heading to the shower. As I step into the shower, the cool water makes me take in a sharp breath. 

"Fuck" I breathe out as I slowly progress into the shower until I'm standing in the middle of the ice water, completely numb. As the song Crazy In Love begins to play, I feel my insides drop. The melody makes me reminisce every kiss and touch Alex and I shared. Shaking the thoughts out of my head, I bring my hand up to the glass hologram and change the song. _The scientist, even worse_. The more times I press skip, the worse the emotions. I drag my hand across the hologram causing the music to stop. I quickly finish up in the shower and put on clean clothes. 

"She's awake now" 

"Her names Ali"

"Beautiful name"

"I'll be down" I go to my secret cabinet and pull out the necklace Ash gave me and put it on. Next, I put my hair up for the first time in two weeks. _Finally._ I grab the blueprints of the machines I built and a few other things I’ll need for the next few hours. 

As I turn the corner of the stairs, I see Ali standing in the middle of the quarter. When I touch base, she turns and comes straight at me. Her arm rises outward and out of natural instinct, I tilt my face sideway so she can hit my left cheek. My actions must have shocked her as she wraps her arms around me instead. 

“I’m so mad I could slap you but I won’t, because I know you would just let it happen and because Ash asked me not to in her letter” Ali whispers 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t risk you trying to come with me”

“I know” Ali sighs as we let go. 

“Did you watch the videos I recorded”

“Yes, they helped” 

“I thought it’d be nice to show you a bit of your home and friends” 

“It was, the funniest was definitely the video of Kling, Kelley, Ash and JJ busting out in the car” 

“That was a good day” I smile as I set the things in my hand on the table. “I want you to meet someone” 

“Who” Ali asks while looking around. I look at my watch and see it beeping. _The squad should be here in a good 10 minutes._

“You read the letter I wrote you right”

“Yes, with the specific orders of what to do if you didn’t make it back in two weeks? Let me say you play it quite close” 

“Yeah, sorry about that. It’s Thursday, Becky should have received my clocks information about 15 minutes ago and if I’m right, she contacted the squad and they’re on their ways here. We have about 10 minutes before they barge through that door trying to figure out whats going on” 

“What’s going on”

“Well first, I want you to meet the man I was talking about, Frost” I smile. My quarter comes to life and the blue line in the middle of the quarter lights up for the first time in months. 

“Its good to finally meet you, Ali. I’m Frost, Tobin’s AI”

“And best friend. He’s the one that's been dispensing your medicines and monitoring your vitals. He monitors mine and the squads, he's basically the life of my quarter and...he's probably the one who's really kept me ground"

"I...wow I don't know what to say. Its like your, real" Ali breathes as she looks around the quarter that just barely hums in life.

"Thanks to Tobin, I am"

"Frost is, one of a kind... AI's around the city are pretty dull and to be completely honest, slow. But Frost, he's not like them. He's so much brighter, smarter, quicker. I keep him safe and he keeps me safe even when I tell him it's not his job to do so"

"I have much to repay; without her, I wouldn't exist" 

"Neither would I" Ali smiles causing me to do so as well.

"Neither of you owe me anything. Now, Frost, when the squad arrives, kill the lights, Ali, hide by the stair case"

"Why the lights"

"Pinoe always has her finger on the trigger, if she's startled she'll shoot anything. Better she shoot me then you"

"How do you know they'll bring guns"

"Because, I trained them" 

"Okay" Ali's shaky voice exhales. She hides by the stair case as I walk to the kitchen to open up a hologram and see if the squad is on their way up the stairs yet. 

"Lights" I let out as I walk to the living room and lean on the couch "Pop the door open when I say so" 

"We have a small problem"

"What is it Frost"

"They brought Tim, Jeri and"

"Jeri!? Why'd they bring her!?"

"That's not who I'm worried about, there's a man with them" 

"Scan him" 

"Doctor Emmett from"

"He's safe" I state with some relief. Theres frantic knocking on the door and I count to three before telling Frost to open the door. Seven lasers point at my chest as I raise my hands. 

"Don't move" Becky commands

"I" My senses drive me to the floor as I hear the click and fire.

"Are you okay Tobin" Frost asks as he turns the lights on.

"Tobin" Tim's the first one to react as he runs to my side. 

"I'm not dead" I smile as I take his hand and let him hug me. I hear the guns drop to the floor as everyone joins the hug. 

"We all thought you were dead"

"What were you thinking"

"You're lucky Carli isn't here, she'd beat your ass"

"I'm fine you guys, a little tired and shaken up but I'm here aren't I" I say as I start to make space between the huddle. 

"Where'd you go" Lauren asks as she gives me the letters.

"You didn't hand them out yet" 

"There were still a few hours on the clock" 

"Before we get into everything, there's someone I need you all to meet" I say as I close the door and tell Frost to lock the quarter inside out. Walking over to the staircase, I take Ali's hand and walk to the group. 

"This is Ali, a good friend and...an unknown" I explain as I give her a smile. 

"But how" Tim asks in disbelief as he steps forward. 

"Months back, after we were taken to Citadels secret area, I found her. I couldn't let them take her so I brought her here with the help of Ash"

"You knew" Lauren turns to Ash

"I knew she was alive and that she was housed here but I didn't know anything other then that. Not even her name"

"Unknowns don't remember, how does she" Tim asks turning to Ali

"I'm Ali, my name is Alexandra Krieger but my team mates back at home call me Ali so we don't confuse Alex and I"

"Alex" Jeri asks now with furrowed brows

"Yeah, Alex Morgan, your younger sister"

"How do you know that"

"She's been living with Tobin, easily could have picked up details" Syd answers incorrectly 

"Actually, I never told her who any of you were. Ali knows you guys"

"That's impossible" Becky replies. Ali turns to look at me and I nod that it's okay. 

"Becky Sauerbrunn, you like to wear your hair in a bun and always roll up your sleeves. Christen Press, loves yoga and helping others and you have two dogs. Syd Leroux, short for Sydney. Loves fashion and if I'm right, you have a tattoo on your back and an arrow somewhere. Tim Howard, I do say your beard looks quite fancy, you have a tattoo of a cross on your left arm" My eyebrows raise at that detail. _Didn't know he was religious..._ "Ash, you love dying your hair. Pinoe, your natural hair color is brown and your name is not Pinoe its Megan, you also have a twin. Lauren, you're, you're a believer and may I say, your curls are the best. Amy, you have a son. Cutest little boy I've ever seen. Jeri, I don't know much about you but I know you're the middle child. I know Jen is the oldest and married, Alex is the youngest. And if that doesn't cut it, I know Alex has a tattoo on her left hip" By the look on everyone's faces, it's clear that Ali knows them. 

"How do you remember and how the hell do you know us" Amy asks

"With therapy from Tobin, with taking, with dreaming, with experiencing. I didn't know much when I got here but just living day by day, seeing, I remember small things"

"Do you remember where you came from" Doctor Emmett asks 

"Ali's memory isn't that clear yet but I know that answer"

"So, where is she from"

"The past" I answer

"How, there's no such thing as time traveling"

"I know but I what I do know is that there's a world inside this one. We're all there now. Allies there now" I say with some hurt

"Allies alive" Syd asks through tears

"Yes " I breathe as I open a hologram with a picture of us both. 

"She's alive" Ash repeats to herself with happiness. 

"She's alive and okay. I have a letter she wrote for you guys”

_Dear Squad,_

_I'm sure everyone's a bit puzzled by the news that I'm alive. I know, I'm puzzled myself to wake every morning under the stars and sky of another world. But the most troubling of all this is waking up and greeting you guys every morning, knowing that in some place, in some other world, you're all holding your heads down, thinking that I'm dead when that's not the case. If anything, I'm more alive then ever. The past is the past but its like nothing I would or could have imagined. It's simply beautiful. I wish you guys could come see the view before me, two of the people I most love are actually in love. I should say they are finally in love but more on that later. Now, its time to focus on getting Ali home. Worry about me later. I miss and love you lots and pray that everything ends okay._

_Signed,_

_Assault Allie Long_

“So we have clones” Amy asks with a smirk

“Yeah, here” I say as I swipe my hand over the hologram to bring up the next picture. It's of the whole team back in Abby's garage after Alex, Ash and I told them the good news.  

“Is that Abby”

“Is that Hope” 

“Kelley” Syd asks dumbfounded

“I guess, we were all on a soccer team back then” I say as I rush to my backpack to pull out the present the gals gave me. I carefully open the box and pull out the USWNT jersey. As I walk over to them, I show it to them. 

“It’s clean as fuck, I’ll give them that” Pinoe says as she looks at the white jersey 

“Tobin, other me, is number 17” I explain as I flip the jersey so the number and name are showing. 

“How’d you get back” Becky asks as the group starts flipping through the hologram, trying to scan their eyes over every picture. 

“With this” I say pulling out the blueprints. 

“Ew” Ash exclaims 

“I know, they’re not very advanced” 

“That’s, I’m surprised it worked” 

“I got help from Isaac Bale” I state with a shrug. Tim’s eyes widen in shock causing me to smile “I guess he got sucked in through a portal too. He’s been there nine years but could never get back since technology was even worse when he arrived there” 

“He trained me for a year” Tim breaths as he looks at the pictures 

“I didn’t know that” 

“Yeah, a few kids got the opportunity” 

“Why didn’t they come with you” Doctor Emmett ask as he comes to the table. I let out a long breath and look to my left expecting to see Alex standing besides me but am let down when I only see Jeri. 

"They feared they'd be of an issue"

"For what"

"Getting Ali home"

"Why would it be an issue"

"Because I'm not just going to get Ali home" I breath as I pull out a giant piece of paper describing what I have in mind to do. Theres a few gasps around the room as everyone scans their eyes over the plan to take Citadel down. 

"But why" Jeri turns to me as she runs her fingers over the black ring she gave me. 

"I won't let this world fall anymore then it already has...seeing the past, living the past, it made me realize how worse we are then they are...The transition was supposed to keep us alive, the transition was supposed to keep us together, unite us to form a better world but hasn't. I wasted my life working for something that never existed and I won't live another day like that. I'm going to make right what I helped make wrong"

"But to do this...you'll need the help of World Techs, or us"

"I know...I know I do but before I ask you make a choice, theres something you need to know" 

“World Techs” I begin as I try to find the right words to let my squad down “World Techs was responsible for Carli’s incident” 

“What” Jeri and Tim both yell out at the same time. The eyes of my squadron show betrayal in all ways possible. 

“Abby, Hope, Christie…their whole company tried kidnapping Carli but their plan went sour. Christie was once the scout of Athena and knows information, she knows theres things such as Unknowns but, she never got to see one. When Tim and I got called to Citadel, we witnessed things. Things beyond our imaginations. Christie came to find me to try and get information out of me but I couldn’t trust her. She thought that Carli would know everything I knew but that’s not the case. Carli doesn’t know anything. Not a single thing. I don’t know why they want information on the Unknowns but I do know we need their help and as much as I hate”

“No, 100% no” Tim states. 

“They have technology we don’t”

“They almost killed Carli” Tim yells with anger

“I know that! I know! But it’s not our choice to make! They didn’t hurt us, emotionally and mentally yes, but they didn’t put us in a hospital bed. It’s Carli’s choice to make. We can go on without them but it would be easier with them. We all have to make sacrifices and I understand if anyone wants to walk out. I’m asking for a lot and you guys barely know Ali but I think you all know that if we don’t end things now, things will go on, getting even worse and we’ll all end up like Christie. Wishing we could have acted now and not then. So now’s the time, walk with me, let me lead us one last time through the darkness of our own streets” I glance around and see everyone in deep thought, deciding whether or not to place their lives in my hands. 

“I’m in” Ash says first 

“Me too” Becky says next

“I’m not sure what I’m useful for but I want to help” Jeri says. I turn to look at her and feel a tug in my heart when I see her eyes and how similar yet different they are from Alex’s. 

“I’ll always support you” Christen beams. Everyone slowly joins and it all comes down to Amy. 

“I understand, you have Ryan” 

“It’s not his safety I’m worried about, it’s his future” 

“If this succeeds, his future will be brighter then ours” Pinoe states

“But if we fail, then what” 

“Why would you think” Lauren asks with hurt

“No, she’s right” I interrupt Lauren who’s looking at Amy with disappointment “Who’s to say we’ll succeed. Who’s to say we’re all not just walking into our death. I mean, who ever created this world, whoever is in control, will have the whole forces against us. We’ll be the start of a revolution. We’ll be the targets. This doesn’t just concern us, it concerns the public and our children’s futures. So I want you guys to think your choice again. But actually think about it. Because if something goes wrong, we could be setting up the world we know today for more destruction. All the blame falls on us, on me. So think about it, if you change your choice, you are free to go. No questions asked” I watch Amy get up and grab her bag. 

“I’m sorry Tobin but”

“I understand, Amy, I do. You’ll still train and work with us for the games but the rest is off your shoulders” She gives me a hug which I accept with gratitude. I hold her tight knowing that once she walks out the door, things will be different for us. She looks at the squad whom all look at her differently, except for Kristie whom comes up to me. 

“You know I would sacrifice myself, but Sammy, she’s a level 4 and if something goes wrong, I wouldn’t be able to protect her” 

“I understand, you’re still apart of the squad, the mission is private” 

“Kristie, no” Syd begs as she walks towards Kristie, her best friend and partner in crime. 

“I’m sorry Syd but I can't...I have to look out for Sammy” Pinoe grabs Syd’s hand and takes her towards the kitchen as we all say our goodbyes and good wishes to two of our members. When the door closes, we all take a small break as I pull Tim, Jeri, Ali and Emmett to the side. 

“You guys do not have a single responsibility being apart of this. The squad, I know them. We’ve worked together for years and together we’ll be just fine”

“You’re going to need a doctor besides Becky”

“You’re my sister, I’m not going to let you go through this alone. The boys will make their choices today” Tim states with all seriousness. 

“I just want you to understand that you’re including your families in this. All your loved one will be of target. Tim, Ali and I have advantage since our lives aren’t on paper. But Jeri, you and Emmett have families of higher class. You know this war is against them”

“If Alex was capable of going behind my fathers back to join you then so am I”

“Alex… Alex isn’t apart of this. I was clear when we returned that I wouldn’t allow her to be apart of this”

“I speak for my family when I say that our best bet for a better tomorrow is with you” Emmett says with confidence. 

“Jeri, just, I know you think you’ve made a choice but go home. Go home and think about it because your if anyone has anything to lose, it’s you. We have all lost something to the cause, but you haven’t. You hold that destiny in your hands. This choice comes with heavy consciences” Jeri nods and grabs her things. 

“I’ll get to you by tomorrow” She whispers as she closes the door. I gather everyone around the dinning room table and begin to give orders. 

“I have a board meeting in a few hours so I need you to listen closely. From here are out, there are no secrets. You feel like you’re being watched, you tell me. You got nightmares, you tell me. You on your period, you tell me. Anything that changes, relationships, housing, partners, anything that changes, you tell me. Frost and Ali will be our highest protective priority…Forget everything you have learned or been taught because when we bring down the board, we’re bring everything down. Power, food, energy, all our resources shut down. It’s going to be us against everything the board members throw at us and you know they’re going to bring out their toys. So no secrets and no mistakes. We’ve had enough of those already. I have built a plan and it revolves around the games. The only way we can get Ali back into Citadel is during the games. When the pressure, press and commotion is high. All eyes will be on us as soon as I get to the meeting to address my want to participate in the games. So be prepared. We’re knocking out two birds with on shot. We shut down the games and get Ali home. If things are too hot, Isaac and Allie will remain with the USWNT back in their world until things are cool enough for us to attempt to get them here. That being said, I need everyone to turn in their phones and let Ash tweak them and make them untraceable. We will communicate with these too” I say as I take iphones out of my bag. “They’re old, very old, so if Citadel even catches the signal, their computers will burn the hard drive which won’t allow them to trace you. Secondly, I need you all to put on your best face because the games are about to begin. That means interviews, sitcoms, the whole shebang. I want all the attention on us. And I know that’s scary because we’re going to be planning our attack while we prepare for the games but it is necessary. Heres why, if Citadel catches on to what we’re doing, they won’t be able to touch us. The whole region will be behind us. They won’t dare touch us until the games but, that doesn’t mean they won’t touch our loved ones so you make sure you give your love and I mean all of it, to the ones you love because god knows we are all going to die wishing we were never born if we don’t get through this. Prepare for hell, because it’s coming” I finish as I hand everyone their new phone “I know it’s a lot of pressure, but if I didn’t think you could handle it, I would have never asked” With that, everyone leaves to their houses to prepare for the unknown. To prepare for the oblivion before us. 

* * *

 

As I finish putting on my scout suit, I take a look in the mirror. I made a small modification to the suit which will be noticeable to some and not others. Instead of a white button up as called for by our squad fashionista, I put on a black button up. I grab the black and gold coat and button only the middle one. Taking my scout hat, I put it on and properly adjust my collar. 

“Frost, get my motorcycle ready”

“Are you sure you want to take that”

“Yes”

“I’ll have it ready” I grab my shades and proceed downstairs. 

“Looking sharp” Ali smirks. 

“Holy smokes, you scared me” I state with an accelerated heart beat

“Sorry”

“It’s okay. Dinners in the oven and”

“You’ll be back late”

“Yep”

“Okay, I’ll probably be awake when you come back”

“Well, try to get sleep” I smile before heading out. The ride to Citadel isn’t long but the line of paparazzi is. _Michael better be sure that the board lets me compete or else it’s going to be a very awkward press conference afterwards._ I park in front of the head quarters and am immediately surrounded by cameras. 

“Back up” Zane’s strong voice orders. I remove my helmet and put on my Scout hat on along with my shades. 

“How long have they been waiting”

“four hours”

“Wow” I breathe as I straighten my shoulders and begin to walk up the steps with special agents surrounding me. 

“Miss Heath, many I have a minute” A woman asks as I reach half way up the stairs. 

“Yeah, what can I answer for you” 

“Is it true, are you here to gather with the board members to apologize and convince them to put you as leader of Kardia for this years games” 

“Board meetings are of regular basis and the topics conversed during meetings are private, therefore I will have to turn down that question” 

“What about declining the invitation to Alex Morgan and Servando Carrasco’s wedding? Is that true? Is it because of the games” My lips go dry with the mention of Alex’s wedding as I wasn’t expecting such questions so soon. 

“I…Um, as far as I’m concerned Miss Morgan’s wedding is a week before the games which are in less then two months”

“So are you saying that you won’t allow your squad to attend the wedding”

“Look, my job is to prepare my squad and lead them to another victory. If they choose to go to the wedding or not, it’s on them, not me” 

“Has the loss of your best friend and right hand, impacted the strength of your squad”

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I lost my best friend and second leader, it’s taken a few weeks for us to get our minds back on track. Are we 100% ready emotionally, I don’t know, but what I do know is that my squad, along with Tim’s, are more then ready, physically and mentally to tackle anything that comes our way” 

“Sounds like your confident your squad will win”

“It’s hard not to feel confident when our history is rich in victories. I believe we will surprise the world this year” With that, I smirk towards the camera and walk on. 

“There you have it, Tobin Heath, Scout of Athena, more confident and determined then ever. Has the death of a close squad member fueled the drive of the squads? Or is our greatest guardian in love with someone as reported by multiple sources? More on the board meeting at 5” I hear the women finish as I reach the top. _Oh you wouldn’t even imagine._

* * *

 

“No, I vote no” Kanatos scout of the men’s squad immediately shouts. 

“I second that” The male huros scout inquires next

“I know you were wussies but not that scared of me” I groan as I toss my hat on the table. 

“I say let her” Celia votes with a shrug “The girl makes things interesting”

“We both agree with Scout Sasic” The Telios male scout smiles for him and the girl scout

“Only because you guys know she’ll destroy your squads peacefully” Kanatos male scout yells 

“If you don’t get that boy a muzzle for the next board meeting” Sepp threatens Kanatos

“You either shut up or fucking vote” The president of Kanatos turns to the boy. 

“My vote is No” 

“Huros, your female scout vote” Michael says. Everything comes down to this moment. The votes are at 3:2, a no vote would tie the voting and send it to the public and board members and everyone knows Kanatos and huros will vote no. 

“You know, I want to say yes, but” _Of you fucking would_ “I want to know why she had a change of heart” Everyone in the room turns to me causing me to roll my eyes. 

“Scout Heath” Sepp nods. I stand up and address the webcams. 

“I have nightmares” I whisper with some honesty. 

“What” Sasic asks unable to hear

“Ever since she died, I’ve had nightmares. I live through her death day and night, in multiple degrees and every fucking time, she dies in my arms. I fail every time, no matter what I do… I can never save her. I wake up with dry sweat, wanting nothing more then to go back and never ascend her to the squad. Every fucking moment my eyes aren’t closed, I think of all the things I could have gone to save her. All the things I did wrong and it haunts me. Wherever I go, I feel the weight on my shoulders. I feel the heaviness of my actions and nothing soothes the pain then pain itself” Everyone takes a second to take in my confession and I even catch Tim looking away. 

“I vote yes” Huros Scout sadly smiles.

“I want to change my vote” The male Scout from Kanatos breathes causing us all to turn to him “I’m not changing it because I think you will make things more interesting but because I know what you’re going through. We may be enemies on the field but as a Scout, the pain that comes with the death of a member is unbearable. It would be hypocritical from me to hold you hostile to a pain I am still overcoming” 

“Thank you” I whisper to the guy, whom nods in return. 

“I’ll change my vote too” Huro’s male Scout adds. 

“Well, that does it. Scout Heath, you are to lead Kardia and Athena for the Quarter Regional Games. We will hold a press conference confirming the news. All squad changes will be finalized as soon as the board meeting is over. Michael and you shall be at the conference. Details and names remain unnamed, voting ratio must be presented. Sitcoms and other interviews will be rescheduled in order to fit changes” Sepp directs to everyone

“I do ask one thing though” Kanatos president request of me

“What shall that be” 

“That you don’t wear the medals you were award for March 27…our region is still recovering” 

“No can do” Michael inquires too quickly. My face falls knowing exactly why he doesn’t want me to comply but my heart and mind object to his answer. 

“It would be of honor that I wear a symbol in their remembrance. A flag, a color, any sort of decay you wish to make on my suits on and off the field would be of no bother to me. I have not forgotten” I respond with great respect and pride as I think of what Isaac said. _Wear your tragedies as armor, not shackles._

“Heath” Tim hisses but I don’t turn to look as I only stare at the president.

“In that case, we shall have a small and elegant armband for you to wear. You can wear you medals as well if it is for respect and not request of your team”

“I will only wear the one with their names on it” 

“That works for us, our team will have the armbands ready for you to select by midnight” 

“Thank you”

“No, thank you Scout Heath” The man smiles and the meeting ends. 

“I’m not pleased” Sepp mutturs to Mark as I pass by. 

“Oh let her, Axiom will be thrilled with the news that she’ll lead us to victory. Aside that, they’ll fall in awe that she’s showing more emotions. She would have never mentioned or talked about March 27 before, but now, she’s addressing it. They’ll just fall in more love and add to the build up” 

“You’re right on that boy” Sepp says. I don’t hear anything else as I’m crowded by the prep team who are rushing to get me ready. 

“We’re on in two” Michael states as we reach the door. I fit my hat and shades and let out a heavy breath. 

“Just remember, they haven’t seen you in a weeks, they will ask just about anything so just try”

“An unfed mind devours itself Michael. I would know” I interrupt as I fix my shades. 

“Its time” Zane says while opening the door. Michael and I walk out to the podium that’s been set in front of the HQ. As people cheer at the news, I search the crowd for one person. _Amanda._ When I finally find her, I lean into Zane and order him to move her towards the front. 

“Now ladies and gentlemen, I give you Scout Heath, our glorious guardian” As the crowd erupts in cheering, I walk to the mic. 

“Miss Heath, how long have you waited to tell the board about your desire to be apart of the games”

“Not too long” 

“We’re aware that the voting was 3 to 2 but something changed, and the voting ended 6-0. How’d you convince the other Scouts to change their votes” 

“We are all aware of the rules and know that voting is casted upon Scouts for such things. There are rules to voting but aside from that, Scouts have codes. Somewhere between the first results and the second, the code took its effect”

“So are you saying Scout’s have rules of their own”

“What I am saying is that apart of our differences, we have similarities and seek a common ground” 

“Are you friends with any of the other Scouts”

“Friends is a heavy word” 

“So you do hold a relationship with them”

“I hold the same relationship with them as I do with my meals” I joke causing people to laugh 

“Was your initial and final decision on the games in any way impacted by the death of you best friend and injured right hand” 

“Do you have a best friend” I ask the man of the question

“Yes”

“Would you go to work if they passed away”

“Probably not”

“Then I don’t really understand your question. My best friend was my best friend and I’m learning to breathe without her” 

“Do Allie’s parents or ex-fiance know you’re participating in the games” 

“Like I said, I didn’t wait too long when I made a decision. I will personally visit them when they’re all together. My brother in law is a currently out of town”

“How is Assault Lloyd doing”

“Still recovering” 

“Do you expect her to be ready for the games”

“Health is a very delicate thing. I can’t make judgements or exceptions so early” 

“How are you feeling, going into the quarterly games after what happened all those years ago” 

“I…all I can say now is that I have not forgotten” 

“Having a soft heart in such important times is weakness wouldn’t you say”

“I’d say having a soft heart during stressful times is courageous, not weak” 

“Are you worried Miss Morgan’s big wedding will get in the way of preparations of the games” 

“A lion doesn’t lose sleep over the opinion of sheep” I answer with dishonesty. 

“Are you saying the Carassco wedding is unimportant” 

“No, what I am saying is that I don’t have the luxury to attend such wedding”

“Are you going to send your best wishes to the couple of the year” My face falls at the question and it is noticeable by the public by the cringing of their hearts. _They just want to see Tobin and Alex…the frenemies of the century._

“I…Umm, yeah. I’ve had the chance to meet Servando recently, he’s a good man. Great actually…Theres been a lot of speculation on their wedding and I just want to publicly say once again that I don’t have the luxury to attend. Theres much going on here in Citadel, I don’t think I’d be able to handle it…So, I send my blessings”

“What’s your take on Alex, you said Servando was a great man, do you think they make a perfect couple”

“Um…I don’t think you’re asking the right person. I don’t know anything about perfection except that it comes in many different disguises” 

“So then what is your take on Alex” I internally die at the question and want nothing more then to leave but theres still three minutes on the clock. _I would take a knife and five spikes then have to answer this question right now…_  

“I uh” I swallow hard as the memories begin to flood my already weak heart and I know that I won’t be able to handle any more questions. 

“Is something wrong Scout Heath”

“No” I quickly respond earning some confused glances “No, I was just trying to find the right words to use…but I obviously can’t seem to find them…I think she’s all the words you don’t write on a paper, the small portion of coffee you leave in the cup, the thing you don’t see. It’s there, you know it exists but you never actually got to experience it. You know?”

“So are you saying you don’t know her or you don’t know how to describe her” 

“I know her, I know everything about her. I just can’t form a sentence that can grasp her complexion. Like, how do I describe something as simple but complex as the sea” 

“So, theres a balance between the two”

“Between her and I” I ask a bit too openly

“Between her and Servando”

“Yeah, a balance, of course” I half smile with a broken soul. 

“One last question, are you currently in love yourself” 

“Maybe…in another world, I am” I answer sadly before waving to the crowd and walking back inside. I gather my things in silence and head for my motorcycle in a swift motion. The camera’s snap shots and I smile as if nothing was wrong. As if my soul wasn’t broken in millions of small pieces, lost in a sea of a certain brunettes eyes. I arrive at the cafe before she does and make sure to pick a seat in the corner. Away from the door and from the world. 

“Hey” Amanda smiles as she takes a seat 

“Hey, you made it”

“Yeah, I got someone to look out for Alice”

“How is she”

“Good, very good actually” 

“I’m happy to hear”

“You don’t look too happy”

“What do you mean, I’m on cloud nine” I sarcastically joke as I play with my cup of coffee. 

“You looked so lifeless during the interview”

“Was it the obvious”

“To me, yes. To everyone else, nope”

“That’s a relief” I mutter as I remove my scout hat and shades. Amanda slightly gasps at the redness of my eyes and I can see her mind forming connections. 

“Don’t worry, I’m okay”

“You’re eyes surely tell different”

“They’ll be okay, sooner or later, it’ll all be okay” 

“I know but later seems like a long time…”

“Well, good thing you and I have a lot to work on until later happens”

“You still need me to cover the story on Carli” 

“Yes and I need you to exploit it as much as possible”

“Okay, I can try but from what I know, this issue is quite difficult. The police drives down the information”

“Oh, don’t worry about the police. They’re nothing but shit. You do have to worry about being seen with me though” I joke causing her to roll her eyes. 

“If you wanted me to play your love interest, all you had to do what ask” 

“I wouldn’t ask you for that much. If they catch us meeting up, just tell them we met because of Alice”

“But we did meet because of Alice”

“Exactly, no lie, no harm. We meet up because we’re friends”

“We are friends” Alice giggles

“Thank you, for doing this. It’s going to help us”

“Oh I don’t doubt it. Just let me in on things you think are safe enough for me to know”

“As of now, nothing but I will make sure to keep you in the loop” 

“Thanks” I smile at Amanda and stand to hug her goodbye. 

“Here’s a flash drive with some information. It’ll go blank in 2 hours” I whisper into her ear as I slip the flash drive into her coats pocket. 

“Good Bye” She smiles as she walks away. I grab my cup of coffee I didn’t finish and swirl it in my hands feeling the small hurricane inside the cup, bouncing off the walls. _Like untouched coffee…_ I walk over to the trash and empty out the coffee into the drain and take the cup with me like I’m supposed to. As I walk to the entrance of the coffee shop, I feel someones stare. Turning just my head, I don’t see anyone I recognize. _Chill Tobin, your paranoia is going to escalate as you prep for the games_ I think to myself as I shake off the feeling. When I open the door, I feel the stare again and turn. But once again, the eyes I long for aren’t there. _Who am I kidding, she’s probably out dress shopping._ I suck my lips into my mouth and look down at my feet. _Oh how I wish it were sand beneath me._

“Thank you” An elder women says as she walks in through the door I’m holding open. 

“My pleasure” I say with a mental slap. _Its time to go._ I walk out the door into the cool breeze and put on my Scout cap and shades. Looking to my left and right, I find myself wishing Allie was here. The thought of her, away, far from me makes me feel so much more lonelier than I already feel. Before my mind can progress down memory lane, my phones rings and I snap out of it. I rush to my bike, unknowing of the eyes that stare at me as I walk away. 

* * *

 

When I get home, I find Ali asleep on the couch. I remove my coat and set it on a dinning room table and go into Ali’s room to grab a blanket for her. 

“It’s not good to sleep with headphones” I whisper as I remove the headphones from her ears and wrap them around the iPod Ash sent. Standing up, I walk to the fridge and carefully open it so it doesn’t wake the girl on the couch. I take some ice and pour it in the glass and leave it on the table as I walk to the front door to grab my bag. As I kneel down to grab the two bottles of Corona I stole from the gals, I knock something off the entrance table. The echo that bounces off the dark walls makes me cringe. _Please don’t wake up._ I pray as I kneel still and stare at Ali’s peaceful body. When she doesn’t stir, I let out the breath I’m holding and pick up the thing that fell. _Whats this…_ I ask myself as I grab the package and reach inside. _The photobook…_ I take it out along with the Coronas and carefully throw the packing back into my backpack before walking to the table. 

“Frost, can you clear the walls”

“Even with Ali on the couch”

“I think we’ve held her hostage enough. No one can see inside anyways” Once the windows clear, I roll up my shirts sleeves and untuck the shirt from my skinny slacks. I pop the cap off a Corona and take a gulp. As the alcohol travels into my system, the memories of her lips begin. _Even beer reminds me of you._ I sarcastically giggle as I walk out to the balcony and lean against the railing. 

“Cheers, to your fucking wedding” I yell out with hurt towards Axiom as I raise the bottle over the railing “Because we all know that its Axiom’s dream wedding…Not hers” I finish as I chug the remaining of the bitter alcohol. I let out a long sigh and go back inside. My body slumps down in front of the photo book with the initials PDX on it. 

“That’s a neat detail” I ponder as I open it to the first page. The small giggle that escapes my lips is due to Pinoe and her quirky remark. _Don’t cheat on me ight?_ Reads the small handing writing by a picture of us both. The picture below is of Syd and I dress shopping which reads, _She’s hot isn’t she…the right on the right_ Which clearly points to herself. I smile at her small JK on the side of her comment. _Oh Syd…_ I think as I continue through the book until I find a picture of Allie, Alex and I by the fire late at night. You can’t see our faces since the picture was taken from behind but our shadows are casted onto the sand. I’m the one left of Allie and Alex is right of her. The picture itself is painful but the comment is what drives me to close my eyes. _Angels aren’t always meant to stay._ It’s clear to the naked mind that she’s taking about the three of us but knowing Becky and her good sight, she’s talking about Alex, whom I’m staring at in the picture. Allie’s staring at us both and in a way, it’s all so obvious that Alex and I have a connection but at the same time, Allie’s in between. Representing all the things that keep us apart and the things that hold us together. 

“Who took that” Ali’s tired voice asks. I look up to find her standing before me with the second Corona in hand. 

“How long have you been standing there”

“About two minutes”

“Oh wow, my senses are really slow”

“Or maybe your minds a little low” 

“It’s nothing” I mutter as I close the book and stand up. 

“Right” She hums as she walks back to the couch. Before I can answer, my phone begins to ring. 

“Hello” 

“Tobin” 

“Jeri” I ask not really able to hear her voice as the call is fuzzy. 

“I think”

“Jeri, Jeri what’s going on” I ask as I hear her phone fall “Jeri are you there” I ask as I rush upstairs to my office. I put the call on speaker and connect my phone to my computer.

“Hello” A strong mans voice greets

“Who are you” I order as I start to locate Jeri’s phone 

“She would call you” He says before hanging up. The duration of the call isn't not long enough for the computer to give me an exact location. I slam my fist on the desk with anger and quickly dial up Syd. 

“Where are you”

“Where do you need me to be” Syd asks as I can hear her rushing to get her shoes on. 

“The Morgan’s house, check that everyones there” 

“I’ll shoot you a text when I arrive” she says while hanging up. I rush downstairs and grab my coat. 

“Where are you going” 

“To find Jeri, Frost, lock down from inside” I order as I run out the door and down the stairs. As I drive to the estimated range of Jeri’s location, I recieve Syd’s text. _Only Jen and the Morgan’s are home._

“Frost, tell Syd to stay at the Morgan’s. If anyone else arrives, let me know” 

“On it” Frost replies. Right when I turn into the exit towards Axiom, an undercover cop car turns on their lights. 

“Oh come on” I yell as I pull over. 

“Get off the vehicle” The police man orders through the intercom of their car. 

“I don’t have time for this shit” I say turning off my bike and removing my helmet. 

“Can I go now” I ask as I turn around to face the bright lights of the police car. 

“Hold out your arms where I can see them and give me your name”

“You know my name”

“Name”

“Scout Heath” 

“ID”

“Classified”

“ID miss or we’re going to take you to the station”

“It’s freaking classified” I groan as I let my hands drop to the side. 

“I didn’t say you could move” He shouts causing me to grow mad “Now on the ground” He orders. As I kneel on the ground, I click a button on my phone altering Becky that I’m in some trouble. 

“Fucking agents thinking they can do whatever they want” The cop hisses as he cuffs me

“I don’t even know what the I did”

“You were speeding”

“Speeding?! I was going 65”

“And the limit is 60” 

“Since when do you care about the law” I spit as he shoves me in his hover car. 

“Shut up and give me your keys”

“Firstly, my bike doesn’t use keys, secondly, I ain’t giving you my phone and you don’t have the right to take my scout clock so you’re going to have to figure out some other way to transport my bike to the station” 

“I’ll send someone to pick it up”

“Nah, eff that. I have the right to pick what happens to my bike”

“And you have the right to shut the fuck up”

“Fucking cops” I whisper under my breath “one of my agents will get it”

“Fine with me” He says with an eye roll before slamming the door shut. When we arrive at the station, the cop forces me to enter the building through the front door, where all the paparazzi are. 

“Tobin, Tobin why are you being arrested” 

“I can assure you I’m not being arrested”

“Why are you in handcuffs then”

“Because she broke the law, now back away before I have you guys removed” The cops threatens as he pushes me through the door. Once inside, I go through the basic procedure of answering questions and being put on record. 

“We’re going to need you to turn in your phone and clock until you lawyer arrives” The women behind the desk informs 

"Excuse me” 

“The clock and phone, in the bag” 

“Sorry but no” I say while shaking my head

“Either you put it in the bag or you wait inside a cell. It’s your choice” 

“In the cell I guess” She sighs at my answer and has me escorted back. As I pass by the cells with criminals, I see Jeri slumped in the one besides me. 

“For security reasons, you are to keep the cuffs on”

“Why, everyone else doesn’t”

“Like I said, security reasons” The guard says as he locks the door and walks away. 

“They’re scared you’ll break out” Jeri laughs as I walk over to the bars that separate us. 

“Actually, they’re scared I’ll punch them…why are you here” I ask as I search for any sign of abuse on her visible skin.

“Don’t worry, they didn’t do anything to me…One of the private cops was following me so I called you. As soon as I got on the phone, he arrested me” 

“Son of a…you know he doesn’t have the right to touch your phone” 

“That rule only applies to you”

“Um, no it doesn’t” I reply while giving her a stank face which she laughs at. 

“Okay it applies to me too but I don’t like using the ‘I’m Michael Morgan’s daughter’ excuse” 

“I feel you” I nod as I grab the bars between us. 

“Tobin your wrist” Jeri squeals as she catches a glimpse of my hurting wrists. 

“It’s nothing” I say as I pull my sleeves from under my coat over the my soar wrists. 

“Fuck that, the cuffs are cutting into your skin” She says as she grabs my hands to examine the wounds.

“Don’t worry about it Jer, I pissed off the cop, he only wanted to get back at me”

“That ridiculous” She exclaims seriously 

“Ehh, its fine, bittersweet actually. I wouldn’t have known you were here if I hadn’t been arrested” 

“You’re always so modest about things”

“Someones got to be” I smile. 

“Tobin” I hear Becky shout. 

“Over here” I wave with my hands

“Why is she in hand cuffs” Becky fumes at the cops besides her

“She has a history of punching”

“And with fucking reason, look at her wrists” Becky roars. 

“We’re sorry Miss Sauerbrunn, we’ll get them off right now” The new cop trembles as he removes the cuffs and opens the door. I run my hands over my wounds and greet Becky. 

“You okay”

“Yeah” 

“All your work is sorted out, we’re sorry for the inconvenience” The women from the desk informs me and Jeri.

“Thank you” I respond while offering my elbow to Jeri. We walk to the front office where Syd, Michael, Pamela, Jen, Alex and Servando wait. _Just what I needed_  I think as I get a good look at the couple.Jeri leaves my side to hug her dad while I walk over to the front desk to avoid looking at Serv and Alex any longer. 

“You just need to sign here and initial here, Michael will sign off the rest” The man behind the desk states. I barely make out what she tells me as my heart beat drowns out the noise. As I stare at my unrecognizable signature, I turn to Becky whom picks up on my desire to leave. 

“Is that all” Syd asks the women

“You guys are good to go”

“Great” Becky stampers out as she hustles me and Syd out the door. The flashes of the cameras blind me and I can hear Zane pushing people back. 

“Tobin, is it true, did you punch a cop”

“Why were you arrested” 

“Is it a coincidence that Jeri Morgan was in the cell beside you” I duck my head under the coat Becky puts around me and continue to walk to the car. As I open the door of Becky’s lambo, my eyes catch a glimpse of Servando holding Alex. It’s a rush of death that consumes my nervous system causing my eyes to loose all life when I see her smile at something he said. She turns in my direction and catches my sight but only for a second as Becky pushes me inside and closes the door. _No longer my mine._

Alex and I don’t cross ways for days, which in turn, turn into weeks which in result turn into a month. The night of the arrest, I confessed my feelings for Alex to Becky, Syd and Ali. None of them judged me or were surprised as I had initially expected. Instead, they simply remained silent. Ever since my confession, they’ve been watching out for me. Removing anything from my sight that could mention or bring memories of Alex, they've even been answering questions from the press for me. They’ve been sheltering me from my feelings, up until now that is. 

“What do you want me to do with this” Ali asks as she holds up the photo book the gals gave me. 

“Here, I’ll take it to the storage room” I say as I grab it and start walking to the guest room down the hall. As I open the door with my right hand, the book slips out of my grasp and onto the ground. 

“Fuck” I whisper as I quickly kneel down to pick up the book and a few of the pictures that slipped out. I reach under the wood cabinet to grab the last picture that slipped under. 

“There you are” I breath as I grab the picture and pull it out. As I begin to put it back inside the book I realize I have never seen it before. 

“Where’d this come from” I ask as I turn the picture around and stare straight into an image that I know will haunt me in my sleep. It’s a picture of Alex and I, on the rock that I jumped from when Ash came to find us. _Meeting you was one thing but watching you fall in love before you knew you were was the absolute best. Don’t let her go. Ever. -Ash H._ I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up to meet Ali with tears in my eyes. She smiles sadly at me and holds me as I come undone. Unlike other times, I never fall asleep as my endless river of tears empties onto her shirt. 

“It’s almost time for you to go” Ali whispers into my ear as the clock nears 3:30. Todays the day of the grand sitcom of the games where the squads competing in the games, along with the board members, attend a sitcom and royal ball. 

“I’ll go get ready” I whisper as I let go of her and head up to my room. My body, mind and heart don’t feel a thing as I get changed into my fitted Scout suit. I grab the elegant red armband that Kanatos sent me and slide it onto my left arm and walk to my secret cabinet to grab my medals. 

“Here, let me get that for you” Ali says as she takes the medals from my hands and places them on my suit. She then fixes my tie and takes a good look at me “I want to say you look gorgeous but I can’t get past your eyes…god I can’t believe I’m saying this but Ash was right. You shouldn’t let her go” 

“It’s too late Ali”

“Tobin’s confession to Alex stopped her from getting married to Servando back at home so don’t you tell me it’s too late” 

“Theres only three weeks left”

“Tobin did it in two”

“I don’t know Ali”

“If you have even have the smallest possibility to grab her alone tonight, you do it. Don’t second guess it, just do it, theres no way she’ll run from you” She smiles as she finishes fixing my tie. 

“I can’t promise anything”

“At least promise you’ll try” I sigh and nod okay. Ali walks me to the door and gives me her blessings. 

“Thank you”

“Don’t mention it, now go get’er” Ali smiles. I arrive at Citadel at 4 and head straight for Carli’s room. 

“Are you ready” I ask Becky and doctor Emmett who prep for all the possible outcomes. 

“More then ready” Emmett replies

“Is the squad here yet”

“The squad and Brian are all waiting outside”

“Good, remember, if her pain is too intense she goes under. I have the first hour with her”

“Don’t worry, you’ll be the only one she’ll want to talk to”

“Good, lets get going” I say as I remove my Scout Coat and put on a blue surgical coat. I walk with the medical team into the surgery room where we’ll start the process of waking Carli up. 

“We’re going to make a routinely check to ensure that everything is working properly and that all equipment is ready in case of an emergency” A nurse informs me as I stand to the side. 

“Her vitals are good, her mind’s dreaming and her breathing is steady” Becky inquires as she closes a hologram and walks over to Carli’s sleeping body. 

“All machines are good to go, including supplies” A nurse informs me. 

“Good, lets begin” I turn to Becky and Emmett. I watch as they carefully clean Carli’s diamond and insert a tool into the small hole in the middle of her transcendent. 

“Dim the lights a little, we don’t want to startle her and send her into shock if she wakes” Becky commands. A nurse dims the lights enough so that its dark towards the walls and visible in front of the doctors. Becky then walks over to a series of holograms that light up in different colors, monitoring different things. She presses a button that I assume starts the process of waking Carli up. I hear a small click come from the tool inserted into the diamond and then silence. A few seconds go by before another click is heard. 

“Talk to her” Becky whispers from across the room

“Why”

“The machine is waking up her body and sending signals to her brain to wake, but her mind…it’s been dreaming for months. She’ll only wake when she realizes she’s dreaming” Emmett explains

“I…uh, okay” I tremble as I sit on a roll chair besides her bed and reach for her hand “Hey Carl’s, how’ve you been…Good I assume…I mean you haven’t done anything for a while so I would like to think that you’re rested and well now” I joke as I nervously trace doodles on her hand “I know you’re lost in there. I know you head hurts and you body aches and you want nothing more then to continue not feeling but I need you back. We all need you back. Things are heating up out here and I need someone to hand the throne to…you promised if that time came, you’d be the one to take charge. You also promised to look out for the squad, for Allie and for all those who can’t stand for themselves if something happened to me. So I’m going to need you to keep that promise okay? I’m also going to need you to add another person to that list of people to protect…Alex” I silently whisper with sad eyes “I know it may sound confusing but things have changed. No ones really the same anymore, but that’s okay. Things are about to change even more so… I need you here, alright Carl’s? I need my right hand” I whisper as a single tear rolls down my cheek.

“And I’m gonna need my right hand” Carli smiles. I turn to meet the eyes of my right hand and jump up in joy as they pierce into mine. Without warning, I hug her tightly, as if she were to slip away again. 

“Careful tiger” Becky jokes. I move back so Becky can hug Carli herself. I l turn to look at Emmett whom wears the biggest smile I’ve seen in a while. 

“We haven’t met yet, I’m Dr. Emmett” He introduces himself 

“Carli Lloyd” 

“Its good to finally put a voice on your name” He smiles as he takes a tool close by “I’m going to run some physical tests while Becky runs some diagnostics if that’s okay” 

“Fine by me” 

“I’m going to let the others know” I inform a nurse close by “I’ll be back to look at her results. No one says a thing about what’s going on or what happened until I’m back” 

“I’ll make sure nothing is said” 

“Thank you” I say and proceed out the door. Every step in the direction towards the squad feels lighter, filled with more confidence and more determination then ever before. I push the doors of the waiting room wide open and take a look around the room. 

“She’s awake” I breathe out with the biggest smile. Everyone hugs and shares words of thankfulness as I take a moment to take the squads in. _Thank you, thank you for taking care of them while I was away._ I tell the man upstairs in my head. 

“When can we see her” Syd is the first to ask 

“Becky and Dr.Emmett are currently evaluating her as we speak. I will go back and lay down the basics of everything. From the incident to now but I need you guys to wait a little longer. There are things Carl is going to need to adjust to and let sink in, some harder then others” I say with a weak voice as I think of the baby she lost “So be patient, the sitcom and ball aren’t till seven. I will try to hurry so you guys get at least 30 minutes with her but I need you guys to be aware that she’s not caught up and it’s going to take her time. Okay” I ask the squad whom all nod, including Brian “Alright, stay put” I finish before walking back to the surgery room.

“We have taken her to her private room down the hall. She’s waiting” Becky greets me with a folder of things I’ve been collecting over the series of weeks she’s been out. 

“Has she asked anything”

“A few things but no one answered”

“Good”

“Tobin wait” Becky says while grabbing my arm. I immediately know somethings wrong by her shaking grasp. 

“What is it Becks”

“She’s not out of the woods”

“What are we dealing with”

“Weeks, months, of psychological therapy, physical therapy” Emmett answers for Becky 

“That’s what we expected” I reply with a shrug

“That’s not all” 

“Would one of you guys just say it. She’ll right down the hall waiting for me to come in there and tell her whats”

“She’s going to need memory therapy” Emmett finally says. All the confidence and joy I felt just moments ago washes out of my body as I let out a deep breath. 

“What level” I ask as I run a hand over my hair. 

“Level 3” I seal my lips tight and look up towards the ceiling in pain “We had initially had her around level 1 basic therapy but she’s spacing…I was asking her basic questions when she asked about Hope and suddenly shared something that happened years ago. It seems like she was in a dream where time didn’t exist”

“It couldn’t have been something other then time” I groan as I let the news bounce around in my head. 

“I know, it’s a little harder then we wanted to face but you have to say, its better then what we were expecting…we were prepared for level 5” 

“I know, I just. How am I supposed to in there and explain she’s been asleep for months. How am I supposed to explain that I was in another world inside this one?! How do I explain anything without time” I exclaim as I find myself trapped again

“With evidence. Theres nothing we can do about time set with therapy, it’s the hardest type of memory loss to regain but it’s the easiest to manipulate” I nod along with Dr.Emmett and let out a deep sigh. 

“I’m going to go in there and lay a small line of events for her. No specific dates, no specific time frame. A timeline without time, okay” I pause to let the two pick up on my idea “I need a clear white board to help her see the basic flow of events but I’m going to need you guys to remove all clocks or dates from site. I don’t want anyone mentioning any time or events that aren’t on that board I leave in the room. Got me? I will add detail to every event as we progress with her therapy”

“Will we try basic memory therapy or will we go the treatment route” 

“Let’s go with basic the first two days and then start treatment”

“I’ll let everyone know the plan” Becky volunteers

“Thank you” 

As I walk to Carli’s door, I focus on my breathing. _It’s going to be okay, just lay it down as simple as possible. She’s not stupid so don’t coat it either._ I open the door and smile at her. 

“Not tired eh” I joke as I close the door. 

“I feel like I’ve slept for weeks” She says as she cracks her back. My smile drops but quickly reappears as she asks about the board I brought in with me. 

“You’ll see” I say as I grab a fluorescent green marker and turn the lights off. The boards lights up and on top of it I write _conscious_ , along with some things Emmett wrote down on evaluation sheet. Below the small section of thing’s Carli’s aware of, I write unconscious. 

“That’s a big space” Carli points out as more then half of the board is saved for the unconscious section. 

“Yeah, you know how much life likes me” I reply as I cap the marker and pick up another color “So what do you think happened”

“Some accident” 

“Okay, yeah, accident” I repeat as I write the word accident on the far left side of the board. 

“On the way back from work I’m guessing” 

“Work” I write under the word accident. 

“I’m awake” She states next. I write awake to the far right and continue to let her guess on what’s happened. Most of her guesses are wrong but I don’t correct her, I simply pick out the words that right. 

“Is that all” I ask as I finish writing beginning of winter. 

“How’d I do” She asks as I grab a blue pen that will be events she didn't guess. 

“Not bad actually” 

“So…what’s missing” she asks more seriously. I don’t look at her as I write a small but huge event to test her reaction. _Replacements._

“Oh okay, yeah, I see how that fits. With Ash off the squad and me in the hospital” Carli says 

“Correct” I smile as I write Kristie's and Laure's names under the word replacements. I take the opportunity to write _Rejoin_ close by the word accident and look at Carli. 

“Rejoin? Like the squad?” Carli asks and I nod “The only person whom you’d ever go to…Allie?” 

“Yeah, Becky was attending you so we had Laure rotating with Becky on the field and I needed someone to fill your spot” I sadly smile as I write Allie’s name by replacement. 

“Okay, okay it’s fitting in. What else” Carli asks as she sits up a little. I write two new events on the table and let Carli stare at them. _Police Station and Funeral._

“I…police station is written close to the word accident so I’m guessing you went to see evidence” 

“100% on spot” I say as I write evidence visit. Carli holds her breath as she tries to make a guess at the word funeral. 

“Someone from Kardia” I nodd and write Kardia under funeral. 

“It wasn’t someone we knew was it” Carli asks with a hard swallow. I take a red marker and write the word knew under Kardia. I hear Carli take in a sharp breath. I don’t wait for her to guess who it was as I write  _Allie._ She looks away from the board pained and I want nothing more then to tell her that Allie’s alive. _If I tell her about the glimmers and the coast, I could throw off her time frame and cause her to loss grasp on reality._

“I’m so sorry Tobin” Carli softly cries 

“Neither of us would have been able to save her…she was far from our grasp” 

“She had her whole life ahead of her…and her wedding” I turn around to give Carli some privacy as she cries. When she’s finally ready, she asks a question I knew she would ask. 

“Who did it”

“Katos” 

“Where there others”

“Two” 

“Was it fast at least” I nod yes and see her relax just a tiny bit. 

“Do you want to continue or give it a rest” I ask sensing her closing her mind with the news of Allie.

“Just three more” 

“Okay” I breath as I write an event that’s recent and not paining to know. _Cell time._

“Someone was arrested” 

“Yes”

“Syd” Carli asks causing me to laugh

“Me actually, I was speeding” I say as I write my name and speeding under the word cell time. 

“Stupid cops, always causing trouble”

“I hate to agree” 

“Addiction” She reads out as she reads the next word “Someone fell under the influence…was it you” 

“Yes” I reply as I write my name under addiction 

“Are you getting help”

“I am” 

“You can always talk to me if you need to” 

“Thank you” 

“Can I try guessing the next event”

“Sure, what do you think” 

“Surgery” I nod and write surgery to the left of the word rejoin “My lower stomach” Carli guesses

“Close”

“Kidney” 

“Yes” 

“So does that mean I can’t…” 

“No, we had a donor” 

“It wasn’t Brian was it” I giggle at her quick remark and no nod. 

“Was it anonymous” 

“It will be for you” 

“Okay, I think I’m ready for another big event” 

“You sure, you said three” 

“Yeah, I think I’ll be able to handle it…You’re going to tell me everything eventually” I swallow hard and write the word that has been haunting me since I walked in. 

“Lost” Carli ask confused as she stares at the word lost below the list of accident. I take in a deep breath and meet her eyes “What happened” Carli asks scared as she meets my watery eyes. 

“I’m so sorry Carli” I choke as I find myself unable to say it

“Sorry for what Tobin?! You’re scaring me” 

“You lost…you lost” 

“Lost what Tobin, what did I lose?! Please Tobin! Just tell me!” 

“You lost the baby you were carrying” I finally whisper as I feel my heart break all over again. Carli stares at me with the saddest eyes I have ever seen and in that moment I want nothing more then for her to be asleep again. 

“I’m so sorry Carls…I’ll go get Brian” I whisper as I walk to the door.

“Wait…just tell me one thing…how many weeks was I in”

“Two” 

“Thank you Tobin”

“No Carli, don’t thank me…I failed you”

“Theres nothing you could have done, it’s not like either of us knew” 

“I could have protected you better” I reply as I swallow the lump in my throat. 

“You know who was response for the accident already don’t you”

“Yes” I nod as I open the door “But it would be stupid of me to put salt on an open wound” 

I close the door and stand outside as I wait for Becky and Brian to arrive. Brian and I meet sights and exchange words only through our stare. He takes a deep breath before opening the door and walking in. 

“Should I get the squad ready to see her” Becky asks as I stare through the small window by the door and watch Brian and Carli come undone together. 

“No…not today” I mutter as I feel nothing but pain. 

* * *

We arrive at the location of the huge event just on time for the interviews to begin. Zane opens the door of the car and helps me out. 

“Tobin” Everyones shouts as I fit my suit and walk around the car. 

“Tobin, who’s your plus one” 

“Everyone I know is here” I respond to a man of the question as I step on the red carpet laid on the ground and begin to journey of walking the carpet. 

“Tobin, a quick interview” Amanda’s soft voice asks as I pass by some cameras. 

“Why not” I smile as I walk over. 

“May I say, you look stunning in your suit, who was it designed by” 

“Some of our representatives” 

“It’s quite fabulous I have to say”

“Thanks, I’ll give them your complement” I smile as I take a pen and paper from a fan close by and sign. 

“Everyones talking about your suit, the squad, your sudden change of heart on the games but we want to know about our beloved assault agent Lloyd, how’s she doing” Amanda asks as I slide my hands into my slacks pockets. 

“You’re the first to ask actually, um, I have some big news to reveal today so make sure to save that question for the sitcom” I tease 

“Oh you can’t possibly keep us waiting that long”

“Sorry not sorry” I laugh 

“Okay, fine, what can you tell us”

“That you look beautiful and your zippers down” I state as I point to Amanda and then at the camera man. I walk off as the man embarrassingly zips up his zipper and Amanda laughs. 

“Sorry I’m late” Tim startles me as I’m about to take a picture 

“No, just in time” I giggle through gritted teeth

“I hate these things” He whispers before smiling at the camera

“Well good thing we’re almost inside” 

"Yeah but then we have to talk to all those Axiom phonies inside and I don't know what's worse"

"They could make us use their ridiculous outfits" 

"That would be catastrophic" 

"What would be" Servando's voice echoes in my ears. I slowly turn so that I'm not completely looking away from Servando and his soon to be wife. 

"Us tripping" Tim answers none chattery 

"Are you kidding, everyone would run to your sides" Servando states as he swings his left arm over Tims shoulder to take a picture. Tim awkwardly wraps his left arm around my waist and I give the camera a closed lip smile. When the flash blinds us, we all let go and walk a few steps ahead and again stop for a picture. 

I feel my body reacting to Alex's proximity as every pictures takes longer and longer to take. Her sweet vanilla scent forms a cloud around my head causing me to loose my mind the more I breath.

"Miss Heath some quick questions" a women with a mic yells.

"Yes" I reply too quickly causing Tim and the reporter to look at me confused. 

"Anyhow, we want your take on the tabloids headlines these last few weeks" The women says as she lights up a hologram with various magazines pictures and headlines. _Matured or distressed? Could Tobin's recent change be of age or of death?...A new pair of eyes for Kardia's Guardian, what you need to know about her new outlook...No love interest? Witness tells different...Jeri Morgan and Scout Heath both arrested, sources say the two things are connected...Tobin Heath tied between reporter and middle Morgan, or could there be someone else?_... Read a few titles. I continue to scan my eyes over pictures and lines until I cross one that actually hurts... _Would Allie Long be disappointed with Tobin's unwillingness to attend Alex's wedding_...I close the Hologram in a swift motion of hurt and shake Alex's eyes off my back.

"I'll give them credit for creativity" I half joke "But ugh, no, the tabloids are greatly expanding the truth"

"But you do confirm that some of it is true"

"No, I'm just saying, if it doesn't come from me, don't believe it" I remark before walking away. 

"That didn't look good" Tim whispers into my ear as I walk past him

"It wasn't" I reply without emotion as I push by people to head towards the entrance. Once I'm a few feet away, I hear my name. 

"Jeri" I smile as I find her wearing an elegant tan dress with her hair up in a gorgeous bun. 

"Leaving the party so quickly" She jokes as she stands by my side to take a picture. Once the flash goes off I turn to roll my eyes at her.

"I am the party"

"You're right on that Dork" she laughs as more pictures are taken. 

"Scout Heath, are you ready to go inside" Zane asks as he pulls me aside 

"Give me another minute" 

"I'll wait"

"You can go on, I like the way you clean up by the way" I complement as I take a look at his tux. 

"Thank you" He smiles before walking towards the door. 

"Well, it appears it's time for me to join the real party inside" 

"Guess I'll catch you during the sitcom" 

"Or during the ball"

"Are you asking me for a dance" Jeri asks whiling faking being surprised 

"In that case" I say while turning around

"No, wait, I'm kidding, of course I'll dance with you"

"9pm sharp" I hum as I walk into the building. 

"They're eating you up like hot cookies off the sheet" Becky greets as I reach the squad that waits backstage.

"Tell me about it, tomorrow's tabloids are going to be killer" 

"It'll be over soon" Lauren expresses as Amy and Kristie arrive. They get raw stares from the squad except from Becky and I. 

"My my" I greet as I hug the two.

"Sorry we're a little late, the press are extra touchy today" Kristie informs me

"Don't worry, you're right on time" 

"We start in 10" A man that's running around giving orders yells.

"Scout Heath and Tim, please gather squads" A voice orders through the screeching intercom. 

"Alright, let's go through this" I say as we all line up in the order we'll be walking on stage. 

"Okay boys, Armando is the first to walk on, Tobin is the last" Tim yells enough for everyone to hear.

"Questions are answered with the lightness and professionalism" I say as I go one by one, checking everyone's suit to ensure its correctly structured. 

"If the question is of offense, turn it down or have someone else answer. We all know this is the chance for them to get at us in every way possible so show no signs of weakness"

"And remember, the funnier the response, the better" I finish as I stand at the end of my line. 

"We are about to start" Zane informs me as his men begin to move to their designated spots. 

"Let the show begin" I breath. 

Everyone gets called on to stage one by one and I wait by the curtains until my name is called. I fix the arm band on my left arm and look down at the ring on my right hand. 

"And last but surely not least, Scout Heath of Athena" Captain Rampone introduces. I tug on my coat before walking onto the stage. The light blinds me momentarily as I wave and walk to my seat. The whole audience is standing and applauding so I take a moment to bow and sit. 

"Now for some words from Michael Morgan" 

"Thank you Scout Rampone" Michael thanks as he walks to the podium "I want to make this short as I know there's lots of questions to ask...I just want to say that I couldn't be prouder to have these two squads represent us in the quarterly games. They are and will always be our greatest agents in history...ladies and gentlemen, I give you Kardia's guardians" Michael says as he waves his right hand in our direction. Soon after the claps die down, the questions begin. The first target seems to be Tim and I. Much to my advantage, Tim is able to answer all the questions. That is until it's Amanda's turn to ask. 

"I have a question for Scout Heath pertaining to Assault Lloyds health. We were all expecting her to be here tonight, what can you tell us about her on going recovery" I smile at the question and let out a small breath as I sit up a little in my chair. 

"I'm grateful to inform the region of Kardia that our second Scout in order is finally on her way to recovery. Earlier today, our medical doctors Sauerbrunn and Dr. Emmett successfully conducted neuron surgery where's Carli awoke from the endless reality she was in" There's a gasp of surprise and relief from the crowd as I turn to give Becky's hand a gentle squeeze of thankfulness. Everyone on my squad, including the men's squad, sport the biggest smiles as it comes to great happiness to know Carli's okay. I turn to meet Abby's eyes and see the visible relief that comes from her. 

"I...wow" Amanda breaths into the mic. All reporters hands fill the air but I keep my focus on Amanda as it's still her turn "That's, amazing! Such great news! Congrats to your squad and Carli...but I think the question everyone has is why didn't we know Carli was in a coma" 

"Yeah...um, her situation was delicate so we were forced to make delicate decisions. One of the biggest, if not the biggest decision I have ever had to make was choosing whether or not to put her under...Unlike the past we can monitor her brain activity much closer and choose when to wake her up. The hard part is dealing with the consequences of the incident and side effects"

"So you're saying she's not fully on the way to recovery"

"As of now she is well on her way to recovering. I, along with medical team have set out a rigid treatment for her. If everything goes according to plans, we expect to see her back on her feet before the games" 

"That fast" Someone from the audience exclaims causing a few of the squad members to laugh. I uncross my knees and lean forward a little. 

"Could be faster"

"Is there by any chance Carli will be able to compete" 

"What do you guys think, is Carli able to compete" I ask the squads who giggle "Carli is a very determined women. Strong, intelligent and hard headed so by no means do I say no. She'll be ready for the games" The cheering of the audience interrupts me so I wait for them to quiet down "But...she will not compete. The squads and board members held a voting and everyone agrees that physically, she'll be ready but mentally, she has a long way to go" 

"Can we expect her to help on the side lines"

"Definitely" 

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, it's time for an intermission" Rampone tells the audience. I quickly get out of my seat and head with the squad to our private room. 

"A few of the guys will watch the door with Kristie and Amy" Tim whispers into my ear as we walk down the stairs.

"Syd, you know what to do" 

"On it"

"Amy"

"Got it" 

Tim opens the door and we all shuffle in. 

"I can't find Mark" Zane informs me as he closes the door. 

"We're going to have to do without him"

"Would you like me to stay" 

"You can if you want to go through with this"

"I think it's worth a thought"

"Your men"

"I have my suspicions" Zane shrugs. 

"Here" Syd yells as she walks in with Jeri

"And I got the target" Amy informs as she practically drags Abby into the room. 

"You couldn't at least let me kiss my wife goodbye" Abby exclaims as she stands in the middle of 15 sum elite killers. 

"Oh hush Abby, we're not here to kill you" I remark with an eye roll 

"You sure? Because it fucking looks like you are"

"Look, we only have 10 minutes before someone comes looking for us so are you going to listen or not" I ask annoyed 

"Depends on what you're going to say"

"I'm talking business"

"You couldn't have scheduled a meeting" 

"Revolution doesn't have time for meetings" I state as I take a folder from Tim

"Revolution" Abby repeats with furrowed brows.

"Here, maybe this'll help" I toss the folder into Abby's hands and walk around her like a hawk as everyone watches from a farther distance. Her facial expression says it all from the beginning. 

"You can't seriously be thinking this" Abby exclaims 

"Oh I am, we all are" I laugh as I point around the room 

"I'm not going to be apart of this" Abby states as she hands me the folder. My sarcastic smile drops and serious Tobin steps into the light. 

"Oh you aren't? The company that has been trying to hack into Kardia's most secretive area doesn't want in. The company who was willing to put the life of their friend, if you even considered Carli that, in danger doesn't want to be apart of this!? My lord I didn't take you for a fucking hypocrite"

"Look, this is"

"No you look Abby. Look around this room and tell me what you see" I say as I grab her by the coat and bring her face to mine "I'm tired of your shit. I'm tired of you walking around with that fucking smirk and pretending all is good while I have to fucking clean up the mess you made. So you take a good look at who you're talking to...because when we bring everything down, and I mean everything, anyone standing on the opposite side will have to pay for the shit they've done" I let go of her coat and fix my own. 

"Are you black mailing me" 

"Black mailing you? Heavens no, black mailing you would be me threatening to expose you and your fucking group to Carli if you didn't sign. But this? Right here, is me giving you an option. You sign the contract, you work for us, you are guaranteed safety"

"And if I don't sign"

"You start looking for a place to hide" 

"How is this not black mailing, you're practically holding my life in your hands"

"If I were black mailing you I wouldn't be stupid enough to show you who's in on this" I state with crossed arms. Abby takes a look around the circle and starts making her mind. 

"And Carli...does she know about this"

"No...but she will soon. And you can surely bet she's apart of this"

"I'll sign this...on one condition...I see Carli" 

"Ohhhhh no. No can do. You see, if I recall, and correct me if I'm wrong, threatening your life if you ever got close to Carli. And I do remember part of that deal was if you told her what you did, you would be able to see her if she wanted. But until that happens, you gonna have to sign without her opinion" 

"What if you tell her"

"What do you guys think" I ask the group who are stand with crossed arms and hard stares. 

"I say deal. It'll be easier for Carli if you told her anyways" Christen says and I nod my head. 

"Okay, I think we have a deal" I stick out my hand for Abby whom takes a moment before shaking it. 

"I'll have the file sent to you on an encrypted drive" I inform Abby as she signs the contract. I toss the file at Zane who puts it in a briefcase. 

"Am I allowed to tell me company"

"Yep, or just the people you trust. And make sure they keep their mouths shut"

"Will do" Abby says as she starts walking to the door

"Oh and Abby" I stop her

"Yeah"

"I'm the boss now" Abby simply nods before leaving the room. 

"Did you see her face" Pinoe laughs as some of the girls exit the room to disperse around the back stage area. 

"That went well" Tim smiles 

"I think she felt threaten"

"What, no, how could she...its not like we're trained assassins or anything" Zane jokes as he walks over to me with the brief case. 

"okay okay, give her a break. She signed and that's what we wanted" 

"Im going to head to the bathroom before we go back on stage"

"I'm going to get the briefcase in a safe place" 

I nod and watch Zane and Tim exit the room as I close my eyes to give my mind a break. _Phase 1, 80% done._ I tell myself before walking to the door. I swing the door open and feel my broken soul jump out of my body. 

"Alex" I breath shocked

"Oh gosh, I didn't know you were in here, I was looking for Jeri, sorry” She quickly replies as she begins to walk away. _If you even get the slightest chance, take it_. I hear Ali in my head. _Nows my chance_. I take Alex's hand and pull her into the room. Without letting her express her confusion, I place my lips on hers and feel my heart beat for the first time in weeks. I can sense her surprise as it takes her a moment to react. As she places her hands on the back of my neck, I place mine on her hips to bring her closer. I find the spot on her neck that makes her moan and go right at it. 

"Fuck" she curses breathless as I meet her lips again "Tobin...Tobin wait" she says in between kisses causing me to stop. 

“Lex, I’m so sorry. I was so stupid to”

“Don’t, don’t do that now” Alex begs with tears. 

“Baby, baby why are you crying” I request as I go to hug her. She takes a step back and holds out her hand to stop me. 

“We can’t do this” She cries as she brings a hand up to her mouth to muffle her pain. 

“Lex” I beg.

“No, please Tobin, please don’t make this harder” Her voice quakes as she wipes the fresh tears from her eyes “It’s too late now”

“But Alex” 

“You told me to go home and live Heath, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m trying to live so just…just let me go” I close my eyes and grit my teeth as her words pierce deep into my body, cutting the remaining stings that hold my mind and body grounded. As she begins to walk away, I cover my mouth and turn away to hide the sight of my soul. When the door opens, I swallow hard and take a moment to memorize her heart beat knowing it’ll be the last time I hear it. Once the door closes, I’m left standing in a body I don’t know. In a body I don’t recognize as the person I was left with her. The door opens again and I turn to meet Becky’s worried eyes that immediately break at the sight of mine. 

“SYD” Becky yells outside the door. Syd rushes inside and they lock the door to try and console my brokenness before the intermission is over. 

“You have to let her go” Becky pleads with visible pain in her voice. 

“I couldn’t watch her leave” I cry with raw wounds as look up towards the brick ceiling “I couldn’t watch her take my soul with her” 

“I know it hurts right now but you have to inhale the smell of the trees and exhale the scent of sea” Syd’s sad voice hums in my ear as she holds me close “All we’re asking from you is to breathe. Just breathe and let us be your heart, body and soul” 

I do as the two tell me and manage to get on stage as if nothing happened. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re back on time! Theres 40 minutes on the clock so let’s get started” Christie cheers. I look besides me where Becky inhales deep and exhales slowly. 

“You know the second half of the sitcoms are the hardest so if you ever feel the need to”

“I know Becky” I sadly interrupt. 

The first reporter is up and directs the question at me. I can see Becky and Syd tense up in the corner of my eye in fear I’ll choke but it comes to a surprise to them when I answer the question flawlessly. The minutes go by and my responses get quicker until a man changes the subject to March 27. 

“My question is for Scout Heath…Why are you wearing an armband”

“To play honor to those that passed away during the last quarterly games” I reply as I pick up my water bottle.

“Do you still feel guilty” The question comes to as an unexpected surprise as hardly anyone dares to ask me questions of that day. I slowly swallow the water in my mouth and take a deep breath. Seconds go by and theres nothing I can bring myself to say. 

“Is something wrong” 

“No..it’s just” I make the wrong decision to change the way I’m sitting and interlock eyes with Alex. Closing my eyes, I let out a deep sigh and let it out “I do” I whisper with so much emotion as I sit in the chair, imagining myself in the battlefield where in happened. I hear the squad members heart’s drop one by one like bowling pins as the minutes of silence go by. I know by a fact that if Allie were here, she’d get up and take me home immediately but when I open my eyes, I realize she’s not here. _She’s alive but she’s just as good as dead here…_ The world begins to condense on my shoulders as I face the reality that she isn’t here, that if I mess up, she might never come back. All the air in my lungs disappear and I know by experience that theres no turning back. 

“Do you feel guilty for the death of you best friend and squad member” As soon as the man asks the question, I get up and walk off the stage without a glance back.

 

_We both looked into the oblivion but it was you who blinked._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO?! Comments below! 
> 
> Theres a scene in the next chapter that keeps replaying in my head and I simply can't wait for you guys to read it...it deals with Talex...


	45. Not Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here...it's finally here. My gosh it's finally here. Sorry it took so long to update I've had tests every day of the week so far...but anyhow. I hope you like this one!   
> The ending is kinda sad but heartbreaking in a good way...cause Talex. I didn't make this chapter too intense as I didn't want to break your tender hearts any more then I already have haha
> 
> Um, has anyone watched The 100? People kept talking about it on my TL so I gave in and gave the show a try...best and worse decision in my life because one, Lexa is badass and two, the show has devoured my mind and heart.

Not Again

"Are you awake Carl's" I sing as I walk into Carli’s room. 

"I am now" Carli yawns as she sits up

"Shoot, sorry"

"Its fine, I've been wanting to talk to you"

"About" I ask as I turn off the lights and draw the board closer to her bed.

"The events outline"

"Which part of it"

"I feel like something's missing" 

"What do you think is missing"

"Hopes visit" I remain silent as I stare at the board trying to make sense of where'd she'd pick up on that.

"She visited you in the hospital"

"You already told me that"

"So then I don't understand what you're asking" I lie as open up her most recent evaluation. She's been in therapy for a week and has shown signs of recovery but not enough so she's class two treatment. 

"What aren't you tell me" I close the folder and hold it in my hands. 

"She's not allowed to visit" 

"Why not"

"She's simply not allowed near you, that's all"

"So the whole squad isn't allowed near me either" Carli bites as I set the folder down on another chair. 

"We didn't think you'd want everyone in here"

"Stop beating around the bush Tobin"

"Look, if you want to see Hope, I can"

"I want to know why you're lying to me" Carli intruders with a sign of hurt. I suck in some air until my stomach is full and let it out slowly.

"No one from World Techs is allowed to see you..."

"Why"

"They..." I swallow hard and meet her sight to tell her "They were the ones responsible for your accident" I let out without any filters.

"No" Carli shakes her head in denial "They wouldn't do that...I'm their friend, Hope and Abby would never"

"I'm sorry Carli, but they betrayed you...I discovered them when I matched some evidence from the scene to their office paper"

"That's not true"

"I have them on camera Carl's, there's no possible" 

"I don't believe it"

"Why else would she have forced me to choose her as the kidney donor, why else would she look so lifeless when she came to the hospital, why else would she send Alex to my apartment after Allie's funeral to implant a microphone in my quarter...Why else wouldn't she dare look me in the eyes and tell me it wasn't her when I asked...she's not your friend Carl's. She simply an illusion of someone who once was" I rage with fire as I think of their audacity to do such thing. 

"But you're working with world techs right now"

"And it's strictly business, a contract is in play" 

"I want to see them" Carli demands as she begins to get up. 

"You're not going anywhere"

"I have to ask them for myself" She hisses as she pushes against me.

"For what Carli"

"Just let me go"

"You want me to let you go so you can go torture yourself with the truth? So you can see it for yourself? For what? Huh? Give me a good fucking reason why I should let you demolish the peace you've gained over the last few days?! You want to throw it all away? Go for it, be my guest" I fume as I let go of her and pick up the folder I brought in with me. Carli doesn't stop me as my words of friendship and truth sink in. 

Gently closing the door, I walk to the meeting room upstairs where I have arranged a meeting with Becky, Amanda and Lauren. 

"You look like you could eat someone alive" Becky smirks as I enter the meeting room. I toss the vanilla folder onto the table causing a few of the papers to slip out as I angrily darken the glass walls. 

"What's this" Lauren asks as she snoops through the folder

"Carli's records" I explain and I set my hands on the table in an aggressive manner. 

"You want to me to come back later" Amanda asks softly as she takes in my heated demeanor 

"There's no time to waste, we only two weeks before the games start and I want everything finalized by this weekend"

"Okay, then let's get started" Lauren turns off the lights and I pull out my chair at the end of the table. I cross my legs and nod for Lauren to bring up the hologram. 

"News update, people are getting really hyped about the possible relationships you have with half the world" Amanda jokes as she brings up pictures of me with three different girls. 

"Goodness, Jeri appears in a third of these"

"So do you Amanda" Becky teases causing me to roll my eyes

"Now Press comes to a surprise in my opinion" Lauren states as she looks at me. I lean in my chair and simply shrug. As I turn to look through the hologram, I see Becky giving me the same state. 

"What" 

"What are we going to go about these rumors" 

"Nothing, they're just rumors" 

"Hmm mm" Lauren hums. I toss my head back and stare at the darkness above me before returning my sight to the hologram in the middle of the table. 

"Next big news is actually quite a shock, words out that Kelley will not be the maid of honor for"

"Whys this important" Becky interrupts Amanda before she can say Alex's name. I stare at Becky as she quickly gives me a side glance before returning her sight to Jeri. 

"Because that would leave Syd as the maid of honor"

"What" I exclaim as I sit up quickly.

"You weren't aware" Amanda asks through the hologram.   

"No, I didn't even know you could unmaid your maid of honor"

"Well, not usually...Somethings fishy” Amanda states

"Could Syd know why Kelley won’t be the maid of honor" Lauren asks me

"I don't know…does Syd even know she’ll be the maid of honor”

“She has to! The wedding’s in a w”

“We know when the wedding is” Becky interrupts again. I want to tell Becky that it’s okay, that she doesn’t need to block the topic of Alex and the wedding completely but at the same time, it feels good to have someone protecting the last bit of what’s left of me. 

“I don’t think Syd knows yet” 

“What”

“If theres one person that knows, it’ll be Jose” 

“Why would he know” Amanda asks confused. 

“If theres one thing I’ve learned about her” I say as I imply Alex “Is that she wouldn’t dare take Allie’s spot as maid of honor without consulting Jose” 

“Okay, okay I see…but how are we going to get to Jose”

“I’ll go talk to him”

“Are you sure” Becky asks with a worried look as Lauren gives her an odd lock. 

“If Kelley isn’t the maid of honor, it’s because of something completely 180 of the wedding…might be something that involves us and I will not risk that. Kelley might have been apart of what put Carli in that room downstairs but I made a deal with Abby. I protect her and her company during the entire mission I will do so until the contract expires. I want you guys to subtly ask Syd what she knows, but I fear she won’t know anything until tomorrow. If I feel like there is even the slightest chance that Kelley might have been dropped because of her participation in the mission, we’re going to have to let Jeri go”

“Wait, no Tobin, lets not make drastic decisions here…we need her” Becky opposes immediately 

“How do I protect Jeri if her sister disapproves of what we’re doing…she could but used against us” 

“Why don’t you just ask Alex if she’ll join” Lauren asks blindly as to whats going on between Alex and I. Amanda slightly cringes at the proposition while Becky’s face drops.

“Deep down, you already know the answer to that” I reply as I get up from my chair “I want you to look over those records with Amanda and tell her what she can’t and can’t use. I want you to go with Ash and check on Al..Adaline” I order Becky and Lauren as I rush out of the room. As I rush down the stairs to the main floor, I run into the person I would least expect to run into at the moment. 

“Jen” I breathe as I close the elevator door. 

“Your style, it’s changed” She ponders as she stares at my uniform. 

“The games are coming up…I have to look my best”

“No, I know that but…it’s darker, somethings darker”

“Darker” I ask a bit nervously 

“I might just be losing my mind”

“You wouldn’t be the first” I joke causing her to smile “Are you looking for your father”

“No actually, I was looking for you” 

“Me” I ask a bit confused and anxious 

“Yeah, ugh, Jeri has been in and out of the house a lot lately…and as the older sister it’s my responsibility to know what she’s up to and make sure she’s in good hands” The way Jen talks makes my protective/suspicious side rise. _Does she know…would Alex dare betray my trust and tell Jen?_

“O-kay…”

“Do you know anything about where she goes to” Jen asks causing me to fake even more confusion. 

“You don’t know”

“Um…no, why would I” I ask with an odd look. 

“Oh wow…this is embarrassing, okay, forget I said anything” Jen blushes as she drops the older sister role. I take in a moment to replay her voice in my head and see the connection. 

“You think Jeri and I are seeing each other” I ask in clarification. When her cheeks grow redder, I begin to laugh…at my own stupidity for thinking Jen knew something about the mission “My gosh Jen, no! Jeri and I are simply friends” I giggle 

“Well shit, it’s all over the tabloids! I didn’t know whether to believe them or not…and then you and Amanda and the other girl Press, it was hard not to get suspicious and protective over Jeri” Jen breathes in embarrassment.

“No, I’m, no. I’m glad you came to talk to me about this though, Jeri’s, she’s special. If it makes you feel any better, if the day ever came where I was in a relationship, I’d give my entire life for my other half”

“You talk like you’ll never be in a relationship” Jen sadly points out 

“Aside from the fact that my life is at risk everyday, I think the one for me is just a memory now” 

“I’m sorry to hear that” Jen expresses with true sadness “I hope you can find someone who gives you the love you deserve” 

“Thank you” I smile as we hug 

“I guess I won’t be see you at the wedding” She states deflated. I nod no and she sighs. 

“Alex was really affected by the way you described her in front of Axiom when you were announced Scout of Athena for the games” 

“She watched the interview” I ask with wide eyes as I had expected Alex to have erased and ignored anything related to me. 

“It’s Alex…you know how she is when it comes to her image” 

“Her image…right” I repeat with hurt. _Of course…it’s Alex._ I feel a small tug on my heart that I haven’t felt in about three months, a tug that isn’t of love but of hate. _She’s Alex…Alex…_ I more I say her in my head, the stronger the tug gets and the more I find myself thinking about her differently. I start to think of her less of the Alex I meet back with the gals and more of the Alex I knew growing up. 

“Well, I have to get going, but it was so good to see you” Jen says as she squeezes my cheeks. 

“Aghhh” I groan in embarrassment 

“I’ll be watching you” She jokes before walking out of the building. _You won’t be the only one watching._ I think as I make my way to the car and head to Jose’s house. 

When I arrive, I see a car I don’t recognize in the drive way. _Must be a new car…_ I get out of my car with the container of cookies in hand. As I walk to the front door of the house, the scent of Allie hits me with full force. _God I miss you so much…_ I think as I take a moment to breathe. _She’s alive Tobin…she’s alive…just hold it together._ I pump myself up before ringing the door bell. When the front door opens, a very happy Jose smiles at me. 

“Tobin, oh my gosh” He exclaims as he holds me close. “It’s so good to see you…so good” He whispers into my ear 

“Its good to see you to bro” I tremble as I hold onto him, trying to give him half the love Allie gave him. 

“How’ve you been” He asks with wide eyes of joy. I feel apart of me break in sadness as I think of all he’s been through. _I should have come to his side…I lost my best friend…but he lost his soul mate. I know how that feels now._ His eyes show so much life to see me causing me to think of Allie and the way she looked at me. _I’m sorry Allie, I should have looked out for him._ We let go and I get a good sight at the way he looks. He’s lost weight, the bag under his eyes are slowly vanishing but the lifeless look in the back of his eyes is outstanding. _It takes a broken soul to see a broken soul._

“I’ve been…working” 

“I know, you’re going to compete” He exclaims with a smile. The way he doesn’t stop smiling pains me as I know what he’s doing. _It’s ten times easier to smile then to explain whats killing you inside._

“Yeah, I ugh, putting all my energy into work helps” 

“I know what you mean” He says as he foldes his arms to shield himself from the cold. 

“I brought these for you” I smile as I hand over a tube of cookies. He opens it and I see a glare in his eyes as he smells the cookies Allie used to make for us. 

“I…wow, I haven’t eaten these in a while” He says as he looks up without a smile. 

“Me too” I sadly say. Moments go by in silence as we both think back to the days we’d watch Allie get lost in the process of cooking for us. As I inhale the air, a vanila scent starts to cloud my head. He sees me shivering a little as I look around trying to piece the smell to something. 

“Where are my manners, come on, lets go inside” He says as he shuts down his feelings and jumps back to his smiling state. 

“I…do you have guests” I ask as I start connecting the smell. 

“Yeah, it’s just Alex and Servando…they came to ask me if it was okay if Syd was the maid of honor” He shrugs as he walks me to the door. 

“Oh wow…didn’t know that was true” I fake with guilt as I walk besides him. The smell of Alex gets stronger and I find the hate inside my chest slowly growing in pain. 

“Yeah, It was a little of a surprise since Kelley’s Alex’s best friend but I heard they got into a big fight a couple of days ago”

“That bad” I ask as I stop in front of the door feeling dizzy. 

“Mmmm hmmm, I don’t really know the story but I hear Jeri was somewhere in between. Servando hasn’t really got the chance to tell me since Alex has been by his side all week but I think Jeri might have sided with Kelley”

“Oh wow…that’s…not good” I breath as I think of all the possibilities. _Alex must know that World Techs is working with me…she must have confronted Kelley but Kelley wouldn’t risk it. Not now that she knows the depths of what I’m willing to go through for Kardia. Jeri must have tried stopping Alex and confirmed Alex’s suspicions about World Tech’s._ I play out in my head, completely ignoring Jose’s input about Alex being by Servando’s side. 

“I know, it’s a mess. Alex seems a little different” 

“Different” I ask with curiosity

“Yeah, theres something missing in her. I don’t really know but I know she’s upset. It’s clear from a mile away but then again, she’s wearing the biggest smile I’ve ever seen…it reminds me of the smile Allie gave me when we’d talk about our future” Jose confesses. My heart sinks and resurfaces at his confession. _At least she’s happy._

“Listen, Jose, I don’t” Before I can finish telling him I would rather come back when the couple wasn’t here, my phone rings. I shoot Jose an apologetic look which he shrugs off. 

“Hello” 

“Hey, um where are you” Press asks. I can hear the anxiety in her voice and worry just a little. 

“I’m visiting Jose, is something wrong” 

“Well, ugh, I don’t know how to say this but ugh…Jeri passed out” 

“She what” I half hell causing Jose to look at me with some concern. 

“I went to visit World Tech’s like you asked me to and Jeri came with and while we were walking through the things, she started feeling sick”

“Stay where you are, I’m on my way, just relax and hold her head up until I arrive” I hang up the phone and turn to Jose. 

“I’m so” I begin but he shakes his head. 

“It’s okay, go, don’t keep her waitng” Jose smiles and I nod. Before he walks inside, I give him a tight hug. 

“I’ll come by later”

“I’ll save some cookies” 

“Like old times” I smile before rushing to the cars. 

“Like old times” Jose whispers before closing the door. 

* * *

 

**Alex POV**

“Sorry you guys, it was Tobin” Jose explains as he walks into the kitchen with small container in hand. My heart flutters then falls at the mention of her name. 

“What’s that” Servando asks Jose as he sets the container besides the fridge. 

“She brought me cookies”

“Cookies” I ask unknowing that Tobin liked sweets, any less, that she knew how to bake. 

“Ugh yeah…Al used to make these for us” I wince at the mention of Allie knowing how much Jose is hurting. 

“Why didn’t she come in” Servando asks before taking a bite of the apple in his hand. 

“She got a call from someone, a girls voice, sounded familiar…sounded serious actually. I hardly ever see Tobin worried but she definitely was” Jose shrugs as he pours himself a glass of water and offers us some. 

“No thank you” I mutter as my mind tries processing the information. _A girl? Worried?_

“That women has quiet a list of interest” Servando states as he tosses the core of the apple into the trash. 

“I hope she finds someone” Jose ponders as he leans against the kitchen sink. 

“Me too…I used to despise her but after really meeting her, she’s hard not to respect” Servando says with honesty causing me to slightly grow sad. 

“What about you Lex, you think she should find someone” Jose turns to me. I feel Servandos eyes on me as I look down at my feet and then up at them. 

“Yeah, Tim would be a good suit” I breathe with decency as I play with the engagement ring on my finger. 

“Really? I was really digging Laure or Amanda” Servando inquires as he starts to wash his cup of water. 

“Nah, I’m all for Press and Tobin” 

“As long as it’s not Jeri” I curse under my breath irritated. 

“Jeri? You’re rooting for Jeri and Tobin” Jose turns to me. _Agh great._

“I…yeah, why not” I lie through gritted teeth. _A thousand times no. Not over my fucking dead body._

“Really babe? I thought you’d be more of the Amanda/Tobin ship” 

“She’s probably using Tobin for information…I mean Tobin’s a bit naive” I say out of annoyance. 

“What, no, have you seen the pictures of Tobin, Amanda and Amanda’s daughter” Servando exclaims. 

“Yeah” I breath… _I saw them by mistake._ I think as I remember going to the store and picking up a newpaper with the cover of Tobin tossing little Alice in the air while Amanda stood by watching. _I hate that women._

“Those pictures were nothing compared to Press and Tobin. Did you see them volunteering together…I mean how can you not love puppies, volunteer work with the less fortunate and Preath” Jose half yells as he grabs a cookies from the container Tobin gave him. 

“Preath” I repeat to myself as the two boys continue arguing who Tobin should end up with. _Should have known it would take her a week to get over me._

“Babe, did you hear Jose” Servando asks with a concerned look

“What, no, sorry I was spacing” 

“He asked if Tobin could be the maid of honor” The idea really baffles my mind and heart. _Tobin? My maid of honor?_

“I-” _NO? Tobin can’t be my maid of honor…that would be like me taking a knife and stabbing her, I would kill her…actually I already did._ I tell myself as I remember Tobin’s eyes when I told her to let me go. 

“You’re right, not a good idea” Jose says as he finishes his cookie “Syd works for me” 

“Great” I cheer with a fake smile. 

“We should get going, I have a meeting with my father” Serv says as he grabs my coat and helps me put it on. 

“Right” I nod. 

“Thanks bro, I’ll see you soon” Serv says as she gives Jose a hug. 

“Will do” I give Jose a gentle hug and walk besides Serv to the car. 

“Goodness, well hopefully we won’t have to change the maid of honor again” Serv breathes as he opens the door for me. 

“Thank you”

“No problem Babe” I sadly smile and stare out the window on the ride home. When we arrive at my house, Serv opens the door and walks me to the door. 

“I’ll call you when the meetings over” 

“Okay” 

“I’ll see you soon” He whispers before kissing my forehead. It feels a little odd as I remember Tobin’s lips and not his “I love you” He shouts before getting in his car and driving away. _I know._ I open the door and walk inside. 

“I’ll take your coat” Wanda smiles 

“Thank you” 

“How was your day” She greets with interest

“Tiring” 

“Been like that all week” She points out. 

“What’s that suppose to mean” I ask as I take a seat at the table and wait for Wanda to grab me a glass of water. 

“Nothing” 

“What do you mean nothing…it sounded like” 

“Alex” My mothers voice interrupts. I take a deep breath before plastering the best smile on my face and greeting my mother. 

“Hi mommy”

“How was your day dear…did you talk to Jose” 

“Just got back”

“And what’d he say”

“He was fine with Syd being the maid of honor” I breath as I take the glass from Wanda and dismiss her. 

“Oh good. Now we can finally finalize the invitations” 

“Yep” I mutter as I take a sip of the cold water. As it travels down my troat I think of the ocean water and how soothing it was. 

“Are you even listening” My mom exclaims as she takes the glass from my hands “Gosh I don’t know where your head has been lately but you really have to start getting serious” 

“Sorry, I’m just tired” 

“Well if you weren’t out so late”

“Mom”

“I’m just saying, your weddings a week away…you’re moving out in a week. You should be spending time with us” 

“You have Jeri” I mumble under my breath with an eye roll as I grab the cup from her. 

“What’d you say”

“I asked where Jeri was” 

“I don’t know. She’s been in and out of the house so much, I haven’t even had the chance to ask her if she’s gotten fitted for her dress” 

“Do you know if she’s bringing anyone” I ask with intention as I pour myself more water. 

“She said she wasn’t going to bring anyone…something about the probability of them going was zip to none”

“Jeri can’t show up to my wedding without a date” I exclaim with malicious. 

“Well who am I going to get for her date” She asks as she roams her phone. I lean against the counter as I try to find someone who will definitely take Jeri. _Zack? Nope, too cocky. Bruce? Ew…Brad?…Brad…no, Sebastian!_

“Sebastian” I hearly scream. My mother looks at me with an eyebrow raised so I clear my throat “Sebastian…he’s works with Serv. You know him. Sweat guy, can’t ever beat me a tennis”

“Oh the sweet guy, he’s a good fit” My mother smiles. _Perfect fit._

“Great, so you’ll talk to her” I ask as I start walking to my room. 

“Why do you want her to go with someone so bad” 

“Because, how embarrassing would it be if she went alone” I lie as I rush to my room. _Because I won’t allow her to take Tobin._

After organizing my closet into suitcases, I let my body fall onto my bed. _Finally, time to get some rest._ As I begin to close my eyes, I hear a car coming in through the gate. 

“Who’s here” I ask our AI

“Don’t recognize the car” _Weird._ I think as I get up and open a hologram with security cameras. 

“What the” I breathe as a very expensive car pulls up in front of the door. 

“MOM” I yell at the top of my lungs through the intercom. When she doesn’t respond, I close the hologram and begin to walk downstairs. 

“MOM” I yell down as I walk down the main stair case 

“Down stairs” My mother yells. I rush down and immediately wish I wouldn’t have come down. 

“Where’s her room” Tobin’s protective voice asks my mother. It’s not just her voice that makes my skin burn but the way her eyes show nothing but concern, the way she holds Jeri tight by the waist with a grip of need. It’s the way she doesn’t even bother to look at me that drives the weight of my decision into my soul. _What have I done?_ I slowly walk down until I’m a few feet away from the two. 

“Lets take her to the guest room downstairs” My mom states as he leads the two. 

“Can you walk” Tobin turns to Jeri. 

“Its fine, you don’t have to” Before Jeri can oppose, Tobin picks her up like wonder women and begins to walk with my mom, leaving me behind. 

Instead of following them and enduring the pain of seeing Tobin give her love to someone else, to my sister, I go into the kitchen to start making some soup. 

“Your sister fell asleep” Wanda’s voice states as she walks into the kitchen

“Oh…well at least she’ll have warm soup ready when she wakes up” I sadly smile 

“Is something wrong” 

“No” 

“Are you sure, maybe your coming down with whatever Jeri has” Wanda throws out as she starts cutting celery for me. 

“Yeah, and maybe Tobin can take care of me too” I whisper to myself with anger and pain. 

“What was that” 

“Nothing” 

“Maybe you should go rest” Wanda states with a smile to lessen the meaning of her phrase. 

“Sorry”

“No, its fine. I understand your stressed about the wedding but someone else out there isn’t going to be so understanding. So get off your horse and go get some rest” I nod in agreement and finish throwing some veggies into the broth before washing my hands. 

“Thank you for bringing Jeri home” 

“It was the right thing to do” Tobin turns to my mother as they walk towards the kitchen. 

“Are you sure you can’t stay for dinner, I think Alex is making soup tonight”

“Thank you Miss Morgan but I have to nicely turn your offer down. I have an important meeting to get to and the squad has intense training in a few” 

“Agh well, if you have a change in heart, the doors open” Tobin smiles at my mom before turning to say goodbye to Wanda. 

“Take care” 

“Always” Tobin says while giving Wanda her signature wide grin. She turns to me for only a second before leaving. I rush to the door to watch her leave, feeling every cell in my body calling her name, begging for her to stay. _Just for a minute I would like to freeze time and tell you how sorry I am about walking away._

* * *

 

**Tobin POV**

“You sure you’re okay with this” Syd begs as she stands in front of me in her maid of honor dress. 

“Yes Syd, it’s okay. Half the squad is going anyways” I shrug as I take a sip of Axiom’s _finest_ beer. _Finest my ass, taste like crap._

“You know no one would go if you told them what was going on” Syd argues as she takes the beer from my hand and begins to drain it. 

“Hey now…I was drinking that”

“Tell the squad how you feel” 

“No”

“Why not” Syd exclaims with frustration as I walk past her and to the couch. 

“Because, it doesn’t matter anymore! Alex and I are nothing, so it would be absolutely pointless to tell the squad about something that is nothing”

“You know it’s nothing” Syd disagrees

“She’s getting married Syd, I couldn’t stop her, the squad won’t stop her, nothing will so just, let me cope with it my way”

“By drinking” Ali points out. I feel offended by her statement but act otherwise. 

“Can’t I enjoy just one drink without everyone worrying I’ll relapse” I sneer as I toss my hands up in the air. Syd, Ali and Becky all stare at me with a ‘you know it’ll happen’ face making me grow even more annoyed “Okay fine, so maybe drinking isn’t a good idea but what do you guys want me to do? I feel like Im drowning in the air she breathes. I feel like all the stars forgot how to shine and the moon decided it was time to hide. Even my demons inside cry late at night when I’ve lost all will to fight…I just, for one night, I want to be able to sleep completely numb, I want to sleep without her voice in my head or her eyes piercing into mine…can’t you just let me have that for one night. Just for tonight” I beg with burning fire. Becky and Syd both turn to Ali whom nods okay. 

“Just for tonight” She whispers with a sad smile. I feel a sense of relief and walk back to the kitchen to open a new can of beer. 

“Will you able to handle her, she doesn’t handle alcohol well” I hear Becky whisper 

“Trust me, I’ve seen it all. I’ll manage”

“If anything happens you call us right away. Pinoe, Ash and Lauren will all have their phones on” 

“It’s okay, really, go enjoy yourself”

“And remember, Jeri is just a call away” Syd whispers even lower than Becky had originally. 

“Okay! I got it! Go!” Ali exclaims as she pushes them to the door. When I hear it close, I grab four six cans and begin to walk to the terrace. 

“You don’t want me to see” Ali asks as I begin to open the door. 

“You’ve seen it all…but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with it” I smile sadly before walking out and closing the door. I take a seat on a lounging chair and pop a can open. Looking down at my watch, I see that theres still 30 minutes before the wedding. I spend those minutes watching Axiom, watching how it lights up in colors as the sun begins to set. 

“Don’t do it” I whisper to the wind as the minute clock approaches five “Please don’t do it” I beg as I drop the can in my hand and burry my face into my palms. When the clock strikes five, I hear the cheers in the back of my head and drop to the floor. I hold my breath as to stop all my cells momentarily as Axiom cheers in awe. When I breathe again, it’s different. It’s not a breath of life or pain, but just a breath. The cans go one by one, each making me feel a little less like me and a little more like my demons. 

“Tobin” A soft voice wakes me up. 

“Jeri” I gasps as I do a double take to make sure she’s really standing in front of me “What are you doing here” I ask as I stand up from the chair.

“I…ugh, I couldn’t stop thinking about you” 

“Me” I ask a little confused 

“I was worried”

“Why would you be worried”

“I was worried you would be alone…tonight” She emphasizes with a gentle frown. 

“It’s just another night” I shrug as I walk to the edge of the terrace and lean on the railing. 

“For the calendars yes, but for your heart, it’s not” 

“You knew” I turn to her as she comes to stand besides me. 

“For quiet a while actually” She smiles causing me to look at her confused “Let’s just say it was clear as clear as water…and I might have been a little envious of the gawking” Jeri jokes in attempt to make me smile. 

“Why didn’t you ever say something”

“What was I supposed to say? It’s your heart Tobin, it longs for what it longs. I nor anyone else has the right to question that” 

“Thank you”

“Don’t mention it” She breathes as she looks out at Axiom. It’s a little past 10 and I know she left the wedding way before it ended. 

“How’d you leave”

“Through the front door” She states as if it were nothing “Why are you giving me that look” She laughs at my wide eyes “It would have been even more suspicious if I tried leaving through the back door” I let her words sink in before nodding in understanding. I let some minutes go by before asking the question on my mind. 

“Was it the wedding she would have wanted” 

“It was a good wedding, yeah” Jeri states causing my face to fall “But was it _thee_ wedding…I’m not so sure” 

“Oh” 

“Who even knows, we often mistakes the biggest smiles for the honest smiles” Jeri’s comment causes me to look at her. _Was she implying mine?_ As I continue to look at her under the dark sky, I see how beautiful she looks. 

“You look beautiful” I whisper enough so she can hear 

“And so do you” She compliments with glimmering eyes. 

“Are you kidding, I’m seven cans in and in the clothes I wore yesterday” 

“Theres more beauty in someone as they fall apart then when they’re okay” 

“I…”

“You’re adorable when you blush” Jeri laughs as she look down towards the corner of the street where some musicians play. I take a long look at the men on the street and then at Jeri as she watches them. 

“Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight” I ask suddenly causing Jeri to turn. Before she can answer, I take her left hand in mine and wrap my right around her waist and begin to dance to the song the musicians sing. _Every Breath You Take._ The rhythm is slow but the lyrics are on point as they express all the words that are trapped in my heart. 

As the chorus hits, I feel something inside burn. Something so deep in my heart that causes me to look down to make sure that I’m actually on fire. When I look up again, it’s not Jeri I’m dancing with, but Alex. Her beautiful sea eyes stare into mine with the same fame making everything in the moment freeze. I feel the need to speak but something inside stops me. Something far more simply then my nerves or mind makes me stop, something as simple as my heart saying goodbye is what keeps me silent. When the song ends, I close my eyes for a second and reopen them to find Jeri smiling at me. 

“Goodnight Tobin” Jeri whispers before giving my head a long kiss. 

“Jeri wait” I stop her before she leaves. 

“You saw her”

“I know but”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain”

“But that’s the thing, I do. I see her in everything, in my cup of coffee, in my rear view mirror, in the morning fog, she’s everywhere I look. Dear gosh she’s everything I hate, she’s everything I despise in the world but that’s what makes her so…perfect. It’s so fucking perfect that the person that makes me feel at my darkest is that same person that makes the dark feel light” I confess while heaving out of anger and desperation. 

“That’s Alex for you…she’s a small flame that illuminates the darkness and you’re the darkness that makes the flame illuminate. You’re made for each other” 

“But that doesn’t mean we belong together” 

“What are you trying to say” Jeri asks with a confused look. 

“All my life, people have known, they knew how I felt for Alex before I even knew but if it was meant, don’t you think it would have happened already” 

“It did happen” Jeri states 

“No it didn’t” 

“In another world, it did” My mouth hangs agar as I realize she’s right. _We did happen…_

* * *

**Alex POV**

“Are you ready” Jen’s soft voice asks as she hugs me from behind. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be” I smile sadly as I stare into the mirror. 

“You look beautiful” 

“Thanks” I mumble in return as I turn to grab my phone. 

“Oh no…paparazzi are going nuts with social media” Jeri snatches my phone from my hands. 

“Sorry I’m late, Becky drives really slow” Syd exclaims as she burst through the door. 

“She drives a sports car” Jen states ironically. 

“Yeah but she actually follows the rules” 

“Whats the fun in that” I ask as I stand to hug Syd. 

“Dunno…but damn you look fine” Syd smirks as she spins me around to get a better look at my wedding dress. I catch a small glimpse of sadness in her eyes that quickly vanishes. _Whats that all about?_  

“Thank you” 

“No problem, so, are you ready” She asks as she grabs some makeup to do some touch ups to her own. 

“Yeah” I lie as I stare down at my ring finger. 

“You don’t sound like it” She says as she stares at my through the mirror

“Just nervous”… _About getting married to someone I’m not in love with._  

“Well, it’s not to late to run” She jokes. Theres something in her voice that gives me in the impression that she’s actually serious. 

“Run where, I’m in heels” I joke back to see if she was actually kidding or not. 

“Run barefoot…cause I ain’t carrying you out” 

“Okay, lets go” I order as I begin to remove my heels. 

“Whoa, no, I’m kidding” She clears up as she stops me. 

“I’m not” 

“Is there something you want to tell me” Syd asks. As I’m about to confess the feelings for Tobin, my mother walks in. 

“Its time honey” I don’t turn to look at her as I stare into Syd’s eyes, searching for a small glimpse of support. Syd’s eyes cloud up as if she was living her options. When I’m about to ask whats she seeing, she stands up straight and offers her hand. 

“Come on, you don’t want to keep Serv waiting” Her voice is different then before. It’s pained and strong. As if she was trying to hold it together. 

“Syd” I ask as I search for her eyes but she turns to walk to the door. 

“Come on Honey, your husband is waiting” My mom smiles brightly. I stand still for a second, trying to process what just happened, trying to piece what went through her mind and trying to make out what is about to happen. As I arrive in front of the door, my fathers eyes tear up. _That’s a first._

“You look beautiful my dear” His voice trembles a little causing me to bite my tongue “Absolutely beautiful…Servando is one lucky man and I…one proud father” A tear rolls down my fathers cheek and I go to wipe it away “No, it’s okay, some tears are worth the pain” I remain quiet as I nod through the threatening tears. _If there was a chance of me escaping, it’s no gone now…I can’t leave now, not after seeing my father like this…not after finally hearing the words that I was never told._  

“Jeri finally arrived, she brought a guest” My mom inquires as she comes back from a talk with our party organizer. 

“Who”

“Theres no time to worry about that, line up, we’re about to begin” My mother says. I suck in a deep breath as I prepare for the worse scenario. _Please, please god, don’t let it be Tobin._ The doors open and the first eyes I meet are Sebastian’s who stands besides Jeri. It’s a whirl of emotions I feel; relief, shock, disappointment, sadness but most of all, I feel reality. 

The wedding ceremony is short as I have never been one for staying put. When we arrive at the reception, we’re flooded by friends, family and paparazzi. It’s not until a few hours later that Jeri comes to where Servando and I sit. 

“Congrats” She smiles as she hugs Serv 

“Thank you” Servando beams. She turns to me and without warning, she hugs me. It’s not a tight embrace but it’s a hug after all. Since our fight involving Kelley and a few others, we haven’t talked. Contact has been minimal and overall, nonexistence. 

“I wish you both the best” 

“Awh, thanks Jer bear” Serv smiles before walking off to talk to Jose. 

“Why does it sound like you’re leaving” I ask now that we’re alone. 

“We all have to go someday, don’t you think” Jeri asks with a raised eyebrow 

“I’m talking about right now Jeri” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to let you know when I do” She says before walking off. I keep my eyes on her until I catch a glimpse of squad members. Unable to keep my body under control, I walk right up to them. 

“Alex” Becky breathes with old enthusiasm. 

“Hey…I didn’t think you guys would make it” I express with honesty. _I thought Tobin would forbid you guys from coming…_

“Why would you think that”

“The games are in a week” 

“Yeah but Syd’s here” Ash states causing me to cringe a little

“And we’re here because we were invited, or am I wrong” Tim cleans up after Ash’s comment

“You were” 

“It’s a beautiful wedding, I want to wish you and Servando a happy marriage on behalf of both squads” Tim expresses with honesty 

“Thank you” I lightly smile as we hug. 

“It’s time” Servando whispers into my ear as he walks to the middle of the dance floor. I walk closely behind him with my head down low. _It’s just a dance Alex, how hard can it be?_ Serv takes my right hand and wraps his unocupide arm around my waist. I rest my left hand on his shoulder and look towards Syd. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the first dance for the Carrasco’s” The DJ yells through the microphone. I slightly cringe at the cheering and opt to close my eyes. The song _Every Breath You Take by Aaron Krause and Lizz Anne_ begins to play and we dance. I begin to feel a tug in my heart that forces me open my eyes. 

My lips remain agape as I stare into Tobin’s beautiful brown eyes. _Tobin?_ She grins slightly at my surprise but doesn’t say a word as she leads us in the dance. _But how?_ I think as my lips don’t move in fear that she’ll leave. As the song begins to end, I see something in the corner of my eye making me look away momentarily. When I turn back, my heart sinks as I realize it was only my mind playing games. 

“Everything okay Baby” Servando asks as he searches my dry eyes. 

“Yeah, I just…I thought I saw something” 

“If you say so” He whispers before tainting my lips with his. 

* * *

 

**Tobin POV**

“Will you look at those” Ali breathes as I open the fancy box with my Scout suit I’ll be wearing for the start of the games tomorrow. 

“Ashlyn did a good job, I’ll give credit to Abby’s company, I didn’t think they’d pull it off” I breath as I run my hand over the custom made suits. 

“Your fit for revolution” Ali laughs as I grab the paper inside listing all the properties of the suit. 

“Frost, scan the paper and decode what Abby’s saying” I order Frost as I place the paper on the dinning room table. Communicating with Abby and her team has been quite hard as we must encode all letters and decode a bunch of flash drives that blank in hours. So far, we’ve managed to slide by the radar but faced a small little interception when a delivery man delivered the wrong package to the wrong door. 

“I have decoded the letter, all hidden properties listed on screen two” 

“Thanks Frost” I pull up a hologram and open up screen two. I run my eyes over everything and see that the suit fits all the requirements I had asked for. 

“Does everything look good” Ali asks as she peaks over my shoulder. 

“Perfect” I smile before closing the hologram “We should head to bed…we’re going to need all the energy we have” 

“If you say so, goodnight Tobin” Ali says as she hugs me. I watch her walk to her room before escaping to the secret command room in my quarter. 

“Frost, is everything ready” I ask as I sit on the chair and scan my diamond and password. 

“Everything is set, all that is left is for you to put a password” 

“Okay, okay, I think I have a password but I need you to do a double run and make sure everything is locked and secure. Nothing, and I mean nothing can be at risk. Citadel will”

“Are you doubting my capabilities Tobin” Frost asks causing me to let out a deep breath. 

“It’s not you I’m doubting…I just, everything needs to be ready. If anything happens”

“Which it won’t” Frost interrupts

“You have no way of knowing that nothing will happen”

“The probability of something happening are slim” I crack a smile at Frost’s mathematical side and nod. 

“Okay well, bring up the keys…I know what the password will be”

“What will it be” Frost asks as I begin to type the password.

* * *

As I stand up straighter then ever, I walk my squad to its elite sector. The makers thought it would be best to separate all regions with a little more distance to avoid physical confrontation outside of the games, leading us to walk about 800 meters to get to our section. Squad members whisper as we walk by with nothing but straight faces. 

“Line up” I yell as we reach out section. Both Athena and Akhilles line up in order and I stand as Sepp, Michael and the board members comes to us. 

“What elegance” Sepp smiles as he sees our suits. 

“Thank you sir” 

“I will make this brief as the first part of the games begins soon…have no mercy” 

“Will keep in mind” I nod towards Sepp

“And remember, theres a whole region at your back” Michael smiles. The board members stand behinds us as the opening ceremony begins. I, along with both squads, tune out as we think of all the risks we’re about to run. Our mission is not set to happen until the last stage of the games which is in about two weeks but until then, we are in a fight or die war. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, may the best region win” Every squad yells out their signature cheer and huddle. Everyone kneels around me waiting instructions of what is to happen. 

“As we all know, these games are a bit more special…everyones out for blood. Everyones out to avenge the happenings of yesterday, so fight. Stand with dignity and fall with acceptance, for we are not here to be the mockery of our success, we are here to be the faces of tomorrow” I briefly inspire both squads “Let there be peace in the war we fight” I finish. The squad cheers and I see Mark smirk at Sepp whom rolls his eyes. Everyone places their helmets and rush to the deployment rooms as I stand behind. 

“Scout” Tim salutes me 

“Agent” I salute back

“Its time” 

“That it is” I breath as I tilt my head up a bit higher and begin to walk to my deploy sector. 

“You seem calm”

“I don’t fear death” I shrug as I watch everyone pick up their weapons. 

“You think we’ll make it” I turn at his choice of words and he look into his eyes that should some doubt. 

“I fear that I can’t make peace with your worries…only you can Tim. Trust you gut, not my words” 

“I’ll see you on the other side” He says before putting on his helmet and leaving. _We’ll see._

The first week goes by with ease as all the battles are below 15 minutes with common ground. Not much intensity has been presented to the audience that watch from home but tension is definitely rising within squads. Especially mine. 

“Get off of her, now” I order Syd whom holds Kristie pinned to the wall 

“She”

“I don’t fucking care what she’s done. You were ordered to watch the tank but you disobeyed orders. It is not she that pays the price, but you. Now go clean your bunker, your done for the day” I say as I push Syd away. She stares at Kristie with madness before storming off “If anyone feels like they’ll have a problem with my demands, feel free to leave because the next person to go against me, will be immediately replaced” I fume with power. Some of the squad members roll their shoulders in anger while some nod. I give them a good glare before walking off the my Scout room. 

“The power move…it won’t work” Christie voices as I enter my room that looks over all four elite region sections. I give her a look before walking over to the glass wall. 

“I have lead them to victory, I will lead them again”

“They’re falling apart”

“Only to rise” I breath as I look at Ash whom talks with Becky and Carli. 

“How can you be so sure” Christie challenges. I hold my hands behind my back and see Carli beginning some training exercises with some of the girls. 

“Because I trained them” I respond as I look over to Telios region. 

“And what makes you think you’ve taught them what it means to sacrifice” 

“If they fail, you fail too…don’t forget, everything I learned, was for you” I sneer knowing that I will hit her right where it hurts. _Right in the heart._ Christie remains quiet letting me know I have got my message through, _don’t ever doubt me._ “So if I were you, I would worry less about their capability and more on getting them through. I didn’t just bring you here to listen to your opinions” I say while turning around to meet her eyes. 

“And I am doing all that you’ve asked of me, even Carli is but how do you want us to prepare them for that” Christie says as she points to Kanatos section. I turn in anger to watch every agent on Kanatos sector practicing one on one combat with one purpose, to kill. 

“Don’t worry about responsibilities that aren’t yours… your dismissed” I bite in annoyance. I hear Christie’s jaw tighten before exiting the room. 

“Scout, you have guests” Zane interrupts my thinking as I watch Kanatos agents.

“Let them in” I hear him walk out of the room then I hear two sets of footsteps.

“I’ve never seen security so…secure” Abby hisses as she walks in

“Oh I know…delightful isn’t it”

“Will it lessen”

“Not anytime soon…not now that fire is catching, things are going to burn up and quickly I may add” 

“Should we be worried”

“As long as Zane is undiscovered, we’re fine”

“Good”

“Have you guys seen the ranks lately” I ask as I zone my eyes in on Sasic 

“You’re ranked number one” Abby reports as I hear her pick up some chips from the food bowls lying around untouched. 

“But my squad isn’t” I reply as I turn around. 

“They’ll be fine, it’s only week one” Jeri shrugs as she comes to my side. 

“My squad has never been ranked below second in the last three years” 

“That’s impressive…”Abby hums as she continues to snack “But all records are meant to fall” 

“Not mine. My squad is no worse then rank 2”

“So you called us here to tell us you don’t like where your squad ranks on the power rankings for the games? Isn’t that a little pathetic considering this’ll all end in a week” Abby asks 

“It is not the rank I care about, it is the press I’m getting from the squad being ranked at three” 

“Whats wrong with that”

“They’re realizing somethings wrong” I whisper as I take a glance at the clock. 

“What is wrong” Jeri asks now fully aware of my worries. 

“They’re breaking” 

“Who’s breaking”

“The squad, they’re fighting day in and day out, they’re focus is blurring, their minds are deteriorating…I’ve had to separate three fights now” I inform them 

“So why do you need us” Abby asks putting down the snacks and walking over to me. 

“I need you guys to help me piece why”

“Maybe they’re tired” Abby throws out but I shake my head no. 

“Maybe they just need some motivation”

“No…”

“You know your squad better then any of us, how could you not know why they’re breaking” 

“I know everything about them, their emotions by voice, they’re every personal detail, I even know their fears but I don’t know their way of thinking”

“Well you guys aren’t the only the squad facing issues, did you see what Huros agent did to”

“I’m well aware of what happened Abby…I was a few feet away” I respond with a shiver thinking of the boy who stabbed his own Scout right in front of me. 

“Maybe they’re just stressed”

“I know their limits, they are not stressed” I roll my eyes

“Maybe they aren’t stressed enough” Jeri throws out causing me to fur my brows at her. 

“No”

“Jeri’s got a point” Abby adds “How demanding are you usually” 

“Moderate”

“And right now your”

“Exceeding demands”

“Maybe you think you’re exceeding demands but every squad is falling apart. Each for their own reason but if I know one thing, its that every single girl down there training right now is not being pushed to their full limit” Jeri inquires making me take a moment. 

“That wouldn’t make sense…I’m asking them to focus on winning this tournament and revolutionize the world at the same time. How could they not be stressed”

“Maybe you’re the one with the problem” I turn to glare at Abby. 

“I think Abby’s got a point, your worried they’re stressed and losing focus but maybe you’re underestimating them. Maybe they’re simply falling apart because you are” It hurts a little to hear Jeri say it but nonetheless needed. I let out a deep breath and turn to look out the window again. 

“I’ve only seen this happen once…it was my first year at the games. Our squad was falling apart. Everyone was losing their heads. Our Scout back then had a heavy hand if you know what I’m saying”

“Is that how she knocked sense into you guys”

“Into me, yes” I confess as I think back to the beatings I got. 

“That’s legal” Abby questions in surprise. I turn to look at Jeri who doesn’t look as surprised as Abby. 

“It’s amazing what you guys in Axiom about what happens behind closed doors in Citadel…it’s legally within order for a Scout to lay their hands on agents. Why, its allowed for elite squads to enter hands on fights during battle which I’ll have you know is actually illegal” 

“So theres your solution” Abby jokes 

“I will not plunge my hands any deeper then I already have Abby. I need you guys to mend their minds as I find a way to fit their stress level” 

“Umm…I’m not sure if your aware of what happened with Carli just a few days ago” Abby inquires causing me to smirk. 

“Agh yes, Carli slapping Hope…let me just say it brought joy to my tender heart” I smile at Abby whom shoots daggers of hate at me “But never mind our differences, I’ll contain Carli, you guys distract the girls. I think I know exactly what they need in respect to stress”

“How”

“Nothing stresses people out more then drama…but nothing stresses them more then seeing me hurting, in pain or in danger” I smile before walking out the door. 

 

After putting myself in very life threatening situations on the battle field, the squad has risen to rank two, right behind Kanatos, and the press is finally starting to back off. 

“You really need to cool it with the stunts” Carli fumes in my ear as I walk to Becky’s medical room. 

“Relax Carli, it’s working, they’re working together”

“Because they fear you’ll die” Carli half yells causing security guards to look at us “You can’t be playing with your luck, it’s going to run out” She whispers more quietly now. 

“That’s why your alive Carli, to take my place when I die” I state in a manner of fact.

“Look Tobin, stop putting yourself in danger, I think the squad has learned it lessen” Carli stops me before opening the door. I search her eyes that glimmer with a tint of weakness. 

“Are you fearing for my life” I ask with anger at the sight of her hidden weakness. 

“I fear that you’ll die from stupidity rather then significance” 

“I’ve known about your complexing weaknesses but don’t make my death one of them” I snap before walking inside and getting my arm wrapped. When I go back to the squad section, I greet the guys that return from an hour long battle with Telios and Huros squads. 

“Finally” Tim breathes as he drops onto the couch. 

“You did good”

“Not good enough, Huros got the lead, I should have seen their stupid squad trick coming”

“If I didn’t see it coming, then you wouldn’t have either” 

“You were watching” Tim sits up

“A little, I needed some distraction”

“How are your cuts”

“Healing”

“You really need to make wiser choices”

“Please don’t begin, I already had to hear it from Carli”

“I’m just saying, the squad is good, you don’t have to continue making them face their biggest fear”

“Please don’t tell me you go weak with the thought of my death”

“Don’t make it sound like a surprise…you know each and everyone here fears that…If you fall, everything we’ve ever worked to build falls. You’re the only thing holding Citadel from the edge of darkness”

“There comes a price to that” I say implying my own darkness and demons. 

“And that’s the sacrifice you choose to make”

“Carli’s not ready” I state as I stare at her and Becky. 

“Well good thing she doesn’t need to be” Tim says before getting up and walking away annoyed. 

“Always expect the worse” I whisper to myself before walking to my scout room.

* * *

 

“Never seize to amaze” Michael exclaims as we exit the semifinal beating Huros 49-30 in a rapid battle challenge.  

“Thank you sir” 

“I do have you now Kanatos sweeped Telios” 

“I heard”

“I’m confident you’ll stun us all during the final” Michael smiles before walking away, 

“You don’t even know” I whisper before turning to the squad and ordering them to step down and enjoy the next 18 hours of break. 

“I want you guys to get rest and live the last of what we have. Things will be changing quiet quickly in the next 48 hours so I want you each to be prepared for anything” Everyones nods and heads back to our hover craft to take us to the enormous building they’re making us stay in. I walk with my head high as I walk to the meeting room with the board members of Kardia. 

“Well look who it is, the superstar of the tournament” Mark beams at me. I meet his hand and give it a firm shake before he embraces me softly. 

“It was nothing” I shrug as we let go. 

“You destroyed 20 clones at once” Sepp breathes in surprise. My smile falls at the mention of my vicious act but I quickly clean it up with a tight smile. 

“It’s what any scout would have done” 

“Record timing of battles I’ll say” Michael compliments as he walks in 

“Don’t get too confident, the final is coming and you have to win” A man I’ve never been fond of instructs

“I know what my job is” 

“He’s right, this was just mirror practice of whats to come” Sepp turns serious 

“I know sir”

“Have you studied Kanatos tactics yet” Mark asks 

“It’s pointless, they’re going to drop all the acts they’ve done so far and bring out their true colors” 

“And you shall be ready right” Mark asks implying our mission. 

“Of course”

“My only worries is Kanato’s scout” Michael inquires 

“Oh don’t worry about her, she’s taken care of” Mark raising an eyebrow at me but I shrug it off. _If we’re going to take down Citadel, the worlds leading army, we’re going to need Alias._

“Good” Josh at the end of the table mutters. 

“I do have one thing I need you to do before the battle though” Sepp turns to me and I look at him. 

“Which is”

“Don’t wear the arm band given to you by Kanatos…it was fine up until now but they must know that we’re not playing games…this is life. This is your region and it comes first”

“You’re right mister Sepp, these aren’t just games” I smirk before removing the arm band on my left arm. Everyones eyes widen in surprise except Mark who looks impressed. I give the table a nod before leaving to my bunker. 

As I enter my room, I disable the power and walk over to my closet to grab my bag. I pull out the bible Tobin gave me and lay on the small couch by the window under the rays of the sunset. Flipping open the book, I land on a random page. 

_My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise._

Theres a knock on the door that causes me to look up and meet Carli’s eyes. 

“I can come back” 

“You’re okay, I was just scanning my eyes over the pages” 

“You sure” 

“Yeah” I shrug as I close the bible and put it away in my bag “So what can I help you with”

“I need you to make me a promise” 

“A promise of what Carli” I ask turning all my attention to the nervous women in front of me. 

“I need you to promise me you’re not going to give your life up if it comes to that point to take everything down” I sallow hard as I see the tears threatening her eyes. 

“I can’t promise that…Ali must go home and we must end this once and for all”

“Citadel can not take you from us”

“Everything comes with a price, you should know” I respond implying her recovery 

“You are a price I am not willing to pay”

“It’s not yours to pay Carli…any less a decision for you to make. I am the Scout and you will do as ordered. Follow the plan and everything will be just fine”

“Then why does it feel like you’ve been saying goodbye”

“I’m simply preparing for the worse scenario”

“See…I don’t believe that Tobin. I can see it, I can see the way you’re cherishing everything, you’re glances linger longer, you’re memorizing every detail”

“To make sure no one has noticed”

“You mean to make sure we haven’t noticed” I let out a deep sigh knowing I won’t convince her otherwise. 

“You’re paranoia is a bit over the top and I can understand”

“Don’t try your tricks on me”

“Listen, my death will not be in the hands of Citadel. Everyone on the squad knows what is to happen if we get captured so listen here, if I have to sacrifice myself in order to make Citadel vulnerable, then so be it. I value millions of lives more then my own. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to check in with some Scouts” I leave Carli standing in tears as I make my way to a select meeting with the Scouts. 

 

When my head lays down on the pillow at two in the morning, I fall into a dream where I see myself sleeping. It’s odd to see myself in person and not in a mirror. As my chest rises and falls, I see all the flaws that have strengthen me. I see all the scars that have welded me but most of all I see the face of tomorrow, peace. When my eyes shoot open, its time to begin. 

Everyone meets in the private training room and begins tough combat exercises. Theres not a single word as everyone focuses on every punch and kick knowing that we’re not just facing Kanatos later tonight, but the entire world. Getting tired of practicing my shooting skills, I set my gun down and walk over to the hand weapons. Grabbing my favorite elite knifes and sword, I walk to a glass room. 

“What level” Zane asks standing outside the 3D room. 

“Legend” 

“Are you sure” I give him a look that speaks for its self before walking inside. I close my eyes as the room transforms and I’m standing in an empty battlefield. Looking around me, and the open, I begin to run. My legs stretch farther then ever as my screen shows I ran 3 miles in 18 minutes. Right as I get the a large town, I spot a virtual red in the corner of the roof. Hiding behind some trash cans, I begin to climb the side of a building until I get a good aim at the red and take it out. Rushing to retrieve my knife, a bullet barely misses my head. I dive down a pair of stairs landing on my legs. I turn in time to take out a red that tried sneaking up. As I make my way through the building, clearing every red that comes at me, I finally reach the street. When I do, I realize I’ve fallen into the computers trap. Reds start coming at me by pairs of three. I opt for the elite knife and begin to start eliminating them. When the computer realizes I’m better then those who have attempted to beat legendary level, it tests me with gun fire. I manage to wipe out three snipers who aim for my head as I combat 3 reds on the street. 

The thing about virtual training is that it is nearly impossible to win. Our bodies grow and weak by the second as the computer throws tougher obstacles at us. But for once, I’m making it hard for the computer to win. As I run past empty buildings, dodging the bullets of snipers and agents, I slide under a truck and book it up some set of stairs. I hear the agents footsteps behind me and I ask myself if this’ll be me in a couple of hours for real. Knocking down a door, I continue up the building until I’m up and the roof where I throw my elite knife at the snipe before he can even react. The virtual body disappears and I walk to pick up my elite knife. As I stand, I sense the gun pointing at my head and I slowly turn to meet my destiny. I’m cornered by the edge of the roof with a good 20 agents on the roof and 4 lasers pointing at my chest. The only way to escape is down. 

“Whats your choice Scout Heath” The virtual red asks with a strong voice making my skin trickle a little. 

“Fight” I reply as I drop my elite knifes and sword. He glances at the other agents as if they were real making me furrow my brows. _It’s as he was communicating with them._ I think as the other reds spread around us to form a ring where we’ll fight. I stand ready and wait for him to take the first swing that misses. I make a jab myself but only end up catching air as the red hits my ribs. The reds around slightly nod their heads as if they enjoyed what was happening. I turn and kick the agent onto the floor before picking up my knife and eliminating two of the agents that surround me. 

“I see you like to play dirty” I whisper at the computer as more agents come at me. My muscles move freely as I work all the treats I know until the only ones standing are my and the virtual scout whom stares at me. 

“Impressive…but how strong are you without your weapon” He glances at my elite knifes making me look at him weirdly again. _How can you talk as if you they were my favorite weapon?_

“You’re not like them” I say implying the other virtual agents

“Of course not, I’m the Scout, I’m stronger”

“But you’re just a computer” 

“Your point” 

“Computers aren’t supposed to talk like humans” I think to myself. 

“Times are evolving” He says before taking a cheap swing at me. I fall onto the ground and he takes the opportunity to get his hits in. Letting him do so, I wait until he least expects me to hit but to my surprise, he expects my hit. 

“So easy to read” He spits causing the demons inside me to rise. _No one is better then me. No one._ I don’t even see it coming as I tackle him onto the floor and begin to throw everything at him with no success. 

“So weak” He mocks as he throws me to the side. I cringe as I begin to stand up and I see him watching me. “Why stand when theres no hope” 

“Because if I don’t, no one will” I breath out before tackle the virtual scout off the roof. As we fall, I feel scared as I’m reminded of every fall I’ve gone through before. 

“You’re ready” The scout whispers into my ear as we fall and the battlefield begins to vanish and I land on a soft mat. When I look up, everyone on the squad and including Tims, looks through the glass right at me. I drop my helmet onto the ground and walk straight to my room where I lock myself until its time. 

 

As I suit up in my custom suit, I make sure to check that everything is in its place and ready to go so Carli can take it back to my quarter when the games begin. The faint knock on the door startles me as a bit from my thoughts. 

“Who is it” I ask as I walk to the door 

“Just me” Jeri smiles lightly

“Shouldn’t you be back at Axiom” 

“I’m headed there now but not before giving you one of these” Jeri quickly explains before kissing my lips. I hold her face for a few seconds, letting her get what she needs before breaking the kiss. Before she can walk away I wrap my arms around her tightly. 

“It’ll all be okay” I let out as I breathe her soft scent

“Okay doesn’t mean the same” 

“Be careful” I whisper before kissing her head. 

“You too” I nod and watch her leave before walking back inside my room to gather my things. When everything is set, I walk to the squad sections where a bunch of security guards, board members, agents and others stand waiting.  

“Everything is ready” Zane informs me as I reach the group. 

“Don’t bring her here until you deem it to be safe” I hiss below my breathe as people stare. 

“I won’t. Abby and her company will set everything into play when you give the signal. I’ll get the guys from my special squad that I know will side with us”

“And Jose”

“Tim will take care of him” 

“Amanda and Alice”

“Will be with Adaline”

“What about…”

“Jeri says she’s safe” Zane tells me. I nod in relief knowing Alex won’t be anywhere near the chaos. 

“Okay…lets get going” I breathe as I walk to the hover craft that will take us to a separate building where we’ll deploy into battle. The shaky ride is long but I take the opportunity to look at each member on my squad. _They’re more then ready._

“I can’t believe we’re finally here” Becky breathes as we reach the location 

“Are you ready”

“More then ready…I’ve waited for this my whole life” 

“Me too” I smile as I glance around. _I’m ready for freedom._

* * *

 

“Amy, do you see her” I calmly ask as I stand behind a door, taking cover from two squad agents from Kanatos. 

“She’s on the second floor” 

“Fuck” 

“Kristie is on her way to take out Mittag, just be patient” 

“Theres no time to wait” I respond before disconnecting and rushing onto the roof. I shot Mittag twice in the arm scaring her to the floor. I take the 10 second window to jump roof tops and run inside the building next door. For the past 5 hours we’ve been battling. The best thing, or I should say the worse thing about the games is the length of each battle. The victory battle usually last 8 but revolution can’t wait. 

“What’s taking so long” Pinoe asks through our connection

“I need to get to Sasic”

“You still haven’t got to her” Pinoe yells into my ear. 

“DUDE”

“Sorry…”

“They’re protecting her like a goldmine”

“How much longer”

“10 minutes tops” 

“I’ll get in place”

“Spread the word, 15 minutes” I instruct before cutting off the connection. Running down sets of stairs, I run into two agents which I take out quickly. Unlike usual times, I don’t catch their bodies knowing it won’t matter in 15 minutes. 

“She’s protected by four” Lauren informs me

“Got it”

“I’ll see you on the other side” Lauren smiles through the connection before logging off. I let out a deep breath and pat my leg pocket to make sure I have what I need. I look at the camera in the corner for a few seconds before turning on my elite knifes and walking down the last flight of stairs that’ll lead me to Sasic. 

“There she is” Saskia yells. All five of the squad members turn and I let out a deep breath knowing this won’t be an easy fight. We begin to fight one by one while Sasic stands to the side watching. I manage to take three out with minimal damage to my suit before I go to take out the last one. As I quickly slice my knife over the last ones side, Sasic sinks her unique knife into my left shoulder. I let out a cry of pain as it’s the exact one she ripped apart months ago. 

“Should have never came to find me” Sasic whispers as she takes the knife out of my shoulder causing me to whimper. 

“I had to” I cough as I glance at my vital meter and read 30%. 

“Why” 

“For this” I whisper as I reach for my elite knife not too far from me on the ground. Sasic reacts in time to get on top of me and punches me square in the face. My head hits the ground and I foggily watch Sasic stand over me. 

“What a fool” Sasic smirks as she brings her knife to my neck. 

“You can end my life or you can end this” I whisper as she pushes the knife into my neck. 

“End what” Sasic orders as she clears her screen allowing me to get a look at her. I reach into my pocket for the arm band Kanatos made me and put it in her hands. I know by the movement of the camera in the corner of the room that everyone watching is freaking out, especially Sepp. 

“This one” I say as I grab the elite knife Abby modified and throw it at the camera. Everything shuts down as the virus starts to infect the system and I clear my screen. 

“Ready” I ask Sasic who helps me off the ground. 

“I hope your right about this Heath” 

“It’ll work out, get your squad and start” I’m interrupted by missiles that hit the building, shaking the ground  beneath us. 

Sasic and I both fall onto the ground and look into each others eyes knowing that the regions are aware of whats going on. We run as fast as we can through the building and barely make it out as we go flying onto the street. The screeching noise in my ear makes me wince as I stare back at whats left of the building we were in. 

“Go” I yell over the sound of more missiles firing. Sasic nods and begins to run as I pop my shoulder back into place and rise. 

“Tob-Th-Al-no” Amy tries talking through the connection but it’s of no use. Citadel must have already started blocking our frequencies to make it hard for us to communicate. Grabbing my gun off the floor, I begin to run to the set location we’re we’d meet. 

“She’s here” Pinoe yells at the squad as I rush inside a building hidden a bit farther from where Citadel believes we will be at. 

“What happened to your shoulder” Becky demands as she begins to repair my suit. 

“Sasic had to make it look like she didn’t know what was going on” 

“She’s in on this” Syd exclaims 

“Yes”

“Why didn’t you tell us” Christen asks as she begins to signal Ash. 

“I couldn’t risk anyone finding out”

“Forget about Sasics, I want to know how Citadel reacted so quickly” Pinoe asks as she tosses a bottle of chemical solution. I chug the whole thing down before tossing it aside and standing.

“Someone must have known” I whisper as I try to think of how Citadel and the other regions could have attacked only seconds after I had thrown the knife.

“It had to be Zane” Syd says as she paces around 

“It wasn’t him”

“How can you be so sure, he’s part of the special squads…you know who they are…you know how wicked and messed up they are inside”

“You mean like me” I interrupt Syd. She shakes off my comment and opens the door for Amy and Laure. 

“You’re okay”

“Yes, we both are” Laure breathes out as her heart pounds. 

“Where’s Kristie” I ask as I count heads. 

“I last saw her running south” Amy informs me. 

“She’s in danger…Everyone load up, we’re going to have to go find her”

“Theres no time Tobin! We have to go”

“I’m not leaving without her, Amy, Laure, Press, Pinoe, you wait here where its safe. Citadel is bombing down 10 blocks, as long as they don’t see you guys you’re okay. Syd and Becks, you’re going after Kristie, find her and let Ash know where you are”

“And you”

“Citadel is searching for me”

“Tobin no” Becky quickly interrupts as I walk to the door. 

“Don’t worry Becks, Zane will arrive in a few minutes, get Kristie and leave with Ash, I’ll leave with Zane” I don’t wait to hear what they have to say as I begin to run. I know I’ve been spotted as bullets, bombs and missiles graze my suit. 

“Tobin” Zane voices comes to life in my ears. I let out a deep breath of relief as I hid by the side of a building. 

“Zane, Zane what’s going on” 

“Someone must have known, they knew what was going to happen when you told Sasic that she could end everything” 

“Is everyone safe” I ask not caring who knew about our mission at the moment. 

“Ali, Alice and Amanda are okay, they’re on the way to the secret location but Tobin theres no time, you have to get to the pick up area, Citadel” The frequency drops for a few seconds before I hear his voice “They’re on their way Tobin! You have to get out or you’re not going to make it out” Again the connection drops and I run to try and find the connection again. “I couldn’t stop her” 

“Stop who” I immediately ask as the connection drops. _Stop who?_ “Zane, Zane who couldn’t you stop”

“Metal structure” Is the last thing I hear as my suits power dies. _They killed the power._ I feel my insides turn as I look at the giant metal structure on the other side of the burning town. _Theres no choice, I have to get there._ I begin to run through the chaos, imagining Sepp and the board members huddled around their command station, ordering missile agents to fire every time I come in sight in from of a camera. 

When I reach the metal tower, I begin to climb fast. The ground begins to shake forcing me to hold onto the ladder for dear life and watch as the red walls collapse. In the distance I see hover crafts coming towards the burning battle ground and know that the special agents sent to kill me are here. 

“Tobin, Tobin can you hear me”

“Zane, I’m here” I say as I run towards the center of the metal tower 

“Abby got in” My mind relaxes just a small bit knowing that Abby will be able to give Citadel a hard time until the squads can get out of the battle field. 

“Okay, okay good, do you know if Syd got to Kristie”

“DROP” Zane yells in time for me to drop onto the metal structure and hold on as missiles hit the structure. As the shaking stops, I open my eyes and see my helmet screen completely broken.

“No…no…NOOO” I cry as I begin to take it off. 

“Tobin” I hear her worried voice. 

“Alex” I breath as I stand up to see Alex standing fully suited with a gun in hand. She runs to my side and holds me tight as I stare into the burning town, trying to figure out how she’s here. 

“What are you doing here” 

“I’m here to be apart of this”

“Alex no! You weren’t supposed to”

“Theres no time Tobin, we have” I don’t react fast enough to block the bullets from an agent that has found us. Alex gets hit and falls over edge of the tower as the agent and I fall onto the other side as missiles hit the tower causing it to tilt. 

“ALEX” I yell as I pull myself up onto the flat surface of the tower and run to where Alex fell. “Give me your hand” I say as I duck to cover my head from the agent shooting. As Alex reaches for my hand, another set of bombs hits the tower sending another wavy of shacking through it. I grab Alex’s hand in time to catch her but slip on the surface of the tower. 

“FUCKKK” I cry in gruesome pain as Alex and I dangle from the tower. I feel the muscles in my left shoulder tear slowly as I hold the tower with my left hand and Alex’s hand with my right. 

“Alex” I whimper with rapid breathing trying hard to not lose my grip. 

“I’m okay Tobin”

“Zane will be here soon, just hold on” I cry as I continue try to bring out in pain as my shoulder slowly begins to move out of its socket. 

“It’s pointless Tobin, one more hit and we’re dead” Alex’s calm voice points out. 

“Don’t think that way” I half yell in panic as I try to tighten my grip on Alex who’s starting to slip. 

“It’s okay Tobin, you can let go” She soothes for me causing my to bite my lips in desperation and fear. 

“I won’t let you go Alex…not again” I cry through tears as I search the air for Zane’s hover craft and see it in the distance. _Come on Zane…_ The tower bulges a little causing my heart to stop momentarily as I see new hover crafts lining up to shoot the tower. 

“You’re not letting go baby…I am” Alex says before letting go of my hand. My mind races ten times faster then hers as I let go of the tower and grab onto her hand at the last second and swing her up towards the tower with all the strength left in me. 

I watch as Zane’s hover craft arrives in time to catch her in mid air but the rest is history as the bombs hit the tower, throwing my body through the air like a mere spec of dust. As my body falls down hundreds of feet, I don’t feel a single spark of fear like I have all those previous times I’ve fallen. Instead, all I feel is peace. _My death will mean something…and that’s all that matters_ I think as I close my eyes for one last time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOO?


	46. Sacrifices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my favorite chapter...Why? Because we get to see A LOT of different POV's. Not only that but we see what Tobin meant to these people. We see everything she's given and everything she's done to shape the characters the way they are. We also get to see what she's left in each and every one of them which gives so much more meaning to her. I simply love this chapter. 
> 
> If you want to feel what I felt while writing this, play the song "The Light" by The album Leaf over and over again through the whole story. It's what I listened to while writing this. I hope you love it as much as I did.

Sacrifices

All I see is chaos. The world that was filled with riches is burning to the ground. In front of me I see a women with black hair begging someone to stay alive. To my left I see doctors scrambling around, calling out all sorts of words making my head hurt more then it does. And finally, to my right, I see soldiers or some sort of authority trying to push a women who's face I can’t make out, out of the room. In the background, out far in the city, I see fire. Buildings falling but the only thing I hear is the desperate voice of the women fighting against the soldiers. 

“Please, I have to be here! She needs me” 

“You can’t be in here”

“Tobin!” 

It’s the last thing I hear as the darkness consumes my pain 

* * *

 

**Alex POV**

“You need to slow down” I hear my older sisters voice as I aggressive do a set of pull ups in the squads secret gym. 

“I have to get in shape”

“You heard what the doctors said”

“I have to be ready for the mission” 

“You’re not going on the mission Alex” Jeri yells causing me to stop and get up in her face. 

“Just because you have feelings for her doesn’t mean I’m going to back down”

“Wow” Jeri breathes in utter disbelief “I can’t believe you would say that…here I am worried about you over doing it and you bring this up. You know Alex, maybe if you weren’t so fucking scared of losing, you’d realize you already won. I forfeited a long time ago” I feel a punch to the gut as Jeri walks away in disappointment, leaving me standing in my cloud of guilt. 

“Your sister has a point you know” Amanda inquires as she walks down the stairs. 

“I know” I whisper as I start to clean up. 

“Do you” Amanda questions as she leans against the boxing ring in the middle of the old mechanic shop the squad transformed as their secret hang area. 

“I do, I just forgot”

“Really? Because for the last two weeks you’ve been giving Jeri and I a good amount of staggers” 

“Sorry” I murmur as she points out uncontrolled behavior. 

“I could honestly care less, as I find it funny that you still think I’m a threat. Tobin and I have never been something nor will be. But your sister…Do you even know why she gave up on her feelings for Tobin” Amanda asks as she looks me clear in the eyes. I nod no with my head low which causes Amanda to let out an unsurprised sigh “She gave up because she wanted you to be happy…she could give two damns about her feelings and I can’t believe I’m saying this but I always expected more from you. I always ignored the tabloids, my coworkers and bosses, I ignored their comments about you because I thought that there was more to you but the longer we stay locked up in this place, the more I see that you aren’t what I had hoped for” 

“I’m so sorry Amanda I”

“Look Alex, I’m only telling you this because when Tobin wakes, things are going to be awkward as fuck and the only way that’s going to change is if you stop letting your competitive side control you. Not everyone here is here to steal whats yours, the only thing we want is for Tobin to be okay and we all know that won’t happen if you’re not okay” Amanda leaves the building and again I’m left in my cloud of guilt. I finish cleaning up the mess I made and head upstairs to shower. When I go back down stairs, I find a box of take out food with my name on it. _Jeri…_ I let out a sad sigh before sitting down to munch on lunch. 

“Mrs. Carrasco, do you know where my mommy went” Alice’s sleep voice asks as she approaches me with a blanket. 

“You know you can call me Alex right” I say as I try to shake off the feeling of being called Mrs. Carrasco. 

“I know but it’s more respectful to call you Mrs. Carrasco”

“Then call me Mrs.Morgan”

“But then I would confuse you with Jeri” The little girl yawns before taking a seat in front of me on the large bench table. _She can call Jeri by her name but not me?_

“How about I get you a plate and we share this meal” I ask changing the subject. She gets up and walks over so she can see whats in the box before nodding yes with a please. I giggle a little at her smile before walking into the kitchen to grab a plate to serve the little girl some fries. 

“So Alice, tell me, how old are you” 

“I’m almost five” She smiles before stuffing her face in some fries. 

“Slow down there, the foods not going anywhere” I giggle as I wipe some ketchup off her face. 

“Mrs.Morgan”

“Yeah Alice” I ask as I take a drink of water. When Alice doesn’t ask her question, I give her a concerned look “What’s wrong” I ask as she looks away from the table. When she doesn’t turn to look at me, I kneel by her side and turn her face to mine “Hey little one, whats going on” 

“I’m scared of losing mommy” Alice confesses with tears. The confession startles me for so many reasons as I don’t understand where this confession is coming from nor why she’d be scared of losing her mother. 

“Awh baby, your not going to lose your mommy” I whisper as I wrap my arms around the little girl. She softly cries against my chest making my heart pull in all directions. _Awh gawd…what the hell do I do?!_ As I try to find a way to calm the little girl down, theres banging on the garage door startling us both. 

“Go upstairs and hide where mommy taught you” I whisper to Alice as I wipe away from of her tears. She grabs her blanket and hurries upstairs while I grab a small gun I found in a drawer. I hide it behind my back as I walk to the door. As I bring my ear to the door, whoevers outside knocks nearly causing me to fall to the floor out of surprise. 

“Alexxxx, open the door” Kelley hisses quietly. I quickly open the door and pull her inside before locking the door again. 

“Holy shit, you’re holding a gun” Kelley half yells as she backs away from me slightly. 

“Its just for show…it’s locked…what the hell are you doing here Kelley! I’m supposed to be dead!” I hush at her as I walk back to the kitchen to hide the gun. 

“Well shit Alex, sorry for being worried about you, I’ll be leaving” Kelley rolls her eyes at me. 

“Wait…sorry” 

“You know, that’s all you’ve been saying lately”

“Sorry”

“See”

“well what else do you want me to say”

“Maybe a ‘holy shit Kelley I’m so happy to see you and know that your” I hug Kelley mid sentence and hold her tight. 

“I’m glad your alive” I whisper as Kelley sighs and wraps her arms around me. 

“Me too Lex…me too” 

“Did everyone else make it out of Axiom”

“Maybe not in one piece but everyone’s safe” Kelley informs me as we start to let go. 

“Where are you guys being held at”

“Abby, HAO, Hope and Rampone are with the squad where ever they are and the rest of us aren’t too far from here” 

“Shouldn’t you be with them”

“Carli thought it would be too risky to have everyone from World Techs disappear so some of us had to stay back” 

“Aren’t you being followed then? I mean, they know World Techs was part of the plan”

“They know that we’re here on this part of the region but they won’t dare try to find us here…we’re outside of Axiom’s territory…this is wild grounds” 

“That doesn’t mean they won’t send their special agents” 

“Zane keeps us moving areas…I guess Zane has a man inside feeding him updates through this gadget Hope and Ash invented” 

“Why hasn’t anyone been giving me updates” I ask a bit mad. 

“Primarily because they know how impulsive you are”

“I have the right to know”

“Actually…you don’t” Kelley lays out for me in the most honesty way 

“Okay so maybe I do but still! I should know”

“Look, Alex, its best that you stay out of it and let them solve it. They are the experts”

“So why do Jeri and Amanda get updates” I snap causing Kelley to lose her cool. 

“Because they were apart of the plan Alex! They sacrificed what they had to in order to get where they are…tell me, what have you sacrificed?! Nothing Alex! Absolutely nothing! I sacrificed our friendship to get information from Tobin’s quarter, Abby and Hope sacrificed their fucking friendship with their best friend, Jeri…well we all know she sacrificed her happiness for yours but you couldn’t even sacrifice Servando’s feelings now could you. So please Alex, don’t fucking demand to know things you don’t deserve to know. And one last thing, they still haven’t cracked the code so if I were you, I’d start thinking cause if Allie doesn’t figure it out, we’re all fucked” Kelley leaves in a heated hurry, slamming the door behind her. As I turn around, I see Alice staring at me from upstairs. _Great._ She hurries off to her small play area upstairs as I take a seat on the kitchen table with my head down. _Always messing up._

* * *

 

**Ali’s POV**

“You know how bittersweet this is…seeing you in deep sleep, but in peace” I hum as I trace circles on Tobin’s hand “The only time I ever saw you this peaceful was when Allie died, or when we thought she died. You’d drink yourself to sleep and I hated that. I wanted so much to be mad at you but I couldn’t be, because even if you were falling into a deep hole, you slept like an angel. You’d dream, and sometimes they were nightmares but overall, you mind was somewhere else. Your mind and heart were disconnected from this world and that’s all that mattered” 

“She’s beautiful isn’t she” Christen’s soft voice whispers as she walks in to Tobin’s room. 

“She’s always been, but seeing her not in pain…makes her even more beautiful” I smile at Christen as she takes a seat on the other side of Tobin’s bed.

“I’ve only ever seen her not in pain once…it was when we were very little. We’re the same age but Tobin was destined to be Scout. She was two levels above our age and interestingly, even if she hates Citadel, it was were she was meant to be. And I know that sounds crazy but its like her purpose had always been this…to end pain” 

“But she pays the price for the pain unfelt” 

“But thats the beauty of it…that she can handle it. Lord knows I wouldn’t be able to”

“So what happened that made her feel unpained”

“She was elected Scout” 

“At what age are we talking about”

“15” 

“Wait…you’re telling me she’s been scout since she was fifteen”

“Yup…Most of us, well except Carli were just hitting level 4 but she, she had this fire that captured the attention of the capitol and Sepp. They had Rampone train her at a very young age since she was the Scout at the time. Tobin learned everything from Rampone and quickly surpassed her skills, Rampone getting older and realizing Tobin was better, she retired. Tobin was elastic, I remember the ceremony and the smile she wore…it was like all her dreams came true” 

“But how can a dream be so daunting…I mean, look whats it done to her” 

“You said it yourself, look at what its done to her. It’s made her a knight, it’s made her unbreakable”

“Because she’s already broken”

“That’s where everyones wrong…if Tobin would have never broken, we would have never seen the light within her. The cracks opened her walls and gave us insight for who she’s soon to be” Press smiles as she glances at Tobin. I stare at the women completely amazed at her analogy and perception. 

“That…was beautiful” I whisper with a gentle smile. 

“It’s the truth”

“I now see why Tobin likes you so much…you really remove the ugliness of the world”

“Hahaha well I don’t know about that but I try” 

“So how long have you know Tobin”

“I met her around the age of seven”

“Oh wow, for a while now”

“Yeah, I met her in camp along with Syd, Amy and Lauren” I look at Tobin and feel a small spark of happiness to know that she’s had her friends for years now. As I stare at Press staring at Tobin, I contemplate whether to ask the question on my mind or not but decide to leave it for someone else. 

“Sorry girls but we need to run some tests” Doctor Emmett inquires as he enters the room with Becky and some nurses. 

“No problem” I get up and glance at Tobin’s sleep body before walking out of the room and downstairs. 

“Just who I was looking for” Carli shouts as I reach the kitchen of the very big modern house we’re staying in. Tobin had it built years ago according to the video she left for us. In the video she explains what we are to do to carry out the plan and assure peace if she passed away during the mission. At first glance, we were all very shocked that Tobin had a back up plan without anyone knowing but after Press’s beautiful analogy, it makes sense. _Always watching out for us._ Everyone apart of the mission were sent here, to a beautiful, breath taking house about 4 hours from Axiom, far from anyone and everyone. Its home to about 90 acres, a small man made lake, lots of trails and basically any sort of technology imaginable, including Frost’s actual system based 40 feet under ground below us. But the best part of the house, aside from the modernness and size is the views during sunrise and sunset. The gold wheat mountains that surround us are nothing I’ve ever seen and the breeze, it’s clean. The way we imagine Tobin would like it. 

“What can I do for you” 

“We think you might know the code”

“Me? Are you kidding Carli? She literally stated in the video that it would require us all to work together to crack it”

“Yes and thats obviously not working for us” 

“How long is the word”

“We’re not even sure it’s a word”

“Well how long is it”

“We don’t know”

“Well what the fuck do you know”

“That we need to crack the code in order to get the rest of the her plan from Frost’s system”

“Why won’t Frost just give it to us, he knows who we are”

“Tobin’s word is law…he will not go against it. Besides, Frost isn’t with us anymore” Carli’s shoulders fall. When Abby and Hope were jamming Citadel during the mission, someone else was capable of hacking into Abby’s system to hack into Tobin’s and stole Frost. Ever since, we’ve been dealing with Frost’s secondary vision, that again, Tobin had ready in case Frost was taken from us. _She literally thought of everything._

“Okay, take me there” I breathe as Carli leads me to the stair case and into an elevator. We descend a good amount of land before arriving to a half that is heavily guarded with weapons and special agents from Zane’s squad. 

“Open” Carli orders Frost as she scans her diamond. The doors open and I see Ash, Hope, Abby, Tim, Zane, Rampone, HAO and Ash sitting quite stressed at the table. 

“Ocean”

“No”

“Beach”

“No”

“Water”

“No” Frost replies again. 

“Give it a break” Carli orders and everyone turns to look at me. 

“It’s about time we see her” Rampone exasperates as she comes to greet me with a handshake. 

“Ali Krieger”

“Christie Rampone”

“Yeah I know” 

“Right”

“Any idea what the code could be” Tim asks as he takes a drink of water

“No clue…I honestly don’t know how helpful I am. I’ve only known Tobin for months, you guys have known her for years”

“There must have been something she told you”

“She’s told you guys more then she has me” 

“We have to go to Citadel” Zane states as he gets up from his chair

“You’re not going anywhere Zane”

“We’re not getting anything done here, we’ve accomplished three steps of Tobin’s plan but we can’t just sit here through out words until someone nails it. Tobin wouldn’t sit here and do this, she’d go find another way” Zane fumes as he walks to the door

“Sit down Zane” Carli orders. We all watch Zane clench his jaw shut and slowly walk over to his seat “We’re all fucking stressed but we won’t get this done if everyone has a bad attitude” 

“Maybe it’s your attitude that’s driving us nuts” Ash murmurs under her breathe. Everyone in the room freezes and I fear for my life. 

“What’d you say” Carli turns to Ash with venom in her voice. 

“Maybe you’re the one with the bad attitude” Ash says more clearly for Carli to hear. As Carli begins to walk to Ash, I quickly stop her. 

“Okay, this ends now! To the naked eye, this room would be filled with leaders but all I see is a room full of disappointment. Tobin elected you all the leaders of tomorrow if she wasn’t to be present when this all ended but boy oh boy how fucking wrong was she to do so! You’re all here pulling your hair, pointing fingers, completely blind to the fact that theres a war going on. Axiom may not be holding a gun to our heads but you know they’re working hard to locate us. So stop holding Carli as Scout because she’s not! Tobin is but news break, Tobin isn’t with us and the chances of Tobin waking up fine are zip so for the sake of everyone outside, just get out and do what Tobin brought you here to do. Lead! I don’t care if we have to send some to Citadel to go back to my home and get Allie but do something! Stop sitting here playing the guessing game while we all wait upstairs for a miracle that isn’t going to happen” I fume in rage of the mediocrity taking in a room full of heros. 

“I won’t sacrifice any more people” Carli says before turning to the table. I let out a sarcastic laugh knowing that she would say that.   

“Am I the only one besides Press, Jeri, Laure and Kelley that has gotten the whole point of this? I mean, do you guys really fucking believe that Tobin gave her life for Alex just so that she could live? If so, then I think you’re all a bunch of letdowns because it’s not. Tobin sacrificed herself because she knew what was going to happen. She fucking knew exactly what would happen, and if us standing here isn’t proof of that, then I don’t know what is. Tobin sacrificed herself for Alex for meaning. To get through to you guys, to send you all a message, that sacrifice is painful but necessary for hope. All she wants from you guys is hope…is that not what drove you guys to go back to Citadel to rescue her after she fell? Is that not what impulsed Tobin to even start this mission? Isn’t that what made you go after Carli because you had the slightest bit of hope she knew about unknowns?! Hope is the only thing stronger then fear and everyone here knows that without it, we’ll lose this war, and Tobin’s death will be meaningless” I finish. It pains me to finally accept that fact the Tobin is long gone, maybe not physically but mentally, there is no way Tobin will recover her memory like Carli has. Falling from that tower without a helmet or suit power, it’s a miracle she even survived. But to finally acknowledge out in the open that Tobin is gone, is good because I see it in everyones eyes. We all need to hear it and accept it. _We have to accept that if we fail, we fail because we were never as good as Tobin had hoped us to be._ And somewhere in that thought, I realize that’s what everyone in this room fears the most, that they’ll let Tobin down. That they’ll let hope die while trying to keep themselves alive.

“Ali is right…Tobin knew sacrifice” Becky breathes as she enters the room. 

“Tobin is sacrifice” Frost corrects causing all of us to let out heavy breathes. 

“So what do we do” Carli turns to me with a new demeanor. 

“I don’t know…I don’t know anything about being badass but if I were you guys, I’d stop sitting here. I’d gather the squads and lay it all out together. Tobin said we’d need each other and yes, everyone in this room was elected a leader of tomorrow but I know the agents upstairs waiting have a purpose too. I know Tobin picked them for something. Maybe not to lead the front line but she knew them, she knew us, far more then we knew ourselves. So maybe we start there, together, like Tobin would want” 

“You talk a lot like her” Tim smiles as he thinks of Tobin

“No…Tobin can move mountains with a smile, I can only hope to motivate people with words” I say with a smile. “In reality, Tobin taught me how to be like this. Not through lessons or talks but by living. I saw her break, I saw her wounds, I faced her demons but even after all I saw on the outside, I saw just a little of the inside. Tobin was life, and she left a little of it in us. She left it in my voice, which is why I have the courage to talk to you guys. Because when she broke, she was voiceless and I was her voice but Carli, you’re her bones. When you were in the accident, they broke. It pained her to walk but here you are, standing stronger then ever”

“And her heart” Hope asks 

“Allie”

“And her soul” 

“I think we all know” I sadly smile. Everyone nods and stands with new meaning. 

“Lets go get our girls heart back” Carli smiles before walking to the elevator. 

“Tobs would be proud” Ash smiles as she walks with me to the elevator. 

“She already was” I smile before grabbing Ash’s hand.

* * *

**Carli's POV**

“Okay, there are two coming this way, just keep down” Zane orders Syd, Ash and I. After gathering all the agents, Syd, Ash and I were all voted for the mission to bring Allie back in hopes she could know the code. Getting past the dividers that now separate Citadel and Axiom from the rest of the world was tough but breaking into Citadel is even harder. It took just two hours to get past the gates and into Citadel but getting into a battle field will be even harder. 

As two agents with active guns walk past us, we run into the HQ and into the laundry room where we sneak up through vents to get into the squad level. 

“Holy shit, what happened” Ash hisses as she jumps down from the vent and onto broken glass. The entire squad level is trashed to pieces. 

“They came searching for clues” Zane shrugs as he begins opening a hologram.

“More like they had an angry party, damn” 

“No time to ponder, Ash help Zane break into their system while Syd and I check rooms” Syd takes the rooms on the left while I go through the right. When I get to Tobin’s room, I find that I can’t open the door. 

“Zane, come here”

“Whats up” He asks as we stand outside Tobin’s unopened door. 

“It won’t open”

“What do you mean it won’t open”

“Try it” I watch Zane unsuccessfully tug on the door that won’t even bulge. 

“What the hell…they must have locked it”

“I don’t think so” Ash inquires as she comes up to us with her hologram connected to the system “You see this marks here…” Ash asks as she points to the edge of the door “They couldn’t get in either, they probably tried using a mika” 

“What the hell is that” Syd ask as she comes into sight with a backpack. 

“It’s a tool used to force doors open” 

“Oh…well can we get in through the vents”

“Nope…Tobin’s room is not connected to vents” Syd explains

“Well whatevers inside must have our names on it because Tobin wouldn’t make it impossible to open for nothing” 

“Try opening it with your hologram” 

“Okay” Ash begins to hack Tobin’s defense system but comes across a code. 

“Awh fuck, another code” Ash grunts as she attempts a few words that don’t work. 

“Couldn’t she give us a riddle” Zane exclaims. Something about Zane’s gets Ash’s fingers typing again until her eyes widen. 

“If you’re watching this, you probably opted to hack my rooms system to open the door but realized it needs a code. Whether you’re working for Citadel or for the people, your out of luck. I guess I should give you the riddle as you’ve managed to find this video on the software and hacked through seven defense systems…I really hope this is you watching Ash…Here it is…I can bring tears to your eyes; resurrect the dead, make you smile, and reverse time. I form in an instant but I last a lifetime. What am I?” Tobin’s voice disappears and the code screen pops up again, only there is a three attempt limit. 

“If we don’t get this right…it’ll disappear” Ash says while looking up to the three of us. 

“Try god” Zane instructs Ash but it fails. 

“Dreams” I throw out not really sure what it could be. Again, the screen says error and we all drop our heads. 

“What about faith” Ash asks. We all shrug and let her go for it. As she’s about to push enter, Syd stops her. 

“A memory” Syd breathes with realization “Tobin always has flashbacks and they haunt her…that’s what she means by tears and lifetime” 

“Okay, well, try memory” I order Ash. When the box lights up in green Tobin’s voice rings from the speakers again. 

“Congrats, you’ve managed to break in through. The more you find, the harder it gets. But never forget, the answers are in your memories” Tobin’s voice cuts off and the door opens. I hug Syd out of instinct and she smiles bright. As we pull away I see tears in her eyes and have to bite my lips to hold mine back. 

“It’s amazing…how she’s gone but still here” Syd explains 

“She’s like a memory” Zane smiles and we all do too. As we enter the room, we find new suits she left for us, including elite knifes and ammo along with a letter. 

_Well,_

_If you’re reading this, one, you’re trying to find clues to my friends, or two, you are my friend. Either way, theres not much to say. Simply that, all is safe._

_-TH._

“What’s that supposed to mean” Ash asks as she buckles up the waist strap. 

“Maybe she’s was warning Citadel that they wouldn’t be able to find us and that we’re safe”

“One and two…One and Two oh my gosh she’s a genius” Zane yells in excitement as she takes the note from my hands. 

“What is it Zane”

“One and two, levels one and two, she knew we’d need Allie to crack the code. She knew Citadel would occupy the higher levels and leave levels one and two open. Thats where we have to go, they have deployment rooms right” Zane says all in on breathe

“Come on, I know how to get us there” Ash says closing the hologram. We take everything Tobin left for us and head on a long journey by foot to Polemos. 

“Did you guys know that Polemos was the greek god of war” Zane hums as we crawl behind some bushes. 

“Really”

“Yeah, everything in Citadel has greek names. Or at least roots. We learned them in the academy” 

“How was that” I ask thinking of the gruesome training special agents go through. 

“About as hard as yours” 

“Really” I breath in surprise as I had always thought Special agents were put through far harder thing. 

“No but it’s as hard as Tobin’s training was I’ll tell you that” 

“So is that why you respect her so much, because she’s worked as hard as you” I ask without offense. 

“Partially, to be Scout, unlike you, and I say this with the same respect I give her, you literally go through hell. Tim and Tobin, they went through that. You sorta feel into it because Tobin didn’t rule with an iron fist. But she…well lets say she went through more worse then I. And also, she’s got something about her that pulls you. And it’s not her smile although its beautiful but something about her makes you want to side with her” Zane voices with so much honesty that my eyes widen to see him talk so freely. 

“Welcome to the club” Ash says as she stops and shakes hands with Zane. 

“Now we know where Tobin’s trust went” I smile as I also shake Zane’s hand. _We got her voice, her bones, her trust…onto her heart._

“Thank you” 

It takes another 40 minutes of crawls through the dirt to reach Polemos. We break in through the underground tunnels and make it inside levels one and two unspotted. 

“Take what you’ll need, Ash do you have the tool Tobin invented”

“Yeah right here” Ash waves around three medium sized things. 

“Okay lets go” I whisper as we run to the deployment room. We transcend to a dark battle field and search for a hidden area to set up the tool. 

“I should be able to push this button and a glimmer will appear” Ash talks to herself as Zane, Syd and I keep on the look out “I think I got it” 

“Okay, heres the plan. Tobin didn’t leave directions but from her blueprints of the device, she put in specific coordinates. And from what Alex told Amanda, we should walk about 1000 meters east, 200 south and find a trail to left until we find the camp” I say as I remember back to two days ago. 

“How do we know that they haven’t left camp” Syd throws out

“Tobin must have thought of something to keep them there, I mean if she left tall this for us, she must have left something for them” I reply “Okay, start it up” Ash presses the button and the three sticks in the ground buzz with energy. When a glimmer appears we all stare into in amazed. 

“Trucks out about a mile away, we have to go” Zane says as she reads his suits information. 

“He’s right, lets go” I say as I start pushing them in, I take one last look at the battlefield before jumping though the portal myself. _Okay Tobin, what else did you have planned?_

* * *

 

**Allie’s POV**

“Find anything” Issac asks as I sit in front of the fire with the journal my best friend left for me under Tobin’s drivers seat. 

“No…she left this, without reason”

“I wouldn’t be too sure” 

“Of what” Tobin asks as she sits besides me with a beer in hand. 

“The journal” 

“Maybe she just wanted you to have something for you to read while she was away” Tobin shrugs 

“I don’t think so…the girl has life planned out in her head” Issac states 

“I mean, it doesn’t make sense. Why would she want me to read a bunch of poems she found and wrote” I ask as I stare into the fire, praying it would give me an answer. 

“If she left it here, it was with a purpose. She might be me in another world but I wouldn’t leave something behind if it wasn’t useful. Maybe it holds something the others need back at Axiom” Tobin throws out. I let her words sink in and feel an oddity in my chest. _Tobin would only do that is she knew…no, theres no way…Tobin couldn’t have…_

“But if the others back in Axiom need it, why is it here” Issac asks and it all makes sense. 

“Because its safe here” I breathe as thousands of scenarios play inside my head, each of which Tobin ends up dead. 

“You don’t think” Tobin turns wide eye at me. 

“She played us” Issac mutters in surprise. I stand up and begin to walk to the camp with the two trailing behind me. 

“Allie, Allie where are you going” Alex asks as she stands from the table and follows me into the tent. 

“Heath’s in danger” 

“Heath…danger? What are you talking about” 

“The journal, she left it here because it would be safe” 

“And what does that”

“ALLIE” Kelley yells at the top of her lung. I run outside and nearly falls to the ground as I see Carli, Syd and Ash coming walking our way with a man next to them. 

“Carli…Carli oh my fucking gosh CARLI” I yell as I run to them. 

“Allie? ALLIE” Carli yells as she spots me. We hug each other tight as it’s been months since we’ve last seen each other. 

“You’re awake” I breathe into her ear, elastic to see her up again. 

“And you’re alive” She smiles as we let go. 

“Syd, I’m so fucking happy to see you” I cry as I her both. 

“You’re alive” Syd whispers more to herself than to me.

“It wasn’t your fault okay Syd? No one could have stopped it from happening, you hear me” I whisper through tears as I hold the distraught girls face in my hands. When Syd shakes her head okay, I hug her again. 

“And you… get over here” I turn my attention to Ash. Her embrace is strong, reminding me of Tobin’s grip “It’s so good to see you in your suit again” 

“It’s good to hear your voice again” She smiles as we let go. 

“Allie, I want you to meet Zane, head of the special squad” Carli inquires as she takes a step back so I can see the guy.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Allie Long” 

“I think we’ve met, I’m Zane, here to serve you” 

“Zane” Issac breathes as he catches up with Tobin. We all watch as Issac walks up to Zane and looks him straight in his eyes. 

“Dad” Zane whispers as if he were seeing something surreal. 

“Son”

“But how” Zane, whom I’ve only ever seen serious, shows tears in his eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore” Issac breaths before embracing Zane tightly. My heart swells as I think of what it would be to believe your father is dead when he’s merely stuck in another world. _Is that how Tobin  felt?_

“Guys, I want you to meet the gals” I smile as the whole team gathers around “Weird how we’re all together here but apart back at home” 

“It’s not like that anymore” Syd says as she glances at Carli. 

“What do you mean” 

“I guess you could say we’re a team back at home too” Carli sadly smiles. 

“So it’s done, we can go home” I ask with hope. I watch the faces of my three friends fall and know that somethings wrong. 

“Where is she” I ask getting straight to the point. 

“Can we talk…privately” Carli turns to me in Scout mode. _Oh no…god no…_

“If you have anything to say, say it here” Abby orders Carli. 

“We need you to come home…we need to crack a code and the only way we can do that is” Carli stops mid sentence as she chokes up and I begin to shake my head no “We have to gather everyone she left apart of her in” 

“No…no…NO” I cry as I fall to the ground in pieces. Tobin tries wrapping her arms around me but I push her away “You were supposed to protect her…god why, why would you” I yell in pain as my heart breaks into tiny bits. 

“Alex, Alex where are you going” I hear Tobin call after Alex as she storms off. 

“I’m so sorry Allie, but there was nothing we could do, someone knew what we were up to, it was her or Alex and”

“You guys saved Alex over Tobin” I yell at Carli with pain and hate. 

“It wasn’t supposed to happen that way, Alex sneaked into the games and Zane couldn’t stop her because he was flying the hover craft. They were on a tower and Tobin, Tobin grabbed Alex’s hand last second when she was falling and sacrificed herself” Carli explains with pain. I close my eyes and begin to face my worse fear, losing Tobin. 

“Alex…it fucking had to be her” I cry as hateful emotions towards someone I considered my second best friend begin to consume my blood. 

“She fell from the tower without helmet or suit power…it wasn’t written in the books for her to ever breath again but she did” 

“She’s alive” I breathe with doubt

“She’s level nine on head trauma” Carli informs me

“Theres no level nine”

“Well, if there wasn’t before, she made it…Like Zane said, she wasn’t supposed to breath again, not with the fall, with the wounds but she is”

“Just because she’s breathing doesn’t mean she’s alive” I say with clear intention to hurt. 

“I…” Carli opens her mouth but doesn’t say a word. I stand from the ground and hold my breath.

“When do we leave” 

“We need to find”

“She left a journal, I read it four times, when do we leave” I ask through gritted teeth. 

“We’ll leave at sunrise” Zane tells me. I nod and walk away leaving all that I was behind. _What is life without my bestfriend?_

* * *

**Tobin’s POV (Tobin from real world not Tobin from Axiom)**

“Baby, slow down” I beg as we come near a large rock on the beach. When Alex stops I immediately wrap my arms around her and let her cry. 

“She’s gone Tobin” It hurts to see my fiance this broken but I can only imagine her pain from her point of view. _What would it be like to lose your soul mate?…Poor Lex…she must be so broken._ I cringe as I think of Lex back at Axiom “She’s gone” Alex repeats causing me to think about it more.

“I know” I swallow as I begin to think about it from my point of view. _Me…I’m gone…me, Tobin Heath, gone, in another world._

We stay standing for what feels like hours, just letting our hearts mourn the death of Tobin. 

“Its weird, to think, that in another world, I don’t exist, but at the same time, it hurts to know that I’m here, existing without her” I ponder as Alex’s breathing begins to steady. 

“Tobin, what are you saying” Alex turns to me with wild eyes. 

“Maybe I can go there”

“Tobin”

“Think about it Alex. Tobin came all this way to find Allie, she risked her life for Ali, she brought us back together, for sakes, she got Ash to smile…I have to go there. I have to go to Axiom and be the Tobin they need. I have to find a way to help”

“Help how Tobin, they’re trained agents and we’re just soccer players” 

“No Alex…We’re not just soccer players. We’re so much more and I have to try, for her” I say as I look into Alex’s ocean eyes. 

“Tobin please” 

“Come with me” 

“Tobin please don’t ask me that”

“Then ask me to stay Alex” I whisper as I hold her face in my hands. Tears roll down her face and I know what she’s about to say. 

“I can’t ask you that”

“Then just try, don’t even do it for me, do it for her” I beg. When Alex nods okay, my heart burst in relief and I hold her for the rest of the night

* * *

 

**Issac POV**

“You really aren’t coming with us” My small boy, who’s not so small asks. 

“No Zane, it’s not safe”

“But Tobin and Alex”

“They are doing what feels right son”

“Wouldn’t coming home feel right too”

“Not when home isn’t home anymore” I reply with pain. 

"What dad"

"You know I always thought you'd grow to work for the board"

"Things change"

"I know son, that's what I'm trying to make you see. Axioms changed, I've changed"

"So you're just going to stay" 

"You make it sound like its the worse thing to do"

"It is! Tobin back at Axiom fighting to get what we've all dreamed of and you're just going to stay here and not be apart of it"

"What would you prefer me do Zane? Go back home, put your life in danger, put your mom in danger!? If I go back, the board will come after these people. They won't rest until they find this world and I won't let that happen"

"You're sacrificing us" My boy finally realizes 

"You're thinking the right way now"

"But dad"

"No Zane...all of this. Everything you're seeing now, me, the beach, the ocean, Tobin and Alex, Ali back at Axiom...it was all made possible by Heath and I won't let her down. Sacrifices are necessary" 

"For Hope" Zane interrupts me.

"Exactly"

"Everyone's sacrificing something but I feel like I haven't" 

"You're time will come"

"Will you be proud" I turn to meet his eyes that show pain and hurt.

"I already am" I smile before giving him one last hug. 

I walk to the place where Heath and Lex transcended from with Tobin, Alex, Allie, Syd, Carli, Ash and Zane and prepare the machines. 

"We'll be back when we finish what Tobin started" Carli turns to me

"I'll be waiting"

"Keep them safe" Tobin inquires next

"You don't even have to ask"

"We have to get going before agents swoop by our transcendence area" Ash says and I nod. I signal Ash down at the beach to turn on the machine in the water and then turn on the machine up here. The glimmer appears and I signal for the group to go.

"Zane"

"Yes dad"

"When the time comes...don't"

"I won't" I nod with a proud smile and watch them leave. _My boy_...

* * *

 

 **Zane's POV**  

When we fall through the portal to the battle ground, I land on a rock that digs into my side. 

"Aghhhhhh fuck" I yell out as I grab my side and feel blood. 

"Zane, fuck are you okay" Carli rushes over to me.

"I thought you guys couldn't get hurt with suits" 

"Ha. No. Axiom feels you guys lies...we do get hurt except we don't bleed since things don't going through our suit. But our suits don't have power at the moment...so here I'll help you up" Carli explains as she starts helping me up. I groan in pain as she stands me up. 

"Where are we" Tobin asks as she looks around the battle field.

"In a virtual reality...or well it's real but enclosed now come on, we gotta get going" Ash states as she turns off the portal and grabs the three metal sticks from the ground. 

"The transcend station is around 400 meters south" Syd inquires as she kneels over the edge of the hill we're on. 

"Last one there's a rooted tomatoe" Alex tells as she books it down the hill. 

"Damn she's fast" I breathe as I begin to follow.

"Tell me about it" Tobin says with an eye roll. When we make it back to Polemos my whole side is soaked in blood and I know a few ribs are broken.

"Come on Zane, you're slowing down" Carli huffs and she half carries me across level ones section.

"Go on, I'll be behind you" I cough as I look down at my wound. 

"Hell you will, come on" She grabs me again and continues pulling me wth her.

"Wait, don't move" I stop us as I hear footsteps. Everyone ducks under the work benches as a group of special agents walk right by our faces. I can see Alex and Tobin flipping out through their helmets as they've never seen such weaponry up close.

"Max and Greg" I whisper as they are out of range

"You know them" Alex whispers back at me

"Yeah, it would be best if we left" I inquire but no one moves "Like now"

"Why, is something going on"

"I trained those boys"

"So"

"He trained them" Carli emphasizes for me "meaning they're pro assassins" 

"There's an exit down down that hall" Syd hisses as she points to our right. We all stand and begin to walk towards the door. 

"Fuck, fuck there are agents outside" Ash half yells in surprise as she closes the door in the most quiet way possible. 

"Shit...shit okay then we're going to have to book it to the HQ" Carli groans

"I won't make it" 

"Then to the Hover Craft. We can steal one"

"They'll trace us"

"We lose it on the edge of the boarder"

"That might work" I shrug as I start taking in our surroundings, planning a way to get the girls out. 

"Zane, did you hear me" Carli asks as she grabs my face.

"Yeah, split, some on the right, some on the left" 

"Okay, let's go" I stick with Carli and Syd as Ash goes with Allie, Alex and Tobin. 

"Did you find anything" I hear Max ask Brad as Carli, Syd and I crawl on the floor, about 20 feet from the boys I trained. 

"No, nothing"

"They were here" Greg yells from afar. I hear their guns click and know on that instant that our plan of escape is going to change. 

"Carli" I whisper as I stop her.

"We have to go, they know we're here"

"I know, I know just listen. You have to make sure no one spots Alex and Tobin. They are the number one priority. The rest of World Techs is on 182 and Ivory. Kelley will take you to Alex" I pause to let of a groan of pain "Take Everyone back to Tobin. No one will be safe after this" 

"After what" Carli asked panicked.

"Duck" I whisper. Carli falls for the trick and I push her across the floor and stand. I throw an elite knife at the back of Brad which causes Max to run at me. 

"RUN" I yell at Carli who stares at me. 

Max tackles me onto the floor and I hear Greg coming. Taking the other knife from my pocket, I break Max's leg and stand off the ground.

"What are you doing" Carli ask as she begins to pull me

"You have to go Carli"

"I'm not leaving you, we need you, you're Tobin Trust"

"And you have to trust me Carli, you won't make it out with me...Go, I'll buy you time"

"They'll kill you" She yells in hopes it'll change my mind

"Sacrifice is necessary...my agents will follow your orders and Allies until Tobin wakes" I tell her before picking up Max's gun "NOW GO" I yell as Greg comes into sight. He works his skills on the gun like he always has hitting me in the stomach. Carli watches as I fall but don't give up. 

"Syd please" I beg. Syd grabs Carli and begins run as I stand and begin to take down the boys I trained. 

I clear the entire floor before Sepp and another two groups of special agents arrive.

"Oh Zane, the hopes I had for you" 

"I'm sorry to disappoint sir"

"And I'm sorry to have to kill you" He replies. Dempsey kicks the back of my knees and I fall before Sepp. 

"Wait, keep him alive we'll need him" A voice from behind orders. _Is that?_

Before I can make out the voice, Dempsey hits me with the end of his gun and I fall to the ground in defeat. 

* * *

 

**Frost's POV**

"Come on Frost, it's me, Allie" She pleads in front of the screen. 

"I know it's you, I read your blood, but Tobin"

"Tobin's gone Frost" _but she's not. She's right upstairs, I read her vitals._

"She ordered me only to open up the vault when you entered the right code"

"Then give us the riddle" 

"I'm sorry Allie but you have to find it on your own" I respond calm like I have over the past three weeks. Allies been here for one and there's been no success. I wish for nothing more then to tell them but I fear Tobin had a plan far beyond my imagination that requires them to search their heads to succeed both in opening the vault and to finish the mission. 

"We're going to need her" Allie tells the group of people behind her. I change cameras and hear as a few people on the room oppose. All their vitals read off the charts and I feel the need to induce them, just to hear them at peace for a few hours. _No Frost, that is not your responsibility! But Tobin...shed ask that from you. No. Yes. No. Yes._ My mind, or I should say hard drive argues within itself as if it were real until Allie finally makes the order. 

"Bring Alex here" 

"You're making a mistake" Tim expresses at Allie with signs of disappointment. A few of the other people in the room share the same rise in vitals and even Allie herself but no one voices their emotions. _If I was real, I would_. I think as I follow Allie and the people upstairs to the house through my network. I hear Carli order a special agent somewhere as Allie walks to a room I don't have access to. 

"Open the door Frost" 

"Yes Allie" I unlock the door for her and hear her disappear from outside and monitor vitals to keep an eye on everyone. Making sure no ones going through anything alone. 

"Hey Frost" Ali asks me. I immediately turn my attention to her as she sits in her room, staring out the window. 

"Yes Ali" 

"Do you miss her" I'm taken aback by her question as no ones asked me. _Why would they?_  

"What does missing someone feel like" I ask as I disconnect my network and focus only on Ali. I read her vitals that show sign of distress but also signs of hope. 

"It's something you feel, in your chest, in your bones, it's like something is physically missing from you even if you're 100% intact. But it's not even that because it's also the thinking. It's like everything connects to them, every thought in a way signals to them and, and I guess missing someone is like missing yourself because they took apart of you with them" Ali sighs as she curls up on the couch. I read her vitals that have dropped significantly making apart of me pain. 

"I do miss her" I confess in hopes that her vitals will rise. 

"You do" She cheers.

"I miss her voice, her jokes, her questions, her concerns, I even miss her crying" I continue as Ali's vitals rises.

"Oh right, you don't have eyes" Ali smiles 

"No, but from the pictures I've scanned and her DNA, I imagine her with blonde hair" I joke causing Ali to laugh. Something in me sparks with her laughter but dies down soon. Another fake emotion my mind reads. 

"Have you never used the cameras to look" 

"Tobin never granted me such access"

"So you're telling me, you've only known us by our vitals and voices"

"That's all you actually really need to profile someone. You don't need the physically features, all you need is to hear their voice and know what they're feeling" Ali's vitals peak as I speak and settle down to a comfortable level as I finish talking which let me know I'm doing something right.  

"Wow, that's incredible Frost"

"Thank you Miss Ali"

"Can I ask you something"

"It would be my honor to have you ask me something" 

"Why Frost" 

"I..." I try answering but don't know myself. _Why is my name frost_? "I don't know Miss Ali"

"You don't" Ali replies surprised.

"No" 

"Huh...I wonder" _Me too Ali, me too_...

* * *

 **Alex's POV**  

I sit on the gold grass wheat of a hill not too far from the house I was brought to a week ago. Ali sits besides me as I read through the journal Allie gave me. 

"Found anything" Allie questions as she comes up to Ali and I with Carli. 

"No" 

"Which one are you on" Carli asks as she sits besides Ali. 

"I'm about to read the last one" 

"I think that's the quote on my Tomb" Allie half smiles as she sits besides me and stares out the endless field of gold grass. 

"I wish Tobin would have been more clear with her Riddles" Carli breathes making us all sigh in agreement. 

"Well, we're all here now. You're her bones, Allies her heart, I'm her voice, Alex is her soul and Frost"

"Frost" I ask a bit confused. _Who the hell is Frost?_

"Her AI, you haven't met him yet...he's Tobin's eyes" Ali explains

"Frost can't see though" Allie argues. 

"Tobin doesn't either. Tobin knew everything about us, our emotions, our vitals, our secrets, all through our voices. She's spent years memorizing our every tone through our headset. It's what makes her the best. She doesn't need to see someone to know anything. All she needs is a single word" Carli breathes as we watch the sun begin to set. I nod in understanding as I begin to read the last poem. 

_Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places_

“Isn’t this beautiful” Ali breathes as she, along with Carli and Allie, stare out at the field of never-ending gold. 

“It’s like staring into” I stop in realization. _Hidden places_. I grab Ali’s hand and pull her along with everyone with me as I run into the house and straight into the elevator. 

“Alex, what is it”

“I know the code”

“What”

“In the last poem, hidden places” I say as I search through their eyes seeing if they caught the meaning. 

“Oh my gosh” Ali breathes as it comes to her “You found it” 

“No…she gave it to us” I smile before the door opens. 

“Ash…that is not the code” A voice tells Ash who groans in disappointment along with the others in the room. 

“What’s going on” Tim asks as she blocks my way from the vault. 

“I know the code”

“What”

“We all know it” Allie breathes as she glances at Tim. 

“We only have one more try…if we get it wrong, we lose Frost and the rest of her plans”

“And we won’t” Carli reassures Tim. He looks at Rampone and the others before stepping aside. 

“Frost” Allie commands

“I stare into you and you stare into me, only you don’t realize that it. What am I” The voice that told Ash she had the code wrong speaks again. I look at everyone in the room and feel their hearts on my shoulders. _Please, please be right._ I beg in my mind as I type in the word. 

“Miss Morgan…that is” The voice shuts down along with everything in the room. 

“Frost” Carli’s panicked voice pleads as she tries opening the vault. 

“Tim, the mika” Ash yells as everyone starts going at the door. When it doesn’t move, everyone turns to look at me and I feel the failure from before. 

“What did you type in” Becky turns to me. 

“O”

“Oblivion” Frost voices comes to life. The vault door pops open and my heart drops. Before anyone can speak or move, Tobin’s voice rings not only through the speakers of the room but through a hologram of herself which appears in the middle of the room causing us all to gasp in pain. 

“Congrats you guys, you have successfully cracked the code…If you’re here, it means you’ve survived the first step in our journey to peace and that is something to be proud of. I know that the sacrifices made have been hard but it was a necessary lesson to learn. We can’t make a tomorrow without a past but before we continue our walk, we must talk. I want you all to know that this wasn’t easy. Not for me and definitely not for Frost who had to hear me record all this. I ask only one thing from here on out, treat him as you would treat me for he is my eyes. He sees you all and knows you quite well. Let him guide you through the journey, let him be your savior as he was mine. Citadel may have him under their control now but once this recording is over, a new ear will begin. He will not know much but he will know one thing, peace. 

Frost, my good friend, I know you never saw this recording, I had it hidden well, it is why you shut down when they entered the code…I think its time I tell you why I named you Frost…Jack Frost. No one ever sees you, no one knew you were there, but when they did, they were never again scared. I have created stable, clean energy which Frost has been running off since the beginning. I never told anyone, not even him because I feared its power would be used wrong but I know now that it’ll be in safe hands. Use it to power all the inventions I have sketched our in the vault and use its power to end all bad. 

I wish I could say more but I hear Ali waking. I want everyone in this room to know that the pain was worth it…every wound, every scar, every tear was worth it. I love you all. So much” Tobin’s hologram slowly spins in a circle as in taking us all in before stopping before me “Is this impossible” Tobin smiles at me referencing out moment back at Abby’s. I close my eyes and taking in a deep breath before opening to find Tobin gone. The room goes silent and we hear Frost upgrading to his new system which Tobin was talking about in her recording. 

“What now” Ali asks me and I shrug because for once, nothing seems impossible, and that scares me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you love it or what? More clues in the chapter on whats to come next story!


	47. The Fallout of Distortion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man oh man. I have never been so broken in my life...Well here is this chapter. It's a little confusing towards the end so read carefully. I will summarize the main points in the "At the end" Notes so everyone gets a better understanding. 
> 
> I want to thank you all once again for reading my story. Your comments never fail to make me smile... I guess it's safe to say that I once dreamed of being a film maker or screen writer. When I read the comments that were asking when this'll be a movie or when it'll be on Netflix, I really took them to heart. Means a lot that you guys enjoy this! I love you all so much, I mean it. 
> 
> Hahaha MCMXC do you have spotify? I could probably share one of my playlist with you? Also, I wish I would have read your comment about a Tobin/Alex/Ali reunion earlier. Great idea! Will include a Tobin/Alex/Ali scene in the next chapter to make up for not having a reunion!

The Fallout of Distortion

**Allie’s POV**

“We have to wake her up Allie” Alex begs as I exit Tobin’s room. 

“She’s not ready” I state without looking at her and proceeding to the office down the hall.

“We won’t know until we try”

“No”

“Why won’t you just let Becky and Emmett be the experts”

“Because I won’t risk losing her” I yell with frustration. Alex is a bit taken aback by my sudden change in demeanor but doesn’t back down. _Typical Alex._

“No, you wont risk trusting me” Alex throws at me. I turn around and look at her with raw eyes, displaying everything I feel towards her and the situation we’re in. 

“No, you’re wrong, I won’t risk Tobin’s life for your agenda. You damn well know we know you feel guilty but risking Tobin’s life just for your sanity is no where on my agenda. You’re just going to have to find a way to deal with the guilt like the rest of us…We’re not in Axiom anymore, no one responds to you no more. Including me” I say before opening the office door and stepping inside. I let my body lean against the door as my body physically pains from the emotions. _Life is so hard without you._

* * *

**Carli’s POV**

Since the door vault has been open, so have our hearts. Everyone’s feeling the weight of the things we’ve done and are starting to react. At times, there are out lashes and fights, other times there are tears. It’s gotten difficult to work together but the bond Tobin formed within us keeps us grounded. The doctors have been working hard to start therapy on Tobin while she’s asleep but nothings working. People are losing hope and I can’t allow that. 

“The only option we have is to connect her to the body she had ready for”

“No, we are not going down that route” I yell as I slam my fist against the table. 

“Carli, Frost can work the same way he has been since the beginning” I shake my head no at Tim’s desperate calls to transcend Tobin’s mind to a new mechanical human body Tobin was creating for Frost. After Frost updated, things went a little weird. He still knew us, Tobin made sure to upload information he’d need but something about him is different, it’s him but at the same time it’s not. That is why we’ve delayed implanting his system into the mechanical human body, because we all feel that it’s not him. 

“Tobin made that body for him”

“But you damn know we’re not going to implant his system into it” Hope now turns to me. Every time she glances at me, I feel rage but I hold it together. 

“Look, I think we should take a break” Ali softly breaks the tense. I nod my head and walk to the corner to grab some water. 

“I think theres another way” Becky whispers as she goes to grab some crackers. 

“Which is” Allie asks as she takes a water bottle besides me

“Transcending her mind into a new body, a new clone” As Becky lets the idea hang in the air, I feel my lungs close. 

“No” Allie quickly responds for me. 

“Look, I know you still feel guilty about what happened to Zane but”

“I said no Becky. We have finally gained ground on the capital, I will not risk going to Citadel to transcend her body when we don’t even know if its safe” Becky sighs while nodding okay. 

“Okay, so we don’t know but it’s driving me nuts waking up every morning and having to check on her knowing she’s going to be the same as always” Becky confesses 

“If we gain another 3 miles on the capital, I’ll personally take you and Tim to Citadel” Allie steps in. Since her arrival and Zane’s death, if he’s even dead, Allie and I have shared the responsibility of commanding. Usually she is the one to make decisions on Tobin, as she is her best friend, while I lead the front line but at times we have to rely on each other for ideas. 

“Make it four miles and I’ll send another agent” 

“Deal” Becky says before shaking my hand. I turn to look at Allie whom is lost in thought. 

“You can’t keep giving in to their demands”

“You and I both know that’s not what I’m doing” Allie softly replies before walking back to the table. I watch her walk over to Abby and sit as I allow myself to acknowledge her truth. If anything, all Allie’s trying to do by compromising with the others demands is to restore some hope. _She’s being the leader I can’t be._

* * *

**Becky’s POV**

“Hey, go to bed, I’ll watch her” Emmett shakes me awake. I look up to find Tobin sound asleep just a few feet away. 

“It’s okay, I just needed a power nap” I lie as I stretch my muscles for the first time in days. 

“You’re lying to a doctor Becky” 

“I’m not lying”

“And I’m an idiot” Emmett jokes 

“I just don’t want to leave her in case something happens”

“Nothing will, not as long as we’re here”

“And that’s what scares me” I breathe as I burry my face in my hands. 

“I’m listening” Doctor Emmett speaks as he checks her vitals. 

“Every time I fall asleep, I dream of her dying or never waking, everything I try ends up failing”

“So you’re scared that your useless” 

“Yes”

“We’re all useless here if you think about it. All this was her plan, she really was and is what is winning us this war” 

“How’s that supposed to help me” I ask while looking up to meet his back. 

“I find it funny, how you’re a doctor yet are scared of pain” Emmett softly giggles while he closes the hologram and turns to me. 

“Are you saying that I should allow myself to feel? Because that is a 180 degree turn of what Tobin did” 

“Is it? I mean look at her…she’s pain in live flesh. You’ve been friends with her for how long…10 years? It’s ironic that the people who barely know her know her better than her own squad. Tell me, why is it that only Syd, Pinoe, Laure, Press, Kristie and all the others fighting come back every night sane” 

“Because they are out fighting and suppressing the pain”

“Wrong, they are enduring it” 

“How? Fighting only distracts you from what’s going on”

“Does it Becky? Tobin was the greatest scout of all time because she subdued the pain with pain. She knew exactly how to face the obstacles, by facing them up front. Syd and Pinoe and the rest of the agents working the front line are getting one on one experience of what’s going on while you and others stick around here being useless. It’s not that you feel useless Becky, it’s that you are being useless”

“Geeze, you couldn’t even sugar coat it” I joke as I breathe in the reality and truth of what he’s saying. 

“Well I’m darn tired of you looking like the walking dead” 

“So what should I do”

“Be useful”

“Well shit, that’s no help” 

“You’re of no help, now go on, go help your team in the front line” Emmett says before grabbing a box under the medical desk and handing it to me. When I open it, I find my medical suit and tools neatly folded. I look up to meet his warm eyes and he nods towards the door. 

“Thank you”

“My pleasure” He smiles and I leave to go face the pain upfront. 

* * *

**Tobin’s POV (Real Tobin, not Tobin from Axiom)**

“When can we see her” I ask as I stare outside the window

“When the time is right” Allie replies causing me to roll my eyes

“We’ve been in here two weeks”

“I understand but there is a lot going on”

“Then give us something to do, I feel my mind eating itself in here” I exasperate as I turn to meet my fiancé and Allie’s worried looks. 

“Until Frost 2.0 catches up on all events, I can’t let you out” My head falls for the billionth time as I take a deep breath. 

“How much longer will that be” Alex asks Allie. The door opens and we all turn to see Carli with Lex. 

“Can we talk” Carli turns to Allie who nods yes. They exit the room, leaving Alex and I to the shadows of the house. 

“You need to relax” Alex whispers as she forces me to sit on the couch and begins massaging my shoulders. 

“How can I relax knowing there are innocent people out they're fighting and Heath’s somewhere in this house asleep”

“It’s not our war to fight”

“But I can’t just lounge around here just watching it either”

“I’m not asking you to, but if you’d open your eyes and see, you’d realize that they cringe at the sight of you. Have you thought about that? Have you thought that they may not be letting us out of this room because you’re Tobin but not their Tobin” Alex gently lays out for me. I swallow the knot in my throat as I slowly nod yes. Truth is, I have thought of it. Since the night we arrived, everyone turned their eyes away from me. I felt Lex shaking as I hugged her when we arrived and Allie, whom is the one giving us updates, turn her sight elsewhere when she speaks. 

“I have thought about that” I breathe as I turn to look at Alex. 

“So you can’t blame them”

“I know but”

“Agh, no buts. Just be patient, at least with Allie. She’s hurting just as much as Lex is. I mean, she choose to stay with us when she could have left with Tobin, perhaps she could have stopped this from happening” 

I smile against Alex’s soft hands and stare straight into her eyes. 

“Do you think she’ll ever recover” 

“I do” Alex smiles at me before leaning in to erase my worries.

* * *

**Ash’s POV**

I’ve been working the front line for two weeks now, exerting all my energy and mind on the war. Every time we arrive back at the safe house, I’m tired and torn and end up wiping out on the couch before dinner. It’s a blessing to still be alive but sometimes I feel like I’m as good as dead. 

“Good job out there” Kelley cheers as we head into a van that’ll take us back to our battle station located a little into our perimeters. 

“You too…you’ve holding up” 

“Only because you’e constantly saving my ass” Kelley laughs and I lightly smile.

“It’s my job” 

“Was your job” Amanda corrects as she enters the van and removes her helmet. 

“She has a point, you don’t have to protect us” Kelley sides with Amanda.

“But we want to” Pinoe joins in along with Syd, Press and Laure. I knock on the side of the van and hear the driver put the car into drive. We all remain silent, letting our heads wonder the depths of our minds as we get a minute to ourselves. The van comes to a stop and Syd pushes the door open, we all head into the building to gather our things before heading into two heavy built cars and driving an hour to the secret hover craft. When we arrive down at the safe house, everyone hops off the hover craft and heads inside the house while I walk to a near water line to clean up. 

“Did you guys really gain 7 miles on them” I hear Hope’s strong voice as I wash my face. 

“More or less…Kelley’s really good on line. Would had made a great agent” I reply without thinking. Hope cringes a little at the thought of Kelley working for Citadel. Her reaction reminds me that although we’re allies, we’re not friends. _Never have been nor will be._ “Don’t worry, I’ll keep her safe”

“I didn’t mean it that way” 

“You might have not but it came off as so. But I understand, you’re from Axiom. Bathed in gold from the start” 

“Ashlyn, that’s not who we are”

“It’s where you come from though, you can say and be who ever you want but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re one of them. You might have changed Hope, maybe even adapted different customs than those from Axiom but thats doesn’t change your roots” I close the faucet of the pipe line and dry my hands on my shirt. 

“If I wasn’t from Axiom, would you look at me differently then everyone else”

“I already look at everyone differently” I say before heading inside. The smell of bread is both sweet and sickening as it reminds me of Tobin. 

“Are you finally going to eat dinner with us” Ali surprises me as she walks down the stairs. 

“Um, I actually wanted to see her before I passed out” I answer while looking down at my muddy boots. 

“I’ll have Pinoe bring up a bowl of the soup” 

“Thank you” I mutter as I head up the stairs. As I approach Tobin’s room, I begin to feel a little nauseous and light headed forcing me to halt outside her door and lean against the wall. _What the hell is going on?_ I think as my vision begins to blur. As I rub my eyes, I hear commotion downstairs and begin to turn before a strong pair of hands wrap around me. 

“BECKY, BECKY” I make out Tim’s shouting but don’t hear it. _What the…_ My vision continues to blur until all I see is spots of colors and hear all sorts of jumbo before passing out.

* * *

**Becky’s POV**

“Ash, Ash can you hear me” I whisper loud enough so I don’t wake Ali who’s asleep on the chair besides Ash’s bed. Ash’s body begins to stir and I feel a relief settle into my bones. 

“Water” Ash barely coughs out. I run over to the sink and fetch her a fresh cup of water. “What happened” 

“You were poisoned” I answer as I take the glass of water from her shaky hands and set it on the nightstand besides her.  

“Poisoned? By who”

“Citadel” I reply as I grab a tool to measure her blood pressure. She silently goes through the motions as I make sure everything is okay. “You’re vitals are fine but you’re a bit dehydrated. I’m going to give you a fluid IV to keep in your arm to restore your energy and necessary levels of fluids” I explain as I take her left arm and begin to insert the small needle into her vein. 

“Do you know how I was poisoned”

“Taking in count that only you and Amanda were poisoned, I’m guessing soil” 

“Wait, Amanda? How is she, is she okay? Where’s Alice” Ash begins to move but I stop her and push her back onto the bed before clipping the needle into place and starting the machine that’ll bump the medicine into Ash’s veins. 

“She’s…a bit more shaken then you” I answer as I stand to toss my gloves into a trash fire. 

“What’s that supposed to mean”

“That she will not be on the front line anymore” I sugar coat before updating Ash’s vitals. 

“Are you telling me I won’t be either”

“Not for a while Ash, I’m sorry but your body took a plunge in the wrong direction” 

“It’s no longer your choice to make whether I can go out and fight” Ash snaps at me causing me to let out a heavy breath. 

“Okay Ash, be the doctor” I reply before marking off the clip boarding and walking out the room. Next, I check on Amanda who’s struggling to combat the poison. 

“I feel so weak” Amanda breathes as she stares outside

“Your body is…your soul isn’t” I smile at her as I inject an antibiotic into her blood. 

“How’s Ash”

“Cranky” I reply with an eye roll as I focus my eyes on her vitals chart

“She doesn’t want to be stuck here”

“That doesn’t give her a right to express her anger towards others” I reply unaware of my strong voice. Clearing my throat, I hand Amanda her dinner before walking out the door. As the door closes, Carli and Allie surround me.

“What now”

“They gained ground on Citadel” Carli whispers while turning her head both ways of the hall. I sigh in relief knowing I’ll be able to get out of this place for a least 24 hours. 

“We leave when a majority of people have fallen asleep” Allie whispers

“Who’s coming”

“Tim, Allie, Theo and you”

“Right…Ash is off the ground”

“I want it to be an in and out mission. No stopping, no snooping, no nothing. Just go in there, get what you need and come back here” Carli turns to both Allie and I. We both shake our heads quicker then Carli can continue “You all better make it back alive or I swear to the lord I will fucking burn bridges” Carli threatens us, implying that she will go all out to recover us if we’re taken. 

“It won’t be necessary” Theo says as he fixes his suit. 

“I think we should leave now” Tim adds as he exits Tobin’s room. 

“Okay, go out through the back” Carli whispers before leaving us to go visit Tobin. I rush into my room to grab my suit and meet the group of four at the back of the house. Tim drives the car at full speed as we head for the hover craft. 

“Is it bad that I’m excited” I ask as I twirl my knife in hand, contemplating whether this makes me a bad person or not. 

“I am too” Allie confesses along with me

“I think we all do…It’s in our blood” Theo shrugs as he looks down at his gun. 

“Not all monsters do monstrous things” Tim shouts with a small grin as we arrive to the hover pad. We rush inside the hover craft and suit up well before deploying off the pad. Tim drives with Allie in the seat besides him as Theo and I sit in the back. 

“So is that what’s haunting you…that you miss the rush” Theo asks through our helmet connection

“A little”

“I find myself wide awake at night, unable to sleep, just thinking of the battle fields”

“Thinking of whats to come” I add. Theo nods and I softly give him a smile of understanding. 

“We’re here” Tim informs us as we begin to land. We cover the hover craft in a big camo cloth before heading into the sewers of Axiom where we’re walk three hours until we arrive on the outsides of Citadel. 

We climb four sets of stairs before exiting right outside the gates of Citadel. 

“Turn on dark mode” Allie commands as she passes Tim and exits first. Everyone does as told before jumping out of the sewer hole and onto the street. We sneak through a creek in the gate our inside man told us about and follow Allie step by step as she’s memorized the route inside Citadel to precision according to our intel. 

“Okay, she said something about lasers, anyone have a smoke bomb” Allie turns to us as we hide behind a big container. 

“I do” Theo whispers before tossing it to Allie. She unhooks the pin and throws it about 200 meters away from us. As the smoke makes the rays visible, we book it across the field and into Citadel. 

“If we want to get into the medical building, we need to go into HQ” Theo informs us as we near the gym building. 

“What if we take the tunnels” Tim asks as she checks for agents out on the parking lot. 

“Too dangerous” Allie informs 

“Why don’t we just take some agents suits and walk through the front door” I throw out as a joke not really expecting Tim and Theo to run. 

“WAIT THAT’S NOT” Allie grabs me by the waist and pulls me behind the building. 

“They’ll be okay”

“But I didn’t mean it seriously” I panic as I imagine them getting caught and killed because of my joke. 

“They’ll be fine, they’re elite agents”

“Going up against Zane’s agent” I argue as I begin to pace back in fourth. Allie sighs and lets me drown in my worries as we wait. The boys come back with four agents, all with their mouths, hands and eyes taped. 

“Suit up” Tim orders us as he ties the boys onto a pole. 

“You couldn’t have knocked them out or something” Allie exclaims as she takes on of their suits and begins putting it on. 

“We’re need them” Tim simply states before knocking each and every one of them out. I stare at Allie whom just nods at the suit at my feet. Without pushing further on why we’re going to kidnap four agents, I put the suit on and follow the three inside. As we approach some agents by the elevator, I feel my vitals rising and begin to panic. 

“Four floor” Allie orders the two agents with a different voice. The agents at the elevator move to the side and we step inside the elevator. As the doors shut, I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding. When we arrive on the elite floor, we find a group of agents waiting by the elevator. I see Theo visible tense as Tim and Allie walk past them swiftly. Not wanting to gather attention, I slide by the group and hustle into what used to be my medical room. As Theo seals the door shut, I remove my helmet and begin to throw things into my bag. 

“We have about 10 minutes before they realize we’re not apart of their squad” Tim hisses as he starts throwing things inside his bag. 

“I need to go into the surgery room to download the system so we can recreate it back at the safe house” 

“Then lets go” Theo whispers. We close all the drawers and neatly put on our backpacks. As we turn to look at the group of special agents, I swallow hard. _Alright Becky, now is not the time to choke._ Tim pushes me the other way of the hall and we speed walk to the surgery room. 

“Four minutes” Tim informs us as we went the surgery room. 

“Lock the door” Allie orders as I run over to the keypad and insert my drive. I begin the process of downloading all the systems coding as the others search around the room for things that’ll help us. 

“You weren’t just going to come in here without saying hi were you” Sepp’s wicked voice screeches through the intercom. We all turn to look at the view glass at the back of the room where Sepp stands behind. He turns on the lights from the watch room and Allie gasps as besides Sepp, kneels our man inside, Mark.

“Mark” Tim exclaims as he drops the med kits from his hands and rushes over to the window. An agent besides Sepp kicks Mark right in the ribs causing his to yell in gruesome pain. Just by his scream, I am able to access his condition and tell he’s been tortured…for days now. 

“What have you done to him” Theo asks as he looks at Mark’s distraught eyes. 

“What has Becky done to him” Sepp grins at me. Everyone turns to look at me and even I jump a little at the mention of my name. _What have I done?_ “Why do you look so surprised Becky”

“I…what are you talking about” I stutter as I try to shake off the feeling of my name on Sepp’s lips. 

“Oh but you don’t remember…the tool you helped us build. The memory one” Sepp smiles proudly at me. It all hits me fast as I remember teaming with Mark to create a devise to help restore memories. The tool was outlined to be for Carli but we never actually got to trying it. 

“But…but we never made it for anything other then to help recover memories”

“We had a few people tinker with it. It’s a little more…purposeful now. Ever watch the hunger games” Sepp asks as he turns to stare at me with his blood filled eyes.

“I didn’t need to watch them…I’m already living them” I say with hate as I think of all the possible things they could have made my prototype into. 

“Living them? Why Becky, the games haven’t even started” Sepp’s smirk makes me shiver as Allie glances at Tim. 

“What do you mean” Theo asks for us. I turn to see him twirling his gun in his hand, ready to fire at anyone who attempts to open the door. 

“I’m afraid the price of knowing is death” Sepp replies. I stare at him trying to find his point of angle “But I could make an exception… Becky and, well, Tobin’s dead so I don’t need Allie but Tim could be useful. Yeah, Becky and Tim and I’ll give you Mark” Sepp turns to Allie, aware that she is our commander alongside Carli.  

“No” Allie spits with hate. 

“That’s depressing…well, gentlemen” Sepp slightly turns his head. Dempsey raises his gun and shoots Mark right in front of us. My body shakes at the sound of fire and I feel the rush Theo and I were talking about earlier. “Kill them all” Sepp mutters before walking out the door. Theres banging on the surgery room door causing us to spring into action. 

“Becky, finish up. Tim, Theo, make a hole in the ceiling” Allie orders as she starts putting an explosive on the door. I rush to the control panel and finish uploading everything I’ll need. 

“Got it”

“Stand back” Tim orders. We take cover behind the bed and Theo blows a hole in the ceiling. 

“GET THEM” Dempsey yells outside the door. Tim and Theo help Allie and I up into the vents and we begin to crawl. We’re about 400 meters away when Allie’s exposition goes off. 

“Go go go” Allie yells at us as bullets begin piercing through the metal vents. 

“Here” Theo stops us. He pushes a vent door open and we drop into level 4’s sector. I land right on Tim, kneeing his square in the stomach. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry” I quickly apologize as I help him up

“All good” 

“Lets go before” Theo’s words are cut off by the sound of gun fire. We split in separate directions and begin to run. 

“I don’t care what you have to do, get back to Axiom perimeters, meet at the club” Allie orders through our connections before our suits lose power. _Awh fuck._ I grab one of Tobin’s elite knifes and let out a long breathe. 

“This is what I wanted right” I gulp before slowly opening the door to check if anyone followed me. When I don’t see anyone, I leave the closet room I’m hiding in and begin to run to the stair case. 

“There she is” An agent yells from 4 floors down. I turn and run upwards at full speed. My heart pounds hard as I imagine what they’ll do if I’m caught. _I’m not sticking around to find out, thats for sure._ As I reach the roof top, I swing the door open and run to the edge. The door swings open and I don’t think twice before jumping off. The HQ building is just seven floors which isn’t a lot…if you think about it…as just a number and not physically. I land on top of a car and cry out in pain. 

“BECKY” Tim yells “What the hell were you thinking” He asks as she scoops me up in his arms. 

“I wasn’t” I whisper as he runs. My body shakes from pain as his running causes me to bounce around in ways that are very painful with my bruising back. 

“THEO” Tim yells. I turn to look and find us where we left the four agents tied at. 

“Take Becky, I’ll take these four” Tim hands me over to Theo and again, we’re running. I know we’re past the first security gate as Theo begins making a bunch of leaps, turns and stopping. I hear the sound of a car and fear the worse. 

“What took you so long” Theo whines as he tosses me in the back while Theo jumps in along with Tim who throws the four agents into back of the truck. I try sitting up but the pain that shoots throw my spin forces me back. 

“Shhh, just stay down” Tim coos as the truck begins to move again. The wind blows my hair in all directions but all I can do is stare at the sky, that surrounds us in peace.  

“Hold on” Allie yells loud enough for all of us to hear. Tim gives me an empathic smile before I let out a scream as Allie crushes through some gates. My body slams against the bed of the truck and I feel the pain over ruling my conscious. 

“Becky…Becky stay awake” Theo quickly moves over to me. I groan as I try moving to towards the sound of his voice. With another bump of the truck, I’m out. 

* * *

“Becks, Becks wake up” My eyes shoot open at the sound of her voice. I turn to see her in a wheelchair besides my bed, her head is wrapped in bandages, she wears a neck brace and all a bunch of machines attached to her. Her eyes are swollen and something in them are different. _She is different._

“Tobs” I ask as I try sitting up. My arms give out and I land on my back in pain. Tobin quick wheels over to me to hold my hand. 

“Breath, just breath” She whispers as I clench my jaw shut, trying not to let the scream inside escape my lips. Tobin continues to whisper soothing words until my body relaxes and I lay on the bed in small pain shakes. 

“You’re. Awake” I barely get out through deep breathes. She lightly smiles a me before looking out towards the window. 

“May I” She asks as she glances at the window. I nod that it’s okay and she wheels over to the window. She opens up a hologram and clears the window so we can see outside. Its dark, around one in the morning. The stars and sky paint a beautiful atmosphere around the gold fields. Tobin smiles at the scene as I watch her in total harmony. 

“Beautiful isn’t it” She asks knowing I’m watching 

“Breath taking…how’d you find this place” I ask as I press a button on the bed to sit me up. 

“This land…this spot, this is where I grew up” She smiles as she speaks. 

“This…you’re saying this is where your from” 

“Amazing isn’t it. Just seven hours away from Axiom, who in Axiom would ever know there was beauty beyond their perimeters” I stare at Tobin in complete shock. 

“This is home Tobin” I breath as I let the fact set in that we’re in the same place Tobin grew to be who she was. 

“Home…People think home is a destination just like happiness. People think it’s something you get to but in reality, home, happiness, they’re all mere emotions. This is home, but not for the reason that I was raised here by my adoptive parents. Its home because in my heart, they were home. They are what had branded me to be who I was. They, implanted a speed in me that gave me life, strength and motivation to do this” She smiles before turning to wheel back to my bed. 

“Do what” I ask as she comes close. 

“Let go” She smiles before standing up to kiss my forehead “Catch you on the flipside” She whispers before I jolt awake. 

“Becky, Becky, oh my gosh, you’re finally awake” Carli jolts besides me as she hugs me close. I hear commotions in the background and Dr.Emmett giving orders as I try to process what the hell is going on and what Tobin meant but letting go in my dream. 

“My gosh you sure know how to scare us” Allie cheers as Carli lets go of me and Allie hugs me next. 

“What’s going on” I ask with a dry mouth. 

“Ash and Hope were able to tinker with the device they used on me. We can kickstart not just your body and diamond now, we can kickstart your mind by infiltrating it with someone else's dreaming” Carli explains with a smile that I don’t reproach. 

“Thats…you didn’t, please fucking tell me you didn’t” I demand as I try pushing besides her but my back is heavy wrapped, not allowing me to twist onto my side. 

“Don’t move, your back is still healing” Allie commands 

“Tell me you didn’t fucking conjoin Tobin’s dream with mine” I beg Carli who eyes Allie with fear. 

“It didn’t work with anyone asleep, they had to be in the same state as you” Dr.Emmett inquires as I feel the air leave my chest. 

“Why would you” I ask as tears begin to fall “Did you guys ever think of the possible effects! Did you guys even care to think that conjoining our dreams in the state of comma could alter our fucking thinking?! Did you guys even think that conjoining our dreams would hurt me” I cry as I try blocking the idea of Tobin being in a comma, saying goodbye to all of us in her head. 

“You saw her” Allie whispers with tears in her eyes 

“She was saying goodbye…she was letting go and you just fucking had to try the stupid thing on me. You couldn’t just do it the old fashion way…You just, I couldn’t save Tobin, I failed as a doctor and as her friend and now! I saw her, in live fucking flesh, it felt real and now, now she’s ready to let go but I’m not. I can’t let her go. Letting her go means I failed and I’m not ready for that. Not yet” I cry harder as I think of the dream I was in and how realistic it was. 

“Everyone out” Carli orders. She tries consoling me but I push her away as I let my body de-toxic “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye” I whisper with pain as I stare into Carli’s hurting eyes. 

“Becky, we needed you awake”

“Why Carli?! Why could you possibly need me awake? I can’t save people Carli, can’t you see that I can’t even save myself” Carli lets out a long deep breath before walking to the door. She pauses and thinks but decides against her thoughts before exiting. _I can’t save Tobin…why can’t anyone see that?_

* * *

**Alex’s POV (Alex from reality, not Alex from Axiom)**

“We have to try” I beg Becky whom paces back and fourth in front of me. Allie has finally let Tobin and I out of our room but not outside. Tobin spends most of her time with Heath or down stairs with the leaders while I can’t bring myself to go visit Heath or any less, leave the pool room. 

“Look, it’s a good idea, brilliant actually but I can’t do it Alex. I can’t risk the last of her memories that remain” Becky turns to me with red eyes. It’s easy to catch that she’s dying inside, in reality, everyone is dying on the inside. Lex is slowly dying, day by day, due to her self guilt. Carli is slowly losing strength and sight, the light at the end of the tunnel seems so far from here. Allie, _Allie,_ is losing herself. Lost in the ‘what ifs’ and found in the field of distortion. Ash is slowly being consumed by the pain of not being able to do anything. The poison hasn’t left her system and Amanda is getting worse. And I…I’m losing grasp on reality. 

“You can’t but I can” I continue pressuring Becky to modify the tool they used on her to connect Tobin to Heath in hopes she’ll wake. A few days ago, Becky and Dr.Emmett attempted to wake Tobin up the same way they did with Carli but nothing happened. They had everyone talk to her but not even Lex could get her to wake. 

“You’ll do it” Becky turns surprised as I was the only person who didn’t talk to Heath when they tried waking her. 

“Yes” I breathe as I don’t give myself time to think about it. Becky stops pacing around the pool area and stares at the water. 

“Okay” 

“Okay? So you’re going to do it” I as with hope. Becky slowly nods yes and I crush her small body with mine. 

“Thank you thank you thank you” I repeat over and over again as she sighs into the hug. 

“I’ll go get started” Becky half smiles at me before leaving. I take the opportunity to run up to my room and tell Tobin the good news. 

“She said she’ll do it” I yell with enthusiasm. My voice cuts off as I find Tobin and Lex talking in the middle of the room “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry I’ll go” I quickly ramble before rushing out the door. 

“Alex wait” Tobin calls out for me

“No, it’s okay. She needs you” I shrug as I continue down the stairs ignoring my fiancés calls. When I reach the kitchen, I find Jeri leaning against the kitchen island with a book in her hand. 

“Whatcha reading” I ask as I walk around the island and lean besides her. 

“Just a favorite” She whispers before closing the book and turning to look at me. Her eyes trace my skin and compares it to Lex, trying to find a difference in us. 

“Still weirded by it” I ask as I search her eyes that surprisingly show no shock. 

“No. No…your existence doesn’t weird me out, it’s your being that does” Jeri replies with honesty as she closes in on my eyes before shaking her head and walking to the sink. 

 “My being” I ask as I follow her 

“Yeah, you’re nothing like my sister…Or well, you technically are my sister but you get what I’m saying” 

“I do but you have to take in mind the laws of nature vs nurture” 

“Yeah…well, nurture is a funny thing in our world” Jeri shrugs off as she sips some water. 

“How did you surpass all this? I mean, Heath and Lex are so different from Tobin and I. A majority of you guys are different but you…you’re grounded and still” 

“I’ve simply kept my feet on the ground” 

“Or maybe you’ve gone through what everyone else is going through” I challenge. Jeri sets her glass down and looks out the window. She lets out a long breath before turning to meet my eyes. 

“Like I said, nurture is a funny thing around here” 

“Its ready” Becky interrupts before I can ask Jeri what she means. She picks up her book from the counter and disappears “Did I interrupt something” 

“Sort of…but you’re done? Already” 

“It wasn’t too much work actually” 

“I’ll grab Tobin” I state as I walk to the stairs 

“And I’ll get Allie” I hear Becky breath nervously. 

* * *

**Tobin’s POV (Tobin from Axiom)**

“Remember when we would sit right here and watch the sunset” Jamison turns to me with a smile. I look beyond the gold hills of wheat that illuminate the dark skies of time. 

“All the time” I breath as I run my hand over the dry dirt beneath us. 

“I’d tell you stories” 

“And I’d rub your back” Sophia whispers in my ear. 

“You’d watch the world in utter bliss”

“Only for a moment”

“Before falling asleep” I whisper as I glance at the two individuals that raised me. 

“You were the most peaceful sleeper” Sophia smiles thinking of me when I was little. 

“The heaviest sleeper too” Jamison jokes causing me to blush. 

“I missed you guys…so much” I breath as I hold them close. Memorizing their voices and scents before my time is up and I end up in another dream. 

“We’ll miss you too” Sophia whispers before everything begins to vanish into thin air. It doesn’t scare me as much as the first time when I was trapped I was running away from my fears. Now, I simply close my eyes and count to ten before opening them again. Unlike most times, when I open my eyes again, I see myself on the beach, not too far away from where I’m standing.

“What in the world” I think out loud as I watch myself in the distance, looking around in a panicked form.   _That can’t be me…I would never panic at sight of the beach. Beach. Oh my gosh it’s the beach._ I finally realize as I stare out to the waves that kiss the sand in symphony. Without thinking, I begin to walk to the beach. As I arrive at the edge where the grass and sand meet, I kneel down to touch the small grains of rock that lay upon the edge of earth. 

“Heath” I look up in surprise to find myself standing before me. 

“Do I really look that lean” I ask as I let my eyes run over my figure. 

“Heath it’s me, Tobin” 

“Yeah, you’re me. I got it” I roll my eyes. _I can’t be that stupid can I?_ I wonder as I walk around myself and towards the water. 

“Heath, what the fu” The moment she grabs my hand, everything from my body to my mind go into a state of distortion. Things I had never seen flash before my eyes as my body shakes in pain. I can’t move as I watch events unfold, showing me things that will forever scar my being. _No…no…that can’t be…no…_

“Why so quiet suddenly” His wicked voice asks 

“No…No that’s a lie” I cry as more images flash before me 

“You’re just” 

“TOBIN” Someone yells causing my heart to jump and my eyes shoot open to meet Alex’s eyes as my chest rises and falls in a rapid fashion. 

“Alex” I asked with confusion that rapidly turns into anger as images of her fill my head and heart of hate. 

“Oh shit” I hear Carli whisper before I spring off the bed to attack Alex.

“LET HER GO” I hear Allie begging as the images begin to disappear. I look at my hands in horror as Becky rushes Alex out of the room and everyone stands a few feet away. 

“I’m so sorry” I cry as new images begin to flood my mind, only these images are daunting and not haunting. 

“I am too” I hear Carli whisper before I lose conscious. 

* * *

“What the hell happened in that dream” I hear Carli half yelling at someone close by. I want to open my eyes and stop her but my body is too tired to move. _What’s going on?_

“For the last time Carli! I don’t know! I don’t fucking remember but I just…these images, her images, my god do you guys even know the hell she’s been through” I hear the someone respond in frustration and horror. 

“I do” Allie whispers. 

“This doesn’t make sense…you guys were in a dream” Carli paces around. 

“It was real” 

“What the hell are you talking about Becky” Carli turns to her. I can sense the tension as my own vitals elevate as if I were apart of the discussion. 

“I told you when I woke up that seeing Tobin in my dream felt fucking real! How do you explain this! How is it possible that Tobin can see shit in her head that are from our Tobin’s memories?!” Becky fumes.

“That’s impossible” Carli replies in denial.

“Is it? Is it really impossible for both Tobin’s to exchange memories while they were in a conjoined dream? For fucking sake Carli, theres another world or galaxy or whatever inside of this one! I’ve been there, I lived there for months! Are you going to tell me I was dreaming too” Allie finally breaks.

“Stop” I hear the voice beg as my three friends continue to argue “JUST STOP WILL YOU” The voice finally yells. 

“Tobin, Tobin whats wrong” I hear Alex’s voice who has remained silent all this time. _What the hell is she doing here?!_ Just like when I woke up, I go into a state of distortion. The darkness I see begins to vanish into light blinding my eyes that are still closed. When I open them, I’m somewhere in Axiom. 

“Come on, we have to go” Laure panics. _Laure?_

“Go where? What are you talking about” I ask as I look around realizing its night time and we’re hiding in a dark abandoned street. 

“The mission Tobin” Laure hisses as me as she helps me up. I look at her confused and then look down at myself and find that I’m wearing a dirty Scout suit I’ve never seen before. _What the hell is going on?_

“What mission Laure? What are you” My concerns are cut off when the gun shot is heard. Laure hits the ground quicker then I can react. “LAURE” I yell as I kneel besides her and look for the wound. _Where did they…oh god no!_ I place my hand over the hole right above her heart in small hopes that a miracle will happen. 

“It’s okay Tobin” 

“No Laure, don’t say that. Don’t say that okay, Becky will get you all fixed up and” My voice trembles as I ramble. Laure’s hands grab my face and I turn to meet her sparking eyes. 

“Becky’s gone Tobin. Remember?” She asks as my eyes begin to water. _I don’t remember._ I think as I watch her. Although I don’t remember, my body does as it begins to shaky uncontrollably. 

“Don’t leave me Laure, not you too” I beg as her eyes begin to lose focus on mine. _Not you too._ When her eyes close, I let my body fall. I hear the world shifting again as I mourn the death of Laure. 

* * *

“It’s okay Toby, it’s okay, just let it happen” I hear Allie whispering in my ear. I listen to her heart as the distortion begins to ease away. When I can finally breathe without my chest hurting, I slowly open my eyes for real “See, it wasn’t too hard was it” Allie cheers as she hands me a cup of water. 

I’ve been awake for a week but still feel as if I were still asleep. After attacking Alex when I first woke, the only people allowed to visit me are Carli, Allie, Tim, Becky, Dr.Emmett and Alice. They showed me a video I recorded before the war started and to say I’m confused is an understatement. Nothing makes sense and when things do start to make sense, I go into a state of distortion, where I fall into an episode as Becky has started calling them. They haven’t been able to figure out why I see things that have never happened nor why I see things from Tobin’s past or why she sees things from my past. I wake up everyday not knowing what to expect, not knowing what friend of mine I’ll see die in a vision, what friend I’ll kill in an episode or what person I’ll attack in real life. Every episode leaves a new pin of doubt and pain in my head that claws at me when I sleep. Tim has become accustomed to my screams while Becky has slowly learned not to leave anything besides my bed that I can use against myself. 

“What was it about this time” Allie asks as I close my eyes and feel the water slowly making it’s way to my stomach. 

“Jeri” I murmur as I take deep breathes to avoid falling into another episode. 

“Oh”

“Did she survive” I ask as I hand Allie the glass of water, not trusting myself to keep it for too long. 

“Yeah, she’s safe” 

“Can I see her” I try knowing the answer is probably no. 

“We’ve been over this” Allie softly turns me down. I shake my head and stare out the window. 

“I wish you guys wouldn’t have woken me” I express as I stare at the gold fields, thinking back to Jamison and Sophia. 

“Please don’t say that” 

“I’m sorry…but it’s the truth. I’m an endangerment to you guys” 

“Tobin”

“Think about it Al, just think about it. What will happen if I go through an episode and attack you? What happens if one day no one is near to help? What happens when I can no longer bare these episodes…I don’t want to kill anymore” I quake as I feel my hands shaking. 

“You’re not going to kill anyone Tobin”

“You don’t know that” I swallow hard as I look her with blood shot eyes. 

“Yes I do. Becky’s going to figure out a way to get rid of the episodes”

“You can get rid of them but you can’t erase the ones Ive already seen” I try but Allie doesn’t obligate to my request of being put down.

“We will work through it” She simply states before walking to the door. 

“You now how many times I’ve killed you in my episodes” I whisper as her hand lays on the door knob. I know it’s a cheap shot but the darkness of the visions are starting to eat me alive “10 times” I breathe through tears “I’ve killed Carli six times, Becky three times, Ash twice, Alex…fourteen times” My lips tremble as I finally express the depths of my visions. 

“Tobin” Allie cries as her eyes remain on the door 

“Please Allie” I beg through hot tears. Allie’s right hand rises to her mouth to muffle her cries as I stare at her, praying that she’ll give in now that I’ve given her insight. She opens the door and I begin to cry hard. 

“I’m sorry Tobin” 

“Please” I beg again but she simply shakes her head no and closes the door, leaving me to the darkness of my mind. _Please._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter highlights the troubles everyone is going through now that life outside Citadel has begun to settle. We see Allie struggling to live without Tobin and her reluctantly to wake Tobin from her coma as she fears Tobin will be deeply damaged, beyond the point of return. We see Carli struggling to lead and having to let Allie command. We see that Becky feels useless as she hasn't been able to cure Tobin. We learn that Ash has been working the front line to avoid feeling pain. We also learn that Citadel is playing dirty, poisoning Ash and Amanda unknowingly. Amanda is struggling to beat the poison while Ash is removed from the front line. We also see how everyone on the squads misses, yes misses, the rush of adrenaline from their old jobs. As Theo points out "It's in our blood". Key phrase right there...more of that as the story continues. Allie, Tim, Becky and Theo go to Citadel to retrieve equipment that they can use to wake Tobin. While at Citadel, they are cornered by Sepp and learn that Mark was being tortured. The four watch Mark be killed. Becky suffers a fall while at Citadel and is induced into a coma until her body heals. 
> 
> Ash and Hope tinker with the equipment they used to wake Carli in order to use it to wake Becky. The whole purpose of the tool was to conjoin two dreams to confuse the brain and force it awake but something unexpected happens as Becky and Tobin actually see each other in the conjoined dream.
> 
> We also see Tobin (Real Tobin, not from Axiom) losing patience. We also see Alex (real Alex, not form Axiom) share a moment with Jeri in which we learn that she has gone through something horrific. We'll learn about that next chapter. 
> 
> We also finally get to see Tobin (from axiom) and whats going on in her coma state. She lives through odd visions of past and future. Often wishing to not wake. Becky convinces the squad to try the modified tool she made to conjoin Heath(from Axiom) and Tobin(Real Tobin) dreams in hopes to wake her. The tool works but again, Tobin and Heath, like Becky and Tobin's experience, they see each other in the dream. But Heath does not recognize Tobin (leading us to assume she lost a good chuck oh her memory) when they touch in the conjoined dream, they interchange a small fraction of each others memories. When Tobin jolts awake, she experiences an 'episode' or as I would call it, a vision and ends up attacking Alex because of it. Carli has to put her out afterwards. 
> 
> We see how an episode is triggered as Tobin lies half asleep on a bed while Carli, Becky, Allie, Alex(Real Alex) and Tobin (Real Tobin) argue. And finally, we learn about the monster inside Tobin and her desire to be put down.


	48. The Return

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to upload this chapter a few days ago but then I got an idea and had to keep writing. This chapter is inspired by Lexa from The 100. I am still pained by her death, for many reasons, so I thought I'd use some of that pain to motivate me in this chapter. The quote "Sacrifice the few to save the many" is from the show, I give them all the credit for that. 
> 
> Um, be warned, heated Talex moment and lots of Jeri/Tobin moments. We see some of Tobin's drastic decisions. Some she makes whole heartedly and some that she needs to make. All for the purpose of saving the many. 
> 
> Next chapter will be updated by Thursday, Friday at the latest. 
> 
> Hella sneaked in a few things to come in the final two chapters of Oblivion so look out for those :)
> 
> ALSO...wait, I just forgot what I was going to say...fuck. Never mind haha. Oh right, now I remember, I tried a third person POV, so if you like it, tell me, if you didn't, tell me haha

The Return

It’s been three weeks since I first woke up. Three weeks since I’ve attacked Alex, two weeks since I broke Allie’s heart and one week since I’ve been allowed to be alone. After begging Dr.Emmett to let me walk down and up the stairs, I was allowed to walk in the hall, just outside my door. Of course, the privilege of being unsupervised was quickly taken after I had an episode and cut my wrists badly as I rubbed them against the cuffs. Now, I am followed around by a little girl named Alice. Yes, a small girl, who isn’t even six, is in charge of making sure a professional assassin doesn’t hurt anyone or herself. At first, I opposed of the idea. Not only for her safety but for mine. But after spending a week with her, I can see why the squad choose her to watch over me. _She’s brings the Tobin they miss out of me._

“May I” I ask Alex, the one from another world, who sits right outside the front door, watching the sun. 

Becky has started piecing things that cause episodes over the last few weeks, one of the things that did and didn’t surprise us was that Alex seemed to be a trigger. We did intense sessions of simply staring at a picture, to talking through the phone, to finally being able to stand within a decent range of each other until I was finally able to control the episodes. Tobin, my clone from another world, still has some trouble but doesn’t have to deal with it much as she is pretending to be me and working on the front line. 

“Sure” Alex breathes, scooting over about three feet so I can sit on the edge of the long step. I bring my cuffed hands to my lap and look for Alice. 

“I’m going to go to the bathroom” Alice informs me before taking a glance at Alex. When Alex nods that it’s okay, the small girl disappears inside the house, leaving me outside, all alone with Alex. My hands begin to sweat as I find myself needing the presence of the little girl, not trusting myself to be alone just yet. I begin to rub my wrist against the cuffs to distract me from my anxiety. 

“Hey, hey don’t do that” Alex whispers as she grabs my hands. I jump at her contact causing her to do the same. The look in her eyes is enough to tell me she’s scared too. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare” 

“It’s okay” I sadly smile as I move a little farther away from her. Her apologetic eyes scream for me to come back but I find myself dying at the thought that I could hurt _her._

“It’s not okay. I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t be scared of you”

“I’m scared of myself too” I joke trying to lighten up the tense situation. Her voice sounds so defeated and I want nothing more then it to go back to the way it was when we talked through the phone during therapies. 

“Thats, heartbreaking”

“Unappreciated smiles are heartbreaking” I continue. Alex cracks a small smile and I feel a vision coming. 

“Heath? Heath! ALICE” Alex yells as I seal my eyes shut. Unlike the usual visions I have, this one is lighter. The weight of it in my head isn’t heavy or scary. 

I see Alex, the one currently holding my hand and whispering sweet things into my ear, dancing under a street light. The rain that falls upon her exposed skin, caresses her scars and skin, kissing it as if it were to vanish with the wind. My view changes and I see that I’m reliving one of Tobin’s memories. _This is the moment she fell in love with her._ I think as Tobin stops Alex’s dancing and kisses her as a car swerves into a different lane while honking to avoid hitting the two love birds. The eyes begin to clear and I can see Alex’s staring into my eyes with fear. 

“It’s…okay” I breath as my vitals begin to slowly settle. 

“Tobin” Carli’s strong voice makes me look up. I see a gun in her hand and lose it faster then Alice can react. Gripping my head and screaming in agony as my heart and mind go into a state of distortion, Alice holds me still as I watch Carli and Alex be killed over and over again in my head.

“It’s okay, just breath, it’s okay” Alice soothing words begin to echo in my head after an hour long episode. 

“So. Much. Blood” I cry through sharp intakes of air. 

“Focus on your breathing” Alice’s small voice orders as I can sense Becky in the room, monitoring some medicines into the IV that’s been placed in my arm. When the medicine hits my blood, my body relaxes and I’m finally able to see. 

“You good” Becky asks me as she places a hand on my shoulder. 

“Yeah, Thank you…what was that” I ask as I grab a small stress ball I grip onto after episodes. 

“Dunno” Becky shrugs as she walks over to the skip in my medical room to wash her hands. 

“What do you mean you don’t know” 

“She found it while at the front” Alice explains to me as she lays down on the arm chair to my left with my books in hand. 

“You’re going to make your sight bad if you keep messing with my glasses” I warn the little girl who removes my glasses but continues flipping through the books “And you found a medicine and decided to inject it into me without even researching it” I turn to Becky in complete shock. 

“I figured it couldn’t do more harm…and I did do some research…whatever it is, Citadel agents carry one small dose with them”

“What do you mean” 

“I took this from a guy Pinoe took out. He was reaching for it in his pocket but didn’t get to it in time”

“What if it was a suicide drug” 

“Then you’d be thanking me now wouldn’t you” Becky throws out. I give her a scold as I nod my head towards Alice who stops playing with the books. 

“Hey Icy, will you give us a minute” I ask the small girl. She looks at Becky then back at me before nodding okay. Once the door closes, I let my lips move freely. 

“What the hell is your problem” 

“My problem is that you don’t trust me” 

“Trust? What fucking trust do you want from me if I can’t even trust myself”

“I’m a doctor Tobin, I’m not stupid! I would have never injected a medicine without researching it” 

“Then why didn’t you say that in the beginning” I huff nothing theres more to her anger then my accusation. 

“It was a joke”

“Joke my ass…what aren’t you telling me” 

“I’ve told you everything I”

“For fucking sakes Beck. I’m not blind. I can see your mind leaving your body every few seconds, so why don’t you stop acting like I’m someone you don’t know and start acting like the way it was! Damn! I get it, I get that I’m not the same but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel it. You know how hard it is to see your guys eyes and know that you’re expecting something from me? Don’t you realize that I can feel it too, that I can feel the difference” Becky’s face falls and she nods in understanding “So please Becky, just tell me whats going on” I beg with a soft voice. 

“Amanda isn’t getting better” Becky mumbles very quietly that for a second I’m surprised I even catch it. 

“Alice’s mother” I ask for clearer understandings. Dr.Emmett says I lost about four years of memories which is quiet a chunk of my life. 

“Yes” Becky’s response makes my heart drop.

“Wheres her father” 

“Nonexistent” Becky lets out in the nicest way possible. My heart shatters into pieces as I project myself onto little Alice. 

“We have to save her” 

“Tobin”

“You have to save her Becky”

“Tobin, please calm down” Becky gets up as she rushes over to the machines that peep without rhyme. 

“Becky”

“I”M TRYING TOBIN” Becky yells at me. I watch Becky’s eyes seal tight as she fights tears “I’m trying” she whispers sadly as tears begin to fall. I get up from the bed and without thinking twice, embrace her fragile body. I expected her to move away at my contact but instead, she clings onto me like an infant. I hold her close as she cries in my arms. As her tears begin to fall on my neck, I feel an episode coming, so I close my eyes and allow my mind to show me what it wants me to see. 

 

 _Is this…is this from my memory?_ I ask myself as I find that I’m staring at Becky whom lies asleep on the couch across from me. As I go to turn my body so I lie facing the couch, I notice Becky’s body shaking. _Is she crying?_

“Becky” I whisper in case she’s actually sleeping. Her body stops shaking, causing me to walk over to her “Becky” I say a bit louder. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you” She apologies as she wipes away some tears. _So she was crying._

“Let me guess…the boogyman” I joke lightly as I sit on the ground besides her. 

“The cookie monster actually” Becky jokes back as she throws her hair into a bun. 

“Geeze…that is scary” I half smile at her. She lets of a nervous laugh and sits besides me on the floor. I pull the blanket she was using and cover us both. Silence fills the air between us as Becky begins lose herself in her thoughts. 

“You know what I hate about you” I suddenly ask. Becky frowns at me and I mentally laugh “I hate how you comfortable you are with not getting the credit you deserve”

“I…what” Becky asks not understanding me

“Yeah. I hate that. I hate how you can be the game changer in every battle, and I get all the credit, and you just, you never care that I get the credit. It pisses me off now that I think about it” 

“What are you talking about” Becky giggles as she looks at me with a suppressed smile

“Two days ago, you took out 10 agents in four minutes… almost broke my record, but it wasn’t mentioned in the news. All that was mentioned was me…Why didn’t you get mad” I ask as I take a glance at her. 

“You basically told every reporter that day about it…but if I’m being honest, I don’t care about the tabloids. I could care two shits about what they think about me, I like my job, I like that I can help save clones and help you. All the credit I need is the one from you. No one else matters. You’re my Scout. My best friend” Becky shrugs freely. 

“So it doesn’t bother you” 

“Like I said, I don’t care. You always give us credit for our actions. Always reminding us of our greatest accomplishments, always making sure we know what we mean to you and the squad…theres not a single thing anyone could ever tell me that you haven’t already” Becky smiles at me. 

“Well, there is one” 

“Which is” 

“You’re an ugly crier” I laugh causing Becky’s smile to turn into a death glare. My laugh gets to her and she closely begins to laugh along with me. 

“You’re so dumb” Becky laughs as she lightly pushes my shoulder.  The episode ends and I find myself smiling at the vision. 

 

“Don’t tell me it was the cookie monster again” I whisper into Becky’s ear. It takes her a moment to catch my reference before she pulling away with a small smile. 

“You remember” She breathes as she wipes away the tears

“With the help of an episode”

“So wait…they aren’t all dark” 

“A vast majority of them are but…there are a few good ones” I smile as Becky lets out a long sigh. 

“Thats, thats so good” 

“I guess you could say that” 

“I assume you remember calling me a beautiful crier” Becky giggles causing me to shake my head with a smile. 

“The most beautiful of all ugly criers…hows that” I laugh causing Becky to do so as well. 

“Thank you”

“What for” 

“For being you” Becky sadly smiles. I nod my head with a smile and allow her to compose herself. 

“Do you think you could let me see her” I ask Becky as I look at my wrists. 

“Amanda” 

“Yeah” I hear Becky let out a long breath as she measures the consequences in her head. 

“Okay” 

“Okay” I ask not really sure if it’s an Okay, yes or Okay, no. 

“Yeah, I think, I think it’ll be good for you to finally put a face to the women’s name. Alice and I will wait outside the door in case you have an episode” 

“Thank you” I smile at her and she shrugs it off. We walk to Amanda’s room down the hall and Becky nods. 

“Come in” Amanda’s weak voice yells. I look at Becky whom gives me a tight lip nod. 

“Amanda” I ask as I step into the room. Her eyes do a double take to make sure I’m actually real. 

“Tobin” 

“That’s me” I half smile as I walk to a chair besides her bed. She stares at the hand cuffs making me a little anxious. 

“You know, I never took you to be kinky” I begin to laugh at her joke and feel myself relax. _So this is why we were friends._ I think as I take a seat. 

“Guess your eyes lingered a little too much on me and not the details” I joke referencing her old job. She laughs making my smile grow. We both exhale deep breathes as we let silence fall between us like rain. I rub my wrist that itch uncontrollable as she watches over my movements, just examining my state. 

“It’s funny to think humans have expiration dates” She breathes as she leans into her pillow. 

“We can’t live forever” 

“But our souls can” 

“My soul” I whisper as I think of my own in all it’s torn pieces. 

“You have a good one” Amanda coughs. I quickly jump to my feet to rub her back as the coughing gets stronger. 

“BECKY” I yell at the top of my lungs as the machines begin to beep. Becky rushes inside the room alongside Dr. Emmett, Allie and Carli whom give me unapologetic stares. 

“What are you doing in here” Carli lashes at me 

“I just wanted to see how she was”

“On who’s command where you allowed”

“I let her in, now shut the hell up will you” Becky interrupts Carli. She gives me a nod towards the door and I slowly walk out of the room. 

“Is my mommy okay” Alice’s fragile voice asks with teary eyes. 

“Oh Icy” I whisper tenderly as I kneel down to hug her. She begins to cry against my chest and I feel the vibration of her shaking body in my heart. My mind begins to fog and the distortion begins to appear. As I prepare myself to go out, a specific pair of arms wrap around Alice and I, disabling my mind and causing my heart rate to pick up. I try my best not to melt onto the floor as the air she breathes out brushes against my neck. Someone clears there throat bhinds us, I take the chance to let out a breath I was holding and quickly turn around to face Carli and Allie. I hide Alice behind myself as Alex stands on the other side of the hall. _Did we do something wrong? Why is she so far from Alice and I?_

“Command room” Carli mutters as brushes past me with Allie on her tail. I don’t meet Alex’s gaze that searches for my eyes as I kneel to Alice’s height. 

“I have to go talk to the leaders, can you stay with Alex”

“What if you have an episode” Alice quickly cleans up, ignoring her emotions and focusing on me only. _Just like me…_

“I won’t. Now go on with Alex. She’s take care of you while I’m away dealing with the big kids” I smile at her before kissing her head. It takes me by surprise, even Alex’s eyes widen but Alice simply returns the kiss. 

When I reach the command room, guards hold their guns ready. _Am I really that much of a threat?_

“Put them down” Captain America orders from behind me. I turn to see her walking besides Tim in my direction. 

“Let them. They are only protecting themselves” I shrug as Tim hesitates to hug me. Christie simply gives me a nod which I return. Tim leads the way into the command room. Everyones sight sticks to my body like fresh snow as I pull a chair out and slouch into it. 

“Everyone take a seat” Carli orders. Everyone quickly rushes to their spots and I find that Im seated at one end by myself. _Good greif. They might as well keep me on a leash._ “I ordered a meeting because it has come to my awareness that Amanda isn’t getting any better” Everyone murmurs to themselves and to their neighbors as my body tenses. _Whats she doing?_ “We, as the leaders of tomorrow, have to start planning of what is to happen”

“I hate to interrupt but what is Tobin doing here” Hope asks eyeing me sideways 

“She has a voice concerning Amanda” Allie joins in 

“Why? She doesn’t even remember her” Tim shyly adds. I shrug off his apologetic glance and stare at Carli. 

“That doesn’t mean she won’t in the future. Look, Tobin needed Amanda. She found her, she was her friend more then we are. Tobin gets a say in Amanda’s future”

“What about the girls future” Abby asks. The hair on my arms rises as I stare at Carli more intensely. 

“That is up to us”

“WHAT” I yell causing Rampone two seats away to jump a little. 

“Tobin”

“No no no, I decide on Alice’s future”

“Sit down Tobin” Carli orders me. I clench my jaw as I let my body fall back onto the chair “You are still recovering Tobin”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t voice my concerns”

“You are a concern” Abby whispers under her breathe. My glare along with Tim’s lets me know that we’re still stuck at a boarder. _Axiom vs Us. Like always._

“Tobin. You still aren’t in the right state of mind to make decisions on life”

“The hell I am Carli, Alice stays with me”

“No” Allie is the first to speak

“What the hell Allie” I mutter as I stare at my best friend in disbelief. 

“I agree with Allie” Rampone is next. I roll my eyes in anger as one by one, they side against me. 

“I agree too” Carli breathes last. I curl my hands into fist and stare at my cuffs. _Fuck this._ Standing up, I walk to the door. 

“Tobin”

“Don’t” I say through gritted teeth at Allie. She removes her hand from my shoulder and I walk out of the command room. As I storm through the living room, Alex immediately stops tickling Alice and quickly gets up from the floor. 

“Stay here okay” Alex looks at Alice before following me outside the door. 

“Where are you going” Alex yells as I speed walk towards the trails. 

“Away” I mutter as I pick up my speed in hopes she’ll leave me alone. When I hear her footsteps on my trail, I begin to run. The air brushes against my skin, leaving a small trace of freedom on my lips. As I reach the lake, my feet stop. My breath is heavy and my feet are non existent. 

“Tobin don’t” Alex yells as I dive into the lake. My body quickly relaxes as the large body of cold water hugs my body numb. I open my eyes underwater and see the beautiful ombre shade of water. The rays of the sun break through the water above and are consumed by the darkness below. As Alex’s body falls into the water, the waves within the water crash into my body. When Alex opens her eyes, she points to the surface and I nod. I take a gulp of air as my lungs feel alive for the first time. 

“What in the world where you thinking” Alex yells at me 

“I wasn’t” I shrug as I try to swim towards the edge of the lake. 

“You have handcuffs on, you’re not going to be able to swim” Alex expresses as she grabs me unexpectedly. My body jolts away from her and she does too. 

“Sorry”

“Just…warn me next time” I whisper with closed eyes as I try to settle my heartrate. 

“Okay, I’m going to wrap my arm around you” Alex inquires softly. I nod okay and feel her right arm wrap around my waist tightly. She half swims, half drags me until I can reach the floor and walk onto land. 

“Thank you” I mumble as I try removing some hair from my face. 

“Here let me help” Alex quickly brushes the hairs from my face away. As her fingers brush against my skin, theres a spark of energy that runs down my spine. I stare into her eyes as she finishes removing the hair from my face. She soon realizes I’m staring but doesn’t remove her hand from my cheek. We stay standing, memorized by each others eyes until something from her hand blinds me. 

“You’re married” I ask confused as I blink a few times. Alex’s immediately removes her hand my from face and takes a step back in surprise. _Did she forget she was married?_

“I…yeah, I am…or was…I don’t really know” Alex stutters as she finds a rock to be more interesting then my eyes. 

“You don’t know if your married…that’s a little sad” I giggle. _Wait why is that funny?_ I ask myself in weirdness. 

“I…I haven’t seen him since, since the war started”

“That was a long time ago” I think out loud as I stare down three trails, trying to remember which direction my secret spot was. _To the right? No, it had to be to the left? Or the middle? What way was it…left. Duh._ I smile to myself as I begin to walk towards the left trail. 

“Where are you going” Alex quickly follows. 

“Away” I smile at her before looking ahead. 

“I don’t think its wise to be walking out at this time”

“The suns out” I state not really getting her statement. 

“You’re clothes are drenched in water”

“So are yours”

“That’s not the point”

“Look Alex, you can either go back or come with me, it’s your choice” I remark as I stop to look at her. Her eyes search mine for an answer, but when she doesn’t find it, she remains quiet and follows me. We walk for 10 minutes until we theres a tug on my chest. I leave the trail and begin up the hill. 

“Where are you”

“Shhhh” I hush Alex as I struggle to climb upwards with my hands cuffed. She places her right hand on the crock oh my back causing me to stop. 

“Sorry, I just, you were slipping” She blushes as she removes her hand. 

“You know I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose” I tease, causing Alex to grow red. 

“I…that…no”

“I’m kidding Morgan, lighten up” I laugh as I continue upward. When I finally reach the top, I let out a breath of happiness. _Home._ I walk down the hill and into the woods. 

“Where”

“Shhh”

“But”

“Alex” I hiss as I jump over a fallen tree. 

“Can you just”

“Look” I interrupt. I watch Alex’s reaction as she looks up to see the small cabin I built in the small open woods. Her eyes widen in surprise and glory as they take in the small modern cabin 

“Come on, I’ll show you inside” I smile as I walk to the front steps of the cabin. As I reach the glass door, I place my hand over the scanner. The door pops open, I give Alex a look before opening the door. A sweet smell of home hits me hard as I remove my shoes and toss them in a basket right next to the door. I leave Alex to wonder as I walk through the cabin, trying to remember everything about it. Once I’m standing in the middle of the living room, I find a modern turntable. Slowly running my fingers over the row of vinyl records, I randomly pick one out and put it on the turntable. Bringing the needle down onto the record, I push the play button. The song Resolution begins to play making the edge of my lip curl. 

“This song” Alex whispers. I turn around and the memory strikes me unexpectedly as I see Alex in the passenger seat of some car. She looks at me as I stare at her. _Is…is this real?_ I ask myself as the song and memory progress. When the end comes near, the vision shifts onto Alex again. I catch her smiling at me and can’t help but smile back at her. Theres a tug deep inside of me, behind my strong walls, something unknown that sparks. The episode finishes and I’m left staring into Alex’s eyes unknowingly as she does the same. Time goes by as do the songs as were both lost deep inside our thoughts. It’s not until I catch Alex shivering that I realize we’re ice cold. 

“You’re going to get sick” I whisper as I grab her hand and lead her to the only bedroom of the cabin. As I  let go of her frozen hand, I find myself wanting to take it back. _What the…_ I shake the feeling off my chest and walk into the bathroom to get the water running. When I walk back into the room, I find her standing outside on the terrance. 

“The waters ready” I inform Alex as I take a deep breath of clean air. _God I could stand here all day._

“Aren’t you going to shower” Alex asks as she looks over the edge of the terrance 

“I will after you” 

“But this is your house”

“And you are my guest. Now go on, I’ll set some clothes out for you” Alex turns to go but stops in front of me. She opens her mouth to say something but ends up deciding against her thoughts. I hear her footsteps vanish in the distance and allow myself to feel for a second. 

After leaving clothes on the bed for Alex, I walk to the kitchen and begin to look through the cabinets for something to eat. _Where the hell is everything?_ I ask myself frustrated as I can’t remember where anythings at. Some far I’ve only been able to find flour, salt, eggs, sugar, baking soda and preserved fruit. 

“I couldn’t have serious thought I could bake my way through winter, did I” I wonder out loud as I stick my head inside a cabinet

“Well you are a baker” Alex’s voice startles me. I hit my head on the bottom of the counter and groan in pain “Watch out silly” Alex giggles as she helps me stand. 

“I can be a bit clumsy” I blush as I rub my head. 

“Yeah you can, go on and shower, I’ll prepare us dinner” Alex smiles. Something in her voice makes my insides tingle. I do my best not to smile wider but fall epically as Alex smiles grows at my lame attempt. 

“Thank you” I whisper as I walk by her and head for the shower. Once I’m standing in front of the shower, I realize I can’t remove my clothes with my hands cuffed. _Well this is going to be a challenge._ I fail at removing my shirt a good hundred times before I accept the fact that I’m going to need Alex’s help. 

_This is going to be so awkward._

“Alex” I yell loud enough so she can hear me

“Yeah”

“Can you come here” I ask as I pace around the bathroom in my girl boxers. 

“Yeah whats, oh” Alex gulps as she sees me half naked. 

“I can’t take my shirt off” I sigh as I walk up to her. 

“The cuffs, right” Alex nods as she looks down at my wrists “I think theres more then just your shirt we have to worry about”

“What do you mean”

“Well, theres your sports bra too” Alex points out. If my face wasn’t red to begin with, it sure is now. _Well fuck._ I take a moment to accept that todays the day Alex will see me nude. _I mean, it’s nothing she hasn’t seen right? She’s a girl…she has breasts too…but I have scars…good grief, this isn’t going to work out._

“What are you thinking” Alex breath kisses my neck causing me to shiver. _That you need to step back before my heart pops out of my chest._

“That I’m going to have to shower with it on”

“Are you sure”

“No but what else can we do” I ask theoretically, hoping she doesn’t actually have a resolution. 

“Wait right here” Alex runs out of the bathroom and I’m left standing with nerves. When Alex comes back, she holds a pair of scissors in her hands. 

“Alex, what are you”

“I’m going to close my eyes”

“Oh no no no, no way am I letting you with eye closed and scissors near my chest”

“Well then, I guess I’ll have to keep my eyes open” 

“Alex, it’s okay, I’ll just shower with it on”

“Quit being a baby and turn around” Alex orders. Her voice is stronger and I feel the need to comply. Taking in a big breath of air, I turn to face her. She carfully cuts the shirt off and then proceeds to my sports bra. I close my eyes and focus on my rapid breathing as the cool scissors rim above my chest. _Breath in….and out…_ I repeat to myself as Alex cuts the final piece. My bra falls to the floor and I open my eyes. To my surprise, Alex’s eyes are closed. 

“You did not just”

“You wouldn’t have trusted me if I told you I was going to keep them shut” Alex breathes and I nod. 

“Thank you” 

“No problem” Alex smiles with her eyes still closed. I become aware of our proximity and find myself wanting to lean forward. _What is going on?_ I think as I glance down at Alex’s lips. 

“I’ll finish dinner” Alex interrupts my odd desire to taste her lips. I step back and watch her slowly walk out of the bathroom with her eyes closed before stepping into the shower. _What the hell was that?_

* * *

 

When I’m done showering, I slip into a fresh pair of underwear, sweats and socks and wrap a towel around my chest. _I’ll have to figure out how to break out of these cuffs._ Walking to the bed room with a medical kit from the bathroom, I sit on the edge of the bed and bring to heal my weak wrists. 

“I can do that” Alex takes the cotton ball with medicine from my hands and kneels on the floor before me. 

“You don’t have to”

“But I want to” She simply states as she begins to heal my wrist. I watch her tentatively as she carefully applies medicine on my wounds and begins to wrap my wrists so that the cuffs don’t do more damage then already have. 

“All set” Alex cheers as she starts putting everything in the med kit. I don’t respond as I simply stare at the dark shade of blue in her eyes. _I wonder why they’re so dark._ “Everything okay” Alex asks as she looks up. 

“You’re eyes…they change color with your mood” I point out as I tilt my head to see if it could be the light that changes the color. _Nope. Definitely her mood._

“My eyes”

“Yeah, earlier at the lake, they were almost as clear as the rays of the sun but now, they’re as dark as the bottom of the lake” 

“No ones ever told me that” Alex breathes as she slightly smiles. 

“Really” 

“Yeah, you’re the first actually” 

“Wow, how can anyone miss that? It’s so captivating” I speak without filtering myself. 

“Thank you” Alex blushes. My heart swells at her sudden embarrassment. _So darn cute._ I think as my eyes move down to her lips again. _Not again._ She catches my eyes staring at her lips and suddenly, things flip upside down as we both lean in. 

As her soft lips meet mine, my entire system stops. It’s as if everything inside me needed a moment to take a moment to appreciate her lips before reacting. My lips move against her in perfect synchronization. I bring my hands over her head so I can hold her neck while she places her right hand on the small of my back and pulls me against her. I let out a sudden gasp at her action but don’t stop to process it as she pushes me onto the bed. Theres not enough time to think about whats going on as she tops me and continues to infect my mind with her sweet vanilla scent. _Fuck._ I think as she begins to kiss down my neck, leaving a trail of memories on my skin. When she finds the thin line where my jaw and neck meet, she sucks in hard making me gasp for air in surprise. She seems to know what she’s doing as I feel her lips curl in a smirk as she continues to suck on my neck before moving onto my collarbone 

“Al” I gulp as my grip on reality begins to slip. She tugs on the towel that loosely hugs my upper body, making it slip off. Before I can express my concerns, she wraps her lips around my nipple making me moan in pleasure. If it wasn’t enough of a reaction, she bites gently enough for me to respond but hard enough for me to arch my back. “Fuck” I curse in vein as one of her hands begins to message my other breast. She works my sense in various ways, earning more and more responses from me and my body. 

It’s not until I feel her fingers tugging on my sweats that I feel the weight of the happening on my shoulders. 

“Lex” I beg for her attention as she licks down my abs in the slowest motion possible. 

“Yeah” She whispers before coming up to steal my breath. 

“I feel light headed” I break the deep kiss. 

“That’s normal” Alex giggles before taking my lips again. 

“No, I mean, like for real” I breath as I pull away from her with my eyes closed. I bring my cuffed hands up to her chest and holding them in place to create some space for fresh air. As my body begins to settle, her breathing does too. 

“I’m sorry” She whispers. I immediately capture her lips in a swift fashion to assure her its fine. 

“Don’t be…I’m just not ready, mentally and physically” I explain as I run my thumb over her cheek. 

“And emotionally” She asks with eyes closed. 

“It’s hard to explain” I confess not really sure how to put into words that it feels so right. 

“I’ll help you change”

“Who said I wanted to stop” I smirk before flipping us. Alex’s flustered face makes me lean in with a smile. The kiss isn’t like the rest, it’s slow, long and tender. I let my forehead rest on hers with eyes closed. Her breathing begins to settle along with my heart rate. The fog that surrounds my mind begins to vanish and things start getting a little weird for me. _Wait…did I just, did Alex and I just? But I don’t like Alex? And she doesn’t like me? She’s married for god’s sake Tobin!_ I slowly get up from the bed and sit on the edge. 

“Is something wrong” Alex quickly asks as she sits up too. 

“I…no, just, a little hard to do anything with these cuffs” I lie 

“Let’s get you changed, eat dinner and then see if we can find anything in this cabin to break them off” Alex smiles. I nod with a small smile and begin to get changed. Alex’s lingering stare at my scares tickles my skin but I do my best not to cringe under her sight. We eat dinner in silence, on the living room floor. I breath in the smell of the trees while she stares at me. 

“Tobin” 

“Yeah”

“Will you look at me” Alex voice sounds like a beg causing me to furrow my brows in confusion. 

“What” I ask as I turn to meet her eyes for the first time since the bedroom incident. Her eyes glaze over mine in disappointment making my soul break a little more. 

“You regret it”

“Alex”

“It’s okay, really, my fault for initiating it” 

“Please stop”

“It’s okay” Alex whispers as she begins to leave 

“I didn’t-don’t know what you want me to say Alex…It was wrong on so many levels. Your married Alex” I huff as I begin to stand

“Because I was stupid” Alex yells with tears in her eyes 

“What”

“Before I got married…you asked me not to” Alex begins to silently cry as she goes back into her memory. Something about seeing her cry makes me physically pain, but her words make my head drown in thoughts. _I asked her not to get married?_

“Al” I whimper as I take a few steps in her direction. She raises her hand to stop me and I cringe. 

“No Tobin, no. It’s okay, the pain will go away, someday” Alex whispers before wiping her tears and walking away. 

* * *

 

When I arrive back at the safe house, I walk straight into the house. 

“BECKY” I yell as I run up the stairs. 

“Shhhhh Alice just fell alseep” Lauren hushes me. 

“Where is Becky” I order

“Command room” I give Lauren my thanks before running down the stairs. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, where have you been” Tim asks as he grabs my elbow, pulling me back. With natural instincts, I pull my arm away. 

“None of your business” I roll my eyes pissed. 

“It is my business when you disappear for six hours. And where the hell is Alex” Tim asks looking around. 

“She’ll be here in 10 now if you’ll excuse me” 

“You’re not going anywhere until” 

“Let her go Tim” Allie orders as she exits the elevator with Carli, Becky, Abby and Rampone.  I force myself away from Tim and stare at the four women. “What is going on here” Carli asks as the group of leaders come closer. 

“That’s exactly what I’ve been asking myself for the last few weeks. What the hell is going on” I ask through gritted teeth. 

“I think it would be best if she were put back on lock down” Abby looks at Becky

“I’m not a fucking dog Abby” 

“You’re a walking bomb Tobin”

“I’m a fucking monster in live flesh Abby, theres a difference”

“You need to calm down” Allie turns to me

“Don’t tell me to calm down when I just found out that somewhere in the past year I was in a relationship with the women I most despise” I yell at Allie. Everyone’s faces go white as they mental curse themselves. “You knew” I breath as I stare at each and everyone in the room. The front door opens and in walk the agents from the front line. Becky’s eyes quickly turn to meet Syd’s before looking back at me. _They all knew._ “You all fucking knew” I laugh out of sarcasm as the deception of those who I once considered family falls upon my chest. 

“Tobin” Allie weakly whispers

“You all fucking knew….You all knew and decided to tell me everything there was to know except that. Everything, every fucking thing that has happened  in the last year except that. And it’s funny because for the last hour I’ve been thinking to myself, there is no way they knew. There is no possible way they’d keep such part of my life away from me. But then I gave it more thought and came to the conclusion that maybe you had a valid reason. Possibly Alex’s wedding, you didn’t want me to go into an episode and remember the pain…but now, now I see that you did it so that I would return. That Scout Heath would return. So I guess you guys got what you wanted. I’m back bitches. Ten times stronger, ten times faster, time times the pain on my chest” I smile wickedly at the group. 

“Tobin, listen” Carli’s lips tremble under my stare 

“No you listen Carli, I’m working the front line as of now. I make the plays”

“You’re not the leader anymore”

“Don’t forget who put you in charge Llord” I say as I stand a foot away from her. I know it’s wrong to say it to her face but nothing will stop me now. “Tobin and Alex will go back home, their services aren’t needed anymore”

“Tobin” My clone steps forward but I don’t stop. 

“Ali can stay if she wants. Amanda will be the only one to decide the future of Alice, and no one, and I mean it when I say no one decides on Amanda’s health but I. Becky will work the front line along with Ash. Any objections? No? Good. I leave tonight” I leave the group of filled with traitors to go to my room to gather my things. Opening a secret compartment behind the dessor, I pull out a pair of elite knifes and a gun. The knifes buzz in my hands as I cut the cuffs off my wrist, barely kissing my skin as the blade swiftly runs over the sore skin underneath. I rub my wrist gentle before closing the secret compartment and putting everything back in its place. Walking over to my bathroom, I grab a medical kit and quickly wrap my hands and wrist with black prewrap and tape. Rushing into my closet, I put on a compressed leggings and then slip into my black tactical cargo pants and reach for my armor vest. As I put it on, I walk to my backpack and toss in things I’ll need. 

“What do you think you’re doing” 

“You’re wasting your time Jeri” I respond as I continue to pack 

“I have to at least try”

“Well…we both know this isn’t going to end the way you want it to” 

“Will you at least hear me out” 

“Fine”

“You’re going to get yourself killed” Jeri exclaims 

“That’s how much faith you have in me” I breath in surprise

“I have faith in you Tobin, not in Axiom”

“I’m more then capable of taking care of myself”

“Until someone gets hurt” 

“What’s that supposed to mean”

“You go weak when you see someone hurt. You’d do anything to save them, often forgetting to save yourself”

“That is the most selfish thing I’ve heard”

“Excuse me for being a little selfish after having to let you go, then watching you throw yourself off a tower” 

“What did you just say” I pause, letting go of my clothes and turning to look at Jeri who stands by the door. 

“Oh shit…forget I said that” Jeri curses under her breath

“No, no you don’t get to do that” I say walking up to her. Jeri physically shutters at our proximity so I take a step even closer until our breaths are practically on each other “What did you just say”

“Not-thing” Jeri stutters as she looks away from me. 

“Are you sure” I ask putting a hand against the door so she’s closed off from leaving. 

“No” Jeri gulps. I need comfort in my ability to make her melt. _At least one person respects my orders._

“Pack your bag, you’re coming with me” I order before going back to packing. Jeri stands by the door, mentally and physically composing herself before leaving. A small genuine smile lays upon my face as I finish packing. 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe you’re doing this” Allie yells at me as I throw things into my car. 

“And I can’t believe you betrayed me”

“It wasn’t my idea”

“You went along with it”

“Because I had no choice”

“Theres always a choice”

“Really, you out of all people don’t get to use that against me” Allie points out. I mentally realize that she’s right, but my heart still hurts. _You lied to me._

“I’m ready” Ash and Jeri inform me as she come ready in their uniforms. Becky soon arrives with Syd, Pinoe, Press and Laure”

“Where’s Kristie and Amy”

“Carli gave them the day off” Allie inquires 

“They’ll meet us tomorrow” I reply before shutting the truck. Everyone begins loading into the cars as I grab my black jacket and put it on over my vest. 

“Tobin please” Allie begs as she places a hand on my shoulder. 

“Allie”

“Please Tobin, Please. I swear I’ll take your place, I’ll go work the frontline, I’ll do whatever you ask me to but please, stay here”

“You’re doing that thing again” 

“Would you prefer I didn’t” Allie asks 

“It would be easier if you didn’t” I confess as I slowly remove her hand from my shoulder. 

“Promise me one thing”

“Which is” 

“Don’t lose yourself…don’t let it win” Allie begs as she hugs me. I bite my lip as I place her words over and over in my head. _Don’t lose yourself, don’t let it win…_

“I promise” I breathe to myself and to her. She gives my head a long gentle kiss before backing away and letting me drive off. I stare in the rear mirror long enough to see someway walk to Allie but not long enough to watch Alex fall onto her knees. _Its time to end what I started._

* * *

 

**Alex’s POV (Alex from Axiom)**

Everyday feels a little longer. Everyones eyes look a little more duller. Every heartbeat seems a little more useless. Tobin’s been gone two months now. She commands the frontline with an iron fist, gaining ground by night, losing men by day. Axiom continues to poison agents in unnatural ways. No one really knows how they are getting the poison onto our side but by the looks of it, it’s finally starting to weigh down our numbers. 

I’ve volunteered to work the frontline but every man/women elected is hand picked by Tobin. And everyone knows she would never pick me. By surprise, Allie was elected to work the front line but not with the elite squad. The only ones on the elite squad from our group are Jeri, Press, Pinoe, Ash, Kelley and Becky. Everyone else, including Carli, are working on the rehabilitate/refurbish squads. Ali and Dr.Emmett have done their best to keep news of Tobin and the frontline away from me and Alice but it’s not hard to find half burnt encoded messages lying around the house. 

“Abby” Carli yells as she burst into the door startling both Alice and I whom lying on the couches, telling each other stories. 

“Is it time” Abby asks as they both rush down the elevator. 

“What’s going on” Alice asks as she sits up. 

“I don’t know baby girl but I’ll go see what its all about. You go on to your room to wash up” I smile at her. She quickly hopes off the couch and sprints up the stairs. I wait to hear her door close before walking to the elevators. 

* * *

 

**Third Person POV**

As Alex interrupts the intense meeting, everyone freezes. Carli waves off the guards and walks over to Alex tentatively. 

“There is no reason for you to be here” Carli strongly speaks as she stares straight into Alex’s eyes. 

“I’ve been sitting around this house for two months Carli, TWO FUCKING MONTHS” 

“And you will continue to do so”

“Oh no no, not anymore” Alex fumes as she walks past Carli and pulls out a chair for herself. Carli takes a moment to swallow hard before eyeing Abby. 

“Alex you need leave” Abby insists. Something about Abby’s voice doesn’t suit Alex. 

“What’s going on” Alex asks, sensing Abby’s nerves. 

“Just leave, please Alex, or they’ll we’ll have to force you out” Rampone steps in, aiding Abby. 

“Not until someone tells me what is going on”

“Don’t you understand Alex, this is nothing that concerns you” Tim finally breaks. 

“You’re going to have to force me out then”

“If she wants to stay, let her. She can’t say she wasn’t warned” Tobin speaks as she walks into the room. As if everyone wasn’t already hanging from the thread, Tobin’s presence surely cut the final strings. Everyone turns to look at her with anxious bones. Everyone but Alex that is. She stands in utter silence, taking in every brush of dirty, every gram of blood and every last bit of imperfection Tobin stands with. It was known that Tobin was working long hours on the frontline but no one really knew to what extent Tobin was working herself. Not until now that is, as she stands before them with grey eyes. “Now, shall we begin” Tobin continues before pulling out a chair and sitting, not taking a glance in Alex’s direction. 

“Everything is ready” Abby begins before Hope turns off the lights and the hologram at the center of the table lights up. 

“What is that” Alex whispers to herself thinking she wasn’t heard. 

“It’s our next hit” Tobin explains as she whispers something into Ash’s ear. 

“We have developed a new weapon which, with the help of Becky, can use the poison we have recovered from the ground that Axiom has been laying out” Hope explains as she enlarges the hologram to show all details. 

“Is that legal” Alex asks 

“When can we have them made for all agents” Tobin asks, completely ignoring Alex. 

“By next Saturday” Hope answers as she glances at Abby with pained eyes. Since Tobin has been commanding the frontline, things have shifted. Tobin has been testing Abby and her loyalty to the revolution by demanding weapons and technologies that indubitable hurt their people from Axiom. Though it eats them up at night, both know, they must sacrifice the few to save the many. The phrase itself has become a slogan to every leader in the room, especially Tobin, whom has drowned her hands in the depths of an unrooting liquid called blood. 

“Good”

“Tobin you can’t seriously be thinking of doing his” Alex interrupts 

“What I do is not of your concerns” Tobin responds as she signals for Becky to bring up her project. 

“It is when you’re planning on killing hundreds of my people” Alex exclaims wildly. She stares at everyone in the room for help but not even Kelley directs their sight to her. 

“Sacrifice the few to save the many”

“Sacrificing?! I get sacrifices. I get them but what I don’t get is sacrificing hundreds! We want to win the war not end an entire population” Alex yells 

“We are sending a message” Tobin responds through gritted teeth. Allie takes notice of Tobin’s tight fists and decides to intervene, both for the safety of Alex and for the heart of Tobin. 

“Alex, I think its time for you to go” 

“How can you possibly support what she’s about to do! You’re from Axiom too” Alex stares at Allie in disgust. 

“It’s not about me Alex, it’s about those who we are trying to save”

“By killing innocent people” Alex cries 

“That’s enough” Tobin’s voice thunders with sealed eyes. Everyone stops and stares as she breathes in heavily, trying her best not to fall into a vision threatening to steal yet another part of her. 

“Tobin” Jeri whispers lightly enough for everyone to hear. Tobin raises a hand to stop her. 

“Anyone who dares to question my decisions will be treated as is, a traitor” Tobin dictates without sympathy. She turns to Carli before leaving the room, Jeri and Ash by her side. 

“What has she turned into” Alex cries with tears strains. 

“Herself” Carli answers as she gets up and leaves the room. 

“Thats not the Tobin I feel in love with” Alex cries to herself. Some give her glances of empathy while others simply give her stares of numbness. 

“You never meet the monster inside” Rampone breathes as she walks over to Alex who has trouble suppressing the tears that fall. 

“Monster…that’s not a monster, that’s a demon”

“No Alex. Demons are the ones inside our heads. That girl you saw, that was Tobin’s monster, in raw flesh. She’s been fighting her since, since ever” Rampone sadly explains

“She’s losing”

“Actually, she’s letting it win” Allie softly inquires as she stares at the seat Tobin was just in moments ago. 

“Why” Alex begs with pain. 

“Because, for once, her heart and mind are in agreement…For once, she accepts that she can’t win. For the first time she realizes she won’t be able to handle this war without her dark side. She needs it”

“For what…to become a murderer” Alex exclaims

“To become a hero” Rampone sadly whispers. Both Allie and Alex turn to her slowly, hearing the pain inside her chest loud and clear. 

“That makes no sense” 

“Doesn’t it? How do you think I reached my level, by planting flowers? This isn’t a fairytale anymore Alex, this is the real world. Tobin is letting her monster win because she knows, when her monster consumes her mind, she’ll be able to do anything possible to save us. And trust me Alex, you should be praying that the monster wins because when the day comes, when this war ends, she’ll be free. Broken but free” 

“What do you mean” 

“Rampone’s right…When Tobin wins, the monster inside, the one thirsty for revenge, the one willing to kill to make a tomorrow, will die and it will take down the wall Tobin has built. And when that happens, all the things she has not felt, the consequences of her actions, will haunt her for the rest of her life because she will no longer have something to blame. She will no longer have that dark side to hold responsible” Tim joins the group. 

“Allie” Alex whispers, wondering what her take is. 

“They’re right…Tobin needs her darkside, which is why I pray she doesn’t let it win. I’m not prepared to see her cry with tears of silence” Allie confesses. Alex takes a moment to weigh their responses before walking upstairs. 

“Do you have to go” Alice cries as Tobin stands a few feet from the girl. Alex is a little confused as to why Tobin stands so far from Alice but soon realizes Tobin is shaking. It quickly becomes obvious to Alex that Tobin is scared of hurting the girl. 

“I have to go Alice, but I’ll be back” Tobin trembles unknowing if she will ever come back. 

“Promise” Alice cries as she takes a step closer to Tobin who takes a step back. 

“Promise” Tobin gulps while crossing her fingers. Alex watches as Alice clings to Tobin’s leg, causing the tired brunette to physically pain. The hug is short as Ash quickly separates Alice from Tobin and Tobin runs out the door. 

“I’ll make sure she makes it back” Ash promises the younger girl before leaving. Alice begins to cry making Alex feel like crying too. To stop herself from doing so, she walks over to the smaller girl and holds her for the night. 

* * *

 

**Tobin’s POV**

“Scout Heath, you called for me” Kevin interrupts my thinking. 

“Sit” I order as I walk back and fourth behind my desk. 

“Is this about last nights delivery” 

“Yes” I mutter as I finally find myself in my train of thoughts “Jeri, will you leave us” I glance in her direction as her eyes scan over my demeanor. She finds no option in my order and leaves the tent “Did you drop off the package” I ask Kevin as bring a cup of water to my lips. 

“Yes Scout, left my house at 5”

“How long did it take you to get it over” 

“About four hours” 

“Really”

“Yeah, the barriers are under high security from both sides”

“That’s understanding…you want to know what is not so understanding” I ask as I straighten my back and stare at Kevin with loathing eyes. 

“What Scout Heath” 

“What I don’t understand is why you never arrived at you house. I waited there until 11” I lie trying to stake out how deep his lies have gone. 

“I arrived at one after I dropped by the rehabilitation center” Kevin trembles

“Thats interesting because I was actually at your house all morning, sweet kid you got, your wife is very ind too…So I’d hate to think that you were out doing something else”

“Scout Heath, please”

“No no no Kevin. Don’t do that to yourself now. Don’t continue lying to me” I state as I take a seat in my chair. 

“I-”

“Alright Kev, looks like the cat caught your tongue. I know you’ve been taking my packages and giving them to Citadel agents. I also know that you’ve been the one importing Citadel’s poison and spreading it around our soil” 

“How long have you known” Kevin’s voice quakes making my insides flutter in pleasure. 

“Three weeks now”

“Why didn’t you stop me”

“I wanted to see how far you were willing to go” I reply with honesty as I lean into my chair, grabbing one of my elite knifes from under cargo pants. I twirl the knife in between my fingers as Kevin tries to use  his pathetic excuses. 

“You don’t understand Scout, they threatened to kill my family”

“So your family is more important then your comrades? They’re more important then the innocent going out to fight against Citadel while you, while you lie to them, lie to me” I ask as I stop twirling the knife. 

“No Scout”

“Then why did you do it” 

“It’s wrong Scout! Killing hundreds to gain ground is wrong”

“And what do you think you were doing Kevin” I raise my voice at him, angered by his excuses. 

“Sacrificing the few to save the many” 

“DON’T YOU DARE USE THAT AGAINST ME” I yell with venom as I rise from my seat “You were not sacrificing the few Kevin, you were helping the enemy poison and kill hundreds of our men and women. You were being selfish” I fume as I glare at it

“You have to understand, they threatened to kill my family”

“How could they Kevin?! Not one Citadel agent has made it over the barrier, not a single one. All those who do pass are the ones we capture. And even then, they are miles away from here. So really Kevin…you either die with dignity or die a traitor” I exclaim as I sink my knife into my desk. Kevin’s shoulders jump and I can see him breaking. 

“I’m so sorry Scout Heath” Kevin begins to cry. _Tears won’t save you now._

“You should have thought about the consequences before you choose to”

“Are you thinking of the consequences! Do you even know what you’ll do if the plan actually works” 

“Sacrifice the few to save the many”

“Yes, by shedding blood amongst us all”

“Let me clear this out for you once and for all. The only uniform with blood stains is mine, the only hands with blood are mine, the only fault is mine. So don’t you dare make yourself the victim of my war acts because you are not. Why do you think I only had you dropping off packages, why do you think I made my second hand leave the room? Why do you think I’m here right now, discussing this with you? Because I know Kevin. I know the consequences but I am strong enough to carry them so don’t you fucking dare tell me I’m doing something wrong because nothing of what comes from here on out will be on you” I roar over him. 

“I understand the consequences of my action”

“Oh no Kevin. I don’t think you do” 

“What are you trying to say”

“You’re going to continue spreading the poison amongst the soil” I breath as I remove my elite knife from the table and put it back where it belongs. 

“But Scout” Kevin stands mortified by my order. 

“No Kevin. You helped poison hundreds”

“And if I do as you say, I’ll poison hundreds more”

“That didn’t seem to matter when you did it last night now did it? Whats changed? I found out, so what, your selfish heart is of no human” 

“Tobin”

“No Kevin. We are losing volunteers, I need you to finish the job Citadel has you doing. I need something to motivate our people. I know theres a big order they gave you and I want you to go on and do it. But I warn you this, it is not to hurt any on my squad or those on rehabilitation/rebuild squads, am I clear”

“Please”

“Am. I. Clear” I breath hard. 

“Yes Scout” 

“Good, now go. Your family is safe” I breath as I turn around to grab my armor vest. Kevin leaves the tent in a hurry and in walks Jeri. 

“What did you say to him” 

“Nothing that concerns you Jer” I whisper as I buckle the armor vest around my waste and walk over back to my chair. Jeri comes around and begins to massage my shoulders. 

“You have so many knots”

“It’s okay, I’ll get them later” I mutter as I lean forward and open a hologram. 

“Oh no no, you said that yesterday” Jeri forcefully pulls me back into the chair and begins to work her magic. I internally groan knowing I won’t get it my way. 

“Tobin” Carli walks in a bit flustered. 

“Carli” I stand sensing the anxiety from her voice. 

“It’s Allie” I don’t wait to hear the rest as I rush out of the Scout tent and into the waiting vehicle. When I arrive at a small medical post, I quickly get out of the car and rush into the medical post, leaving a cloud of dirt behind me. 

“Where is she” I order the first nurse I see. She points towards the back of the post where the surgeries take place. _You better not being dying on me Allie._ I think inside my head as I run to the back. Swinging the doors open I find nurses and doctors surrounding Allie. When they sense my presense, they move just enough for me to see her. 

“I told Carli not to get you” Allie’s raspy voice smiles at me. I let out a breathe of relief to see her conscious. 

“Dickhead” I murmur as I hug her without warning. She lets out a groan of pain, making me let go. 

“She recieved two shots to the stomach” A doctor besides me informs. 

“Jeri” I yell as I glance at the door. 

“Yeah” Jeri replies entering the door. 

“Get a hover craft, she’s going to Dr. Emmett”

“Already ordered it” Jeri smiles making me smile. _Always knows what I want._

“Whoa whoa whoa, I can’t leave the frontline”

“Oh you can…and you will” I state before picking her up from the surgery bed. She hisses in pain as I rush outside and into the with her clinging to my vest. 

“Lets go” Jeri yells at Ash once Carli’s inside. The ride to the safe house is a bit bumpy but nonetheless fast. As soon as we arrive, special agents take Allie inside as I walk to an outside faucet to get remove Allie’s blood form my attire. 

“Theres a shower inside you know” Ali’s genuine voice echoes a few feet away from me. I rinse my shirt before laying it on a bin nearby.

“Theres a lot of things inside” I reply as I put on my wet vest so that my abs are exposed as much as they are now. 

“Thats true” Ali nods as she glances at the scars on my arms. I feel a little uncomfortable under her stare as no one on the frontline dares to glance too long. 

“How’s everything” I ask as I hold my hands behind my back. 

“Its good, a little boring but good” Ali answers 

“I’ll see what I can do to fix that” I reply as I start walking towards the hover craft. 

“You aren’t going to say goodbye” Ali shouts as I slide the door open

“I already did” I whisper to myself before getting in and ordering Ash to take us back to the frontline. 

* * *

 

Another month passes by and things haven’t seen to change. We hold a slight advantage in the war against Citadel but it’s not enough. Today’s the day I return to the safe house to surprise Alice for her 6th birthday. It is also the day I meet with all the leaders of the free world. Something about the sun tells me it will not be the same as last time. _Hopefully Morgan doesn’t step in this time._

“Are you ready” Jeri asks as she comes into my room. 

“Yeah, just wrapping my arm, are they here yet” I ask Jeri as I hiss under my breathe trying to cover a large gash across my forearm. 

“Yes, now let me get that” I let Jeri finish wrapping my arm before standing to grab my coat. After sliding it on, we walk out. 

“The hover craft is ready” Ash informs me. 

“Good, now lets go see the suckers” We walk to a small tent not too far away and both Jeri and Ash beam with cuteness overload at their eyes lay on the two puppies. 

“Oh my gosh, look at his face” Ash choos as she takes the Golden Cocker Spaniel out of its cage. 

“But look at you my love” Jeri gawks as she pulls out the brown and white Border Collie from the second cage. I roll my eyes at both of the women thinking back to how we even ended up with two puppies. Ash, Jeri and I were all trying to pick a puppy to give to Alice for her birthday but after a heated debate, the two decided to get both pups and while I didn’t even get the one I wanted. _A Siberian Husky or Golden Retriever would have been nice._

“They’re going to get so dirty back at the safe house”

“Oh hush and kiss me” Jeri laughs as she holds the puppy to my face 

“Oh no…no no no, come on, you can hold them while I fly” I roll my eyes with a small smile as we walk to the hover craft. Jeri and Ash play with the pups in the back as I fly the hover craft. When we arrive, the pups are quickly put back into their small cages before being sneaked into the house by Tim. 

“Where is she” I ask Carli as we walk to the door. 

“She went for a walk” Carli stops at the word walk not needing to tell me with who. _Alex._

“I’m going to talk to Amanda while she arrives”

“I’ll let you now when she does” I thank Carli and slowly make my way up to Amanda’s room. I gently knock on the door to see if she’s awake. 

“Come in” I hear weakly. Pushing the door open, my small smile falls. _She’s even worse._ My mind thinks as I sit besides Amanda. 

“Hey” I whisper as I take Amanda’s weak hand in mine. 

“Why look at you, live, in your Scout suit” She jokes and I smile. 

“Only because coming here naked was looked down upon” I reply causing her to show her beautiful smile. 

“I wouldn’t have minded” She giggles 

“Of course you wouldn’t you sicko” 

“Can’t say I didn’t try” She smiles before coughing. I cringe a little at the sound of her lungs but do my best to suppress the pain. 

“Amanda” I whisper as I feel my world shifting a little. 

“I’m ready Tobin” 

“Theres nothing I can say or do to change your mind is there” I ask as I close my eyes momentarily to let my mind take me where it wants to go. 

“Nope” 

I’m at the park with Alice. She’s on the swings and I’m pushing her. _This…this is a memory._ I think as Amanda comes up to Alice and I. 

“You would make a good mother” Amanda smiles at me. _Me? A good mother?_

“Um…me? I don’t think so, the odds of me ever having a child of my own are zip to none anyways” I reply awkwardly as Alice yells for me to push her higher. 

“Who said anything about giving birth”

“Adoption isn’t legal…” I reply with experience. 

“Didn’t say adoption either” 

“Then what did you mean” I ask as I distance myself a little farther from Alice who swings pretty high now. When Amanda doesn’t reply, I turn to look at her. She stares at Alice and then at me and it connects. _She wants me to take Alice as her guardian if something is to happened?_

“Are you nuts” I exclaim with anger and sadness 

“I’m not going to live forever”

“You’re going to live long enough to take care of her”

“With the war that’s coming…I don’t want to leave any strings unattached”

“Amanda”

“No, I already decided, you and Jeri”

“But I’m not ready” As soon as the words slip, Alice jumps off the swing from the top. I dive in time to catch her before her weak feet hit the floor. 

“Again again again” Alice cheers as my heart beats out of my chest. _I think I broke a rib._ I cry on the inside as I stand. Wiping off the bark dust that covers me from head to toe, I feel Amanda’s eyes on me. 

“You’re more then ready….come on Icy, let’s go get some ice cream” Amanda smiles at me then at Alice. 

The vision ends and I stare at Amanda whom waits patiently. 

“You already decided” I breathe 

“And you already agreed” 

“But you said Jeri and I” 

“She agreed too”

“When” 

“Right after everything happened, a few of us were kept in a squads hideout. You weren’t getting any better and I wasn’t getting any stronger. She accepted without a second thought” 

“Are you sure you want to go through with this” I ask not really feeling the weight her request. The good thing about my inner monster is that it feels for me. The bad thing about my inner monster is that I don’t feel anything. Not until I disconnect that is. 

“Look at me Tobin, I can barely move” 

“When do you want to go through with it”

“Soon”

“You already have a date don’t you” I ask reading in between the lines.  

“Tomorrow”

“No, no that is way too soon”

“Tobin”

“It’s Alice’s birthday today, can’t we give her some time to be happy before”

“As long as your around Tobin, she’ll always be happy” My mouth hangs open as I let her words sink in. Swallowing the words that hang on the tip of my tongue, I nod okay. 

“On one condition”

“What”

“You enjoy today with us”

“I don’t think Dr.Emmett would”

“I’m the Scout, I make the rules” I state before picking Amanda up from the bed. She weighs so much less then I had initially remembered. _Gosh, he almost weighs 100 pounds._

“Tobin, Alice is- what the hell are you doing” Becky yells at me as I walk out Amanda’s room with her in my hands. 

“Giving Alice the best birthday ever” I reply before walking down the main flight of stairs. 

“Tobin, are you nuts, she needs rest, Dr. Emmett” Becky continues yapping as I enter the living room and set Amanda on the couch. 

“Whats going on, oh my gosh, Amanda” Carli turns to look at me and I give her a stare of a million words. She nods and orders Becky to stop. 

“Stop?! You want me to stop? Amanda needs”

“What Amanda needs is to breathe, just for one day. Can’t we just give her and Alice that for one day” I ask Becky. Her chest rises and falls rapidly with anger. I don’t raise my voice knowing from a doctor stand point, she needs Amanda to get better. Becky needs her to live or she’ll fail but from a friend stand point, she needs to understand that this is out of our grasp. 

“Okay” Becky breathes. 

“Good, now were is”

“I’m right here” Jeri smiles as she comes to stand besides me. 

“Everything is ready” Ash informs me. 

“Alice will be here any minute, so hide” Tim yells as he rushes through the front door. We take the cue and hide. I hear small footsteps followed by three pair of adult footsteps. 

“Mommy” Alice cheers in surprise when she sees her mom and the couch. We give the small family time to bond before jumping out in surprise. 

“TOBY” Alice yells as she crushes her body in mine. It’s not just my body that feels the hit but also my heart which sinks just a little. 

“Happy birthday little one” I smile as I kneel to hug the girl. She squirms in my arms as she radiates with happiness. 

“Jeri, Ash” She screams inside my ear as she lets go to hug the other two that join me. 

“Hey there my sweet angel”

“Where’s my little devil” Jeri and Ash squeal as they see the small bundle of joy. 

“I’ve missed you guys” 

“We missed you too” Jeri smiles at Alice with pure honesty. I watch the interaction and then look back at Amanda to see her smiling. I feel a few pair of eyes on me and turn to greet Ali, Alex and Allie. 

“Good morning” I softly smile as I step back to allow space to see Ash wrestling with Alice. 

“What a surprise” Ali giggles. I slightly roll my eyes but give her a grin. 

“Guess what auntie Allie made for me” Alice asks as she holds onto my leg like a baby koala. _Auntie Allie?_ I repeat in my head as I glance at Allie. She simply shrugs and I look down at the little girl on my leg. 

“A…big bowl of veggies” I joke knowing that Allie probably cooked up some treats for the girl. Alice lets out an ew before giggling. 

“Nooooo, she made me a cake”

“A cake” I exclaim “No way”

“Yes way, come here, I’ll show you” I let Alice drag me to the kitchen to show me the cake, along with the other treats my best friend has spoiled Alice with. 

“And now try this one” Alice says as she hands me another cookie. 

“You’re going to be on cloud nine today” I laugh at Alice as I take the chocolate chip cookie from her hand. 

“I already am” She smiles as she hops off the high chair and runs to grab me a glass of water. 

“And why’s that” I ask as I set down the cookies and lean on the table. 

“Because you and mommy are here” Alice beams. I slightly cringe at her honesty but do my best to swallow the cookies in my mouth. 

“Alice, can I ask you something” I say changing the topic

“Only if I can ask you something”

“Okay, okay, you ask first” I state before taking a gulp of water

“Are you and Jeri finally together” I choke on my water and begin to cough uncontrollably causing both Ash and Jeri to rush into the kitchen. 

“Are you okay” Ash frantically asks as she slams her hand against my back. _Holy shit, she just fucking asked me that!_

“Gosh” I breath as I finally get some air in my lungs. 

“What happened” Jeri asks Alice whom just shrugs. 

“Goodness…wow” I whisper as I crack my neck “Um…no Alice” I answer. Alice’s smile drops and I immediately feel guilty “Do you want to see your presents now” 

“You got me a present” Alice exclaims in complete happiness 

“Of course, it’s from Ash and Jeri too, they helped pick” I smile giving my two wingmans credit 

“Oh thank you thank you thank youuuuu” Alice cheers as she hugs the two women besides me. We walk to the living room as I send Tim for the presents. 

“Okay, close your eyes Alice” I smile at her in her mothers lap. Alice covers her eyes with her hands and Tim walks into the living room with the pups. Some of the girls gasp as the guys smirk. 

“Here, you two do the honors” I say handing Ash and Jeri each the puppy they choose “Okay Alice, open your eyes” Alice’s mouth falls open as both puppies tackle her onto the ground in kisses. 

“PUPPIES” Alice sequels as she giggles at the puppies energy. 

“Oh my gosh, you didn’t” Amanda breathes as she looks at both critters in amazement. 

“Well, Jeri and Ash couldn’t decide so I thought, why not two” I smile as I sit close to Amanda’s feet.  

“What are you going to name them” Ash asks Alice as she sits besides the girl and begins to play with the pups. 

“I get to name them” Alice asks completely surprised. _Kids…so innocent._

“Of course you do Icy” Jeri giggles as she sits besides me. I feel eyes staring at Jeri’s and I’s proximity that bothers me. No one at the frontline, not even Ash, questions my proximity to the middle Morgan, but here, it feels like it’s looked down upon. 

“Okay, Okay, Ali” 

“Yeah kiddo”

“Winter, Moon or Starlight” Alice asks as she holds the Siberian Husky. 

“Um…that’s your choice”

“But I need you help” Ali looks up at me and I simply shrug. 

“Starlight” 

“Allie”

“Winter”

“Alex”

“Moon” 

“Mommy”

“I like starlight”

“Toby”

“Um…I like them all” 

“That doesn’t count” 

“Can Jeri decide for me” I groan not wanting to influence the girl’s decision. _Totally would have picked Starlight._

“I’m going with Starlight” Jeri beams and I giggle. _She would have gone with Winter._

“Starlight it is” Alice smiles as she coos the puppy in her arms. She picks up the Golden Cocker Spaniel and gives us a list to choose from. 

“Penny, Rusty, Ember or Sunset” Alice asks

“I vote Rusty” Ali is the first

“Ember” Allie goes next 

“Sunset” Alex follows 

“I like Penny” Amanda smiles 

“I’m tied between all four, I’d either go with Ember or Sunset” I breathe as I look at the golden red coat the pup has. 

“I second Tobin, might side a little with Sunset” Jeri goes next 

“Ash”

“I like all of them but Ember for me” 

“Carli” Alice asks.

“Ember”

“Abby”

“Sunset”

“Tim” 

“Ember”

“Kelley”

“Sunset” 

“Hope”

“Sunset” 

“Becky” 

“Ember” I start seeing the pattern and begin to laugh to myself. People stare but I just shake off the glances. 

“So…what is it” I ask Alice 

“Scout Ember Sunset” Alice beams causing everyone to laugh. I slightly cringe but put on a smile. _Should have seen that one coming._ We spend the rest of the day playing games with Alice and the pups. I sit with her in my lap outside the front door, looking at the stars with Ember and Starlight resting by my feet. 

“Thank you for coming to my birthday” Alice yawns as she nuzzles her face into my arm. I give her a small smile before rocking her in my arms. 

“So much on my mind, I think I think too much

Read between these lines, unspoken weight of words

But time comes to rest when you are by my side, it blurs

And I will follow where this takes me

And my tomorrows long to be unknown

When all is shaken, be my safety

In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Change in every wind

The sands of time don't know our name

Oh nothing's sure, but surely as we stand

I promise I will stay the same

And I've never seen forever

But I know we'll remain

And I will follow where this takes me

And my tomorrows long to be unknown

When all is shaken, be my safety

In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Be my stone

In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Oh steady me, be my source of gravity

While my world's unraveling

Say you'll never change, ooohh, oh

And I will follow where this takes me

And my tomorrows long to be unknown

When all is shaken, be my safety

In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone

Be my stone

In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone”  I sing Alice to sleep. I remove some hair that covers her face and stare at her peacefulness “And thank you…for reminding me what it feels to breath” I whisper before leaning in to kiss her head. Slowly getting up, I walk to the door and am surprised when I find Alex waiting. 

“Sorry…I’m usually the one that tucks her in” Alex apologies as she holds the door open for me. 

“Nothing to worry about. Thank you for taking care of her. Carli tells me she’s very attached to you and the girls, including Tim” I reply as we head to Alice’s room. 

“Well…we don’t want her worrying about Amanda” 

“Understandable, soon, things will be different” I breath as Alex pulls the blankets and I tuck Alice in. I stare at her for a moment before exiting the room with Alex. 

“What do you mean”

“It’s nothing that concerns you” I reply as I usually do when I don’t want people to feel guilty for the things that will soon happen. 

“It does when it connects to Alice” Alex belts out. I stop walking and count to ten in my head. _1,2,3,4,5,6…oh fuck it._

“Look Alex, I appreciate you taking care of Alice while I was gone but you don’t have to worry about her anymore. She’s my responsibility now” I report before continuing my way downstairs. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, what the hell is that supposed to mean” Alex asks as I make it to the front door. 

“Like I said, it doesn’t concern you” I reply while picking up Ember and Starlight and walking them to their beds. 

“I want an answer” Alex demands as she follows me. I reach the empty living room and set the pups in their beds before turning to Alex. 

“You aren’t getting one, now please excuse me, I have to talk to Becky” 

“You don’t get to just do that” Alex exclaims as she grabs my arm. Ash comes into the room in time to separate me from Alex. 

“Now is a good time to check your vitals” Ash mumbles at me as she stares at Alex with wide eyes. I let out a long breath as I stare into Ash’s begging eyes. Leaving the room in a heated matter, I walk to Dr.Emmetts office. 

“Come in” Her yells after I knock “Agh, Tobin”

“Doctor” 

“What can I do for you”

“You are to give Amanda a dose of knocker tomorrow at noon” I order with a straight face. 

“Knocker? Isn’t that the stuff you…wait, are you asking me to”

“I’m not asking you, I’m ordering you” I interrupt as I crack my neck and stare at the man. 

“Tobin, Tobin you can’t give in”

“You more than anyone in this house knows the pain she’s going through. I will not deny her if she’s ready” 

“But Tobin”

“I have already signed off the papers. All responsibility is on me”

“I won’t do it”

“Are you objecting an order”

“For god’s sake Tobin, drop the Scout act and think, just think”

“THERE IS NO MORE TIME TO THINK EMMETT” I yell in frustration that he is putting up a fight. 

“Am I interrupting” Becky awkwardly asks as she stands by the door. I shake my head no and stare back into Emmett’s enraged eyes. 

“It’s either you or Becky, choice is yours” I whisper before leaving the room and walking to Amanda’s. 

“I just came to say goodnight” I whisper as I walk over to Amanda 

“Thank you, for today” Amanda smiles under the moonlight that pokes through the curtains. 

“Thank you, for Alice, she’s…so much like you”

“And her father”

“I’m sorry about his loss, have I ever told you that”

“There’s no need to be sorry, he knew what he got himself into”

“Right” I mumble as I take a moment to disconnect. 

“Are you going to take Alice with you when you go”

“Yes, but only until I persuade Jeri to come back here” I nod as I glance up to stare at the door. 

“You can’t do that”

“I won’t risk Alice living by the front line”

“Then come back, with Jeri”

“Amanda”

“She’s going to need you Tobin” The way Amanda says it makes me want to run. It hurts my head and heart thinking of how distraught Alice will be as she grows and learns that I, her hero, was responsible for the death of her mother. _She’s going to hate me._

“When the war is over, when I kill Sepp, I vow to come back. I vow to raise her as my own and do everything you would do. She will be loved and be shown how to love but don’t ask me to show her the monster I am. I beg you Amanda, don’t let her hate me before she has to” I cry as the feelings of the past months begin to settle into my drowning heart. 

“Don’t bury yourself in the burden of your soul…but if that is what you need to do to get on with life, then so be it. Do it. I trust your intentions and know that all you want is peace, but remember, Alice looks up to you. You are her hero. She will learn from you as much as you will from her” Amanda acknowledges. I nod and wipe my tears, quickly hiding behind my monster. 

“I’m won’t let you down” I breathe as I lean in to kiss her cheek. 

“Never have, never will” Amanda whispers before giving me a blessing. I close my eyes and accept it with respect and honor before leaving the room to play with my demons. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Whatcha think? haha comments, questions, concerns, what you want to see, what you think will happen...comment below :) TWO MORE CHAPTERS TO GO.


	49. Rising

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT NOTE: italics are Tobin's thoughts. Ya'll know that but the bold Italic thoughts are from her monster. 
> 
> Sort of a short chapter but I just want it to be calm before the last chapter! Can't believe we're here (yes, I know, it's finally here!) So before you read on, read below. 
> 
> So yes, Tobin is kind of being a bitch. Well, a hot bitch but still. Hopefully you'll notice why in this chapter but if not, the answer is here, she doesn't want to put Alex in danger, and she still doesn't remember that phase of her life BUT she does feel it. Under everything, she feels something. Don't forget that new Tobin is really going through a lot, visions/episodes weigh her down so you can't blame her for being mean or for liking Jeri. 
> 
> Another thing, the last section of this chapter might be a little confusing. DON'T STRESS. If you can't figure out what's going on, that's okay. I'll explain what happened in the last chapter. Just know that Sepp dies. Yep. :)

Rising 

At the same time as Becky shouts at me in my vision, she does in reality. My legs move fast as I run up the stairs, stretching all my muscles as I move towards Becky’s scream. Her voice echoes in my bones, the sound, the vibration, the horrified tone, all resonance off the walls within. 

“BECKY” I yell as I slip past Amanda’s room. 

“TOBIN” Becky cries as I get up off the floor and enter the room quickly. I meet Becky’s broken eyes and know it’s done. _She’s gone._ I think as all the nurses, including Dr.Emmett try to revive Amanda’s lifeless body. Glancing down at my watch, I realize it’s still not 12. _Wait…whats going on?_

“Ready on three…one…two…three” Emmett yells as he uses an electrical shock on Amanda. 

“What’s going on” Jeri asks and I turn to the door to see half the squad by the door. 

“Mommy” Alice scared voice whispers. It takes a single glance at Jeri for her to take screaming Alice away. I push Becky out of the room and shut the door, letting my back fall to it. I stand frozen for ten minutes, watching Dr.Emmett try every single protocol on Amanda. He calls the time at 10:35am and he falls to the ground in tears. Slowly, my knees start to bend and I fall to the ground completely numb. _He took her from us, he took her from Alice, he took her from you._ My monster yells inside my head. The vision hits me quicker then I can react. 

“All you do is bring death upon those you love” The man yells at me. Like every other vision, I can see his face, only his suit. 

“I didn’t, I didn’t mean to”

“Look at what you did Tobin! YOU KILLED HER” 

“NO” I cry with sealed eyes whiling shaking my head no. 

“Then explain the blood” He whispers in my ear. I open my eyes to see Amanda’s lifeless body lying in front of me. Her blood on my hands. I begin to shake uncontrollably as I try to remember if it was me. _I let her die in the hands of Axiom. It is my fault. I failed her. I killed her._ My thoughts begin to shout. The man wraps around my trembling body and pats my back “It’s okay Tobin…you were made for this, you were made to kill” The vision disappears and I stare at Amanda’s bed completely insensitive to the world. I stand onto my feet and walk over to Emmett whom weeps. 

“You couldn’t save her” I state as I offer him my hand. 

“How could you say that” He turns to me bewildered by my deadened demeanor. 

“Because I’m here” I reply before taking my hand back and turning to Amanda. Slowly, I take the blanket by her feet and bring it up to her chest. I want to whisper that I’m sorry but nothing could ever erase the fact that I let her die. _She asked to die before the poison got to her. Yet another thing I did wrong._

“Your life, your soul, your love, will live in my spirit forever” I silently whisper before leaving the room. The first person I find is Ash and I’m thankful to have her and no one else. 

“Tobin” Ash quickly stands from the top of the stair case. Her eyes are red and the pain on her chest is picked up my own radiator. 

“Prepare the hover craft and get Amanda’s bracelet” I order as I walk down the stairs to the squad that waiting. Ash takes a moment to react before shooting out the front door. No one speaks the words on their tongue as I enter the living room. I search for Jeri and Alice but don’t see them, finding some confidence in their absence, I turn to Abby. 

“I want Sepp’s location by midnight. We leave at 14 hours…Tim, get me a line to Carli” I order. Nobody moves as they process the information hidden under the lines. “Tim”

“Shes”

“NOW TIM” I yell in frustration. He shakes his head no and the monster inside rises. 

“I won’t”

“It wasn’t a suggestion” I hiss through gritted teeth. 

“I’m not going to help y-”

“I got it” Rampone quickly gets up. I stare at Tim and make a note to have him removed from the team. Walking behind Rampone, she quickly finds a line. 

“Carli…Carli, I need you…whats going on? Carli? Carli are you there” I yell through the fuzzy connection. I hear her yell Laure’s name but the line cuts off right before I can hear what she’s saying. Both Rampone and I recognized Carli’s tone and rush out of the house. 

“GO, NOW” I yell at Ash who waits outside of the hover craft with a phone in hand. 

“What’s going on” 

“The squad at the frontline is in trouble” Rampone answers for me as I hop into the passengers seat.

“But Jeri”

“She’s with Alice” 

As we get close to the frontline, I see clouds of black smoke. _Oh no…what was Kevin sent to do…_

“We can’t land” Ash yells at me as the hover craft rattles. 

“We’ll jump, get back to the safe house”

“How are you going to make it back”

“You’re forgetting we’re Scouts” Rampone giggles. Ash gives us a thumps up and lowers the hovercraft so we can jump. The distance from the ground doesn’t scare me as my heart beats profoundly, searching for the heart beats of my squad. Once my feet land on the door, the smoke surrounds me. 

“Night vision” I order Rampone. She quickly covers my back as we trench through the scrums thats left of the front line. We stop to help out the recovery teams every few feet. As Rampone and I carry a decapitated man to a stretcher, I see Rampone’s nausea and pain for the first time ever. 

“Stomach in” I order as she would during trains when I was little. She gulps down the tears and continues. 

The scenes get worse as the bloodshed begins to cover our boots. Physically, I’m stable, emotionally, I’m numb but mentally, I’m just as good as dead. The monster threatens to take over but I feel Allie’s words fighting it off in me. _Don’t let it win._ A tug on my shoulder almost sends me over the edge until I realize it’s Rampone trying to tell me something. 

“Let it happen” She mouths as a bomb falls not too far from us, breaking the last defense mechanism inside. _They did this, they killed your people, they will pay, with their own blood._ My mind is rapidly consumed by my every dark intention and nothing, not even the burning vision of what I am about to become pulls me back. _They will pay._ I think to myself as I fly through the air for the last given time. 

* * *

 

“CARLI” I yell as we reach the base she was at 

“Tobin? TOBIN” Carli yells back in the distance. I run in the direction of the sound of her voice with Rampone on my heels. 

“Carli”

“Come on, Laure needs you” Carli quickly rushes out as she pulls me with her. We run for a mile until we reach a half destroyed building “She’s here” Carli breathes as she jumps over a pile of rocks. I copy her movement and fall into a hole which leads to a safe room underneath the ground. The smell of burning flesh consumes my system as I remove my helmet and scan my eyes over the hurting agents. 

“Over here” Kelley yells. I slowly walk by each agent receiving attention. Making note of every mark, cut and scar on their bodies. 

“Laure” I breath as she lays on the ground, a towel on her head, a red soaked shirt wrapped around her stomach and two on her leg. I drop my helmet and knee besides her “Laure” I whisper scared that my words will cause more pain. 

“Toby” She smiles as she spits out a bit of blood. _No, no no no, you’re not going to leave me too._

“Get a doctor” I order Carli who stands behind me 

“Toby”

“Hold on Laure…Carli”

“They’re all occupied Tobin”

“Toby” 

“What do you mean occupied, Laure is” Laure cuts me off by grabbing ahold of my face and forcing me to look at her. 

“I am not more important” Laure corrects for me. Her cold hands send a wave of insight through me as I think back to one of the first visions I had. The one where Laure dies by being shot in front of me. 

“Yes you are” I breathe with rage. 

“Tobin…it’s okay” 

“Don’t say that…don’t say it’s okay” My frantic voice pleads as Laure says the same exact phrase she said in the vision. 

“You have to continue”

“Stop, Laure please” I beg as her words continue matching the ones from the episode. 

“Just listen to me” Laure raises her voice trying to get me to calm down. I stare into her calm eyes and let her speak “You have to continue fighting okay? I need you to continue standing up for what’s right” 

“The doctors coming” Press yells as she finds us. 

“Whatevers happens, you have to promise me”

“Laure, please don’t leave me” I whisper as tears threaten to fall 

“I’m not the one leaving…you are” She softly smiles before going into seizure. Carli and Rampone force me away as medical staff flood Laure. I yell gruesome stuff at Carli and Rampone as I feel Laure’s soul taking a part of me with her. Once they manage to get me outside, I fall to the ground. All I need is the doctors slow steps to confirm the feeling in my cold heart. _I’m so sorry._

* * *

 

As we touch ground at the safe house, I stare at my hands. _How much more blood?_ I open the sliding door and watch as Ash and Rampone carry the stretcher with Laure’s body to the area where we will bury her and Amanda. 

No one says a word as I walk slowly behind, feeling nothing and everything all at once. My head pounds as I lazily put on my funeral suit and adjust the medals the mock my feelings. Putting on the last of my medals, I grab my Scout cap and put it on. I skip looking in the mirror and walk to the front door. 

“Tobin” I hear Alex whisper as I hold the door open, I don’t reply, all I do is wait “I just want to say, I’m so sorry for”

“It’s not your fault” I interrupt as I stare above her head. She sucks her lips inward and nods okay before walking out of the house. 

I’m the last to arrive to the small funeral and opt to sit in the back until it is my turn to speak. Carli gives me a nod and I stand. Removing my cap, I walk up to Amanda’s coffin first. I place a white rose on her coffin along with a small letter I wrote. As I move to Laure’s coffin, things get a little heavier. I slam the medals into her coffin and feel blood start to drop outside my hand. _The least that I deserve._ Taking a red rose Rampones hand, I bring it to my lips and give it a gentle kiss. 

“For the one we never shared” I whisper as I place the rose on Laure’s coffin. I cover both coffins with Athena flags and turn to walk to Alice whom sits hidden behind Jeri. The tears well up as I’m standing in front of the two but the monster does well with holding it together. 

“Alice” I breath as I kneel in front of her. Her glossy eyes turn to meet mine and I see myself in them, momentarily freezing me “Alice…” I pause to swallow the pain before continuing “I don’t, I can’t, I won’t let your mother down…I see her in you. In your smile, in your energy, in your tears” Again I pause to let air fill my lungs before going on “I know it hurts. I’m not just saying that because I lost her too, but because I know what it is like to lose your parents. And I know that your world seems over, I know the stars look dull, the sun looks like dawn, and I know that heart of yours feels like it can’t beat any longer but it will” I take her hand in mine and place it over my chest “You feel that…my heart may be broken, it may beat slow, it might as well be gone but it’s beating. The sun will rise, and your heart will beat. As long as you have me, your heart will always beat” I remove Amanda’s gold bracelet from mine and place it on Alice’s wrist “Along with hers” I finish before clicking the bracelet shut. I stand and keep my sight trained on Alice’s that glimmer for a second. 

I help lower the coffins into the natural soil of the place we call home and feel apart of me underground with them. Most of the agents leave to confess their tears to the darkness while I stay around to soak in the happenings of today. Ember and Sunlight sit besides me, as if they both felt the loss too. 

“She fell asleep” Jeri informs me as she sits besides me, taking Sunlight in her lap. 

“I want you to stay here” I whisper as I glance towards the dying clouds. 

“You can’t ask me that”

“She’s going to need us” 

“Then stay with me” Jeri pleads as she grabs my hand, holding me still from leaving. 

“I…can’t” 

“I wish I could convince you to” Jeri barely whispers before letting go of my hand. It hurts to see her so confident in her words so I do the only thing I know will make her heart flutter. I kiss her. She takes a moment to react but quickly reciprocates the emotions. We stop when I sense Ash’s eyes from afar, informing me its time. 

“You don’t need to convince me to stay…” I softly smile at Jeri before kissing her head to leave. 

* * *

A few weeks go by as we rebuild the frontline. Our side held against Citadel during their attack and we were able to use their attack to gain ground. I faced Zack the day I got back to the frontline to lead. Every cell in my body wanted to kill him, but the monster knew death was not enough of a punishment. _He lied to me._ He now watches his treason injury the people he loves. He begs for death but I feel comfort in his pain. 

Jeri has returned to work, but not by my side. Alex enlisted four times in a month, unable to compete with the number of volunteers, I had to accept, knowing that letting Alex work the frontline meant losing Jeri. _She left to protect her._ Though it hurts, it comforts me to know Alex will be safe with Jeri around her. I may not remember my love for her but I will acknowledge that it once was there. Alice resides with me on the weekends and spends the week with Jeri, learning to heal, cook and be mend those in rehabilitation. The visions and episodes have escalated with my monster in control so Alice has let Ember and Sunlight stay with me. She calls them her ‘spirit animals’ and claims they will help with the visions. I just shake my head okay every time she brings it up. Though it’s a hassle caring for the two growing pups, they are quick learners. Ashlyn insists they are loyal agents as they remain by my side during missions and even help out some on the squad. To be honest, the dogs are nice to have and they help occupy my thinking. And after all, they are build experience and responsibility when it comes to caring for something. _The time will come when I will need to take care of Alice permanently._

“Look what I taught them” Ash comes into my base with a stick, a gun, a knife and the two pups. 

“What” 

“Okay Sunlight, go” Ash gives the knife to Sunlight making me slightly nervous. _The hell did she teach them?!_ Sunlight carefully comes over to me and places the knife into the right pocket on my cargo pants. _Okay…that’s impressive._ Ash then hands the gun to Ember who wobbles over to me and lays it by my feet. 

“Thank you Ember” I smile while patting his head. 

“Isn’t that cool” Ash beams causing me to roll my eyes. 

“Its neat, I’ll give you that…but they’re dogs Ash, not agents”

“You know how quick them learned” Ash exclaims 

“I will not teach Alice’s pups to be agents. I don’t want them sneaking into my room once they’re older and sealing my equipment. No way I’m letting Alice near a gun or knife ever” 

“But you’re letting her learn how to heal people” Ash breathes as she calls Sunlight and Ember over to her for a treat. 

“Look, I promised Amanda that Alice would be with us, and by us, I meant Jeri until this war was over. Wherever Jeri goes, Alice goes”

“I don’t understand why Jeri has to babysit Alex” Ash rolls her eyes before ordering the dogs out to play “You can order her here” 

“If the job is too much Ash, I’ll get Carli to switch” I begin knowing how to push Ashlyn’s buttons 

“You know that’s not what I meant” 

“We’ve been over this Ash” I exsaspe as I walk to the door 

“Why won’t you just ask her to come back, you know she’ll say yes” Ash yells frustrated at me 

“That’s exactly why I won’t ask” I confess before leaving the base. 

* * *

 

“Alright Hope, I hope this is good” I smirk causing Ash to giggle 

“Funny…” Hope rolls her eyes at me. 

“Talk” I order Abby. 

“We have an inside man” Abby states bringing up a hologram. After receiving a very important call, I flew Hope, Abby and Tim out to the frontline. The video plays and I find it amazing and terrifying to see Servando breaking into some Citadel warehouse. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute” Ash interrupts “If Seravando is there, that means Jose is too” 

“Abby, is that true” Abby shares a glance with Tim and I throw my head back. 

“I want them out” I state before standing up

“That’s it, you’re not even going to hear the rest” Tim stand causing me to boil inside. 

“Theres nothing left to hear” Ash says behind me 

“We know where Sepp is” Hope quickly confesses. I stop at the door and let out a long breathe. 

“Where” 

“Michaels house” Abby whispers. I curl my hands into fist and punch the door in anger. 

“That fucker…knew I would never go against Michael with Jeri and Alex…oh but he’s in for something” I yell infuriated.   

“You aren’t seriously thinking about going there” Abby quickly opposes. 

“What I do is none of your business. You’re job is done. I want Servando and Jose out of the mission, I want a precise location every 3 minutes on Sepp. Am I clear” 

“You’re making a mistake Tobin” Tim tries 

“AM I CLEAR” I yell. Abby nods and I leave. 

“Gather the team” I order Ash as I get rush to my bike. Sunlight and Ember hop into the trailing basket and we’re off. It takes about an hour to reach the medical base where Jeri is housed. 

“Alright boys, go find her” I coo at the pups who excitedly hop off the bike and rush to find Alice. Only two minutes go by before Alice comes out with Jeri and the boys. 

“Tobyyyyy” Alice yells as she rushes to me. I kneel down to catch her as she throws herself. Spinning her around in circles, I slowly bring her down to the ground. 

“Hey Alice” 

“What are you doing here” Alice asks as she looks around for Ash. 

“I need to talk to Jeri” 

“Is it grown up stuff” 

“Yes” I giggle. Alice looks up a Jeri, whom nods towards the playground not too far away. She runs off with the pups, leaving Jeri and I alone for the first time since she left my side. Jeri searches for my eyes but instead finds the side of my face as I turn to watch Alice play. 

“She’s happy here” I breathe more to myself then to Jeri 

“Not always…there are days she cries, days she misses the pups, days she calls for you…” Jeri informs me. I nod in understanding before looking down at my feet. 

“We found him” I whisper thinking of how I’m going to give her the news. 

“Where is he”

“He’s…with your father” I gulp. Jeri’s demeanor quickly goes from relief to stress. I want to relieve the stress from her but know that is not what she needs now. 

“That’s fucking bastard” Jeri yells suddenly “Fuck, sorry, I didn’t mean to curse”

“Its fine” I lightly smile 

“Oh my gosh” Jeri breathes as the minutes go by. I let her express all her emotions until she asks the question I’ve been preparing for. 

“You’re going after him” 

“Yes” 

“I want to go” 

“No” 

“Tobin”

“Jeri”

“You can’t just leave me here”

“We have to think about Alice. Theres no more you and I, it’s us. Alice is a part of this” I say wiggling my finger between us, giving her a hint that I sort of need her. 

“Can we at least be in the video room” Jeri begs and my knees weaken. 

“Okay” 

“Okay”

“Okay, you and Alice can be in the video room but she has to be playing or doing something. I don’t want her out of your sight but I don’t want her watching either” 

“I’ve been teaching her how to read, I’ll have a few assignments for her she can do besides me” 

“You’re teaching her to read” I ask with a genuine smile. 

“She loves it. We’re finishing up Alice in Wonderland” Jeri softly smiles knowing it’s one of the favorites. 

“Wow…we need to start thinking about schools” 

“Until the war is over, theres no school. Although we’re all doing our share here. Alex is the PE instructor, Allie’s the chief professor, Press is the peace keeper as Alice calls her”

“And you” I ask 

“Literature” Jeri smiles and I do too. Suddenly, someone shouts Jeri’s name causing us both to turn. _Alex._

“I guess I should get going” I say as I grab my helmet. 

“You aren’t going to take the pups”

“Not on this mission” I state as I get onto the bike. 

“Tobin wait” Jeri stops me before I go. 

“Yeah” 

“Take Alex”

“What”

“If I can’t go I want you to take Alex” 

“Jer”

“Please…she knows the house, she can help”

“Jer, I-”

“It’ll help me feel more at ease with this” I seal my lips at her confession and nod okay. 

“Tell her to be ready, Ash will be here in an hour” 

* * *

The squad, including Alex, have been training for a week. It’s been tough but nonetheless, worth it. As we prepare to take down Sepp and Citadel, I organize my belongs as I did before the games. 

“You know that’s not necessary right” Ash states as I finish writing the last letter. 

“Yeah…that’s what you guys would have thought last time” 

“Touche” 

“So when do we leave” Alex asks as she enters the room without knocking. I roll my eyes are her obvious negligence of privacy but opt to not argue with her like we have the past week. 

“Now” I get up from my desk, seal the letter and give it to Ash. 

“What was that”

“None”

“Of my business, got it” Alex interrupts. I smile internally. _She’s finally learning._

“We good” Allie enters the room. I nod yes and grab my coat. We rush to the base to talk to the squad before deploying to Michal’s house. The squads were picked from the best, opting for only Ash and Allie from my original squad and Alex as requested by Jeri. 

“Listen up agents. It’s been one hell of a war but it all ends tonight. We go in knowing the depths which we will trench. Alex is in the second seat for the squad that will be headed to Michaels. Listen to her carefully, she knows the house. I will be watching closely from the outside making sure nothing gets in or out. There is no mercy, am I clear…they shoot at you, you shoot back. We’ve sacrificed few too many…it is now their turn to bleed” I smirk causing the agents to erupt in cheers. Allie’s saddened eyes stare at my back knowing that my monsters in control “Lets go get that son of a bitch” I smile before exiting the base. 

* * *

I’m sitting besides Ash and Allie as we each watch whats going on inside the house from camera’s on the agents helmets on our helmet screens.

“What’s in that room” I ask Alex as she hushes the agents. The agents cut the houses power and have since, been crawling in the darkness of the house, clearing rooms one by one, in search for Sepp. 

“Nothing, its empty” Alex replies 

“Can you check” Abby asks. With the help of Kelley, we were about to connect all helmets feed together, enabling everyone apart of the mission to communicate. 

“See, nothing” Alex breathes as she walks into the empty room. 

“Thats weird…why would dad clear that” Jeri asks 

“Probably to throw us off” An agent throws out 

“Could be, continue” I order as I glance at Ash who sits nervously in front of me. 

“Wait…wait go back what is that” Jeri asks as she catches something on the live feed. None of us get to see what it is before the connection drops. 

“Abby? Abby are you there” 

“We lost them” Allie whispers at me. Suddenly, theres a screeching noise in our ears and I do my best not to groan out loud. 

“Tobin Tobin Tobin…did you really think I wouldn’t catch you” Sepp’s wicked voice rings between my ears. _Fuck._

“That’s Scout Heath to you sir” I correct 

“Oh but we’re not in the battlefield anymore, you should know, you’re the one that took it down”

“Oh right, its Commander Heath now” I smirk as I try to reconnect to Abby. 

“Commander eh? That’s a big name for someone who is weak” 

“Says the man who hides behind Mister Morgan” 

“I thought you smarter Commander” Sepp smiles as he pops up on my screen. 

“Smarter” I ask trying to see his background… _Found you._

“You see, once Frost discovered your little friends knew where I was…I decided it would be nice to have a little fun” 

“What are you saying”

“I know where you are Tobin” He smiles as someone whispers something in his ear “It’s a shame it had to come to this…I had so many dreams for you” 

“You can’t feed a monster dreams” I say through gritted teeth, feeling myself lose touch will my base, with my soul. 

“A monster can’t feed humans hope either” Sepp smirks, tickling my skin, igniting the flame that has been tempting my demons since I’ve awoken “Send the missiles” Sepp orders his men. I see people in the background typing in launch codes and then the lifestream of missiles heading for the Morgan’s home. 

“Tobin” Allie begs but it’s too late. I stand with my elite knifes in hand and begin to kill the special agents that sit around us. Ash and Allie seal there eyes as I gruesomely end the lives of eight special agents in swift motions of hate. Pulling my knife out of the last against stomach, he stares into my eyes but only see darkness. I let his body fall in a thud and clean his blood off my knife. 

“A monster may not be able to feed hope, but you know one thing a monster can do” I ask as I begin to walk quietly in the direction of his voice. 

“What” 

“Kill without remorse” I whisper before unlocking the command room of the hover craft we’re in. I throw my knife at the two agents protecting Sepp and point a gun at the other agents. 

“But how” Sepp breathes as I remove the helmet and hold my last knife on his throat. 

“You can fool humans Sepp…they’re naive. They are only processing by experience. Mistakes are prone to be made but I’m no human. I’m your demon in live flesh. I know lies, I know pain, I know death. I know your every move, because Sepp…your human too” 

“Tobin” Ash begs as she finally catches up with Allie. 

“He has to pay” I cry with hot tears, as my monster and good will fight to take control. Visions of Laure, Amanda, Becky, Carli, Ali and Alex flash before my eyes as I bury the tip of my knife into his throat enough to draw some blood. 

“Tobin please” Allie cries for me but all I can hear the bullets flying by me in my episode. The crying children, the fire, the dead. **_It will happen if he doesn’t die_** _. But should it be I that kills him? Shall it be me that carries the burden of his actions?_ ** _It doesn’t matter, you’ll carry the burden of working for him your entire life!_** _Letting him live will show the world that death is not the answer._ ** _And killing him will let those who hate move forward!_**

“What’s taking you so long” Sepp trembles as I press the knife further into his neck

“I’m thinking about how ironic it is that this region is called Kardia but all those who lead and protect it are heartless…so I would assume that if I did this” I whisper as my eyes burn through Sepp’s “Nothing would happen” I slowly stick the knife into Sepps chest, centimeter by centimeter “If I could, I would wound you beyond belief, I would leave this knife in your chest and let you bleed until there was just enough blood for you to live. Then, I’d transplant some of my blood into in and do it all over again. I’d make sure your skin would rot before the world and watch as you begged for mercy. I’d make the devil bow before me as I made hell your only home. But I can’t do that Sepp…want to know why” I whisper as I begin to turn the knife in his chest. He opens his mouth as blood starts coming up and I slightly smirk “Because I deserve the right to watch your life flash before you eyes the second I pull this knife out. I deserve to see what it is you fear the most, what you hide and what you love the most before you die. Only then, I’ll be able to avenge all you’ve taken from me” I whisper as I slowly withdrawal my knife. A single tear runs down Sepp’s cheek giving me the last blow. His body falls onto me, staining the last few clean spots of the suit I stole. I move so his body falls and stare at his blood on my knife. The hover craft we’re in lands and is quickly filled with agents. I watch as Becky runs straight to Sepp’s body while Carli hugs both Allie and Ash. Slowly, I take everything in. _It’s done…we won. But why does it feel like it’s not over._ ** _Because it’s not._  **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOooOOOOOO? Haha well, my head hurts, my body hurts, I'm exhausted but wasn't going to let ya'll down!


	50. Lethe (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part one of the possible three (or two) parts of the final chapter. 
> 
> FYI...REALLY long chapter...I've been writing it in bits so it's long AF. But you deserve long...since I've been gone for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where do I begin...I'm so sorry. So so so so so sorrrrry. Before spring term started, life got kind of hard. I mean, I was just a mess. I had 75% of this chapter written and I kept trying to write but something inside of me just couldn't get the words out. I didn't forget about you guys! I felt/feel guilty but I'm back. I am determined to get this story finished in the next week or two. 
> 
> So...whats new? I miss hearing from you guys and well I guess I should tell you what has been up...  
> Tennis season! I'm an assistant coach at a high school and so this season went exceptionally interesting...lots of drama but in the end we all pulled together and made it to district finals. 
> 
> Relationship? I'm not really a person that likes to feel...relationships are hard to me but I found someone whom I can be myself with. Theres no label but I kind of wish there was...except it complicated because they don't reciprocate the feelings as strong as I do. So...what do I do? Haha
> 
> Graduation! I have officially graduated, my next step is to transfer to UP (University of Portland for those who don't watch women's college soccer) this fall term. I'm excited to officially embrace my city to full extent and hopefully continue my education to be someone who impacts the world in little ways. 
> 
> Summer! It's summer but wow I've been busy looking for a job and trying to find things to do. What do you guys have planned this summer? 
> 
> Anyhow, this chapter is meant for you to see Tobin's struggles and see the hope of Talex that will be here next chapter...of course with some Jeri heartbreak but atlas, the two deserve to be together.

Lethe(Part 1)

The visions rattle my bones through the night as my fears trickle my skin during the day. As my monster slowly leaves, the weight begins to fall on my shoulders. 

After the war ended, all my war crimes were overlooked as Becky and Carli fought for insanity. Surely I was not happy about that and committed a crime to end up in solitary therapeutical confinement. Five months without a glimpse of the new world outside, five months without human contact, five months since I killed Sepp. It’s been a long five months of constant visions and nightmares and for some odd reason, I’m sad it has to end. The guard knocks at my door at six and opens the small compartment that links the hall to my room. He slides in my breakfast and shuts the door. I stare at the food in oddity as a new food item sits on the plate. _Cookies?_ Slowly, I tiptoe to the tray of food and inhale the scent of melted butter on my toast. Taking the crappy safety knife they deem is safe enough for me to use, I spread some jam on half of the toast and slowly part it. I knock on the door and put the tray back in the compartment. 

“You’re not going to eat the cookies” The agent outside my room asks. I have never seen him but I imagine him to be strong and muscular as the last guard I had was not fit enough for my strength. When I first got here, my monster was at its peak. A single glance sent me into a state of distortion and things would go bad. But now, with my monster nearly gone, all that is left is silence. 

“No” 

“Suit yourself” He takes the tray and walks away as I munch on my small breakfast. After I finish brushing the crumbs off my bed, I lay down and stare into the darkness, waiting for an episode to take me by the leg. 

* * *

 

“Heath” The strong agent yells as my chest heaves. I jump to my feet in sudden alarm, ready to attack. 

“Stand by the sink, I’m coming in” My doctor warns me. I slowly nod my head as if he could see me through the door before moving to the sink. The door opens and in walks my doctor. His stares at my bewildered eyes and then takes a seat in a chair. My cell door closes and he waits. 

“I saw Laure” I breathe as my mind begins to un-cloud.

“What did she say” 

“That it’s not my fault” I whisper with tears as images of her before her death spring into my mind. 

“Did you tell her why you think it was” He asks as I stare into the darkness, begging for my monster to stay. 

“I tried but she wouldn’t listen” 

“What else happened in your vision” 

“I killed Michael”

“That’s new” He asks as he jots something down in his note book. 

“Yes”

“Do you remember how” 

“With my knifes”

“The same way you kill the others” 

“Yes”

“How does that make you feel” 

“Do I have to answer” I ask as I begin to bend my knees until I’m sitting against the far corner. 

“No but it would help” I nod but don’t speak. Minutes go by and my mind begins to shut down. The doctor takes notice and asks the question he does every time before the session ends. “Do you want to know how they are doing” He asks closing his notebook. I shake my head no and he nods like he always does. He reaches into his bag and hands me my notebook. 

“Give it to your guard when you’re done” 

“I will” I scan the doctors eyes that show some hopelessness before leaving. Once the door closes, I open my notebook and begin to write. 

 

_Vision 327._

_His blood on my hands feels fresh yet dry. Its mixed with my tears that fall upon his head that rests in my lap. It’s not your fault he whispers as the knife appears in my hand. Slowly, his body disintegrates as I fall into the darkness of his sincerity. Feeling his weight upon mine as I land in the mere vision of myself killing him as he waits to be charged for his war crimes. Jeri’s cry erupts in the background as I slowly begin to wake but it’s Alex’s broken eyes I see and not hers._

 

I close the notebook and knock on the door. My gaurd takes the notebook and leaves me to experience another episode.

* * *

 

“Do you want to go straight to writing” My doctor asks, not even bothering to take a seat as he finds me shaking my the sink. I don’t answer which alters him of the darkness of my most recent vision. “Take this…I must make a call” He hands me my notebook before leaving in a hurry. My hand shakes vigorously as I jot my thoughts onto the paper. 

 

_Vision 363._

_He stands over their bodies with a grin on his face. Their blood on my clothes as I cry for them. “You see Tobin, you can’t escape it” He smirks as he walks around me in circles. “I’ll kill you” “Like you killed them” He laughs causing me to look at my hands that are empty. His laugh fills me ears causing me to shake uncontrollably. “Come with me Tobin, and I promise, all your fears will become merely dreams” He extends his bloody hand towards me as a single tear rolls down my face and onto Allie’s cheek. “Don’t make them pay the price for your weakness” “I won’t let you touch them” “Oh but who’s going to protect them” He laughs “I will” “How do you know I haven’t already” He stops mid sentence as my hands wrap around his neck. “Do it Tobin, come on! Kill me” He yells with a malicious grin on his face. I search for his eyes knowing that I won’t see them as I never do. “You will never touch them, not as long as I’m alive” I spit through gritted teeth “You being in this room…they’re as easy as a toddler in the park” He whispers as I slit his throat._ **_No._  **

* * *

 

After vision number 363, I have asked to leave. The doctor agreed so now I wait by my bed for Becky to arrive. 

“Heath” My guard yells. I hear three pairs of footsteps and quickly stand, fixing my coat and beanie. “By the sink” He orders. I turn to face the wall and let him cuff me. Slowly, as I turn, my eyes widen as I finally put a face to my guards voice. 

“I imagined you to be just a tiny bit bigger” I confess 

“I could be” He laughs and I softly smile. I avoid Becky’s gaze and turn to glance at Christen. _Now that’s someone I didn’t expect._

“They thought I’d be a wise choice” Christen smiles at me. _Wise choice?_

“Shall we go” Becky asks while clearing her throat. I nod yes and we’re off. We walk by a series of empty cells that it occurs to me that they were never once filled. 

“The commander thought it was best if no one was near” My guard explains as I begin to think what a waste. _Should have just dug a hole and threw me in. Why waste money on a jail when people need homes?_  

“Commander…” I ponder. _Commander?_

“They couldn’t be here today” The guard continues

“That’s enough” Becky stops him. I take a glance at her with my skeptical eyes and she simply looks away. _What are you hiding Becks?_

“So, I hear you can sing” Christen distracts me. I turn to look at her and feel my body relax. _Right, she does that to people…no wonder they sent her._

“Well…I wouldn’t call it singing” I softly smile as we step into the elevator. Christen shakes her head and begins to tell me about the kids we used to visit before the world flipped. I count the number of floors we travel and slightly grow mad that the ending number is seven. _Seven floors?!_

“We have to check Tobin, you go on and wait in the front” The guard tells Becky and Press. They both share odd looks causing me to roll my eyes. _Yep, body check. It’s routinely._ I’m taken to a private room where a guard helps me jump out of my clothes, checks just about every inch of my scared body and helps me back into my clothes. We walk to the front desk where I am given my electronics and belongings. 

“The doctor will see you in that room, he’ll remove the handcuffs too” The women behind a bullet proof glass informs me as she hands over the plastic bag of belongings. 

“Thank you” I reply non-chatterly. Walking to the small room, a guard opens it and I walk in. There is a table, two chairs and no windows. If I weren’t a trained murderer, I would think I was alone. Except I am a trained murderer. _The walls can hear._ I slowly walk to a chair, pull it out and sit. A few minutes of seating on the cool metal chair and I decide to flick my feet up onto the table. Resting my head on the back of the chair, I close my eyes and listen to the sound of water leaking from a faucet through the vents of the room. The rustic door knob rattles and in comes my doctor. 

“Its good to see you in normal clothes” 

“It feels good to be in normal clothes” I answer as I remove my feet from the table and sit like a lady. He places a few files on the table along with his phone and a remote that controls the rooms hidden microphones and cameras. I stare at the remote and then at him. 

“Shouldn’t you be hiding that” 

“Is anything really ever hidden from you” He rejoices with a smile. I smirk and nod no “No point in hiding it…so, lets begin” We spend a couple of minutes talking about my morning and how it’s made me feel. Mostly, he listens, occasionally writing something down on his crisp white paper. 

“Are you going to check on me after I leave” I suddenly ask. Worried a slight bit that he might say no. 

“I can if you want” I take a moment before answering yes. He seems a bit surprised with my answer but happily accepts. “What days of the week would you like me to visit” 

“At least two or possibly three times a week, Mon/Wed/Fri”

“Would you be fine with two visits and one phone call”

“That’s okay” 

“Good good. I’ll let Dr.Emmett know. Now lets go on to this” He brings up a file and keeps it closed until he turns off the cameras and microphones. My attention rises as what he’s about to show me is secret to him and my guard only I suppose. 

“Here is your journal. I have read a few but have limited myself to some of the hardest ones. I have also written thoughts, questions, comments and so on in this journal about the ones I’ve read. I want you to read over my comments and I also want you to read over your entrees but not in order”

“But why…I thought the purpose of writing was to express and forget” I ask as I look at how beat up the small leather journal is now. 

“Express, get it off your chest but never forget” 

“But why not in order” 

“Reading it in order would cause a set back…What I wanted from this activity was for you to express what your fears couldn’t. The reason I had you do it was so you could…when the time came…see how much you suffered. See that theres more then just pain. Theres a world out there waiting to be explored, theres part of you heart untouched, part of your soul still in tack. All these entrees, each and every one of them have a meaning, behind all their darkness is a fine line between fear and love. Read them and you’ll discover that your monster isn’t all that gone” 

“I don’t know what to say” I breathe as he slides the journal my way. Picking it up in my hands for the frist time, without it being post episode is quiet odd. _Wow._ I think. 

“I want you to write in a separate journal, every time you have a vision” 

“Will you read those entrees” I ask looking up from the small hand writing on the cover of the journal. 

“I can” 

“I would like that”

“Then I will” He smiles while closing the folder. Digging his right hand into his pocket, he pulls out the keys and asks me to extend my hands. “It has been a pleasure working with you Miss Heath” He smiles. 

“I thank you, for all you’ve done for me” I express with gratitude as he has seen me at my worse moments. 

“I should be thanking you…for allowing me to see such depths and for making me a better person” He replies as he removes the titanium cuffs. My wrists breathe for the first time as I slowly retrieve my hands in front of me. He opens the door for me and I walk out. The silence is comfortable as he shows me the way to the front lobby. Christen stands from the chair she sits in while Becky turns. 

“Ready” 

“Yeah”

“I’ll give Emmett a call so he can warn you when I’ll be over” My doctor tells me. I nod and turn to the two. As the sun hits me, I stop in dizziness. _Whoa._

“Bright isn’t it” Becky smiles. 

“Blinding actually” I reply as I scrunch my eyes and walk to the car. Becky looks at Press who just shakes her head okay and follows me. _Yep…they sent Press knowing she would chill my vibe._

“So, do you want to stop by to get some food or head straight home” Press asks as she opens the door for me. 

“I just want to lie down and get some air if thats fine” I breathe feeling a little dizzy as the light continues to bathe my body in heat. 

“I know just the place” Becky says. I nod and get into the back seat with Christen. As we begin to drive away from the location, I stare out towards the sky which looks brighter then normal.

“The airs cleaner” Christen whispers as if she knew my question. I turn to look at her for more information but she taps her shoulder. Taking the invitation, I lean my head against her and allow myself to relax. “I started an environmental program…one of the biggest concerns was the air. We turned off all machinery that pollute the air for two weeks. Theres a limit now on how long big corps run their destructive machines per week. Hence, cleaner air, less chemical clouds, better skies” Christen smiles. Although I can’t see her face, her voice gives out how much pride she carries. 

“I’m…that’s amazing Chris. Really” I smile as I lean into her just a bit more. Christen wraps her arm around me and begins to run her hand through my hair. I close my eyes and let my body rest until we arrive at a park. Slowly getting out of the car, my eyes widen to see trees growing. 

“Where are we” I ask as I sit on a bench and take in the beautiful park that is surprisingly empty. 

“About an hour from the capitol” Christen answers as she sits besides me.

“I’m going to go buy some food, be back in 10” Becky yells. I roll my eyes but keep them focused on the fresh grass. 

“Can I ask you something” Christen whispers a little too softly. I turn to look at her fragile eyes and feel my insides rumble. 

“You may” I whisper back. 

“This is going to sound so weird but how do you let go” 

“Depends on what you want to let go off”

“Laure” Press breathes with some heart ache. The beg for help is clear as can be as her words weigh heavy on my thoughts. _Laure?_ “I know we never got along, I know we were never friends but…during the war. During the up rise, we got close and now she’s gone and I just, I can’t seem to let her go” Christen softly cries. My heart wants to confort her but my soul is still too fragile to move into proximities of heartache. 

“You don’t” I breathe as I stare at her broken heart “You never let go. Letting go means saying goodbye and sometimes, death is just a promise”

“A promise of what”

“Another meeting” I whisper as I think of my visions. Christens nods her head and wipes her tears. We spend the next few minutes in silence until Becky arrives with food. After eating a small portion of my meal, I box the left overs. 

“You’re not hungry” Christen asks surprised 

“Food is sort of tasteless now” I confess as I toss the plastic forks into the trash can near by. Becky stops eating and begins to pack up causing me to look at her confused. 

“We should get going…Carli would like us home by 5” 

“Is she your mom or something” I ask causing Becky to stop. 

“No” 

“Then why must we be at the safe house by 5” 

“Because there are things we need to discuss” 

“Firstly, there is nothing to discuss. Secondly, I don’t want to go to the safe house”

“It’s our home Tobin” Becky expresses in annoyance. 

“It’s not my home Becky” I breathe out in a defenseless manner, not wanting to fight. 

“Look, I have orders, now please Tobin, don’t make this harder then”

“Orders? Becky, we don’t take orders anymore” 

“Not from you” Becky breathes as her head falls. I feel a bit offended by her comment but simply let my head fall. I pick up the bag with my left overs and head to the car in silence. As I wait in the car, I hear Press and Becky arguing about something but don’t bother to listen as a vision consumes my mind. 

* * *

 

“Hey, we’re here” Press coos in my ear. I stir a little in the backseat before opening my eyes. With the help of Press, I climb out take in the safe house. _Well, it’s still in one piece._ I think as the grass over gross a little too much for my liking, roots over take a lot of the grass and well, it’s basically lost it’s golden shine. 

“Is everyone too busy to cut the grass” I ask as I walk to the trunk to get my duffle bag. 

“More or less” Becky answers. I roll my eyes and close the trunk. As I turn, I’m attacked by Starlight and Ember. 

“Oh my gosh, look at you pups” I breathe out in surprise to how much they’ve grown. I kneel to accept their kisses and pat their backs. 

“Not so little anymore huh” Ash grins. I look up and for the first time since leaving the jail, I smile genuinely. I hug her tight as she does too “I missed you bro” She whispers in my ear. 

“Me too” I reply as we let go. 

“Let me help you with that” Ash says while grabbing my bag. I let her feeling the respect and desire to attend to me as she did during the war. 

“Lets go inside” Chris says nodding towards the house. I walk with more ease with Ash here and enter the house. The first smell that hits me is that of food, making my stomach swirl. _Ugh god, no._ I run for the bathroom and barely miss the toilet. In comes Becky to hold my hair as I let out the food I had managed to get down. 

“Tell Emmett to get the bed ready” Becky orders to the person coming into the bathroom. 

“Beck its fi-” I stop mid sentence as I puke again. Becky rubs my back as I continue to pour my guts into the toilet. Once I’m able to tolerate the smell of food, Becky hurries me upstairs. I hear Dr.Emmett murmur a hello before injecting my vein with some fluid. 

“This’ll help your stomach” He explains as my head stops spinning. 

“My head” I groan as the room spins 

“It’ll go away in a second…just breathe” Becky says gently for the first time. I keep my trap shut until the head throbbing goes away. 

“Thank you” I whisper as I can finally stand to keep my eyes open

“When was the last time you had a full meal”

“Um…before the uprising” I think out loud.

“Alright, well that would have been good to know…You stay here, I'll let Carli know that she is not to bother you until tomorrow" Dr.Emmett tells me as he writes something on a piece of paper and hands it to Becky. She leaves the room and I finally breathe. 

"Can you get Ash for me" I ask as I crack my neck.

"Sure can" Emmett leaves the room momentarily before walking back in with Ash. 

"Emmett wouldn't let me bring the pups" Ash frowns at me. I playfully roll my eyes at her and ask her to sit. A single glance at Emmett and he's out of sight. I wait until the door clicks shut to speak. 

"Have you been keeping an eye on things"

"Yes...Carli and Abby lead the free world. Hope runs technologies with me"

"And Frost..." I whisper a bit lower then intended too.

"Gone" Sucking in my lips, I take a deep breathe. _Starting fresh I guess._

“He would be happy…” 

“He would” Ash agrees 

“Who’s thus commander I hear about” I ask moving on from Frost to displace my settling emotions. 

“Who told you” Ash asks on alter. I turn with confusion and find that she’s actually displeased to hear that I know a commander exists. 

“My guard let it slip…Ash, who is the commander” I ask with more strength. 

“People weren’t surrendering. Things were getting a little out of hand, we needed someone they knew” Ash rambles as she begins to pace around the room. _Someone they knew?_

“Ashlyn who the hell is the commander”

“And so we had a voting but they wouldn’t stand down and she wouldn’t back down either”

“ASHLYN WHO IS THE COMMANDER” I yell in desperation 

“Jeri” Ash whispers. I swallow hard as my heart slowly breaks. 

“Why…why would she” I ponder as all the stings holding me together begin to break. 

“Because…she knew your fight was over” Ash whispers. My eyes close along with my throat as nothing comes out from my mouth. Ash scans my body for a response but I keep still as the guilt and weight of all my actions since the war began fall upon my shoulders. To say I was unprepared is an understatement as the tears begin to flow from my eyes so effortlessly. The strong wall I had built within slowly crumbs down, leaving my true being vulnerable to the new air of the world. It pains to be alive, it pains to breathe as the souls I’ve ripped from this earth slowly plunge their final sword into my heart. Ash runs out of the room to get whom she believes can stop me from falling part but not even Alex’s ocean eyes can wash away the thick dried coat of blood that lays on my soul. I cry for hours as the monster inside strips me free of my strengths and walls, showing me all that I lost. Allie stands by close as I cry tears of nothing, as nothing I do now can clean up that path of pain I leave behind. I don’t know when I fall asleep nor when I awake as I find Carli sitting in a chair besides my bed when the sun rises. 

“Morning” She says casually. 

“I know why you’re here” I remark as I reach to grab a bottle of medicine to reduce the throbbing pain that radiates from my heart. 

“Then lets speeds things up even more…you have to stand with us Tobin” 

“I will not stand in front of a clean region with blood on my skin” I hiss under my breath as the cool water carrying a small pill of sedatives makes its way to my empty stomach. 

“You have no choice” 

“I get to choose don’t you think! I made the sacrifices” 

“That we could have made together” Carli interrupts 

“Would you Carli? Would you have stood by my side as I allowed Kevin to poison thousands of agents, would you have taken your knife and buried it into hundreds of hearts during the war, would you have let the few die to save the many” I ask with hate towards myself. When Carli doesn’t answer I continue “I will not be your commander. Not just because I can’t be but because Jeri won’t hand over the throne” 

“She does what I say”

“Then you become the commander” I reply too quick for her liking. 

“I understand that you are feeling the consequences of your actions but you were forgiven for your actions”

“You wouldn’t even let me have a proper trail”

“Because you didn’t need one”

“Because I would have been served. You and I both know I would have been convicted of treason, of murder. You’re forgetting that I was apart of the problem too Carli” 

“Would you stop it, we need you, the people need you”

“They need someone they know”

“They know you” Carli raises her voice in desperation 

“They knew a Scout, they knew a heartless, remorseless women who knew nothing but pain” 

“Then show them who you really are” 

“I don’t know who I am! Don’t you get it Carli! My demons were everything, they were my motivation, my heart, my soul…I am nothing without them. I am just another weak pair of bones trying to move on. Trying to figure out what life is now that we are free. The air is as new as my mind Carls, I know nothing of hope. My skin is tainted red, my mind is buried in visions, my heart is ten feet under and my soul…it’s shattered under the horror of my being. There is nothing I can be but me. I can only be me and I need you to accept that. I need you to accept that the Scout is gone, my commanding days are over…Jeri is pure. She may think she is commanding for my safety but she has no clue the affect she can have” 

“So that’s it, yourself just going to let the women you love become what you were” 

“No Carli…Jeri is already superior to me. To us. She always was. You just weren’t watching her” 

“You’re making a mistake”

“Then let it be known that Tobin Heath is a mistake. Trust me Carli, there is worse realities to face” Carli leaves the room in an angered manner, slamming the door, making my head shake. I lie in bed undisturbed, playing with the visions in my head, occasionally letting some tears slip but mostly silence. Theres an emptiness in me as the monster is no longer here and it’s me and my true being. _A human made to destroy._ Allie brings me soup that I don’t eat. Instead, I watch the hot vapor that radiates into the air until it cools. 

“I need to shower” I murmur to myself feeling goosebumps on my body as images of distortion cloud my overflowing mind. 

“Tobin…lets wait until your doctor arrives and then you can shower” Allie whispers half asleep as it’s around midnight

“Allie” I beg

“Don’t Allie me…I understand that showering helps ease your anxiety and helps you live with the past but you are hurting your body. You scrub it with force to try to clean off the dirt on your name but baby girl it’s never going to work. Its temporary relief and it’s going to stop working if you over do it so try to get rest. You can shower in the morning before your doctor arrives” Allie orders me. I want to argue with her but know that she is right. Turning over so I face the window, I reach into my backpack and pull out my journal. 

 

_Episode 26_

_He has them both. Jeri and Alex. I try to save them but one always dies. Each takes half of me when they close their eyes, their last breath breathing my name…I feel it in my chest. When I wake, theres always a name on my lips. It’s usually Jeri’s as I have begun to doubt my choices. Is she fit to be commander? Should she be out in Axiom, cleaning the streets from those who choose not to surrender? And Alex…should I have allowed her to leave with Ash as they visit Kanatos? The farther they are from me, the more he plays with the strings of my heart, always strumming a certain key. Alice._

 

Closing the journal, I toss it back into my bag and turn to face Allie who now sits sleep in the chair besides my bed. _I’m sorry to be a burden._ I think as I reach to brush away some strands of hair from her face. Theres a knock on the door and I quickly pull my hand back. 

“Toby” Alice whispers as she pokes her head through into the room. 

“Alice, you’re awake” I breathe as I rub my eyes 

“I had a nightmare…can I sleep with you” She whispers. I nod yes and she comes in with Ember and Sunlight right besides her. She climbs into the bed as Ember and Starlight settle by our feet. I hear all three babies sigh at the same time causing me to giggle slightly. 

“What” Alice asks as she looks at me. The moonlight reflects off her beautiful blue eyes reminding me of her mother. _You would be so proud._  

“Nothing…do you want to tell me about your nightmare Alice” I ask as I glance at the pups. 

“No” Alice mutters as she hides under her covers. _No?_

“What do you mean no…was it that bad kiddo” I ask as I pull the covers from her face. She nods yes and I sigh “You know my…” I’m about to say parents but stop as my parents were nonexistent and I don’t want to hurt the little girl by reminding her of the death of both her parents. “My nana used to tell me that if you didn’t tell your dreams…they’d come true and I don’t think you want that so come here and tell me what has your mind in a whirl” I whisper as I put my arm around her and bring her to me until I’m hugging her. 

“Okay, I’ll tell you but you have to promise you won’t tell Ember and Starlight” She whispers as she peeks at the dogs. I suppress a giggle that threatens to escape and nod okay. “I had a dream that Ember was really sad so he left and Starlight got really sad because Ember was gone and” 

“And” I ask as Alice pauses. Her eyes show some tears and I begin to worry a little. 

“And then Starlight left too” Alice whispers. I don’t quite get the horror of the dream as horror to me is blood. “They both left me…just like everyone does” Alice softly begins to cry. My heart physically pains as her tears soak my shirt. _Oh no…_ I hold her unsure of what to say as I feel the same. 

“But I’m still here” I breathe into her hair. 

“But you left…for a long time. You left me and Jeri was sad so she left” The tears begin to well up in my eyes as I see how she views Embre and Sunlight. _As Jeri and I._

“No no, Alice, don’t think like that” I beg as I pull her head away from my chest and hold her face in my rough hands “Jeri didn’t leave you. I did. I left because I wasn’t, I’m not okay Alice. There are things that I need to fix before I can take care of you” I frantically looking in between Alice’s eyes, trying to find a way to stop her from crying. 

“I can take care of you too. We can both take care of each other, I don’t want you to leave again, because if you do, Jeri won’t ever come back” Alice cries harder. I bite my lips together and hold her against my chest. _She will learn from you as much as you will from her_ Amanda’s last few words play in my head. I close my eyes and let out some air. Accepting Alice to be of my responsibility is something I have avoided as accepting her means accepting that she is at risk but Amanda was right. _Alice needs me as much as I need her._

“I’ve spent my life running, always doing whatever I can to escape my reality but not any more” I slowly sit up and grab something from my bag and quickly turn to Alice “I can’t promise to always be there when you wake but I can promise you that I’ll always be amongst the stars when you sleep. I’ll be here with you when I can be but there are days when I’m going to have to be away. Whether it be that I am at work or days that I need to be alone. I know thats scary but it’s something we’re both going to have to accept. I’m broken Alice. I’m a little lost but that’s okay, that’s why I have this” I open my palm to show the ring with the words New Jersey on it. “As long as you have this, I’ll always come back to you” I whisper as I place the ring on Alice’s index finger. It’s a little big on her but her smile shows how much it means to her. 

“I love you” Alice whispers as she crushes me in a hug. For the first time in last six months, I feel something. Deep inside me, something moves, what it is, I don’t know but it’s works and thats more then I could ask for at this time. _The rest will follow._ I think as I hold Alice before falling into the first sleep in a year. 

* * *

 

Allie’s POV 

I watch as Tobin turns and begins to write. What she writes, I don’t know, she’s done it a few too many times since she’s arrived making me a little worried. Her chest rises and falls in an unsynchronized fashion as she writes. 

When Tobin first left, I was furious. We all were, mostly Jeri since she was left to care for Alice all by herself. No one could understand why Tobin wanted so badly to be locked up. Sure she had committed war crimes but so had we. All of us are guilty of something but what was she so guilty of? I didn’t understand until her doctor sent us a small video of Tobin in her cell. It was then that we all understood why she left. She was lost. The monster inside was leaving, taking Tobin’s strengths, walls, hopes and dreams with it. All she ever knew was pain but what are you when everything you know is gone? _Is it not knowledge what makes us who we are?_ After the insight to what Tobin was facing with her episodes and visions, things shifted in the house. It began to divide between those stood behind Tobin and her decision to leave against those who needed her to come back. Ultimately, it was Alex, Ash and I against everyone else, including Alice. Jeri made a huge decision the day we saw the video, accepting to be Commander. Not only was Alex infuriated with her sister but with Carli and the entire board of leaders for taking on such a position. I wanted to be mad at Jeri but couldn’t. I knew was she was doing, and if I’m being completely honest, if she wouldn’t have taken the job, I would have. _The things we do to protect Tobin._

As Tobin begins to turn over, I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I sense her hand coming and brace myself for her contact. A twisting feeling of sadness fills my stomach as her shaking hands never make contact with me. The door pops open and I hear Alice whisper Tobin’s name. _Why is Alice awake so late?_

“I had a nightmare…can I sleep with you” Alice asks. Tobin doesn’t reply but I hear Alice footsteps followed by Ember’s and Starlights. I hold in the soft sigh that threatens to leave as I know Tobin is not to be around the pups with an IV in her arm but nonetheless keep still as I know she’s missed them all. 

Tobin begins to question the smaller girl and I stay silently still, not wanting to interrupt the first real interaction they’ve had since Tobin has arrived. 

As Alice confesses her nightmare, I hear Tobin’s weak heart cracking. She was so caught up in her own pain, she didn’t realize the pain she was causing us. _But who are we to blame her?_ While Alice begins to cry as she finally expresses her anger that she had passively aggressively shown us while both her adoptive parents were away, I feel a small light of hope. _Maybe she can be the one that mends the heart of my best friend._ I hear Tobin shift on the bed and my heart begins to beat out of my chest. _What is she doing?_

“I’ve spent my life running, always doing whatever I can to escape my reality but not any more” Tobin shortly pauses “I can’t promise to always be there when you wake but I can promise you that I’ll always be amongst the stars when you sleep. I’ll be here with you when I can be but there are days when I’m going to have to be away. Whether it be that I am at work or days that I need to be alone. I know thats scary but it’s something we’re both going to have to accept. I’m broken Alice. I’m a little lost but that’s okay, that’s why I have this” I wish to open my eyes to see what Tobin gives to Alice but know it is not my place to do so “As long as you have this, I’ll always come back to you”

“I love you” Alice whispers to Tobin. Her simple phrase does it for me as tears of broken heart begin to clean my hopeless eyes. I wait until all four members of the Heath family sleep to stand. The sight before me fills me with awe as Tobin holds Alice in her arms with Ember and Starlight on both sides of the two. I pull out my phone and quietly snap a picture. I click on Jeri and Alex’s numbers and send them the picture. I lean forward to kiss Tobin’s head and feel my phone vibrate twice. 

_Jeri: …love._

_Alex: <3 _

I reply back to each of the two individually and then turn back to glance at the four sleeping beauties. _Someday…it’ll be like this permanently._

* * *

 

Tobin POV 

As I begin to move I hear a groan. _What the…Ember?_ Slowly turning so that I don’t wake up Alice, Ember curls into my arms. 

“Morning bud” I giggle as he’s obviously not a morning person. I try to get him to stand but he groans some more. “Come on Ember…please…I have to shower” I begin to beg but the dog doesn’t move. _Ugh._ “If I take you on a walk, will you move” I bargain. Ember ears rise and I laugh. “Well then..lets go” I whisper. Ember quickly gets off the bed making me laugh again. Tossing on the first sweater I find and shoes, we head out the door. 

It’s around five in the morning so it doesn’t surprise me to find the house alive. 

“Tobin…why are you up” Ash quickly asks as she stands from the couch. 

“I ugh…I wanted to shower but Ember wouldn’t let me until I took him on a walk” I awkwardly explain. Ash laughs and kneels to pet Ember. 

“Are you being a tough cookie on Momma? That’s not very sweet…but smart” Ash talks to Ember as if he was a human. _Wait…did she just call me Momma?_ I stare at Ash with a frown causing her to laugh. 

“Sorry, Alice calls you Momma, Jeri is Mommy and well, her mom is still mom” Ash shrugs 

“Wait…what. No she doesn’t, she calls me Toby” 

“Because Jeri told her to until you felt comfortable enough to be called Momma” 

“I…so she calls Jeri mommy” I ask in shock. 

“Yeah, I mean, you guys are her legal parents…and the two are stuck like glue” 

“But Jeri’s away” 

“On good terms” Ash says throwing some shade at me. 

“Right” I whisper understanding her anger. 

“I didn’t mean it like that”

“Its fine Ash” 

“No really, I honestly didn’t mean it that way. I just want you to start acknowledging that some people weren’t okay with your decision” 

“Everyone is free to their own opinion” 

“My words exactly” 

“Would you like to join us” I ask finding the comfort in Ash as I did during the war. 

“I thought you’d never ask” Ash jokes with a wink. I smile at her ease and we head out. Comfortable silence sits upon us as Ember walks happily besides us. It is not until we reach the man made lake that we stop. I remove my shoes and sit by the edge of the lake with my feet in the water. 

“You know what this reminds me of” Ash ponders out loud. I turn to look at her as she tosses a rock into the water “Of the other world” 

“Other world”

“Where Ali’s from” 

“Oh right” I say with a nod completely dumbfounded that I forgot about such truth. 

“You still don’t remember” Ash asks with a bit of sadness that soon fills me too. 

“I’m sorry but I don’t remember” I breathe feeling sad that I can’t connect to what she remembers 

“That’s okay…maybe someday” Ash asks hopefully. I nod with a tight smile. _Probably not._ We walk back to the house in silence again, every once in a while Ash will ask if its safe that I walk barefoot but I laugh and point at Ember. 

“He’s a dog”

“Yet you talk to him as if he were human” Ash turns red and I laugh. 

“Tobin” I hear my name called. I look up and see my doctor standing outside his car that just arrived. Glancing at Ash, she gives me a warm smile and nods me to go on. I give her a soft smile before rushing over to my doctor. 

“Doctor, I’m sorry to keep you waiting…I lost track of time and then” 

“It’s okay Tobin, you’re not in trouble” Shawn replies with a smile as he shakes my hand. 

“Lets go inside, my office” I reply as I extend my arm to show him in. 

“Beautiful house…did you design it” Shawn asks as he takes in the architecture of the house. 

“With the help of a friend” 

“They did a good job” 

“Yeah, yeah he did” I smile sadly thinking of Frost. When we reach my office, Becky and Dr. Emmett are told to wait outside. 

“Thank you” Shawn smiles at them before closing the door. I wait for Shawn to sit before sitting myself. 

“So, how are you feeling” 

“A bit out of place” I confess openly.

“Why is that” 

“They expect so much of me. They expect…Tobin, but I don’t, I can’t give them that” 

“Why can’t you” 

“Because the girl I was, is gone” 

“Forever” 

“I see no signs of trails”  Shawn nods at my response and writes something down. 

“How’s the journal coming” 

“I have 26 entrees” Shawns eyebrows shoot up confirming my worries. _Too much in three days._

“Are they long or quick” 

“Quick and mild” Shawn’s body relaxes a little and asks to take my journal. Walking over to the place I hid it before going on a walk, I give it to him. 

“I’ll give this back before I go” 

“Thank you” 

“Is there one you would like me to read in particular” 

“The last one” 

“Why is that one significant” 

“It’s the first time he mentions Alice” 

“Directly” Shawn asks as he removes his glasses. 

“No, but I know he will” 

“Have you seen his face yet” 

“No” 

“Do you think you ever will” I hold my breath and nod yes. _In real life, yes._

“I…I hope not” 

“Why is that” 

“Everyone’s face I see in the visions, I’ve seen in real live flesh”

“So you think if you see this mans face, you think you’ll see him in real life” I nod yes and he closes his journal. “I think its time for some wondering” I stand to my feet and walk to the door with him. When things would get tense or I was in deep shock, he’d take me on a walk. As the door opens, Becky, Alex, Dr.Emmett and Carli scramble. 

“There are walls for a reason” Shawn states. Everyone turns red and I chuckle. We walk down the stares but stop as I hear Alice call for me. 

“Toby” 

“Alice, your up so early” I breathe as I kneel to ruffle her hair. All eyes turn to me in surprise to see me relaxed with her. 

“Starlight kept moving” 

“Awh man, well…” I look at Shawn who just watches, turning back to Alice, I ask her to join us with a little bit of fear “Would you like to join Dr. Shawn and I” My voice quivers as I myself don’t think it’s a good idea but Amanda’s words weigh heavy on my conscious. 

“Tobin” Alex is the first to step in. Shawn raises his hand to stop Alex and I step back. 

“Alice, this is Shawn…my doctor, the one who has been helping me” I say with some pride. My chest feels light now that I’ve said it out loud in front of a big group of people and not just Allie. 

“Hello Alice, nice to finally meet you” Shawn says as he removes his glasses and extends his hand to Alice. She takes a moment to look around the room before glancing at me. I nod for her to take his hand and she does so with a firm grip. 

“I’m Alice” 

“So, what do you say, will you join us” I ask with a small spark of hope. 

“I would love to” Alice yawns. I take note and swoop her up in my arms and nod for Shawn to lead. Starlight follows us down the stairs and out the door. 

“Do you want to walk or should I carry you” I whisper into Alice’s ear. 

“Walk” I stop to put Alice down and let her walk a few feet before us with Starlight. 

“She’s…very much like you” Shawn ponders as he watches Alice pick up rocks along the trail and toss them around. 

“Her father was an agent…thats where she gets the strength from” I explain

“No…no it’s not that. Its beyond personality and physical phenotypes, it’s her vibe. It has your name written all over it” Shawn says as he glances at me. I stop by a large rock to sit and allow him to stand besides me as I watch Alice chuck a branch for Starlight to retrieve. 

“She lost both her parents. Just like I. Or well, mine left me” I whisper as I glance at Alice in sadness. 

“They left you” 

“I don’t really know what happened. Dead or alive, I didn’t matter to them” 

“So how does that translate into Alice” 

“We were both orphans…at one point” 

“But adoption was illegal back then” 

“I was never adopted, as you said, it was illegal. I was taken in by a poor family of two, they were way older then a parent could be so they were like my grandparents really. They passed away about the same age as Alice is now” 

“Agh, so she has the same mentality as you, in the sense that everyone has left her” 

“Except, everyone did leave me. It is why I am like this. But she…she only rims the edge of such pain. Jeri and I would never leave her” 

“That is a big commitment…” Shawn says. He lets air linger on my mind and I can see where his thoughts play out in front of my eyes. _He doesn’t think I’m ready._

“I’m not ready. But I would, won’t and can’t back down. I have already committed myself, the paperwork was made official before I went in and she now holds the only thing that keeps me going in her hands” 

“And Jeri” 

“Where ever we go, she will too” I say with unexpected sadness. _Why is that sad? Should I not be happy that Jeri will be with us?_

“Interesting” Shawn wonders out loud catching the oddity in my voice. I swallow hard as the tug on my heart edges me towards a vision “I’ll watch Alice for you” I hear Shawn rush away as I place my hands on the rock and close my eyes. 

 

_“You know, I remember when I first saw you” Jeri smiles as we walk to a bench at the top of a hill we have climbed._

_“When” I ask as Jeri and I never officially met until I began Elite training._

_“We were about 13, you were at one of the orientations. I was behind a glass wall with my father. You were called up to fight against one of the Elite Members” I stare at her confused causing her smile to widen “I can’t believe you don’t remember…you actually put up a fight against the Elite agent” She exclaims in pride and disbelief as she recalls the memory._ **_She saw that?!_ **

_“I…oh my gosh…that was way before we met” I speak with wide eyes_

_“Yeah…I know. I remember my first thought”_

_“Which was” I ask intrigued_

_“I just, I remember thinking…that girl is going to be the end of this world” Jeri whispers as she blushes at the confession “What I didn’t know is that you would also be the end of mine” My smile drops as does my heart. The air between us begins to thicken as I the words on lips dry out like the dessert._

_“It’s okay”_

_“No. Jeri, I”_

_“Let me finish” Jeri speaks softly. I swallow the words in my mouth and sit with my heart wide open “It’s okay. It’s okay not only because it has to be but because I want it to be that way. Maybe we’ll never go down into the books but having you close, even if it pains me, is ten times better then having to live without you” I still on the bench as a few tears escape Jeri’s eyes. Before she can wipe them away, I place my lips on hers with gentleness. The kiss is slow, soft and forgiving. Jeri smiles and then pulls away slowly._

_“Always trying to take the pain from”_

_“Shhh…just for today. Just for today lets be Tobin and Jeri” I hum with eyes closed._

_“Just for today” Jeri repeats before taking the wind out of me._

 

As my mind slowly connects back to reality, I let out a long sigh. I don’t know what to make of the memory as I am still lost. The girl who loved, liked, longed for Alex is in the past, as is the girl who could love freely. Asking Jeri to come back to complete the family Amanda had in mind pains me as there is no way to swift the pain from either Jeri or Alex. Choosing Alex is taking advantage of Jeri’s vulnerability as trying to rebuild my relationship with Jeri would be an unfair move for Alex. _Should I give it a try? Should I try to remember what I had with Alex? Or try to continue what I have with Jeri?_

I shake my head and look up in time to catch Alice giggling at something Shawn said. They both turn to meet my eyes and I see the ease in both their eyes. _Ease to know that I’m still alive. That maybe, I’m somewhere here inside this clouded mind._

We walk back to the safe house in silence with Starlight running around us in circles. 

“Alright Alice, go inside and have Allie make you breakfast” I order as I pat her head. She nods and hugs Shawn unexpectedly before running inside with Starlight. Shawn and I both stare at her until she vanishes through the door. Letting out a long sigh, I stare at the ground beneath me and feel thankful. 

“Would you like to talk about the episode” 

“It was a memory” 

“A memory” Shawn repeats in a happy surprise. 

“Yeah…it was of Jeri and I” 

“And” 

“And it just…confuses matters even more. Before the war, Jeri had already given up but during the war, we were together” 

“So what is confusing” 

“I guess I’m scared to wake up one day, besides Jeri, while being in love with Alex” 

“Before the war, you were with Alex” 

“Was. That is what I am told. Or I should say found out” 

“Do you feel anything for Alex” 

“Sadness” I breathe as I look up to the sky, begging the lord to give me an answer. 

“Why is that” 

“I see the way she looks at me. The way she does small things for me, the way she longs for the Tobin that was. But here I am, stuck. Can you imagine what goes through her mind? I can only feel sadness for her and for girl I was. They seemed in love” 

“So you don’t know what to do” 

“No..No but it doesn’t matter. My only concern is Alice. She misses Jeri and I had to do what another parent would do” I say as I try to convince myself that I am making the right decision by not choosing between Alex and Jeri. Shawn stares at me comfortably making me rise any eyebrow. 

“I think…that is the best choice. Alice needs you and you are in need of a love that is not designated by wind of your heart, but of your soul” Instead of speaking, I nod at Shawn whom in turn smiles and walks inside. I take some time to run over my plans before heading inside to change. 

“You called for me” Becky enters my rooms as I put on a loose tee. Her eyes linger on my new scars but quickly avert elsewhere as I turn. 

“I need you to take me to see Jeri” I state “Please” I add as she no longer takes orders from me. 

“Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, you just arrived like a week ago” 

“Yes but life doesn’t slow down just because I’m not settled” I reply as I sit on the edge of my bed and slip on some black athletic shoes. 

“Have you even told your doctor about this” Becky exclaims 

“Yes I have, he thinks it’s a wise choice” 

“What about Allie” 

“Why must Allie know what I’m…wait, wait why are you opposed” I ask as I rise from my bed. 

“It’s, I’m, not opposed, I just…don’t you think you should slow down. I mean, Jeri’s doing a” 

“Am I interrupting” Carli enters my room. 

“Nope, I actually wanted to talk to you” I shrug as I put on my watch and grab the PDX hat Allie gave me.

“What is it” Carli asks as she glances at Becky’s bewildered eyes then at me. 

“I need you to arrange some security for me, while I go back to my quarter…please and thank you” I say while walking to the door. 

“What” Carli asks confused 

“I need to grab somethings from my quarter, along with Ali’s belongings” 

“Ali? Your things, I’m sorry but what is going on” Carli asks as she follows me out of my room. 

“I’m moving on” 

“I, okay, that’s understandable but you still have duties” 

“As a mother” I reply. Both Becky and Carli stop in there tracks as I reach the bottom of the stairs. I turn to glance at both of them as they stand still at the middle of the stair case “I already told you that I was not going to command. If Jeri wishes to do so, then fine, but Alice comes first” With that, I turn and begin to walk to the kitchen. 

“Tobyyyyy” Alice yells in happiness with cereal in her mouth. 

“Hey there kiddo” I smile genuinely. Walking around the kitchen island, I open the refrigerator and grab a bottle of chemicals. 

“Alice, could you give us a minute” Carli asks with a sweet voice causing me to raise my eyebrows. 

“Depends” 

“On” Carli asks 

“If I can take my cereal with me” My smile grows wide and Allie snores while Becky giggles. Carli tells Alice she can and she leaves in a hurry. Immediately the smile on my face drops with Alice absence in the room. Uncapping the cool drink in my hand, I chug down the solution and feel my muscles begin to relax. Shaking off the stares from those in the room, I lean against the counter and direct my unsurprised stare at Carli. 

“The commander can’t see you yet” Carli states plainly. My eyebrows shoot up in confusion and displeasure as I have never been turned down. 

“No” I ask as I lean forward while tilting my neck upward to intimidate Carli. 

“Look, she’s busy” 

“Well tell her to clear her schedule cause I’m coming” I reply with a stoned voice before taking an avocado from the fruit basket and leaving the kitchen. As I exit the front door, I bump into someone. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry Ali” I quickly apologize as I help her up. 

“You’re okay” Ali smiles as she takes my hand. 

“Here, you dropped this” I say reaching down to grab a pair of shades, as I stare at them, I see my initials on them. 

“Oh, yeah, umm..you gifted those to me” Ali says nervously in fear she’ll tent an episode. My face softens and I curl my lips inward as I stand straight. _Right._

“They…look like something I’d pick out” I say with a sad smile as I can’t actually connect to the memory. Ali gives me a genuine smile as she takes the shades from my hands and I try to return it. 

“Well…I’m going to head inside” Ali says awkwardly. I nod and watch her leave. As she reaches the door, my mouth opens but the words don’t come out. _Maybe its for the better._

Shaking my head, I walk to the garage and grab my bike. Slipping on my helmet, I ignite the engine. My heart dies a little when Frost voice doesn’t echo through my ears giving me instructions where to go. 

 _I miss you my old friend._ Letting out a deep sigh, I kick the pedal and go. 

* * *

 

When I arrive to the naval base, it’s late. The six hour drive was long but oddly satisfying. As I come closer to the gate, the lights shine on me, forcing me to scrunch my eyes and slow down. 

“Open the gate” An agent yells once I’m in ears range. I stop my bike in front of the heavy guarded entrance and wait for the lieutenant to come greet me. 

“Identify yourself” An agent says while two others scan my bike to make sure it is not dangerous. I remove my helmet slowly, hearing the agents watching gasp. 

“Miss Heath, was a surprise” The lieutenants voice rings. I place my helmet on my bike and slowly walk up to him. 

“Sir, it is a pleasure” I say as I show him my respects. 

“Pleasure is all mine, what can I do for you” He asks as he tilts his head to take a glance at my bike then back at me. 

“I’m here to see Jeri…if thats okay” I add so that it doesn’t sound as an order. The lieutenant jaw tightens and immediately pick up that a rule is in order disallowing me from seeing her. _Carli._

“Miss Heath, I would like to” 

“Lieutenant, theres an important call on line 3” An agent yells from the office. 

“Make them wait, as I was saying” The Lieutenant shrugs off 

“But Sir, it’s important” The agent continues. I get the hint the call is rather urgent so I decide to step in. 

“What did I just”

“Sir, I can wait” I interrupt with a soft voice. He glances at me, then at the agent and gives me a tight smile. 

“I’ll be quick, get her some water” He disappears into the office and I lean against my bike, running my forehand over my forehead to remove the light coat of sweat. An agent hands me a bottle of chemicals which I happily take. Sipping on the solution, I take a look around, noticing just how heavily guarded the area is. _At least I know she’s in good hands._ An agent nearby clicks a button on his gun, echoing a small yet similar sound that startles me. Blood rush through my veins as an episode quickly takes place in my mind of the war. 

I grip on the water bottle for dear life as I watch innocents die in the raid of the capital. _I’m guilty of their deaths._ I think as tears threaten to break through. My reality is brought back as the Lieutenant asks if I’m okay. 

“I…yeah, sorry, driving in the sun all day” I lie as I rub my eyes, erasing the evidence of tears. 

“Agh, yes, I’ll make sure you get enough water and food for your stay” The Lieutenant says. _My stay?_ I open my eyes that show nothing but confusion. The guards begin to move out of the way and the Lieutenant orders someone to park my bike. 

“I’m sorry…did you say my stay” I ask as I lean off my bike. 

“The commander won’t be back for another two days, a matter came up in Kanatoes that she must take care of” The lieutenant shrugs as he nods for me to follow. 

“Kanatoes” I ask in shock as I didn’t know she was out of town, any less out of the region. 

“The war might be over but the sun is only just beginning to rise” 

“I…why Kanatoes, whats going on over there” I ask still surprised 

“Not that I think your danger to the information but…it’s” 

“Out of my rank, right, no worries” I interrupt and he nods. He continues to lead me to my room that isn’t luxurious at all.

“Back in camp” I whisper causing the Lieutenant to laugh. 

“Don’t worry, we have orders not to make you do things” 

“By who” I ask as I let my backpack fall onto the floor. 

“Lieutenant” An agent calls urgently from the hall

“An agent will be here soon with some fresh clothes, sheet, towels and bedding” 

“Thank you” I smile. He nods and closes the door. Allowing myself to breath, I fall onto the bed and close my eyes. _What is going on?_ I ask myself before falling into a darkness of distortion. 

* * *

 

I wake at the sound of a whistle blowing and groan. 

“Noooo” I moan with a dry voice as I kick the sheets off my bed and begin to stand up. _Wait a whistle?_ I rub my eyes clearly dozy and stare at my empty room. _Right…I’m waiting for Jeri to arrive._ Letting out a long sigh, I stretch and begin to change into the uniform left in my room. 

As I put on the light desert jacket over my vest armor, I see a patch with my initials over my left arm which had been sowed on last minute as one of the knots has come undone. 

“I thought the visitor uniforms were brown, not navy blue” I ponder to myself as I stare into the mirror after buttoning the jacket and rolling up the sleeves. Finishing my left sleeve, I tighten my boots and fix my hair before doing my bed and heading to the dining hall. As I open the door to the building I’m in, the heat of the dessert hits me like a stray bullet. I grip the handle as a sharp pain takes over my head. Images of shadows, people, blood, a dark room, screaming and much more play in my head as my world spins. The episode passes in time before someone finds me. 

“Miss Heath, are you okay” An agent from inside asks as I backtrack and close the door. 

“Yeah…didn’t realize how hot the heat was” I slowly reply with closed eyes. 

“Here, I’ll show you the way around. I’m guessing you were headed to the dinning hall” The agent asks. I let out a long breathe before turning to meet the agents eyes. 

“Yeah” I answer with a composed voice. The young boy nods his head and shows me the way through the building. I count doors, clocks, windows, water fountains and signs on our way to the dinning hall like I do with every unknown building. As we come to the dinning hall, I recount every detail in my head, basically mapping out the area in my head in case of an emergency. _Must be able to guild someone through it with blind eyes._ I hear Rampone’s voice in my ears. 

“Everything okay” The boy asks bringing me back to reality. 

“Yeah…yeah, just reminiscing on the old times” I confess as I take a look around the empty dinning hall. 

“You were coached by Scout Rampone…I mean, Miss Rampone and other elites right” The boys asks with admiration. 

“I was” I reply as I straighten my back, feeling a bit too at ease. _My mentors would not be happy with my attitude so far_ “Where is everyone” I ask as I walk to grab a bottle of water from a cart. 

“Here at the Commanders base, we train level 3s. Nothing below, nothing above. There are 8 squads, all of which have four mentors. They are all doing field work at the moment” The boy explains

“And you” I ask before chugging the entire bottle and tossing it into the appropriate bin. 

“I’m on rest, injured my left arm out on field battle” The boy says with some disappointment. 

“Doing what” 

“Trying to deactivate an explosive” The boy whispers. 

“Where is your mentor”

“Out”

“What time do the squads have breakfast” 

“6am”

“It’s 11am right” I ask a little annoyed that I wasn’t woken up. 

“Correct” 

“Where is the Lieutenant” 

“Right here” The man says as he enters the room with two other agents. 

“Lieutenant” I turn to the dinning room door. 

“Miss Heath, hows the uniform” 

“Good, great, feels…a little natural”

“Looks so” 

“I thought visitors uniforms were tan” I ask once I’m standing before him and the other two agents. 

“They are…but you’re no visitor…you’re honorable” The Lieutenant explains with a respect I have only experienced with my mentors. 

“Thank you sir” 

“Theres nothing to thank” 

“If I may ask, until Jeri arrives, what are my duties” I ask feeling a little useless. 

“You have no duties, you are our guest, you may roam around as you wish within your rank limits until the Commander arrives” 

“What is my rank” I ask a bit unsure on how the new system works. 

“Well, if it were up to me, you’d be Rank C but by Captains orders, your rank is ES” _ES? Wait…Elite Scout?_ The Lieutenant takes in my confusion and quickly explains. 

“I’m Rank L, Lieutenant, these three are Rank T, Trainees. E is for Elite, only those who served before get it and the S stands for Sargent” 

“Oh…got it” 

“Anyhow, I’ll leave you to it. If you need anything, just ask, the uniform should get you just about anywhere though” 

“Thank you sir…before you go, I have one last question…may I see the squads” The man glances at the agent besides me and then back at me before nodding yes. 

“Follow me” He leads me to a medical room where a doctor checks my vitals. It’s no surprise to me that my vitals have fallen but what does is how fast. 

“Wow…I’d say we’re cutting it close Lieutenant” The doctor swallows as he preps an injection. 

“Heath”

“Call me Tobin” 

“Tobin, you sure you want to go through with this” 

“Rather be out in the desert sweating then in bed sleeping” I shrug with honesty. The doctor nods and injects a substance that will make me almost immune to the conditions outside. 

“I’m guessing only mentors and superiors get the vaccine”

“Correct, they must be able to tolerate the conditions both here and in Kanatos” 

“What about Telios and Huros” I ask. The doctor quickly eyes the Lieutenant and in come my scout senses. _They have yet to go to Telios and Huros._

“Lets get going” The Lieutenant says. 

We spend the day out in the desert with the squads. In occasions I’m given the opportunity to train the squads. To say it feels good is an underestimate as when I hit my pillow, I wipe out clean. 

* * *

 

“Good day out there Tobin” The Lieutenant says as he offers his hand. I shake it firmly before walking inside before him. 

“Thank you Sir, I appreciate the opportunities you’ve given me” I reply with gratitude as we walk to the dinning hall for dinner. 

“Not mention it, the agents have shown immense pleasure in your presence” 

“Well…I think if things go well with Jeri, I’ll remain here the rest of the week” 

“Agh, yes, she should be arriving around 1 tonight” 

“Thank you” 

“Don’t mention it” 

I head to the back of the line to grab my plate of very limited foods and sit at a table. The first 10 minutes of dinner go as the past two days, I toss around my veggies and barely eat any meat. 

“You aren’t going to get any better if you don’t tighten up that diet” The doctors voice inquires as he walks to where I’m sitting. He glances at the sit in front of me and I nod that it’s okay. 

“Not really hungry” 

“But your body is” 

“Yes well…I’d had worse” I sigh pushing the plate of cold food forward. The doctor eyes my plate and I nod that it’s okay. He slides what remains from my plate onto his and enjoys the first full meal he’s had in months. 

I leave the dinning hall early and head to the showers. The cool water numbs my skin, exposing my mind to the first real sense of relaxation in what feels like forever. Running my hands through my hair, I get an ache of pain warning me of an episode. I cling onto the side handrail and let images of some bathroom run through my mind. At first, it’s not confusing until I hear my name being called. _Is that…is that Alex?_ The episode fades but my eyes remain closed. _Alex?_ The fluency of the water quivers as a shower in the men’s bathroom is turned on. 

“Thats my cue” I whisper with wet lips. Turning the shower off, I step onto the frozen cement floor and wrap my bruised skin in a rough towel. I hurry to change to beat all the agents to the phone booths. As I arrive, I see that I have successfully earned about 10 minutes alone. Sliding into the fourth booth, I grab the phone and place it by my ear. 

“Insert 25 cents” Orders the annoying recording. Follow the instructions as commanded and sit nervously as the phone rings. 

“Hey” Her voice asks with some tiredness making something inside turn a little. 

“It’s me” I whisper a bit nervous. 

“Tobin” She asks surprised.

“Hey” I reply awkwardly hearing her demeanor change “Is Alice awake” I ask after a few seconds of silence go unused. 

“She just feel asleep with Allie on the coach” Alex answers. I nod and shift in my seat. 

“Oh… well, I guess I’ll try again tomorrow” 

“Do you want me to tell her you called” 

“No no, just, can you give her a goodnight kiss for me” I ask 

“I can” Alex breathes. My lips slowly form a tight lipped smile but something about hearing Alex’s steady breathing keeps me from hanging up. We both stay on the line for a few minutes, listening to the sound of our thoughts in the darkness of our heads. 

“Well, I have to get going before someone comes in” I sigh

“Okay, well, I guess I’ll see you soon” I don’t respond and hang up the phone. 

 

Escaping to the sanctuary of my room, I toss my body onto the bed and let my mind rest. I listen to the wind that slaps the face of the walls outside with force. The dry cries of the wind die down as do the voices of the agents as midnight hits. I toss and turn in my bed, anticipating Jeri’s arrival. When the clock strikes 12:40, I get out of bed and straighten my uniform. 

Carful to shut my door gently, I walk to the door that leads outside. Swinging it open, I step outside the the cool deserted desert and sit on a bench. Looking at my watch, I see its only 12:47. _Well…_ I decide to lie down on the bench and stare at the stars until Jeri’s hover craft arrives. I make random connections between the balls of energy forming patterns and shapes until I hear movements. Agents line up and the door swings open. 

“Tobin” 

“Lieutenant” 

“She’ll be here in 3” I follow him to the location of landing and stand with my hands behind my back. Florescent lights illuminate the hover pad about 100 meters away as I stand besides the Lieutenant with a mask over my face to block the sand storm that errupts as the hover craft comes to landing. Once on ground, agents rush to open the door. I glance at the Lieutenant who nods for me to follow. 

As the cloud of sand begins to divide, Jeri’s crew comes into sight. Their armor is damp I presume from water and mud, dark in appearance and simply badass. 

“Commander, how was your flight” The Lieutenant asks within 10 feet. I search for Jeri and find her in the middle, she’s removing her gloves and has yet to look up and spot me. 

“Uncomfortable, how are things around- Tobin” Jeri freezes as she says my name. It’s a rush of heat, morphine and ice water as we stare into each others eyes for the first time in months. 

“Jeri” I whisper, tasting her name with meaning for the first time. 

“Her name is commander, who the hell are you” Her right arm I presume asks as he steps into my proximity. My scout senses kick in but I force myself to remain still. _You are not Scout anymore, you are not in the forces, you have no power._

“I’m” 

“That is no way to talk to our honorary quest Mike” The Lieutenant says stepping in for me. 

“You guys are relieved of duties for the night” Jeri speaks with power giving me shivers. The Mike dude stares at Jeri in disbelief before shoving past me. I bite my tongue as I am not used to being stepped on. 

“I’ll leave you two alone” The Lieutenant smiles and I thank him. 

“Goodnight sir” 

“Night Tobin” I watch him walk away along side Jeri until he vanishes inside. Jeri’s eyes scan over my visible skin, trying to scan for any injuries or scars. 

“I’m fine, I’ve only been here two days” 

“Two days” Jeri nearly yells causing me to fur my brows. _Wait…she didn’t know I was coming?_ We both get the answer in our heads at the same time. _Carli._

“Oh she is going to get an ear full just you wait, how dare she not tell me. I could have come back two days ago like I was supposed to” Jeri begins to ramble. 

“Two days ago” I interrupt. 

“Yes, we got done with a mission and I wanted to come home but I got a call from Carli saying something about these rebels, I mean they were rebels but my team could have easily handled it and I…I’m rambling sorry” Jeri blushes under the black patches of mud on her face. 

“It’s okay” I smile in honesty. 

“Do you want to head inside, not that I don’t like the desert but I’m getting cold” Jeri tells me in honesty. 

“Fuck, how rude of me, here, take this” I say while I begin removing my jacket

“Its fine you don’t have to” 

“I don’t, but I want to” I say as I finish taking it off. As I go to wrap it around Jeri’s shoulders I freeze. I don’t say a word as I place it on her shoulders and begin to walk to the building I was assigned to. 

“Tobin” Jeri softly interrupts my walking. 

“Yeah” 

“It’s…my room is this way” Jeri chuckles. I blush and follow her in embarrassment. _She’s the commander, of course she’d have her own quarter. How stupid am I._

When we walk into her separate housing, I smile at how simple her design is. 

“I’m going to shower…make yourself at home” Jeri removes her armor at the door and vanishes upstairs. The emptiness and simplicity of the quarter begins to set in without her presence making me ask myself if my quarter was like this when I was commander. _But my quarter was dark…or is, if it’s still intact._

Shaking my head, I walk to the living room area and take a seat. As Jeri showers the dirt off her body, the numbness of the present moment begins to wash off too. I feel myself getting a little nervous to face Jeri and find myself hoping she takes longer in the shower. As my mind spaces off, I don’t hear her footsteps coming close. 

“Are you tired” She asks as I yawn. 

“I…yeah, I guess I didn’t realize how much being here has worn me out” I reply with honesty. 

“About that” Jeri begins nervously 

“I’m not here to enlist” I interrupt causing Jeri to let out the breath she was holding. 

“Oh gosh, I was getting ready to make arrangements” 

“No, no it’s been, good…but I won’t fall into Carli’s games. I didn’t come here to rekindle my feelings of power” 

“So…then what are you here for” Jeri whispers. The question stings but her glossy eyes reassure me she doesn’t mean it in a bad way. 

“I need you to come home” I say in one breath. The word need comes out strong but it doesn’t phase me as it is the truth. I see Jeri cave in yet straighten her back like I would do when faced with a difficult decision. She drops her sight and shakes her head, notifying my of her welling tears. 

“You…you can’t ask me that” 

“Jer” I try but she stops me. She wipes the tears with her right hand and sucks in her lips, holding back all the things she wishes to make known. I don’t know what hits my core harder, her blood shot eyes or her disposition of letting me see them. Jeri has never been one to show weakness, not even I was as composed as her. _I guess that’s why she makes the perfect commander._

“You can’t just ask me to leave, you can’t just come back and stitch things back together, it doesn’t work that way” 

“I know and I’m”

“You’re what Tobin? Sorry? For leaving or for making me this way” Jeri’s voice barely cracks and the hard ground beneath me trembles. _For both._ I remain silent as I accept that she is right. _If I wouldn’t have left, she would have never left but I had to leave, I had to get better._ ** _But are you better?_** My body shivers at the question and Jeri catches it. 

“I” I pause to swallow the hurricane of words stuck in my throat before laying it out for Jeri “I couldn’t be the rock everyone needed. I couldn’t be the face of revolution or the pillow you and Alice needed. I couldn’t even save myself and to end the war as I did…I had to pay for my crimes. I murdered people, I let them die only to kill Sepp in my arms of darkness in two minutes. How was I going to go back to the safehouse? To live as nothing happened, to live in a body and mind I didn’t-don’t know. I couldn’t let you guys see what was inside. My fears, my deepest thoughts, I couldn’t let you see me like that…and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry Jeri” My voice breaks and the tears slowly fall “I’m sorry for closing off to you and Alice. I’m sorry for leaving everything in your hands, for forcing you into this” I say as my eyes scan the quarter “But I’m here asking YOU, against everyones commands, to let go of this. Alice needs you…I need you” I beg feeling the first honest need in forever. Jeri clenches her jaw and rises from the couch and walks to top the door. 

“And they need me” She says like a true commander. Everything from my heart and bones break as I stand and walk to the door. When I reach the door, I look to Jeri whom only turns away. _Sacrifice the few to save the many…who knew that would bite me in the ass._ I open my mouth to speak but can’t do so. With one last glance, I leave. Heading straight for my room, I carefully remove the uniform I was lent and begin to assemble the room back to the way it was. 

As I finish making the bed, I glance at my watch. _Four in the morning…should be able to make it back to the safehouse to wish Alice good night._ Grabbing my duffle bag, I open the door and walk to the Lieutenants office. 

“Sir”

“Tobin” He yawns as he pours himself some coffee. His raises his cup, offering me some. 

“No thank you” I reply with gratitude. 

“Suit yourself…what can I do for you” He asks before sipping on his coffee and walking to his desk. 

“I just came to thank you for your hospitality and for allowing me on the field” 

“Theres nothing to thank”

“Right” I whisper as I nod my head. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I let out a soft sigh. 

“Listen, Tobin…I know you’ve made your choice regarding the forces, but”

“Please don’t”

“Let me finish” The Lieutenant cuts me off “But just because you have, doesn’t mean we all have. Give it time” I stand a little dumbfounded by his capability to piece everything together in a matter of two days. He offers his earnest hand with respect which I shake firmly. I escape to my bike and slowly get on. Theres an odd sense that fills my veins as I begin to drive to the gate. A sense of longing _. But of what?_ When I reach the gate, two agents quickly push it open and salute me as I drive by. I don’t dare look back through the rear view camera as something in my feels like it’ll be like saying goodbye. 

* * *

 

When I arrive at the safe house, it’s 11. _Way past Alice’s bedtime._ Removing my dirty shoes, I walk barefoot on the gravel entrance to the front door. As I reach the path leading up to the door, I see the living room light on and stare through the glass window to see who’s all inside. Realizing it’s a majority of the world members, I turn on my heels and walk away. As I follow the trails, I head straight to the only place I know I can be alone. 

I turn the door knob of my small little house in the small forest not too far from the safe house. Stepping inside, the third wooden plank from the door creaks as I step on it. _Its good to be back._ Turning right, I empty my duffle back into the appropriate laundry baskets and leave it by the washer. I walk to my room and throw on a fresh loose tee shirt and shorts before letting my hair lay upon my shoulders. Grabbing a bottle of chemicals from the fridge, I walk to the living room and go straight to the turn table. Running my hands over the records neatly stacked besides it, I grab a random one and carefully put it on the turntable. As the record begins to turn, I slowly drag my feet to the french doors of the living room and pop them open for the first time in years. The doors creak as the smooth melody of my heart and song begins. 

“Remember all the dreams we wanted…now all our memories are haunted” The voice of a man gently sings. I slowly walk to the edge of the deck and place my hands out wide on the railing and let the song weep the feelings on my chest. 

“We were always meant to say goodbye

 

Even without fists held high

Never would have worked out right

We were never meant for do or die

 

I didn't want us to burn out

I didn't come here to hurt you now

I can't stop

 

I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

 

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

 

Looking at you makes it harder

But I know that you'll find another

That doesn't always make you wanna cry

 

It started with a perfect kiss

Then we could feel the poison set in

Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

 

You know that I love you so

I love you enough to let you go

 

I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

 

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

 

So I'm already gone

 

Remember all these things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye

 

I want you to know

That it doesn't matter

Where we take this road

Someone's gotta go

 

And I want you to know

You couldn't have loved me better

But I want you to move on

So I'm already gone

 

I'm already gone

 

Remember all these things we wanted

Now all our memories, they're haunted

We were always meant to say goodbye” I sing before letting a drop of sadness escape my soul. 

 

When I wake up spawned out on the living room floor, it’s three in the morning. I push the few alcohol bottle besides me towards the couch and shiver. _Fuck, forgot to close the doors._ Holding my head, I weakly kick the french doors shut and cringe as they slam shut. 

“Aghhh” I groan as the sound bounces off my head. Rolling my eyes at myself, I walk to my room and change into hiking clothes. I miss my boots once or twice and end up forcing myself to puke. After packing a few snacks and two bottles of chemicals, I head out the door to go on a hike. I walk for two hours before tossing my bag next to a lake and plopping myself onto the dirt in exhaustion. 

“I had forgotten how far you were” I breathe to the lake as if it missed me. I remove my shoes and grab a bottle of chemicals. I chug the entire bottle within seconds and toss the bottle into my bag. I lay onto the rocky ground and feel the small pointy edges spike my back. I bite my cheeks as I let my back settle into the pain. 

“Out of all the things I miss, pain would be the one I long for the most” I laugh sarcastically to myself. Once my body begins to embrace the sharpness of the surface beneath, I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. Minutes go by as I try to clear my mind of yesterdays chaos. When my alarm begins to beep, I put my boots back on and head back to the cabin. I listen to mother nature who whispers the new realities into my ear on the journey back. When I arrive to the front door, I reach for the door knob but see it open. _But I closed it?_ Removing my backpack, I set it by the door and grab a gun I hide outside. Slowly I push the door open and walk in. I hold the gun in front of me like I’ce done so millions of times and take a deep breathe, exhaling the pressure and eating up the adrenaline radiating within my blood. I first clear the laundry room and proceed to my room. As I exit my room, I hear a bottle break and head to the living room. I take ahold of the intruder and press the gun to the side. 

“It’s me! It’s me Tobin” Ali quickly yells in fear. I drop the gun and let go of Ali faster then she can let out the breath she was holding. 

“I’m so sorry Ali I didn’t”

“No no, it’s my fault, I usually come here when, wait…have you been crying” Ali asks zoning into my eyes. I swallow hard and lie. 

“Allergies” 

“Right, spring” 

“Yeah” I murmur while picking up the gun from the ground and disabling it. 

“I found this place a while back” 

“I…that’s, probably why it’s so clean” I try to joke as I begin to clean up the bottles off the ground. 

“Oh no, I only come here when I want to listen to music I actually know. Alex is mainly the one that sneaks off here” 

“Alex” I pause before continuing to clean up. 

“Yeah, she comes here often” 

“Oh” I whisper confused. Shaking all thoughts from my head, I walk to the kitchen and tossing the bottles into the recycling bin. 

“Why come here” Ali asks without restrictions

“I didn’t want to face the leaders of the free world” I reply, surprising myself a little with the honesty. Even Ali looks at me surprised that I would confess such thing. 

“Oh, well, if it makes you feel any better, no one does” 

“Yeah I get the sense” I half joke before washing my hands. Ali nods before remaining silent. Drying my hands I ask the question on the mind. 

“Are you ready to go home” Ali opens her mouth to reply but freezes as the question sinks into her lungs. _No._

“I…it’s hard to call something home after all that’s happened” Ali whispers with sincerity. 

“And Ashlyn” I ask. A sad glimmer crosses her sight before she lets out a long breathe. 

“She’ll find her soul mate” She replies with a hint of sadness. I take the moment to embrace her which catches her off gaurd. 

“I know…I know I don’t remember you but I feel you in my heart and I just want you to know that all this was possible because of you, because of your existence. So thank you” I whisper into her hair before I begin to let go. Ali feels my movement and quickly pulls me back in desperation. 

“Thank you…for not running” Ali begins to cry causing me to swallow hard as I can’t reciprocate the sadness she feels to be leaving soon. 

“Before you leave, will you come to my quarter with me” I ask as I remember not stopping by. 

“You mean, to your pent house” Ali asks wiping away her tears. 

“Yes” 

“I don’t think Carli will”

“Carli can suck it up, she rules the world, not us” Ali giggles at my comment before nodding yes. I give her a smile before heading to the shower. We walk to the safe house in silence and something about it makes me feel sad. Only two steps inside the house, I fall to my knees and catch Alice whom crushes into my body. I wrap my arms around her small frail body and close my eyes. As I inhale her innocent scent, she whispers words that I can’t understand nor wish to understand. The only thought on my mind is how the hell am I going to raise this child on my own. 

“I missed you” I interrupt her ongoing voice stunning me and the others in the room. 

“I missed you too momma” Alice’s words slip freely. She catches her name for me and begins to backtrack “I, I mean Toby” 

“Hey there” I say letting my duffle bag fall to the ground and taking her young face in my rough hands “I’ll be Momma on one condition” 

“What” Alice’s eyes sparkle, causing waves of the cool water to sting my hearts fire. 

“If you promise to smile like that forever” I breath as I see Amanda in every corner of Alice’s smile. _I’m going to keep my promise._ Alice screams yes and wraps her arms around my neck. I pick her up and spin her in circles as the girls cheer. When we separate, Ash is the first to embrace me. 

“You’re going to make a fine mother” Ash says with all seriousness. 

“I can only hope” I breathe unsteady. Ash shakes her head no in denial and makes way for Allie. We both stare at each other momentarily before meeting in unison. 

“We’re going to make it, together” Allie whispers into my ear. 

“Together” I breathe back. We let go and I meet Alex’s eyes. 

“Hey” She states as we walk towards each other. 

“Hi” 

“So, you’re officially a mom” 

“I, I guess I am” 

“Congrats” 

“Thank you” I reply a little uneasy. 

“You have nothing to worry about, Jeri and you will make the perfect parents to her” 

“Yeah, right, Jeri” I echo silently. Alex picks up on the loss of color in my skin and quickly rushes out the door. I don’t bother stopping her as Carli gives me a nod towards the elevator. 

I sit in the middle of the room and wait for Carli to initiate the meeting. 

“I know you’re still not caught up with the changes but”

“I want to be there when Ali leaves” I interrupt her as I spin in my chair. 

“No” 

“Yes” 

“No”

“Carli”

“Tobin”

“I’m going and theres nothing you can do to stop me” 

“Tob-”

“Let her” Hope interrupts causing me to turn to look at her. _Why would she go against her own best friend? The girl doesn’t owe me…_ As my thoughts shut down, I go into an episode. Those around me freeze. I grit my teeth as it’s takes me through some memories of Hope that I don’t understand. When it passes, I’m left gripping onto my chair. 

“Are you okay” Tim asks as I find him kneeling besides me. 

“I need…rest” I lie as I try to hold the anger inside. I see Tim’s shadow wave Carli off and pull me alongside him back upstairs. He leads me to my room and kisses my head goodnight. When the door closes, I cry. 

 

Theres a soft knock on my door around 8 startling me awake. I force myself up from the floor and walk over to the rest room to clean my face. 

“Come in” I say loud enough for the person outside to hear. The door slowly pops open and I glance over to see Alex standing by the door. I hide the same ache inside when I see her. Taking a small towel from a rung on the wall, I dry my face and turn the lights off. 

“Alex, what can I do for you” I say weary but cheerful. 

“I just came to see if you wanted to eat dinner upstairs or down stairs” Alex asks as she looks around my empty room. I feel the sadness in her heart as she longs for the Tobin she knew. _I’m sorry,_ is all I can think as I watch her in discomfort. 

“I…is there any way I can get the food to go” I ask with a plan in mind. 

“On the go” Alex asks confused. When she meets my eyes, I see her anger and pain. 

“Yeah, in a container, preferably so it can feed two people” 

“Um..I, yeah I can do that” 

“Thank you, but before you do that can you help me with something” 

“I don’t see why not” Alex breathes, all attention on me. 

“Can you show me where Alice’s clothes are” I ask a bit embarrassed. The corner of Alex’s left mouth slowly cresses up with a nod. She walks me to Alice’s room and shows me Alice’s closet. 

“Thank you”

“No problem, I’ll have the food ready for you” I nod and quickly pick out warm clothes for Alice before rushing to find her. 

“Momma” She calls for me as I walk by an open door. I back track and find Alice, Allie and Ash playing with the dogs. 

“Hey there, I was looking for you” I smile as I touch Embers head and run my fingers over Starlights silky hair. 

“You were” Alice cheers as she looks at her clothes in my hand. 

“Yeah, I need you to go change into these for me” 

“Are we going somewhere” 

“It’s a surprise” I grin causing Alice to squeal. She takes the clothes and disappears. 

“You’re distracting her” Ash points out. I sigh and turn to look at my two right hands. 

“You guys can’t tell her” I quickly get out

“That’s not fair Tobin” 

“I’m not going to”

“Her hearts already broken Tobin” Allie interrupts coldly causing the dogs to leave. 

“Look, I’ll tell her when she’s ready until then”

“We fake it” Ash rolls her eyes 

“Exactly” 

“That’s not fair, to anyone, not even you” Allie states while giving me a stern look. 

“Allie” I breath in defeat 

“What happened Tobin, you can talk to us” Ash begs 

“She’s not coming back” I whisper loud enough for both of them to hear. Neither says a word but I hear their minds wheeling. Ash gets up from the floor and walks briskly to the door. Out of both of them, I expected Ash to be enraged the most and I was right.

“Don’t” 

“Oh hell no, don’t you fucking dare Tobin, I didn’t just watch you fall in love with her for nothing” Ash hushes me before leaving. I know exactly who she’s going to confront but don’t have the energy to stop it. 

“You think they’ll be bruises” Allie asks as she stares at me with my head low. 

“I think Carli can manage. I mean, she got what she wanted. Jeri as commander” 

“But not you” 

“That makes two” I whisper as I stare into my hands, wishing to hear Frost’s elegant voice tell me about Portland. Allie nods and scoots over until she’s besides me. 

“You’ll get it back, someday” Allie says hopeful. I give her a tight lip smile before leaving to grab the lunch Alex’s set out for Alice and I. 

* * *

 

TWO WEEKS LATER

“Momma when is Mommy coming home” Alice asks as we lay hidden in the golden fields of dry grass. 

“Soon Icy, soon” I coo as I have been for the last two weeks. I hear Alex swallow hard and Ali crack her neck “Can you go in the house and grab the pups some water” I ask Alice. She nods and scurries off leaving the adults alone. 

“You can’t keep lying to her” Alex turns to me in a hurry. 

“We’ve been over this” 

“Yeah yeah, don’t want to break her heart” 

“Exactly” I say with an eye roll. For the last two weeks Alex has been down my throat about telling Alice that Jeri won’t be coming back. I don’t want to tell her but it drives me nuts, reminds me of the Alex I knew as a kid. Always bossing me around, never trusting me. 

“It’s only going to be harder when you finally do tell her” Alex breaks before leaving. I shake my head and glance at Ali whom only shrugs her shoulders. 

After Alice falls asleep in my arms, we go inside. 

“Hey Ali, do you want to go to my quarter today” I whisper as I lay Alice in her bed. 

“Yeah, I was just meaning to ask you when we would go, I leave in a week” 

“Go grab your things, we’ll spend the night there” I say with a hint of a smile. Ali agrees and leaves, allowing me to say goodbye to Alice by myself. 

“I’m be back in a day or two, Momma needs to pick up some broken pieces” I whisper before giving Alice’s head a long kiss. As I close the door to her bedroom, I find Carli standing outside. 

“What do you want” 

“Why do you assume I want something from you” Carli retaliates 

“Because your hands are behind your back, now what is it” 

“Alex needs to go with you to your quarter” 

“What, wait, why, no” I stamper out in anger 

“I need the microphone she put in your quarter all that time ago” 

“What…” 

“Exactly, you don’t remember, this is why she has to go” 

“Why can’t she just tell me where it is”

“Because I don’t trust you with it” 

“Of course you don’t” I roll my eyes in frustration. 

“Allie and Ash will watch Alice”

“I wasn’t expecting you to do it” I throw at her. She bites her cheeks and I know I’ve hit a sore spot.

“Times are different Tobin” 

“So I’ve noticed” I whisper before heading to my room. I toss clothes into my duffle bag and head downstairs. Placing my worn out duffle bag by the door, I head to the backyard where I find Allie and Jose sharing a longing kiss. I stand behind the glass door and avert my eyes to the floor feeling a bit of longing in my chest. With a deep breath, I open the door and clear my throat. Allie and Jose break apart and Allie turns to me flustered to be caught. 

“I’ll leave you too alone” Jose smiles at me. He begins to walk away but Allie stops him to fix his tie. They share a look before Jose leans in to capture Allie’s lips once again, only this time, I don’t look away. _Made for each other._ Jose waves at me and leaves and I take the space he evacuated. 

“You’re leaving” Allie whispers in my ear as she holds me tight. I nod against her shoulder causing her to squeeze me tighter. Inhaling her unique smell, I allow myself to disconnect from the world outside and search for the monster inside. Hoping, praying, begging for a response that never comes. We part slowly and I give Allie the earnest smile I can muster. Walking back to the kitchen with Allie’s hand in mine, I find Ali grabbing some snacks for the trip while Alex’s footsteps hurry down the stairs. 

“Its time” I whisper to myself. Slowly, I remove my hand from Allie’s grip and grab a few packets of chemicals from a compartment and toss them into the cooler Ali has going “We should get going, before Icy wakes”  

We load up the car quickly and I decide to take the wheel. Ali and Alex both sit in the back to rest for the long drive. The first hour consist of Ali singing, Alex staring out the window and my eyes on the road. Somewhere around the second hour, I catch Alex singing along. When we hit the third hour, we catch each others gazes in the rear mirror. Her smile wide and my eyes cool. We held the gaze until I ran over a speed bump too quick, stealing a giggle from her lips. _Her lips…_ And now, as we’re 20 minutes away from my quarter, I find myself staring at her peaceful body which is crookedly comfortable. Although she’s gotten better at hiding it, she still cringes at the sight of me. Sometimes I’ll catch her staring as I watch Alice and other times I’ll watch her doze off, as if she were remembering something. 

The sound of thunder forces my sight away and I focus my eyes on the catastrophic road. The closer you get to the boarder that once separated Axiom from the world, the more the damage of the war is visible. I turn into a street I once ran on and grip the steering wheel in distress. _Is this how bad it got?_ Making the last turn, I inhale fire. _They touched every fucking building except where my quarter was._ I park the car into the garage that somehow still works and get out the car not bothering to wake either of the girls up. I leave fire on the steps of the dusty stairs as I run to my quarter in madness. As I reach the hall, the lights flicker and my heart pounds against my chest. I do a quick take for enemies before rushing to my neighbors door. I stop in front of it read to knock but realize this is post war. _No one’s home Tobin._ I push the door that is slightly ajar open and proceed inside the demolished apartment. My first instinct is to look for survivors. Quickly I scan each room in search for anyone in need. When I push the last door open and see yet another empty room, I let out a deep breathe. 

“Tobin” Ali’s gentle voice startles me. I stand with my hand gripping onto the door knob and hear her thoughts bouncing off the walls. 

“It’s okay, she’s alive” I breathe 

“Just checking” I swallow the lump in my throat and walk back to the hall. I find Alex standing outside the apartment which confuses me only a little. She offers a small tight smile which I take as a simple move of encouragement. We stand in front of my black door thats covered in a thin layer of dust. I sense Alex and Ali’s anxiousness as I stare at it, unsure if I can bare whats inside. 

“Do you want me to”

“No” I quickly cut off Ali “Thank you, I can do it” I quickly add to lessen the tension. She nods and pulls Alex a step behind. Taking a deep breath, I rub my elbow over the scanner to get rid of the dust and the scanner comes to life. I place my hand on the scanner and the door pops open. All three of us jump a little but quickly cover our nerves as I reach to pull the door open. 

“Wait, move back” I whisper as my scout instincts kick in. 

“Tobin no one is going to” Ali begins but is cut off when a small noise from inside my quarter causes me to push her and Alex aside. I quickly swing the door open and rush inside. I’m meet by the sight of a small kitten that weakly scurries away. _Must’ve gotten in when the war was going on._ I think to myself as I scan over everything. Once I double check there is no danger, I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. I pass my eyes over my quarter once again, taking in everything that remains in the place I had left it. Suddenly, an episode hits and I see us, the squad. Gathered around some, some gaming system with wine and pizza. Everyones, okay. _They’re okay, they are-they were okay._ I repeat to myself before my knees bulk forward and I fall. The raging river that flows within finally makes it break through as I cry in pain. As all the ache of knowing nothing will ever be the same hits me. 

“Tobin is everything” Alex’s words hush as her eyes, along with Ali’s, undress my skin and see right through me. I don’t know whether they ran outside or stood by the door but when I wake, I’m laying on the couch with a blanket over me. As I begin to stand, I crack my neck. 

“Ouch” 

“You’re finally awake” Ali whispers as she hops from the couch besides me and helps me up. 

“What time is it” 

“One in the morning” 

“Did you stay up for me” 

“Eh, I slept in the car, wasn’t really tired anyways” I nod my head and accept the glass of water she offers me. 

“Have you” I ask as I look towards the hall. 

“No. I couldn’t bring myself to…we both thought it should be you. Not that we were scared their were some secret bomb or anything but” 

“It’s okay Ali, thank you” I barely smile before putting the cup on the coffee table. As I begin to straighten my back, something in Alex’s peaceful arms catches my eyes. _Is…is that a._

“The kitten yea, it popped out of hiding when Alex began to snack on some food. She feed it and well…now it thinks Alex is her mommy” Ali giggles. I don’t realize I’m smiling at the sight of Alex and the kitten until it drops at the word of mommy. _That’s what Alice calls Jeri._ I think as I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth and avert my eyes elsewhere. 

“I’m going to go check out the rest of the quarter” Ali nods and lays on the couch as I slowly proceed down the first hall. 

I check every room with detail. Trying to soak in the smell of death that radiates from the walls. _It’s dead without you Frost._ I skip over my room and office unable to force myself to accept that I’m not the same. When I reach the living room, I find Ali sound asleep. 

“Not tired my ass” I grin as I cover her restless body with the blanket on the floor. Making sure both of the girls are comfortable, I walk to the fridge and pop it open. It doesn’t surprise me to find it nearly empty. Sticking my hand into the back, I pop off a panel and reach behind. When my fingers graze the cool metal caps of hidden bottles of alcohol, I feel some relief. I pull out six and leave three for Ali and Alex in the living room. 

I walk down the hall towards the secret command room. My hands shake subtly as I force the door open and squeeze inside. I close the door and stand in the dark. Setting the glass bottles on the desk, I maneuver myself around the room blindly until I’m able to find the power switch. As the room lights up with the emergency lights, I let my body fall onto the chair. A hologram lights up the screen before me as it starts up. As I glance around the room, my eyes land on the three alcoholic bottles and before I know it an episode takes over. I watch myself as I drink my life away. _This must’ve been after Allie’s death._ I think as I begin to throw bottles on the floor. The episode slowly vanishes and I stare at my hands expecting to see blood. 

The beep of the system brings my attention back to the screen. I hack through my own firewalls within minutes knowing all the loopholes and secrets but nothing prepares me for the final blow. Frost’s program is destroyed. All the hours of programming, all the codes, the notes, the small hidden secrets… _gone._ I stare at the screen numb. Unable to blink, fearing that if I do, the last that remains of him will vanish too. I type the word hi with some hope a miracle will happen and he will reply. The curser blinks in white as nothing happens. 

“I’m sorry…so fucking sorry Frost” I whisper before sucking in a deep breath to try and suppress the water threatening to tip over my edge “You were always the smarter one of the two” I giggle as I rub the tears from my eyes “You tried denying it but we both knew that I was merely at your level. I may have programmed you but lord knows…that I couldn’t have created life” I pause to let out a long breath before continuing “You did that. You surpassed all my hopes and dreams and gave…gave me a reason to fight. You were humble, noble, gentle yet ruthless. You were supposed to be the future, not me” I shake my head and pull my shirt up to wipe the salty drops of sadness away. “I know, that if I tried, I could bring you back but just like me Frost…you wouldn’t be the same. And for the reason I have to let you go” I open up Frost’s systems program and find the kill code. I select it and press enter. A box pops up asking for a password which I type in. _Friend._ As my hand remains still over the enter key, I glance up to the screen in hopes he had replied to my greeting while I was talking. When I see that it is still blank, a single tear rolls down my cheek as my finger drops onto the key. It takes only seconds before his program self deletes and the only thing saying his name is my lips. 

When I leave the command room, it’s already 10 in the morning. I walk with the three bottles in my hands to the kitchen where I’m surprised to see Ali awake. She glances at the bottles in my hands and for a moment before bringing one of the bottles I left out for her and Alex up to her lips. 

“It’s done” I whisper as I let the glass bottles slip into a recycling bin. _How stupid…no one is going to care about recycling at this point._ I tell myself as I am reminded that life is just starting up again.  The sound of the bottles landing amongst each other is the only sound in the room as Ali tries to muster her thoughts into words. “It’s okay” I stop her. She meets my gaze before I turn away to pull a pan out from a covered. I begin to cook breakfast with the small amount of items Ali packed in the cooler and soon enough, theres a plate of toast and bacon in front of me. 

“You’re not hungry” Alex’s voice startles me as I stare at the ruins of Axiom. 

“I don’t have much appetite” I reply as my eyes stay trained on the border that once never was. Alex settles beside me with at least two feet between us. I watch her cross her legs and hug them in the corner of my eyes. She takes a deep breath, holds it in for a second and slowly lets it out. Something in the way she breathes makes my own breath hitch. 

“Do you miss it” I ask to suppress the tightness in my chest. Alex’s sight turns to me but I keep my eyes on the ruins of axiom “Your _home,_ do you miss it? I mean…none of us have really took into account that Axiom was your home” I explain. Alex’s nods in understanding before glancing towards the broken memories. 

“I do, did, don’t…I don’t know. Even if I miss it, theres nothing there for me anymore” Alex confesses with a shaky voice. 

“What do you mean” 

“Because this is my home” Her raw voice knocks on the door like an unexpected guest on a Wednesday afternoon. 

“That’s…good” I whisper as I nod my head trying to convince myself that it is. 

“And you” Alex asks shattering my fears that she would. I take a moment to straighten my back as I look to the sky that is clouded in a swirls of colors due to the chemicals released during the war. As my lungs fill with air and disinflate slowly, I gather the few small things I know in my head and let them speak for the things I don’t know. 

“My dreams are fuzzy, my mind is broken, the things I knew are new, the people I see don’t recognize me, I don’t recognize me…and it’s scary because theres no one I trust enough to ask…who am I. So yes, I do. I miss it, because life made sense back then but what is sense if you feel numb” 

“Right” Alex breathes a bit disappointed in my answer. I shake the gross feeling that infuses my chest of need to make it up to her and focus on the city I hated. 

“What a bittersweet sight” Ali hums as she takes a seat close to me. I hum in agreement and settle back onto the ground “Do you think we’re allowed over there” Ali ponders further. 

“We are off the list of those who are allowed to enter” 

“We” Alex asks as she glances at me. 

“Well, I’m not exactly sure and I’m not exactly in the mood to find out” I hiss in anger so suddenly. Ali frowns at me while Alex lets out a sigh and begins to stand up. _Agh fuck Tobin._ She leaves Ali and I out on the balcony as she goes to ponder why I inflicted such venom in my words. 

Ali slams her arm into my shoulder and I bulge in pain. 

“What the fuck was that Tobin” She half yells as if not to wake up the neighbors. _What neighbors, they’re all gone or dead._ I quickly rise to my feet and begin to pick up my plate. “Aren’t you going to answer me” Ali walks after me. 

“Not with that attitude” I reply sassily 

“Attitude? ME? Good lord I sometimes think your sick because you want to be” Ali yells at me with every syllable intended. I freeze as she runs off to her room in flames. _I don’t want to be sick._ I think as my heart drops into the fire trash can along with my untouched food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I forgiven? Haha I really am so sorry. Life is life and I couldn't express how bad I feel but I'm back, struggling a little but I'm better than I was yesterday and that's all that matters. 
> 
> Don't forget to comment! I'm expecting some lonnngggg comments with: Reaction, Desires of what you want to see, guesses of whats to come, what you've been up to since the last time I checked in and what you're doing this summer (: 
> 
> Love you guys and hope you haven't given up on this story as I sure haven't!!


	51. Lethe (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter!!! 
> 
> HINT: On the mission to take Ali home, once they arrive in "real world" the names Lex, Heath, Long are used to refer to Tobin, Alex and Allie from Axiom. Real characters will keep first names. Hopefully that makes sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, monthly updates haha sorry writers block has seriously been an issue and summer has been chaotic.   
> I appreciate the advice and the warm welcome back. As for the feelings issue I had...it's still on going but sadly, I've gone numb to it. I'm going with the flow as of now and maybe that'll hurt me in the end but I don't have it in me to cut off the person. 
> 
> I'm going to make a promise and you are more than welcome to hold it against me to have the last part up by August 1st. 
> 
> Another long chapter and major progress!! Once I upload part 3, I'm going to take a week to read the whole story as I have never read it after writing each chapter...I never look back. But I want to try and see how I can develop my writing for the sequel to come! 
> 
> Anything new in your guys lives?

Lethe (Part 2)

“Do you have everything” Ali asks Alex in the living room as I finish throwing in the last of some folded clothes into my backpack in the kitchen. 

“Yeah, let me just grab the microchip” Alex replies. At the mention of the darn little thing, I turn and watch Alex walk to the stair case, she reaches under a step and pulls out a small microchip. _Would’ve never guessed._ I think to myself a little impressed. Alex meets my sight but I’m the first to look away. I put my backpack on and start to walk to the door. 

“Lets get going, I want to be home before Icy goes to bed” Alex and Ali hurry out the door but stop to look at me as I stare into what was my quarter. 

“Everything okay” Ali speaks up since the incident this morning. 

“It will be…someday” I whisper as I begin to close the door. Right as the doors going to shut, the kitten that first startled us rushes out and goes straight to Alex. She swings down in time to grab the little guy and coos him like a baby. I stare both in confusion and oddity but complete stillness. She realizes Ali and I are staring and begins to blush, light just the smallest thing inside me. _Whoa._ Ali turns to me and I realize that its time to go. Peaking my head back into my quarter, I give it one last look before shutting the door. 

Ali and Alex walk ahead of me as they cuddle the kitten and I trace every inch of the place I used to call home. When we reach the lobby, Ali and Alex head straight for the car as I go to the desk where Kendall used to sit. I bring up the hologram that controls basically the entire building and hack into the system as I had done plenty of times before. 

“Aren’t you coming” Alex’s voice startles me as I search for a specific row of coding. 

“Oh, yeah, I just need to get something from here” I reply with my eyes on the encoded letters. Alex leans against the counter and watches me causing me to feel a little uncomfortable. 

“What are you looking for”

“I don’t know” I reply with honesty as I continue to search. _Where is it…where…_

“What do you mean you don’t know” 

“I don’t…I just know, I feel like I stored something in here, something useful”

“How will you know you found it then” 

“I just will” I cut off knowing she won’t understand. Alex simply lets out a tired sigh which makes me feel a little bad but in reality, I can’t help it. _She’s had my stomach in whirls, how else am I supposed to treat her? She’s driving me crazy._ I think as my fingers begin to scroll through the encryption much quicker. 

“Did I do something wrong, because one second you’re okay, the next your upset, then you’re mad and it’s getting hard knowing what Tobin I’m going to face every time I enter the room” Alex lays out without a filter. My fingers stops momentarily which catches her eye but I quickly pick up where I left off. She lets out a very angered breath before beginning to walk away. I try to stop myself from speaking but the words come out by themselves. 

“I’m sorry…You didn’t do anything wrong” I whisper as I pick up the fallen chair and sit on it. Alex back tracks enough so that she’s visible in the corner of my eye “Its just that, you look at me in a way that Jeri looks at me. I know…I know that there was something between us before the war began but I don’t remember it and trust me I’ve tried but it simply won’t come back to me. I see you and I feel sad because I can’t look at you and remember what we had. And it makes me mad because it makes it me only want to remember even more. I spend my free time forcing myself into visions, trying to grasp onto the small memories that sometimes appear but it pains me as I’m conflicted between you and Jeri. And I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry that you have to guess who’s going to be in the room when you come in but you have to understand that I’m not sure who’s going to be there either. You don’t know how scary it is going to bed, never knowing what I’m going to dream, what I am going to be when I wake up so please, forgive me if I lash out on you but I don’t mean to” I ramble all in one breathe. As I finish, I trace my finger along the hologram and then continue. I expect Alex to leave but instead, she returns to lean against the counter in front of me. 

“I didn’t know I was making it hard for you, I don’t mean to inflict any more confusion in your recovery. I try to keep it in but I guess I haven’t really been able to have I” Alex chuckles lightly allowing me to breathe. 

“You don’t have to hide it. I mean, it’s my fault for getting us here is it not” I say as I continue to search through the thousands of symbols, letters and codes before me. 

“Yeah but it confuses you”

“Look, even if you didn’t still…lo-like me, I’d still be confused. I mean the last thing I knew was that you and I hated each other and then, I find out that we were…together…and then I fall for your sister during the war and now I’m here. I’m a mother now and things are just moving so quickly and I just, I don’t have the time or the energy to sort out the future. All I want to do now is learn to be human again, if thats okay” I ask as I stop and look up at her with pleading eyes. My words seem to get through to her and convey the very truth of my feelings that I’m stuck between the two Morgan sisters as she nods her head. 

“Yeah, okay, one step at a time” Alex whispers with warm air. Our eyes meet in comfort for the first time since I awoke from the fall. To say it’s a warm feeling is to be a lie as I don’t understand the feeling I get inside as she stares at me with fresh water eyes. My eyes shift to the hologram momentarily before freezing. 

“I found it” I breath as I look at the two lines of coding. 

“You did” Alex asks in surprise and genuine happiness

“Yeah yeah, this, this has to be it” I think as I quickly copy an entire section of codes and upload them to my watch. 

“How do you know” Alex asks a bit interested. 

“Okay you see this here, it’s the same format as the rest but these numbers, theres one extra here and” I to make sure Alex is following but all I see is confusion written all over her face. Without thinking, I reach over the desk and pull her so she’s crouching besides me “As I was saying, you see this here” I point to the beginning to the code and wait for Alex to nod “This is my work, it’s hard to tell but it’s just the extra number in the sequence and these” I high light the areas for Alex to visibly understand. 

“Whoa…I would have never spotted that” Alex confesses with a shaky voice. 

“I’ll take that as I complement” I giggle as I turn to catch Alex’s playful grin. Somewhere in the process of turning and meeting her sight, my senses are lost. It’s just her and I, in still moment, her face only centimeters from mine. Neither of us breathe but we both feel, I’m sure it’s her lips that meet mine as the next thing I know Ali is clearing her throat. I pull back quicker than she can react and meet Ali’s perplexed eyes. She nods towards the door and my head slowly nods yes. As she leaves, I see the Alex’s eyes are still closed and she’s still processing what happened. 

“We should get going” I whisper so I don’t ruin her moment and don’t set us back. She swallows the knot in her throat before standing up straight. 

“Right” She finally mutters. I close the hologram and adjust the straps of my backpack. As I walk to the door, I see that Alex is still frozen. Seeing that she won’t be recovering, I let my hand slip into hers and pull her with behind me. Though I can’t see her soft smile, the fixture of her hand against mine is enough proof I need to know that what we had was real. That what she feels is real. _And that scares me._

* * *

 

When we arrive at the safe house, the sun begins to fall, illuminating the land I was raised on in shades of pink and gold. Parking outside of the garage, the girls come out, including Icy to greet us. 

“Momma” Icy’s little voice squeals as her tired feet nearly collapse as she reaches me. I sweep her up in a circle and spin her around as my arms wrap around her tightly. 

“Icyyyyyy” I smile into her ear. 

“You’re back” She beams as I set her down. 

“I told you I would be little sunshine” I giggle as I ruffle the pups heads whom also seem excited to see us. 

“Can I help unload” Ash ask as she walks to the truck. 

“There’s not a lot” I whisper but don’t stop her. As she opens the car and begins to take down things, I begin to remove my backpack. 

“So, how was it” Allie asks as she comes to my side with Press. 

“Not what I expected but what can I say theres” My voice is cut off with the sound of cars coming up the drive way. I look up to the front door that opens at the same moment, a very confused Carli and Abby coming out. My first instinct would be to ask what was going on but something about the way all eyes fall on me tells me no one knows. Immediately, I grab Alice and hide her behind Allie and I before slipping my hand to the crook of my back where my gun stays hidden. 

Everyone stands on alert, including Kelley who grips onto Hopes arm for comfort. I search everyones eyes and listen as I used to on the field. Once the three combat cars fume through the drive way, they slow down and park 15 feet away. No one moves but I. My hand stays behind my back as I search the car windows but realize it’s someone from high order as the cars are heavily built. The middle car’s passenger door opens and someone begins to get out. 

“Is that…” Tim breathes

“Mommy” _Jeri_ my mind screams as Alice slips out of Allie’s grips and sprints straight to her. My mouth hangs open as a very tired Morgan falls to the ground and takes Alice into a strong embrace. More car doors begin to open as her agents file out causing things to slowly spin. I begin to backtrack to the back of the group until I feel two arms wrap around me. _Ash._  

“Lets get you out of here” She whispers as she pushes me through the crowd of murmurs and Carli’s yelling and into the house. Halfway to my room, I snap out of her embrace completely open to the presence of the girl I can’t help but hurt over. 

“Wait wait wait, if she’s back” My eyes wide as I push off Ash to create some space for my burning rage. 

“Not now Tobin, its best if you go to your room” 

“She said no to Alice and I… to ALICE” I fume not caring to cut off Ash. 

“Maybe she was taken by” 

“TO ALICE, TO OUR DAUGHTER ASH” I yell with hurt and pain. Ash’s eyes fall momentarily before she shakes her head. 

“Theres still a lot you don’t know…so come on, lets get you to bed before you have another episode” As if on cue, my mind begins to whirl making me fall six feet under the clouds of broken dreams. 

* * *

 

“Maybe you should wait to see her” I hear Ash hushed voice advising someone. My lips are dry, my skin is prickly making me want to shower more than anything. My body feels sore and weak, my bones seem to be missing as the slightest movement hurts. 

“Wat-er” I stutter as I try to open my eyes. Theres a gasp, then shuffling and suddenly theres a cup at my lips. Whomever holds the cup lifts it slowly for me. I take two small sips before bringing my hand to push the cup away “Thank you” I whisper as I rub my eyes clear. 

I’m not sure if it’s my heart or brain that stops as I meet Jeri’s eyes but I’m sure somethings stops working as I don’t bother to acknowledge her. 

“I need to shower” I whisper as I push the covers down to my knees. Jeri bites on her bottom lips as she looks away and gives me space to stand. Ash offers her hand but I hold my out to stop her “I can do it” I breathe. Ash rolls her eyes and backs away, bracing for some pain, I push myself off the bed. 

Jeri knows me well enough to have waited to help as she catches me in her arms as my knees bulk. 

“Fuck dude, maybe you should stay in bed” Ash half yells. Before I can speak, Jeri’s voice intervenes. 

“Let’s get you to the shower” She states softly. I swallow the knot in my throat and allow her to carry me to the shower. Ash doesn’t bother to stop us as she goes to get my clothes ready. While Jeri carries me to the bathroom, I feel vulnerable. Here is Jeri, the unattainable, the independent and free of all three of the Morgan sisters, carrying me, the broken Scout that once was to the shower. _As if the roles were reversed._

I hear Jeri struggling to open the glass door of the shower with me in her arms so I begin to stir. 

“I can do it” She stops me before jostling me further up into her toned arms and popping the door open. My mind doesn’t anticipate her move quickly enough before water is pour down on us both. 

“What are you doing you’re going to get all…” I swallow instead of saying the word wet. 

“Wet? Yes Tobin, I’m going to get wet” Jeri lightly giggles as she slowly lets me stand on my own. I find her with a small smile as she begins to remove her long sleeve but stops once she catches me staring. I expect her to call me out but again, she lightly giggles instead. 

“What’s so funny” 

“This” She states as she wiggles a finger in between us. 

“What about it” I ask confused. She lets out a sigh as her head drops momentarily before capturing my eyes with hers. 

“You, being embarrassed to say something as simple as the word wet…I guess it just reminds me of the way things were. Always blushing and beating around the bush while I always teased the living life out of you. Back then when things weren’t so…confusing but…it’s not that time anymore. Sorry for bringing it up” She breathes before shaking her head as if she had upset me. Before she can leave the shower, I grab her arm and look into her eyes. It’s not a plead to stay but rather a need to feel something other than pain. She searches my eyes for an sign of doubt but realizes that I miss it too. 

Jeri stays fully clothed as she helps me out of my clothes and helps me shower. To say the action of showering together would be intimate as its more like she bathing me. She carefully runs the sponge over my back, pressing lightly against my scars but never once asking about them. 

A knock on the door startles us both as we’re both lost in the silence of our heads as she helps me into my shower robe. 

“I left clothes on the bed” Ash inquires. I nor Jeri have time to give thanks as Ash is out of the room before we can open the bedroom door. 

“You get showered, I can change” I stop Jeri as I open the door to my room 

“You sure” She asks with worried eyes

“Positive” I lightly smile. She accepts it and heads to shower herself.

It’s a struggle to change into clothes. As I finally get my shirt on, I lay down on my made bed and let out a long breath. 

“Why am I sore” I think outloud. The bedroom door shoots open making me jump to my feet. 

“Momma, where’s mommy” Alice asks as she holds the door open for the pups and then shuts it. I toss my head in a fit of giggles before picking up Alice off the floor and nuzzling her in my lap. 

“Mommy is showering” I answer as Starlight and Ember nuzzle into my sides. Alice hums at my answer and begins to trace patterns on my leg as I run my hand through her hair. We both get lost in the moment, missing the moment Jeri comes to the bed in nothing but a rob and towel wrapped perfectly around her hair. _Whoa. She looks…better than ever._ I think as I take in the bareness of her shoulders and legs. Her face is fresh and clear of stress and ache, she looks…like herself. 

“Mommmyyy” Alice jumps out of my lap and into Jeri’s arms causing both Jeri and I to giggle. 

“Hey there buttercup, shouldn’t you still be sleeping” Jeri asks as she looks Alice in the eyes. I’m left struck by the love and rawness of Jeri’s eyes on Alice’s. _They really are close._  

“I wanted to come see you, I missed you” Alice whine causes the small moment to momentarily pauses. 

“I missed you too, so much” Jeri breathes with pure air. 

“Momma missed you too” My eyes widen as Alice plainly states causing Jeri to look at me with soft eyes. 

“Did she” Jeri’s voice trembles 

“She did, she always said you’d come back and you did” Alice squeals before clinging onto Jeri’s neck. Jeri’s eyes search for mine but I look elsewhere. 

The bed shifts and I meet Jeri’s eyes as Alice’s head lands on my lap and her feet in Jeri’s. Theres a knock on the door and we all turn to look at Ash and Allie. 

“Everyone’s wondering if the Heath’s are going to join us for breakfast” Ash jokes causes Allie to cringe. 

“What do you think Icy, should we join them” 

“You’re really beautiful momma” Alice states out of the random as she looks up at me. _Beautiful? Me? I look like a ghost right now._ I think in my head as everyone waits for me to respond. 

“Not as beautiful as you my dear, now lets go get some breakfast and let Mommy change” I lightly smile. Ash carries Alice out the door with the pups behind her as Allie helps me off the bed. 

“Don’t you dare say it” I whisper as I roll my eyes at Allie as she wears a smirk on her face. 

“I won’t” Allie teases at me as Jeri leaves to the bathroom. 

* * *

 

Breakfast goes oddly silent. Random agents sit amongst us at the table, inducing some of us, including me, with stomach whirling memories. I’m glad to be seated next to Kelley for once as she fends off the occasional stares of the agents whom seek to understand my health. Jeri sits down at the other end with Alice whom hasn’t left her side while Alex sits at my end, three seats to my left. 

I tease my waffle and berries feeling a little nauseous but decide to nibble on the avocado. 

“You going to eat that” An agent hushes at me. I look up at him with my eyebrows furrowed and nod no. He swiftly and unnoticeably exchanges our plates as to make it seem that I had eaten my meal. He gives me a nod of silence and I shoot him a small gesture. 

“Well…this has been quite delicious, who do I give my thanks to” Jeri asks causing everyone to turn. 

It’s a little odd but a genuine gesture from her part. 

“Allie and Lauren cooked it up” Carli answers 

“Awh, well, it was delicious thank you both, from me and the squad” The guys hum in agreement and the two accept the compliment. As we all begin to stand up from the table, I walk over to Ali a bit disoriented. 

“Hey Ali” I whisper as I look around 

“Whats wrong” she immediately picks it up. I swallow hard trying to find the way to ask something as the  sadness and disappointment in myself consumes me whole heartedly. She grabs my hand and leads me out of the house “Tell me” she basically begs as I let my knees meet the ground and my body slouches forward. 

“Where are Kristie and Amy” I ask just above a whisper. Ali stops pacing behind me and suddenly begins to laugh. I turn around with utter confusion and madness as she finds it funny that two of my friends are missing. 

“Whats so funny” I shout as I stand from the ground. 

“Wait wait” She gets out between her laughter “Just wait” She begins to take deep breaths before finally turning to me with a straight face “Oh gosh, sorry, just…Amy and Kristie are fine. They’re not allowed to visit here, how do you not…” Ali stops short at the word remember and I suck my lips in. _Remember._ “Sorry I didn’t mean that” 

“It’s okay” 

“No really, I’m so sorry” Ali begs as I start to get defensive. 

“Ali”

“No sorry, I just thought, you saw them during the war. But you…needed time to get yourself clear from…okay now I feel like shit” Ali sighs as she comes to sit where I stand. Feeling her truth in my bones, I sit besides her and lay my head on her. Normally, it would be the other way around, she would lay her head on mine and it would be I that would protect her. 

Ali takes a deep sigh and I know she’s thinking about it too. Leaving that is. She’s scheduled to leave in the next 32 hours, both Ash and I have been cleared to go. And by cleared I mean Carli was threatened by both Allie and Ali. 

“We’re still going to stay in touch right…you’re not just sending me back and forgetting me are you” Ali lightly jokes. 

“Forget you…how could I ever” I joke back causing her to smile softly. The air goes silent and she swallows hard. I lean my head off her shoulder and realize she’s crying. Without speaking, I pull her into me and hold her close like that many times I have. I feel her chest rise and fall with mine after a good ten minutes notifying me that she is read to talk. 

“I’m sorry” She begins to apologize but I cut her off

“No no, don’t do that. We’ve been through so much already, theres no, theres no sorry in this. Nothing would have been possible without you. And while I know you sometimes blame yourself for some of the pain…it’s okay, it is okay. You see this grass, the sky, those people inside…it was all made possible because of you. And yes, the girl you met is gone but I’m alive and breathing, you gave me a second chance to live and I will forever be thankful for that because even if I can’t remember apart of my life, even if my bones ache, even if my heart continues to break, I still have you guys. We’re all a little broken but our remaining pieces align and while not all the edges touch, we manage to work and that’s more than I could ask for right now. So don’t be sorry, ever, for anything because you’re the best unknown I could have ever known” I hug Ali tighter and give the top of her head a small peck. 

“Thank you” She whispers as I begin to let go. 

“Thank you too” She smile and we stay out until the sky goes dark. Until our souls connect another broken edge together. 

* * *

 

“Momma Momma” Icy comes running into my room. I finish rolling up my long sleeve in time to pick up the running angle in my hands and spin her around. 

“Hey there sunshine” I smile as I catch a note of her bright yellow dress.

“Do you like my dress” She beams with such happiness that it is almost infectious. _You would think she would pick something more subtle for the dinner_ I think to myself. 

“Why…it’s beautiful…just like…you-” I hear a wooden board creek and turn around to gape at Jeri “-r momma” I breath as I take in the commander whom styles a black crop top that cuts off at her top abdominals and shows an inch of skin before her black skirt covers the rest down to her upper thighs. Her simple but classy outfit is toped with a detailed silk but loose cardigan that dangles over one shoulder and rests on the opposite arm. Her hair, which has been in a bun for the last two days, is finally down in waves adding to the already established beauty. Two silver necklaces complete the outfit and I can’t help but stare. 

“Hey theres my beautiful little ray of sun light, you look divine” Jeri chimes as she comes over to Alice and I. I hand Alice over to her mommy as I turn to finish putting on my accessories. I grab my watch and tuck in my button up. I look in the whole length mirror and let out a slow breath. I catch Alice and Jeri’s sights through the mirror and can’t help the feeling that something is wrong. 

“What” I softly ask before turning to look at them. Both share a look before turning back to me “What…is something wrong” 

“Something is” Jeri answer is straight causing worry and confusion to take over. 

“What is it” I begin to panic. 

“Somethings missing” Alice answers 

“What is” 

“A smile” And that I do. After finishing getting ready the three of us head down stairs to meet with Ash and Jose. 

“Why look at you” I cheer as I see Jose

“I could say the same” He rejoices as he looks at me. 

“I did what I could…and I mean, it is was she would have picked out” I shrug as I slightly look down to avoid the blush. While Ali and I sat out in the dark, I asked her what is one thing she wanted to do before she left and what happened was:

 

_’While I would love to meet my clone…I can’t help but need to see us, everyone here share a common ground for once, in a ceremony together…’ Ali ponders outloud._ **_A ceremony?_ **

‘ _a ceremony’ I ask confused._

_‘yeah you know, were we can get together and forget for one moment that we’re still learning and for one night, for one night embrace life and live it as if nothing happened, live it as if we were all still alive’ Ali’s words wound me in ways I never expected._ **_But how…how can we…_ ** _We both look at each other in realization at the same time and waste no time._

 

So I stand in the middle of the entry way wearing a loose but fitted suit. White button up, linen skinny slacks and some light brown ankle booties to match my belt and blazer as it is warm out and the sun is just beginning to set. 

“I couldn’t agree more” Jose replies 

“Well I do for once have to say….hot damn Tobin, making me a little…” She receives a smack from Jeri who points her eyes at Alice. 

“I was going to say a little jealous dang it” Ash curses earning herself yet another smack but from me. 

“No cursing in front of my babygirl” I joke but choke as soon as I realize what I’ve said. Jeri smiles brightly at me as does Jose and Ash. 

“Okay okay, my apologies my goddaughter” Ash jokes as she takes Alice from Jeri’s arms “Because after all, it is me who will be your godmother you know” Ash choos at Alice who giggles at Ash’s tickles. 

“That has yet to be determined” Kelley yells at the top of the stair case. We all turn to see Hope and Kelley walking down the steps. Kelley’s hands hang to Hope’s elbow like the true couple they are. 

“Ohhhhhkayyy you guys, Tobin and I haven’t had time to talk about it so you all will have to wait” Jeri interrupts with a smile. 

“Wait for what” Lauren asks as she walks in through the front door with her husband and Amy and her husband behind her. 

“Ryannnnn” I squeel as I pick up my little nephew and hold him close. 

“Tobbbbyyy” He screams as excited as me. 

“And what about me” Amy frowns. I give her a tight side hug and breath in relaxation. 

“It’s so good to see you” 

“I missed you” 

“I missed you too you know” Lauren jokes as we go for a hug. 

“We’re just arguing over who’s going to be Alice’s godmother” 

“Oh yeah, I thought it was established that it would be us, you know since we’re Tobin’s best friends…after Allie that is” Lauren says while eyeing Jose who laughs. 

“Seriously, we’re still arguing over that” Carli whines as she and Brian join the group. 

“They always argue over that” Abby adds with Sarah besides her. 

“I don’t know what ya’ll bitches are talking about but we all know sweet cakes are going to have Allie and Jose be the godparents” Pinoe adds as she, HAO, Meghan, Morgan and Becky enter the room. Everyone glares at Pinoe as she never filters her word language around the kids “What, they’re going to learn them some day”

“Yeah but that day is not today” Becky hushes as she tugs on Pinoe’s ear. The room erupts in giggles as Pinoe rubs her ear. 

“Okay okay, let them choose but let it be known now that Ashly-”

“Oh shut it and lets go” Captain America is now the one that interrupts. Everyone laughs and chatters as they exit the door and load into the cars that’ll take us to the destination. As Jose waits for everyone to exit, I wait besides him. 

“Jose” I stop him before he exits the house. 

“Yeah” 

“She’s my bestfriend…if” 

“I won’t” He quickly interrupts 

“I know but it’s kinda mandatory I give you the best friend threat” I laugh and he nods understandingly “If you don’t flood me with nieces and nephews I will personally beat your ass you hear me” I crack a wide smile which Jose returns. 

“I love you”

“Love you too Bro” Jose hustles to a car and I walk out behind him. I wave at the others as they leave and sit on the steps of the safe house to wait for my best friend. 

Twenty minutes go by before I spot the car that holds my other half. _My partner in crime, my sister._ I rush to my feet and rush to the open the door for her. As soon as my eyes meet hers, we both tear up. 

“Oh no, hell to the no, I took two hours getting her mascara and eye liner perfect you are not messing it up with some damn best friend moment no, get your ass away” Syd yells as me as I help Allie out of the car. 

“Shut it and let them have their moment” Kristie says as she pulls Syd aside. 

“You look…perfect, absolutely perfect” I beam at my best friend as I spin her around. 

“You think so” She blushes

“I know so” I breath before hugging her. I hear Syd let out yet another curse at me but I don’t let go. 

“I can’t believe we’re doing this” Allie’s shaky voice whispers in my ear with fear causing the swelling waterfall of happiness to overflow. 

“You can’t believe it” I breath “You’ve been waiting for this moment for years now, since the day I met you I think” I joke causing Allie to shake her head at me. 

“I just…It’s here and I just, I don’t know” 

“You love him, he loves you, what else is there to know. You guys were meant for each other and I say that deeply. There are no two other souls more meant for each other than you and Jose” 

“But what if something goes wrong” She whispers as her face drops. I bring her chin up with a finger and look her in the eyes. 

“You can shoot a gun while driving a motorcycle…trust me, if anything goes wrong you can handle it” At my comment the girls standing behind me chuckle. 

“You’re unbelievable” Allie grins

“I know” I wink at her causing her to laugh. Finding that small yet familiar feeling of love in my chest, I look at her simple yet elegant dress. _Gorgeous._ I open up my elbow for Allie to take and turn to the group. As my eyes skim the attire from the group, I’m left frozen in flames as my eyes finally land on Alex’s. The navy blue two piece she wears illustrates every inch of her body. The small floral design on the dress highlights her personality just as good as it is not overpower but differently captivating.  Her hair in curls are loose upon her shoulders and her calfs, perfectly sculptured in her heels. _And this…is Alex Morgan._ I think to myself in a funny yet serious way. 

“You-all look wonderful” I smile at the group that consists of Alex, Christen, Syd, Krisite and Ali. 

“You don’t look so bad yourself” Syd teases as she walks around Allie and I “Not bad at all” 

“I actually will accept that compliment” 

“Even your hair” 

“Why thank you”

“We should get going before they start to think Allie backed out” Ali smiles. I nod and help the girls into their cars. Allie begins to walk to the last car but I stop her. 

“Actually, we’re getting there in a different way” 

“Please don’t tell me we’re taking your death machine” 

“I-what no, you’re in a dress and it’s not a death machine” I laugh as I shake my head “But I need you to not flip or freak out okay” 

“Tobin”

“Just say okay” 

“Tob-”

“You trust me right”

“Yes but it makes me nervous being in a white dress with no where to run” 

“Just say okay”

“Fine”

“Good enough” I take off in my booties and can already feel Allie’s confused eyes on me. I round the house and jump over the fence and continue to run until I reach the top of the hill. 

“Alright buddy, don’t mess this up for me okay” I beg as I approach a wild horse. Taking a sugar cube from my pocket I extend it to the horse with some nerves. _This can either go so right or so wrong._ Close but tentatively the horse stares at me. My breathing is rapid both from the sprint and from the adrenaline running through the body. The horse attentively makes its way to me and never once have I felt more vulnerable as the horse takes the sugar cube from my hand. I carefully bring my hand up its head and run it through its black locks. Slowly I reach into my pocket and pull out a handful of sugar cubes and continue to feed it to the horse. Building up the confidence, I grab the black bridle I stashed here last night and carefully put in on the horse. When it doesn’t retract or attack, I let out a deep breath and kiss the horses head. 

“Thank you thank you thank you” I say over and over as I rush to get the saddle and put it on the horse. In no time I make it back in time to see Allie nearly loading a gun. 

“Okay buddy, don’t startle her, I need her to be relax” I breath into the horses ear as I hop off and walk the horse over to Allie. Her initial reaction is to scream but once we’re stand right before her, Allie’s eye show nothing but love and surprise “Couldn’t let your fairy tale go without a horse” I beam at Allie with a cheeky smile. 

“You’re such an idiot…a wild fucking idiot but my favorite idiot” She smiles. I help her onto the horse and then get on myself. 

“Alright buddy, lets get this bride to her groom”

* * *

 

As we arrive by the lake, we begin to see the lights that we hung up yesterday along with our small alter and rows of people. Everyone stands as we come into sight and I turn to catch Allie’s watery eyes. She gives me a tight squeeze and I smile. As we stop in front of the aisle, Allie’s father helps me down and hand the rein to Tim to hold before turning to catch Allie by the waist. 

“God I hate you” She half giggles with watery eyes as I set her on the ground. 

“I love you too” I breathe as I push back a strand of lose hair “Now go get your boy” 

“Thank you” Allie’s dad turns to me. 

“Nothing to thank, she’s my sister” I speak with truth. He nods and interlocks his elbow with Allie. While I turn to give Alice the nod. She walks down the aisle as the flower girl and then I proceed to walk down the aisle. When I reach the alter, I turn and smile at my best friend. Jose stands with his back to Allie, facing the lake. 

“How does she look” Jose whispers nervously at me. 

“Take a look for yourself” I breath. The music starts and Allie and her father begin to walk down the aisle. My eyes stay on Jose as he turns to see his soon to be wife. From the temple of his lip to the water in his eyes, everything about this moment feels perfect. _Just the way Ali wanted._ I turn to find Ali’s eyes who also beam with life. _This…is what we look forward to, happiness._ Jose steps down from the small elevated platform and takes Allie from her father. They both share a look before Jose helps Allie onto the platform. 

“We are gathered here this evening to _finally_ wed these love birds” Axel jokes causing everyone to laugh, including me “You may all sit” He chuckles. Everyone takes a seat except Servando, Allie, Jose and I as we must stand for most of the ceremony. 

As Axel drops jokes here and there, my eyes remain solely on my family. _Jose, Allie and Alice._ I catch Alice in awe of Jose and Allie as I find Allie and Jose in their own trance. My heart swells with happiness as they share their vows, Jose letting out a few tears as he describes what it was losing Allie. 

“…but even though life was meaningless, I had a reason to live. And that reason is your bestfriend and sister, Tobin” Jose turns to me with his hands still holding Allies. My heart stops as our eyes meet “Thank you. Thank you for taking care of Allie, for giving her strength, friendship, care and love. I know that if something we’re ever to happen to me, she would be okay because of you. Just like I was when she was gone because of you. If theres anyone that loves her just the same or more, it’s you. I promise to care for her, to comfort her, to share happiness with her, to always try and fight for her, I promise to work out every problem and fight we have. I promise to love her just as you have your whole life” I smile through tears at Jose and give him a nod of welcomeness and gratitude. Allie and Jose exchange rings and look up at Axel waiting for him to say the last few words. 

“And so here they are, Mr and Mrs Batista. You may now kiss your wife” 

I smile as my two best friends share their first kiss as a married couple. Fireworks go off across the lake and both Allie and Jose smile. Everyone cheers as Jose picks Allie up and spins her around. My eyes catch Servando’s for a second but instead of any awkwardness or annoyance, all our eyes hair is common happiness for our best friends. 

Everyone helps to rearrange the area to set up for the dinner under the stars, lights and candles. I find myself sitting next to Allie and Ali as the dinner is served. 

“This…is everything and nothing that I could have imagined” Ali breathes as her eyes graze everyone. 

“Is it everything you had hoped for” I ask Ali in hopes her wish came true, a night as if nothing happened. 

“Everything and more” she beams as her eyes land on Ash’s back. 

“She’ll be alright” I say as I her knee a squeeze of reassurance. 

“Because of you…she will be” Ali smiles at me and I nod. 

“I’ll do my best”

“You always do” 

We spend the dinner giggle and smiling, sharing stories and jokes, exchanges words of hopes and dreams, sharing nothing but love. I find a moment to escape when Allie and Jose are distracted by Ali. She gives me a nod and I quickly stand to leave. 

“Alright, you ready” HAO whispers at me as she puts the guitar strap around her shoulder. 

“As I’ll ever be, does Hope have everything set up” 

“Yeah, she’ll start the video when we begin” 

“Okay, good”

“Ali’s going to do it now” Pinoe says as she grabs her drum sticks. We all wait for Ali to drag Jose and Allie to the middle of the dance floor before getting up onto the platform. I take a seat at the piano while HAO sits on a high chair and Pinoe at the drums. Fixing the microphone, I turn to look at the new wedded couple. 

“Never forget that even when the nights dark, stars aren’t always in the sky, sometimes all we have to do is look into someones eyes to see them. Congrats you two, from all of us” I say before beginning. Hope presses play on the video and in the far end of the set up a small slide show by the squad and Jose’s close friends begins to play. 

 

“It's just another night

And I'm staring at the moon

I saw a shooting star

And thought of you

I sang a lullaby

By the waterside and knew

If you were here,

I'd sing to you

You're on the other side

As the skyline splits in two

I'm miles away from seeing you

I can see the stars

From America

I wonder, do you see them, too?

 

So open your eyes and see

The way our horizons meet

And all of the lights will lead

Into the night with me

And I know these scars will bleed

But both of our hearts believe

All of these stars will guide us home” Everyone stands from the tables and light on the candles we set out for them. The entire dance floor begins to fill up with an ocean of stars, surround the couple with nothing but love. 

 

“I can hear your heart

On the radio beat

They're playing 'Chasing Cars'

And I thought of us

Back to the time,

You were lying next to me

I looked across and fell in love

So I took your hand

Back through lamp lit streets I knew

Everything led back to you

So can you see the stars?

Over Amsterdam

You're the song my heart is

Beating to

 

So open your eyes and see

The way our horizons meet

And all of the lights will lead

Into the night with me

And I know these scars will bleed

But both of our hearts believe

 

And, oh, I know

And oh, I know, oh

I can see the stars

From America” As I finish the song, Allie and Jose share a long kiss and we all cheer. Pinoe, HAO and I all share high fives before getting down to meet the couple. 

“You guys sure know how to hit the core” Jose jokes as he hugs each of us. 

“Just wanted to make it special” HAO shrugs 

“Well you sure did” Allie smiles at me “Thank you, you guys” 

“Aye, theres nothing to thank, we expect the favor returned at our weddings” Pinoe jokes earning a fit of giggles from everyone. 

“Well you better get on it Pinoe, your girl ain’t waiting forever” Jose teases Pinoe. 

“Hey now, she has to be the one to ask not me” 

“Grow a pair and ask her man” Allie whines 

“I don’t know…what if she says no” 

“Dude ya’ll have been together for how long” 

“What if it’s not the right time” Pinoe asks as she stares at her girlfriend from afar. 

“If you wait for the right time…it’ll never come. There is no right time Pinoe, just do it” I say as I look at Allie. She smiles and me and pushes Pinoe. 

“What no, not right now, this is your wedding for sakes” 

“And you’re my friend now go” Allie yells as she pushes Pinoe through the crowd. We all follow in suit and stop once we reach Sera. 

“Whats going on, why do you look like you’re going to puke” Alex asks Pinoe. Allie gives Pinoe a stern look before kneeling before Sera. 

“Se-Sera” Pinoe gulps and I can’t help the chuckle that escapes my lips as Pinoe has never been the one to stutter. Allie gives me a serious look making me quiet “Sera I-god I don’t even have a ring” 

“MY GOODNESS PINOE” Allie quickly removes her engagement ring and hands it to Pinoe “You have a minute to barrow it” She says as she hands it to Pinoe. 

“Okay, Okay, Sera, I’m not good with words and you know that. Hell I can’t even make my own bed anyless clean…but you do. And I know that sound odd but it’s true. You balance me out. You complete me. Your the moon and I’m the sun, your the flower and I’m the roots, we’re both one. When I’m with you, you make everything fade. All I can think, breath and love is you. I know this isn’t perfect but that’s the way my life is but what I do know is that you make it perfect. So will you make it perfect forever” Pinoe asks extending Allie’s ring to Sera. Sera’s takes a moment to process it all making us all hold our breaths. 

“Yes” She smiles. Pinoe clashes their lips together and she slips Allie’s engagement ring onto Sera’s hand. Everyone cheers and takes a picture of the two before Pinoe gives Allie her ring back. 

“I’ll buy her one tomorrow” 

“You better” Allie smiles at Pinoe and the girl gives her a salute causing us to laugh. 

“Alright, I need to use the restroom, be back” I tell Allie before running off to the restroom. 

When I exit the bathroom I begin to walk back to the lake but find my doctor standing by my lake. 

“Dr. Shawn” 

“Just Shawn Tobin” He smiles at me before taking one of his hands out of his pocket and extending it to me. 

“Glad you could make it” 

“Thank you for the invite” 

“No problem” I breath as I walk through the grass until my feet almost kiss the water. I burry my hands into my pockets and stare to my left, watching the bulbs of light from the party. _So much light, so much hope._ My eyes fall on Alice and Jeri whom dance in utter joy and I merely smile. I continue to trace my eyes on the edge of the lake until my eyes land on Alex. The small smile fades and my heart aches. 

“You’re feeling” 

“But I don’t understand what I feel. I’ve been stripped from the past, stripped from all emotions, cut by the glass of broken windows, shut out of doors that were never once opened. In my chest, in my blood, in my heart and mind, I feel and think different things. One of them burns my mind, one burns my skin yet they both cool the temperature of my past. Both are like fire and ice and I’m merely water” 

“You don’t have to choose”

“What do you mean” I ask turning to Shawn. 

“I mean eventually you will but you don’t have to choose, you heart will all by its own” 

“And how will I know when it’s chosen” 

“You don’t know, you just feel it” Shawn gives me a nod towards the trail and I watch him leave. I stand by the lake and kneel down to grab some rocks off the floor. The muddy surface of the rocks grazes my skin as I rattle the small rocks in my fist. One by one, I toss them into the lake. Each time throwing with more strength. Each time reaching father into my thoughts. 

“Careful tiger, you’re going to strain your shoulder” I hear his lower yet high pitched voice. My shoulder falls by my side and I turn to meet his eyes. 

“Servando” I breath confused and startled. 

“Tobin” He replies gently. The way my name slips off his lips without the venom it used to scares me. _What has the war done to him?_ I stare at him unsure why he’s standing before me, unsure how to even look at him with everything thats happened. 

“How far have you tossed it” He asks as he bends down to grab a couple of rocks and walks to the shore of the lake besides me. 

“About 80 meters” I reply as I take a step back and allow him to toss a few. For a guy who do a lot of working out, his tosses come too short to mine. He gives me a nod and I prepare to throw a rock at the same time as him “On the count of three…one…two…three” As the word three leaves his mouth, the rock rushes past my fingers and into the air. I stare at my rock as it lands about 90 meters out and wait for Servando’s rock to land, but it never does. When I turn to look at Servando, I see him staring at me. 

“Why didn’t you throw your rock” 

“You were going to win” He states as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. _Well, maybe but still, theres always-_ “You always win” He whispers causing everything to freeze. _What?_ “But that’s not your fault. I’ve watched you, I’ve watched my whole life but never seen just how-” Servando takes a moment to keep himself together as I take the moment to catch up to whats happening. _What._ “-how selfless and genuine you are. You don’t mean to win, you only mean to be and I guess thats the beauty of you” I stand still unsure of what Servando is trying to get to. 

“Servando” 

“We got a divorce”

“What” I practically yell 

“Of course you didn’t know” Servando shakes his head with a small unsurprised chuckle “After the war, she wasn’t the same, I wasn’t the same. I mean how could anything ever be the same” He chuckle again but this time through tears. _He did-does love her._ He clears his throat and then continues “What you did, that, that was an act of true love and I know you don’t remember much but you saved her. You could have let her go but you didn’t. And I know that if that would’ve been me…I don’t know what I would’ve done. So I guess this is me saying thank you, for saving her. It hurts, but it would hurt a thousands times more if she would’ve died, so thank you. Just know that I have nothing but respect and admiration for you. You are and always have been a better human than I have or will be” Servando tosses the rock at me without warning. I catch it effortlessly and try to stop him. 

“She loves you” I try but his feet don’t stop. 

“She loves you too” 

“But you love her as well” At this confession Servando stops but doesn’t turn to face me. 

“So you love her” He asks with the smallest break of voice. 

“I..” It’s my turn to clear my voice as it chips with angst. _I don’t know._ I shrug my shoulders knowing he can’t see my gravity gain friction. 

“You’re not sure” He asks finally turning to meet my eyes. 

“It’s, I, I don’t know. I barely remember her” 

“But she remembers you” 

“That’s not enough. I can’t give myself to someone I don’t know. Someone who burns my skin but not my heart. How do I love someone I don’t know…thats not fair. To either one of us. We’ve been through so much that a miss step could shatter us both. This, everything is so fragile, everything needs time” I say all in one breath. 

“There’s no hurry Tobin, you have a lifetime” Servando says genuine enough for me to sink into my bones. It’s a weird sensation that settles upon the hairs of my skin, the oddity that I have time. While in the forces, there was no time, time was the enemy but now, hearing it out loud, time feels heavy upon my liberty. As if I have to be doing something to not have wasted a minute. 

“So you’re just leaving” I ask with a swallow of fear. 

“Don’t worry, it’s voluntarily” 

“She’ll be crushed” I basically beg him to stay. 

“She already is” With that, he gives me a nod and heads down the opposite way of the party to the entrance of the public, where he’ll leave nothing but his heart behind. I let out a deep breath feeling some weight lifted from my shoulders only to quickly suck in some air as I hear some footsteps. 

“Tobin” Again I let out the air held within my bruised lungs as I hear my best friends voice. 

“It’s only you” 

“It’s only me” Allie frowns. 

“No no, sorry, not like that” I quickly clear up 

“Then what” 

“Servando just left” 

“Oh yeah, he said he needed to go” Allie shrugs off not really getting my phrase. 

“He _left_ ” I repeat emphasizing the word enough until she mouths O “Yeah” I breath as she links her hand with mine. 

“They got a divorce you know” 

“He just told me” 

“Alex didn’t tell you” Allie asks surprised startling me. 

“No” I reply confused. Allie takes a moment to herself before shaking her head. 

“Nows not the time for this, look, it’s my wedding and it’s the most…the perfect evening that we’ve all needed. Let’s just put this whole mess on hold and go back there and dance. Let’s forget that the world exist and pretend that tomorrow will never come” Allie smiles at me. I let out a small chuckle before letting her lead me back to the party. 

“Momma” My half asleep Alice comes wobbling over to me. A panicked Ash rushing behind her with a laughing Ali on her toes. I sweep Alice into my arms where she quickly nuzzles her face into my neck. 

“Sorry, she just jumped out of my arms” Ash quickly apologizes knowing just how protective I am over her. 

“It’s okay, I got her now. Thank you for taking care of her” I smile at Ash. She seems both unsurprised and startled at my thanks. Allie smiles at me while other Ali grins. 

“Momma I’m tired” Alice yawns into my ear. 

“I know baby, let me just” 

“I got her” Jose inquires as he comes to join the small group. 

“You sure” I ask looking in between Allie and Jose. 

“Positive” Jose replies while smiling at Allie. 

“Okay, Icy, baby girl, Uncle Jose is going to take you to bed okay” I inform my little girl as I hand her over to Jose. She nods and quickly finds comfort in Jose’s arms. 

“Awe if my baby sleepy” Jeri’s soft voice asks as she comes by my side and kisses Alice’s cheek. 

“Very tired Mommy” 

“Awe well lets get you to bed shall we” 

“Uncle Jose and Auntie Allie already volunteered” I inform Jeri whom softly smiles. 

“Okay well goodnight my love” Jeri kisses Alice’s right temple and I kiss her left. I stand with Jeri and watch as Jose and Allie carry our child away towards the safe house. I feel Ali’s uncomfortable eyes on us along with Ash’s longing eyes. 

“Thank you guys for watching her for us, I got caught up with some of the guests who wanted to know a little too much” Jeri apologizes to Ali and Ash. 

“Nothing to worry about, anything for my favorite girl” Ash beams with honesty. 

“Thanks, again” 

“Nothing to thank, now if you’ll excuse us, we’re going to go dance” Ali smiles before pulling Ash onto the dance floor. Jeri leans on my shoulder with a sigh. 

“How are we going to choose godparents” She breathes with stress causing me to laugh. 

“It’s funny, how as commanders we face life threatening decisions and can pick within milliseconds but here we are. One ex-convoy and one badass leader, unable to decide who shall care for our girl if anything happens” Jeri giggles with a nod no “What”

“Well, it’s funny because it’s not like choosing between run or fight, this is our daughters future. On the field…it’s only your survival, your teams survival and this is just one girl” 

“Our girl’s” I correct 

“I yes” Jeri smiles “But it’s hard because so many of them have helped us” Jeri whispers as she looks at everyone in the crowd. 

“But who has been there for her” 

“I mean, Ash and Ali, Jose and Allie, Amy helped when she would get sick and then theres my sister”

“We’re a mess” I chuckle as I lean my head on Jeri’s 

“Always have been” 

“Yeah” Silence fills us as we admire our friends in front of us. I find comfort in Jeri’s stead breathing as she must find comfort in my proximity. 

“What do you say we do something crazy” She asks as she turns to meet my sight. 

“Crazy how? I thought this was as crazy as it could get” I joke causing her to laugh. 

“I’m being serious Tobin” 

“Okay tell me, how much more crazy can we be” I give Jeri my full attention. Her eyes gleam, igniting something new in me. _Is that excitement?_

“Let’s make Alex Alice’s godmother” Jeri rejoices at me with such sincerity that I find myself leaning in. _Wait, did she say Alex?!_ I stop leaning into her and quickly begin to panic without reason. 

“Alex, Alex as in your sister Alex” 

“Yes, my sister” 

“Jeri I don’t know”

“Hear me out first will you” She pauses and waits for me to nod before continuing “I know everything is…a complete disaster but she is my little sister before anything else. She was with me and Alice during the war and Ash was there for you during the war and she was there for Alice when we both left her. Allie is her Aunt and Ali is leaving tomorrow” 

“Alex is Alice’s Aunt as well” I argue 

“But she’s not my best friend” 

“Touche, so what you’re saying is Alex and Ash should be Alice’s god parents” 

“No no no, I’m not saying they should be. This isn’t some order Tobin, I’m not the commander…right now…I just, I’m giving you my ideas. This is a decision we have to make together. It’s our daughter’s possible guardians so it needs to be people we can count on. And while Allie is someone I count on, she’s your half, you die, she dies and I can’t have half a guardian” I can’t help the small grin that forms on my face to see and hear her words that show that she is devoted to our daughter. Without warning, I kiss the top of her head. I keep my lips close and whisper that I’ll think about it. 

Jeri leaves my side to rush to the bathroom so I take the opportunity to relax my shoulders. I lean against I wooden post and admire those whom dance to silly music. 

“Don’t tell me you have two left feet” Tim’s hushed voice jokes as he makes his way over to me. 

“If anyone, it’s you mister” 

“Well then why aren’t you out dancing then” 

“Because…this is a slow song” I reply without much excuse. Tim takes my hand and leads me onto the floor. He senses my panic yet doesn’t stop as he positions his left hand at my side and take my left hand in his right. 

“Just follow my lead” And so I do. As the song ends, Tim spins me and lets go of my hand to switch partners. When I land in front of Alex, we both gape at each other. Swallowing hard, I find the courage and place my left had at her rib cage and entangle out free hands together. The song “Georgia On My Mind” by Michale Buble begins to play and so I begin to sway. As I look around, I find my proximity to Alex closer than it was with Tim. I begin to look around and see that more people have joined on the dance floor, forcing everyone to close empty spaces. When Alex’s front presses to my momentarily, I softly giggle. 

“What” 

“I just, could you ever have imagined this” I chuckle

“What? This wedding or us slow dancing” 

“Both” I breath out barely as I’m forced to get closer to Alex as everyone seems to have joined the dance. My face sends up looking past Alex’s, in a position where we’re both basically whispering into each others ears. 

“If I’m being honest…at some point…yes” Alex replies with a shaky voice. I nod and spin her around to lessen her embarrassment. 

“Really? When” I ask as we’re back to whispering. 

“I ugh…when we slow danced at Abby’s house” 

“We did that” I ask confused but intrigued 

“Yeah, when we were in the other world” 

“Oh” I whisper saddened that I still don’t recall such world “Whats it like” I ask both surprising Alex and myself. 

“It’s, hmmm, it’s different” She answers plainly “Oh no no, it’s, it’s just something you have to see and experience for yourself to know the feeling of it” Alex quickly stampers out when she sees my frown. 

“I’ll get to experience that tomorrow” I say hopeful but nervous. 

“Hey, theres nothing to worry about” Alex says as she gives my hand a squeeze. _Right, nothing to worry about._ “I’m serious Tobin” She inquires as if reading my mind. 

“I don’t remember them, other me, I mean I met her and other you but…I just, it’ll be like meeting them all over again” 

“It is a new world” Alex smiles and I can’t help but giggle. _That is it…_ “Theres nothing to worry about, you’ll have Allie and I there” I nod as the song finishes and drop Alex’s hands. 

“Well I guess this is it, you’re a good dancer” I compliment Alex 

“Thanks, I know” She jokes before moving on down the line and leaving me shaking my head. 

I find my way through the crowd and end up sitting at some deserted table sipping on some ice. As I watch the crowd my eyes begin to blur. Bringing my hands up to rub them, random images of some dance flash before my eyes startling me. I grab onto the edge of the table to stand but pain shoots through my head causing more images to flash through my brain. My heart beat quickens as the hairs on my back stand and my skin begins to sweat. I grip onto the table in fear I’ll fall and pray that it’ll end. _What is going on, who are these people, why won’t it stop-_

“Tobin” Someone’s hand grazes my shoulder, almost sending me to the ground in fear. My eyes clear up and I see Becky staring at me with wide eyes that over violate the sensation of concern “Tobin” She tries but I rush out of there. 

As I find my way through the dance floor, I search for something, anything to give my heart peace. Suddenly a hand grabs me and turns me. Toned arms shelter my tears and clothe my bare fear. 

“Hey hey, it’s okay” Alex’s worried voice whispers into my ear and she holds me close. I hear Alex whisper something to someone before returning her attention to me. “It’s okay, it’s going to be okay, just listen to my heart, focus on that and not the images in your head” she orders in a hurry, trying to find a way to settle my own heart. 

The song Lost by Michael Buble begins to play and Alex begins to sway. The slowness of the songs gives us a perfect excuse to be this close and the lyrics give us the perfect excuse not to talk as they take the words in our heads and displace them in a soothing beat. 

"Cause you are not alone

And I am there with you

And we'll get lost together

'Til the light comes pouring through

'Cause when you feel like you're done

And the darkness has won

Babe, you're not lost

When the world's crashing down

And you can not bear the cross

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost

I said, baby, you're not lost” Alex sings to me as the song ends. I pull away from her feeling refreshed and confused. 

“Thank you” I smile and she smiles back. 

“No, thank you” She replies before giving my head a lingering kiss. 

* * *

 

I stare in the mirror as I stand in a new version of my scout suit. It’s basically the exact same thing except new features have been added and my medals are missing. Bending down to tie my boots, I straight out my posture and head for the door, grabbing my helmet on the way to the door. Ash waits for me at the bottom of the stair case  as she had done all through the war and even goes as far as saluting me. 

“Oh stop, I’m not the commander” 

“You’ll always be my commander” She genuinely says. 

“And mine” Allie says. I turn around to see my best friend in a similar suit, except not to the elegance as mine. I bite my lip and have to look down at the ground. 

“Whats wrong” She asks as she continues down the stairs. 

“The last time…the last time I saw you in a suit” My voice breaks and I fight through the emotions. 

“Hey hey, don’t, you’re going to cause an episode if you think about it” Ash rubs my back and I have to take deep breaths to calm myself down. 

“I’m here Tobin. Alive and well…because of you” 

“I know I know but half my memories are gone and I just-I’m sorry”

“Don’t be. Now lets go to the meeting” Allie takes my hand and leads me to the elevator of the safe house, where we load up and descend a few floor to the meeting room. As the door opens, the special agents straighten up and all salute me. 

“What’s going on” I whisper into Allie’s ear confused to why they are saluting me. 

“I don’t know but we’re about to find out” She replies in a whisper. We push the doors of the meeting room open and everyone stands from their seats, including Jeri whom wears her commander uniform on the other end of the meeting room table. 

“Welcome Tobin, Allie” Jeri nods at us cause me to swallow hard. I awkwardly walk to the only chair available, at the head of the table. Allie takes the seat besides me and we wait for Jeri to speak “As you may all be aware, today marks not only the departure of our good friend Ali Krieger but also the ending of such saga of events. Today will be known as Zoe. In greek it speaks of the life we were granted and in earthly terms, the definition refers to an individuals life while on earth. It shall be a reminder to the generations to come that life is sacred. Life is not a gift but a privilege, a privilege that pays the price of death and an end. All things come to an end…as the life of shadows we lived in will come to an end once the last piece of the puzzle is placed in it’s corresponding place. That piece is our friend Ali whom will be returned safely to her home on earth. She will be in the hands of not I but of this worlds heart and soul, nobody other than Miss Tobin Heath” Jeri speaks with modesty and such pride overwhelming me. Everyone standing on the side of the table begins to clap in my honor. I take a moment to let it all sink that today, ends the life that we new but also marks the day we are renewed. 

“Tobin” Jeri hands over the floor to me. I take a deep breath unprepared for this but nonetheless settle right in. 

“I just want to say thank you. To all of you in this room. While we may have been on opposite sides throughout our lives, the actions take while I was on my knees along with all the board has accomplished in the hands of the new commander and members of the world shows me that everything has been worth it. The sacrifices all taken, the ones we are to take and the ones we will not know of will all be worth it because of our burdens. Let it be known that _we,_ made a difference, that _we_ never gave up, that _we_ helped change the world. Everyone one of us. In this room…made this possible…not just the women I was. It fills me with great sadness to let go of my dear friend but she has sacrificed the most from all of us and it is only fair that we let her go. Zoe, will be the day our nightmares end and the day our new lives begin” I say from the top of my head. Everyone claps and I give Jeri a nod. We take a seat and Jeri’s right hand runs down the process of getting to Polemos, the safety measure we have to take to avoid chemical clouds and the process of getting Ali home. 

“…once we arrive, assault Long and member Morgan will lead Scout Heath, the commander, the subject and Carli to the location of the drop off. Leader Lloyd” The right hand hands the floor to Carli. The room’s hologram shifts and Carli stands. She closes the hologram and the small light in the room highlights our faces. I can sense Carli’s dry mouth and stiffen. 

“As Tobin mentioned…this was, all made possible because of us…but there are a few whom aren’t here with us” Carli pauses and I can immediately sense the weight of the names on her chest. **_She’s hurting too_** _._ “Zane Bale, a member of the special squads…was lost in our mission to bring Allie, Alex and Tobin from the other world here. He sacrificed his life for us and took down the members of his own squad. It is of my responsibility to deliver our gratitude and heaviest apology for the lose of Zane to his father…Isaac Bale” Everyone grasps while I bite my trembling lip and curl my fist. Allie reaches over to place her hand on mine but I quickly move it away. Her begging eyes stare at my cheek as I shake my head no. 

“He was my right hand” I state causing everyone to look at me “Wasn’t he” I ask a bit louder. 

“Yes” Carli answers 

“I’ll deliver the apologies” 

“No, I have already-”

“His death does not fall upon your shoulders Carli, his death falls upon the capitol, upon Sepp but he is dead. I killed him, I killed the one to blame, therefore it shall be me that sees the eyes of a dark soul. Not you. You have seen enough” 

“There’s one small problem” An agent steps in

“Which is”

“His body was never recovered” Carli whispers. I swallow the knot in my throat and nod a farewell. 

“Then I shall deliver that news too” Carli nods and the meeting closes. We are lead to back into the house and the squad members begin to shuffle into their trucks. As I walk out of the elevator, I meet Alice’s gaze along with Shawns. 

“Babygirl, what are you doing here” I ask as I kneel before her and take her in my arms. 

“Are you leaving me again” Her raspy voice questions breaking my heart. 

“No no, of course not baby. We’re taking Auntie Ali home remember” I quickly reassure my little girl. 

“Baby, Alice, what are you doing awake” Jeri quickly leaves her squad and rushes over to where I kneel with Alice. 

“Are you and momma leaving me” Alice turns to Jeri. Jeri’s eyes search mine and I nod no, she quickly takes Alice in her arms and whispers words of reassurance into Icy’s ear. I look back towards to the door and see Alex staring. A pain of guilt settles upon my chest but her eyes show nothing but love. 

“We will be back soon, I promise”

“Are you leaving when you come back” My neck almost snaps as I turn towards Alice’s words. Jeri’s crushed eyes and Alices longing heart knock the wind out of me. _Will she leave?_ Jeri’s sight drops and I prepare to hear her excuse but instead, she takes my hand and Alice’s in hers and whispers the words I’ve been longing to hear. 

“No, family comes first” I’m not sure if its mine or Alice’s arms the hug Jeri first but the three share a long hug. We kiss Alice goodbye and head into our cars. Allie, Alex, Ali and I are seated in a blacked out car in which we can’t see out of the windows. The journey is long and most of it is spent in silence. 

“You would think they’d at least let us see the ruins of our home” Alex whispers causing my head to turn. 

“You want to see them” 

“Don’t you” Ali asks me and I shrug.

“Well I for sure what to see the beach” Allie yawns as she wakes up from her nap.

“How can you sleep in this van” I ask as it seems our drivers are aiming for every hole in the ground. 

“You’re comfortable”

“Am no”

“I second that” Ali states

“Third” Alex too agrees. 

“Ya’ll are crazy” I roll my eyes as I bring my feet up from the ground to place them on Ali’s lap. In the process of doing so, the driver hits yet another pot hole sending me to the ground of the van. The sensation of falling makes me suck in my breath sharp and go into an episode. 

 

_“Alex” I whimper with rapid breathing trying hard to not lose my grip._

_“I’m okay Tobin”_

_“Zane will be here soon, just hold on” I cry as I continue try to bring out in pain as my shoulder slowly begins to move out of its socket._

_“It’s pointless Tobin, one more hit and we’re dead” Alex’s calm voice points out._

_“Don’t think that way” I half yell in panic as I try to tighten my grip on Alex who’s starting to slip._

_“It’s okay Tobin, you can let go” She soothes for me causing my to bite my lips in desperation and fear._

_“I won’t let you go Alex…not again” I cry through tears as I search the air for Zane’s hover craft and see it in the distance. Come on Zane…The tower bulges a little causing my heart to stop momentarily as I see new hover crafts lining up to shoot the tower._

_“You’re not letting go baby…I am” Alex says before letting go of my hand. My mind races ten times faster then hers as I let go of the tower and grab onto her hand at the last second and swing her up towards the tower with all the strength left in me._

 

As my mind returns to reality I’m on the ground heaving. Everyone in the van has panicked eyes as they stare at me but all I see is Alex. _I saved her….I felt…_ I spring to my feet and with all my strength force the van doors open. I jump onto the street from the moving van and land on my side. I hear the breaking of the van and the footsteps of everyone running towards me. The vision lingers in my head as I begin to puke. 

“It’s going to be okay, just breath” Allie quickly kneels besides me and rubs my back as I try to breath. 

“I let go” I barely choke out as I can feel my heart reacting to the vision. 

“What” Ali asks hearing me

“I saw, I felt, Alex” I cry as I hear Alex’s voice in my head. 

“What” It is now Alex that comes close to me in fear. 

“You were going to let go…you were going to choose my life over yours” The vision soon makes sense to Alex and she quickly wraps her arms around me. 

“You remember, oh my gosh you remember that” Alex breathes into my hair as my ear listens to her heart. I nod yes against her and she lets out another ‘oh my god’. 

“Zane…” I whisper just above a cry and Alex lets out a long slow breath. 

“Yes, Zane caught me at the perfect time” I nod and begin to detach myself form Alex to clean up. Two agents stare at use and I realize we’re on the ruins of the high way. 

“We have to get going” One of them apologetically orders. I nod and follow the girls back into the van murmuring an apology to the agents whom shake it off saying it was okay. 

We arrive at Citadel within minutes and are blindfolded as they lead us to the Polemos. Once inside the building, they remove out blind folds and my eyes furrow. Half the level is covered and I look towards Allie whom simple swallows hard. 

“It ugh…Zane basically slaughter half his squad here…and ugh…when the commander swept through here after Sepp was killed it was a blood bath…yeah” Allie gives a brief description and we all pain. I walk down the stairs like I had down a thousand times but feel the emptiness within. 

“Are you okay” Shawn asks as he rushes over to me with Becky. 

“Yeah, just a minor memory” 

“We’ll talk when you get back” I nod yes and head over to the energy bases established with the clean energy I created for Frost. _Frost…my dear friend._ I rub my hand over the glass as the blue electric energy bounces off the walls inside. 

“Very impressive” Abby compliments and I turn to see her. 

“You guys are using Citadel to hide it” 

“Well…while I kinda hate you for hiding such an amazing thing from the world…but…I agree that it is too powerful, for my self included” Abby says as she stands besides me with her hands behind her back. I stare into the large container. 

“So what are your plans for it” I ask as I finally turn to look at her. 

“Actually…it is in your hands” Abby says handing me an envelope. 

“What’s this, what do you mean” I ask as I take it from her and reach inside to bring out a single paper. 

“That is…the handing over of power. This, this energy you created belongs in the hands of the only human capable knowing pain, of knowing darkness and mere lose without using such powerful elements to get revenge” 

“Abby”

“No I have made my decision. We will, my company and the board, manipulate and create inventions and such as you ask and as is needed. But to have this in the hands of anyone other than you is wrong. After all, Frost was you friend, apart of him is in that energy” I nod my head unable to use my words and offer my hand to Abby. She takes it and then walks off to Hope and her group to get the portal open. 

“Alright, it’s ready” JJ calls out to everyone a few minutes later. I leave the clean energy base and walk over to where a portal is ready for the opening. A cold shiver runs over my body but Allie is there to make it go away. 

“Don’t worry…it’ll be okay” I nod and leave her side to find Ali. 

“Hey” 

“Hi” she replies nervously. 

“Here, I’ll tighten your straps” I take Ali’s backpack straps and fasten the to ensure they don’t come undone. 

“I’m nervous” 

“I can tell” I giggle as I finish buckling the straps. 

“I mean, I’m ready but”

“But you’re a little scared”

“Yes”

“We all are”

“This isn’t the end right” Ali asks making me stop. 

“No, no this isn’t…I still have to go to your wedding” At the inference of her Ash, Ali smiles. 

“Right…and I have to come to my goddaughters ceremony” Ali jokes causing me to grin 

“That you do” 

“Are we ready” Jeri yells and I smile. 

“We are” I beam as I take Ali’s hand in mine. We all line up along the red line and wait for Abby to turn the portal on. I search for Allie’s helmet and find her up front with Alex while I stand next to Ali and Carli. One by one we jump in. The fall is far quicker and faster than what I can recall physically. 

“Tobin Tobin, are you okay” Allies worried voice echos through my ears as I being to open my eyes. I remove my helmet and stair into the brightness of the Forrest. _So many bushes…forrest?!_ I spring to my feet dropping my helmet as I stand and stare at the beauty before me. 

“I think she’s more then okay” Carli laughs as I stare in awe of the environment around me. 

“Alright women, come on, we have a mission to finish” Allie grabs my arm and begins to pull me ahead. I walk a little behind the group admiring the ground and air. Memorizing the sound of our boots against the soil, inhaling the fresh air and letting it all sink in. _I’m in another world._ I think as Ali bumps into my shoulder. I look up and find Alex and Jeri whispering something and Ali’s confused eyes. 

“Are we close” I ask as we reach a new trail. 

“Yeah before we walk any further we need to take our suits off and get some things straight” 

“Like” I question as we all unzip out suits and place them in our backpacks. 

“As soon as we arrive, we’re going to have to inject Ali with this” Jeri interrupts as she pulls a needle out of her commander’s bag. 

“Wait, whats that” I ask and Jeri looks up at Ali. 

“It’s ugh…it’ll give me temporary amnesia along with other symptoms” 

“Temporary amnesia, what, why didn’t I know of this” I begin to grow hurt

“We all thought it would be best if we told you here…Ali’s been missing for months here, she can’t just magically appear and be okay. She needs to be in the state of…being lost” 

“Lost? How much is she going to lose? Has it been tested? The side effects”

“Unknown” Carli gulps 

“You’re telling me, we came all this way to give Ali back home only to test a new drug on her to build a story” 

“Tobin” Ali tries but I make my space

“I will accept this on one condition” 

“What” Alex is the one who asks. 

“I go in the ambulance with her” 

“Tobin no, the hell I will let that happen” Allie is the one to speak before anyone

“Let her” Jeri speaks startling everyone “Tobin was the one who mended Ali when she first arrived, she keep an unknown alive for months without any one of us knowing…if anything goes wrong while Ali is in the hospital, Tobin is the only one who can save her. Our mission to bring Ali home safe, and the only person she will ever be safe with is with Tobin and Ash. We will talk to other Tobin about it as soon as we arrive” No one speaks a word as I give Jeri a silent thanks. We continue on our way and immediately the humidity of the air begins to dense the closer we get to where we need to be. A few more yards and I hear it. _The ocean._ My eyes beam as I look at Allie with excitement, her eyes pierce back into mine with happiness. 

“Almost there” She whispers to me as we continue. The pace of our footsteps pick up as my heart beats against my chest. I hear Ali’s nerves rack against her bones the closer we get and I find myself feeling so much more excited and calm then before. Letting go of my best friend’s hand, I slip my hand into Ali’s. 

“Together”

“Together” She smiles back. Sand begins to take over the dirt trail and I hear Allie and Alex whisper things back and fourth. Jeri seems lost in awe as Carli watches out for the group. As I watch everything before me, my eyes catches a glimpse of the water past the trees. _We’re close._ As I take the first step onto the sand, the group stops and it doesn’t take anyone’s release of breath to realize we’re here. 

In the slowest and most special of moments, I see them. The team, all spread around the beach, gathered around a burned out fire pit, just waiting for a miracle that they don’t know is standing behind them. 

As soon as my eyes land on Ashlyn’s back, Ali whispers the name of her true lover. Like if it were a movie, Ali’s hand leaves mine and she runs. Faster and stronger than ever before down the hill and towards her soul mate. Ashlyn’s slow reaction melts my heart as she drops everything and runs towards Ali. My eyes water as Ali jumps into Ashlyn’s ready arms and meets her lips in the middle. There share mere seconds together as the entire team crashes into the couple. I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to meet Allie’s eyes. 

“She’s home” I breathe in disbelief 

“And so are we” Allie beams back before leading the rest of us down to the beach. 

“Long” Allie’s clone yells as soon as her eyes catch on. Allie leaves my side to meet with her clone as do Alex and Carli. Leaving Jeri and I standing not too far. 

“Wow…this place is beautiful” Jeri breathes as she skims her eyes along the coast. 

“It sure is, isn’t it Jerbear” I hear the voice of Isaac Bale and turn. Jeri quickly embraces the man she came to know as family and he holds her tight. 

“Heath” I hear my voice and turn to see my clone. 

“Tobin” I speak nervously as I extend my arm. She looks at it sadly but takes it nonetheless. 

“Thank you, I can’t begin to thank you enough” 

“Don’t…we still have much to get through” I reply genuinely as I feel the bottle of solution against my thigh that will be injected into Ali in a few hours. 

“If it isn’t my favorite piece of candy” Pinoe’s clone grins at me right before smacking my shoulder. 

“Careful Pinoe, she has to make it back in one piece” Hope jokes before extending her arm to me. 

“Thank you Commander” 

“I-ugh, actually” I pause and pull Jeri to my side “This would be the commander…I’m simply Tobin. Tobin Heath” I say taking Hope’s hand. Her mouth hangs open until Ali pushes past her. 

“Alright Hope, enough. You guys remember Lex and Long, Lloyd here is part of the world leaders now, Jeri is the new commander and this girl…” Ali says taking my hand “…is my hero and friend, Heath” The introduction reminds every one of my dried out story but the team does a mediocre job of pushing the memories aside and expressing their gratitude for all that I’ve done. 

“Heath” Alex’s soft voice greets me scaring me a little. 

“Alex” I half smile as I shake her hand. Her hand lingers in mine longer then usual, as if waiting for me to remember everything. To her disappointment, I pull my hand away and tuck it away in my pocket. Where it can hide and burn with her touch. 

“How are you” 

“I’m…overwhelmed” I reply as I breath in the sea filled air

“Have you been to the water yet” 

“In another mind, yes” I joke. Alex forces out a smile and I can see that my presence before her is hard. And while I wish to know why, I fear knowing will only hurt me. 

“Would you like me to show you the way” She quickly shields her emotions. I remain silent but nod yes. She leads us past the group that huddle Ali in hugs and love. As the sand becomes moist, I stop to remove my shoes. I hear Alex gulp and look up to her for an explanation. 

“Sorry…you simply did the same thing the first time” 

“Oh” I mouth as pick up my boots from the ground “Well…thats a comforting detail”

“It is”

“Yeah…in a sense, it makes me feel like I’m still me” 

“You look the part” She jokes and I can’t help the grin the so easily replaces my straight face. _The effect she has on me._

“Yeah, now I just have to feel it” I breath as I watch the ocean water come up into shore time after time. 

Once I’m standing only inches from the water, I roll up my jeans and take a moment to look into the abyss of blue. 

“It’s beautiful isn’t it” 

“More than what a millions words could describe” I breath as the cold water bathes my warm feet. I feel a tug on my chest and close my eyes. I feel a cool shiver take over my body and then theres a stinging sensation “I’ve swam here before” I state as I let the feeling overwhelm my senses. 

“You remember” Alex gasps 

“My body does” I whisper before walking into the water a little deeper. 

“I would be careful…the last time you were in the water you got too much attention from the jellyfish” Alex says as she stands right on the edge of the water, two feet away. 

“That explains the scars on the right calf”

“Those” Alex voice gives away the smallest sign of happiness since I’ve arrived. 

“Care to share the story” I ask as I turn to meet her gaze. She coats her lips with her tongue before sharing the story on how I stubbornly got into the water at midnight. 

“Sounds like something I would do” I laugh at myself

“You sure know how to give a girl a heart attack” Alex jokes and I laugh until the moment dies. I see Jeri standing besides Carli and Ali and know that its time.

“Everything okay” Alex asks as she follows my sight and then looks back at me. 

“Lets hope it will be” I gulp as I get out of the water and quickly put my boots on. Alex and I walk back to the group without talking. 

“Its time” Carli tells me as we arrive. 

“Time for what” Alex asks

“It would be best if you found Tobin” Jeri responds for me. 

“Find me for what” I turn to find my clone walking towards us with Ash and shiver. Tobin takes her side next to Alex and I feel a shot of pain as I see Lex staring at them, wishing it were us. Letting my head fall just the slightest, I feel a hand on the arch of my back and turn to see Ali giving me a soft smile. 

“Its time for Ali’s return to the world” I stick my hand into my pocket and pull out a tube with blue liquid “The last step” I breath as I hold the vile up to the light for everyone to see. 

“What is that” Tobin asks. I bring my hand down and twirl it in my hands. 

“Does Ali look like she’s been stranded in the unknown for months”

“No” Tobin responds to Carli confused

“Exactly, Ali can’t just magically appear out of know where looking like she was in the Olympics” 

“Excuse me, I’m not following” Hope speaks up. 

“Look. Ali according to the police and what the news spurred up, disappeared in the woods. Look at her now, she’s healthier than ever. Not a single scratch. This…solution…will give her symptoms of what a doctor would normally expect when someone goes missing” Carli answers

“And what exactly do doctors expect” Alex asks 

“Dehydration, pain, starvation…amnesia” I answer

“Whoa whoa whoa, are you saying she could lose some of her memory” Tobin asks with some hiss to it

“Look, we have a team back at home of specialist, Becky herself designed”

“I don’t care who designed it, it’s dangerous” 

“Tobin” 

“No!”

“It’s not your choice” Ali breaks Carli and Tobin up “Ash and I have talked. She and Heath will be the ones with me. Heath is, with respect to my life, the only one I can trust to save me if something happens. She is the only person known to man to survive all those symptoms and more. I need you and the rest of the team to be okay with it because I’m okay with it. It’s going to be hard, we don’t know the exact effects but I trust them and that’s enough for me” 

“If that’s what you wish” Tobin whispers. 

“It is” Tobin nods and the team hurries off to gather the camp and head home. Jeri, Carli, Alex, Allie, Ali, Ash and I stay back to formulate the plan of Ali’s discovery. Once everything is packed and loaded, we all get together to say our quick farewells. 

“You stay at Abby’s house, no leaving anywhere. As soon as they fly us to OHSU, you come with the team, Alex and Tobin will stay at home along with Allie” I order my bestfriend 

“Tobin, I know the plan” 

“I know”

“Stop. Stop being scared. Everything is going to be okay. She’s with you, you’re the only one who can save her if anything goes wrong. We’ll be at the hospital as soon as the news breaks out. Abby is currently training the team how to handle the media” 

“What if I can’t save her”

“Hey hey, don’t”

“I couldn’t save Laure or Amanda” 

“Tobin, babygirl, no” Allie hugs me as I fight the tears “It’s going to be okay, I promise” Allie whispers into my ear. Abby honks and Allie gives my head a quick kiss before running into the truck. I watch and all four team cars disappear into the woods and I turn to find Issac. 

“You sure know how to play it close kid” He smiles at me and I let out a nervous chuckle. I clear my throat to try and find the words to express my gratitude for him and his son but I can’t “It’s not your fault”

He states reading me like a book. 

“He was a good man, on behalf of the new world, I’m sorry. I’m deeply sorry that I was not able to protect him, for not being able to recover his body and for putting him in a position of sacrifice. I have failed you and the world and it haunts me every day. I give you this” I take Issac’s left hand and wrap Zane’s gold bracelet around his wrist “In the name of Kardia, the new leaders and commander as a sign of gratitude and honor. Zane helped me all throughout the war, he saved Lex, he saved Alex, Tobin and Allie, he helped save hundreds of lives and I wear his tag with great mourn and sorrow but know that as your son, he died with no regrets and for that, I thank you. For blessing both the world and me with the presence of an angel” I lock the bracelet around Issac’s hand and unexpected Issac wraps his arms around me. 

“And thank you…for suffering a thousands lives to allow me to hold me son” Issac voice breaks but his smile doesn’t. He lets go and I clear my eyes. We walk to Jeri, Ash, Ali and Carli whom wait by the beach. 

“So now we wait” Ash breathes while holding Ali in her arms. 

“We wait” I answer as I take a seat on the sand. 

“Can we run through the plan one more time to ensure there are no loop holes” Jeri asks 

“We wait till Abby calls around 6:30, Ali, Jeri, Carli and Issac head up the mountain to the set spot of discovery. Ash and I will be down by her truck packing the last of the things. We head up the mountain around 7. We _find_ Ali in the woods, I inject the solution around 7:10. Effects should take around 40 seconds to kick in. Ash will call 911 as we run to the truck and head to town speeding. The rest will load with Issac and drive reasonably behind and head straight to Abby’s”

“Yep, no loop holes” 

“So we have two hours to kill” Jeri yawns

“We should rest, it’s going to be a long 24 hours” 

“How long did Becky say the effects would last” I ask

“Minor ones, 10-14 hours, longer ones, she estimated 42 hours” 

“We should be out of here by Tuesday then” Jeri thinks out loud

“Correct” 

“May I ask a question that may or may not touch some sore spots” Issac chips in

“Sir, we are open wounds…please do the honors” Carli jokes and I shake my head. 

“How are the regions standing…with the throne being dismantled, there being no president. What is the need of a commander” I see Jeri and Carli tense up but also Ali altering me a bit. 

“I…ugh…the regions…” 

“We have activity in Kanatos…but not in Huros and Telios” Carli answers. Issac and I take a moment to let the information to sink in. _But…but it’s been months. How have Telios and Huros not made contact._

“We’ve tried Tobin” Jeri reads my thoughts “But things keep failing…after the death of Sepp and you going into confinement, they never made contact again” 

“But how…they are the regions that rely on us” Issac ponders out loud. The topic lingers in the air as the two hours of waiting pass by slowly. Each minute sinks into our heads ever so slowly, devouring our thoughts and consuming our faith whole. When Issac’s phone rings, everyone sits still. He lets it ring until the last second before picking it up and murmuring only one word, soon. Jeri, Ali, Issac and Carli head up the mountain as Ash and I walk to her truck and pack the last of her things in silence. We finish quicker than anticipated and object to lean against her truck. A majority of the time is spent looking at my watch and she trying to muster the courage she’ll need in the next few minutes. 

“Don’t forget to breath” I smile at her as my clock reads 7. 

“How are you so calm” She asks with nerves as I grab my back and toss it into her truck. 

“It’s a funny thing, not being able to feel” 

“It must be nice”

“Not having a heart” 

“I didn’t mean it like that”

“It’s okay, I know what you meant. It’s scary, it’s scary because you can cave into not feeling and nothing kills more than not feeling” I reply ending the conversation. Ashlyn doesn’t push the topic so we walk. It takes us 15 minutes to arrive to the place of discovery. When I look up to see Ali in the clothes I found her  in, I freeze. The image of her lying on the floor in the middle of the battle field flashes before me and I close my eyes. 

“Tobin, Tobin are you”

“I-I remember” I cut Ali off “You’re on the ground and I fell back, you whispered where before you went out. I’m scared, at first, but then I feel, I feel the need to save you. I call for Ash and I pick you up. I run, I run for your life as I feel you slipping. We make it to the roof barely, I load you to the hover craft and…and you open your eyes to say my name”

“Tobin” Ali whispers causing me to open my eyes. She looks into me bare before hugging me. I hold her close for what feels like minutes before letting go. 

“Lets finish this” I state with more ease. Ali Lays on the ground and Jeri, Carli and Ash move back. 

“Take Ash to the trail” I order

“What” 

“Take her” I speak again as Ali stares into my eyes, searching for an answer as to why I’m not following the plan. 

“Go” Ali then speaks. Jeri and Carli wrestle a very mad Ash towards the trail as Issac stands silent, a few feet away. 

“It’s going to hurt” 

“I know, I’m ready” Ali tries her best to convince me but also herself. 

“Her vitals” I ask Issac 

“Normal, great actually” I nod and reach into a small case with the specialized tool needed to inject the medicine into Ali. As I prepare it, I think of all the things I have lived with Ali and moan the moments I can’t recall. I click the vial into place and gulp. 

“I guess this is our farewells” I say as I close the small case and bring the needle to Ali’s left shoulder. 

“I’ll see you, when I wake right” 

“If all goes well, you won’t” I answer with honesty. 

“You’re coming back, for my wedding right” Ali begs with tears in her eyes. 

“You and I are unfinished business” I promise her. She smiles and gives me the nod to go forward. I hold my breath in as I insert the needle into her arm. She curses in pain as I slowly inject the solution. As soon as it’s done, I quickly remove the needle from her arms and toss it into the case. 

“Her vitals are falling…quickly” Issac reports as Ali’s eyes begin to grow foggy. 

“Ali, Ali can you hear me” I ask as I push some hair out of her face and feel her burning. 

“I-it hurts”

“What hurts” 

“Everything” Ali’s voice is weak and I look up to Issac. The monitor in his hands begins to beep and I quickly turn to Ali. 

“Ali, Ali, Ali can you hear me, Ali” he eyes are now closed and her breathing is weak. I look up to Issac whom is already packing his things and grabs the case. 

“Its time to go” He whisper to me and I nod. I sweep Ali into my arms and run with Issac behind me. I run not in pretend but in actual fear as I’m stranded in a world where technology is weak, where I can’t help Ali if the antidote doesn’t wear off. A world were it’s truly just me and no one to define me other than that. As we reach the trail, I yell for Ash. 

“ASH ASH CALL 911, NOW” I yell. I’m not sure if the shakiness of my voice is from actual fear or from my heaving breathing but it doesn’t matter. As soon as we’re on the trail, Issac pulls Jeri and Carli and runs while Ash stares at Ali with the phone in her hand. 

“She’s, she’s breathing, barely” Ash tells the women on the line through tears.  

“Put her one speaker” I order 

“I, our friend, we found our friend Ali, Alexandra Krieger, she’s burning, her breathing is shallow” I tell the women on the line 

“Can you see if she hurt, anywhere physically” 

“I, theres minor cuts on her body, no major bleeding, on the outside” I examine Ali’s quickly decaying body and gulp. _I trust that you’re right Becky._ I think before I follow the women’s steps into giving Ali CPR. 

“Tobin, Tobin I’m going to need you guys to get Ali to the beach where the helicopter will arrive in two minutes, can you do that” 

“What about her breathing”

“They will have life support ready for your friend, the sooner you get her down, the sooner we can work to save her” I look at Ash who’s crying as she massages Ali’s still hand and nod okay as if the women could see. We sprint down the hill and onto the beach where police and medics wait. 

“OVer OVER HERE” I yell breathless as I come to the edge of the woods “Ash yell” I beg as I can no longer feel Ali’s heart beating. 

“OVER HERE” Ash begins to wave her hands and scream as she struggles to catch up to me. A light shines on us and I feel as I’m in a battle. Paramedics and police run towards us. 

“OVER HERE THEY’RE OVER HERE” I see the helicopter doors open and a team run towards us. As soon as we’re on the sand, my knees bulk and I fall with Ali in my arms. The medics quickly swarm us and take Ali from my arms. I’m unwilling to give her up but I do so when a paramedic touches my shoulder. 

“You have to let go, you have to trust that she can survive” I bite my lip and nod okay. They run Ash and I begin Ali and straight into the helicopter. 

“Your car” A police yells over the load spinning blades

“A friend will take care of it” Ash yells back

“Inside Inside, we have to go” A medic tells us. Ash and I jump into the helicopter with Ali and we’re off. They close a blind between Ali and us but we hear all the yelling. Doctors examine Ash and I but my concentration is only on the monitors as they soon will shock us all in the helicopter. The next few seconds are the ones that define me when I arrive back to my world. 

Ali flatlines. I hold Ash back as the doctors work. They shock Ali’s heart, Once. Twice. Three times. Four Times. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Nine, they wanted to stop at nine but Ashlyn’s begging kept them pushing. Ten. Wait three seconds. Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. More begging. Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen. I lose hope as her body lies still and the doctors breathless and weak.

“Time of death-”

“No, no just one more time” It is now I that begs through tears “One more time” The nurses look to the doctor and he nods okay. _Seventeen…._ No response. My heart shatters as the medic calls the time of death and everyone bows their head while my arms let go of Ash who rushes to Ali. 

“Ali no, baby nooooo no no no Ali please” Ash pleads with her life. _Please._

“I’m sorry” I whisper to myself as a tear falls and traces my cheek to my lips “I’m so sorry Ali” 

Suddenly, Ali gasps scaring everyone, even I. 

“ALI” I yell as I rush to her side and the doctors quickly begin to woke on her. 

“Ali, Ali can you hear us, Baby” Ash tries as she clears her cheeks

“I’m…I’m home” Ali chokes out and I break down. 

“To-” Ali chokes out and I look up. She tries to turn her head but the doctors stop her. 

“You suffered a trauma, keep still” 

“Don’t move” I tell her with a weak voice, afraid she thinks I’m real Tobin. 

“Al-” Her voice cuts off again from the symptoms of dehydration. _Al? Alex? She doesn’t remember me…_

“Alex? Alex is on the way to the hospital to meet us” I tell her to ease her nervous as her blood pressure is high. She shakes her head no causing my brows to crease.  

“No, Alice” She smiles through the pain. At the sound of my daughters name, I wrap my arms around her causing the medics to gasp and pull me back. 

“Sorry, Sorry” I apologize as they continue to hook her up to the machines and state things in code “Alice, is at home, safe” 

“And you home too baby” Ash smiles through tears. I look at Ash and give her a nod that shares a thousand words. She smiles at me and puts her hand on top of mine. 

“We’re all home now” 

I smile and stay put along Ali and Ash for the next five minutes as the Helicopter arrives at OHSU. When we touch base, the doctors rush Ali to the ER while Ash and I are sent to separate rooms to get examined. 

“I said I’m fine for the last time, I have to see my team women” I whine as the doctor takes her time reading my vitals for what feels like the millionth time. 

“Fine fine, but if you show up in my ER with some internal bleeding, you owe me”

“I’ll take my chance” I smile and she rolls her eyes. She lets me go and I run. I don’t know the hospital but figure they shouldn’t be too hard to figure out. 

“My team, the US- team” I hustle out as I find a reception desk around the corner. The nurse behind the desk looks at me confused and I feel like an idiot, unable to remember the teams name “I’m Tobin Heath, I was flown in with my friend Ali Krieger and Ashyln Harris, our team, The US team, where are they” I explain in a hurried matter. 

“Have you been checked out yet”

“YES” I basically yell causing the women to give me a disapproving look “Yes, sorry, yes but please help me, I need to find them, please” I beg with more respect. 

“Out side this hall, turn left, press the keys 2837 into the pad, follow the hall, they should be waiting…And Miss Heath…The USWNT” She chuckles and I blush. I yell thanks as I run and follow her orders. 

“2837” I repeat to myself until I find the pad on the wall she was talking about. As the door slowly creek open I roll my eyes in annoyance “Gosh damn it” I slide through the middle of the doors and run. As I reach the corner, I slip and slide into the wall causing the entire team to run to me. 

“Tobin Tobin what in the world” My real best friend is the first to me. 

“I- oph that hurt” I get out through my hard breathing as I stand up with the help of Long and Abby. 

“Ali” Abby asks with a worried voice. I look at everyone before finding Allie’s eyes. 

“She’s okay, Ali’s okay” I give the news with happiness and everyone hugs me. 

We hear another smack against the wall and turn to see Ash on the floor. 

“Fuck, I didn’t think that through” She moans. The team immediately gathers Ash. I stand behind and turn to find the arms of Lex and Long. 

“We did it, Ali’s home” Lex breathes with disbelief. 

“We’re official done, the mission is complete” I whisper in as much surprise as her. 

“I suppose you’re all here for Ali Krieger” A doctor asks. We all turn to see the surgeon whom smiles at us. 

“Ali’s going to be okay, she a few cuts that we took care of, head trauma, a few bruised rips and two cracked ones…Who was the one who carried her down the hill” The doctor looks between Ash and I since we’re both in hospital aprons. 

“Me” I whisper a little scared 

“You have strong arms…she’ll have some bruises but if it wasn’t for your quick feet and skills…she could have died” 

“Thank you” I blush at the complement. 

“No, thank you, you made my job easy. Ali will be settled into her room in the next few minutes. We don’t normally have sure large crowds for visitors and it is passed visiting hours but we’ll make an exception tonight. Everyone will get their turn but please be gentle. Ali is still suffering from dehydration and her head trauma. I do have to ask, the police is here and so is the media. We have given the police her information and state for the investigation but I believe that the case can be closed tonight” 

“Carli and I will handle the police” Abby tells the doctor

“Alex and I will handle the press” I step in 

“Are you sure” Long looks at me. I feel everyones eyes but nod okay. Everyone parts ways, leaving Lex and I standing in the empty hall. 

“So, what are we going to tell the press” Lex asks a bit nervous

“Sorry, you don’t have to go through with this. It’s easier if we handle it than the team” 

“Yeah, they’re all on the edge”

“Even though they have experience with media, Kardia has top notch reporters, this will be a piece of cake” 

“Then what are we waiting for” I chuckle at Lex’s newly found confidence and begin to lead us to the elevators. 

“Tobin, Alex” We both turn to find some women neither of us know. She embraces us and we both awkwardly hug her back “How is she” 

“Alive” 

“Good, good, Tobin go change, Alex come with me, we’ll run down what you guys are going to say” The women tosses a bag at me and pulls Lex away. Lex’s panicked eyes find mine and I shrug. The women disappears with Lex around the corner and I quickly find a bathroom to change. The women must’ve packed for both Ash and I as I find a second of everything. I pick out an oversized grey shirt and black ripped jeans. I hop into bright yellow athletic shoes and adjust my hair so it’s not a complete mess. I pack everything back up except for the hospital apron. Swinging the door open, I follow the steps that I think will lead me to Lex and the strange women. 

“There you are” I sigh in relief as I find Lex being bombarded by people “Excuse us one sec” I grab Alex’s elbow and pull her aside. Someone takes the apron from my shoulder and the bag from my hand. 

“What’s going on” 

“Apparently this is their media group, they’ve been telling me what to say and all but to be clear they basically want us to defer the questions. To ask the public for time and give thanks” 

“Oh okay, not too hard”

“That’s not all” 

“Oh no, what is it”

“Us”

“What about us” I ask not really following

“US. Talex” Lex whispers below her breath. _Oh right, Tobin and Alex are engaged._

“They’re going to see that you’re not wearing the ring” I say as I catch a glimpse of her hands. 

“Exactly”

“Okay I’ll take care of it. We got this. We can do this. We’ve been together before”  

“Please dont say it like that” Alex cringes a little 

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m being insensitive to your feelings. If you don’t want to go through with this I can do it” 

“Hey, no, we’re in this together” 

“If anything gets to be too much, you let me know okay” 

“Okay” I smile at Lex and move a strand of hair away from her face. Her cheek presses to my hand making me smile even more. 

“C’mon, we got some news to break” I take her hand and we walk back to the group. 

“Are you guys ready”

“As we’ll ever be” I grin while giving Lex’s hand a squeeze. The media group leads us downstairs to the from of the hospital. It’s a little passed 10 and the lights of Portland light the sky line. As soon as the media that has gathered in front of the podium spots Lex and I, the flashes begin. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, here are two members of the USWNT” I give my best smile and let go of Lex’s hand. She stands beside me as I fix the microphone and clear my throat. 

“Good night everyone, on behalf of the team we want to put the rumors to rest and say that our dearest teammate and friend is finally home. Like all other cases of missing individuals, the case is on going and we are restricted to some details. That being said, everyone on the team is thankful for the outpour of support we have received. We ask that the general public give us time to heal as a team and give us space as Ali has yet a few things to face. Again, we thank everyone. Words can not express what it feels like to finally have her home. I know she will be on her feet in no time” The man in charge addresses the press before letting me back on the microphone for questions. 

“Where exactly was Ali found” 

“On the Oregon Coast” 

“Who found her” 

“A close friend”

“Can you tell us exactly the shape she is in”

“We can say that she is expected to recover fully” 

“Where we you both when the news broke out” 

“We were both on the way to the hospital” I answer with honesty. 

“Will the Heath Wedding be postponed in any way or form with the arrival of your dear friend Ali” 

“We will do anything necessary so that Ali can attend our wedding” Lex answers and I smile. 

The media continues to ask questions that Lex and I both dodge. Time is up and we thank everyone once again before heading inside. I hold onto Lex’s hand until we’re indoors and the media group celebrates. 

“We’re going to head up to visit Ali, you guys coming” The women from before ask.

“We’ll catch up” I answer. Lex’s eyes search mine but I don’t bother to look at her. The women nods okay and disppears. 

“You’re not going to kidnap me are you” 

“No promises” I joke causing Lex to roll her eyes “Can we get serious for one second” Lex’s posture straightens and she nods okay. “Jeri and I have been talking…” Immediately I watch her demeanor falls and wish to tell her that its not that way but continue “Would you, would you be Alice’s god mother” I ask. Surprise hits Lex like a truck. 

“ME?!” she basically yells causing my heart to swell

“Yes you, Jeri’s full trust is in you. You were with Jeri and Alice for apart of the war and while we were both away, it was you who took care of Alice along with Ash without asking. It would be of great pleasure and honor to have you and Ash be the godparents of our daughter” Lex stares at me with wide eyes, if I had confessed a murder “Please say something” I get nervous 

“I…yes..yes I’ll be Alice’s godmother” Lex answers before hugging me. I’m caught by surprise but quickly react and wrap my arms around her. An odd sensation swells my insides with warmth and ease. I hold her tight and she does the same. We stay stuck together in a timeless matter until my diamond begins to sting. I pull away from Alex and grab onto my neck. 

“Tobin, Tobin whats going on” 

“My…my transcendent…hurts” I gasp as my neck tightens. 

“Tobin, Tobin hold on to me” She panics as my balance begins to go awol. I close my eyes as she leads me around the hospital “Tobin, sit here, don’t move, I’m going to get help” Lex orders me before sitting me down in some empty room. I try to grab onto her arm unable to speak but I hear the door shut. My body pains and I feel my eyelids heavy. _Lex come back, please come back Lex._ I beg in my head as I begin to drift off. Last last thing I hear is the door of the room swing open and my heart beating out of my chest. _This isn’t the end._ I tell myself before letting go. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please share your comments and thoughts, next chapter up by August 1st. The end is near :)


	52. Lethe (Part 3 of 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are you ready to face your new destiny?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I failed at keeping my promise. Theres a lot of reasoning behind it but nonetheless, it's here. I worked various days in-between my new work schedule and often fell asleep while writing. I edited a lot and read it over once and have come to the conclusion that this is it. 
> 
> I want to thank you all for this journey. Everything about it has been perfect. My first official story officially finished but don't be sad! The sequel is only beginning. I'm very proud of this chapter as I could bring a good closure to Jeri and give you guys a clue on how the follow story will play out with Ash's POV. Lots of goodness in this and it's thanks to you guys. 
> 
> The next story will be called...Evolution. The title is explained in this chapter and I hope you get why. We will embark in the journey to find Ali with Ash (through her POV), we will embark with Tobin and her squadron of six (Becky, Hope, Syd, Theo, Pinoe and Tim) as they fight the new threat. We will see Alex and Tobin settle down through the commotion and perhaps see a few more weddings and such. Lots of surprises to come! 
> 
> Again thank you guys so much for the support and love! I appreciate it so much. First chap of the new story up by my birthday next week hopefully!!

Lethe (Part 3 of 3) 

“Well hello there sleeping beauty” Is the first thing I hear when my eyes open. I look to the side to find Jeri asleep uncomfortably on a chair with Ember in her arms. On the ground besides her leans Ash with Starlight. And Allie groggily rubbering her eyes. _Wait, Ember? Starlight?_

“Wheres Ali” I immediately ask confused 

“Home” Allie answers with a extended stretch. She gets up from the chair she’s sitting in and makes her way to my bed. 

“Home?! What do you mean home? When did we get back” I ask as I look around my room confused. 

“After your diamond had a small little glitch” 

“Glitch” I ask while taking the glass of water Allie offers. 

“Yep, after the media press you and Alex gave, you apparently passed out and gave us all a run for our money” 

“I, I don’t remember” 

“That’s okay, you didn’t miss much. Simply us sneaking you out of the hospital, speeding back to the beach, transcending here…the usual chaotic stuff” Allie shrugs off with a small smile. 

“And Ali? How, we could have stayed, I’m okay now, see” 

“Yeah right miss, you’re okay…because of Becky” 

“What even happened, with the transcendent I mean”

“I don’t exactly know, you’ll have to ask Becky but I do know that you’re not the first to experience the glitch” 

“I’m not following” 

“Theres been a series” Ash pauses to allow the loud yawn that interrupts to have its moment before continuing “series of reports of agents experiencing _glitches_ or as I call them, random flops” 

“When did that start” I ask. Jeri stirs in the chair besides me, causing us to turn and watch her yawn silently then slowly open her eyes. 

“Tobin” She murmurs half asleep

“Morning” I reply waiting for her to realize I’m awake

“Morning” She slurs before stirring a little more. No one speaks as we allow her mind to catch up with her sight. Soon enough, she jumps out of the chair and lands on top of me. 

“You’re awake” She breathes as I giggle 

“I’m okay, nothing to worry about” 

“Not yet” Becky greets as she enters the door with Shawn and Dr. Emmett. Jeri hops off the bed and makes room for the doctors to check up on me. 

“What do you mean” 

“Well…if I can’t figure out what is causing our transcendents to glitch and nearly burn our necks off then…we’re going to have a problem” Becky informs me as she checks my diamond out with a fancy pair of glasses and equipment. 

“This is going to sound stupid, and forgive me if it offends anyone in this room but…what is the point of still having those” Shawn asks. The room falls silent and I can sense some heaviness from everyone except Dr. Emmett and Jeri who of course don’t know much about diamonds. 

“None I suppose now that everything is done with but… they’ve been with us all our lives, it’s not as easy as it seems to accept mortality” Becky answers

“Do you think any of us would be willing to shoot people if we knew they wouldn’t transcend into new bodies” Ash turns to Shawn

“I suppose not” 

“Our transcendents are more then just diamonds” I offer softly to Shawn. He nods and steps away to let Becky and Emmett check all my vitals. 

“Well, you’ll okay now” Becky sighs. 

“I knew that” I joke before getting up from my bed. 

“Still, I would like to keep a close eye on you”

“Like always” 

“Well, you heard the women, she’s fine, now out” Allie says. She hustles everyone out of the room and offers me a warm smile before shutting the door. I’m left alone in my room and suddenly the weight of the world falls from my shoulders and onto the floor. My legacy disperses across the floor and finds a new place to call home along with all the other things I’ve lost. As my back meets the mattress, I feel light. I feel as if I’ll sink to the floor. Sliding down onto the cold surface of the hard wood floor, I let out a deep breath. 

“What now” I ask myself feeling emptier than a new house up for sale. **_What now?_** The voice in my head asks startling me. I sit in silence without a single thought or want, just a need to understand. The numbers on my watch slowly change, a minute turns to two and two multiplies to four and soon, its dark. 

“Tobin” I hear a whisper and turn to find Alex’s head sticking through the door. 

“Alex…how long have you been standing there” I ask as I stand from the ground and stretch my arms and legs. 

“Not too long, just came to see if you were alive” She nervously explains

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Time sort of slipped by” I confess as I rub my neck. At the graze of my diamond, I retract my hand. _Hot._ I think to myself as my palm burns. 

“Everything okay” Alex asks, stepping into my room 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be” I ask as I look down on my palm expecting to see a scar but it’s merely red. 

“Well, you haven’t been out of your room all day…and you haven’t asked about Ali or anything of what happened” 

“Right, um, so what did happen” I ask shaking my head and taking a seat at the edge of my bed. Alex takes the opportunity to lean against the wall besides the door and tells me. After passing out, she, Allie, Press and Becky rushed me to Abby’s house where Issacc tried figuring what was going on. Without success and no sign of me waking up, the decision was made by Jeri and Carli to come back home. Ali was asleep at the time of the decision making so Ashlyn wished us farewells, thanks and promised to tell Ali that we’d come visit soon. And now we’re here, two days later. 

“So I was out for two days” I asked surprised feeling nothing. 

“You were…are you sure you’re okay” Alex asks, putting a lot of emphasis on the word sure. 

“Yeah, why, do I not look okay” I look up from my hands and meet her eyes that show confusion. 

“Your voice, your eyes, their empty…it might just be me but you simply sound dull” 

“O” Is all I can muster not really knowing what to reply. She shakes her head as if in thought before suddenly asking me if I want to go somewhere “What, now? It’s almost 11 and I have to wish Alice goodnight” 

“Alice is out and you have no curfew” 

“Out where” I ask standing from the bed and reacting for the first time all day. 

“Jeri and Ash took her out, they said they’d be back late” Alex explains

“Really” 

“MmmmHmm, don’t worry, they used to do that a lot. While you were away, Jeri would often disappear with Alice and Ash would normally be the one who always knew where they were. It became a custom so Ash would just disappear with them. Don’t worry, they always come back smiling…and I think Jeri was going to ask Ash to be Alice’s other god parent” 

“O” I say more genuinely then before. 

“So what do you say” 

“I guess…a little air wouldn’t hurt” I give her the best smile I can muster and she smiles back. 

“Good, lets get going”

“Could we stop by the garage to check the pups bowls and water” 

“Pups…they’re grown dogs now Tobs” At the sound of a common nickname, my eyes widen as my heart hitches a ride on a new rollercoaster. Thankfully Alex is half way down the hall and doesn’t see. 

“You coming or not” I hear her yell. 

“Yeah…right behind you” I whisper before grabbing a sweater and sneakers and running after her. 

* * *

 

“Well…when you said go somewhere I thought you meant an actual place, not a run” I breath as Alex and I walk along the trail headed back home. 

“Sorry, if I said run would you have agreed” She asks as she places her arms above her head. I shake my head no and she shoots me a grin _exactly._

“Thank you” I beam unexpectedly. Alex gives me a big smile and for once, I feel as if I’ve done something right. We walk the rest of the way in comfortable silence until we reach the house. I walk over to the water pipe on the side of the house and remove my shoes and socks along with my shirt. 

“Isn’t it a little cold for that” Alex asks as she points her sight elsewhere. _Why turn around when she’s already seen me shirtless before?_

“We’re in the middle of like a savanna… not exactly but if you’ve noticed its always warm at night lately” 

“Right” She replies nervously. I playfully roll my eyes and bring my face down to the faucet and drink some water. I place my feet under the cool running water and then proceed to wet the back of my head. When I come up from the faucet, I see a car driving in. _Must be Jeri and Ash with Alice._ I check my clock and see that it’s nearing 2 o’clock. I hang my shirt over my shoulder and shut the water line. Alex looks at me confused and immediately I step in front of her. 

“Any idea” I ask as I begin to walk towards the front of the house where the car is headed. 

“None” Alex breathes nervous. As we walk towards the house, I reach behind my back and realize I didn’t grab my gun. _Fuck._ “Head inside, tell Carli” 

“They could be dangerous Tobin” Alex stops behind me, I turn to see her determined eyes and realize it’s going to take more then just a few words to get her inside the house. I lean in and kiss her forehead.

“Please” I ask. A moment of doubt crosses her eyes but she nods okay. She begins to walk towards the house quickly as I turn. The car is merely 100 meters away and I stand by, ready for it to come to me. My defense mechanism start to kick in as it inches closer. Once it’s parked, I straighten out of my back and wait for something to happen. 

Everything slows as the door opens and I immediately recognize the shoes. Alex’s voice calling for him, Carli’s confused whisper of his name, Jeri’s rushing footsteps and my pounding chest as Michael steps out of the car. As Jeri is about to jump into his arms, I hold her back and Carli does the same with Alex. _This is were we stand, divided, Axiom vs us._ I think in my head as Alex and Jeri’s reactions are enough to remind me that they are products of Axiom, they are his, he is part of them, _what a sick cruel world_. 

“Tobin” He says my name like before, as always, the way that used to haunt Alex. I look at Jeri and see her confusion. It’s enough of an answer for me as I drop her hand and Carli drops Alex’s arm. Without a single waste of breath, I take Alice from Ash’s arms and walk inside. My back to the reunion of father and daughters, my back to the past, my head high and my eyes strictly meeting Carli’s. Signifying her that our war isn’t over. 

* * *

I sit in the empty meeting room with my feet on the table, boxes of files on the desk before me. Setting down the techno pad in my hand, I reach across the mess to grab my journal. Leaning into the leather chair, I grab a pen and write. While the episodes happen randomly and less commonly, they’re still frequent enough for Shawn to come visit me once a week. 

It’s been two weeks since the Morgan’s arrived at the safe house. Two weeks of hard stares, tip toeing around, hiding Alice and building of frustrations. After a long meeting with the members of the world, Jeri was granted the position of commander but she would work from the commanding level in the safe house for minor missions and fly out during big missions. This was our compromise, this was for Alice and us but here I am, in the meeting room doing her job, making decisions for her as she is away with her father. 

The meeting room door opens and I close my journal quickly and look up to see Alex. 

“Can I help you” I ask as I stand and walk across the floor to grab the cup of coffee I had made three hours ago. 

“Sorry, I was looking for Jeri” Alex apologies and heads back out the door. I take a sip of the cold bitter coffee and cringe. 

“Yeah, me too”  I whisper. Sucking it in, I take the coffee back to the head of the table and again the door opens. 

“Do you need anything” 

“Why do you ask” I look up confused at Alex who seems to have realized just now that I was here. 

“I-just, an impression, you look tired” She says trying to clear her mind enough to look up at me. 

“I have coffee” I reply as I pick up the folder I had in my hands earlier. 

“I know but you sound tired, when was the last time you slept” _About three days ago._

“Roughly about 15 hours ago” I lie. 

“Oh…well, do you need anything, at all” Alex asks again. My eyebrows fur in confusion and I let the folder fall back onto the table. 

“Alex, is there something you need to say” I ask as I place my fingers on the desk and meet her eyes from across the room. They stare into mine clouded, unclear and misunderstood. It rattles me to see her distorted as I always expect the clear ocean water in her eyes. Her eyes momentarily fall to the ground, trying to find the courage she once had. I pick up on the uneasiness and for a second feel as if we’ve been in this stance before. 

“No” She finally whispers

“Your eyes tell a different story” I say. Both our eyes widen as the memory hits me and she has a flash back “It’s your father” I ask 

“Yes” She answers. I nod and take a seat on the chair as the fresh new memory plays in my head, as her words reopen wounds that were sealed “I don’t hate you…anymore” Alex clarifies as she sees my eyes dozing off. 

“Oh good” I mumble as I see the pain in her eyes. I look up to see if they’re still filled with pain but they’re not. _She really doesn’t hate me…of course not._

“Tobin, everything I said that night”

“You don’t”

“No, please, I was wrong. I was wrong to judge you and make your life a living hell. And I’m so damn sorry for that. I realize how in the wrong I was, you were already living a nightmare and I seized to take every small bit of light from your life that was left. I know what I said that day at the club but let me make this clear…because of you, I am alive. You sacrificed every thing for me, literally. And now that my father is here, everything is confusing. He should have used his power to stop them from hurting me on that tower but he didn’t. And now, now he talks to me the way I always dreamed of but what they don’t tell you in children’s books is that the journey is worth more than the destination. This isn’t how I thought it would be. I look at him and my mind throbs but my heart silences. He was part of them but he is my father and I’m just torn” Alex swallows hard “I don’t know what to do” Her last part is just above a whisper causing me to bite my lip in worry. 

“You enjoy him” I breathe both in surprise and acceptance “Enjoy his presence with you, enjoy your family Alex because if theres one thing you will always have over me…is a family. You tell him you love him and you forget the past. It’s the past and it is not your burden to carry, it is his. So stop looking at the issues that divides us all and look at what there is to lose. His trail is coming up and I fear the people will not be on his side. The world leaders…are at ties here and Jeri has no say in his trail. The anonymous vote falls upon my shoulders but that is only if the leaders end in a tie. Upon my decision, it will go to the public. So enjoy him Alex, because I can’t promise he’ll be around for much longer” Alex coats her lips before nodding okay. She stands and heads for the door but I stop her. “And Alex…apology accepted” I smile more genuinely and freely. She smiles back and waves goodbye. I wait until the door shuts to sit down and pick up where I left off. Reading every last detail of every mission ever completed since the end of the war. 

* * *

“Tobin, Tobin wake up” Someone shakes my shoulder gently. I quickly jump into stance stunning Ashlyn cold. As my mind catches up with my sight, my hands drop and I breath. 

“Sorry, I was having a nightmare” I explain as I drop onto the seat and hide my face into my palms. 

“You don’t say” Ash voice mumbles as she hops onto the edge of the table “What is it, nightmare number six this week” Ash half jokes. _Fourteen actually._

“Something like that” I whisper into my palms as the unsettling feeling that something is wrong begins to infiltrate my thoughts. _Maybe I should call Shawn._

“Are you listening to me” Ash asks gently as she pokes my shoulder. 

“Sorry no, what did you say” I question as I sit up and pull the chair to the edge of the table. 

“Maybe you should head up, all this can wait”

“No, I want to get it done before Mr. Morgan’s trail” I reply as I pick up what I believe is the last folder I had in my hands and rub my eyes. 

“That’s in a day you know, how much is left” Ash asks as she looks around the boxes. 

“About four” I murmur as I scan the details about the first mission in Kanatos. _Mission: First Base. Commander Morgan, Six SA, EM. Four A’s._ I read over quickly but pause “EM” I ponder out loud. 

“What’d you say” Ash ask looking up from a folder she grabbed. 

“EM…” I repeat trying to decode it. _They couldn’t have made it that simple…Elite member?_

“Elite Member” She questions herself. I nod a bit confused “When” 

“Do you know anything about the mission First Base” I ask as I set down the folder and get up to look at the labels of the boxes around the room. Trying to find where this file was located. 

“I mean…none of us in the house really know about any missions. Only the world leaders and Jeri, everyone else is sort of out of the loop” Ash informs me as I kneel down to a new row of boxes. 

“Really” I ask turning around to see Ash reading the file. 

“Mhmmm…hey where is the rest of the file” Ash asks as she flips through the papers. 

“What do you mean” 

“The pages…they’re blank after the first three” Ash says lifting the folder to show me. My faces crunches and I walk over to her. Taking the file I flip the pages and see she’s right. 

“Help me find its box” I order as I quickly rush back to where I was and try finding its location. 

“Not over here” Ash yells a few minutes later

“Not here either…damn it” I curse as I kick a box knocking over all the folders in it. The papers spread out around the floor and my chest rises and falls quickly. 

“Alright, lets calm down and look again, maybe we missed it” Ash tries but I shake my head no. _They’re hiding something._

“No…no, I’m tired of the lies” I take the folder from the desk and march straight to the elevator. A frail Ash quickly following. The doors open and I look down the hallway to meet Allie’s eyes. Immediately she senses my anger and rushes to stop me. 

“Emmett please take Alice and the pups for a walk” I order as I enter the kitchen where most of the adults in the house hold are gathered. Emmett doesn’t think twice before rushing out of the room with Alice looking at me confused. 

“Tobin” Allie pleads as everyone stares at me

“Is something wrong” Carli asks as she sits up from the dinning room table. 

“You said you’d give me all the files” I hiss as I stare into her eyes, knowing her ability to remain calm and shady even with a gun to her head. 

“And I did” She replies matter of factly. 

“Oh did you” I snap, tossing the file across the table, landing right in front of Carli. Her sight travels down to the folder and quickly back to me. Every one is in close range to read the title, including Michael whom sits next to Carli.

“Sir, could you excuse us” Carli asks

“Oh cut the shit Carli. The man has a tag to his name, he knows better than to flip the cards on the world leaders and his daughters” I rage. Michael swallows hard as they are the first words I have spoken in his direction since he has arrived. Carli coats her lips and sighs. The front door opens and we all turn to meet Jeri’s eyes along with Alex’s. My eyes trace from the folder to Jeri, to Alex, to Carli. _Oh she didn’t. Oh please lord tell me she didn’t._

“Tobin, let me explain” Carli’s voice now shakes. 

“Explain what to me…that you let her take a retired agent into combat” Carli’s face quickly tightens and I realize that I’m not right. 

“What’s going on” Jeri asks coming to the table. Carli hands Jeri the folder and I see the color drain from her face.

“Tob-”

“What’s going on” I ask “Now” 

“Mission First Base was our first attempt to…get to Huros in sorts, not Kanatos” Carli begins. At the mention of Huros, Michaels ears perk “EM does not stand for Elite Member, I vowed to protect those on your list and I have… it stands for Extract Mission…of four Agents we lost” Carli looks at Jeri whom I now realize is struggling to stay standing “On the mission of First Base, Jeri was in a protected hover craft with special agents while two sets of other hover crafts carrying materials lead the way. Something crashed our communications”

“We believe it was a hack” Hope inquires “But it could have equally been the storm” 

“Both hover crafts went down and the craft carrying the commander and the special agents was hit”

“Again we don’t know if it was hit by the storm or…an external force” Abby explains. 

“The mission quickly turned into a rescue mission, extract our agents that first went down. The storm was rough, the hover craft carrying the six special agents and Jeri went down minutes later. Two of the six agents were able to transcend using the pod of the hover but four were trapped and Jeri was not going to leave them behind” Carli pauses to look at Jeri whom is barely standing. My heart aches to move to her, to wrap my arms around and apologize but not a single cell in my body moves as my own realities haunt me “It took us three days to find Jeri…we don’t question the commander and you know that. That is why that file is blank, that is why there is no box, that is why that man with a tag sits besides me. Because sometimes, we have to forget and move forward” The air is dense and all arrows point at me. Jeri rushes out of the house and no one dares to stop her. Michael looks at me with a new gaze, hard and cold. As if it were my fault, but I don’t blame him. Carli picks up the file and hands it to Abby whom gets ready to put it away. 

“Burn it” I whisper 

“We need something on record” 

“Jeri’s tears are enough evidence” I breathe before leaving the house to find Jeri. 

“I know where she’s at, come on” Ash yells at me as she rushes to the car. I jump into the passengers seat and look out the window as she drives. Half an hour we’re in a torn apart city and I begin to fear where we’re going. “Trust me, it’s not as bad as it looks, the war didn’t destroy this city enough like our homes” Ash assures me. I nod and continue to look around. She parks the car and gets out. “Be careful where you walk, sometimes we find undetonated things” She yells as she crosses the street and enters whats left of a building. I quickly follow behind her and wonder if this is where Jeri brings Alice. _I hope not._

“Ash” I whisper as if it were needed. 

“Down here” I spot her at the bottom of the stair case. Catching up to her, I realize we’re going down a series of flights, possibly to some underground club, or whats left of it. We reach a dead end, or so I think as Ash moves a few things and then theres an opening. I give Ash an unsure look but she nods for me to go. I climb into the dark hole and feel the dirt, Ash climbs in and then proceeds to shut the entrance.

“Place your hands on the walls and follow the tunnel, make sure to keep your feet and the wooden edges” 

“Why” I gulp

“You don’t want to find out” She half giggles. The small amount of light disappears as soon as she covers the entrance and we’re left in the dark. I hear her feet behind me as I try my best to follow her orders. 

“Where are going…where’s the exit” 

“We’re close” 

“We’ve been walking for 10 minutes Ash, where” The wall I walk into cuts off my sentence and I groan. 

“There, move”Ash laughs. She gets passed me and opens up a metal door. The sun blinds me so I cover my eyes. As I walk out I feel grass beneath my feet. Once my eyes adjust, I see Ash is halted. 

“Ash”

“She’s up there, just go up this hill and she’ll be sitting there” Ash instructs as she walks off. I want to follow Ash but find the courage to climb the hill. As the view starts coming into sight, my mouth hangs open. _So…broken and beautiful._ I think as the hill gives the perfect view of the border between the wrecks of Axiom and the rest of the world. Jeri sits right where Ash said she would. Without talking, I sit besides her and just look at what is left. 

“I bring Alice here…she understands you know. She understands what happened and…and even though she has every reason to hate me, to hate Axiom, she doesn’t…You want to know what she told me when she saw this place” Jeri asks and I nod yes “She said…walls are built out of fear. And she is right, Axiom, Citadel, they built that border because they were scared. All of us were born and raised with gold at our feet. Life was about diamonds…except the wrong kinds” She references my transcendence “but she wasn’t referring to that boarder…she was referencing the walls you built. I was so mad at you Tobin. So mad. You left us, you left Alice, you left me…you left Alex. It felt like we didn’t matter, as if all you cared about was getting rid of your own pain. But Alice helped change the point of view, I needed to know what you were going through to help, I needed to know the pain that you felt, the pain that would make you want to bury yourself thousands of feet below ground, far from humanity, far from the reach of light. But I guess I got more than I asked for” Jeri swallows as she refers to the three days she spent out in open water. Fighting to stay alive until they found her. “Three days, it was only three days but I felt like I spent my entire lifetime out there. And to imagine Ali spent nearly a year here…and you, you’ve spent your entire life drowning in the same pool of hopelessness that I merely found myself floating in” 

“I’m a good swimmer” I joke causing Jeri to crack a small smile

“That you are”

“Listen, Jeri, I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, you didn’t know and you felt lied to”

“I should have calmed down and let Carli explain privately”

“It’s okay, everyone would have found out sooner or later” 

“Not in that way”

“It’s okay, really, now I don’t have to feel the paining ache by myself” 

“I’m always here” I offer and she smiles. 

“I know, I know you are…but I need time” I grab Jeri’s hand in her lap and give it a squeeze. 

“Haven’t you heard…we have all the time in the world” I let a few seconds go by after Jeri’s chuckle to bring up the topic of the hour “Listen, Jer, about your father” I begin

“Don’t…when the times comes, and you have to testify against him, make sure he gets a quick death” Jeri steals the words from my lips so I simply nod. She sighs and leans her head against my shoulder and we sit. The air between us is different, more realistic. 

“Boy am I tired” Ash breathes out as she lays down beside Jeri and I. Jeri starts to get up and signals me that she’s going to the car. I nod my head okay and lay down so I’m besides Ashlyn. 

“Yeah, me too” I whisper as I let the sun kiss my skin for what feels like the first time. 

“Does it feel like somethings missing” Ashlyn states more than asks. It’s not her voice or statement that gives me the answer, but the aching of her heart that barely beats. That has barely been alive since Ali has been gone. 

“She’s out there…somewhere” I reply referencing the Ali from our world, the Ali that doesn’t yet know that my close friend loves her.  

“You said, earlier, that Frost didn’t find a match” 

“He didn’t” I acknowledge out loud “Not that I remember at least” At this new detail, Ash rises from the ground and turns to me. I feel a pain of guilt as I realize theres no exact way to really check if the Ali from our world is in Kanatos as the technology required to do that is gone, it left with Frost. And there is no single way Kanatos would allow us access to their systems. My silence is enough of a response for Ash to realize that it doesn’t matter whether or not Ali is in Kanatos since I won’t be able to verify it. 

“We should get going” Ash says before heading back the way we came in. I watch her leave, saddened that she’s hurting but hopeful. 

* * *

 

Putting the last lid on the last of the boxes consuming high security files, I take a step back and admire the assembly of secret missions. All in the name of hope, a hope for a better tomorrow, in the hands of the people and not the government. It comes as an idea that we may make it, that maybe, this was my purpose. To consume the pain of the world in order for it to build enough strength on its own so that it could fight the years to come. 

I tap my fingers on the top of a box before exiting the vault. Two agents begin to seal the doors and I turn to watch the secrets and crimes from the war up until now be hidden from those yet not strong enough to bare the sacrifices. Once the locks are in place, I turn to Carli and hand her the key. 

“Keep it, it’s safer in your hands than anyone else's” 

“Are you sure” I ask rather than deny. 

“If you’re willing to do what you’re about to do, then there is no denying or lying that you signally the most dedicated person in this planet on making this new world work” I nod my head and place the key in the pocket of my Scout uniform “They’re going to hate you, are you prepared for that” Carli asks. At the question, I think of Jennifer and Jeri, but most of all, Alex. My eyes drop to my left wrist where my very own black diamond bracelet hugs my weak wrist. _The one that was presented at my fake funeral. Only the bracelet is real, and that Tobin is really gone._

“An angered mind blinds the individual of the future” Carli nods her head and we walk into the elevator, headed to citadel for Michael Morgan’s trail that will decide his future along with all the other board members that survived. 

“Mommaaa” Alice squeals as we walk out of the elevator. 

“Hey there my favorite girl” I smile as I remove my Scout cap and hug her. 

“You look very beautiful” She beams as she forces me to twirl for her in my uniform. Normally, I would feel sick at the complement but in the way Alice’s eyes sparkle with nothing but honesty, for once, I feel like its true. 

“Thank you” I ruff her hair and look up to smile at Krisite and Amy whom both came over to babysit as everyone in the house is required to be at the trail “I’m not sure when I’ll be back as there will be a lot of media beforehand, and after I testify and give my vote, hell will break loose. As for Jeri…” I look at Alice whom is completely entertained with her little cousin Ryan “I’m not sure she’ll want to see me after the news but she’ll most likely be here before me to say goodbye to Alice” 

“You’re really brave for doing this” Amy gives me sympathy 

“As she always has been” Kristie softly smiles 

“Just doing what is right…we should get going. The trail will be broadcasted amongst both regions, you’re welcome to watch, and Alice, you don’t have to worry about her seeing, her mother and I keep her up to date with everything” 

“Sounds good, good luck and remember…we’re always behind you” Amy smiles at me. I hug the two before putting my cap back on and heading out the door with Carli. The entire elite squad that once was, left early morning along with the commander and her team and the family members of the accused. We walk to the hover pad where Ash waits with our ES hover craft. I take a deep breath as I see if for the first time in a while. Ash salutes both Carli and I earning eye rolls from the both of us. 

“Looking fresh” I grin at Ash whom wears her uniform as well. It was a squad decision to wear specially designed squad suits for the trail as it will be the last time that we are officially bonded together because of the past. 

“Gotta impress the ladies” Ash jokes cause Carli to gag. 

“Yeah yeah you horn ball, lets get going before I have to hear more of your gross jokes” Carli gets into the hover craft leaving Ash and I laughing. The giggles soon die off and the feelings begin to settle. 

“Listen…we’re all here” 

“I know, I appreciate it” I turn to her and offer her my hand. She takes it and gives it a firm shake.

“One last time” She breathes as she looks at the hover craft that became a second home to her. 

“One last time, together” 

“Where to Scout” She straightens up

“To far away” I respond before climbing in and finding my seat. Carli sits in hers and I see that she too is feeling the wrath of letting go. The ride seems longer than usual to Citadel but at last, seemed too short as the wheels touch base. 

“Time for some action” I breath to myself before removing the headset and standing. Ash is the first off the hover craft, siding the side door opens for Carli and I. Carli looks at me and I nod for her to go. She does so smoothly and then it is my turn. A ladder was brought to the side of the hover craft so that we could get out without needing to jump. Once I take a step on the ladder, there is no going back. The camera’s flash, the tv stations camera’s point at me, it is the first time I have publicly been seen since I fell to my presumed death and everyone is dying to catch a glimpse of my body, trying to decide for themselves if I really am alive. _I ask myself the same._

“Tobin, Tobin, is it true that you were dead for weeks”

“Tobin, a word on what it feels like to be back in Citadel”

“How do you feel about being the one to decide the faith”

The shouting of the press as I walk down in between rows and rows of media. _Tobin Tobin Tobin Tobin_ ** _Tobin_** At the yelling of my own name, I feel panicked. I look up to see Carli and Ash struggling a bit too. 

“A quick word, Miss Heath” A small male reporter asks instead of yells. I stop in my tracks and give him some attention. 

“What can I do for you” I respond. He seems surprised that I even paused as he stares at me with wide eyes. I quirk an eyebrow at him and his senses seem to come back. 

“Just one question…will todays decision in any way affect your own recovery along with the squads” The question stuns me as  all the questions being asked have been related strictly to revenge or the future, not about my recovery. I take a moment to think about it before answering him. He extends his microphone to me as do all the other reporters surrounding him. 

“Today is a day that many have been waiting for, the day we trail those in charge. And while I would like to say we’ve all made peace…it’s not the truth. Today’s decision will not only affect my recovery but I think in terms of the world, it will be our first test in terms of how far we’ve come. I can only speak for myself but I know that deep down, everyones as tired as I am” 

“Thank you” the report smiles and I nod him welcome. I continue down until we reach the base of the stairs of Citadel’s court. A large monument is displayed at the middle of the steps with all the names of the fallen soldiers. Flowers cover the perimeter of the display and all the squads medals are placed around a few names of those friends that we lost. I wait for Ash and Carli to leave the monument and head up the last few steps. They stand there with the rest of the squad, all waiting for me. I walk up slowly and kneel before the wall covered with engrave names. I take four medals from my suit and walk to the names of Mark, Zane, Amanda and Laure, placing a medal beside each name. The toughest one is Laure’s as I bury it deep making my hand bleed. I feel a hand on my shoulder and look behind me to meet Alex’s eyes. She extends a small cloth to me which I take to clean the blood from my hand. 

“Thank you” I whisper as I fold the cloth and put it in my pocket while standing. 

“Any time” She whispers back. I look up to the squad and back at Alex. 

“As soon as we walk through those doors-”

“No matter what happens today Tobin, it doesn’t change how I feel” Alex silences me. I swallow the lump  in my throat and nod okay. I turn back to the monument, removing my cap and grabbing the Athena flag that has been left for me to put on the wall of remembrance. I slowly unfold it and place it above the monument. Theres a minute of silence that follows as everyone stares both shocked and saddened. 

“Never forgotten” I breath as I stand again and walk up the steps, not looking back. We enter the court and get seated. The members of the world sit in the half circle podium with me in the middle. The squad sit to the right of us and the family members of the accused to the left. 

I go numb as the trail begins. Abby and Carli handle most of the talking and questioning along with the lawyers of the accused. Like expected, the trail goes into four thirty minute breaks in between two hour sessions of questioning and first hand testimonies. After hours of talking and arguing, the members of the world come back from their private voting. A soldier walks up to me and hands me the counts. 

“Please stand” I ask the entire room. I hear everyone stand and the silence becomes unbearable as I open the envelope “The members of the world have come to the conclusion that… Mister Morgan, Ex representative of the Board Leaders of Citadel, along with an ally of Sepp Blatter whom is charged with dehumanization, exploiting of individuals, hiding of truth along with partial responsibility for the deaths of fallen agents, amongst those some he knew and some he never saw, will have an anonymous voting in which his future will be decided…by the members of the last established Elite Squad, under the command of me, Scout Heath whom will have a count of three votings” A few gasp around the room but I don’t dare look up to see the hearts of Alex and Jeri breaking. So I continue “If the voting comes yet to another tie, the voting will go to the hands of the public in which every citizen will be granted a vote in the faith of the accused” I turn the paper for the camera to see as a sign of honestly and commitment. Abby takes the paper and hands it to an agent whom places it in a secured box that will soon join the others in the vault back at the safe house. 

“Agents, please stand” A police officer asks. My squad all stand and walk into the back room that is sound proof and has no door knob from the inside. Carli then joins behind me and so do I. My eyes never leave the back of Carli’s shoes until the door of the secured room closes. We all sit in silence for a few minutes, trying to come to the senses that this moment will define our lives forever. The doubt of my prior decision starts to settle in and the panic rises. 

“I know what I asked of you guys last night but…but now that we’re here I, you don’t have to follow through with this. This is you decision. It is anonymous and I realize now that I would be robbing you of your freedom to move on from the past. So before I hand out the cards, I want to take back what I said last night. Instead of voting to sentence him to life in prison or death as the members of the board did, we vote to give Michael and the rest of the members absolute forgiveness of their passed crimes, not because he is not guilty but because it is time to change. It is a sign that we are all committed to this future, this dream of a better tomorrow. It sends a message to the rebels that we are not here to joke around, we’re all tired and ready to bury the burden that we each carry. This is the ultimate test of our validity and of our characters. Are we as heartless as we were made to be or are we humans who lost their hearts protecting the heart of a broken dream…its time to vote” I hand the cards out and sit with the last one in my hands. I take the pen placed before me. Taking a deep breath, I slowly write out the word. _Forgiveness._ I fold the paper and toss it into the small black bowl in the middle of the table. Becky is the last of us all to vote. I knock on the door and an officer comes to take the bowl and leaves us in the silence. No one talks, no one dares move as none of us know what each has chosen. To let go of our hate or to bury away our past? 

The door opens and an officer escorts us out and into the court room. I take my seat and so does Carli. Neither one of us daring to look up. Abby is handed an envelope and only she stands this time. Once the paper with the votes tallied up rests in her hand, I see her breath hitch. 

“It is…with all the burning ache and anxiousness to let everyone listening and watching know… that the established Elite Squad has come to a conclusion” She pauses in disbelief but quickly recovers as I look up to her “Will the accused please stand up” I hear the six on trail stand and hear everyone biting their cheeks “The Elite Members of Athena have all come to the conclusion…before I give the verdict, I shallow read a note as written by one of the members of the squad” Abby pauses to clear her throat before continuing “Forgiveness does not excuse a behavior, for nothing can excuse that which has happened. Forgiveness is merely our first step in removing the fear, the first step in which we take to free ourselves from the control that the past holds against us, our first step of excusing ourselves from the grips of our pains and choosing to embrace the opportunity of a new life in the names of those who will never live and those whom will learn to live…that being said…the six accused of said crimes…are forgiven of all charges as signed off by all Elite Squad members of Athena and the members of the world” Abby gives the verdict and the room explodes into fits of silence and cheering. Abby turns the paper to the camera to show that every person on the squad voted forgiveness before handing it to the agent who places it in the secured box and seals it shut. I sit still in my chair struck that everyone on the squad was courageous and brave enough to let go of all the burdens for something we have dreamed of. I look up to meet Becky whom smiles at me. _So that’s why she took so long to vote._

“Tobin” Abby clears her throat. I stand from my chair and shake her hand “That…took some balls…theres going to be riots and mobs, much hate directed in your name” 

“An angered mind blinds the individual of the future” I give Abby the same response as I gave Carli “As for the mobs and riots…it’s in their right to express themselves, but regardless of what is to come, we’re in this together” 

“That we are” Abby says before excusing herself to meet the forgiven while Carli and I escape to our squad. Everyone sports smiles, no signs of doubt, no sign of hate, not a single dent in our hearts or minds that we will get through this, together. 

* * *

The two weeks following the enormous trail are bittersweet. Some civilians cool off faster than others, some were in agreement since the beginning and some are still blinded by their fury. Nonetheless, everything has settled enough for the actual rebuilding of the cities to begin in two days. I sit at my desk, helping finish the last details of the new bridges that will reopen the boarder between Axiom and the outside world. These are the first step in the reconstruction for many reasons, both for transportation of materials and people but also as a sign of moving forward. The small knock on the door forces me to close the hologram and I tell my little girl to come in. 

“Momma Momma, guess what” Alice beams at me. 

“What is it” I cheer as I pick up Alice and place her on my lap. 

“Mommy comes home today” Alice screams with joy causing me and Alex whom stands by the door to laugh. 

“I know she does, do you have her present ready” I ask as I run my hand through her hair. 

“Alex helped me wrap it” 

“Oh did she” I ask while mouthing thank you to Alex whom takes shifts baby sitting Alice while I work on the designs of the new cities and while Ash goes to scout the actual areas where most of these projects will take place. 

“It was no biggy” Alex shakes off 

“Thank you, for everything, Jeri and I are very thankful” I turn to Alex honestly as I let Alice off my lap to play on her small secret playroom in my office. 

“She’s my sister, Alice is soon to be my god daughter…and you’re…my friend” Alex smiles making me smile too. 

“Well, Jeri will be here for a good two weeks as the next few missions don’t require of her use. We didn’t plan on her being gone for two weeks but as you and I know… nothing ever goes as planned” I joke 

“That I do” Alex giggles as she takes a seat across from my desk. 

“Alice’s presentation to the church is coming up so I was wondering if you wanted to go over the details with me before tomorrow, the rebuilding starts in two days and the presentation is in three so…I want to make sure everything is ready” 

“Actually…Jeri and I did that last night over the phone” Alex inquires. 

“Oh” I breath surprised as the mission Jeri’s been on since her fathers trail has consumed most of her time

“They finished early and she called to ask about dad and then she had a few extra minutes” 

“Well then, that means I’m done for the evening…you can head off to do your thing, I can take care of Alice now” I breath out surprised as I haven’t had an evening off in a few days. 

“You sure, I don’t mind sticking around” Alex asks 

“You’re not going to spend time with your father or go catch some sleep” I ask as I begin to turn off everything. 

“I got plenty of sleep, believe it or not, the pups are just as heavy sleepers as I, and my father is out with my mom” 

“Oh, well, in that case, if you want to join us” I smile genuinely. 

“I do”

“Then that settles it, how about a bite” I offer as I grab my coat. Alex nods yes and we’re off. I take Alice and Alex to some food carts in a city nearby and then off to the park until Alice falls asleep in my arms. 

“We should get headed back, Jeri will bite my head off if Alice isn’t there when she arrives” I whisper as I stand from the park bench. 

“That she will, she’ll be tired, she sounded very tired on the phone” 

“Yeah…the mission she’s on is a complicated one. I should probably get a bath ready and have dinner brought to her room. She’ll probably want to get in bed with Alice once she gets home” 

“I’ll prepare her dinner while you prepare her bath if you want” 

“Really” I ask stopping at the car and turning to see Alex

“Really, I don’t mind. Gives me something to do” 

“I…thank you, I would really appreciate it” 

“No problem” Alex helps put the sleeping beauty into her car seat before getting in besides her. 

“Alex…you don’t have to sit there if you don’t want, she’s asleep now” I giggle as Alice usually makes someone sit besides her. 

“Right” Alex blushes before getting into the passengers seat. I shake my head from laughter and get into the drivers seat. I put the car on reverse and roll down my window. I see Alex yawn and feel the ache to do something nice for her as she has been so helpful. Without talking, I begin our journey back to the safe house. When we arrive, both Alex and Alice are asleep. I get out of the house and begin to grab Alice out of the car but Ash stops me. 

“Here, I’ll take her, you take her” Ash nods at Alex. I nod okay and move around the car. At first, I have no idea how to pick up Alex without waking her. Soon I realize she wasn’t kidding about being a heavy sleeper. I shut the door and hear Alex murmur something. 

“What” I ask confused

“Toby”

“Yeah” I ask. She murmurs something I can’t quite make out so I ask again “Yeah Alex? I’m going to take you to your room” I inform as I walk to the door. 

“I love you Tobin” I hear her loud and clear once I’m standing by the door. My body freezes and I swear her words burn my skin. I turn her head to see if she’s still sleeping and I realize she is. _So she’s dreaming about me?_

“Need help” Ash asks as she pops the front door open, no Alice in sight.

“Um, no, I got her, thanks, could you get dinner ready for Jeri though”

“Sure can” Ash scurries off as I enter the house and take Alex to her room. As I try to place Alex on her bed, she holds onto my neck. _Oh come on._ I try shaking her off but her grip is firm. 

“Don’t leave” Alex murmurs as if having a bad dream. I remain still, staring at her eyes as they move. I begin to wonder what she’s dreaming off, wondering who she’s asking to stay. Soon enough, her grip loosens as I escape. I tuck her in properly and walk to the door. When I turn the lights off, I turn to look at her and see she’s hugging herself. A flood of emotions crawl up my spine, paining me to see her so alone and fragile. Without thinking, I walk over to her bed and kneel at her bed. As I kneel confused, I see her body slightly shaking 

“Don’t let go” She cries. _She’s having a nightmare._

“Alex…Alex, wake up” I shake her shoulder but she doesn’t wake up “Alex, Alex come on” I continue to try but she keeps on shaking. Without thinking, I wrap my arms around her and pull her into me “Lex, please” I beg into her ear. Alex gasps as her eyes shoot open and she comes to her senses. 

“It’s just me, I’m right here, right here Alex” I coo in her ear as she fights tears. 

“I…I, you”

“It’s okay, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere” 

“You’re alive” She breathes as she brings her hand up to cup my cheek

“I am” I smile against her hand “I’m alive” 

“You always let go…no matter how much I beg you, you always let go” She begins to cry causing my sight to drop and heart to ache. 

“Alex” I breath as I put some distance between us. 

“No let me get it out…you always let go when I beg you not to. You always put me first and here I am, unable to put you first, unable to let you be happy with Jeri” 

“What” 

“I want to, I want to be happy for you but I can’t. I can’t and you try so hard to deny your feelings for my sake but it’s obvious you feel something for the both of us and every night, I dream of you. Of us on that fucking tower…I was so stupid to follow you into that battle. It’s my fault that you can’t remember, all this, it’s because of me” 

“Alex, stop” 

“No don’t tell me to stop, don’t tell me to deny that I’m part of the blame” 

“Lex will you stop! For fucking sake, thats, theres no more room for burden” 

“Just say it Tobin, you don’t love” 

“STOP” I yell as I stand off her bed “If you want to break, you break alone” I throw at her before heading to the door. In the swift of emotions, Alex grabs my hand and turns me yet it is me who takes her lips in mine. _You make we wanna love, hate, cry, take, every part of you. You make me wanna scream, burn, touch, learn, every part of you,_ my mind screams at her. 

At first, Alex is stunned by my lips on hers. She doesn’t move until I graze my tongue against her still soft lips. While her senses catch up to mine, I lose myself in my own waves of electricity. My spine radiates with heat, a flame ignites apart of me that I thought I had lost. Alex wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me into her more yet the distance still feels far. Without warning, I pick Alex up without breaking the kiss. Her lips quiver just enough to let me know she too is lost in the feeling. Her legs wrap around my hips tightly as I slowly progress to the bed. Alex takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss startling me. 

“Alex” I gasp as she kisses down my neck. I sit on the edge of her bed, with Alex on my lap and tilt my head to grant Alex more access. Somewhere in between standing and sitting, things slowed down as Alex’s lips kiss with more gentleness. Soaking the venom from my skin and infecting my body with drug I’ve felt before. _But when?_ I think as she slowly leaves a mark of her own. 

“Is this okay” Alex suddenly asks as I’ve spaced off, trying to match this feeling. 

“I…yeah, this is okay” I respond before taking her lips in mine again. Another pleasant wave of mystery fills my body, again, igniting a spark in me. I continue to explore her body, giving into the sudden emotions, seeking them, trying to understand them. Along the way, I pick up secrets and quirks of her body. With every gasp or quiver of her lip, the feeling fuels. The way my name leaves her lips breathlessly starts to become an addiction, leaving me wanting more and more as we progress down an unlighted road. 

She begins to push me back onto the bed and for an instant I panic. Surrendering power has never been written in my blood but in her touches, I find balance not dominance. With some willingness, I comply to her request and slowly lay my back to the bed. I close my eyes and wait for her to come down with me but instead, she simply stares at me. Nervously, I open my eyes and find her ocean lit skies completely in awe of me. 

“Alex”

“Shhh” She hushes me. I stare at her confused about her sudden actions. As I try to sit up, she keeps me grounded. 

“Did I do”

“Just let me have this moment, please” She begs quietly. The sound of her pleading voice quickly empties my body of the strong feeling and fills it with the reality. I wrap my arms around Alex and we’re back to before. Her crying against my chest. _No no no, no more crying. I’m the one thats confused, not you._

“Alex, Alex talk to me” 

“I know I didn’t love you first, I know I made your life a living hell and god I know you could have the perfect life with my sister but I can’t do it. Not before trying first. I need you Tobin, god how I need you. I want your love and desire, I want your pain and tears, I want everything from your smile to your broken dreams. And I know this is selfish but I want you to choose me, me Tobin because I know after you, there is nothing” I’m left speechless as Alex finally breaks. Rather than to give her the answer I know she wants to hear, I hold her closer. _I can’t give her an answer…not yet_ my mind thinks in opposition to my heart that feels something else. 

Alex falls sound asleep against me minutes later, allowing her confession to settle into my mind afterwards. Letting out a long sigh, I look at her peaceful face and brush away a few strands of hair. As I inhale her sweet smell, I lean in give her head a long kiss. 

“Maybe, someday” I whisper before tucking her in. As I leave her room, the house system alerts everyone in the house that Jeri has arrived at the gate. I press unlock and proceed to Jeri’s bedroom but stop short realizing Ash must have put Alice in my bedroom. Changing directions, I quietly enter my own room and find Alice sound asleep with the pups on my bed. The sight makes me smile. _My babies._ I think as I quickly tip toe over and give all three a kiss. Rushing to my bathroom, I get the water running for Jeri and toss in some fragrances that I know she enjoys and other things for her body’s long recovery. Once I’m finished setting the bath, I hear the small ring at the door. 

I leave the bedroom and rush down the stairs. The sight of Jeri makes my smile drop. _And so it begins._

“Where’s my babygirl” Jeri’s tired voice asks Abby and Kelley whom opened the door for her. Hope comes in with Jeri’s stuff along with Pinoe. 

“She’s asleep in Tobin’s bedroom” Ash answers. On cue, Jeri looks up and meets my eyes. No words must be spoken in order for her or anyone in the room to know my dislike for her inability to say enough when her body hurts. I make my way down and order Ash and Hope to bring Jeri’s stuff down to the laundry room while I take her upstairs. 

Neither one of us speaks as I help her undress in the bathroom. In occasion, she whimpers when I touch certain spots on her back or even bites down on her lip to stop the cry from escaping when I help her out of her shirt. I keep the anger inside as soon as my eye catches sight of the new wound on the back of her shoulder that is far worse than any of her previous injuries. 

“Is the water too hot” I ask as she slowly gets in. 

“Its perfect” She replies honestly, giving me the understanding that she is, in other words, hurting. Once she settles into the foggy white water, I sit on the edge and stare at her with her eyes closed and ask myself if that was me. **_You were far worse._** My dark mind replies causing me to shiver. 

“You can say it” Jeri whispers. I shake my head no and turn so that my back is to Jeri, with my elbows resting on my knees and my head in my hands “I’m sorry” She breathes as she moves over to me. She rests her elbows outside of the bath and lays her head down on her arms, her eyes on me. 

“I know” I mutter under my breath as I have no reason to be mad. _She is the commander after all. She’s just doing her job._

“But it’s not enough for you. You don’t want an apology, you want a promise…a promise you couldn’t even keep” She replies as an answer more than a rebuttal. 

“Let’s get you washed up” I respond, ready to move on. 

“Not until you tell me what’s got you so clouded” Jeri confronts me. _She reads me so good._

“It’s nothing” I lie feeling oh so more confused than before. 

“So now we’re lying to each other” Jeri sadly responds 

“No! no” I breath as I turn to finally look at her

“Then what is it Tobin, tell me…please, so I can fix it” She begs me as she comes out of the water enough to place her hand to my cheek. I let her pull me close not because I want her proximity but because I want her body in the water’s solution so she rests better. 

“You can’t keep coming home like this” I half lie. While her body’s shape concerns me, it is Alex’s lingering lips on mine that are clouding my eyes “You can’t keep coming home all beat, with all these scars and wounds…the one on your shoulder…has Becky checked it out yet” I ask 

“Not yet”

“Jeri”

“I wanted to see you and Alice first” 

“If you keep getting hurt, there may be a day you never see us at all” 

“A man was trapped inside, the rebels were gaining on us, I ordered everyone back while my right man was finding his way around” Jeri explains 

“Your right man has made one too many errors, I don’t know why you put your trust in him” 

“Tobin” Jeri belts

“What” I ask with wide eyes “It’s true! A month ago he was supposed to guard the door and you still got shot and what about the mission before that, the one where” 

“Well I’m sorry this is real life and not some game” Jeri throws at me. At her comment I move away from her and grab her robe. 

“I’m not saying it’s a game but you’re putting yourself in more danger than you need to be. You have a family now Jeri! A fucking family that needs you to come home safe and on time, a daughter that counts every spitting second she spends away from you, two dogs that wait outside every morning on the porch waiting for you car to appear and me! I need you Jeri, I need you because I can’t do this whole parenting thing alone and Alex can’t play house forever. Can’t you see it Jeri, we’re ready to settle down, I’m ready, all that’s missing is you” I snap. I leave the robe by the bath and exit the bathroom. I find Ash awkwardly standing by the door with a tray of food for Jeri. Tossing my head back, I lean against the bathroom door  and sigh. 

“She’ll be out, leave it by the bed” I whisper before leaving the room. Everything whirls as I leave the house and head for the only place I know I can be alone. _The cabin._ Once inside, I head straight for the bed. The small breeze hits the outside walls, filling the bedroom with sounds that make me fall fast asleep. 

When it’s morning, I rise and head straight for the shower. Taking a quick dip, I hustle into clean clothes and head to the safe house nothing today it’s an important day for everyone. The first I run into is HAO. 

“Morning” she smiles as she places her bags by the door. 

“Morning” 

“Morning walk” She asks confused as it’s still early morning. 

“Yeah” I lie 

“Come on, lets make some coffee as the rest of the beasts wake” I smile at her and follow her into the kitchen. We settle upon making breakfast ourselves and soon enough, almost everyone is downstairs munching on some bread. 

“Wow Tobin, I didn’t know you knew how to bake” Abby complements suddenly with her mouth stuff with a muffin. 

“I…yeah, I learned very little” I reply as I take out a fresh rack of apple cinnamon muffins. 

“From who?! Baking is so rare… the few gems out their can barely bake a bread since the ingredients are so rare and unheard of. A simple half loaf was a leg in Axiom” Hope rejoices. I look to Allie who steps to my rescue. 

“Tobin is a women of many secrets…its good to keep people wondering” Allie answers

“I would love to get to know all your secrets” Pinoe winks at me as she grabs the pitcher of coffee besides me and reaches over to the hot pan to grab a hot muffin. As she makes contact with the pan, she squeals in pain. 

“Serves you well you idiot” I laugh while grabbing a muffin for her

“Whatever, you love it” 

“Right” I roll my eyes playfully 

“Well…if I ever get married, you’re baking my cake” Hope inquires causing everyone to go silent while Kelley gives Hope a death glare “What? Did I say something wrong” 

“If I ever get married” Kelley throws at her 

“Here we go” Jeri whispers to me as she enters the kitchen with Alice in her arms

“Good Morning” I greet to the two whom both hum in response

“Yeah, when I get married to you” Hope replies 

“Oh so now you want to get married to me” 

“I don’t get what the problem is” Hope replies 

“You never do” Kelley yells frustrated as she leaves her chair and exits the room with Hope behind her. 

“Good morning it is…I wonder if Hope will ever realize that Kelley is ready to settle down” Jeri ponders out loud as she reaches over my arm to grab a muffin. Now it’s my turn to react as I drop the tray of muffins on the counter, tossing the mittens towards the sink, I hurry out of the kitchen. In the bliss of the moment, I smack right into Alex as she turns the corner of the stairs.

“AGH fuck me” I mutter as I stand up and offer Alex a hand. 

“Excuse me” She asks very concerned and confused

“Sorry, nothing, not a good morning” I reply as I walk past her and head upstairs. Again, like last night, Alex grabs my hand and turns me “Not right now Alex” I beg as I try to get her to let go of my hand

“What’s wrong” 

“Nothing”

“Don’t lie to me” 

“It’s nothing Alex, really” I respond annoyed that she won’t let it go

“Is it because of last night”

“NO! My goodness, I said it was nothing so can you please let me go” I plead. Alex finally lets me go and I hurry off to my office where I drown myself in work like I used to. 

* * *

 

“You know, this was the bridge where Hope and Abby almost killed Carli” Ash mutters as she leans against the a table, critiquing the final design of the main bridge that will lead into Axiom. 

“Exactly why it needs to be perfect” I murmur as I reach my hands into the hologram and zoom into the street view “Here, people will be able to test some of the new technology, the one world techs was making” 

“You mean the one that the world leaders are currently testing and making” Ash corrects me as World Techs isn’t really world techs anymore but apart of the governments new technology industry. 

“Right, well, you know more about technology so what do you think” 

“I think…you out did yourself. This is perfect Tobin, absolutely to the highest standards, safety wise, traffic wise, environmental, really, you should be proud” Ash beams as she walks to the hologram and gives it a spin. 

“Everyone should be, we’ve sacrificed so much to get here. If we’re going to get it right, we have to start off right. Everything has to be carefully thought, the details and big picture, they have to add up 110%. This is just the beginning of what we’re going to do” I rant out of hope. Hearing Ash, the highest technician aside from Abby and her team, express her approval infects me with subtle dreams of a world we all imagined. 

“Did you design it all yourself…its…” Ash asks as she looks as some specific details. 

“It’s what” I ask as I press a button on the hologram table, lighting up parts of the hologram with a blue light, the same light that ran through my quarter, the self sustained clean energy Frost ran on. I meet Ash’s teary eyes with a smile. “This…this is what he would’ve wanted. A bridge of hope, a bridge of unity, a bridge that could build a pathway for the weak, something to hold the weight of the world…The lines on the road way, everything will be powered by solar light energy, only a small amount of the bridge will be powered by the clean energy, mostly the street lights and cameras for security reasons. With the helps of Press and Becky, we have top notch security routes and environmental additions, in case of an emergency, the ambulance and police can get anywhere on the bridge in a matter of seconds. And get this, although we don’t always get rain, when it does, the rain water will be drained though these…and will be directed towards the outside villages…hundreds of miles away, where water is rare, as it travels there, it’ll be filtered and adjusted, made drinkable and good enough to harvest crops. The water will probably have a weird after taste like ours but hey, it’s a start” 

“This, wow, I’m speechless” Ash breathes as I explain all the plans I have “This bridge is more than just a bridge, it’s a representation of the world we knew, the details on the architecture, the story they tell…it’s a story of us, the squad” Ash asks 

“We deserve to move forward too Ash…this is why the Athena logo is placed”

“At the center” 

“Because”

“We’re the heart of Kardia” Ash whispers. I nod with a smile. 

“We made Kardia what it was and now it is our responsibility to make it what it will be” 

“You darn did it you fucker” Ash giggles as tears escape her eyes. She hurriedly wipes them away and I open my arms to hug her. She congratulates me and I thank her. I close the hologram and send it off the 3D machine to start replicating it for the opening ceremony tomorrow. 

“We should head up, tell Carli we’re done” 

“Speak of the devil” Ash nods towards the doors. I turn around and find a very uncomfortable looking Carli heading our way. 

“Come on, she’s not allowed to see the design” I nod towards the door. We exit my lab and meet Carli out in the hall. 

“We need to talk”

“Let’s talk” I shrug 

“Something came up in Kanatos…The situation is now under control” Carli informs me

“But” I ask knowing she didn’t come all the way down here or didn’t ask Ash to leave for nothing. 

“Look we have to situation under control but if it does get out of hand” 

“When is she leaving” I ask tired, knowing Carli is beating around the bush after seeing me storm out of the kitchen yesterday morning. 

“She made it very clear she wouldn’t leave until by all means it was necessary…her given day, to leave under which I think she could arrive in Kanatos and eliminate the threat asap and come back in less than a week is in three days” 

“After Alice’s Presentation” I breath in disbelief

“Look, I’ve tried buying her more time but the rebels in Kanatos are something else… Jeri’s been in the command room all night and morning, giving orders and trying to eliminate the threat from home but at last, the three of us know there are some battles we can’t escape” 

“Did you volunteer or did she ask you to tell Tobin” Ash asks a little confused. 

“I came down here on my own, she’s working” Carli answers. My ears quirk at her voice and I know she feels guilty. 

“It’s not your fault, if I was in her place, I would’ve left by now” 

“Still, I know it’s been a rough couple of months and you’re trying to figure out your life and with her in command, it’s complicating things” 

“Look Carli, I appreciate it, but she’s not leaving me for any other reason other than to fight for what we’re all trying to do here, she’s apart of this and she plays a vital part in starting the progression in Kanatos” 

“You sure you’re not mad” Carli asks. I take a second to let it sink in. Everyone expects it to boil in me but stead, the deception sinks to the pit of my stomach and all that I feel is sadness. 

“No” I respond. Carli stares at me for a moment before nodding. 

“I should get back to the command room” 

“I’m going to head to the shower” Ash inquires 

“Alright, I’m going to check on Alice” I add before heading my separate way. As the elevator rings, I step out and head for the play room. Like always, I crawl through the kids door and scare Alice. 

“Boooo” I belt as I wrap Alice in my arms and roll on the ground with her. 

“Mommmaaa” 

“Hey babygirl, how was breakfast” I ask as I give her head a kiss 

“Yummy, Auntie made good food” 

“She always makes good food” I complement my best friend who smiles. 

“It was extra yummy today” 

“I bet, I’m sorry I couldn’t join, Momma had to work” 

“What about Mommy” Alice asks. I straighten up and glance at Allie and Alex. 

“She’s working too my dear” 

“Will she be done soon, I want to go on a walk with her” The sounds of my little girls voice makes the sadness turn into disappointment. 

“I’ll tell you this, you give your godmother and auntie big hugs and kisses for taking care of you this morning and we head off to the lake…I’ll teach you how to swim” 

“Really” Alice wide eyes and disbelief make Allie and I laugh. 

“Really” I respond through the chuckle. Alice proceeds to take down Allie and Alex in hugs and kisses as I escape to prepare our backpacks. As I walk passed the front door, I catch sight of Shawn’s car. 

“What’s he doing here…we weren’t scheduled to meet…for another day” I think out loud. 

“Let me know of anything else” I hear his voice upstairs 

“I will, thank you again for stopping on such short notice” I hear Becky’s voice 

“Anything to help” 

“Shawn” I interrupt them 

“Tobin, how are you” 

“Good, yourself” 

“Very well, thank you” 

“Should I…be concerned” I ask as I look between Becky and Doctor Emmett. 

“Always be concerned. The world moves towards disorder, it’s spontaneous, it does not stop at anyone’s request” Shawn replies for them 

“I…you’re very correct” 

“Well, glad I could be of help, I’ll be off, I have an impatient wife waiting” 

“I’ll lead you to the door” 

“I’ve been here long enough to know where it is, you go check in with these two” Shawn gives my shoulder a squeeze before heading off. I look at Becky and Emmett whom nod towards the medical rooms. As we head up the stairs, I feel a little anxious. Stepping into the medical lab, the anxiety worsens. 

“Alright, whats going on” 

“People keep passing out” Becky blurts 

“What do you mean” 

“The same way with what happened to your diamond…more agents keep on experiencing similar wipe outs” 

“And Shawn” 

“I’m scared there will be head trauma’s, psychological damage if we resist getting them taken out” Becky whispers. I close my eyes and back track until I hit a table. 

“What did he say” 

“Its possible although he fears there is already a psychological problem with all those whom have rejected getting it removed” Emmett lets out without intention to hurt either Becky or I since we both have rejected getting our diamonds removed. 

“Well…what can we do, I mean, they keep some of us alive…inside” I respond with a look towards Becky whom knows exactly what I’m talking about.  

“Start therapies, continue studying the squads vitals and neural signals to determine what is causing them to wipe out…but I think it would be best to take it to the world leaders. Force them to mandate a removal all diamonds from those who were lower than level 5” Emmett throws out as he crosses his arm. I nod my head in thought and look at Becky. 

“That might be our own solution. Level 5 and of course us, we’ve had them in for years…I think with the years of experience and my knowledge on the device…removing diamonds from superior agents could cause a set back with our biological systems. We’ve depended them for so long, they’re apart of us now” 

“So that settles it…removal of transcendents from any agent at or below level 4…I’ll set a meeting with the leaders” 

I head to my room to get everything needed to swim and then head to Alice’s to grab her things. Once I’m done, I head down the stairs and find Alex and Alice sitting at the bottom of the stairs. I slow down and listen to their conversation. 

“I love you a whole lot Lexie” Alice breathes 

“I love you too my little princess” 

“Why can’t you come with me and momma” 

“Well, I think she wants to spend some time alone with you”

“But don’t you want to spend time with momma? You always say you miss her too” 

“I do, but it’s a different kind of missing” 

“How so” Alice asks intrigued. I sit on the edge of the top of the steps and listen even while knowing I shouldn’t. 

“You miss your momma when she’s alway, just like you missed Jerbear when she was away but the way I miss Tobin is the way Ash missed Ali while she was here. The way the sun misses the moon even though it’s right there, right across from it. It’s a kind of missing that my love is worse than heartbreak” 

“Does momma know that” 

“No, or well, it’s hard. But it’s okay, I’ll deal with it because…seeing her alive everyday even if I miss her is better than not seeing her at all” 

“Can I ask you something” Alice asks 

“Sure thing” 

“Do you love my momma like Jeri loves momma” The sounds of three hearts shattering is heard as I spot Jeri in the corner of the main hall, frozen, unable to backtrack or to walk forward. Alex lets out a long breathe and I can see she doesn’t know how to respond. Taking the cue, I quickly stand and open the nearest door to the stair case, I shut the door and rush down the stairs as if nothing. Jeri is quickly brought to reality and too joins the group as if neither one of us heard the conversation. 

“Ready to go” I ask Alice 

“Where are you two off to” Jeri asks as she hugs Alice 

“Momma’s going to teach me how to swim” Alice smiles big at Jeri who looks up at me panicked 

“I can assure you she’ll be fine, I learned to swim when I was little” 

“I’m not worried, I’m just…nothing, never mind. You be good okay? Listen to what momma says and have fun. I wish I could join but theres still much to do” 

“It’s okay mommy, I understand” 

“I know you do, you always do” Jeri breathes sadly before hugging Alice again “I’m off again, I love you, I’ll be off before you’re tucked into bed” 

“I love you too mommy” Alice smiles. Jeri rushes back to the elevator as her clock begins to beep and I stand in front of Alex.

“Thank you for taking care of her for the day” 

“No worries, I love spending time with her” 

“Momma” Alice tugs on my hand 

“Yeah kiddo” 

“Can Alex come with us” Alice asks with puppy eyes. _Darn you child._ I let out a shaky breath and look at Alex. 

“Alice, maybe it should just be” 

“No” I interrupt her 

“Excuse me” 

“Join us, Alice would love to spend more time with you I know for sure and…I could teach you to swim if you don’t already know. Do you know” I ask completely dumbfounded as I don’t even know if she knows how to swim.

“I don’t” Alex confesses 

“In that case, you’re coming, come on, lets get going” I smile at Alex whom seems a little uneasy. I open the door and nod out. Alex seems surprised but proceeds to follow orders “Alright, lets do this” I pump myself up before following behind the two. 

* * *

 

“Mommmy mommy” Alice runs inside the house as I stop outside the house to hang the lake washed clothes on the string line by the safe house. 

“She’s a quick learner” Alex breathes amused at todays events causing me to chuckle. 

“Just like her mother” I rejoice with a smile that soon fades. 

“I’m sorry, for her loss. I know she meant a lot to you” Alex sadly replies. 

“You know what daunts me the most about it” I ask Alex as if she knew. Alex shakes her head no causing my face to soften. I hang the last piece of clothing and proceed to sit on the hood of Ash’s truck.

“What daunts you the most” Alex asks as she follows me to the truck, opting to lean against the side of the car rather than to sit besides me.

“That girl, that small blessing that has flipped my world…she could still have her mother. Not in the sense that we could have saved her from the toxins…no I’m referring to the fact that, that I didn’t need to drag them into this mess. Many of you actually, I don’t know what I was thinking and it daunts on me. I saw it, during the war, all the pain I caused but it didn’t weigh on me until now. All this, we’re learning to move on but I could have saved everyone some pain” 

“But you wouldn’t have saved yourself” Alex adds “All this, you didn’t just save the world Tobin, you saved yourself” 

“I wouldn’t exactly say I saved myself” 

“Then what would you call it” 

“I, I don’t know, but I didn’t save myself. I saved apart of myself” 

“And which part would that be” Alex asks. Taking a deep breath, I turn to look at her slowly. She’s a mess, a complete utter mess, her hair still wet, my grey tee shirt drenched with the lake water that drips from her hair, shorts that don’t by any means match the tee shirt. Her eyes though, they sparkle as bright as ever in the glow of the sunset. 

“You” I whisper “You, you’re apart of me. Whether I remember or not, it’s a different subject but that memory, us on that tower, you letting go than I saving you, that wasn’t saving you Alex. That was me saving apart of me. Because I know now, after watching you with my little girl, I know now that I would’ve never survived without you. Losing you would’ve been losing myself. I saved apart of me that day Alex, I saved possibly the only thing that I knew to be true that day, I saved my soul mate. Goodnight Alex” I smile before getting off the hood of Ash’s car and walking inside to wish my little girl a goodnight. 

* * *

 

**Next Day**

As the champagne bottles pop and confetti covers the air and the dirt beneath my feet, I turn to meet my best friends eyes that so happily greet mine with pride. ‘I love you’ I mouth in her direction. 

“I love you too” She yells as she pops a bottle herself beside Jose and Carli. I laugh at her and turn to walk off the small set up where we have officially announced the start of the construction of the new bridge, Kairos Bridge of Warriors, meant to create an atmosphere open to actions and words made possible by thousands of selfless warriors. 

“Let me be the first to say that you are a women of many wonders” A man who is a big donor for the project extends his hand with his group of heavy pocket friends. 

“Thank you sir” I reply with a firm handshake. 

“So Miss Heath, they tell me you’re in charge on most of the rebuilding that will be done in Axiom” 

“One step at a time gentlemen, we first have to ensure this project is a complete success. It will bound everything together” 

“Well, when the time comes, we would be interested in funding those too” Another man says. I look at him and feel the rage of his obvious flaunt of money. _We should have reset all bank accounts after the war._ I roll my eyes internally while I flash a fake smile. 

“We will be talking soon then” With that, I walk to find Alice. As I walk through the crowd of all the people and media, I spot Ash standing off to the side, looking at the old ruins of the bridge that once stood. 

“Everything good” I ask as I pick a rock and watch it tumble away. 

“Yeah…just needed some air away from the ricking gold” Ash replies, implying the rich snobs.

“They never stop do they” 

“Why are they even helping out, I mean, they were from Axiom, shouldn’t they be on rage, carrying pitch forks and shit” 

“Well Ash, I’m afraid they aren’t emotionally bounded to the city. You see, they’re investors. They look at the world and see money, not life. As long as the job gets done, they can reek of greens all they want, when I see the world, I see hope, and I know you do too. Don’t clog your mind with the blindness of others. As long as your sight is clear, your life will be worthy…theirs will be worthless” Ash soaks in my words before edging her face with a grin. 

“Think we could get them to pay for more” 

“Don’t get too greedy” I laugh before smacking her shoulder and heading off again. As I approach the group, I catch Alex and Jeri swinging Alice in the air stopping me in my tracks. I watch as they interact with ease. Both lost in the sound of Alice’s laugh. _Beautiful_ I think before feeling a hand on my shoulder. When I turn to my left though, I see no one. I spin around just incase they rushed off but no one stands near. Turning back to Morgans and Alice, I find them all laughing. Again, I feel something on my shoulder and turn, yet no one is near. I feel something on me, perhaps eyes. I search the perimeters, the ruins, everything I can see in sight both far and away as my spine shivers. When nothing stands out, I let out a deep breath. _You’re tired, that’s all._ I reason with myself. Taking in a few deep breathes, I walk to them and embrace the three. Thinking just one thing, _this is how it should be_. 

* * *

 

**Next Day**

“You haven’t told Ash have you” Jeri nervously asks as she looks at me through the mirror in my room. I shake my head no and look down at my feet. _How do I tell my right hand that the love of her life won’t be coming because she doesn’t want to hurt her even more._ “We can tell her, together if that’ll help” She tries but again I shake my head no. Jeri sighs and finishes putting on her earrings before turning to look at me. 

“Are you ready” She breathes softly. 

“Ready” I reply with a sad smile. Standing from the ottoman I was sitting on, I walk to the door and bend down to grab Jeri’s suitcases. Jeri stands in front of me and lifts my chin. 

“Don’t do that” She begs as I try to turn away. 

“You’re leaving” I mutter as I look anywhere but at her. 

“I’m coming back” 

“Only to leave again” I reply with intention to hurt. Jeri’s mouth opens and falls and I know I’ve done it. Though I’ve tried being okay with her leaving after the ceremony, I can’t be. 

“Tobin” She pleads with a weak voice but I stop her. 

“When you leave, I need you to take something with you” I instruct as I set her suitcases on the floor and reach into my coats pocket. Pulling out a crisp white envelope, I take a long look at it before looking up to meet her gorgeous eyes that water. She takes the envelope from my hands and slowly opens it. As her eyes scan the papers, she chokes up. 

“You can’t, you can’t seriously be” She stops as she looks up at me. I close my eyes momentarily before nodding yes. “I…I don’t, does anyone else know” She asks as she wipes her tears and hands me the envelope. 

“Here, only you” I reply as I place the envelope back in my coats pocket. 

“I’ll do it, if that’s what you want” Jeri replies so raw. Initially, I had expected this talk to go down hill but here stands Jeri, stunning me as she always has as I ask something big from her. 

“It’s what I want” Jeri takes a moment to let it sink in before nodding yes. The relief that fills my body but the acknowledgement of what could happen is bitter sweet. Feeling the end near, I take her face in mine and give her lips the softest kiss possible. It last long but that’s expected. We leave my room with a mindset to enjoy whats left of our time together. 

“Momma, Mommy” Alice cries as she sees us walking down the stairs hand in hand. 

“Hey there little princess” I smile as Jeri picks Alice up and brings her between us. 

“Isn’t my dress beautiful” 

“Gorgeous my love” Jeri answers for us. 

“I’m going to put these in the car, be right back” I inform before kissing Alice’s cheek and sneaking out the door. As I place the last suit case in the back of the truck, I shut the door and find Ash in the distance, looking towards the sun. Looking around to make sure it’s just us, I walk over to her, letting the rocks crumbling inform her of my presence. 

“Beautiful day to become a god mother ain’t it” Ash asks as she inhales the warm smell of the gold fields and sun. 

“And a beautiful day for a lifetime opportunity” I breath as I stick my hands into my slacks pockets and inhale the sweetness of the air. 

“And what opportunity is that” Ash asks turning to look at me. 

“She’s not coming” I report 

“I figured” Ash responds disappointed. I recall Ali’s tear dry letter she sent and remember that it is for the best. _This is what she needs…in order for her to leave._

“I know your hurt and I know I didn’t tell you sooner but she thought it would be better if she didn’t come. She doesn’t want to hurt you anymore than she already has” 

“That’s a pity excuse to miss Alice’s ceremony” 

“That’s not all…we both agreed that this was the only way you would take this opportunity” I remark as I reach into my coats pocket to grab the white envelope I showed Jeri earlier. As I extend my hand to Ash, she looks at me confused. 

“What is it” Ash asks as she stares at it, imagining all the things it could be

“Open it and find out” Slowly, she takes it from my hands and opens it “I know how much pain your in Ash. I see it, I see that you miss her, I see those tired eyes and I would be the worse friend in the world if I let you settle into this new world with a broken heart…” Ash’s tearful eyes look over the papers as I continue “I know Ali’s blood didn’t register in any of the four regions…but her picture did…in Kanatos. That’s her Ash” I breath as Ali stares at the picture “I ran a test behind the world leaders back and had to hack into Kanatos system because I couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t take you being half here, half lost. And I’m sorry I could only give you a picture of her and very few details but Frost is no longer here and Kanatos systems broke down during the war so I’m sorry but Jeri has committed to making you her right hand in command” I tell her 

“What are you saying” She whispers, looking up from the picture for the first time since she’s laid eyes on it. 

“This is your once in a lifetime opportunity Ash. If you accept, Jeri will make you her second hand in command and you will leave with her, tonight. Not only will you be with Jeri on the front line but she vows to help you find her” 

“Tobin” Ash looks at me overwhelmed

“You don’t have to give me an answer this second but think about it Ash…just think about it because Jeri leaves in 6 hours” 

“The battle against the rebels…it’s worsening, we may be gone for months” 

“Why do you think we’re gathered here today. We’re family Ash. Alice is bound to you as you are to her and you’re forgetting Alex is here too”

“Jeri” Ash asks knowing what I’m proposing and what’s at stake. 

“We’re both aware of the consequences, we’ve made our choice, what happens happens” 

“I won’t”

“Just think about it Ash, just think about it then give me an answer” I interrupt. I extend my arm and give her shoulder a squeeze before walking back into the house. My eyes immediately find Jeri’s and she reads me like a book. _Only time will tell._

The ceremony goes as smooth as planned. As Jeri and I hand Alice over to Alex and Ash, we both share a moment. Our smiles wide, our eyes on each others. If we’ve done anything right, its been this. She rests her head on my shoulder as Ash picks up Alice and Alex reaches over to kiss her cheek. I turn to look at Jeri whom stares in utter happiness. We proceed to the party where everything is white and full of life and spirit. As time ticks, Jeri’s smile begins to fade. Instead of happiness there is sadness and soon enough she’s fighting tears. 

“Jeri” I breathe as I pull her away from a group of people “It’s going to be okay” 

“Why does it feel like we’re saying goodbye” 

“We’re bounded for life Jer” Instead of speaking, she nods and hugs me tight. I run my hand through her hair before planting a kiss on the top of her head “Go on and change, I have to find Ash” 

I circle around the party and find Ash out by the lake. With precaution, I proceed to her. 

"Penny for your thoughts" I ask as I find a large rock to sit on. 

"How will you survive" Ash asks with grand nerves causing me to laugh. 

"Ash, you do realize you'll come back every few weeks" 

"I know but there will be long periods when both Jeri and I will be away, and who's going to do the landscaping for all the projects and who's" 

"Alright speed racer, slow down, one thing at a time" I laugh "Look, Alex will still be here. As for landscaping, I can get Christen"

"You've thought of every answer already huh"

"Spent the whole night asking myself questions that you were likely to ask" 

"How are you so relaxed about this...I thought you wanted Jeri to stay. I thought you were ready to settle down" 

"I am ready Ash but just because I'm ready doesn't mean I'm not scared. Hell there are still days that I can't sleep, days where everything haunts me, days where I crave to be on the field but with one look at that sweet little girl who depends on us, the four of us, I know that I would give everything for her. Everything Ash"

"The way you speak about Alice, you love her"

"Unconditionally, I never knew a love so deep" Ash nods, momentarily in thought. I watch her, reading her body as I have always done. It clicks the moment she stares into the water. 

“I have to find her” She breathes with necessity. 

“You leave in 30, go get packed” I whisper before turning and walking back to the party. My eyes search for Carli or Abby but I can’t seem to find either of them at first glance. Moving on to the next step, I look for a little white dress around the dance floor as wherever Alice is, Alex follows. My eyes scan smiles and laughs, hands and silly dancing until they find the two dancing in utter bliss in the middle. Alex’s hair flies free in the air, kissed by the sun, golden in the light that sinks into her pores bringing out just a slightly bit more of those ocean eyes that now stare right into mine. I smile as I’m caught but don’t look away as Alex bends down to let Alice know I’m looking for her. Alice turns and catches sight of me. Immediately her little feet run to me as I kneel with arms open. 

“Is it time” She breathes weak in my ear. I meet Alex’s eyes from across the dance floor and feel confidence rather than fear. Instead of replying, I pick Alice up and place my hand on the back of her head. Sheltering from the world that seems to always be against her. I walk towards the safe house with Alice in my arms. In occasion she points at a rock or lets out a sigh as she musters up some excuses not to cry. 

“We’re almost there” I whisper as the Safe house comes into sight. She nods against me but doesn’t speak. I see Jeri at the bottom of the walk way with two special agents in company of all the world leaders. They all turn my way as Tim points over at me. Jeri leaves the group and meets me half way. 

“Go with Mommy Icy” 

“No” Alice breathes against me as Jeri tries taking her. 

“Alice, baby” 

“Go away Mommy” Alice replies causing Jeri to slightly back away. Immediately I force myself away from Alice and hold her face in my hands. 

“I know you’re hurting Alice, but saying such thing, did that make you feel better” I ask as Alice looks away. She shakes her head no so I wait. 

“I’m sorry” 

“Alice, my love, I know it’s hard to cope with me going away but I need you to understand that I’m doing this for the better good. A lot of people depend on me, they depend on us to work hard to nurture the seed that people like Momma, your godmother, Auntie Allie and even your mother planted. This is a growing cause, a growing thing that needs of all of us…just like you. You’re growing and you need of all of us, but just like a tree, you don’t need sunlight or water 24 hours of a day. Now tell me, what would happen to a tree if it never rained” 

“It would dry out” Alice answers

“And what would happen if we over watered the plant” 

“It would over flow, welt” 

“Exactly. The point is Alice, there can’t always be sunshine as there can’t always be rain…life wasn’t created for the purpose of happiness. It was created for the purpose of living, experiencing. To live does not mean to breath but rather, it means to feel. And this, this pain you feel, I feel it to and its apart of life that we hurt, otherwise how would we know what it feels to be happy” 

“Will it go away” Alice slowly asks as she turns to meet Jeri’s eyes 

“Does the moon go away”

“For a little…but it comes back”

“Only to go back away” Jeri replies as she looks up at me. I swallow hard but don’t speak. 

“I’m sorry Mommy” 

“Me too Alice, me too” Jeri breathes before taking Alice into her arms. I take the opportunity to leave the two alone and meet with the leaders of the world. 

“I was beginning to think she wouldn’t say goodbye” Hope comments as I come near. 

“It’s not a goodbye” 

“Well, lets hope she keeps it together until the car is out of the drive way. Jeri might just turn the car around” 

“Yeah, well, there’s something I have to tell you” 

“What is it” As if on cue, Ash opens the door with a duffle bag over her shoulder and helmet in hand. With very limited time, Ash didn’t have enough to change out of her suit. Instead, her tie undone, blazer gone, and her shirt barely tucked. 

“Mother of God don’t tell me” Carli curses as she puts everything together. 

“Don’t worry, Sasic won’t notice I hacked Kanatos system” 

“You done did it this time” Abby grins at me 

“Give me a hug, about time you go find that girl of yours” Hope cheers as Ash walks down the steps blushing. 

“I’ll try” 

“I would like to present to you, Ashlyn Harris, new right hand of Commander Morgan” I half laugh as Ash hugs me first. 

“Dear lord…you would” Carli rolls her eyes at me 

“I see the good news has spread” Jeri chimes in with a happy Alice in her arms. 

“What good news” Alice asks causing everyone to turn. I look at Ash but she stops me. 

“I’m leaving with Jeri…I’m going to find Auntie Ali” Ash explains. Instead of sadness, Alice beams. Jumping from Jeri’s arms to Ash’s. 

“About time AshAsh” She squeals causing everyone to laugh. 

“That’s what I said” Hope laughs 

“Its time you give Kellyboo a ring too Auntie Hope” Alice backsasses causing everyone in the group to laugh. 

“Okay baby girl, lets give them a break, they can’t keep up with the dominator” I giggle 

“We must get going” An agent concerns Jeri whom nods. We help Ash load her things into the trucks before opening the door for the two. 

“And remember, I love you, so so so much” Jeri reminds Alice whom repeats it back to her “Take care of her” 

“Always” I smile. Jeri reaches over for a quick kiss on the cheek before loading into the truck. Alice and I back away and watch until they drive off. 

“What now Momma” Alice asks as she tugs on my hand. I look down at her and find peace in her eyes. 

“Now…we find a new adventure” 

* * *

 

“So is this what you do now” Alex voice startles me as try practicing my tennis serves. 

“I…ugh…sorta” I blush as I set the racket down and grab a tennis basket. 

“Well, I hate to brag but I could help with the learning process” Alex grins

“You’re forgetting that I beat you” I throw at her with a bigger grin as I proceed to pick up balls. The realization hits me as I bend down to grab a ball caught at the net. _Oh my god, I played tennis against Alex Morgan and actually won._ I look at Alex who stands still in realization that I just recalled a memory without actually remembering. 

“I-how, you”

“Now who’s stuttering” I wink at her causing her to blush “But to answer your question, no clue, it just came out” 

“That’s good, right” Alex questions unsure 

“I would assume. I can’t recall the memory but it feels like it’s happened. Theres this feeling to things…Shawn has started to tweak with it, we’re trying to see if I can decipher whether its a memory, a vision or nightmare” 

“Well, more power to you, thats incredible” 

“What was the score” I ask, trying to test my new ability. 

“6-3,tie breaker in which you won, then 6-8” Alex answers. 

“You’re lying” I call out 

“Well…I guess that gut feeling is right. First set was a long tie breaker, then 8-6, 7-5” 

“Wow” I breath as I grab the basket that’s not full and walk back to the base line of the court. 

“You won a pretty big award I may add” 

“Did I”

“A bunch of money and stuff…too bad Tlight won’t be open anytime soon before your membership expires” Alex jokes and I laugh “That tennis match…while I never expected to lose, I can’t say I’m not happy I did” Alex slightly smiles as she recalls the memory

“What do you mean” 

“We made a bet, besides the award…it was basically how I ended up in battle with you. The one where…besides the fact, it was a lousy bet that got me sucked into a new world. One of which I left different” 

“But was it a good different, would you go back and still agree to the bet if you would’ve known what happened” 

“In a heartbeat, yes” 

“Then, I’m glad I won” I smile before offering Alex a spare racket. We rally back and forth, occasionally stopping in a fit of laughter or in celebration. 

“Fuck I’m sweeped” I breath as I dry my face with a towel and chug the last of my water. 

“Tennis is brutal” Alex smiles bitterly as she stretches her arms

“Gawd its like…a thousand degrees outside too” 

“Oh come on, we rallied for an hour”

“You’re forgetting that I haven’t been active much” 

“You sure don’t look like it” Alex breathes out without thought. I give her an ‘oh yeah’ look causing her to blush “Not, no, sorry I”

“Thank you” I giggle 

“You’re welcome” Alex mutters embarrassed as she begins to pick up the balls. I hurry to pick up the ones on my side and meet her at the middle of the net. 

“How’d you know I was here” I ask now catching up to the part where Alex is here, half an hour away from the safe house. 

“I come here often” 

“Really” I ask shocked

“I played tennis with Christen over the course of your recovery here” Alex shrugs 

“You and Chris” I asked shocked

“Why is that surprising” 

“I, it’s not, just…feels like theres tension”

“There was, in the past” Alex replies with a shrug 

“Oh”

“Don’t worry, we weren’t down each others throats. Tennis is a silent game” 

“Right” 

“So, you, since when have you been coming here” Alex asks as we walk to our cars

“Since they left I guess. Usually when Alice naps or I’m not stuck with work” 

“Will you be teaching Alice how to play” Alex asks as I open the trunk of my new little toy. 

“I was actually thinking…would you want to, I mean your better than I and if I’m being quite honest it’s not really my thing” I turn to look at her after I place my duffle bag and tennis basket in the back. 

“I, yeah I would like that” 

“Good” I smile before shutting the trunk of the vintage Tesla I bought off some folks in a town near by and fixed up. 

“Well, I guess I’ll meet you up at home” 

“Actually, I was thinking…Since Ash and Jeri have been away these last three week, you’ve been nothing but a huge help with Alice and I have been meaning to do something for you” 

“Tobin, it’s my responsibility”

“No, Alex, please just let me do something nice for you” I plead 

“I, what do you have in mind” She asks as she lets go of the door handle of her car. 

“Come with me” I state rather than ask 

“What”

“You trust me” I add

“I do but”

“But nothing, come on, I’ll send someone to pick up your car” Alex takes a moment to soak in my orders. Realizing I won’t stand down, she opens her car to grab her things before walking to the passengers side of mine. 

“Okay, but one condition” 

“List your price” I challenge 

“I get to DJ” I chuckle at her request and grant it. 

“Didn’t think you’d sell yourself short” 

“What can I say, your chuckles worth gold” She winks before getting into the car. _Damn…she’s good._

**Few hours later**

“All I’m saying, you’re taking me on your next adventure” Alex laughs as I tell her how I came across on the abandoned arcade. 

“Wouldn’t mind the company” I reply as I type in the code into the security pad of the gate of the safe house. 

“Good” Alex breathes. I turn to look at her as the gate open and smile. I drive through and park the park in front of the garage as the car will need a wash before being tucked away. 

“I had a lot of fun, thank you” 

“Don’t thank me yet” I reply as I get out of the car and unload the trunk. 

“What do you mean” Alex asks as she gets out of the car. 

“Here, can you put my duffle bag inside and the book while I put the basket of balls away” I ask as I close the trunk of my car. 

“Yeah, I’ll be right back” Alex takes the bags from my hands and heads inside as I store the basket of balls in the garage and proceed to get everything needed to wash the car. 

“So, what else do you have planned” 

“Well, I was thinking…something around the lines of this” I say as I point the hose at Alex. She screams at contact of the water but soon laughs. We spend a good amount of time wasting water as when I’m on the ground with Alex holding the hose at me, I see how beautiful she looks when she’s a mess. 

“I surrender” I breathe out. She’s breathing heavily from the actual running and wrestling but soon she gets caught in the moment too. 

“Everything okay out here” Theo asks as he exits through the garage door, in his suit headed to Kanatos I presume. 

“Yeah, just didn’t count on Alex having ninja skills” I joke as I take her hand and stand. 

“Well she was trained by Jeri” 

“Right. So, you’re leaving” I ask looking for a duffle bag around us.

“Actually, I’m just headed to Citadel”

“You mean Enotita” Alex corrects. 

“Yeah that, forgot that they’re changing the name” 

“It’s okay, I can’t get it to stick either” I chip in

“Horrible name really, for all thats happened there, unity is not a word I would use to describe it” 

“So you were both against the change of name because if I do recall the word Unity was chosen to represent you, the people who united to get us here” Alex asks us. I look at Theo, his hard stare towards the ground representing everything I’ve felt since the world leaders voted on changing basically everything of Citadel. _In the dirt, the past, all our pain, buried, left in the dirt, our legacy’s never to be remembered._ While I agree we need to move forward, my intentions were not to burry the past, to forget it as if it would hurt people to know the monsters we were.  

“No, no we weren’t” I lie to Alex. 

“Well, anyhow I’m off. And don’t worry Tobin, no ones leaving to Kanatos any time soon. If they’d need back up, they’d call” Theo reassures me before heading off. 

“He’s right you know” Alex includes as I watch him leave. _You’re both wrong._

* * *

 

**JERI’S POINT OF VIEW**

“I think we should call back up” I breathe as I pace around my desk. Ash is at the hologram table, trying to figure out how they knew we were coming. 

“Not yet Jeri, we can do this” She replies calmly

“This isn’t like old times Ash, Tobin was in command and hell she could basically look into the future” 

“You’re forgetting she knew half of the bombings were going to happen” Ash states without accusing. 

“Right, but still, we’re losing” 

“Goodness, is this how you always command” Ash asks as she closing the hologram and walks over to some papers. 

“Excuse me, I was never apart of an elite squad nor trained for this. I jumped in blindly” I remark with a growing offense 

“You have some balls, I’ll give you that” Ash shakes off. I look at her annoyed and she lets out a sigh “Okay so maybe you weren’t trained. But I do mean it, you have some balls to step into command with little prior knowledge. Even with the experience of being her right hand during the war, nothing could ever prepare someone for a position such as being commander. Why do you think Tobin was so messed up? It wasn’t just the battles that broke her, it was everything leading up to it. She was broken on purpose during her years of training” 

“Why” I ask as I fold my arms. 

“Think about it Jeri, why would you need someone as broken as Tobin to lead a region into depths as far as she lead” Ash asks as she stops looking through the papers and staring at me. I look down at my watch that ticks. 

“Because then she couldn’t be broken” I whisper in sadness. 

“Why else do you think Carli couldn’t take over, her accident was a sickening example as why Tobin was meant to be commander” 

“So where does that leave me Ash? How is this supposed to help me” I gulp

“Look, Tobin was broken so she couldn’t break. She was given a purpose with her broken heart, she was fearless and in pain and did it break us all to see her like that? A thousand times more than she pained, but we knew that if anyone could handle it, it was her. She was _born_ for it Jeri…you weren’t” 

“So I have balls” I breath, now following her thought. 

“That you do”

“So what does that have to do with calling reinforcements” I ask clearing my head and walking over to the hologram table. 

“Would Tobin call reinforcements” Ash asks as she tosses a folder my way. 

“No” I think out loud as I take the folder “What’s this” I ask as she walks over to me. 

“Our solution” I look at her with wide eyes. 

“Are you serious” 

“Nope, but Tobin would be” Ash whispers. We both lean against the hologram table realizing that Ash is right. Tobin would go to such extremes. _God how did she survive this journey?_ I think as I imagine the girl with the golden smile. 

* * *

 

**Back to Tobin’s POV**

“So, whatcha think” I ask Alex as I begin to clean the dishes. 

“I didn’t know you could cook” Alex laughs as she takes another bite. 

“Well, Allie got tired of me eating bars and stuff they feed us at work so she kinda forced me to learn”

“And it paid off didn’t it” Allie chimes in as she walks through the front door with Jose from their date. 

“Ooo, what’d you cook” Jose asks as he rushes over to steal some food from Alex’s plate. 

“Hey get your own” Alex says as she protects her plate

“If you would’ve left any for me than I would”

“Touche” Alex giggles, letting Jose steal some. 

“How was date night” I ask as I dry my hands and place the towel over my shoulder. 

“Fun, we had dinner and did some wondering. You guys? What have you been up to” Allie asks taking a seat on the other side of Alex. 

“Well, we played some tennis, went out exploring, washed the cars and now I cooked dinner” I reply matter of factly. Both Jose and Allie share a look causing both Alex and I to look at them confused. 

“You guys actually hung out” 

“Yeah” I reply confused. 

“Interesting…well I’m heading to the shower, you coming” Jose looks at Allie 

“Actually, can she stay” Alex asks 

“She is your best friend” Jose smiles “Goodnight you guys” 

“Night Bro”

“Goodnight, I’ll catch you up later” Allie says before Jose gives her head a kiss. We wait until he leaves to look at Alex. 

“Spill” Allie immediately orders Alex. 

“So I’ve been thinking…now that half of the house is empty, with everyone moving out and starting up their new lives…I mean, even Emmett is moving back home, or his new home with his family. Sure Becky, Carli and like Abby and Hope, but Hopes going to ask Kelley to marry her so they’ll move out soon too but then”

“Alex you’re rambling” I giggle finding it cute 

“Right” She breathes 

“Just say it” Allie grows frustrated seeing that whatever Alex has to say, it’s big. 

“I want a job” She blurts out. I turn my head to my right slightly, both confused and unsurprised. Allie gives her a similar look and soon Alex is panicking “Oh god, it was a bad idea, I’m so sorry” Alex begins to apologize. I share a look with my best friend before bursting into a fit of laughter. 

“You guys are horrible” Alex crosses her arms and pouts. _Oh god, that pout._ I smile through my laughter before calming down. 

“Okay Alex, what did you think we were going to do? Hold you down? No, we think it’s a great idea” 

“What do you have in mind” Allie asks as she reaches over to grab my cup of water. _Of course._

“Well, I ugh, I don’t really know yet. Unlike like you guys I don’t have many skills. I never liked school and was always given what I wanted” Alex awkwardly explains. I watch her small excitement fall and feel some need to help her out. 

“I could start paying you for babysitting Alice until you figure something out” 

“No, money’s not the issue” 

“Actually, what about design” Allie ponders out loud causing my sight to shift to her. 

“That was just for”

“No Alex, you were the one that designed your fathers office and”

“That was you” I interrupt as I recall that day, the day I went into his office. 

“Um, yeah” Alex blushes quietly 

“It was…incredible” I remark as I remember the small details and modernness. 

“Thank you” 

“Well I for one think design should be your thing” 

“I don’t know” Alex sighs. 

“I think she’s right…if your taste is anything like your fathers office…I think I have a job for you” 

“Really” Alex ears perk

“That is, if you don’t mind being out of the house and making some trips. For the most part I might need you on some community projects, commercial ones I can handle” I explain. Alex stares at me not fully in the moment “Sooo” I breath as Allie nudges her side. 

“I-Yes! Yes I would love it” Alex beams. The smile that radiates from her is enticing, causing me to smile at her. _Yeah, me too._

* * *

 

**A week later…**

“God Ash, this shit is giving me a headache” I curse as I close the hologram and rest my head on the back of my chair. My office falls dark, with small light sneaking in at the bottom under the black curtains of my office. 

“How long have you been at it” Ash’s voice rings through the speakers of my office.

“About eight hours” I answer almost hearing Ash’s eye roll. 

“Eat something you idiot” 

“If I can’t figure out this power issue of the new bridge then I’m going to have more problems, not just an eating one” 

“Did you look at the side units, maybe a connection is wrong” _The side units? Theres no way they would be the cause of the problem._

“Ash, we checked, it’s not the side units” 

“Ugh huh, okay miss engineer, I have to get off the phone. Duty calls, give Alice a big hug for me and tell the others I said hi” 

“I will, you take care Ash”

“Always” She hangs up the phone and my office falls silent. I let a few seconds go by before opening the hologram model of the bridge. It currently flashes in red, altering me of the electrical power issues we’re dealing with. _Side units my ass…_ I zone in on the side panels of the bridge and surely enough, theres a small disconnection. _Well I’ll be damned._

“Frost call the project supervisor theres” As soon as I realize what I’m saying, I stop talking. My head falls, momentarily filling my lungs with sadness. I pick up the phone myself and tell the supervisor where the issue is coming from. 

“Yeah, the energy levels are rising. Everything should work fine now. Secure those lines, check in two hours, then tomorrow to ensure we won’t have the same issue again” I instruct before handing up the phone. With perfect timing, Alex knocks on the door. 

“Come in” I yell as I close the hologram and pick up the mess of papers. Pressing on a button on my table, the black curtains rise and the office comes to life. 

“Is this bad timing” She asks as I yawn. I shake my head no while lifting up a finger to ask her for a minute. 

“No, just got done actually. What can I do for you” I take the folders on the desk and walk them over to the small secure vault on the wall. 

“I was wondering if I could get a few suggestions from you, on the contemporary homes we’re building close to home, Axiom I mean” I close the vault door and turn to her. 

“I thought Press and you were working together” 

“We are, and she’s been one heck of a help with environmental designs and I definitely understand now why she also works with you but I couldn’t find her” 

“Yeah, she’s got a hell of an eye and oh right, I forgot to tell you. Chris is working with the World Leaders as the resources distributor. She asked to take Alice to visit some places we used to volunteer at. They left early morning, should be back in two to four days” I explain as I walk over to the small living space of my office. 

“Wow, you actually let Alice out of your sight” Alex breathes amazed causing me to laugh. 

“Well, Press consulted Allie first” 

“Allie left with them” Alex asks surprised as she sits on black leather contemporary arm chair across the coffee table from me. 

“Yeah, Jose is out of town doing business for me with those rich snobs so, she was all for it. Plus, the trip will give Alice more understanding as to why we went to war and why her mother was okay with her death and why Jeri’s away. Will also increase her knowledge on life, grow her morals, principals and not to mention, her values” I give a smile before sipping on some water. 

“More power to you. That’s awesome well, I guess that leaves us both in the house right” 

“Since the world leaders are away, yeah. I believe Becky is in terms of moving in with her boy not too far” 

“Wow” Alex breathes as she leans back. 

“Right…just a few months ago, this house was full but now. Barely even a soul” I think with some sadness. 

“It was a safehouse to begin with” 

“Yeah, yeah it was” I nod before shaking off the lonely feeling “Alright so let me see those plans” I ask turning away from the subject. Alex hands me a folder which I take from her and walk over to the hologram table. Scanning the documents, I hand them back to her. Bring up her plans in 3D. 

“Wow, impressive” I ponder as I twirl the model of the small contemporary homes Alex is building for her first project “These, will these be powered with the excessive energy from the bridge” I ask as I light up the energy lines. 

“I, Press and I hope so, its up to the board leaders” 

“I’ll handle it” I respond, intrigued by the design and efficiency of the houses. 

“Really” Alex’s asks excitedly

“Yeah, these are incredible. To use excessive energy until the houses fill their own side units. Then switch over to their own powered electricity from the solar panels…incredible job from you and Chris. Phenomenal” I compliment as I look into the details. 

“Wow, thank you, that means a lot” 

“No problem, so show me what it is you need deciding on” I step aside to let Alex maneuver the hologram of the houses. At first, I listen to everything she’s saying. Paying attention to every detail but soon enough I get lost in the picture…of her. The way her eyes gleam in the glow of the hologram, the way her pupils are so focused and shaded with passion. Her arms maneuver the hologram swiftly as her voice sounds full with hope. In the moment, she’s nothing less than perfect. And me, I’m simply an admirer of her growth. _Was this the Alex I met, the one everyone claims I fell in love with?_ I ask myself as she stops talking and stares at me with passionate smile. _I sure as hell don’t know but I’m hoping it was._

“I don’t understand why you need of my help, this project is ready to take to the board” I report coming back to my senses. 

“You think so” She asks turning to the hologram. 

“I know so, now come on, lets go get something to eat” I marvel, shutting the hologram table off and turning on the light. We walk to the kitchen and begin a hunt for food. 

“Find anything”

“Nope, you” I ask

“Nothing” Alex huffs as she closes the fridge. 

“Did everyone leave and decide to take all the food with them” I ask outloud. At the word of food, the pups come running in. _Fuck, right, they know what the word food means._ They jump up at me all excited, causing Alex to laugh. 

“That’s what you get, you know that word isn’t allowed in the house anymore” She giggles as she grabs Starlight and begins to play with her. 

“I know, it slipped” 

“Well, what are we going to do. Theres no food and” Ember jumps on to Alex knocking her over. I break out in laughter as the pups lick Alex’s face. 

“That’s what you get…come on boys, we’re going out” I giggle as I grab Alex’s hand and lift her off the ground “Go get dressed, we can’t leave in pajamas” 

“I can, you on the other hand” Alex looks me from head to toe and I roll my eyes. 

“Yeah yeah, meet outside in five” I order before running upstairs to change. Quickly hopping out of my dirty clothes, I change into black ripped skinny jeans and pause as I come across a grey tee shirt I stole from Ashlyn back from the real world. 

LOCALS ONLY reads the shirt with two simple sharks. At the letters, I get an idea and quickly dial Alex’s phone. 

“Tobin, you’re literally four doors away” 

“Pack extra clothes and whatever you’ll need” I instruct before handing up the phone. Jumping over the bed, I grab my black duffle bag and fill it with clothes. As I finish, I grab a pair of bright red threaded athletic shoes and throw them on. I grab my duffle bag from my bed and rush downstairs to the garage. 

“What car to take” I ponder before selecting the vintage Toyota FJ-40 Land Cruiser Pick-Up Truck. _Haven’t driven this baby in forever._ I walk over to where it’s parked in the garage and press open on the garage. I slowly back up as the dogs park and park it outside before shutting the garage door. 

“Where did you find that” Alex looks at it funny. 

“I couple of years back. Nice huh” 

“How many cars do you have” Alex breathes in disbelief

“Four, I think”

“What about the yellow defender”

“That’s Allie’s”

“Wow”

“Yeah I’m running out of space”

“That’s a problem I wish I had” Alex jokes. 

“Put you bag in the truck, I’m going to put the security system on” Running inside, I scan my hand on the panel in front of the front door before selecting total lock down for two days before closing the front door and heading back to the truck. 

“Come on pups, up here” I pat the bed of the truck. Both Ember and Starlight hop on and I shut the tailgate of the truck “Come on, lay over here” I pat on the pups beds I placed in the back. Both of them lay down, with there heads resting of the edges of the trucks bed. I give there heads a pat before getting into the truck with Alex. 

“Ready to go” I ask Alex with an excited smile. 

“I have a feeling we’re going to be gone for a while”

“You wanted me to bring you on my next adventure did you not” 

“That I did”

“So buckle up” I giggle while rolling down my window and opening the small window in the window behind us so the pups can stick their heads in. 

“Let the adventure begin” Alex whispers as I start the car. _Let it begin._

* * *

 

**A Day Later**

“I still can’t believe this” Alex breathes as we walk through the forrest, the pups following behind closely. 

“Beautiful huh” I ask as the trail begins to end, leading us back to our camp site. 

“Breath taking, how’d you find this place again” 

“Well, in one of the many outbursts, I got on my bike and drove. Hours on the road, trying to escape everything going on and ended up getting stuck near here. At first the locals were very alert of me, as only locals are welcome but soon they realized who I was, they let me in. Showed me around here and well…I fell in love” I explain as I toss my water bottle by the truck and start to head towards the lake. 

“This is where you learned to swim huh” Alex asks 

“No, I learned when I was even smaller, back at the safe house” 

“Oh”

“Come on, its time for lesson two of swimming” I joke as I dive into the fresh water. 

**Few Hours later**

“Do we really have to leave” Alex’s whines as she spawns her body on the small deck of the lake. 

“If we want to make it back for when the world leaders arrive, yes” I giggle as I get onto the lake and begin to dry off. 

“But its SOOOOO nice here” 

“I knowwwww” I smile as I toss the towel onto Alex. 

“Party pooper”

“I prefer responsible adult”

“Yeah yeah, help me up” Alex asks. I extend my hand, falling for her words. She pushes me off the dock and into the water I go. As I surface, Alex jumps in, making me swallow part of the splash. _Oh she’s on._ We wrestle around in the water, completely naive to time. Her body against mine as we splash and swim, riding out the high that we’re on, enjoying the first true break since everything came crashing down.  

When we resurface from the water, its dark out. 

“Wow, have we been in here that long” Alex questions. I look at my plumb fingers and sigh. 

“We’re going to have to stay another night. Too late to drive”

“OOO bummer” Alex pretends to be sad as she swims to the edge of the dock. I follow behind her. Right as she’s about to step onto the dock, I pull her back into the water and get out myself. 

“That’s what you get” I laugh as I take both towels and head for camp. Alex screaming for me to come back with her towel. _I don’t think so._ I smirk to myself. 

“You’re the worst you know” Alex huffs as she comes out of the tent with fresh warm clothes on. 

“So I’ve heard” I hum as I take a bite out of the lousy food Alex and I bought early today. Grabbing a can of alcohol, I toss it to Alex along with her fruit. 

“Alcohol? Really…you’re full of surprises” She smiles as she opens the can and leans against the log behind her. After taking a big gulp, she sets the can down and sighs. 

“I like to be” 

“So, any other surprises” Alex asks. I turn to look at her glowing face whom stares through the fire, straight into me. Not sure if it’s the fire of her gaze but something sets me on fire. The flames burn my insides, heating my skin. Making her stare even more intense. 

“Well, I read the bible” I begin “I haven’t picked it up in the last couple of months but Tobin gave me hers a while back. I have it in my office” 

“Really? Now that is something, I do recall you finding out Allie was a firm believer and trying to get yourself to test those waters” 

“What about you” I ask as I set my food down and find a comfortable position on the rock I’m sitting on. 

“Not really. There were a few couple who, like Allie, had to keep it hidden since Axiom was more science” 

“Would you ever give it a shot” I ask. Alex narrows her eyes on the fire with a half smile in my direction. 

“I would like to say yes but I was taught a different system of beliefs. Obviously a system not to be upheld but I think I’m better off if that’s not too hard to accept” Alex breathes as she bends her knees before hugging them. She rests her chin on them and stares into the fire. Wishing for something. 

“Not at all” I smile at her before looking up at the trees that cover the sky line “Follow me” I mutter as I stand up and grab some rope from the truck. 

“Where are we going”

“It’s another surprise” I grin as I cover the pups with a blanket “Stay here, we’ll be back soon” I tell them before patting their heads goodnight. 

We walk for about 15 minutes around the lake until I find the wrecked wooden floating device. 

“Whats that” Alex asks as she looks over it. 

“I…it’s a, damn I wish Frost were here, he would know what they were called. It’s a…b..bat? No no, Boat. It’s a boat” I smile as it comes back to me “Now help me, grab that end” I point at the other side of the small wooden boat. 

“How does it work” 

“I don’t know, on the count of three…1…2…3” Alex and I manage to somehow lift the heavy thing off the ground. We begin a small pace towards the lake until we reach the edge “Set it down, go” We let it settle into the rocks and then we begin to clean off the weeds and moss before inspecting for holes. 

“See anything”

“Weak spots but it should work” I reply as I run my hand over the rubbish surface of the boat. 

“So how do we get it to move”

“Another thing I don’t know” I reply as I begin to tie the rope to one of the hooks on the front of the small boat. I begin to walk to the nearest steady tree on the edge of the lake and tie the rope around it. Making a double knot, I walk back to the boat and begin to push it towards the water. As it reaches the water, the pushing gets easier. 

“Come on, hop it” I instruct Alex

“What about you”

“Just trust me, hop in” I repeat myself. Alex makes her way to the boat. As she sets a foot on it, it wobbles throwing her a bit off balance. She clutches onto me in a swift motion before she has the chance to fall into the water. 

“You okay” I ask as she nervous breathing on my neck begins to stir a commotion of it’s on inside me. 

“Yeah, just give me a sec” She replies as she looks at me. I stare into her eyes, trying to settle her pounding heart as I still hold onto the boat as she clings to me. 

“Slowly, okay, I’m right here” I whisper at her as she’s so close, speaking normally would sound like yelling. 

“Okay” She breathes back at me. Her eyes momentarily travel to my lips before she lets go and boards the boat. I stay paused until I snap back to reality.

“Hold on” I mutter as I push the last of the boat into the water and hop in myself. Alex grips onto the edge until the boat stops rocking and we’re both settled in. 

“When you said surprised, I was thinking more on the edges of a site not something like this” Alex half chuckles, still clinging onto the sides. 

“Nervous much” I giggle as I let go of the edge of the boat and begin to settle into the bottom on the boat, leaning my head on the small wooden piece that is placed horizontally from one side to another. 

“What are you doing” Alex nearly yells as the boat wobbles again. 

“Come here” 

“You’re crazy, we could tip over” 

“You’re missing out” I breathe as I bend my elbows over my head and lay my head on my hands. _So beautiful._

“No” 

“Trust me, just do what I’m doing” I tell Alex, not taking my sight off the stars. 

“No way” Alex replies with little confidence. I shrug my shoulders and feel the boat rock softly as the lakes waves hit against its side. Minutes tick by and I begin to think Alex is really stubborn and scared enough not to move but soon she does. As she lays down besides me I feel both confused and glad. 

“Is this okay” She asks as she begins to lay down her head. 

“MmmmHmmm” I reply in response. 

“So what exactly are we- oh my gosh” Alex gasps as she looks sky. _That is what we’re looking at._ I giggle at her reaction and slowly turn to watch her. The first thing I feel is surprise. To see the stars reflected in her ocean eyes is something I could have never imagined. Its like staring into a whole new galaxy, a whole new unknown. My eyes travel down to the defined jawline of hers, shaded by the moon in all the right places. Next, I travel down to the division of her neck and shoulders. Her skin so vulnerable to the new atmosphere of the water. The light reflecting from the water and sky, painting her skin with such humility that even I feel the need to step down. As the beauty before me is far beyond what I have ever seen. But what does me is her smile. Her frost white teeth, the geometry of it, the basic fact that it smiles at the world and not at anyone, not even at me, is more striking than the electricity running through my spine. 

“Alex” I whisper. 

“Yeah” She breathes, still not turning to look at me. 

“Can I ask you something” 

“What is it” She asks, finally taking her eyes off of the sky and turning to look at me. 

“Could you…maybe lift your body up, you’re laying on my hand” I softly ask. She immediately lifts her body up in a hurry, causing the boat to shift in a bad motion. Alex lands on top of me and I hold on to her as she shakes of fear from the rocking.

“Gawd how are you not dying of fear right now” Alex voice quakes as she hides her face into the crook of my neck and clings on to me for bear life. 

“Well, if the boat tips, you’re the first one into the water” I joke. Alex’s grip around me tightens and I realize it was not a good joke “I’m kidding” I softly giggle as I reach up to stroke her hair. 

“Funny” She gulps and I realize that she is in deed scared for life. I sigh and wrap my arms around Alex and softly begin to rub her back. Trying to ease her nerves. The boat rocks as we float around the lake, every so often the boat jolts as the rope reaches its limit. I begin to fall asleep somewhere between the sight of the sky and the warm feeling the surfaces in my body every time Alex’s breathing touches my skin. 

“Tobin” Alex’s small whisper wakes me in the morning. 

“Yeah” 

“I think the rope line broke” 

“What” I stand causing the boat to rock hard, startling Alex “Come here” I say, as I open my arms and Alex stands to meet them. As her body crushes mine, I smile. _So adorable._

“What are we going to do” 

“Well, we’re a bit far from where our camp site is, two-three miles lake distance” I speak as I look at our surroundings. 

“What does that mean”

“I’m going for a swim” I reply as I let my head rest on her head. The smell of her shampoo opens my lungs and I can’t help the thought that surfaces in my head. _This is not a bad way to wake up._

“What are you saying”

“That you’re going to sit right here as I swim us to shore” 

“Tobin”

“It’s okay, I can do it”

“But it’s dangerous” 

“You’re forgetting who I am Lex” I reply as I begin to separate from myself from her. Alex wide eyes look at me oddly and I stare at her confused.

“You called me Lex” 

“Yeah what about it” I shrug off as I begin to take my shirt and shorts off. 

“You’re crazy you know” Alex sighs 

“I know, now sit tight” I smile before jumping into the water. Its cold against my burning skin but soothing to my thoughts. Swimming to whats lefts of the rope I grab onto it and look back at Alex who sits now. I give her a big smile and begin to swim. 

It takes about an hour before we’re to the camp site. I jump out of the water and tie the rope to the dock, I help Alex off and recover my clothes. 

“How’s that for an adventure” I giggle as I toss my shirt on. 

“Unbelievable” She smiles. We walk back to camp and begin to pick up. Once everything is loaded onto the truck, I turn to look at the boat. 

“Should we take it” Alex asks as she looks at it. 

“I don’t know, what do you think, if we take it the pups will have to ride with us in the truck”

“I don’t mind” Alex shrugs as she looks at me.

“Then I guess that settles it” 

After loading the small boat onto the truck, we hop in and begin our journey back home. The eight hour drive is long and tiring, often Alex wishes to take over but doesn’t yet know how to drive a vehicle that isn’t modern. Upon arriving at the gate of the safe house, the pups begin to bark and jump in excitement. 

“Alright you two, settle down now” I laugh as Ember licks my face. I drive up to the drive way and spotting Kelley and Hope outside the house. As we get closer, I see more are outside, including Allie and captain America. _What’s going on?_ I think, I look over at Alex whom wears the same question. 

Parking the truck, I open the door and the pups run out to the group. 

“What is that” Hope asks as she walks over first.

“A boat that we found, help take it out” I open the tailgate so that Hope and Becky grab onto one side while Alex and I grab another. As we begin to move it, I realize just how heavy it is. _Didn’t seem like it yesterday._ We set it by the house and I clap my hands to remove the dirt. 

“Where have you guys been” Carli asks as she meets at my truck with the others. 

“What’s going on” I ask, ignoring her question. Carli looks over at Allie and immediately my heart is pounding. 

“Where’s Alice”

“She’s fine, it’s not Alice that we’re concerned about” Becky replies for Allie

“I’m sorry but could you guys be a little less mysterious” Alex pleads for me 

“I think its best if you see for yourself” Captain America remarks as she walks inside. I look at Alex whom nods go and I quickly follow. She leads me to the command room where I see a bunch of agents working hard. 

“What’s going on” I ask causing the room to pause. 

“This” Carli whispers as she pushes play. I look at the big monitor and see the chaos in Kanatos. Bombs flying everywhere, smokes filled streets, ashes covering the ground. My eyes dry cold as I watch recordings recovered by our intelligence. 

“What, where, Jeri and Ash” I immediately ask

“They’re safe…for now” Abby replies 

“I don’t understand, we were fighting rebels not a military” 

“These aren’t rebels, these are trained assassins” Hope inquires as she walks over to the control panel and loads a new video. It’s sketchy and barely clear but for anyone apart of the forces, the shadow within the cloud of ashes is seen slicing the throat of one of our agents before running in the opposite direction with something in their hand. 

“Who? How?!” I demand as I meet Carli’s eyes

“I don’t know, I seriously don’t know. It’s the first video we officially have but Ash encountered them just recently. Says she’d never seen anyone as good as them except”

“Except what” I yell at Carli who looks over at Christie for support.

“Except for when you went dark, after March 27 and after you lost Allie” Rampone answers for me. The room falls silent and Carli orders everyone out of the room feeling my walls slowly build up. One brick at a time.

“All the videos are there, at your disposal” Carli speaks before walking to the door “It’s bad Tobin, it’s very bad and I fear the only person who will be able to stop them is gone. But you don’t owe anyone anything. You hear me Tobin? You came and you conquered, you sold your life to this and I wouldn’t be asking you to consider it if there was even the slightest possibility we could fight this without you but…but I just can’t find a solution or cause. I’m at ends here” 

“Lock the door when you leave” I respond as I stare at the control panel. I feel Carli’s stare until the door shuts. I take a seat in the main chair and play every single video available, forwards, backwards, slow motion, fast until I memorize every detail in every image. 

My mind is in strings until I turn off the monitors and stare at the command room. _I thought we were done._ ** _Did you really?_** My dark mind replies causing me to shiver. 

“No…but I had hoped so” I whisper in reply before standing. I walk to the door and to my surprise find that no one is out waiting. Taking the silence, I walk to the front door and sit out on the front steps. 

The night has settled upon the land I grew on and the feeling of not knowing where I stand settles. 

“You’re done” Allie’s nervous voice breaks the silence as she closes the front door and walks over to where I sit. 

“I am” I breath with a head nod

“So soon” 

“I fear so” I reply with a sadness I didn’t see coming

“No one wants this” Allie pleads her case

“I know that. I can feel their breaking bones in my heart, I can see their torn souls in my sight, their hearts beat out of function not of necessity. But that pain they feel, that’s not courage that’s fear. They fear I’ll go and never come back. They fear what they saw in that room I locked myself in because lord knows even I feared it. But there is something you don’t know” I pause to breath “I’m not…like you or the others. Theres something inside, I feel it. The difference. How else could such pain exist without self harm” 

“You’re saying” Allie whispers 

“Theres more to me than I know. Beyond what I don’t remember, Allie, things don’t add up. My past, my parents, why, why me” 

“You think these agents know”

“I don’t, but if they are anything like me, they were made to endure pain. I want to know what pains them”

“So that’s it, you’ve made your choice” 

“It’s not a choice Al, it’s a responsibility. It is all our responsibility to fight against the evil that lurks beyond our boarders. It is our job to protect this flame of hope we have sacrificed so much to ignite. It’s not like before, we’re not fighting against our own, we’re making peace with our own and I’m not going to let anyone take that away. Not anymore. This is my choice Allie and I need you on board” I respond “I’m stronger because I had to be, smarter because of my mistakes, wiser because I have learned but all that is left is to experience is happiness. And I tell you this, no one or nothing is going to stop me from being happy because I’m going to make sure of it” With that, I stand and walk into the house. Not to tell Carli and seek the advice of Alex but straight into the arms of my little girl. 

“Everything okay Momma” She asks as I hold her tight. 

“It will be babygirl, it will be” I whisper.

* * *

 

**The Next Day**

After taking over command and reuniting the elite squads, we sit in the meeting room where I will present my plan to the world leaders and agents. Alex and Jose have been cleared to sit through the presentation. 

“You ready” Allie asks as she eyes Jose

“The real question is, are you” Allie gulps and takes a sit as I begin the presentation. Everyone falls silent and awaits for my words that will stun them all. I take a deep breathe and let it out slowly. 

“Look at us. This room filled with agents, people who not that long ago united for a world that seems at threat today, people who want nothing more than to move on. But it seems that every step we take in the right direction, our shadows follow. A new evil follows. It seems as though we have been condemned to this lifestyle. Breaks of ease with sudden escalations of heart ache. We’re not sailing a smooth sea, this isn’t a smooth melody that we play rather our strings that are strummed to the notes of another’s agenda…I’m tired. I’m tired of going to bed unknowing of who I am, unknowing of what tomorrow brings. Unknowing if that phone on my night stand will ring and on the other line will be the desperate voice of our friends calling for help. I’m tired of never being able to rest without a single worry on my chest. And I know I’m not the only one” 

“So what do you propose” Abby asks sitting up in her chair. 

“Reformation of the squads. Let me command under the secrecy of the world. I know it is a goal to be clear to the public but these…agents, they’re trying to hide in the shadows. And if they are as Ash describes, the only way to beat them…” I let everyone in the room fill in the blank. 

“Is to drop to their level” 

“No, to rise them to ours. My squad was known for a special tactic, shadow mode. The darkness is merely a factor in our roles as darkness is all they’ve ever know. When they see the light”

“They’ll be blinded” Hope finishes for me. 

“Exactly”

“Is it a request that every elite agent form apart of the reformation or is it a volunteer option” Rampone asks. 

“Good question. While I understand this is a big thing to ask, it is not a request. I know Citadel and Kardia put a lot of past elite members under the radar for safety. With the world leaders, if they agree, I will reach out to all those under the radar along with those in this room. It is your choice. Once a list has been made, a test of abilities, skills, fitness and endurance will be conducted. Let it be known that it is not just physical tests that will be completed but also mental and emotional. Psychological as well. Two regular elite squads will be assembled and commanded by me if I pass those tests too” 

“Assemble two top notch elite squads who will be, if cleared, lead by none other than Tobin Heath under the noses of Kanatos and Kardia and sent to kill agents of darkness we merely know nothing about” Abby summarizes

“Oh right, I will also like to reach out to Kanatos Elite agents if possible” 

“Oh yes, possible competitor elite agents in the two elite squads” Abby adds “Is that all”

“We deserve more than just to move forward, we deserve happiness” With that, I sit down and let it sink in. Carli gathers the world leaders and they head into the private room to vote. I sit with my thoughts on the table. 

“We have come to a conclusion…that Tobin is right. We live with this constant fear that at any given moment, we’re going to fall back into old ways. That we will never truly move on. We deserve to move on, not just the public but everyone one of us. A secret message will be sent to all known under radar agents both here and in Kanatos. 100% volunteer, no one is forced to join. If Tobin passed the tests, she will lead. She’ll be first commander under radar as Jeri will remain commander on the ground. No one is to know of protocol Fearful Odds except us, and the volunteers. This doesn’t leave the room. The ground commander is not to know as they could risk the side mission of Agent Harris. Are we clear” Abby instructs

“One question, Carli, why that name for the mission and can us, the ones who partially fought in the war volunteer” Kelley asks

“Thats three questions Kel” Alex points out

“Carli will be given the choice to volunteer. We are facing Odds we don’t know, we fear the unknown. And…that is a question for Tobin” 

“I, didn’t think about that. If you manage to pass the tests, you will be considered” I reply

“Good, that settles it” 

“Fearful Odds…I don’t like it, can we change it” Allie asks causing everyone to turn to her “Oh come on, don’t tell you like it, it should be Findings or Silent Guardians. We’re going to be under cover, might as well make a cool name” Allie justifies causing me to smile. 

“Alright, new name…Findings, silent gaurdians, what else?” 

“What about Oblivion” Alex throws out causing me to turn

“We’ve evolved from Oblivion, we know what is happening around us, what we don’t know-”

“Is who we are without our fearful odds” I interrupt Becky “Evolution” 

“Protocol Evolution” Carli repeats “I like it”

“Me too” Abby smiles “Protocol Evolution will be set in play as soon as we send the secret message. Ladies and gentlemen, we are done for the day. Rest and begin to think. All volunteers are to report in the next 48 hours” The special agents open the doors of the meeting room and we all walk out. Each in thought of what we could be facing and what could come down if we succeed.

* * *

 

  **TWO DAYS LATER**

“Are you ready to see the list” Abby asks as we walk to my office 

“More so or less” 

“Well, here it is, as soon as I hand it to you, the agents will be picked up and brought to the base not too far”

“Here, bring them here, they won’t know where they are”

“Why here”

“We have a lake and plenty of land to train…and I’m sure you guys haven’t found a few things on the property” I reply. Abby’s eyes zoom in on me before she nods okay. I take the folder from her hands and enter my office. Locking the door and closing the blinds, I sit at my desk and pull my glasses out. I trace the top of the folder down to the bottom before opening it. I turn my desk light on and scan my eyes over the thirty names on the list. _Whoa._ I think as I scan the list again, my breathing getting hard at a few names but nonetheless thankful that so many want to get this over with. _Can only take 18, that means eliminating 12._

I remove my glasses and close the folder. Walking over to the vault in my office, I toss the folder inside and lock it. Closing my eyes, I open the safe again and reach inside to grab the bible Tobin gave me along with my journal from when I was in recovery. I walk over to my desk and put my reading glasses back on.  I prob my legs onto my desk before flipping to a random page in my journal. 

_Entry 239_

_I don’t know what it is that I feel but it’s different. I saw part of him, just his structure. He’s strong, like me. His breathing soft as can be. I felt safe momentarily, I felt as he had my answers. But when I moved towards him, he bathed my path in red. Always taking from me, hurting the people I love. I don’t know how to save them anymore. I can barely imagine any part of them that he doesn’t already know. Is it my conscious or is it a nightmare? Am I even real?_

I read to myself before going on to the note Shawn wrote. 

_In a world such as our, in this Oblivion you have uncovered, anything is possible. Reality is, what ever madness you choose to accept._

Shawns words strike me hard as I close the journal and set it on my desk. Taking a deep breath, I grab Tobin’s bible and prob it open to a random page. 

_Do not conform to the pattern of the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind._

Reads a quote Tobin highlighted and starred. I close the bible and place it on top of my journal. 

“Let the evolution begin” 

* * *

“I’m not going to lie…I was surprised to see your name on the list” I tell Hope as we walk to a base on the property. 

“I thought long and hard…I need to make sure Kelley doesn’t make it” 

“That’s not your choice you know” 

“I know but, I can’t propose to her and have her not come back”

“That makes sense but what if you don’t come back”

“Oh we’re coming back” Hope states matter of factly

“Why do you sound so sure” I ask as we turn on a trail

“Because you’re leading us and I know for sure that you are as ready to put the past where it belongs, behind us” Hope replies. I nod very well before continuing. When we arrive at the base, I find everyone outside, waiting for what is about to be one hell of a week. 

“Glad you could join” Abby greets Hope and I. 

“Yeah yeah, lets begin” I roll my eyes, walking over to Allie and Jose. 

“Please give me a brief summary of what I’ve gotten myself into” Jose begs as he stares at everything, including Rampone who's in charge of tactics. 

“Boy you are in for a beating” Becky remarks causing Allie and I to giggle. 

“Alright ladies and gentlemen, lets begin” 

The first day is brutal on all our bodies. Everyone including Tim and I are sore. Hours of exercise and intense training, none of which included hands on tactics but enough to make us want to weep as we get into our beds last night. 

“You okay” I ask Alex as she struggles to keep up the pace. 

“Fine, just my knee is bothering me” She replies with low confidence. 

“Well, keep it up, we’re close” I smile at her before walking ahead to meet with Hope. 

“Either you’re starting to like me or you want something” She inquires 

“Both”

“What is it”

“Alex” 

“Struggling huh”

“Badly, I don’t want her to pass” I whisper 

“You don’t get to decide that” Hope whispers back with a wink causing me to roll my eyes. 

“She has to stay here with Alice” 

“And Kelley” Hope confesses 

“Then that does it, get her eliminated” 

“I think she’s already done that herself…she’s not going to pass the emotional tests”

“How are you sure” 

“Trust me on this” Hope replies as we circle around a tree and find out flag. 

“Okay” 

“Awh you’re kidding me” Hope groans as she detaches the note on the flag. 

“What does it say”

“Got energy” 

“For”

“Give me your bag” Hope orders. I’m confused but comply to her order “Pick up Alex and run”

“What”

“It says Run” Hope says showing me the note. _Rampone would._ Without warning, I pick up Alex whom is just now arriving and run, Hope begin us. As we running through the woods of the property I hear Rampone shooting her gun and more running feet meaning this tactic has turned into basic capture the flag. 

“Hope out left” I yell as I see Sydney running after us in the corner of my eye. Hope reacts fast enough to trip Syd and steal her teams flag. We set off on a series of sprints until we arrive at the center of the base with four flags. I set Alex got and get shot in the back of my knee. Slowly I turn around to give Rampone a confused look. 

“Had to make sure your knee was strong” Rampone then shoots Alex whom in turn falls. 

“Yep, nice try Alex, you aren’t fool anyone. Head to Becky” Rampone orders. Alex gives me a sad glance before wobbling off to see Becky. 

“Alright, that’s it for the day. Examines start tomorrow so prepare for many questions…Tobin” Rampone shoots my way. I nod and quickly get changed before heading to the safe house. 

“You’re in charge of the psychological evaluations, they won’t know it’s you behind the glass, are you ready for your own” 

“Yes” I gulp before entering a dark room where someone behind the glass begins a series of questions that just might scare the living life of anyone. 

“How are you” Is the first they start with. _It’s going to be a long few days._

* * *

 

After finishing mental and emotional evaluations on Thursdays, only 24 people are left in the group. I’m set to begin psychological examinations tonight until mid Friday. The first person on the list is nonetheless, Hope Solo herself. 

“Hope, are you ready to begin” I ask through the microphone behind the glass. 

“Why is it dark in here”

“Are you scared of the dark” 

“No”

“What do you fear”

“Nothing”

“You did sign a voucher to tell the truth you know”

“I do but this is stupid” 

“Is it Kelley” At the mention of Kelley’s name, Hopes vitals shoot up momentarily. 

“Ugh, can we get this over with already”

“You’re not very patient you know”

“After being interrogated and strapped to chairs for the last 10 hours, no, I’m not” 

“Well then, I have one question that could shorten this or, we could do the basic 50 questions. It is your choice but I must warn you, after you hear option one, there is no going back. You have only have a minute and a half to answer”

“Well what is it” Hope asks as I knew she would. 

As I finish up Carli, I see that Alex is the last one. She walks in and takes a seat. I see that she is a little rattled from her previous exam so I start there. 

“Miss Morgan”

“It’s Alex” She corrects quickly

“Excuse me, Alex, are you ready to begin” 

“I guess” She sighs 

“Is everything okay”

“Can we just get this over with” 

“Theres two options”

“Which is the quickest” She interrupts. I look at her vitals and see that they are a bit elevated. I look at Becky who gives me a look I know. 

“A single question that is asked. There is no going back after it is asked, you are only given a minute to answer”

“Okay, what is it” Alex breathes, ready to leave the room she in. I look at her vitals before sighing. 

“You have a gun with a single bullet in it. To your right stands a small girl and to your left stands a mature adult. Both are bound to die unless someone dies. Who do you shoot” I ask the question. Alex’s vitals fall as I see she, along with all other remaining volunteers were not expecting such scenario. 

“I-I have to” Alex voice trembles in question 

“Theres no going back Alex, who do you shoot” I ask again, not wanting to have to step into phase two of the test for the 19th time. 

“I, I don’t” Alex shakes her head. I turn to Becky knowing Alex’s 30 second response time has passed and we are forced to phase two. Becks presses a button and the room’s light turns on. In the table in front of Alex is a single gun with exactly one bullet. A hologram projects a child and adult in front of her as she panics, scared that she has to actually shoot someone now. 

“Pick up the gun Alex, and shoot” 

“No”

“Alex, there is no going back” 

“Theres always another choice”

“Alex, the child or the adult” I pressure her, her vitals rising

“Do you think she’ll do it” Becky asks me as she watches Alex panic and the time

“She has no choice”

“Alex, the clock is running out of time, they are dying” I say as Becky presses another button and the holograms weaken. To us, they are simply holograms but to Alex and all others that sat in the room, they look as real as can be as they were injected before entering the room with a very strong substance of honesty that fogs the mind and makes things virtually real. 

“I”

“Alex, ten seconds”

“I don’t know” Alex cries as she stares at the holograms and gun

“5…4…3…Alex…1” At the count of one, Alex picks up the gun and shoots herself. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. Two agents walk into the room to retrieve Alex’s sleeping body as the gun had a sleeping bullet inside. 

“She passed” Becky breathes as she turns the holograms off. 

“She did” I breath “Now to look to all the other results” 

“Good luck” Becky gives me a tight lipped smile before leaving the room to care for Alex and inject her with some medicine to clear her body from the previous inject and to clear her memory of the happening during the test. I leave to the safe house were I find Hope at the door steps. 

“Where have you been” Hope jumps as she sees me

“Doing my exams” I lie

“Oh, have you gotten the results yet”

“Not yet, on my way to see Rampone to get my own” 

“Oh, well, remember what we talked about”

“I know Hope, I know” I reassure her before walking to the command room. 

“I wasn’t exactly sure if she was going to do it or not” Rampone breathes as I step inside. I lean my back to the door and let my body fall to the ground. 

“I, I’ve never seen anyone react like that”

“Hell, neither have I, what do you think she saw in those holograms” 

“Herself, the holograms are just white but the medicine injected before the examine brings out the secrets and feelings of people. They see what they fear in the holograms. It’s why it’s the hardest examine”

“Is that what you saw when you did it” Rampone asks turning to look at me. 

“Yes” 

“I don’t understand how you took that examine and survived mentally without getting that sort term memory remover injection afterwards”

“I’ve lived long enough to accept that I hate a lot about my past” I respond. Rampone shakes her head before turning to grab the folder with the results of the remaining 24 agents. Setting the folder on the command table set, I walk over to grab some coffee. 

“Would you like me to stay” Rampone asks

“No thank you” I reply. She nods okay and exits the room. Letting my sore body fall into the black leather chair, I prob the folder open and look at the first page. _Jose. Does not meet._ Is the checked off box. I begin to laugh at how silly he is to even volunteer but admire that he did it for Allie. I slide his paperwork to my left and stare at the next person. _Tim Howard. Exceeds._

“Was it ever a question” I chuckle as I set his paper work to my right. The next person up is Hope Solo. 

The box ‘exceeds’ is check off and I’m surprised for once. I take a moment to place her paperwork and opt to my right. _She’ll be fine._ I tell myself as I move on to Carli. 

“Sorry Carl’s but I need someone to hold the ship if we go awol” I whisper as I slide her paper work to the left “Actually, I should probably…” I say to myself as I grab her paperwork and erase the checkmark at exceeds and check off meets. 

“Maybe I should build the men’s squad first” I ponder to myself seeing that the next person up is Christen. I separate the files into male and female and quickly assemble Tim’s squad. 

Eliminating two prior male agents, I’m left with one left to eliminate. 

“Okay, now is the tricky part” I tell myself as I extend the nine files left. _Chris, Leroux, Pinoe, Becky, Allie, Squirrel, Kristie, Alex and I._ I read to myself. I progress to look at the scores until the number of folders catches up to me. _Wait, thats nine folders, there should only be eight left. There should actually be ten folders left, not nine._ I think as I do a recount. 

“Fuck theres a problem” I whisper to myself. I quickly pick up my phone and dial Rampone who comes running through the doors. 

“Whats the problem” 

“Theres not enough folders”

“What do you mean” 

“I have to eliminate two agents but then there will be an empty slot if”

“Alex and Kelley” She asks suddenly. I look at her shocked and she shrugs “I figured” She chuckles “Alex needs to be there for Alice and Hope wouldn’t just volunteer for no reason. Hope eyes nearly popped out of their socket when Kelley asked is she could volunteer”

“Yeah, what are we going to do” I ask as I stare at the folders. 

“Well have you looked to see if they have even passed? I mean, anyone could have failed an exam, including you” Rampone says as she leans against the table. 

“I, yeah, you’re right” I grab Christen’s folder first and read of her score. 

“Exceeds” 

“No surprise, next”

“Leroux, Meets”

“Still a little shaken but good enough under your command” 

“Right. Pinoe, Meets” 

“Okay, next” 

“Becks, Meets”

“Thought so, Next” Rampone continues 

“Allie…exceeds” I breathe surprised 

“Why is that a shock to you”

“I, I don’t know, but the next up next is Kelley”

“And”

“Meets” 

“Okay, we’ll figure it out in a second, continue” 

“Krisite, meets”

“Good, I like her”

“Me too, now it’s…my folder”

“Want me to read it”

“No I can do it” I respond as I open the folder. The box _Exceeds_ checked off. 

“Exceeded huh” Rampone asks as I nod yes. 

“I always knew you were a tough cookie but you’re something else I say”

“Yeah” I chuckle before grabbing the last folder. _Alex’s._ Slowly I open her folder and look at the box checked off. _Doesn’t meet._ I stare at it long and hard as if it were a miracle. _But she’s in perfect shape._ I think as I recall. Sure she was having difficulties with her knee but she was fit enough to participate. I scroll down her scores until it lands on her emotional and mental scores. Her mental score just barely flying by but her emotional score well below. I look up at Rampone knowing well that she was in charge of those tests. 

“You knew” I ask as I set her folder down to show her score. Rampone straightens out her back before taking a seat besides me. She lets out a deep breath before looking at Alex’s picture printed on the first page with her information. 

“I did. I knew coming into that room that she wouldn’t pass…that kid, she’s broken too” Rampone gives my shoulder a squeeze before reaching over to grab my cup of coffee. 

“I, okay so I eliminate Kelley and Alex is out of the race but who am I going to bring in” I ask turning to look at Rampone who just sits there with a smirk on her face. 

“No way” I breath in disbelief. She grabs a folder from the desk drawer and hands it to me. It’s her own folder. Inside the box, Exceeds is checked off. _She is captain America after all._ I think as I stare at her. 

“Are you serious”

“Yep, got my own folder, see” 

“Rampone, this isn’t a joke”

“I’m not laughing”

“I, why”

“Because I’ve been tired for years Tobin. I want this to end just as badly as you” She confesses “Its time we remember what living is, its time we dream again” 

* * *

 

After deciding the final squads, Rampone and I gather everyone who made the squads in one room and all others in another. Rampone decided she would give the bad news to those who didn’t make it so that I could get started on things right away. 

“I’m sure that you guys are well aware why you’re sitting in this room” I begin as everyone sits in rows of tables “You’re scores have meet and some, exceeded the minimal requirements. Demonstrating that you have what it takes to be an elite agent. Here in this stack of folder is your test scores that I will be handing out. It is a vital part that you look over everything and know yourself. Can anyone tell me why it is important to know yourself” I ask. 

“So the enemy can’t use it against us” Pinoe answers

“Partial” 

“So that we are capable of survival, so that we’re capable of doing anything” Tim adds

“Why would it be important to know yourself in order to survive” 

“Because when you’re out there, all alone and the only person you have left is you, you’re going to need yourself in order to survive. You are your only chance at survival. The more you know about yourself the more power you have over your mind, body and spirit” I answer Hopes question as I begin to hand everyone their folders. 

“Scout, a question” Theo addresses me. I pause as I hand Becks her folder feeling a new ring to the common name I was once called. 

“Yes” 

“Correct me if I’m wrong but I only count 8 agents in Athena’s squadron” 

“You’re right” I nod as I continue to hand out folders 

“Was there a change in numbers” He asks 

“No, there is another agent joining us shortly” I reply as I hand Hope her folder and proceed back to the front. 

“Who” Tim questions. On time, Rampone walks in through the door and picks up her folder from my desk. Everyone stares as she pushes Hope aside and takes a seat at the front. I give Rampone a nod and she smirks. 

“Now that everyone is here, I would like address that Tim will be leading the mens squad under my commands” 

“No surprise there” Rimando jokes. 

“No surprise…but here is one. Unlike expected, a majority of our work will be done from here” Everyone soaks in the information a little confused but nonetheless understanding “The reason for this is because we have already began lives here. The public knows we’ve been moving on and it is important we keep our covers and remain in the publics eyes. It is also important that the ground agents, including the ground commander not find out of protocol evolution. Our work from home is the most vital as we are not fighting the rebels. Our jobs are not to fight the war the grounds men are, our job is to eliminate these dark agents. With intelligence, we will feed the ground agents information so they can protect themselves and eliminate them. We will only set out on missions when the heat is far beyond the expertise of the grounds agents”  

“And when we do deploy for missions, our safety is not guaranteed. This is what we have right? No one else involved but us. Theres no back up” Hope asks a bit quieter than before. Everyone falls silent as I nod yes. 

“Yes” I say out loud “This is it. This is all we have. That is why only small teams, four of five will deploy for missions. The rest stand by for remains or back up if necessary” Everyone continues to remain silent except Rampone and Tim whom are the only knows who understand the situation well enough “I know that’s hard to process but you didn’t sign up for death. Put your trust in me as I have put mine in yours. Everyone is well aware of the sacrifices I have made and are well aware that when I say, I have your back, that I will protect you until the end, I mean it. I am living proof that no matter what, no matter the fall or threat, I will protect you and lead you through it. Regardless if I’m alive or not. With that being said, each and everyone will get personal training schedules to remain top notch. Some have exceeded the tests but some have just met. Our bodies are well fit but not enough. It is not enough to be good, we have to be the best possible. So stop by Rampone’s office to pick up your work out and meal regimes. As for information, we will meet twice a week. I’ll be doing single blinds as everyone knows that it is crucial everything remain secret. Devotion is key in squads because if you go down, your life is the ultimate price. We meet twice a week, everyone gets an assignment. Finish it, and turn it into my box as soon as possible. Your scores have shown me your best side. I have split you into three sub groups, techs, combat and intelligence. Assignments are distributed within sub groups, you may get help from others in your sub group but the majority of the work must come from you. Again, it’s basically a double blind to protect us” 

“So who will know everything, about what’s going on” 

“Only me” I answer Sydney’s question. 

“Right on” She smiles. 

“Good, your uniforms have been delivered to your rooms along with your badges. It will grant you access to levels of the safe house but not every one is guaranteed access to every single level. Every time a new assignment is delivered, a code will come with it, using your badge, scan the code and every level possibly needed to complete the assignment will be at your disposal. Once the assignment is complete, those temporary access levels will no longer be at your disposal” 

“When do we begin” Rampone asks 

“In your folder, there is a mark with one of three colors. On your way out, grab one of these folders matching the color of that mark. Ladies and Gentlemen, you’re free to go, Hope stop by Beck’s med room to get your transcendence implanted” Everyone begins to shuffle out of the room until it’s only Hope and I. She sits still, staring at her results. 

“Everything okay” I ask as she seems frozen. 

“I ugh, thank you, for not choosing Kelley” She whispers as she continues to stare at the folder. I close it for her and ask her to look at me. While I knew every human had a breaking point, I never imagined to see Hope with tears in her eyes. 

“Agent Solo, is everything okay” I repeat as I stare at her. 

“Yeah, yeah, sorry” Hope mutters as she clears her throat and stands from her seat. She walks to the front and grabs the last remaining green folder. 

“Solo” I stop her as she’s about to open the door. 

“Everything’s fine-”

“I know about your brother” I interrupt her, reading her mind well. She freezes at the subject and I knew I hit the spot. 

“You don’t know-”

“I know enough to see that anger inside. You’re mad that your father let your brother die when he could have easily used his power to sway Citadel for a transcended to save him. But he didn’t. So you devoted your life to technology. You’re the one who made that device that saved Carli’s life but still, his death pains you. You’re angry at your father, you hate agents with a transcendent and now you’re mad at yourself because you will have one knowing well that you carry something that could have saved him” 

“He was only ten” Hope whispers 

“And you were fifteen…that’s what you saw in those holograms. Your father and your brother. But your anger inside, you hate yourself more, you blame yourself for his death because it was”

“Stop” Hope snaps

“Because it was you who took him there” I finish. Hope’s shoulders begin to shake and I know I have officially broken a barrier within her. _She needs this, this is required._ I tell myself as a Scout but as a friend, it pains me to have to be the one to push her over the edge. _She’s not the first you have broken._ I remind myself as I remember breaking everyone on my squadron “Hope” 

“Please just, give me a minute” 

“The sooner you accept that you can’t change your past, the better off you will be. Don’t kill yourself dwelling, an enemy won’t think twice in your hesitation to kill you. You have to be ready to take responsibility, even if it means taking another life. Death is part of life”

“He was ten” Hope fumes

“Agents Rapinoe and Leroux were 15, Agents Lloyd and Howard were 12. You see Agent Solo, we all die someday. Some physically and some internally. I was six Hope. Trying living a life when you’re dead on the inside” I breathe before exiting the room. Leaving her to accept her future. 

As I walk to my office, the first person I run into is Kelley. _Awh great_. 

"How dare you" Kelley yells as she comes at me

"Kelley, you meet the score but others exceeded" 

"You promised you wouldn't pick Hope"

"I didn't promise you anything. I simply said I would consider it after you cornered me"

"Where's Hope"

"Give her some space"

"What do you mean space" Kelley snaps at me before trying to get past me. I grab her by the waist and pull her back. 

"Let me go" she yells as she fights against me. Alex comes running into the hall and our sights meet. 

"Kelley, stop" 

"Where is she"

"Alex" I beg as Kelley begins to try to use tactics on me.

"Kel stop!" Alex rushes over 

"No! Tell me where Hope is or I swear-"

"Hope is learning to accept her past" I yell at her after she elbows my jaw. Both Kelley and Alex freeze as they understand my reference. 

"You, you know" Kelleys voice quivers. She too has tears in her eyes. I glance at Alex knowing well that they were all there on that day. _They witnessed it happen_. I think as Alex stares at me with sadness. 

"It is my duty to know my agents. I'm sorry Kelley but I can't allow you to interfere in this vital stage. Alex" I order. Alex nods and takes Kelley away as I walk to the bathroom to see my jaw. Small bruising has started to appear and I groan. _Well at least I know she's strong enough to protect herself_. After cleaning up, I exit the bathroom and proceed to my office. I find Alex waiting by the door. 

"Ouch, I'm sorry I didn't help in time" Alex apologizes as she looks at the bruising 

"It's okay, I dropped a bomb on you two" I reply as I open the door and let Alex walk in first. 

"How did you find out" Alex asks as she stands by the coffee table. I remove my coat and place it on a hanger before walking over to grab some water from the mini fridge. 

"Rampone warned me...she said we should use sleep darts in the gun. I was confused at first since we usually use plastic bullets but her suggestion of the short term memory blocker injections after the test gave it away. I dug into Hopes records before she entered the test...her reaction time was far superior than anyone else's" I breath as I drink some water and take at seat at my desk, drained. I look over at Alex as she realizes it was me behind the glass "Alex"

"So you saw" she trembles. Her memory is fogged as she doesn't remember what happened in that room but her subconscious alerts her that her exam was intense. 

"Yes" I reply with a nod. I watch her sit and feel the emptiness of not knowing what happened during her exam. 

"So this is how you feel everyday" she chuckles with tears in her eyes. 

"Basically" I whisper as I continue to watch her. 

"I can only imagine...feeling like this everyday" 

"You learn to accept it" I reply with a soft smile.

"I passed at least" 

"You did" I nod 

"But overall..." 

"I don't know what happened in your other exams but Alex...you need to seek help" I let out as softly as I can. Alex swallows the lump in her throat but soon breaks down. I wish nothing more than to walk over and comfort her but know that this is just the first step in acceptance. She cries until the tears stop and only the truth stands. 

"I just...I never lost anything. Not a family member, not a sibling like Hope, not even myself like you did so why am I so..so broken" Alex voice cracks. I swallow my own knot as I try to understand her and where she's coming from. 

"I don't know Alex, and I can't answer that for you but just know that sometimes, we were just made like that. We're all damaged goods here. It's about making worth of the pieces left. Making them count. Don't break those pieces into smaller bits. All you have to do is shelter them” I offer genuinely. Alex’s takes a deep breath before cleaning the tears that kissed her smooth skin.

“I’m sorry” Alex apologizes. Without further words, I get up from my chair and walk over to where she’s sitting. I kneel before her and take her hand in mine. Running my thumb over the top of her hand, I lift her chin up to meet my sight. 

“When I was younger, I hated crying. I still do if I’m being honest. But never mind that, crying is a remedy we often confuse for weakness. You see, weakness has nothing to do with feelings; while it is a liability, crying over what you feel is the most honest confession not to the public eye but to your heart. It’s okay to cry Alex. It’s okay to over feel. It’s okay. Maybe not right now but soon, it will be okay” 

“Thank you” Alex softly smiles at me. I smile back at her and stand, pulling her up with me. 

“Anytime, so, what do you say we take the boat for a spin on the lake” I grin causing Alex’s eyes to widen. 

“You can’t be serious” 

“What? You don’t think it’s a good idea? Alice is going to love it”

“Oh no, we are not taking my god daughter on that thing”

“Oh yes we are, and you’re coming with” I grin as I pull Alex’s hand and rush us out the door.

* * *

 

**TWO WEEKS LATER**

“I still can’t believe how beautiful this place is” Alex breathes as we lay down on the ground, staring at the sky. 

“Yeah, me neither” I breathe as I look at the leaves on the tree as they begin to slowly show signs of fall. 

I stand from the ground that numbed my legs and offer Alex my hand. She merely glances at it before falling back onto the nest of dry grass we’ve been sitting on for the past two hours. 

“Come on, get up” I instruct as I try to pull her up. 

“But it’s so far” She whines with clear laughter. 

“For a top notch athlete in another world, you don’t seem so fit” I joke causing her smile to drop. The grin on my face widens as I turn on my heels. I walk far enough before she tells me to stop. 

“Come on Alex” I whine wanting nothing more than to get to my small secret cabin to rest before Alice gets home. 

“Carry me” She challenges with a wide smile. I roll my eyes and sweep her in my arms. She gasps in surprise, not believing that I would follow through. 

“What, didn’t think I’d do it” I grin

“You’re not one for physical contact so no” She replies. My jaw drops just the slightest bit as does my ego. 

“Suddenly I remember, you can walk” I reply as I let go of her. She lands on both feet and looks at me in disbelief. 

“You’re horrible” 

“Got anything better hun” I reply with a playful wink. She grits her teeth and starts walking past me. _Always so butthurt._ I think as I begin to walk behind her. Without warning, she takes off running. 

“Last one there has to cook dinner for everyone” She yells. My feet immediately take off after her. Though I’m more skilled and in far better shape than she is, she’s quicker. Dodging tree branches and jumping all around, putting at least a body length distance between us. As the cabin comes into sight, I realize I’m going to lose. _Not without a fight that is._ Without warning, I tackle Alex onto the ground and the wrestling begins. We roll around the grass, staining our fresh clothes, soaking them with the smell of nature. Alex soon begins to grow tired as expected. Flipping us over, I tangle my elbow beneath her and cause myself to fall on top of her, full weight. 

“Fuck, sorry” I mutter as put some space between us.

“You okay” She asks as she looks down at my arm

“Yeah, I’m made out of titanium remember” I joke as I catch her eyes staring into mine. 

“Yeah” She breathes without breaking the stare. I look into her eyes, losing myself in the waves of their clearness. I feel her chest against mine, breathing shallow from the wrestling but deep from our proximity. I trace the edge of her face down to her lips. With one glance back to her eyes, I’m done for. I lean in and take her lips in mine. Unlike other innocent kisses we’ve shared these past two weeks, this one is different. It’s filled with an ache, as if we’ve longed for it. The pumping of my blood and her intoxicating lips push me further as I gently bite on her bottom lip. A small whimper escapes her lips steering a war inside me. 

The ringing of my phone immediately pulls us apart. I stare at my watch and see that its Hope. Glancing over to where Alex and I once were, I catch Alex shutting the front door of the cabin. _Dammit._ I curse as I stand from the ground and click answer. 

“What is it” I sigh as I clean off my clothes. 

“Your plan, it worked” Hope breathes in disbelief through the phone. My pulse stop as I had never actually anticipated the small set up to actually work. 

“It did” I ask still not sure whether it is true or not

“Yeah but theres one problem” 

“Which is”

“We have to pick it up ourselves” 

“It’s a trap” I breathe damn well thinking ahead of the dark agents

“How do you know”

“Its time to get the ball rolling, suit up, I want you, Theo, Syd and Beck. We live in 30”

“Not Allie or Tim” 

“They’ll monitor from the safe house” 

“Got it” 

“Oh and you might want to use the mild protective gear”

“You think we’ll need it”

“Definitely” 

After the call, I take a few minutes to soak in the silence and sincerity of the woods. When I open the door, it’s silent which indicates that Alex is most likely upset that we are simply running in circles around the topic. 

“Lex” I call out as I walk through the main hall “Lex I’m sorry” I breath as I find her seated at the edge of my bed with her head face in her hands “Alex, I-”

“You’re sorry, I know” She mumbles into her hands.  

“That’s not what I was going to say…I’m leaving in 30” I whisper as I swallow some growing nerves. Slowly, Alex lifts her head and grants me access to her unsettled eyes. 

“Where”

“I can’t tell you that but I need you to come home with me. Be there when Alice gets back from her play date with Jose. She’s going to think I left her so I need you to-” 

“-Tobin” 

“Alex please make sure she isn’t mad at me when I get back. I can’t have you both mad at me” 

“I’m not mad” Alex breathes out a bit more frustrated then she would have liked it to sound “I’m just, I’m confused Tobin. One moment we’re kissing and then next second you’ve put 10 feet between us. It’s getting hard and I know what just happened wasn’t your choice but can’t you see that I’m hanging from a thread. I meant what I said Tobin, I wasn’t going down without a fight but damn, I didn’t realize the fight would be against you” 

“I”

“Don’t, save it” Alex interrupts me before leaving. I expect the front door to slam shut but instead, Alex gently closes it. Just as she has always. _Always gentle with me._ I take the spot she occupied mere seconds ago and let her words sink it. _Has it really been that way? Does she really feel that I’m the one she’s fighting? Because all I feel…is like I’m falling._ Shaking my head, I stand up and lock up the cabin. I rush to the safe house and straight to my room to pack. Throw just two changes of clothes, I hop into my Scout uniform and grab my duffle bag. I walk out of my room and head to my office where Hope awaits with the small team I assembled for the mission. 

“Wait out here, I have to grab something” I order as I open and close the door. Heading straight to my vault, I pop it open and grab my bible and journal. I place them in my bag before shutting the vault. Quickly, I walk to the door and have everyone follow me to the command room. 

“Alright speak up” I order Hope as we enter the command room where 

“Actually, Syd’s sub group has the intelligence” 

“Really? Impressive” I grin at Syd who high fives Pinoe and Rampone. 

“What can I say, we have the best subgroup” 

“Yeah yeah, now tell us the details” Tim rolls his eyes

“Alright, Tobin’s idea was to set up a small trap. The warehouse here” Syd points on the map “Was occupied by the ground Commander’s men about two days ago. Using an underground tunnel that Pinoe leaked to the commander via a set up individual, they left the ware house 48 hours ago. But, these dark agents wouldn’t have known and believed they were still there. We sent a box to the commander, supposedly filled with supplies but obviously too big to be carried underground so it was left behind secured. Using Hope’s technology, we were about to set a small trap to capture one of the agents, whom can be seen here” Syd points to Theo who turns the camera on. The visibility is hard but a knocked out agents rests in the net set up by Hope’s technology. 

“It’s a trap” Tim points out

“Correct” I grin

“If it’s a trap, why are we walking into it” Hope asks a little confused. 

“You have much to learn Hope” Rampone giggles

“Sometimes you have to play the fool to fool the fool” I explain “And we’re going to have to test the waters sooner or later. Hope, Becks, Theo, Syd and I go in. Tim and Pinoe, monitor from the sky. Allie you and Rampone-”

“Wouldn’t you want an extra man with the fly team” Chris interrupts me 

“The tunnel leads about half an hour away. If things get out of hand, ground agents will flood the area. We are under the radar from Jeri’s command so the less agents the best. But, I will need you and Kristie on the perimeter, can you handle that” I ask as I look at both of them. 

“We got you covered” 

“Good, Pinoe will link us the layout of the warehouse from the sky. Al and Rampone, in charge of monitoring that the commander is distances away. Four corners, four of us. Hope you did memorize all the key plays, tactics and articulative language I set for you to right”

“Yes”

“Alright, lets head out”  

“And my job” Carli asks as she enters the room. Overriding the lock of the door and letting herself in. _This women._

“Your jobs to pray that we make it back. Everyone go say your goodbyes” I order as I head out the door. Heading straight for the truck waiting outside, I load my duffle bag in the back and tighten the rope around everyone else's bags. My hands feel at lost as I can’t get Alex’s words out of my head. 

“Everything in order” Abby’s voice interrupts my thinking. I finish the knot before walking around the truck. 

“It will be” 

“Not much of a liar are you” 

“Only when necessary” I breathe as I lean against the truck. Awaiting everyone to finish saying their goodbyes inside. 

“We’ll man down the house until you get back” 

“You know the plan, if any goes”

“It’ll go just fine” Abby stops me “Plus, you owe me a beer” 

“For what” I ask confused 

“You’ll see” Abby replies before walking to the front of the house. I stare down at my feet confused but nonetheless determined. 

“You’re going to leave without saying goodbye” 

“Alex” I breath as I look up to meet her eyes “I, I didn’t know if you would want to see me after…yeah” 

“I, I shouldn’t have said those things” 

“But you”

“No it was wrong timing and…and maybe its for the best we remain just friends” 

“Alex” I try as her voice breaks and I watch her fight the tears

“No it’s okay” Her voice interrupts me. 

“Lex please” I beg as she begins to walk away. With every step she takes, my heart beats harder against my lungs. Pushing the air out of me, making me panic as she takes the air out of me. _It’s now or never._

“I didn’t choose you” I yell with a gulp knowing how bad that must sound “I didn’t choose you” I repeat with more clarity. 

“I” 

“I didn’t choose you because it’s always been you Alex” I tremble as the tears well up in my eyes. As my heart begins to come undone “I know I’ve been tiptoeing around you. Making you feel as if theres nothing there but believe me Lex, when I’m with you, I feel it all. I don’t know how to explain it but every touch, every kiss, it feels similar. Theres still some much I don’t remember, things I need to work on and still unfinished business but if theres one thing I know for sure at this moment is that I love you” My voice breaks at the last three words and the tears fall as I watch Alex’s hand rest on the door handle, unmoving and unresponsive “Please say something back” I beg as my body and mind are just about ready to collapse. 

“I-I love you too” Alex breathes. She turns around and runs to me as I hold my arms wide open. Her body crashes into mine as our lips meet. 

“What is going-OUCH” Hope yells as Abby elbows her in the gut to stop her from interrupting out moment. 

“I’m so sorry” I breath as I break the kiss 

“Don’t, don’t ruin this” Alex smiles at me through tears. 

“I mean it Lex, I love you” I whisper seriously causing Alex’s smile to grow wider. She leans in to kiss me again and Kelley hollers causing me to smile through the kiss. 

“Hate to kill the moment but we kind have to go” Hope awkwardly interrupts 

“She’s right” I breath against Alex

“I know” Alex’s sighs as she rests her forehead against mine. As I stare at her closed eyes, I begin to chuckle causing her to open her eyes “What”

“I just, you’re so beautiful when you smile” I breath causing Alex to blush, making her eyes beam, causing me to lose feeling in my feet and my pulse to elevate. 

“Tobin, we really have to go” Becky offers me a tight smile. I nod and start to let go of Alex so she can stand on her own. 

“I know this is all still confusing but Alex I’m so”

“Save it, I know Tobin. I know. But you have to go now, your squad needs you”

“And I need you just as much”

“Then come back to me Tobin, when this is all done, come back and lets build a home”

“I already have a home” I whisper before taking her kissing her slowly “You’re my home” 

“Be safe Tobin”

“Always” I smile softly before kissing her head and heading to the car. I glance at Alex who stands by Kelley and Allie now. She smiles through tears and I glance at Allie who wraps her arm around her. 

“Lets get this done” I mutter to myself as Tim closes the door of the car. As we drive away, I stare through the window. Memorizing Alex’s smile until is becomes simply a speck in the picture. My phone buzzes as we hit the high way and quickly I open it. 

_Alex: I’m not dreaming am I?_

I smile at her message and quickly dial her number. 

“Hello”

“It hasn’t even been five minutes Lex” I giggle into the phone. 

“I know I know, I’m needy” She blushes through the phone

“Good, I like needy” I smile hearing her sigh. We stay silent for a few seconds until I start to catch site of small hover station “Alex, I have to go” I breath as I glance at the agents running around the parking lot. 

“Say it”

“Say what” I ask as I glance at Becky and point at the driver. 

“Say that you love me” 

“I love you” I breath into the phone as the car slowly comes to a stop. 

“I love you too” Alex smiles through the phone “Get some sleep on the hover craft” 

“But I thought we were already dreaming” I joke causing her to laugh. I listen to it, memorizing her voice as I won’t get to hear it for a few days “I have to go now, kiss Alice goodnight for me and take care of her”

“I will”

“Goodnight Alex” I sad smile as I open the door, not wanting to say goodbye. 

“Good night Tobin” She replies. I hang up the phone and tuck it away before looking at my team. 

“Ready” I ask Hope as she stares at the hover craft. 

“Are you” She replies. 

“Born ready” I breath before grabbing my duffle bag from the car and heading to the carrier. 

“Scout Heath” Tim saluts me as he opens to side door. 

“Tim”

“Do you think we’re walking into a blood bath” He whispers as Becky, Hope, Syd, Theo and Pinoe load up in the hover craft. 

“I don’t know Tim, but what I do know, that whatever we’re going up against…it’s bigger than before”

“Are you scared”

“I’m ready Tim, I’m ready to meet my destiny. The real question is…are they” I mutter as I look inside the hover craft. Watching all five buckle in. 

“We’ll see” He replies before heading inside himself. **_That we will._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talex Endgame. What did I tell you guys haha I hope you loved that as much as I did. I feel like we were all apart of that love and story. Again, I can't explain to you guys how thankful I am. Each and everyone of you helped peace this story and I can't wait to see what you guys thought. 
> 
> Guess, predictions, reactions, tell me all in the comments. I'm going to take the rest of the summer to read my own story cause I have never read it...I usually write, edit and post. So that'll be fun. 
> 
> If you have Questions, ask!! I will posting another chapter answering all questions within the next three days. I love you guys so much and again thank you! 
> 
> Also, Most of the music I have within the story can be found on my Spotify. I'm going to make a few lists public for you guys to follow and mainly for my good friend with the awesome song suggestion of shadow preachers! I haven't forgotten about you! My username is rainperez


	53. Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommend reading, a few spoilers of whats to come in Evolution!

**Why was Michael on trial?**

He was on trial (along with other board members) for his war crimes. AKA, being apart of Sepp’s group during the war. 

**Who are the new world leaders?**

I don’t have a set list of the world leaders but I can tell you that it is a group made up of Kanaots and Kardia individuals. Such like Carli and Abby. We meet some random dude in the first chapter of Evolution from Kanatos that is apart of the WL. But other than that, they basically make big decisions for both regions.

**Will Evolution be all Ash's POV?**

Good question, no. Evolution will be primarily Tobin and Ash POV with the exception of a few quest POV’s from Jeri, Hope, Becky, Theo, Syd and a surprise one, Alice! 

**Will we find out more about Hope's past?**

Yes we will (I said that with a big grin) haha. But yes, we will not only discover Hope’s past but also Becky’s, Theo’s and Syd’s past’s too. 

**Will we find out why Alex is broken?**

Of course! Her story won’t be as big as Hope’s or Syd’s though. 

**What Happened to Lauren C?**

Good question, she’s in there don’t worry. She has more a grounded lifestyle so she hasn’t popped up much but she will. Also Amy as Ryan and Alice will be getting play dates and such. 

**Who Are Tobin and Christie are talking about when Christie states, "I wasn't exactly sure if she was going to do it or not…" Alex or Hope?**

They were talking about Alex 

 

 **Sporty17:** I liked your idea of Tobin and Alex training together so I’m going to definitely include that. I think it’ll fit into Alex’s story too. 

 

**Does Alice questioning Alex about her relationship with Tobin mean she is okay with them being together?**

Oooooh, okay, ugh, I’m torn here. Yes and No. Alice just wants Tobin and Jeri to be happy. We will discover later in the sequel just how honest Jeri is with Alice about the ongoing war/things and we’ll also see the strong bond Jeri and Alice share. Tobin (and Alex too) will thank Jeri for her honesty with Alice as the story progress as it is what really seals the deal for them both.

 

**When did Tobin get comfortable not wearing clothes or people seeing her body? It sort of always bother her before when she was in a situation like that if I remember correctly?**

Tobin got comfortable with her body because she doesn’t feel like it’s her body. Physically, she is Tobin, but mentally and emotionally she’s confused. She doesn’t remember a chuck on her past (because of her head trauma after the fall from the tower) so she’s in a constant battle with herself of trying to discover who she is and who she was. This is what Evolution is about. It’s about evolving, its about coming to terms with who she is for real and learning to embrace it in order to evolve( The same follows for everyone in the story). Whether or not that is the Tobin everyone knew or the Tobin she’s trying to find is yet to be decided. And yes, you did remember correctly haha good catch on details! 

 

**What happen to the cat that Alex took from Tobin’s apt?**

Good question, I almost forgot about that darn kitten. I’m pretty sure it’s chilling around the safehouse. Now that it’s mentioned though, I think Tobin is wondering where the darn thing went too. Look for it in the first chapter of evolution! haha I think you’ll be pleased with it’s reappearance :) 

 

**Does Alex dad dislike Tobin now and does he know what is going on/went down between his two daughters and Tobin?**

You’re on to something! More in chapter one… 

 

**Are we going to get an explanation on why Alex dad did nothing to save Alex when she was up in the tower with Tobin?**

Read the answer above, you’re thinking ahead, asking big questions, I like it 

 

**Is this the last of Jeri between Alex and Tobins relationship or is she going to be a thorn in their relationship in the sequel? Please say that Jeri is gone and meets someone else or something…**

Awh, you aren’t a fan of Jeri ): hahaha, no, or yes, I can’t really answer that, it’ll ruin the fun. What I can say now is yes, Jeri will be a thorn, but not in any relationship. She will be a thorn in the side for many  people but for good reasons. As for Alex/Tobin’s relationship, I like to think that you’ll come to love Jeri in the end. She will be the seed of the relationship, the founder, protector and biggest supporter of it. 

 

**Is frost coming back? Like the code that Tobin copy, is it a way to bring him back?**

Spoiler alert…yes, we will see parts of him through out the story. :) 

 

**Author's Note:**

> What'd you think? Hints on what will happen next?


End file.
